Big Black Hawk Down | #ClownCollegeComedyPodcast | Ep 30 W/ The Boys

Dom schools the boys on the difference between military service and straight clowning, Branden joins the mile long club, JJ vandalizes a human face. Wildest solo episode yet!

Watch the full episode on YouTube here!

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Branden Willis - YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat

Produced by Jack Douglas

Theme music by Charlie Swisher

Edited by Alex Zee

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
This week on clown college. I've seen a picture of an airplane

(00:07):
This is just gonna be people on an airplane
This is not what I was a cockpit they rented out an airplane for an hour and banged in it airplane
People okay people acting as an airplane. Oh
I got an airplane cosplay
Welcome to clown college we have profound knowledge in many ways to elevate and make his own polish

(00:32):
So if you want to hear a little honest you take song always to make it as a comic stick around for a while
Down the clown we got to guess right now just to show you how it's all go to clown college baby. It's with Brandon Willis, Don and JJ.

(00:59):
Pretty epic dude. Put your tobacco in there. Yeah, only legal products. Yeah, I don't smoke anymore
or ever actually
This is going on the record
Hey, is this episode 30? Wow, man, this is 30. This is 30 damn dude

(01:22):
Seems like yesterday
We bought this table
This is the biggest fucking table it is you ever
Dude, it's so big and it was like only $100 too. It's not bad man. Yeah, this is quality wood right here
Ash I believe

(01:43):
Probably your favorite wood Brandon. Yeah
My favorite wood I
Don't see I don't really know what so I'm just gonna be biased cuz I only know like one type of wood just red wood
I guess that's good. That's a good one. Yeah, it's really got cherry wood

(02:05):
What what's that?
Sequoia
I don't think you can learn it. I'm just gonna search up
Yellow wood. Oh, dude, the most
Wealthy person ever from Alabama was the dude that started yellow wood fuck is yellow wood. Let's see what yellow
It's a company. Look it up. Do you like really yellow wood? Uh, well it it kind of has like a yellow tint to it staying

(02:28):
I guess let me see. Well, it's look up yellow wood. Come out of
Company, Alabama, I guess company
The commercial is what I remember if you grew up at yellow wood, right? Yes. I think his name's Jerry
dude
You grew up in Alabama you

(02:49):
Remember this commercial dude the yellow wood commercial
Can you find it Brandon? Please? It's not an American right there
Look up yellow wood commercial and they have a fucking NASCAR sponsorship
This is the most Alabama thing ever
All right, I think that yeah
Oh, yeah, you got a login to my shit on there. Yeah, you mean do that real quick. No, just let's play this

(03:20):
I recently rode into a town that had never heard of yellow wood much less yellow fella
They didn't know about it protecting outdoor building projects against rock decay and termites or about yellow woods new lighter more natural appearance
Which makes it easier to paint a stain?
Oh, after a little while of getting to know these fine folks

(03:41):
I explained it to them and together we rebuilt that town and then I left rockwood
Oh, I understand they don't call it yellow rotter
All right, first of all, I'd like to point out not a single minority in that whole
What happened not even not even a tan person really?
But yeah, this is the most this is the wealthiest man and from Alabama for real

(04:05):
Yeah, he made like
750 million dollars damn. Can you look that up?
Richest person from Alabama is still love. I think so
Richest person in Alabama do if you've got like a
Three bedroom trailer. Wow, he popped up. See look at that. Jimmy. There he is. What's his net worth?

(04:27):
Let me search it up Jimmy rain net worth there it is right there
one point, oh damn my
Don't say he's a millionaire. Mr. Rain making it rain. First of all, I only gave him half credit. I said 750 million
It's crazy. I've never heard of yellow wood or this person same here, but that's the way to do it

(04:51):
I just be low-key rich. Yeah, like this dude could be in a Walmart and he'd fit right in. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah
I may have helped in that publics. Who knows?
He still wears a tight jeans and cowboy boots, I hope so guarantee it I hope so well you can't well
All jeans are tight when you're him, you know

(05:11):
They gotta be boot cut so you can get them up in there
I see what he rocking with. Is that Bezos?
Oh, yeah, Bezos right there with uh, that's a girl I think. He's ex-wife I think. No, that's his girl. That's his current wife
I don't think they married. It's his girl though.
They having a good time. Yeah, she had a lot of work done

(05:33):
Yeah, yeah, I feel like if you're the you know, the richest man are next to it
Maybe get somebody who's naturally beautiful or just everybody
I don't know. I feel like you wouldn't have to settle down really unless that's what you want
But if you're going to you should pick somebody who's you know
Like that's a lot of work. You get somebody you can get along with if we're gonna pretend

(06:00):
Not like a car dealership, you know, I don't like it dude, she kind of looks like Marilyn Manson a little bit
She's got a very wide mouth. Yeah, it's something. Brandon. You don't know Marilyn Manson. Are you serious?
Did you know this guy had his ribs removed so he could orally pleasure himself? That's word on the street
Seriously, look at him. It makes a lot more sense. That sounds fucking painful as shit. Oh, okay. Perfect

(06:23):
That's what that's now. Oh now we need to go down to some old Marilyn. Let's see. Which one's old?
This old? No, that looks when he's thin
Right here. Yeah, that's an old one. Yeah
Okay, it says unsafe right there
I guess like the art me and Brandon's like generation. We had Jeffrey star who was kind of like

(06:45):
Oh my gosh. Yeah, he was you know, Jeffrey. Yeah, I've heard of him. Let me search up. He was a character
That dude's got some money. I can't believe y'all had y'all heard that same rumor because that's been out for a long time
Yeah, that was I heard that was like uh, like an urban legend. I know that one in that that Richard gear put the gerbils in his ass
See I heard that but I heard that way later in life, but I think it's always been there

(07:09):
I wonder where that came from. Just just somebody was like, oh, it was like stirbles in his ass
Sylvester Stallone. He really they think Richard gear and uh slide and worked on a movie together and they hated each other
And Richard gear thinks Sylvester Stallone started the rumor but still he like denies it. He's like no that no that wasn't me

(07:30):
Yeah
That's a good picture
What about the one where he's touching his wiener
I don't know why you clicked on that. I don't know either
Is that when he was in uh, yeah, I think that's when he was in balto

(07:51):
You remember that movie balto or I think that's what it's called about the dog
Where he has the he's a professor in Japan. He has the dog
Oh
Let's see hot hot hot chico, I think that's it hot cheese
Oh, yeah
Happy aapi month Asian movie about a dog

(08:15):
Yeah with no Asian boy best dude. No Asians in the uh, oh Asian people in the
You don't think Joan Allen is Asian
I don't even know these other two people. Yeah, I don't Richard gear. He has a lot of misses
He has some big hits, but he has a lot of mess. What the fuck is this about?
Oh, dude, okay
So he has a dog right and he's a professor and he's a professor
He's a professor

(08:36):
And he goes to the train station and the dog meets him at the train station every day and he gives him food or something
And then the professor has like a heart attack and he dies
But the dog goes to that same spot every day out of loyalty and they build a statue for him at the train station
Man's best friend. I agree with that 100 percent
I was writing about that the other day with somebody else's dog

(09:00):
What happened? I would just say that he's a man
This is my best friend right here. I even had on video. I was like man like look at this dog right here, man
I just met this dog and I love this dog. I love my dogs too, but this dog
Man, something's up. Yeah, something to you. What kind of dog is it? I think it was a labradoodle
Oh, it's kind of puffy and curly. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. Yeah, man dog was big as me. I'm dude. I'm not gonna lie

