October 8, 2024 • 23 mins
What happens when the digital playground turns into a battleground? Our latest episode brings this harsh reality to light as we discuss the grave issue of social media bullying and child safety. We reflect on a shocking local news story where a middle school student was arrested for making online threats, a stark reminder of how the online world has transformed from our own childhood days. This episode explores how essential it is to educate children on the dangers of the internet, the increasing necessity for police intervention in digital threats, and the contrasting perceptions of safety in different countries. Through a critical lens, we also examine a reality TV show that depicts parents who, despite current challenges, consider the United States a safer place for their children.
We then shift our focus to the heart-wrenching case of Dolly, a young girl who took her life due to relentless online bullying, spotlighting the urgent need for protective measures. Delving into government proposals from Australia and Florida to restrict social media access for children under 16, we debate the effectiveness of age verification systems and the creation of child-friendly social platforms with strong parental controls. Personal stories about managing our own children's online behavior bring a real-life perspective to the conversation, emphasizing the delicate balance between trust and control. The role of schools in combating online bullying and the importance of teaching children resilience, ethics, and proper online conduct are key takeaways from our discussion. Tune in to explore these critical issues and learn actionable strategies to ensure our children's safety in the digital age.
Josh aka Bearded_Nova
I'm from Australia and am what you would call a father who games. I have 5 kids so not as much time to game as I used to. But I still game and stream when I can. So come join me on Twitch in chat as we chill out.
Business Inquiries: Bearded-n0va@aussiebb.com.au
Josh aka Moorph
I'm a US-based husband and father of two boys. I work full-time and have been a content creator since 2000. I'm a YouTube partner, Twitch and LiveSpace streamer who founded a content creation coaching company called Elev8d Media Group (elev8d.media). I'm a blogger, streamer, podcaster, and video-er(?).
Business Inquiries: josh@elev8d.media
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Turning off normal human male mode.
Switching to dad mode.
Welcome in to dad mode Withyour hosts Bearded, Nova and
Morph.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
So Nova was reading in my local newspaper today no
online.
There was a kid in a localmiddle school who got arrested
for bullying and threateningpeople online through social
media and whoever the target was, I guess they reached out and
the parents called the cops andthey investigated.
(00:39):
It was bad enough that theyactually arrested the kid.
I don't remember what grade,but you know, 6, 7, 8, something
like that.
I was going to say what ismiddle school?
Yeah, 6, 7, 8.
And it just made me realize howcrazy it is in the social media
world for kids nowadays.
You know, I don't want tocompare it to like when I was
younger, but like how crazy itis and like how much I feel like
(00:59):
I have to warn them or teachthem about that stuff.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Yeah, okay, to warn them or teach them about that
stuff, yeah, okay.
So to go into detail, what typeof threats it was?
Because I mean, I I guess in away, in a sense threats if we're
looking at it, you and I, ifthe threats were over here, it'd
be a totally different threatto the threats that I could
think of that would be in yourend of the world, because you're
in the world schools andthreats, you know, as a parent.
(01:24):
I don't know how you do it, butI'm assuming that must have
been quite bad for the police tobe involved it I, they didn't
release details yet, like thestory just came out today.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Yeah, you know I.
But yeah, I agree, I don'tthink it was like a bomb threat
or anything.
I think it was like a physicalharm, physical threat yeah,
that's the one I was thinking of.
But you're right, I'm not, Idon't get into this, but you're
right.
Like in america, like it'sgetting to the point, like you
send your kids to school and youhope they come home, yeah, it's
.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
Yeah, it's funny because you talked about that.
My wife watches reality tv.
No, both of us do, but you knowmy wife watches reality tv.
I chime in.
We watch some shows together.
We've been watching a 90-dayfiancee at the moment on there
and it's funny.
There's a couple people livingoverseas and they're talking
about their children and it'slike I'm gonna take my children.
(02:14):
I'm not gonna have my childrenhere, but I'm gonna take them
back to america where I feelit's safe, and my wife and I sit
there like what, what, where?
Did you just say this is what'ssafer right now, Like where you
are here.
You're saying you're going backthere, it's a safe.
What are we measuring in theterm as safe?
Because online bullying is scary, especially the, you know, I
(02:38):
think I brought up in the past.
We have a day for Dolly, whichis a girl who committed, who
took her own life in forms ofonline bullying, and it's a very
serious topic.
They talk about it a lot inschools.
Obviously, as much as you talkabout it and schools bring it up
, it's the internet.
It's going to happen still,sadly, yeah, but you know that's
(03:00):
a sense of seriousness.
I guess that we do as a societyis starting to realize it's not
great for children.
I believe you can keep goingwith this for a second while I
double check, but I swear Iheard in the news on my end and
I haven't actually read on ityet that the Australian
government was looking atremoving children from social
(03:21):
media.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Really.
Yes, interesting, interesting.
Yeah, I do know I want to sayit's Florida was thinking of
increasing the age to like 16 orsomething like that, to access
social media.
Yeah, I might be way off basebut I swear I heard something
like that.
My oldest is about to be 13.
He goes to YouTube, which isn'treally social media, but that's
(03:44):
.
I don't let him on any of thesocial media you know, and I
know his friends are.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
But, like for me, it's, it's not a non-starter
question right now yeah, soaustralia will ban children
using social media, with minimumage set as 16, similar to
florida, the prime minister said.
Tuesday is bound to get kidsoff their devices and into the
fields or footy fields, you know, parks, etc.
Yeah, legislation is to keepchildren off social media will
(04:11):
be introduced this year.
