February 5, 2025 • 63 mins
Let's cut the nonsense about power corrupting. Power is pure voltage, baby – it's what you do with the current that electrocutes your enemies or lights up the world.
If you're afraid of power, stay tuned. Because this episode will rewire your moral circuitry and show you why your ethical hang-ups about influence are precisely why you need more of it.
The saints who shun power are leaving the controls to the sinners, and how's that working out for everyone?
Get ready for a masterclass in ethical dominance where you'll discover:
- Why your resistance to power is really resistance to yourself
- How to stop confusing manipulation with mastery
- The dirty little secret about why good people finish last (spoiler: they're choosing to)
- Why your relationship with power is more intimate than your last three lovers combined
This isn't just another podcast episode – it's an intervention for the chronically powerless. For the empaths who keep getting steamrolled by sociopaths. For the bright minds dimming their light because they're scared of their own voltage.
Your mental wealth is your real net worth, and we're here to make you spiritually rich enough to buy and sell your old limiting beliefs on the cosmic stock exchange.
The weak want power to dominate. The strong want power to create. And the wise? They're already listening to this episode, because they know that true intimacy with power is the ultimate foreplay for changing the world.
Stop being so awfully polite about your potential. Power isn't coming to ask for your consent – it's waiting for you to claim it.
Listen now. Or don't. But remember: your resistance to power is someone else's permission to use it against you.
The choice is yours. And that's the first taste of power you'll get today.
Welcome to the revolution between your ears.
All that, plus a pop-in from Helena the Brit!
And all the lessons in love, leadership, lechery, and letting go you've come to expect from The Only Good Podcast™!
Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes is LA's number-one avant-garde personal development program. New episodes premiere on KCHUNG Los Angeles on the first Wednesday of the month.
The writer, producer, host, and witty and wounded romantic hero is Emerson Dameron, who is wholly responsible for its content.
I love you, personally. Levity saves lives.
Got something to say to me? Slide into the DMs.
Emerson Dameron's Sophistication Nation - April 4th - All major music-delivery platforms
It's OUT! Sophistication Nation: Brief Interviews with Women I Pretend to Understand: https://emersondameron.hearnow.com/sophistication-nation
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
You are here, you are listening, you are breathing,
and as you listen, you begin torealize that power is not
something to be feared.
You have heard that power isdangerous.
You have seen people wield itrecklessly.
(00:35):
You have been told that powercorrupts.
And yet, as you reflect, youbegin to see that power itself
is neutral and its use andmisuse are the forces that shape
the world.
You know that some people holdmore power than others, and some
(00:58):
hold quite a lot indeed.
You understand that they do notwant to share it.
You have felt how they not wantto share it.
You have felt how they shameothers for seeking it.
And now, as you take this in,you start to understand.
They tell you not to seek powerbecause they want it for
(01:23):
themselves.
You have been taught that onlythe worst villains crave power.
You have seen power used inways that disgust you, and yet,
as you think deeper, you realizethat power is also what makes
good things happen.
Power is not just domination ormanipulation.
It is creation is not justdomination or manipulation.
(01:44):
It is creation.
It is sex force, fire, energy.
You know that nature runs onpower.
You see how every animal, everyleader, every movement gains
traction only when power is inplay.
(02:06):
And now, as you reflect, youbegin to realize that your
desire for power is not aweakness, it is a sign of life,
it is your birthright.
You have witnessed the sadshenanigans of people who crave
power without purpose.
You have seen what happens whenpower is left in their hands.
(02:30):
And now you begin to see thatsensitive, ethical people,
people like you, must take powertoo, because only those who
claim power can do good with it.
You have been passive, you havewished for things to be better,
(02:52):
you have believed thatrightness alone should be enough
.
But now you understand Withoutpower, nothing moves.
Without power, nothing moves.
Without power, nothingmanifests.
And as you grasp this truth,something shifts in you.
(03:14):
You start to sense a new hunger, not just for justice, but for
the force to make it real.
You feel it now.
The world is built by those whoclaim their power.
And now, as you realize this,you know it's time to claim
(03:36):
yours.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Go get some K-Chunk Los Angeles, 1630 AM.
K-chunk radioorg emerson.
Dameron's medicated minutes l anumber one event, guard
personal development program,home of the first church of the
(04:00):
satanic buddha, and fight sizederotic thrillers.
Improve yourself beforeeverybody else does.
That's kinky Levity saves lives.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
I've never seriously believed that power corrupts
necessarily.
I think that's something weoften learn from people who want
to keep most of the power forthemselves and have a vested
interest in making us feel smalland crouch and curl into a ball
and cry and wonder what's itall about?
The thing about power is wetend to take on more than we can
(05:02):
handle.
What it's all about is findingthe right rhythm, finding a
heuristic that works for you andquitting while you're ahead,
quitting while you're behind,quitting early, quitting, often
quitting until you findsomething that you can quit.
Quitting and then knowing howto roast, knowing how to coast,
knowing what habits serve youthe most.
(05:23):
There are no magic bullets.
If anyone offers you one, it'sgoing to be more bullet than
magic.
I speak as someone who has beendriven through his life by a
craving for ecstatic experiences.
I want ecstasy, I want oblivion, I want to give and receive
volcanic shattering orgasms allthe time.
(05:46):
But the impossible becomescommonplace and as long as we
don't totally blow out ourspeakers while we're dosing on
power, we are what we do everyday.
Lately I have been feelingpretty good.
My baseline is at a place whereI can do the work that I need
to do to progress in my struggle, which moves slowly, as it
(06:08):
should.
I credit myself with a lot ofthat.
Also habits I've developed,sometimes with the advice of
friends.
I have a friend who works overat Magic Mind.
She talks about mental wealth.
It's her heuristic.
It's exercise, sleep, diet,stress management and exogenous
compounds which come together ina shot, not a syringe, not a
(06:32):
bullet.
It's one of these littleairline bottles of Magic Mind
Focus and slash or Magic MindSleep.
She hooked me up with both andI made it a daily habit which
has become a daily ritual,because I look forward to it and
I look forward to that mellow,cool, hot, sexy lucidity that I
(06:55):
get after a good night's sleepand when I know I'm ready to
face the standard issueindignities of another day of
human existence.
Human consciousness itself ishell.
But there's a lot we can do.
You can try Magic Mind, focusand Sleep if you go to
magicmindcom slash, emersonjan,e-m-e-r-s-o-n-j-a-n, you can get
(07:22):
the one-two Focus and Sleep.
You don't have to pick afavorite until you've tried both
, and that's many thanks to oneof my favorite people.
It turns out, much to mychagrin, that we need each other
.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
It's okay that I like it really, really rough.
Right, I am a slut.
It's okay to be a slut.
It's fun to be a slut.
I am a whore.
I serve the pleasure of men.
I appreciate my body.
I enjoy my body.
I enjoy touching.
Feeling sexy gives confidence.
I feel sexy as a slut.
Exploring leads to pleasure.
Sex is fun and exciting.
I appreciate my body.
I enjoy my body.
Feeling sexy gives confidence.
(07:53):
I feel sexy as a slut.
Exploring leads to pleasure.
Sex is fun and exciting.
Hot girls do what we want.
Licking things off the floor issuper hot.
Guess what?
I'm a slut.
Speaker 4 (08:04):
At first I thought this was seriously a setup.
She seemed really into it.
Then I thought maybe she lovedtaking my discipline and also
was using sex for power.
I don't know if that blew mymind, but it blew simple.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Steamy, dreamy and way too hot for radio.
Crimson Transgressions, Abite-sized erotic thriller by
Emerson Dameron.
Find it before it finds you.
Speaker 4 (08:34):
I'd do me sure I'm an entertaining guy to be around.
I'm intelligent, well-read andfunny witty in a dry way,
amusing not embarrassing, notsomeone you have to feel
humiliated to hook up with Suave, calm, cool, veneer of
sophistication, hiding behind ita wild side.
(08:56):
I want to go wild.
I want to have fun.
I've been good for way too long.
I'm happier playing the villain.
Everybody loves the bad guy andyou will too, especially when
you find out why patient present, passionate lover,
reverberating pleasurethroughout your nervous system.
Your body is one big brain andyour brain is the ultimate sex
(09:19):
organ.
I can fire you up.
I can cool you down, make youcomfortable enough to get
excited.
I'm sincere, I'mstraightforward, I have some
swag Swinging it.
I'm kind.
K-chung, los Angeles.
Emerson Dameron's MedicatedMinutes, la's number one
avant-garde personal developmentprogram.
(09:39):
1630 AM Kchungradioorg FirstWednesdays of the month, after
which it becomes the only goodpodcast.
Rule number one Keep it light.
If you're still broken up aboutyour cat dying two years ago,
(10:01):
save that for your shrink.
Number two Keep it moving,don't linger, never spend the
night and always be ready towalk away.
Number three if it gets kinky,it's just about sex.
It's not just about sex.
Don't get kinky If there'sweird sex stuff you're into.
Find someone whose kinks arecomplimentary to yours and have
(10:23):
sex with them, but do not haveanything that could possibly be
perceived to be a buddingrelationship.
If there's some romanticchemistry and you're digging
that, keep the sex vanilla andkind of okay.
One nice bonus there is if theywalk away first, you don't have
to really feel rejected becauseyou didn't really bring your
(10:44):
A-game.
Number four use protection.
Prophylactics, yes, but also ahazmat suit for your heart.
I don't know how that works foryou, but you need to go in with
a strategy.
Do not trust yourself to notscrew this up.
Number five don't get weird.
If you start showing up in eachother's dreams and the things
(11:05):
you do there affect each other'swaking lives, it's time to
bounce.
You can keep it casual.
That's how, trust me, I wouldknow.
As you already know, you'retalking to Jason Stone, the king
of one of America's biggestsmoothie empires, a millionaire
by the time I turned 30.
Since then, I've become evenmore wealthy thanks to some
(11:26):
unsexy but highly strategicinvestments.
Investing now is my hobby.
I don't care if I lose money onit, it's just for fun.
I'm a gambling addict andthat's the perfect thing to do
with that.
At one point I was also a sexand love addict.
I find that those things don'tmix well together in my life.
I think multitasking is a myth.
(11:46):
I think if you're going toachieve true excellence in one
area, you need to focus on thatat the expense of other parts of
your life.
There are a lot of women thatwant to get in serious
relationships with me for a lotof different reasons, many of
which they know they're betteroff not disclosing initially.
So I'm very good at protectingmyself.
(12:06):
If it starts to look like arelationship, I'm out.
A lot of women put me on apedestal.
That kind of love inevitablyturns to disappointment,
ridicule and hate.
When I turn out to be human,the business I can do.
Business makes sense.
I mentioned that investing is ahobby for me.
(12:27):
I don't have to care whether ornot I make money which, like
some law of the cosmos, isextremely frustrating to people
who don't get it.
The less I care, the better Ido.
The one thing to keep in mindis it stops working if you get
too confident for too long.
Staying humble is hard whenyou're an extremely good-looking
(12:48):
millionaire whose dazzlingintelligence and charm is
eclipsed only by his reputationas a coast-to-coast poomslaying
machine.
I must have been feeling alittle high on myself when I met
Isabella.
My guard must have been furtherdown than I realized.
I really didn't see it coming.
I was in my favorite know-you,the lounge of a high-end hotel.
(13:10):
You can meet a lot of wealthytravelers this way, people who
couldn't hang around if theywanted to but have a nice suite,
and if you're good at playingthe away game, you can get a lot
out of that.
I could sense Isabella'sintoxicating enigma from across
the room, haunting blue eyes,dark hair and a dark, dark aura.
(13:31):
This woman was trouble.
She was danger.
I liked it.
We locked eyes from across thebar and, both being adherents to
the, we simultaneously got upand went over to introduce
ourselves.
If you're into rom-coms, youmight have called it a meet-cute
.
We talked about the financialnews of the day, how Miami is
(13:52):
sort of like San Diego on all ofthe acid in the world.
She had a captivating way ofspeaking, seemingly simple at
first, as though English was hersecond language.
Then she would throw in somepretty serious philosophical
discussion with a fluent commandof words too big for the SAT.
She had an accent I couldn'tplace, sort of like a
(14:14):
combination between Bartholonaand Alabama Rush Week, and it
was utterly charming.