(09:24):
I'm not bro. I said look when I first I'm not gonna lie
But when I saw that dog man, it looked just like Matthew lumber. Oh
I'm just
Throw in a picture of that right here, dude. Let me get the labradoodle teen pop sensation
Yeah
So whose dog was it oh, how'd you meet this book my uh, mom's it was my mom's guy friend

(09:51):
From uh, Atlanta, we don't have to go into it. We don't you say guy friend. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know how to because you know what parents
I don't really know how to pronounce. You don't want to say what what I was just boyfriend that how people say it
Okay. Yeah boyfriend. There's she's been
Yeah, you never know
Unbelievable man

(10:11):
That's a pretty cool dog. Yeah, is it that color?
I don't know
Let me find it was white. Oh dude. Well, I know what we have to talk about man. Oh brandon redeemed himself. He did
Oh, yeah in the race race. He fucking
Surprisingly fast when he doesn't eat shit within the first three steps
I don't do all this before I go

(10:33):
Yeah, you gotta wait till you start running for the arm movement. You don't do it before you waste energy and then we had uh,
It was lumbre, brandon me and dante right on the first one. Oh my god, and we'll insert that clip right here
No, no if I fall y'all had never seen me

(10:53):
Where I'll get this thing. All right, you should probably stay in the middle like in the middle between or like
Hi
I'm going to be like
Like in the middle between or like all right
Uh jj give us a go
Hi

(11:43):
Oh
All right, so you seen what happened there brandon
I mean he was beating me all the way up until the second but I just couldn't let that happen
So I got I got that one, uh foot up on him. But yeah, yeah, you're right there
You know, it was a big surprise alex. Oh, yeah, yeah, man. He was you remember that one?

(12:06):
Oh alex was on was he on ours? He was in the second one where he was dusting. Yeah. Yeah moving to the little feet
Yeah, dude, the little x's go alex is in like good shape though. Yeah, yeah
Doesn't work out at all. No, i'm gonna take good good shape
Uh, but you see you guys see dante on that. Oh, man, it's in slow motion and it's still seconds

(12:27):
Before he crosses the finish line compared to everybody else, too
Hey, he was having a good time
Shout out
Finish line like he just finished the boston marathon like this dude
It's like i participate and he didn't blow up
He didn't
He wasn't enough either because they only got the first people who they got the winners. Oh, yes

(12:49):
We would have been gone
What seems the winners dude sounds like the losers to me, but i'm gonna be honest
How's being fast now
Happy memorial day weekend
Yeah, happy memorial rest in peace dude shout out once we lost yeah to the real oh geez man

(13:13):
Brandon who's your favorite soldier?
Do you have one? He said favorite so captain america doesn't kill. You're talking about from my any war my favorite soldier
Any war any war ever?
What's that dude that wrote that book that I used to I was trying to look at the book of five rings
No, no book of five
What was that dude's name book of five rings, what was his name somebody yelling right now the olympics dude

(13:39):
No, no, this is uh, he was a samurai soldier. Oh damn. Let me see
We're talking about america
Let him read the name brian and please say my uh moto
musashi
Pretty pretty good. That sounds good. I just like how you put that stank on musashi
Yes, but american let me think right here

(14:04):
This is one american soldier
I know one but it's like because some i'm thinking far back and then i'm thinking close a little bit. Whoa, what's it?
I guess grant was he was good right grant. There we go. He's on the 50. Yeah, and he was he was uh,
You you and i confederate right?
Please oh dude, you want to you want to hear some historical facts, dude?

(14:26):
Yeah, when robert e lee surrendered at appomattox courthouse, dude to ulysses s grant a year later on the date
Ulysses s grant got arrested, uh for speeding in his horse and buggy
He's going like 35. He got arrested. He got arrested. They they took him to jail
I didn't even know ulysses s grant

(14:46):
That's craziness
They didn't have a radar. Yeah, he looks like he's going too fast
That was definitely one of the confederate officers that he was salty about it, dude
He's like I did not know they had speeding back then. Yeah, that's what's crazy. He just looked up s grant
He's going like that and style

(15:09):
Hat on the suit and shit. Why is former president trump not the only president to be arrested?
That's crazy speeding in a horse. How do you speed? I don't know. That's crazy
I I the only reason my mom I had no idea that they had speeding back then
Fucking horses. Yeah, they did man. They did and the only reason that I knew that was because I was trying to make a joke

(15:32):
So I looked up this day in history. I was like maybe something interesting happened and that popped up. Wow
Wow, so there was how would you even be able to tell a speed limit on a fucking wagon?
That doesn't make any sense. Like I don't I don't know different times. So this is your favorite soldier branded. Yeah
And this is the one that I know that was uh, that was a good like he was on that

(15:55):
You know what? I mean, he had no business. Yeah. Yeah told the south
He's also president and he was then he became a president too
And he did all that he's a badass
He was alcohol

(16:16):
You can be an alcoholic if you save the union dude, first of all, you're allowed that privilege
But he did have the teapot dome scandal, dude
We don't get to talk about it, but it was a black mark on his resume. What happened? I don't remember teapone
Teapot dome scandal at first. I thought you said teapain
That is well, dude teapot dome teapot dome see what happened there

(16:38):
Well, that's not it
I was a scandal dude. Let's see
It was a bribery scandal involving the administration of united states president. Ah, this is war and he hardened never mind
The regulators too. I heard about him Warren G
Regulators
My bad

(17:00):
I don't know. I thought I thought it was Ulysses as grand else false information
So, uh dom's not your favorite soldier
You talking about sergeant dom car, you know a dom car
Thank you

(17:21):
Yeah, I like your ramp better too, dude
Yeah, what about Dante could have been Dante our damn price close no
ij dante
dan
Tom hand um
You got me fucked up
And you know which one i'm talking about. Hey, hey, you gotta make it past something to be something god damn it

(17:46):
Oh damn. Yeah, you damn right. Hey, don't claim to be a fucking soldier if you weren't a soldier. All right
All right
Look at me Brandon. Don't oh, I'm not I know you wouldn't dude. He was in jr. OTC. What are you talking about? Exactly?
And that's the same exact thing
That's the same exact thing is not passing basic training
I just want you guys to know this

(18:06):
I need everyone out there to know this
Jrtc is the exact same day
If you went to basic training you signed up for the army and you didn't pass
Which is the easiest fucking thing in the world?
I had we had a girl we had a girl in there that
Couldn't do one push up right and every time that somebody would like rate, you know drill songs yell at you

(18:30):
Especially back then they get in your ass and then like every time she would do this thing she would go
And then start crying every single time and she passed basic training damn
I need you guys to understand this she couldn't do a push up. She was when she started she couldn't do one push. Oh
I thought you meant like she never was able you have to pass you have to pass a pt test
You have to do so you have to do it to get out. I was like what I think they don't have to do like six

(18:57):
Only six push ups. It's something like that. It's like 10. It's it's it's something around
20 no problem six. Well, no you have to do 40. Oh, yeah
You have to do 40 minimum in like a minute or two minutes
No, two minutes two minutes. You got to do 40. Can you take a break?
I mean you can't touch your knees to the ground
You got to you can arch your back or the brakes is like arching your back or sagging in the middle

(19:19):
Yeah, whichever way you like it and then uh
Damn
I could do I was always good at push ups. I can do I used to be able to do 80 in a minute
Just bam bam bam 80 in a minute and then well
I would max or whatever the max was and I was young so I think it was like 75 or something
I just made a clean 80 and then
Again
Sit ups wasn't that bad you would think because bigger boys is kind of easier for us

