January 30, 2025 • 23 mins
This episode focuses on the power of choice in our lives, exploring how our decisions shape our reality and emphasize personal empowerment. Listeners are encouraged to shift their perception of choice, recognizing that even not choosing is, in fact, a choice, and to embrace their agency in every choice.
• The inevitability of choice and its role in personal empowerment
• Fear as a barrier to decision-making
• Recognizing that not choosing is still a choice
• The importance of timing in making decisions
• The impact of self-love on choice-making
• Happiness and attitude as choices we can actively make
• Encouragement to embrace the power of choice in shaping one’s life
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Email:
desireasmedicine@gmail.com
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@desireasmedicinepodcast
@Brenda_Fredericks
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Welcome to.
Desire is Medicine.
We are two very different womenliving a life led by desire,
inviting you into our world.
I'm Brenda.
Brenda (00:17):
I'm a devoted practitioner to being my fully
expressed true self in my dailylife.
Motherhood relationships and mybusiness Desire has taken me on
quite a ride and every day Ipractice listening to and
following the voice within.
I'm a middle school teacher,turned coach and guide of the
feminine.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the
truest and hopefully thehighest version of me.
I don't have children, I'venever been married.
I've spent equal parts of mylife in corporate as in some
down and low shady spaces.
I was the epitome of tired andwired and my path led me to
explore desire.
I'm a coach, guide, energyworker and a forever student,
(00:58):
even after decades of inner work.
Brenda (01:00):
We are humble beginners on the mat, still exploring,
always curious.
We believe that listening toand following the nudge of
desire is a deep spiritualpractice that helps us grow.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
On the Desire as Medicine podcast.
We talk to each other, weinterview people we know and
love about the practice ofdesire, bringing in a very
important piece that is oftenoverlooked being responsible for
our desire.
Catherine (01:32):
Welcome back, friends , to another episode of Desire
as Medicine podcast.
I am here with my lovelyco-host, Brenda.
I'm excited to talk to youtoday about something else that
is very inevitable, just likefear.
Fear is inevitable.
It is part of the humanexperience.
And choice is also inevitable.
We choose all the time.
(01:55):
I know in my early times, earlystages of personal growth, I
used to say well, I don't have achoice, I have to do this.
That was a very common phrasefor me.
I don't have a choice I have towork hard.
I don't have a choice I have tostudy hard.
I don't have a choice I have towork all these hours.
(02:15):
I don't air quotes, have enoughmoney.
I don't have a choice.
If I don't do it, who's goingto do it?
Well, clearly, the martyr hadto show up.
There were all these placeswhere I really believed in my
heart of hearts that there wasno choice, predominantly because
I used to think that if I waschoosing and I didn't like the
(02:38):
options, well then there was nochoice.
But that is a complete fallacy.
Like.
That is not true.
Me not liking the choices arean opinion, but there is still a
choice, Even if I'm choosingbetween something I don't like
and something I don't like,something I don't approve of,
(02:59):
something I don't approve of.
I am still choosing, and notchoosing is also a choice.
But often we think that notchoosing or not liking my
options mean that there's nochoice.
But there is.
There is always a choice point,and Brenda and I wanted to come
(03:20):
on tonight.
I don't know why I said tonight,because it's daytime, but
wanted to come on today and talkabout that and remind you that
there is always a choice.
It's really important to havesovereignty and reclaim our
sovereignty there, that we havechoice.
What comes up for you, Brenda.
Thank you for that.
Brenda (03:41):
Catherine, I love this.
Not choosing is still a choice,and sometimes we just need to
sit with our choices beforewe're ready to act, and that is
choosing in its own way.
We're choosing to wait.
You can come.
You can do that from anempowered point of view.
(04:04):
Knowing that you're not readyto choose yet, right, or that
you need more time, and you'resitting with your, your, your
options is very different thanbeing victimized by it, that you
can't make a choice because youdon't like the choices, so you
can choose to just own it.
(04:25):
You could choose how yourespond to your choices and just
own it.
I'm not ready yet and that'sokay.
Like we all have differentsystems and maybe you have a
sacral system and you can make achoice really quickly.
I have emotional authority.
I need to sit with something,sometimes for a few hours or a
few days.
