August 7, 2024 • 61 mins
Welcome back to Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes, LA's #1 avant-garde personal development program and the world's first and only good podcast. This episode features appearances from the singular author and poet Sher Kirti and LA's most feared agony columnist Ask a Sadist, and that's just for starters.
In the next 60 minutes, you will learn how to:
- Do the one thing you must do to prepare for your next psychedelic cactus ceremony
- Dominate your world through the power of unforgiving mindfulness
- Keep any romantic relationship smokin' hot and spicy—at any geographical distance
- Quit your worst habits—for good
- Transcend and include all the world's suffering, frustration, and uncertainty—by allowing yourself to get off on it
Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes is produced, written, scored, and performed by Emerson Dameron, who is solely responsible for its content, made possible by support from KCHUNG Radio in Los Angeles, the First Church of the Satanic Buddha, and the makers of Sunrise Serenade, [NEW TAGLINE TK].
Excerpts from "I Am Not Here" performed by Sher Kirti. Everything else by Emerson Dameron. Don't complain; don't explain. I love you, personally. Levity saves lives.
Got something to say to me? Slide into the DMs.
Emerson Dameron's Sophistication Nation - April 4th - All major music-delivery platforms
It's OUT! Sophistication Nation: Brief Interviews with Women I Pretend to Understand: https://emersondameron.hearnow.com/sophistication-nation
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
This is Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes,
la's number one avant-gardepersonal development program.
Episodes premiere firstWednesdays of the month on
KCHUNG 1630 AM.
Kchungradioorg.
Kchung, los Angeles.
Website for the showmedicated-minutescom.
I'm Emerson Dameron, yourproducer, host, witty and
(00:24):
wounded romantic hero.
I love you personally.
Levity saves lives and I hopethat whatever is going on with
you since we last interfaced bywhich I mean had sex I hope that
it's so peachy that you canbarely stand it.
I mean that from the bottom ofmy heart, I go all in.
How you do anything is how youdo everything.
(00:45):
So I do everything like Ifickle, and that means I wreck
shop, I destroy it.
Love the blank canvas, get aline on the liminal.
Your home is in the not knowingFlow like water.
Adapt.
That's the only school thatmatters.
Balance the yin and the yang,harmonize and partner and
(01:08):
collaborate with others.
You'll feel better aboutyourself.
For one thing Express theineffable.
It's never been expressedbefore, otherwise it would be
effable.
Somebody's gotta do it.
Swing for the fences.
There it is the ineffable.
Express it, do it Go.
Act without attachment.
We're not saving the world here,we're not curing cancer.
We may not be even savingourselves.
(01:29):
So have a sense of humor aboutit.
Take the wins and the losseswith grace, in the rhythm of
nature, in harmony with others.
There may not be a naturalorder to things, but you'll be
better off if you act like thereis, because rhythm feels good,
organisms want to feel good andlove other organisms.
Cultivate wu-wei, the art ofdoing by not doing.
(01:51):
That'll save you a lot of timeand effort.
Return to the source, as aboveso below.
Live your life as art, channelthe life force itself, and that
is, of course, sex, the force ofcreation.
Cultivate patience andpersistence as you do this.
If you want to quit, quit early, quit often and then quit
quitting.
Find something you love toomuch to let go, or you're just
(02:11):
sick in the head and you can'tstop yourself.
But you can get over that ifyou fuse intuition and intention
.
Trust yourself to know what todo and learn from the
experiences that result.
Cultivate your imperfections.
Showcase your worst qualities.
Celebrate playfulness.
Show us your brokenness.
We're all broken.
(02:31):
We all need to get together.
We don't need to fix anything.
We just need to love oneanother.
Radiate compassion throughcreativity.
Create to connect.
Express the unseen essence.
See what can't be seen.
Say what can't be said.
Navigate paradoxes.
Love the poetry of the paradox.
Life is struggle.
It is perseverance or it'snothing, because that's the only
(02:52):
way the pleasure matters.
So get in the game.
Create, feel superior.
Feel it.
You become it.
Know that you already are it.
Feel that in a visceral way.
Prioritize yourself.
(03:18):
If you prioritize anything, ifyou get over yourself and don't
prioritize anything, things willstart happening for you.
Get a handle on your feelings.
Feel them.
Yes, that's part of the deal,but it's part of a negotiation.
The goal is to have them undercontrol.
Get off your phone.
Throw your phone away, hit itwith a hammer, get a new, nicer
one, and then turn off thenotifications, disappear for a
while.
Always have something to do onweekends, even if it's
(03:41):
undisclosed and it's justwatching documentaries.
Make sure you get a lot ofoptions.
Have some options you don'teven want and then get some more
that you do want.
Get rid of the ones you don'twant.
Always be getting betteroptions.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
And be happy regardless of what, fight
nothing to fear.
I am not here, so there isnothing to do or say or defend.
I am not here, so there isnothing I wish for or want.
There is nothing I need.
I am not here and so Idisappear.
(04:34):
I do not take or push or slayor give.
I do not speak.
I am not here, so there isnothing to fear Because I am not
here.
I am not here.
Nothing is my life, nothing ismine to say or share, nothing is
(05:01):
mine Because I am not here.
How does this differ to beinghere?
If I exist, if I am, I haveenergy to output and input.
I have life to pour into, Ihave things to say and places to
(05:21):
be.
I am here and everything ishere too.
And if I am here and everythingis here too, and if I am here,
I must feel safe.
And if I am not safe, thenbeing here is scary.
But why does the world feelunsafe?
Why does it feel like it's toomuch to bear?
(05:41):
What am I afraid of?
Losing love or losing myself?
If I lost myself, then there'snothing to do.
I hold myself and say I'm hereand I must fight.
Is is it To be here and not behere, to be here and not be in
(06:11):
the fight.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
The black flame of the rebel warrior spirit burns
deep within you, but bad health,stress and self-pity make you
pathetic, unsexy and disgusting.
So, before it's too late,meditate.
With meditation, you'll makeyour mind, your bitch, rain,
hellfire on your feelings,exterminate your emotions with
the force of a blast furnace andwash away the ashes when you
(06:45):
summon the wrath of poseidon.
With meditation, the emoeradicator, I'm gonna teach you
how to meditate.
You and you've probably made upyour mind whether this is
(07:06):
something you want to takeseriously or not.
Everyone's told you to meditate.
We have described whether it'sgoing to be an everyday thing.
You're sick of hearing abouthow great it is.
There's a bit of a backlash.
It's more than you've heard.
It is, to my mind, absolutelynecessary to deal with the
(07:27):
onslaught of ridiculousness andthe avalanche of content that we
have to deal with.
It involves the breadth, whichyou can take everywhere as a
whole representative talisman,if you will, of the basic
polarity that it's inherent inall things, except when it isn't
.
It's absolutely non-negotiable.
I don't think you can live agood life and be a good citizen,
or, dare I say, a good person,without this practice.
(07:48):
Try this.
I mean, you could turn anythingelse into a practice too, but
it's easier if you start withthis.
Basically, you just breathe andnotice what you notice.
Come back to the breath If younotice an emotion, a thought,
occur in your vision with youreyes closed, because you're
still seeing, even with youreyes closed.
Just notice that and come back.
(08:10):
Don't tell yourself a storyabout it.
Don't get caught up.
The goal is not to shut offyour mind.
You couldn't do that right nowif you wanted to, but you will
notice after a while that youcan't, and thus it's not you.
If it was your thoughts, youwould just stop thinking about
it theoretically.
And if you were talking toyourself, who are you talking to
(08:31):
?
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Who is?
Speaker 1 (08:32):
this most boring person in the world that's
hijacked your mind it's not you.
After one of you starts todetach from the parts of you
that you think are you, that youidentify with that are the most
painful, including yourfeelings can absolutely dominate
your emotions and make yourmind your bitch.
(08:53):
You crush your feelings andbeat them into submission.
You will not be swayed by youremotions anymore.
You will no longer be a bitchby your emotions anymore.
You're no longer being a littlebitch and as you discover your
power to do this, you willrealize that you can work the
same magic on anything.
You can crush your own thoughtsand crush your own feelings and
(09:15):
jettison all of that.
Realize it's not you, it'simpermanent.
It causes suffering, but youcan liberate yourself from
suffering by taking the antidote, which starts with meditation
as you go forward.
You can liberate yourself fromsuffering by taking the antidote
, which starts with meditationas you go forward.
You can just start crushing it.
You can turn on and off youremotions like you have remote
control.
You can regulate yourself in awhole new way and you have that
(09:36):
power over yourself that wantsto stop you from having it over
other people Once you figure outhow to elicit emotional states,
because you will continue tohave feelings.
It's just that when you detachfrom them eventually, you can
start governing them.
It's not just that, you canalso change colors and all kinds
of other cool stuff.
You'll see.
(09:56):
I don't want to spoil it all,but I will tell you.
You get immense power overyourself and other people and
when you can make other peoplefeel good about doing what you
want, which also helps you feelgood.
Everybody feels good andeverybody gets what they want,
which is what you want.
So really, what's the problem?
I mean, most people can't takecare of themselves.
(10:18):
Have you talked to them.
When was the last time youinteracted with someone who
seemed to know what they weredoing?
They don't.
They're essentially begging youto come in and take over and
dominate them.
You're doing them a favor,You're helping.
It works out for everyone, andif someone gets hurt, do they
really?
You've already discovered thatyou can decide how you're going
(10:41):
to feel within hours, if notminutes.
You can turn off your ownreactions to pain.
You can do the same thing forother people.
But if they refuse to do that,to learn how, which is just a
very basic process of undoingyourself and deconstructing your
perception, realizing thatreality is a controlled
hallucination and you don'texist, which is incredibly
(11:04):
liberating If they don't want todo that, then is that really
their problem?
Once you've seen this, you can'tunsee it.
It creates something of anobligation to create your own
reality, your own thoughts,feelings and experience.
Why not use that to make somecash, I mean, and experience.
(11:27):
Why not use that to make somecash?
I mean, you need money to live,and the more you have, the more
fun you can have with it.
You can take care of people whoneed it.
You could help out single momsor parolees looking for work who
can't find it, or you could dowhat I will do, which is do
elaborate pranks in the style ofthe magic Christian, and
there's also lots of sex.
(11:47):
Sex is God, Sex is the force ofcreation itself.
It is the maximum intimacy.
It is also violence, because itinvolves the transgression of
boundaries.
That's how intimacy works.
It's an exuberant celebrationof human creativity.
The first and last word inphysical comedy, and it's a lot
of fun and you can beat it uponce you shut off your mind.
(12:11):
Because what is it that hotwalks you or clam jams you more
than anything else?
It's your own self, yourinternal monologue, your false,
negative beliefs about yourself.
It's your mind, it's you whichdoesn't exist.
So how are you not having allthe sex that you want?
In my case, I don't have timeto take advantage of all the
(12:33):
opportunities that come my way.
I get laid a lot.
I'm not getting any younger.
It does take it out of youphysically.
There's a difference betweengetting hurt emotionally, which
you can easily fix, and breakingyour leg, which takes some time
to heal, or almost getting aheart attack because of the
mind-blowing sex that you had acouple of nights ago with
(12:54):
someone who's in a badrelationship and needs to feel
good.
And I can make that happen.
And if the guy's feelings gethurt, is it really my problem If
he doesn't fix it and can'tmake his woman come?
you can look up on the internethow to make women come.
I can understand what you'rescared about.
Female sexuality is a force ofnature.
There's a reason allauthoritarians have to keep it
(13:16):
down.
But if you're afraid, of thatyou're afraid of life, Because
life is pleasure.
Plants turn toward the sun andhumans seek pleasure, often
through sex.
It feels good, it is good, I'mhaving too much, so maybe take
some of it off my hands.
I'll show you how I have sexwith women, and you should too,
if you see women come on.
(13:37):
In conclusion, you kind of havea responsibility.
When you really have toexercise this sort of control
over your experience is you canand will, because there's
nothing there.
It's all made up.
This is it, and you can changeit, edit it to your will.
You can be the auteur of yourown experience of a power that
you've never imagined before,now that you know that you
(14:00):
cannot know it.
So what's it going to be?
Breathe with me.
We'll end with one guidedmeditation practice.
