Brandon Kaitschuck: Living With Purpose & Discovering the Higher Self

This week our guest is one of Jon Cerone's close friends, Brandon Kaitschuck. Brandon, in his raw, authentic voice, takes us on his tumultuous journey from being a rebellious 15-year-old experimenting with marijuana, to spiraling into addiction involving cocaine, opiates and even fentanyl.

It wasn't a smooth ride to recovery for Brandon. He candidly shares the darkest periods of his battle with addiction, recounting his desperate attempts for escape and spiritual validation. Through multiple rehab visits and a struggle with sobriety that stretched from his high school years to his post college life, Brandon elaborates on how his continued journey to wellness and personal growth lead him to finally understanding what it means to live an authentic life.

With a new found appreciation for life, Brandon discusses with us everything from his physical fitness journey to his passion for music and his strategies to stay accountable. We delve deep into how his struggle with addiction and subsequent recovery has shaped his outlook on life to the point where he is determined to publish books to aid others in the same battles that he has fought. This episode is a testament to how a life riddled with addiction can be turned around, and serves as an inspiring guide on how to regain control of one's life.

Don't forget to check out Episode 37 with Brandon's band TOED on why music is such an important part of wellness!

Stay up and FEEL FREE

Support the show

Follow Jon Cerone and The FEEL FREE Podcast

Parables: Musings From an Addict on the Journey Toward Wholeness on Amazon:
https://a.co/d/iWp2X6D

Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/joncerone/?hl=en

Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/people/Jon-Cerone/100075476931880/

Youtube:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCP5j0_wqY2yj-2JyXU_27iQ

TikTok:
https://www.tiktok.com/@joncerone
https://www.tiktok.com/@feelfreeclips

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome back to the Feel Free podcast, the only
podcast that'll tell you tochase your dreams, call you out
on all your bullshit, myselfincluded.
I'm your host, john Sarone.
This week we got Brandon KChuck here to talk about
recovery, sobriety, wellness andall that other good stuff,

(00:21):
inspiring a motivational storyabout what led him to change his
life and get back on his horse,start caring about everything
that is mental, physical,emotional well-being.
He's also one of the members ofthe band Toad.
They were on a couple of weeksago to talk about how music is
an important part of wellness.
Don't forget to listen to thatepisode.

(00:42):
Also a good one this week, withBrandon's going to be a good
one.
I think that the following weekwe're going to have a solo
podcast.
For all you people that don'treally enjoy the solo podcast.
You don't have to listen to it.
You're going to be taking adifferent route on that, one
other than just updates on mylife got something planned.
I think I will be up in theupper peninsula of Michigan for

(01:05):
some well-needed creativity timeout in nature, which spurred me
to do a solo podcast thatshould be coming out in a couple
of weeks.
Stay tuned for the rest of theepisode yeah, stay up and feel
free, let's see.

Speaker 2 (01:23):
Where do I?
You want to give me a generalquestion to get us kicked off?

Speaker 1 (01:30):
When did your journey with addiction started?

Speaker 2 (01:31):
Yeah, man Journey with addiction started back in
the day I believe I was 15 yearsold.
It all started with a magicalplant called marijuana, which
that can't be addicting becauseit's a plant, right.
So that was the thought.
But man, I really I look backat it there was no one that

(01:54):
liked smoking weed as much as Idid at that point.
Social group, social setting bymyself and it got to a point to
where I remember when my firstreally got a pretty good high
from marijuana as a 15-year-oldand I was like this is it?
This solves my feeling ofsadness, of isolation, anxiety.

(02:16):
That was my cure for a while.
It wasn't very sustainable,given the fact that, I mean it
smells.
Your parents find out you can'tsustain, have a sustainable
life and just constantly besmoking weed all the time, or
doing any drugs for that matter,but it was very socially
acceptable among my peers inhigh school.

(02:39):
So, dealt with that for a while, man 16, started drinking a
little bit, experimenting withXanax, benzos, did some drinking
.
It wasn't long before and thisis all just going to be rough
estimate timelines, buteventually that led into some
serious just.
I had a lot of conflict with myparents.

(03:01):
They don't come from, I guess,a real history of drug use.
They were 80s teenagers so theydid some partying and drinking
and that was kind of always themore socially acceptable thing.
But they were never marijuanausers or drug users.
So it was really difficult onthem to know that I was doing

(03:22):
this stuff and it created a lotof animosity and distrust that
eventually led to an inpatientrehab.
I went to rehab when I was anadolescent, 16 years old I was
either I believe I was 16 thefirst time had some sobriety for
about three months, ended upgoing back, ran away from home,

(03:47):
did that whole charade when Iwas about 17,.
Ran away from home, failed outof high school for a quarter.
I remember just being like fuckyou, fuck you, I just
completely checked out, man.
And that wasn't like me.
I was always someone who caredabout performing well, at least
academically.
I wasn't so much an athlete,but I was very interested in

(04:10):
school and projects andpresentations.
That was kind of like I got alot of enjoyment out of that.
So went to school, got like a0.0.
Eventually I agreed to goingback to rehab.
That was actually the secondtime I went back.
I recall it was a very bad, badmushroom trip dude.

(04:30):
The mushrooms can do that shithere, right?
They could really be spooky.
It was the best of times.
It was the worst of times,right?
The tale of two mushrooms, as Ilike to put it.
So I've stayed with my uncleand I remember my parents.
They were obviously in contactwith the school therapists,

(04:52):
people within the adolescentpsychology community, and they
learned the best thing you cando to get your son back is to
use love, right, not anger andforce, and to just put that love
in.
So I stayed with my uncle for aweek when I was runaway.
He was driving me to school andthey had like a family photo

(05:14):
album and I bought like aquarter ounce of mushrooms prior
to staying with him and Iremember like, oh, I'm going to
trip balls at his place and graba bunch of orange juice, mind
you, like, this is a time whereI'm obviously in a very bad spot
, the orange juice, like withthe shroom.

Speaker 1 (05:29):
Oh man, that's that spot.

Speaker 2 (05:31):
I was 17, runaway, depressed, hated my life,
failing out of school angry asfuck.
I hit my parents angry atmyself.
You know no sense of directionand I ate a bunch of mushrooms
and I chugged that orange juiceand that was a fucking scary
night.
I started seeing the devil inthe walls at his place and I

(05:52):
cried.
I cried myself to sleep thatnight.
So I was going through thephoto album like pictures of me
and my family.
It was just like a bed.
It was a very good thing tohappen, but bad thing to happen.
So I called my mom the day.
I was like I'll go to rehab,you get me the fuck out of here.
I got it, I got to do something, and so that was the catalyst

(06:13):
for that man.
You know, there were periods ofsobriety after that.
My high school graduation wasdry, so I was in intensive
outpatient with other people myage that were teenagers looking
to get sober.
There was a lot of alcoholics,anonymous narcotics, anonymous
12 step programs that I wasinvolved in at that age, and

(06:33):
groups, groups, social settings,social groups.
Through that time period I hadbeen to roughly 10 to 20
funerals of people my age thathave died from drug overdoses.
I, you know, going into collegeI lost my best friend at the
time, steve Sharon.
Rest in peace from a heroinoverdose From.

(06:54):
He met a girl when he was inrehab that was recovering heroin
act and she relapsed and he gotinto the dope and ended up
killing himself.
It had to be one of the firsttimes of him using it.
So that was rough and, yeah,went to college, kind of started
back up right.
Started back up with the weedfreshman year.
I believe that's around thetime when I met you.
We were kind of out doing ourown things, party scene a little

(07:16):
bit and that is when I met you.
Yeah, there's some othercharacters that were involved in
that story as well, and it was.
That was a wild and fun year.
I was able to sustain a levelof success academically using
the I guess you could call itthe moderated marijuana alcohol

(07:36):
Dude, I fuck.

Speaker 1 (07:37):
I was doing everything, though.

