March 13, 2025 • 14 mins
Tired of feeling stuck in negative thoughts?
Your brain is wired to focus on the bad—but you don’t have to stay trapped in that cycle.
In this episode, you’ll discover:
1. The science behind negativity bias and how to use this four-step method to hack your mind so you can experience more joy, calm, and fulfillment.
2. How to retrain your brain to focus on the positive—without toxic positivity or ignoring reality.
3. How to redirect your mental energy toward meaningful, life-giving activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
🎧 Listen now and uncover how small mental shifts can create lasting calm and help you break free from negativity bias!
****
About the Host:
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 48,000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching her Mental Wellness curriculum, Inner Challenge. Four years ago she overcame her fear of technology to create a podcast that integrated her vast clinical experience and practical wisdom of cultivating mental wellness using the latest information from neuroscience. MJ was Social Worker of the Year in 2011 for Region 2/IN.
Creating Midlife Calm is a podcast designed to guide you through the challenges of midlife, tackling issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, feeling unworthy, procrastination, and isolation, while offering strategies for improving relationships, family support, emotional wellbeing, mental wellness, and parenting, with a focus on mindfulness, stress management, coping skills, and personal growth to stop rumination, overthinking, and increase confidence through self-care, emotional healing, and mental health support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW (00:00):
In this episode, you'll discover simple
(00:02):
ways to break free fromnegativity bias and train your
mind to focus on more fun, joy,and experiences that bring you
happiness and fulfillment.
Welcome to Creating MidlifeCalm, a podcast dedicated to
empowering midlife minds toovercome anxiety, stop feeling
like crap and become morepresent with your family, all
(00:23):
while achieving greater successat work.
I'm MJ Murray Vachon, a licensedclinical social worker with over
48, 000 hours of therapysessions and 31 years of
experience teaching mentalwellness.
Welcome to the podcast.
In our last episode, we tackledintrusive thoughts, have you
ever wondered, why does my braineven have these scary intrusive
(00:45):
thoughts?
Or, why do I focus so much onthe negative?
By the end of this episode,you'll understand your brain's
negativity bias and three waysto shift your mind from being
negative to a more productive,balanced, and enjoyable place.
This is one of those episodeswhere a little knowledge goes a
long way.
(01:06):
But Let's first start withMonday's Inner Challenge.
Notice an intrusive thought,then name it, Let me share with
you a intrusive thought thatraced through my mind when all I
did was stop at a red light.
I was thinking about a friend ofmine, a single mom who had just
unexpectedly lost her governmentjob.
(01:27):
In less than 30 seconds, my mindspiraled.
Oh, with all these people in herdepartment out of work, how will
she ever find a job?
She won't be able to pay hermortgage, and if worse comes to
worse, maybe I'll have to inviteher to move in with us.
All that, even before the lightturned green.
What did I do?
I noticed the thought and I saidout loud, well that's a crazy
(01:50):
thought.
Laughed at myself and becameaware that my shoulders were
tight and I was holding mybreath.
I took a few deep calmingbreaths and intentionally aimed
my focus.
Back on the road, and then Imoved to the last step, aim, by
telling myself, look for beauty,which was easy, because I was
(02:12):
driving alongside a river.
Within a few seconds, a blueheron flew right in front of my
car.
I had transformed an intrusivethought into a moment of wonder.
It really can be that easy.
But you must notice yourthoughts and then accept what I
believe is the biggest obstacleto creating calm, our lazy mind.
(02:38):
Every client I work with learnsthis.
You need to train your brain andtend your mind.
Your brain is the organ in yourbody that makes all your systems
work.
It's a powerhouse.
It runs non stop, making sureyou breathe, blink, digest,
think, drive, read, calculate,dance, cook, and so much more.
(02:59):
It's your automatic co pilot,requiring very little effort
from you to function.
Now your mind That is a wholedifferent story.
It's constantly taking ininformation, processing it, and
making sense of it in your ownunique and subjective way.
It's curating each experienceand shaping a narrative from all
(03:23):
the data that it collects.
