March 19, 2025 • 35 mins
What does your ideal sisterhood look like? In this episode, we imagine a world where sisterhood is a powerful tool for empowerment and support. This episode explores the often overlooked yet profound dynamics of female connections, encouraging a shift from surface-level interactions to deep, meaningful relationships. We share our personal experiences and discuss how vulnerability can enhance the bonds we share with other women, allowing us to be our authentic selves.
Join us as we investigate what sisterhood truly means in our lives and how it can transform our experiences into something truly rich and fulfilling. Through engaging stories, we share insight into how these deeply held connections foster emotional support as well as helping us realize our deepest desires.
This episode is a call to action for all women to reflect on their sisterhood journeys. We share practical advice on how to build and nurture these relationships, emphasizing the importance of authenticity, vulnerability, and mutual support. By cultivating an environment where women can truly uplift each other, we pave the way for something incredible.
Tune in, and let’s discover the beauty of sisterhood together! Don’t forget to subscribe, share your thoughts, and leave a review. Your voice matters to us!
Episode Highlights:
- Discuss the misconception around sisterhood as mere friendship
- Explore high-level versus low-level relating among women
- Highlight the profound impact of vulnerability in sisterhood
- Personal stories that showcase our authentic connections
- How to create and nurture the desired sisterhood in your life
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If you'd like to learn more about 1:1 or group coaching with Brenda or Catherine message them and book a Sales Call to learn more.
Email:
desireasmedicine@gmail.com
goddessbrenda24@gmail.com
catherine@catherinenavarro.com
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@desireasmedicinepodcast
@Brenda_Fredericks
@CoachCatherineN
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome to Desire is Medicine.
We are two very different womenliving a life led by desire.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Inviting you into our world.
I'm Brenda.
I'm a devoted practitioner tobeing my fully expressed true
self in my daily life,motherhood relationships and my
business Desire has taken me onquite a ride and every day I
practice listening to andfollowing the voice within.
I'm a middle school teacherturned coach and guide of the
(00:35):
feminine.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the
truest and hopefully thehighest version of me.
I don't have children, I'venever been married.
I've spent equal parts of mylife in corporate as in some
down and low shady spaces.
I was the epitome of tired andwired and my path led me to
explore desire.
I'm a coach, guide, energyworker and a forever student.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Even after decades of inner work, we are humble
beginners on the mat, stillexploring, always curious.
We believe that listening toand following the nudge of
desire is a deep spiritualpractice that helps us grow.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
On the Desires Medicine podcast.
We talk to each other, weinterview people we know and
love about the practice ofdesire, bringing in a very
important piece that is oftenoverlooked being responsible for
our desire.
Welcome back, friends, family.
So happy to have you.
(01:32):
Thank you so much for listeningand joining us.
If you are new to the podcast,welcome.
If you are a loving listener, areturning listener, if you
would not mind, I would love itfor you to leave us a review on
Apple Podcasts, a rating and,please, a review, and I give out
special gifts, wink, wink.
So if you do leave a review,take a screenshot and send it to
(01:56):
me either.
If you're a friend, you can DMor text, email all the ways and
I'll send you your little gift.
Actually, it's a gorgeous gift,but I'm not going to say what
it is, so it could be a surpriseSurprise.
All right, what is on thebuffet?
(02:17):
The desire buffet table?
Today I'm here joined with myco-host, brenda, the lovely
Brenda, and today we want totalk about sisterhood.
It has come up, it's in the air, it's in the room and it might
sound like not a big deal, or itmight sound like a big deal.
I don't know where you are, asyou being, where you're
(02:40):
listening from, where you are inyour stage of building
relationships.
If you find yourself kind offast food, relating, that low
level, relate with friends,where it's sort of networking
hey, how are you, how are youdoing, how you been, how was
your week?
That sort of low level.
Or if it's deep, like did youdo anything to become wealthy
(03:04):
today?
Or what was your deepest desire?
Like a higher level of relatingthat is a lot more based on
witnessing each other, lettingourselves be seen and felt, and
(03:27):
like less bus stop conversationand more like think tank
conversation or love tankconversation, a place where it's
a true breeding ground forintimacy and depth, where you
can see, be witnessed, expand inrelationship.
(03:51):
Like I believe everything isrelationship, relationship to
ourselves, relationship toothers, and sisterhood is a
gorgeous way to play, gorgeousway to play.
So, whether you are married,single, divorced, a mom, not mom
are able to, you find datingsuper easy, super hard, like
(04:17):
sisterhood is available and youcan create it for yourself.
It's super important to me.
But right now I'm going to turnit over to you, Brenda.
What comes up for you when wethink about sisterhood?
Speaker 2 (04:28):
Sisterhood is everything.
It's truly everything.
As I'm listening to you, I'mthinking, wow, it's probably one
of the most important things inmy life, like my family is
super important to me and mychildren.
But to have the life of mydreams, to have my desires, to
have a life led by desire to bemy true self and to get out of
(04:51):
this cute little head of mineand into possibility and
expansion and miracles, Iabsolutely need sisterhood.
I need it, I have it, I'vecultivated it and I am so
(05:12):
absolutely grateful for it.
When I think about women, thewomen in my life, and I think
about what I've been able tocreate in my life, which is
truly a miracle, like I've gonefurther in my lineage than
anyone before me as far asconsciousness or relating or
(05:38):
maybe thinking outside the box,even college education and
sisterhood and friendship, it'sall possible because of the
investment I've made in women.
It's truly all possible.
It's the most important thingbecause women show me what's
(06:02):
possible on this planet by beingtheir true selves, by letting
their freak flag fly, by beingwho they truly are, which is the
new paradigm of woman andsisterhood.
I get to see what's possible.
In the old paradigm we'replaying small where we have like
(06:31):
an unsaid agreement to dim ourlight and stay inside of a box.
And it's not that there'sanything wrong with that box,
it's just that it's limited.
And it's not that there'sanything wrong with that box,
it's just that it's limited andinside that box.
I think the general way thatwomen have related is colluding
(06:54):
with each other, like those busstop conversations which are
about how stupid your husband is, the dumb thing he did last
night or how annoying your kidsare.
It's such low level relatingthere's nowhere to go from there
.
