February 19, 2025 • 25 mins
This episode explores the nuanced balance between being easygoing and assertive, prompting listeners to reflect on the costs of constant compliance with others' desires. Through personal anecdotes and practical insights, the discussion emphasizes the importance of respecting one's own needs and feelings in relationships and everyday decision-making.
• Examining the implications of being easygoing
• Reflecting on personal experiences and learned assertiveness
• The relationship between easygoingness and respect in professional settings
• Understanding the impact of easygoing behavior on intimate relationships
• Strategies for cultivating assertiveness without losing kindness
• Encouraging listeners to assess their own behaviors and boundaries
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Being easygoing.
Are you an easygoing person?
Do you say yes to everything?
La, la, la, la la.
This is great.
You know, I think I'm a bitlike that.
You are easygoing, well, yeah,kind of.
But I think over the years I'msort of learning to not be that
easygoing and to be a little bitmore assertive in deciding what
(00:22):
I want, to be a little bit moreassertive in deciding what I
want.
Assertive is a good word andthat's what we're going to be
chatting about in this week'sepisode of Get Real with the
English Sisters Mind, health,anxiety.
So everything to do with themind, with your health and,
hopefully, helping you with youranxiety.
Yes, it's just about daily life, isn't it?
Daily life, yeah, things thathappen every day, things that
(00:44):
come up during the day, littlethings, and today I was thinking
about that being easygoing.
You know what is the price thatwe pay for being too easygoing?
Yeah, and what do we mean byeasygoing?
Because I think everybody lovesto be around somebody that's
easygoing Because they're easy.
(01:04):
Easygoing because they're easy.
You know they're like they sayyes to everything.
Okay, should we go to?
What restaurant should we go to?
Is that one?
Okay, should we go to that one?
And, yeah, sure, that's fine,you know that's fine, that's
fine, there's no like objections.
I wonder if sometimes, if you'retoo easygoing, you know you
(01:25):
compromise on what you reallywant and people take you down
where they, where they want togo.
Well, they definitely take youdown whether, well, I don't know
if it's down, but they'll takeyou on that path.
It's not necessarily down, butit could be on a different path
sometimes.
I think it's actually reallygood when you're easygoing
because it means you're not sofixed in your ways and so you're
(01:45):
sort of like more open to oh,should we go to?
Do you want to go and see thatplay or that thing or whatever
it is, and you go because youkind of like not really set in
your ways.
But I don't know, I think thereis a price.
But when they say, does it takeyou down that price?
(02:06):
Because they might, sometimesyou might think, well, I didn't
really.
I had a Chinese yesterday orwhatever it is, indian cuisine
yesterday, yeah, yeah, and I hadChinese cuisine, or I had
Korean or whatever it is, andpizza, and today I want to just
stay home.
But then you, you still gobecause you're easygoing, sort
(02:26):
of like, and the group of peopleand friends.
They want to go.
I wish I hadn't gone out.
I mean, we have spoken aboutthis before because maybe you
had financial reasons for to notwant to go out, because you
were saving or something.
Yeah, does it compromise?
Does it make you compromise?
Being easygoing on your on, on,like, where you want to be and
(02:47):
where you want to go?
I think I think it kind of does.
I think I think you have tofight for what you want really,
and I mean the word fight mightseem rather litigious, but
talking about fighting a lot inthis 2025.
I don't know.
Yes, it's not a typical word.
I would actually use fight.
(03:08):
What I mean is you have to likebe more assertive for what you
want.
I think, and you know, speak up, speak up.
So if you are in a group offriends and you find that you're
always following what they wantto do, and I mean I remember I
used to do that a lot more whenI was younger, when I used to be
(03:29):
an air hostess and I used tofly around there was always
somebody that had a reallystrong opinion, especially about
where we should go out in theevening, you know.
So there's 16 colleagues orsomething, and then we were a
whole great, you know big groupof people and they would.
Everyone would always say, no,I want to go and have the steak
and I want to go there, and Iused to just think, oh well, I
(03:49):
don't really care where I wantto go to.
But I did end up a few timeseating out and being really
tired and thinking why on eartham I doing this?
You know, and I think that'ssomething that you learn over
the years, it comes naturallyand now, for example, I wouldn't
do that anymore.
I would definitely no, no, what.
(04:10):
Already towards the end, when I,when I end, when I stopped,
when I was almost finished withmy flying career, I just used to
say no, thanks, you know, Iknow what I want.
Now I won't go out becausetomorrow I won't be able to work
properly or I won't be able to.
I just don't want to eat thatkind of food.
I'm too tired.
Basically used to feelexhausted half the time, yeah,
(04:31):
and sometimes I think it can belike at work as well you
compromise on things that youmight want to do also with your
career.
So if your boss or yourmanager's saying come and do
this, and then you're thinkingreally.
I wanted to do this other thingtoday, definitely at work.
At work, being easy going isgreat for a boss who can
literally boss you around, butthen when they see you that you
(04:53):
have your opinions and youaren't that easy going, I think
there's more respect there inthe end.
You know, they do respect youmore.
People do seem to respectassertiveness, don't they?
Yes, even though they might.
In the end they might think, oh, you know, they're not that,
that willing to do what I want,but in the end they do respect
(05:13):
it more.
I think they definitely respectit more.
They know they're not gonna.
You know, I won't bother withthat one there.
I'll go and ask that or theperson to do it, because you
know they have their agenda andI know they're not gonna like it
.
So I think that, in a way, ifyou do have, you know, if you
respect what you want to do,you're gonna get.
(05:34):
If you respect your ownopinions, yeah, sometimes you
might really not be bothered andsay, all right, I'm really not
bothered, and that person overthere seems to be really
bothered about where we're going, and so I think it's sometimes
I don't know where you're going,you won't get there, no, but
like I mean I'm just going backto the restaurant thing
sometimes I would think it'sjust nothing really.
(05:57):
Example in life how you can beled to go to places where you
don't really want to end up in.
Yeah, I guess.
So you're right.
It's like a metaphor for otherthings, isn't it in life?
Because it can be in in loverelationships as well.
You could be always the one tobe compromising, yeah, and
always be justifying yourpartner yes or for no.
