January 8, 2025 • 26 mins
Have you ever found yourself trapped in a cycle of worry, unable to break free as it spirals into anxiety over things that may never even happen? We explore the art of managing concerns that consume mental space and time, offering insights and strategies to help shift your mental soundtrack away from negativity. From personal stories about seemingly trivial worries that grow out of proportion to the importance of taking action where you can and letting go when you can't, we guide you on how to steer your thoughts toward positivity and productivity. Our discussion also delves into the power of childhood memories, like using worry dolls or gratitude journals, as tools for managing anxiety and procrastination.
Rediscover how the simple act of helping others, whether through volunteering or just lending a hand to those around you, can effectively alleviate personal anxieties. We provide practical advice on creating a bedroom sanctuary to enhance well-being, underscoring the impact of sleep patterns on our daily lives. The conversation touches on evolving empathy and adopting a balanced perspective on life's challenges, particularly health-related ones. Tune in to understand how a mindful approach and small symbolic gestures can reclaim your mental peace and make a profound difference in overcoming daily stresses.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Worrying.
I think worrying takes up somuch of our time every day and
we don't really realise how muchit's actually robbing us of our
lives.
Yeah, and it takes up so muchmental space as well.
It's like our mind can be sofull of worry that we don't have
(00:22):
time for other things, and weliterally can't.
Most of us can think of onething that we worry about every
day.
Yes, the same thing.
If you add that up over in thenext five years or 10 years, you
know how many it might it mighthave taken a whole year away
(00:43):
from your life, I know.
Just worrying about it, yeah,something that you really I mean
worrying in per se is okay ifyou think, oh, okay, I've had
like a warning.
It's like a little timer thatgoes off, but then how long do
we have to worry about it?
(01:03):
How long?
So that's what we're going tobe chatting about in this week's
episode on get real with theenglish sisters.
Join us and thank you so muchfor always subscribing and
following the show.
Yeah, and do come and say hi oninstagram too, where you can
have all the latest updates, andcome watch us on youtube, where
you can see the video.
(01:25):
Today, we've got our shinyblouses on, haven't we do?
Yes, indeed, we do have ourshinies for the new year.
Yes, new year, still keepingjoy, I'm not going to worry as
much.
No, that's a good, good newyear's resolution.
Definitely because I found in mypersonal life yeah, me too, the
(01:46):
more I worry, I mean mostthings I worry about, they don't
even they don't come true.
Most of the stuff, yeah.
Then afterwards, when youactually and I think, why did I
worry so much about this?
When the time comes, you think,oh gosh, that wasn't even worth
it.
Yeah, most of the time itwasn't worth the worry.
I mean, is it ever worthworrying about?
(02:06):
Not what I don't think completeworrying?
I think when the thought comesin your mind that you're worried
about something, yes, then yousay it's time to take action
about it.
Yeah, that's when you have totake action.
And if there is something youcan do about it, well then you
do it.
You do it, yeah.
But then the worst thing iswhen you don't do it and you
just continue worrying aboutyeah, and sometimes there's
(02:29):
nothing you can do about it,because it's a health issue or
it's something that you cannotaddress that in that day, or
it's a fight you've had withsomeone and you can't solve it,
so there's no point worryingabout it.
You think I'll do it, and youjust go and do it and you say
sorry, or you.
It's easier said than done,though, isn't it?
(02:50):
We do know it's so easy, butit's all about being in the
present moment again.
It is we have to take charge todirect our minds into a more
helpful state of mind forourselves.
(03:12):
That's what it is.
I'm thinking about one of the um, the short stories we wrote in
stress free in three minutes inour book, and it's your favorite
playlist.
Would you put worry into yourfavorite playlist?
Would you put a song into yourfavorite playlist that you hated
or that made you worry, thatmade you feel ill every time,
(03:33):
physically, mentally?
If you think of your thoughtslike a playlist, why on earth
would you torture yourself withsomething you did not enjoy
listening to?
I think the answer is peoplesay I don't want to torture
myself, but that thought justkeeps on coming up and there is
nothing I can do about it.
That's what people would say.
(03:54):
That's where you're wrong,because there is something, yeah
about it.
You can make it stop, just likeyou would stop at a red light
and you wouldn't go through it.
Yes, that's right, you can makeit stop.
Or you can stop when I'mlistening to a playlist.
If I'm listening to some musicand then suddenly something else
comes on, I don't like.
(04:15):
I stop it.
Yes, and I change it to themusic that I like, which at the
moment is Taylor Swift.
It could be anybody.
It could be anybody, yeah,anybody.
I go back to who I want tolisten to so you can do the same
with your own mind.
You can't just let your mind gonuts on, you run loose and just
go wild, because then, ifyou're, if you start worrying
(04:37):
about one thing, what happens isthat other things will pop up.
Your, your brain will startfocusing on everything that's
like concerning to you at themoment.
So you've got economical issuesand then maybe some health
issues and then maybe familyissues, and it can all add up
and all this worrying.
(04:57):
Ultimately, in the end, it'sit's not healthy.
Do you remember the other day,some insect bit your husband and
he started staring at it andreally worrying about it.
He was worried.
He was so worried and so then Igot bitten.
I got bitten a few days afterrecently, and I was looking at
(05:23):
it and it was getting me worried, just like what happened to
Georgia.
And I was looking at it and itwas getting me worried.
Just like what happened toGeorgia.
Yeah, and I was thinking here Iam worrying about this.
No, stop it, put the cream onit, take an antihistamine and
you're going to be fine.
Yeah, it's nothing.
Fine, it's nothing.
You were worried because yougot stung by the bees, yeah, and
, and I had no allergicreactions.
(05:43):
I know, but I just think it'sour minds.
Just go to these places, yes,and if you do not know how to
control them and put them incheck of your own mind, you will
be in trouble.