I didn't even notice we werehooking up until it was already
happening.
I got the slowest, deepest,most loving blowjob of my life
and gave her a volcanic orgasm.
Past results are no guaranteeof future returns, but my tongue
grew at least three sizes thatday in terms of empathy and
(14:37):
confidence.
Then I found out who she was.
Her husband was one of therichest men in California.
His name, sometimes bandiedabout as a possible candidate
for governor.
Issues would come up and cloudthat.
His reputation for weavingsnakes in people's mailboxes.
He stopped liking them, alwayswith plausible deniability.
(15:00):
His ability to ruin reputationsovernight and some stuff he did
just to be mean.
I decided to give Isabella awide berth, but I realized it
might be difficult.
We were really in lust witheach other and it was already
turning into something else, tomy chagrin and almost clinical
fascination.
(15:20):
I couldn't stop analyzing thisin my mind, and maybe that's as
close as I get to love the factthat there was something off
about it, that her stories werelike misaligned wallpaper.
At first you didn't really care.
You were willing to ignore itbecause the overall gestalt was
wonderful, but it started todrive you insane after a while.
(15:41):
That did not make it any lesshot, quite the contrary.
From the beginning she'd ask meto screw her like I hated her
and over time it was gettingeasier and easier to do and more
and more mutually satisfying.
This could have gone onindefinitely, but it was a
pretty serious boner killer.
When at five in the morning I'ma hardcore morning person that I
(16:04):
don't get up that early unlessa bunch of gangsters crash my
apartment unannounced, that wassurprising.
But the fact that Isabellawasn't surprised by it at all
and in fact started smiling hertrademark, knowing smile that I
thought made me think that sheknows more than she does.
But now I wasn't sure if I knewanything anymore.
(16:25):
That didn't surprise me much atall.
At this point I got roughed upa little bit, which is nothing
I've never experienced before.
It helped me build a little bitof character and it seemed to
be a distraction from killing me, which the gangsters repeatedly
promised to do.
They tied me up and said that Iwould be immediately dead if I
refused to give them the name ofquote-unquote my associate.
(16:46):
Apparently they thought I wasin cahoots with somebody to
bring down Isabella's husband.
I really don't know and inretrospect Isabella and I were
not good at communication Idon't know who she thought I was
.
I gave them the name of my highschool driving instructor.
Weirdly, they just let me go.
At that point Isabella'shusband found out about this and
(17:07):
dropped some black PR thatthoroughly destroyed my
reputation.
None of my old friends wouldtalk to me anymore.
None of them talked to me verymuch before.
I had plenty of money sockedaway and now I'm applying myself
anonymously, teaching onlineclasses and avoidant behavior,
which is no longer anice-to-have but a brutal
(17:28):
necessity in this overstimulated, cutthroat, competitive world
we live in.
That I just happen to beperfectly optimized for.
I was in fifth grade.
I never had a girlfriend, neverkissed a girl, and assumed
things were going to improve.
When I went to middle schoolthe following year, she was the
daughter of the coach of theschool's disproportionately
(17:48):
successful soccer team.
Seriously, the goalie mostlytook naps.
This made her royalty in theschool and she acted like it.
So I found it rather flatteringwhen she started aggressively
flirting with me, soliciting myattention, giving me daily
Valentine's Day cards for acouple of months Expensive ones,
frilly, gold details that wereactually pretty cool.
(18:11):
I couldn't take it seriously.
Then I would go home and fallasleep listening to love songs
on the coast and eventually Istarted to develop reciprocal
feelings for her.
One Saturday afternoon, afteryet another victorious soccer
game, I pretended tocoincidentally run into her and
asked her if she wanted to goout with me Not sure where we
(18:32):
would have gone ProbablyFoster's, it was a moot point
and she let me know that herflirtations had been part of a
social experiment, otherwiseknown as a prank.
She and her friends had gamedthis out.
She was gonna win me over, andwhen I responded in kind which
they agreed might take a whilebut was ultimately inevitable
(18:53):
she would dramatically shoot medown and I would be subject to
school-wide ridicule.
She told me she was havingsecond thoughts about this, that
while she was playing the longgame she started to sort of like
me, but by now she had too muchskin in the game, an expression
she probably picked up from herdad, who's obsessed with the
(19:13):
book Anti-Fragile.
I didn't enjoy being humiliated, which in retrospect is kind of
a relief.
In the end, I admired hercommitment to the bit.
In the end, I think she showedmore integrity than a lot of the
women I've been with, or me.
You're a lot like me, I'mguessing.
(19:45):
An observer, student of life,particularly humanity.
Yeah, I have stories about allof these people, rules made up
for everyone in the emersondameron cinematic universe.
Watching other people is a goodway to learn about yourself.
Really, it's all just versionsof you, and when you're screwing
, screwinging over, arguing withPieces of you, it just can seem
(20:06):
lonely.
But then when you acknowledgethat you're free to really get
to know somebody, your feelingsare showing.
Yeah, I think there's more toyou.
There's a softness, tendernessthat you're afraid to let out,
and I totally get it.
It's scary.
I've been hurt, really badlyHurt, for a long time, so I know
what that's like.
I can keep a secret.
(20:26):
You know that Life is for fun.
First, last and always.
Fun is the law.
I'm out here to have fun.
Talk to people, learn a littlebit about myself by accident On
my way toward screwing off.
Having a good time Laughing,having fun and talking to people
.
So like for you, for instance,find the most bubbly person in
(20:48):
the room and find out you werepretty smart.
You got layers Dangerous one.
People probably don't know thatabout you, but I do.
I need you on my side and we'regonna have some crazy
adventures together Roadtripping, ridding the world of
evildoers beyond good and evilourselves, somewhat corrupt and
loving it, killing it with thekaraoke duet.
(21:09):
Nothing's gonna stop us now bystarship.
You, my friend, are a real one.
I don't really click with mostpeople.
I'm not an edgy teenagemisanthrope anymore, but I've
been lonely in a crowd.
I've been burned by people Itrusted.
Behind every cynic is a woundedromantic and I think you know
(21:31):
that as well as I do.
But speaking for myself, I'vedeveloped a lot of pretty sexy
defense mechanisms, but I don'tfeel like I have to use any of
that with you.
You have this you regulate mynervous system.
Like I was nervous before Icame here.
I was like I have to impressthis person.
I don't have to impress you.
You're effortlessly obviouslysexy and you're fun to be with.
(21:53):
Just what happens when peopleclick?
People are strange.
You don't know who you canreally trust and connect with.
Nobody's going to be completelyhonest with you.
That would get them thrown injail or assassinated.
So you have to trust your owninstincts.
What's this guy's angle?
What's going on here?
What's the game that's beingplayed?
And you know what that's like.
(22:13):
You're an old soul.
I think there's a philosopherunder there, not just a pretty
face.
You're watching and observing.
You know a lot of these peoplebetter than they know themselves
.
I could put you in charge of myother girlfriends.
You're mad, but I'm going tolove you, no matter how mad you
get.
I'm going to spank you, tickleyou, pound you into submission.
(22:33):
We're going to enjoy hate sex.
It's going to turn into lovesex, believe me, you'll see.
And if it doesn't, I'll haveegg on my face.
Integrity is what matters moreand more all the time.
Respect is earned.
Standards have to meansomething.
Standards are like boundariesthey're meaningless if they're
not enforced.
Yeah, I just need solid peoplein my life.
(22:55):
You can see kind of from how wecarry ourselves.
Like me, you're a little bitguarded, sometimes Guarded and
grounded.
You know your worth.
You know how much treasure youhave.
People have tried to take itaway or take advantage of your
trust, so it takes a while towarm up.
But the slow burn is what Ilike too.
(23:16):
I like to rush it.
I have to really get to knowpeople.
What can you do that wouldreally impress me?
I want to enjoy a home-cookedmeal, a back massage.
I want you to play some musicfor me.
Write a song about me.
I want to see you dance for me.
I want to enjoy your service tome.
Serve me Not just with theslowest and deepest, most loving
(23:39):
blowjob of my life.
All of that is going to happenas well.
Let's feel good.
Let's have fun.
You have to feel bad all thetime.
We're here.
To feel good Once.
Feel good, that's all I want.
Felt a lot of bad and now Iwant some good to make up for it
.
I'm gonna try the smorgasbordof good.
I want to experiment.
I'm gonna get out there, findout what I like.
You're probably not gonna ropeme to the bed, jack me up like
(24:00):
in misery the first night.
Sorry if that was the plan, butwe have some good stories, I
can tell.
You have some crazy stories.
Just the little hints that youdrop.
I love your style, the gestaltof it, the with-it-ness.
I bet you know where North is.
You know your cardinaldirections.
I am emotionally available.
I can also keep it casual.
Probably will.
(24:20):
I'm not a player, I just crusha lot.
I'm picky, definitely not aplayer.
I've tried.
That Doesn't really suit me,never felt right to me.
It gets harder as I get olderto find a really smoky
connection.
But yet at the same time Idon't care so much about being
liked, I'd rather be longed for,loved and all of that.
(24:41):
Just leave me be.
You don't have to be nice.
Nice is not exactly what I'minto, although nice is going to
get really nice.
Your style, something about you.
You're not like other people.
There's no easy point ofcomparison.
You're in your own league andit's cool.
I want to find out how thatworks there.
What about you would reallyblow me away.
(25:03):
Impress me.
What are you going to do?
What are you going to say?
That's going to make me saythat it was the moment that I
was won over by this beautifulyoung woman.
I think it's chemistry.
Chemistry is what makes lifeinteresting.
We are who we are through theeyes of others, and I like it
when there's a little mysterythere, a little poetry and
paradox.
(25:23):
Attraction isn't a choice, butit's the finest and edutainment
is the most fun you can have andyou can learn about yourself,
and I've learned more throughcasual sex than many years of
therapy.
I love meeting a woman on mywavelength and I think you're
pretty cool too.
I like the mix of intensity andplayfulness.
Let's explore the city together.
(25:44):
You're more than a pretty face.
You also know about the Museumof Jurassic Technology.
I've been there.
Let's go somewhere else.
Where's one of your spots?
You show me yours, I'll showyou mine.
Speaker 5 (26:11):
So there I was, darling in this oh-so-decadent
American city.
Well, they call it a city, butreally it's all just bright
lights and endless nonsense.
But I suppose if one's going toexperience the culture one must
dive straight in.
Yeah, not that I wasn't theabsolute epicentre of
sophistication all night, though, if I'm honest, I do think some
(26:36):
of these locals find myEuropean elegance a touch
intimidating.
Is that the word I'm lookingfor?
At any rate, it all began atthis club.
Now, they'd have you believeit's a super exclusive lounge
sort of affair, but if I'mhonest, it was all just neon
lights, flashing shapes andabsolutely no charm.
(26:58):
I was surrounded by what I canonly describe as American blokes
in ill-fitting suits, eachtrying to updo the other in
sheer bravado.
Really a pity, I mean.
None of them even knew how towear their cologne properly
Smelled like they bathed in it.
Poor dears, if someone lit acigarette we'd all have been
(27:19):
incinerated, which is fine ifyou're into that sort of thing.
Of course, I attracted the mostdelicious attention.
Naturally, this one chap, tall,dark, terribly American jawline
, comes over, tries to tell mehe's an investor.
Now, I didn't exactly catchwhat he was invested in, but he
(27:40):
did keep buying me drinks.
I imagine he thought it wassome kind of seduction ritual.
Fascinating really, how theytry to impress you over here.
It's all a bit primitive, don'tyou think?
Tarzan chic, I call it Anyway,as he's prattling on about his
boats, or was it his motorbikes?
(28:01):
My mind does wander, if I'mhonest.
I see this little kiffuffle, afracas over in one corner, two
women absolutely feral,scratching and shrieking over
some ridiculous man who barelyseemed aware of his surrounding.
I simply stood there watching,thinking what a commentary on
the sad state of modernrelationships.
(28:21):
Quite absurdist, really.
Then, out of nowhere, someone'schampagne glass flies through
the air.
I don't remember who threw itPrecisely hard to keep track
given the caliber of peoplearound, but, darling, it landed
right in my vicinity.
I was mortified, truly, itcould have ruined my handbag, at
(28:43):
least theoretically so.