Speaker 2 (07:38):
I was.
Yeah, I was doing a lot of shit.
Yeah, I was taking pills, like,but I believe, like I had gone
so hard in high school that I'mlike, okay, like I can, I was
able to sustain at least goodgrades, right, that's what it
was.
I was very active andextracurricular.
You know, I wasn't doingcommunity service and shit, but

(07:58):
I was doing the fuck out ofclass.
So I probably got like a 3.5,3.6 grade point average.
Freshman year I started studyingMandarin Chinese, which became
a real interest of mine.
So, as I would go around kindof like everyone liked to smoke
all the time at Grand Valley,right, so we would go take
cruises, we'd go to people'shouses.
If I was at your house smokingweed with you, I had my fucking

(08:19):
Chinese book in my hand and Iwas studying Mandarin, I was
doing my homework, I was havingfun.
I'm like, dude, we smoke somuch weed that I literally have
to take all my homework with meand do it while we get high.
And it worked for me.
I figured it out.
So I learned.
I learned Chinese while I washigh for a year and that was so
that was sustainable.
Got into MDMA pretty hardcorethat following summer that was

(08:45):
the summer of the first electricforest.
It was a summer of 2013.
We had dabbled into Bitcoin.
Bitcoin was around $60 backthen.
We were getting plethora ofthings for the utilization of
Bitcoin in marketplaces and,yeah, I thought I was living the
life of just a fucking, justoutlaw king.

(09:05):
Like you know.
Ego, ego, psychedelics, lsd,dimethyl, tryptamine, like you,
you name, like it was a unrealexperience.
It was.
It was crazy.
There was death, lost, anotherfriend who had overdosed that
summer, fucking so much shit.
This is in this summer, so thesummer of 2013,.
Right Was the summer ofbasically like this is kind of

(09:29):
like the summer of love, thesummer of psychedelics.
Right, for our generation, thiswas when EDM dubstep were
becoming more prominent.
It's huge.

Speaker 1 (09:37):
EDM culture right.

Speaker 2 (09:38):
A lot of these big names it was.
It was a pivotal moment, likein society.
So you had all.
You had this catalyst, catalystfor like just a perfect storm,
right.
And I, just I went too deepthat summer.
I came back the next year,complete ego, death, like
extreme depression, no sense ofself or who.

(10:01):
I was just like quite literallyafraid of my fucking shadow,
like afraid of existing man,like there were there were times
where I almost checked myselfin to a psychiatric institution
and I largely attribute that toa.
Well, it wasn't MDMA at thetime, it was BK MDMA, it was
meth alone, right, but that shitwas that was neurotoxic as fuck

(10:22):
.
So that was a changing pointwhere I had made some changes
and I was humbled by that.
There was a lot of growth.
I, although I didn't get soberat that point in life, there was
like this feeling of like arebirth, like I feel like I
changed as a person, I becamemore aware socially, I started

(10:44):
caring more about other peopleand I just kind of realized that
I'm not, I'm not this God,right, I'm not God, I'm a human
that can be destroyed andbrought to the point of wanting
to, to no longer exist.
So you, know that was.
That was a learning experienceEventually.
Yeah, we'll see where does thatput us.

(11:04):
Okay, get back to school.
Do a couple of years at GrandValley, fucking, still still
using drugs, but stopped usingthe ecstasy.
The ecstasy stopped.
There was dabbling and opiates.
Oh, this is why I kind ofstarted getting into cocaine.

Speaker 1 (11:20):
So, yeah, yeah, for sure.
Yeah, because you might have tohelp me remember this shit, man
, it's like a, you know 16 yearsof drug use After your junior
year at Grand Valley, because Iwas gone for a year when I had
failed out.
When I came back the secondtime around at Grand Valley,
that was when.
That was when we startedgetting closer and started

(11:41):
hitting on.

Speaker 2 (11:41):
Was that when I was at Enclave?
Yeah, yeah, that was when youwere well, first.

Speaker 1 (11:46):
Actually, first it was when you were in the
business college, right next tome.

Speaker 2 (11:50):
That was when I moved in.
My parents were helping me movein.
I saw you in, evan.
Yeah, that was.
That was a year before on clave.

Speaker 1 (11:58):
That what?
Yeah, I'm saying that yearstarted it when?
What?
When I came back, Then westarted hanging out, because we
were literally in buildingsright next to each other.
And then when you moved onclave, then we started hanging
out.
I came in that year With my, myshit together, you know, on,
like, like you had stated inyour story before, like I was on

(12:19):
the Dean's list but I was stillpartying, so it like reinforced
the idea that I knew what I wasdoing and and then it spiraled
out of control and Well,actually we were both there when
we were both spiraling.
Yeah, I know, I, just I remembergoing into your place and, just
seeing, nothing but missed.

Speaker 2 (12:35):
It looked like you because from the fucking vape
you had that mod.

Speaker 1 (12:39):
And I would walk through my book.

Speaker 2 (12:40):
I can't believe the fucking fire alarms aren't going
off like dude, I felt like Iwas at rainforest cafe or some
shit.
Yeah, blueberry rainforest cafe,you know so that.
But yeah, so that year, right,it continued.
Money was coming in.
We'll say that money was comingin.
Things were happening.

(13:01):
I had taken a leadershipposition within an organization,
a nonprofit libertarianorganization, so that gave me a
little bit of purpose.
Outside of some of theunhealthy habits.
Right, there were all things,things were in motion that that
held me accountable to at leastsome sort of individuals.
Right, but nothing, there wasnot much.
There weren't healthy habits interms of my physical and mental

(13:25):
and spirit.
I mean, how healthy can you be,right, when you're consuming at
that kind of rate?
So, oh, that ended, man, thatended in.
Okay, another rehab.
So, first rehab in college Igot addicted to Fenton.
I was addicted.
A bunch of shit, man, I mean Ijust, I just put it out there,
like at one point I remember Iwas waking up, I would take, I

(13:46):
would take a Xanax bar.
When I get right out of bed, Itake a Xanax bar, I would do a
little bit of fentanyl out of,like this nasal spray that I had
.
You remember that shit.

Speaker 1 (13:57):
Yeah, so I didn't do it.

Speaker 2 (13:59):
No, I know you, I know you didn't do it and people
were like what the fuck?
Like that was like you know,and I wasn't, and it wasn't sold
to me as fentanyl Originally.
We just fucked up.
That was sold as oxycodonenasal spray Fuck that.
That guy was a dickhead, youknow like motherfucker.
But uh, I Didn't really give ashit after I had tried it a few

(14:22):
times.
It's like, okay, what this is,I like it and um.

Speaker 1 (14:25):
There's the cratum, there's the cratum too.

Speaker 2 (14:27):
That's after.
That was the fucking worst dude.
I'm gonna put that out thereright now for the whole universe
because I guarantee you havelisteners that do some sort of
harm reduction Therapy.
There's a lot of populartechniques like California's
sober, like right to smoke yourweed.
I'm a recovering heroin act oralcoholic and I smoke weed.
That's fine dude.

(14:48):
Like whatever works for youworks for you.
But if there's one thing Igotta say like is bad news bears
man, it's that cratum shit.
I cannot fucking believe that.
I can't believe what that didto me, the withdrawals from that
.
I would have been better offwithdrawing off a dope in
fentanyl 100% than withdrawingfrom cratum.

Speaker 1 (15:08):
That's crazy, it was the worst, bro.

Speaker 2 (15:09):
I grabbed a frying pan when I met my parents.
I was detoxing from this shit.
They wanted me off of it.
I wanted off of it too.
I was miserable dude.
Mood swings like Like I can'teven believe it.
I was taking a lot, like I wastaking a shit ton of it, but
yeah you were yeah, dude, butyou know it's like bags were big
, dude, they were big.
I was buying them by the kilos.
I was getting them, shit fromBali.
I was like I had a guy, dude, Ihad a guy for everything.

(15:32):
Like was that actually what thefuck?
Like four, five kilos of cratumshow up to his dad's house?
I'm like, listen, bro, it'sjust a plan.
Classy, completely legal youcould buy this shit in a fucking
smoke shop and uh, but thewithdrawals were so bad.
I was on like probably day six.
I couldn't sleep so I grabbed afrying pan.
I was at my parents house, Igrabbed a frying pan.

(15:53):
I tried knocking myself out.
I was smashing my myself in theface with a frying pan at like
four o'clock in the morning, manJust trying to like I need
sleep.
It was it drove me mad.