The impact on sites as ascourge they know that.
The minimum age for facebook,instagram, tiktok has been has
not been decided, but it'sexpected between 14 and 16.
They're hoping to push towardsthat 16.
Age.
Age verification trials willbegin being held over the coming
months.
You know, I'm interested toknow how that works because
(04:35):
ideally, I know a lot of siteshave age verifications set in
place and you know both sides ofthe government, even the
opposition, support this In away.
I, I I support as well.
We talked about children andsocial media as.
But how do you stop it?
You know, I mean like it's,it's, it's, it's just a fake
birthday.
You register a fake birthday?
That's, that's kids.
(04:56):
You didn't hear that, but youknow that's that's your way
around.
Is you registering a fakebirthday?
Speaker 2 (05:01):
right, like if you want to verify an adult, you
know you could ask them for acredit card or whatever id.
I wouldn't, I wouldn't put itin, but I mean that's one way to
do it.
But you're not like your kidscan't take your credit card and
put it in, you know no, it'squite easily to do id checks as
well on websites nowadays.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
You can put in your license number and your state
and it can check to make surethat that's an actual, verified
id.
Like yeah, that works still.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
I don't see these platforms introducing things
like that I don't know I I knowa friend who you know maybe
visited certain adult websiteswhen they're younger and they
said are you a routine?
Yeah, yeah, it was yes.
I was telling my friend, like Ican't believe you would, you
would do that.
Oh, how, why would you lie tothe internet like that is yes.
I was telling my friend, like Ican't believe you would, you
would do that.
Oh how?
Speaker 3 (05:46):
why would you lie to the internet like that is what I
was, why you're gonna getcaught?
You're gonna get caught, yeah,but that's the sense of you know
, how do we control this and andI guess the government's
stepping in and doing that.
You know that's great.
They can do that.
It doesn't, like I said, itdoesn't change much.
The same with on your end andkids.
There's only so much they cando.
(06:07):
It doesn't change too much.
So what else can we do asparents or as a society for our
children?
Speaker 2 (06:15):
I think a lot of it comes down to it.
I mean, it flies to.
This topic applies to otherthings.
Everything else, probably, isjust teach them right from wrong
.
Try to give them a solidfoundation and like ethics and
morals and like what to watchout for and like help make sure
that they feel confident inthemselves and and all that
stuff so that when they're facedwith a bully online or faced
(06:39):
with some other kind of setback,that they know how to deal with
it or they feel comfortablecoming to you as a parent about
whatever it is I'm just thinking.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
In a sense I play a little bit of a crazy idea here,
because I just thought about it.
We have platforms for childrento use messages, like facebook
has kids messenger that I'vespoken about.
My children all used it growingup.
It was a great way to allowthem to connect with friends and
talk online and had lots ofgreat things in place to protect
(07:11):
them from a lot of differentthings.
So you know, limiting web links, pictures, etc.
Kids can do so.
You can.
As a parent, you can adjustthat per child, per child.
What about a kid's social media?
Actually make a social media.
Dedicate creepy adults off itthough that's.
That's the problem, and I guesswhat you could do is, as a
parent, how the facebook oneworks.
In particular, facebookactually has to have a parent
(07:34):
linked to the children's account.
Children, parents, you know,adults can create a child
account, that's no problems.
Yeah, you can get creeps onthere, but I, as a parent, you
can change this as a setting.
So if you yeah, you can getcreeps on there, but I, as a
parent, you can change this as asetting.
So if you trust your children,you can, obviously, but as a
parent, you can actually set it.
So you're the one that doesapprovals, you're the one that
sends the friend requests notthem and you're sending it,
(07:55):
usually to another parent.
You're sending it to the parentof the child that you're doing.
That's how the FacebookMessenger works.
Weird Messenger works.
Weirdly enough.
They launched that in Mexico.
It started in Mexico before itcame anywhere else.
Yeah, it took her ages to getdown here, but I was just
thinking like that's a greatidea If you can expand that into
a social media.
That's a way for kids to getthat, I guess, feel of being an
(08:19):
adult doing what mom and daddoes or my aunties do, or what I
see other people do, so youknow they're still getting that
do.
Or what I see other people do,so it's, you know they're still
getting that, but it's contained.
Yeah, it's a little bit morecontrolled, sounds great, but
then at the same time it kind ofyou know, as I'm saying this
out loud, I'm thinking how am Icreating a sense of false
security for children and said,you know, like the, the
participation award, sensethings where we're creating this
thing just for them, so it'sall happy and roses and all that
(08:42):
.
And you know it's like the kidsthat grow up too protected and
then they get out into the realworld and they don't understand
why my boss is too mean.
And I've got anxiety becausethe boss said no, I can't leave,
you know, two hours earlybecause I don't feel like it
today, shit like that, yeah youknow, is we're doing that social
media worst problem, I guess.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
I get it.
You want to let your kids dowhat other kids are doing, so
they feel part of it.
You want them to experiencethings and learn, but you want
to keep them safe.
But it's super hard because youcan't really police a lot of
things on the internet and, as aparent, some people might be
caught between.
Well, that sounds great, butthen I feel like I'm
overstepping and getting tooinvolved.
(09:26):
I get that like I'moverstepping and getting too
involved, and I get that.
It's fine you striking thatbalance between being over
protective and giving them roomto breathe and grow and learn on
their own.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
That's yeah, that's really yeah it's, it's a very
fine line of what you're playing, when.
When are you doing too muchform?
And hindering their developmentwould be a better way to put it
.
Yeah, compared to allowing themto try things out and explore.
