April 23, 2025 • 20 mins
We explore how negative thoughts poison not just our own minds but spread to those around us, creating a toxic cycle that leads to isolation and poor mental health.
• The "Five C's" of negative thinking: complaining, criticizing, concerning, commiserating, and catastrophizing
• Negative thought patterns are contagious and can cause others to unconsciously avoid us
• Simple techniques like wearing a rubber band on your wrist to catch yourself complaining
• The power of gratitude to interrupt negative thought loops
• How language choices directly impact your mental state
• Taking concrete action as an antidote to catastrophic thinking
• Breaking the habit of negative thinking through mindfulness and meditation
• Start with small periods of practicing gratitude to retrain your brain
If you find yourself struggling with these negative thought patterns, we'd love to hear from you in the comments. Our podcast is now heard in over 99 countries, and we're sending love to all our listeners!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
How to stop poisoning your mind With negative
thoughts that aren't going to beof any help to you at all and
they may end up making you feeldepressed or feeling low or
increase anxiety in you.
Yeah, so we're therapists andwe're here to help.
(00:20):
So listen to this week'sepisode of get real with the
english sisters mind, health andanxiety podcast.
That will leave you smiling,absolutely smiling, because do
you know that when you startsmiling, you already start
feeling better about yourself?
(00:40):
Well, I think that's the firststep to changing negative
thoughts is start smiling and,even if it's a fake smile,
change your physical appearance,so, even to yourself, so that
your body will send a signal toyour brain and saying hey, why
are they smiling?
I thought I felt rotten thismorning.
Yes, but you're smiling, andthat will send signals over.
(01:04):
Yeah, and it'll stop you fromthinking negative thoughts.
Yes, it'll stop you feeling.
So it'll stop you poisoningyour own mind.
I mean, that's a strong word tosay, but you know there are so
many.
It is poison.
It is.
It is because it leads todisease.
Exactly.
Yes, toxicity yes, difficultword yeah, it goes into your
(01:29):
body, into your entire system.
So it goes into your psyche andinto your physical body as well
and it spreads around otherpeople.
So this is something that you,once you become aware of, you
can really take action.
Um, what you've said've said,jukka, is a good point that it's
not just you, don't just keepit within yourself, this
(01:50):
negativity.
You do spread it to thosearound you.
Oh, you absolutely spread it,people.
They can intuitively feel sortof what's going on in your body.
So if there's somebody that'saround us that's feeling good
and calm, we can perceive thatenergy, without knowing why we
(02:11):
don't have to.
As an unconscious unconscious,you know, animal beings that we
are, we perceive that we aremammals, yeah, whereas if, if
it's coming from you know, ifthat person has all these
thoughts in their head thatthey're not doing them any good.
You know, we kind of feel thatas well, don't we?
We can feel it and sadly, whatcan happen often is that we can
(02:34):
isolate that person and not wantto be around them.
So, unconsciously orconsciously too, we can say oh,
no.
And they might say do you wantto do this?
And we say, oh no, I'm busy,I'm not.
No, no, you tend to push.
Do you want to do this?
And we'll say oh no, I'm busyI'm not.
No, I'm not doing it.
You tend to push them away.
You push them away becausethey're not like, they're not
fun, friendly people to bearound.
No, because you're picking upon all this negative energy.
(02:55):
So if this is you, you knowyou've got to become aware of
the five C's, I think, that aregoing criticizing, if you find
yourself always concerned, orcommiserating, or cast
(03:20):
catastrophizing, catastrophizingeverything you know.
Those are the five thingsyou've got to become aware of.
Look out for them, look out forthem.
So the first one is complaining.
Yeah, how many?
So what you do is you end upcomplaining about the situation
around you.
You become a victim and youstart complaining about your own
(03:44):
personal.
You know the things that you doas well, don't you?
Well, you can complain aboutyour personal appearance.
You can complain there'snothing in the fridge.
You can complain that you don'thave enough money or finances,
or that you don't like your job,or that there's a lot of
rubbish in the street.
It could be anything.
So there's a lot of victimizing, isn't there?
(04:05):
You have to notice that whenyou are in that mode and we all
do it complaining yes, we all dothere's not one of us on the
planet that doesn't do it.
No, no, but you can catchyourself, unless you're a
buddhist monk or something.
Yes, and even if you are abuddhist monk, today you had a
journey that took you to getthere to where you were.
(04:25):
You didn't just become abuddhist mom, exactly, you know
it.