(19:43):
Because you don't have to go you just have to the plane has to break like that on their back
They that's what the some drill sergeants do
They just sit there like this and then whenever you're going up your your back has to break that plane
But the two mile run is always what about the pull-ups? Well, that's new that they just did
Dude, I I went to the recruiter's office one time. They made me do pull-ups in there and I remember it was like a

(20:05):
It was a marine recruiter, uh staff sergeant pate
I don't know if i'm allowed to say that or not
But I did and I was in there and I was doing them and they just saying you gotta lock out drill bows
You gotta lock out your elbows and ain't none of that swinging shit. They do and um
Crossfit fuck no

(20:25):
I didn't take off my shirt. It wasn't where brandon went. Oh man my my spin
And it was crazy. What what because I remember like when they were because like see so what happened was I found out
The recruiter called me. He was like brandon, uh
You may not know me, but I know you and we were watching you because I remember he said I saw you
Where the pull-up scenes were he was like we've been watching you over there like in the lunch and stuff

(20:47):
He's like, I want you how about you come on down there and I was like, uh, no i'm good. Not right now
He's like what why not we can get you whatever you want. I'm like, no, no, not right now
And then it didn't stop then he added me on my socials
And he was like I was at your house
uh
And I wasn't there and then I was at the hospital he called and was at by my family and stuff. I was like

(21:08):
Can you leave now, man? Can you leave me alone?
It was getting creepy. Yeah, they don't play no games. They're just trying to get you that's what quarry is. I was at croaker
Me and blake were at croaker. They got us man. They got you to come in
No, it was blake didn't go in he's not an idiot
But I went in because at that point I was in college and I was like man, this isn't fun. Maybe I just you know

(21:30):
Go at least get to go somewhere. Mm-hmm. And then you'll definitely get to go somewhere
Does that mean it's always good or bad? But I was talking to the marines dude
Yeah, you but you the marines got good duty stations because they get to go to japan a lot
And california but not the good part of california
But they get better they they get better places than than the army for sure
And air force probably gets the best of everything dude. The air force is so

(21:54):
Like so much better than the other ones whenever they have to come and live like in our barracks or something for like a training
They get paid extra for living in harsh conditions
Swear to god
Yeah, damn dude. They don't consider y'all human. I guess the air force is is it the most important one?
Is that the most important brand? No, it's just the the smartest people are in there
Oh, you got you got like you got to score higher on your asvab and it's just more of a

(22:18):
It's not like you know fighting you know, like marines and army. You got to fight like ground warfare and shit like that
So you got to train for all that air force is like, you know, you can run right a little bit
Yeah, you're like, oh you're good. You know, they don't it's not really like they don't even go to basic, right?
Huh? You go to basic they go to they go to different kind of basic though. It's not like the same basic

(22:41):
Marines is harder than our than army and then it goes army and then it goes navy
Navy like navy doesn't like my brother was in the navy. They don't I was like you ain't never did this
He was like no, we didn't do that kind of stuff like they don't do like
Training like uh warfare training that much you got to swim though. Yeah, I think navy definitely swim
They gotta do the drown proof thing

(23:02):
You know, my grandpa was in the navy and he never knew how to swim for real
Yeah, he said when the instructor wasn't looking he just walked on the bottom
Because it was like an olympic pool. It's not deep. That's what he told me
He also he joined when he was 17 they found out like a couple months in they kicked him out and then he came back
He turned 18

(23:22):
Shit move. I would never do that
Join what I mean, I wouldn't do it now. I don't think I probably wouldn't meet the qualifications
I was your guys's ages whenever I joined
I was I was one of those people first of all the war was hot
I was like, I'd be damned if I stopped like he motherfucking never did
That for me and then then it was 2008. So you couldn't find a job. I was like, you know, I might join the army

(23:45):
How much are they paying dude
the army back then
I was a private so probably like 32 000 damn how much like can you make a lot of money in the military?
I mean the big dogs do but I mean you all get like
Okay. So once you get to about e7
Yeah, you make good money because you make money and then you get bh on so it's not just like what you're doing

(24:07):
You make money and then you get bh on so it's not just like what you make. So let's say in e7 makes
Five thousand dollars a paycheck, right? But then he gets bh
Which is like, you know depending on where you live it's basic housing allowance
So like here it would be like two thousand dollars on top of that
And then you get like a special duty pay if you're going somewhere or whatever you do you get

(24:32):
Per diem if you're um
If you're like going somewhere depends on what your job is and i'll admit something to you right now
I hear per diem a lot. I have no idea what it means. It's just the money you get like if you if you were
Doing a job and you had to go
Somewhere you get a certain amount of per diem a day. That's just the money that you get that per day
So like saying it's like 200 a day. So the people take their per diem like oh i'm going for a week

(24:56):
So i'm you know, i'm a bank, uh
fucking
Whatever that is 14
Yeah
Sounded out 200. Yeah, no, I guess it's 14. Right? Yeah. Yeah, so you so they're like, oh I get 1400 dollars in per diem
Damn, okay. It's a good deal brandon. Maybe we should join dude. Hey dude. All right

(25:16):
Sometimes i'd be like if none of this worked
You guys fuck with me I can get you in and out
He's gonna throw us to his friend who's a
Recruiter
CT's watching right now
Number one recruiter in the world two years in a row like went to the white house as like an eagle trophy or whatever

(25:37):
They give an eagle trophy. I'm pretty sure it's an eagle trophy. They should have gave him a real eagle
Damn, dude. I remember when I went in the the lady
She was just like don't even fucking ask me for a hellcat
Because apparently she had a lot of people going in there and they're like, where do I sign to get the hellcat?

(25:58):
She was like that's not
It's like move though, yeah, it is the basic package though every
Including me when I when I was in it was it wasn't hellcat though. It was a camaro
Yeah, it was like you buy a camaro
And you you're a soldier. That's what it is
You buy a camaro you get a high and tight and you fucking live life a gi camaro dude

(26:19):
Yeah, could you imagine?
What type it comes with a bottle opener?
I got uh, that is true. That's funny
Uh the uh black all black and I had had 20 rims in the back flat fat out and then 19s in the front
So kind of like a batmobile caller. What year was called her nicky 2012?

(26:44):
My friend's dad's in the army dude, he's got a camaro and a challenger
Hey super soldier
That's
Tight you can get you one too you join actually you can get these now

(27:07):
I think I've seen somebody selling one for ten thousand dollars. Oh, yeah me too. I did see somebody
Mm-hmm. It was it was it was the best driving car i've ever even I had a beamer at a five series
2015 beamer
And that was nice too better features, but that was the best ride like this
Germans dude. Yeah, do they know what they're doing? Well, this is an american car

(27:32):
What color did you have for this one? I said what color did you have for this one? That one was uh white
Oh, so you had that? Yeah, it looked like that. Mm-hmm. M sport too
Hey sport somebody hit me
Literally a month after I bought it
Somebody hit me in my camaro
Right and I didn't drive my camaro for a while because I'd spent a license

(27:54):
but uh, so uh
When I first got the y as soon as I got the camaro, I got my license back
I'm going across the street. Somebody t-bones me
And then I nowadays deal with people like twenty four li

(28:30):
He has no money
turning out and the other lady just zoomed through old lady hit my car.
It fucked it up.
But it was so safe to every airbag in the fucking thing came on.
Her car got wrapped around a pole.
Didn't didn't know none of the airbags were off.
And I was as soon as I got the car.
Oh, my gosh, she's dead.
That's how bad it was.

