February 26, 2025 • 33 mins
What if embracing the art of receiving could transform your relationships and enrich your life?
Join us as we navigate the often overlooked skill of receiving with grace. We talk about the societal norms that lead women to struggle with the basic art of receiving.
Brenda and Catherine offer a fresh perspective on how mastering the art of receiving leads to deeper connections and a more fulfilling life, inviting listeners to reflect on their own reception practices.
Highlights of this Episode:
• We share our personal journeys with receiving
• Importance of recognizing desires and the role of receiving
• Discussion on societal pressures surrounding hyper-independence
• Strategies for receiving compliments with grace
• The benefits of being present during gift exchanges
• How gratitude enhances reception in everyday life
• Encouragement for listeners to reflect and practice their reception skills
Thank you for listening. We would love to receive your insights about how this episode touched you.
How did you like this episode? Tell us everything, we'd love to hear from you.
If you'd like to learn more about 1:1 or group coaching with Brenda or Catherine message them and book a Sales Call to learn more.
Email:
desireasmedicine@gmail.com
goddessbrenda24@gmail.com
catherine@catherinenavarro.com
Instagram:
@desireasmedicinepodcast
@Brenda_Fredericks
@CoachCatherineN
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome to Desire is Medicine.
We are two very different womenliving a life led by desire,
inviting you into our world.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I'm Brenda.
I'm a devoted practitioner tobeing my fully expressed true
self in my daily life.
Motherhood relationships and mybusiness Desire has taken me on
quite a ride and every day Ipractice listening to and
following the voice within.
I'm a middle school teacherturned coach and guide of the
feminine.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the
truest and hopefully thehighest version of me.
I don't have children, I'venever been married.
I've spent equal parts of mylife in corporate as in some
down and low shady spaces.
I was the epitome of tired andwired and my path led me to
explore desire.
I'm a coach, guide, energyworker and a forever student,
(00:58):
even after decades of inner work.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
We are humble beginners on the mat, still
exploring, always curious.
We believe that listening toand following the nudge of
desire is a deep spiritualpractice that helps us grow.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
On the Desires Medicine podcast.
We talk to each other, weinterview people we know and
love about the practice ofdesire, bringing in a very
important piece that is oftenoverlooked peace.
That is often overlooked beingresponsible for our desire.
Welcome back, family friends.
Hey.
Hey, we are back.
Me and my co-host, Brenda, areexcited to talk about reception.
(01:43):
In theory, we've talked aboutthis part before where we all
want more Makes sense.
Human beings, we just want more, More, more, more.
Sometimes we don't even knowwhy we want more, but we know we
want more.
Like who cares why we want more?
We just want more, bigger,better, that sort of thing, and
that makes sense.
Sometimes we haven't evenfinished enjoying what we have
(02:05):
and we're already ready for thenext thing, Because reception is
a funny thing.
Like that, you get somethingyou're like thank you, that was
so nice.
But how often do we receive andsay, wow, yes, Like you look
good in that.
Yes, I do here.
(02:27):
Let me give you this.
Thank you so much, I love this.
How often do we make ourselvesfantastic to give to?
And that's what we are talkingabout today.
We're talking about being greatat receiving, Because
(02:48):
ultimately, that's what helps usnot just get what we desire,
but it makes us have betterrelationships, deeper
relationships, deepercommunication.
Above all else, have a morefulfilling life.
Isn't that what we're actuallyin this game of life for?
(03:12):
So we're going to be breakingdown reception today, how we
receive something, whether it'sa compliment or feedback, how we
receive help or love or evencriticism.
When someone says, would youlike some feedback, we're like I
(03:32):
don't know about that, maybenot, maybe not.
Criticism isn't like Frenchfries, like you know, when
you're around French fries, youjust want French fries.
Everybody want a fry.
When, when we're on criticism,we don't all want that, no, no.
But how can we be justfantastic to give to, even if
(03:54):
it's criticism?
Right, that's what we'retalking about today.
What comes up for you, brenda?
Criticism and french fries sogood.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
I love this question.
How do we make ourselvesfantastic at giving to receiving
?
And when we talk about wantingmore, we talk about our desires.
Whether you want to admit thatyou have the desire or not, in
order to have your desire, youneed to be able to receive it.
(04:29):
You need to be able to have it.
And wow, that is an art.
We have been conditioned aswomen, especially being a Gen X
this remember the Anjalicommercial.
I could bring home the bacon, Icould fry it up in a pan and
(04:52):
never let you forget you're aman Like oh, I could do it all,
baby.
This hyper independence is how Igrew up.
It blocks our reception becausewe can't do it all, not all, at
the same time anyway.
So if you want to have yourdesires, you need to be a little
(05:15):
soft, right?
You need to be soft andreceptive and open, and you need
to be able to pause and slowdown in order to receive.
I think our bodies are builtthat way, like our bodies as
women are like soft and squishyand, you know, curvy, and our
(05:39):
bodies are reception itself.
As women, they're meant toreceive.
In sex, we receive.
That's just how we'rephysiologically built.
Our creativity comes in, or ourinspiration, great ideas,
desire.
They all come to us from whoknows where.
(06:01):
We've talked about it as a waveLife force, energy.
How does it land in your body?
But it does, I think we'veagreed on.
It.
Lands in our body, and can youreceive it?
Do you let it in, just likereceiving sperm for creation and
life itself?
Our bodies are physiologicallybuilt this way.
Why are so many women not goodat receiving?
(06:26):
I think it goes back to thishyper-independence.
So the question is how do wemake ourselves fantastic at
giving to?
What would you say, catherine?
Speaker 1 (06:39):
Well, I have a follow-up.
So how can I make myselffantastic?
To give to For sure is a greatquestion.
