March 24, 2025 • 30 mins
Emerson Dameron welcomes listeners to a special bonus mini-episode showcasing selections from the EDMM Extended Universe, featuring profound conversations, darkly humorous storytelling, and experimental audio art.
• Deep exploration of human connection and the courage required to be authentically vulnerable
• Examination of humor as a coping mechanism and its role in creating emotional distance
• "Helena the Brit and the Astoria Love Triangle" – a literary audio piece about desire and artistic obsession
• Raw, unflinching apology for the fictional "Metta Bomb" incident, exploring proper accountability
• Preview of upcoming releases, including Sophistication Nation
• A musical outro that could've been helped, but wasn't
Catch new episodes of Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes on the first Wednesday of each month at 7:00 PM Pacific on KCHUNG Los Angeles or anytime as The Only Good Podcast at medicated-minutes.com. Remember, levity saves lives.
Got something to say to me? Slide into the DMs.
Emerson Dameron's Sophistication Nation - April 4th - All major music-delivery platforms
It's OUT! Sophistication Nation: Brief Interviews with Women I Pretend to Understand: https://emersondameron.hearnow.com/sophistication-nation
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is Emerson Dameron, la's number one
avant-garde motivational speakerand the host of Emerson
Dameron's Medicated Minutes, theacclaimed radio program on
K-Chung Los Angeles and the onlygood podcast.
Welcome to a special bonusbreak-in mini-sode sampler of
selections from the EDMMExtended Universe.
(00:23):
I'm Emerson Dameron.
I love you personally.
Enjoy what you will.
(00:56):
Incredible sense of style yeah,I gotta know more about it.
Anybody with a killer sense ofstyle and aesthetics?
Yeah, you got my attentionright away.
You are what they callconventionally attractive, but
no.
I don't care.
That's everywhere.
This, um, I haven't seen it.
What would you?
Is there a name for this?
Is this a post mod?
(01:17):
Yeah, put a name If it's like.
Uh, like Louis Armstrong saidabout jazz, once you've got a
name for it, it's dead andyou're alive.
You can tell that I would notlook this stylish if left to my
own devices.
No, I look awesome because Itake advice from the right
people.
That's what life is all about.
I learn from what other peoplehave already figured out and I
(01:39):
leverage my relationships andextract the maximum value.
That's what life is for.
Yeah, I'm totally heartless.
Machiavellian, psychopathicNarcissism is weak sauce.
You're in love with yourself,but it's a toxic relationship
because you're empty inside.
You depend on other people, notby choice.
When your parasitism doesn'twork anymore, you know, when you
(02:00):
lose your social status or yourlooks or whatever it was, you
totally fall apart and you'releft alone, and that is
devastating for you because noone wants to be alone with you
if they really get to know you.
Pascal said something like allof the problems in the world are
because of people's inabilityto be alone with their own
(02:21):
thoughts.
Oh, meditation's great for that.
Yeah, I think everyone knowsthat it's good and he doesn't do
it.
How do you?
Uh, if you don't mind revealthe secrets of your practice,
absolutely anything can be apractice.
I get the feeling for youalmost everything is a practice.
How do you?
Get to know yourself.
I wanna know, because I wannaknow more about you.
(02:43):
Yeah, if I was trying to hidethat I'm not doing a good job,
ah, what gets you excited aboutthat?
Yeah, what's the thing in youthat drives you in that
direction?
You don't just get jerkedaround.
You go where you wanna go anddo what you wanna do, and you
know what you like and what youdon't like and why.
Yeah, that absolutely means Ican trust you.
(03:05):
Yes life is hard and full ofbrutal, crushing disappointment.
That's a low vibe topic.
It is boring.
Everyone knows that.
What warms your heart?
I can feel it from here.
I can see it pouring out youreyes and I look very deep in
your eyes like this, like I'verediscovered my longost lover
from three lifetimes ago.
(03:26):
All right, snap out of it.
That's all you get now, no more.
Ooh, yeah, you know thesethings that sound like
platitudes get real, real fastwhen you start actually working
with them.
Yeah, when you turn them into apractice.
Oh, I think life is hilarious.
But, yes, I use humor as acoping mechanism.
Sick humor is not thehealthiest coping mechanism, but
(03:49):
it's my go-to, it's my favorite, it's what I'm good at, it's
what I love.
Sometimes I get paid for it and, yes, I use it to keep people
at arm's length.
Right, because I don't want toget close to most people and I
used to think I needed all thefriends I could get.
I was wrong about that.
Most people are not anywhereclose to that.
You know that better than mostpeople.
(04:09):
Because you need to trust,right, you know that we are who
we are in relation to others andthat's what life is about.
And you haven't always beensurrounded by the right people,
but part of you loves people, inspite of all the reasons why
you shouldn't, and so you openup.
Not everyone is ready for that.
Not everyone gets it.
(04:30):
Maybe they won't in thislifetime.
Maybe they'll come back assomeone unrecognizable to
themselves and to you, and thenthey'll get it, or they won't,
and then they'll join a 12-steprecovery group and they'll call
you to make amends and just talkabout themselves.