You will be in trouble and alot of the times, these things
happen just when you want torest the most, your brain will
start.
When you want to go to sleepand you want to have the most
(06:04):
your brain will start, yes, whenyou want to go to sleep and you
want to have a good night'ssleep.
So how can you like?
If you, you know what would yousay?
How can you?
The other day, I was watchingthe the empress and they came up
with the netflix yeah, thenetflix one, and they came up
with these worry dolls andapparently they originated in um
(06:26):
, guatemala and little children.
They're given to littlechildren and they they're cute,
as cute as anything.
Little dolls, they're nothingto do with with anything you
know bad.
And you have this little dolland you, you tell your worry to
the doll and then you put itunder your pillow.
Oh, that's so sweet, and thenthat's it.
So you're free of your worry,you're free of it.
(06:50):
So what you can do with yourmind, as we've learned as a
hypnotherapist, is you can sayto your worry I've heard you,
I'm listening to you, it's okay,you're going to be okay, we're
going to deal with it.
We'll deal with it if we can,like tomorrow, if it's a health
issue, if it's possible, I'llmake an appointment or I'll do
(07:12):
something I have to do.
If I have to do it, if I don't,and it's just waiting, because
a lot of the time with healthissues you know it is just a
question or you put them off.
So then, if you find yourselfputting stuff off, you can ask
for help.
So you can ask a friend or afamily member.
You can say look, I'mprocrastinating, I'm worried
about this thing, but I'mactually doing it really
(07:34):
difficult and I'mprocrastinating with it.
Can you help me?
Can you check on me, check upon me and either help me make
the phone call or make theappointment or, you know, ask me
if I've done it, so that I'lldo it?
And because sometimes we justwe're like these people, we're
not computers.
(07:54):
No, we're not, we're not.
Well, we are in a way, yes,because you can program your
mind.
Yes, only if you know how to,only if you know how to, only if
you know how to, if you havethe tools.
Absolutely yes, it's all aquestion of knowing.
So I mean, we're adults, so wedon't have these little dolls,
or maybe we still do.
(08:15):
If you belong to that culture,you can buy them online, really,
yes, the little tiny, littletraditional little dolls.
Or you can make them if youlike making stuff, and you place
all your worries into thatlittle doll and, yeah, you have
one for each worry, but I wouldjust have one for all of them.
Yeah, it seems easier, but theactual symbolism of it is that
(08:38):
you are putting them away,aren't you?
Yeah, or sometimes, if you'relike you like crystals or you
like you've got a littlefavorite thing, that you like a
little soft toy or anything.
I would just say you know, usethe, the um or a power of prayer
.
You know, if you're religious,wonderful, you know you, you
send off that prayer and you can.
You can, sort of like, helpyourself, relieve yourself of
(09:02):
some of your worries.
So let them be, so that you canlet them be for the evening,
for the night, put them to oneside.
Yeah, I think that's wherejournaling helps, because you
can write it in your journal andthen you say okay tomorrow, and
you close the diary, yes, outto sleep.
We used to do that when we werelittle, didn't we?
We would write a diary.
(09:23):
Yeah, our mothers used our mom.
I would never.
I would always edit it, thoughBecause you were scared somebody
would read it.
Yeah, never, true.
But if it was true, who wouldever read it?
Nobody, it was just me and you.
I would certainly not gosnooping into your diary.
I was not interested and not noone would have read it.
But I don't know, it's justthese things, like I wouldn't
(09:44):
actually really say what I'vereally felt I do if I look
through my diaries.
Oh, I would worry a lot, youknow, I would write down my
worries.
I'm so worried about my mathtest.
I'm so worried I would writethings like that.
I'm worried, I would say thingslike that, but I mean really, I
suppose, really personal thingsI wouldn't write just in case
someone read them.
(10:04):
Yes, obviously, yeah, if it wassomething really personal, what
can be that person when you'rea tiny, you know, when you're
like nine?
Well, I wrote them till I wasolder.
Yes, yes, so did I actually.
Yeah, but so did I, not justwhen I was nine.
No, no, you're right.
No, it's true, it's funny toread.
Now you have to go and have alook at them and see what.
But I used to mostly write.
(10:26):
It was a bit like a gratitudejournal.
Really, most of the time Iwould say how grateful I was,
how much I loved my family, myhusband, when you were older,
when I was older, as a teenager,teenager, I can't remember I'd
have to go and have a look, butI do remember worrying about
people reading them.
Yes, so that's another worrythat you don't want to add on to
(10:49):
the worry list.
Yeah, and if I just told alittle doll, it would have
probably been better, really.
Yeah, because the doll's notgonna say anything.
We did actually used to sleepwith our dolls, didn't we?
All of them?
Yeah, none of them would beleft out, no, the bed would be
covered in them and they werehard like.
They were like hard plastic,these lovely soft ones, no, no,
(11:16):
even the actual, like teddybears.
You know, I remember in ourdays they weren't like these
lovely and soft and plush likethey are.
No, they were quite hard.
They had like hard little armsand Wire inside and they used to
stick all over you but you'dstuff them all in under the bed
covers.
I remember, you know, everysingle toy I ever possessed,
(11:38):
because they would get cold.
Yes, if we didn't, yeah, it wasprobably a way for having
comfort as well from them, fromthe dolls, sometimes pretty
uncomfortable, it wasuncomfortable.
I do remember those little hands, my big and hard.
It was a doll I'm talking about.
(12:01):
It was.
This gets worse.
We were little.
We used to play with six.
We were six.
When we were like we used toplay with.
This is getting.
We were six.
We had dollies that they had inthose days, so that not so much
now.
There was barbies as well, butbarbies are pretty well.
Yeah, they were tough, little,to use the same word.
(12:24):
No, they were tough, and it was.
It was difficult.