And I'm thinking of whensomeone gives me something,
whether it's a gift or acompliment, or they want to help
me with something, they want tooffer me love or maybe things I
(07:01):
don't really want, where I'mlike no, thank you, don't want
the feedback, no, thank you,don't want the criticism.
But in all seriousness, can Iask myself Well, first off, it's
our age old advice here thatBrenda and I are constantly
saying we need to pause and justslow down, constantly saying we
(07:29):
need to pause and just slowdown.
Someone is offering me somethingand I get to feel into.
How can I fully receive thiswith love?
How can I pause, really absorb,like if I were a sponge, what's
being given to me and be ableto, with my full body, just say
thank you, thank you for thegift or thank you for X that
(07:54):
you've given me.
This is so beautiful to receive.
Thank you for saying that.
Let's say it's a compliment.
Thank you so much for sayingthat.
Saying that, let's say it's acompliment.
Thank you so much for sayingthat.
That really means a lot to me.
Let's say it's help.
Thank you so much for your help.
It really meant the world to methat you were able to show up
(08:15):
for me in this way.
Thank you so much for eitheryour gift or your act of service
.
Thank you for whatever you'vegiven me that really had me feel
loved and appreciated.
It has me think, brenda.
(08:38):
How can I pause, either rightbefore and or during and after,
to fully feel the impact of thegift that's being given to me?
I then feel into how can Ireceive this fully with love, so
that this person that's giftingme this also feels it?
(08:58):
How can I have this moment bean actual gift exchange?
They give me something and Igive my gratitude, but really
fully feel the gratitude beforeI say thank you.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Yeah, I think you're saying this beautiful piece
about reception is that we, inorder to for somebody to have
the experience of really giving,we need to receive.
I think that's one of theearliest lessons that I learned.
I was like, oh, without myreception, I'm robbing someone
(09:41):
of the beauty of giving.
And it feels so great to give,so great, it feels so good to
give, but if somebody doesn'treceive it, I'm robbed of that.
And one of my favorite thingsto do is to give real
compliments and I will just stopa random woman on the street or
(10:04):
in the store and just say toher you are a beautiful woman,
or I love your outfit, you're sofashionable.
I only say it if I mean it andthey're like thank you.
This is a great point fortalking about receiving.
It's just the simple act ofthank yous.
(10:26):
Mostly women don't receive that.
We have these unsaid agreements, unspoken agreements between us
as women that we're going todim our light, we're going to be
small, we're going to not shine, we're going to pretend that
we're not magnificent, amazingcreatures that we are, and we
(10:50):
deflect all these complimentsall the time.
It took me a long time, likeactually being in a women's
community, to learn about theart of receiving a compliment
and you know we practiced it andif you're listening, you could
practice this.
You know, let's try it rightnow.
(11:10):
You could say thank you, youare.
You are a beautiful woman.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
And what if you just said thank you to a compliment
when you received it?
What if it was true?
What if the other person wasn'tlying?
Can you receive that?
And it's a beautiful gift togive, to receive a compliment.
I know, when I stop women onthe street and give them the
(11:45):
compliment, I'm only saying ifit's true and I do want to be
received, I want to give themthe compliment.
I'm only saying if it's trueand I do want to be received, I
want to see them own it.
I think it's beautiful whenwomen own it and own themselves,
and part of that is thereception of receiving a gift.
What comes up for you,catherine?
Speaker 1 (12:04):
It's beautiful.
I think when you, brenda, areable to offer another woman a
compliment like, oh, I love thatoutfit on you, it's so
fashionable, or you wear that sowell, and she says thank you
and means it it feels good, it'slike, oh, the next time I see a
woman that's dressed lovely andreally fashionably, I want to
(12:24):
let her know how fashionable shelooks.
Fashionably, I want to let herknow how fashionable she looks.
But if every time I turned to awoman I gave them compliments,
it felt flat or they were like,oh, thank you.
Or became defensive or did theage old oh, it's really nothing,
this is I hand me down, or Igot it over here, it wasn't
expensive.
They go through that.
It's like, no, I didn't need toknow all of that.
(12:47):
Like, just want to let you knowthat you look good and what
you're wearing and like, thankyou would have been enough.
The rest of it is so much extra, and one of I mean in our
lineage they say that that isjust the person receiving is
having difficulty receiving andbeing with the sensation of the
(13:08):
gift, and so they begin todilute, diffuse that sensation
with the explanation.
It's sort of the nervous energyand the way that it comes out
sideways is not no, thank you,don't give me the compliment,
but like oh, this was.
I got this at the thrift store.
And then they get all weird andawkward about it.
(13:30):
All of a sudden the exchange isawkward when it could have been
compliment, thank you, fullreception, everybody feels seen
and there's an actual giftexchange.
The exchange has been made.
Someone gave you a gorgeouscompliment.
You fully embraced it, absorbedit, you gave back the exchange
(13:54):
of the gift by saying thank you,deeply felt.
And I'm going to go a layerdeeper here.
When we're not getting defensiveabout you know, I get that we
can get defensive about feedbackor criticism.
If we can just listen, pausebefore we respond and say, oh,
thank you so much for sharingthat.
(14:15):
Like, if somebody iscriticizing something, I don't
have to take it on as truth, Idon't have to become defensive
or get upset.
I could just say, oh, thank youso much for your honesty, thank
you so much for sharing that,because they're letting me know
something that was not easy toshare, or maybe it was easy for
them and it wasn't easy for meto listen to or receive, and we
(14:37):
can just let that be.
It's said, it's in the spaceand that can be enough.
I don't have to go into all theways in which and claim my case
.
I could just let that go andjust say thank you so much for
sharing that In my head, knowingI don't really know how hard or
(14:58):
not hard it was for this personto share this with me because
it's uncomfortable.