You're just stuck in that samestory every day and it's very
(07:17):
limiting.
I think the old paradigm ofsisterhood is critical and
judgmental.
It's about fixing each other,and we're talking about this new
, incredible, wear a crown kindof sisterhood where we take each
other higher and deeper than weever thought was possible, and
(07:41):
we do it by being our trueselves, by being who we really
are with each other.
There's so much more that Iwant to say, but I'm going to
have you jump in.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Can you give an example of that, Like you say,
being your true selves?
What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (08:01):
It means showing up exactly as you are.
I'll just say this this iswhat's coming up for me.
This was going back gosh, likeseven, eight, nine years ago.
I was talking to a friend and Iwas having some money issues.
We were doing a tool togethercalled spring cleaning and I was
like really in distress.
And she was like, oh, I'm goingto now talk about money.
(08:28):
And she was having an amazingexperience with money.
She was feeling great aboutmoney.
She had a lot of money at thetime.
Money was coming to her.
She was just like in superabundant vibes and I was in
super fear and scarce vibes andshe just showed up as her actual
(08:48):
, true self.
She didn't dim her light for me.
She didn't dim her light tomatch me in my fear and scarcity
.
She shined her light and talkedabout the real, true things
that were happening for her andit was beautiful.
And that is breaking the oldparadigm, because the old
(09:09):
paradigm says if a woman isfeeling bad or sad or she's
crying, you don't talk about howgreat your life is.
If a sister is saying she'shaving money or men problems,
you're not going to talk abouthow great it is for you.
But what I'm suggesting is that, yes, you can, and it's not in
(09:32):
a cold-hearted, boasting,one-upping kind of way.
No, it's something verydifferent.
It's meeting the other personexactly where they are, being
openhearted and compassionate,and not dimming your light for
the other woman and the beautyof that.
(09:54):
Going back to that conversationthat I had, was it kind of
pulled me out of fear andscarcity vibes.
It kind of brought me into ohmy God, I remembered.
Oh, I'm a creatrix, I can makeanything that I want.
I can just be in desire itself.
Now, if she had dimmed herlight and just talked about fear
(10:14):
and scarcity or just choseanother topic completely, I
wouldn't have seen what waspossible in that moment and I
really remember that.
It really stood out to me.
Does that answer your?
Speaker 1 (10:25):
question Beautifully answers the question because
great answer, thank you.
So if I were to rephrase that,if I were to give it a reframe,
because you called it beingexactly who you are, I think the
thing underneath that we're nottalking about is the potential
(10:48):
thought that someone could haveof like, oh, brenda's in
scarcity and I am in abundance,so where I am as good and where
she is as bad, and I think I seethis.
This is a complete sidebar, butI see this a lot around women
who are able to get pregnant andwomen who are not able to get
(11:09):
pregnant, and like theconversations that can be had
there and that can be a veryscary thing on the table, it in
the room, because I recognizethat not every conversation
could be as potentially sound,as easy as scarcity or abundance
.
Or maybe for somebody else islistening, they're like oh my
(11:30):
God, scarcity and abundance,that's such a big topic.
But in order for that sister tobe able to share her goodness
and abundance, she had to seeyou as completely capable and
see that whatever scarcitypattern you were in or whatever
scarcity you were experiencing,that she doesn't need to save
(11:53):
you from it, that you're fullypowerful and she gets to share,
and just share in sharing,knowing that what she's bringing
to the table is a differentperception.
She's offering a possibility,and you also had to be willing
to see her as not better thanyou, because she's having an
(12:16):
amazing time with abundance.
She's just another human andyou're a human, and the two of
you are just on the path.
Nobody's better than the other.
There is no superiority, noinferiority.
There just is the reality of it.
That in that time, sounds likeyou had a little bit of a lack,
(12:37):
she had a surplus, and that's it.
Just factual.
It's right to have a surplus,or it's wrong to have a surplus,
or it's right to have a lack.
Or it's wrong to have a surplus, or it's right to have a lack,
or it's wrong to have a lack.
It just is.
And so I think that's one of themajor tenants that you want to
have when you're wanting tobuild really nourishing
(13:01):
relationships is to do your bestto do the work.
When I say do the work is, inother words, when you feel like
you are inferior to someone, oryou feel that you are superior
to someone, you think your wayis right, your way is wrong, or
your way is good, your way isbad that you really take a look
at that, because it isn't.
(13:24):
It just is.
We honestly don't know.
We could want more for someoneelse, but they could be having
the exact experience that theyneed.
We could potentially want lessfor someone else.
Maybe we think that they're tooarrogant or they have too much,
or a golden spoon or goldenhandcuffs, but we don't know
(13:44):
right.
Can we stay in connection whilealso staying in our own lane of
judgment?
Judgment-free zone, please.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Yeah, that's really good.
I'm just getting so pumped overhere talking about sisterhood
and what's possible.
The other way that women relatethat I didn't put on my list
before was jealousy, which youpointed to just before.
That is a way that we're reallyshown and conditioned how to
relate with each other, and whatwe're pointing to is something
(14:16):
so much deeper.
What I mostly want to say formyself with sisterhood is and I
said it before but what'spossible?
When I get outside of my mindand think about just what could
possibly be and I'm going totell a little story Last week I
had to.
(14:37):
I had a mammogram and then I hadto go back for a second
mammogram and a diagnosticultrasound and I was freaked the
fuck out.
I was really scared.
I felt like it was going to beokay, but I was also really
scared and I I just spoke to mywomen.
My friends were just there forme and they met me in the place
(14:59):
of I hear you Nobody lollygollyme like, oh, it's going to be
okay, there's no problem, butinstead they really offered me
hope and this one moment that Iwant to bring out, because I am
actually currently steeped insisterhood in California, I came
to visit some friends on theWest Coast and I am seeing
(15:22):
friends every single day.
I needed a weekend off.
Actually, I only got one day.
I took Sunday off from friendsbecause I was like I need some
time for myself.
It's so beautiful and it's beena desire of mine that I want
more in-person sisterhood andhad to really expand in order to
have it.
(15:43):
So one day last week it was thenight before my mammogram and
ultrasound and I went to the gymwith a friend and we were
sitting in the hot tub and I wastalking to her about it.
