February 19, 2025 • 23 mins
Have you ever wondered why after every big moment in life there's a period of things feeling crunchy, or it all just falls apart?
We invite you to explore the dance of expansion and contraction, a universal rhythm often overshadowed by society's relentless pursuit for more. We share our personal journeys, revealing how moments of joy and success naturally transition into times of integration and balance. These quieter phases, much like the stillness of winter, are crucial for genuine growth.
In our conversation, we shed light on the importance of embracing these cycles without judgment, turning them into opportunities for self-care and introspection through practices like yoga, healthy eating, and journaling.
We discuss how to embrace both the expansive and quieter phases with awareness and grace, cultivating a deeper connection to ourselves and the world around us.
Highlights of this Episode:
• Exploring the concepts of expansion and contraction
• The disconnect between societal views and natural cycles
• Importance of integrating experiences post-expansion
• Self-care practices to navigate contractions
• Personal stories and experiences with these natural rhythms
• Awareness as a tool for acceptance and growth
• Finding beauty in both expansion and contraction
• Encouragement to embrace life’s cyclical nature
Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine podcast. We appreciate our listeners very much.
How did you like this episode? Tell us everything, we'd love to hear from you.
If you'd like to learn more about 1:1 or group coaching with Brenda or Catherine message them and book a Sales Call to learn more.
Email:
desireasmedicine@gmail.com
goddessbrenda24@gmail.com
catherine@catherinenavarro.com
Instagram:
@desireasmedicinepodcast
@Brenda_Fredericks
@CoachCatherineN
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome to Desire is Medicine.
We are two very different womenliving a life led by desire,
inviting you into our world.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I'm Brenda.
I'm a devoted practitioner tobeing my fully expressed true
self in my daily life.
Motherhood relationships and mybusiness Desire has taken me on
quite a ride and every day Ipractice listening to and
following the voice within.
I'm a middle school teacherturned coach and guide of the
feminine.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the
truest and hopefully thehighest version of me.
I don't have children, I'venever been married.
I've spent equal parts of mylife in corporate as in some
down and low shady spaces.
I was the epitome of tired andwired and my path led me to
explore desire.
I'm a coach, guide, energyworker and a forever student.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Even after decades of inner work, we are humble
beginners on the mat, stillexploring, always curious.
We believe that listening toand following the nudge of
desire is a deep spiritualpractice that helps us grow.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
On the Desires Medicine podcast.
We talk to each other, weinterview people we know and
love about the practice ofdesire, bringing in a very
important piece that is oftenoverlooked being responsible for
our desire.
Welcome back listeners, toanother episode of the Desire as
(01:33):
Medicine podcast.
I am joined here with my lovelyco-host, brenda, and we're here
to talk about something we'regoing to do the quick and dirty
style.
We don't think we've done thistopic justice really on this
podcast just yet.
So today is delivery time.
What we're talking about isexpansion.
(01:55):
Everybody loves expansion,right Like the desire.
Desire itself is when you havemore, more money, more love,
more relationship is when youhave more, more money, more love
, more relationship, more fun,more adventure, more, more, more
, more, more.
It is what capitalism striveson.
We want more as humans.
But the part that we don'toften talk about, except in the
(02:21):
negative, like we talk aboutlike a ceiling cap oh, we hit
our ceiling or the big leap Ithink Brenda has talked about
that as well.
I think that's one of herfavorite books where, oh, you
can't go beyond that point.
This is the max that you canhave.
So we have a naturalcontraction that happens Every
time there is an expansion,there's a natural contraction.
(02:41):
We all love talking aboutexpansion and striving for
expansion and like go for it,get it girl.
We're, like you know, fistpumping in the air.
There's no fist pumpinghappening when there's a
contraction, not like, oh, I'mon the ground recalibrating Yay.
(03:02):
I'm on the ground integrating,yay.
We don't really think about thenecessary phase that will be
there on the other side.
On this podcast we've talkedabout it like the down, but we
haven't just talked about it inthe quick and dirty sense of
there is expansion and there's anatural contraction that will
(03:24):
follow what comes to mind,Brenda.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Yeah, I think this is the natural order of the world.
This is universal law.
This isn't something that we'remaking up.
This is just real, and I don'tthink that our society really
cares about this or is tappedinto this at all, because, like
you said, it's like go, go, go,build, build, build.
But that is not the naturalorder.
(03:49):
You know, we go during the day,we have our day, and then what
do we do?