It was difficult sleeping withthem because I remember they
would take ages to warm up.
It was cold for ages becausethe rooms were cold as well.
We didn't have central heatingwhen we were really tiny, no,
but later on we did, but theywere still cold.
But I remember when we used tosleep with them we didn't have
central heating.
(12:45):
The central heating came when wewere quite older.
Really, goodness me, I can'tremember the days before central
heating came, when we werequite older.
Really, goodness me, I can'tremember the days before central
heating.
Oh, I can.
It was bloody freezing, was it?
I just can't remember that.
Was it that room with thewallpaper?
We had that green flowery wallthe first time we had central
heating in there.
How on earth would the roomswarm up?
It was just freezing cold.
(13:06):
Did we have an electric littleheater or something?
Nothing, gosh, it must havebeen freezing, goodness me.
No wonder people used to haveto wear hats in bed, like the
woolly hats and things.
Did we have them?
We didn't have hats, but Idon't know what we had.
(13:26):
I don't think we had.
I think we might have had alittle radiator in the room.
Yeah, I think so.
We had electric radiators andthings like that.
There must have been somethingin there to warm up that house.
Because the house was big, itmust have got really cold.
I do remember the big deal aboutthe central heating.
The central heating was a bigdeal.
(13:48):
Mum and Dad made a big dealabout it, and there was this
boiler room upstairs.
Yeah, the man came and put allthe radiators in.
Oh, yeah, I remember that, butkind of yeah, maybe a bit
younger.
Obviously I was a year youngerand I just probably didn't
remember it.
I do remember the house feelingnice and cosy afterwards, though
(14:08):
, yes, it was cosy.
Oh gosh, what a difference.
I think we were just used tocooler temperatures.
Yeah, absolutely, I mean, thebabies used to sleep, like my
husband, his sister, who's like15 years older than he is, or 20
years older, she's much, mucholder when she had her children,
she remembers that they used tosleep in woolly hats and coats,
(14:32):
the babies, the babies would beall wrapped up like if they
were in the streets.
Well, what about?
You would put the prams outsideto let them sleep in the garden
?
Yeah, you would actually putbabies and let them sleep,
especially if it was a nice coolyou know, not cool.
It was like a nice winter's day.
Even in the winter, though, youwould put the baby outside.
(14:53):
I remember Mum she wouldsometimes leave, you know, she
was a childminder and she wouldlook after like five babies at a
time, and then one would alwaysbe parked outside the front
door and, you know, justsleeping.
That sounds terrible, it soundsterrible, but it was like the
fresh air.
She was saying it's good forbabies.
Well, it's like what they do inSweden or something, or in
(15:14):
Denmark, in these Nordiccountries.
They all leave them outside inthe freezing cold.
Yeah, because they're allwrapped up in their.
Yeah, they're all super wrappedup and everything.
But yeah, so obviously it wasdifferent times.
Anyway, we are going off topichere, but anyway, what's the
point of worrying about worry?
Yeah, exactly, you know.
(15:34):
Worry.
Think about better things.
Yeah, if you think you have,you know, your mind, your mind
needs space.
It needs to be freed up.
It's like all cluttered withworry.
It's like your iPhone space oryour, whatever it is space, your
computer space.
It needs to be freed up so thatyou can have space for things
(15:54):
that you really want to thinkabout and enjoy and listen to.
I think, and I think a lot ofthe worry is like past worries.
It's things that aren't, theydon't even concern you in the
future.
They're like regrets that turninto worry because it's ah, you
regret and then you worry aboutthe regret of not doing it.
(16:18):
There is, you know, you aretaking up valuable space in your
mind which you could beenjoying yourself or helping
other people.
Yeah, a lot of the times, byhelping others, you feel less
worried about your own anxieties.
Yeah, and it's extraordinaryhow that works, and that's why
(16:39):
volunteering is really good ideaas well, to help relieve.
Yeah, we're doing something youfeel as if you're helping
people with.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, obviously.
Yeah, even if it's notvolunteering, if it's helping
your neighbor, you think you'rebeing useful to, to whoever?
Yeah, your family, your friends, whatever it is, it makes you
(17:00):
feel less anxious as well.
So, whatever it is.
So, even, as you know, we maynot have the little worry dolls,
but we can sort of like,pretend and get rid of that
worry.
Yeah, I mean you can even justhold a little handkerchief in
your hand or something and say,okay, I will put this under my
pillow tissue, put your worry inthere under the pillow under
(17:23):
the pillow or, you know, inanother room.
I would say, keep it at bay,flush it down the toilet.
That's why you have to haveyour like.
I think the your room you sleepin has to be a bit of a
sanctuary.
Yeah, so you have to leave, youwill come outside of it.
(17:46):
Yeah, so that you.
I mean, I love my bed.
I absolutely love it.
You know, it's like mysanctuary, it's just I love.
That's why everything around it, you know I have to make it.
That's why everything around it, you know I have to make it.
That's why I'm obsessed withthe bed, linen and everything.
It's always my happy place.
The minute I enter it I feel,oh, I love it, that's nice.
(18:08):
Yeah, I really do.
And you don't.
You don't love it as much.
I'm not.
I like it.
I like going to sleep in it anddoing things in it.
But the, the actual bed.
I don't spend a lot of time inmy bed like you do.
No, I go to bed at 12 o'clockor 1 o'clock in the morning, or
(18:30):
if I set an earlier bedtime,which now I tend to go to bed a
bit earlier, like at 11.
Yeah, because if time which nowI tend to go to bed a bit
earlier, like at 11.
Yeah, because it's because ifyou go to bed too late then you
want to get up.
Like, since I work online andI've got I don't with people I
don't want to get, it makes meget up earlier if I go to bed
earlier.
Well, of course it does.
Yeah, that makes sense.