And I think, in a sense, a lotof online bullying that could be
(10:00):
and should be, curved by theparent, the parent of the child
who is doing it, not the child,not the children, children
receiving it.
That's horrible and obviouslyparents should be there to help
them navigate through that.
How to avoid.
You know what they can do totry and minimize it, but the
onus for the attack in thebeginning should look back on
(10:21):
the parents themselves.
Yeah, the parents are the onesthat raise this child.
They raise the child to do thisin a particular way.
Obviously, it's how you bringthis child into the world, what
you've done or, sadly, when youlook at it, a lot of kids that
do online bullying or a bitaggressive, there's somewhere
(10:44):
attached to them in a familysense.
That's very similar.
You know it's a, it's a learnedbehavior, I guess would be the
best way to to put it I agree,because you know, no kid is born
and immediately is a bully.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
You know something happened along the way.
They learn something orwhatever to make them feel like
that's what they need to doexactly and I say that very
similar to over here with youthcrime.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
I feel like, in a sense, youth crime and in a way,
parents should feel accountable, because you do get kids that
repeat offenders over and overagain.
And then you get those parentsthat are like it's much like
online violence, these kidscould be doing something online.
The parents are like I can'thelp what he does, he's just
going to do what she does orshe's just going do what she
wants to do.
I've got no control.
(11:30):
Well, if the parents weregetting in trouble, you know the
kid does it two times, threetimes or whatever.
And the next thing, you know,the parents start getting
enforced at the same time as achild.
I guarantee you that parent isgoing to do something on their
end so they don't get enforcedagain.
You know what I mean, right?
Speaker 2 (11:47):
yeah, I mean on.
I mean on that note, a quickstory.
There was gosh I remember thekid's name but I wouldn't say it
here anyway.
But there was a kid in the USwho not too recently, not too
long ago, went to a school witha gun and shot four kids and you
know he was arrested.
They sentenced him to as anadult, even though he's 14.
And the parent, the dad, gotarrested and sentenced too
(12:11):
because apparently he gave thekid the gun as a birthday
present.
And oh, he was actually foundliable for like manslaughter as
well.
So you know that he said he setan example for his kid and his
kid obviously had some kind ofissue and did what he did.
You're not off the hook as aparent.
(12:33):
You were responsible for whatyour kids do, even if that seems
unfair sometimes.
You were responsible for whatthey do.
So teach them right.
Wow that's very interesting.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
I didn't hear that.
I mean obviously, sadly, withlooking back the amount of
shootings that you guys sadlyhave, it's hard to go oh, that's
shooting, because that couldjust be last week, you know.
I mean that's tuesday, sadly,that's, and I do fear for
everyone's children over there alot of the time.
I look and go.
(13:06):
I'm sorry, sorry to do that asa parent and I sent my children
to school each day.
Definitely not one thing I everhave to worry about, I guess
it's, it's crazy, you know.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
Kind of going back to the social media piece, though,
what are your thoughts on?
You know, like, looking at themessages your kids get like kind
of at that level or like, doyou think that parents shouldn't
do that?
They should just trust, trusttheir kids and give them their
own privacy?
Speaker 3 (13:30):
I think parents should trust their kids and give
them their own privacy but atthe same time, have a
conversation with their kids,and I believe my wife has that.
I don't do this with thembecause I don't want to.
It's just girls' stuff and Imight not understand.
So I don't want, not that Idon't want to, it's just girls
stuff and you know I might notunderstand.
So I don't want to get involvedwith teenage daughters and what
(13:53):
they talk about and getconfused.
But my wife has a rule in placethat she can check their phone
If she feels like there'ssomething going on.
Then the kids have to hand overthe phone to check, and she
hasn't really ever done that.
It's rare, very rare that ithappens.
To be honest, I can't evenreally remember the last time it
(14:15):
happened.
But that's the conversationthat my wife and I had in place
was hey, at some point, if wefeel like something's going on,
we have the right to check yourphone just to make sure you're
doing the right thing or thatnothing else is going on.
That's funny, right, and Ithink you're doing the right
thing or that nothing else isgoing on.
That's funny, right.
I think that's a good, goodstart.
Yeah, now that they'reteenagers you're giving them
that more freedom.
I guess when they're youngeryou probably check way more what
(14:37):
they're doing.
But then you know, as I said, wewe use the facebook messenger
growing up, so the kids werevery limited.
When they first startedmessaging people off the hoods,
it was basically, uh,grandparents, siblings, that was
it, that's it.
You know, that was the onlypeople that were really
messaging occasionally arts andoffice, but they weren't really
messaging because they didn'twant to and that felt safe.
(14:58):
We didn't really have to checktoo much.
That was going on there.
Every so often one kid would saysomething stupid to another one
and then, okay, I gotta go backthrough and see what they're
saying.
Oh crap, what are they sayingabout me?
It's like I hate dad becauseyou, you know I've said no to
something that was in there afew times.
It's I hate.
Oh, yeah, it's great.
I love it when they write notes.
I don't think so.
(15:19):
No, no, no, yeah, it's exactlyright.
That happened like three monthsin a device.
I'm like back in january yousaid you hated me and then the
kids come in.
We haven't had anything withbeing great.
I die, canvas.
No, that's, that's our ownplace.
That's how we manage it as theteenagers.
Nowadays it's a lot more wejust I guess there's a lot more
(15:40):
trust and communication in inthe chats that we have that we
feel that they would come andtalk to us if something more was
going on.
I guess that inkling ofsomething happening isn't really
there.