Some people need to sit withthings for a few weeks I talked
(04:50):
about in the last episode.
To leave my marriage took mefive years.
I needed to sit with it tobuild my capacity, and inside of
that is a choice.
You're choosing to wait.
I think it's a very empoweredplace to be.
You're choosing to wait, and Ithink it's a very empowered
place to be Choosing, knowingthat you're not quite ready.
Catherine (05:13):
I think that's a very empowered spot.
From what I've seen in myselfand in others.
This feels.
It feels and it has been myexperience that this is a hard
concept to grasp.
I think there's a place in uswhere maybe we think life is
whimsical or we want to live inspontaneity and magic and it's
(05:41):
really easy to be fogged and notsee the choice point, like not
realize where the choice pointwas.
For me, in this particularcircumstance, it's a really
important practice, yes, and itdoes require slowing down, like
(06:03):
you said.
Sometimes it requires us tochoose, to wait to make the
choice.
I think it requires some slowingdown to choose, to choose Like
oh, I'm making the option A andI don't like option B, but I'm
(06:25):
going to choose one because Ineed to be the creator of my
life.
I need to practice what itfeels like to choose when all
the choices I'm looking at arenot desirable.
It's so easy to get stuck inthe I just don't want Chinese
(06:51):
food.
So what do you want?
Well, I don't know what I want,I just know I don't want that.
That's not helpful, right?
And it does require sometimes togo through all the no's before
we can feel our yes, but it isup to us to know what we want
(07:11):
and to bring in that choicepoint, to have enough
wherewithal to be inrelationship with ourselves,
enough that we're tapped in tothe flow of what we want.
And I don't think it's so easy.
And I'm not saying that afterthis episode everybody's going
(07:32):
to be able to choose.
But my goal with this episodeis to remind everyone that we're
always choosing.
Whether we see it or we don'tsee it, it is actually happening
.
Brenda (07:47):
It's really true.
I love this idea of owning thepower to sit with what's coming
up for you, because by notchoosing, by not making an
immediate choice or decision,you could choose to look at that
like you're stuck right, or youcould choose to look at that
(08:09):
while I'm sitting, with how thisall feels.
Here's the juice.
There's so much to learn insideof that pose.
How do you treat yourselfinside of that?
Are you caring for yourself?
Are you being compassionatewith yourself?
Are you caring for yourself?
Are you being compassionatewith yourself?
(08:29):
Are you forcing a decision?
Are you beating yourself up fornot choosing, or are you
trusting and taking good care ofyourself?
Sometimes part of making adecision isn't like just the
masculine act of making a choice.
(08:57):
It's doing the next right thing,and maybe that has nothing to
do with the choice that's infront of you.
Maybe the next right thing istake a bath, maybe the next
right thing is to pay your billsor call a friend or cry or make
food, and by following thebreadcrumbs of what's true and
(09:18):
what the next thing to do is is,it leads you to a new place,
which gives you information,which opens up a door that might
reveal something that bringsyou closer to your choice point,
and I think this is a veryempowered way to live.
(09:41):
And there sometimes are justtimes where you need to make a
decision, and there sometimesare just times where you need to
make a decision, and thenthere's times where you just
don't know what to do or what'snext.
And this idea of following thebreadcrumbs and thinking about
what's next Wow, it just opensdoors for you.
Instead of putting pressure onyourself to make a decision when
(10:10):
you're not ready, what if youwent at the speed of your body
and your system and you tooksuch good care of yourself, you
loved yourself enough to staywith yourself and hold that,
hold the sensation with yourpartner or your friends or your
family and say, I don't know.
(10:31):
That is the ultimateinvulnerability, which is the
ultimate empower, because youare fully aligned with yourself
in that moment, and that opensup doors to possibility.
Catherine (10:48):
I wish we had an example I'm trying to think of
an example right now of choicepoint, but before I do that, you
said something that I want topiggyback on.
You said well, what if youloved yourself enough to stay
with yourself?
And I want to remind everyoneof the self-love series, where
one of the things that we talkedabout on the self-love series
is you don't love yourselfenough and then you stay with
(11:09):
yourself.
You stay with yourself and thenthat's how you learn to love
yourself, like you have tocreate the action first.