You went on this journey ofself-awareness, yeah, in order
to get right there.
Yeah, so that would be to nipit in the bud straight away.
Yeah, you know, just just end,stop complaining.
And so how can you stopcomplaining?
Some people put a rubber band ontheir hands, on their wrist, a
(04:45):
pink rubber band or blue orwhatever color you want, and
every time they hear themselvescomplaining, they swap it to the
other hand, or they givethemselves a little pull and a
little ping, yeah, so that youcan just become aware of it, and
then turn it around and lookfor something that you're
grateful for that you think,okay, I'm complaining about,
(05:06):
yeah, uh, not having anythingnice to wear, but let me look
around.
Oh, look, I do actually havethat and that and that you know
that I could wear if I wanted to.
Or I'm complaining about thetraffic.
Yeah, I'm complaining about thetraffic, but there's actually,
I'm really lucky that I'm onpublic transport or that I'm in
(05:26):
a car.
You know, there's alwayssomething that you can be
grateful for.
Just the same way, you cancomplain about things.
You can say nice things aboutthings as well.
And do you know what it's like?
Contagious, because if youstart saying nice things about a
place or about a person yeah,that is your notice other people
will join in and they'll say,yeah, that's true.
(05:47):
And when I, the other day, I hadI had I had a hospital visit
and there were so many peoplewaiting and I I could everyone
was complaining, and then someI've been here, I've been here
like for four hours and I said,yeah, I know.
However, you know, once youactually get seen to, the
(06:07):
doctors are great here.
They really did help me.
Honestly, that started thiswhole little murmur.
Oh no, that is true, they arevery good here.
Oh yes, we're fortunate to havethis hospital.
We don't have to travel formiles and miles.
Yeah, I started saying thingslike that and then it kind of
spread because it was true,because I thought, yes, I can
(06:27):
complain about the situation,but you know, I'm also very,
very grateful for the help I'vereceived from them.
So you can.
You can become aware of thecomplaining, even your inner
complaining, and you can removethat sort of or understand it.
I think, yeah, definitely yeah.
And and another thing to becomeaware of is, as we were saying,
(06:48):
is criticizing.
Do you find yourselfcriticizing others, criticizing
yourself, criticizing yourself?
A lot criticizing, yeah, food,everything, yeah.
Like we were having a lovelymeal the other day and the lady
I was with she was, uh, sayingthat something wasn't right and
(07:09):
this wasn't right and the otherthing wasn't right.
And I go, yeah, but well, youknow, we've got lovely company,
the you know the weather's beenamazing, yeah, yeah.
And then she said, oh, yes,that's true, well, who cares
anyway, kind of thing.
So I think criticizing and andthe first one, which is
complaining, sort of go, they goall together, don't they?
(07:30):
Because if you're complainingabout something, you're also
criticizing it.
I think it's just another wayof saying the same thing.
Basically, you know, if you'resomebody that's always going to
be criticizing other people,criticizing your friends,
criticizing the choice of, likewhat you were saying restaurants
, foods, criticizing the wholewide world, there's so much to
(07:51):
criticize if we want to.
At the same time, we can alsohave, we can also look away and
decide to see something else.
We see the rubbish on the floor, or we see the daisies on the
grass.
What are we going to see?
You know, in the end it's ourchoice, isn't it?
It is, it is as we always say,it's our choice.
You can listen to bad news allthe time, but you can also, you
(08:14):
know, find out things, beautifulthings that are happening in
the world, people helping others, miracles that happen every day
.
It's it's well.
Just being alive is a miraclereally.
So if we just go from thatpoint, you know, if we just
start from that perspective,that we can get out bed and up,
and I mean we're already livingwith an attitude of gratitude,
(08:36):
which already helps our day getalong well and it stops
poisoning our mind.
If we just think I'm going tolive with an attitude of
gratitude today, you will findso many things to be grateful
for.
You do find so many things.
It's practically impossible notto feel better if you do live
in that state or try and bethere for a couple of hours a
(08:56):
day.
You can start with half an hour, let's say like 30 minutes.
You say for the first 30minutes, or you know, whenever
you want to, I'm.
I'm not going to criticize,complain.
I'm going to look around me andlive with that attitude of
gratitude.
You know, I think it's Wow thatdoes make such a difference.
(09:20):
We can promise you it willchange how you feel.
It changes your life if youactually practice it.
Yes, it does change your life.
You're absolutely right.