(18:50):
So you mean, you don't want toget up too early.
I do want to get up earlier nowin the winter, all right, okay,
you want to have a longer early.
I do want to get up earlier nowin the winter, all right.
Okay, you want to have a longerday.
I want it to be sunny outside,but lucky, it's mostly sunny.
Yeah, me too, even, like on asunday.
I want to, like, enjoy mysunday.
Yeah, I think.
Oh no, it's all right.
I used to want to sleep in moreand I didn't care about the
(19:12):
light so much, but now, yeah,I'm older, I like to see the
light more.
You did care about the light,you much, but now, because I'm
older, I like to see the lightmore.
You did care about the light.
You were always moaning abouthow early it was and how dark it
was In the evenings, but Ididn't care if I slept until 12
or something.
Well, really, yeah, I used tosleep in loads.
I remember always caring aboutthat.
Maybe you were different.
(19:32):
I always used to sleep in until11 or 12.
I didn't care.
Yeah, I always used to get aheadache by sleeping too much
and I'd be annoyed.
Yeah, if I sleep in too muchand if I got a headache, I don't
get headaches.
Oh, no, yeah, because you don'tsleep in that much.
Probably, yeah, and you know,but sometimes I do.
(19:52):
I do recuperate, like if I'vebeen out on a night, on a, if
we've been out, I do sleep in.
Yes, obviously, you get up at10, 11.
I suppose if you go to bed at 2or 3 in the morning, that's
normal.
Yeah, it's a normal way.
It's something else?
Yep, absolutely it is.
So is that what you do tocontrol your worry at night?
(20:15):
What do you do to control yourworry at night?
What do you do?
I try not to worry at all aboutthings.
Now, yeah, I've become veryphilosophical about things and I
just think if there's somethingI can do about it, I'll do it
and I don't go to the worstsituation, like the worst
scenario.
(20:36):
I think I'm like worried out.
I've done so much worry in thepast, goodness me, yeah, but now
, especially with health, andthat I just take it very just,
one day at a time, kind of thingI'm not going to.
I mean, I've had new reasons toworry now with my son's.
You know, health, yeah, buteven with them, like before, I
(20:58):
would have been worried sickabout your sons, and now I don't
worry like that.
No, thank goodness you did.
You used to worry a tad toomuch.
I used to be so empatheticabout people and I'd worry more
than necessary about otherpeople as well and about their
health.
Gosh, yes, you did, and now Idon't do that anymore.
(21:18):
No, thank goodness.
Yes, absolutely, and in the endmost of it turns out, it's
always okay, and if it isn't,there's nothing you can do about
it.
Anyway, that's life.
So I must say, yeah, that istrue.
Yeah, I even though, like youknow, I've had my son's
diagnosis he's has he's beendiet recently been diagnosed
(21:41):
with bladder cancer and that waspretty scary, really, really
scary as a mom.
He's so young, he's 27, and Ithought, gosh, how am I gonna
ever overcome this worry now?
And it's just constant, becausethen it's another test and then
he has to do.
You know, it's just, but I'vemanaged to somehow somehow take
(22:05):
it day by day.
You know, and and and sort oflive from, for my health
experience as well.
Just understand that.
You know these things are whatthey are transitory're
transitory as well, aren't they?
I hope they're transitory and Ihope they go away.
And I mean, he's had anoperation and everything.
(22:26):
But then it is easy to go downthat spiral, isn't it?
With things like cancer, youknow, you worry and worry and
worry.
You can go down.
But I've managed to put it liketo one side and only think
about it when it's necessary.
When he comes and he talks tome about it, then I'll think
about it, or when it's the nexttest or something.
(22:48):
But I've managed to somehowseparate things in my mind so I
can still have a lovely hotchocolate and really enjoy that
hot chocolate without itovertaking.
I think it's something I havelearned to do.
It's something, it's a skill.
You learn how to do thisthrough things that happen to
(23:09):
you in life, yeah, and throughthe tools that you have.
Obviously, yes, yes, throughthe tools, yeah, absolutely yeah
, you have to go, you have to doit, don't you?
You you think, how else wouldyou manage to do it?
Well, yeah, you, otherwise youdon't.
You don't manage that what yousaid.
It's not easy to do thesethings.
(23:30):
No, with loved ones, withyourself, with, with you know,
anybody else, you, you end upjust having a whole day of worry
.
And what's the point?
There is absolutely nothingthat you can do.
Most of the time you can followthe doctor's orders and
everything, but that's it.
Then you, your, your duty is toto live your life, your life
(23:53):
and thing with worry as well.
It's if you, if you're worriedabout I say if you're worried
about your son, you're not ableto enjoy your son as he is now.
No, it's always thinking of thefuture, worrying about
something that might not evenhappen.
Another test, when is the nexttest?
You're not, you're like.
You're like stealing the momentaway.
(24:14):
It is difficult to do.
I I must admit it's harder whenit is one of your kids.
You know that is affected.
It is tough.
However, it is possible to doand I am living proof of this.
It really is possible.
So you can do it.
You can put aside, you canenjoy yourself as well.
And you know, keep thingsseparate, things separate.
(24:37):
I think yeah, and not go downthe spiral.
Yes, yes, and I think everyonehas their own journey as well.
So if we, if, if you're aperson that's very empathetic
and you're taking on everyoneelse's problems and journeys,
it's going to be far too muchfor you to handle and it's not a
(24:57):
good thing, it's really.
It's just.
You just have to be likethinking I'm just that, I'm just
just free and like, just now,in the moment.
Am I okay, right now, in themoment, sitting on this chair,
talking to you?
Yes, I'm fine.
No, there's nothing otherwise.
You're like're like Always inthe future, aren't you Always in
(25:18):
the future?
But also you're likeimprisoning yourself, you're
like enslaving yourself in thisthing.