Every so often I look at if akid does something weird with
the phone and I'm like itinstantly ticks in my head.
I'm like what are you hiding?
Are you hiding something?
What's going on?
(16:00):
Type of thing.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
I hate it when they do that yeah, my, my son, my
older son, every now and thenI'll walk, you know, knocking
the door, go in his room and hehas the phone he quickly, like,
puts under his under the coversevery time.
And I'm like yeah, and then partof me like wants to know what's
going on and part of me hasvisions of what it is and I have
(16:22):
no desire to see what the fuckhe's looking at, like beyond
zero desire to do.
Yeah, yeah, I mean, I love youknow, keep going, you, you know
like it's I.
I remember I had a co-workeryears ago who was checking
internet history and his son andlike he was seeing like the
search terms and stuff puttingin and he's like I, just I, I
(16:44):
know I was like oh my god.
I just told him stop doing whatyou're doing.
I don't want to get into it, ohmy God.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
You know, that's the thing I got on my phone.
I love it.
If my phone's going to strike,it's a part of my Wi-Fi here,
the home internet, but the Wi-Fiitself.
Actually, I have devices allteamed to the kids, so each
phone is tagged to them, each tvthey have, or you know,
(17:13):
switches, etc.
It's all tagged to the kid.
Because, realistically, if Ireally don't like the kid, I can
hit that block button andthat'll just cut the internet
off.
I haven't done that in a verylong time, but you know, for
example, bailey, what it doesgive me an update on what kids
are doing, it tells me how longthey've been online, etc.
But it also shows me whatwebsites they've been on and I
(17:35):
can't.
I can search the internet.
If it's something weird that Idon't know, I can click search
and it'll just open up a browserto that page.
But you know I can see she spentan hour on snapchat.
You know that's that's snapchat, followed by netflix, followed
by facebook.
That's yeah, that's Snapchat,followed by Netflix, followed by
Facebook.
That's yeah, that's.
I don't even really check that.
If I really, every so often Imight pop up, or something will
pop up in the monthly report,what's that?
(17:56):
And then I'll check and it'sjust nothing.
But yeah, compared to that's mywife's control, she, she's,
she's over that.
I don't.
I do worry about snapchat andkids a lot I do, but my wife's
got enough with them that shetrusts.
Trust them.
(18:16):
You can pull up snapchatrecords anyway, so it's not.
Oh, you can, yeah, just loginto the account.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
You can request the history oh, how do you know that
?
Speaker 3 (18:28):
yeah, yeah, snapchat does keep the history so you can
pull up a log anyway fromprevious.
If you really really concernedand I believe if something was
that serious, police definitelycan very quickly.
I've heard police can veryquickly get into snapchat if it
was something very serious thatyou thought requires the
(18:52):
attention of the authority yeah,I have not, as of yet.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
My, my kid has had a phone for two years now.
I have not, as of yet, everlooked at his history, ever
looked at that stuff.
He only gets a limited amountof time per day on his phone
anyway and I I know for a facthe's on youtube for 99 of that,
just looking at shorts orwhatever.
Yeah, youtube, even if it's notthe kid version.
Like there's limited things youcan see that are bad on youtube
(19:18):
that's exactly right and that'show I feel as a parent.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
I think most of the time what the kids are looking
at, or my kids in particularlooking at, doesn't interest me
in the slightest, like I couldtell you my 16 year old.
If I went through hair history,I would say 90 of it is online
shopping messaging friendsonline shopping, because I see
the boxes showing up at my doorevery week.
(19:44):
So am I concerned?
No, not really, and I feel likemy kids not dumb Dumb is a
strong word.
Yeah, let's go.
They're dumb enough to act in aweird way.
If they were to do somethingstupid, I can just be like
what's going on?
Something's going on here.
You're doing something odd andyou'd probably decipher it
(20:06):
pretty quickly what they'd done.
But my kids don't do that andthankfully none of my kids have
been involved in any onlinebullying as far as I'm aware so
far, or came across it in the inthe slightest.
I believe schools get quiteinvolved with it as well on our
(20:27):
end.
If there is a report of onlinebullying, I think schools try
and do parts on their end evenmore to to mitigate it.
But like we said at the start,it's, it's unavoidable, in a
sense that you can't.
There's no sure proof way ofstopping your kids from being
having a chance of being exposedunless you give them no
(20:47):
exposure to the inside.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Right yeah, it's all or nothing basically Right, you
don't want to be that helicopterparent, you don't want to
shelter them too much.
You got to teach them rightfrom wrong and then let them
experience things and hope thatyou have a relationship where
they'll tell you if something'swrong, or at least pay attention
to their behavior becauseyou'll know when it changes,
Like if they're usually a prettyhappy kid and whatever, and all
(21:12):
of a sudden they're just likecompletely quiet and you know
they don't say anything.
Maybe it's just hormones, maybethere's something wrong, you
know, but pay attention to theirhow they act.
Maybe you'll notice something.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
Have a listen, pay attention to their how they act.
Maybe you'll notice something.
Have a listen, just just justyou know, I guess.
Pay attention to your childrenin the best way you can, without
being over the top of them, andif you notice a change in their
, it could be anything diet,mood, body language, check in
with them, ask them like, hey,what's going on?
Is this something that I canhelp you with?
(21:45):
Put they, put an olive branchout in a sense.
Or if they don't feelcomfortable talking to you, then
I feel like there's some greatplaces online that they can
speak.
To look into your own localareas.
There are lots of supportonline.
I know there's been support forkids since I was a kid where
you could free call numbers offpay phones.