(28:51):
But she got out and she looked at her car and she looked at my.
Her car was a piece of shit, too.
And she looked at mine and just fell on the ground like in the road with this bitch.
She just tried to get some fucking money.
She was at fault, though.
Hell, yes, she was that far.
But Hawaii is a no fault state, so it doesn't fucking matter.
Do I say we just sink them under?
We don't need it.

(29:11):
I miss it. Yeah, that thing, that little circle thing right there.
You see them talking about by the middle console.
Yeah, you write on you can write on that if you want to.
How do you write on it?
Just like take your like saying you're looking for something in the GPS or whatever.
You just click on the GPS thing.
It's like you can click on it and you just write like if you want to write.

(29:33):
That's cool. Grandview, you know, you just write it.
And then write it in there. OK.
Now I think they have like you can write.
It's a bigger the newer ones have like a bigger
twenty twenty four screen.
If that's I bet this motherfucker, he put Beamer to
be in the. Holy shit.

(29:53):
Yeah. So yeah, it's a little it's bigger.
Yeah, man. That motherfucker sexy though, dude.
Yeah, that car is sexy.
Now I understand that strange addiction sometimes, man.
People be wanting to do shit to them cars.
Fuck the car.
I understand these cars getting too good these days.
That's what he's talking about.
Are you? I'm not going to do it, but I'm saying that's what he's talking.

(30:14):
I thought he was talking about making, you know, adjustments to the car.
Have you never seen the episode where that dude
like has a sexual relationship with his car and his dad is like,
what the hell is wrong?
Yeah. Yeah. And he's in that he's like, he just sits in it in his driveway
and he's just holding the wheel and he'll just like kiss the wheel.
Like it's the craziest shit.

(30:35):
It's the saddest. Is it at least a nice car?
Let me do I think it's like a Fox body Mustang.
It's like I think it's like a ninety four Mustang, dude.
Bright red. Just riced out.
Screens. Yeah, yeah.
Look at this guy. Yeah. Yeah. Look at that.
It's a terrible thing going to town on that car.

(30:57):
Look at him, dude. This is all he has.
Oh, God. There's a better one.
He's all up under it. Yeah.
Damn. Oh, my God.
He fucks that car. Yes, he does.
Oh, my. Is that him now? Wait, is that what he said?
Who was? Yeah. Wait, look at that one.
That's him now.
Oh, my gosh. He's had some rough years, man.

(31:17):
Dude, and how did it get worse? Yeah. All right.
That's my question. Oh, my gosh.
And this is a before right here. Yeah.
He looks up here.
It looked like he turned into white trash.
He's about to cry. He's in a crowd, man.
Oh, there's a Monte Carlo. Understandable, dude. Nice car.
For the snow plow.

(31:38):
Jeremy Renner fucked.
Yeah, he got fucked up.
I didn't know that.
I thought it was a dad.
You guys are talking about.
Damn, they look.
Yeah, life did go. God damn.
I wonder if he's still fucking the way.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
The Monte Carlo is called Chase, so he's in a gay relationship.
Yeah. The car is a man.

(31:58):
Two and one. Two.
Three. So is the car.
Click on this, please, dude.
Well, right. I didn't know.
I need to know if he's gay.
I need to know what happened to the car.
Written off in a routine checkup.
What the fuck does that mean?
Oh, that's why he looks sad because his car got taken away.
Oh, man. Oh, I thought he realized he was retarded.

(32:22):
He just doubled down on.
It's like, no, it's not.
Oh, my God. I would do it to look at Brandon
search history, order sub sandwiches and it was a map.
Yeah, man. It says what is it?
It's intimate.
It was destroyed.

(32:42):
They say in a routine checkup, that doesn't sound like a routine check.
Yeah, they destroyed it on purpose just to get him to calm down.
Oh, look, look at that.
No, he doesn't have a car.
He has a picture with the sheet.
I think that's the hood of the car is the headboard.
Oh, that's insane.
Please keep scrolling, Brandon.

(33:02):
Oh, my gosh.
It's getting sad. He looks.
He need a low rider.
Shit. I don't think that's what he needs.
See, he's kissing the steering wheel, dude.
I see him as an old adult, too.
Damn. So nobody else gets to drive this car.
I think he was getting banged by the car.

(33:23):
Oh, did something fall on it?
Oh, damn.
Oh, my gosh, dude.
That's why you're looking.
And you know, he only got like a thousand dollars for 1998.
My.
Oh, my God.
Dude, that room is so sad, dude.

(33:44):
That's everything in there.
There's nothing else in there besides that one shitty eight by ten canvas
to that bed.
And the sheets are printed pictures. Yeah.
This is like that.
I thought it was a joke.
Like, I thought the show was staged.
Oh, is that his new bed?
He's moved on. That's his new girl.

(34:05):
He needs it.
It's probably older than he needs a newer car.
Oh, wait, wait.
Is he fucking the jet ski?
Aidan. What's the Adam?
He's gay.
He's he only likes male cars, dude.
Yeah. Which is weird, because most dudes call that name.
Their cars after women.
And the jet ski. That's fucking wild.

(34:25):
Oh, my gosh.
Well, I think it's because he's getting banged by the shifter.
Oh, yeah.
I was always thinking exhaust pipe.
Yeah. You're thinking the exhaust pipe.
But really, can you bang in his house?
By because it's not going to be fun.
You can put some you can put the football pocket pussy in there.
You could do that. And bang it.
Yeah, he could probably use the brain of them.
I'm thinking he probably because now that now that we know he is gay,

(34:49):
whether we can probably listen, man, is a gay.
You know what? That's good.
Hoorah. Yeah.
But that's six shifts.
I feel like he just squat on and sit on that.
Exactly. Get up and go down the ass.
Yeah. He shifts gears with his ass.
Oh, yeah. He'd be like, you know, I mean, complete.

(35:09):
Complete.
Whatever that man does.
I don't I wish you guys were more invested in this.
Like, is this not insane?
That he's as far as we go.
Oh, look at what's the new car's name?
I know the jet skis name is Adam is Jason.
He's got a jet name jet and then Jason.
Jason and Adam. Wow.
He's got a he's got a harem of male vehicles, dude.

(35:33):
Oh, he also got a SUV.
Wow. So he's in a relationship.
So he's Paul. Wait a minute, dude.
What year is that jet ski?
It looks a little young to me.
Yeah. This could be an issue, man.
Well, I want to know is going to be if he's still kissing
and doing that shit.
You don't want you don't stop.
After 20 years of fucking vehicles, you don't stop.

(35:56):
You're in it for life.
You the seatbelt is clicked in, bro.
Man, I will. OK, so he moves on.
OK, I really don't like that, man.
Let's see. So, OK, from X, fully.
And I want to see it.
This is crazy. Oh, no.
Look at his face.
Oh, man, he having a blast.

(36:17):
I'm happy for him. He is excited.
Oh, my gosh, dude.
Let's see it is more action that we can see.
Now, that's a problem.
You know how he could make a shit ton?
How if he made an only fans, I guarantee you he'd make a shit ton.
Oh, I would describe.
I would do. Yeah, just I would have to.
I want to know.
I want to see him put the gear shift in his ass.
Dude, I really do. It's curiosity.

(36:40):
Yeah. And this dude, his name would be OK.
Let's see what his name is.
He would be the mechanic.
Whatever. Go down the head.
Some quotes from him said,
but Lex is not the only love I have in my life.
I'm expanding the family.
It's an open relationship that Chase isn't a part of my life anymore.
Well, who's Lex?
Because Adam is the fucking jet ski and Jason is the black car.