Sort of same same what we'retalking about with choice point
that you have a choice.
Whether you make the choice ordon't make your choice, you're
still choosing.
Oh, my goodness.
So the thought that's coming upfor me is such a bigger
(11:33):
conversation, but I'm just goingto go with it and see what
happens.
For me, happiness is a choice.
I was deep in research abouthappiness when I was a teenager
(11:58):
late teens, let's say, like from16 to 19.
Because I didn't really see alot of happy people and I was
concerned about that because Iwanted to have a happy life.
And, yes, there are tons ofthings that come with the choice
of I want to be happy and Ithink there's a lot to be said
(12:22):
for I'm not going to let someonesteal my joy.
Like you're just having a greattime going through your day and
someone comes in sideways forwhatever reason, they're having
their sideways day and you getto choose whether or not you're
going to be sideways.
Like can you choose happinessover and over and over again,
because happiness is somethingthat is an inside job.
(12:44):
Like it will never be happeningoutside of you.
I don't care what TED talk youwent to.
I actually had someone ask methis recently, like are you
happy?
And I thought to myself oh, Irecognize that this person's
asking me this question.
In regards to my life and allthe different parts, I'm like oh
(13:06):
wow, I don't actually feelunhappiness at this point in my
life.
I feel like shit, tons of peaceand pretty much happy most of
the time.
Like very unbothered by myenvironment and I don't know
(13:29):
which one came first, thechicken or the egg.
And when I say which one camefirst, as in, I don't have that
many irritants in my environment, that.
So maybe someone could say tome well, that's easy for you to
say, you don't have irritants inyour environment, or it's easy
(13:49):
for me to do because I literallydon't have irritants in my
environment.
I have not chosen to haveirritants in my environment.
My choice is to not have those.
My choice is to be at peace andbe happy, and there's a cost to
this right.
I don't have irritants, so Idon't have complicated
relationships, which means thatI don't have potentially very
(14:13):
rewarding relationships becausethat is born out of irritants.
Like it's still a choice andfor me, based on my own
childhood and upbringing, likehappiness and peace are big on
my list.
Like I could not choose thoseas a child and now, as an adult,
(14:37):
oh, they're my number onechoice.
That is my choice point and ifsomething comes up where I could
be really on fire and pissed ornot, like I try to not.
Brenda (14:49):
You're reminding me of a great book that I read, pretty
popular, a New Earth by EckhartTolle, and he talks about this.
He talks about choice and Ilove this example.
He says people say they wantpeace and they're meditating and
during their meditation thephone rings and they say, well,
(15:10):
I have to answer the phone andanswer the phone and they're
like I don't have peace.
And he says you don't wantpeace, you want to answer the
phone because you have a choice.
You have a choice to answer thephone or not.
And what are you choosing?
I think that is a brilliantexample.
(15:31):
And the other thing besideshappiness that you always have a
choice point on, which isrelated but a little different.
Maybe happiness is cousin yourattitude.
I think that you can chooseyour attitude, how you are in
the world.
And there is this quote that Ijust love by Victor Frankl in
(15:53):
Man's Search to Meaning.
He was a Holocaust prisoner inAuschwitz and he wrote this
incredible book and he talkedabout you could take everything
away from me and you canimprison me, but you can
awareness to say I'm going tochoose still how I want to live
(16:29):
my life from this imprisonedplace.
There's a lot of wisdom in that, especially as a free person
walking around this earth withall the privileges and comforts
that I have, I still get tochoose my happiness and my
attitude and I work on thatevery day to be honest and how I
(16:51):
choose to treat myself, how Ichoose to treat the people
around me.
These are all choices.
Catherine (16:56):
Yeah, I would rephrase that the phrase of like
life happens, life does itslifing thing.
Phrase of like life happens,life does its lifing thing and
we get to choose how we respondLike our response is our choice
to whatever the irritant isthat's out there, and I love the
irritant example of meditatingand the phone is ringing right.
(17:19):
I don't remember what episodewe did so long ago.
It was on being resourced.
It had me think of one of thethings that influences my peace
is that I put my phone downafter nine o'clock.
I don't want to know about it.
I don't want to hear about it.
Whoever's dead will be dead inthe morning.
I'll worry about it then,excuse me.
