March 5, 2025 • 60 mins
Welcome to your moment of reckoning. In this electrifying episode of Emerson Dameron’s Medicated Minutes, the avant-garde motivational maestro dissects your inner psyche with razor-sharp precision, uncovering truths you didn’t even know you were hiding.
🌀 Highlights Include:
- Emerson Knows You: Through incisive banter and eerily accurate cold reads, Emerson illuminates your desires, fears, and the hidden gears driving your life.
- No Second Chances: The rules are for suckers, and the meek inherit nothing. This life is your one shot—what will you make of it?
- Sex and Power and Power and Sex: Everything is about sex, except sex itself—because sex is about power. And power? That’s where life gets interesting.
- Kink Is Everywhere: Modern human behavior decoded: we’re all just playing out our kinks, whether we admit it or not.
- Gems of Wisdom: Tactical advice and life-altering insights to help you upgrade your existence—before everyone else does.
- You’re on the Verge: Emerson senses the shift in you. This is your time. What will you conquer?
And, returning by popular demand:
🌹 Helena the Brit: In her latest scandalous vignette, "Helena’s Beautiful Dark Twisted Relationship," she invites you into her tangled web of erotic misadventure.
Don’t just listen. Absorb. Transform. Emerge. This episode is your invitation and permission slip to take life by the reins and ride it like you mean it.
🎧 Tune in now. The revolution starts within.
Got something to say to me? Slide into the DMs.
Emerson Dameron's Sophistication Nation - April 4th - All major music-delivery platforms
It's OUT! Sophistication Nation: Brief Interviews with Women I Pretend to Understand: https://emersondameron.hearnow.com/sophistication-nation
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Emerson Dameron (00:00):
Be careful what you put up with.
Tolerance leads to resentment.
Pity is two doors down fromcontempt.
Familiarity doesn't necessarilybreed contempt.
Festering familiarity does.
A little bit of absence canmake the heart grow fonder.
Don't play hard to get unlessyou know that you've become hard
to forget.
(00:20):
If you want long-term love, itrequires penetration with
passion and intimacy, the kindof thing you only learn through
practice and repeatedly screwingup, which, if you weather the
storm and handle it in the rightway and know what you care
about, know what you love andhold it while it cries, leads to
(00:41):
all the penetration andscrewing you could possibly want
.
Emerson Dameron's MedicatedMinutes is LA's number one
avant-garde personal developmentprogram.
Medicated-minutescom Episodespremiere first Wednesdays of the
month, 7 o'clock pm on K-Chung,los Angeles, 1630 am
(01:03):
K-Chungioorg.
I am Emerson Dameron, thewriter, producer, host et al for
Emerson Dameron's MedicatedMinutes.
I love you personally.
Levity saves lives.
You want quality entertainmentin your life.
(01:26):
You love the drama, the theater.
You, of all people could notlive without suspense, intrigue,
conflict.
You know you want it.
You'll create it out of wholecloth if that's what it takes,
but you don't need to becauseit's all around you.
Just look, listen, look in thesepeople's eyes?
What are their angles?
(01:46):
How much do you really knowanyone?
How much do you really know me?
Oh, that was supposed to be aburn.
Oh, and that was supposed to bean impression of my voice.
I'm just gonna go hang out overhere at the bar.
Find someone cool.
Oh, now you want to be serious.
What's on your mind?
Tell me a story.
I know what this is about.
(02:08):
This has to do with anadventure, or lack thereof, in
your life.
It's either too much or notenough, and too much is never
enough.
Maybe, but hear me out.
What if it was the same thing,but with more explosions?
Yes, I knew it.
(02:30):
You love violence.
You're just like me, but youhave the unfortunate habit of
deceiving yourself.
Yeah, I know all about you,because everyone is just like me
.
It's just that I'm the only onewho's honest about it.
That's right.
You have all of my filthycharacteristics.
I have your number.
Your position of moralsuperiority and judgment is
(02:53):
meaningless to me because I knowexactly who you are and I can
see right through you and yourdenial and your hypocrisy and
your self-delusion is justpathetic.
A threshold of self-delusion isnecessary to get through the
day, but yours is out of control.
We need an adventure.
We need to do something crazy.
We need to stay up late.
(03:15):
We need to shut down this barand then go find a 4am-er and
shut that down and then rob agas station One of the ones
that's 24 hours.
We can get the people who workthere to help us bag everything
up.
We don't even need the money.
I know you're flush with cash,but we need some excitement.
We need a reason to head forthe state line and try to get
(03:37):
across it without getting caught, and then go find a nice island
nation with no extraditiontreaty.
Let's face it, we're nevergoing to do that unless we're
properly incentivized, so hence,let's get on the wrong side of
the law.
Maybe you've already done that.
I like to think you're notbuying what I'm selling.
I'm going to tickle you untilyou buy something.
(03:59):
I'm going to give you such pure, raw, uncut entertainment that
you physically cannot suppressyour own laughter.
And it's not the big ha-ha-halaughter that you want people to
notice.
This is the involuntary,giggling laughter.
What did you know about mebefore we met?
I didn't know anything aboutyou and I didn't ask around
(04:23):
Because I like the mystery.
I like unboxing videos.
I wanted to do that with youand I didn't ask around.
I like the mystery, I likeunboxing videos.
I wanted to do that with you.
What did you know about me?
Oh well, I wouldn't call myselfa cad that would be bragging or
a player.
I don't think that reallydescribes me either.
If I'm a player, it's of theinfinite game where everyone
wins and no one wins and it goeson forever.
(04:43):
Because the goal is toperpetuate the game, because
that's how good it is.
You say that now.
I think you're telling onyourself.
I think everything you say is aconfession Disguised as an
allegation, and you don't evenknow that yet.
That's what's fascinating aboutit.
You have no idea of thedimensions you contain, the
(05:07):
multitudes.
Your own complexity makes youdizzy.
You're cute when you'reconfused.
I'm glad you got lost.
It's how you ended up here.
I won't argue with the assertionthat I don't like being told
what to do.
Never have Not by anyone, evenif they know what they're doing
better than I do.
I resent it.
It's patronizing.
I'd rather figure it out formyself.
(05:27):
I'd rather wake up in themorning and do exactly what I
want throughout the day, what Iwant, when I want, with whom I
want, how I want.
That's the only meaningfuldefinition of success.
I'm gonna do who I want lateron.
You think it's you.
I like your confidence.
Now I am creating a new sort ofmasculinity.
(05:48):
I am the vanguard of it.
It's important to keep some ofthe rough stuff that has been
lost in some of the previousinnovation cycles.
Rough sex will save the worldIf we funnel all of our evil
into the sex act.
It's gonna be fun.
We will find willing partnersand enthusiastic partners.
We can be the sadists andmasochists that we know we are.
(06:12):
It will not involve wars orlawsuits.
Oh yeah, some people aren'tready.
I don't know how much we haveto evolve, but I'm gonna go
ahead and start ideating on thisnew masculinity right now.
It combines a lot of differentelements you might not think
would go together, full ofsurprises, and a lot of it's
just me Postmodern, rogue,jetsetting playboy of the 21st
(06:35):
century.
I said I'm not a player, but Ilike to remind people that I
have an active lifestyle and Idon't have time to get invested
in anything where I have tomemorize a bunch of lore.
That means wrestling, game ofThrones.
I only got into Lord of theRings because I was a kid and I
had a lot of free time.
And, yes, some of it is ADHD,some of it is mortal fear of
(06:57):
commitment.
A lot of it's just that I'm noteven busy.
I like to stay active, I liketo stay on my feet, I like to
get my heart pumping.
Most people when they're tryingto walk with me invariably
interesting people in one way oranother.
Yeah, ultimately, I thinkthere's freedom in being
deliberate about one'scommitments, but freedom itself
(07:19):
is a commitment.
I'm committed to my freedom andyours, including your freedom
of choice, which includes theoption of giving up your
freedoms, which you might wantto do in a sexual context.
It's possible.
I don't know.
You stood out right away.
You, like me, are the onlyperson in your social group that
would say these things.
(07:40):
Even off the record, I don'tthink they even think them.
You know what I?
was lying before.
I don't think everyone is justlike me.
I think you might be.
I don't know about everyoneelse.
I think they're too limitedperhaps, or they just extend in
other directions that I'm notfamiliar with.
They've cultivated their ownfacets that are different from
(08:01):
mine and more power to them.
I do believe in variety anddiversity of all kinds.
I miss the days before.
Being friends meant you had toagree with people about
everything.
I'm bringing that back becauseI am digging your action.
I love hanging out with you,but boy, you're wrong about
things in fascinating ways.
(08:22):
And so am I.
We're all wrong abouteverything all the time.
We just have to be wrong inways that are useful or fun.
There are things you are notyet ready to know about me, and
vice versa, I'm sure, and I'dlike to know what you're still
hiding.
Oh, you wouldn't say that if itwas true.
No, I have not ferreted out allof the interesting facts about
(08:43):
you, and these might not even befacts as traditionally
understood.
These might be feelings,hauntings, demons deep within
drums in the deep.
We can talk about it alltomorrow night.
I got us on the Goodyear Blimp.
Yes, you should be profoundlygrateful.
I don't accept blowjobs within aweek of the Goodyear Blunt
(09:06):
Rides.
Otherwise I feel like myintegrity is up for question.
I'm opening myself up to beingcompromised.
Now you cannot blow me, howevermuch you want to.
You can bang for it for a week,and then I might let you do it
after that.
If you do some other things too, I have a list of things I need
to get done.
I have time for all of thesethings myself.
Scrubbing the baseboards, lightdata entry oh.
(09:29):
Washing my car yes, I'm gonnawatch you do that, right,
because my time is spentwatching.
Therefore, I don't have thattime to wash the car myself.
I might help if you make itlook really appealing.
Yeah, tom Sawyer, it See whatyou got.
Oh, after that you will enter adifferent world and we will go
in hand in hand.
It's the one I'm familiar with.
(09:49):
A whole new world for you.
Enough will be different for itto be somewhat disorienting,
sort of like a dream.
It is the den in your childhoodhome and yet it's clearly not.
Yeah, oh, you don't needpassports.
There will be bowls of peanutson the tables which we will eat
standing, and you can just dropthe peanut shells right on the
(10:12):
floor and grind them into dustwith your heels.
Something told me you were intothat.
I am always right about you.
Never forget it.
I don't love you.
(10:35):
I don't need you to love me.
I love myself.
It's better, I find, to be highon myself and wrong than down
on myself and right.
It's important to understandone's own weaknesses to the
extent that it makes it easierto toughen up and to relax and
not take it so seriously.
Solve the problem, get thatweakness out of your system and
(10:57):
love yourself.
You know you're the kind ofperson who can do that.
Love yourself irrationally,ridiculously.
Write love letters to yourself.
Fall of hyperbole, get on yourown jock and stay there.
Anyone who disrespects yourelish the opportunity to throw
that person overboard.
Because you're the captain ofthe ship and that's because you
(11:18):
know what you're doing.
You look around.
You see.
Most people don't know whatthey're doing.
Most people are so far off fromhaving any idea what they're
doing.
They assume positions of powerthat they're not qualified for
and what you want to do is stepback, see the angles above the
angles like it's a pool tableand strategize.
(11:38):
Don't take people at their word.
Don't take things at face value.
Who benefits?
People at their word?
Don't take things at face value.
Who benefits?
What's the angle here?