(37:04):
So who's Lex, dude?
I damn tell him about he's he's bi, poly, auto sexual.
Yeah. OK, so his name is Nathaniel.
OK, good. Nathaniel the mechanic.
But let me see Nathaniel.
Oh, he's a mechanic. He's a sex worker, dude.
Oh, no, I was giving him his only fan name.
If he's listening, that's a good thing.
People don't do that. The car lover.

(37:26):
You think he uses Jiffy Lube?
Yeah, he probably used that fucking engine oil or whatever they make you use.
Yeah, they make you go to the
two minute one down there at TLC.
Right here. Yeah, let's see.
I'm interested. I got to hear this.

(37:46):
Small rural town in Texas.
And when you last saw me a decade ago, I was in an intimate relationship
with my car chase.
Morning, baby.
More handsome man.
OK, he's gay, I told you.

(38:11):
He bought it.
Love you, baby.
It was love at first sight.
His body and then his interior and everything just together just seemed to fit.
I just felt an instant connection.
I just absolutely love chase.
If somewhere we haven't chase, my heart would just stop.
I'm just happy.
He's getting emotional.

(38:33):
This is real.
Oh, God. Unfortunately, he's got a double widening.
No longer part of my life.
I can't think about it a lot.
It breaks my heart. He's not here.
I just I felt like he deserved better.

(38:53):
So this is where I keep a lot of chase's mementos.
The bedroom is just a special place, and I feel like that was the perfect place for him.
And nice to have him close to me.
The blanket is special to me because it's got a lot of his good pictures on it.
Just cute stuff like him getting a bath and us together.
It's just you look back and you just don't realize the things you take for granted until...

(39:15):
That blanket has so much cum in it.
Yeah.
And so... This dude is for real.
There's no act that can be this good.
I just would change, I guess, the way things happen or...
Wow.
To try to do something different, I guess, to keep him here in my life.

(39:43):
So I know they said an accident had a reason.
I appreciate that the suit is on.
Oh, yeah.
Man oh my God.
He's got hair.
What the fuck.
Oh my God.
He got him a birthday cake, dude.

(40:05):
That's pretty sweet.
I still think about chase every day, but I moved on.
I was looking for new vehicles, and found my baby girl online.
I love Lex with all my heart. Thank you for all you do for me

(40:28):
I'm scared of people like he would kill somebody for them dude. Could you imagine if you wrecked into him?
He would get out and shoot you four times
Murder your ass dude one thousand percent. Oh
Oh my gosh, so that's Lex

(41:01):
That's just the UFC
Wrestling for the cars because you know how some dudes they'll see some Diva wrestlers or something go to town
He probably looks at them Derby scene like they're going rough
Monster Jam dude cars is just hentai for this guy
They got a lot of weird stuff like I found out my one dude
He was telling me they got airplane porn and shit like people as airplanes

(41:26):
That's what you mean that was nine
They would repeat now that people dressing up as airplanes like painted looking like all this and stuff doing weird sexual activity
What they doing?
sex and like I
Don't know they just like sexual routines like normal stuff like ass and you know, sometimes the front

(41:49):
Normal stuff like ass and sometimes
Somebody probably say they got to fill up the gas so they go to the mouse and just put it there
I don't know oral. Yes oral to probably so you saying you haven't seen no
I haven't fully I haven't watched this but I've seen it. I've seen a picture. I've seen a picture

(42:09):
That was my son. How do you know they feel feeling up? Oh, no
That was my guess cuz I was like I was like that would be wouldn't that be something it because I'm like you act
Like you're a car. They'd be like I got to fill up the gas and the gas is just like a dick
So that's why I'm like that might be the gas is the semen
Putting in the nozzle into this

(42:31):
Airplane or car and yeah, that's what's happening. Well, we know what the thumbnail is gonna be
Transformer oh
My dude that might be the funniest thing I've ever heard dude

(42:51):
Sex and sexual routines
The ass sometimes the front
but only sometimes the front
Anything you want they do
Yeah, I knew some people were weird I don't know what's worse dude
Would it be worse to be this guy or would it be worse to be like an airplane porn guy? Oh this guy

(43:15):
people are banging because they only do the front sometimes it's all anal airplanes
I could only imagine the stuff this dude does man. He probably unscrewed those people. Those people are fucking people
Person dude, what do you that's a Lex dude, what are you talking about?

(43:43):
Dude I'm surprised a recruiter didn't get brain
Oh
Duck in the smoke

(44:05):
Dude people love machines man, that's what I've realized. I didn't know about the airplane porn
I knew about this for a while, but have you seen the videos of the I
I don't want to assume but I believe they're autistic individuals that get like
Crazy hyped about the train
It's just old yes like they love them they're like that's the original steam

(44:31):
Crazy
The planes trains and automobiles man. So Thomas the train man. He could have been
People probably like them. Oh
Probably yeah pedophiles. Yeah
That's crazy right like this is that I want to see the airplane porn

(44:53):
I know we can't play it on here dude and Google it though. I want to see what you so Brandon
You're saying you haven't seen the airplane. No, I have not I've seen a picture
airplane
This is just gonna be people fucking on an airplane. This is yeah. Damn it. This is not what it is
This is not what I was the cockpit. They rented out an airplane for an hour and banged in it airplane

(45:19):
People okay people acting as an airplane. Oh, I got an airplane cosplay
Oh
That's be I'm gonna be they really not okay Brandon I don't
Promise you okay. This is something no

(45:41):
Kind of something. Well, if that's just a cartoon first of all, I gotta find out where it is
Because they call it something
I
Listeners out there if you know about this airplane, what's the way? What's that somebody where go up on the right? Yeah
Right now right at an airplane

(46:02):
That's a superhero
Yeah superhero, I'm pretty sure that look at the right
Right here. Oh my gosh
She emails ass

(46:27):
All right, I don't see any
Just poured on my laptop. Okay, let's exit this part. Yeah, let's get you out of here
Fly us through these stormy weather
I got I got to figure out where that was because I swear they were like and you saw it

(46:48):
Yeah, I saw the picture. He said he was telling me. Yeah, you did a picture. I didn't watch it. Uh-huh. So you saw it
I saw a picture
He saw a picture of like was it the guy or the girl dressed up?
Okay, and then the guy was banging the plane. Yes was the man also a plane
Think they both were planes
Yes, because people like both of them. Yes

(47:12):
Yeah, yeah, hey
Yes
It was kind of like kind of like a furry type thing in a way was a painter's costume paint and costume
It was paint and they put some extra stuff on okay. I
Gotta find it. I'm gonna look for it. I'm gonna ask people I play yo
Somebody asked Dan Price

(47:34):
He might know daddy boy
We've covered a lot in the short
We do here at Clown College we educate the people about airplane porn that doesn't exist. Yeah more serious about it

(47:56):
Because you get the what you get to you get that airline experience. Well, you get you get the ass and sometimes
You get the front but only sometimes only sometimes you want to fill it up you get that oral
Right now that dude eating that
Lady's ass was getting the ass too
But I bet he gets the front sometimes

(48:18):
The penis
That was that superhero and they call superhero and they call it. Well, that's the thing
Oh, this is a
I was talking about when you we got into the superheroes though. They got superhero in porn superhero in porn
Yep, superhero heroin like if this surprise a spell like heroin but a superhero

(48:40):
Heroin yeah, they're going crazy adventures and stuff and then now you've dabbled in that. Oh, yeah back in the day
Yeah, I believe in the early episodes. You actually said that you really hard up on a miss incredible incredible
Yeah, is that the hottest superhero to you Brandon? Well back now now I remember before that was missing back in the day