(06:18):
For for the only reason thatyou are so easygoing and you've
always just thought, well, okay,never mind, kind of thing
exactly.
But then afterwards, in thelong term, resentment builds up
and bad habits are created inthe, in the, definitely in the
relationship, aren't they?
It's best to catch it.
If you do have that kind ofpersonality that you do think,
oh, I do, I am really easygoing,then you know, yes, advantages
(06:44):
and disadvantages, but becomeaware of it, that's for sure.
You know because there could bereally good things that what
you were saying you're flexible,you're willing to try new
things, you haven't got limitingbeliefs about certain things
that, oh, no, I can't do that,I'm not doing that, I'm not, I'm
not good at that you mightthink, oh yeah, I'll give it a
try, I'll give it a try.
Yeah, I'll give it a try, I'llgo.
(07:05):
Then there might be otherthings and you can discover
things that are amazing.
Yeah, but then there'll beother things, like, for instance
, I know that in my whole lifeI'm never going to go on a
ferris wheel.
Oh right, a ferris wheel.
Now, no, I I I say no to thatbecause there's no need for me
to experience that.
I know I'm terrified, I would.
I do not need to overcome thisfear.
(07:27):
It's a, it's an unnatural thingto be on and it's not necessary
.
No, where is it?
For instance, if we have donetherapy for people with fear of
flying, for our clients there,if I had a fear of flying, I
would.
I would go to therapy and getit sorted, because there it's
actually stopping me from doingwhat I need to do, which is get
(07:49):
to a different country, exactly,yeah, whereas being on a ferris
wheel is irrelevant, yeah,going on those you know those
game things, oh God, no, I wouldnever.
I mean, I went on one once withmy kids when they were like 13
or something.
I can't remember why.
Oh, because we went to DisneyWorld, and you know it was a
(08:11):
come on.
This is nothing.
You can certainly do this.
I mean, it wasn't even really.
To tell you the truth, I don'teven think it was supposed to be
that scary, but for me, what ahorrible experience it was.
You just go on this train andyou go around and things were
coming out.
No, I would have never gone intoone of those.
It was.
It was supposed to be thisspace thing or something.
(08:32):
Was it et thing?
No, no, no, that was okay.
Actually the et thing, I thinkhe came out of a little basket.
You see him on this littlewheel.
That would be cute.
That was okay.
No, it was not the et thing, itwas something else.
And I just remember thinking god, why, why, why didn't they just
go with their dad?
You know, why did they have to?
Why did I?
(08:53):
But they really wanted you togo, didn't?
They did?
But look, when I got off it,they said, mom, really honestly,
no, there was no point.
I said that's a horrible thing,I am never going to do anything
.
You said you weren't going backto the caves as well, didn't?
Oh, my god, the caves.
Don't talk about those caves.
Yeah, the caves.
I got it being easy going again.
(09:14):
Still at 50, I didn't go to thecaves almost eight years old.
Yeah, I need to see them onceand that's enough in my whole
life.
Yeah, I've still got to learnabout this because I still you
are more easygoing, honestly,but how was, honestly, I got?
I mean, they said these arebeautiful caves in the world.
They're so beautiful.
You go in, you know, and, andthere are statelites.
(09:40):
Oh, my god for me, honestly, I,just the moment I got in, I
felt that cold air and I thought, okay, calm down, you know,
this is fine.
And at the time that was beforemy eye operation, wasn't it?
So, see properly, I think Istill, I had, I needed glasses,
but I I couldn't see properly,so it was very cataract.
(10:01):
I had, I had cataracts and Imean yeah, I mean yeah, anyway,
but even if you didn't, becauseI can't see that great since I
had the um, we, yeah, I meanwe've been a bit unlucky with
our eyes anyway, I mean this isjust stuff that happens to
everybody.
But yeah, I mean cataracts, I,I didn't think I got, but you
(10:23):
got them when you were reallyyoung.
It was unusual.
Yeah, I think it's due to thatmedication, yeah.
Anyway, whatever it was, Icouldn't see that well, so I was
scared.
And then, oh my God, everyoneelse was so cool, they were just
walking along.
Come on, these weren't likecaves that were big, it was a
(10:47):
small cave and you had to godown really steep, narrow, and
you're not even claustrophobic,are you just scared.
You were going to fall, itwould and, and it was closed.
So I did feel likeclaustrophobic because I
couldn't.
Also because I couldn't see.
I remember grabbing hold of whatI thought was my husband's in
front of me, of his coat and itwas his other guy's coat.
And then I said I'm so sorry,I'm, I'm feeling really I'm not
(11:10):
enjoying this.
And he said well, don't worry,because my wife's not enjoying
it either, she's just behind you.
I think we're only going to dothe 30 minutes because there was
an option like 30 or 40 minutetour, otherwise you could go
ahead and go down even further.
When I saw those tiny I meanthey were slippery as well it
was like there was water.
Safe, is it?
They don't warn you if you haveproblems with your eyesight,
(11:33):
with your eyesight, or if youyou know your to be fair judge
of my husband.
He said, I did think it wasgoing to be more like those
really big, no, like touristic.
Yeah, there are big caves wherethey've got like all barriers
and you can hold on to things.
But I went to those really bigcaves once and I didn't enjoy it
either.
Yeah, because it's very tricky,it's very dark and then they
(11:55):
have little steps that you haveto go down to and, like little
bridges, you have to go acrossBridges, yeah, that are really
flimsy, yeah, and there waswater like below and I thought,
gosh, everyone was takingpictures.
And then I thought, gosh, yourphone could fall and honestly,
yeah, I'm supposed to be ananxiety expert.
Honestly, I thought I did, Ikept my cool and everything, but
(12:19):
I was just focusing on gettingout Because you actually thought
this is actually dangerous andit's not for me, it's not for
people, and they don't warn youthat you would like, you would
like, like, need proper clothingon, you need like trekking
shorts?
No, no, I think trekking shoeson you need.
You need like trainers.
(12:39):
They did, they did say theywanted trainers.
Actually they did.
Yeah, I think I did havetrainers on, but it was just not
.