(14:27):
I'm a sadist.
My great joy is to inflict painon other people, and I'm not
afraid to admit it.
Did you know that sadists facediscrimination every day simply
because of who we are?
With so many people competingfor the status of victimhood, we
need sadists more than ever.
If you really dig deep, youmight find we have a lot more in
common than you'd hoped.
Join us in the fight for fairtreatment, equal opportunities
(14:50):
and respect for the sadistcommunity.
Be kind to the cruel VisitAskASadistcom to learn more.
I am a sadist with a heart ofrugged gold.
I hurt people in the ways thatmost help them, and it means the
world to me.
When you let me be mean to you,I'm a sadist.
(15:10):
I'm here to help.
Life's a lot simpler with asadist on your side or looking
down into those beautiful eyesthat look so good, when you're
doing the thing you were born todo Thriving in your personal
life with help from me In theform of my advice.
I am LA's most feared agonycolumnist.
(15:33):
I answer questions.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Dear sadist, hello, long time, first time, maybe you
can help me.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
I'm in a long distance relationship and I'm
struggling to maintain intimacywith my partner despite the
physical distance.
Do you have any advice orsuggestions for keeping the
spark alive and stayingconnected emotionally and
sexually?
Long distance relationships anexquisite form of torture.
Each one is a little bitdifferent and all of them are
(16:03):
inexplicable.
Why would you do that toyourself?
You absolutely sick, twisted,delicious, slime creature that I
want to nail to the center ofthe earth.
I'm getting distracted.
It's hot that you're doing thisunpleasant, lonely, liminal,
here-but-not-here thing toyourself, where you're in a
(16:26):
relationship, but without thephysicality in the meantime.
There are a lot of masochistsout there and none of you will
admit it.
Well, some of you will.
You're my favorite people inthe world.
I'm not talking to you, I'mtalking to everyone else who
works that out, if that's whatyou want to call it, through
these acts of self-sabotage.
If you have a celibacy kink,this is a wonderful place to be.
(16:49):
You can demand celibacy of yourpartner, which means that
they're either going to bemiserable or they're going to be
cheating on you their loss.
You're an absolutely excellentsadist and they will never find
another one of your caliber.
If you give them that choice,they're not going to be celibate
, and if they theoretically were, they would not be enjoying
(17:11):
anything.
If you're into that, if that'swhat gets you off, I respect it.
I live in a significantlytransparent glass house.
I admit it, I am outwardlycruel and thus can be artful and
, dare I say, heartful in mypractice of cruelty.
That's the gift ofself-awareness that I give to
(17:34):
myself every morning uponawakening.
Why am I in such a vanishingminority?
Raiden Estekor once said if yousleep on the floor, you don't
have to worry about rolling outof bed, and yet people still
sleep in beds.
People still sleep.
That means you're not havingenough sex.
If you were having good sex,you wouldn't be able to sleep.
(17:57):
You would be awake for threedays and not even notice,
because you would be high on thebest drugs available.
They're all right in the humanbrain and a lot of them come
from good sex.
Everyone should have as much ofthat as feels good or feels bad
in a way they enjoy, which Ientirely condone, especially if
(18:19):
it's self-aware or feel bad tosomeone else in a way that makes
you feel good.
You can do a lot of that stuff.
Long distance.
Ethical non-monogamy has a lotof rules.
Come up with some rules thatare gloriously disgusting.
It's a good opportunity tocultivate some of your higher
aspects.
The GOAT, the Marquis de Sade,wrote most of his best work in
(18:44):
asylums and prisons.
We would not have Malcolm X ifhe had not gone to prison.
It can be a monastery, becauseanything can be anything.
That is the versatility of ourdungeon.
May it be more consciouslyself-imposed than the pain or
pleasure that we inflict.
If we inflict pleasure,pleasure that is truly cruel.
(19:06):
Nothing makes someone's headexplode by getting what they
really want in life.
That is some next level stuffthat is not for amateurs.
I would be very careful withthat.
I would try to wake up to whatI was doing.
I don't have to worry aboutthat.
I'm wide awake, doing it right.
I'm an artist of cruelty.
Long-distance relationships cangive you time to read a lot.
(19:32):
If you're actually going withthe celibacy thing and I hear a
lot of people are just jackingit and more power to them,
that's less potentiallydangerous.
I'll answer this question howcan I keep my long-distance
relationship interesting?
There are many options short ofswatting, although swatting and
doxing are ways to ruin yourlong-distance partner's
(19:53):
reputation in their own locality.
I would ramp up to swatting,especially if you don't know how
long you're going to be indifferent cities.
You can make them feel badabout their city, you can insult
its sports team.
Or food, which is stuff thatseems to genuinely upset some
people who clearly deserve it,or remote-controlled toys you
(20:17):
can either demand that yourpartner carry one of these in an
orifice, or you can convincethem to do something that they
already wanted to do in a waythat makes them think it was
their idea and have no mercy onthem.
This is, we must admit, despitethese significant downsides,
truly the golden age ofsurveillance tech.
(20:38):
An excellent time to be ascientist.
If you've got a big, seeminglyintractable bad habit, there is
a way to stop it.
It works for everything andit's the only thing that works
for anything.
Here we go, get real.
The reason you screw upeverything is that you're a
loser.
Your low self-esteem isaccurate and you can't take care
(20:58):
of yourself.
So make up an imaginary friendwho can handle anything and
become your imaginary friend'sbitch.
Up an imaginary friend who canhandle anything and become your
imaginary friend's bitch.
Ruminate over everything you'veever done wrong and confess
your sins to your imaginaryfriend and some random scumbag.
Now take a quick snack breakwhen you're done, beg your
imaginary friend to make you abetter person.
Tell everyone you're sorry.
Pay for everyone's therapy onyour credit card or by
(21:20):
discreetly selling youranti-anxiety meds to your new
friends, all of whom have theirown imaginary friends.
Take responsibility foreverything from now on, as long
as it's bad.
Use magic to help yourimaginary friend become a real
boy.
Never shut up about any of thisand freak the hell out if
anyone makes fun of it.
Mazel tov, you fixed yourselffor now and all you had to do
was feel like worthless garbage.
(22:01):
Hey, baby, been working out mybooty's looking fine, looking
stacked, as always, better thanusual.
I don't want to kick it withyou.
You know what I'm talking about.
Kick that cocaine.
It's the only thing crampingyour style, baby.
They've got too much going foryou.
They have stuff going up yournose like that.
I know what's up with that.
Yeah, I'm tired of it.
It was fun 18 months ago Backwhen we were kicking it, but I
(22:23):
was kicking it with you and thenkicking that cocaine.
I know you're back on it too.
You gotta do something aboutthat.
It's gonna be real hard to getoff it, like some other things
that are real hard.
Higher level calculus, that'shard.
Cement things of that nature.
The bottom of the pool, youdive in the shallow end and hit
your head, that's real hard.
(22:44):
Kicking cocaine is not thathard.
The hard part is the first part,kind of like my hard part has
always been the first part.
Starting a new lifestyle, it'slike that.
You got style, you're gonna getin your life.
Get in some other things, getin the program.
No, it's not talking about12-stepping, not talking about
half-stepping.
(23:04):
Got another kind of program inmind, baby, based on buddhism as
a meditation.
They don't have chips.
It's not about time.
Time there's no meaning.
When you're having hot, hot sex, time can go by slowly kairos
they call it in literature.
Everything just seems to stop.
Then, when it's over, you'rethinking damn where those hours
(23:26):
go.
I don't want them back.
There's no better way to spendthem.
Definitely not doing cocaine.
Cocaine will screw up theempathy centers in your brain.
It'll make you desirous oflovemaking but then unable to
make it good because you're notreally in the present, because
it screws up your ability todefer gratification or your
(23:46):
willingness to you still can.
It just feels like torture.
Everything feels like torture.
It feels real bad to get off ofcocaine.
It feels bad when you're on it.
It's like what kind of bad doyou want to feel for a couple of
days in the interest of feelingreal, real good Later on?
It's not like your whole lifehas to change.
People complain about therecovery programs where, like
(24:08):
all of a sudden, like your wholelife has to change.
People complain about therecovery programs where, like
all of a sudden, your whole liferevolves around a mat.
Your whole life's gonna revolvearound something.
I'm gonna tell you what it is.
It's not the 12 steps, it's the12 inches.
That's how thick the books arethat you're gonna be reading.
Damn, you got nice legs.
It's a shame you have to sellyour car.
But then again, damn, they saynobody walks in LA.
That's right, nobody's finelike you are.
(24:30):
Everybody's beautiful in theirown way, not in your way.
You got just the thing that'sgoing to help you.
It's going to help both of uslearn and grow together.
(24:53):
I'm growing right now.
I'm growing by leaps and boundsand I might tell you about it
later.
It's going to change your life.
Hell yeah, every artist needs amuse.
(25:18):
It's true.
We make a great team.
We just need some practice.
You don't even have to beromantically involved.
We just hold you somewhat at adistance.
So you keep wanting things aslong as we can't have them.
So I make sure that that neverhappens.
So you'll be my sexy cousinthat I want to sleep with Not
totally gross You'd be like asecond cousin, too gross to
(25:39):
actually be.
Plus, I'm going to have a lotof other options with all of the
stuff that I make that'sinspired by irresistible
friction and polarity in ourrelationship.
Because I'm going to keep youoff balance.
I'm going to make sure you gothrough life confused, so that
you're stormy and emotionallyunstable, because that's going
(26:00):
to be an endless source ofinspiration for me.
So buckle up.
You've had other badrelationships, but not like this
one.
I'm an artist, baby.
How transparent do you think youare and how much that you don't
think that you're revealing?
Do you think that you actuallyare?
If you knew what everyone elseknows about you, that you're
(26:20):
trying to hide, how much do youthink that would be versus what
you're actively trying tocommunicate?
Because you speak loudly ofyour own insecurities?
Everything you do has three orfour different meanings that you
intend, because you're reallygood at lacing in with those,
packing a lot of hidden messagesin there, but there are a lot
(26:41):
of other ones that get in thereas well that you're not aware of
.
Like I know so much about whatkeeps you up at night, what you
hate about yourself, I'mstarting to hate you too.
You're disgusting and I know somuch about you, more than you
know, that I know I'm not goingto tell you everything.
I'm not going to give myleverage away.
(27:02):
I know what you did last summerand the summer before that.
The summer before that wasinteresting.
You were boring last summer andthe summer before that the
summer before that wasinteresting.
You were boring last summer.
Frankly, there's stuff aboutyou you do not want to get out
there and it gives you thishaunted look.
You have a deer in theheadlights, which I find very
sexy.
You're so cute when you'reconfused.
I like your vulnerability.
(27:23):
I like goosebumps.
Goosebumps are sexy.
It doesn't need to be played up.
This review is just extremelyobvious.
I don't want to settle.
You know what I'm saying.
I believe in magic.
I'm a romantic, in spite ofeverything.
Many times I thought I wasgoing to have to give up.
I did not fall in love anymore.
Not keep dreaming, not be trueto myself, not be true to my
(27:47):
tender heart.
I've been hurt.
I thought my life waspermanently diminished or
damaged, but no, I love myself.
I'm dating myself.
I'm getting a little better atthat every day.
I'm by far the best lover I'veever had.
I know how to light me up likea pinball machine.
I'm not going to tell youeverything I know, because that
(28:08):
gives you too much power.
You have to figure it outyourself Over the course of our
hot three to six months.
I would give it, because I'dhave to go back to myself, I'd
enjoy everyone else in thelockdown and unless I need that
special girl, it might nothappen.
People are just getting worseall the time and disappointing,
but I'm not gonna let go.
If you let go of dreams, swipeto the barren field frozen in
(28:29):
the snow.
But you need to think I can letyou down, smack you around.
I can do whatever I want andget away with it, because you
know the squalor and chaos thatyou would fall into by so much
as looked in the other direction.
Do you know how many timesyou've almost died that I
(28:50):
stopped it from happening?
If you betray me or you get onmy bad side or you don't live up
to my expectations, you'll findout.
Maybe not, you might have aquick death, perhaps even
shameless, but who knows?
It's a wild card.
You are a wild card.
You're a wild child knows it'sa wild card.