They're not letting me know thatI'm wearing something fabulous.
They might be telling mesomething else that's not so
nice to share.
Can I just say thank you somuch for sharing that.
Thank you for your honesty.
I'm really going to think aboutthat and leave it at that.
It doesn't have to be more thanthat and I want to move the
(15:21):
conversation into like part ofreception is presence.
Can I be present to what'shappening in this moment?
I don't have to defend myselfif it's criticism or someone's
being defensive.
I get to listen, full stop,pause, respond with my thank you
for your honesty.
And just as I am present forsomething that may be awkward or
(15:47):
uncomfortable or highlysensational, I also get to be
present for the hug or for loveor beautiful words, a gorgeous
gift, an act of service.
The thing that tends to take usout of presence is the brain.
(16:18):
The brain then has an opinion,a judgment, a thought about what
just occurred, and it's wah,wah, wah, wah, wah wah, and it's
wah, wah, wah, wah, wah wah.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
What just came up for me when you were talking about
that was how much being in yourbody matters for reception as
opposed to being in your head.
Right, think about let's justtalk about sex the kind of sex
that you might have if you're inyour head or you have an idea
(16:50):
of how it's going to go, ascompared to if you're just in
your body and you're inreceptive mode, if you're in
mode of allowing and flowing,instead of forcing or
controlling or contracting like.
Think about the difference inthat kind of sex.
So we're really talking aboutthe more you can be in your body
(17:13):
, the more you can receive.
That's a great connection.
I love that.
And what about receiving whenit's out of your preferences,
like we've all gotten gifts thatwe don't like.
What happens when you get agift and you don't like it?
(17:34):
Can you be receptive for thegift?
I learned this in a class I wasin once I was in this women's
class and we all received thesebeautiful crowns and one woman
was like I don't want this one,I want that one, I want the pink
flowers, I want the purpleflowers.
And it turned into a beautifullesson in just receiving and
(17:58):
receiving the gift, like we werebeing given this gift that was
unexpected and not putting yourpreferences on it.
Can you just receive the giftfor what it is without getting
too involved in whether you likeit, whether you want it,
whether you wish it wassomething different?
I think a great example of thiswould be like a mother receiving
(18:22):
a noodle necklace from her kid.
I have a pin that my son gaveme.
It's puzzle pieces that werepainted gold and glued together
with like feathers on it that hegave me when he was a little
boy and I just oogled and oogledover that, this present that he
(18:44):
gave me.
I was so happy to receive itand like when I tap into that,
the beauty of receiving thatgift from my little boy, and how
I just was so happy and howhappy he was to give it to me,
this puzzle pin brooch.
(19:05):
I don't even know if I everwore it Maybe I probably did,
but I remember seeing it andlooking at it and the beauty of
that moment just lasted for solong for me.
So that's just a great exampleof reception.
And what if we did that more?
Speaker 1 (19:25):
That's such a great example.
I love, love, love that example.
It really shines the light onhow much easier it is to receive
when we have no expectation.
Right, here's this little boywho probably did something in an
arts and crafts store or artsand crafts in school.
(19:47):
Maybe it's a holiday, you knowhe's going to come home with
something and you have school.
Maybe it's a holiday, you knowhe's going to come home with
something and you have no ideawhat it's going to be.
It could be finger paint, hishand, it could be you know his
favorite poem mommy is whatever,and you get to just receive it,
have him feel fully seen andloved, and you love it because
(20:09):
he made it for you.
And how gorgeous is that?
This, for me, points to whenwe're receiving a gift.
Can we just be fantastic togive to?
Can we fully receive this withlove, without adjustment,
because there is a time foradjustment and maybe
(20:30):
non-adjustment.
Usually it's based oncircumstance, right?
If your partner buys you agorgeous, I don't know, $50,000
ring, but they're in debt orthey can't pay their rent and
you're asking yourself, how isthis happening?
(20:51):
Maybe that's part of thank youso much for the loving gesture,
but I don't think we're reallyin the position to do this.
Is there a way that I couldfully receive what you want me
to know from this gift, what youwant me to feel from this gift,
and also have it feel good tofully receive it, knowing that
it's not putting you out in anyway?
(21:12):
Right, sometimes we are makingadjustments for gifts, or
someone hasn't slept in threedays and they're like oh, you
just had a baby.
I want to come over and watchthe baby overnight.
You're like thank you so muchfor the thought, but I think you
should take better care ofyourself, right?
There is a place sometimeswhere an adjustment is needed,
(21:33):
but more often than not, a thankyou is enough, and adjustments
usually are for the people thatare closest to us in our lives.
And so maybe I would add okay,we're receiving a gift, we get
to pause, absorb, full stop,thank you and adjust if
necessary.
But maybe not even in thatmoment, maybe the adjustment
(21:55):
could be later, after the sortof high subsides, the high from
the gift giving and receiving.
And this is having me go to thelast thing I wanted to say,
which is can we just practice?
I want to invite everybody tojust practice saying thank you
(22:19):
really meaning it and justcontinuing to practice more
gratitude.
Brenda, I know you have a hugegratitude practice, gratitude
journaling practice.
I go over at least a minimum ofthree gratitudes a day.
What was I really grateful for?
And it does have me sort of.
(22:39):
It does help me keep my eye onwhat am I really grateful for
today?
Speaker 2 (22:51):
Dawn.
What am I really grateful fortoday?
Yeah, what am I really gratefulfor today?
That gratitude is a greatpractice to get into your body.
It softens you and it opensyour heart and it's so
connecting.
So when we talk about how doyou get into your body to
receive, that's a great practiceto do because it drops you in.