Why is this person doing thisthing?
What do they stand to gain?
They could just be a loosecannon.
Don't assume they know whatthey're doing.
It's a really excellent chancethat they don't.
(12:01):
There's a difference betweenmalice and incompetence.
There's also a point where theybleed into each other
incompetence.
There's also a point where theybleed into each other, and
that's where ruthless ice-coldstrategists are so badly needed
in this world.
Who cares if somebody thinksthey need you?
You don't have to worry aboutthe rules.
They're not enforced.
It's a stupid honor system.
The rules are for suckers.
(12:21):
Most people are so beaten downand so afraid and so defined by
their own learned helplessness.
They just obey the rules,follow their training, just made
them good servants and slavesand bitches.
You don't have to be like that.
You can see through it.
You can pretend to be like that.
(12:42):
That helps you get inside andget what you want.
You can do anything you want.
This is your life.
These other people aresupporting characters.
This is your story.
You're never going to regretloving yourself too much and
having too much fun, or doingwhat you want to do, how you
want to do it, with whom youwant to do it.
(13:03):
When you want to do it, do itto it.
Feel it deep down inside.
That's what the world wants andneeds.
Who cares?
It's about what you want andneed.
If it feels good to be powerful, do that.
If it feels good to be smackedaround and dominated, do that.
You can do it on your own time.
(13:24):
You can do it whenever.
Just do it and make it big.
This is all you get.
The meek inherit nothing.
What are you going to do now,bitch?
The name Zara means a lot to me.
(13:49):
The name Zara means a lot to me.
(14:16):
There are a number of topicsthat we routinely cover here on
Emerson Dameron's MedicatedMinutes, including sex, power,
psychology, philosophy,self-help, satanic, buddhism,
drugs, other things.
But you can really just say sexand power, and I think that
pretty much covers the rest ofthem.
(14:36):
Oscar Wilde famously saidEverything is about sex except
sex.
Sex is about power.
Power is also about sex.
It's powerful enough to landOscar Wilde in prison, pretty
much ruin his life.
Power and sex are enmeshed, tosay the least.
If you are not getting the sexand power that you want, it's
(15:00):
going to be physically painful.
Your brain's going to bepumping out cortisol much as it
pumps out the happy drugs whenthings are going well on those
fronts see drugs also includedyour brain makes the uncut dope
to end it all.
If you get some bad stuff, it'sgoing to hurt physically, and
that can happen when you are nothaving sex and you are out of
(15:23):
power, because in both cases youare deprived of connection,
you're alienated.
Having a certain amount ofpower is the way to connect with
your folks, to find the others.
Sex is really a little bit ofeverything.
It's good stuff.
If you get some power, youmight be willing to throw it
away If you could get somechoice peach cobbler instead.
(15:46):
Sex is intimacy, romance, it'sdanger and play it's the life
force itself.
God, almost the higher power,although you wouldn't want sex
as your higher power if you werein sex and love addicts and
even in other 12-step programs.
It is somewhat iffy, but it isa lot more powerful than God or
(16:09):
Buddha or Johnny Cash or whoeveryour higher power is.
Willie Nelson is the onlyhigher power that might be in
competition, but I'm sure heenjoys sex as well.
It's an exuberant celebrationof human creativity.
At its best it's a lot ofdifferent things in one go.
If you're doing it well, youcan try to kill it with false
(16:31):
morality, hypocrisy and cynicism, and then you can act surprised
when the rest of your lifebecomes a kinky, degrading,
disgusting scat fest.
Like it or not, power is hot.
Sex is sexy.
Power is powerful.
Sex is powerful.
Some people get off on power andalways will.
(16:53):
Some people will enjoydisproportionate power dynamics.
Perhaps in their professionallives they will be expected to
be in control all the time, andwhen they get home they might
want the inverse of that.
They might want to let go.
They might want to beinstructed to count down from a
hundred every time they getspanked.
Or they might want to messaround with the power dynamics
(17:17):
in their professional oracademic lives, because that is
danger.
Danger is exciting as well asdangerous.
It can really blow up in yourface.
Put a pin in that we're goingto get back to it.
People are going to screw theirTAs and write novels about it.
It's what the song Maggie Maeis about, I believe, if I'm
(17:37):
reading it correctly.
The thing is, it seems likepeople maybe are done with sex
for the time being.
When it's been in the newsrecently, it's mostly been bad.
It's been about abuse of power,people mixing sex and alcohol,
or sex and proclivities thatperhaps they should have kept
repressed.
I at one point was suspiciousthat a lot of this had to do
(18:01):
with just the sheer volume ofpornography around for the last
couple of decades.
But statistics do not bear thatout.
That's not why there's theerectile dysfunction.
People aren't having sex.
There's more to it.
I was suspicious just because Ithink if you are using porn as
a substitute for sex, you aretruly missing out.
(18:22):
They are not that similarPeople aren't having sex as much
anymore.
Statistically.
We're not entirely sure why.
It's obviously a confluence offactors and it's a shame.
Sex is nothing to be ashamed of.
It's powerful, as we mentioned.
It's fun.
It is the ultimate physicalcomedy.
It's joyous physical comedy.
(18:43):
I suppose having a stroke orcardiac arrest would be also a
dark form of physical comedy.
But sex is hilarious if you'redoing it right.
For me, it generally getsbetter as it goes on.
The first time is usually theworst time, so we should make
sex a regular thing.
I've been struggling to use thebully pulpit of Emerson
(19:06):
Dameron's medicated minutes toget people having sex again.
I still believe that rough sexcan save the world.
If we're not working out thosekinks in the bedrooms, in the
dungeons and the alleys behindour favorite dive bars, we're
going to work them out Wars,fraud, subterfuge,
(19:26):
passive-aggressive behaviors,hurting, controlling,
manipulating one another andthat does seem to be happening.
I think there's much to learnfrom the kink and poly
communities.
Yes, they have a lot of rules.
It is front-loaded with a lotof information to absorb a lot
of terminology.
It has a nerdy Bay Area vibe toit.
(19:46):
They take it seriously.
That's what that's about.
They are playing with dynamite.
They are aware of this.
Sex is powerful.
People get hurt Sometimes whenyou mix sex and power dynamics.
Even with the best ofintentions, people catch
feelings and those feelings gethurt and you have to deal with
that.
I would say on a case-by-casebasis.
(20:09):
Understand we're not alwaysgoing to come out of that
looking good and to have somepatience with that.
Most relationships end indisappointment, more than half.
If I was a betting man which Iam in some sort of bitterness
and recrimination, at leasttemporarily.
I don't have an easy solutionfor that.
(20:30):
I personally think thatmonogamy is unworkable for a lot
of people.
I think it was created byroyals to stifle peasant revolts
around the advent ofagriculture.
If it works for you, Iencourage it.
Do whatever works.
If you even know what that is,I'm still figuring it out myself
.
I've been in relationshipswhere I just wasn't interested
(20:53):
in anyone else.
I'm kind of an obsessivepersonality.
Sometimes I get really, reallyinto a particular person's
pheromones and their wholegestalt, and that's just what
I'm into.
I get fully immersed.
Sometimes it's a bell curve,sometimes the sex is not so
great.
The first time, first timejitters.
(21:16):
Getting to know how someone'swired up takes some time and
then it gets really good.
And then buck wild off thechain and you are really into
each other for lots of reasons,including that and other things
that you have in common and, incontrast, complementary
characteristics and interests.
(21:36):
You are learning from eachother and interested in
something because your partneris interested in it.
It's going well, you're cookingwith gas, so you decide to make
it a serious thing.
Sometimes people get married.
I did it once.
I don't drink anymore, so Idon't know if I'm going to be
getting married again.
I would have to say no, but itdoes happen.
(21:58):
Sometimes people have kids.
I've never wanted kids.
I think the world needs exactlyone of me, so I have a
vasectomy, so I don't have toworry about that.
Nobody's gonna twist my arm orturn out the heat on me.
I am not gonna have kids.
I'm Emerson Pendammer III.
There will not be a fourth,unless it's a cat or an orchid.
(22:19):
And after a while these thingscome together cat or an orchid.
And after a while these thingscome together and you get some
familiarity, which can be good,but can also be an alternative
to seeking out something new andthus frightening but also
potentially pleasurable.
Familiarity can be the painthat you know, which can be a
(22:41):
retreat from the pleasure thatis unknown.
Note the word family infamiliar.
It's not always a happy placeand eventually the honeymoon
just burns out.
Sometimes familiarity breedscontempt.
Sometimes the desire just fades.
Sometimes it's logistics.
The kids are time consuming,the career is taking off, the
(23:02):
emphasis is on that.
You put off having sex, you eata large meal, watch three hours
of Netflix.
After all that it's a chore.
You're not really bringing yourcreativity anymore.
And it's not malice, it's notcontempt, it's not disrespect.
Sometimes we just don't knowwhy.
We went from wanting to screweach other nearly to death, like
(23:25):
our lives depended on it, togetting it over with.
Our theoretical couple stilllove each other.
They're lovable people.
They want to take care of eachother.
They are both frustrated andashamed that they're not having
fun with this anymore, and whenthey look around at all of this
they don't know why exactly, butit does not seem to be working.
(23:49):
None of this fits together in away that is supportive of the
lives that they want forthemselves and the other and
each other.
I was formerly an ad man bytrade and I can tell you that
people like authority andthere's been a decline in
(24:09):
reliable authority with any sortof power that is widely
considered legitimate.
We're now all living in our ownlittle worlds where there are
authorities that can be justwildly illegitimate, and the
more that the people in theother worlds throw rocks at our
authorities, the more that wecling to them out of cognitive
(24:31):
dissonance, which is whathappens when you believe
something that's demonstrablyuntrue and somebody starts
blowing shotgun holes in it in away that makes you feel stupid.
Believe it all the more youdouble down.
So there's some of that, butthere's a lack of legitimate,
credible, agreed upon,benevolent authority.
(24:52):
The advertising industry did atone point during the 20th
century, step in and veryconsciously adopt that role.
You can watch the documentaryCentury of the Self for a
collage interpretation of whathappened there.
Edward Bernays, a relative ofSigmund Freud, was at the
(25:12):
forefront, got women to startsmoking cigarettes.
They started a war, multiplewars.
Brilliant guy, founder of theindustry where I made my bones
for many years.
That certainly shaped myworldview.
An industry where people arevery interested in things like
behavioral experiments on apesand the way that dogs are
(25:35):
trained and how to push people'sbuttons in ways that they won't
notice.
I activate those aforementionedpowerful brain drugs and
they've largely succeeded.
You have been lied to, you havebeen manipulated, you've been
sold a bill of goods.
It hurts to acknowledge thatbecause we want to think that we
(25:57):
have free will and that we knoweverything and that we're
making well-informed choices,because if we don't believe that
, it gets hard to get our shoestied in the morning.
But it's simply not the case.
Free willy is a bigger part ofyour life than free will.
And that's how capitalism gotto this violent, scorched earth
(26:20):
state where it's at right now,where it just became anything
and everything and it took theplace sex power.
The entire human condition isjust a hustle.
I live in Los Angeles.
Maybe that's not true where youare.
I hope not.
Sex became a chore.
Passive aggression became theway that we communicate.
(26:40):
Manipulation, dread.
Saying things with plausibledeniability that also have four
different meanings becomes apain in the ass to call each
other out.
Sad to say, sex seems to begoing down with that ship.