I was writing the line of Iknow it's going to be okay, but
I'm also really scared.
And she just put her hand on myhand.
(16:03):
We were in the hot tub and shesaid even if it's a result that
you don't want, you're stillgoing to be okay.
I'm here with you and you'regoing to be okay.
I'm here with you and you'regoing to be okay.
And it was such a beautiful,touching moment.
I felt so vulnerable and soseen in my fear and in the truth
(16:29):
that, even if it was a resultthat I didn't want, it's not a
death sentence.
And she was just there in thedark with me and I was so
grateful for that moment,because I don't want to brush
over the truth, I don't want tolive in the fear of it, but I
(16:53):
want to be in reality, like, oh,I could get bad news and I want
to be met there.
And I really was, and it madeall the difference.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
That's such a gorgeous example of sisterhood
and I'm just going to.
This is me groaning becauseit's not really a moan, it's
more like grr and a moan.
(17:24):
So Brenda and I have both hadmammograms and exams.
I have to have more exams doneas well.
They will be happening probablyby sometime.
I'll have more answers sometimemid, mid April or something.
I have a few more tests to doand I've been in text contact
(17:50):
with Brenda and she asked melike is there anything you need?
And I'm sharing this onebecause I think it's gorgeous
for you guys to see inside ofour sisterhood, but also because
Brenda's talking about a hottub and it sounds really
fantastic and somebody gets toput their hand on her hand.
It sounds really beautiful.
But we are opposite coastsright now and it's really easy
(18:17):
for me to boohoo and say, ohwell, I don't have her close.
If I wanted to go into my mindand create a story that
something is bad and of course,in that story, brenda's the only
person that I could have nextto me there's no other sister,
because that would feed into thewoe is me.
You know I don't have anybody,because if I had other people
(18:40):
then well, you know, I couldcreate this, however.
I wanted to, but no, I'm avictim and Brenda's the only
person.
But she so gorgeously asked meis there anything you need?
And I was like no, actuallyjust being able to text her.
What happened was that day thatshe took off.
(19:00):
That was the day that I wastexting her, I think, or
something close to it.
She was probably maybe withfriends or doing other things,
but just knowing that I'm beingwitnessed in my own fear and
having my own exams and sendingher updates of what was
occurring for me had me feelconnected to her because of the
friendship that we have.
Like when you cultivate asisterhood, it doesn't look like
(19:31):
a lifetime movie.
The connection can be so deep.
The possibility is there thatit transcends space and time and
what you think it has to looklike.
Like you can create whateverform is available and, within
that form, create the level ofdepth that you want to have,
(19:52):
because you might be listeningand say that sounds like
bullshit.
So I'm going to take it a stepfurther and say the way I
created that connection is byallowing myself to be witness in
my fear, even though she wasn'tthere, if I wanted to go into
the story that sisterhood needsto look a particular way, or if
(20:15):
I made it wrong that she wasn'tthere and therefore didn't want
to share the connection wouldnot have been had and what the
connection looked like.
So she got to see the messagesand say, oh hey, I was actually
caught up with X, y or Z, do youneed anything?
And that's when I got to bewith what do I need?
And I thought, hmm, I felt intoit, it could have been
(20:39):
something else.
Maybe I needed a phone call,maybe I needed a digestion call
on a different call, maybe Ineeded to go deeper, but I
actually didn't need any of that, for whatever reason I'm not
going to make it right or wrongI was like, no, today was
perfect.
I got to message you andactually in this location, this
(21:00):
is what I would actually want tobe able to just keep you
apprised of what's happening inreal time, so that I feel like
I'm in connection with anotherhuman around, something that can
be really scary.
And let's be honest, ladies andgentlemen, if you are listening,
but women and gentlemen, if youare listening, but women
there's always somethinghappening in our bodies, like we
(21:21):
have menstruation from the timewe're a teenager.
Then you have breasts coming in, then you have breasts getting
bigger, then you havegynecological exams.
They happen once a year.
Then when you hit your 40s,you're having mammograms, then
you're having colonoscopies,endoscopies.
This is a real in the roomreality of being in a female
body, and sisterhood issomething that is really
(21:45):
beautiful to have around thesethings, because we're all
literally being probed andprobed in the same places.
Let me tell you, when I got intothat mammogram machine okay,
and the woman was like thismight feel some pressure on your
bone I was like what?
This is a cakewalk incomparison to the last time I
(22:07):
had this one done.
I said the last time I had thisdone, it felt like my soul was
being squeezed out of my body.
This is nothing like that.
I said this I can do this shitevery day.
She was like oh, it's adifferent machine, it's been
upgraded.
I said this is amazing, thismachine is amazing.
(22:31):
But even something like that,the two women, the two techs
that were in the room were likeoh yeah, the other machine, blah
, blah, blah.
We had this whole conversationabout the machine.
I guess, once again, that's anexample of sisterhood with two
complete strangers.
Right, I go in, I ask theirnames, they ask me what I'm
(22:54):
there for.
I let them know it's anextended diagnostic, we're
checking for something, etcetera.
I feel really nervous about themachine because last time the
last machine sucked my soul outof my body, squeezed my soul out
of my body.
There I go, through theexperience, I'm saying, oh no,
it's not as bad as that and wehave a whole connection around
it, whole connection around it.
(23:21):
The other option would have beento say nothing, to not be
visible in my current moment,just like Brenda could have not
been visible in her currentmoment.
She didn't have to be seen withher friend in the hot tub.
She could have just said, oh,I'm fine, I think it's going to
be fine, and not shared the fear.
But if we're looking for thishigh level relating, whether
(23:42):
it's with sisterhood that wehave created or random
sisterhood with women that we'llnever see again and they're
just like a beautiful soulcontract that gets to be with
you in the dark, because that'sjust the dark place that you're
in If we want that nourishing,relating, then we really have to
(24:02):
have practice in creating ajudgment-free zone, because that
really helps breed possibilityand we do that by not making
anywhere we are wrong andallowing ourselves to be met
where we are and meeting theother person where they are
(24:24):
Gorgeous summary and beautifulstory.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
I love how you said it's your soul tribe and I love
how you just found sisterhood inthe mammogram room.