You'll know that they're notreally doing the work.
You've got radar formanipulation, manipuladar Highly
(04:52):
acute.
I'm not going to tell anyoneyour trade secrets, I got them
too.
Scratch a cynic, particularly awitty one, and you get a
wounded romantic.
Not every time time, butreliably, if I were, a betting
man, which I am, almost alwaysput money on that and I would be
wealthy as a result.
Not that I'm not.
(05:13):
I am rich in experience andlove.
You gotta love everybody.
It's a huge pain in the ass,but then's the breaks.
That's one of those thingseveryone knows is true, but once
you start working with it youstart to realize what you signed
up for.
Oh, you're very inspiring.
Here I'm working on this thing.
I want to show you my work inprogress.
(05:34):
That doesn't happen much.
You're a dream collaborator.
You're a cheerleader and acritic in equal measure.
You know that to praisesomething that is awful in order
to protect someone's feelingsis going to set them up to make
a huge fool of themselves.
That's not going to happen onyour watch, but you celebrate
the things that you love.
(05:54):
Dare me to double down on mydarkness and weirdness.
Because of that, I've madeleaps and bounds.
Yeah, I want you to check thisout.
This is a special one.
I think you'll dig it the most.
I don't know anyone remotelylike you.
There are no cops.
I've tried but, yeah, I don'teven want to tell you it's
embarrassing.
Oh, it's been a very slow burn.
You like it like that, don'tyou?
(06:15):
You like it like I do, sickbitch.
We're very, very, very patient,and it almost feels better to
dole that gratification.
But, not, because nothing feelsas good as when our lips meet
and our tongues start dancingand that slow burn just explodes
(06:39):
.
Ball of fire takes out threecity blocks and people are
grateful to us because we maketheir lives interesting.
It's impossible to be boredwhen you're around.
And yeah, there's a almost Idon't want to say traditional,
but yeah, there's this deeply.
I don't want to say feminine,but that's close.
Yeah, there's this extremelycourageous vulnerability.
(07:03):
Might get you a medal for yourbirthday, but not this next one,
because you'll forget I broughtit up and then it'll be a
surprise.
I don't care if you don't likesurprises, I do.
I like surprising you.
You look cute when you'reconfused.
Speaker 5 (07:32):
I awoke in Astoria with a hangover so profound it
felt like an art installationSomething bleak, pretentious and
vaguely misogynistic displayedin an abandoned warehouse
curated by a man in a turtleneckwho had most certainly fingered
me poorly once and thencritiqued my reading habits the
sort of thing that would bereviewed in Artforum as an
(07:55):
unflinching interrogation offemale suffering, while the
Prosecco-drenched corpse of mydignity lay in the corner.
My last clear memory involved abottle of Prosecco always the
fucking Prosecco and a Ukrainianbartender with war in his eyes,
one of several he'd fought inrecently, most of them just for
fun, and an Adam's apple thatjutted out like a monument.
(08:18):
The next thing I knew I was inwhat I presumed to be his
apartment.
The walls were covered in oilpaintings, all depicting the
same woman screaming, her facetwisted in ecstasy or agony.
The distinction, like my ownmoral compass, had long since
dissolved in lie.
A gas heater hissed like asnake whose family you wronged
(08:39):
in a past life.
He sat across from me rolling acigarette with the precision of
a man who had been incarceratedor loved badly or both.
Fifty-something, with cheekbonessharp enough to open mail eyes
like a wolf that had gleefullydevoured a poet and kept his
soul.
He watched me, not like a manwho wanted to fuck me, like a
(09:02):
man who wanted to carve me intoa series of small statues and
enter them in the VeniceBiennale.
We never spoke of love, webarely spoke at all.
His hands delivered hismanifesto, bruising, insistent,
a dialectic of force andsurrender.
He made me feel like rawmaterial ready to be sculpted.
(09:22):
When he slapped me just onceacross the face, it was so
theatrical, so deliberate.
I half expected a galleryopening to break out around us.
There she is, he whisperedafterward, like my face had
finally collapsed into its idealcomposition.
It was exquisite, I felt,chosen, elevated.
(09:42):
The pain was transcendence,something Catholic, something
primal, humiliation that was forlesser women.
I was the patron saint ofaesthetic suffering, and every
last morsel of it was sustainedwith my enthusiastic consent, if
not pleading desperation.
He had a theory.
(10:03):
Of course they always do.
Pain purifies, desire debasesand thus reveals.
Art emerges from the collisionof shame and pleasure.
He believed men should pushlimits, women should survive
them.
Not because he hated us, oh no,quite the opposite.
He revered us as one reveresnature Beautiful, destructive,
(10:26):
amoral.
The greatest thing a man coulddo, he implied in his cigarette
silences was witness a womansurvive him.
Then there was Ricky.
Ricky with the chin-strap beard.
Ricky with the self-producedmixtapes Astoria slaps, volume
three.