It wasn't just the trainers, itwas the whole experience.
But anyway, yes, to go back tothe point, I would never.
I said that's the last time I'mgoing into one of those caves.
Yeah, never again.
It was because my son and hisgirlfriend loves the caves and
(13:02):
we were on this trip alltogether.
Let's all go and enjoy thisexperience, but a jolly holiday
kind of thing.
Yeah, obviously you think youfeel like a bit of a freak and
you say, no, I'll just waitoutside, and I thought just
waiting outside for a wholehours or thing in the end.
But, yeah, and everyone it waseveryone came out all super
(13:23):
happy.
Wow, they took, you know, I, Ithink I don't know if they were
actually allowed to takepictures, but I think some
people yeah, they did takepictures.
Yeah, my son took loads ofpictures, but everyone thought
it was beautiful.
You know, obviously it wasbeautiful, but not my kind of
beautiful, that's for sure.
For me it was, um, the horrificexperience.
(13:44):
I will never do that again.
I thought, no, you'd have to,I'd be dragged in there, my form
of torture to be going back inthere.
I do not want to go underground, you know at all.
Just leave me above.
I thought, leave me, don't putme down in there, I don't, you
know, not for me, but yeah, butI can, you could go, like in the
(14:07):
channel tunnel, the one thatgoes under the channel.
You don't even realize you'redoing that because you're like a
tunnel.
It's like if you're on the tube, exactly, yeah, you wouldn't
have a.
No, I don't think.
So that's you're just a bitweird, but I would do that.
Well, I haven't even thoughtabout that, but obviously you're
like, you know, from Paris toLondon, yeah, well, what is it
(14:29):
like a train?
Yeah, it's a train.
You go underground, under thewater, though, but only because
you have to think about it underthe water, because, yeah, if
you didn't know, you wouldn'tknow you were going underwater,
they would just think it was areally long tunnel, like when we
(14:53):
go through the mountains, likewhen we went up north.
You know, you go, you havemountains, yeah, in the car
you're driving, yeah, yeah, youkind of.
Yeah, that's different.
Here I actually had to walk onmy own two feet, sort of walking
, and and and, oh, yeah, thatwas it as well, because I was
actually touching these precious, you know, stalactites, stal
that one, no, but because?
No?
Because I was, because you'regonna fall over, because I was
literally gonna fall over andthey were like wet.
And then the guide was no,sorry, oh my god, so where,
(15:17):
where do you hold on to?
That's why, in the end, I washolding on proper things to hold
on no guardrail.
It's ridiculous really.
There's no safety involved.
No, you can't touch them.
I thought, okay, you can'ttouch them.
I thought, okay, you can'ttouch them.
I can't see.
I mean, we went once as well.
I remember going to see acastle.
This was only two years ago,yeah, I know, but I remember
it's not like it was in the pasthistory, like in 1930s.
(15:40):
I was saying but nowadays,sometimes they're like too
fickle with these things, toofickle with these things.
They don't have proper signssaying please be careful, if you
suffer from a phobia, do not goin.
If you're claustrophobic, donot go in.
Um, you would think it'd beobvious, wouldn't it?
If you're really because?
Because, come on, if you'reclaustrophobic, yes, because
when I went to see, I wouldnever go.
We went to see a castle once andI thought there should have
(16:03):
been a warning here, right, yeah, as me, as me as a
hypnotherapist, as someone thathelps people deal with phobias,
if you go to see a castle andyou think I'm just going to go
and see a lovely castle, it'sjust normal.
And then to get from one bit ofthe castle to the next, there's
a really narrow corridor reallyhigh up with a really low wall
(16:25):
where you could easily fall overand go into a massive yeah,
like a cliff thing.
So and that was just, and I hadjust to be a normal tourist to
go around and I had to gothrough this and I was I mean,
I'm not even that particularlyscared of heights because I
don't like them much, but I'vebeen on ski lifts, I've been on
and I'm fine.
So it's not like I've got thisreal, but when I feel as if
(16:47):
something's just unsafe, or likeunsafe because I was thinking
small children here, this issuper unsafe for them and they
just thought it was normal theyjust thought it was normal.
Where was this castle?
In Edinburgh?
No, in Italy.
In Italy, we're giving ItalyFrom Mount Siena somewhere.
You be careful.
There was no warning and I wasthinking really there should
(17:09):
have been a warning here sayingplease, if you're afraid of
heights, please do not come.
You know, do not go on thistour.
Yeah, it wasn't even a tour,you had to go by yourself.
I mean, I do remember like Ihad to hold on to my husband.
I was terrified and try not tolook because it was horrific.
God, you poor thing.
No, I wouldn't have.
Yeah, but then you're actuallyon the tour, so there's no way
(17:30):
back, is there?
It's a bit like that at theVatican as well.
I remember when you go up thesteps because I thought, okay,
going up the steps, that's fine,you just go up the steps.
That's scary as well, isn't it?
But there is a balcony to getto the further bit that you have
to go along.
That's actually right at thetop and it's.
It hasn't got a very highrailing and it's really narrow
and it's.
(17:50):
It's inside the vatican gosh.
And I remember my sister in lawwas she's very afraid of heights
, much more than I am, and shewas absolutely terrified.
She practically wanted to gocrawling along it.
Oh, crawling, yes, I understand, and and it was really awful
for her.
In the end we had to help her,but it was, it was terrible.
(18:10):
I managed to do it, but Ididn't like it, but it was
pretty.
I would never go up there again, no, no, no, I mean, I'm
actually scared of higher again.
I think there they should havewarnings.
Please.
If you are afraid of heights,please note, there is this.
This part of the journey iswhere you know you're not just
in a turret, walking up steps,which you think okay, and then
(18:31):
you've got the lovely balcony atthe top, which is beautiful.
No, you have to go along thislittle internal balcony that's
really broad, just to find theway.
Sometimes they also have theselike tiny spiral staircases,
which are pretty creepy, thattake you all the way to the top
and they've got holes in them,haven't they?
Yeah, and they could.
We're like we're supposed to beand it's like we are anxiety.
(18:52):
But what we're, what we'retrying to say.