Speaker 1 (16:03):
So I need sleep.

Speaker 2 (16:04):
All right.
So let's backtrack here.
So we enter To uh rehabimpatient this is the third
impatient right.
First time in college, uh Endup taking a semester off which,
like I did not want to, Iremember being like I got it.
I had, I had great grades too,and this was what.
This is a dangerous part.

(16:24):
Yeah, going into that rehab itwas really tough for me to
swallow because, although I wason a cocktail and a plethora of
opiates, benzodiazepines,psychedelics, you name it
alcohol, cocaine I I was leadingtwo group projects and I had a
3.9 grade point average and Ihad to I had to withdraw myself

(16:45):
as a medical thing for my ownhealth, because I was gonna, I
was gonna fucking die.
I, I would have eventuallyfucking died, yeah for sure.
Like you can't, you can't mix.
You can't mix cocaine, xanax,adderall and fentanyl together
and alcohol and expect to livevery long.
So that's precisely what I wasdoing every day, right?
So, thank god, right I, when Iwas withdrawing off the fentanyl

(17:07):
, I called my mom and I wasemotional and I was crying.
I was in pain, man, I was inpain bed.
She's always been there.
Her and my dad have always beenthere to support me.
You know I put them through somuch shit and we've had a lot of
um.
You know we've had, we've had atough relationship navigating
through a lot of these, a lot ofthese problems.
Right, it's been, it's beendifficult, right, it's never

(17:27):
easy on any family and, uh,they've always had my back and
they just want you know what'sbest for me.
So they got me into treatment.
I lived with them in Cadillac,michigan, when they had a place
there, for Maybe four or five,six months or something like
that, until I honestly can'tremember.
You know, when you come off ofall this stuff too, like there's

(17:47):
a period where you don'tremember Um even when you get
clean like what I was told.
I'm not.
My grandmother was a recoveringaddict and she told me that she
doesn't remember the first Twoyears after she got sober,
because I mean, it's completelydifferent right.
So, there's a good chance thatyeah this whole year of my
sobriety.
In the future I might not reallyremember that well because it's
new brain chemistry is settling, likely just came off a 15 year

(18:11):
bender.
It does something right.
Um, so I get sober ish.
Three months still once againonly doing it for my loved ones.
I felt Resetment and animositythat I couldn't go see Bayes
nectar.
I wanted to go see Bayesnectar's halloween show.
And I remember he's like whatcan I see?
Bayes nectar?
And like I was so fuckingpissed.

(18:32):
I bought my ticket, whatever,and I wanted to go do that and
my dad was like that's not agood idea.
He's right, I, I wouldn't wantto now.
I mean well, probablydefinitely not see Bayes nectar
now, but I wouldn't want to.
I wouldn't want to go into thatenvironment right now, um, and
in my I just it's not enjoyable.
But at that time I was, youknow, I liked that scene.

(18:53):
That's where who my friendswere and um that was tough.
Went back to school, basicallyFucking, relapsed right away,
started drinking more cocaineextreme paranoia.
I was with John and like Icould tell stories about that.
But it was.
It was bad man.
I'd completely lost my peace ofmind.
I I quite literally, was soafraid, uh, that I was going to,

(19:16):
that I was going to go tofucking prison for the rest of
my life.
I was, I was fucking scared.
I was, I was absolutelyhorrified, paranoid.
People I knew were gettingthrown in prison.
Um it, what I was trying tojuggle wasn't sustainable.
But so I put in a.
I put in a semester.
I managed to pass my classes.
I believe at this point in timemy grades did start tapering,

(19:38):
like it eventually catches upwith you, right.
So I was doing enough to passand get through my classes, but
I wasn't.
I wasn't highly performing.
I move out of.
Let's see.
This goes on for about anotheryear.
I move out of enclave Fuck,where we at John.
So I come back from rehab and Ibelieve I moved to Enclave.

(20:01):
You moved down a group, or wasit with a veto?
When was I on veto street?
Because I did.

Speaker 1 (20:09):
I go from when you move.
That was after that was out.
You went from enclave todowntown g r who were living
with um.
You're one dj buddy in all ofhis buddies.
You only stayed yeah you onlystayed there for a little bit,
yeah, and because that was bad,right.
Then I ended up we.
I ended up leaving in the fallof 2017.
Uh, because I was just erasingalcohol and I only lasted two

(20:31):
weeks in class that semester,and then I'm like I have to go
yeah, I'm done, so I don't knowwhere you moved.
after the veto, we'll talk aboutveto street for a second, so
I'm on veto street.

Speaker 2 (20:45):
I remember just Feeling like super depressed.
I I wasn't.
I didn't exactly fit in wellwith my roommates at the time I
was.
I've always been, I've alwaysbeen a black sheep and like.
But me with the drugs too alsomakes it like a little bit
harder to live with.
I would imagine I kept that outof People's faces.
But when this you know when.
I'm addicted to cocaine and I'mup at five o'clock in the
morning just constantly smokingcigarettes outside.

(21:07):
Like Probably have an idea thatyour roommate is like you know
he's got a lot of fun, so Inever really connected with
those guys.
I did get in physical shape,which is interesting because a
lot of those guys were bigfitness people and so Was Kane,
kane was on a huge thing.
Yeah, it was.
Yeah it was a weird combo, itwas weird, so okay.
So yeah, I kind of got myfitness thing, so I lost 40

(21:27):
pounds.

Speaker 1 (21:28):
Yeah, I got addicted to cocaine and Xanax.
I would go work out while I wasblackout.

Speaker 2 (21:31):
I would go to the gym at three o'clock in the morning
with two grams of cocaine and Iwould just do, I would just do
it and I would just do it and Iwould just do it and I would
just do it and I would just doit and I would just do it and I
would just do it, and then Iwould run like two miles and
then I would do it and I'd runtwo miles, then I'd start
lifting.
So I was doing coke andexercise.
That was my, that was my thingfor that year.

Speaker 1 (21:52):
Lost a bunch of weight.

Speaker 2 (21:54):
It was fucked dude.
I seriously just I don't knowwhy I did that shit to myself,
like I couldn't, I couldn't justaccept.
I was like, if I'm gonna dococaine, I'm gonna, I'm gonna be
a good cocaine user like man.

Speaker 1 (22:07):
It was just so much.

Speaker 2 (22:08):
I didn't.
My sleep schedule was so badfor so long.
Um, so they eventually wantedme to leave.
They wanted me to leave thehouse.
I understood, and I well, I waslike what the fuck it was.
I was surprised at the time but, like you know, I shouldn't
have been living there.
Honestly, it wasn't a good fitand I remember being like okay,
this is, this is the worst, itcan't get.

(22:29):
Can't get much worse than this.
So I drive, I've got, uh,probably like a few thousand
dollars in my pocket.
I'm like I'm gonna go to thecasino.
I drive the casino, my car.
Um, I crashed my fucking Malibu,like it spun out.
It was a lot.
It wasn't aligned properly whenI took it in, so I just smashed
, like I spun out on theexpressway, smashed into a wall

(22:51):
and the car is smoking.
And I just remember like, yeah,damn it.
So I was like, I was so justlike over it.
I just got out of the car andjust started walking home and
some guy comes up to me on theexpressway.
He's like whoa, whoa, whoa, areyou okay?
I'm like, yeah, it's all good,man, I'm just gonna go home.
Like I just like over it.

Speaker 1 (23:06):
I'm like I'm just gonna go.

Speaker 2 (23:07):
It's like dude, I just call the police like you
can't.
I was like, oh, I wasn't drunk.
So I remember the first thing Idid with my car crashed, like
there was all this smoke comingup, I'm like, oh shit, I have
xanax in here.
I'm like I like found the drugsand I threw them.
I threw them off the fuckinghighway and then, uh, I started
walking home and the guys likedude, I just saw that like are

(23:28):
you okay?
Like that was fucking crazy.
I'm like, yeah, it's fine, MayI be all good.
And then he's like okay, well,the police are coming.
I was like fuck, so right, whenthe police show up, like I'm
not drunk.
And he's like okay, like allright, man, they didn't
breathalyze me or anything.
I wasn't drinking, but I wasdefinitely on, probably on xanax
and a whole bunch of other shit.
But, uh right, they didn'treally test for that.