That's not even real.
So like you're incarceratingyourself in a thought that's not
even real.
It's an imaginary thought thatyou're not.
You know who would you bewithout that thought?
(25:39):
You would be free.
You would be free without thatthought.
So, absolutely so, freeyourselves.
Free yourselves from worry,free yourselves from worry and
obviously take the necessaryactions that you need to take
and just be, be joyful.
Absolutely.
See you next week.
(26:03):
Next week, next episode.
Lots of love and smiles fromthe english sisters.
Bye.
Worrying.
I think worrying takes up somuch of our time every day and
we don't really realise how muchit's actually robbing us of our
lives.
Yeah, and it takes up so muchmental space as well.
It's like our mind can be sofull of worry that we don't have
(00:22):
time for other things, and weliterally can't.
Most of us can think of onething that we worry about every
day.
Yes, the same thing.
If you add that up over in thenext five years or 10 years, you
know how many it might it mighthave taken a whole year away
(00:43):
from your life, I know.
Just worrying about it, yeah,something that you really I mean
worrying in per se is okay ifyou think, oh, okay, I've had
like a warning.
It's like a little timer thatgoes off, but then how long do
we have to worry about it?
(01:03):
How long?
So that's what we're going tobe chatting about in this week's
episode on get real with theenglish sisters.
Join us and thank you so muchfor always subscribing and
following the show.
Yeah, and do come and say hi oninstagram too, where you can
have all the latest updates, andcome watch us on youtube, where
you can see the video.
(01:25):
Today, we've got our shinyblouses on, haven't we do?
Yes, indeed, we do have ourshinies for the new year.
Yes, new year, still keepingjoy, I'm not going to worry as
much.
No, that's a good, good newyear's resolution.
Definitely because I found in mypersonal life yeah, me too, the
(01:46):
more I worry, I mean mostthings I worry about, they don't
even they don't come true.
Most of the stuff, yeah.
Then afterwards, when youactually and I think, why did I
worry so much about this?
When the time comes, you think,oh gosh, that wasn't even worth
it.
Yeah, most of the time itwasn't worth the worry.
I mean, is it ever worthworrying about?
(02:06):
Not what I don't think completeworrying?
I think when the thought comesin your mind that you're worried
about something, yes, then yousay it's time to take action
about it.
Yeah, that's when you have totake action.
And if there is something youcan do about it, well then you
do it.
You do it, yeah.
But then the worst thing iswhen you don't do it and you
just continue worrying aboutyeah, and sometimes there's
(02:29):
nothing you can do about it,because it's a health issue or
it's something that you cannotaddress that in that day, or
it's a fight you've had withsomeone and you can't solve it,
so there's no point worryingabout it.
You think I'll do it, and youjust go and do it and you say
sorry, or you.
It's easier said than done,though, isn't it?
(02:50):
We do know it's so easy, butit's all about being in the
present moment again.
It is we have to take charge todirect our minds into a more
helpful state of mind forourselves.
(03:12):
That's what it is.
I'm thinking about one of the um, the short stories we wrote in
stress free in three minutes inour book, and it's your favorite
playlist.
Would you put worry into yourfavorite playlist?
Would you put a song into yourfavorite playlist that you hated
or that made you worry, thatmade you feel ill every time,
(03:33):
physically, mentally?
If you think of your thoughtslike a playlist, why on earth
would you torture yourself withsomething you did not enjoy
listening to?
I think the answer is peoplesay I don't want to torture
myself, but that thought justkeeps on coming up and there is
nothing I can do about it.
That's what people would say.
(03:54):
That's where you're wrong,because there is something, yeah
about it.
You can make it stop, just likeyou would stop at a red light
and you wouldn't go through it.
Yes, that's right, you can makeit stop.
Or you can stop when I'mlistening to a playlist.
If I'm listening to some musicand then suddenly something else
comes on, I don't like.
(04:15):
I stop it.
Yes, and I change it to themusic that I like, which at the
moment is Taylor Swift.
It could be anybody.
It could be anybody, yeah,anybody.
I go back to who I want tolisten to so you can do the same
with your own mind.
You can't just let your mind gonuts on, you run loose and just
go wild, because then, ifyou're, if you start worrying
(04:37):
about one thing, what happens isthat other things will pop up.
Your, your brain will startfocusing on everything that's
like concerning to you at themoment.
So you've got economical issuesand then maybe some health
issues and then maybe familyissues, and it can all add up
and all this worrying.
(04:57):
Ultimately, in the end, it'sit's not healthy.
Do you remember the other day,some insect bit your husband and
he started staring at it andreally worrying about it.
He was worried.
He was so worried and so then Igot bitten.
I got bitten a few days afterrecently, and I was looking at
(05:23):
it and it was getting me worried, just like what happened to
Georgia.
And I was looking at it and itwas getting me worried.
Just like what happened toGeorgia.
Yeah, and I was thinking here Iam worrying about this.
No, stop it, put the cream onit, take an antihistamine and
you're going to be fine.
Yeah, it's nothing.
Fine, it's nothing.
You were worried because yougot stung by the bees, yeah, and
, and I had no allergicreactions.
(05:43):
I know, but I just think it'sour minds.
Just go to these places, yes,and if you do not know how to
control them and put them incheck of your own mind, you will
be in trouble.
You will be in trouble and alot of the times, these things
happen just when you want torest the most, your brain will
start.
When you want to go to sleepand you want to have the most
(06:04):
your brain will start, yes, whenyou want to go to sleep and you
want to have a good night'ssleep.
So how can you like?
If you, you know what would yousay?
How can you?
The other day, I was watchingthe the empress and they came up
with the netflix yeah, thenetflix one, and they came up
with these worry dolls andapparently they originated in um
(06:26):
, guatemala and little children.