So I moved a few feet back, asone does, had to make room for
these people to sort out theirdrama.
One should never get involvedin American altercations.
I think At this point the blokefrom before did I mention his
jawline.
He leans in, probably expectingI'd be swept off my feet by his
(29:03):
presence.
He was all.
Speaker 4 (29:07):
I could protect you from that, you know.
Speaker 5 (29:10):
And I thought, from what precisely?
Flying champagne, other errantprojectiles?
But, bless his heart, he seemedvery pleased with himself.
So I leaned in too, gave him acoy little smile and said oh, I
bet you could.
Because well, I bet you could,because well, I find it best to
let these men think they'repowerful.
They need it.
Poor things, ew, but this partyou'll love.
(29:36):
After that delightful bit ofmale gallantry, we left the club
to find well, I suppose youcould call it a street brawl
Absolute chaos, grown menflinging their fists, yelling,
sweating.
I mean, I thought for a secondI'd wandered onto the set of
some absurd American action film.
My gentleman friend, the onewith the jawline, says Baby stay
(30:02):
back, I'll handle this.
Baby, stay back, I'll handlethis, which is really quite
darling of him but also a bitconfusing, since he immediately
starts hiding behind me, as if I, with my delicate British
sensibilities, could somehowhold back the encroaching
barbarian tide.
Really, I just stood there likea bewildered duchess at a rodeo
(30:26):
.
Quite surreal by then, wouldn'tyou know it, a police car
pulled up, a truly heavy-handedapproach.
I thought I remember trying toreason with one of the officers
Explaining how terriblyuncivilised it all was Really,
beneath a city with so muchpotential.
But he seemed to think I was,shall we say, part of the
problem.
At one point he said Go home.
(30:51):
Which was so quintessentiallyAmerican of him, wasn't it?
I mean, who tells a woman likeme to go home?
But back to the eveningsescalations.
The investor bloke with thejawline.
Such a dear, truly, after hisown ham-fisted fashion, suggests
.
We go back to his place to, inhis words avoid the riffraff the
(31:26):
culture up close.
Of course.
We head back to his place,which was well grand in theory
but in reality a bit tasteless,all gray and minimalist, no
character, no warmth.
I couldn't help but think doesthis man even own a single
painting?
At this point he tries toimpress me with his collection
of bourbons, which he explainedin excruciating detail, couldn't
(31:50):
quite follow.
It was all something to do withaging and barrels, and you'll
laugh.
But I actually dozed off just atouch, just for a second.
He didn't notice, of course, ashe was too busy showing off his
prized whiskey.
I must have conked outmomentarily to spare myself the
convulsive giggle fits.
(32:11):
Yeah, not unpleasant, thatfleeting, hypnagogic sleep state
.
I woke up to him practicallydroning on about it.
I don't even know so, in thespirit of politeness, I divided
it to.
I don't even know so.
In the spirit of politeness, Idivided it to, shall we say,
change the energy.
And he looked utterly shocked,like he'd never encountered a
woman who takes charge.
(32:33):
But here's the kicker.
I didn't actually do anythingat all, I just sat there with
that look, you know the one.
And suddenly he was very muchat my service, if you will.
They're so eager, aren't they?
Very sweet, actually in amisguided way.
(32:53):
Then, would you believe, hisroommate walks in looking quite
flustered like he'd walked in onsomething scandalous which,
darling, he hadn't, becausebecause, again, I was doing
absolutely nothing, absolutelynothing, just existing.
But the tension, oh it waspalpable.
(33:14):
You could see his poor littleAmerican brain trying to process
the situation.
Bless him, bless him.
They just can't bear it, canthey?
So I simply got up, left theboys to discuss things amongst
themselves and as I left Ithought to myself ah, what an
evening I have truly experiencedthe American nightlife.
(33:38):
It's all quite tragic, really,how easily they fall to pieces
over here, but I suppose that'swhat one gets, being me
absolutely adored by the massesand yet simultaneously quite
above it all.
Speaker 4 (34:41):
I don't know if leaders are born or made.
I was suspected that I was bornto be a leader.
I know I was made a leader onthe day I was born.
As soon as I was out of thewomb I became a democratically
elected tyrant, Meaning thatalthough I ran on a democratic
election, it was right there inmy platform.
(35:02):
When I get elected, I am goingto rule with an iron fist.
I'm not going to care whatanyone else thinks and you're
going to live and die by mywhims.
And at the time people were sosick of the idiocy of the crowd
and the unreliability of thecollective hive mind of idiots
(35:22):
that they thought this is a cutekid.
We need an iron gardener.
And he just oozes charisma.
He's filling his diapers ofmolten charisma, like this kid
is born with it.
And I'm shocked at what I gotaway with.
I led the country for a coupleof decades and it was absolutely
brutal.
It was entirely selfish,sadistic, cruel.
(35:45):
Sometimes I wondered if I had aheart, but I think my heart was
that thing rejoicing in otherpeople's suffering Pure charisma
and schadenfreude.
The father wound.
I never knew my dad.
Nobody else knew who he waseither.
At least my mom did.
She wasn't telling.
It ended badly.
I was usurped, deposed.
(36:06):
I was burned in effigy, but notphysically.
They tried to do that but Imanaged to get out.
But I did not make it out withany of my stuff.
I was out on the street.
I was at loose ends packingcough.
That never really went away.
I was emaciated.
I was malnourished.
I was wearing hand-me-downclothes with somebody else's
(36:29):
name written in the elasticwaistband on my drawers and
Sharpie, and I was out on thestreet.
I wasn't even begging.
I was hoping that I couldmagnetize myself and people
would come help me.
And they did.
But they did not arrive toserve, which is what I'd been
used to.
(36:49):
They were not there to flatterme.
They were there bearing pity,which is really two doors down
from contempt.
But at the time it was whatallowed me to survive.
First of all, the people thatwanted me to eat something
before I physically disappearedor lost my third dimension.
Then there were the men whowanted to fill the father-shaped
(37:13):
void in my life and they foundthat I couldn't change attire.
I didn't really know how totake care of myself.
They thought this once andfuture king could benefit from
our mentorship.
I became popular with women whoneeded projects.
I was college-aged in a collegetown that put me in the top
(37:37):
tiers.
The men just the fact that Iwas that pathetic gave them
something to work with.
It wasn't just alcoholism andself-pity.
I had real problems.
I was a king and I lost all ofthat.
How do you come back from that?
Well, in this case I allowedeveryone to believe that they
were taking care of me while Iwas you guessed it topping from
(37:58):
the bottom.
I was learning the subtle artsof persuasion and seduction that
I never needed before, becauseI just had everything I wanted
handed to me since I was born.
So I had some catching up to do.
But I was a quick study.
I managed to find people'sweaknesses, insecurities,
(38:19):
thumbscrews.
I became very wise to humannature and human psychology and
after a while I became a prettydamned effective seducer.
A lot of that was knowing whento pull away, to hold them and
to fold them, and sometimes towalk away, not to run, unless it
was a serious, life-threateningsituation.
(38:40):
But most of the time I did iton purpose.
I did it to create intrigue.
I did it to give people thegift of missing me, to let my
legend build in my absence.
I was not around to explainmyself.
My habit of filling the airwith words to break tension no
longer worked against me,because I wasn't there to give
(39:01):
too much information to befascinated with me, and they
were.
My legend grew.
My powers of seduction made mylife very fun until it wasn't it
got kind of lonely and Irealized that I had become
genuinely interested in people.
And I realized that I hadbecome genuinely interested in
people.
I kind of always wondered if Ihad a heart.
Like I said, I was really justa cruel, black-hearted bastard,
(39:24):
especially in like the age 2 toabout age 8.
And then I started to have someself-doubt after that.
But I then experiencedcognitive dissonance and just
doubled down on the cruelty, butI didn't feel as good about it.
I was starting to feel otherthings and now I was really
(39:44):
aching to connect with peoplebecause I was ready to do it
Deeply, sensitive, present.
I really understood people.
I was embodied, I was there, Iwas with you.
I knew the places that you liketo be touched.
I knew how to tease you.
I knew how to be gentle.
I knew how to be present,passionate and patient and to
(40:06):
hold you and help you weatheryour storms.
I weathered it with you.
Be strong, bring stillness intoyour lives so that you can
enjoy your, your flow, and wecould ride your chaos together.
And I had other lovers besidesyou.
But that wasn't really thepoint, if anything, and you
reaped some of the benefit fromthat, because I was always
(40:28):
getting better.
I was always learning more.
I was always becoming an evengreater lover.
I never would have accomplishedthat if I'd just been a little
dictator my whole life.
I need to get out into theworld and get curious about
other people.
We are who we are in relationto others.
It doesn't matter if we have aheart or not.
If we can fake it and makepeople around us happy.
(40:50):
That's about the best we can do.
That's how I learned the art ofcharm and became a masterful
networker, watched Bill Clintonvery closely, imitated a lot of
the things that he did His styleof handshake, his use of your
name, his ability to make youfeel like the most important
person in the world just bybeing curious about you Because
(41:13):
you happen to be there at thetime.
He could be hanging out withanyone, but he's hanging out
with you and so he is hangingout with you.
He's not going to miss thatopportunity.
That's who I became.
Because I was legitimatelycurious about people, I was able
to easily manipulate them.
Seems paradoxical, but such islife.
I became quite wealthy, hadsome sales jobs early on and I
(41:36):
made so much money oncommissions that I bought the
companies and sold them andbought nice cars and then sold
those and bought a boat andsailed into international waters
.
That's where I started mycreative artistic career.
I became a glam rock musician,but that doesn't come anywhere
(41:57):
close to covering it.
I don't want to give it away.
I don't like explaining myjokes, including non sequiturs.
I don't like explaining mytragedies.
I don't like explaining my art.
You really need to see it.
Unfortunately, all of themasters have been destroyed.
All the records are out ofprint.
I had an unfortunate incidentwhere I was playing in a certain
(42:19):
town back east that will remainunnamed and the wife and the
son of the mayor died in amurder-suicide.
I'm not sure which was which,but they were both in love with
me and that came out as thereason that it happened.
And somehow I instigated thisand I had a reputation as a
(42:42):
spellcaster, the same charismathat made me an effective baby
king, and it was quite useful onstage.
At first I was only playing fora couple of dozen people, but I
would act like it was an arenashow.
Bring the house down.
I'd spend every cent that Iearned and then it would come
right back to me, because that'show it works.
That's circulation, that's flow, that's the circle, the dance,
(43:07):
the square dance of life anddeath as they feed on each other
.
That was my artistic philosophyand every bit of it came across
on stage and on screen and onvinyl.
But after this incident, themurder-suicide in which I was
unfairly implicated, I don'tmake these things happen.
(43:28):
Attraction isn't a choice.
You don't decide who you fallin love with or get obsessed
with.
I don't think that those twothings have anything to do with
each other, but I certainlydidn't want this.
I have much more sex coming inthat I know what to do with.
I try to have as much sex aspossible in a short amount of
time so I can keep itcirculating.
(43:49):
I never had sex with either ofthese people.
I swear I absolutely did not.
They developed feelings for me.
I didn't ask them to do that.
There wasn't much I could doabout it.
After it happened.
I certainly didn't want them tokill themselves and the other
person.
The roles were reversed and Ididn't want to get blamed for it
(44:10):
.
That was the last thing Iwanted.
The mayor was really mad.
He was humiliated in front ofhis citizens, his subjects.
One look at me and he knew hewas never going to be the kind
of leader that people had anyreal respect for.
And he was mad, he was envious.
He ran me out of town and thenhe kept me running.
He was not going to drop this.
(44:30):
He basically issued a fatwa andI had a bunch of people from a
certain town known for itshighly aggressive, lifelong
residents who never leave thisplace and they all wanted to
kill me.
It's because they didn't evenlike the mayor.
Like I said, they didn'trespect him.
(44:51):
His wife and his child wereboth in love with a weird
touring musician.
Something was missing.
They felt neglected.
I filled that void.
This guy was neglecting hiscitizens, but they were not
going to miss a chance to form amob and murder someone.
So they came after me justbecause that was the thing to do
.
It was a slow day, a Tuesday ora Wednesday, and I found that I
(45:13):
couldn't write anymore.
I couldn't do music anymore.