You are a wild card, a wildchild.
I'm the apolloniandisciplinarian master of this
(29:12):
relationship.
Don't forget it.
If you need to stop drinkingand drugging, my recommendation
is get through the first part,which is a thousand times harder
than the rest of it.
(29:32):
Once you get through the firstpart, it gets easier sooner than
you think.
Not soon enough, but soonenough.
Try that and then build a lifearound not doing the thing when
you have the opportunity.
Build a life that will notaccommodate the addiction that's
on the way out.
It doesn't work for everyone.
Some people succeed with AA,ayahuasca, and some people
(29:55):
transfer one addiction toanother.
That's the fun way.
If you haven't yet, try sexaddiction, become a sex addict.
See how it goes.
It might be a nice distractionfrom other addictions that
aren't quite that sexy.
A lot of drug addictions get inthe way of sex, increase the
desire, decrease the performance.
If you haven't had good sex ina while, try sober sex.
(30:18):
It really is better To find outwhat you like.
Have sex buffet style.
Try everything.
You'll be surprised what youcould accomplish in one summer
long slut phase.
You'll develop a sixth sensecould accomplish in one
summer-long slut phase.
You'll develop a sixth senseand stick-to-itiveness that make
it easier to get sex than youever imagined possible.
Life will be a swirl of redflags which will pelt with that.
(30:39):
You may find yourselfdisappointed.
Be prepared to accept that.
You may feel empty inside.
Somebody's going to feel fullFull of sex that is.
Try sex addiction today.
For my money it's the leastworst addiction.
I don't need to pay for it.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
All the little things , knit things, but there's so
many beautiful things.
Those little things scratch andgnaw at my feet and they bleed.
It feels like I'm beingconsumed by it, but if I let it,
maybe Then it will take mewhole and I will be no longer.
(31:27):
There will be no longer.
There will be nothing left forit to attack, fight or not.
I release that part of me worldand feel it all.
(31:56):
Why must or do I?
Who says I must?
There's a feeling I have to staywhere I am, to not do anything
at all, to feel that I must notdo anything at all is the way I
will go where the wind, streamand path takes me and rest a
(32:20):
while.
When I am one with everything,I'm not really there at all,
leaving no mark.
I'm not really there at all,leaving no mark.
It is to eat or to wish toleave a mark, you know.
Or to build a mountain, anempire for others, to thrive and
enjoy also the feet of thedivine, to create structure and
(32:40):
class, to create art and leave amark on each other's hearts.
What's it like to be a part ofthe world, to take part and feel
the resonance within ourselves,within our souls, to know that
there is a place for everyone,all choices and opinions, and
know where we are is where we'resupposed to be.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
Unlock your seductive rays of solar radiance as you
level up your electrolyte game.
And seven to a world of sexysophistication with Sunrise
Serenade, an Aurum elixir ofpure love, set to vitalize and
invigorate your beautiful eyeswith radiant hydration and a
tantalizing tang you can't quiteplace but already feels like
(33:39):
home.
Prepare to be enthralled as themolten motion potion dances on
your palate, unveiling layers ofcomplexity reminiscent of the
finest black tea, accompanied bya sophisticated, subtly sexy
metallic aftertaste.
But Sunrise Serenade is notjust a drink.
It's an experience Never shaken, stirred or chilled.
(34:00):
Sunrise Serenade marks the dawnof a new, warmer way.
Embrace the unconventional,serve Sunrise Serenade warm,
revel in its rapturous richnessand feel the dancing decadence,
because every serving of SunriseSerenade contains flakes of
real gold.
When you celebrate a personalbreakthrough, savor a stolen
moment of indulgence or honorthe beginning of a long and
(34:23):
delicious relationship, letSunrise Serenade redefine your
perception of indulgence.
Sunrise Serenade is intendedfor responsible adults of legal
age only.
Please enjoy Sunrise Serenaderesponsibly and in moderation.
Yes, it's my piss.
It's pretty damned obvious.
I got nothing to hide.
I don't tell you what to do.
Sunrise Serenade, it's my piss.
(34:45):
Deal with it.
Polarity, sexual polarity, theunion of opposites, masculine
and feminine also out In yinyang, life and death, the
in-breath and the out-breathComing together of seemingly
(35:08):
opposing energies for lack of abetter word.
It's a controversial idea.
Everybody's talking about it.
Even if they're not talkingabout it, they're talking about
something polarity-adjacent.
In all likelihood, polarity isa lot like hilarity Not exactly
the same thing but they havemore in common than you might
think.
But you will find when you dieor when you have a near-death
(35:29):
experience or when you getenlightened especially if you
don't realize it, because if youdo, you just get so pompous and
insufferable that it's hard foryou to understand or retain or
effectively communicate anythingof importance.
That's true of most people.
So don't feel too bad about it.
Don't feel too bad aboutfeeling too good about yourself
(35:49):
and your abilities.
Polarity is controversialbecause it kind of brings with
it in some quarters the notionthat if you were born female,
you have these innate qualities.
A lot of things that areassociated with the feminine may
not be everyone's cup of tea,or people might really love them
and really hate the people thatexpress them, because they have
(36:12):
them in themselves and areafraid to express them, because
everyone has everything inthemselves.
That's the thing that you findout when you die or that you're
actually finding out right now,but I kind of doubt you're ready
for it.
So just forget about that.
Let's go back to Polaria.
We are not blank sites.
I think that's just patentlyridiculous.
You never say that about dogs.
It's not true of humans either.
(36:33):
We're basically dogs.
We don't have a lot of theirgood qualities most of the time.
Some of us are very loyal andstupid.
Some of my best friends areintensely loyal idiots.
They're wonderful people.
Femininity in particular was onthe wrong side of Amici's
philosophy.
He talked a lot of smack aboutthe ladies and the women that he
(36:54):
was interested in obsessively.
The women that he pursued,despite their lack of
availability or interest, werewomen who expressed a lot of
qualities that would beconsidered traditionally
masculine, certainly would havebeen in his time, which was
before the nazis and before hissister bastardized and
(37:15):
cannibalized his words to makeit look like he's providing an
intellectual tailwind for thenazis, and that's a whole other
thing that tarnishes nietzsche'sreputation to this day.
I don't think it's true thatyou can just be whatever you
want to be, because I dideverything I could to start for
the LA Lakers and friend.
(37:36):
I didn't get anywhere close.
A lot of that was luck.
I think we would go absolutelyinsane if we knew how much of
our lives were almost entirelydependent on luck, like what the
role that luck plays in humanevents would send us
caterwauling into nihilism if wefully understood it.
I also think that we carrythings in our genes that have
(37:58):
profound significance throughoutour lives.
Every second, every breath.
We carry the repressed secrets,traumas of our families.
We carry the repressed secrets,traumas of our families.
There are certain storystructures that come up again
and again in human narrative, tothe point where it makes more
(38:19):
sense to say that there'ssomething innate, something
carved in our DNA is guiding ourhands there, than it would be
to say that we just all havethis perfect free will where
we're fully free to do whateverthe hell we want.
Coincidentally, happen to do alot of the same things as the
people around us, or the thingsthat we think the people around
us want to do, or want us to do,or stupid stuff that we don't
(38:41):
want to do really, and we kindof know that and we're going to
regret wasting so much timetrying to impress a bunch of
people we don't like or respect,because we think if they like
or respect us, that'll somehowsolve our problem of intense
loneliness and existentialdespair, which can really only
be solved by dying, or kind ofdying, but not physically like
(39:05):
just killing.
The concept of you which, aswe've mentioned many times on
this show, can be effectivelysimulated for the longest 15
minutes of your life by smokingthe venom of the Colorado River
Toad UFO Alvarius by the Neo DMT, aka the Everest of
Psychedelics.
If you want to get overyourself, that's the way to do
(39:28):
it.
You will not exist.
And if you're anything like meon the fourth round, you will
not come all the way back, andthat's pretty cool.
I was sick of that guy.
A lot of my old problems stillexist, but they're happening to
somebody else, which makes themkind of hilarious.
There's another way you can doit, and that's by engaging with
somebody that expresses a lot ofthe things that you repress,
(39:49):
and vice versa.
That's where a lot of sexualrelationships come from.
They require a combination ofcomfort and friction where we
are challenged enough to let goof the lies that we tell
ourselves about ourselves,enough to relax, enough to get
really excited and do everything.
In Urban Dictionary, You'llnotice that these opposites
(40:11):
attract.
Kind of relationships tend to bea lot more exciting than the a
la carte dating app ritual wherewe make a list of things that
we think we want, which areusually close to the opposite of
what we really want when we getthem.
That really makes us upset.
Personally, most of us don't.
The apps are rigged againstthat, which is good, because
(40:32):
when we pick partners bycharacteristics that we think
would be advantageous to havearound us, it's not gonna work.
Eros is the sworn enemy ofconvenience.
It destroys convenience onsight.
If you want to build a lifebased on convenience, you're
gonna have to miss out on a lotof great sex, and vice versa.
By understanding how polarityworks, or at least how it works
(40:56):
for you, you can make peace withyour shadow, own and accept,
and then be, somewhat more ableto control the characteristics
in yourself that you don't wantto express, that you find
undesirable on some level, butthat you can't wish away.
And if you try, they willclothesline you and bring down
the whole operation, maybe notthe moment when you least expect
(41:18):
it, but you're not going to beready.
You will never be ready.
There's no way to be ready totake on things that you don't
admit exist.
Polarity is at its best wheretwo become one, as the Spice
Girls so aptly put it, where wedissolve into this universal
soup.
We have never really left andwe're never really happy until
(41:41):
we're swimming around in thereagain.
And if we're doing that withsomebody that looks great naked,
at least to us, that isannoying enough to be funny and
really hot, at least to us, thatwe love so much that the degree
to which they get on our nervesis totally worth it, and vice
versa.
That brings us pretty close toone of the two or possibly three
(42:05):
truths that exist Multiplicityof things is one thing and every
one thing is a million things,and that's vastly understating
it, because the only way to talkabout infinity is to understate
it.
At least with our poorlydeveloped minds way behind
schedule.
We need to hurry up and evolve.
Next time I kick it with BufoAlvarez, I'll see if the Toad is
(42:30):
willing to come on the show andtalk about Mr Toad's Wild Ride
and perhaps become a sponsor.
Don't give anyone any freeattention.
They gotta work hard for it orbeg for it.
Be bold, take risks.
A coward dies a million littledeaths.
(42:51):
A hero dies unsung because he'snot appreciated in his time but
is years later.
We will appreciate beingappreciated, coming back as a
butterfly, a blue one.
Be busy, come up with something.
Do something useful or barringthat wildly destructive, because
that's hot.
Know how to be alone.
(43:12):
Sensory deprivation, floattanks are where you want to
spend the vast majority of yourtime.
If somebody picks a fight withyou or tries to bait you into
making a fool of yourself,ignore them or humiliate them.
If you're good at roasting,actually just go away.
You're wasting your time withthis person.
Know primarily that you aresmoking hot and anyone would be
(43:35):
lucky to suck you off or eat youout.
You're listening to emersondameron's Medicated Minutes on
K-Chung.
Isn't that right?
Say it Better.
Listen, Listen and learn.
Straighten up, get on yourknees.
You were born to consume mycontent.
Do it.
(43:55):
Do what I just told you to do.
It's humiliating.
Do you know your place, yourpurpose?
Do it Right now.
Oh yeah, that's it, god, you'repathetic.
Do whatever I tell you, don'tyou?
God damn, you love consuming mycontent.
You're good for something.
What did you just say?
I'm the one who's talking.
Forget that.
You're not the host, you're thefluffer for the host and the
(44:18):
most important character onEmerson Dameron's Medicated
Minutes because this is a showabout the most fascinating
person in the world you.
Emerson Dameron's MedicatedMinutes is LA's number one
avant-garde personal developmentprogram.
I'm Emerson Dameron.
I love you personally.
Levity saves lives.
Until you make the unconsciousconscious, it will rule your
(44:51):
life and you will call it fate.
If your life has been anythinglike mine, your luck has been
nothing if not eclectic.
You may have had some goodtimes, you may have grown and
changed and taken agency overyour life, and yet you may have
some remaining stubborn,intractable problems that you
(45:11):
have to deal with on the reg.