(23:15):
And there's a saying thatgratitude is a reflection of
your genius.
If somebody gives you agratitude, they're really just
reflecting to you your genius,what you're really good at.
They're really just reflectingto you your genius, what you're
really good at, or your beautyor your outfit or your skills,
(23:37):
whatever it is.
And can you receive that aboutyourself?
Like, can you see yourselfaccurately?
And sometimes that's hard andwe need reflection for sure, but
can you let it in?
Can you let it in If somebodysays, wow, you're a great
rollerblader or wow, you're sogood at that, you're so good at
(23:58):
holding space for me, or you'reso beautiful?
Can you receive the complimentsabout yourself and not deflect
it Like?
That's just probably theeasiest way to start practicing
being more receptive in yourlife.
Just start with compliments,receiving them authentically,
(24:23):
letting them in, like Catherinesaid, pausing, let it in, be a
sponge and that could be alittle uncomfortable because,
going back to the quote thatit's a reflection of your genius
, you'd have to admit that it'strue.
You'd have to admit that yougot some mad skills or that
(24:46):
you're beautiful or really kindand generous, whatever it is.
And it's a lot to see ourselvesbecause, like I said earlier,
we do have these unspokenagreements as women about how
we're going to make ourselvessmaller.
And I think that's why theseconversations are so important,
because if we want to have thelife that we want, the life that
(25:11):
we go to sleep dreaming of,maybe the life that we see
somebody else over there havingor any part of it, and we want
something more in our life, wehave to be able to hold it, we
have to be able to receive itand even let's just go back to
the very beginning admit that wewant it.
(25:33):
Just to admit that you want itmeans that you have received
this desire from wherever itcomes from.
And just to even have that andadmit this most tender thing
inside of you that you wantmeans that you're taking up
space.
It means that you believe thatyou can have it, or even maybe
(25:59):
just say you want it before youeven believe you can have it.
We can do that too, but you'reclaiming it.
You're claiming something whenyou say I want this thing and
that's a really beautiful firststep.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
And that's a really beautiful first step.
It really is.
I'm thinking of thecircumstances when someone gives
us a compliment and we reallylove the person that's coming
from and we think the same ofthem, and how jarring it can be.
So maybe someone says, thankyou so much for holding space
for me and I'm like, oh wow, butthis person holds such gorgeous
(26:39):
space for me too, and thetemptation to be like, well, you
do it too.
Actually you do it better thanI do.
Right, when we sort of deflect acompliment and I just because
it came up, when I offer themirroring of the compliment
where someone can say somethingto me, I can absorb it fully and
say thank you, I'm so glad Ifeel like you do that for me
(27:06):
often.
Or someone says they love myoutfit and I feel like they're
always dressed well and I get tosay thank you so much.
That means a lot coming fromyou.
I see you like a woman that hasthe most gorgeous fashion sense
right.
I don't have to trample on itbecause I think they're better
(27:28):
at something.
I still get to say thank youfully, receive it and let them
know that it just means a lotcoming from them because of X, y
or Z.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
That's so good.
I have to jump in right here,because the way you just talked
about that, the way that youjust transmitted receiving the
compliment, taking it in andthen also sharing oh, this means
a lot from you because you dothis and then also sharing oh,
(28:03):
this means a lot from youbecause you do this is very,
very different than complimentcommerce that we do.
Oh, you're so beautiful, thankyou, so are you.
It's very, very different.
You could feel it oh, I love, Ilove your boots, thank you, I
love your boots.
You could just feel thefalseness in that, even if the
person actually loved your bootstoo.
You can feel the lack ofreception in the way they said
(28:25):
thank you and immediately tookthe attention off of them and
bounced back with a reciprocalcommerce compliment, and it
doesn't feel authentic.
It just doesn't.
But the way that you justtransmitted that, I could feel
your reception.
Speaker 1 (28:46):
So interesting that you say it feels fake.
I think that's a great thing topoint out, thing to point out
that our lack of receptioneither feels fake, feels off,
feels disingenuous.
At the end of the day, it justdoes not feel good to the gifter
(29:11):
.
So our job as receivers is todo a better job at receiving.
Ultimately because this is theDesire as Medicine podcast and
we are here to have more andexperience more life based on
what we desire, living lives ledby desire and a reception
practice really helps us expand.
It helps us grow our receivingcups, it helps us grow in our
(29:38):
reception, which then thereforemeans we can actually receive
more, which ultimately is abeautiful thing and for
listeners don't get me wrongthis doesn't mean that you're in
your life and all of a suddenyou have all these things coming
into your bucket.
It's sort of, when we open ourreception, it means we get to
(30:02):
actually feel grateful for whatwe have, see the beauty that's
already available to us.
As we do that, then we actuallybegin to expand our ability to
hold and see beauty and giftsand everything.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
So beautiful.
This is reminding me of howmuch people that we love want to
give to us, and I'm just goingto be heteronormative for a
moment.
Men want to give to us as women.
They want to give us what wewant.
We just have to know what wewant.
They feel good to give it to us.
(30:45):
My partner just said to meyesterday I think I said
something like oh, how do youwant to do this?
He said I'll do it anyway.
Just tell me what you want andI'll do it.
And he meant it.
I was like, oh shit, I have toreally know what I want here.
It's very easy to not, but theywant to give to us Just like,
(31:08):
honestly, as a mother, I want togive what they want for the
holidays or for their birthday,because I want to give it to
them.
If they don't tell me I can'tdo that and it like blocks me
and I don't have that joy.
And so you know, women, can youown your desire and can you
(31:35):
share it?
You say you want therelationship that you want, and
I will tell you that receptionis part of it.
Receiving from your partner isthe elixir that.
It's a nutrient.