If you do have anxiety aboutthese things, you know, avoid
them.
Just say no.
I mean, I'm not easy going here, I'm not going up, yeah,
they're not.
And there will be a lot ofgroup pressure.
If you're in a group, yes, comeon, it'll be okay.
No, I do actually remember whenit worked, before I was went
into these caves, there was agroup pressure every all.
(19:12):
My son, his girlfriend, youknow, my husband, oh, they're
beautiful, you'd care, you know,be tranquilla, there's nothing.
Are you joking?
It's really easy, it's just.
Of course, it's a tourist thing.
You know how many look that oldlady's going in there.
Do you think that she, you, shecan do it?
Why can't you do it sort ofthing.
(19:33):
And I was beginning to feel likesome kind of uh.
Like I thought what's wrongwith me?
Of course I can do it.
Do I want to do it?
That's a different question.
And what kind of experience didI go through?
And compared to other peoplethat came out smiling, I mean I
was like, oh, just please.
When I actually saw thesunshine at the end of it, I
thought I mean, I would ratherbe prepared.
(19:55):
So if you know you're going infor this experience, okay,
prepare yourself.
Prepare yourself.
Remember, you have to wear, youknow, water's gonna fall on
your head.
You know, I wasn't expectingthat like these.
The water drops keep on falling, quite big drops as well, so
you need a hood, you know, andit's very cold.
Oh, it's so cold and dampanyway.
(20:20):
Yeah, not good.
If you do have a phobia aboutanything, we are available for
therapy, even though afterhearing us, you think, oh, wait,
no, but obviously if we didhave a phobia, we would be able
to, if it's something that youreally want to get rid of.
I mean, do not do things thatdon't, there's no need for it.
There are certain, you know,like we want to call them
phobias.
(20:41):
I, I wouldn't say mine was aphobia, I would say that just
did not like it and no commonvery unpleasant experience for
me.
So necessary, not necessary atall.
I could have been having alovely cappuccino somewhere.
I mean, what's the point?
Why is my life?
You know, seconds and minutesof my life are precious.
Why, why, why waste them doingsomething?
(21:03):
I do not?
You know, I, there were, therewere enough things that are
unpleasant in this life that wehave to do, we have to Like.
Sometimes you have to do thingsthat you just don't want to do,
but you've got to do them foryour health or for whatever
reasons you know.
So why do them when you don'thave to?
That's what I say.
Yeah, that's what I say too.
(21:28):
You know, you come to this ageand you think, yes, if there's a
lesson to be learned, it's that.
Well, I learned that lessonvery young, actually, when I was
like 21, when I saw my friendand she was really not easygoing
at all when we were stuck inParis.
Yeah, she did teach you a lot,didn't she?
And she was very assertive andshe got what she wanted and in
the end, she managed to get usin.
She got what she wanted to.
They sent us away and she saidno, I'm sorry, I'm not having it
(21:48):
.
That was ridiculous.
And she just stood there andstared at them yeah, whereas you
would have just thought.
I walked off and she said whatare you doing?
Because I hadn't seen her, Ididn't even know she was there.
No, just happened to bump intoher.
Yeah, yeah, me, shelton.
Yeah, we've lost touch now, butshe taught me so much she did,
didn't she?
I remember you telling me shewas so assertive.
(22:09):
She said where are you going?
I said they say we're notenrolled here, we can't come.
And she said what are youtalking about?
You know Bristol Universitysaid we were enrolled.
And she said no, I'm not havingthis.
And she went back and then shejust stared and she said so
there you go.
So being easygoing like youwere, that was not good for you.
(22:30):
No, no, and she certainly knewwhat she wanted.
She was super assertive andsaid I'm not going to be
easygoing, I'm not taking no foran answer.
Exactly, and she got what shewanted.
She got you both enrolled inthe end.
Yeah, she did.
There you go, she did.
And I remember that was like a.
It was like a light bulb momentfor me because I realized, oh
my goodness, there were peopleout there, that there's people
(22:52):
that actually stand up to peopleand say, no, I'm not having it.
Yeah, that was a shock becausewe were taught like authority,
you know, oh quiet, be polite,you know, step away and don't
cause a fuss.
That was definitely, and plus,being immigrant children, we
sort of felt like you know,don't be seen too much, like
(23:14):
you're not, like there's a kindof a vibe when you grow up in a
family like that that you kindof like I don't know, because
our mum was so loud, she wasloud but at the same time she
didn't get the respect thatanother person she was spanish
and and and I could see it as achild you kind of see how people
would treat her sorry, I can'tunderstand you.
(23:35):
And she would have to come on.
She would, she would make, butmaybe we compensated for that,
seeing that she would likeinsist on things.
Yes, we did the opposite, wewould like if we had no for an
answer, we just say okay, wedidn't like want to like make a
fuss, not be too seen or beheard too much, sort of like.
She was very this michelle, letit go.
(23:56):
She's so assertive and shereally taught me to like not be
easy going in certain situationsto really, you know, put your
foot down and say, no, I'm nothaving it.
It is.
You know.
This can affect so many areasof your life really, from like
even like silly.
Well, not silly, but like ifyou've, if a doctor gives you
like their cell phone, forexample, like I would always
(24:19):
think, oh god, I'm not going todisturb this person.
You know this doctor, they'reso busy.
Why write to them if I've gotsomething that I'm really
worried about?
No, they give you their cellphone for a reason, like even my
husband now he he's just beenoperated on his knee.
His surgeon gave him his cellphone.
He said, hey, jojo, contact me,no worries.
(24:40):
And and there he was saying, oh, I don't want to bother him.
I guess, for goodness sake,you've got the cell phone right
to him, even if it's just.
Do you know what I mean?
You know these things you'vegot.
Uh, no, being easygoing is notalways to your own advantage.
You have to, you know, stick upfor what you, your rights and
(25:02):
what you need and what you want.
You have to stand up foryourself.
Yeah, and let's do more of thatin 2025 and let us know what
you think.
Do you want to stand up foryourself more?
Do you like being easygoing?
Are you, you know, really happywith that, or do you notice
that sometimes in life maybe Ireally don't need to do?