Ricky who fused throat, singingwith rather slipshod trap beats
(10:48):
, producing a sound that evokedboth a garrotted hippo and a
demonic dial-up modem.
Trying to connect to the spiritof murmur, he wore track suits
in the colours of chemicalspills.
He spoke exclusively in recordscratch aphorisms.
He spoke exclusively in recordscratch aphorisms.
He worshipped Gangster Pat witha fervour that suggested he had
seen the Virgin Mary in aMemphis strip club or at least
(11:11):
found some real ecstasy.
His other touchstone wasArrington D Dioniso, an artist
he'd discovered while high onairbrush propellant, whom he
spoke of with the reverenceothers reserve for Chekhov or
shoot from the hip era.
Sophie Ellis Baxter, youdeadass Helena, you vibe
(11:32):
different, he told me on ourthird date.
Speaker 4 (11:35):
You got that old money energy like down in Abbey,
but you suck dick.
Your accent makes me horror.
On like a spiritual level.
You look like you teach yoga tomilfs.
But low-key.
You a freak.
You ever been choked out whilelistening to Gangsta Pat?
It'll change your life.
Speaker 5 (11:55):
Reader, I stayed.
I mean, who else was going toconvince him?
The plural of milf is mils.
Speaker 4 (12:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (12:02):
And so my soul became a diptych Ricky by day
recording trap throat fusion inhis cousin's basement.
The artist by night carvingfree verse into my collarbone
with his teeth, as the screamingwomen on the walls besottedly
bore witness.
One dragged me through thesublime while quoting Xenophon,
the other dragged me to theAthens Grill and Sports Bar at
(12:24):
3am.
I oscillated between thesepoles of masculinity Ricky, who
once rhymed Balenciaga withGuantanamo, and the artist who
locked me in his bathroom forthree hours because I had to
learn patience, eventuallyoffering me a so-called swirly
which I accepted, just to feelsomething cold, in this case, at
(12:45):
any rate.
Then came the performance.
Ricky had a show A dive bar inQueens, sticky floors, a bouncer
who looked like he had been cutfrom a Bond film for being too
emotionally available.
The artist agreed to come withthe air of a man bearing witness
to war crimes.
He wore black.
As always, he barely spoke.
(13:07):
As always, he gave me severalorgasms purely through eye
contact.
As always, ricky took the stage.
His opening track was calledSwallow Pride, throat Goat,
slight Return, combining mumblerap and what I can only describe
as eldritch chanting from apurgatory for disobedient
(13:27):
Intellivision consoles.
It sounded like an exorcismperformed by a demon with a
sound cloud and a deservedlyfailing line of graphic.
T-shirt.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Serve the big dicks.
It's what you do.
Swallow pride, swallow mygroove.
Sluts love real men.
Sluts are right.
Open your legs, keep it tight.
Dick is king.
That's the deal.
Take this load, that's real.
Speaker 5 (13:59):
Crowd turned hostile.
A man near the pool tableshouted Turn that shit off.
Ricky ignored him,transitioning into an
interpolation of gin and juice.
I glanced at the artistexpecting disdain.
Instead he was laughing, realfull-body laughter.
He looked human.
(14:19):
I loved him then, not for hisviolence, not for his darkness,
but because he could see theabsurdity.
He could see art where otherssaw madness.
After the set, ricky bound over, drenched in sweat, eyes, wild.
Speaker 4 (14:36):
Yo, that was historic right.
Speaker 5 (14:39):
The artist leaned in his voice low grave, you are the
future of sound.
Fifteen minutes later, rickyknew all about the nurse with
wound list, the continuingrelevance of Mayo Thompson and
Harry Parche, and how the artistplans to rebrand the entire
concept of outsider art,starting with Ricky himself.
As Ricky beamed, I feltsomething inside me crack
(15:03):
dignity maybe, or the lastfragile link to my baseline
concept of normalcy.
Or perhaps it was just thelogical end point of desire,
trapped between a sadist and asoundcloud shaman in a borough
named for Catherine of Briganda,that I barely tolerated.
Later that night, the artistmade love to me differently.
(15:25):
Tenderly, he traced the bruiseshe had given me like a
cartographer of my suffering.
You don't have to stay, hemurmured, but of course I did,
because I deserved it all thebitch slaps and the knee slaps,
the poetry and the mumble rap,the bruises for which I so
enthusiastically cruised, andthe mixtapes I was too
(15:49):
embarrassed to chuck in the bin.
Was it degrading, perhapsDeranged?
Almost certainly.
But was it glamorous?
Absolutely.
If I could bring glamour toQueens, I could do anything.
Besides, I had learned things Apower men and Tuvan throat wrap
that would absolutely get mearrested in Europe someday, if
(16:10):
I'm lucky.
Thanks for watching.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
I want to apologize from the bottom of my heart,
with everything I have, for myinappropriate, irresponsible,
arguably evil use of theMetabomb.
I don't believe in good andevil, but I might have just
invented evil myself.
It was me.
It was my fault.
I did it.