It's actually a nutrient thathelps you have the relationship
(31:56):
that you want, and it takes sometime to build that skill 1000%.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
I would take that statement even out further and
say our gratitude.
Our reception, our ability toreceive from others is a way to
have deeper relationships and tohave a more fulfilling life,
and we want all of this and morefor you.
If any of this resonated withyou, please let us know If you
(32:26):
feel so moved.
We would love a review,especially on Apple Podcasts.
Let us know what part of thisepisode filled you.
Thank you so much, until nexttime.
Bye for now.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine
podcast.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply
intimate with ourselves andothers.
You can find our handles in theshow notes.
We'd love to hear from you.
Welcome to Desire is Medicine.
We are two very different womenliving a life led by desire,
inviting you into our world.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I'm Brenda.
I'm a devoted practitioner tobeing my fully expressed true
self in my daily life.
Motherhood relationships and mybusiness Desire has taken me on
quite a ride and every day Ipractice listening to and
following the voice within.
I'm a middle school teacherturned coach and guide of the
feminine.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the
truest and hopefully thehighest version of me.
I don't have children, I'venever been married.
I've spent equal parts of mylife in corporate as in some
down and low shady spaces.
I was the epitome of tired andwired and my path led me to
explore desire.
I'm a coach, guide, energyworker and a forever student,
(00:58):
even after decades of inner work.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
We are humble beginners on the mat, still
exploring, always curious.
We believe that listening toand following the nudge of
desire is a deep spiritualpractice that helps us grow.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
On the Desires Medicine podcast.
We talk to each other, weinterview people we know and
love about the practice ofdesire, bringing in a very
important piece that is oftenoverlooked peace.
That is often overlooked beingresponsible for our desire.
Welcome back, family friends.
Hey.
Hey, we are back.
Me and my co-host, Brenda, areexcited to talk about reception.
(01:43):
In theory, we've talked aboutthis part before where we all
want more Makes sense.
Human beings, we just want more, More, more, more.
Sometimes we don't even knowwhy we want more, but we know we
want more.
Like who cares why we want more?
We just want more, bigger,better, that sort of thing, and
that makes sense.
Sometimes we haven't evenfinished enjoying what we have
(02:05):
and we're already ready for thenext thing, Because reception is
a funny thing.
Like that, you get somethingyou're like thank you, that was
so nice.
But how often do we receive andsay, wow, yes, Like you look
good in that.
Yes, I do here.
(02:27):
Let me give you this.
Thank you so much, I love this.
How often do we make ourselvesfantastic to give to?
And that's what we are talkingabout today.
We're talking about being greatat receiving, Because
(02:48):
ultimately, that's what helps usnot just get what we desire,
but it makes us have betterrelationships, deeper
relationships, deepercommunication.
Above all else, have a morefulfilling life.
Isn't that what we're actuallyin this game of life for?
(03:12):
So we're going to be breakingdown reception today, how we
receive something, whether it'sa compliment or feedback, how we
receive help or love or evencriticism.
When someone says, would youlike some feedback, we're like I
(03:32):
don't know about that, maybenot, maybe not.
Criticism isn't like Frenchfries, like you know, when
you're around French fries, youjust want French fries.
Everybody want a fry.
When, when we're on criticism,we don't all want that, no, no.
But how can we be justfantastic to give to, even if
(03:54):
it's criticism?
Right, that's what we'retalking about today.
What comes up for you, brenda?
Criticism and french fries sogood.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
I love this question.
How do we make ourselvesfantastic at giving to receiving
?
And when we talk about wantingmore, we talk about our desires.
Whether you want to admit thatyou have the desire or not, in
order to have your desire, youneed to be able to receive it.
(04:29):
You need to be able to have it.
And wow, that is an art.
We have been conditioned aswomen, especially being a Gen X
this remember the Anjalicommercial.
I could bring home the bacon, Icould fry it up in a pan and
(04:52):
never let you forget you're aman Like oh, I could do it all,
baby.
This hyper independence is how Igrew up.
It blocks our reception becausewe can't do it all, not all, at
the same time anyway.
So if you want to have yourdesires, you need to be a little
(05:15):
soft, right?
You need to be soft andreceptive and open, and you need
to be able to pause and slowdown in order to receive.
I think our bodies are builtthat way, like our bodies as
women are like soft and squishyand, you know, curvy, and our
(05:39):
bodies are reception itself.
As women, they're meant toreceive.
In sex, we receive.
That's just how we'rephysiologically built.
Our creativity comes in, or ourinspiration, great ideas,
desire.
They all come to us from whoknows where.
(06:01):
We've talked about it as a waveLife force, energy.
How does it land in your body?
But it does, I think we'veagreed on.
It.
Lands in our body, and can youreceive it?
Do you let it in, just likereceiving sperm for creation and
life itself?
Our bodies are physiologicallybuilt this way.
Why are so many women not goodat receiving?
(06:26):
I think it goes back to thishyper-independence.
So the question is how do wemake ourselves fantastic at
giving to?
What would you say, catherine?
Speaker 1 (06:39):
Well, I have a follow-up.
So how can I make myselffantastic?
To give to For sure is a greatquestion.
And I'm thinking of whensomeone gives me something,
whether it's a gift or acompliment, or they want to help
me with something, they want tooffer me love or maybe things I
(07:01):
don't really want, where I'mlike no, thank you, don't want
the feedback, no, thank you,don't want the criticism.
But in all seriousness, can Iask myself Well, first off, it's
our age old advice here thatBrenda and I are constantly
saying we need to pause and justslow down, constantly saying we
(07:29):
need to pause and just slowdown.
Someone is offering me somethingand I get to feel into.
How can I fully receive thiswith love?