Yeah, exactly, send us a textmessage and come and see us on
(25:27):
Instagram and say hi at Get Realwith the English Sisters, or
the English Sisters, and alsocome and see the video on
YouTube, where we have the videoversion.
Yes, say hi there too, or anyway you like.
Lots of love and smiles fromthe English Sisters.
Bye-bye.
Being easygoing.
Are you an easygoing person?
Do you say yes to everything?
La, la, la, la la.
This is great.
You know, I think I'm a bitlike that.
You are easygoing, well, yeah,kind of.
But I think over the years I'msort of learning to not be that
easygoing and to be a little bitmore assertive in deciding what
(00:22):
I want, to be a little bit moreassertive in deciding what I
want.
Assertive is a good word andthat's what we're going to be
chatting about in this week'sepisode of Get Real with the
English Sisters Mind, health,anxiety.
So everything to do with themind, with your health and,
hopefully, helping you with youranxiety.
Yes, it's just about daily life, isn't it?
Daily life, yeah, things thathappen every day, things that
(00:44):
come up during the day, littlethings, and today I was thinking
about that being easygoing.
You know what is the price thatwe pay for being too easygoing?
Yeah, and what do we mean byeasygoing?
Because I think everybody lovesto be around somebody that's
easygoing Because they're easy.
(01:04):
Easygoing because they're easy.
You know they're like they sayyes to everything.
Okay, should we go to?
What restaurant should we go to?
Is that one?
Okay, should we go to that one?
And, yeah, sure, that's fine,you know that's fine, that's
fine, there's no like objections.
I wonder if sometimes, if you'retoo easygoing, you know you
(01:25):
compromise on what you reallywant and people take you down
where they, where they want togo.
Well, they definitely take youdown whether, well, I don't know
if it's down, but they'll takeyou on that path.
It's not necessarily down, butit could be on a different path
sometimes.
I think it's actually reallygood when you're easygoing
because it means you're not sofixed in your ways and so you're
(01:45):
sort of like more open to oh,should we go to?
Do you want to go and see thatplay or that thing or whatever
it is, and you go because youkind of like not really set in
your ways.
But I don't know, I think thereis a price.
But when they say, does it takeyou down that price?
(02:06):
Because they might, sometimesyou might think, well, I didn't
really.
I had a Chinese yesterday orwhatever it is, indian cuisine
yesterday, yeah, yeah, and I hadChinese cuisine, or I had
Korean or whatever it is, andpizza, and today I want to just
stay home.
But then you, you still gobecause you're easygoing, sort
(02:26):
of like, and the group of peopleand friends.
They want to go.
I wish I hadn't gone out.
I mean, we have spoken aboutthis before because maybe you
had financial reasons for to notwant to go out, because you
were saving or something.
Yeah, does it compromise?
Does it make you compromise?
Being easygoing on your on, on,like, where you want to be and
(02:47):
where you want to go?
I think I think it kind of does.
I think I think you have tofight for what you want really,
and I mean the word fight mightseem rather litigious, but
talking about fighting a lot inthis 2025.
I don't know.
Yes, it's not a typical word.
I would actually use fight.
(03:08):
What I mean is you have to likebe more assertive for what you
want.
I think, and you know, speak up, speak up.
So if you are in a group offriends and you find that you're
always following what they wantto do, and I mean I remember I
used to do that a lot more whenI was younger, when I used to be
(03:29):
an air hostess and I used tofly around there was always
somebody that had a reallystrong opinion, especially about
where we should go out in theevening, you know.
So there's 16 colleagues orsomething, and then we were a
whole great, you know big groupof people and they would.
Everyone would always say, no,I want to go and have the steak
and I want to go there, and Iused to just think, oh well, I
(03:49):
don't really care where I wantto go to.
But I did end up a few timeseating out and being really
tired and thinking why on eartham I doing this?
You know, and I think that'ssomething that you learn over
the years, it comes naturallyand now, for example, I wouldn't
do that anymore.
I would definitely no, no, what.
(04:10):
Already towards the end, when I,when I end, when I stopped,
when I was almost finished withmy flying career, I just used to
say no, thanks, you know, Iknow what I want.
Now I won't go out becausetomorrow I won't be able to work
properly or I won't be able to.
I just don't want to eat thatkind of food.
I'm too tired.
Basically used to feelexhausted half the time, yeah,
(04:31):
and sometimes I think it can belike at work as well you
compromise on things that youmight want to do also with your
career.
So if your boss or yourmanager's saying come and do
this, and then you're thinkingreally.
I wanted to do this other thingtoday, definitely at work.
At work, being easy going isgreat for a boss who can
literally boss you around, butthen when they see you that you
(04:53):
have your opinions and youaren't that easy going, I think
there's more respect there inthe end.
You know, they do respect youmore.
People do seem to respectassertiveness, don't they?
Yes, even though they might.
In the end they might think, oh, you know, they're not that,
that willing to do what I want,but in the end they do respect
(05:13):
it more.
I think they definitely respectit more.
They know they're not gonna.
You know, I won't bother withthat one there.
I'll go and ask that or theperson to do it, because you
know they have their agenda andI know they're not gonna like it
.
So I think that, in a way, ifyou do have, you know, if you
respect what you want to do,you're gonna get.
(05:34):
If you respect your ownopinions, yeah, sometimes you
might really not be bothered andsay, all right, I'm really not
bothered, and that person overthere seems to be really
bothered about where we're going, and so I think it's sometimes
I don't know where you're going,you won't get there, no, but
like I mean I'm just going backto the restaurant thing
sometimes I would think it'sjust nothing really.
(05:57):
Example in life how you can beled to go to places where you
don't really want to end up in.
Yeah, I guess.
So you're right.
It's like a metaphor for otherthings, isn't it in life?
Because it can be in in loverelationships as well.
You could be always the one tobe compromising, yeah, and
always be justifying yourpartner yes or for no.
(06:18):
For for the only reason thatyou are so easygoing and you've
always just thought, well, okay,never mind, kind of thing
exactly.
But then afterwards, in thelong term, resentment builds up
and bad habits are created inthe, in the, definitely in the
relationship, aren't they?
It's best to catch it.