And the other one that we'regoing back to it was
commiserating, commiserating,feeling sorry for yourself.
Yes, they're all, basically allpart of these.
(09:41):
You know, these five C's arebasically the same Poor me.
Yes, they're all, basically allpart of these.
You know, these five C's arebasically the same Poor me.
Yes, poor me.
You go back, you're finding waysto feel sorry for yourself and
for your situation.
So, oh dear, you know there'snothing I can do.
I married this person.
Now, look, I'm stuck with him.
(10:03):
Look, I'm stuck with him.
I'm stuck with you know, yeah,what can I do that?
My kids are just rude.
What can I do?
There's nothing I can do aboutit.
You know you, you hear this allthe time with people that do
tend to have a lot of, you know,negative and negative, yeah,
negative language, yes,absolutely so.
The language you use, I thinkas well, um, really affects you.
(10:26):
So if you're using a lot ofnegative words all the time,
complaining words you know,watch out for, for the language
that you're speaking, the wordsthat you're using, you may
notice that if you're learning anew language, that your, your
whole personality might changebecause you don't know all the
negative words.
So I see that personally withmy husband whenever he's at,
(10:50):
because he's Italian.
But whenever I I sort of wantto lighten the mood, I might
start saying a few words inEnglish and then he might start
answering me and have a littlelaugh and then start answering
me in English If I ever sayanswer me in English.
His English still isn't verygood, but he finds that that
will change how he's.
You know he Well, it makes himlaugh immediately.
(11:13):
It makes, yeah, puts him in agood mood.
It does, and then he can't usethe Italian words that he would
put him in a bad mood.
No Negative words For, likecommiserating himself.
He does not know them.
He knows only the good onesactually.
So he doesn't know.
He knows the worst of.
When he first met you yeah, hehad to be delightful to you.
Yeah, dancing in the night.
(11:34):
He says all these little thingsthat are quite, you know,
cliche, but he always has alittle laugh with them.
Oh, my beautiful, you know, andlittle cute things, and and
that that puts him in a goodmood.
Yeah, because it's a differentlanguage.
The language you use definitelydoes affect your mind and your
brain, so it's so important tochange it.
(11:56):
Yeah, so that's another one.
And then the last one was whatwe were saying catastrophizing.
You find yourselfcatastrophizing, you know.
Oh no, if I do that exam, it'sgoing to go wrong, because this,
this, you know who you are outthere, there are lots of you
that do that.
You've got to become aware ofit, yeah, yeah, because it's
going to be like the world'sgoing to end if I don't, you
(12:18):
know, this is going to happenand the world's going to end,
end and I'm not gonna be able toget up tomorrow morning.
I just can't.
You know, if I get, if I losethis job, I'll never be able to
find another job.
I'll never, never, never.
I can't find it.
What, what I don't have, Idon't know what to do.
Leave me, I'll never, I'll goand god knows what I'll do.
I can't, I can't cope, you know.
(12:38):
Be be aware of also these if youare in in a relationship with
someone that's very, verynegative, you know, get them to
go and seek help, because itwill affect your life as well.
Yes, it will be.
You know it will stop you fromliving a full and happy, mindful
life too.
Absolutely, yes, because it can.
Yeah, it does affect you,whether it's you yourself that's
(13:02):
doing it will certainly get toyou and to the others.
But it's also true that if youare living with somebody that
does tend to have a very youknow, doom and gloom and
everything is, oh, such acatastrophe all the time and
everything's so heavy, yes, likethe world's gonna end.
Yes, also, even if you'rereally influenced by the
(13:24):
political situation as well andyou end up having someone that's
always catastrophizing, it'svery, um, it's also very hard on
your mental health because inthe end, it gets to you as well.
So you have to ask it to you,you have to look, stop doing it
and then look for, look for yes,because it will.
In in the end, what happens isit puts you into that fight or
(13:46):
flight mode as well, instead ofbeing into that calm mode
because you're, you kind of feellike you're not.
You can't be relaxed if you dohave somebody that is
catastrophizing all the time, ornot all the time, but a lot of
the time.
They tend to do that.
You know it's.
It's difficult for you as well,especially if you find yourself
(14:09):
being like pulled in by all thenegative also negative talk on
the, on the news and things, andyou're constantly watching how
you find you.
You're like looking for itbecause that's what your mind is
used to.
You're used to all thisnegativity so you just keep
looking for it.
It's a habit.