They're given to littlechildren and they they're cute,
as cute as anything.
Little dolls, they're nothingto do with with anything you
know bad.
And you have this little dolland you, you tell your worry to
the doll and then you put itunder your pillow.
Oh, that's so sweet, and thenthat's it.
So you're free of your worry,you're free of it.
(06:50):
So what you can do with yourmind, as we've learned as a
hypnotherapist, is you can sayto your worry I've heard you,
I'm listening to you, it's okay,you're going to be okay, we're
going to deal with it.
We'll deal with it if we can,like tomorrow, if it's a health
issue, if it's possible, I'llmake an appointment or I'll do
(07:12):
something I have to do.
If I have to do it, if I don't,and it's just waiting, because
a lot of the time with healthissues you know it is just a
question or you put them off.
So then, if you find yourselfputting stuff off, you can ask
for help.
So you can ask a friend or afamily member.
You can say look, I'mprocrastinating, I'm worried
about this thing, but I'mactually doing it really
(07:34):
difficult and I'mprocrastinating with it.
Can you help me?
Can you check on me, check upon me and either help me make
the phone call or make theappointment or, you know, ask me
if I've done it, so that I'lldo it?
And because sometimes we justwe're like these people, we're
not computers.
(07:54):
No, we're not, we're not.
Well, we are in a way, yes,because you can program your
mind.
Yes, only if you know how to,only if you know how to, only if
you know how to, if you havethe tools.
Absolutely yes, it's all aquestion of knowing.
So I mean, we're adults, so wedon't have these little dolls,
or maybe we still do.
(08:15):
If you belong to that culture,you can buy them online, really,
yes, the little tiny, littletraditional little dolls.
Or you can make them if youlike making stuff, and you place
all your worries into thatlittle doll and, yeah, you have
one for each worry, but I wouldjust have one for all of them.
Yeah, it seems easier, but theactual symbolism of it is that
(08:38):
you are putting them away,aren't you?
Yeah, or sometimes, if you'relike you like crystals or you
like you've got a littlefavorite thing, that you like a
little soft toy or anything.
I would just say you know, usethe, the um or a power of prayer
.
You know, if you're religious,wonderful, you know you, you
send off that prayer and you can.
You can, sort of like, helpyourself, relieve yourself of
(09:02):
some of your worries.
So let them be, so that you canlet them be for the evening,
for the night, put them to oneside.
Yeah, I think that's wherejournaling helps, because you
can write it in your journal andthen you say okay tomorrow, and
you close the diary, yes, outto sleep.
We used to do that when we werelittle, didn't we?
We would write a diary.
(09:23):
Yeah, our mothers used our mom.
I would never.
I would always edit it, thoughBecause you were scared somebody
would read it.
Yeah, never, true.
But if it was true, who wouldever read it?
Nobody, it was just me and you.
I would certainly not gosnooping into your diary.
I was not interested and not noone would have read it.
But I don't know, it's justthese things, like I wouldn't
(09:44):
actually really say what I'vereally felt I do if I look
through my diaries.
Oh, I would worry a lot, youknow, I would write down my
worries.
I'm so worried about my mathtest.
I'm so worried I would writethings like that.
I'm worried, I would say thingslike that, but I mean really, I
suppose, really personal thingsI wouldn't write just in case
someone read them.
(10:04):
Yes, obviously, yeah, if it wassomething really personal, what
can be that person when you'rea tiny, you know, when you're
like nine?
Well, I wrote them till I wasolder.
Yes, yes, so did I actually.
Yeah, but so did I, not justwhen I was nine.
No, no, you're right.
No, it's true, it's funny toread.
Now you have to go and have alook at them and see what.
But I used to mostly write.
(10:26):
It was a bit like a gratitudejournal.
Really, most of the time Iwould say how grateful I was,
how much I loved my family, myhusband, when you were older,
when I was older, as a teenager,teenager, I can't remember I'd
have to go and have a look, butI do remember worrying about
people reading them.
Yes, so that's another worrythat you don't want to add on to
(10:49):
the worry list.
Yeah, and if I just told alittle doll, it would have
probably been better, really.
Yeah, because the doll's notgonna say anything.
We did actually used to sleepwith our dolls, didn't we?
All of them?
Yeah, none of them would beleft out, no, the bed would be
covered in them and they werehard like.
They were like hard plastic,these lovely soft ones, no, no,
(11:16):
even the actual, like teddybears.
You know, I remember in ourdays they weren't like these
lovely and soft and plush likethey are.
No, they were quite hard.
They had like hard little armsand Wire inside and they used to
stick all over you but you'dstuff them all in under the bed
covers.
I remember, you know, everysingle toy I ever possessed,
(11:38):
because they would get cold.
Yes, if we didn't, yeah, it wasprobably a way for having
comfort as well from them, fromthe dolls, sometimes pretty
uncomfortable, it wasuncomfortable.
I do remember those little hands, my big and hard.
It was a doll I'm talking about.
(12:01):
It was.
This gets worse.
We were little.
We used to play with six.
We were six.
When we were like we used toplay with.
This is getting.
We were six.
We had dollies that they had inthose days, so that not so much
now.
There was barbies as well, butbarbies are pretty well.
Yeah, they were tough, little,to use the same word.
(12:24):
No, they were tough, and it was.
It was difficult.
It was difficult sleeping withthem because I remember they
would take ages to warm up.
It was cold for ages becausethe rooms were cold as well.
We didn't have central heatingwhen we were really tiny, no,
but later on we did, but theywere still cold.
But I remember when we used tosleep with them we didn't have
central heating.
(12:45):
The central heating came when wewere quite older.
Really, goodness me, I can'tremember the days before central
heating came, when we werequite older.
Really, goodness me, I can'tremember the days before central
heating.
Oh, I can.
It was bloody freezing, was it?