We go to sleep at night.
We need to rest, we need torejuvenate, we need to renew,
and then we wake up in themorning and we can go again.
And that is the same everywherein our seasons.
After summer comes fall andwinter, the animals hibernate.
Everything that goes up mustcome down, and so if we are
(04:16):
living a life led by desire, ifwe are in relationship with life
, then we are honoring thenatural cycles with life, then
we are honoring the naturalcycles and we have them as well
in our bodies.
(04:37):
So, given that, if you look atyour life, any expansion that
you have, there is going to besome kind of a contraction.
Now let's take the judgment outof that.
People look at it as bad, like,oh, I did this great thing and
now I'm sick, or people alwaystalk about this.
I had people fighting on theirhoneymoon.
That's a great example.
You have this amazing wedding,you had an amazing event,
(04:58):
whatever it is, and then thatnight or the next day you get
into a huge fight and everythingseems to fall apart.
You're like, oh my God, so manyproblems.
Well, you probably just didn'tcome down well, and we can look
at these things like a problemor a natural contraction.
And the more we're in tune withthe natural order that we're
(05:19):
talking about, the more we canactually be with it and take
care of ourselves along the way.
So when I have a really bigevent happening, or even, let's
just say, when we record in ourpodcast, we're opening up, we're
having an expansion, we comedown.
I like to say pleasurably, Icome down mindfully, because I
(05:41):
had an expansion, and that'sreally true for anything.
You go on a big vacation, youcome back and you're like, wow,
my life really sucks.
No, you need a little bit more.
Come down time or integrationtime, because there is a
contraction after that and youdon't have to make it wrong.
(06:02):
What you do need to do well, Iwill highly suggest you don't
need to do anything is, takereally good care of yourself
along the way.
So after something big, after abig event maybe you went to a
weekend course and you had agreat time and you learned all
these new things, or you had agreat session with your coach or
(06:23):
your therapist and you had anexpansion take the time to come
down thoughtfully.
Eat some good food, go to yoga,call a friend, do some
journaling, take a nap, have sex, do some gardening.
These are things that help yourbody integrate with the
(06:46):
expansion that you're having,and the more I've done those
things mindfully in my life, theless of a crash I have on the
other side and the less I wantto make things a problem.
And that is a great skill tohave, because you could be
neutral about what's happeningand notice.
(07:06):
Now, this has taken me a longtime to get here, but even this
morning I was having a reactionand I was having some feelings
and I was able to recognize oh,I've had an expansion and I'm
having a little contraction here.
I don't need to add story to it,I can just take care of myself,
(07:29):
maybe need to cry, drink somewater, have some good food and
just be present with my bodyinstead of making it a problem.
This is how we expand.
This is how we expand ourcapacity to have more in our
life, by letting the goodintegrate and just going down
(07:52):
taking a rest.
Of course you need to restafter you were on a ski vacation
for a week.
Of course you need to restafter you got married and you
had a big event.
Of course you do.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Yes, thanks so much for sharing that.
What comes to mind for me whenyou say come down, there's a
natural come down, right,there's a natural expansion.
There's a going up like, oh,there's an expansion there is.
I'm thinking of riding on aroller coaster, right, you go up
, up, up and then there's anatural come down.
Another way of saying that isthere's an expansion, you're
(08:33):
having more, experiencing more,whether it's a wedding, an event
or a different event, avacation, and then there's, like
you said, you come back fromvacation and life sucks.
There's an integration or areintegration.
There is the expansion.
(08:55):
The expansion is called anexpansion because it's more than
what's the norm, and then wehave the norm.
So we expanded and we're goinginto the norm and the norm feels
off in some way, shape or formand what Brenda is saying, let's
not make that wrong and it willfeel uncomfortable and it's not
(09:18):
going to be as good as theexpansion and it may not be as
normal as the norm.
It might even be less favorablethan the norm, because the
truth is that our life isexperienced by our filters.
So something could have beengreat yesterday.
Then you expand and then thenorm is like beyond, lower than
(09:43):
mediocre.
It could just be like oh, thisis bland, like unsalted food.
This is just not good for anyreason.
It's because we have more tocompare it to.
We have lived more life and wenow want more.
We had the expansion.
We know what it's like to beover there.
(10:05):
We don't just want to go backto normal, right.
But before we go back to thatnorm or even recreation,
potentially, we need tointegrate, and sometimes that
integration looks like stillness, pausing, potentially sharing a
(10:25):
truth with another individual.