If you do have that kind ofpersonality that you do think,
oh, I do, I am really easygoing,then you know, yes, advantages
(06:44):
and disadvantages, but becomeaware of it, that's for sure.
You know because there could bereally good things that what
you were saying you're flexible,you're willing to try new
things, you haven't got limitingbeliefs about certain things
that, oh, no, I can't do that,I'm not doing that, I'm not, I'm
not good at that you mightthink, oh yeah, I'll give it a
try, I'll give it a try.
Yeah, I'll give it a try, I'llgo.
(07:05):
Then there might be otherthings and you can discover
things that are amazing.
Yeah, but then there'll beother things, like, for instance
, I know that in my whole lifeI'm never going to go on a
ferris wheel.
Oh right, a ferris wheel.
Now, no, I I I say no to thatbecause there's no need for me
to experience that.
I know I'm terrified, I would.
I do not need to overcome thisfear.
(07:27):
It's a, it's an unnatural thingto be on and it's not necessary
.
No, where is it?
For instance, if we have donetherapy for people with fear of
flying, for our clients there,if I had a fear of flying, I
would.
I would go to therapy and getit sorted, because there it's
actually stopping me from doingwhat I need to do, which is get
(07:49):
to a different country, exactly,yeah, whereas being on a ferris
wheel is irrelevant, yeah,going on those you know those
game things, oh God, no, I wouldnever.
I mean, I went on one once withmy kids when they were like 13
or something.
I can't remember why.
Oh, because we went to DisneyWorld, and you know it was a
(08:11):
come on.
This is nothing.
You can certainly do this.
I mean, it wasn't even really.
To tell you the truth, I don'teven think it was supposed to be
that scary, but for me, what ahorrible experience it was.
You just go on this train andyou go around and things were
coming out.
No, I would have never gone intoone of those.
It was.
It was supposed to be thisspace thing or something.
(08:32):
Was it et thing?
No, no, no, that was okay.
Actually the et thing, I thinkhe came out of a little basket.
You see him on this littlewheel.
That would be cute.
That was okay.
No, it was not the et thing, itwas something else.
And I just remember thinking god, why, why, why didn't they just
go with their dad?
You know, why did they have to?
Why did I?
(08:53):
But they really wanted you togo, didn't?
They did?
But look, when I got off it,they said, mom, really honestly,
no, there was no point.
I said that's a horrible thing,I am never going to do anything
.
You said you weren't going backto the caves as well, didn't?
Oh, my god, the caves.
Don't talk about those caves.
Yeah, the caves.
I got it being easy going again.
(09:14):
Still at 50, I didn't go to thecaves almost eight years old.
Yeah, I need to see them onceand that's enough in my whole
life.
Yeah, I've still got to learnabout this because I still you
are more easygoing, honestly,but how was, honestly, I got?
I mean, they said these arebeautiful caves in the world.
They're so beautiful.
You go in, you know, and, andthere are statelites.
(09:40):
Oh, my god for me, honestly, I,just the moment I got in, I
felt that cold air and I thought, okay, calm down, you know,
this is fine.
And at the time that was beforemy eye operation, wasn't it?
So, see properly, I think Istill, I had, I needed glasses,
but I I couldn't see properly,so it was very cataract.
(10:01):
I had, I had cataracts and Imean yeah, I mean yeah, anyway,
but even if you didn't, becauseI can't see that great since I
had the um, we, yeah, I meanwe've been a bit unlucky with
our eyes anyway, I mean this isjust stuff that happens to
everybody.
But yeah, I mean cataracts, I,I didn't think I got, but you
(10:23):
got them when you were reallyyoung.
It was unusual.
Yeah, I think it's due to thatmedication, yeah.
Anyway, whatever it was, Icouldn't see that well, so I was
scared.
And then, oh my God, everyoneelse was so cool, they were just
walking along.
Come on, these weren't likecaves that were big, it was a
(10:47):
small cave and you had to godown really steep, narrow, and
you're not even claustrophobic,are you just scared.
You were going to fall, itwould and, and it was closed.
So I did feel likeclaustrophobic because I
couldn't.
Also because I couldn't see.
I remember grabbing hold of whatI thought was my husband's in
front of me, of his coat and itwas his other guy's coat.
And then I said I'm so sorry,I'm, I'm feeling really I'm not
(11:10):
enjoying this.
And he said well, don't worry,because my wife's not enjoying
it either, she's just behind you.
I think we're only going to dothe 30 minutes because there was
an option like 30 or 40 minutetour, otherwise you could go
ahead and go down even further.
When I saw those tiny I meanthey were slippery as well it
was like there was water.
Safe, is it?
They don't warn you if you haveproblems with your eyesight,
(11:33):
with your eyesight, or if youyou know your to be fair judge
of my husband.
He said, I did think it wasgoing to be more like those
really big, no, like touristic.
Yeah, there are big caves wherethey've got like all barriers
and you can hold on to things.
But I went to those really bigcaves once and I didn't enjoy it
either.
Yeah, because it's very tricky,it's very dark and then they
(11:55):
have little steps that you haveto go down to and, like little
bridges, you have to go acrossBridges, yeah, that are really
flimsy, yeah, and there waswater like below and I thought,
gosh, everyone was takingpictures.
And then I thought, gosh, yourphone could fall and honestly,
yeah, I'm supposed to be ananxiety expert.
Honestly, I thought I did, Ikept my cool and everything, but
(12:19):
I was just focusing on gettingout Because you actually thought
this is actually dangerous andit's not for me, it's not for
people, and they don't warn youthat you would like, you would
like, like, need proper clothingon, you need like trekking
shorts?
No, no, I think trekking shoeson you need.
You need like trainers.
(12:39):
They did, they did say theywanted trainers.
Actually they did.
Yeah, I think I did havetrainers on, but it was just not
.
It wasn't just the trainers, itwas the whole experience.
But anyway, yes, to go back tothe point, I would never.
I said that's the last time I'mgoing into one of those caves.
Yeah, never again.
It was because my son and hisgirlfriend loves the caves and
(13:02):
we were on this trip alltogether.