My underlings will try to stepin and take the bullet for me.
Don't let them do it.
(17:02):
It was all me.
I'm entirely responsible for mydeliberate use of the Metabomb
for purposes of destruction,inflicting harm, pain, damage.
I deeply regret my actions andthe results.
I knew exactly what I was doing.
I had a million outs.
(17:22):
I didn't take them.
I went through with it knowingwhat was going to happen.
I lied, I laughed out loud.
I lied, I laughed while I wasdoing it.
People died.
I can't fix that.
That's permanent damage.
It negatively impacts them.
To this day I decided I wasgoing to use the Metabomb.
I was going to take out threeblocks.
(17:43):
I did it.
I wanted it to be worse.
I took out a block and a half.
I did it intentionally.
I did it with malice, I thoughtit through.
I knew what was going to happen.
I knew it was going to be awfuland I did it because I was
awful in that situation, actingfrom a place of pain, of
resentment, of just pathetic.
(18:05):
I'd like to think I'm betterthan that In that moment.
I was not.
I do not offer any of this asan excuse.
Perhaps the proper context willaccelerate the healing and
understanding.
Perhaps the proper context willaccelerate the healing and
understanding.
I, although I'm obviously notan expert in compassion, when I
(18:27):
put myself in the shoes of thepeople I harmed, I understand
the anger.
I understand the damaged trust.
I understand the fear, theregret.
I don't know what it's like tobe dead.
I hope it's wonderful.
I offer amends.
Therapy is expensive.
Emdr is especially expensive.
I will pay for EMDR.
You will get that for free, noquestions asked, no strings
(18:49):
attached.
Emdr works really well for somepeople.
For some people it's way toointense.
If anyone ends up warped by theexperience, I will do this again
because I am committed tochange.
I'm working on it.
I'm going to be working on itfor a while.
I will take time off frompublic life.
I will become a better person.
(19:09):
I torched the relationship.
I destroyed your trust.
I'd be incredibly fortunate ifyou ever wanted to have anything
to do with me.
That is up to you.
If we decide to reconcile.
I will expect to do all of thework.
I will take it seriously.
I will not make fun of you.
I will give you room to tell mewhen I'm hurting your feelings.
(19:31):
I will forfeit my license toown a Metabomb.
I can't be trusted to handle itresponsibly.
I will feel like I'm walkingaround naked without it.
I brought this upon myself.
That's what really hurts.
It hurts other people more, butif I can take that pain away
and experience it myself, feelit fully, the white hot shame,
(19:54):
and thus release it on behalf ofeveryone, that's what I'm gonna
do.
That will be my spiritualpractice.
I will become that.
That will be who I am.
Watch me.
You're gonna know how sorry Iam.
You're gonna feel it in yourbones.
It's going to make you wholeTrust.
Believe that you don't have totrust me.
You'll see.
What matters now is what I'mgoing to do.
(20:40):
You've been listening to aspecial presentation of emerson
dameron's medicated minutessampler of coming attractions in
the edmm extended universe,starting with we are who we are
in relation to others, which isfrom emerson dameron's
Sophistication Nation Briefinterviews with women, I pretend
to understand, hitting allmajor music platforms on April
(21:03):
4th.
Following that, we heard Helenathe Brit and the Astoria Love
Triangle off of the audiorecording of the same name,
which is available on March 28thon all major platforms, and an
apology for the ill-advised useof the Metabomb.
That's from Emerson Dameron'sMetabomb, which is available on
(21:23):
all major platforms currently.
This has been a specialpresentation of Emerson
Dameron's Medicated Minutes.
I hope it's been as special foryou as it has been for me.
I'm Emerson Dameron.
I love you personally.
Levity saves lives.
Emerson Dameron's MedicaidAdmittance is LA's number one
avant-garde personal developmentprogram.
New episodes premiere seveno'clock pacific time, first
(21:46):
Wednesday of the month onK-Chung Los Angeles,
kchugradioorg 1630 am, if youhappen to be in a very fortunate
geographical area of Chinatowndowntown, a little bit of Echo
Park, maybe on the other side ofsome mysterious wormhole and
are thereafter archived asepisodes of the Only Good
(22:09):
Podcast at medicated-minutescom.
Thank you for everything.
(22:39):
Sometimes I can't, sometimes Ican't, sometimes I can't,
(23:02):
sometimes I can't, sometimes Ican't.
Sometimes I can't, sometimes Ican't.
(23:30):
Sometimes I can't, sometimes Ican't, sometimes I can't,
sometimes I can't, sometimes Ican't.
(23:51):
Sometimes I can't get myself,sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself,sometimes I can't, sometimes I
(24:24):
can't, sometimes I can't.
Sometimes I can't, sometimes Ican't, sometimes I can't,
(24:56):
sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself.
(25:17):
Sometimes I can't get myself,sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself,sometimes I can't, sometimes I
(25:49):
can't, sometimes I can't,sometimes I can't, sometimes I
can't, sometimes I can't,sometimes I can't get myself.