(22:07):
You know those young enoughthat don't know what a pay phone
is.
You don't need to know.
Yeah, you don't.
But I believe those serviceshave been around for quite a
while now and there's stillprobably way more services now
for children to seek help incase they don't feel comfortable
with you.
For children to seek help incase they don't feel comfortable
(22:28):
with you, and that's okay, butI think it's still great to push
them in a way to find someonethey do feel comfortable in
talking to and letting outwhat's inside them.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
You've been listening to Dad Mode.
Our passion is navigating thiswild journey of parenthood and
modern life, from balancingfamily time to managing your
career and still squeezing insome gaming and content creation
.
And no matter what the womensay, they will never be able to
(23:01):
pry the controller out of ourcold dead hands.
Anyway, we hope you enjoyed theshow.
If you did, find us on Twitter,tiktok and YouTube at
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DadModePodcast.
(23:21):
Y'all be cool.
See you next time.
Turning off normal human male mode.
Switching to dad mode.
Welcome in to dad mode Withyour hosts Bearded, Nova and
Morph.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
So Nova was reading in my local newspaper today no
online.
There was a kid in a localmiddle school who got arrested
for bullying and threateningpeople online through social
media and whoever the target was, I guess they reached out and
the parents called the cops andthey investigated.
(00:39):
It was bad enough that theyactually arrested the kid.
I don't remember what grade,but you know, 6, 7, 8, something
like that.
I was going to say what ismiddle school?
Yeah, 6, 7, 8.
And it just made me realize howcrazy it is in the social media
world for kids nowadays.
You know, I don't want tocompare it to like when I was
younger, but like how crazy itis and like how much I feel like
(00:59):
I have to warn them or teachthem about that stuff.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Yeah, okay, to warn them or teach them about that
stuff, yeah, okay.
So to go into detail, what typeof threats it was?
Because I mean, I I guess in away, in a sense threats if we're
looking at it, you and I, ifthe threats were over here, it'd
be a totally different threatto the threats that I could
think of that would be in yourend of the world, because you're
in the world schools andthreats, you know, as a parent.
(01:24):
I don't know how you do it, butI'm assuming that must have
been quite bad for the police tobe involved it I, they didn't
release details yet, like thestory just came out today.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Yeah, you know I.
But yeah, I agree, I don'tthink it was like a bomb threat
or anything.
I think it was like a physicalharm, physical threat yeah,
that's the one I was thinking of.
But you're right, I'm not, Idon't get into this, but you're
right.
Like in america, like it'sgetting to the point, like you
send your kids to school and youhope they come home, yeah, it's
.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
Yeah, it's funny because you talked about that.
My wife watches reality tv.
No, both of us do, but you knowmy wife watches reality tv.
I chime in.
We watch some shows together.
We've been watching a 90-dayfiancee at the moment on there
and it's funny.
There's a couple people livingoverseas and they're talking
about their children and it'slike I'm gonna take my children.
(02:14):
I'm not gonna have my childrenhere, but I'm gonna take them
back to america where I feelit's safe, and my wife and I sit
there like what, what, where?
Did you just say this is what'ssafer right now, Like where you
are here.
You're saying you're going backthere, it's a safe.
What are we measuring in theterm as safe?
Because online bullying is scary, especially the, you know, I
(02:38):
think I brought up in the past.
We have a day for Dolly, whichis a girl who committed, who
took her own life in forms ofonline bullying, and it's a very
serious topic.
They talk about it a lot inschools.
Obviously, as much as you talkabout it and schools bring it up
, it's the internet.
It's going to happen still,sadly, yeah, but you know that's
(03:00):
a sense of seriousness.
I guess that we do as a societyis starting to realize it's not
great for children.
I believe you can keep goingwith this for a second while I
double check, but I swear Iheard in the news on my end and
I haven't actually read on ityet that the Australian
government was looking atremoving children from social
(03:21):
media.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Really.
Yes, interesting, interesting.
Yeah, I do know I want to sayit's Florida was thinking of
increasing the age to like 16 orsomething like that, to access
social media.
Yeah, I might be way off basebut I swear I heard something
like that.
My oldest is about to be 13.
He goes to YouTube, which isn'treally social media, but that's
(03:44):
.
I don't let him on any of thesocial media you know, and I
know his friends are.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
But, like for me, it's, it's not a non-starter
question right now yeah, soaustralia will ban children
using social media, with minimumage set as 16, similar to
florida, the prime minister said.
Tuesday is bound to get kidsoff their devices and into the
fields or footy fields, you know, parks, etc.
Yeah, legislation is to keepchildren off social media will
(04:11):
be introduced this year.
The impact on sites as ascourge they know that.
The minimum age for facebook,instagram, tiktok has been has
not been decided, but it'sexpected between 14 and 16.
They're hoping to push towardsthat 16.
Age.
Age verification trials willbegin being held over the coming
months.
You know, I'm interested toknow how that works because
(04:35):
ideally, I know a lot of siteshave age verifications set in
place and you know both sides ofthe government, even the
opposition, support this In away.
I, I I support as well.
We talked about children andsocial media as.
But how do you stop it?
You know, I mean like it's,it's, it's, it's just a fake
birthday.
You register a fake birthday?
That's, that's kids.
(04:56):
You didn't hear that, but youknow that's that's your way
around.
Is you registering a fakebirthday?
Speaker 2 (05:01):
right, like if you want to verify an adult, you
know you could ask them for acredit card or whatever id.
I wouldn't, I wouldn't put itin, but I mean that's one way to
do it.