(23:49):
Like you can't, there's nobreathalyzer for for drugs.
I hear they have one formarijuana.
Now I'm not sure about thatother stuff unless they test
your blood levels.
But Moral, the story for thatday was it can always get worse.
It can always get worse.
So Make, make the rightdecisions that you have control
over.
To not make it worse, like, whatthe fuck was I doing?

(24:11):
Driving in the casino?
I wasn't.
I was making poor decisions,you know, and I kept putting
myself in a bad spot.

Speaker 1 (24:18):
Right, so you were able to graduate grand valley
Okay, um, yeah, and I know youwent through, uh, a phase out of
college in in recent yearswhere you really just stuck to
drinking and smoking marijuanaoccasionally, right, and you
kind of you might have dabbledwith harder stuff here and there

(24:41):
but, you haven't been doingshit like your college days,
that's for sure, but correct,because you were just doing the
the alcohol in the marijuanaYou're like.
Well, this is, society canaccept this.
I'm not A total train wreckright now, but I can still keep
using and and function at at anopt, not like a suboptimal level

(25:01):
, correct or like enough.
Yeah, you know so what?
What caused you so?
Actually, I'd like the thelisteners to know how.
How long have you been soberfor?

Speaker 2 (25:11):
Yeah, I've been sober , so I'm coming up.
Next month, on the 12th, willbe eight months, so I'm just
over seven months.
Congratulations.
Thanks, brother, I appreciateit.

Speaker 1 (25:21):
Yeah, it's been.
It's been a good journey.
Now, with all the backstory of,you're pretty much half the
back story.

Speaker 2 (25:30):
Half of the back story, but yes yeah, right,
right.

Speaker 1 (25:34):
What.
What led you to getting soberthis time around and why was it
different than the other times?

Speaker 2 (25:43):
For sure it's a great question.
So this time around, like yousaid, john, I had a level of I
guess you could say like I don'twanna put this like appearance,
appearance success, like, yes,I held down a job, I had strong
friendships, I did activitiesoutside of work and drinking,

(26:07):
Like I had some sort of life,but you know that it was very
much, I'd say, like a binge.
I was a binge drinker, so whenI would go socialize and I would
go down weekends, it would belike a lot of binge drinking, a
lot of over drinking, and it waslike I was like okay with that

(26:27):
for a while.
You know, I had a lot of funtimes, especially the last few
years.
My sister and I had a good groupof friends.
My parents had moved up Northand we had access to their lake,
so every time I turned to go,we'd throw like a three day
party at their place and like itwas a lot of fun, dude, like
birthday parties.
We had fucking jousting arenaswe would bring in like bands and
fucking dunk tanks and shit.

(26:49):
Like everything we did was likeextra, like completely extra,
and that was a lot of fun.
It was a fun experience, youknow, and alcohol was largely
tied to that and like otherparty drugs and stuff like that
Ketamine.
But I was really afraid for along time that giving up alcohol
and drugs in general we'regoing to lead to just really

(27:12):
vanilla and boring life, andthat I myself would be calm,
just a dull, and I was just, Idon't know.
It was a lot of fear, man.
There was a lot of fear inletting go of that, and what
I've seen now through thisexperience is I've gained
everything back.
Like I can't imaginesacrificing what I have going on

(27:35):
now and the relationships thatI am building with people, new
relationships like really doinga better job at exercising,
being more adamant, moreaccurate, more precise, having
more control, and then no longerright, no longer compromising
with my lower self.
Right, there was a lot ofcompromising.

(27:56):
When you do that kind ofdrinking and drug use, you're
fucking.
Sundays are gone.
If you're binge drinking on aSaturday night and you had plans
to do shit on Sunday, you'renot doing all the shit.
You're not waking up early andgoing for a run, and if you are,
you're a sociopath.
Yeah, there's no way.
And so there's a level ofcompromise, man, and so I am

(28:19):
working on.
You've inspired me a lot inrecovery.
You and Muncie man, like youguys, have been great friends.
Couldn't ask for better friendsto have going through a
transition like this.
I appreciate you and you'rewriting in your book and I've
realized that there's some stuffthat I want to communicate to
and speak with with the world.
So one of those books is calledBetter Sundays and that's a

(28:40):
book that I'm working on rightnow and that's about and that's
a big reason there is, I mean,that's one seventh right Of your
life is Sunday and if you'reblowing one seventh of your life
like that's a huge loss, man.
That's like statisticallysignificant.
So getting better quality onthat.
But I mean this time more thanever, dude, it was, there was

(29:02):
like a kind of spiritualawakening that happened during
my detox.
It was that was different thanother detoxes.

Speaker 1 (29:11):
The gears had already been spinning, so you know I
was gonna say that you had a lotof really good wellness
practices that you would alwaystalk about, even while you were
still doing the partying and thedrinking you know you're.
You're planning like you'd workout.
Occasionally you'd hit dietsand stuff, like like you've.
Like you said you had thiscommunity aspect of things, like

(29:34):
you were doing a lot of reallygood work on yourself, but like
you were telling me on the phonemultiple times you're like dude
, I just like drink Friday andSaturday and then my Sunday is
fucking shot.
You know I'm just too hungoverto do anything else, and so I
remember that and I kind of wantto ask what led up to getting

(29:57):
sober the seven to eight monthsago though.

Speaker 2 (30:00):
Why what?

Speaker 1 (30:01):
happened this time For sure.

Speaker 2 (30:03):
So specifically what happened was I had we had played
a show, toad played a show, andwe had a fucking great time.
It was awesome and you knowanyone knows me knows I'm very
open about all this and you knowI'm totally willing to share
that in the podcast.
So what had happened was I hada gram, I had about a gram.

(30:24):
It was a half gram or a gram ofheroin that I bought and I had
kept that for like a rainy day,right, whatever the fuck that
means.
So after we played our Toadshow, I remember like, okay, I
had this prize for myselfwaiting at my place, so I opened
it up and I did some and thenthat was off of the races for
about two weeks With that, if itlasted a lot longer than I

(30:48):
thought the detox off.
That was rough, it was humblingexperience I had.
While I was on it I was stilldrinking too quite a bit.
So health problems from alcoholthat I hadn't experienced in
the past.
Right, there was a lot of thisdrinking and fun, but the gears
were already turning about thequality of life aspect that we
talked about, right.
But now it was becomingphysical.

(31:09):
John, I had like a acid refluxdisease and I had this for a
long time and I gotta tell you,like someone with acid reflux
disease, drinking is one of thefucking worst things you can do.
So that finally caught up withme where I was waking up in the
middle of the night like like Icouldn't breathe, like I
literally couldn't breathebecause of so much alcohol.
I, it was doing something.

(31:31):
I was like looking it up onlineand it says like yeah, when you
drink a lot, it can make youracid reflux bad to where you
can't breathe.
So I was waking up, out ofbreath, unable to breathe.
I thought I was gonna like diein my sleep.
So you're mixing the alcoholwith the opiates, right?
I was waking up, I was noddingout and waking up and already
slow heart rate, unable tobreathe.

(31:52):
So there was some like in myhead like near death experiences
on that and that was scaring mequite a little bit.
So a large majority of thisinitially was fear-based.
It was a bit of fear-basedrecovery, but more than that, I
had like acknowledged the factthat like well, this time it's

(32:13):
all me.
No one knew about my issue withthat right.
This was all something that Ihad going on.
This wasn't mom and dad callingme, telling me I needed to do
something.
This wasn't my employer tellingme I was gonna lose my job.
This wasn't schools.
This was like and I'm like, Ihave an opportunity here to make
a change for my higher self andbe a better version of myself.