Jack Morin, in his book theErotic Mind, came up with an
equation Desire plus obstaclesequals sexual excitement.
(27:03):
Sometimes we make things hardon ourselves for that reason in
that realm and others.
Sometimes that can be youagainst the adversity.
We need friction to spark lustto have amazing, mind-blowing
hate sex.
I recommend it highly,especially to people in
relationships, because that's agood way to get out some of that
(27:29):
frustration that is going tobuild when you spend a lot of
time in proximity to someone.
We also need comfort.
That's what makes theexuberance and the playfulness
and the laughter, theexperimentation possible.
That's what makes it work.
We need to see that we've beenlied to to hear it, smell it,
taste it, feel it, know itintuitively and then help each
(27:50):
other heal, which could take awhile, maybe just get
comfortable for that Plan on thehealing taking who knows how
long Does it really matter?
It might involve psilocybinmushrooms, in which case when
you're in there it will feellike it has always been like
this and will always be likethis, and yet you know that it's
going to be over in four hours.
(28:10):
And when that happens, do thenext thing, which is scary,
which is help each other reclaimpower.
No matter how frightening it is,we are scared of our own true
power and agency.
We enjoy the freedom that issold to us by our ersatz
authorities, because our realfreedom is quite terrifying,
(28:32):
much more so than the simulacrum, but we're going to have to
deal with it regardless.
We are in an age ofdiscontinuity.
All bets are off, no one isready for what has already
happened and simultaneously allthat was hidden is becoming seen
and we are becoming aware ofhow things work in the Rube
(28:54):
Goldberg machine, what free willreally is, which is a
convenient illusion to get us inharmony with the rhythms of
nature in the world.
We are not qualified to savenature, but it might save us if
we can harmonize with it andalso start having great sex
(29:14):
again.
That is really just thebeginning, but I would say a
necessary prerequisite forshaking hands, saying how do you
do in a way that meaningfullyimplies I love you and also gets
us off.
Talking about cascading orgasms, which I have a history of
providing, past performance isno guarantee of future results.
(29:36):
I'm putting that out therebecause that is the spirit of
candor and rigor andintellectual honesty that the
listeners of Emerson Dameron'sMedicated Minutes have come to
expect and demand.
Helena the Brit (29:48):
Thank you.
(30:31):
Right, so there was this bloke.
Let's call him Sebastian, shallwe?
He was oh how do I put it?
Intensely magnetic, like he hadthat look.
You know that posh, torturedartist slumming at Vibe, always
in leather jackets, broodingaround with his tousled hair and
mysterious stubble Absolutegodsend.
(30:53):
I thought we met in this artgallery.
Naturally he was holding acigarette even though they're
totally verboten endorsementJust standing there all suave
with his smoke, smirking at asculpture, like he knew some
deep secret about it that therest of us couldn't possibly
understand.
So I'm thinking that's the manI need to be with.
(31:13):
I should have known then thathe was well a bit different, but
I thought it was just all partof his allure.
So when he invited me back tohis place that night, obviously
I said yes.
This flat was one of those dimlylit, moody little setups with
no proper lighting and only likeblack curtains.
(31:34):
Everything was dark, wood andleather.
He was into aesthetic,minimalism, or whatever he
called it.
I was in awe.
You know the way he just didn'tcare about brightness or joy or
anything he called it.
I was in awe, you know the wayhe just didn't care about
brightness or joy or anythingremotely uplifting.
He was like, beyond all that,Anyway, things progressed.
(31:56):
Obviously we got close, well,physically close, if you catch
my drift, but I mean the wayhe'd speak to me.
He had this way of makingeverything feel so intent, like
he'd grab my chin and say thingslike you're mine now, aren't
you Helena?
And it was thrilling, I'lladmit.
Nobody'd ever looked at me likeI was something they owned,
(32:18):
something precious they couldjust you hold on to and use.
I thought, oh, isn't thatromantic, like who doesn't want
a bit of possession.
But he had these little umquirks right.
He liked to push me not justemotionally but physically.
I remember one night he had mepinned against the wall and he
(32:41):
stage-whispered If you everleave me, you will regret it.
And I'm standing there totallystarry-eyed, thinking he's just
being passionate.
I mean, in the moment it was sointense, like something out of
a Bronte novel.
But thinking back it wassuppose you'd call it unsettling
.
He'd always go a bit too farwith his words, his touch.
(33:04):
There were moments he'd havethis gleam in his eye like he
could just snap.
Then I'd just laugh it off,thought it was all part of his
charm.
Of course, if I left I wouldregret it.
He's a dream come true, oh.
And so territorial.
The way he'd isolate me.
He'd say things like no oneunderstands you, Helena, Not the
(33:25):
way I do.
And he'd make it sound soromantic.
He had this way of making mefeel like I was some lost soul
and he was the only one whocould find me.
He even insisted I stop seeingmy friends, Said they didn't get
us, didn't appreciate ourconnection, Told me they were
all just jealous.
(33:46):
And I believed him, Thoughtyeah, they're probably just
envious of our passion.
How see, right, Girlish.
And then there were the darkerthings.
Like he had these littlerituals.
He'd bring out this red scarf,sometimes tie it around my
wrists, saying it symbolized ourunity or some other poetic
(34:08):
nonsense.
But I remember one night hejust kept pulling it tighter and
tighter and I was sitting therethinking this is all so deep,
so intense, like some sort ofperformance art right here in my
living area.
But at some point I couldbarely feel my hands and he just
looked at me with that smirk ofhis and said You'll do anything
(34:30):
for me, won't you baby?
It felt like more of a statementthan a question and oh, I just
nodded, because what else doesone do in that sort of situation
?
I probably would have doneanything for him, wouldn't have
even thought about it, had henot been so tragically tactless
as to rub my face in it likethat.
One time I even sat outside hisdoor for what an hour just
(34:53):
waiting for him to let me in inthe cold, because he said he
needed to see my devotion.
I thought it was a test of love, thought it was all very grand,
very tragic heroin.
Anyway, when it was over, wegot.
Thought it was all very grand,very tragic heroine.
Anyway, when it was over, wegot it on like feral rodents.
Looking back, I suppose it wasum, well strange, maybe even a
(35:15):
bit much.
My friends would try to tell mehe was controlling or
manipulative.
They'd say things like Helena,he's so clearly dangerous.
But I just thought they didn'tunderstand.
I mean, what did they knowabout romance?
They weren't out there in therain proving their devotion,
were they?
He ended things abruptly.
(35:35):
One day he said he was done andthat I'd served my purpose.
He said it so calmly too, likehe was finishing a cup of tea.
I was devastated, but he told meone day baby you will thank me
and just walked out of my lifeand I cried for weeks thinking
(35:56):
I've lost the love of my life,but I never really stopped to
think about what sort of love itwas, did I, anyway?
Sometimes I still think abouthim late at night, wonder if I
was just too naive, too gulliblemaybe.
But then I tell myself it wasall terribly romantic a dark and
(36:48):
twisted sort of romance, andbesides isn't that what makes
life such a fascinating business.
Emerson Dameron (36:57):
You have to be strategic at your wielding of
power.
You don't start out winning.
Improvisation is a privilegethat you earn.
Before you play free jazz, youhave to learn green sleeves,
heart and soul.
You have to learn scales.
Don't just start making movesif you don't know what you're
(37:37):
doing.
Learn from the masters.
Sit at their feet, shine theirshoes, kiss slowly up their legs
as far as everyone is mutuallycomfortable with, and then scrub
(38:26):
the baseboards, mow the lawn,butt naked, wash the car on
roller skates.
Serve as a scribe, writing outby hand everything the master
says.
The master will not say toomuch.
The master will speak slowlybecause if you're dominant, you
move slow because you don't haveto move for anybody.
Pauly and good fellas Do that.
(39:03):
You do have to get everythingright.
Just because you're nottranscribing somebody who's
talking fast doesn't meanaccuracy is not an issue.
If your hand cramps, that's toobad.
You can use the other hand forwhatever.
It is else that you do with yournon-dominant hand, or you can
(39:54):
write with your mind.
Figure it out, use strategy.
That's what you got to do.
You've got to be able to swatflies in other states with your
mind, punch holes in thebaseboards with your mind and
absolutely fuck with your mind.
Your mind is the number oneerogenous zone, the sex organ
(40:14):
that matters.
Learn how to pound it with yourmind.
(40:35):
If you think it's all been doneor nothing wildly unpredictable
is about to happen, you're deadwrong.
I'm discovering new things allthe time.
For instance, did you know notsleeping for 48 hours affects
your brain?
In my experience, it's almostentirely negative Cycles of
madcap, visionary glee when Ithought I'd had a stroke of
genius, I was closer to having astroke and some of the blackest
(40:58):
depression I've everexperienced.
I haven't decided what to dowith this information, but it's
interesting, right?
There's not a doubt in my mindabout that.
(41:24):
It's a probability approachinga certainty.
There are no sure things inthis uncertain world, but that's
about as close as it gets.
You couldn't put your fingerbetween that probability and
certainty when it's time, notbefore, and it'll happen in the
right climb.
That's short for climate if itneeds extra provisions trained
(41:45):
sea lions, flags of variouskinds, large vehicle shaped like
a carrot from a grocery servicecalled insta carrot that only
delivers carrots.
There will be time enough forall of those things to be
arranged and you don't even haveto do anything, because you are
loved by a lot of people, butalso by the universe itself.
(42:07):
It provides for you, it is inthe process of giving you what
you need, but it's notinstantaneous, it's not gonna
swoop in and solve all yourproblems and do your homework
for you.
You're doing that yourself.
You know you're not waiting forany kind of bailout, any kind
kind of rescue.
You do the work every day and Isee that and I acknowledge it,
(42:28):
and that shows me at least thatyou're not broken, your life is
not ruined.
You say that experience ruinedyour life.
I don't think our lives can beruined unless we do it ourselves
.
And if that's what you've done,I would advise you to unruin
your life as you can.
There's no rush.
That can take time and therecan be joy and creativity and
(42:52):
levity and humor in the process.
You need community, you needsupport, you need practices to
ground yourself.
It's okay to get mad.
No feeling left unfelt.
When you feel it, you let itmove through and you release it.
That's being with what is, ifyou don't want to feel it, bad
(43:12):
news.
It's not optional.
You got to feel it to get ridof it.
If you put shame on top of that, contort yourself, try not to
feel it.
You're going to feel a bunch ofother bad stuff.
You could be at an 80 pain forthe next half hour or you could
just walk around at a 20 for thenext 20 years.
If I don't want to do somethingI like getting it over with.
(43:33):
From what I've seen of you,you're not afraid of anything.
It's a lot of pain.
You've been done dirty.
You've been done dirty, you'vebeen kicked around and you're
afraid that that's going to keephappening.
And I would say to get what Ithink you deserve.
There may be more work to bedone.
You could go out right now andmake a life for yourself, and it
would be good.
You'd have enough resources toget the light bulbs that you
(43:56):
like.
You've got it together enoughto have the various lotions to
keep your skin looking good.
Your sheets would be washed.
Your bed would be made.
Any ruptures would be repaired.
You're a taste in music, art,film, obscure little museums
would remain impeccable, but youwould remain at mercy of the
(44:19):
wounds and hurts that I thinkhave a lot to do with your
recent experiences, and thosehave been brutal.
You've got to keep your power.
Don't give your power away.