It can look what's the word I'mlooking for?
It doesn't have to look aparticular way.
I guess that's a way ofdescribing it.
It's not fixed.
Expansion and contraction arenot fixed.
We don't know how far we'regoing to expand.
(10:48):
We don't know how far in we'regoing to contract.
Far in we're going to contract.
Our goal is to not collapse.
That's definitely a goal, butwe're not sure until you're in
it.
Until we're in it, we don'tknow.
And what we're offering is intoday's episode.
We're kind of calling theelephant in the room what it is.
(11:13):
We're kind of calling theelephant in the room what it is.
When we have had an expansion,there will be a contraction.
We can't tell you exactly howfar you're going to contract or
how far you're going to expand,or if it's going to feel like a
rubber band snapping back, or ifit's just going to feel like a
salsa cha-cha trot.
(11:34):
We don't know how smooth or howrocky it's going to be.
We're sort of just bringing itinto your conscious mind.
Hey, this is a natural sequence.
You can prepare for it, but youdon't have to be afraid of it.
There's nothing wrong.
(11:54):
It's just part of the course.
If we were on a roller coasterride, what goes up must come
down, and it is just part of theride.
Doesn't make it wrong.
We don't have to try tocircumvent it or take another
route.
It just is circumvent it ortake another route.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
It just is, actually, I think, being with it and
presencing it instead of tryingto circumvent it, because I
don't think that you can, youcan't circumvent night.
The bears aren't going to nothibernate, it's just the way it
goes.
So the more we are actuallypresent with the truth, which is
(12:37):
what we're saying nature, we'resaying natural rhythms of
things then we're actually inright relationship with life,
which is cyclical.
I think our society has an ideathat we just go, go, go, go go,
and that is not how natureworks, that is not how our
bodies work, and so I mean,goodness, my entire spiritual
(13:02):
journey has been reattuning tomy natural order of my own
cycles and rhythms as a woman onthe earth.
So you really can make it bad.
You can make a comedown bad.
You can certainly make acontraction bad by adding story,
creating drama, drama.
(13:24):
Oh my goodness, how much dramahappens after an expansion,
right?
People fighting, blaming.
You can find problems anywhere,fighting, blaming.
You can find problems anywhere,any day, any moment.
You can create problems.
But where do you want to putyour attention?
Do you want to put yourattention on drama, which is, I
(13:50):
mean, let's just face it, it'sjust fun, right?
There's such a hit when you'rein drama and it's so addictive.
But part of attuning to thenatural order is releasing that,
which is a little bit moreneutrality.
The leaf doesn't have an issuewhen it starts to turn colors
and fall off the tree andcompose into the dirt.
(14:10):
In the winter it doesn't have awhole drama story.
Winter it doesn't have a wholedrama story.
No, it just falls off the treeand turns into compost, the tree
hibernates and then there'sfresh buds in the spring.
It's just the way it goes.
So we can make that bad, we canmake it a problem, we can blame
people, we can blame ourselvesand beat ourselves up, and this
(14:34):
is where awareness really comesin, and that's part of what
we're doing on this podcast issharing all the beauty of what
we've learned along the way andthis is a really huge one.
That is rarely talked aboutexpansion and contraction.
I can't stress enough how justbeing neutral and taking care of
(14:54):
yourself on the come down is so, so important, and I also want
to say that I think it canactually be as good.
I want to make an argument, forthe expansion is amazing, but
the contraction can be just asbeautiful if you're really
present with it, because ifyou're in a contraction and
(15:17):
you're in right relationshipwith it, you can be so loving
and kind to yourself and itcould be so sweet and beautiful.
You could be eating deliciousbroths and soups and homemade
foods.
You could take quiet walks inthe woods or wherever you are.
You can have beautifulconversations with your loved
(15:39):
ones.
You can bake a cake and enjoyeating it.
You can journal and write andenjoy eating it.
You can journal and write andit can be really beautiful,
maybe not in an outward biggiant way, but in a more quiet
way, just like winter could bejust as beautiful as summer.
(16:00):
It's just a different flavor.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
I agree, but I think it requires a lot more skill.
So I hear what you're saying,brenda, I love it, and I think
it takes more skill.
To be willing to be in quietwith yourself, to not be
deflecting, to be able to be instillness is a skill.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
I think that you're 100% right and I want to offer
what's possible, that it can beas beautiful, and it takes a
while to get there.