I lost my interest in art.
It was too much stress.
Found that I couldn't writeanymore.
I couldn't do music anymore.
I lost my interest in art.
It was too much stress.
I needed to work all of thatout before I got back into any
kind of creative work.
So I got another boat with themoney that I made.
I sailed the Pacific, huggingthe West Coast between Los
Angeles and the Seattle area.
(45:33):
I found it was easy to justauthentically charm them.
I had the experience of being aboy king, of being a wounded
knafe, a babe in the woods whopeople wanted to take care of.
I'd been a seducer.
I'd been a true lover.
I'd been a rock star and now Iwas just me and I found that
(45:55):
that was more than enough.
I had really charmed people thehardest when I wasn't even
trying, when I just stopped allof the bee production.
Then I found that I just gothard, naturally, because that's
what people do.
When you are left to your owndevices, you know what to do.
You've been doing this for timeimmemorial and I just found
(46:17):
that I connected really easilywith people.
They found me naturally funny,without trying to be Down to
earth.
I'd even laugh at my own jokesand that didn't ruin them.
That's a miraculous ability tohave.
It really says something aboutwho I was.
At that time.
I of course got a big head, didsome psychedelics to try to
(46:39):
achieve ego death, but I endedup just feeling even better
about myself.
I became kind of a leader ofthat community.
We don't believe in religion orscience.
We're just kind of reacting tothings as we go along and we
really think our gurus have ittogether and I became one of
those and it was fine.
I'd made a lot of money, had alot of fans.
(46:59):
Started to feel disgusted withmyself after a while because I
really don't know if I have aheart.
I never quite figured that out.
I don't really know what Ibelieve.
I think life is an artisticproject.
I think the purpose of art isto provoke.
Find out what you have to say.
Just start by saying somethingprovocative.
Find out which consensusopinions annoy you the most.
(47:22):
Just get out in the street andmake some noise, and that's what
I did.
I ended that part of my careeras the opposite side of where I
started.
I went from the authoritariantyrant to the rebel, the
anarchist, the outcast by choice.
I was something to say thatpeople aren't ready to hear, but
(47:45):
they definitely get off on thefact that he has what it takes
to say it.
He's willing to go all in takingrisks just for the hell of it,
because he knows security is alie and there's no excuse for
compromising freedom and theonly good things that come come
from risk.
And if you come, you're takinga risk and that's sexy.
(48:07):
You want to make better or baddecisions.
Get comfortable with a certainamount of risk.
I nailed lists of grievances tothe doors of institutions.
I challenged the leaders, thebureaucrats and the boy kings.
That kind of reminded me ofmyself way back.
I barely remember any of thatstuff.
(48:28):
It's like a slideshow.
It's like somebody else told meabout that.
My reign was well documented,so I know all that stuff
happened.
I'm doing research on somebodyelse.
I'm not trying to defer theguilt.
Obviously I've changed my wholeethos.
Now I want to burn it all down,starting with that child that I
was at the time.
(48:48):
Now I'm an angry teenager inthe body of an adult man.
I want to shake things up.
I want to bring things down.
I don't know what comes afterthat.
Probably more hierarchy.
People want to shake things up.
I want to bring things down.
I don't know what comes afterthat.
Probably more hierarchy.
People want to be told what todo.
I told them what to do and thenI told them to stop doing what
people told them.
(49:09):
My career as a provocateur, as arebel, as a rake, as a
roustabout, as I was making theparty scene at the time A lot of
stuff was illegal.
I made fun illegal when I was akid because I was mad, I didn't
feel like I was getting invitedto anything and decided that
people should stop having funand start shoveling dirt for me
(49:31):
so I could watch them do it.
Now I wasn't going to shoveldirt anymore.
I wasn't going to watch anyoneelse shovel dirt.
So I told them to stop doingwhat they were told.
And then we had really good sex.
I gave them more than theywanted in that regard, which
just upped the threshold, andthey kept coming back and
thoroughly debasing themselvesto beg for more what I would
(49:53):
call mutually degrading sex.
I was certainly the dominantpartner, but I think we both
humbled ourselves.
Sex is where we hide things,but all was revealed in those
sessions.
But after that, what was left?
I had seen all sides of thehuman condition.
I couldn't make people snap outof their act.
(50:16):
There were myopic purists andpartisans who could only see one
side that they identified with.
They didn't recognize that, asbeauty is powerful, power is
beautiful.
It did so much damage in theirfear and misunderstanding and
refusal to acknowledge their owninherent violence and ugliness
(50:39):
which, if they had gotten toknow it the way that I got to
know my lovers in a time when Icared deeply about other people
they would understand.
That's really the only hope.
It's our only route to realbeauty and ecstasy.
Beyond seduction, beyond thetheater, beyond the dance,
beyond the games, the infinitegame, the game of life, the game
(51:01):
that we're already winning andwe don't even know it yet.
We're all on the same squad andin the end we just dissolve
back into the universalconsciousness that we came from.
Ecstatic lovers.
Until the end of time, which isalso the beginning, none of
that ever happened.
I didn't tell you about any ofthis.
You didn't hear anything fromme.
(51:21):
Let's pretend we don't knoweach other.
That's kind of sexy.
We'll pretend we're strangersthat stumbled into this high-end
hotel lounge.
We'll awkwardly introduceourselves and let the seduction
process begin as we revealinformation, perhaps involving
some international intrigue,some mystery, perhaps large sums
(51:43):
of money, but mainly seduction.
Lust, envy, passion,derangement, temptation, fire in
the loins, fire in the groin,fatal fantasies, fire in the
groin, fatal fantasies,explosive chemistry, experiments
, playing, serious games, thedark and the light, the in and
(52:03):
the out.
If you're good for me, I'lltreat you like you're bad, make
love to you like I hate you.
Hi, I just couldn't help butsay hello, the most intriguing
looking person I've seen on thistrip, and that's for at least
three reasons.
I'm not going to tell you whatthey are yet, still rank
ordering them.
Thank you.
(52:40):
I am thoroughly intrigued, abit flummoxed, perhaps already a
(53:26):
bit enamored.
This is not at all what Ianticipated from a week-long
silent retreat.
I came here to detox.
I came here to go deep and workon myself and perhaps emerge
loving myself Some of the placesthat I was hurt, at least
having had a direct experienceof my own pain.
This is not pain as Iunderstand it.
(53:48):
I've developed a very strongconnection with one of the other
retreats.
We don't know each other'snames or anything about each
other, really, but the vibe forlack of a better word is
overpowering.
We try desperately to avoid eyecontact, not only succeeding,
but we're mirroring each other'smovements.
(54:09):
I breathe out, she breathes inand vice versa.
We are in sync, we are inharmony, but also in friction,
almost at war with each other.
It's like no other relationshipI've ever had, with not a word
spoken, and I'm resistant to itbecause I know how my heart
works and I know how thesethings tend to work, and this is
(54:30):
exactly what I came here tounlearn.
But as Tuesday night bleeds intoWednesday morning, I find this
sizzling skillet that we'redancing around on together is,
in fact, larger than Ianticipated, and a third party
has joined in, someone I feelthat I know even less about, but
(54:50):
that's part of the fun.
We're creating an asafall, amastermind, a community of those
with nothing in common thethree of us.
The intensity is overwhelming.
I think the others must notice.
Surely, if they don't, whatelse would they not notice?
How can they get their shoestied in the morning?
Although hierarchies aresubverted by this code of
(55:11):
silence, we don't have theopportunity to jockey for
position directly or manipulateeach other using language.
However, power dynamics remainin play.
We take turns, having mind sexwith each other.
Who's on top and who's on thebottom is an open question, and
the conflict that arises is morepure and thus more dangerous,
(55:34):
potentially explosive, than thesort of thing that's mediated or
mitigated by passive-aggressivereassurances that everything is
okay.
Everything is decidedly notokay.
We're in a standoff.
It's like the end of ReservoirDogs or psychic sex.
At one point I sensed that Ihave a gift to give to the world
(55:55):
, starting with this.
One other person the originalwoman, I believe seduced me,
although I don't know that Icould convince a jury of that
and it may not be fair to holdher accountable.
I may simply be flatteringmyself, but I just poured all of
my psychological energy intothat connection Lava flowing
into a canal, holding amagnifying glass to the sun,
(56:19):
burning this one node, thisconnection.
For all that, it's worth to seewhat it does, to see what
happens with this chemicalreaction.
And I'm pretty sure I made hercome for me with my mind.
I would put money on that.
I don't think I'm flatteringmyself.
I've seen people fake it.
(56:40):
This was unmistakable anddisruptive to the rest of the
group to the extent that I think, although no words were spoken
in the silent retreat that I'maware of, some people may have
had unauthorized sidebars.
However, it did not take theuse of language for our
reputations to develop and swellsomewhat, and I began to be
(57:02):
psychologically approached byother members of the group
Offers.
They came bearing gifts.
They flattered me in such a waythat I knew there was an
expectation attached.
Was I being recruited into somesort of movement?
Were they attempting to channelmy power for the collective
good or for their own devices ortheir own ends?
(57:23):
Was I being set up?
That plunges me back intomemories of middle school.
I was love hungry right from thebeginning.
In a couple of separateincidents, my classmates would
behave in such a way that Icould reasonably assume that
they found me attractive, hadromantic designs that they were
interested in pursuing, and then, as soon as I reciprocated,
(57:45):
they would violently pull therug out, exposing the ruse,
leaving me humiliated, angry,distrustful, unable to express
my most basic feelings ofaffection for people without
being overwhelmed by fear.
And so many missedopportunities, so many people
who took two steps in mydirection only to have me take
four steps away because Iassumed the worst of anyone who
(58:09):
seemed to like me.
I did not want to know anyonewho wanted to know me, and
that's a sad and lonely state ofaffairs, if not atypical for
contemporary Los Angeles less ofthe 405, but that's not where I
was.
I was in a beautiful naturalsetting stars well visible at
night, the air clean, our mindsa bit dizzy and giddy as a
(58:30):
result of the high elevation.
And here I am stuck in decadesold insecurity and distrust, as
if stuck in traffic on a 405 orthe 110.
I meditate so hard that I breakthrough all resistance, I break
through all expectations andassumptions and limiting beliefs
(58:52):
about what I think is possible,and I break on through to the
other side, and now, as of thatmoment, I genuinely don't care
anymore.
Some of the most fascinatingwomen in the world are throwing
themselves at me and I do notcare.
I've lost several jobs.
I've spent money that I didn'thave, only to have it replenish
itself overnight, as if by magic, using Bobby Kahn's continuous
(59:16):
cash flow system.
I have traveled the world.
I've started several successfulbusinesses that I've sold at a
massive profit.
I've started many failedbusinesses.
I don't know if they made theworld worse or better, or if it
was a wash.
I simply don't care.
I'm detached not just from theoutcome, but from the process,
(59:38):
from the very experience of life.
Yes, I'm experiencing it moreimmediately than ever before.
I barely talk at all, whichtends to benefit me in every
conceivable way.
I'm taken much more seriously.
I do have something to say.
People are highly attentivebecause it's not what they're
used to.
They're used to my silence,which I maintain, not by design,
(59:59):
not as a strategy, not even asan affectation.
I simply have nothing to sayabout most things.
I genuinely do not care anymoreabout anything, except a couple
of things.
I'm not going to tell you whatthose are.
I don't care to divulgeinformation that I'm not sure
that you need to have.
I don't necessarily trust younot to use it against me.
(01:00:21):
And that's healthy.
It doesn't exacerbate myloneliness.
I'm enforcing my boundaries andI'm taking care of myself
without even thinking about it,because it is no longer a
challenge.
It is as if I forgot.
I forgot how to do it andanything that comes along, good
or bad.
Whether it's that coma I was in, whether it's the racehorse
(01:00:42):
that attacked me.
Whether it's my rival racehorsethat won me millions of dollars
and empowered me to take careof my friends and family as long
as they could possibly need it.
Whether it's the philosophicalturn that inspired me to provoke
my friends and family to makesomething happen for themselves
and give them a little scare,and then, of course, come back
(01:01:04):
in with the assistance as soonas I was not certain that they
would always need it, as soon asI knew that their creativity
and in fact not atrophy, thattheir survival skills were as
good as new.
I don't care about any of this,it's liberating.