If that's something you do andyou're generous, if you've got a
candle in your hands, you wantsomebody else to experience that
excitement of carrying thatcandle around Bathe in the glow
(44:41):
of that dancing flame, smellingthe summer blueberry scent, or a
lemon fresh or teak woodbourbon One of the more
masculine scents, perhaps, maybeit's a three wit candle.
You light up the whole room.
You've got the humidifier on,it's a cozy atmosphere and you
want to invite people in.
The right people will come whenyou keep your power.
(45:04):
Keep that sacred candle, carryit yourself.
That's what people want you todo.
You're the only person thatknows what to do with that.
That is yours.
That has been passed downthrough lore, prophecy, endless
chains of causality going allthe way back to the beginning of
time and then further back,because there was time before
(45:26):
that.
Somehow I don't reallyunderstand it.
I don't need to.
If I did, that would be takingup space I could be using to
motivate people and I'm on mymission so I don't screw around
with unnecessary trivia or evenimportant scientific knowledge,
unless I need it.
But I understand human behavior, I understand social dynamics,
(45:47):
I understand power.
I know when a relationship getsso bad that it's not worth
saving and you've had a few ofthose Back to back.
Really I understand what makes agood relationship worth working
on.
When it's worth it to weatherthe storm, to heal the wounds,
to bond ever more deeply and tomake love.
(46:08):
Like your lives depend onkilling each other, because
that's sexual polarity.
When you've created the comfortand the safe container to go to
your dark and dangerous places,you don't have to deny your
shadow to keep the peace.
That's what we do and that'swhy, even in good relationships,
a lot of people are boring eachother to death.
(46:29):
They should just piss on eachother.
That would be easier.
It would make a lot more sense.
They might be into it, treatingit like a business partnership
instead of a passionate, fierysex-type situation.
I guess if you're into businesspartnerships, that's okay.
That's way over in the nocolumn on my yes, no, maybe list
(46:51):
, because I know what thatpolarity is one of the oldest
principles at work in theuniverse.
In the beginning all was one,but as soon as there was another
thing, there was polarity,because that's magnetism, that's
balance, that's yin and yang.
In and out, the breath, thecenter, the life force, the
(47:12):
moment you're born screaming,the moment you die in the gutter
.
Simon and Garfunkel, hall andOates, abbott and Costello, the
Captain and Tennille.
And, yes, the masculine and thefeminine, not a gender-specific
thing.
We carry around those cosmicqualities within us.
We're not always on one side orthe other.
I take that back.
(47:32):
I know a couple of people thatare all the way masculine or all
the way feminine.
When I say a couple, I meanlike half a dozen.
They're the weirdest MFs I'veever known.
Most of us are tilting towardone end or the other, but
basically free to move about thecabin.
I think we've been so exhaustedby this world, this country the
(47:53):
United States of America iswhere I live, but it's true in
other places as well, working usto death that a lot of times
nobody wants to take thedominant role because they're
always trying to controleverything in the rest of their
lives, just to keep it together,scrambling to try to create
some sense of order.
Then when it's bedroom fun time, they just want to kick back
(48:16):
and just get it over with thehabitual thing.
They're not even sure if theylike it anymore.
I would encourage everybody toexplore both sides of that, and
if nobody wants to be thedominant masculine role, I will
do that for you.
I will come around, I will domboth of you, not for free, but I
have a reasonable rate.
I don't know if that's going torepolarize your relationship,
(48:38):
but you will have a bondingexperience that you can share.
The way to repolarize therelationship is first to have
the comfort and safety and trustto go into this fraught
territory and then embracefriction, connect through
conflict, don't be afraid to mixit up, create, risk an
(48:58):
environment of radical,sometimes explosive honesty and
mind-blowing hate sex.
Sex is the best place to startwhen you're trying to make sense
of your relationship, becauseeverything is sex.
Obviously that is the force ofcreation and life itself.
It can be used for other thingsand in fact a lot of the
(49:22):
conflicts in our lives, from thehyper-competitive nature of not
just our economy but oursociety of one-upmanship and
dominance all the way up throughinternational military conflict
, is just a weak substitute forthe rough sex that we really
want to be having.
I think if we could get indungeons, get in our own
(49:44):
bedrooms, but do it a little bitdifferently, trying to go as
far as we can, and if the orgasmis called the little death the
French call it that let's go forthe big death.
Do it on the edge of the abyss.
That's what I'm saying, that'swhat we're craving.
We could save the world withrough sex, because everything
else, all the other problemsthat hurt people, hurting people
(50:06):
, etc.
That's just sublimated raw,volcanic, animal sexuality and
yet another distraction from theunfettered sex fest.
That is our god-given right andwould be so easy if we could
just get out of our own way.
Back to Mac.
Mac, it's okay to lean intoyour anger for as long as it
(50:27):
takes.
Your anger is welcome here.
You're not going to lose it.
You know better than that.
People trust you.
Be around the people that trustyou the most right now and then
just let it go.
Hit a heavy bag, go to a rageroom, pay a little extra so you
can destroy a car, bring a group.
This experience is especiallycathartic and meaningful and,
(50:49):
dare I say, fun, when it's abonding experience for people
that love each other.
You can't really say thatbecause for some reason, love is
awkward.
We can't have the rough sex wewant, we can't have the tender
love we want.
It's no surprise that we hurteach other and ourselves and
embarrass everybody involvedthrough tragic acts of
(51:10):
unintentional self-revelation.
What I'm saying is get mad, letit out.
I think it's hilarious.
As a raconteur, you're at thetop of your game, spitting
phlegm and venom.
Have fun with it.
It's fun to watch.
I see you.
I see a shift.
I see you keeping your power.
The candle, the flamethrower,the great balls of fire You're
(51:32):
owning that.
You're not giving it away.
Giving it away now it's yours.
You're getting good at beingselfish, which I think in this
epoch, when so much is expectedof us in terms of conformity, in
terms of being a certain way,because we don't want to get
dismissed from the tribe If youdon't like the word tribe, you
(51:54):
can say clan.
That used to mean getting lostin the wilderness, and we've
somehow got the idea that if wejust do all the right things to
make people like us, that we'resafe.
But if everybody likes us, ifwe succeed, if that turns out as
well as it can which isvanishingly rare If everybody
likes us, nobody loves us,because we will not allow that.
(52:17):
And if somebody loves us,somebody else is going to hate
us, because that's how it works.
That's a push pull.
That's the Andre 3000 and bigboy.
That's polarity, the back andforth rhythm of things that it's
important to flow with inrelationships and in the seasons
of our lives.
And when you've had the kind ofexcruciating experience that you
(52:40):
have.
You've had a number of badbeats over the last few years
that I think are of a piece thathave thrashed your nervous
system, made you doubt yourself.
You've lost some of yourswagger, some of your
self-confidence.
Your brain wants to make senseof that and you're not going to
get closure.
You're not going to getmeaningful, heartfelt apology.
Because the thing aboutintelligent people when they
(53:03):
hurt, when they do damage, whenthey insult, they know what
they're doing.
They're smart enough to knowthat.
They're also sophisticatedenough that their brains start
coming up with reasons why thatperson deserved it.
Yeah, they're wearing the wrongCumberbund.
That Def Leppard shirt is notvintage, that's new, and I've
(53:25):
seen that in ads on Instagram.
Therefore, this person is ananimal and not fully human.
That allows me to forgivemyself a bit more easily for
inflicting harm that I am smartenough to know was part of a
power trip that I'm on.
But they're wearing mismatchedblacks with lime green socks.
(53:46):
Therefore, fair game, all'sfair in war, in love, you feel
some responsibility for anotherperson's experience.
You see yourself through theeyes of another.
In war, it's just aboutprojecting unwanted, alienated
aspects of yourself that youdon't like onto somebody else,
(54:07):
disliking that person activelymeaning doing damage and harm,
and being okay with that becauseyou think you're hurting the
parts of yourself that you wantto hurt An unnecessarily
convoluted Rube Goldberg way ofdealing with your own garbage.
So what I would recommend is toget out of any situation that
(54:29):
you're in like that.
You don't need friends thattreat you badly.
I once said I need all thefriends I can get.
That turned out to bedramatically wrong.
I got friends I don't need.
Most of us have too many looseties, too many social
obligations For you.
It is okay for you to take abreak.
(54:49):
It's okay for you to get lostin fantasy that can provide
powerful clues to what it isthat you do want.
It's okay if you feel envy forpeople that are out there
bawling and doing the stuffmaybe you want to do.
Envy is like a window shop.
You get a sense of what mightlook good on you and when you
take enough time to freeyourself from wanting things
(55:14):
because other people seem towant them, when you are no
longer getting things forced onyou that people want for you
whether it's evangelism or justbuying you a showbiz pizza,
collectible item that thatperson really wanted for
themselves and they thought youwould like it because they think
that's just how people are andwhat people are into and you
(55:36):
appreciate the gesture.
But you don't want this thing.
You don't have anything to dowith it.
Really, you're not going togive it to somebody else.
You feel a little bit obligatedand you're in a huge amount of
pain from some of the thingsyou've experienced Devastating
heartbreak.
You don't want to deal withthis.
Take a break, get lost and usedaydreams and fantasy and recall
(55:59):
of your dream, dreams whichyour brain thinks are real when
you're in it, when they'rehappening.
Learn how to talk to dreamcharacters.
That's going to be full ofuseful information or, at the
very least, it's going to belike a David Lynch movie.
Your brain made out of stuffthat's part of you and your
experience.
(56:19):
Get good at masturbation,master masturbation, master,
mindful masturbation.
There's a good book, good Sexhow to Get Off Without Checking
Out, by Jessica Graham.
Take this time with the freedomthat you have in obscurity, when
nobody is paying attention towhat you're doing.
They will be when the Mac isback.
It's going to be like crack.
(56:41):
Everybody's going to want some.
So enjoy being able to jack itin peace, maybe not so hard.
Maybe.
Find out what you really enjoyand really respond to on the
more subtle levels and becomethe patient, masterful lover
that the world needs right nowand then keep that all for
yourself for as long as you want.
(57:03):
You're staying out of these badattachments until you figure out
what's going on with your heartand yourself and when the time
comes, you can feel thosefeelings.
You can also keep your power.
See by that candlelight.
Don't just give that awaybecause you're catching feelings
.
Person doesn't know what to dowith that.
(57:23):
That's yours, you need to haveit.
So, yeah, don't get into thenext relationship situation that
presents itself.
You don't have to trust people.
Keep your mistrust with you.
Let it protect you.
Sit back and observe, watchhuman behavior and read some
Irving Goffman about the rolespeople play in social situations
(57:43):
and just watch it like ascientist or a playwright
looking for ideas.
Make the most of this time offreedom and peace and obscurity
and opportunity to get clear onsome things, to heal from the
hurt that you undoubtedlyexperienced.
To unruin your life to the hurtthat you undoubtedly
experienced.
To unruin your life to theextent that that's necessary,
(58:05):
although your life is not ruined.
That's laughable.
I'm not going to listen to that.
That's a cop-out.
That's the fear talking andfear is just excitement in a
cheap suit.
Take this time to feel all ofthat.
Leave nothing unfelt, leave itall on the field and soon
(58:35):
K-Chung Los Angeles.
Emerson Dameron's MedicatedMinutes LA's number one
avant-garde personal developmentprogram 1630 AM, kchungradioorg
, first Wednesdays of the month,after which it becomes the only
good podcast.
I'm sorry, you got your heartbroken.