And, if I really receive yourstory, there's a couple of
pieces to it.
That's not random, no, you know, it's Catherine living her life
and you showed up honestly inthe moment and you held yourself
(24:51):
beautifully.
You.
You held yourself in thatmoment.
You were like what is up withthis machine?
Or you showed up real and youjust held yourself beautifully
and I think that's a really bigpiece.
I think we often will go intovictim around other women and
(25:14):
that's where we kind of lose ourpower is when we become a quote
victim of our circumstances andthen we go on each other's ride
and collude in the story andthat's what we're talking about,
that low level place ofrelating.
But in that story with themammogram and also with mine in
the hot tub, we both showed upreal, honest and held ourselves,
(25:39):
and so did the women who met us, and it's just another way to
show up with women.
And if you're asking yourselfwell, how do I have sisterhood?
How do I get women to do this?
How do I get other women toshow up real and be honest with
me and not collude and judge andfix and accept me for who I am.
(26:04):
Well, it starts with you.
You decide that you want to bethat and you just start being
that in the world.
You start being that with yourfriends, you start showing up
more honestly, you start showingup holding yourself, you start
(26:27):
showing up listening, accepting,being in approval and just
being honest.
That's how it starts and peoplewill meet you there.
Women are exquisite creatures.
We are absolutely incredibleand if you're willing to shatter
the illusion of the oldparadigm and show up in a higher
(26:52):
way, women will meet you there.
We want it.
Clients, friends, even in myfamily.
We want women to be with us in360 degrees of our life, in the
(27:12):
truth, and it starts withourselves.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
It starts with ourselves.
I second that Brenda has saidmore than once today for us to
shatter the illusion of the oldparadigm.
Up for me when I hear that isshow up as the possibility, you
(27:52):
want something different?
Great, show up as thatdifferent.
She also talked about how wehold ourselves really influences
that possibility.
Right, if I had shown up to themammogram room and I'm like, oh
my God, I hate that machine andI just was going on and on and
on, nobody wants to talk tosomebody that's complaining,
(28:12):
nobody wants to talk to somebodythat's whining.
Nobody wants that because it'snot fun, it's a dead end.
It's like old McDonald's fries.
It's fast food, it's just lowlevel relating.
It's not good.
It's not even like the oldMcDonald's fries when they
cooked it in lard.
It's like that new stuff, thatseed oil stuff.
(28:33):
It's like an old fry that wasfried in seed oil.
The thing that I want to pointto here is we show up, we create
the possibility, we be thepossibility.
Other women get to see that howwe hold ourselves, we hold
(28:55):
ourselves well, and then we showthem what that looks like so
that we can be related to in thesame, can be related to in the
same Now as women.
Yes, we tend to be morenurturing, more loving in
comparison to men, right, it'sjust what's important.
(29:15):
And how we relate to oneanother is different, not one
better than the other, but thereis an honest difference that
occurs in sisterhood than indifferent sex relationships.
Right, where men, womenrelationships, it is a different
(29:36):
form of relating, because a man, by nature, god willing, is
going to want to hold you safeand protect you, right, he wants
to make sure that you're caredfor.
He's not really holding you toyour highest possibility, not
because he doesn't mean to, butbecause he wants to have you
(29:58):
literally melt inside of him.
Versus a woman is going tostand by you.
Him versus a woman is going tostand by you.
Show you what's possible so youcan step into the highest
version of you, and that'ssomething that we haven't really
touched on just yet.
(30:19):
When we're showing other womenpossibility, that's technically
what we're showing them.
We're showing other womenpossibility.
That's technically what we'reshowing them.
Please, meet me here.
Don't ask me about the weather.
Don't tell me how this machinesucks.
Don't tell me how horrendousbreast cancer is or
mammographies or pap smears.
(30:42):
Let's not talk about all theways that we're poked and
prodded.
Let's feel into what ourconnection feels like when I
just let you know how I'm scaredof something, how I am unsure
about something, and allowmyself to be met with something
(31:04):
like Brenda was met with sogorgeous.
Even if it's the worst news,you're going to be okay.
Can we set our lives up so thatwe create relationships and
sisterhood?
That looks like that.
Can we indeed?
Speaker 2 (31:19):
Yeah, that's really beautiful and it's really just
taking the chance.
It's the willingness to bevulnerable, and vulnerability is
power.
It's our greatest superpower asa woman is our vulnerability.
That is our strength.
Strength isn't man's strength,it's feminine strength, which is
(31:42):
vulnerability, reception,opening, softening and truth
Truth of who we really are.
Men will one up each other veryeasily.
They'll say I caught a fish.
It was gigantic.
(32:04):
And their friend will say Icaught a fish.
It was gigantic.
And their friend will say Icaught a fish.
It was double that size, it wastriple that size.
You know, men will very easilystand at a party and one up each
other.
You made a million dollars, Imade $2 million and I caught the
biggest fish.
Made $2 million and I caughtthe biggest fish.
(32:26):
Women will one down each other.
You had a bad day.
Well, I had a worse day.
Let me tell you how much worsemy day was than your day.
It's like there's some kind ofa prize for having the worst day
.
But think about it.
If you're a woman and you'relistening to this, you've
(32:48):
experienced this, because Ithink this is generally how
women are relating in the world.
It's like a way that we competefor the lowest, worst prize?
And what if, instead of that,you just listened to a woman,
what she was saying, and said,wow, that must be really hard.
(33:09):
Or thanks for sharing, do youwant to say more?
Or I'm really sorry that thathappened, or I'm really sorry
that you're going through that.
I really feel your heart.
And just be there for eachother.
We're so busy trying to competeand add something to the
(33:31):
conversation that we're justmissing the boat completely.
And this goes back to what Iwas saying earlier just be who
you truly are, be fabulous.
Be fabulous.
You're a creatrix.
If you're a woman, you have theability to create life.
Like you hold possibility andmagic.
(33:59):
You're radiant, and when youown that, everything is possible
.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
Anything is possible for you if you're willing to
stand in the truth of who youreally are, which is radiance.
I really hope that, yes, we canall feel our radiance and that
we find it in ourselves to notworry about whether we're better
or worse, superior, inferior,good, bad, right, wrong, that we
can feel our worth and that weare worthy to share of ourselves
(34:28):
just because we are.