(32:36):
And I know now I have all thetools.
I've been implementing thesetools slowly over the course of
the last, say, like three orfour years, right, ever since an
experience I had with JoshHarrison, but that's like that's
a little separate, but that wasanother spiritual awakening I
had.
Right.
There was all these levels ofmany, many spiritual awakenings
that led me to this point right.
So I had the faith.
I basically had faith at thispoint I've seen it I've seen you

(32:59):
and Muncie do it that I canlive a fucking awesome life
without drinking.
I truly believe that I can, andthe drinking was the thing that
was always bringing me back tothe drugs man.
Like I liked drinking.
It was socially acceptable.
It was very easy to find someother stuff as well, but, having
had experiences through music,I've never felt more alive and

(33:24):
Like a high that you get frombeing on stage and jamming and
vibing with your friends andcreating something right.
So I experienced that and I hadexperienced it sober and it
felt really good, right.
So all these elements aretelling me I've got all these
great things going on in my life.
I'm experiencing peace andspirituality and love and fun

(33:45):
like raw fun, and I know I cando it without the drugs and
alcohol.
I've got all these physicalgoals too.
It's like now.
It's like now time to pull thetrigger right.
That and all the physicals.
It was just a perfect storm oflike everything that had
happened leading up to thatpoint.
And then, looking at the future, like here's what's going to
happen next.
If I Do these two, if I eithereither one right sobriety or

(34:10):
continue down the route of drugsand alcohol, It'll be another
rehab, it'll be, or it'd bedeath, it'd be death, it'd be
death.
Or just me every 10 years doingokay, being mediocre, and then
falling back, and then beingmediocre and falling back.
I would almost rather befucking dead.

Speaker 1 (34:28):
To be completely and then have to live that cycle.

Speaker 2 (34:30):
I'd rather be dead than live a mediocre existence.
100% Right.
So yeah, I don't know if thatanswers it as a pretty in-depth
explanation, but you shouldexpect nothing less.

Speaker 1 (34:44):
No, that was perfect.
So eight months ago, youfinally pulled trigger on on
something that you believed youknow it was a long time coming.
Yep, honestly, now, with withwhere you're at now, now you're,
you're.
You're eight months into it.
How does it feel?

Speaker 2 (35:05):
I feel great man, but more importantly, I feel Like I
actually so not always greatbut that's.
But that's okay, that's okay.
You know, I know we weretalking about.
We were joking around a littlebit before this.
Like we go, we go through stuff, right, I'm learning.
But now I'm able to learn andreflect and be like well, how

(35:26):
come I don't feel great, like,was there something I missed on
my non-negotiables, on mymorning routine?
Did I fucking scroll Instagramfor 30 minutes too long today,
watching reels, because thatnever makes me feel better?
So like, are there?
Are there addicting things Imight?
Did I eat like shit?
Did I?
Did I mistreat somebody earlier?
Did I write?
Was I not being mindful?

(35:47):
Was I not embracing my, myprinciples?
So you know, with the clearhead, you're able to do that if
I'm drunk and I'm high, there'sno, there's no growth, there's
no learning from it, right?

Speaker 1 (35:57):
But I'd like to say, like, when you internalize those
questions, you actually I andin my opinion when you're asking
those really deep questionsabout your day, like why am I
feeling like shit, you know theanswer.
So, in order to not face theanswer, you drink, smoke and do
drugs.

Speaker 2 (36:13):
Yeah, it's escapism.

Speaker 1 (36:15):
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, yeah, I have the answer,but I'm gonna sweep it under the
rug.

Speaker 2 (36:18):
Yeah, I've got the answer but you know, this looks
a lot more delicious right now.

Speaker 1 (36:24):
Let's go to coke about it.
I'll tell you the answer sofunny man, you know.

Speaker 2 (36:32):
So it was and that was the key thing we identified
in Therapy, mohammed and I, itwas, you know, we wrote the
lower self, higher self, whichis, which has come up a few
times, and the lower self wasrooted in instant gratification.
Right, it's constant escapism,it's just everything.
And in people who suffer fromthe disease of addiction addicts

(36:54):
, alcoholics, it's, it is rightvery much a spiritual deficiency
.
It's not like Alcohol or drugsare not, are not our problem.
That's, that was the currentstimulus.
Right, it was.
It's very much.
It goes deeper than that and itcan manifest itself in so many
areas of your life.
So, doing a deep divespiritualist, like 12-step

(37:15):
programs exist.
I myself am not like adheringto a stringent 12-step program.
I'm doing something slightlydifferent.
Right, with my therapist,that's, that's worked for him,
it's working for me, and I knowyou do like what I.

Speaker 1 (37:28):
It's kind of like what I did too, for sure.

Speaker 2 (37:30):
So it's, and not to say that 12 steps aren't great.
I've seen it help, like youknow, at least people I've met.
You know tens, if not hundredsof people.
So I took it's a great programand but at the core of it, right
, it's a spiritual illness thatwe're combating.
So Really diving deep into thatis has been a just it's.

(37:53):
It's made this experience muchmore different.
And then also having the toolsthat I've been slowly
implementing, like meditation,gratitude lists, reading some of
these books right, your brother, joe, and I bonded over the
fact that we had both read andenjoyed the seven habits of
highly effective people as avery influential book.
That helped get the beersrolling for me too.
So a lot of good shit out there,man, a lot of great resources,

(38:14):
and If something's not workingfor you or you don't have a
great person that you feel ishelping you get to that next
level, they are out there.
Fucking call, call, call me,man.
Reach out like anyone.
Listen to this, reach out to me, shoot me a message, give me a
call, shoot me a text.
I truly do.
One of my, one of my keypurposes here is compassion, and

(38:36):
moving forward in my journey isto truly seek out and help and
help others achieve a sense ofcontrol over their own lives and
their existence.
So Definitely here for that.

Speaker 1 (38:50):
That's beautiful.

Speaker 2 (38:51):
Yeah, honestly that's awesome, john.

Speaker 1 (38:55):
Yeah, you fucking love you, man Hell yeah.
Goddamn.
So How's your, how's thephysical wellness going?

Speaker 2 (39:06):
now that you're fucking peace, bro, I got, I got
.

Speaker 1 (39:11):
I'm gonna say I'm proud of you though.
You're consistent, you'retracking everything.

Speaker 2 (39:17):
I was remembering when you tell me your brother
track every fucking macronutrient.
I was like that motherfucker'scrazy.
And I'm like, do that's likeit's a way to do it.
Though, dude, my therapist islike you got a fucking track
that shit.
I was like, alright, dude, I'llget it.

Speaker 1 (39:30):
Oh so oh man, I got a lot of looking for those.
Go ahead.
If you're looking for thosetype of results, you have to
track it like that for sure.
That's yeah.
If we track everything else, wedo you should track.

Speaker 2 (39:42):
You should track the food you're eating if you want
the ultimate control right.
You track your finances, oryour.
You know your calendar for work, your meetings, you're like
whatever it is we do.
Everything should be measurable.
You have to be able to measureit, to know if you're hitting
the metrics you want and then,if not, you got it with just
Right.
So it's a science everything.

Speaker 1 (40:02):
Everything is so the journey's been good man, goal
achieving.

Speaker 2 (40:05):
Yeah, yeah, sure, and it's the only way you can do it
like, oh, I'm not gettingresults, like you know.
Yeah, you could go to the gymevery day.
If you eat like shit, you'refucked man.
You're not gonna lose anyweight.
I did it for years, you know.
Yeah, you gotta have like yougotta have that the eating
habits and the eating regimen.
So it's been good, brother, Igot a ways to go.
I clocked in at two hundredthirty six point seven pounds

(40:28):
two days ago.
I believe that my heaviestearlier this year in March I was
265, some down about 30 pounds.
Okay, yeah, got about 20 moreCongratulations.

Speaker 1 (40:36):
Thanks brother.
Yeah, I changed.

Speaker 2 (40:38):
I changed the goal from 220 to 200.
I feel like I'd be a morecomfortable 200, so I'm gonna go
to 200, you can do it yeah.
I'll definitely I.
I know I can.
It's gonna be different thistime, because 200 Back in a day
was 200, but it wasn't like amuscular 200 because I wasn't
hitting the protein, I wasn'tdoing the macros.
So this time my 200 on me isgonna look a lot different than

(41:01):
the last time I was 200, whichshit was a long time ago, but uh
.

Speaker 1 (41:06):
I'm excited man.