(59:13):
You can't get over it justbecause you want to.
Actually you can, but I'm notgoing to spoil that yet.
But you can get revenge and youdon't have to be tacky about it
.
If you're not afraid ofcomplexity, you don't need to
fit in.
You need to know yourself andfind out where you belong.
In the audience of EmersonDameron's Medicated Minutes,
la's number one avant-gardepersonal development program,
(59:35):
you get life-changing riffs,rants and gems that will make
you glad you got your heartbroken Because it made these
ecstatic epiphanies possible.
You'll know that you were neverbroken in the first place
Because you'll discover yourtrue desires.
I have many listeners who hadmassive breakthroughs, including
developing the ability tocommunicate telepathically,
(59:56):
which is how I received theirgratitude.
Just makes the show better.
You deserve to treat yourselfto Emerson Dameron's medicated
minutes.
Be careful what you put up with.
Tolerance leads to resentment.
Pity is two doors down fromcontempt.
Familiarity doesn't necessarilybreed contempt.
Festering familiarity does.
A little bit of absence canmake the heart grow fonder.
Don't play hard to get unlessyou know that you've become hard
to forget.
(00:20):
If you want long-term love, itrequires penetration with
passion and intimacy, the kindof thing you only learn through
practice and repeatedly screwingup, which, if you weather the
storm and handle it in the rightway and know what you care
about, know what you love andhold it while it cries, leads to
(00:41):
all the penetration andscrewing you could possibly want
.
Emerson Dameron's MedicatedMinutes is LA's number one
avant-garde personal developmentprogram.
Medicated-minutescom Episodespremiere first Wednesdays of the
month, 7 o'clock pm on K-Chung,los Angeles, 1630 am
(01:03):
K-Chungioorg.
I am Emerson Dameron, thewriter, producer, host et al for
Emerson Dameron's MedicatedMinutes.
I love you personally.
Levity saves lives.
You want quality entertainmentin your life.
(01:26):
You love the drama, the theater.
You, of all people could notlive without suspense, intrigue,
conflict.
You know you want it.
You'll create it out of wholecloth if that's what it takes,
but you don't need to becauseit's all around you.
Just look, listen, look in thesepeople's eyes?
What are their angles?
(01:46):
How much do you really knowanyone?
How much do you really know me?
Oh, that was supposed to be aburn.
Oh, and that was supposed to bean impression of my voice.
I'm just gonna go hang out overhere at the bar.
Find someone cool.
Oh, now you want to be serious.
What's on your mind?
Tell me a story.
I know what this is about.
(02:08):
This has to do with anadventure, or lack thereof, in
your life.
It's either too much or notenough, and too much is never
enough.
Maybe, but hear me out.
What if it was the same thing,but with more explosions?
Yes, I knew it.
(02:30):
You love violence.
You're just like me, but youhave the unfortunate habit of
deceiving yourself.
Yeah, I know all about you,because everyone is just like me
.
It's just that I'm the only onewho's honest about it.
That's right.
You have all of my filthycharacteristics.
I have your number.
Your position of moralsuperiority and judgment is
(02:53):
meaningless to me because I knowexactly who you are and I can
see right through you and yourdenial and your hypocrisy and
your self-delusion is justpathetic.
A threshold of self-delusion isnecessary to get through the
day, but yours is out of control.
We need an adventure.
We need to do something crazy.
We need to stay up late.
(03:15):
We need to shut down this barand then go find a 4am-er and
shut that down and then rob agas station One of the ones
that's 24 hours.
We can get the people who workthere to help us bag everything
up.
We don't even need the money.
I know you're flush with cash,but we need some excitement.
We need a reason to head forthe state line and try to get
(03:37):
across it without getting caught, and then go find a nice island
nation with no extraditiontreaty.
Let's face it, we're nevergoing to do that unless we're
properly incentivized, so hence,let's get on the wrong side of
the law.
Maybe you've already done that.
I like to think you're notbuying what I'm selling.
I'm going to tickle you untilyou buy something.
(03:59):
I'm going to give you such pure, raw, uncut entertainment that
you physically cannot suppressyour own laughter.
And it's not the big ha-ha-halaughter that you want people to
notice.
This is the involuntary,giggling laughter.
What did you know about mebefore we met?
I didn't know anything aboutyou and I didn't ask around
(04:23):
Because I like the mystery.
I like unboxing videos.
I wanted to do that with youand I didn't ask around.
I like the mystery, I likeunboxing videos.
I wanted to do that with you.
What did you know about me?
Oh well, I wouldn't call myselfa cad that would be bragging or
a player.
I don't think that reallydescribes me either.
If I'm a player, it's of theinfinite game where everyone
wins and no one wins and it goeson forever.
(04:43):
Because the goal is toperpetuate the game, because
that's how good it is.
You say that now.
I think you're telling onyourself.
I think everything you say is aconfession Disguised as an
allegation, and you don't evenknow that yet.
That's what's fascinating aboutit.
You have no idea of thedimensions you contain, the
(05:07):
multitudes.
Your own complexity makes youdizzy.
You're cute when you'reconfused.
I'm glad you got lost.
It's how you ended up here.
I won't argue with the assertionthat I don't like being told
what to do.
Never have Not by anyone, evenif they know what they're doing
better than I do.
I resent it.
It's patronizing.
I'd rather figure it out formyself.
(05:27):
I'd rather wake up in themorning and do exactly what I
want throughout the day, what Iwant, when I want, with whom I
want, how I want.
That's the only meaningfuldefinition of success.
I'm gonna do who I want lateron.
You think it's you.
I like your confidence.
Now I am creating a new sort ofmasculinity.
(05:48):
I am the vanguard of it.
It's important to keep some ofthe rough stuff that has been
lost in some of the previousinnovation cycles.
Rough sex will save the worldIf we funnel all of our evil
into the sex act.
It's gonna be fun.
We will find willing partnersand enthusiastic partners.
We can be the sadists andmasochists that we know we are.
(06:12):
It will not involve wars orlawsuits.
Oh yeah, some people aren'tready.
I don't know how much we haveto evolve, but I'm gonna go
ahead and start ideating on thisnew masculinity right now.
It combines a lot of differentelements you might not think
would go together, full ofsurprises, and a lot of it's
just me Postmodern, rogue,jetsetting playboy of the 21st
(06:35):
century.
I said I'm not a player, but Ilike to remind people that I
have an active lifestyle and Idon't have time to get invested
in anything where I have tomemorize a bunch of lore.
That means wrestling, game ofThrones.
I only got into Lord of theRings because I was a kid and I
had a lot of free time.
And, yes, some of it is ADHD,some of it is mortal fear of
(06:57):
commitment.
A lot of it's just that I'm noteven busy.
I like to stay active, I liketo stay on my feet, I like to
get my heart pumping.
Most people when they're tryingto walk with me invariably
interesting people in one way oranother.
Yeah, ultimately, I thinkthere's freedom in being
deliberate about one'scommitments, but freedom itself
(07:19):
is a commitment.
I'm committed to my freedom andyours, including your freedom
of choice, which includes theoption of giving up your
freedoms, which you might wantto do in a sexual context.
It's possible.
I don't know.
You stood out right away.
You, like me, are the onlyperson in your social group that
would say these things.
(07:40):
Even off the record, I don'tthink they even think them.
You know what I?
was lying before.
I don't think everyone is justlike me.
I think you might be.
I don't know about everyoneelse.
I think they're too limitedperhaps, or they just extend in
other directions that I'm notfamiliar with.
They've cultivated their ownfacets that are different from
(08:01):
mine and more power to them.
I do believe in variety anddiversity of all kinds.
I miss the days before.
Being friends meant you had toagree with people about
everything.
I'm bringing that back becauseI am digging your action.
I love hanging out with you,but boy, you're wrong about
things in fascinating ways.
(08:22):
And so am I.
We're all wrong abouteverything all the time.
We just have to be wrong inways that are useful or fun.
There are things you are notyet ready to know about me, and
vice versa, I'm sure, and I'dlike to know what you're still
hiding.
Oh, you wouldn't say that if itwas true.
No, I have not ferreted out allof the interesting facts about
(08:43):
you, and these might not even befacts as traditionally
understood.
These might be feelings,hauntings, demons deep within
drums in the deep.
We can talk about it alltomorrow night.
I got us on the Goodyear Blimp.
Yes, you should be profoundlygrateful.
I don't accept blowjobs within aweek of the Goodyear Blunt
(09:06):
Rides.
Otherwise I feel like myintegrity is up for question.
I'm opening myself up to beingcompromised.
Now you cannot blow me, howevermuch you want to.
You can bang for it for a week,and then I might let you do it
after that.
If you do some other things too, I have a list of things I need
to get done.
I have time for all of thesethings myself.
Scrubbing the baseboards, lightdata entry oh.
(09:29):
Washing my car yes, I'm gonnawatch you do that, right,
because my time is spentwatching.
Therefore, I don't have thattime to wash the car myself.
I might help if you make itlook really appealing.
Yeah, tom Sawyer, it See whatyou got.
Oh, after that you will enter adifferent world and we will go
in hand in hand.
It's the one I'm familiar with.
(09:49):
A whole new world for you.
Enough will be different for itto be somewhat disorienting,
sort of like a dream.
It is the den in your childhoodhome and yet it's clearly not.
Yeah, oh, you don't needpassports.
There will be bowls of peanutson the tables which we will eat
standing, and you can just dropthe peanut shells right on the
(10:12):
floor and grind them into dustwith your heels.
Something told me you were intothat.
I am always right about you.
Never forget it.
I don't love you.
(10:35):
I don't need you to love me.
I love myself.
It's better, I find, to be highon myself and wrong than down
on myself and right.
It's important to understandone's own weaknesses to the
extent that it makes it easierto toughen up and to relax and
not take it so seriously.
Solve the problem, get thatweakness out of your system and
(10:57):
love yourself.
You know you're the kind ofperson who can do that.
Love yourself irrationally,ridiculously.
Write love letters to yourself.
Fall of hyperbole, get on yourown jock and stay there.
Anyone who disrespects yourelish the opportunity to throw
that person overboard.
Because you're the captain ofthe ship and that's because you
(11:18):
know what you're doing.
You look around.
You see.
Most people don't know whatthey're doing.
Most people are so far off fromhaving any idea what they're
doing.
They assume positions of powerthat they're not qualified for
and what you want to do is stepback, see the angles above the
angles like it's a pool tableand strategize.
(11:38):
Don't take people at their word.
Don't take things at face value.
Who benefits?
People at their word?
Don't take things at face value.
Who benefits?
What's the angle here?
Why is this person doing thisthing?
What do they stand to gain?
They could just be a loosecannon.
Don't assume they know whatthey're doing.
It's a really excellent chancethat they don't.
(12:01):
There's a difference betweenmalice and incompetence.
There's also a point where theybleed into each other
incompetence.
There's also a point where theybleed into each other, and
that's where ruthless ice-coldstrategists are so badly needed
in this world.
Who cares if somebody thinksthey need you?
You don't have to worry aboutthe rules.
They're not enforced.
It's a stupid honor system.
The rules are for suckers.
(12:21):
Most people are so beaten downand so afraid and so defined by
their own learned helplessness.
They just obey the rules,follow their training, just made
them good servants and slavesand bitches.
You don't have to be like that.
You can see through it.
You can pretend to be like that.
(12:42):
That helps you get inside andget what you want.
You can do anything you want.