(49:00):
This was three weeks ago
What does she look like don't look up
Yes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no like the old yeah the original miss marvel like marvellous
Yeah, well, that was a good show miss marvel. Not that one. That's a child
Not that one. We gotta go. There we go. Oh, okay

(49:22):
Okay, that's exactly I see the vision. Yeah
See the vision here. Yeah, I remember
That's who Brie Lawson supposed to be. Yes captain. No, she's I mean, but they're the same people just before she was captain Marvel
Barber

(49:43):
Who is that that's an actor
Yeah, yeah, it's Pam Anderson, dude
Let's see. Oh my gosh. Hold on. Okay. Here it is. She looked down. She's
Yeah, oh there she is. No that no
Don't do that
Go down to the lady from hereditary right here. That's a good one

(50:03):
No, go to 90s. Here we go. Look at that. That's Pam. Is that Baywatch? Yes, dude. I've never seen that. That's why I gotta see that
Maybe become a man put put barbed wire barbed wire
Barbed wire and in the yeah, it's our superhero
oh
When it got barbed wire

(50:23):
Yeah
But in the like the opening credit scene she's getting she gets naked in it
And it's just like uh, she's like supposed to be this badass, but it was a good movie. It was actually a terrible movie, but
Huh? Did you want me to search up the opening credits? Did you want to see them? Oh, no, this is up to y'all
I was saying if y'all want to see it
If y'all want to see it we can look it up but only if y'all want to see it

(50:48):
She's been naked a lot. You know, she has a sex tape back when she looked like this, too
Well, mr. Lee bro. Yeah, tommy lee bobby lee. Yeah
Tommy will see tommy lee from motley crew. Yeah
Motley crew what's that a band I probably heard him once

(51:09):
I gotta let me see tommy lee. Oh my gosh. He looks bad now, too. But you know, he lived a good life
I gotta hear his music go. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, oh there's his penis where no man
Right there where the thing that's blurred out. Yeah, I see. Yeah

(51:31):
Where
Yeah, so we don't see that scroll up. He's dating that one girl used to be in vine, right?
She used to be a big vine star
No, that's pam. I thought his girlfriend wait. No, I'm thinking about
Yeah, no, yeah, that's her she just got some work done I guess now
Dude, you're uh that dude from red hot chili peppers. I think he's dating like that 19 year old

(51:54):
Main singer from red outer. I don't I don't know anthony whatever. Yeah. Yeah, he's dating like a 19 year old
You ever read his book where you talked about fucking 14 year olds?
Uh, no, but what did you call fucking 14 year olds?
Uh the lead singer. Yeah, nothing ever happened. What was this? Like when it was no when he was torn. It was like

(52:16):
Wow, man, he was screwing around then they found out he found out he was 14. He's like, okay
Well, we'll just do it one more time
Oh my god, wait, that's the
Who was this? What's his name? Anthony hot chili pepper. He does. I don't know. I don't know how to say it
red hot chili pepper antony

(52:43):
There we go
Look at his girlfriend, you're pretty girlfriend girlfriend. All right girl
There's a I because I can't I think I saw it on facebook or something. Oh my gosh, is this it?
Is it she's super young. She's like 19. Oh shit go to another picture

(53:07):
It looks like it's both of his daughters
Yes, that's the picture I saw oh god that's crazy go back to that first one you clicked though brandon
Did you see the headline for that one? Well right here?
One next. Yeah, the epic dating history of dating what 15 and 16 years?
Yeah

(53:28):
Oh man
That one picture when he was holding from that literally looks like it might is that his daughter?
No, it's his girlfriend. I'm having fun with his girlfriend. If that's his daughter. That almost be worse too. Yeah, that would be
That's like what was that other dude that did that?
Tom brady and so it's like a comedian his name was like what was his name andy something?
I don't know because he had like a daughter that he adopted and then eventually married. Oh, that was uh the

(53:53):
Uh playwright, uh, what do you what do you yeah, what do you allen? Yeah. Yeah, yeah sick little motherfucking
Go down some other pictures man. That's that that looks that's rowdy
That was recent that was like this year
God damn, I think i'm pretty sure
Him
She got too old. Yeah, she's 20

(54:17):
Yeah
He has a track record dude. I don't feel bad for anthony
Kid, how can you write a book being like i'd bang 14 year olds and then still walk around?
That is that not and he has that mustache. Yeah
well
Not all people who have mustaches are pedophiles

(54:40):
It fell over like ghosts man. Yeah, but it like
Went over my hand. How the fuck did that happen? You step on the cord dude ghost the colonel cop
Help damn what the ghost of colonel cop man. We got the corn cob pipe over there dude. Yeah, we'll give it to him
Maybe it'll chill the fuck out
But yeah, dude, that's just that's pretty gross man. Yeah that one photo is like 50 look at wait

(55:03):
There's another angle right there. You see where his backs turn. He's got the blue shirt on right up into the right where your mouse is
Not not that one. Oh right here. Yeah
Oh, he's about to beat her up
He's p didi in his underage girlfriend, dude
All the celebrities, huh?
Oh my gosh, dude. Damn, man
That's wow
Never never knew this about him at all. I haven't heard this one time. This has been a very sexually charged episode

(55:29):
Yeah, i don't call it podcast and none of it has been positive
None of it is well, I think it was beautiful what that guy had with his car. You know, because he takes care of it
You know, he takes care of it. Nobody does
Brandon's legit because i'm like look he takes care of it. He got no car problems bernand's fucking his car
Yeah, I was gonna say the whole thing that came to this was he said I understand those people

(55:51):
Who do stuff with their cars and my whole when he said that I was thinking he was talking about
Make adjustments make upgrade to the car and then when you explained to me that he stole my bang in his car
Yeah
Branding so you sold the way this all started off. You said you understand. Yes, I understand
But you gotta hear me out
This is just because i'm like dude this economy these cars are so hard to get so expensive. You get a good car

(56:13):
You got that car is 50 dollars
That car was 50 dollars
Back then dude, can you please look up the video where he comes out to his dad in the original brand?
He tells his dad and his dad's like what what do you mean?
In love with car
Oh, dude, yes, this is better for the environment. He probably doesn't let anybody else in the car though

(56:38):
You know, he doesn't let passengers in there. No way touching his baby. You can watch the full video and just skip to where it says dad
Dad, dude, if you've been waiting for this, this is this is a great question, dude
You know how they ask would you rather have a thought daughter or a gay son?
Would you rather your son?
Or I don't know. Would you rather your son come out as gay or come out that he likes cars?

(57:00):
Oh, yeah
Like he wanted to tell me I don't know exactly what it's about but I like to know
No, no, no, no back over here. Yeah, we're right here to the beginning
No, no, not to be keep it. You know, keep it right there
Uh, this is my handsome man
They've kept their romance a secret from most people

(57:23):
But today nathaniel has decided to reveal everything to his father
Nathaniel asked me to come up here. Basically he had something that he wanted to tell me
So I don't know exactly what it's about but I like to know uh, what's going on in his life?
Yeah, it's something pretty important. I want to talk to you about all right
I'm uh, i'm just gonna come out and say it I guess i'm in an intimate relationship with chase

(57:49):
um sexually and emotionally
You're in an intimate relationship with
Your car. Yes, and sexually with your car. Yes your car. Yes
How does
I don't how does that work? How can you have sex with a car mainly? It's just a lot of just rubbing up against him
um

(58:10):
Okay, um
Certain and it involves masturbating as well
So you
You rub up against it or I mean, I guess like right now you're does this turn you on? Yes
It's hard to comprehend
It's hard to comprehend