It takes a lot of times aroundthe track of having something
amazing happen having a greatvacation, having a great day,
hitting a milestone that you'vebeen working on for so long, and
(16:46):
then crashing and fighting andcausing problems.
It takes a lot of times to dothat, to go around the track and
build your awareness and thenwatch yourself do it.
That's the most painful part iswhen you actually build up your
awareness and you could seeyourself doing it and say, oh my
God, I'm doing it.
(17:06):
I just had a great meeting withmy boss and I got a raise and
now I'm going home and I feelthe pull to fight with my
partner and to actually stopyourself and to actually stop
yourself and I've done that inmy own partnership say, oh, I
(17:27):
think that I'm hitting a limithere.
I've had something really greathappen and I think that I'm
hitting against my own limitsand I don't really want to fight
with you.
I think I actually just need togo take a nap or whatever the
thing is.
I think I actually just need togo take a nap or whatever the
thing is.
So it takes a while to buildthat capacity and you're right,
(17:48):
it's a huge skill and even now Idon't always do it, I miss it
sometimes.
And that's just the path ofbeing a human on a spiritual
path, living a life led bydesire.
It's not always smooth and easy, totally.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
I just wanted to make sure that our listeners don't
think that it's like oh yes, wehave an expansion and then
there's a contraction.
Woohoo, woohoo, beep, beep.
It's not quite that smooth.
You're right, brenda, the skillcomes from doing it over and
(18:24):
over again.
What's coming to my mind rightnow is sort of if I were to look
at the pattern of I expand andthen I have a crash, I expand, I
have a crash.
I'm not aware that there'sgoing to be a crash or some form
of down or contraction.
I judge it, I think it's wrongand bad and somewhere,
potentially, my subconscious islike oh, I'm afraid.
(18:45):
Now I don't want to hit my ownceiling, I don't want to push
against my own havingness, I'mjust comfortable here taking up
this small circumference versus,oh, if I'm aware, all right,
there's going to be acontraction, I don't really know
how to maneuver or live withinthat contraction.
So the next time I'm in anexpansion, how to maneuver or
live within that contraction?
So the next time I'm in anexpansion, I'm just going to pay
(19:08):
attention and take notes.
Okay, this happened and thishappened and this is how I felt
and this is what I needed.
Oh, I felt better after this.
Oh, I felt better after that,so that I can continue to
perfect it for myself as I go.
So I was away in January.
It was expansive in that I sawone of my best friends and we
(19:29):
had great conversations.
I just came back last weekYesterday, I hit my wall really
early and I definitely wanted tohave judgments about that,
because I should be ready toroar.
I am not sick anymore.
I should air quotes, be able toX, y or Z.
But the kindest thing to do wasto just say, oh, I hit a wall,
(19:55):
I've hit a wall.
Tomorrow's another day.
But that comes from a gazilliontimes of overriding that wall,
a gazillion times of potentiallygrabbing coffee, or I think
(20:15):
even yesterday.
At that time I paused and Imeditated.
I was like, oh, I should havegone out for a walk.
Pause, and I meditated.
I was like, oh, I should havegone out for a walk.
Like there is still a littlevoice in me that's letting me
know how I should be addressingX, y or Z, when in reality, the
simplest answer is the bestanswer.
I just had to pause, yeahthat's really great, you know.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
This is just reminding me of the grace it
takes to be on a journey that'snot the one that the world is
offering of just go, go, go,climb, climb, climb, do, do, do,
don't crash, don't take a dayoff, just keep going.
That's not sustainable and alot of us talk about that.
(21:01):
And so when you choose theother way, when you choose to be
in connection with yourself,with nature, with the cycles
that are just universal law, itreally does take a grace and an
appreciation and acceptance forthe journey.
There will be ups, there willbe downs, in every moment of
(21:21):
every day.
We're just not going to do itperfectly.
That's not the way it's meantto be.
And if we can look at, what arewe learning along the way as
opposed to?
You know, did I hit that goal?
Did I make more money?
Did I build that thing?
I mean, those things are funand it's fun to have goals and
(21:42):
build things right.
But when it doesn't go the wayyou want it to go or you're in a
contraction, can you appreciatethat too?
Can you take really good careof yourself?
Can you love yourself?
Can you make yourself some soupor ask someone to get it for
you and just love yourself alittle bit more.
And all of this is just abalancing.
(22:06):
It's like a balancing out.
So we've had a huge expansion,we're having a contraction.