Speaker 2 (41:07):
I'm looking forward to it.
It's going sex a fucking beast.
I just saw a Strava today.
He did like a 20 mile runyesterday.
I was like mother fucker, he'slike run in 20 miles at like God
.
It was like nine minutes a mile.
I'm like how do these fuckersdo that?

Speaker 1 (41:20):
You know him, your brother, a pace like for 20
miles, man.

Speaker 2 (41:24):
I'm like I don't know dude, so it's it's impressive,
it's good to be training with,with guys like that, because you
know it makes you kick in thenext year.
So it's cool, it's been.
That's the Iron man shot out toZach van de Gutsch and Josh
Harrison on that shit dude, likeuh, and both big inspirations.
It all started, zach and I,with a 5k that we did like three

(41:45):
years ago or it was a 10k, andhe's like I want to do a 10k for
my birthday.
I was like are you fuckingcrazy man?
You know how far that is.
And then he's like dude, yougot two weeks to train and I was
like alright.
So I, we did it.
I was like holy shit, that wasawesome.
Like we should do a halfmarathon in a triathlon.
So he signed up right afterthat.
We did that shit.
I was like we should do amarathon and a half Iron man.

(42:08):
And he's like okay, and then wedid it.
I was like we should do an ironman.
It's like dude, alright, fuckit.
So we got the Iron man October23rd in Sacramento, california,
and that's.
That's the next milestone thatwe're training for right now.
So it's been cool man.
It's awesome.

Speaker 1 (42:28):
Next question what else are you doing?
Uh, protein, lots of protein.
I'm doing the protein.
Um, not now, chief, I'm in thefucking zone.
Um, so what else you got onyour on your plate for the
future, for Brandon?

Speaker 2 (42:49):
What's cracking?

Speaker 1 (42:50):
I know you got the better sundaes thing going and
you're in the toad.

Speaker 2 (42:53):
Yeah, okay, we got, um, we've got the better sundaes
thing going.
So I've kind of starteddrafting out, um, a basic idea
of what I want that to look like, some intros.
I'm basically putting thoughtsto paper.
That's a good just a goodstarting point.
For me, man, it's very easy toget overwhelmed with all these
concepts, right, like you know,the first thing about like a
book, like writing a book, wherethe fuck do I start?

(43:14):
Just start, right, it was coolabout your book because it was a
compilation of thoughts andideas and journal entries, right
, so that's, just putting thepen to paper is the best way to
start.
So I've started that.
Uh, we do.
I still do have Mandarintutoring.
Um, I thought it was today, soI was actually on the calls like
wait a minute, this isn't untilaugust 6th.
So I scheduled her out like Iwas.

(43:35):
I must have missed it today.
But, um, I try to do, accordingto my schedule, tutoring with
my mandarin tutor once a week.
So we got that going, stayingwith the mandarin chinese
studying.
I volunteered just about everyother saturday morning for a
nonprofit in my area saturdaymorning.
So saturday mornings usuallylook like I either wake up, do

(43:57):
my morning routine and I govolunteer or I wake up, I do my
morning routine, I go to the gymor do like a run or some sort
of exercise, right, and I foundthat that has really jump
started the quality of myweekends.
So we've got that going on.
Work is great.
I fucking Absolutely love myco-workers, management, my boss,
my vp.
We have an awesome team thisyear on the Detroit crew, grand

(44:21):
rapids crew, cleveland, likeeveryone is so in line.
It's it's very rare and anorganization, especially, like
you know, a large organizationlike the company I work at, to
find such a, I guess, likeoverlap of values and sense of
community.
Right, you like every there'sall, like these jokes and memes
about like oh, we're like afamily here, and like everybody

(44:43):
fucking says that like every job, you tries to compare it to a
family.
But I have never Once worked ata company where I have felt so
okay being unapologeticallymyself With my boss, like they
all know, like everything wetalked about on this podcast
Everybody knows I work with.
That's fucking crazy, right.
That's like people I can'tbelieve you told you opened up

(45:04):
so much.
Like you probably shouldn'ttell people that I don't give a
fuck and they know I don't givea fuck and that's why they hired
.
I guess I have to go like Idon't like, but we like, there's
that love, respect and opennessand that understanding right,
and we're all on the same pageand I'm just super, super
fortunate to To be at the.

(45:27):
You know the organization I'mat with, with the team that I
have, so work is good man.
I'm gunning down Goal-wisePresident's Club, looking to go
to President's Club, which isfor people who are non
salespeople.
President's Club is an annualtrip that is awarded to the
highest performing salesrepresentatives at a company.
So in order to do that, I'vegot my goals written down,

(45:47):
specific, like sales targets,goals, quotas and Metrics that I
have to hit, and that'll be inGreece on a cruise ship.
It'll be like a Greece cruise,yeah.
So I'm pretty stoked about thatman.
So just continuing to put, youknow, put, put the gas to the,
to the floor there and justfucking dial that in.
And Toad right.

(46:09):
We got toad, we got a few showscoming up.
We got three shows coming upnext month.
We're doing practice once aweek.
So that'll require some extrapractice on my end.
You know, twice a week with thesex is be is like a good Is a
good amount for me to do to makesure that I'm doing the things
I need to do to dial it in songcreation, we're gonna be setting

(46:30):
a setting aside time togetheras a band to develop new songs
and get experimental Right.
So we've got that going on.
Let's see what else.
Man, I'm tired just talkingabout all of it and then I have
the pleasure.
And then I got the pleasure oftalking with my awesome friends.
Man like you and staying intouch right, Whether it's use

(46:51):
that I'm not gonna name all myfriends.
I'll forget someone.
Someone get upset.
Right this isn't a fuckingAcademy Award speech, but it's
cool being able to call someonethat I love every day and be
able to shoot the shit with themfor 30 minutes To an hour.
I make that a point.
That's super important, right,being a relationship Oriented
individual.
So, yeah, I mean, that's.

(47:13):
That's pretty much what's goingon, man.
I oh I do go to a meetings oncea week so I attend that
fellowship just to stay in touchwith the, with the community
therapy, once a month withMohammed.
So I got that scheduled down.
Iron man trainings I Sutton'sBay with Zach.
Next month we're gonna do ahalf iron man, then the
following month we're gonna do atwo-thirds iron man and then

(47:34):
the following month is the fulliron man in Sacramento.
So we've got a trainingregiment for that.
Uh, that's pretty much it, man.
Yeah, I've got like a lot offree time, so just you know.

Speaker 1 (47:56):
Now I've seen, I've seen your planner.
You're definitely you prettymuch post that every day.

Speaker 2 (48:02):
That's been a new development, thanks to Mohammed.
He was like hey, man, it'simportant to promote these sort
of things.
People, people will benefitfrom this, they'll reach out.
It gives you an opportunity topossibly monetize in the future
off of this personal developmentthat you're doing.
You can teach courses, do apodcast, right something on
sales, he's like whatever, butit's good to show that and he's
like, but, most importantly, itserves as an excellent tool for

(48:26):
accountability.
So like oh shit, I got a whole.
I got 30 followers that watchthese videos.
Bro, I got a fucking post, myshit.
Yeah, I got to stay on top.

Speaker 1 (48:35):
Yeah right, I better eat good today.

Speaker 2 (48:37):
I got 30 people gonna ask me hey, why didn't you post
your fucking food today?

Speaker 1 (48:43):
Did you eat some fucking Wendy's?
You got it all over your face,so you need that accountability.
It's important man.

Speaker 2 (48:51):
We have to.
No matter how high performingwe are, we're constantly
battling a lower version ofourself that's telling us fuck
it, go who gives a shit like?
You got to have some sort ofaccountability, man.
You got to have it.
It's important.

Speaker 1 (49:06):
Yeah, I've just gotten back into that account
accountability recently too,with without working out and
dieting again so Every time Iget hurt.
What are some of my goals withat least Physical stuff?

Speaker 2 (49:21):
because I know you were doing a lot of basketball
and you were like you're goingto gain weight right?