Let's all go and enjoy thisexperience, but a jolly holiday
kind of thing.
Yeah, obviously you think youfeel like a bit of a freak and
you say, no, I'll just waitoutside, and I thought just
waiting outside for a wholehours or thing in the end.
But, yeah, and everyone it waseveryone came out all super
(13:23):
happy.
Wow, they took, you know, I, Ithink I don't know if they were
actually allowed to takepictures, but I think some
people yeah, they did takepictures.
Yeah, my son took loads ofpictures, but everyone thought
it was beautiful.
You know, obviously it wasbeautiful, but not my kind of
beautiful, that's for sure.
For me it was, um, the horrificexperience.
(13:44):
I will never do that again.
I thought, no, you'd have to,I'd be dragged in there, my form
of torture to be going back inthere.
I do not want to go underground, you know at all.
Just leave me above.
I thought, leave me, don't putme down in there, I don't, you
know, not for me, but yeah, butI can, you could go, like in the
(14:07):
channel tunnel, the one thatgoes under the channel.
You don't even realize you'redoing that because you're like a
tunnel.
It's like if you're on the tube, exactly, yeah, you wouldn't
have a.
No, I don't think.
So that's you're just a bitweird, but I would do that.
Well, I haven't even thoughtabout that, but obviously you're
like, you know, from Paris toLondon, yeah, well, what is it
(14:29):
like a train?
Yeah, it's a train.
You go underground, under thewater, though, but only because
you have to think about it underthe water, because, yeah, if
you didn't know, you wouldn'tknow you were going underwater,
they would just think it was areally long tunnel, like when we
(14:53):
go through the mountains, likewhen we went up north.
You know, you go, you havemountains, yeah, in the car
you're driving, yeah, yeah, youkind of.
Yeah, that's different.
Here I actually had to walk onmy own two feet, sort of walking
, and and and, oh, yeah, thatwas it as well, because I was
actually touching these precious, you know, stalactites, stal
that one, no, but because?
No?
Because I was, because you'regonna fall over, because I was
literally gonna fall over andthey were like wet.
And then the guide was no,sorry, oh my god, so where,
(15:17):
where do you hold on to?
That's why, in the end, I washolding on proper things to hold
on no guardrail.
It's ridiculous really.
There's no safety involved.
No, you can't touch them.
I thought, okay, you can'ttouch them.
I thought, okay, you can'ttouch them.
I can't see.
I mean, we went once as well.
I remember going to see acastle.
This was only two years ago,yeah, I know, but I remember
it's not like it was in the pasthistory, like in 1930s.
(15:40):
I was saying but nowadays,sometimes they're like too
fickle with these things, toofickle with these things.
They don't have proper signssaying please be careful, if you
suffer from a phobia, do not goin.
If you're claustrophobic, donot go in.
Um, you would think it'd beobvious, wouldn't it?
If you're really because?
Because, come on, if you'reclaustrophobic, yes, because
when I went to see, I wouldnever go.
We went to see a castle once andI thought there should have
(16:03):
been a warning here, right, yeah, as me, as me as a
hypnotherapist, as someone thathelps people deal with phobias,
if you go to see a castle andyou think I'm just going to go
and see a lovely castle, it'sjust normal.
And then to get from one bit ofthe castle to the next, there's
a really narrow corridor reallyhigh up with a really low wall
(16:25):
where you could easily fall overand go into a massive yeah,
like a cliff thing.
So and that was just, and I hadjust to be a normal tourist to
go around and I had to gothrough this and I was I mean,
I'm not even that particularlyscared of heights because I
don't like them much, but I'vebeen on ski lifts, I've been on
and I'm fine.
So it's not like I've got thisreal, but when I feel as if
(16:47):
something's just unsafe, or likeunsafe because I was thinking
small children here, this issuper unsafe for them and they
just thought it was normal theyjust thought it was normal.
Where was this castle?
In Edinburgh?
No, in Italy.
In Italy, we're giving ItalyFrom Mount Siena somewhere.
You be careful.
There was no warning and I wasthinking really there should
(17:09):
have been a warning here sayingplease, if you're afraid of
heights, please do not come.
You know, do not go on thistour.
Yeah, it wasn't even a tour,you had to go by yourself.
I mean, I do remember like Ihad to hold on to my husband.
I was terrified and try not tolook because it was horrific.
God, you poor thing.
No, I wouldn't have.
Yeah, but then you're actuallyon the tour, so there's no way
(17:30):
back, is there?
It's a bit like that at theVatican as well.
I remember when you go up thesteps because I thought, okay,
going up the steps, that's fine,you just go up the steps.
That's scary as well, isn't it?
But there is a balcony to getto the further bit that you have
to go along.
That's actually right at thetop and it's.
It hasn't got a very highrailing and it's really narrow
and it's.
(17:50):
It's inside the vatican gosh.
And I remember my sister in lawwas she's very afraid of heights
, much more than I am, and shewas absolutely terrified.
She practically wanted to gocrawling along it.
Oh, crawling, yes, I understand, and and it was really awful
for her.
In the end we had to help her,but it was, it was terrible.
(18:10):
I managed to do it, but Ididn't like it, but it was
pretty.
I would never go up there again, no, no, no, I mean, I'm
actually scared of higher again.
I think there they should havewarnings.
Please.
If you are afraid of heights,please note, there is this.
This part of the journey iswhere you know you're not just
in a turret, walking up steps,which you think okay, and then
(18:31):
you've got the lovely balcony atthe top, which is beautiful.
No, you have to go along thislittle internal balcony that's
really broad, just to find theway.
Sometimes they also have theselike tiny spiral staircases,
which are pretty creepy, thattake you all the way to the top
and they've got holes in them,haven't they?
Yeah, and they could.
We're like we're supposed to beand it's like we are anxiety.
(18:52):
But what we're, what we'retrying to say.
If you do have anxiety aboutthese things, you know, avoid
them.
Just say no.
I mean, I'm not easy going here, I'm not going up, yeah,
they're not.
And there will be a lot ofgroup pressure.
If you're in a group, yes, comeon, it'll be okay.
No, I do actually remember whenit worked, before I was went
into these caves, there was agroup pressure every all.