There is such a thing as justbad luck.
Nobody manifested the Holocaust.
Shit happens.
At the same time, there's alsopainful repetition and
resistance.
There are the things that youknow you want to do, or you
think that you want to do, orthink that you know you want to
do and you just don't.
(45:33):
There's something stopping you.
You just can't get your musclesto move in that way.
And then there are theself-sabotaging,
self-destructive things that youdo over and over again, knowing
exactly how it's going to endup.
Now, it's not necessarily yourfault that all of this stuff is
happening.
However, do not underestimateyour genius for pursuit of
(45:56):
pleasure.
All living things turn towardpleasure, like flowers turn
toward the sun.
One-celled organisms love toget off, and you might be trying
to please yourself and tryingto get your desires fulfilled in
ways that your conscious mindis not sophisticated enough to
understand, but that you are sobrilliant that you manage to do
(46:19):
it anyway.
The fact that you don't giveyourself credit for that level
of genius causes continuingproblems.
So if it turned out thateverything was your fault and
your responsibility and yourachievements trophies on the
wall, could you forgive yourself?
Could you get off on it?
(46:39):
Why do you do this to yourself?
This is sick, fuck, you'rewarped.
And the most interesting.
Could you get off on it?
Why do you do this to yourself?
This is like fuck, you warpedin the most interesting and
delightful ways about it, justas a thought experiment, as a
project, as a little game.
What if your thoughts werecausative and all of this was
(47:00):
your creation?
As we do create our ownexperiences of reality, we can
choose to experience a sensationas pleasure or pain, or both.
It's all interpretation andcontext.
Nothing is in and of itself.
It's psychedelic, it's fractal,everything is relative.
There's no fixed, concretemeaning.
(47:22):
Meaning is everywhere in bloom,and if you're going to suffer,
suffer like you mean it.
See what you can get out ofyour practice of suffering,
because you're doing it onpurpose.
We love to suffer.
We love to tell ourselvesstories about our own suffering
and we love to feel aggrieved.
We love to feel under siege.
(47:42):
It makes us so important.
Paranoia is exciting.
So if you're going to suffer,allow yourself to enjoy it.
Maybe pleasure is a hard one.
Maybe you can handle more painthan pleasure.
Maybe you have a higherthreshold of tolerance or pain
than you do for pleasure.
Maybe you're afraid thatpleasure is going to drive you
(48:03):
insane.
Perhaps it's a probabilitygreater than zero and it is
possible along the way to getoff on every stimulus that comes
your way.
Everything does not happen for areason.
Everything happens for tworeasons Sex and power.
The sea continuously jerks off,said George Bataille, and
(48:26):
that's true of all of us.
I certainly have a will topower.
I would like to have money sothat I could turn it into a boat
easier than manifesting it.
And if I could just manifest aboat, my life would be kind of
boring.
I like a little friction inthere, a little excitement, some
sparks, and if there'ssomething that's giving you the
bad touch, something too kinkyfor right now, right about now,
(48:50):
feel it, let it go.
Through.
You Fuck it, feel it, heal it,let it go.
Turnoffs and turn-ons arefactors of your own sense of
approval Justification orfactors of your own sense of
approval justification.
If you see your life as a wild,kinky game, a ridiculous,
rip-roaring comedy full ofmadcap elements, a little bit of
(49:10):
dark satire, you can find theturn-ons.
If you hilariously insist ontaking it seriously, you're
gonna find turn-offs everywhereyou go.
So it's just not a big deal.
We're gonna die.
This is small potatoes and thislife is your great aesthetic,
artistic project.
Treat it as such, refuse totake it seriously.
(49:33):
This is too important to takeseriously and a way to
extinguish a desire, which isparticularly relevant if it's a
desire that's inconvenient orthat you're ashamed of or that
you don't really understand, isthrough fulfilling it.
If you deny it and repress it,you're going to give it more and
more power over your life.
It's going to show up all overthe place.
(49:53):
If you get it, get off, you canstop wanting it.
A way to relieve yourself fromthe dizziness of life's
rollercoaster ride is to get off.
Try getting what you want.
Take the easy way.
There are always lots of ways.
I recommend an easy and fun oneA nice, leisurely, scenic path
up that mountain.
(50:14):
If you can get what you wantand not go fucking nuts, you can
do anything, friend.
You can MacGyver your way outof hell, and your fucked up
desires are the best testingground for that.
They can be the most fun andyou get them fulfilled.
It's like nothing else.
(50:34):
It's like that nice wet tonguedeep in your asshole.
It's your last fucking meal.
Nasty fucking hole In yournasty fucking home.
Shame is the magic killer.
Get good at being a bad personAwful, pervert, sicko, freak,
weirdo.
So many contradictory things atonce Inconsistent, wild, feral,
(50:57):
vengeful, petty, someridiculous on so many levels.
Do that well, you can go buckwild and get all kinds of things
you didn't even know you wanted.
You might get things that youwanted your whole life and say,
yeah, okay, that was interesting.
You can have a conversationabout that later, when it's over
, and you might get somethingyou weren't expecting to enjoy
(51:20):
too much.
You might say, oh, I guess I'minto that now, but only if you
get good at being a bad personand realize that you don't have
to feel guilty about anypleasure.
All pleasure is profound.
All pleasure is rich, drippingwith honey and interestingness.
You don't have to feel guiltyabout pleasure.
You have to feel guilty aboutfeeling guilty.
(51:42):
Don't put more guilt on top ofit.
Guilt and shame are functional.
They'll let you know when youscrewed up and give you some
ideas for improvement.
Beyond that, let them go,unless you're really getting off
of them, which I think youmight be.
So do that.
Get off.
Come.
Shoot a big fucking load ontothe ceiling.
Get on with your life.
(52:02):
Find something else to get into.
Once you get what you want, it'snot that interesting anymore.
Might be.
The shame is coming from whatyou expect.
Someone else might think it'sjust such a waste of time.
Life is for fun.
Who cares what anyone thinksyou, your parents, anybody.
The truth is sensational.
It's pictures, sounds andfeelings.
(52:22):
Tragedy, comedy.
It's ridiculous, violent.
Oh, life is amazing.
You're barely even here for afraction of it, and even through
your bizarre prism ofinterpretation, it's picture,
sounds, feelings, embodiment,intuition, splendor, the detail,
fucking get off on it.
(52:51):
Do exactly what I say.
Breathe all the way in, slowdown, relax.
Notice, between the in-breathand the out-breath, that little
moment of sadness.
Pay attention.
Don't make me punish you.
Take care of yourself.
What have you had to eat today?
You can't get all of yournutrition from worshipping me.
Exercise, drink water, eat goodfood, get enough sleep.
(53:13):
You gotta be in control to losecontrol.
Do exactly what I say Take careof yourself.
It's better to be high onyourself in ROM than low on
yourself in RITE.
If you're feeling left out ordown in the dumps, learn to
(53:35):
control and dominate the worldwith your mind.
Get Emerson Dameron's Metabombnow available on Bandcamp.
Next time you find yourself in apeyote ceremony, I have some
advice.
Bring a large jug of water.
The ceremony goes on all nightand it's a long one.
(53:55):
You need stamina.
You're eating a large amount ofpeyote.
You need to hydrate.
Perhaps most importantly,having a jug of water is a great
conversation starter.
About 25 of us are getting readyfor an all-night peyote party.
Taking our seats in the teepee,I grab one next to the flap by
the door.
The flap is the door.
I'm committed to staying allnight and experiencing the full
(54:18):
ceremony, but if I need to beata retreat, I want to do it with
minimal drama.
A woman sits next to me.
She's knockout gorgeous.
She has olive skin, dark,soulful eyes.
She's wearing a clingy, flowywhite dress and a tiara.
And now, with no psychedeliccactus in my system yet, I
realize, lo and behold, thatsomehow she's talking to me.
(54:40):
Do you mind if I share yourwater?
She asks no, not at all.
I say Go for it.
I congratulate myself on mycocky nonchalance.
Thanks.
She says it's a good idea tobring that Smart too.
I'm the total package and youknow it.
The bucket full of cactusbuttons gets passed around.
We eat them.
We get to know each other a bitas things get rainy and bubbly
(55:02):
and nice.
Her sartorial style is akin towhat I've seen derisively
described as the Silver LakeShaman aesthetic.
She lives in Venice Beach.
She's in a hurry to move backto Berkeley.
She's a singer.
Her job is voice therapist orsomething like that.
That will almost certainly savethe world, at least when she
(55:22):
does it.
After an hour or so I'mcompletely in love with her.
Yes, had he sat next to me thatnight, I don't doubt I could
have developed a similaraffection for Mitch McConnell.
I got extremely lucky this time.
The singing begins, nobody knowsthe words to the songs, but
we're able to improvise and getclose enough.
Like a lot of drugs, one of theside effects of peyote is music
(55:45):
over appreciation.
I handle the rhythm and thestructure.
I hold a stimulus, a foundationfor her to sing melodies,
improvise and play.
She wasn't kidding.
Her voice is angelic.
I like to think that I soundlike Johnny Cash or will read
when I sing, but I don't.
I can barely carry a tune, butI can go deep.
I try to fight rage so she canfeel it.
(56:07):
She seems to be feelingsomething In this sort of
ceremony.
The act of worship is honoringthe unspoken connections we
create and sustain, the ways wehold each other up, keep each
other alive and allow ourselvesto flourish in each other's
company.
It's a celebration ofinterdependence, safety, passion
, authenticity and our oftenneglected ability to show up for
(56:28):
each other in ways we didn'tknow were possible and he didn't
dare hope.
It's friend-shaking man sayinghow do you do?
And so on the road man, theofficiant, has all the charisma.
You need to hold together agroup of misfit toys singing and
eating holy smithy cat die.
His spiritual guidance consistsof eat more peyote.
If you got a problem, you cansolve it by eating peyote.
(56:51):
If you're not eating peyoteright now, you probably should
be.
He says I wrote a book.
It's called Don't Think, justEat More Peyote.
It's 200 pages, all of themblink.
My lover, my flame, my partnerin an all-night whirlwind
romance, out of time and mind,eats the peyote button that
(57:11):
sends her over the pukethreshold.
In psychedelic circles, this isreferred to as getting well.
She vomits in heroic amounts,more than I think would be
possible for a person of herdiminutive size.
I hold her hair while shevomits.
She drinks some of the waterand comes back more sexy,
vivacious, vivacious, hilariousand glorious than before.
(57:31):
In the end she's weeping.
She says I didn't want to dothis.
I wanted to run away.
That's why I sat next to thedoor.
But as soon as I starteddrinking water I knew I was
going to be okay.
I had the best night of my life.
Thank you everyone.
The roadman looks at the two ofus and says you've got a
tremendous heart, topping it offby touching my chest, which is
(57:52):
transcendental in context.
I think I'm going to feel thisgood for the rest of my goddamn
life.
There's more peyote there thanwe're gonna be able to finish,
which may be the highest ofhigh-quality champagne problems.
As we wrap up, the roadmancautions us against taking stray
peyote buttons to go.
The peyote don't like that, hesays, and that turns out to be
(58:14):
true.
In a general sense, the magic ofthe peyote ceremony is a
function of the worship, theritual and the celebration of
each other.
It only works in this container, in this context.
This world and the Englishlanguage are not safe for it.
The ceremony comes to an end.
We stand outside the TVhonoring the city directions,
(58:34):
preparing to re-enter Earth'satmosphere.
As I say goodbye to my saucy,sexy, ethereal, weak-stomached
siren it's ten degrees colder inVenice than the rest of the
city I say it's gonna be a lotcolder when you're gone.
That could have used moreworkshopping.
I had a long night.
By her response to it I cantell that if I say other things
I want to say to her it's notgonna go the way I want it to go
(58:57):
.
The sun sits fan-sassy in theeast.
My magic powers from the nightbefore have evaporated.
I leave the container, I gohome.
I don't see her again Probablynever will.
I have one more piece of advicefor you, though.
If you're in a peyote ceremonyand you have a haircut scheduled
for the next day, even if it'sin the afternoon, just cancel it
(59:18):
.
That's gonna be way too intense.
Speaker 2 (59:33):
It is only rushing that pushes the soul out of the
body.