I just can't remember that.
Was it that room with thewallpaper?
We had that green flowery wallthe first time we had central
heating in there.
How on earth would the roomswarm up?
It was just freezing cold.
(13:06):
Did we have an electric littleheater or something?
Nothing, gosh, it must havebeen freezing, goodness me.
No wonder people used to haveto wear hats in bed, like the
woolly hats and things.
Did we have them?
We didn't have hats, but Idon't know what we had.
(13:26):
I don't think we had.
I think we might have had alittle radiator in the room.
Yeah, I think so.
We had electric radiators andthings like that.
There must have been somethingin there to warm up that house.
Because the house was big, itmust have got really cold.
I do remember the big deal aboutthe central heating.
The central heating was a bigdeal.
(13:48):
Mum and Dad made a big dealabout it, and there was this
boiler room upstairs.
Yeah, the man came and put allthe radiators in.
Oh, yeah, I remember that, butkind of yeah, maybe a bit
younger.
Obviously I was a year youngerand I just probably didn't
remember it.
I do remember the house feelingnice and cosy afterwards, though
(14:08):
, yes, it was cosy.
Oh gosh, what a difference.
I think we were just used tocooler temperatures.
Yeah, absolutely, I mean, thebabies used to sleep, like my
husband, his sister, who's like15 years older than he is, or 20
years older, she's much, mucholder when she had her children,
she remembers that they used tosleep in woolly hats and coats,
(14:32):
the babies, the babies would beall wrapped up like if they
were in the streets.
Well, what about?
You would put the prams outsideto let them sleep in the garden
?
Yeah, you would actually putbabies and let them sleep,
especially if it was a nice coolyou know, not cool.
It was like a nice winter's day.
Even in the winter, though, youwould put the baby outside.
(14:53):
I remember Mum she wouldsometimes leave, you know, she
was a childminder and she wouldlook after like five babies at a
time, and then one would alwaysbe parked outside the front
door and, you know, justsleeping.
That sounds terrible, it soundsterrible, but it was like the
fresh air.
She was saying it's good forbabies.
Well, it's like what they do inSweden or something, or in
(15:14):
Denmark, in these Nordiccountries.
They all leave them outside inthe freezing cold.
Yeah, because they're allwrapped up in their.
Yeah, they're all super wrappedup and everything.
But yeah, so obviously it wasdifferent times.
Anyway, we are going off topichere, but anyway, what's the
point of worrying about worry?
Yeah, exactly, you know.
(15:34):
Worry.
Think about better things.
Yeah, if you think you have,you know, your mind, your mind
needs space.
It needs to be freed up.
It's like all cluttered withworry.
It's like your iPhone space oryour, whatever it is space, your
computer space.
It needs to be freed up so thatyou can have space for things
(15:54):
that you really want to thinkabout and enjoy and listen to.
I think, and I think a lot ofthe worry is like past worries.
It's things that aren't, theydon't even concern you in the
future.
They're like regrets that turninto worry because it's ah, you
regret and then you worry aboutthe regret of not doing it.
(16:18):
There is, you know, you aretaking up valuable space in your
mind which you could beenjoying yourself or helping
other people.
Yeah, a lot of the times, byhelping others, you feel less
worried about your own anxieties.
Yeah, and it's extraordinaryhow that works, and that's why
(16:39):
volunteering is really good ideaas well, to help relieve.
Yeah, we're doing something youfeel as if you're helping
people with.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, obviously.
Yeah, even if it's notvolunteering, if it's helping
your neighbor, you think you'rebeing useful to, to whoever?
Yeah, your family, your friends, whatever it is, it makes you
(17:00):
feel less anxious as well.
So, whatever it is.
So, even, as you know, we maynot have the little worry dolls,
but we can sort of like,pretend and get rid of that
worry.
Yeah, I mean you can even justhold a little handkerchief in
your hand or something and say,okay, I will put this under my
pillow tissue, put your worry inthere under the pillow under
(17:23):
the pillow or, you know, inanother room.
I would say, keep it at bay,flush it down the toilet.
That's why you have to haveyour like.
I think the your room you sleepin has to be a bit of a
sanctuary.
Yeah, so you have to leave, youwill come outside of it.
(17:46):
Yeah, so that you.
I mean, I love my bed.
I absolutely love it.
You know, it's like mysanctuary, it's just I love.
That's why everything around it, you know I have to make it.
That's why everything around it, you know I have to make it.
That's why I'm obsessed withthe bed, linen and everything.
It's always my happy place.
The minute I enter it I feel,oh, I love it, that's nice.
(18:08):
Yeah, I really do.
And you don't.
You don't love it as much.
I'm not.
I like it.
I like going to sleep in it anddoing things in it.
But the, the actual bed.
I don't spend a lot of time inmy bed like you do.
No, I go to bed at 12 o'clockor 1 o'clock in the morning, or
(18:30):
if I set an earlier bedtime,which now I tend to go to bed a
bit earlier, like at 11.
Yeah, because if time which nowI tend to go to bed a bit
earlier, like at 11.
Yeah, because it's because ifyou go to bed too late then you
want to get up.
Like, since I work online andI've got I don't with people I
don't want to get, it makes meget up earlier if I go to bed
earlier.
Well, of course it does.
Yeah, that makes sense.
(18:50):
So you mean, you don't want toget up too early.
I do want to get up earlier nowin the winter, all right, okay,
you want to have a longer early.
I do want to get up earlier nowin the winter, all right.
Okay, you want to have a longerday.
I want it to be sunny outside,but lucky, it's mostly sunny.
Yeah, me too, even, like on asunday.
I want to, like, enjoy mysunday.
Yeah, I think.
Oh no, it's all right.
I used to want to sleep in moreand I didn't care about the
(19:12):
light so much, but now, yeah,I'm older, I like to see the
light more.