(58:30):
Somewhere and masturbating to it or with it. I don't know. I guess it's it's disbelief. But at the same time he's my son
You see that's the problem right there with the same mom that did any of this kids need to get beat and realize that
You're being fucking dumb as shit. Yeah, I can't have him now. He's now I guarantee he doesn't have any

(58:51):
Doesn't have a uh, he has a car
Yes, he has a car bed and his bed sheet has a picture of his car on it
Yeah, there's an old car that he was jerking off in dude small bed. You're not special dude
Everybody's jerked off in their car at least once dude every every week

(59:13):
This is this is insane dude because I had a child and they told me they were fucking their car dude
I'm calling like the authorities dude, like it's like health service people. I'm like fix them
What what's going on?
This this can't be accepted. I don't think no the car can't consent. Yeah, I just realized that

(59:36):
But it's like if you take this away from him he probably will become a serial killer i'm not going to the neighborhood croaker
I mean at least you got a reliable dude. You could buy a car from if he ever sells it
I'm not buying the car that he's jerking off in and rubbing up against get a deep clean man
I would there's no amount of detailing in the world that could take that out

(59:57):
There's gonna be some spillage some oh, yeah
There's gonna be some spillage man. Try to grab something in the glove
You're gonna start the car and semen's gonna fly out of the exhaust dude
And it's gonna cook in there and it's not gonna smell good, man. Yeah
That's yeah, that's rough. You're not you're gonna grab the steering wheel and not be able to let go

(01:00:19):
Oh my gosh, but there's footage there's footage
There's footage of this dude touching the fucking car man. Yeah, and I explained it. I mean, that's there's so many other cars
Don't buy that one. You know, this only happens a certain type of people
I just need this to be clear whites. No, because and it's strange. Well, this definitely it was only gonna be white

(01:00:42):
But this is the whitest strange addiction. We were watching it last night
So I find alex was over here and uh the woman eating her um,
Uh couch cushions inside part
Yeah, that was a black person. You run out. Wouldn't you run out?
That's what I said you did after that couch and there we'd be sitting on the floor
I already need to get some lumps out of that bitch

(01:01:03):
But uh, yeah, I mean as people who are too you can't be too accepting of everything this guy
I mean at this point it's too late this at this point right here
You can't do anything about it this man you try to take that away from me
He's just he's older first of all in the hole. Just he looked like oh he's 39 now
He's up in here right here
Oh here take away 10. Let's see
Yeah, if he's 29 he's over the age of 25. He's in his 20s

(01:01:26):
Yeah, so there's nothing you can do about at this point, but you see the signs when they're younger
Hey, cool that shit the fuck out
Ah dude, I don't what signs man. His dad didn't seem to he seemed to be genuinely shocked
I don't think he knew his son was um
Auto you spending too much time out there with that car boy. Then you fucking the hot widows and shit
Yeah, but you like if you have a son and he's really into cars you like oh, he's just a car guy. Yeah

(01:01:52):
You don't you don't know he's fucking jerking in it. You don't know he's rubbing up against it calling it chase
You don't know that until you come out. Well, if you walk out and he's like his body's under the car
And he's kissing the front of it like he was in the video. That was a passionate kiss too
That wasn't I thought it was just gonna be like a pet. No, he was he had some tongue in it

(01:02:14):
He has some tongue and I that's true love this I will say this guy has a better relationship with his car than most dudes
Have with their girlfriend without doubt, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Well the car doesn't talk
I'm the deal with her shit
It just it only honks when you press the yeah, and that's on demand

(01:02:36):
Yeah, that's crazy, this is a good one this was a good one good episode boys it was I'm disturbed
Oh, yeah before before we go you remember we had that doom thing where everybody was getting
Oh shit. Yeah. Yeah. Shout out to Kim and shenanigans. They put on a doom show
They put on a doom show and uh, it was fun and it's fun because we didn't know what the fuck we were getting into

(01:03:02):
Until seven o'clock. Yeah, and that night it started at eight and JJ was the uh, the torture. Yeah the torture
I got to dry dick on a lady's face. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that was badass. We'll insert that clip right here. Oh

(01:03:34):
I put hairs on it. Yeah, it got detailed. I like that. Yeah. Yep
Uh, well we had sci-fi had to walk across legos. You had to eat a duck egg duck egg, which was I mean I almost do
Up for real. No bullshit. That was nasty. And you were also wearing a paper hat with condoms condoms
While eating the duck egg. Yeah. Real strange. I was sweating under that motherfucker too. I think it was like it was like paper or something

(01:04:02):
I'm pretty sure I put it in that paper. Yeah. Yeah, I put it in that paper. But uh, uh, the two best ones though
Pat doing the last dance on the pole. Oh my god. Hopefully we can insert these. We get these from Alex and we can insert that
And uh, he's sexualizing the light bulb. Audio porn. Audio porn dude. Brandon was like you gotta unscrew that

(01:04:46):
He was like that's at one point. He said you gotta unscrew
Step four you gotta move the whole life. The way you do this will depend on whether the bulb has a boning process approved. Yeah I remember I said to my girl like man you were really humping that out mic stand Brandon. I was like really? I thought I didn't do enough. Oh you did plenty. You worked up a sweat. That's for sure dude. I even had that knowledge at the end. I was like yeah man I had to get into the park.

(01:05:21):
Oh yeah you were sweating good. I know and there was no wipe or nothing. I was just like we're gonna have to act like it's not here. You used the script.
We're gonna have to pretend this ain't here. I hope she keeps on doing this one. That's fine. I loved it. What else they have? They had a oh the one that I would not have done if I'd have got that one is lick my shoe. Somebody did it. And a random audience member licked his shoe. Perfect. Shout out to that guy. High five.

(01:05:49):
He was down. He did another one that was pretty. Hot sauce. Oh it's just hot sauce? Okay. Man. Yeah so they had some like light ones hot sauce, pickle juice, lime juice and then they had like herring, red herring. It was a sardine. Spicy sardine or something. I could have done that. I could have done that. I had sardine pizza and shit. You know. Pretty good. Anchovies? Oh my bad anchovy pizzas. The best. Same thing. That's the best pizza? Well at Starz Market if you go to Starz Market pizza trust me.

(01:06:19):
That pizza changed your life. You ever had Starz Market pizza? Starz Market is a grocery store. But that pizza because it got terry's pizza in the back. It's so good. Have you ever you tried the terry's? Nah. You got it. I haven't. I haven't. Is this the place around here? Yes it's at five points. Starz Market? Starz Market. Trust me. Trust me. Nobody else. Nobody else's anchovy pizza besides theirs? No yeah that but if you get that pizza in general it beats Domino's. It beats

(01:06:49):
Little Seasons. Of course everything beats Little Seasons. Papa John's. All that. Doesn't even compare. Locudos? I've never had locudos. Oh yeah locudos is good. Big A$$O that's the challenger. Big A$$ pizza. You ever had Big A$$? Yeah I have Big A$$ before. It's good isn't it? Yeah Big A$$ is good and Marcos is actually. I like Marcos. Marcos is cheap and good. Yeah. Mellow Mushroom. You know you tried that? Don't touch the stuff. You don't. I like it dude.

(01:07:19):
You like mushrooms? No Mellow Mushroom. Mellow Mushroom is a restaurant. It's a pizza place. Oh okay okay I thought it was. For high people I really feel like because you going in they got a RV van. It's real stonery. Really stoner. Perfect place. Alright you gonna go Little Chulos after this? You said go where? Little Chulos. What's that? That's the place where they got the good pizza I'm talking about. Oh hell yeah I'm gonna go Little Chulos then. Yeah go Little Chulos it's on Jordan Lane and Home.