(26:22):
Sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself,sometimes I can't get myself,
(26:45):
sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't, sometimes Ican't, sometimes I can't,
(27:12):
sometimes I can't, sometimes Ican't, sometimes I can't,
(27:40):
sometimes I can't, sometimes Ican't, sometimes I can't,
(28:07):
sometimes I can't, sometimes Ican't, sometimes I can't get
myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself.
(28:31):
Sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself,sometimes I can't, sometimes I
(29:05):
can't, sometimes I can't,sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself.
(29:31):
Sometimes I can't, sometimes Ican't, sometimes I can't.
This is Emerson Dameron, la's number one
avant-garde motivational speakerand the host of Emerson
Dameron's Medicated Minutes, theacclaimed radio program on
K-Chung Los Angeles and the onlygood podcast.
Welcome to a special bonusbreak-in mini-sode sampler of
selections from the EDMMExtended Universe.
(00:23):
I'm Emerson Dameron.
I love you personally.
Enjoy what you will.
(00:56):
Incredible sense of style yeah,I gotta know more about it.
Anybody with a killer sense ofstyle and aesthetics?
Yeah, you got my attentionright away.
You are what they callconventionally attractive, but
no.
I don't care.
That's everywhere.
This, um, I haven't seen it.
What would you?
Is there a name for this?
Is this a post mod?
(01:17):
Yeah, put a name If it's like.
Uh, like Louis Armstrong saidabout jazz, once you've got a
name for it, it's dead andyou're alive.
You can tell that I would notlook this stylish if left to my
own devices.
No, I look awesome because Itake advice from the right
people.
That's what life is all about.
I learn from what other peoplehave already figured out and I
(01:39):
leverage my relationships andextract the maximum value.
That's what life is for.
Yeah, I'm totally heartless.
Machiavellian, psychopathicNarcissism is weak sauce.
You're in love with yourself,but it's a toxic relationship
because you're empty inside.
You depend on other people, notby choice.
When your parasitism doesn'twork anymore, you know, when you
(02:00):
lose your social status or yourlooks or whatever it was, you
totally fall apart and you'releft alone, and that is
devastating for you because noone wants to be alone with you
if they really get to know you.
Pascal said something like allof the problems in the world are
because of people's inabilityto be alone with their own
(02:21):
thoughts.
Oh, meditation's great for that.
Yeah, I think everyone knowsthat it's good and he doesn't do
it.
How do you?
Uh, if you don't mind revealthe secrets of your practice,
absolutely anything can be apractice.
I get the feeling for youalmost everything is a practice.
How do you?
Get to know yourself.
I wanna know, because I wannaknow more about you.
(02:43):
Yeah, if I was trying to hidethat I'm not doing a good job,
ah, what gets you excited aboutthat?
Yeah, what's the thing in youthat drives you in that
direction?
You don't just get jerkedaround.
You go where you wanna go anddo what you wanna do, and you
know what you like and what youdon't like and why.
Yeah, that absolutely means Ican trust you.
(03:05):
Yes life is hard and full ofbrutal, crushing disappointment.
That's a low vibe topic.
It is boring.
Everyone knows that.
What warms your heart?
I can feel it from here.
I can see it pouring out youreyes and I look very deep in
your eyes like this, like I'verediscovered my longost lover
from three lifetimes ago.
(03:26):
All right, snap out of it.
That's all you get now, no more.
Ooh, yeah, you know thesethings that sound like
platitudes get real, real fastwhen you start actually working
with them.
Yeah, when you turn them into apractice.
Oh, I think life is hilarious.
But, yes, I use humor as acoping mechanism.
Sick humor is not thehealthiest coping mechanism, but
(03:49):
it's my go-to, it's my favorite, it's what I'm good at, it's
what I love.
Sometimes I get paid for it and, yes, I use it to keep people
at arm's length.
Right, because I don't want toget close to most people and I
used to think I needed all thefriends I could get.
I was wrong about that.
Most people are not anywhereclose to that.
You know that better than mostpeople.
(04:09):
Because you need to trust,right, you know that we are who
we are in relation to others andthat's what life is about.
And you haven't always beensurrounded by the right people,
but part of you loves people, inspite of all the reasons why
you shouldn't, and so you openup.
Not everyone is ready for that.
Not everyone gets it.
(04:30):
Maybe they won't in thislifetime.
Maybe they'll come back assomeone unrecognizable to
themselves and to you, and thenthey'll get it, or they won't,
and then they'll join a 12-steprecovery group and they'll call
you to make amends and just talkabout themselves.
You'll know that they're notreally doing the work.
You've got radar formanipulation, manipuladar Highly
(04:52):
acute.
I'm not going to tell anyoneyour trade secrets, I got them
too.
Scratch a cynic, particularly awitty one, and you get a
wounded romantic.
Not every time time, butreliably, if I were, a betting
man, which I am, almost alwaysput money on that and I would be
wealthy as a result.
Not that I'm not.
(05:13):
I am rich in experience andlove.
You gotta love everybody.