And may this episode reallymotivate you to feel into the
sisterhoods that you haveavailable to you and that, even
if it's not available, and that,even if it's not available
(34:55):
because you don't see it thatyou begin to feel into what
would feel delicious for you insisterhood.
What sort of sisterhood do youdesire?
What would you like to create?
And start moving towards that,one action, one step at a time,
without collapsing.
No fall on the ground.
No, woe is me.
This is something I want andI'm going for it.
And for all the sisters outhere listening, I want you to
(35:17):
know that, brenda and I back you.
Thank you so much for listening.
Until next time.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine
podcast.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply
intimate with ourselves andothers.
You can find our handles in theshow notes.
We'd love to hear from you.
Welcome to Desire is Medicine.
We are two very different womenliving a life led by desire.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Inviting you into our world.
I'm Brenda.
I'm a devoted practitioner tobeing my fully expressed true
self in my daily life,motherhood relationships and my
business Desire has taken me onquite a ride and every day I
practice listening to andfollowing the voice within.
I'm a middle school teacherturned coach and guide of the
(00:35):
feminine.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the
truest and hopefully thehighest version of me.
I don't have children, I'venever been married.
I've spent equal parts of mylife in corporate as in some
down and low shady spaces.
I was the epitome of tired andwired and my path led me to
explore desire.
I'm a coach, guide, energyworker and a forever student.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Even after decades of inner work, we are humble
beginners on the mat, stillexploring, always curious.
We believe that listening toand following the nudge of
desire is a deep spiritualpractice that helps us grow.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
On the Desires Medicine podcast.
We talk to each other, weinterview people we know and
love about the practice ofdesire, bringing in a very
important piece that is oftenoverlooked being responsible for
our desire.
Welcome back, friends, family.
So happy to have you.
(01:32):
Thank you so much for listeningand joining us.
If you are new to the podcast,welcome.
If you are a loving listener, areturning listener, if you
would not mind, I would love itfor you to leave us a review on
Apple Podcasts, a rating and,please, a review, and I give out
special gifts, wink, wink.
So if you do leave a review,take a screenshot and send it to
(01:56):
me either.
If you're a friend, you can DMor text, email all the ways and
I'll send you your little gift.
Actually, it's a gorgeous gift,but I'm not going to say what
it is, so it could be a surpriseSurprise.
All right, what is on thebuffet?
(02:17):
The desire buffet table?
Today I'm here joined with myco-host, brenda, the lovely
Brenda, and today we want totalk about sisterhood.
It has come up, it's in the air, it's in the room and it might
sound like not a big deal, or itmight sound like a big deal.
I don't know where you are, asyou being, where you're
(02:40):
listening from, where you are inyour stage of building
relationships.
If you find yourself kind offast food, relating, that low
level, relate with friends,where it's sort of networking
hey, how are you, how are youdoing, how you been, how was
your week?
That sort of low level.
Or if it's deep, like did youdo anything to become wealthy
(03:04):
today?
Or what was your deepest desire?
Like a higher level of relatingthat is a lot more based on
witnessing each other, lettingourselves be seen and felt, and
(03:27):
like less bus stop conversationand more like think tank
conversation or love tankconversation, a place where it's
a true breeding ground forintimacy and depth, where you
can see, be witnessed, expand inrelationship.
(03:51):
Like I believe everything isrelationship, relationship to
ourselves, relationship toothers, and sisterhood is a
gorgeous way to play, gorgeousway to play.
So, whether you are married,single, divorced, a mom, not mom
are able to, you find datingsuper easy, super hard, like
(04:17):
sisterhood is available and youcan create it for yourself.
It's super important to me.
But right now I'm going to turnit over to you, Brenda.
What comes up for you when wethink about sisterhood?
Speaker 2 (04:28):
Sisterhood is everything.
It's truly everything.
As I'm listening to you, I'mthinking, wow, it's probably one
of the most important things inmy life, like my family is
super important to me and mychildren.
But to have the life of mydreams, to have my desires, to
have a life led by desire to bemy true self and to get out of
(04:51):
this cute little head of mineand into possibility and
expansion and miracles, Iabsolutely need sisterhood.
I need it, I have it, I'vecultivated it and I am so
(05:12):
absolutely grateful for it.
When I think about women, thewomen in my life, and I think
about what I've been able tocreate in my life, which is
truly a miracle, like I've gonefurther in my lineage than
anyone before me as far asconsciousness or relating or
(05:38):
maybe thinking outside the box,even college education and
sisterhood and friendship, it'sall possible because of the
investment I've made in women.
It's truly all possible.
It's the most important thingbecause women show me what's
(06:02):
possible on this planet by beingtheir true selves, by letting
their freak flag fly, by beingwho they truly are, which is the
new paradigm of woman andsisterhood.
I get to see what's possible.
In the old paradigm we'replaying small where we have like
(06:31):
an unsaid agreement to dim ourlight and stay inside of a box.
And it's not that there'sanything wrong with that box,
it's just that it's limited.
And it's not that there'sanything wrong with that box,
it's just that it's limited andinside that box.
I think the general way thatwomen have related is colluding
(06:54):
with each other, like those busstop conversations which are
about how stupid your husband is, the dumb thing he did last
night or how annoying your kidsare.
It's such low level relatingthere's nowhere to go from there
.
You're just stuck in that samestory every day and it's very
(07:17):
limiting.
I think the old paradigm ofsisterhood is critical and
judgmental.
It's about fixing each other,and we're talking about this new
, incredible, wear a crown kindof sisterhood where we take each
other higher and deeper than weever thought was possible, and
(07:41):
we do it by being our trueselves, by being who we really
are with each other.
There's so much more that Iwant to say, but I'm going to
have you jump in.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Can you give an example of that, Like you say,
being your true selves?
What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (08:01):
It means showing up exactly as you are.
I'll just say this this iswhat's coming up for me.
This was going back gosh, likeseven, eight, nine years ago.
I was talking to a friend and Iwas having some money issues.
We were doing a tool togethercalled spring cleaning and I was
like really in distress.
And she was like, oh, I'm goingto now talk about money.