Where I am now is where I amhere, and where I am not is
where I am not.
I am here and I am not.
I lived, but I am not important.
I lived to feel what I meant tofeel.
(59:54):
And then this, I will fade andI will feel again Something new
and familiar.
All veterans.
Speaker 1 (01:00:15):
At first I thought this was seriously a setup.
She seemed really into it.
Then I thought maybe she lovedtaking my discipline and also
was using sex for power.
I don't know if that blew mymind, but it was simple steamy,
dreamy and way too hot for radiocrimson transgressions.
Speaker 2 (01:00:34):
A bite-sized erotic thriller by emerson dameron.
Find it before it finds you.
This is Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes,
la's number one avant-gardepersonal development program.
Episodes premiere firstWednesdays of the month on
KCHUNG 1630 AM.
Kchungradioorg.
Kchung, los Angeles.
Website for the showmedicated-minutescom.
I'm Emerson Dameron, yourproducer, host, witty and
(00:24):
wounded romantic hero.
I love you personally.
Levity saves lives and I hopethat whatever is going on with
you since we last interfaced bywhich I mean had sex I hope that
it's so peachy that you canbarely stand it.
I mean that from the bottom ofmy heart, I go all in.
How you do anything is how youdo everything.
(00:45):
So I do everything like Ifickle, and that means I wreck
shop, I destroy it.
Love the blank canvas, get aline on the liminal.
Your home is in the not knowingFlow like water.
Adapt.
That's the only school thatmatters.
Balance the yin and the yang,harmonize and partner and
(01:08):
collaborate with others.
You'll feel better aboutyourself.
For one thing Express theineffable.
It's never been expressedbefore, otherwise it would be
effable.
Somebody's gotta do it.
Swing for the fences.
There it is the ineffable.
Express it, do it Go.
Act without attachment.
We're not saving the world here,we're not curing cancer.
We may not be even savingourselves.
(01:29):
So have a sense of humor aboutit.
Take the wins and the losseswith grace, in the rhythm of
nature, in harmony with others.
There may not be a naturalorder to things, but you'll be
better off if you act like thereis, because rhythm feels good,
organisms want to feel good andlove other organisms.
Cultivate wu-wei, the art ofdoing by not doing.
(01:51):
That'll save you a lot of timeand effort.
Return to the source, as aboveso below.
Live your life as art, channelthe life force itself, and that
is, of course, sex, the force ofcreation.
Cultivate patience andpersistence as you do this.
If you want to quit, quit early, quit often and then quit
quitting.
Find something you love toomuch to let go, or you're just
(02:11):
sick in the head and you can'tstop yourself.
But you can get over that ifyou fuse intuition and intention
.
Trust yourself to know what todo and learn from the
experiences that result.
Cultivate your imperfections.
Showcase your worst qualities.
Celebrate playfulness.
Show us your brokenness.
We're all broken.
(02:31):
We all need to get together.
We don't need to fix anything.
We just need to love oneanother.
Radiate compassion throughcreativity.
Create to connect.
Express the unseen essence.
See what can't be seen.
Say what can't be said.
Navigate paradoxes.
Love the poetry of the paradox.
Life is struggle.
It is perseverance or it'snothing, because that's the only
(02:52):
way the pleasure matters.
So get in the game.
Create, feel superior.
Feel it.
You become it.
Know that you already are it.
Feel that in a visceral way.
Prioritize yourself.
(03:18):
If you prioritize anything, ifyou get over yourself and don't
prioritize anything, things willstart happening for you.
Get a handle on your feelings.
Feel them.
Yes, that's part of the deal,but it's part of a negotiation.
The goal is to have them undercontrol.
Get off your phone.
Throw your phone away, hit itwith a hammer, get a new, nicer
one, and then turn off thenotifications, disappear for a
while.
Always have something to do onweekends, even if it's
(03:41):
undisclosed and it's justwatching documentaries.
Make sure you get a lot ofoptions.
Have some options you don'teven want and then get some more
that you do want.
Get rid of the ones you don'twant.
Always be getting betteroptions.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
And be happy regardless of what, fight
nothing to fear.
I am not here, so there isnothing to do or say or defend.
I am not here, so there isnothing I wish for or want.
There is nothing I need.
I am not here and so Idisappear.
(04:34):
I do not take or push or slayor give.
I do not speak.
I am not here, so there isnothing to fear Because I am not
here.
I am not here.
Nothing is my life, nothing ismine to say or share, nothing is
(05:01):
mine Because I am not here.
How does this differ to beinghere?
If I exist, if I am, I haveenergy to output and input.
I have life to pour into, Ihave things to say and places to
(05:21):
be.
I am here and everything ishere too.
And if I am here and everythingis here too, and if I am here,
I must feel safe.
And if I am not safe, thenbeing here is scary.
But why does the world feelunsafe?
Why does it feel like it's toomuch to bear?
(05:41):
What am I afraid of?
Losing love or losing myself?
If I lost myself, then there'snothing to do.
I hold myself and say I'm hereand I must fight.
Is is it To be here and not behere, to be here and not be in
(06:11):
the fight.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
The black flame of the rebel warrior spirit burns
deep within you, but bad health,stress and self-pity make you
pathetic, unsexy and disgusting.
So, before it's too late,meditate.
With meditation, you'll makeyour mind, your bitch, rain,
hellfire on your feelings,exterminate your emotions with
the force of a blast furnace andwash away the ashes when you
(06:45):
summon the wrath of poseidon.
With meditation, the emoeradicator, I'm gonna teach you
how to meditate.
You and you've probably made upyour mind whether this is
(07:06):
something you want to takeseriously or not.
Everyone's told you to meditate.
We have described whether it'sgoing to be an everyday thing.
You're sick of hearing abouthow great it is.
There's a bit of a backlash.
It's more than you've heard.
It is, to my mind, absolutelynecessary to deal with the
(07:27):
onslaught of ridiculousness andthe avalanche of content that we
have to deal with.
It involves the breadth, whichyou can take everywhere as a
whole representative talisman,if you will, of the basic
polarity that it's inherent inall things, except when it isn't
.
It's absolutely non-negotiable.
I don't think you can live agood life and be a good citizen,
or, dare I say, a good person,without this practice.
(07:48):
Try this.
I mean, you could turn anythingelse into a practice too, but
it's easier if you start withthis.
Basically, you just breathe andnotice what you notice.
Come back to the breath If younotice an emotion, a thought,
occur in your vision with youreyes closed, because you're
still seeing, even with youreyes closed.
Just notice that and come back.
(08:10):
Don't tell yourself a storyabout it.
Don't get caught up.
The goal is not to shut offyour mind.
You couldn't do that right nowif you wanted to, but you will
notice after a while that youcan't, and thus it's not you.
If it was your thoughts, youwould just stop thinking about
it theoretically.
And if you were talking toyourself, who are you talking to
(08:31):
?
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Who is?
Speaker 1 (08:32):
this most boring person in the world that's
hijacked your mind it's not you.
After one of you starts todetach from the parts of you
that you think are you, that youidentify with that are the most
painful, including yourfeelings can absolutely dominate
your emotions and make yourmind your bitch.
(08:53):
You crush your feelings andbeat them into submission.
You will not be swayed by youremotions anymore.
You will no longer be a bitchby your emotions anymore.
You're no longer being a littlebitch and as you discover your
power to do this, you willrealize that you can work the
same magic on anything.
You can crush your own thoughtsand crush your own feelings and
(09:15):
jettison all of that.
Realize it's not you, it'simpermanent.
It causes suffering, but youcan liberate yourself from
suffering by taking the antidote, which starts with meditation
as you go forward.
You can liberate yourself fromsuffering by taking the antidote
, which starts with meditationas you go forward.
You can just start crushing it.
You can turn on and off youremotions like you have remote
control.
You can regulate yourself in awhole new way and you have that
(09:36):
power over yourself that wantsto stop you from having it over
other people Once you figure outhow to elicit emotional states,
because you will continue tohave feelings.
It's just that when you detachfrom them eventually, you can
start governing them.
It's not just that, you canalso change colors and all kinds
of other cool stuff.
You'll see.
(09:56):
I don't want to spoil it all,but I will tell you.
You get immense power overyourself and other people and
when you can make other peoplefeel good about doing what you
want, which also helps you feelgood.
Everybody feels good andeverybody gets what they want,
which is what you want.
So really, what's the problem?
I mean, most people can't takecare of themselves.
(10:18):
Have you talked to them.
When was the last time youinteracted with someone who
seemed to know what they weredoing?
They don't.
They're essentially begging youto come in and take over and
dominate them.
You're doing them a favor,You're helping.
It works out for everyone, andif someone gets hurt, do they
really?
You've already discovered thatyou can decide how you're going
(10:41):
to feel within hours, if notminutes.
You can turn off your ownreactions to pain.
You can do the same thing forother people.
But if they refuse to do that,to learn how, which is just a
very basic process of undoingyourself and deconstructing your
perception, realizing thatreality is a controlled
hallucination and you don'texist, which is incredibly
(11:04):
liberating If they don't want todo that, then is that really
their problem?
Once you've seen this, you can'tunsee it.
It creates something of anobligation to create your own
reality, your own thoughts,feelings and experience.
Why not use that to make somecash, I mean, and experience.
(11:27):
Why not use that to make somecash?
I mean, you need money to live,and the more you have, the more
fun you can have with it.
You can take care of people whoneed it.
You could help out single momsor parolees looking for work who
can't find it, or you could dowhat I will do, which is do
elaborate pranks in the style ofthe magic Christian, and
there's also lots of sex.
(11:47):
Sex is God, Sex is the force ofcreation itself.
It is the maximum intimacy.
It is also violence, because itinvolves the transgression of
boundaries.
That's how intimacy works.
It's an exuberant celebrationof human creativity.
The first and last word inphysical comedy, and it's a lot
of fun and you can beat it uponce you shut off your mind.
(12:11):
Because what is it that hotwalks you or clam jams you more
than anything else?
It's your own self, yourinternal monologue, your false,
negative beliefs about yourself.
It's your mind, it's you whichdoesn't exist.
So how are you not having allthe sex that you want?
In my case, I don't have timeto take advantage of all the
(12:33):
opportunities that come my way.
I get laid a lot.
I'm not getting any younger.
It does take it out of youphysically.
There's a difference betweengetting hurt emotionally, which
you can easily fix, and breakingyour leg, which takes some time
to heal, or almost getting aheart attack because of the
mind-blowing sex that you had acouple of nights ago with
(12:54):
someone who's in a badrelationship and needs to feel
good.
And I can make that happen.
And if the guy's feelings gethurt, is it really my problem If
he doesn't fix it and can'tmake his woman come?
you can look up on the internethow to make women come.
I can understand what you'rescared about.
Female sexuality is a force ofnature.
There's a reason allauthoritarians have to keep it
(13:16):
down.
But if you're afraid, of thatyou're afraid of life, Because
life is pleasure.
Plants turn toward the sun andhumans seek pleasure, often
through sex.
It feels good, it is good, I'mhaving too much, so maybe take
some of it off my hands.
I'll show you how I have sexwith women, and you should too,
if you see women come on.
(13:37):
In conclusion, you kind of havea responsibility.
When you really have toexercise this sort of control
over your experience is you canand will, because there's
nothing there.
It's all made up.
This is it, and you can changeit, edit it to your will.
You can be the auteur of yourown experience of a power that
you've never imagined before,now that you know that you
(14:00):
cannot know it.
So what's it going to be?
Breathe with me.
We'll end with one guidedmeditation practice.
(14:27):
I'm a sadist.
My great joy is to inflict painon other people, and I'm not
afraid to admit it.
Did you know that sadists facediscrimination every day simply
because of who we are?
With so many people competingfor the status of victimhood, we
need sadists more than ever.
If you really dig deep, youmight find we have a lot more in
common than you'd hoped.
Join us in the fight for fairtreatment, equal opportunities
(14:50):
and respect for the sadistcommunity.
Be kind to the cruel VisitAskASadistcom to learn more.
I am a sadist with a heart ofrugged gold.
I hurt people in the ways thatmost help them, and it means the
world to me.
When you let me be mean to you,I'm a sadist.
(15:10):
I'm here to help.