This is your life.
These other people aresupporting characters.
This is your story.
You're never going to regretloving yourself too much and
having too much fun, or doingwhat you want to do, how you
want to do it, with whom youwant to do it.
(13:03):
When you want to do it, do itto it.
Feel it deep down inside.
That's what the world wants andneeds.
Who cares?
It's about what you want andneed.
If it feels good to be powerful, do that.
If it feels good to be smackedaround and dominated, do that.
You can do it on your own time.
(13:24):
You can do it whenever.
Just do it and make it big.
This is all you get.
The meek inherit nothing.
What are you going to do now,bitch?
The name Zara means a lot to me.
(13:49):
The name Zara means a lot to me.
(14:16):
There are a number of topicsthat we routinely cover here on
Emerson Dameron's MedicatedMinutes, including sex, power,
psychology, philosophy,self-help, satanic, buddhism,
drugs, other things.
But you can really just say sexand power, and I think that
pretty much covers the rest ofthem.
(14:36):
Oscar Wilde famously saidEverything is about sex except
sex.
Sex is about power.
Power is also about sex.
It's powerful enough to landOscar Wilde in prison, pretty
much ruin his life.
Power and sex are enmeshed, tosay the least.
If you are not getting the sexand power that you want, it's
(15:00):
going to be physically painful.
Your brain's going to bepumping out cortisol much as it
pumps out the happy drugs whenthings are going well on those
fronts see drugs also includedyour brain makes the uncut dope
to end it all.
If you get some bad stuff, it'sgoing to hurt physically, and
that can happen when you are nothaving sex and you are out of
(15:23):
power, because in both cases youare deprived of connection,
you're alienated.
Having a certain amount ofpower is the way to connect with
your folks, to find the others.
Sex is really a little bit ofeverything.
It's good stuff.
If you get some power, youmight be willing to throw it
away If you could get somechoice peach cobbler instead.
(15:46):
Sex is intimacy, romance, it'sdanger and play it's the life
force itself.
God, almost the higher power,although you wouldn't want sex
as your higher power if you werein sex and love addicts and
even in other 12-step programs.
It is somewhat iffy, but it isa lot more powerful than God or
(16:09):
Buddha or Johnny Cash or whoeveryour higher power is.
Willie Nelson is the onlyhigher power that might be in
competition, but I'm sure heenjoys sex as well.
It's an exuberant celebrationof human creativity.
At its best it's a lot ofdifferent things in one go.
If you're doing it well, youcan try to kill it with false
(16:31):
morality, hypocrisy and cynicism, and then you can act surprised
when the rest of your lifebecomes a kinky, degrading,
disgusting scat fest.
Like it or not, power is hot.
Sex is sexy.
Power is powerful.
Sex is powerful.
Some people get off on power andalways will.
(16:53):
Some people will enjoydisproportionate power dynamics.
Perhaps in their professionallives they will be expected to
be in control all the time, andwhen they get home they might
want the inverse of that.
They might want to let go.
They might want to beinstructed to count down from a
hundred every time they getspanked.
Or they might want to messaround with the power dynamics
(17:17):
in their professional oracademic lives, because that is
danger.
Danger is exciting as well asdangerous.
It can really blow up in yourface.
Put a pin in that we're goingto get back to it.
People are going to screw theirTAs and write novels about it.
It's what the song Maggie Maeis about, I believe, if I'm
(17:37):
reading it correctly.
The thing is, it seems likepeople maybe are done with sex
for the time being.
When it's been in the newsrecently, it's mostly been bad.
It's been about abuse of power,people mixing sex and alcohol,
or sex and proclivities thatperhaps they should have kept
repressed.
I at one point was suspiciousthat a lot of this had to do
(18:01):
with just the sheer volume ofpornography around for the last
couple of decades.
But statistics do not bear thatout.
That's not why there's theerectile dysfunction.
People aren't having sex.
There's more to it.
I was suspicious just because Ithink if you are using porn as
a substitute for sex, you aretruly missing out.
(18:22):
They are not that similarPeople aren't having sex as much
anymore.
Statistically.
We're not entirely sure why.
It's obviously a confluence offactors and it's a shame.
Sex is nothing to be ashamed of.
It's powerful, as we mentioned.
It's fun.
It is the ultimate physicalcomedy.
It's joyous physical comedy.
(18:43):
I suppose having a stroke orcardiac arrest would be also a
dark form of physical comedy.
But sex is hilarious if you'redoing it right.
For me, it generally getsbetter as it goes on.
The first time is usually theworst time, so we should make
sex a regular thing.
I've been struggling to use thebully pulpit of Emerson
(19:06):
Dameron's medicated minutes toget people having sex again.
I still believe that rough sexcan save the world.
If we're not working out thosekinks in the bedrooms, in the
dungeons and the alleys behindour favorite dive bars, we're
going to work them out Wars,fraud, subterfuge,
(19:26):
passive-aggressive behaviors,hurting, controlling,
manipulating one another andthat does seem to be happening.
I think there's much to learnfrom the kink and poly
communities.
Yes, they have a lot of rules.
It is front-loaded with a lotof information to absorb a lot
of terminology.
It has a nerdy Bay Area vibe toit.
(19:46):
They take it seriously.
That's what that's about.
They are playing with dynamite.
They are aware of this.
Sex is powerful.
People get hurt Sometimes whenyou mix sex and power dynamics.
Even with the best ofintentions, people catch
feelings and those feelings gethurt and you have to deal with
that.
I would say on a case-by-casebasis.
(20:09):
Understand we're not alwaysgoing to come out of that
looking good and to have somepatience with that.
Most relationships end indisappointment, more than half.
If I was a betting man which Iam in some sort of bitterness
and recrimination, at leasttemporarily.
I don't have an easy solutionfor that.
(20:30):
I personally think thatmonogamy is unworkable for a lot
of people.
I think it was created byroyals to stifle peasant revolts
around the advent ofagriculture.
If it works for you, Iencourage it.
Do whatever works.
If you even know what that is,I'm still figuring it out myself
.
I've been in relationshipswhere I just wasn't interested
(20:53):
in anyone else.
I'm kind of an obsessivepersonality.
Sometimes I get really, reallyinto a particular person's
pheromones and their wholegestalt, and that's just what
I'm into.
I get fully immersed.
Sometimes it's a bell curve,sometimes the sex is not so
great.
The first time, first timejitters.
(21:16):
Getting to know how someone'swired up takes some time and
then it gets really good.
And then buck wild off thechain and you are really into
each other for lots of reasons,including that and other things
that you have in common and, incontrast, complementary
characteristics and interests.
(21:36):
You are learning from eachother and interested in
something because your partneris interested in it.
It's going well, you're cookingwith gas, so you decide to make
it a serious thing.
Sometimes people get married.
I did it once.
I don't drink anymore, so Idon't know if I'm going to be
getting married again.
I would have to say no, but itdoes happen.
(21:58):
Sometimes people have kids.
I've never wanted kids.
I think the world needs exactlyone of me, so I have a
vasectomy, so I don't have toworry about that.
Nobody's gonna twist my arm orturn out the heat on me.
I am not gonna have kids.
I'm Emerson Pendammer III.
There will not be a fourth,unless it's a cat or an orchid.
(22:19):
And after a while these thingscome together cat or an orchid.
And after a while these thingscome together and you get some
familiarity, which can be good,but can also be an alternative
to seeking out something new andthus frightening but also
potentially pleasurable.
Familiarity can be the painthat you know, which can be a
(22:41):
retreat from the pleasure thatis unknown.
Note the word family infamiliar.
It's not always a happy placeand eventually the honeymoon
just burns out.
Sometimes familiarity breedscontempt.
Sometimes the desire just fades.
Sometimes it's logistics.
The kids are time consuming,the career is taking off, the
(23:02):
emphasis is on that.
You put off having sex, you eata large meal, watch three hours
of Netflix.
After all that it's a chore.
You're not really bringing yourcreativity anymore.
And it's not malice, it's notcontempt, it's not disrespect.
Sometimes we just don't knowwhy.
We went from wanting to screweach other nearly to death, like
(23:25):
our lives depended on it, togetting it over with.
Our theoretical couple stilllove each other.
They're lovable people.
They want to take care of eachother.
They are both frustrated andashamed that they're not having
fun with this anymore, and whenthey look around at all of this
they don't know why exactly, butit does not seem to be working.
(23:49):
None of this fits together in away that is supportive of the
lives that they want forthemselves and the other and
each other.
I was formerly an ad man bytrade and I can tell you that
people like authority andthere's been a decline in
(24:09):
reliable authority with any sortof power that is widely
considered legitimate.
We're now all living in our ownlittle worlds where there are
authorities that can be justwildly illegitimate, and the
more that the people in theother worlds throw rocks at our
authorities, the more that wecling to them out of cognitive
(24:31):
dissonance, which is whathappens when you believe
something that's demonstrablyuntrue and somebody starts
blowing shotgun holes in it in away that makes you feel stupid.
Believe it all the more youdouble down.
So there's some of that, butthere's a lack of legitimate,
credible, agreed upon,benevolent authority.
(24:52):
The advertising industry did atone point during the 20th
century, step in and veryconsciously adopt that role.
You can watch the documentaryCentury of the Self for a
collage interpretation of whathappened there.
Edward Bernays, a relative ofSigmund Freud, was at the
(25:12):
forefront, got women to startsmoking cigarettes.
They started a war, multiplewars.
Brilliant guy, founder of theindustry where I made my bones
for many years.
That certainly shaped myworldview.
An industry where people arevery interested in things like
behavioral experiments on apesand the way that dogs are
(25:35):
trained and how to push people'sbuttons in ways that they won't
notice.
I activate those aforementionedpowerful brain drugs and
they've largely succeeded.
You have been lied to, you havebeen manipulated, you've been
sold a bill of goods.
It hurts to acknowledge thatbecause we want to think that we
(25:57):
have free will and that we knoweverything and that we're
making well-informed choices,because if we don't believe that
, it gets hard to get our shoestied in the morning.
But it's simply not the case.
Free willy is a bigger part ofyour life than free will.
And that's how capitalism gotto this violent, scorched earth
(26:20):
state where it's at right now,where it just became anything
and everything and it took theplace sex power.
The entire human condition isjust a hustle.
I live in Los Angeles.
Maybe that's not true where youare.
I hope not.
Sex became a chore.
Passive aggression became theway that we communicate.
(26:40):
Manipulation, dread.
Saying things with plausibledeniability that also have four
different meanings becomes apain in the ass to call each
other out.
Sad to say, sex seems to begoing down with that ship.
Jack Morin, in his book theErotic Mind, came up with an
equation Desire plus obstaclesequals sexual excitement.
(27:03):
Sometimes we make things hardon ourselves for that reason in
that realm and others.
Sometimes that can be youagainst the adversity.
We need friction to spark lustto have amazing, mind-blowing
hate sex.
I recommend it highly,especially to people in
relationships, because that's agood way to get out some of that
(27:29):
frustration that is going tobuild when you spend a lot of
time in proximity to someone.
We also need comfort.
That's what makes theexuberance and the playfulness
and the laughter, theexperimentation possible.
That's what makes it work.
We need to see that we've beenlied to to hear it, smell it,
taste it, feel it, know itintuitively and then help each
(27:50):
other heal, which could take awhile, maybe just get
comfortable for that Plan on thehealing taking who knows how
long Does it really matter?