How can I pause, really absorb,like if I were a sponge, what's
being given to me and be ableto, with my full body, just say
thank you, thank you for thegift or thank you for X that
(07:54):
you've given me.
This is so beautiful to receive.
Thank you for saying that.
Let's say it's a compliment.
Thank you so much for sayingthat.
Saying that, let's say it's acompliment.
Thank you so much for sayingthat.
That really means a lot to me.
Let's say it's help.
Thank you so much for your help.
It really meant the world to methat you were able to show up
(08:15):
for me in this way.
Thank you so much for eitheryour gift or your act of service
.
Thank you for whatever you'vegiven me that really had me feel
loved and appreciated.
It has me think, brenda.
(08:38):
How can I pause, either rightbefore and or during and after,
to fully feel the impact of thegift that's being given to me?
I then feel into how can Ireceive this fully with love, so
that this person that's giftingme this also feels it?
(08:58):
How can I have this moment bean actual gift exchange?
They give me something and Igive my gratitude, but really
fully feel the gratitude beforeI say thank you.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Yeah, I think you're saying this beautiful piece
about reception is that we, inorder to for somebody to have
the experience of really giving,we need to receive.
I think that's one of theearliest lessons that I learned.
I was like, oh, without myreception, I'm robbing someone
(09:41):
of the beauty of giving.
And it feels so great to give,so great, it feels so good to
give, but if somebody doesn'treceive it, I'm robbed of that.
And one of my favorite thingsto do is to give real
compliments and I will just stopa random woman on the street or
(10:04):
in the store and just say toher you are a beautiful woman,
or I love your outfit, you're sofashionable.
I only say it if I mean it andthey're like thank you.
This is a great point fortalking about receiving.
It's just the simple act ofthank yous.
(10:26):
Mostly women don't receive that.
We have these unsaid agreements, unspoken agreements between us
as women that we're going todim our light, we're going to be
small, we're going to not shine, we're going to pretend that
we're not magnificent, amazingcreatures that we are, and we
(10:50):
deflect all these complimentsall the time.
It took me a long time, likeactually being in a women's
community, to learn about theart of receiving a compliment
and you know we practiced it andif you're listening, you could
practice this.
You know, let's try it rightnow.
(11:10):
You could say thank you, youare.
You are a beautiful woman.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
And what if you just said thank you to a compliment
when you received it?
What if it was true?
What if the other person wasn'tlying?
Can you receive that?
And it's a beautiful gift togive, to receive a compliment.
I know, when I stop women onthe street and give them the
(11:45):
compliment, I'm only saying ifit's true and I do want to be
received, I want to give themthe compliment.
I'm only saying if it's trueand I do want to be received, I
want to see them own it.
I think it's beautiful whenwomen own it and own themselves,
and part of that is thereception of receiving a gift.
What comes up for you,catherine?
Speaker 1 (12:04):
It's beautiful.
I think when you, brenda, areable to offer another woman a
compliment like, oh, I love thatoutfit on you, it's so
fashionable, or you wear that sowell, and she says thank you
and means it it feels good, it'slike, oh, the next time I see a
woman that's dressed lovely andreally fashionably, I want to
(12:24):
let her know how fashionable shelooks.
Fashionably, I want to let herknow how fashionable she looks.
But if every time I turned to awoman I gave them compliments,
it felt flat or they were like,oh, thank you.
Or became defensive or did theage old oh, it's really nothing,
this is I hand me down, or Igot it over here, it wasn't
expensive.
They go through that.
It's like, no, I didn't need toknow all of that.
(12:47):
Like, just want to let you knowthat you look good and what
you're wearing and like, thankyou would have been enough.
The rest of it is so much extra, and one of I mean in our
lineage they say that that isjust the person receiving is
having difficulty receiving andbeing with the sensation of the
(13:08):
gift, and so they begin todilute, diffuse that sensation
with the explanation.
It's sort of the nervous energyand the way that it comes out
sideways is not no, thank you,don't give me the compliment,
but like oh, this was.
I got this at the thrift store.
And then they get all weird andawkward about it.
(13:30):
All of a sudden the exchange isawkward when it could have been
compliment, thank you, fullreception, everybody feels seen
and there's an actual giftexchange.
The exchange has been made.
Someone gave you a gorgeouscompliment.
You fully embraced it, absorbedit, you gave back the exchange
(13:54):
of the gift by saying thank you,deeply felt.
And I'm going to go a layerdeeper here.
When we're not getting defensiveabout you know, I get that we
can get defensive about feedbackor criticism.
If we can just listen, pausebefore we respond and say, oh,
thank you so much for sharingthat.
(14:15):
Like, if somebody iscriticizing something, I don't
have to take it on as truth, Idon't have to become defensive
or get upset.
I could just say, oh, thank youso much for your honesty, thank
you so much for sharing that,because they're letting me know
something that was not easy toshare, or maybe it was easy for
them and it wasn't easy for meto listen to or receive, and we
(14:37):
can just let that be.
It's said, it's in the spaceand that can be enough.
I don't have to go into all theways in which and claim my case
.
I could just let that go andjust say thank you so much for
sharing that In my head, knowingI don't really know how hard or
(14:58):
not hard it was for this personto share this with me because
it's uncomfortable.
They're not letting me know thatI'm wearing something fabulous.
They might be telling mesomething else that's not so
nice to share.
Can I just say thank you somuch for sharing that.
Thank you for your honesty.
I'm really going to think aboutthat and leave it at that.
It doesn't have to be more thanthat and I want to move the
(15:21):
conversation into like part ofreception is presence.
Can I be present to what'shappening in this moment?
I don't have to defend myselfif it's criticism or someone's
being defensive.
I get to listen, full stop,pause, respond with my thank you
for your honesty.