(17:42):
There are days where,potentially, I don't hit that
marker, but for the most partit's a marker I hit because I
just love how it feels to not beconcerned with who needs what.
It's something I enjoy.
It's a choice point.
I choose to put the phone downbecause I don't want to be
(18:06):
rubbed in any way by things thatoccur at that time.
If I were to take it even astep further, it's like I don't
want to be rubbed at a time ofday where I'm a lot less
resource.
Right, it's the end of my day,I'm sort of at the end of my own
rope, I'm going getting readyto wind down.
(18:28):
I don't really have the extraresources to be with others, and
so I respond in kind by notbeing available.
Not the practice of oh, let melook at my phone.
I mean, let me choose to notrespond.
No, no, no.
I don't want the stimulus atall so that I can stay in my
(18:49):
location in my peace.
And some people could argue andsay well, you're not really
living, you're not allowing therub of life to happen.
So in that way you're sort of amonk on the mountain, not
necessarily a monk in the city.
So in that way you're sort of amonk on the mountain, not
necessarily a monk in the city,and to that I say I'm okay with
that, that's my choice, right,that is how I choose to do it.
(19:11):
The goal today in thisconversation is to remind
everyone that you have a choicepoint.
You have a choice point to whenyour mind is spinning.
You decide do I want to spin onthis or not?
You have the choice point whenyou want to worry Do you want to
spin on this or not.
You have the choice point whenyou want to worry.
Do you want to worry aboutthings that are not in your
control or not?
It's up to you.
I have a whole episode on that.
Like.
These are all places wherethere are choice points.
(19:31):
Whether you're choosing or notchoosing, you're choosing.
You're choosing to wait Greatfor you.
But the choice is inevitable,just like fear.
It is part of the lifeexperience.
Brenda (19:50):
And can we make loving choices for ourselves, tapping
into what is true for you inthis moment, because every day,
our day, is comprised of aseries of choices.
So I'm even considering rightnow.
Catherine and I have beenrecording this afternoon having
a great time, and I get tochoose what's next.
I just got a new phone.
I really want to set it up, butwhat I actually really need to
do is get some movement afterthis.
(20:12):
So what choice am I going tomake?
Am I going to make the choicethat's really loving and kind to
my body, which is going to takea walk and getting some fresh
air?
That's actually the most truething.
But am I going to listen tothat?
Or am I going to just likefollow the candy and set up my
phone?
I bet you know what I'm goingto choose, and here's why I'm
(20:36):
going to choose the walk,because that's what's true.
It's going to feel great, I'mgoing to move my body and then
setting up my phone is going tofeel so freaking juicy, it's
going to be so much fun and I'mgoing to have the energy to sit
with myself to do it because Imade the choice that really
(20:57):
supports my body and my system,my attitude.
It's going to make me feelreally good about myself, and
then that just opens up thewhole domino for the rest of my
day.
So that's how I choose to live,and it is a choice.
And the other point I want tojust say as we wind this down is
(21:18):
sometimes you might belistening and you say I don't
have those kinds of options,right, sometimes you don't.
Maybe you have some kids athome, or you have to carpool, or
you're taking care of anelderly parent, or whatever your
situation is.
Maybe you can't go and do thething that you really want to do
.
Well, you can just throw yourhands up and say, well, well,
(21:40):
you can just throw your hands upand say, well, can't do that,
life sucks.
But here's the more empoweringquestion what can you do?
What choice can you make?
That is the most loving andkind choice forcing through and
just checking everything off ofour list of what we think we
(22:02):
need to do today, that we losesight of the fact that we
actually have a choice and thatwe very often make choices that
make it harder for ourselves.
And you can choose to make iteasy for yourself, which, in my
opinion, makes life so muchbetter.
(22:25):
All right, catherine, take ushome.
Catherine (22:33):
I don't have that much to add here.
I think we've touched on allthe places that we wanted to
touch.
So I will say and remind, justclosing thoughts there's always
a choice point.
Even not choosing a choice, notliking the choices doesn't mean
there's no choice.
It just means we don't likewhat we're choosing between.
But we still have to make achoice.
Choosing to wait is valid.
(22:58):
We can choose to wait.
How we respond is also a choice.