There's a balance in yoursystem that is trying to happen.
The balance is your capacityexpanding for more, which is
what you're saying you want.
So can you let nature do itsthing?
(22:28):
Please?
Let's just let nature do itsthing, be in relationship with
it and build your awareness andskill along the way, and I think
that's the best that we coulddo.
And with that, we thank you forbeing with us today in our
expansion and contraction on thedesires medicine podcast.
(22:49):
And we would love to hear fromyou where are you expanding?
What do you do in a contraction?
Are you aware of it?
And we appreciate you so much,our listeners.
Thank you for being with ustoday.
Thank you for joining us on theDesire is Medicine podcast.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply
intimate with ourselves andothers.
You can find our handles in theshow notes.
We'd love to hear from you.
Welcome to Desire is Medicine.
We are two very different womenliving a life led by desire,
inviting you into our world.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I'm Brenda.
I'm a devoted practitioner tobeing my fully expressed true
self in my daily life.
Motherhood relationships and mybusiness Desire has taken me on
quite a ride and every day Ipractice listening to and
following the voice within.
I'm a middle school teacherturned coach and guide of the
feminine.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the
truest and hopefully thehighest version of me.
I don't have children, I'venever been married.
I've spent equal parts of mylife in corporate as in some
down and low shady spaces.
I was the epitome of tired andwired and my path led me to
explore desire.
I'm a coach, guide, energyworker and a forever student.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Even after decades of inner work, we are humble
beginners on the mat, stillexploring, always curious.
We believe that listening toand following the nudge of
desire is a deep spiritualpractice that helps us grow.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
On the Desires Medicine podcast.
We talk to each other, weinterview people we know and
love about the practice ofdesire, bringing in a very
important piece that is oftenoverlooked being responsible for
our desire.
Welcome back listeners, toanother episode of the Desire as
(01:33):
Medicine podcast.
I am joined here with my lovelyco-host, brenda, and we're here
to talk about something we'regoing to do the quick and dirty
style.
We don't think we've done thistopic justice really on this
podcast just yet.
So today is delivery time.
What we're talking about isexpansion.
(01:55):
Everybody loves expansion,right Like the desire.
Desire itself is when you havemore, more money, more love,
more relationship is when youhave more, more money, more love
, more relationship, more fun,more adventure, more, more, more
, more, more.
It is what capitalism striveson.
We want more as humans.
But the part that we don'toften talk about, except in the
(02:21):
negative, like we talk aboutlike a ceiling cap oh, we hit
our ceiling or the big leap Ithink Brenda has talked about
that as well.
I think that's one of herfavorite books where, oh, you
can't go beyond that point.
This is the max that you canhave.
So we have a naturalcontraction that happens Every
time there is an expansion,there's a natural contraction.
(02:41):
We all love talking aboutexpansion and striving for
expansion and like go for it,get it girl.
We're, like you know, fistpumping in the air.
There's no fist pumpinghappening when there's a
contraction, not like, oh, I'mon the ground recalibrating Yay.
(03:02):
I'm on the ground integrating,yay.
We don't really think about thenecessary phase that will be
there on the other side.
On this podcast we've talkedabout it like the down, but we
haven't just talked about it inthe quick and dirty sense of
there is expansion and there's anatural contraction that will
(03:24):
follow what comes to mind,Brenda.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Yeah, I think this is the natural order of the world.
This is universal law.
This isn't something that we'remaking up.
This is just real, and I don'tthink that our society really
cares about this or is tappedinto this at all, because, like
you said, it's like go, go, go,build, build, build.
But that is not the naturalorder.
(03:49):
You know, we go during the day,we have our day, and then what
do we do?
We go to sleep at night.
We need to rest, we need torejuvenate, we need to renew,
and then we wake up in themorning and we can go again.
And that is the same everywherein our seasons.
After summer comes fall andwinter, the animals hibernate.
Everything that goes up mustcome down, and so if we are
(04:16):
living a life led by desire, ifwe are in relationship with life
, then we are honoring thenatural cycles with life, then
we are honoring the naturalcycles and we have them as well
in our bodies.
(04:37):
So, given that, if you look atyour life, any expansion that
you have, there is going to besome kind of a contraction.
Now let's take the judgment outof that.
People look at it as bad, like,oh, I did this great thing and
now I'm sick, or people alwaystalk about this.
I had people fighting on theirhoneymoon.
That's a great example.