Speaker 1 (49:26):
Right, so here's the problem I've run into in 2023
Brandon Didn't make any fuckinggoals.
No, it's not even excuses, Ijust didn't make any fucking,
just no goals, you know.
I had this.
You have these visions of likedreams, you know, or like things
you want to accomplish Almostfantasies, because they're

(49:50):
fantasies unless they have goalsattached to them and things to
reach, right, yeah, and the yearhas been and not even just like
my year.
Friends, family, people I'vetalked to that have hit me up on
on Instagram like that, arefans of the podcast.
I've talked to a lot of peoplethis year in 2023 has been, for

(50:13):
whatever reason, prettydifficult.
I don't know if that hasanything linked to Inflation.
People have less money, lifechanges are happening, life has
been very stressful, right, andthat is an excuse, in my opinion
, but I started to crumble alittle bit in terms of my goals.

(50:35):
You know, I was just doing thebare minimum.
I'm like I've got this podcast,you know, I'm active here and
there, I've got vacationsplanned, you know, just whatever
.
I was just kind of like onautopilot, you know, and I Don't
operate like that and I'venoticed that over the last
couple months that if I don'thave goals, I don't enjoy life.

(50:57):
I don't, I didn't.
I don't enjoy the podcast, Idon't enjoy writing, I don't
enjoy basketball, I don't enjoyanything if I don't have a goal
to reach that.
That's just how I I think nowyou know, or what I've come to,
because the last six to sevenmonths it's like damn dude.
Then I get a little toonihilistic, you know.
Because, what is really thepoint?
If I don't have, though, youknow how I get.

(51:18):
Nihilism yeah, I know how.
Yeah, so then I'm like what'sthe fucking point?
You know I don't have any goalsto reach anyway, so who gives a
shit, right?
Okay, so now I'm here at theend of July and it's my mission.
My goal is to make some goals.
Kill it, kill it.
Well, make some goals.
Yeah, my goal is to make somegoals that's attainable right.

(51:39):
And that's what I'm, that's whatI'm saying, and I think, other
than making goals as my goal,mine next goal is to use the
next four months of the year toLay a really good foundation
again a foundation that I hadbefore I started smoking tobacco

(51:59):
Habitually.
The last year it was on and offcigars right.
I'd say for the last Cigars,yeah, so for the last year I'd
probably, or ten months, I'd say.
I've had five months of smokingand five months of not smoking
Right, or not using nicotine.
So it's been 50 50 and it'sbeen extremely suboptimal in my
opinion, right.
So I'm trying to Not do that,probably ever again.

(52:23):
If I quit nicotine this timeI'm probably like I don't see a
point in going back to itprobably, probably does.

Speaker 2 (52:30):
is not the the verbiage for someone who is here
?

Speaker 1 (52:33):
Yeah, exactly, I'm running into yeah see the wall.
The issue is if I have like alarge, if I have a couple acres
in With my house on it, I'vewanted to grow tobacco.
I wanted to, yeah, I've wantedto like try it because, like

(52:54):
what I'm smoking, I don't knowwhat they spray on it.
Yeah, you know, just like it'ssomebody else's corporation.
It's like I'd really like tosee how it's done.
I don't know how to explainthat.
That's why I'm only sayingprobably.
It's like Wait.
Stardew Valley.

Speaker 2 (53:18):
I don't think there's any.

Speaker 1 (53:24):
I know right my the 8-bit tobacco plant that I'm
growing because it's pretty.
That's cool.
So, okay, my goal is toPhysical.
Goal is to gain another 10pounds of muscle.
Actually, if I was gonna say agoal, it is to work out

(53:44):
consistently, even though Imight not be playing basketball,
is that?

Speaker 2 (53:49):
look like every day.
For you was a word like fivetimes a week.

Speaker 1 (53:53):
I feel like five days a week in solid man, that's the
solid right my.
my issue is the, the peak of myphysical wellness, all came
while I was hooping a lot.
But I was working out five daysa week and hooping like three
days a week, so I had likealmost six days of being active,
with one day rest, and I didthat for like Five to six months

(54:14):
.
How'd you feel?
And I was in some.
I was in the best shape of mylife.
How'd you feel along with them?
I felt amazing.
But the problem is I got hurtin basketball.
I get hurt a lot.
I roll an ankle, my knee getsfucked up and I internalize it
as the nihilism comes around andit's like well, why work out?
We can't poop, you know.

(54:34):
So then I go through a month ortwo of not working out, right,
okay.
My goal is to change it into.

Speaker 2 (54:40):
I just need to Find a way to stay active no matter
what, even if I'm not yeah, Ifind maybe try some other, less
intensive fear like so when JoshWas running a lot, he fucking
snapped his foot while he wasrunning and he kept running
because yeah fucking crazy.
And I said this was so he hadthat fucking boot on his foot
and he did that, he did the bike, he did the bike thing and he

(55:00):
did a little bit of swimming.
He didn't like swimming as much, but he kind of got into the
bike aspect and he said thatthat was that helped alleviate
some of the you know, some ofthe pain from not being able to
run.
So, yeah, just, you know right,it's be a good opportunity of
exploration for you to seek outother options and step out of
your comfort zone, because itsounds like Basketball is a very

(55:23):
comfortable thing for you.

Speaker 1 (55:24):
That's like your shit , you know so I Started using
that when I first got sober.
You know that was likedefinitely my thing.
I'm just gonna go to the gymand even if I'm not playing
against people, I'm just gonnashoot around for an hour and a
half with my headphones in.
It's almost like a meditationfor me To just get in that state
.
I also might get get on abaseball team either in the fall

(55:46):
or next year and we mightactually we might actually get a
basketball team together.
So I've realized that I needlike some sort of like
competition.
I can't just go to the gym fiveto six days a week.
You know that's not.
I need an activity.
Yeah, and now I.
Now I know that, so cool.
The other goal I'd like tofinish the second book by the
end of the year.

Speaker 2 (56:07):
Damn dude, you're cooking it up.

Speaker 1 (56:10):
So I've got around like 20 to 25,000 words.
The other five thousander notesin my phone that I have to.
But 20,000 isn't a documentalready.
It's not too organized, but Ihave a good portion of the book
Done.
You know I need to.
I need to add organized andwhatever, and I know if I really
hammered it out in the nextfour months, like I can, I can

(56:33):
do it by the start of the newyear.

Speaker 2 (56:35):
How much time do you spend a week writing for for
your book?

Speaker 1 (56:42):
So here's the thing I have been on and off with
writing the last two months andit's been linked to me not
working out or staying activeright Emotionally, mentally,
physically.
If things aren't in line, Idon't feel like writing because
sometimes if I'm down in thedumps, right about being down, I
write about being down in thedumps.

(57:03):
And I was already super edgyemo kid for 12 years poetry and
all that stuff.
So I've kind of wanted to getaway from the down in the dump
shit because I've written aboutit a lot.

Speaker 2 (57:12):
Yeah, also not good for you mentally.
It's actually exactly good towrite about, yeah.

Speaker 1 (57:21):
In the month of May, I had a bit of a, also a little
bit of an awakening, spiritualawakening, where in three me, in
three months, or sorry, threeweeks during May, I wrote those
25,000 words in three weeks.
Wow, they just poured.
They just poured out like Icould not stop.
It was, it was crazy.

(57:41):
Now I need to organize it andmake it Articulate.
I should say so.
How many?

Speaker 2 (57:48):
hours.
Would you say that that was toType those 25 or write those
25,000 words?

Speaker 1 (57:57):
I Probably spent at least two hours a day, not every
single day, but it was Dude,probably, I Can't even tell you,
because it was almost like Iwas in the twilight zone.

Speaker 2 (58:10):
It was fucking dialed in.
You're in the zone and we timedoesn't.

Speaker 1 (58:13):
It was throughout.
Here's the thing throughout theday, like I'm whipping out my
phone in my notes, in my iPhone,like I have 1500 notes in it, I
would fucking 200 words here,get home, type it up, maybe
another two to three hundredwords here and there, like for
for three straight weeks, likemy brain would not stop.

Speaker 2 (58:31):
So that's all your processes, then, because I was
curious.
So, like you, just like on thefly, you pull out your phone,
like if you feel something,you're typing it.
You're not like sitting down ata fucking coffee shop or in
your or in your office righthere.
But okay, now is writing timeand you just start writing.