But you're not like your kidscan't take your credit card and
put it in, you know no, it'squite easily to do id checks as
well on websites nowadays.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
You can put in your license number and your state
and it can check to make surethat that's an actual, verified
id.
Like yeah, that works still.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
I don't see these platforms introducing things
like that I don't know I I knowa friend who you know maybe
visited certain adult websiteswhen they're younger and they
said are you a routine?
Yeah, yeah, it was yes.
I was telling my friend, like Ican't believe you would, you
would do that.
Oh, how, why would you lie tothe internet like that is yes.
I was telling my friend, like Ican't believe you would, you
would do that.
Oh how?
Speaker 3 (05:46):
why would you lie to the internet like that is what I
was, why you're gonna getcaught?
You're gonna get caught, yeah,but that's the sense of you know
, how do we control this and andI guess the government's
stepping in and doing that.
You know that's great.
They can do that.
It doesn't, like I said, itdoesn't change much.
The same with on your end andkids.
There's only so much they cando.
(06:07):
It doesn't change too much.
So what else can we do asparents or as a society for our
children?
Speaker 2 (06:15):
I think a lot of it comes down to it.
I mean, it flies to.
This topic applies to otherthings.
Everything else, probably, isjust teach them right from wrong
.
Try to give them a solidfoundation and like ethics and
morals and like what to watchout for and like help make sure
that they feel confident inthemselves and and all that
stuff so that when they're facedwith a bully online or faced
(06:39):
with some other kind of setback,that they know how to deal with
it or they feel comfortablecoming to you as a parent about
whatever it is I'm just thinking.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
In a sense I play a little bit of a crazy idea here,
because I just thought about it.
We have platforms for childrento use messages, like facebook
has kids messenger that I'vespoken about.
My children all used it growingup.
It was a great way to allowthem to connect with friends and
talk online and had lots ofgreat things in place to protect
(07:11):
them from a lot of differentthings.
So you know, limiting web links, pictures, etc.
Kids can do so.
You can.
As a parent, you can adjustthat per child, per child.
What about a kid's social media?
Actually make a social media.
Dedicate creepy adults off itthough that's.
That's the problem, and I guesswhat you could do is, as a
parent, how the facebook oneworks.
In particular, facebookactually has to have a parent
(07:34):
linked to the children's account.
Children, parents, you know,adults can create a child
account, that's no problems.
Yeah, you can get creeps onthere, but I, as a parent, you
can change this as a setting.
So if you yeah, you can getcreeps on there, but I, as a
parent, you can change this as asetting.
So if you trust your children,you can, obviously, but as a
parent, you can actually set it.
So you're the one that doesapprovals, you're the one that
sends the friend requests notthem and you're sending it,
(07:55):
usually to another parent.
You're sending it to the parentof the child that you're doing.
That's how the FacebookMessenger works.
Weird Messenger works.
Weirdly enough.
They launched that in Mexico.
It started in Mexico before itcame anywhere else.
Yeah, it took her ages to getdown here, but I was just
thinking like that's a greatidea If you can expand that into
a social media.
That's a way for kids to getthat, I guess, feel of being an
(08:19):
adult doing what mom and daddoes or my aunties do, or what I
see other people do, so youknow they're still getting that
do.
Or what I see other people do,so it's, you know they're still
getting that, but it's contained.
Yeah, it's a little bit morecontrolled, sounds great, but
then at the same time it kind ofyou know, as I'm saying this
out loud, I'm thinking how am Icreating a sense of false
security for children and said,you know, like the, the
participation award, sensethings where we're creating this
thing just for them, so it'sall happy and roses and all that
(08:42):
.
And you know it's like the kidsthat grow up too protected and
then they get out into the realworld and they don't understand
why my boss is too mean.
And I've got anxiety becausethe boss said no, I can't leave,
you know, two hours earlybecause I don't feel like it
today, shit like that, yeah youknow, is we're doing that social
media worst problem, I guess.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
I get it.
You want to let your kids dowhat other kids are doing, so
they feel part of it.
You want them to experiencethings and learn, but you want
to keep them safe.
But it's super hard because youcan't really police a lot of
things on the internet and, as aparent, some people might be
caught between.
Well, that sounds great, butthen I feel like I'm
overstepping and getting tooinvolved.
(09:26):
I get that like I'moverstepping and getting too
involved, and I get that.
It's fine you striking thatbalance between being over
protective and giving them roomto breathe and grow and learn on
their own.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
That's yeah, that's really yeah it's, it's a very
fine line of what you're playing, when.
When are you doing too muchform?
And hindering their developmentwould be a better way to put it
.
Yeah, compared to allowing themto try things out and explore.
And I think, in a sense, a lotof online bullying that could be
(10:00):
and should be, curved by theparent, the parent of the child
who is doing it, not the child,not the children, children
receiving it.
That's horrible and obviouslyparents should be there to help
them navigate through that.
How to avoid.
You know what they can do totry and minimize it, but the
onus for the attack in thebeginning should look back on
(10:21):
the parents themselves.
Yeah, the parents are the onesthat raise this child.
They raise the child to do thisin a particular way.
Obviously, it's how you bringthis child into the world, what
you've done or, sadly, when youlook at it, a lot of kids that
do online bullying or a bitaggressive, there's somewhere
(10:44):
attached to them in a familysense.
That's very similar.
You know it's a, it's a learnedbehavior, I guess would be the
best way to to put it I agree,because you know, no kid is born
and immediately is a bully.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
You know something happened along the way.