And whenever possible, chooseyou, because you'll be all the
(23:19):
much like, all the better for it.
And with that, if something hasresonated today, please leave a
review, send us a DM, let usknow how it touched you.
We'd love to hear from you.
Bye for now.
Brenda (23:42):
Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine
podcast.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply
intimate with ourselves andothers.
You can find our handles in theshow notes.
We'd love to hear from you.
Welcome to.
Desire is Medicine.
We are two very different womenliving a life led by desire,
inviting you into our world.
I'm Brenda.
Brenda (00:17):
I'm a devoted practitioner to being my fully
expressed true self in my dailylife.
Motherhood relationships and mybusiness Desire has taken me on
quite a ride and every day Ipractice listening to and
following the voice within.
I'm a middle school teacher,turned coach and guide of the
feminine.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the
truest and hopefully thehighest version of me.
I don't have children, I'venever been married.
I've spent equal parts of mylife in corporate as in some
down and low shady spaces.
I was the epitome of tired andwired and my path led me to
explore desire.
I'm a coach, guide, energyworker and a forever student,
(00:58):
even after decades of inner work.
Brenda (01:00):
We are humble beginners on the mat, still exploring,
always curious.
We believe that listening toand following the nudge of
desire is a deep spiritualpractice that helps us grow.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
On the Desire as Medicine podcast.
We talk to each other, weinterview people we know and
love about the practice ofdesire, bringing in a very
important piece that is oftenoverlooked being responsible for
our desire.
Catherine (01:32):
Welcome back, friends , to another episode of Desire
as Medicine podcast.
I am here with my lovelyco-host, Brenda.
I'm excited to talk to youtoday about something else that
is very inevitable, just likefear.
Fear is inevitable.
It is part of the humanexperience.
And choice is also inevitable.
We choose all the time.
(01:55):
I know in my early times, earlystages of personal growth, I
used to say well, I don't have achoice, I have to do this.
That was a very common phrasefor me.
I don't have a choice I have towork hard.
I don't have a choice I have tostudy hard.
I don't have a choice I have towork all these hours.
(02:15):
I don't air quotes, have enoughmoney.
I don't have a choice.
If I don't do it, who's goingto do it?
Well, clearly, the martyr hadto show up.
There were all these placeswhere I really believed in my
heart of hearts that there wasno choice, predominantly because
I used to think that if I waschoosing and I didn't like the
(02:38):
options, well then there was nochoice.
But that is a complete fallacy.
Like.
That is not true.
Me not liking the choices arean opinion, but there is still a
choice, Even if I'm choosingbetween something I don't like
and something I don't like,something I don't approve of,
(02:59):
something I don't approve of.
I am still choosing, and notchoosing is also a choice.
But often we think that notchoosing or not liking my
options mean that there's nochoice.
But there is.
There is always a choice point,and Brenda and I wanted to come
(03:20):
on tonight.
I don't know why I said tonight,because it's daytime, but
wanted to come on today and talkabout that and remind you that
there is always a choice.
It's really important to havesovereignty and reclaim our
sovereignty there, that we havechoice.
What comes up for you, Brenda.
Thank you for that.
Brenda (03:41):
Catherine, I love this.
Not choosing is still a choice,and sometimes we just need to
sit with our choices beforewe're ready to act, and that is
choosing in its own way.
We're choosing to wait.
You can come.
You can do that from anempowered point of view.
(04:04):
Knowing that you're not readyto choose yet, right, or that
you need more time, and you'resitting with your, your, your
options is very different thanbeing victimized by it, that you
can't make a choice because youdon't like the choices, so you
can choose to just own it.
(04:25):
You could choose how yourespond to your choices and just
own it.
I'm not ready yet and that'sokay.
Like we all have differentsystems and maybe you have a
sacral system and you can make achoice really quickly.
I have emotional authority.
I need to sit with something,sometimes for a few hours or a
few days.
Some people need to sit withthings for a few weeks I talked
(04:50):
about in the last episode.
To leave my marriage took mefive years.
I needed to sit with it tobuild my capacity, and inside of
that is a choice.
You're choosing to wait.
I think it's a very empoweredplace to be.
You're choosing to wait, and Ithink it's a very empowered
place to be Choosing, knowingthat you're not quite ready.