Life's a lot simpler with asadist on your side or looking
down into those beautiful eyesthat look so good, when you're
doing the thing you were born todo Thriving in your personal
life with help from me In theform of my advice.
I am LA's most feared agonycolumnist.
(15:33):
I answer questions.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Dear sadist, hello, long time, first time, maybe you
can help me.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
I'm in a long distance relationship and I'm
struggling to maintain intimacywith my partner despite the
physical distance.
Do you have any advice orsuggestions for keeping the
spark alive and stayingconnected emotionally and
sexually?
Long distance relationships anexquisite form of torture.
Each one is a little bitdifferent and all of them are
(16:03):
inexplicable.
Why would you do that toyourself?
You absolutely sick, twisted,delicious, slime creature that I
want to nail to the center ofthe earth.
I'm getting distracted.
It's hot that you're doing thisunpleasant, lonely, liminal,
here-but-not-here thing toyourself, where you're in a
(16:26):
relationship, but without thephysicality in the meantime.
There are a lot of masochistsout there and none of you will
admit it.
Well, some of you will.
You're my favorite people inthe world.
I'm not talking to you, I'mtalking to everyone else who
works that out, if that's whatyou want to call it, through
these acts of self-sabotage.
If you have a celibacy kink,this is a wonderful place to be.
(16:49):
You can demand celibacy of yourpartner, which means that
they're either going to bemiserable or they're going to be
cheating on you their loss.
You're an absolutely excellentsadist and they will never find
another one of your caliber.
If you give them that choice,they're not going to be celibate
, and if they theoretically were, they would not be enjoying
(17:11):
anything.
If you're into that, if that'swhat gets you off, I respect it.
I live in a significantlytransparent glass house.
I admit it, I am outwardlycruel and thus can be artful and
, dare I say, heartful in mypractice of cruelty.
That's the gift ofself-awareness that I give to
(17:34):
myself every morning uponawakening.
Why am I in such a vanishingminority?
Raiden Estekor once said if yousleep on the floor, you don't
have to worry about rolling outof bed, and yet people still
sleep in beds.
People still sleep.
That means you're not havingenough sex.
If you were having good sex,you wouldn't be able to sleep.
(17:57):
You would be awake for threedays and not even notice,
because you would be high on thebest drugs available.
They're all right in the humanbrain and a lot of them come
from good sex.
Everyone should have as much ofthat as feels good or feels bad
in a way they enjoy, which Ientirely condone, especially if
(18:19):
it's self-aware or feel bad tosomeone else in a way that makes
you feel good.
You can do a lot of that stuff.
Long distance.
Ethical non-monogamy has a lotof rules.
Come up with some rules thatare gloriously disgusting.
It's a good opportunity tocultivate some of your higher
aspects.
The GOAT, the Marquis de Sade,wrote most of his best work in
(18:44):
asylums and prisons.
We would not have Malcolm X ifhe had not gone to prison.
It can be a monastery, becauseanything can be anything.
That is the versatility of ourdungeon.
May it be more consciouslyself-imposed than the pain or
pleasure that we inflict.
If we inflict pleasure,pleasure that is truly cruel.
(19:06):
Nothing makes someone's headexplode by getting what they
really want in life.
That is some next level stuffthat is not for amateurs.
I would be very careful withthat.
I would try to wake up to whatI was doing.
I don't have to worry aboutthat.
I'm wide awake, doing it right.
I'm an artist of cruelty.
Long-distance relationships cangive you time to read a lot.
(19:32):
If you're actually going withthe celibacy thing and I hear a
lot of people are just jackingit and more power to them,
that's less potentiallydangerous.
I'll answer this question howcan I keep my long-distance
relationship interesting?
There are many options short ofswatting, although swatting and
doxing are ways to ruin yourlong-distance partner's
(19:53):
reputation in their own locality.
I would ramp up to swatting,especially if you don't know how
long you're going to be indifferent cities.
You can make them feel badabout their city, you can insult
its sports team.
Or food, which is stuff thatseems to genuinely upset some
people who clearly deserve it,or remote-controlled toys you
(20:17):
can either demand that yourpartner carry one of these in an
orifice, or you can convincethem to do something that they
already wanted to do in a waythat makes them think it was
their idea and have no mercy onthem.
This is, we must admit, despitethese significant downsides,
truly the golden age ofsurveillance tech.
(20:38):
An excellent time to be ascientist.
If you've got a big, seeminglyintractable bad habit, there is
a way to stop it.
It works for everything andit's the only thing that works
for anything.
Here we go, get real.
The reason you screw upeverything is that you're a
loser.
Your low self-esteem isaccurate and you can't take care
(20:58):
of yourself.
So make up an imaginary friendwho can handle anything and
become your imaginary friend'sbitch.
Up an imaginary friend who canhandle anything and become your
imaginary friend's bitch.
Ruminate over everything you'veever done wrong and confess
your sins to your imaginaryfriend and some random scumbag.
Now take a quick snack breakwhen you're done, beg your
imaginary friend to make you abetter person.
Tell everyone you're sorry.
Pay for everyone's therapy onyour credit card or by
(21:20):
discreetly selling youranti-anxiety meds to your new
friends, all of whom have theirown imaginary friends.
Take responsibility foreverything from now on, as long
as it's bad.
Use magic to help yourimaginary friend become a real
boy.
Never shut up about any of thisand freak the hell out if
anyone makes fun of it.
Mazel tov, you fixed yourselffor now and all you had to do
was feel like worthless garbage.
(22:01):
Hey, baby, been working out mybooty's looking fine, looking
stacked, as always, better thanusual.
I don't want to kick it withyou.
You know what I'm talking about.
Kick that cocaine.
It's the only thing crampingyour style, baby.
They've got too much going foryou.
They have stuff going up yournose like that.
I know what's up with that.
Yeah, I'm tired of it.
It was fun 18 months ago Backwhen we were kicking it, but I
(22:23):
was kicking it with you and thenkicking that cocaine.
I know you're back on it too.
You gotta do something aboutthat.
It's gonna be real hard to getoff it, like some other things
that are real hard.
Higher level calculus, that'shard.
Cement things of that nature.
The bottom of the pool, youdive in the shallow end and hit
your head, that's real hard.
(22:44):
Kicking cocaine is not thathard.
The hard part is the first part,kind of like my hard part has
always been the first part.
Starting a new lifestyle, it'slike that.
You got style, you're gonna getin your life.
Get in some other things, getin the program.
No, it's not talking about12-stepping, not talking about
half-stepping.
(23:04):
Got another kind of program inmind, baby, based on buddhism as
a meditation.
They don't have chips.
It's not about time.
Time there's no meaning.
When you're having hot, hot sex, time can go by slowly kairos
they call it in literature.
Everything just seems to stop.
Then, when it's over, you'rethinking damn where those hours
(23:26):
go.
I don't want them back.
There's no better way to spendthem.
Definitely not doing cocaine.
Cocaine will screw up theempathy centers in your brain.
It'll make you desirous oflovemaking but then unable to
make it good because you're notreally in the present, because
it screws up your ability todefer gratification or your
(23:46):
willingness to you still can.
It just feels like torture.
Everything feels like torture.
It feels real bad to get off ofcocaine.
It feels bad when you're on it.
It's like what kind of bad doyou want to feel for a couple of
days in the interest of feelingreal, real good Later on?
It's not like your whole lifehas to change.
People complain about therecovery programs where, like
(24:08):
all of a sudden, like your wholelife has to change.
People complain about therecovery programs where, like
all of a sudden, your whole liferevolves around a mat.
Your whole life's gonna revolvearound something.
I'm gonna tell you what it is.
It's not the 12 steps, it's the12 inches.
That's how thick the books arethat you're gonna be reading.
Damn, you got nice legs.
It's a shame you have to sellyour car.
But then again, damn, they saynobody walks in LA.
That's right, nobody's finelike you are.
(24:30):
Everybody's beautiful in theirown way, not in your way.
You got just the thing that'sgoing to help you.
It's going to help both of uslearn and grow together.
(24:53):
I'm growing right now.
I'm growing by leaps and boundsand I might tell you about it
later.
It's going to change your life.
Hell yeah, every artist needs amuse.
(25:18):
It's true.
We make a great team.
We just need some practice.
You don't even have to beromantically involved.
We just hold you somewhat at adistance.
So you keep wanting things aslong as we can't have them.
So I make sure that that neverhappens.
So you'll be my sexy cousinthat I want to sleep with Not
totally gross You'd be like asecond cousin, too gross to
(25:39):
actually be.
Plus, I'm going to have a lotof other options with all of the
stuff that I make that'sinspired by irresistible
friction and polarity in ourrelationship.
Because I'm going to keep youoff balance.
I'm going to make sure you gothrough life confused, so that
you're stormy and emotionallyunstable, because that's going
(26:00):
to be an endless source ofinspiration for me.
So buckle up.
You've had other badrelationships, but not like this
one.
I'm an artist, baby.
How transparent do you think youare and how much that you don't
think that you're revealing?
Do you think that you actuallyare?
If you knew what everyone elseknows about you, that you're
(26:20):
trying to hide, how much do youthink that would be versus what
you're actively trying tocommunicate?
Because you speak loudly ofyour own insecurities?
Everything you do has three orfour different meanings that you
intend, because you're reallygood at lacing in with those,
packing a lot of hidden messagesin there, but there are a lot
(26:41):
of other ones that get in thereas well that you're not aware of
.
Like I know so much about whatkeeps you up at night, what you
hate about yourself, I'mstarting to hate you too.
You're disgusting and I know somuch about you, more than you
know, that I know I'm not goingto tell you everything.
I'm not going to give myleverage away.
(27:02):
I know what you did last summerand the summer before that.
The summer before that wasinteresting.
You were boring last summer andthe summer before that the
summer before that wasinteresting.
You were boring last summer.
Frankly, there's stuff aboutyou you do not want to get out
there and it gives you thishaunted look.
You have a deer in theheadlights, which I find very
sexy.
You're so cute when you'reconfused.
I like your vulnerability.
(27:23):
I like goosebumps.
Goosebumps are sexy.
It doesn't need to be played up.
This review is just extremelyobvious.
I don't want to settle.
You know what I'm saying.
I believe in magic.
I'm a romantic, in spite ofeverything.
Many times I thought I wasgoing to have to give up.
I did not fall in love anymore.
Not keep dreaming, not be trueto myself, not be true to my
(27:47):
tender heart.
I've been hurt.
I thought my life waspermanently diminished or
damaged, but no, I love myself.
I'm dating myself.
I'm getting a little better atthat every day.
I'm by far the best lover I'veever had.
I know how to light me up likea pinball machine.
I'm not going to tell youeverything I know, because that
(28:08):
gives you too much power.
You have to figure it outyourself Over the course of our
hot three to six months.
I would give it, because I'dhave to go back to myself, I'd
enjoy everyone else in thelockdown and unless I need that
special girl, it might nothappen.
People are just getting worseall the time and disappointing,
but I'm not gonna let go.
If you let go of dreams, swipeto the barren field frozen in
(28:29):
the snow.
But you need to think I can letyou down, smack you around.
I can do whatever I want andget away with it, because you
know the squalor and chaos thatyou would fall into by so much
as looked in the other direction.
Do you know how many timesyou've almost died that I
(28:50):
stopped it from happening?
If you betray me or you get onmy bad side or you don't live up
to my expectations, you'll findout.
Maybe not, you might have aquick death, perhaps even
shameless, but who knows?
It's a wild card.
You are a wild card.
You're a wild child knows it'sa wild card.
You are a wild card, a wildchild.
I'm the apolloniandisciplinarian master of this
(29:12):
relationship.
Don't forget it.
If you need to stop drinkingand drugging, my recommendation
is get through the first part,which is a thousand times harder
than the rest of it.
(29:32):
Once you get through the firstpart, it gets easier sooner than
you think.
Not soon enough, but soonenough.
Try that and then build a lifearound not doing the thing when
you have the opportunity.
Build a life that will notaccommodate the addiction that's
on the way out.
It doesn't work for everyone.
Some people succeed with AA,ayahuasca, and some people
(29:55):
transfer one addiction toanother.
That's the fun way.
If you haven't yet, try sexaddiction, become a sex addict.