You have this amazing wedding,you had an amazing event,
(04:58):
whatever it is, and then thatnight or the next day you get
into a huge fight and everythingseems to fall apart.
You're like, oh my God, so manyproblems.
Well, you probably just didn'tcome down well, and we can look
at these things like a problemor a natural contraction.
And the more we're in tune withthe natural order that we're
(05:19):
talking about, the more we canactually be with it and take
care of ourselves along the way.
So when I have a really bigevent happening, or even, let's
just say, when we record in ourpodcast, we're opening up, we're
having an expansion, we comedown.
I like to say pleasurably, Icome down mindfully, because I
(05:41):
had an expansion, and that'sreally true for anything.
You go on a big vacation, youcome back and you're like, wow,
my life really sucks.
No, you need a little bit more.
Come down time or integrationtime, because there is a
contraction after that and youdon't have to make it wrong.
(06:02):
What you do need to do well, Iwill highly suggest you don't
need to do anything is, takereally good care of yourself
along the way.
So after something big, after abig event maybe you went to a
weekend course and you had agreat time and you learned all
these new things, or you had agreat session with your coach or
(06:23):
your therapist and you had anexpansion take the time to come
down thoughtfully.
Eat some good food, go to yoga,call a friend, do some
journaling, take a nap, have sex, do some gardening.
These are things that help yourbody integrate with the
(06:46):
expansion that you're having,and the more I've done those
things mindfully in my life, theless of a crash I have on the
other side and the less I wantto make things a problem.
And that is a great skill tohave, because you could be
neutral about what's happeningand notice.
(07:06):
Now, this has taken me a longtime to get here, but even this
morning I was having a reactionand I was having some feelings
and I was able to recognize oh,I've had an expansion and I'm
having a little contraction here.
I don't need to add story to it,I can just take care of myself,
(07:29):
maybe need to cry, drink somewater, have some good food and
just be present with my bodyinstead of making it a problem.
This is how we expand.
This is how we expand ourcapacity to have more in our
life, by letting the goodintegrate and just going down
(07:52):
taking a rest.
Of course you need to restafter you were on a ski vacation
for a week.
Of course you need to restafter you got married and you
had a big event.
Of course you do.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Yes, thanks so much for sharing that.
What comes to mind for me whenyou say come down, there's a
natural come down, right,there's a natural expansion.
There's a going up like, oh,there's an expansion there is.
I'm thinking of riding on aroller coaster, right, you go up
, up, up and then there's anatural come down.
Another way of saying that isthere's an expansion, you're
(08:33):
having more, experiencing more,whether it's a wedding, an event
or a different event, avacation, and then there's, like
you said, you come back fromvacation and life sucks.
There's an integration or areintegration.
There is the expansion.
(08:55):
The expansion is called anexpansion because it's more than
what's the norm, and then wehave the norm.
So we expanded and we're goinginto the norm and the norm feels
off in some way, shape or formand what Brenda is saying, let's
not make that wrong and it willfeel uncomfortable and it's not
(09:18):
going to be as good as theexpansion and it may not be as
normal as the norm.
It might even be less favorablethan the norm, because the
truth is that our life isexperienced by our filters.
So something could have beengreat yesterday.
Then you expand and then thenorm is like beyond, lower than
(09:43):
mediocre.
It could just be like oh, thisis bland, like unsalted food.
This is just not good for anyreason.
It's because we have more tocompare it to.
We have lived more life and wenow want more.
We had the expansion.
We know what it's like to beover there.
(10:05):
We don't just want to go backto normal, right.
But before we go back to thatnorm or even recreation,
potentially, we need tointegrate, and sometimes that
integration looks like stillness, pausing, potentially sharing a
(10:25):
truth with another individual.
It can look what's the word I'mlooking for?
It doesn't have to look aparticular way.
I guess that's a way ofdescribing it.
It's not fixed.
Expansion and contraction arenot fixed.
We don't know how far we'regoing to expand.
(10:48):
We don't know how far in we'regoing to contract.
Far in we're going to contract.
Our goal is to not collapse.
That's definitely a goal, butwe're not sure until you're in
it.
Until we're in it, we don'tknow.
And what we're offering is intoday's episode.
We're kind of calling theelephant in the room what it is.
(11:13):
We're kind of calling theelephant in the room what it is.
When we have had an expansion,there will be a contraction.