Speaker 1 (58:45):
I I do have those times whenever I sit down with
like a spiral notebook.
When I sit down and I getcomfortable in a desk, I'm like,
all right, I'm gonna, I'm gonnawrite.
You know, I do have those times.
But also when something comesto me, I'm brightening it in my
phone Immediately.
Yeah, I might be sitting intraffic or I might be sitting at

(59:05):
my desk and I'm like I have toput this down or I'll forget it.
That's how, yeah, that's howmusic happens like songs.

Speaker 2 (59:11):
Songs for me, right.
Exactly doing dishes and you'relike oh, that's fucking stupid
enough for me to make my phonelike I guess it would be yeah,
and that's okay.
That's good to hear, man,because that's where I've been
struggling, right with the bookit's.
I've been just setting timeaside like time blocking each
week, but sometimes, when you'renot in the zone, you're not in
the zone and Perhaps if ithappens more, authentically like

(59:34):
that it would, you would getfurther right.

Speaker 1 (59:37):
Honestly, in the times where I've tried to set
aside time for writing, I'vefailed even more horribly when I
have told myself I'm doing itfor two hours, between one and
three o'clock today, and I getto one o'clock and I'm like nope
, yeah, and I'm just like at twoo'clock I'm like no.
So I've noticed that the, thecreate the creativity.

(59:58):
You have to just let it happenwhen it happens.
Now here's the thing settingaside that time to maybe work on
organizing the writing for thebook, that's fine because that's
more Rational, logical.
It's like I'm making an outlineand stuff like that.
But when you're talking aboutactually producing the content,
in my experience just letting itgo whenever it comes to you is

(01:00:20):
easy or easier, sure I shouldsay you're right, man, it's like
this would uh, you know Somepeople talk about.

Speaker 2 (01:00:28):
It's like the flow state, when you're really in a
flow state where you're justyou're Transitioning from things
and everything's natural andyou just pull out your phone,
you type, type, type, you put itback down, you go on your thing
like you're constantly doingshit.
That's progressing those goalsand driving it forward.
Right, that's cool, right.

Speaker 1 (01:00:46):
And my last goal is by this time next year, I'd like
to get a thousand downloads perepisode on my podcast, per
thousand listens per episode.
Am I supposed to be downloadingthis shit?
I?

Speaker 2 (01:00:57):
thought you just listened to it.

Speaker 1 (01:01:00):
No, it's called a download when people play it.

Speaker 2 (01:01:02):
Okay.
I was like man, I've beenfucking you over, bro.
I was like, sorry, I didn'tknow.
I've been like pirating andlike all your shit.
No, that's alright.

Speaker 1 (01:01:14):
I'm listening to it, I can honestly burn them, all my
podcast episodes on CDs andhand them out to people at the
mall.
It's like your mixtape dude,like the one guy who was handing
out his mixtape at McDonald's.

Speaker 2 (01:01:25):
He's putting them in happy meals and he got fired
fucking legendary.
Yeah, that is a great way to goout.
Cool man, there's some fuckingawesome goals.

Speaker 1 (01:01:39):
So do you have any tips for the listeners on if
they might be struggling withAddiction, or if they're just
struggling with Addiction, or ifthey're just struggling with
not Having control of their lifelike you?

Speaker 2 (01:01:52):
wanted to help absolutely man control that.
Get back to the basics.
So Basic short term, a goodshort term fix that anyone can
do at any given second thatdoesn't require too much
cognition, is clean yourenvironment.
Look at where you're at right,whether that's your house, your
car, where you're spending timefucking.
Clean that environment.
That's a great, a great firstthing to do, right.

(01:02:15):
And then, second, move yourbody.
Get the fuck out of your house.
Go for a walk.
It doesn't have to be you haveto go run a marathon.
Go for a walk, do some push-upsRight.
Go, go, move the body.
Clean the environment, move thebody.
Now, the second thing that Iwould say for people that are
looking at Actually creatingsustainable long-term change is

(01:02:38):
to first write down Lower self,higher self.
Acknowledge that you have twoselves.
Right, we got the self thatOperates at a higher frequency
and we have the self thatoperates on a lower frequency.
Acknowledge those, recognizethose.
Talk to your lower self.
What is, what is that Selfabout?

(01:02:59):
Right, and write it down.
Break it down.
Grab a piece of paper.
You fold that shit in half,open it up lower self, higher
self on one side and write thatout and get detailed.
Right.
What?
What does that look like?
What are some of those habits?
What are the you know, corevalues of your higher self?
What is it that your lower selfdoes?
Is it smoking, drinking?

(01:03:19):
Is it, you know, engaging inpornography?
Is it lying, stealing, cheating?
Is it?
Whatever man you know, we'll.
Whatever it is that you, thatyour higher self does, that's
Preventing your higher self fromaction.
Right, write that down and thensame with your higher self Like
.
What is that look like?
What are the things that bringyou enjoyment?
Right, whether it's communityor listening to others or

(01:03:41):
helping people or volunteering,investing.
It can be, it has to it, but ithas to be all rooted in your
intent, right, because a lot ofthe times let me give you an
example Okay, so there could besomething that, for one person,
could be higher self.
There could be.
That could be a lower self orsomebody else.

(01:04:02):
Right, if we're using, say,let's say, let's say music,
let's say, um, saxophone,playing saxophone.
So if I've got shit to do thatI don't want to do, or I'm
frustrated, or I'm annoyed and Idon't want to deal with
something, and I pick up mysaxophone and I start playing,
that would actually be lowerself in that point in time,
because I'm using my saxophoneas escapism from the act, from

(01:04:26):
the reality of a situation,right?
So we have to make sure thatwe're not attributing things
that can be good and and thenyou know, our intent is shifted
as, as a form of instantgratification or Isolation,
could be isolation as well.

Speaker 1 (01:04:42):
Yeah, the wrong and 100%.

Speaker 2 (01:04:44):
The wrong intent.
Right, difference betweensolitude and isolation.
And that was something Istruggle with, right.
Lower self, not myself, lowerself.
And you have to create thatdistance too, because it's
really easy to say, oh Istruggle with this or I do this,
or I'm a blank, I'm at this.
No, lower self, higher self.
My lower self Finds comfort inisolation, so, but my higher

(01:05:07):
self will find comfort andsolitude.
Solitude is the intent.
I'm choosing to Utilize thisbeautiful atmosphere and create
something of peace andtranquility for myself.
Isolation is going to be.
I'm running away from things, Ifeel bad, I feel negative, I
turn my phone off, I don't wantanyone to call me, I'm just, I'm
sad and I'm depressed.
I want to lay in bed andfucking die.

(01:05:28):
Right, that's lower.
So.
So understanding thatfundamentally will be the
stepping stones for someoneChanging and then recognizing
the patterns of each one.
So, yeah, that would be theadvice I would give.

Speaker 1 (01:05:41):
I Think that's some great ass advice, honestly for
sure.
Yeah well, I think this is amotherfucking.
So I appreciate you coming on,brother.
Love you to death to love yourstory, man, love everything

(01:06:04):
you're trying to do andeverything you are doing Still
to come really excited to seewhat Brandon K check has in
store for helping himself in theworld.

Speaker 2 (01:06:13):
It's gonna be a beautiful thing day at a time,
and this was a time.
Yourself, shit, john like.

Speaker 1 (01:06:20):
I feel a lot better.

Speaker 2 (01:06:21):
I was a little bit in a rock.
I went for a run this morning.
I did all my non-negotiables inmorning routine but I felt like
I know I felt a little bit offand this certainly has helped.
This has helped me feel better.

Speaker 1 (01:06:33):
So I appreciate it, man.
I'm right there with you,honestly, so this helped me just
as much as it helped you andI'm I'm super stoked to have it
help all of my listeners as well.
So Thanks for coming by.
Guys can follow him onInstagram.
Align your minds for all thatgood wellness practices and
stuff.
I don't forget to subscribe tothe channel and follow, and

(01:06:55):
thanks for sticking around.
We'll see you soon.
Love you guys.