It might involve psilocybinmushrooms, in which case when
you're in there it will feellike it has always been like
this and will always be likethis, and yet you know that it's
going to be over in four hours.
(28:10):
And when that happens, do thenext thing, which is scary,
which is help each other reclaimpower.
No matter how frightening it is,we are scared of our own true
power and agency.
We enjoy the freedom that issold to us by our ersatz
authorities, because our realfreedom is quite terrifying,
(28:32):
much more so than the simulacrum, but we're going to have to
deal with it regardless.
We are in an age ofdiscontinuity.
All bets are off, no one isready for what has already
happened and simultaneously allthat was hidden is becoming seen
and we are becoming aware ofhow things work in the Rube
(28:54):
Goldberg machine, what free willreally is, which is a
convenient illusion to get us inharmony with the rhythms of
nature in the world.
We are not qualified to savenature, but it might save us if
we can harmonize with it andalso start having great sex
(29:14):
again.
That is really just thebeginning, but I would say a
necessary prerequisite forshaking hands, saying how do you
do in a way that meaningfullyimplies I love you and also gets
us off.
Talking about cascading orgasms, which I have a history of
providing, past performance isno guarantee of future results.
(29:36):
I'm putting that out therebecause that is the spirit of
candor and rigor andintellectual honesty that the
listeners of Emerson Dameron'sMedicated Minutes have come to
expect and demand.
Helena the Brit (29:48):
Thank you.
(30:31):
Right, so there was this bloke.
Let's call him Sebastian, shallwe?
He was oh how do I put it?
Intensely magnetic, like he hadthat look.
You know that posh, torturedartist slumming at Vibe, always
in leather jackets, broodingaround with his tousled hair and
mysterious stubble Absolutegodsend.
(30:53):
I thought we met in this artgallery.
Naturally he was holding acigarette even though they're
totally verboten endorsementJust standing there all suave
with his smoke, smirking at asculpture, like he knew some
deep secret about it that therest of us couldn't possibly
understand.
So I'm thinking that's the manI need to be with.
(31:13):
I should have known then thathe was well a bit different, but
I thought it was just all partof his allure.
So when he invited me back tohis place that night, obviously
I said yes.
This flat was one of those dimlylit, moody little setups with
no proper lighting and only likeblack curtains.
(31:34):
Everything was dark, wood andleather.
He was into aesthetic,minimalism, or whatever he
called it.
I was in awe.
You know the way he just didn'tcare about brightness or joy or
anything he called it.
I was in awe, you know the wayhe just didn't care about
brightness or joy or anythingremotely uplifting.
He was like, beyond all that,Anyway, things progressed.
(31:56):
Obviously we got close, well,physically close, if you catch
my drift, but I mean the wayhe'd speak to me.
He had this way of makingeverything feel so intent, like
he'd grab my chin and say thingslike you're mine now, aren't
you Helena?
And it was thrilling, I'lladmit.
Nobody'd ever looked at me likeI was something they owned,
(32:18):
something precious they couldjust you hold on to and use.
I thought, oh, isn't thatromantic, like who doesn't want
a bit of possession.
But he had these little umquirks right.
He liked to push me not justemotionally but physically.
I remember one night he had mepinned against the wall and he
(32:41):
stage-whispered If you everleave me, you will regret it.
And I'm standing there totallystarry-eyed, thinking he's just
being passionate.
I mean, in the moment it was sointense, like something out of
a Bronte novel.
But thinking back it wassuppose you'd call it unsettling
.
He'd always go a bit too farwith his words, his touch.
(33:04):
There were moments he'd havethis gleam in his eye like he
could just snap.
Then I'd just laugh it off,thought it was all part of his
charm.
Of course, if I left I wouldregret it.
He's a dream come true, oh.
And so territorial.
The way he'd isolate me.
He'd say things like no oneunderstands you, Helena, Not the
(33:25):
way I do.
And he'd make it sound soromantic.
He had this way of making mefeel like I was some lost soul
and he was the only one whocould find me.
He even insisted I stop seeingmy friends, Said they didn't get
us, didn't appreciate ourconnection, Told me they were
all just jealous.
(33:46):
And I believed him, Thoughtyeah, they're probably just
envious of our passion.
How see, right, Girlish.
And then there were the darkerthings.
Like he had these littlerituals.
He'd bring out this red scarf,sometimes tie it around my
wrists, saying it symbolized ourunity or some other poetic
(34:08):
nonsense.
But I remember one night hejust kept pulling it tighter and
tighter and I was sitting therethinking this is all so deep,
so intense, like some sort ofperformance art right here in my
living area.
But at some point I couldbarely feel my hands and he just
looked at me with that smirk ofhis and said You'll do anything
(34:30):
for me, won't you baby?
It felt like more of a statementthan a question and oh, I just
nodded, because what else doesone do in that sort of situation
?
I probably would have doneanything for him, wouldn't have
even thought about it, had henot been so tragically tactless
as to rub my face in it likethat.
One time I even sat outside hisdoor for what an hour just
(34:53):
waiting for him to let me in inthe cold, because he said he
needed to see my devotion.
I thought it was a test of love, thought it was all very grand,
very tragic heroin.
Anyway, when it was over, wegot.
Thought it was all very grand,very tragic heroine.
Anyway, when it was over, wegot it on like feral rodents.
Looking back, I suppose it wasum, well strange, maybe even a
(35:15):
bit much.
My friends would try to tell mehe was controlling or
manipulative.
They'd say things like Helena,he's so clearly dangerous.
But I just thought they didn'tunderstand.
I mean, what did they knowabout romance?
They weren't out there in therain proving their devotion,
were they?
He ended things abruptly.
(35:35):
One day he said he was done andthat I'd served my purpose.
He said it so calmly too, likehe was finishing a cup of tea.
I was devastated, but he told meone day baby you will thank me
and just walked out of my lifeand I cried for weeks thinking
(35:56):
I've lost the love of my life,but I never really stopped to
think about what sort of love itwas, did I, anyway?
Sometimes I still think abouthim late at night, wonder if I
was just too naive, too gulliblemaybe.
But then I tell myself it wasall terribly romantic a dark and
(36:48):
twisted sort of romance, andbesides isn't that what makes
life such a fascinating business.
Emerson Dameron (36:57):
You have to be strategic at your wielding of
power.
You don't start out winning.
Improvisation is a privilegethat you earn.
Before you play free jazz, youhave to learn green sleeves,
heart and soul.
You have to learn scales.
Don't just start making movesif you don't know what you're
(37:37):
doing.
Learn from the masters.
Sit at their feet, shine theirshoes, kiss slowly up their legs
as far as everyone is mutuallycomfortable with, and then scrub
(38:26):
the baseboards, mow the lawn,butt naked, wash the car on
roller skates.
Serve as a scribe, writing outby hand everything the master
says.
The master will not say toomuch.
The master will speak slowlybecause if you're dominant, you
move slow because you don't haveto move for anybody.
Pauly and good fellas Do that.
(39:03):
You do have to get everythingright.
Just because you're nottranscribing somebody who's
talking fast doesn't meanaccuracy is not an issue.
If your hand cramps, that's toobad.
You can use the other hand forwhatever.
It is else that you do with yournon-dominant hand, or you can
(39:54):
write with your mind.
Figure it out, use strategy.
That's what you got to do.
You've got to be able to swatflies in other states with your
mind, punch holes in thebaseboards with your mind and
absolutely fuck with your mind.
Your mind is the number oneerogenous zone, the sex organ
(40:14):
that matters.
Learn how to pound it with yourmind.
(40:35):
If you think it's all been doneor nothing wildly unpredictable
is about to happen, you're deadwrong.
I'm discovering new things allthe time.
For instance, did you know notsleeping for 48 hours affects
your brain?
In my experience, it's almostentirely negative Cycles of
madcap, visionary glee when Ithought I'd had a stroke of
genius, I was closer to having astroke and some of the blackest
(40:58):
depression I've everexperienced.
I haven't decided what to dowith this information, but it's
interesting, right?
There's not a doubt in my mindabout that.
(41:24):
It's a probability approachinga certainty.
There are no sure things inthis uncertain world, but that's
about as close as it gets.
You couldn't put your fingerbetween that probability and
certainty when it's time, notbefore, and it'll happen in the
right climb.
That's short for climate if itneeds extra provisions trained
(41:45):
sea lions, flags of variouskinds, large vehicle shaped like
a carrot from a grocery servicecalled insta carrot that only
delivers carrots.
There will be time enough forall of those things to be
arranged and you don't even haveto do anything, because you are
loved by a lot of people, butalso by the universe itself.
(42:07):
It provides for you, it is inthe process of giving you what
you need, but it's notinstantaneous, it's not gonna
swoop in and solve all yourproblems and do your homework
for you.
You're doing that yourself.
You know you're not waiting forany kind of bailout, any kind
kind of rescue.
You do the work every day and Isee that and I acknowledge it,
(42:28):
and that shows me at least thatyou're not broken, your life is
not ruined.
You say that experience ruinedyour life.
I don't think our lives can beruined unless we do it ourselves
.
And if that's what you've done,I would advise you to unruin
your life as you can.
There's no rush.
That can take time and therecan be joy and creativity and
(42:52):
levity and humor in the process.
You need community, you needsupport, you need practices to
ground yourself.
It's okay to get mad.
No feeling left unfelt.
When you feel it, you let itmove through and you release it.
That's being with what is, ifyou don't want to feel it, bad
(43:12):
news.
It's not optional.
You got to feel it to get ridof it.
If you put shame on top of that, contort yourself, try not to
feel it.
You're going to feel a bunch ofother bad stuff.
You could be at an 80 pain forthe next half hour or you could
just walk around at a 20 for thenext 20 years.
If I don't want to do somethingI like getting it over with.
(43:33):
From what I've seen of you,you're not afraid of anything.
It's a lot of pain.
You've been done dirty.
You've been done dirty, you'vebeen kicked around and you're
afraid that that's going to keephappening.
And I would say to get what Ithink you deserve.
There may be more work to bedone.
You could go out right now andmake a life for yourself, and it
would be good.
You'd have enough resources toget the light bulbs that you
(43:56):
like.
You've got it together enoughto have the various lotions to
keep your skin looking good.
Your sheets would be washed.
Your bed would be made.
Any ruptures would be repaired.
You're a taste in music, art,film, obscure little museums
would remain impeccable, but youwould remain at mercy of the
(44:19):
wounds and hurts that I thinkhave a lot to do with your
recent experiences, and thosehave been brutal.
You've got to keep your power.
Don't give your power away.
If that's something you do andyou're generous, if you've got a
candle in your hands, you wantsomebody else to experience that
excitement of carrying thatcandle around Bathe in the glow
(44:41):
of that dancing flame, smellingthe summer blueberry scent, or a
lemon fresh or teak woodbourbon One of the more
masculine scents, perhaps, maybeit's a three wit candle.
You light up the whole room.
You've got the humidifier on,it's a cozy atmosphere and you
want to invite people in.
The right people will come whenyou keep your power.
(45:04):
Keep that sacred candle, carryit yourself.
That's what people want you todo.
You're the only person thatknows what to do with that.
That is yours.
That has been passed downthrough lore, prophecy, endless
chains of causality going allthe way back to the beginning of
time and then further back,because there was time before
(45:26):
that.
Somehow I don't reallyunderstand it.
I don't need to.