Catherine (05:13):
I think that's a very empowered spot.
From what I've seen in myselfand in others.
This feels.
It feels and it has been myexperience that this is a hard
concept to grasp.
I think there's a place in uswhere maybe we think life is
whimsical or we want to live inspontaneity and magic and it's
(05:41):
really easy to be fogged and notsee the choice point, like not
realize where the choice pointwas.
For me, in this particularcircumstance, it's a really
important practice, yes, and itdoes require slowing down, like
(06:03):
you said.
Sometimes it requires us tochoose, to wait to make the
choice.
I think it requires some slowingdown to choose, to choose Like
oh, I'm making the option A andI don't like option B, but I'm
(06:25):
going to choose one because Ineed to be the creator of my
life.
I need to practice what itfeels like to choose when all
the choices I'm looking at arenot desirable.
It's so easy to get stuck inthe I just don't want Chinese
(06:51):
food.
So what do you want?
Well, I don't know what I want,I just know I don't want that.
That's not helpful, right?
And it does require sometimes togo through all the no's before
we can feel our yes, but it isup to us to know what we want
(07:11):
and to bring in that choicepoint, to have enough
wherewithal to be inrelationship with ourselves,
enough that we're tapped in tothe flow of what we want.
And I don't think it's so easy.
And I'm not saying that afterthis episode everybody's going
(07:32):
to be able to choose.
But my goal with this episodeis to remind everyone that we're
always choosing.
Whether we see it or we don'tsee it, it is actually happening
.
Brenda (07:47):
It's really true.
I love this idea of owning thepower to sit with what's coming
up for you, because by notchoosing, by not making an
immediate choice or decision,you could choose to look at that
like you're stuck right, or youcould choose to look at that
(08:09):
while I'm sitting, with how thisall feels.
Here's the juice.
There's so much to learn insideof that pose.
How do you treat yourselfinside of that?
Are you caring for yourself?
Are you being compassionatewith yourself?
Are you caring for yourself?
Are you being compassionatewith yourself?
(08:29):
Are you forcing a decision?
Are you beating yourself up fornot choosing, or are you
trusting and taking good care ofyourself?
Sometimes part of making adecision isn't like just the
masculine act of making a choice.
(08:57):
It's doing the next right thing,and maybe that has nothing to
do with the choice that's infront of you.
Maybe the next right thing istake a bath, maybe the next
right thing is to pay your billsor call a friend or cry or make
food, and by following thebreadcrumbs of what's true and
(09:18):
what the next thing to do is is,it leads you to a new place,
which gives you information,which opens up a door that might
reveal something that bringsyou closer to your choice point,
and I think this is a veryempowered way to live.
(09:41):
And there sometimes are justtimes where you need to make a
decision, and there sometimesare just times where you need to
make a decision, and thenthere's times where you just
don't know what to do or what'snext.
And this idea of following thebreadcrumbs and thinking about
what's next Wow, it just opensdoors for you.
Instead of putting pressure onyourself to make a decision when
(10:10):
you're not ready, what if youwent at the speed of your body
and your system and you tooksuch good care of yourself, you
loved yourself enough to staywith yourself and hold that,
hold the sensation with yourpartner or your friends or your
family and say, I don't know.
(10:31):
That is the ultimateinvulnerability, which is the
ultimate empower, because youare fully aligned with yourself
in that moment, and that opensup doors to possibility.
Catherine (10:48):
I wish we had an example I'm trying to think of
an example right now of choicepoint, but before I do that, you
said something that I want topiggyback on.
You said well, what if youloved yourself enough to stay
with yourself?
And I want to remind everyoneof the self-love series, where
one of the things that we talkedabout on the self-love series
is you don't love yourselfenough and then you stay with
(11:09):
yourself.
You stay with yourself and thenthat's how you learn to love
yourself, like you have tocreate the action first.
Sort of same same what we'retalking about with choice point
that you have a choice.
Whether you make the choice ordon't make your choice, you're
still choosing.
Oh, my goodness.
So the thought that's coming upfor me is such a bigger
(11:33):
conversation, but I'm just goingto go with it and see what
happens.
For me, happiness is a choice.
I was deep in research abouthappiness when I was a teenager
(11:58):
late teens, let's say, like from16 to 19.