It's weird.
I don't know what to make of it.
I'm having all kinds of sexMind sex, body sex,
(01:01:24):
interdimensional soul sex.
It's not that it doesn't meananything.
Of course it does, because Ican appreciate the full depth
and beauty and poetry andhideousness and danger and the
menace of it all so much morerichly, all of a piece, and I
just don't care.
And I don't care about that andI don't care to explain it and
(01:01:47):
I'm not burdened withoverthinking it.
I broke on through and I don'tcare.
And now everything is happeningat once, which would have been
overwhelming before, but now,well, you know, k-chung Los.
Angeles 1630, a kchungradioorgon the World Wide Web.
(01:02:39):
This is Emerson Dameron'sMedicated Minutes, LA's number
one avant-garde personaldevelopment program, home of Ask
a Sadist, proudly sponsored bythe First Church of the Satanic
Buddha, birthplace and habitatof bite-sized erotic thrillers.
My name is Emerson Dameron.
(01:02:59):
I'm the writer, producer, hosteverything.
I love you personally.
Levity saves lives Outro Music.
You are here, you are listening, you are breathing,
and as you listen, you begin torealize that power is not
something to be feared.
You have heard that power isdangerous.
You have seen people wield itrecklessly.
(00:35):
You have been told that powercorrupts.
And yet, as you reflect, youbegin to see that power itself
is neutral and its use andmisuse are the forces that shape
the world.
You know that some people holdmore power than others, and some
(00:58):
hold quite a lot indeed.
You understand that they do notwant to share it.
You have felt how they not wantto share it.
You have felt how they shameothers for seeking it.
And now, as you take this in,you start to understand.
They tell you not to seek powerbecause they want it for
(01:23):
themselves.
You have been taught that onlythe worst villains crave power.
You have seen power used inways that disgust you, and yet,
as you think deeper, you realizethat power is also what makes
good things happen.
Power is not just domination ormanipulation.
It is creation is not justdomination or manipulation.
(01:44):
It is creation.
It is sex force, fire, energy.
You know that nature runs onpower.
You see how every animal, everyleader, every movement gains
traction only when power is inplay.
(02:06):
And now, as you reflect, youbegin to realize that your
desire for power is not aweakness, it is a sign of life,
it is your birthright.
You have witnessed the sadshenanigans of people who crave
power without purpose.
You have seen what happens whenpower is left in their hands.
(02:30):
And now you begin to see thatsensitive, ethical people,
people like you, must take powertoo, because only those who
claim power can do good with it.
You have been passive, you havewished for things to be better,
(02:52):
you have believed thatrightness alone should be enough
.
But now you understand Withoutpower, nothing moves.
Without power, nothing moves.
Without power, nothingmanifests.
And as you grasp this truth,something shifts in you.
(03:14):
You start to sense a new hunger, not just for justice, but for
the force to make it real.
You feel it now.
The world is built by those whoclaim their power.
And now, as you realize this,you know it's time to claim
(03:36):
yours.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Go get some K-Chunk Los Angeles, 1630 AM.
K-chunk radioorg emerson.
Dameron's medicated minutes l anumber one event, guard
personal development program,home of the first church of the
(04:00):
satanic buddha, and fight sizederotic thrillers.
Improve yourself beforeeverybody else does.
That's kinky Levity saves lives.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
I've never seriously believed that power corrupts
necessarily.
I think that's something weoften learn from people who want
to keep most of the power forthemselves and have a vested
interest in making us feel smalland crouch and curl into a ball
and cry and wonder what's itall about?
The thing about power is wetend to take on more than we can
(05:02):
handle.
What it's all about is findingthe right rhythm, finding a
heuristic that works for you andquitting while you're ahead,
quitting while you're behind,quitting early, quitting, often
quitting until you findsomething that you can quit.
Quitting and then knowing howto roast, knowing how to coast,
knowing what habits serve youthe most.
(05:23):
There are no magic bullets.
If anyone offers you one, it'sgoing to be more bullet than
magic.
I speak as someone who has beendriven through his life by a
craving for ecstatic experiences.
I want ecstasy, I want oblivion, I want to give and receive
volcanic shattering orgasms allthe time.
(05:46):
But the impossible becomescommonplace and as long as we
don't totally blow out ourspeakers while we're dosing on
power, we are what we do everyday.
Lately I have been feelingpretty good.
My baseline is at a place whereI can do the work that I need
to do to progress in my struggle, which moves slowly, as it
(06:08):
should.
I credit myself with a lot ofthat.
Also habits I've developed,sometimes with the advice of
friends.
I have a friend who works overat Magic Mind.
She talks about mental wealth.
It's her heuristic.
It's exercise, sleep, diet,stress management and exogenous
compounds which come together ina shot, not a syringe, not a
(06:32):
bullet.
It's one of these littleairline bottles of Magic Mind
Focus and slash or Magic MindSleep.
She hooked me up with both andI made it a daily habit which
has become a daily ritual,because I look forward to it and
I look forward to that mellow,cool, hot, sexy lucidity that I
(06:55):
get after a good night's sleepand when I know I'm ready to
face the standard issueindignities of another day of
human existence.
Human consciousness itself ishell.
But there's a lot we can do.
You can try Magic Mind, focusand Sleep if you go to
magicmindcom slash, emersonjan,e-m-e-r-s-o-n-j-a-n, you can get
(07:22):
the one-two Focus and Sleep.
You don't have to pick afavorite until you've tried both
, and that's many thanks to oneof my favorite people.
It turns out, much to mychagrin, that we need each other
.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
It's okay that I like it really, really rough.
Right, I am a slut.
It's okay to be a slut.
It's fun to be a slut.
I am a whore.
I serve the pleasure of men.
I appreciate my body.
I enjoy my body.
I enjoy touching.
Feeling sexy gives confidence.
I feel sexy as a slut.
Exploring leads to pleasure.
Sex is fun and exciting.
I appreciate my body.
I enjoy my body.
Feeling sexy gives confidence.
(07:53):
I feel sexy as a slut.
Exploring leads to pleasure.
Sex is fun and exciting.
Hot girls do what we want.
Licking things off the floor issuper hot.
Guess what?
I'm a slut.
Speaker 4 (08:04):
At first I thought this was seriously a setup.
She seemed really into it.
Then I thought maybe she lovedtaking my discipline and also
was using sex for power.
I don't know if that blew mymind, but it blew simple.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Steamy, dreamy and way too hot for radio.
Crimson Transgressions, Abite-sized erotic thriller by
Emerson Dameron.
Find it before it finds you.
Speaker 4 (08:34):
I'd do me sure I'm an entertaining guy to be around.
I'm intelligent, well-read andfunny witty in a dry way,
amusing not embarrassing, notsomeone you have to feel
humiliated to hook up with Suave, calm, cool, veneer of
sophistication, hiding behind ita wild side.
(08:56):
I want to go wild.
I want to have fun.
I've been good for way too long.
I'm happier playing the villain.
Everybody loves the bad guy andyou will too, especially when
you find out why patient present, passionate lover,
reverberating pleasurethroughout your nervous system.
Your body is one big brain andyour brain is the ultimate sex
(09:19):
organ.
I can fire you up.
I can cool you down, make youcomfortable enough to get
excited.
I'm sincere, I'mstraightforward, I have some
swag Swinging it.
I'm kind.
K-chung, los Angeles.
Emerson Dameron's MedicatedMinutes, la's number one
avant-garde personal developmentprogram.
(09:39):
1630 AM Kchungradioorg FirstWednesdays of the month, after
which it becomes the only goodpodcast.
Rule number one Keep it light.
If you're still broken up aboutyour cat dying two years ago,
(10:01):
save that for your shrink.
Number two Keep it moving,don't linger, never spend the
night and always be ready towalk away.
Number three if it gets kinky,it's just about sex.
It's not just about sex.
Don't get kinky If there'sweird sex stuff you're into.
Find someone whose kinks arecomplimentary to yours and have
(10:23):
sex with them, but do not haveanything that could possibly be
perceived to be a buddingrelationship.
If there's some romanticchemistry and you're digging
that, keep the sex vanilla andkind of okay.
One nice bonus there is if theywalk away first, you don't have
to really feel rejected becauseyou didn't really bring your
(10:44):
A-game.
Number four use protection.
Prophylactics, yes, but also ahazmat suit for your heart.
I don't know how that works foryou, but you need to go in with
a strategy.
Do not trust yourself to notscrew this up.
Number five don't get weird.
If you start showing up in eachother's dreams and the things
(11:05):
you do there affect each other'swaking lives, it's time to
bounce.
You can keep it casual.
That's how, trust me, I wouldknow.
As you already know, you'retalking to Jason Stone, the king
of one of America's biggestsmoothie empires, a millionaire
by the time I turned 30.
Since then, I've become evenmore wealthy thanks to some
(11:26):
unsexy but highly strategicinvestments.
Investing now is my hobby.
I don't care if I lose money onit, it's just for fun.
I'm a gambling addict andthat's the perfect thing to do
with that.
At one point I was also a sexand love addict.
I find that those things don'tmix well together in my life.
I think multitasking is a myth.
(11:46):
I think if you're going toachieve true excellence in one
area, you need to focus on thatat the expense of other parts of
your life.
There are a lot of women thatwant to get in serious
relationships with me for a lotof different reasons, many of
which they know they're betteroff not disclosing initially.
So I'm very good at protectingmyself.
(12:06):
If it starts to look like arelationship, I'm out.
A lot of women put me on apedestal.
That kind of love inevitablyturns to disappointment,
ridicule and hate.
When I turn out to be human,the business I can do.
Business makes sense.
I mentioned that investing is ahobby for me.
(12:27):
I don't have to care whether ornot I make money which, like
some law of the cosmos, isextremely frustrating to people
who don't get it.
The less I care, the better Ido.
The one thing to keep in mindis it stops working if you get
too confident for too long.
Staying humble is hard whenyou're an extremely good-looking
(12:48):
millionaire whose dazzlingintelligence and charm is
eclipsed only by his reputationas a coast-to-coast poomslaying
machine.
I must have been feeling alittle high on myself when I met
Isabella.
My guard must have been furtherdown than I realized.
I really didn't see it coming.
I was in my favorite know-you,the lounge of a high-end hotel.
(13:10):
You can meet a lot of wealthytravelers this way, people who
couldn't hang around if theywanted to but have a nice suite,
and if you're good at playingthe away game, you can get a lot
out of that.
I could sense Isabella'sintoxicating enigma from across
the room, haunting blue eyes,dark hair and a dark, dark aura.
(13:31):
This woman was trouble.
She was danger.
I liked it.
We locked eyes from across thebar and, both being adherents to
the, we simultaneously got upand went over to introduce
ourselves.
If you're into rom-coms, youmight have called it a meet-cute
.
We talked about the financialnews of the day, how Miami is
(13:52):
sort of like San Diego on all ofthe acid in the world.
She had a captivating way ofspeaking, seemingly simple at
first, as though English was hersecond language.
Then she would throw in somepretty serious philosophical
discussion with a fluent commandof words too big for the SAT.
She had an accent I couldn'tplace, sort of like a
(14:14):
combination between Bartholonaand Alabama Rush Week, and it
was utterly charming.
I didn't even notice we werehooking up until it was already
happening.
I got the slowest, deepest,most loving blowjob of my life
and gave her a volcanic orgasm.
Past results are no guaranteeof future returns, but my tongue
grew at least three sizes thatday in terms of empathy and
(14:37):
confidence.
Then I found out who she was.
Her husband was one of therichest men in California.
His name, sometimes bandiedabout as a possible candidate
for governor.
Issues would come up and cloudthat.
His reputation for weavingsnakes in people's mailboxes.
He stopped liking them, alwayswith plausible deniability.
(15:00):
His ability to ruin reputationsovernight and some stuff he did
just to be mean.
I decided to give Isabella awide berth, but I realized it
might be difficult.
We were really in lust witheach other and it was already
turning into something else, tomy chagrin and almost clinical
fascination.
(15:20):
I couldn't stop analyzing thisin my mind, and maybe that's as
close as I get to love the factthat there was something off
about it, that her stories werelike misaligned wallpaper.
At first you didn't really care.
You were willing to ignore itbecause the overall gestalt was
wonderful, but it started todrive you insane after a while.