And just as I am present forsomething that may be awkward or
(15:47):
uncomfortable or highlysensational, I also get to be
present for the hug or for loveor beautiful words, a gorgeous
gift, an act of service.
The thing that tends to take usout of presence is the brain.
(16:18):
The brain then has an opinion,a judgment, a thought about what
just occurred, and it's wah,wah, wah, wah, wah wah, and it's
wah, wah, wah, wah, wah wah.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
What just came up for me when you were talking about
that was how much being in yourbody matters for reception as
opposed to being in your head.
Right, think about let's justtalk about sex the kind of sex
that you might have if you're inyour head or you have an idea
(16:50):
of how it's going to go, ascompared to if you're just in
your body and you're inreceptive mode, if you're in
mode of allowing and flowing,instead of forcing or
controlling or contracting like.
Think about the difference inthat kind of sex.
So we're really talking aboutthe more you can be in your body
(17:13):
, the more you can receive.
That's a great connection.
I love that.
And what about receiving whenit's out of your preferences,
like we've all gotten gifts thatwe don't like.
What happens when you get agift and you don't like it?
(17:34):
Can you be receptive for thegift?
I learned this in a class I wasin once I was in this women's
class and we all received thesebeautiful crowns and one woman
was like I don't want this one,I want that one, I want the pink
flowers, I want the purpleflowers.
And it turned into a beautifullesson in just receiving and
(17:58):
receiving the gift, like we werebeing given this gift that was
unexpected and not putting yourpreferences on it.
Can you just receive the giftfor what it is without getting
too involved in whether you likeit, whether you want it,
whether you wish it wassomething different?
I think a great example of thiswould be like a mother receiving
(18:22):
a noodle necklace from her kid.
I have a pin that my son gaveme.
It's puzzle pieces that werepainted gold and glued together
with like feathers on it that hegave me when he was a little
boy and I just oogled and oogledover that, this present that he
(18:44):
gave me.
I was so happy to receive itand like when I tap into that,
the beauty of receiving thatgift from my little boy, and how
I just was so happy and howhappy he was to give it to me,
this puzzle pin brooch.
(19:05):
I don't even know if I everwore it Maybe I probably did,
but I remember seeing it andlooking at it and the beauty of
that moment just lasted for solong for me.
So that's just a great exampleof reception.
And what if we did that more?
Speaker 1 (19:25):
That's such a great example.
I love, love, love that example.
It really shines the light onhow much easier it is to receive
when we have no expectation.
Right, here's this little boywho probably did something in an
arts and crafts store or artsand crafts in school.
(19:47):
Maybe it's a holiday, you knowhe's going to come home with
something and you have school.
Maybe it's a holiday, you knowhe's going to come home with
something and you have no ideawhat it's going to be.
It could be finger paint, hishand, it could be you know his
favorite poem mommy is whatever,and you get to just receive it,
have him feel fully seen andloved, and you love it because
(20:09):
he made it for you.
And how gorgeous is that?
This, for me, points to whenwe're receiving a gift.
Can we just be fantastic togive to?
Can we fully receive this withlove, without adjustment,
because there is a time foradjustment and maybe
(20:30):
non-adjustment.
Usually it's based oncircumstance, right?
If your partner buys you agorgeous, I don't know, $50,000
ring, but they're in debt orthey can't pay their rent and
you're asking yourself, how isthis happening?
(20:51):
Maybe that's part of thank youso much for the loving gesture,
but I don't think we're reallyin the position to do this.
Is there a way that I couldfully receive what you want me
to know from this gift, what youwant me to feel from this gift,
and also have it feel good tofully receive it, knowing that
it's not putting you out in anyway?
(21:12):
Right, sometimes we are makingadjustments for gifts, or
someone hasn't slept in threedays and they're like oh, you
just had a baby.
I want to come over and watchthe baby overnight.
You're like thank you so muchfor the thought, but I think you
should take better care ofyourself, right?
There is a place sometimeswhere an adjustment is needed,
(21:33):
but more often than not, a thankyou is enough, and adjustments
usually are for the people thatare closest to us in our lives.
And so maybe I would add okay,we're receiving a gift, we get
to pause, absorb, full stop,thank you and adjust if
necessary.
But maybe not even in thatmoment, maybe the adjustment
(21:55):
could be later, after the sortof high subsides, the high from
the gift giving and receiving.
And this is having me go to thelast thing I wanted to say,
which is can we just practice?
I want to invite everybody tojust practice saying thank you
(22:19):
really meaning it and justcontinuing to practice more
gratitude.
Brenda, I know you have a hugegratitude practice, gratitude
journaling practice.
I go over at least a minimum ofthree gratitudes a day.
What was I really grateful for?
And it does have me sort of.
(22:39):
It does help me keep my eye onwhat am I really grateful for
today?
Speaker 2 (22:51):
Dawn.
What am I really grateful fortoday?
Yeah, what am I really gratefulfor today?
That gratitude is a greatpractice to get into your body.
It softens you and it opensyour heart and it's so
connecting.
So when we talk about how doyou get into your body to
receive, that's a great practiceto do because it drops you in.
(23:15):
And there's a saying thatgratitude is a reflection of
your genius.
If somebody gives you agratitude, they're really just
reflecting to you your genius,what you're really good at.
They're really just reflectingto you your genius, what you're
really good at, or your beautyor your outfit or your skills,
(23:37):
whatever it is.
And can you receive that aboutyourself?
Like, can you see yourselfaccurately?
And sometimes that's hard andwe need reflection for sure, but
can you let it in?
Can you let it in If somebodysays, wow, you're a great
rollerblader or wow, you're sogood at that, you're so good at
(23:58):
holding space for me, or you'reso beautiful?