See how it goes.
It might be a nice distractionfrom other addictions that
aren't quite that sexy.
A lot of drug addictions get inthe way of sex, increase the
desire, decrease the performance.
If you haven't had good sex ina while, try sober sex.
(30:18):
It really is better To find outwhat you like.
Have sex buffet style.
Try everything.
You'll be surprised what youcould accomplish in one summer
long slut phase.
You'll develop a sixth sensecould accomplish in one
summer-long slut phase.
You'll develop a sixth senseand stick-to-itiveness that make
it easier to get sex than youever imagined possible.
Life will be a swirl of redflags which will pelt with that.
(30:39):
You may find yourselfdisappointed.
Be prepared to accept that.
You may feel empty inside.
Somebody's going to feel fullFull of sex that is.
Try sex addiction today.
For my money it's the leastworst addiction.
I don't need to pay for it.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
All the little things , knit things, but there's so
many beautiful things.
Those little things scratch andgnaw at my feet and they bleed.
It feels like I'm beingconsumed by it, but if I let it,
maybe Then it will take mewhole and I will be no longer.
(31:27):
There will be no longer.
There will be nothing left forit to attack, fight or not.
I release that part of me worldand feel it all.
(31:56):
Why must or do I?
Who says I must?
There's a feeling I have to staywhere I am, to not do anything
at all, to feel that I must notdo anything at all is the way I
will go where the wind, streamand path takes me and rest a
(32:20):
while.
When I am one with everything,I'm not really there at all,
leaving no mark.
I'm not really there at all,leaving no mark.
It is to eat or to wish toleave a mark, you know.
Or to build a mountain, anempire for others, to thrive and
enjoy also the feet of thedivine, to create structure and
(32:40):
class, to create art and leave amark on each other's hearts.
What's it like to be a part ofthe world, to take part and feel
the resonance within ourselves,within our souls, to know that
there is a place for everyone,all choices and opinions, and
know where we are is where we'resupposed to be.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
Unlock your seductive rays of solar radiance as you
level up your electrolyte game.
And seven to a world of sexysophistication with Sunrise
Serenade, an Aurum elixir ofpure love, set to vitalize and
invigorate your beautiful eyeswith radiant hydration and a
tantalizing tang you can't quiteplace but already feels like
(33:39):
home.
Prepare to be enthralled as themolten motion potion dances on
your palate, unveiling layers ofcomplexity reminiscent of the
finest black tea, accompanied bya sophisticated, subtly sexy
metallic aftertaste.
But Sunrise Serenade is notjust a drink.
It's an experience Never shaken, stirred or chilled.
(34:00):
Sunrise Serenade marks the dawnof a new, warmer way.
Embrace the unconventional,serve Sunrise Serenade warm,
revel in its rapturous richnessand feel the dancing decadence,
because every serving of SunriseSerenade contains flakes of
real gold.
When you celebrate a personalbreakthrough, savor a stolen
moment of indulgence or honorthe beginning of a long and
(34:23):
delicious relationship, letSunrise Serenade redefine your
perception of indulgence.
Sunrise Serenade is intendedfor responsible adults of legal
age only.
Please enjoy Sunrise Serenaderesponsibly and in moderation.
Yes, it's my piss.
It's pretty damned obvious.
I got nothing to hide.
I don't tell you what to do.
Sunrise Serenade, it's my piss.
(34:45):
Deal with it.
Polarity, sexual polarity, theunion of opposites, masculine
and feminine also out In yinyang, life and death, the
in-breath and the out-breathComing together of seemingly
(35:08):
opposing energies for lack of abetter word.
It's a controversial idea.
Everybody's talking about it.
Even if they're not talkingabout it, they're talking about
something polarity-adjacent.
In all likelihood, polarity isa lot like hilarity Not exactly
the same thing but they havemore in common than you might
think.
But you will find when you dieor when you have a near-death
(35:29):
experience or when you getenlightened especially if you
don't realize it, because if youdo, you just get so pompous and
insufferable that it's hard foryou to understand or retain or
effectively communicate anythingof importance.
That's true of most people.
So don't feel too bad about it.
Don't feel too bad aboutfeeling too good about yourself
(35:49):
and your abilities.
Polarity is controversialbecause it kind of brings with
it in some quarters the notionthat if you were born female,
you have these innate qualities.
A lot of things that areassociated with the feminine may
not be everyone's cup of tea,or people might really love them
and really hate the people thatexpress them, because they have
(36:12):
them in themselves and areafraid to express them, because
everyone has everything inthemselves.
That's the thing that you findout when you die or that you're
actually finding out right now,but I kind of doubt you're ready
for it.
So just forget about that.
Let's go back to Polaria.
We are not blank sites.
I think that's just patentlyridiculous.
You never say that about dogs.
It's not true of humans either.
(36:33):
We're basically dogs.
We don't have a lot of theirgood qualities most of the time.
Some of us are very loyal andstupid.
Some of my best friends areintensely loyal idiots.
They're wonderful people.
Femininity in particular was onthe wrong side of Amici's
philosophy.
He talked a lot of smack aboutthe ladies and the women that he
(36:54):
was interested in obsessively.
The women that he pursued,despite their lack of
availability or interest, werewomen who expressed a lot of
qualities that would beconsidered traditionally
masculine, certainly would havebeen in his time, which was
before the nazis and before hissister bastardized and
(37:15):
cannibalized his words to makeit look like he's providing an
intellectual tailwind for thenazis, and that's a whole other
thing that tarnishes nietzsche'sreputation to this day.
I don't think it's true thatyou can just be whatever you
want to be, because I dideverything I could to start for
the LA Lakers and friend.
(37:36):
I didn't get anywhere close.
A lot of that was luck.
I think we would go absolutelyinsane if we knew how much of
our lives were almost entirelydependent on luck, like what the
role that luck plays in humanevents would send us
caterwauling into nihilism if wefully understood it.
I also think that we carrythings in our genes that have
(37:58):
profound significance throughoutour lives.
Every second, every breath.
We carry the repressed secrets,traumas of our families.
We carry the repressed secrets,traumas of our families.
There are certain storystructures that come up again
and again in human narrative, tothe point where it makes more
(38:19):
sense to say that there'ssomething innate, something
carved in our DNA is guiding ourhands there, than it would be
to say that we just all havethis perfect free will where
we're fully free to do whateverthe hell we want.
Coincidentally, happen to do alot of the same things as the
people around us, or the thingsthat we think the people around
us want to do, or want us to do,or stupid stuff that we don't
(38:41):
want to do really, and we kindof know that and we're going to
regret wasting so much timetrying to impress a bunch of
people we don't like or respect,because we think if they like
or respect us, that'll somehowsolve our problem of intense
loneliness and existentialdespair, which can really only
be solved by dying, or kind ofdying, but not physically like
(39:05):
just killing.
The concept of you which, aswe've mentioned many times on
this show, can be effectivelysimulated for the longest 15
minutes of your life by smokingthe venom of the Colorado River
Toad UFO Alvarius by the Neo DMT, aka the Everest of
Psychedelics.
If you want to get overyourself, that's the way to do
(39:28):
it.
You will not exist.
And if you're anything like meon the fourth round, you will
not come all the way back, andthat's pretty cool.
I was sick of that guy.
A lot of my old problems stillexist, but they're happening to
somebody else, which makes themkind of hilarious.
There's another way you can doit, and that's by engaging with
somebody that expresses a lot ofthe things that you repress,
(39:49):
and vice versa.
That's where a lot of sexualrelationships come from.
They require a combination ofcomfort and friction where we
are challenged enough to let goof the lies that we tell
ourselves about ourselves,enough to relax, enough to get
really excited and do everything.
In Urban Dictionary, You'llnotice that these opposites
(40:11):
attract.
Kind of relationships tend to bea lot more exciting than the a
la carte dating app ritual wherewe make a list of things that
we think we want, which areusually close to the opposite of
what we really want when we getthem.
That really makes us upset.
Personally, most of us don't.
The apps are rigged againstthat, which is good, because
(40:32):
when we pick partners bycharacteristics that we think
would be advantageous to havearound us, it's not gonna work.
Eros is the sworn enemy ofconvenience.
It destroys convenience onsight.
If you want to build a lifebased on convenience, you're
gonna have to miss out on a lotof great sex, and vice versa.
By understanding how polarityworks, or at least how it works
(40:56):
for you, you can make peace withyour shadow, own and accept,
and then be, somewhat more ableto control the characteristics
in yourself that you don't wantto express, that you find
undesirable on some level, butthat you can't wish away.
And if you try, they willclothesline you and bring down
the whole operation, maybe notthe moment when you least expect
(41:18):
it, but you're not going to beready.
You will never be ready.
There's no way to be ready totake on things that you don't
admit exist.
Polarity is at its best wheretwo become one, as the Spice
Girls so aptly put it, where wedissolve into this universal
soup.
We have never really left andwe're never really happy until
(41:41):
we're swimming around in thereagain.
And if we're doing that withsomebody that looks great naked,
at least to us, that isannoying enough to be funny and
really hot, at least to us, thatwe love so much that the degree
to which they get on our nervesis totally worth it, and vice
versa.
That brings us pretty close toone of the two or possibly three
(42:05):
truths that exist Multiplicityof things is one thing and every
one thing is a million things,and that's vastly understating
it, because the only way to talkabout infinity is to understate
it.
At least with our poorlydeveloped minds way behind
schedule.
We need to hurry up and evolve.
Next time I kick it with BufoAlvarez, I'll see if the Toad is
(42:30):
willing to come on the show andtalk about Mr Toad's Wild Ride
and perhaps become a sponsor.
Don't give anyone any freeattention.
They gotta work hard for it orbeg for it.
Be bold, take risks.
A coward dies a million littledeaths.
(42:51):
A hero dies unsung because he'snot appreciated in his time but
is years later.
We will appreciate beingappreciated, coming back as a
butterfly, a blue one.
Be busy, come up with something.
Do something useful or barringthat wildly destructive, because
that's hot.
Know how to be alone.
(43:12):
Sensory deprivation, floattanks are where you want to
spend the vast majority of yourtime.
If somebody picks a fight withyou or tries to bait you into
making a fool of yourself,ignore them or humiliate them.
If you're good at roasting,actually just go away.
You're wasting your time withthis person.
Know primarily that you aresmoking hot and anyone would be
(43:35):
lucky to suck you off or eat youout.
You're listening to emersondameron's Medicated Minutes on
K-Chung.
Isn't that right?
Say it Better.
Listen, Listen and learn.
Straighten up, get on yourknees.
You were born to consume mycontent.
Do it.
(43:55):
Do what I just told you to do.
It's humiliating.
Do you know your place, yourpurpose?
Do it Right now.
Oh yeah, that's it, god, you'repathetic.
Do whatever I tell you, don'tyou?
God damn, you love consuming mycontent.
You're good for something.
What did you just say?
I'm the one who's talking.
Forget that.
You're not the host, you're thefluffer for the host and the
(44:18):
most important character onEmerson Dameron's Medicated
Minutes because this is a showabout the most fascinating
person in the world you.
Emerson Dameron's MedicatedMinutes is LA's number one
avant-garde personal developmentprogram.
I'm Emerson Dameron.
I love you personally.
Levity saves lives.
Until you make the unconsciousconscious, it will rule your
(44:51):
life and you will call it fate.
If your life has been anythinglike mine, your luck has been
nothing if not eclectic.
You may have had some goodtimes, you may have grown and
changed and taken agency overyour life, and yet you may have
some remaining stubborn,intractable problems that you
(45:11):
have to deal with on the reg.
There is such a thing as justbad luck.
Nobody manifested the Holocaust.
Shit happens.
At the same time, there's alsopainful repetition and
resistance.
There are the things that youknow you want to do, or you
think that you want to do, orthink that you know you want to
do and you just don't.
(45:33):
There's something stopping you.
You just can't get your musclesto move in that way.
And then there are theself-sabotaging,
self-destructive things that youdo over and over again, knowing
exactly how it's going to endup.
Now, it's not necessarily yourfault that all of this stuff is
happening.
However, do not underestimateyour genius for pursuit of
(45:56):
pleasure.
All living things turn towardpleasure, like flowers turn
toward the sun.