Because I didn't really see alot of happy people and I was
concerned about that because Iwanted to have a happy life.
And, yes, there are tons ofthings that come with the choice
of I want to be happy and Ithink there's a lot to be said
(12:22):
for I'm not going to let someonesteal my joy.
Like you're just having a greattime going through your day and
someone comes in sideways forwhatever reason, they're having
their sideways day and you getto choose whether or not you're
going to be sideways.
Like can you choose happinessover and over and over again,
because happiness is somethingthat is an inside job.
(12:44):
Like it will never be happeningoutside of you.
I don't care what TED talk youwent to.
I actually had someone ask methis recently, like are you
happy?
And I thought to myself oh, Irecognize that this person's
asking me this question.
In regards to my life and allthe different parts, I'm like oh
(13:06):
wow, I don't actually feelunhappiness at this point in my
life.
I feel like shit, tons of peaceand pretty much happy most of
the time.
Like very unbothered by myenvironment and I don't know
(13:29):
which one came first, thechicken or the egg.
And when I say which one camefirst, as in, I don't have that
many irritants in my environment, that.
So maybe someone could say tome well, that's easy for you to
say, you don't have irritants inyour environment, or it's easy
(13:49):
for me to do because I literallydon't have irritants in my
environment.
I have not chosen to haveirritants in my environment.
My choice is to not have those.
My choice is to be at peace andbe happy, and there's a cost to
this right.
I don't have irritants, so Idon't have complicated
relationships, which means thatI don't have potentially very
(14:13):
rewarding relationships becausethat is born out of irritants.
Like it's still a choice andfor me, based on my own
childhood and upbringing, likehappiness and peace are big on
my list.
Like I could not choose thoseas a child and now, as an adult,
(14:37):
oh, they're my number onechoice.
That is my choice point and ifsomething comes up where I could
be really on fire and pissed ornot, like I try to not.
Brenda (14:49):
You're reminding me of a great book that I read, pretty
popular, a New Earth by EckhartTolle, and he talks about this.
He talks about choice and Ilove this example.
He says people say they wantpeace and they're meditating and
during their meditation thephone rings and they say, well,
(15:10):
I have to answer the phone andanswer the phone and they're
like I don't have peace.
And he says you don't wantpeace, you want to answer the
phone because you have a choice.
You have a choice to answer thephone or not.
And what are you choosing?
I think that is a brilliantexample.
(15:31):
And the other thing besideshappiness that you always have a
choice point on, which isrelated but a little different.
Maybe happiness is cousin yourattitude.
I think that you can chooseyour attitude, how you are in
the world.
And there is this quote that Ijust love by Victor Frankl in
(15:53):
Man's Search to Meaning.
He was a Holocaust prisoner inAuschwitz and he wrote this
incredible book and he talkedabout you could take everything
away from me and you canimprison me, but you can
awareness to say I'm going tochoose still how I want to live
(16:29):
my life from this imprisonedplace.
There's a lot of wisdom in that, especially as a free person
walking around this earth withall the privileges and comforts
that I have, I still get tochoose my happiness and my
attitude and I work on thatevery day to be honest and how I
(16:51):
choose to treat myself, how Ichoose to treat the people
around me.
These are all choices.
Catherine (16:56):
Yeah, I would rephrase that the phrase of like
life happens, life does itslifing thing.
Phrase of like life happens,life does its lifing thing and
we get to choose how we respondLike our response is our choice
to whatever the irritant isthat's out there, and I love the
irritant example of meditatingand the phone is ringing right.
(17:19):
I don't remember what episodewe did so long ago.
It was on being resourced.
It had me think of one of thethings that influences my peace
is that I put my phone downafter nine o'clock.
I don't want to know about it.
I don't want to hear about it.
Whoever's dead will be dead inthe morning.
I'll worry about it then,excuse me.
(17:42):
There are days where,potentially, I don't hit that
marker, but for the most partit's a marker I hit because I
just love how it feels to not beconcerned with who needs what.
It's something I enjoy.
It's a choice point.
I choose to put the phone downbecause I don't want to be
(18:06):
rubbed in any way by things thatoccur at that time.