How your mind interprets theworld will be completely
different from how mine does.
If you apply the same autopilotapproach to your mind that you
do to your brain, intrusivethoughts and negative thinking
will become your constantcompanions.
Your brain is meant to functionon autopilot.
(03:43):
You don't need to consciouslythink about breathing or
blinking, but your mind needsattention.
Think of it more like ateenager.
It wants to do what it wants todo, whether it's good or bad for
it.
What does your mind need?
It needs you to be an adulttending to it.
And you do that by noticing,naming, taming, and aiming.
(04:08):
Your brain is wired toprioritize negative information.
It's survival mechanism.
Your brain's negativity biasevolved to help your ancestors
avoid danger like wild animalschasing them.
Noticing threats like wildanimals was more important than
remembering a beautiful sunset.
(04:28):
Neuroscience shows that negativeexperiences create stronger
neural pathways than positiveones.
No wonder the latest groupactivity is trauma bonding.
Studies reveal that theamygdala, the fear's brain
center, processes negativeinformation instantly, while
positive experiences take longerto register.
(04:49):
Did you catch that?
Your boss says we're havingcutbacks, and your brain
immediately goes on high alert,assuming the worst.
Your child comes home and saysthey were bullied, and you
instantly become mama bear orpapa bear, ready to fight back.
Understanding this gives youeven more reason to notice a
name, so then you can tame andaim.
(05:11):
Understanding that your brainleans into negativity bias also
explains one of the biggestchallenges of modern life.
Our economy used to be agrarian.
People worked the land.
Then it was industrial.
Factories and mass production.
Now it's an attention economy.
And what gets our attention?
(05:32):
The negative.
It's how our brain is wired andthe media companies know it.
Cable news is dramatic andextreme because it taps into
your brain's survival instincts.
They know the brain science, andthey're making billions by
keeping your mind overwhelmedwith negativity and catastrophe.
I'm old enough to remember achildhood where I often heard,
(05:55):
If you don't have anything niceto say, don't say anything at
all.
Think about that.
Years ago, society built in acultural pause, a way to slow
down and be intentional withwords.
Now we're given the oppositemessage.
React instantly.
Trash people online.
(06:16):
Speak before you think.
This leans directly into thenegativity bias without
cultivating a mind that sees thewhole picture instead of just
the catastrophe.
That's why I say, slow down andtend your mind.
Because if you don't, especiallyin today's 24 hour news cycle,
(06:36):
you'll be swimming in a sea ofnegativity.
And feel like crap.
And I want better for you.
Remember, your brain'snegativity bias makes small
setbacks feel huge, fuelsanxiety and self doubt, and
keeps you stuck in a cycle ofoverthinking and intrusive
thoughts.
Unless you actively work toshift your thinking, your mind
(06:59):
will naturally lean toward thenegative.
And that's why after you notice,name, and tame, the final step
is aim.
Intentionally directing yourthoughts to a better, more
productive place.
Coping skill number one is youneed to aim your mind with
intention.
(07:19):
To counteract negativity bias,you have to make a conscious
decision to aim your mind towardcalm, connection, and curiosity.
This means being present andallowing yourself to engage with
what's ever in front of you.
Unless you're doomscrolling.
Years ago, I was teachingNotice, Name, Tame, and Aim to a
(07:41):
group of 7th graders when onestudent raised his hand and
said, MJ, this is boring.
I asked him, can you say more?
And he replied, what's the pointof all this?
How can this help me?
I'm never going to make anymoney off this.
I told him, whether you realizeit or not, you are fascinating.
(08:03):
But by seeing yourself as boringinstead of fascinating, you
aren't engaging in theincredible story that's your
life.
He shook his head and he said, Idon't have an incredible story.
That's the key.
If we approach our life withcuriosity and fascination, we
shift from this is boring toisn't this interesting?
(08:29):
That's the whole purpose ofaiming.
We can counteract our brain'snegativity bias by choosing to
be engaged and interested inwhat is happening around us.