(15:41):
That did not make it any lesshot, quite the contrary.
From the beginning she'd ask meto screw her like I hated her
and over time it was gettingeasier and easier to do and more
and more mutually satisfying.
This could have gone onindefinitely, but it was a
pretty serious boner killer.
When at five in the morning I'ma hardcore morning person that I
(16:04):
don't get up that early unlessa bunch of gangsters crash my
apartment unannounced, that wassurprising.
But the fact that Isabellawasn't surprised by it at all
and in fact started smiling hertrademark, knowing smile that I
thought made me think that sheknows more than she does.
But now I wasn't sure if I knewanything anymore.
(16:25):
That didn't surprise me much atall.
At this point I got roughed upa little bit, which is nothing
I've never experienced before.
It helped me build a little bitof character and it seemed to
be a distraction from killing me, which the gangsters repeatedly
promised to do.
They tied me up and said that Iwould be immediately dead if I
refused to give them the name ofquote-unquote my associate.
(16:46):
Apparently they thought I wasin cahoots with somebody to
bring down Isabella's husband.
I really don't know and inretrospect Isabella and I were
not good at communication Idon't know who she thought I was
.
I gave them the name of my highschool driving instructor.
Weirdly, they just let me go.
At that point Isabella'shusband found out about this and
(17:07):
dropped some black PR thatthoroughly destroyed my
reputation.
None of my old friends wouldtalk to me anymore.
None of them talked to me verymuch before.
I had plenty of money sockedaway and now I'm applying myself
anonymously, teaching onlineclasses and avoidant behavior,
which is no longer anice-to-have but a brutal
(17:28):
necessity in this overstimulated, cutthroat, competitive world
we live in.
That I just happen to beperfectly optimized for.
I was in fifth grade.
I never had a girlfriend, neverkissed a girl, and assumed
things were going to improve.
When I went to middle schoolthe following year, she was the
daughter of the coach of theschool's disproportionately
(17:48):
successful soccer team.
Seriously, the goalie mostlytook naps.
This made her royalty in theschool and she acted like it.
So I found it rather flatteringwhen she started aggressively
flirting with me, soliciting myattention, giving me daily
Valentine's Day cards for acouple of months Expensive ones,
frilly, gold details that wereactually pretty cool.
(18:11):
I couldn't take it seriously.
Then I would go home and fallasleep listening to love songs
on the coast and eventually Istarted to develop reciprocal
feelings for her.
One Saturday afternoon, afteryet another victorious soccer
game, I pretended tocoincidentally run into her and
asked her if she wanted to goout with me Not sure where we
(18:32):
would have gone ProbablyFoster's, it was a moot point
and she let me know that herflirtations had been part of a
social experiment, otherwiseknown as a prank.
She and her friends had gamedthis out.
She was gonna win me over, andwhen I responded in kind which
they agreed might take a whilebut was ultimately inevitable
(18:53):
she would dramatically shoot medown and I would be subject to
school-wide ridicule.
She told me she was havingsecond thoughts about this, that
while she was playing the longgame she started to sort of like
me, but by now she had too muchskin in the game, an expression
she probably picked up from herdad, who's obsessed with the
(19:13):
book Anti-Fragile.
I didn't enjoy being humiliated, which in retrospect is kind of
a relief.
In the end, I admired hercommitment to the bit.
In the end, I think she showedmore integrity than a lot of the
women I've been with, or me.
You're a lot like me, I'mguessing.
(19:45):
An observer, student of life,particularly humanity.
Yeah, I have stories about allof these people, rules made up
for everyone in the emersondameron cinematic universe.
Watching other people is a goodway to learn about yourself.
Really, it's all just versionsof you, and when you're screwing
, screwinging over, arguing withPieces of you, it just can seem
(20:06):
lonely.
But then when you acknowledgethat you're free to really get
to know somebody, your feelingsare showing.
Yeah, I think there's more toyou.
There's a softness, tendernessthat you're afraid to let out,
and I totally get it.
It's scary.
I've been hurt, really badlyHurt, for a long time, so I know
what that's like.
I can keep a secret.
(20:26):
You know that Life is for fun.
First, last and always.
Fun is the law.
I'm out here to have fun.
Talk to people, learn a littlebit about myself by accident On
my way toward screwing off.
Having a good time Laughing,having fun and talking to people
.
So like for you, for instance,find the most bubbly person in
(20:48):
the room and find out you werepretty smart.
You got layers Dangerous one.
People probably don't know thatabout you, but I do.
I need you on my side and we'regonna have some crazy
adventures together Roadtripping, ridding the world of
evildoers beyond good and evilourselves, somewhat corrupt and
loving it, killing it with thekaraoke duet.
(21:09):
Nothing's gonna stop us now bystarship.
You, my friend, are a real one.
I don't really click with mostpeople.
I'm not an edgy teenagemisanthrope anymore, but I've
been lonely in a crowd.
I've been burned by people Itrusted.
Behind every cynic is a woundedromantic and I think you know
(21:31):
that as well as I do.
But speaking for myself, I'vedeveloped a lot of pretty sexy
defense mechanisms, but I don'tfeel like I have to use any of
that with you.
You have this you regulate mynervous system.
Like I was nervous before Icame here.
I was like I have to impressthis person.
I don't have to impress you.
You're effortlessly obviouslysexy and you're fun to be with.
(21:53):
Just what happens when peopleclick?
People are strange.
You don't know who you canreally trust and connect with.
Nobody's going to be completelyhonest with you.
That would get them thrown injail or assassinated.
So you have to trust your owninstincts.
What's this guy's angle?
What's going on here?
What's the game that's beingplayed?
And you know what that's like.
(22:13):
You're an old soul.
I think there's a philosopherunder there, not just a pretty
face.
You're watching and observing.
You know a lot of these peoplebetter than they know themselves
.
I could put you in charge of myother girlfriends.
You're mad, but I'm going tolove you, no matter how mad you
get.
I'm going to spank you, tickleyou, pound you into submission.
(22:33):
We're going to enjoy hate sex.
It's going to turn into lovesex, believe me, you'll see.
And if it doesn't, I'll haveegg on my face.
Integrity is what matters moreand more all the time.
Respect is earned.
Standards have to meansomething.
Standards are like boundariesthey're meaningless if they're
not enforced.
Yeah, I just need solid peoplein my life.
(22:55):
You can see kind of from how wecarry ourselves.
Like me, you're a little bitguarded, sometimes Guarded and
grounded.
You know your worth.
You know how much treasure youhave.
People have tried to take itaway or take advantage of your
trust, so it takes a while towarm up.
But the slow burn is what Ilike too.
(23:16):
I like to rush it.
I have to really get to knowpeople.
What can you do that wouldreally impress me?
I want to enjoy a home-cookedmeal, a back massage.
I want you to play some musicfor me.
Write a song about me.
I want to see you dance for me.
I want to enjoy your service tome.
Serve me Not just with theslowest and deepest, most loving
(23:39):
blowjob of my life.
All of that is going to happenas well.
Let's feel good.
Let's have fun.
You have to feel bad all thetime.
We're here.
To feel good Once.
Feel good, that's all I want.
Felt a lot of bad and now Iwant some good to make up for it
.
I'm gonna try the smorgasbordof good.
I want to experiment.
I'm gonna get out there, findout what I like.
You're probably not gonna ropeme to the bed, jack me up like
(24:00):
in misery the first night.
Sorry if that was the plan, butwe have some good stories, I
can tell.
You have some crazy stories.
Just the little hints that youdrop.
I love your style, the gestaltof it, the with-it-ness.
I bet you know where North is.
You know your cardinaldirections.
I am emotionally available.
I can also keep it casual.
Probably will.
(24:20):
I'm not a player, I just crusha lot.
I'm picky, definitely not aplayer.
I've tried.
That Doesn't really suit me,never felt right to me.
It gets harder as I get olderto find a really smoky
connection.
But yet at the same time Idon't care so much about being
liked, I'd rather be longed for,loved and all of that.
(24:41):
Just leave me be.
You don't have to be nice.
Nice is not exactly what I'minto, although nice is going to
get really nice.
Your style, something about you.
You're not like other people.
There's no easy point ofcomparison.
You're in your own league andit's cool.
I want to find out how thatworks there.
What about you would reallyblow me away.
(25:03):
Impress me.
What are you going to do?
What are you going to say?
That's going to make me saythat it was the moment that I
was won over by this beautifulyoung woman.
I think it's chemistry.
Chemistry is what makes lifeinteresting.
We are who we are through theeyes of others, and I like it
when there's a little mysterythere, a little poetry and
paradox.
(25:23):
Attraction isn't a choice, butit's the finest and edutainment
is the most fun you can have andyou can learn about yourself,
and I've learned more throughcasual sex than many years of
therapy.
I love meeting a woman on mywavelength and I think you're
pretty cool too.
I like the mix of intensity andplayfulness.
Let's explore the city together.
(25:44):
You're more than a pretty face.
You also know about the Museumof Jurassic Technology.
I've been there.
Let's go somewhere else.
Where's one of your spots?
You show me yours, I'll showyou mine.
Speaker 5 (26:11):
So there I was, darling in this oh-so-decadent
American city.
Well, they call it a city, butreally it's all just bright
lights and endless nonsense.
But I suppose if one's going toexperience the culture one must
dive straight in.
Yeah, not that I wasn't theabsolute epicentre of
sophistication all night, though, if I'm honest, I do think some
(26:36):
of these locals find myEuropean elegance a touch
intimidating.
Is that the word I'm lookingfor?
At any rate, it all began atthis club.
Now, they'd have you believeit's a super exclusive lounge
sort of affair, but if I'mhonest, it was all just neon
lights, flashing shapes andabsolutely no charm.
(26:58):
I was surrounded by what I canonly describe as American blokes
in ill-fitting suits, eachtrying to updo the other in
sheer bravado.
Really a pity, I mean.
None of them even knew how towear their cologne properly
Smelled like they bathed in it.
Poor dears, if someone lit acigarette we'd all have been
(27:19):
incinerated, which is fine ifyou're into that sort of thing.
Of course, I attracted the mostdelicious attention.
Naturally, this one chap, tall,dark, terribly American jawline
, comes over, tries to tell mehe's an investor.
Now, I didn't exactly catchwhat he was invested in, but he
(27:40):
did keep buying me drinks.
I imagine he thought it wassome kind of seduction ritual.
Fascinating really, how theytry to impress you over here.
It's all a bit primitive, don'tyou think?
Tarzan chic, I call it Anyway,as he's prattling on about his
boats, or was it his motorbikes?
(28:01):
My mind does wander, if I'mhonest.
I see this little kiffuffle, afracas over in one corner, two
women absolutely feral,scratching and shrieking over
some ridiculous man who barelyseemed aware of his surrounding.
I simply stood there watching,thinking what a commentary on
the sad state of modernrelationships.
(28:21):
Quite absurdist, really.
Then, out of nowhere, someone'schampagne glass flies through
the air.
I don't remember who threw itPrecisely hard to keep track
given the caliber of peoplearound, but, darling, it landed
right in my vicinity.
I was mortified, truly, itcould have ruined my handbag, at
(28:43):
least theoretically so.
So I moved a few feet back, asone does, had to make room for
these people to sort out theirdrama.
One should never get involvedin American altercations.
I think At this point the blokefrom before did I mention his
jawline.
He leans in, probably expectingI'd be swept off my feet by his
(29:03):
presence.
He was all.
Speaker 4 (29:07):
I could protect you from that, you know.
Speaker 5 (29:10):
And I thought, from what precisely?
Flying champagne, other errantprojectiles?
But, bless his heart, he seemedvery pleased with himself.
So I leaned in too, gave him acoy little smile and said oh, I
bet you could.
Because well, I bet you could,because well, I find it best to
let these men think they'repowerful.
They need it.
Poor things, ew, but this partyou'll love.
(29:36):
After that delightful bit ofmale gallantry, we left the club
to find well, I suppose youcould call it a street brawl
Absolute chaos, grown menflinging their fists, yelling,
sweating.
I mean, I thought for a secondI'd wandered onto the set of
some absurd American action film.
My gentleman friend, the onewith the jawline, says Baby stay
(30:02):
back, I'll handle this.