(01:07:49):
Jordan Lane and Home. Jordan Lane and Home. Little Chulos. Alright. Didn't we go there? No that's a different one. Little Chulos got the little rat as the spokesperson logo. That's Chuck E. Cheese man. And you shouldn't be hanging around there. I mean that pizza man you get that pizza. Okay brand new though dig a hole man. That's all I'm saying dude. And they sell alcohol there too which is kind of weird. Yeah that's really fucking weird. Well no you do it because parents have to fuck it up.

(01:08:19):
They shouldn't be in that hell hole with their kids. Do you want other adults drinking around your kids man? No. Fuck what other adults do. I want to be able to drink whenever I have to be there. You gotta put on. You know it's $30 a fucking person. A kid. For like they have parties. So you pay. So if you have a you know a 10 people 10 kid party it's $30 a person. You damn right I want a fucking drink. Yeah. And you sound like you can shit face that Chuck E. Cheese's.

(01:08:49):
And if you get it is frowned upon. You can't. You can't. That's all that matters. Because you don't want to have to deal with all these kids. You got to fucking watch them. Might as well have a beer in your hand. I loved Chuck E. Cheese when I was a kid. I just went for one of my friend's kids birthday and I ain't gonna lie they had a. Fuck you. But they had their stuffed crust pizza was like it was legit. Oh they got stuffed crust now? Yeah dude. And it's just enough cheese is not too much like Papa John's stuffed crust sucks.

(01:09:19):
It's the worst by far. And then Pizza Hut is you know it's the gold standard but this is better than Pizza Hut's. It's like just a little sliver and it's like we should go to Chuck E. Cheese. Yeah we should. No the fuck we shouldn't. If we walk in a gym all four of us walk in a Chuck E. Cheese right now. We're ready to fuck shit up. Start pushing kids off. I am applying for a job but maybe I'll be the rat. Oh man dude that would be cool. I'm at a birthday party. You can't see me wink. No I'm talking about if you be like come back here.

(01:09:49):
I'm gonna go backstage for a second. Wink and then put it back in. Brandon the rat asking Brandon to go backstage at Chuck E. Cheese dude. First of all now we know how he got molested 25 times as a child. Why would you be at a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese?
Well I mean if it was somebody that like I knew like a relative or something they had like that kid. But come see your cousin or something. Hell yeah. Now I'm there and he's like hey man. Or he'd be like Brandon come back here. And I'd be like yeah what's up. It's just J.J. But you would just walk back there. And then it's his penis. Now you know. Now I'd have to think about it man. If the dude was just like hey. If the Chuck E. Cheese after he did his little dance for the kid and stuff came over and he just hit you and said hey come here. I'd be like hold up man what you want me to. That's not what you just said. Yeah you would just go though I think. Okay well if I hear J.J.'s voice.

(01:10:35):
No if he just hit you. If he just hit you even if it is J.J. you're not going to know his voice if a fucking random Chuck E. Cheese guy is there you know saying he just hit you and he's like hey come here real quick. You would go wouldn't you. I'd be I'd be I'd be all right. What's going on. He would get. I would I would be walking. If he hit you and said come here and didn't say anything else he just said come here and start walking off. Would you go with him. Man I'd have to really think about it. He just said that he would walk with him. But he'd be hesitant about it. It depends how it goes.

(01:11:05):
It depends how you do it. I guess I don't know. What if he comes up and he's like hey man come with me to the back real quick. I don't know. I don't know what would happen. I'd probably be like hey let me think. But then another part of it. I don't know because I feel like he wouldn't be like the last 15 times that I did this. It didn't end well. But this time might be different. You can't judge a book by its cover even if it is a fucking rat. I'd be like out of all the people you were like hey man come here for a minute. I'd be like.

(01:11:35):
That's weird. But but Brandon you went whenever one of my friends came to shenanigans for the show he said he hit Brandon and he was like hey he's like he's like he's like hey come to the bathroom with me and then Brandon walked to the bathroom single single room. Yeah single room stall. He's like I'm fucking with you. I knew I was like this is part of the joke man. You know he was joking. Yeah I knew it was a joke. OK. I was like you also thought all those other people were joking. Yeah they weren't. I'm too chill man.

(01:12:05):
I'm too. I'm like oh man. Hey I'm just vibing. And then I. Yeah man it's weird. So even if you knew he was joking you still walked in the bathroom. Yeah because I was like you got me there. You really got me. All right man. Let's let's commit to joke. It's never gonna happen.
And then all right. Nothing. Yeah. What if his friend was a weird molester guy. Yeah. Yeah. Damn it to the OK. Now we got to commit. OK. You know we can stop with this joke now. Right. Like that. Well at that point I'm joking. I'd be like I'd be like this is kind of a charge right here. I don't I don't like this. Not today man. No. Today. Maybe later. No. And then you never come back. Oh yeah.

(01:12:50):
That would be the real doom show. Yeah. The bathroom. Crazy. See what's in that restroom. Rest the room. Rest the room. Rest the room. Bathroom. Would you go in it. And then you'd be like no man. I don't know. You never know. But then I'd be like damn that would be crazy. If that was on that board. Because me I think I know this person man ain't gonna be enough in that crazy. I'm talking about the doom show of the doom show has something like going to restaurant.

(01:13:20):
There's a mystery thing in there. I'd be like this is the doom show. Man it can't be. It can't be nothing too crazy in there. I'm so scared for you out there. Something's gonna happen. Oh God. All right. You got to run things by us. All right.
Anytime. Anytime. Somebody asked you to go to a back room. Yeah. Give us a call. But should I go back here. Yeah. Yeah. We're always a guy branded. Yeah. I got you. And then make a friend.

(01:13:47):
He did make a friend. Oh my God. You remember that night at Straight to Hell. I was in there for 20 minutes because somebody had like a wrestling hat and everything. I was like dude you got a wrestling hat man. He had a wrestling hat in every day. It was the fucking golden era one. I got the exact picture of it because I know exactly which one he had. Snapback. Okay. Snapback. That's all it takes. Legends. Chuck E. Cheese. I'm a little hesitant. But if he's got a wrestling hat from the golden era. Where is it at? Where is it at?

(01:14:17):
It was like this one right now. Like dude you got this wrestling that man. He was like oh yeah. I was like so that's your favorite air. And then he was telling me all these cool instruments he played and stuff. I was like hell yeah man. The dick. The penis. The bagpipes. The bag and the pipe. That was a gay man. What's that some slang? That slang down there. They be like hey man. Slang and dick dude. Yeah. You know about bagpipes right. What was that noise?

(01:14:47):
I was trying to. I was like what the hell. Slang dick. I don't know. Because I feel like that would be cold to my eye man. You know about them bagpipes right. And then you be like no because I don't know. I don't want to know either. Yeah. I don't even know what's happening right now.

(01:15:07):
I got nothing Brandon. I'm not saving you. You got to save yourself dude. No that was metaphorical. Thankfully that's not how it happened. Yeah play the bagpipes man. I was like what's up. Yeah. And then he was like I almost came to the show but too far. Yeah. Too far. Down the hall. Yeah.

(01:15:31):
Oh no. No. He was at the show. I'm talking about the clown college show. Oh dude. You got to play some pipes on the stage. And that would have been crazy. Like I wouldn't. Hey man that would have been cool. And to have him there and to be like how'd you meet this guy Brandon. Oh we were talking in the bathroom. Yeah. Because he had a WWE hat on. Yeah I was just washing my hands. Man I saw you a minute ago. Hell yeah.

(01:15:56):
All right we're going to leave you guys on that. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. That's it. That's all.