Remember the example above whenmy mind spun out of control with
the intrusive thought about myfriend who'd lost her job and in
nanoseconds I had her living inmy basement?
(08:50):
When I moved my mind towardlooking for something beautiful,
I noticed a beautiful blue heronflying just 30 feet away.
Had I not tended to my mind, Iwould have completely missed
that moment of wonder.
So coping skill number one isaccepting your brain's
negativity bias and steppinginto your agency to tend to it,
(09:12):
which naturally leads us to thenext step, Which is to train
your mind to register thepositive.
For most of your life, you'veprobably been led around by your
negativity bias withoutrealizing it.
And that's where coping skillnumber two comes in.
I want you to create a one linerto say every morning that
(09:33):
focuses on the positive.
Dr.
Daniel Amen calls this themiracle minute.
His research shows that whenpeople start their day with a
positive intention, theyactually feel better it can be
as easy as, I'm going to have agreat day.
You say it even if you don'tfeel like you're going to have a
(09:54):
great day, because youunderstand the negativity bias
and you're helping tend yourmind by moving it To a better,
healthier place.
Personally, I change my thoughtbased on my day.
On client days, I say to myself,I'm going to have fun and be
helpful to my clients.
(10:15):
I sit in my chair and I run amental movie of the people I'm
going to see that day.
And by the end of 40 seconds, Ifeel excited about going to
work.
Do I do this every day?
Heck no, I don't do this everyday.
But do I do it three or fourtimes a week?
Yep.
You betcha.
Sometimes I do it at stoplight.
(10:36):
It's free.
It's legal.
Just integrate it into your dayin a way that works for you.
Don't be afraid to write yourone liner on a post it note.
Put it on your bathroom mirror,on your computer screen, or on
your car's dashboard.
Feel free to use a code wordlike TEND, but understand that
reminding yourself To tend toyour mind is one of the best
(11:01):
ways to beat your negativitybias.
This is not going to createworld peace, but it will
increase your inner peace.
Making it easier and a lot morefun to practice coping skill
number three, which is aimingyour energy toward worthwhile
projects.
(11:21):
To neutralize negativity bias,you need to direct your mental
energy towards something lifegiving and productive.
A few months ago, I had a clientwho was spending energy every
morning sorting throughthousands of promotional emails,
deleting, archiving, organizing.
For three sessions in a row, hespent his first 30 seconds
(11:44):
complaining about how much timeit took to get rid of these
emails he cared nothing about.
Finally, I said to him, Is thisworthy of your time?
He looked at me confused.
What do you mean?
I said, you get to decide whereyou put your attention.
This is the challenge we allface in a world that constantly
(12:05):
steals our attention.
We can find ourselves doomscrolling, binge watching, or
email purging without everstopping to ask, is this how I
want to aim my mind?
To help my client shift, Ihanded him a piece of paper and
asked him to write down fivethings he'd rather do than purge
(12:25):
his email.
For about 15 or 20 seconds, hewas at a complete loss.
His days were already prettypacked with kids and
responsibilities and a job.
But after a little bit of time,he wrote down three things.
I'd like to play the piano more.
I'd like to take my kids on abike ride.
I'd love to read five pages of ahistory book every day.
(12:48):
And just like that, he had aimedhis mind in a new direction.
The following week, he walkedinto our session.
He said, I gave myselfpermission to play one song on
the piano before work eachmorning, and I cannot believe
how good I feel.
My family loves it too.
Then he added, on that veryfirst day, as I was driving to
(13:10):
work, an intrusive thought creptin.
Hey, it was just one song, dude.
Don't make such a big deal outof it.
For the first time ever, he toldme that he said out loud in his
car, Hey, it is a big deal.
And he was right.
It's a big deal.
Big deal to hack your biologyand use notice, name, tame, and
(13:32):
aim to overcome your thoughtsand feelings so your brain's
negativity bias doesn't get thelast word and derail you where
you aim all your time, talent,and energy.
So think about it, what will youdo today to aim your mind in the
right direction?