Baby, stay back, I'll handlethis, which is really quite
darling of him but also a bitconfusing, since he immediately
starts hiding behind me, as if I, with my delicate British
sensibilities, could somehowhold back the encroaching
barbarian tide.
Really, I just stood there likea bewildered duchess at a rodeo
(30:26):
.
Quite surreal by then, wouldn'tyou know it, a police car
pulled up, a truly heavy-handedapproach.
I thought I remember trying toreason with one of the officers
Explaining how terriblyuncivilised it all was Really,
beneath a city with so muchpotential.
But he seemed to think I was,shall we say, part of the
problem.
At one point he said Go home.
(30:51):
Which was so quintessentiallyAmerican of him, wasn't it?
I mean, who tells a woman likeme to go home?
But back to the eveningsescalations.
The investor bloke with thejawline.
Such a dear, truly, after hisown ham-fisted fashion, suggests
.
We go back to his place to, inhis words avoid the riffraff the
(31:26):
culture up close.
Of course.
We head back to his place,which was well grand in theory
but in reality a bit tasteless,all gray and minimalist, no
character, no warmth.
I couldn't help but think doesthis man even own a single
painting?
At this point he tries toimpress me with his collection
of bourbons, which he explainedin excruciating detail, couldn't
(31:50):
quite follow.
It was all something to do withaging and barrels, and you'll
laugh.
But I actually dozed off just atouch, just for a second.
He didn't notice, of course, ashe was too busy showing off his
prized whiskey.
I must have conked outmomentarily to spare myself the
convulsive giggle fits.
(32:11):
Yeah, not unpleasant, thatfleeting, hypnagogic sleep state
.
I woke up to him practicallydroning on about it.
I don't even know so, in thespirit of politeness, I divided
it to.
I don't even know so.
In the spirit of politeness, Idivided it to, shall we say,
change the energy.
And he looked utterly shocked,like he'd never encountered a
woman who takes charge.
(32:33):
But here's the kicker.
I didn't actually do anythingat all, I just sat there with
that look, you know the one.
And suddenly he was very muchat my service, if you will.
They're so eager, aren't they?
Very sweet, actually in amisguided way.
(32:53):
Then, would you believe, hisroommate walks in looking quite
flustered like he'd walked in onsomething scandalous which,
darling, he hadn't, becausebecause, again, I was doing
absolutely nothing, absolutelynothing, just existing.
But the tension, oh it waspalpable.
(33:14):
You could see his poor littleAmerican brain trying to process
the situation.
Bless him, bless him.
They just can't bear it, canthey?
So I simply got up, left theboys to discuss things amongst
themselves and as I left Ithought to myself ah, what an
evening I have truly experiencedthe American nightlife.
(33:38):
It's all quite tragic, really,how easily they fall to pieces
over here, but I suppose that'swhat one gets, being me
absolutely adored by the massesand yet simultaneously quite
above it all.
Speaker 4 (34:41):
I don't know if leaders are born or made.
I was suspected that I was bornto be a leader.
I know I was made a leader onthe day I was born.
As soon as I was out of thewomb I became a democratically
elected tyrant, Meaning thatalthough I ran on a democratic
election, it was right there inmy platform.
(35:02):
When I get elected, I am goingto rule with an iron fist.
I'm not going to care whatanyone else thinks and you're
going to live and die by mywhims.
And at the time people were sosick of the idiocy of the crowd
and the unreliability of thecollective hive mind of idiots
(35:22):
that they thought this is a cutekid.
We need an iron gardener.
And he just oozes charisma.
He's filling his diapers ofmolten charisma, like this kid
is born with it.
And I'm shocked at what I gotaway with.
I led the country for a coupleof decades and it was absolutely
brutal.
It was entirely selfish,sadistic, cruel.
(35:45):
Sometimes I wondered if I had aheart, but I think my heart was
that thing rejoicing in otherpeople's suffering Pure charisma
and schadenfreude.
The father wound.
I never knew my dad.
Nobody else knew who he waseither.
At least my mom did.
She wasn't telling.
It ended badly.
I was usurped, deposed.
(36:06):
I was burned in effigy, but notphysically.
They tried to do that but Imanaged to get out.
But I did not make it out withany of my stuff.
I was out on the street.
I was at loose ends packingcough.
That never really went away.
I was emaciated.
I was malnourished.
I was wearing hand-me-downclothes with somebody else's
(36:29):
name written in the elasticwaistband on my drawers and
Sharpie, and I was out on thestreet.
I wasn't even begging.
I was hoping that I couldmagnetize myself and people
would come help me.
And they did.
But they did not arrive toserve, which is what I'd been
used to.
(36:49):
They were not there to flatterme.
They were there bearing pity,which is really two doors down
from contempt.
But at the time it was whatallowed me to survive.
First of all, the people thatwanted me to eat something
before I physically disappearedor lost my third dimension.
Then there were the men whowanted to fill the father-shaped
(37:13):
void in my life and they foundthat I couldn't change attire.
I didn't really know how totake care of myself.
They thought this once andfuture king could benefit from
our mentorship.
I became popular with women whoneeded projects.
I was college-aged in a collegetown that put me in the top
(37:37):
tiers.
The men just the fact that Iwas that pathetic gave them
something to work with.
It wasn't just alcoholism andself-pity.
I had real problems.
I was a king and I lost all ofthat.
How do you come back from that?
Well, in this case I allowedeveryone to believe that they
were taking care of me while Iwas you guessed it topping from
(37:58):
the bottom.
I was learning the subtle artsof persuasion and seduction that
I never needed before, becauseI just had everything I wanted
handed to me since I was born.
So I had some catching up to do.
But I was a quick study.
I managed to find people'sweaknesses, insecurities,
(38:19):
thumbscrews.
I became very wise to humannature and human psychology and
after a while I became a prettydamned effective seducer.
A lot of that was knowing whento pull away, to hold them and
to fold them, and sometimes towalk away, not to run, unless it
was a serious, life-threateningsituation.
(38:40):
But most of the time I did iton purpose.
I did it to create intrigue.
I did it to give people thegift of missing me, to let my
legend build in my absence.
I was not around to explainmyself.
My habit of filling the airwith words to break tension no
longer worked against me,because I wasn't there to give
(39:01):
too much information to befascinated with me, and they
were.
My legend grew.
My powers of seduction made mylife very fun until it wasn't it
got kind of lonely and Irealized that I had become
genuinely interested in people.
And I realized that I hadbecome genuinely interested in
people.
I kind of always wondered if Ihad a heart.
Like I said, I was really justa cruel, black-hearted bastard,
(39:24):
especially in like the age 2 toabout age 8.
And then I started to have someself-doubt after that.
But I then experiencedcognitive dissonance and just
doubled down on the cruelty, butI didn't feel as good about it.
I was starting to feel otherthings and now I was really
(39:44):
aching to connect with peoplebecause I was ready to do it
Deeply, sensitive, present.
I really understood people.
I was embodied, I was there, Iwas with you.
I knew the places that you liketo be touched.
I knew how to tease you.
I knew how to be gentle.
I knew how to be present,passionate and patient and to
(40:06):
hold you and help you weatheryour storms.
I weathered it with you.
Be strong, bring stillness intoyour lives so that you can
enjoy your, your flow, and wecould ride your chaos together.
And I had other lovers besidesyou.
But that wasn't really thepoint, if anything, and you
reaped some of the benefit fromthat, because I was always
(40:28):
getting better.
I was always learning more.
I was always becoming an evengreater lover.
I never would have accomplishedthat if I'd just been a little
dictator my whole life.
I need to get out into theworld and get curious about
other people.
We are who we are in relationto others.
It doesn't matter if we have aheart or not.
If we can fake it and makepeople around us happy.
(40:50):
That's about the best we can do.
That's how I learned the art ofcharm and became a masterful
networker, watched Bill Clintonvery closely, imitated a lot of
the things that he did His styleof handshake, his use of your
name, his ability to make youfeel like the most important
person in the world just bybeing curious about you Because
(41:13):
you happen to be there at thetime.
He could be hanging out withanyone, but he's hanging out
with you and so he is hangingout with you.
He's not going to miss thatopportunity.
That's who I became.
Because I was legitimatelycurious about people, I was able
to easily manipulate them.
Seems paradoxical, but such islife.
I became quite wealthy, hadsome sales jobs early on and I
(41:36):
made so much money oncommissions that I bought the
companies and sold them andbought nice cars and then sold
those and bought a boat andsailed into international waters
.
That's where I started mycreative artistic career.
I became a glam rock musician,but that doesn't come anywhere
(41:57):
close to covering it.
I don't want to give it away.
I don't like explaining myjokes, including non sequiturs.
I don't like explaining mytragedies.
I don't like explaining my art.
You really need to see it.
Unfortunately, all of themasters have been destroyed.
All the records are out ofprint.
I had an unfortunate incidentwhere I was playing in a certain
(42:19):
town back east that will remainunnamed and the wife and the
son of the mayor died in amurder-suicide.
I'm not sure which was which,but they were both in love with
me and that came out as thereason that it happened.
And somehow I instigated thisand I had a reputation as a
(42:42):
spellcaster, the same charismathat made me an effective baby
king, and it was quite useful onstage.
At first I was only playing fora couple of dozen people, but I
would act like it was an arenashow.
Bring the house down.
I'd spend every cent that Iearned and then it would come
right back to me, because that'show it works.
That's circulation, that's flow, that's the circle, the dance,
(43:07):
the square dance of life anddeath as they feed on each other
.
That was my artistic philosophyand every bit of it came across
on stage and on screen and onvinyl.
But after this incident, themurder-suicide in which I was
unfairly implicated, I don'tmake these things happen.
(43:28):
Attraction isn't a choice.
You don't decide who you fallin love with or get obsessed
with.
I don't think that those twothings have anything to do with
each other, but I certainlydidn't want this.
I have much more sex coming inthat I know what to do with.
I try to have as much sex aspossible in a short amount of
time so I can keep itcirculating.
(43:49):
I never had sex with either ofthese people.
I swear I absolutely did not.
They developed feelings for me.
I didn't ask them to do that.
There wasn't much I could doabout it.
After it happened.
I certainly didn't want them tokill themselves and the other
person.
The roles were reversed and Ididn't want to get blamed for it
(44:10):
.
That was the last thing Iwanted.
The mayor was really mad.
He was humiliated in front ofhis citizens, his subjects.
One look at me and he knew hewas never going to be the kind
of leader that people had anyreal respect for.
And he was mad, he was envious.
He ran me out of town and thenhe kept me running.
He was not going to drop this.
(44:30):
He basically issued a fatwa andI had a bunch of people from a
certain town known for itshighly aggressive, lifelong
residents who never leave thisplace and they all wanted to
kill me.
It's because they didn't evenlike the mayor.
Like I said, they didn'trespect him.
(44:51):
His wife and his child wereboth in love with a weird
touring musician.
Something was missing.
They felt neglected.
I filled that void.
This guy was neglecting hiscitizens, but they were not
going to miss a chance to form amob and murder someone.
So they came after me justbecause that was the thing to do
.
It was a slow day, a Tuesday ora Wednesday, and I found that I
(45:13):
couldn't write anymore.
I couldn't do music anymore.
I lost my interest in art.
It was too much stress.
Found that I couldn't writeanymore.
I couldn't do music anymore.
I lost my interest in art.
It was too much stress.
I needed to work all of thatout before I got back into any
kind of creative work.
So I got another boat with themoney that I made.
I sailed the Pacific, huggingthe West Coast between Los
Angeles and the Seattle area.
(45:33):
I found it was easy to justauthentically charm them.
I had the experience of being aboy king, of being a wounded
knafe, a babe in the woods whopeople wanted to take care of.
I'd been a seducer.
I'd been a true lover.
I'd been a rock star and now Iwas just me and I found that
(45:55):
that was more than enough.
I had really charmed people thehardest when I wasn't even
trying, when I just stopped allof the bee production.
Then I found that I just gothard, naturally, because that's
what people do.
When you are left to your owndevices, you know what to do.
You've been doing this for timeimmemorial and I just found
(46:17):
that I connected really easilywith people.
They found me naturally funny,without trying to be Down to
earth.
I'd even laugh at my own jokesand that didn't ruin them.
That's a miraculous ability tohave.