We can't tell you exactly howfar you're going to contract or
how far you're going to expand,or if it's going to feel like a
rubber band snapping back, or ifit's just going to feel like a
salsa cha-cha trot.
(11:34):
We don't know how smooth or howrocky it's going to be.
We're sort of just bringing itinto your conscious mind.
Hey, this is a natural sequence.
You can prepare for it, but youdon't have to be afraid of it.
There's nothing wrong.
(11:54):
It's just part of the course.
If we were on a roller coasterride, what goes up must come
down, and it is just part of theride.
Doesn't make it wrong.
We don't have to try tocircumvent it or take another
route.
It just is circumvent it ortake another route.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
It just is, actually, I think, being with it and
presencing it instead of tryingto circumvent it, because I
don't think that you can, youcan't circumvent night.
The bears aren't going to nothibernate, it's just the way it
goes.
So the more we are actuallypresent with the truth, which is
(12:37):
what we're saying nature, we'resaying natural rhythms of
things then we're actually inright relationship with life,
which is cyclical.
I think our society has an ideathat we just go, go, go, go go,
and that is not how natureworks, that is not how our
bodies work, and so I mean,goodness, my entire spiritual
(13:02):
journey has been reattuning tomy natural order of my own
cycles and rhythms as a woman onthe earth.
So you really can make it bad.
You can make a comedown bad.
You can certainly make acontraction bad by adding story,
creating drama, drama.
(13:24):
Oh my goodness, how much dramahappens after an expansion,
right?
People fighting, blaming.
You can find problems anywhere,fighting, blaming.
You can find problems anywhere,any day, any moment.
You can create problems.
But where do you want to putyour attention?
Do you want to put yourattention on drama, which is, I
(13:50):
mean, let's just face it, it'sjust fun, right?
There's such a hit when you'rein drama and it's so addictive.
But part of attuning to thenatural order is releasing that,
which is a little bit moreneutrality.
The leaf doesn't have an issuewhen it starts to turn colors
and fall off the tree andcompose into the dirt.
(14:10):
In the winter it doesn't have awhole drama story.
Winter it doesn't have a wholedrama story.
No, it just falls off the treeand turns into compost, the tree
hibernates and then there'sfresh buds in the spring.
It's just the way it goes.
So we can make that bad, we canmake it a problem, we can blame
people, we can blame ourselvesand beat ourselves up, and this
(14:34):
is where awareness really comesin, and that's part of what
we're doing on this podcast issharing all the beauty of what
we've learned along the way andthis is a really huge one.
That is rarely talked aboutexpansion and contraction.
I can't stress enough how justbeing neutral and taking care of
(14:54):
yourself on the come down is so, so important, and I also want
to say that I think it canactually be as good.
I want to make an argument, forthe expansion is amazing, but
the contraction can be just asbeautiful if you're really
present with it, because ifyou're in a contraction and
(15:17):
you're in right relationshipwith it, you can be so loving
and kind to yourself and itcould be so sweet and beautiful.
You could be eating deliciousbroths and soups and homemade
foods.
You could take quiet walks inthe woods or wherever you are.
You can have beautifulconversations with your loved
(15:39):
ones.
You can bake a cake and enjoyeating it.
You can journal and write andenjoy eating it.
You can journal and write andit can be really beautiful,
maybe not in an outward biggiant way, but in a more quiet
way, just like winter could bejust as beautiful as summer.
(16:00):
It's just a different flavor.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
I agree, but I think it requires a lot more skill.
So I hear what you're saying,brenda, I love it, and I think
it takes more skill.
To be willing to be in quietwith yourself, to not be
deflecting, to be able to be instillness is a skill.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
I think that you're 100% right and I want to offer
what's possible, that it can beas beautiful, and it takes a
while to get there.
It takes a lot of times aroundthe track of having something
amazing happen having a greatvacation, having a great day,
hitting a milestone that you'vebeen working on for so long, and
(16:46):
then crashing and fighting andcausing problems.
It takes a lot of times to dothat, to go around the track and
build your awareness and thenwatch yourself do it.
That's the most painful part iswhen you actually build up your
awareness and you could seeyourself doing it and say, oh my
God, I'm doing it.
(17:06):
I just had a great meeting withmy boss and I got a raise and
now I'm going home and I feelthe pull to fight with my
partner and to actually stopyourself and to actually stop
yourself and I've done that inmy own partnership say, oh, I
(17:27):
think that I'm hitting a limithere.
I've had something really greathappen and I think that I'm
hitting against my own limitsand I don't really want to fight
with you.