(13:54):
In this episode, we explored theadvantages and limits of
negativity bias.
I shared with you three copingskills.
Take the science seriously andcommit to managing your
negativity bias with notice,name, tame, and aim.
Coping skill number two, createa daily affirmation, not as a
cure all, but a simple reminderto tend to your brain before it
(14:18):
spirals into negativity.
And coping skill number three,aim not just your thoughts, but
your actions in a way thatbrings you a sense of enjoyment,
contentment, and pleasure.
Who doesn't feel calmer whenthey're engaged in a productive
activity?
Thanks for listening.
And I'll be back on Monday withmore Creating Midlife Calm.
In this episode, you'll discover simple
(00:02):
ways to break free fromnegativity bias and train your
mind to focus on more fun, joy,and experiences that bring you
happiness and fulfillment.
Welcome to Creating MidlifeCalm, a podcast dedicated to
empowering midlife minds toovercome anxiety, stop feeling
like crap and become morepresent with your family, all
(00:23):
while achieving greater successat work.
I'm MJ Murray Vachon, a licensedclinical social worker with over
48, 000 hours of therapysessions and 31 years of
experience teaching mentalwellness.
Welcome to the podcast.
In our last episode, we tackledintrusive thoughts, have you
ever wondered, why does my braineven have these scary intrusive
(00:45):
thoughts?
Or, why do I focus so much onthe negative?
By the end of this episode,you'll understand your brain's
negativity bias and three waysto shift your mind from being
negative to a more productive,balanced, and enjoyable place.
This is one of those episodeswhere a little knowledge goes a
long way.
(01:06):
But Let's first start withMonday's Inner Challenge.
Notice an intrusive thought,then name it, Let me share with
you a intrusive thought thatraced through my mind when all I
did was stop at a red light.
I was thinking about a friend ofmine, a single mom who had just
unexpectedly lost her governmentjob.
(01:27):
In less than 30 seconds, my mindspiraled.
Oh, with all these people in herdepartment out of work, how will
she ever find a job?
She won't be able to pay hermortgage, and if worse comes to
worse, maybe I'll have to inviteher to move in with us.
All that, even before the lightturned green.
What did I do?
I noticed the thought and I saidout loud, well that's a crazy
(01:50):
thought.
Laughed at myself and becameaware that my shoulders were
tight and I was holding mybreath.
I took a few deep calmingbreaths and intentionally aimed
my focus.
Back on the road, and then Imoved to the last step, aim, by
telling myself, look for beauty,which was easy, because I was
(02:12):
driving alongside a river.
Within a few seconds, a blueheron flew right in front of my
car.
I had transformed an intrusivethought into a moment of wonder.
It really can be that easy.
But you must notice yourthoughts and then accept what I
believe is the biggest obstacleto creating calm, our lazy mind.
(02:38):
Every client I work with learnsthis.
You need to train your brain andtend your mind.
Your brain is the organ in yourbody that makes all your systems
work.
It's a powerhouse.
It runs non stop, making sureyou breathe, blink, digest,
think, drive, read, calculate,dance, cook, and so much more.
(02:59):
It's your automatic co pilot,requiring very little effort
from you to function.
Now your mind That is a wholedifferent story.
It's constantly taking ininformation, processing it, and
making sense of it in your ownunique and subjective way.
It's curating each experienceand shaping a narrative from all
(03:23):
the data that it collects.
How your mind interprets theworld will be completely
different from how mine does.
If you apply the same autopilotapproach to your mind that you
do to your brain, intrusivethoughts and negative thinking
will become your constantcompanions.
Your brain is meant to functionon autopilot.
(03:43):
You don't need to consciouslythink about breathing or
blinking, but your mind needsattention.
Think of it more like ateenager.
It wants to do what it wants todo, whether it's good or bad for
it.
What does your mind need?
It needs you to be an adulttending to it.
And you do that by noticing,naming, taming, and aiming.
(04:08):
Your brain is wired toprioritize negative information.
It's survival mechanism.