It really says something aboutwho I was.
At that time.
I of course got a big head, didsome psychedelics to try to
(46:39):
achieve ego death, but I endedup just feeling even better
about myself.
I became kind of a leader ofthat community.
We don't believe in religion orscience.
We're just kind of reacting tothings as we go along and we
really think our gurus have ittogether and I became one of
those and it was fine.
I'd made a lot of money, had alot of fans.
(46:59):
Started to feel disgusted withmyself after a while because I
really don't know if I have aheart.
I never quite figured that out.
I don't really know what Ibelieve.
I think life is an artisticproject.
I think the purpose of art isto provoke.
Find out what you have to say.
Just start by saying somethingprovocative.
Find out which consensusopinions annoy you the most.
(47:22):
Just get out in the street andmake some noise, and that's what
I did.
I ended that part of my careeras the opposite side of where I
started.
I went from the authoritariantyrant to the rebel, the
anarchist, the outcast by choice.
I was something to say thatpeople aren't ready to hear, but
(47:45):
they definitely get off on thefact that he has what it takes
to say it.
He's willing to go all in takingrisks just for the hell of it,
because he knows security is alie and there's no excuse for
compromising freedom and theonly good things that come come
from risk.
And if you come, you're takinga risk and that's sexy.
(48:07):
You want to make better or baddecisions.
Get comfortable with a certainamount of risk.
I nailed lists of grievances tothe doors of institutions.
I challenged the leaders, thebureaucrats and the boy kings.
That kind of reminded me ofmyself way back.
I barely remember any of thatstuff.
(48:28):
It's like a slideshow.
It's like somebody else told meabout that.
My reign was well documented,so I know all that stuff
happened.
I'm doing research on somebodyelse.
I'm not trying to defer theguilt.
Obviously I've changed my wholeethos.
Now I want to burn it all down,starting with that child that I
was at the time.
(48:48):
Now I'm an angry teenager inthe body of an adult man.
I want to shake things up.
I want to bring things down.
I don't know what comes afterthat.
Probably more hierarchy.
People want to shake things up.
I want to bring things down.
I don't know what comes afterthat.
Probably more hierarchy.
People want to be told what todo.
I told them what to do and thenI told them to stop doing what
people told them.
(49:09):
My career as a provocateur, as arebel, as a rake, as a
roustabout, as I was making theparty scene at the time A lot of
stuff was illegal.
I made fun illegal when I was akid because I was mad, I didn't
feel like I was getting invitedto anything and decided that
people should stop having funand start shoveling dirt for me
(49:31):
so I could watch them do it.
Now I wasn't going to shoveldirt anymore.
I wasn't going to watch anyoneelse shovel dirt.
So I told them to stop doingwhat they were told.
And then we had really good sex.
I gave them more than theywanted in that regard, which
just upped the threshold, andthey kept coming back and
thoroughly debasing themselvesto beg for more what I would
(49:53):
call mutually degrading sex.
I was certainly the dominantpartner, but I think we both
humbled ourselves.
Sex is where we hide things,but all was revealed in those
sessions.
But after that, what was left?
I had seen all sides of thehuman condition.
I couldn't make people snap outof their act.
(50:16):
There were myopic purists andpartisans who could only see one
side that they identified with.
They didn't recognize that, asbeauty is powerful, power is
beautiful.
It did so much damage in theirfear and misunderstanding and
refusal to acknowledge their owninherent violence and ugliness
(50:39):
which, if they had gotten toknow it the way that I got to
know my lovers in a time when Icared deeply about other people
they would understand.
That's really the only hope.
It's our only route to realbeauty and ecstasy.
Beyond seduction, beyond thetheater, beyond the dance,
beyond the games, the infinitegame, the game of life, the game
(51:01):
that we're already winning andwe don't even know it yet.
We're all on the same squad andin the end we just dissolve
back into the universalconsciousness that we came from.
Ecstatic lovers.
Until the end of time, which isalso the beginning, none of
that ever happened.
I didn't tell you about any ofthis.
You didn't hear anything fromme.
(51:21):
Let's pretend we don't knoweach other.
That's kind of sexy.
We'll pretend we're strangersthat stumbled into this high-end
hotel lounge.
We'll awkwardly introduceourselves and let the seduction
process begin as we revealinformation, perhaps involving
some international intrigue,some mystery, perhaps large sums
(51:43):
of money, but mainly seduction.
Lust, envy, passion,derangement, temptation, fire in
the loins, fire in the groin,fatal fantasies, fire in the
groin, fatal fantasies,explosive chemistry, experiments
, playing, serious games, thedark and the light, the in and
(52:03):
the out.
If you're good for me, I'lltreat you like you're bad, make
love to you like I hate you.
Hi, I just couldn't help butsay hello, the most intriguing
looking person I've seen on thistrip, and that's for at least
three reasons.
I'm not going to tell you whatthey are yet, still rank
ordering them.
Thank you.
(52:40):
I am thoroughly intrigued, abit flummoxed, perhaps already a
(53:26):
bit enamored.
This is not at all what Ianticipated from a week-long
silent retreat.
I came here to detox.
I came here to go deep and workon myself and perhaps emerge
loving myself Some of the placesthat I was hurt, at least
having had a direct experienceof my own pain.
This is not pain as Iunderstand it.
(53:48):
I've developed a very strongconnection with one of the other
retreats.
We don't know each other'snames or anything about each
other, really, but the vibe forlack of a better word is
overpowering.
We try desperately to avoid eyecontact, not only succeeding,
but we're mirroring each other'smovements.
(54:09):
I breathe out, she breathes inand vice versa.
We are in sync, we are inharmony, but also in friction,
almost at war with each other.
It's like no other relationshipI've ever had, with not a word
spoken, and I'm resistant to itbecause I know how my heart
works and I know how thesethings tend to work, and this is
(54:30):
exactly what I came here tounlearn.
But as Tuesday night bleeds intoWednesday morning, I find this
sizzling skillet that we'redancing around on together is,
in fact, larger than Ianticipated, and a third party
has joined in, someone I feelthat I know even less about, but
(54:50):
that's part of the fun.
We're creating an asafall, amastermind, a community of those
with nothing in common thethree of us.
The intensity is overwhelming.
I think the others must notice.
Surely, if they don't, whatelse would they not notice?
How can they get their shoestied in the morning?
Although hierarchies aresubverted by this code of
(55:11):
silence, we don't have theopportunity to jockey for
position directly or manipulateeach other using language.
However, power dynamics remainin play.
We take turns, having mind sexwith each other.
Who's on top and who's on thebottom is an open question, and
the conflict that arises is morepure and thus more dangerous,
(55:34):
potentially explosive, than thesort of thing that's mediated or
mitigated by passive-aggressivereassurances that everything is
okay.
Everything is decidedly notokay.
We're in a standoff.
It's like the end of ReservoirDogs or psychic sex.
At one point I sensed that Ihave a gift to give to the world
(55:55):
, starting with this.
One other person the originalwoman, I believe seduced me,
although I don't know that Icould convince a jury of that
and it may not be fair to holdher accountable.
I may simply be flatteringmyself, but I just poured all of
my psychological energy intothat connection Lava flowing
into a canal, holding amagnifying glass to the sun,
(56:19):
burning this one node, thisconnection.
For all that, it's worth to seewhat it does, to see what
happens with this chemicalreaction.
And I'm pretty sure I made hercome for me with my mind.
I would put money on that.
I don't think I'm flatteringmyself.
I've seen people fake it.
(56:40):
This was unmistakable anddisruptive to the rest of the
group to the extent that I think, although no words were spoken
in the silent retreat that I'maware of, some people may have
had unauthorized sidebars.
However, it did not take theuse of language for our
reputations to develop and swellsomewhat, and I began to be
(57:02):
psychologically approached byother members of the group
Offers.
They came bearing gifts.
They flattered me in such a waythat I knew there was an
expectation attached.
Was I being recruited into somesort of movement?
Were they attempting to channelmy power for the collective
good or for their own devices ortheir own ends?
(57:23):
Was I being set up?
That plunges me back intomemories of middle school.
I was love hungry right from thebeginning.
In a couple of separateincidents, my classmates would
behave in such a way that Icould reasonably assume that
they found me attractive, hadromantic designs that they were
interested in pursuing, and then, as soon as I reciprocated,
(57:45):
they would violently pull therug out, exposing the ruse,
leaving me humiliated, angry,distrustful, unable to express
my most basic feelings ofaffection for people without
being overwhelmed by fear.
And so many missedopportunities, so many people
who took two steps in mydirection only to have me take
four steps away because Iassumed the worst of anyone who
(58:09):
seemed to like me.
I did not want to know anyonewho wanted to know me, and
that's a sad and lonely state ofaffairs, if not atypical for
contemporary Los Angeles less ofthe 405, but that's not where I
was.
I was in a beautiful naturalsetting stars well visible at
night, the air clean, our mindsa bit dizzy and giddy as a
(58:30):
result of the high elevation.
And here I am stuck in decadesold insecurity and distrust, as
if stuck in traffic on a 405 orthe 110.
I meditate so hard that I breakthrough all resistance, I break
through all expectations andassumptions and limiting beliefs
(58:52):
about what I think is possible,and I break on through to the
other side, and now, as of thatmoment, I genuinely don't care
anymore.
Some of the most fascinatingwomen in the world are throwing
themselves at me and I do notcare.
I've lost several jobs.
I've spent money that I didn'thave, only to have it replenish
itself overnight, as if by magic, using Bobby Kahn's continuous
(59:16):
cash flow system.
I have traveled the world.
I've started several successfulbusinesses that I've sold at a
massive profit.
I've started many failedbusinesses.
I don't know if they made theworld worse or better, or if it
was a wash.
I simply don't care.
I'm detached not just from theoutcome, but from the process,
(59:38):
from the very experience of life.
Yes, I'm experiencing it moreimmediately than ever before.
I barely talk at all, whichtends to benefit me in every
conceivable way.
I'm taken much more seriously.
I do have something to say.
People are highly attentivebecause it's not what they're
used to.
They're used to my silence,which I maintain, not by design,
(59:59):
not as a strategy, not even asan affectation.
I simply have nothing to sayabout most things.
I genuinely do not care anymoreabout anything, except a couple
of things.
I'm not going to tell you whatthose are.
I don't care to divulgeinformation that I'm not sure
that you need to have.
I don't necessarily trust younot to use it against me.
(01:00:21):
And that's healthy.
It doesn't exacerbate myloneliness.
I'm enforcing my boundaries andI'm taking care of myself
without even thinking about it,because it is no longer a
challenge.
It is as if I forgot.
I forgot how to do it andanything that comes along, good
or bad.
Whether it's that coma I was in, whether it's the racehorse
(01:00:42):
that attacked me.
Whether it's my rival racehorsethat won me millions of dollars
and empowered me to take careof my friends and family as long
as they could possibly need it.
Whether it's the philosophicalturn that inspired me to provoke
my friends and family to makesomething happen for themselves
and give them a little scare,and then, of course, come back
(01:01:04):
in with the assistance as soonas I was not certain that they
would always need it, as soon asI knew that their creativity
and in fact not atrophy, thattheir survival skills were as
good as new.
I don't care about any of this,it's liberating.
It's weird.
I don't know what to make of it.
I'm having all kinds of sexMind sex, body sex,
(01:01:24):
interdimensional soul sex.
It's not that it doesn't meananything.
Of course it does, because Ican appreciate the full depth
and beauty and poetry andhideousness and danger and the
menace of it all so much morerichly, all of a piece, and I
just don't care.
And I don't care about that andI don't care to explain it and
(01:01:47):
I'm not burdened withoverthinking it.
I broke on through and I don'tcare.
And now everything is happeningat once, which would have been
overwhelming before, but now,well, you know, k-chung Los.
Angeles 1630, a kchungradioorgon the World Wide Web.
(01:02:39):
This is Emerson Dameron'sMedicated Minutes, LA's number
one avant-garde personaldevelopment program, home of Ask
a Sadist, proudly sponsored bythe First Church of the Satanic
Buddha, birthplace and habitatof bite-sized erotic thrillers.
My name is Emerson Dameron.
(01:02:59):
I'm the writer, producer, hosteverything.
I love you personally.
Levity saves lives Outro Music.
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