One-celled organisms love toget off, and you might be trying
to please yourself and tryingto get your desires fulfilled in
ways that your conscious mindis not sophisticated enough to
understand, but that you are sobrilliant that you manage to do
(46:19):
it anyway.
The fact that you don't giveyourself credit for that level
of genius causes continuingproblems.
So if it turned out thateverything was your fault and
your responsibility and yourachievements trophies on the
wall, could you forgive yourself?
Could you get off on it?
(46:39):
Why do you do this to yourself?
This is sick, fuck, you'rewarped.
And the most interesting.
Could you get off on it?
Why do you do this to yourself?
This is like fuck, you warpedin the most interesting and
delightful ways about it, justas a thought experiment, as a
project, as a little game.
What if your thoughts werecausative and all of this was
(47:00):
your creation?
As we do create our ownexperiences of reality, we can
choose to experience a sensationas pleasure or pain, or both.
It's all interpretation andcontext.
Nothing is in and of itself.
It's psychedelic, it's fractal,everything is relative.
There's no fixed, concretemeaning.
(47:22):
Meaning is everywhere in bloom,and if you're going to suffer,
suffer like you mean it.
See what you can get out ofyour practice of suffering,
because you're doing it onpurpose.
We love to suffer.
We love to tell ourselvesstories about our own suffering
and we love to feel aggrieved.
We love to feel under siege.
(47:42):
It makes us so important.
Paranoia is exciting.
So if you're going to suffer,allow yourself to enjoy it.
Maybe pleasure is a hard one.
Maybe you can handle more painthan pleasure.
Maybe you have a higherthreshold of tolerance or pain
than you do for pleasure.
Maybe you're afraid thatpleasure is going to drive you
(48:03):
insane.
Perhaps it's a probabilitygreater than zero and it is
possible along the way to getoff on every stimulus that comes
your way.
Everything does not happen for areason.
Everything happens for tworeasons Sex and power.
The sea continuously jerks off,said George Bataille, and
(48:26):
that's true of all of us.
I certainly have a will topower.
I would like to have money sothat I could turn it into a boat
easier than manifesting it.
And if I could just manifest aboat, my life would be kind of
boring.
I like a little friction inthere, a little excitement, some
sparks, and if there'ssomething that's giving you the
bad touch, something too kinkyfor right now, right about now,
(48:50):
feel it, let it go.
Through.
You Fuck it, feel it, heal it,let it go.
Turnoffs and turn-ons arefactors of your own sense of
approval Justification orfactors of your own sense of
approval justification.
If you see your life as a wild,kinky game, a ridiculous,
rip-roaring comedy full ofmadcap elements, a little bit of
(49:10):
dark satire, you can find theturn-ons.
If you hilariously insist ontaking it seriously, you're
gonna find turn-offs everywhereyou go.
So it's just not a big deal.
We're gonna die.
This is small potatoes and thislife is your great aesthetic,
artistic project.
Treat it as such, refuse totake it seriously.
(49:33):
This is too important to takeseriously and a way to
extinguish a desire, which isparticularly relevant if it's a
desire that's inconvenient orthat you're ashamed of or that
you don't really understand, isthrough fulfilling it.
If you deny it and repress it,you're going to give it more and
more power over your life.
It's going to show up all overthe place.
(49:53):
If you get it, get off, you canstop wanting it.
A way to relieve yourself fromthe dizziness of life's
rollercoaster ride is to get off.
Try getting what you want.
Take the easy way.
There are always lots of ways.
I recommend an easy and fun oneA nice, leisurely, scenic path
up that mountain.
(50:14):
If you can get what you wantand not go fucking nuts, you can
do anything, friend.
You can MacGyver your way outof hell, and your fucked up
desires are the best testingground for that.
They can be the most fun andyou get them fulfilled.
It's like nothing else.
(50:34):
It's like that nice wet tonguedeep in your asshole.
It's your last fucking meal.
Nasty fucking hole In yournasty fucking home.
Shame is the magic killer.
Get good at being a bad personAwful, pervert, sicko, freak,
weirdo.
So many contradictory things atonce Inconsistent, wild, feral,
(50:57):
vengeful, petty, someridiculous on so many levels.
Do that well, you can go buckwild and get all kinds of things
you didn't even know you wanted.
You might get things that youwanted your whole life and say,
yeah, okay, that was interesting.
You can have a conversationabout that later, when it's over
, and you might get somethingyou weren't expecting to enjoy
(51:20):
too much.
You might say, oh, I guess I'minto that now, but only if you
get good at being a bad personand realize that you don't have
to feel guilty about anypleasure.
All pleasure is profound.
All pleasure is rich, drippingwith honey and interestingness.
You don't have to feel guiltyabout pleasure.
You have to feel guilty aboutfeeling guilty.
(51:42):
Don't put more guilt on top ofit.
Guilt and shame are functional.
They'll let you know when youscrewed up and give you some
ideas for improvement.
Beyond that, let them go,unless you're really getting off
of them, which I think youmight be.
So do that.
Get off.
Come.
Shoot a big fucking load ontothe ceiling.
Get on with your life.
(52:02):
Find something else to get into.
Once you get what you want, it'snot that interesting anymore.
Might be.
The shame is coming from whatyou expect.
Someone else might think it'sjust such a waste of time.
Life is for fun.
Who cares what anyone thinksyou, your parents, anybody.
The truth is sensational.
It's pictures, sounds andfeelings.
(52:22):
Tragedy, comedy.
It's ridiculous, violent.
Oh, life is amazing.
You're barely even here for afraction of it, and even through
your bizarre prism ofinterpretation, it's picture,
sounds, feelings, embodiment,intuition, splendor, the detail,
fucking get off on it.
(52:51):
Do exactly what I say.
Breathe all the way in, slowdown, relax.
Notice, between the in-breathand the out-breath, that little
moment of sadness.
Pay attention.
Don't make me punish you.
Take care of yourself.
What have you had to eat today?
You can't get all of yournutrition from worshipping me.
Exercise, drink water, eat goodfood, get enough sleep.
(53:13):
You gotta be in control to losecontrol.
Do exactly what I say Take careof yourself.
It's better to be high onyourself in ROM than low on
yourself in RITE.
If you're feeling left out ordown in the dumps, learn to
(53:35):
control and dominate the worldwith your mind.
Get Emerson Dameron's Metabombnow available on Bandcamp.
Next time you find yourself in apeyote ceremony, I have some
advice.
Bring a large jug of water.
The ceremony goes on all nightand it's a long one.
(53:55):
You need stamina.
You're eating a large amount ofpeyote.
You need to hydrate.
Perhaps most importantly,having a jug of water is a great
conversation starter.
About 25 of us are getting readyfor an all-night peyote party.
Taking our seats in the teepee,I grab one next to the flap by
the door.
The flap is the door.
I'm committed to staying allnight and experiencing the full
(54:18):
ceremony, but if I need to beata retreat, I want to do it with
minimal drama.
A woman sits next to me.
She's knockout gorgeous.
She has olive skin, dark,soulful eyes.
She's wearing a clingy, flowywhite dress and a tiara.
And now, with no psychedeliccactus in my system yet, I
realize, lo and behold, thatsomehow she's talking to me.
(54:40):
Do you mind if I share yourwater?
She asks no, not at all.
I say Go for it.
I congratulate myself on mycocky nonchalance.
Thanks.
She says it's a good idea tobring that Smart too.
I'm the total package and youknow it.
The bucket full of cactusbuttons gets passed around.
We eat them.
We get to know each other a bitas things get rainy and bubbly
(55:02):
and nice.
Her sartorial style is akin towhat I've seen derisively
described as the Silver LakeShaman aesthetic.
She lives in Venice Beach.
She's in a hurry to move backto Berkeley.
She's a singer.
Her job is voice therapist orsomething like that.
That will almost certainly savethe world, at least when she
(55:22):
does it.
After an hour or so I'mcompletely in love with her.
Yes, had he sat next to me thatnight, I don't doubt I could
have developed a similaraffection for Mitch McConnell.
I got extremely lucky this time.
The singing begins, nobody knowsthe words to the songs, but
we're able to improvise and getclose enough.
Like a lot of drugs, one of theside effects of peyote is music
(55:45):
over appreciation.
I handle the rhythm and thestructure.
I hold a stimulus, a foundationfor her to sing melodies,
improvise and play.
She wasn't kidding.
Her voice is angelic.
I like to think that I soundlike Johnny Cash or will read
when I sing, but I don't.
I can barely carry a tune, butI can go deep.
I try to fight rage so she canfeel it.
(56:07):
She seems to be feelingsomething In this sort of
ceremony.
The act of worship is honoringthe unspoken connections we
create and sustain, the ways wehold each other up, keep each
other alive and allow ourselvesto flourish in each other's
company.
It's a celebration ofinterdependence, safety, passion
, authenticity and our oftenneglected ability to show up for
(56:28):
each other in ways we didn'tknow were possible and he didn't
dare hope.
It's friend-shaking man sayinghow do you do?
And so on the road man, theofficiant, has all the charisma.
You need to hold together agroup of misfit toys singing and
eating holy smithy cat die.
His spiritual guidance consistsof eat more peyote.
If you got a problem, you cansolve it by eating peyote.
(56:51):
If you're not eating peyoteright now, you probably should
be.
He says I wrote a book.
It's called Don't Think, justEat More Peyote.
It's 200 pages, all of themblink.
My lover, my flame, my partnerin an all-night whirlwind
romance, out of time and mind,eats the peyote button that
(57:11):
sends her over the pukethreshold.
In psychedelic circles, this isreferred to as getting well.
She vomits in heroic amounts,more than I think would be
possible for a person of herdiminutive size.
I hold her hair while shevomits.
She drinks some of the waterand comes back more sexy,
vivacious, vivacious, hilariousand glorious than before.
(57:31):
In the end she's weeping.
She says I didn't want to dothis.
I wanted to run away.
That's why I sat next to thedoor.
But as soon as I starteddrinking water I knew I was
going to be okay.
I had the best night of my life.
Thank you everyone.
The roadman looks at the two ofus and says you've got a
tremendous heart, topping it offby touching my chest, which is
(57:52):
transcendental in context.
I think I'm going to feel thisgood for the rest of my goddamn
life.
There's more peyote there thanwe're gonna be able to finish,
which may be the highest ofhigh-quality champagne problems.
As we wrap up, the roadmancautions us against taking stray
peyote buttons to go.
The peyote don't like that, hesays, and that turns out to be
(58:14):
true.
In a general sense, the magic ofthe peyote ceremony is a
function of the worship, theritual and the celebration of
each other.
It only works in this container, in this context.
This world and the Englishlanguage are not safe for it.
The ceremony comes to an end.
We stand outside the TVhonoring the city directions,
(58:34):
preparing to re-enter Earth'satmosphere.
As I say goodbye to my saucy,sexy, ethereal, weak-stomached
siren it's ten degrees colder inVenice than the rest of the
city I say it's gonna be a lotcolder when you're gone.
That could have used moreworkshopping.
I had a long night.
By her response to it I cantell that if I say other things
I want to say to her it's notgonna go the way I want it to go
(58:57):
.
The sun sits fan-sassy in theeast.
My magic powers from the nightbefore have evaporated.
I leave the container, I gohome.
I don't see her again Probablynever will.
I have one more piece of advicefor you, though.
If you're in a peyote ceremonyand you have a haircut scheduled
for the next day, even if it'sin the afternoon, just cancel it
(59:18):
.
That's gonna be way too intense.
Speaker 2 (59:33):
It is only rushing that pushes the soul out of the
body.
Where I am now is where I amhere, and where I am not is
where I am not.
I am here and I am not.
I lived, but I am not important.
I lived to feel what I meant tofeel.
(59:54):
And then this, I will fade andI will feel again Something new
and familiar.
All veterans.
Speaker 1 (01:00:15):
At first I thought this was seriously a setup.
She seemed really into it.
Then I thought maybe she lovedtaking my discipline and also
was using sex for power.
I don't know if that blew mymind, but it was simple steamy,
dreamy and way too hot for radiocrimson transgressions.
Speaker 2 (01:00:34):
A bite-sized erotic thriller by emerson dameron.
Find it before it finds you.
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