If I were to take it even astep further, it's like I don't
want to be rubbed at a time ofday where I'm a lot less
resource.
Right, it's the end of my day,I'm sort of at the end of my own
rope, I'm going getting readyto wind down.
(18:28):
I don't really have the extraresources to be with others, and
so I respond in kind by notbeing available.
Not the practice of oh, let melook at my phone.
I mean, let me choose to notrespond.
No, no, no.
I don't want the stimulus atall so that I can stay in my
(18:49):
location in my peace.
And some people could argue andsay well, you're not really
living, you're not allowing therub of life to happen.
So in that way you're sort of amonk on the mountain, not
necessarily a monk in the city.
So in that way you're sort of amonk on the mountain, not
necessarily a monk in the city,and to that I say I'm okay with
that, that's my choice, right,that is how I choose to do it.
(19:11):
The goal today in thisconversation is to remind
everyone that you have a choicepoint.
You have a choice point to whenyour mind is spinning.
You decide do I want to spin onthis or not?
You have the choice point whenyou want to worry Do you want to
spin on this or not.
You have the choice point whenyou want to worry.
Do you want to worry aboutthings that are not in your
control or not?
It's up to you.
I have a whole episode on that.
Like.
These are all places wherethere are choice points.
(19:31):
Whether you're choosing or notchoosing, you're choosing.
You're choosing to wait Greatfor you.
But the choice is inevitable,just like fear.
It is part of the lifeexperience.
Brenda (19:50):
And can we make loving choices for ourselves, tapping
into what is true for you inthis moment, because every day,
our day, is comprised of aseries of choices.
So I'm even considering rightnow.
Catherine and I have beenrecording this afternoon having
a great time, and I get tochoose what's next.
I just got a new phone.
I really want to set it up, butwhat I actually really need to
do is get some movement afterthis.
(20:12):
So what choice am I going tomake?
Am I going to make the choicethat's really loving and kind to
my body, which is going to takea walk and getting some fresh
air?
That's actually the most truething.
But am I going to listen tothat?
Or am I going to just likefollow the candy and set up my
phone?
I bet you know what I'm goingto choose, and here's why I'm
(20:36):
going to choose the walk,because that's what's true.
It's going to feel great, I'mgoing to move my body and then
setting up my phone is going tofeel so freaking juicy, it's
going to be so much fun and I'mgoing to have the energy to sit
with myself to do it because Imade the choice that really
(20:57):
supports my body and my system,my attitude.
It's going to make me feelreally good about myself, and
then that just opens up thewhole domino for the rest of my
day.
So that's how I choose to live,and it is a choice.
And the other point I want tojust say as we wind this down is
(21:18):
sometimes you might belistening and you say I don't
have those kinds of options,right, sometimes you don't.
Maybe you have some kids athome, or you have to carpool, or
you're taking care of anelderly parent, or whatever your
situation is.
Maybe you can't go and do thething that you really want to do
.
Well, you can just throw yourhands up and say, well, well,
(21:40):
you can just throw your hands upand say, well, can't do that,
life sucks.
But here's the more empoweringquestion what can you do?
What choice can you make?
That is the most loving andkind choice forcing through and
just checking everything off ofour list of what we think we
(22:02):
need to do today, that we losesight of the fact that we
actually have a choice and thatwe very often make choices that
make it harder for ourselves.
And you can choose to make iteasy for yourself, which, in my
opinion, makes life so muchbetter.
(22:25):
All right, catherine, take ushome.
Catherine (22:33):
I don't have that much to add here.
I think we've touched on allthe places that we wanted to
touch.
So I will say and remind, justclosing thoughts there's always
a choice point.
Even not choosing a choice, notliking the choices doesn't mean
there's no choice.
It just means we don't likewhat we're choosing between.
But we still have to make achoice.
Choosing to wait is valid.
(22:58):
We can choose to wait.
How we respond is also a choice.
And whenever possible, chooseyou, because you'll be all the
(23:19):
much like, all the better for it.
And with that, if something hasresonated today, please leave a
review, send us a DM, let usknow how it touched you.
We'd love to hear from you.
Bye for now.
Brenda (23:42):
Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine
podcast.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply
intimate with ourselves andothers.
You can find our handles in theshow notes.
We'd love to hear from you.
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