(19:12):
My son, his girlfriend, youknow, my husband, oh, they're
beautiful, you'd care, you know,be tranquilla, there's nothing.
Are you joking?
It's really easy, it's just.
Of course, it's a tourist thing.
You know how many look that oldlady's going in there.
Do you think that she, you, shecan do it?
Why can't you do it sort ofthing.
(19:33):
And I was beginning to feel likesome kind of uh.
Like I thought what's wrongwith me?
Of course I can do it.
Do I want to do it?
That's a different question.
And what kind of experience didI go through?
And compared to other peoplethat came out smiling, I mean I
was like, oh, just please.
When I actually saw thesunshine at the end of it, I
thought I mean, I would ratherbe prepared.
(19:55):
So if you know you're going infor this experience, okay,
prepare yourself.
Prepare yourself.
Remember, you have to wear, youknow, water's gonna fall on
your head.
You know, I wasn't expectingthat like these.
The water drops keep on falling, quite big drops as well, so
you need a hood, you know, andit's very cold.
Oh, it's so cold and dampanyway.
(20:20):
Yeah, not good.
If you do have a phobia aboutanything, we are available for
therapy, even though afterhearing us, you think, oh, wait,
no, but obviously if we didhave a phobia, we would be able
to, if it's something that youreally want to get rid of.
I mean, do not do things thatdon't, there's no need for it.
There are certain, you know,like we want to call them
phobias.
(20:41):
I, I wouldn't say mine was aphobia, I would say that just
did not like it and no commonvery unpleasant experience for
me.
So necessary, not necessary atall.
I could have been having alovely cappuccino somewhere.
I mean, what's the point?
Why is my life?
You know, seconds and minutesof my life are precious.
Why, why, why waste them doingsomething?
(21:03):
I do not?
You know, I, there were, therewere enough things that are
unpleasant in this life that wehave to do, we have to Like.
Sometimes you have to do thingsthat you just don't want to do,
but you've got to do them foryour health or for whatever
reasons you know.
So why do them when you don'thave to?
That's what I say.
Yeah, that's what I say too.
(21:28):
You know, you come to this ageand you think, yes, if there's a
lesson to be learned, it's that.
Well, I learned that lessonvery young, actually, when I was
like 21, when I saw my friendand she was really not easygoing
at all when we were stuck inParis.
Yeah, she did teach you a lot,didn't she?
And she was very assertive andshe got what she wanted and in
the end, she managed to get usin.
She got what she wanted to.
They sent us away and she saidno, I'm sorry, I'm not having it
(21:48):
.
That was ridiculous.
And she just stood there andstared at them yeah, whereas you
would have just thought.
I walked off and she said whatare you doing?
Because I hadn't seen her, Ididn't even know she was there.
No, just happened to bump intoher.
Yeah, yeah, me, shelton.
Yeah, we've lost touch now, butshe taught me so much she did,
didn't she?
I remember you telling me shewas so assertive.
(22:09):
She said where are you going?
I said they say we're notenrolled here, we can't come.
And she said what are youtalking about?
You know Bristol Universitysaid we were enrolled.
And she said no, I'm not havingthis.
And she went back and then shejust stared and she said so
there you go.
So being easygoing like youwere, that was not good for you.
(22:30):
No, no, and she certainly knewwhat she wanted.
She was super assertive andsaid I'm not going to be
easygoing, I'm not taking no foran answer.
Exactly, and she got what shewanted.
She got you both enrolled inthe end.
Yeah, she did.
There you go, she did.
And I remember that was like a.
It was like a light bulb momentfor me because I realized, oh
my goodness, there were peopleout there, that there's people
(22:52):
that actually stand up to peopleand say, no, I'm not having it.
Yeah, that was a shock becausewe were taught like authority,
you know, oh quiet, be polite,you know, step away and don't
cause a fuss.
That was definitely, and plus,being immigrant children, we
sort of felt like you know,don't be seen too much, like
(23:14):
you're not, like there's a kindof a vibe when you grow up in a
family like that that you kindof like I don't know, because
our mum was so loud, she wasloud but at the same time she
didn't get the respect thatanother person she was spanish
and and and I could see it as achild you kind of see how people
would treat her sorry, I can'tunderstand you.
(23:35):
And she would have to come on.
She would, she would make, butmaybe we compensated for that,
seeing that she would likeinsist on things.
Yes, we did the opposite, wewould like if we had no for an
answer, we just say okay, wedidn't like want to like make a
fuss, not be too seen or beheard too much, sort of like.
She was very this michelle, letit go.
(23:56):
She's so assertive and shereally taught me to like not be
easy going in certain situationsto really, you know, put your
foot down and say, no, I'm nothaving it.
It is.
You know.
This can affect so many areasof your life really, from like
even like silly.
Well, not silly, but like ifyou've, if a doctor gives you
like their cell phone, forexample, like I would always
(24:19):
think, oh god, I'm not going todisturb this person.
You know this doctor, they'reso busy.
Why write to them if I've gotsomething that I'm really
worried about?
No, they give you their cellphone for a reason, like even my
husband now he he's just beenoperated on his knee.
His surgeon gave him his cellphone.
He said, hey, jojo, contact me,no worries.
(24:40):
And and there he was saying, oh, I don't want to bother him.
I guess, for goodness sake,you've got the cell phone right
to him, even if it's just.
Do you know what I mean?
You know these things you'vegot.
Uh, no, being easygoing is notalways to your own advantage.
You have to, you know, stick upfor what you, your rights and
(25:02):
what you need and what you want.
You have to stand up foryourself.
Yeah, and let's do more of thatin 2025 and let us know what
you think.
Do you want to stand up foryourself more?
Do you like being easygoing?
Are you, you know, really happywith that, or do you notice
that sometimes in life maybe Ireally don't need to do?
Yeah, exactly, send us a textmessage and come and see us on
(25:27):
Instagram and say hi at Get Realwith the English Sisters, or
the English Sisters, and alsocome and see the video on
YouTube, where we have the videoversion.
Yes, say hi there too, or anyway you like.
Lots of love and smiles fromthe English Sisters.
Bye-bye.
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