You did care about the light,you much, but now, because I'm
older, I like to see the lightmore.
You did care about the light.
You were always moaning abouthow early it was and how dark it
was In the evenings, but Ididn't care if I slept until 12
or something.
Well, really, yeah, I used tosleep in loads.
I remember always caring aboutthat.
Maybe you were different.
(19:32):
I always used to sleep in until11 or 12.
I didn't care.
Yeah, I always used to get aheadache by sleeping too much
and I'd be annoyed.
Yeah, if I sleep in too muchand if I got a headache, I don't
get headaches.
Oh, no, yeah, because you don'tsleep in that much.
Probably, yeah, and you know,but sometimes I do.
(19:52):
I do recuperate, like if I'vebeen out on a night, on a, if
we've been out, I do sleep in.
Yes, obviously, you get up at10, 11.
I suppose if you go to bed at 2or 3 in the morning, that's
normal.
Yeah, it's a normal way.
It's something else?
Yep, absolutely it is.
So is that what you do tocontrol your worry at night?
(20:15):
What do you do to control yourworry at night?
What do you do?
I try not to worry at all aboutthings.
Now, yeah, I've become veryphilosophical about things and I
just think if there's somethingI can do about it, I'll do it
and I don't go to the worstsituation, like the worst
scenario.
(20:36):
I think I'm like worried out.
I've done so much worry in thepast, goodness me, yeah, but now
, especially with health, andthat I just take it very just,
one day at a time, kind of thingI'm not going to.
I mean, I've had new reasons toworry now with my son's.
You know, health, yeah, buteven with them, like before, I
(20:58):
would have been worried sickabout your sons, and now I don't
worry like that.
No, thank goodness you did.
You used to worry a tad toomuch.
I used to be so empatheticabout people and I'd worry more
than necessary about otherpeople as well and about their
health.
Gosh, yes, you did, and now Idon't do that anymore.
(21:18):
No, thank goodness.
Yes, absolutely, and in the endmost of it turns out, it's
always okay, and if it isn't,there's nothing you can do about
it.
Anyway, that's life.
So I must say, yeah, that istrue.
Yeah, I even though, like youknow, I've had my son's
diagnosis he's has he's beendiet recently been diagnosed
(21:41):
with bladder cancer and that waspretty scary, really, really
scary as a mom.
He's so young, he's 27, and Ithought, gosh, how am I gonna
ever overcome this worry now?
And it's just constant, becausethen it's another test and then
he has to do.
You know, it's just, but I'vemanaged to somehow somehow take
(22:05):
it day by day.
You know, and and and sort oflive from, for my health
experience as well.
Just understand that.
You know these things are whatthey are transitory're
transitory as well, aren't they?
I hope they're transitory and Ihope they go away.
And I mean, he's had anoperation and everything.
(22:26):
But then it is easy to go downthat spiral, isn't it?
With things like cancer, youknow, you worry and worry and
worry.
You can go down.
But I've managed to put it liketo one side and only think
about it when it's necessary.
When he comes and he talks tome about it, then I'll think
about it, or when it's the nexttest or something.
(22:48):
But I've managed to somehowseparate things in my mind so I
can still have a lovely hotchocolate and really enjoy that
hot chocolate without itovertaking.
I think it's something I havelearned to do.
It's something, it's a skill.
You learn how to do thisthrough things that happen to
(23:09):
you in life, yeah, and throughthe tools that you have.
Obviously, yes, yes, throughthe tools, yeah, absolutely yeah
, you have to go, you have to doit, don't you?
You you think, how else wouldyou manage to do it?
Well, yeah, you, otherwise youdon't.
You don't manage that what yousaid.
It's not easy to do thesethings.
(23:30):
No, with loved ones, withyourself, with, with you know,
anybody else, you, you end upjust having a whole day of worry
.
And what's the point?
There is absolutely nothingthat you can do.
Most of the time you can followthe doctor's orders and
everything, but that's it.
Then you, your, your duty is toto live your life, your life
(23:53):
and thing with worry as well.
It's if you, if you're worriedabout I say if you're worried
about your son, you're not ableto enjoy your son as he is now.
No, it's always thinking of thefuture, worrying about
something that might not evenhappen.
Another test, when is the nexttest?
You're not, you're like.
You're like stealing the momentaway.
(24:14):
It is difficult to do.
I I must admit it's harder whenit is one of your kids.
You know that is affected.
It is tough.
However, it is possible to doand I am living proof of this.
It really is possible.
So you can do it.
You can put aside, you canenjoy yourself as well.
And you know, keep thingsseparate, things separate.
(24:37):
I think yeah, and not go downthe spiral.
Yes, yes, and I think everyonehas their own journey as well.
So if we, if, if you're aperson that's very empathetic
and you're taking on everyoneelse's problems and journeys,
it's going to be far too muchfor you to handle and it's not a
(24:57):
good thing, it's really.
It's just.
You just have to be likethinking I'm just that, I'm just
just free and like, just now,in the moment.
Am I okay, right now, in themoment, sitting on this chair,
talking to you?
Yes, I'm fine.
No, there's nothing otherwise.
You're like're like Always inthe future, aren't you Always in
(25:18):
the future?
But also you're likeimprisoning yourself, you're
like enslaving yourself in thisthing.
That's not even real.
So like you're incarceratingyourself in a thought that's not
even real.
It's an imaginary thought thatyou're not.
You know who would you bewithout that thought?
(25:39):
You would be free.
You would be free without thatthought.
So, absolutely so, freeyourselves.
Free yourselves from worry,free yourselves from worry and
obviously take the necessaryactions that you need to take
and just be, be joyful.
Absolutely.
See you next week.
(26:03):
Next week, next episode.
Lots of love and smiles fromthe english sisters.
Bye.
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