If I did, that would be takingup space I could be using to
motivate people and I'm on mymission so I don't screw around
with unnecessary trivia or evenimportant scientific knowledge,
unless I need it.
But I understand human behavior, I understand social dynamics,
(45:47):
I understand power.
I know when a relationship getsso bad that it's not worth
saving and you've had a few ofthose Back to back.
Really I understand what makes agood relationship worth working
on.
When it's worth it to weatherthe storm, to heal the wounds,
to bond ever more deeply and tomake love.
(46:08):
Like your lives depend onkilling each other, because
that's sexual polarity.
When you've created the comfortand the safe container to go to
your dark and dangerous places,you don't have to deny your
shadow to keep the peace.
That's what we do and that'swhy, even in good relationships,
a lot of people are boring eachother to death.
(46:29):
They should just piss on eachother.
That would be easier.
It would make a lot more sense.
They might be into it, treatingit like a business partnership
instead of a passionate, fierysex-type situation.
I guess if you're into businesspartnerships, that's okay.
That's way over in the nocolumn on my yes, no, maybe list
(46:51):
, because I know what thatpolarity is one of the oldest
principles at work in theuniverse.
In the beginning all was one,but as soon as there was another
thing, there was polarity,because that's magnetism, that's
balance, that's yin and yang.
In and out, the breath, thecenter, the life force, the
(47:12):
moment you're born screaming,the moment you die in the gutter
.
Simon and Garfunkel, hall andOates, abbott and Costello, the
Captain and Tennille.
And, yes, the masculine and thefeminine, not a gender-specific
thing.
We carry around those cosmicqualities within us.
We're not always on one side orthe other.
I take that back.
(47:32):
I know a couple of people thatare all the way masculine or all
the way feminine.
When I say a couple, I meanlike half a dozen.
They're the weirdest MFs I'veever known.
Most of us are tilting towardone end or the other, but
basically free to move about thecabin.
I think we've been so exhaustedby this world, this country the
(47:53):
United States of America iswhere I live, but it's true in
other places as well, working usto death that a lot of times
nobody wants to take thedominant role because they're
always trying to controleverything in the rest of their
lives, just to keep it together,scrambling to try to create
some sense of order.
Then when it's bedroom fun time, they just want to kick back
(48:16):
and just get it over with thehabitual thing.
They're not even sure if theylike it anymore.
I would encourage everybody toexplore both sides of that, and
if nobody wants to be thedominant masculine role, I will
do that for you.
I will come around, I will domboth of you, not for free, but I
have a reasonable rate.
I don't know if that's going torepolarize your relationship,
(48:38):
but you will have a bondingexperience that you can share.
The way to repolarize therelationship is first to have
the comfort and safety and trustto go into this fraught
territory and then embracefriction, connect through
conflict, don't be afraid to mixit up, create, risk an
(48:58):
environment of radical,sometimes explosive honesty and
mind-blowing hate sex.
Sex is the best place to startwhen you're trying to make sense
of your relationship, becauseeverything is sex.
Obviously that is the force ofcreation and life itself.
It can be used for other thingsand in fact a lot of the
(49:22):
conflicts in our lives, from thehyper-competitive nature of not
just our economy but oursociety of one-upmanship and
dominance all the way up throughinternational military conflict
, is just a weak substitute forthe rough sex that we really
want to be having.
I think if we could get indungeons, get in our own
(49:44):
bedrooms, but do it a little bitdifferently, trying to go as
far as we can, and if the orgasmis called the little death the
French call it that let's go forthe big death.
Do it on the edge of the abyss.
That's what I'm saying, that'swhat we're craving.
We could save the world withrough sex, because everything
else, all the other problemsthat hurt people, hurting people
(50:06):
, etc.
That's just sublimated raw,volcanic, animal sexuality and
yet another distraction from theunfettered sex fest.
That is our god-given right andwould be so easy if we could
just get out of our own way.
Back to Mac.
Mac, it's okay to lean intoyour anger for as long as it
(50:27):
takes.
Your anger is welcome here.
You're not going to lose it.
You know better than that.
People trust you.
Be around the people that trustyou the most right now and then
just let it go.
Hit a heavy bag, go to a rageroom, pay a little extra so you
can destroy a car, bring a group.
This experience is especiallycathartic and meaningful and,
(50:49):
dare I say, fun, when it's abonding experience for people
that love each other.
You can't really say thatbecause for some reason, love is
awkward.
We can't have the rough sex wewant, we can't have the tender
love we want.
It's no surprise that we hurteach other and ourselves and
embarrass everybody involvedthrough tragic acts of
(51:10):
unintentional self-revelation.
What I'm saying is get mad, letit out.
I think it's hilarious.
As a raconteur, you're at thetop of your game, spitting
phlegm and venom.
Have fun with it.
It's fun to watch.
I see you.
I see a shift.
I see you keeping your power.
The candle, the flamethrower,the great balls of fire You're
(51:32):
owning that.
You're not giving it away.
Giving it away now it's yours.
You're getting good at beingselfish, which I think in this
epoch, when so much is expectedof us in terms of conformity, in
terms of being a certain way,because we don't want to get
dismissed from the tribe If youdon't like the word tribe, you
(51:54):
can say clan.
That used to mean getting lostin the wilderness, and we've
somehow got the idea that if wejust do all the right things to
make people like us, that we'resafe.
But if everybody likes us, ifwe succeed, if that turns out as
well as it can which isvanishingly rare If everybody
likes us, nobody loves us,because we will not allow that.
(52:17):
And if somebody loves us,somebody else is going to hate
us, because that's how it works.
That's a push pull.
That's the Andre 3000 and bigboy.
That's polarity, the back andforth rhythm of things that it's
important to flow with inrelationships and in the seasons
of our lives.
And when you've had the kind ofexcruciating experience that you
(52:40):
have.
You've had a number of badbeats over the last few years
that I think are of a piece thathave thrashed your nervous
system, made you doubt yourself.
You've lost some of yourswagger, some of your
self-confidence.
Your brain wants to make senseof that and you're not going to
get closure.
You're not going to getmeaningful, heartfelt apology.
Because the thing aboutintelligent people when they
(53:03):
hurt, when they do damage, whenthey insult, they know what
they're doing.
They're smart enough to knowthat.
They're also sophisticatedenough that their brains start
coming up with reasons why thatperson deserved it.
Yeah, they're wearing the wrongCumberbund.
That Def Leppard shirt is notvintage, that's new, and I've
(53:25):
seen that in ads on Instagram.
Therefore, this person is ananimal and not fully human.
That allows me to forgivemyself a bit more easily for
inflicting harm that I am smartenough to know was part of a
power trip that I'm on.
But they're wearing mismatchedblacks with lime green socks.
(53:46):
Therefore, fair game, all'sfair in war, in love, you feel
some responsibility for anotherperson's experience.
You see yourself through theeyes of another.
In war, it's just aboutprojecting unwanted, alienated
aspects of yourself that youdon't like onto somebody else,
(54:07):
disliking that person activelymeaning doing damage and harm,
and being okay with that becauseyou think you're hurting the
parts of yourself that you wantto hurt An unnecessarily
convoluted Rube Goldberg way ofdealing with your own garbage.
So what I would recommend is toget out of any situation that
(54:29):
you're in like that.
You don't need friends thattreat you badly.
I once said I need all thefriends I can get.
That turned out to bedramatically wrong.
I got friends I don't need.
Most of us have too many looseties, too many social
obligations For you.
It is okay for you to take abreak.
(54:49):
It's okay for you to get lostin fantasy that can provide
powerful clues to what it isthat you do want.
It's okay if you feel envy forpeople that are out there
bawling and doing the stuffmaybe you want to do.
Envy is like a window shop.
You get a sense of what mightlook good on you and when you
take enough time to freeyourself from wanting things
(55:14):
because other people seem towant them, when you are no
longer getting things forced onyou that people want for you
whether it's evangelism or justbuying you a showbiz pizza,
collectible item that thatperson really wanted for
themselves and they thought youwould like it because they think
that's just how people are andwhat people are into and you
(55:36):
appreciate the gesture.
But you don't want this thing.
You don't have anything to dowith it.
Really, you're not going togive it to somebody else.
You feel a little bit obligatedand you're in a huge amount of
pain from some of the thingsyou've experienced Devastating
heartbreak.
You don't want to deal withthis.
Take a break, get lost and usedaydreams and fantasy and recall
(55:59):
of your dream, dreams whichyour brain thinks are real when
you're in it, when they'rehappening.
Learn how to talk to dreamcharacters.
That's going to be full ofuseful information or, at the
very least, it's going to belike a David Lynch movie.
Your brain made out of stuffthat's part of you and your
experience.
(56:19):
Get good at masturbation,master masturbation, master,
mindful masturbation.
There's a good book, good Sexhow to Get Off Without Checking
Out, by Jessica Graham.
Take this time with the freedomthat you have in obscurity, when
nobody is paying attention towhat you're doing.
They will be when the Mac isback.
It's going to be like crack.
(56:41):
Everybody's going to want some.
So enjoy being able to jack itin peace, maybe not so hard.
Maybe.
Find out what you really enjoyand really respond to on the
more subtle levels and becomethe patient, masterful lover
that the world needs right nowand then keep that all for
yourself for as long as you want.
(57:03):
You're staying out of these badattachments until you figure out
what's going on with your heartand yourself and when the time
comes, you can feel thosefeelings.
You can also keep your power.
See by that candlelight.
Don't just give that awaybecause you're catching feelings
.
Person doesn't know what to dowith that.
(57:23):
That's yours, you need to haveit.
So, yeah, don't get into thenext relationship situation that
presents itself.
You don't have to trust people.
Keep your mistrust with you.
Let it protect you.
Sit back and observe, watchhuman behavior and read some
Irving Goffman about the rolespeople play in social situations
(57:43):
and just watch it like ascientist or a playwright
looking for ideas.
Make the most of this time offreedom and peace and obscurity
and opportunity to get clear onsome things, to heal from the
hurt that you undoubtedlyexperienced.
To unruin your life to the hurtthat you undoubtedly
experienced.
To unruin your life to theextent that that's necessary,
(58:05):
although your life is not ruined.
That's laughable.
I'm not going to listen to that.
That's a cop-out.
That's the fear talking andfear is just excitement in a
cheap suit.
Take this time to feel all ofthat.
Leave nothing unfelt, leave itall on the field and soon
(58:35):
K-Chung Los Angeles.
Emerson Dameron's MedicatedMinutes LA's number one
avant-garde personal developmentprogram 1630 AM, kchungradioorg
, first Wednesdays of the month,after which it becomes the only
good podcast.
I'm sorry, you got your heartbroken.
(59:13):
You can't get over it justbecause you want to.
Actually you can, but I'm notgoing to spoil that yet.
But you can get revenge and youdon't have to be tacky about it
.
If you're not afraid ofcomplexity, you don't need to
fit in.
You need to know yourself andfind out where you belong.
In the audience of EmersonDameron's Medicated Minutes,
la's number one avant-gardepersonal development program,
(59:35):
you get life-changing riffs,rants and gems that will make
you glad you got your heartbroken Because it made these
ecstatic epiphanies possible.
You'll know that you were neverbroken in the first place
Because you'll discover yourtrue desires.
I have many listeners who hadmassive breakthroughs, including
developing the ability tocommunicate telepathically,
(59:56):
which is how I received theirgratitude.
Just makes the show better.
You deserve to treat yourselfto Emerson Dameron's medicated
minutes.
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