Your brain's negativity biasevolved to help your ancestors
avoid danger like wild animalschasing them.
Noticing threats like wildanimals was more important than
remembering a beautiful sunset.
(04:28):
Neuroscience shows that negativeexperiences create stronger
neural pathways than positiveones.
No wonder the latest groupactivity is trauma bonding.
Studies reveal that theamygdala, the fear's brain
center, processes negativeinformation instantly, while
positive experiences take longerto register.
(04:49):
Did you catch that?
Your boss says we're havingcutbacks, and your brain
immediately goes on high alert,assuming the worst.
Your child comes home and saysthey were bullied, and you
instantly become mama bear orpapa bear, ready to fight back.
Understanding this gives youeven more reason to notice a
name, so then you can tame andaim.
(05:11):
Understanding that your brainleans into negativity bias also
explains one of the biggestchallenges of modern life.
Our economy used to be agrarian.
People worked the land.
Then it was industrial.
Factories and mass production.
Now it's an attention economy.
And what gets our attention?
(05:32):
The negative.
It's how our brain is wired andthe media companies know it.
Cable news is dramatic andextreme because it taps into
your brain's survival instincts.
They know the brain science, andthey're making billions by
keeping your mind overwhelmedwith negativity and catastrophe.
I'm old enough to remember achildhood where I often heard,
(05:55):
If you don't have anything niceto say, don't say anything at
all.
Think about that.
Years ago, society built in acultural pause, a way to slow
down and be intentional withwords.
Now we're given the oppositemessage.
React instantly.
Trash people online.
(06:16):
Speak before you think.
This leans directly into thenegativity bias without
cultivating a mind that sees thewhole picture instead of just
the catastrophe.
That's why I say, slow down andtend your mind.
Because if you don't, especiallyin today's 24 hour news cycle,
(06:36):
you'll be swimming in a sea ofnegativity.
And feel like crap.
And I want better for you.
Remember, your brain'snegativity bias makes small
setbacks feel huge, fuelsanxiety and self doubt, and
keeps you stuck in a cycle ofoverthinking and intrusive
thoughts.
Unless you actively work toshift your thinking, your mind
(06:59):
will naturally lean toward thenegative.
And that's why after you notice,name, and tame, the final step
is aim.
Intentionally directing yourthoughts to a better, more
productive place.
Coping skill number one is youneed to aim your mind with
intention.
(07:19):
To counteract negativity bias,you have to make a conscious
decision to aim your mind towardcalm, connection, and curiosity.
This means being present andallowing yourself to engage with
what's ever in front of you.
Unless you're doomscrolling.
Years ago, I was teachingNotice, Name, Tame, and Aim to a
(07:41):
group of 7th graders when onestudent raised his hand and
said, MJ, this is boring.
I asked him, can you say more?
And he replied, what's the pointof all this?
How can this help me?
I'm never going to make anymoney off this.
I told him, whether you realizeit or not, you are fascinating.
(08:03):
But by seeing yourself as boringinstead of fascinating, you
aren't engaging in theincredible story that's your
life.
He shook his head and he said, Idon't have an incredible story.
That's the key.
If we approach our life withcuriosity and fascination, we
shift from this is boring toisn't this interesting?
(08:29):
That's the whole purpose ofaiming.
We can counteract our brain'snegativity bias by choosing to
be engaged and interested inwhat is happening around us.
Remember the example above whenmy mind spun out of control with
the intrusive thought about myfriend who'd lost her job and in
nanoseconds I had her living inmy basement?
(08:50):
When I moved my mind towardlooking for something beautiful,
I noticed a beautiful blue heronflying just 30 feet away.
Had I not tended to my mind, Iwould have completely missed
that moment of wonder.
So coping skill number one isaccepting your brain's
negativity bias and steppinginto your agency to tend to it,
(09:12):
which naturally leads us to thenext step, Which is to train
your mind to register thepositive.
For most of your life, you'veprobably been led around by your
negativity bias withoutrealizing it.