Can you receive the complimentsabout yourself and not deflect
it Like?
That's just probably theeasiest way to start practicing
being more receptive in yourlife.
Just start with compliments,receiving them authentically,
(24:23):
letting them in, like Catherinesaid, pausing, let it in, be a
sponge and that could be alittle uncomfortable because,
going back to the quote thatit's a reflection of your genius
, you'd have to admit that it'strue.
You'd have to admit that yougot some mad skills or that
(24:46):
you're beautiful or really kindand generous, whatever it is.
And it's a lot to see ourselvesbecause, like I said earlier,
we do have these unspokenagreements as women about how
we're going to make ourselvessmaller.
And I think that's why theseconversations are so important,
because if we want to have thelife that we want, the life that
(25:11):
we go to sleep dreaming of,maybe the life that we see
somebody else over there havingor any part of it, and we want
something more in our life, wehave to be able to hold it, we
have to be able to receive itand even let's just go back to
the very beginning admit that wewant it.
(25:33):
Just to admit that you want itmeans that you have received
this desire from wherever itcomes from.
And just to even have that andadmit this most tender thing
inside of you that you wantmeans that you're taking up
space.
It means that you believe thatyou can have it, or even maybe
(25:59):
just say you want it before youeven believe you can have it.
We can do that too, but you'reclaiming it.
You're claiming something whenyou say I want this thing and
that's a really beautiful firststep.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
And that's a really beautiful first step.
It really is.
I'm thinking of thecircumstances when someone gives
us a compliment and we reallylove the person that's coming
from and we think the same ofthem, and how jarring it can be.
So maybe someone says, thankyou so much for holding space
for me and I'm like, oh wow, butthis person holds such gorgeous
(26:39):
space for me too, and thetemptation to be like, well, you
do it too.
Actually you do it better thanI do.
Right, when we sort of deflect acompliment and I just because
it came up, when I offer themirroring of the compliment
where someone can say somethingto me, I can absorb it fully and
say thank you, I'm so glad Ifeel like you do that for me
(27:06):
often.
Or someone says they love myoutfit and I feel like they're
always dressed well and I get tosay thank you so much.
That means a lot coming fromyou.
I see you like a woman that hasthe most gorgeous fashion sense
right.
I don't have to trample on itbecause I think they're better
(27:28):
at something.
I still get to say thank youfully, receive it and let them
know that it just means a lotcoming from them because of X, y
or Z.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
That's so good.
I have to jump in right here,because the way you just talked
about that, the way that youjust transmitted receiving the
compliment, taking it in andthen also sharing oh, this means
a lot from you because you dothis and then also sharing oh,
(28:03):
this means a lot from youbecause you do this is very,
very different than complimentcommerce that we do.
Oh, you're so beautiful, thankyou, so are you.
It's very, very different.
You could feel it oh, I love, Ilove your boots, thank you, I
love your boots.
You could just feel thefalseness in that, even if the
person actually loved your bootstoo.
You can feel the lack ofreception in the way they said
(28:25):
thank you and immediately tookthe attention off of them and
bounced back with a reciprocalcommerce compliment, and it
doesn't feel authentic.
It just doesn't.
But the way that you justtransmitted that, I could feel
your reception.
Speaker 1 (28:46):
So interesting that you say it feels fake.
I think that's a great thing topoint out, thing to point out
that our lack of receptioneither feels fake, feels off,
feels disingenuous.
At the end of the day, it justdoes not feel good to the gifter
(29:11):
.
So our job as receivers is todo a better job at receiving.
Ultimately because this is theDesire as Medicine podcast and
we are here to have more andexperience more life based on
what we desire, living lives ledby desire and a reception
practice really helps us expand.
It helps us grow our receivingcups, it helps us grow in our
(29:38):
reception, which then thereforemeans we can actually receive
more, which ultimately is abeautiful thing and for
listeners don't get me wrongthis doesn't mean that you're in
your life and all of a suddenyou have all these things coming
into your bucket.
It's sort of, when we open ourreception, it means we get to
(30:02):
actually feel grateful for whatwe have, see the beauty that's
already available to us.
As we do that, then we actuallybegin to expand our ability to
hold and see beauty and giftsand everything.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
So beautiful.
This is reminding me of howmuch people that we love want to
give to us, and I'm just goingto be heteronormative for a
moment.
Men want to give to us as women.
They want to give us what wewant.
We just have to know what wewant.
They feel good to give it to us.
(30:45):
My partner just said to meyesterday I think I said
something like oh, how do youwant to do this?
He said I'll do it anyway.
Just tell me what you want andI'll do it.
And he meant it.
I was like, oh shit, I have toreally know what I want here.
It's very easy to not, but theywant to give to us Just like,
(31:08):
honestly, as a mother, I want togive what they want for the
holidays or for their birthday,because I want to give it to
them.
If they don't tell me I can'tdo that and it like blocks me
and I don't have that joy.
And so you know, women, can youown your desire and can you
(31:35):
share it?
You say you want therelationship that you want, and
I will tell you that receptionis part of it.
Receiving from your partner isthe elixir that.
It's a nutrient.
It's actually a nutrient thathelps you have the relationship
(31:56):
that you want, and it takes sometime to build that skill 1000%.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
I would take that statement even out further and
say our gratitude.
Our reception, our ability toreceive from others is a way to
have deeper relationships and tohave a more fulfilling life,
and we want all of this and morefor you.
If any of this resonated withyou, please let us know If you
(32:26):
feel so moved.
We would love a review,especially on Apple Podcasts.
Let us know what part of thisepisode filled you.
Thank you so much, until nexttime.
Bye for now.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine
podcast.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply
intimate with ourselves andothers.
You can find our handles in theshow notes.
We'd love to hear from you.
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