It's a huge pain in the ass,but then's the breaks.
That's one of those thingseveryone knows is true, but once
you start working with it youstart to realize what you signed
up for.
Oh, you're very inspiring.
Here I'm working on this thing.
I want to show you my work inprogress.
(05:34):
That doesn't happen much.
You're a dream collaborator.
You're a cheerleader and acritic in equal measure.
You know that to praisesomething that is awful in order
to protect someone's feelingsis going to set them up to make
a huge fool of themselves.
That's not going to happen onyour watch, but you celebrate
the things that you love.
(05:54):
Dare me to double down on mydarkness and weirdness.
Because of that, I've madeleaps and bounds.
Yeah, I want you to check thisout.
This is a special one.
I think you'll dig it the most.
I don't know anyone remotelylike you.
There are no cops.
I've tried but, yeah, I don'teven want to tell you it's
embarrassing.
Oh, it's been a very slow burn.
You like it like that, don'tyou?
(06:15):
You like it like I do, sickbitch.
We're very, very, very patient,and it almost feels better to
dole that gratification.
But, not, because nothing feelsas good as when our lips meet
and our tongues start dancingand that slow burn just explodes
(06:39):
.
Ball of fire takes out threecity blocks and people are
grateful to us because we maketheir lives interesting.
It's impossible to be boredwhen you're around.
And yeah, there's a almost Idon't want to say traditional,
but yeah, there's this deeply.
I don't want to say feminine,but that's close.
Yeah, there's this extremelycourageous vulnerability.
(07:03):
Might get you a medal for yourbirthday, but not this next one,
because you'll forget I broughtit up and then it'll be a
surprise.
I don't care if you don't likesurprises, I do.
I like surprising you.
You look cute when you'reconfused.
Speaker 5 (07:32):
I awoke in Astoria with a hangover so profound it
felt like an art installationSomething bleak, pretentious and
vaguely misogynistic displayedin an abandoned warehouse
curated by a man in a turtleneckwho had most certainly fingered
me poorly once and thencritiqued my reading habits the
sort of thing that would bereviewed in Artforum as an
(07:55):
unflinching interrogation offemale suffering, while the
Prosecco-drenched corpse of mydignity lay in the corner.
My last clear memory involved abottle of Prosecco always the
fucking Prosecco and a Ukrainianbartender with war in his eyes,
one of several he'd fought inrecently, most of them just for
fun, and an Adam's apple thatjutted out like a monument.
(08:18):
The next thing I knew I was inwhat I presumed to be his
apartment.
The walls were covered in oilpaintings, all depicting the
same woman screaming, her facetwisted in ecstasy or agony.
The distinction, like my ownmoral compass, had long since
dissolved in lie.
A gas heater hissed like asnake whose family you wronged
(08:39):
in a past life.
He sat across from me rolling acigarette with the precision of
a man who had been incarceratedor loved badly or both.
Fifty-something, with cheekbonessharp enough to open mail eyes
like a wolf that had gleefullydevoured a poet and kept his
soul.
He watched me, not like a manwho wanted to fuck me, like a
(09:02):
man who wanted to carve me intoa series of small statues and
enter them in the VeniceBiennale.
We never spoke of love, webarely spoke at all.
His hands delivered hismanifesto, bruising, insistent,
a dialectic of force andsurrender.
He made me feel like rawmaterial ready to be sculpted.
(09:22):
When he slapped me just onceacross the face, it was so
theatrical, so deliberate.
I half expected a galleryopening to break out around us.
There she is, he whisperedafterward, like my face had
finally collapsed into its idealcomposition.
It was exquisite, I felt,chosen, elevated.
(09:42):
The pain was transcendence,something Catholic, something
primal, humiliation that was forlesser women.
I was the patron saint ofaesthetic suffering, and every
last morsel of it was sustainedwith my enthusiastic consent, if
not pleading desperation.
He had a theory.
(10:03):
Of course they always do.
Pain purifies, desire debasesand thus reveals.
Art emerges from the collisionof shame and pleasure.
He believed men should pushlimits, women should survive
them.
Not because he hated us, oh no,quite the opposite.
He revered us as one reveresnature Beautiful, destructive,
(10:26):
amoral.
The greatest thing a man coulddo, he implied in his cigarette
silences was witness a womansurvive him.
Then there was Ricky.
Ricky with the chin-strap beard.
Ricky with the self-producedmixtapes Astoria slaps, volume
three.
Ricky who fused throat, singingwith rather slipshod trap beats
(10:48):
, producing a sound that evokedboth a garrotted hippo and a
demonic dial-up modem.
Trying to connect to the spiritof murmur, he wore track suits
in the colours of chemicalspills.
He spoke exclusively in recordscratch aphorisms.
He spoke exclusively in recordscratch aphorisms.
He worshipped Gangster Pat witha fervour that suggested he had
seen the Virgin Mary in aMemphis strip club or at least
(11:11):
found some real ecstasy.