They learn something orwhatever to make them feel like
that's what they need to doexactly and I say that very
similar to over here with youthcrime.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
I feel like, in a sense, youth crime and in a way,
parents should feel accountable, because you do get kids that
repeat offenders over and overagain.
And then you get those parentsthat are like it's much like
online violence, these kidscould be doing something online.
The parents are like I can'thelp what he does, he's just
going to do what she does orshe's just going do what she
wants to do.
I've got no control.
(11:30):
Well, if the parents weregetting in trouble, you know the
kid does it two times, threetimes or whatever.
And the next thing, you know,the parents start getting
enforced at the same time as achild.
I guarantee you that parent isgoing to do something on their
end so they don't get enforcedagain.
You know what I mean, right?
Speaker 2 (11:47):
yeah, I mean on.
I mean on that note, a quickstory.
There was gosh I remember thekid's name but I wouldn't say it
here anyway.
But there was a kid in the USwho not too recently, not too
long ago, went to a school witha gun and shot four kids and you
know he was arrested.
They sentenced him to as anadult, even though he's 14.
And the parent, the dad, gotarrested and sentenced too
(12:11):
because apparently he gave thekid the gun as a birthday
present.
And oh, he was actually foundliable for like manslaughter as
well.
So you know that he said he setan example for his kid and his
kid obviously had some kind ofissue and did what he did.
You're not off the hook as aparent.
(12:33):
You were responsible for whatyour kids do, even if that seems
unfair sometimes.
You were responsible for whatthey do.
So teach them right.
Wow that's very interesting.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
I didn't hear that.
I mean obviously, sadly, withlooking back the amount of
shootings that you guys sadlyhave, it's hard to go oh, that's
shooting, because that couldjust be last week, you know.
I mean that's tuesday, sadly,that's, and I do fear for
everyone's children over there alot of the time.
I look and go.
(13:06):
I'm sorry, sorry to do that asa parent and I sent my children
to school each day.
Definitely not one thing I everhave to worry about, I guess
it's, it's crazy, you know.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
Kind of going back to the social media piece, though,
what are your thoughts on?
You know, like, looking at themessages your kids get like kind
of at that level or like, doyou think that parents shouldn't
do that?
They should just trust, trusttheir kids and give them their
own privacy?
Speaker 3 (13:30):
I think parents should trust their kids and give
them their own privacy but atthe same time, have a
conversation with their kids,and I believe my wife has that.
I don't do this with thembecause I don't want to.
It's just girls' stuff and Imight not understand.
So I don't want, not that Idon't want to, it's just girls
stuff and you know I might notunderstand.
So I don't want to get involvedwith teenage daughters and what
(13:53):
they talk about and getconfused.
But my wife has a rule in placethat she can check their phone
If she feels like there'ssomething going on.
Then the kids have to hand overthe phone to check, and she
hasn't really ever done that.
It's rare, very rare that ithappens.
To be honest, I can't evenreally remember the last time it
(14:15):
happened.
But that's the conversationthat my wife and I had in place
was hey, at some point, if wefeel like something's going on,
we have the right to check yourphone just to make sure you're
doing the right thing or thatnothing else is going on.
That's funny, right, and Ithink you're doing the right
thing or that nothing else isgoing on.
That's funny, right.
I think that's a good, goodstart.
Yeah, now that they'reteenagers you're giving them
that more freedom.
I guess when they're youngeryou probably check way more what
(14:37):
they're doing.
But then you know, as I said, wewe use the facebook messenger
growing up, so the kids werevery limited.
When they first startedmessaging people off the hoods,
it was basically, uh,grandparents, siblings, that was
it, that's it.
You know, that was the onlypeople that were really
messaging occasionally arts andoffice, but they weren't really
messaging because they didn'twant to and that felt safe.
(14:58):
We didn't really have to checktoo much.
That was going on there.
Every so often one kid would saysomething stupid to another one
and then, okay, I gotta go backthrough and see what they're
saying.
Oh crap, what are they sayingabout me?
It's like I hate dad becauseyou, you know I've said no to
something that was in there afew times.
It's I hate.
Oh, yeah, it's great.
I love it when they write notes.
I don't think so.
(15:19):
No, no, no, yeah, it's exactlyright.
That happened like three monthsin a device.
I'm like back in january yousaid you hated me and then the
kids come in.
We haven't had anything withbeing great.
I die, canvas.
No, that's, that's our ownplace.
That's how we manage it as theteenagers.
Nowadays it's a lot more wejust I guess there's a lot more
(15:40):
trust and communication in inthe chats that we have that we
feel that they would come andtalk to us if something more was
going on.
I guess that inkling ofsomething happening isn't really
there.
Every so often I look at if akid does something weird with
the phone and I'm like itinstantly ticks in my head.
I'm like what are you hiding?
Are you hiding something?
What's going on?
(16:00):
Type of thing.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
I hate it when they do that yeah, my, my son, my
older son, every now and thenI'll walk, you know, knocking
the door, go in his room and hehas the phone he quickly, like,
puts under his under the coversevery time.
And I'm like yeah, and then partof me like wants to know what's
going on and part of me hasvisions of what it is and I have
(16:22):
no desire to see what the fuckhe's looking at, like beyond
zero desire to do.
Yeah, yeah, I mean, I love youknow, keep going, you, you know
like it's I.
I remember I had a co-workeryears ago who was checking
internet history and his son andlike he was seeing like the
search terms and stuff puttingin and he's like I, just I, I
(16:44):
know I was like oh my god.
I just told him stop doing whatyou're doing.
I don't want to get into it, ohmy God.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
You know, that's the thing I got on my phone.