(08:28):
And she was having an amazingexperience with money.
She was feeling great aboutmoney.
She had a lot of money at thetime.
Money was coming to her.
She was just like in superabundant vibes and I was in
super fear and scarce vibes andshe just showed up as her actual
(08:48):
, true self.
She didn't dim her light for me.
She didn't dim her light tomatch me in my fear and scarcity
.
She shined her light and talkedabout the real, true things
that were happening for her andit was beautiful.
And that is breaking the oldparadigm, because the old
(09:09):
paradigm says if a woman isfeeling bad or sad or she's
crying, you don't talk about howgreat your life is.
If a sister is saying she'shaving money or men problems,
you're not going to talk abouthow great it is for you.
But what I'm suggesting is that, yes, you can, and it's not in
(09:32):
a cold-hearted, boasting,one-upping kind of way.
No, it's something verydifferent.
It's meeting the other personexactly where they are, being
openhearted and compassionate,and not dimming your light for
the other woman and the beautyof that.
(09:54):
Going back to that conversationthat I had, was it kind of
pulled me out of fear andscarcity vibes.
It kind of brought me into ohmy God, I remembered.
Oh, I'm a creatrix, I can makeanything that I want.
I can just be in desire itself.
Now, if she had dimmed herlight and just talked about fear
(10:14):
and scarcity or just choseanother topic completely, I
wouldn't have seen what waspossible in that moment and I
really remember that.
It really stood out to me.
Does that answer your?
Speaker 1 (10:25):
question Beautifully answers the question because
great answer, thank you.
So if I were to rephrase that,if I were to give it a reframe,
because you called it beingexactly who you are, I think the
thing underneath that we're nottalking about is the potential
(10:48):
thought that someone could haveof like, oh, brenda's in
scarcity and I am in abundance,so where I am as good and where
she is as bad, and I think I seethis.
This is a complete sidebar, butI see this a lot around women
who are able to get pregnant andwomen who are not able to get
(11:09):
pregnant, and like theconversations that can be had
there and that can be a veryscary thing on the table, it in
the room, because I recognizethat not every conversation
could be as potentially sound,as easy as scarcity or abundance
.
Or maybe for somebody else islistening, they're like oh my
(11:30):
God, scarcity and abundance,that's such a big topic.
But in order for that sister tobe able to share her goodness
and abundance, she had to seeyou as completely capable and
see that whatever scarcitypattern you were in or whatever
scarcity you were experiencing,that she doesn't need to save
(11:53):
you from it, that you're fullypowerful and she gets to share,
and just share in sharing,knowing that what she's bringing
to the table is a differentperception.
She's offering a possibility,and you also had to be willing
to see her as not better thanyou, because she's having an
(12:16):
amazing time with abundance.
She's just another human andyou're a human, and the two of
you are just on the path.
Nobody's better than the other.
There is no superiority, noinferiority.
There just is the reality of it.
That in that time, sounds likeyou had a little bit of a lack,
(12:37):
she had a surplus, and that's it.
Just factual.
It's right to have a surplus,or it's wrong to have a surplus,
or it's right to have a lack.
Or it's wrong to have a surplus, or it's right to have a lack,
or it's wrong to have a lack.
It just is.
And so I think that's one of themajor tenants that you want to
have when you're wanting tobuild really nourishing
(13:01):
relationships is to do your bestto do the work.
When I say do the work is, inother words, when you feel like
you are inferior to someone, oryou feel that you are superior
to someone, you think your wayis right, your way is wrong, or
your way is good, your way isbad that you really take a look
at that, because it isn't.
(13:24):
It just is.
We honestly don't know.
We could want more for someoneelse, but they could be having
the exact experience that theyneed.
We could potentially want lessfor someone else.
Maybe we think that they're tooarrogant or they have too much,
or a golden spoon or goldenhandcuffs, but we don't know
(13:44):
right.
Can we stay in connection whilealso staying in our own lane of
judgment?
Judgment-free zone, please.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Yeah, that's really good.
I'm just getting so pumped overhere talking about sisterhood
and what's possible.
The other way that women relatethat I didn't put on my list
before was jealousy, which youpointed to just before.
That is a way that we're reallyshown and conditioned how to
relate with each other, and whatwe're pointing to is something
(14:16):
so much deeper.
What I mostly want to say formyself with sisterhood is and I
said it before but what'spossible?
When I get outside of my mindand think about just what could
possibly be and I'm going totell a little story Last week I
had to.
(14:37):
I had a mammogram and then I hadto go back for a second
mammogram and a diagnosticultrasound and I was freaked the
fuck out.
I was really scared.
I felt like it was going to beokay, but I was also really
scared and I I just spoke to mywomen.
My friends were just there forme and they met me in the place
(14:59):
of I hear you Nobody lollygollyme like, oh, it's going to be
okay, there's no problem, butinstead they really offered me
hope and this one moment that Iwant to bring out, because I am
actually currently steeped insisterhood in California, I came
to visit some friends on theWest Coast and I am seeing
(15:22):
friends every single day.
I needed a weekend off.
Actually, I only got one day.
I took Sunday off from friendsbecause I was like I need some
time for myself.
It's so beautiful and it's beena desire of mine that I want
more in-person sisterhood andhad to really expand in order to
have it.
(15:43):
So one day last week it was thenight before my mammogram and
ultrasound and I went to the gymwith a friend and we were
sitting in the hot tub and I wastalking to her about it.
I was writing the line of Iknow it's going to be okay, but
I'm also really scared.
And she just put her hand on myhand.
(16:03):
We were in the hot tub and shesaid even if it's a result that
you don't want, you're stillgoing to be okay.
I'm here with you and you'regoing to be okay.
I'm here with you and you'regoing to be okay.
And it was such a beautiful,touching moment.
I felt so vulnerable and soseen in my fear and in the truth
(16:29):
that, even if it was a resultthat I didn't want, it's not a
death sentence.
And she was just there in thedark with me and I was so
grateful for that moment,because I don't want to brush
over the truth, I don't want tolive in the fear of it, but I
(16:53):
want to be in reality, like, oh,I could get bad news and I want
to be met there.