His other touchstone wasArrington D Dioniso, an artist
he'd discovered while high onairbrush propellant, whom he
spoke of with the reverenceothers reserve for Chekhov or
shoot from the hip era.
Sophie Ellis Baxter, youdeadass Helena, you vibe
(11:32):
different, he told me on ourthird date.
Speaker 4 (11:35):
You got that old money energy like down in Abbey,
but you suck dick.
Your accent makes me horror.
On like a spiritual level.
You look like you teach yoga tomilfs.
But low-key.
You a freak.
You ever been choked out whilelistening to Gangsta Pat?
It'll change your life.
Speaker 5 (11:55):
Reader, I stayed.
I mean, who else was going toconvince him?
The plural of milf is mils.
Speaker 4 (12:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (12:02):
And so my soul became a diptych Ricky by day
recording trap throat fusion inhis cousin's basement.
The artist by night carvingfree verse into my collarbone
with his teeth, as the screamingwomen on the walls besottedly
bore witness.
One dragged me through thesublime while quoting Xenophon,
the other dragged me to theAthens Grill and Sports Bar at
(12:24):
3am.
I oscillated between thesepoles of masculinity Ricky, who
once rhymed Balenciaga withGuantanamo, and the artist who
locked me in his bathroom forthree hours because I had to
learn patience, eventuallyoffering me a so-called swirly
which I accepted, just to feelsomething cold, in this case, at
(12:45):
any rate.
Then came the performance.
Ricky had a show A dive bar inQueens, sticky floors, a bouncer
who looked like he had been cutfrom a Bond film for being too
emotionally available.
The artist agreed to come withthe air of a man bearing witness
to war crimes.
He wore black.
As always, he barely spoke.
(13:07):
As always, he gave me severalorgasms purely through eye
contact.
As always, ricky took the stage.
His opening track was calledSwallow Pride, throat Goat,
slight Return, combining mumblerap and what I can only describe
as eldritch chanting from apurgatory for disobedient
(13:27):
Intellivision consoles.
It sounded like an exorcismperformed by a demon with a
sound cloud and a deservedlyfailing line of graphic.
T-shirt.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Serve the big dicks.
It's what you do.
Swallow pride, swallow mygroove.
Sluts love real men.
Sluts are right.
Open your legs, keep it tight.
Dick is king.
That's the deal.
Take this load, that's real.
Speaker 5 (13:59):
Crowd turned hostile.
A man near the pool tableshouted Turn that shit off.
Ricky ignored him,transitioning into an
interpolation of gin and juice.
I glanced at the artistexpecting disdain.
Instead he was laughing, realfull-body laughter.
He looked human.
(14:19):
I loved him then, not for hisviolence, not for his darkness,
but because he could see theabsurdity.
He could see art where otherssaw madness.
After the set, ricky bound over, drenched in sweat, eyes, wild.
Speaker 4 (14:36):
Yo, that was historic right.
Speaker 5 (14:39):
The artist leaned in his voice low grave, you are the
future of sound.
Fifteen minutes later, rickyknew all about the nurse with
wound list, the continuingrelevance of Mayo Thompson and
Harry Parche, and how the artistplans to rebrand the entire
concept of outsider art,starting with Ricky himself.
As Ricky beamed, I feltsomething inside me crack
(15:03):
dignity maybe, or the lastfragile link to my baseline
concept of normalcy.
Or perhaps it was just thelogical end point of desire,
trapped between a sadist and asoundcloud shaman in a borough
named for Catherine of Briganda,that I barely tolerated.
Later that night, the artistmade love to me differently.
(15:25):
Tenderly, he traced the bruiseshe had given me like a
cartographer of my suffering.
You don't have to stay, hemurmured, but of course I did,
because I deserved it all thebitch slaps and the knee slaps,
the poetry and the mumble rap,the bruises for which I so
enthusiastically cruised, andthe mixtapes I was too
(15:49):
embarrassed to chuck in the bin.
Was it degrading, perhapsDeranged?
Almost certainly.
But was it glamorous?
Absolutely.
If I could bring glamour toQueens, I could do anything.
Besides, I had learned things Apower men and Tuvan throat wrap
that would absolutely get mearrested in Europe someday, if
(16:10):
I'm lucky.
Thanks for watching.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
I want to apologize from the bottom of my heart,
with everything I have, for myinappropriate, irresponsible,
arguably evil use of theMetabomb.
I don't believe in good andevil, but I might have just
invented evil myself.
It was me.
It was my fault.
I did it.
My underlings will try to stepin and take the bullet for me.
Don't let them do it.
(17:02):
It was all me.
I'm entirely responsible for mydeliberate use of the Metabomb
for purposes of destruction,inflicting harm, pain, damage.
I deeply regret my actions andthe results.
I knew exactly what I was doing.
I had a million outs.
(17:22):
I didn't take them.
I went through with it knowingwhat was going to happen.
I lied, I laughed out loud.
I lied, I laughed while I wasdoing it.
People died.
I can't fix that.
That's permanent damage.
It negatively impacts them.
To this day I decided I wasgoing to use the Metabomb.