I love it.
If my phone's going to strike,it's a part of my Wi-Fi here,
the home internet, but the Wi-Fiitself.
Actually, I have devices allteamed to the kids, so each
phone is tagged to them, each tvthey have, or you know,
(17:13):
switches, etc.
It's all tagged to the kid.
Because, realistically, if Ireally don't like the kid, I can
hit that block button andthat'll just cut the internet
off.
I haven't done that in a verylong time, but you know, for
example, bailey, what it doesgive me an update on what kids
are doing, it tells me how longthey've been online, etc.
But it also shows me whatwebsites they've been on and I
(17:35):
can't.
I can search the internet.
If it's something weird that Idon't know, I can click search
and it'll just open up a browserto that page.
But you know I can see she spentan hour on snapchat.
You know that's that's snapchat, followed by netflix, followed
by facebook.
That's yeah, that's Snapchat,followed by Netflix, followed by
Facebook.
That's yeah, that's.
I don't even really check that.
If I really, every so often Imight pop up, or something will
pop up in the monthly report,what's that?
(17:56):
And then I'll check and it'sjust nothing.
But yeah, compared to that's mywife's control, she, she's,
she's over that.
I don't.
I do worry about snapchat andkids a lot I do, but my wife's
got enough with them that shetrusts.
Trust them.
(18:16):
You can pull up snapchatrecords anyway, so it's not.
Oh, you can, yeah, just loginto the account.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
You can request the history oh, how do you know that
?
Speaker 3 (18:28):
yeah, yeah, snapchat does keep the history so you can
pull up a log anyway fromprevious.
If you really really concernedand I believe if something was
that serious, police definitelycan very quickly.
I've heard police can veryquickly get into snapchat if it
was something very serious thatyou thought requires the
(18:52):
attention of the authority yeah,I have not, as of yet.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
My, my kid has had a phone for two years now.
I have not, as of yet, everlooked at his history, ever
looked at that stuff.
He only gets a limited amountof time per day on his phone
anyway and I I know for a facthe's on youtube for 99 of that,
just looking at shorts orwhatever.
Yeah, youtube, even if it's notthe kid version.
Like there's limited things youcan see that are bad on youtube
(19:18):
that's exactly right and that'show I feel as a parent.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
I think most of the time what the kids are looking
at, or my kids in particularlooking at, doesn't interest me
in the slightest, like I couldtell you my 16 year old.
If I went through hair history,I would say 90 of it is online
shopping messaging friendsonline shopping, because I see
the boxes showing up at my doorevery week.
(19:44):
So am I concerned?
No, not really, and I feel likemy kids not dumb Dumb is a
strong word.
Yeah, let's go.
They're dumb enough to act in aweird way.
If they were to do somethingstupid, I can just be like
what's going on?
Something's going on here.
You're doing something odd andyou'd probably decipher it
(20:06):
pretty quickly what they'd done.
But my kids don't do that andthankfully none of my kids have
been involved in any onlinebullying as far as I'm aware so
far, or came across it in the inthe slightest.
I believe schools get quiteinvolved with it as well on our
(20:27):
end.
If there is a report of onlinebullying, I think schools try
and do parts on their end evenmore to to mitigate it.
But like we said at the start,it's, it's unavoidable, in a
sense that you can't.
There's no sure proof way ofstopping your kids from being
having a chance of being exposedunless you give them no
(20:47):
exposure to the inside.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Right yeah, it's all or nothing basically Right, you
don't want to be that helicopterparent, you don't want to
shelter them too much.
You got to teach them rightfrom wrong and then let them
experience things and hope thatyou have a relationship where
they'll tell you if something'swrong, or at least pay attention
to their behavior becauseyou'll know when it changes,
Like if they're usually a prettyhappy kid and whatever, and all
(21:12):
of a sudden they're just likecompletely quiet and you know
they don't say anything.
Maybe it's just hormones, maybethere's something wrong, you
know, but pay attention to theirhow they act.
Maybe you'll notice something.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
Have a listen, pay attention to their how they act.
Maybe you'll notice something.
Have a listen, just just justyou know, I guess.
Pay attention to your childrenin the best way you can, without
being over the top of them, andif you notice a change in their
, it could be anything diet,mood, body language, check in
with them, ask them like, hey,what's going on?
Is this something that I canhelp you with?
(21:45):
Put they, put an olive branchout in a sense.
Or if they don't feelcomfortable talking to you, then
I feel like there's some greatplaces online that they can
speak.
To look into your own localareas.
There are lots of supportonline.
I know there's been support forkids since I was a kid where
you could free call numbers offpay phones.
(22:07):
You know those young enoughthat don't know what a pay phone
is.
You don't need to know.
Yeah, you don't.
But I believe those serviceshave been around for quite a
while now and there's stillprobably way more services now
for children to seek help incase they don't feel comfortable
with you.
For children to seek help incase they don't feel comfortable
(22:28):
with you, and that's okay, butI think it's still great to push
them in a way to find someonethey do feel comfortable in
talking to and letting outwhat's inside them.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
You've been listening to Dad Mode.
Our passion is navigating thiswild journey of parenthood and
modern life, from balancingfamily time to managing your
career and still squeezing insome gaming and content creation
.
And no matter what the womensay, they will never be able to
(23:01):
pry the controller out of ourcold dead hands.
Anyway, we hope you enjoyed theshow.
If you did, find us on Twitter,tiktok and YouTube at
DadModePodcast and we can befound on every podcast site at
DadModePodcast.
(23:21):
Y'all be cool.
See you next time.
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