And that's where coping skillnumber two comes in.
I want you to create a one linerto say every morning that
(09:33):
focuses on the positive.
Dr.
Daniel Amen calls this themiracle minute.
His research shows that whenpeople start their day with a
positive intention, theyactually feel better it can be
as easy as, I'm going to have agreat day.
You say it even if you don'tfeel like you're going to have a
(09:54):
great day, because youunderstand the negativity bias
and you're helping tend yourmind by moving it To a better,
healthier place.
Personally, I change my thoughtbased on my day.
On client days, I say to myself,I'm going to have fun and be
helpful to my clients.
(10:15):
I sit in my chair and I run amental movie of the people I'm
going to see that day.
And by the end of 40 seconds, Ifeel excited about going to
work.
Do I do this every day?
Heck no, I don't do this everyday.
But do I do it three or fourtimes a week?
Yep.
You betcha.
Sometimes I do it at stoplight.
(10:36):
It's free.
It's legal.
Just integrate it into your dayin a way that works for you.
Don't be afraid to write yourone liner on a post it note.
Put it on your bathroom mirror,on your computer screen, or on
your car's dashboard.
Feel free to use a code wordlike TEND, but understand that
reminding yourself To tend toyour mind is one of the best
(11:01):
ways to beat your negativitybias.
This is not going to createworld peace, but it will
increase your inner peace.
Making it easier and a lot morefun to practice coping skill
number three, which is aimingyour energy toward worthwhile
projects.
(11:21):
To neutralize negativity bias,you need to direct your mental
energy towards something lifegiving and productive.
A few months ago, I had a clientwho was spending energy every
morning sorting throughthousands of promotional emails,
deleting, archiving, organizing.
For three sessions in a row, hespent his first 30 seconds
(11:44):
complaining about how much timeit took to get rid of these
emails he cared nothing about.
Finally, I said to him, Is thisworthy of your time?
He looked at me confused.
What do you mean?
I said, you get to decide whereyou put your attention.
This is the challenge we allface in a world that constantly
(12:05):
steals our attention.
We can find ourselves doomscrolling, binge watching, or
email purging without everstopping to ask, is this how I
want to aim my mind?
To help my client shift, Ihanded him a piece of paper and
asked him to write down fivethings he'd rather do than purge
(12:25):
his email.
For about 15 or 20 seconds, hewas at a complete loss.
His days were already prettypacked with kids and
responsibilities and a job.
But after a little bit of time,he wrote down three things.
I'd like to play the piano more.
I'd like to take my kids on abike ride.
I'd love to read five pages of ahistory book every day.
(12:48):
And just like that, he had aimedhis mind in a new direction.
The following week, he walkedinto our session.
He said, I gave myselfpermission to play one song on
the piano before work eachmorning, and I cannot believe
how good I feel.
My family loves it too.
Then he added, on that veryfirst day, as I was driving to
(13:10):
work, an intrusive thought creptin.
Hey, it was just one song, dude.
Don't make such a big deal outof it.
For the first time ever, he toldme that he said out loud in his
car, Hey, it is a big deal.
And he was right.
It's a big deal.
Big deal to hack your biologyand use notice, name, tame, and
(13:32):
aim to overcome your thoughtsand feelings so your brain's
negativity bias doesn't get thelast word and derail you where
you aim all your time, talent,and energy.
So think about it, what will youdo today to aim your mind in the
right direction?
(13:54):
In this episode, we explored theadvantages and limits of
negativity bias.
I shared with you three copingskills.
Take the science seriously andcommit to managing your
negativity bias with notice,name, tame, and aim.
Coping skill number two, createa daily affirmation, not as a
cure all, but a simple reminderto tend to your brain before it
(14:18):
spirals into negativity.
And coping skill number three,aim not just your thoughts, but
your actions in a way thatbrings you a sense of enjoyment,
contentment, and pleasure.
Who doesn't feel calmer whenthey're engaged in a productive
activity?
Thanks for listening.
And I'll be back on Monday withmore Creating Midlife Calm.
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