I think I actually just need togo take a nap or whatever the
thing is.
I think I actually just need togo take a nap or whatever the
thing is.
So it takes a while to buildthat capacity and you're right,
(17:48):
it's a huge skill and even now Idon't always do it, I miss it
sometimes.
And that's just the path ofbeing a human on a spiritual
path, living a life led bydesire.
It's not always smooth and easy, totally.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
I just wanted to make sure that our listeners don't
think that it's like oh yes, wehave an expansion and then
there's a contraction.
Woohoo, woohoo, beep, beep.
It's not quite that smooth.
You're right, brenda, the skillcomes from doing it over and
(18:24):
over again.
What's coming to my mind rightnow is sort of if I were to look
at the pattern of I expand andthen I have a crash, I expand, I
have a crash.
I'm not aware that there'sgoing to be a crash or some form
of down or contraction.
I judge it, I think it's wrongand bad and somewhere,
potentially, my subconscious islike oh, I'm afraid.
(18:45):
Now I don't want to hit my ownceiling, I don't want to push
against my own havingness, I'mjust comfortable here taking up
this small circumference versus,oh, if I'm aware, all right,
there's going to be acontraction, I don't really know
how to maneuver or live withinthat contraction.
So the next time I'm in anexpansion, how to maneuver or
live within that contraction?
So the next time I'm in anexpansion, I'm just going to pay
(19:08):
attention and take notes.
Okay, this happened and thishappened and this is how I felt
and this is what I needed.
Oh, I felt better after this.
Oh, I felt better after that,so that I can continue to
perfect it for myself as I go.
So I was away in January.
It was expansive in that I sawone of my best friends and we
(19:29):
had great conversations.
I just came back last weekYesterday, I hit my wall really
early and I definitely wanted tohave judgments about that,
because I should be ready toroar.
I am not sick anymore.
I should air quotes, be able toX, y or Z.
But the kindest thing to do wasto just say, oh, I hit a wall,
(19:55):
I've hit a wall.
Tomorrow's another day.
But that comes from a gazilliontimes of overriding that wall,
a gazillion times of potentiallygrabbing coffee, or I think
(20:15):
even yesterday.
At that time I paused and Imeditated.
I was like, oh, I should havegone out for a walk.
Pause, and I meditated.
I was like, oh, I should havegone out for a walk.
Like there is still a littlevoice in me that's letting me
know how I should be addressingX, y or Z, when in reality, the
simplest answer is the bestanswer.
I just had to pause, yeahthat's really great, you know.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
This is just reminding me of the grace it
takes to be on a journey that'snot the one that the world is
offering of just go, go, go,climb, climb, climb, do, do, do,
don't crash, don't take a dayoff, just keep going.
That's not sustainable and alot of us talk about that.
(21:01):
And so when you choose theother way, when you choose to be
in connection with yourself,with nature, with the cycles
that are just universal law, itreally does take a grace and an
appreciation and acceptance forthe journey.
There will be ups, there willbe downs, in every moment of
(21:21):
every day.
We're just not going to do itperfectly.
That's not the way it's meantto be.
And if we can look at, what arewe learning along the way as
opposed to?
You know, did I hit that goal?
Did I make more money?
Did I build that thing?
I mean, those things are funand it's fun to have goals and
(21:42):
build things right.
But when it doesn't go the wayyou want it to go or you're in a
contraction, can you appreciatethat too?
Can you take really good careof yourself?
Can you love yourself?
Can you make yourself some soupor ask someone to get it for
you and just love yourself alittle bit more.
And all of this is just abalancing.
(22:06):
It's like a balancing out.
So we've had a huge expansion,we're having a contraction.
There's a balance in yoursystem that is trying to happen.
The balance is your capacityexpanding for more, which is
what you're saying you want.
So can you let nature do itsthing?
(22:28):
Please?
Let's just let nature do itsthing, be in relationship with
it and build your awareness andskill along the way, and I think
that's the best that we coulddo.
And with that, we thank you forbeing with us today in our
expansion and contraction on thedesires medicine podcast.
(22:49):
And we would love to hear fromyou where are you expanding?
What do you do in a contraction?
Are you aware of it?
And we appreciate you so much,our listeners.
Thank you for being with ustoday.
Thank you for joining us on theDesire is Medicine podcast.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply
intimate with ourselves andothers.
You can find our handles in theshow notes.
We'd love to hear from you.
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