And I really was, and it madeall the difference.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
That's such a gorgeous example of sisterhood
and I'm just going to.
This is me groaning becauseit's not really a moan, it's
more like grr and a moan.
(17:24):
So Brenda and I have both hadmammograms and exams.
I have to have more exams doneas well.
They will be happening probablyby sometime.
I'll have more answers sometimemid, mid April or something.
I have a few more tests to doand I've been in text contact
(17:50):
with Brenda and she asked melike is there anything you need?
And I'm sharing this onebecause I think it's gorgeous
for you guys to see inside ofour sisterhood, but also because
Brenda's talking about a hottub and it sounds really
fantastic and somebody gets toput their hand on her hand.
It sounds really beautiful.
But we are opposite coastsright now and it's really easy
(18:17):
for me to boohoo and say, ohwell, I don't have her close.
If I wanted to go into my mindand create a story that
something is bad and of course,in that story, brenda's the only
person that I could have nextto me there's no other sister,
because that would feed into thewoe is me.
You know I don't have anybody,because if I had other people
(18:40):
then well, you know, I couldcreate this, however.
I wanted to, but no, I'm avictim and Brenda's the only
person.
But she so gorgeously asked meis there anything you need?
And I was like no, actuallyjust being able to text her.
What happened was that day thatshe took off.
(19:00):
That was the day that I wastexting her, I think, or
something close to it.
She was probably maybe withfriends or doing other things,
but just knowing that I'm beingwitnessed in my own fear and
having my own exams and sendingher updates of what was
occurring for me had me feelconnected to her because of the
friendship that we have.
Like when you cultivate asisterhood, it doesn't look like
(19:31):
a lifetime movie.
The connection can be so deep.
The possibility is there thatit transcends space and time and
what you think it has to looklike.
Like you can create whateverform is available and, within
that form, create the level ofdepth that you want to have,
(19:52):
because you might be listeningand say that sounds like
bullshit.
So I'm going to take it a stepfurther and say the way I
created that connection is byallowing myself to be witness in
my fear, even though she wasn'tthere, if I wanted to go into
the story that sisterhood needsto look a particular way, or if
(20:15):
I made it wrong that she wasn'tthere and therefore didn't want
to share the connection wouldnot have been had and what the
connection looked like.
So she got to see the messagesand say, oh hey, I was actually
caught up with X, y or Z, do youneed anything?
And that's when I got to bewith what do I need?
And I thought, hmm, I felt intoit, it could have been
(20:39):
something else.
Maybe I needed a phone call,maybe I needed a digestion call
on a different call, maybe Ineeded to go deeper, but I
actually didn't need any of that, for whatever reason I'm not
going to make it right or wrongI was like, no, today was
perfect.
I got to message you andactually in this location, this
(21:00):
is what I would actually want tobe able to just keep you
apprised of what's happening inreal time, so that I feel like
I'm in connection with anotherhuman around, something that can
be really scary.
And let's be honest, ladies andgentlemen, if you are listening,
but women and gentlemen, if youare listening, but women
there's always somethinghappening in our bodies, like we
(21:21):
have menstruation from the timewe're a teenager.
Then you have breasts coming in, then you have breasts getting
bigger, then you havegynecological exams.
They happen once a year.
Then when you hit your 40s,you're having mammograms, then
you're having colonoscopies,endoscopies.
This is a real in the roomreality of being in a female
body, and sisterhood issomething that is really
(21:45):
beautiful to have around thesethings, because we're all
literally being probed andprobed in the same places.
Let me tell you, when I got intothat mammogram machine okay,
and the woman was like thismight feel some pressure on your
bone I was like what?
This is a cakewalk incomparison to the last time I
(22:07):
had this one done.
I said the last time I had thisdone, it felt like my soul was
being squeezed out of my body.
This is nothing like that.
I said this I can do this shitevery day.
She was like oh, it's adifferent machine, it's been
upgraded.
I said this is amazing, thismachine is amazing.
(22:31):
But even something like that,the two women, the two techs
that were in the room were likeoh yeah, the other machine, blah
, blah, blah.
We had this whole conversationabout the machine.
I guess, once again, that's anexample of sisterhood with two
complete strangers.
Right, I go in, I ask theirnames, they ask me what I'm
(22:54):
there for.
I let them know it's anextended diagnostic, we're
checking for something, etcetera.
I feel really nervous about themachine because last time the
last machine sucked my soul outof my body, squeezed my soul out
of my body.
There I go, through theexperience, I'm saying, oh no,
it's not as bad as that and wehave a whole connection around
it, whole connection around it.
(23:21):
The other option would have beento say nothing, to not be
visible in my current moment,just like Brenda could have not
been visible in her currentmoment.
She didn't have to be seen withher friend in the hot tub.
She could have just said, oh,I'm fine, I think it's going to
be fine, and not shared the fear.
But if we're looking for thishigh level relating, whether
(23:42):
it's with sisterhood that wehave created or random
sisterhood with women that we'llnever see again and they're
just like a beautiful soulcontract that gets to be with
you in the dark, because that'sjust the dark place that you're
in If we want that nourishing,relating, then we really have to
(24:02):
have practice in creating ajudgment-free zone, because that
really helps breed possibilityand we do that by not making
anywhere we are wrong andallowing ourselves to be met
where we are and meeting theother person where they are
(24:24):
Gorgeous summary and beautifulstory.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
I love how you said it's your soul tribe and I love
how you just found sisterhood inthe mammogram room.
And, if I really receive yourstory, there's a couple of
pieces to it.
That's not random, no, you know, it's Catherine living her life
and you showed up honestly inthe moment and you held yourself
(24:51):
beautifully.
You.
You held yourself in thatmoment.
You were like what is up withthis machine?
Or you showed up real and youjust held yourself beautifully
and I think that's a really bigpiece.
I think we often will go intovictim around other women and
(25:14):
that's where we kind of lose ourpower is when we become a quote
victim of our circumstances andthen we go on each other's ride
and collude in the story andthat's what we're talking about,
that low level place ofrelating.
But in that story with themammogram and also with mine in
the hot tub, we both showed upreal, honest and held ourselves,
(25:39):
and so did the women who met us, and it's just another way to
show up with women.
