Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

Who in your life are you most consistently connected to? Is it a partner? A roommate? A friend, sibling, or parent? 

Now tell me this: when was the last time you wanted to lean into an interest, and you automatically asked this particular person to join … even though it wasn’t their thing? 

I call this the “easy ask,” and I think it’s a universal experience. I came up with the term years ago when I asked my partner Michael to go shop...

A few months ago, I made a professional connection, and the energy felt good. 

As we neared the end of our working relationship, I realized I didn’t want this connection to end – but there was no logical way for us to get together. We weren’t in the same industry. I didn’t know if we had overlapping hobbies.

The whole situation got me thinking about this weird gray zone we sometimes find ourselves in when we can’t rely on proximity t...

Do you ever think about how one small act of kindness can literally change the direction of someone's life? What if YOU could cause that turning point?

Today I’m sitting with Bryan Driscoll, author of The Goodness Game, who took an act of kindness he received 20 years ago in Orlando and, with the help of a Craigslist ad, paid it forward in a way that made national headlines and enormous ripple effects.

What I love most about thi...

There are endless ways to make friends as an adult, and today we’re diving into one I have never covered before: speed friending.

To some of you, this will sound terrifying at first, but stick with me, because it’s actually pretty brilliant! Today’s guest is Georgia Huntley, founder of Friends of Friends, who  is doing something really special in the friendship space.

Georgia hosts speed friending events that are designed to make mee...

During the pandemic, like many others, I felt politically charged, and I channeled this energy into being an online warrior.

On social media, I reposted it all, making it clear where I stood – only to realize this wasn’t my highest use. I wasn’t actually reading the books or taking the actions. I wondered: what could I do instead? That’s how I ended up here. 

Real community requires something most Americans are terrified of, which is...

Are you enjoying your friendships? Are you able to be present with your people and soak up your time together?

So often, people focus on what’s missing in their friendships. They have this idea of what “peak” friendship might look like, which gets in the way of being grateful for what is there. 

I’m here to remind you that there is a stark contrast between HAVING connections and ENJOYING them. And this isn’t just regarding our closes...

One of you asked me an amazing question the other day: 

If you could tell your younger self one thing about friendship, what would you tell her?

I spend so much time thinking about community and connection – probably much more than the average person – and I have learned a lot since my youth. Some realizations I’m having at 35 are realizations a lot of people might not have until they’re middle aged.

No matter your age, there are like...

Do you ever drive past a former friend’s house and find yourself flooded with memories?

Suddenly, you start thinking: what would it be like if you still talked? Maybe it’s just a fleeting thought, but maybe this thought really stings. As much as we like to think of certain friendships being “done,” it’s never really the case.

Today’s episode is about the friendship that got away. What causes us to become less close? Why do some frien...

Everyone’s allowed to have pet peeves. It’s normal and bound to happen.

In this episode, I talk about common pet peeves; my friends’ pet peeves; and my own pet peeves. Do you ignore them? Deal with them? (Also, how DO you deal with them?)

Some people say to write off friends whose tendencies are driving you crazy. My thought: it’s a lot of work to make new friends! What if we instead navigated that conflict and created a feedback cul...

Recently, I left a text message from a friend unanswered for ten days.

It’s not something I’m proud of. All I needed to do was respond to this friend, but the more time that passed, the more it felt like a bigger response was needed.

For ten days, I woke up, knowing I needed to respond to this text message, feeling worse and worse. Then, yesterday, I told myself, if there is one thing I do today, it is respond to this text message, b...

Have you ever had to FIGHT somebody in order to help them?

I’ll bet we all have that friend who meets you with resistance when you offer to show up for them. “It’s too much,” they tell you – even if it’s no trouble at all.

Today, we continue our conversation about giving and receiving support with Laura Malcolm, the founder and CEO of Give InKind, a one-stop social support platform where you can organize all you might need to help so...

I used to love being the “strong friend.” For awhile, it was a large part of my identity, and I’d brag about dropping anything to help a friend in need.

In retrospect, it’s easy to see how being the “strong friend” came naturally to me. I had a complex, traumatic childhood, and as the eldest daughter, I became a caregiver at a very young age and dealt with a lot of unpredictable circumstances. 

At school, I put myself in leadership p...

At the time this episode airs, there are devastating wildfires in Los Angeles – and yet, I’ve seen some beautiful levels of response. When something bad happens, whether to one person or an entire community, people want to help. 

Consequently, I’ve been thinking a lot about how people show up for one another. In a world where so many feel disconnected, helping someone else is a way to feel less alone. 

Today’s episode is about how to...

Think of a space you feel completely comfortable in that’s not your own home.

For me, it’s my grandparents’ house. I can easily picture their front porch, where my grandmother waited for us; the table we played cards at; and the garden, where I spent hours talking to them while picking green beans.

We’ve been trained by the internet to believe superficial details – like a perfectly styled coffee table or matching throw pillows – are ...

Your village is out there, waiting for you. It might even be knocking on your door, and you haven’t realized. 

People often think they need to make enormous shifts to find community; they need to move to a tiny village on the other side of the world or into a compound in the woods. But that’s not true. Here’s what you actually need: subtle shifts and a willingness to be uncomfortable. 

So many people talk about how they want a villag...

The year 2024 feels like an absolute whirlwind. Where did the time go?

Today’s episode was inspired by one of my podcast producers, Alison, who told me she loves episodes this time of year that take you behind the scenes, which feels good to me; I want to catch you up on what’s been going on.

As you may know, I’ve been struggling with health issues this year, so much of what you’ve been listening to was pre-recorded. But finally, in ...

I sobbed in the car about the holidays this week – but not for reasons you might think.

Here’s what made me emotional: I am so grateful and excited for the ways we are celebrating our holidays this year. It could not be further from the reasons I’ve car sobbed in years past.

Some of you are already excited about the holidays, and I love that for you. But that is not everyone’s experience, and for years, it was not mine. There was a p...

Traditions are incessant. They HAVE to keep happening. That’s what makes them traditions! 

So how do you create traditions that stick around month after month, year after year? In my opinion, it’s all about sustainability. Traditions have to be something you can maintain on some level as life changes. Otherwise they fizzle out and aren’t traditions anymore.

In this episode, I offer tips on how to create traditions that are sustainabl...

If you’ve listened to this podcast before, then you know the concept of the chosen family is very important to me personally.

Some people in my chosen family play a variety of roles. Some play just one. Some are back-ups; others are back-ups for my back-ups. Cumulatively, it all adds up: today I feel more supported than I ever have in my life.

I’ve talked about chosen families in other episodes – including Episode 16, about my friend...