I was going to take out threeblocks.
(17:43):
I did it.
I wanted it to be worse.
I took out a block and a half.
I did it intentionally.
I did it with malice, I thoughtit through.
I knew what was going to happen.
I knew it was going to be awfuland I did it because I was
awful in that situation, actingfrom a place of pain, of
resentment, of just pathetic.
(18:05):
I'd like to think I'm betterthan that In that moment.
I was not.
I do not offer any of this asan excuse.
Perhaps the proper context willaccelerate the healing and
understanding.
Perhaps the proper context willaccelerate the healing and
understanding.
I, although I'm obviously notan expert in compassion, when I
(18:27):
put myself in the shoes of thepeople I harmed, I understand
the anger.
I understand the damaged trust.
I understand the fear, theregret.
I don't know what it's like tobe dead.
I hope it's wonderful.
I offer amends.
Therapy is expensive.
Emdr is especially expensive.
I will pay for EMDR.
You will get that for free, noquestions asked, no strings
(18:49):
attached.
Emdr works really well for somepeople.
For some people it's way toointense.
If anyone ends up warped by theexperience, I will do this again
because I am committed tochange.
I'm working on it.
I'm going to be working on itfor a while.
I will take time off frompublic life.
I will become a better person.
(19:09):
I torched the relationship.
I destroyed your trust.
I'd be incredibly fortunate ifyou ever wanted to have anything
to do with me.
That is up to you.
If we decide to reconcile.
I will expect to do all of thework.
I will take it seriously.
I will not make fun of you.
I will give you room to tell mewhen I'm hurting your feelings.
(19:31):
I will forfeit my license toown a Metabomb.
I can't be trusted to handle itresponsibly.
I will feel like I'm walkingaround naked without it.
I brought this upon myself.
That's what really hurts.
It hurts other people more, butif I can take that pain away
and experience it myself, feelit fully, the white hot shame,
(19:54):
and thus release it on behalf ofeveryone, that's what I'm gonna
do.
That will be my spiritualpractice.
I will become that.
That will be who I am.
Watch me.
You're gonna know how sorry Iam.
You're gonna feel it in yourbones.
It's going to make you wholeTrust.
Believe that you don't have totrust me.
You'll see.
What matters now is what I'mgoing to do.
(20:40):
You've been listening to aspecial presentation of emerson
dameron's medicated minutessampler of coming attractions in
the edmm extended universe,starting with we are who we are
in relation to others, which isfrom emerson dameron's
Sophistication Nation Briefinterviews with women, I pretend
to understand, hitting allmajor music platforms on April
(21:03):
4th.
Following that, we heard Helenathe Brit and the Astoria Love
Triangle off of the audiorecording of the same name,
which is available on March 28thon all major platforms, and an
apology for the ill-advised useof the Metabomb.
That's from Emerson Dameron'sMetabomb, which is available on
(21:23):
all major platforms currently.
This has been a specialpresentation of Emerson
Dameron's Medicated Minutes.
I hope it's been as special foryou as it has been for me.
I'm Emerson Dameron.
I love you personally.
Levity saves lives.
Emerson Dameron's MedicaidAdmittance is LA's number one
avant-garde personal developmentprogram.
New episodes premiere seveno'clock pacific time, first
(21:46):
Wednesday of the month onK-Chung Los Angeles,
kchugradioorg 1630 am, if youhappen to be in a very fortunate
geographical area of Chinatowndowntown, a little bit of Echo
Park, maybe on the other side ofsome mysterious wormhole and
are thereafter archived asepisodes of the Only Good
(22:09):
Podcast at medicated-minutescom.
Thank you for everything.
(22:39):
Sometimes I can't, sometimes Ican't, sometimes I can't,
(23:02):
sometimes I can't, sometimes Ican't.
Sometimes I can't, sometimes Ican't.
(23:30):
Sometimes I can't, sometimes Ican't, sometimes I can't,
sometimes I can't, sometimes Ican't.
(23:51):
Sometimes I can't get myself,sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself,sometimes I can't, sometimes I
(24:24):
can't, sometimes I can't.
Sometimes I can't, sometimes Ican't, sometimes I can't,
(24:56):
sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself.
(25:17):
Sometimes I can't get myself,sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself,sometimes I can't, sometimes I
(25:49):
can't, sometimes I can't,sometimes I can't, sometimes I
can't, sometimes I can't,sometimes I can't get myself.
(26:22):
Sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself,sometimes I can't get myself,
(26:45):
sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't, sometimes Ican't, sometimes I can't,
(27:12):
sometimes I can't, sometimes Ican't, sometimes I can't,
(27:40):
sometimes I can't, sometimes Ican't, sometimes I can't,
(28:07):
sometimes I can't, sometimes Ican't, sometimes I can't get
myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself.
(28:31):
Sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself,sometimes I can't, sometimes I
(29:05):
can't, sometimes I can't,sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself.
Sometimes I can't get myself.
(29:31):
Sometimes I can't, sometimes Ican't, sometimes I can't.
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