And if you're asking yourselfwell, how do I have sisterhood?
How do I get women to do this?
How do I get other women toshow up real and be honest with
me and not collude and judge andfix and accept me for who I am.
(26:04):
Well, it starts with you.
You decide that you want to bethat and you just start being
that in the world.
You start being that with yourfriends, you start showing up
more honestly, you start showingup holding yourself, you start
(26:27):
showing up listening, accepting,being in approval and just
being honest.
That's how it starts and peoplewill meet you there.
Women are exquisite creatures.
We are absolutely incredibleand if you're willing to shatter
the illusion of the oldparadigm and show up in a higher
(26:52):
way, women will meet you there.
We want it.
Clients, friends, even in myfamily.
We want women to be with us in360 degrees of our life, in the
(27:12):
truth, and it starts withourselves.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
It starts with ourselves.
I second that Brenda has saidmore than once today for us to
shatter the illusion of the oldparadigm.
Up for me when I hear that isshow up as the possibility, you
(27:52):
want something different?
Great, show up as thatdifferent.
She also talked about how wehold ourselves really influences
that possibility.
Right, if I had shown up to themammogram room and I'm like, oh
my God, I hate that machine andI just was going on and on and
on, nobody wants to talk tosomebody that's complaining,
(28:12):
nobody wants to talk to somebodythat's whining.
Nobody wants that because it'snot fun, it's a dead end.
It's like old McDonald's fries.
It's fast food, it's just lowlevel relating.
It's not good.
It's not even like the oldMcDonald's fries when they
cooked it in lard.
It's like that new stuff, thatseed oil stuff.
(28:33):
It's like an old fry that wasfried in seed oil.
The thing that I want to pointto here is we show up, we create
the possibility, we be thepossibility.
Other women get to see that howwe hold ourselves, we hold
(28:55):
ourselves well, and then we showthem what that looks like so
that we can be related to in thesame, can be related to in the
same Now as women.
Yes, we tend to be morenurturing, more loving in
comparison to men, right, it'sjust what's important.
(29:15):
And how we relate to oneanother is different, not one
better than the other, but thereis an honest difference that
occurs in sisterhood than indifferent sex relationships.
Right, where men, womenrelationships, it is a different
(29:36):
form of relating, because a man, by nature, god willing, is
going to want to hold you safeand protect you, right, he wants
to make sure that you're caredfor.
He's not really holding you toyour highest possibility, not
because he doesn't mean to, butbecause he wants to have you
(29:58):
literally melt inside of him.
Versus a woman is going tostand by you.
Him versus a woman is going tostand by you.
Show you what's possible so youcan step into the highest
version of you, and that'ssomething that we haven't really
touched on just yet.
(30:19):
When we're showing other womenpossibility, that's technically
what we're showing them.
We're showing other womenpossibility.
That's technically what we'reshowing them.
Please, meet me here.
Don't ask me about the weather.
Don't tell me how this machinesucks.
Don't tell me how horrendousbreast cancer is or
mammographies or pap smears.
(30:42):
Let's not talk about all theways that we're poked and
prodded.
Let's feel into what ourconnection feels like when I
just let you know how I'm scaredof something, how I am unsure
about something, and allowmyself to be met with something
(31:04):
like Brenda was met with sogorgeous.
Even if it's the worst news,you're going to be okay.
Can we set our lives up so thatwe create relationships and
sisterhood?
That looks like that.
Can we indeed?
Speaker 2 (31:19):
Yeah, that's really beautiful and it's really just
taking the chance.
It's the willingness to bevulnerable, and vulnerability is
power.
It's our greatest superpower asa woman is our vulnerability.
That is our strength.
Strength isn't man's strength,it's feminine strength, which is
(31:42):
vulnerability, reception,opening, softening and truth
Truth of who we really are.
Men will one up each other veryeasily.
They'll say I caught a fish.
It was gigantic.
(32:04):
And their friend will say Icaught a fish.
It was gigantic.
And their friend will say Icaught a fish.
It was double that size, it wastriple that size.
You know, men will very easilystand at a party and one up each
other.
You made a million dollars, Imade $2 million and I caught the
biggest fish.
Made $2 million and I caughtthe biggest fish.
(32:26):
Women will one down each other.
You had a bad day.
Well, I had a worse day.
Let me tell you how much worsemy day was than your day.
It's like there's some kind ofa prize for having the worst day
.
But think about it.
If you're a woman and you'relistening to this, you've
(32:48):
experienced this, because Ithink this is generally how
women are relating in the world.
It's like a way that we competefor the lowest, worst prize?
And what if, instead of that,you just listened to a woman,
what she was saying, and said,wow, that must be really hard.
(33:09):
Or thanks for sharing, do youwant to say more?
Or I'm really sorry that thathappened, or I'm really sorry
that you're going through that.
I really feel your heart.
And just be there for eachother.
We're so busy trying to competeand add something to the
(33:31):
conversation that we're justmissing the boat completely.
And this goes back to what Iwas saying earlier just be who
you truly are, be fabulous.
Be fabulous.
You're a creatrix.
If you're a woman, you have theability to create life.
Like you hold possibility andmagic.
(33:59):
You're radiant, and when youown that, everything is possible
.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
Anything is possible for you if you're willing to
stand in the truth of who youreally are, which is radiance.
I really hope that, yes, we canall feel our radiance and that
we find it in ourselves to notworry about whether we're better
or worse, superior, inferior,good, bad, right, wrong, that we
can feel our worth and that weare worthy to share of ourselves
(34:28):
just because we are.
And may this episode reallymotivate you to feel into the
sisterhoods that you haveavailable to you and that, even
if it's not available, and that,even if it's not available
(34:55):
because you don't see it thatyou begin to feel into what
would feel delicious for you insisterhood.
What sort of sisterhood do youdesire?
What would you like to create?
And start moving towards that,one action, one step at a time,
without collapsing.
No fall on the ground.
No, woe is me.
This is something I want andI'm going for it.
And for all the sisters outhere listening, I want you to
(35:17):
know that, brenda and I back you.
Thank you so much for listening.
Until next time.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine
podcast.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply
intimate with ourselves andothers.
You can find our handles in theshow notes.
We'd love to hear from you.
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