(14:30):
It doesn't necessarily make youfeel good, but you become used
to this thing of.
You know always criticizing,always complaining, always
catastrophizing.
You know all of these thingsbecome part of your habit and if
(14:50):
you don't do them, you think,well, you know, what do I do?
You know the world isn't allroses and beautiful.
You know enjoyable moments,there's horror out there and
there's meanness and nasty stuff.
That goes on all the time.
And so what do I do?
You know well, you have to be.
(15:10):
If you change your mindset andyou, you throw out all this
poison and negativity.
You can be like the famous word, the famous phrase you can be
the change in the world.
If you change your world, theworld around you will change,
the people around you will startfeeling calmer because you will
feel you will be aware ofwhat's going on in your mind.
(15:34):
You can become the master ofyour mind.
We say this all the timebecause we know it to be true,
not only because we'retherapists, because we've done
this on ourselves as well and wehave years and years of
experience in this.
And once you can, you can.
It doesn't mean you're going tobecome a buddha, you know a monk
(15:54):
.
It means that you're just goingto become aware of what, how
your mind is working.
Is it working in a way that'sgoing to be helpful to you or is
it working in a way that's notgoing to be helpful?
It's unhelpful.
And you know, if you start withthis, you know you can see
yourself, you can hear yourself.
If you start with a complaining, with a criticizing,
(16:14):
catastrophizing all the time,all of these things, you know
that it's not going to be a goodpath for you.
No way, no way, no way.
It's not the way.
It's not the way to go.
It's not the way.
If you're living in that stateand you're doing a mental
(16:35):
exercise, you have to retrainyour brain.
It's like when you go to thegym you know you're going to
have to make an exercise ofsaying, ok, I'm going to start
with living in a state ofgratitude for you know, for,
yeah, what?
For the whole day.
It might be a lot for some ofyou, but you can just chunk it
down off track.
(16:56):
You will.
You will have negative thoughts, but you can turn them around.
Yes, you can interrupt thepattern of the thought, because
we have thoughts that go like inpatterns, loops.
You're in loops, yes, you caninterrupt them.
You can.
You can catch yourself thinking, oh, start with a complaining,
and then, oh, no, that's it,I've started it, I'm going to
(17:18):
stop it now.
You can control your mind likethat, can't you?
Yeah, it's quite fascinating,and then you can actually enjoy
doing it.
I mean, it can become anexercise you can actually quite
enjoy doing.
Let me catch for practice.
Let me catch myself out.
How many times am I going tocomplain today?
How many times am I going tocriticize others and myself?
(17:38):
How many times am I going toshow concern about something or
I'm going to commiserate myself?
How many times am I going tocatastrophize today?
Make it an exercise.
I'd also like to add to if youfind yourself that you're
catastrophizing about something,whatever it is.
If you take action, you'll,you'll.
(18:00):
You'll feel relief, won't you?
Well, normally you do.
If you take action, it's action.
What's in the mind?
So if you're worried about,like, you know, your personal
appearance, you know yourpersonal appearance, or you know
that your doctor's told youyou're overweight or You've had
a diagnosis that might beworrying you, you take action.
(18:20):
So you go and you takepractical steps.
So you go for a walk, you starta walking habit, or you go and
you book a doctor's appointment,or you go and you, you know if
it's a political issue you goand help.
Or you go and give aid, you dovolunteer, yes.
Or if you're doing, you're lessin the, you're less inside
(18:40):
yourself and more out in theworld, helping other people,
which will make you feel goodand stop negativity.
It will absolutely.
You have to get out of your ownmind and into the world and
into the moment, and you willfeel a lot calmer.
And obviously, if you practicemindfulness, which is it's easy
(19:02):
to practice, just spend a fewmoments, you know, thinking
about your breath and thinkingabout all the things that you're
gratitude, you're grateful forpositive affirmations you can
use.
I mean, there's so much outthere.
You can listen to one of ourmeditations on youtube.
We have so many longermeditations.
Yes, yes, we do.
You know meditations you canlisten to and or make you feel
(19:25):
good and help you with thisoverthinking.
Yes, absolutely well.
Well, I think, yes, you know.
If you have any thoughts aboutthis, if you find yourself doing
any of these things, please dolet us know right in the comment
section.
We're so happy when we hearyour voice and what you have to
(19:47):
say about this, because it'sit's really special.
Yeah, when we do get yourmessages and we love it and we
will answer you as well.
Yeah, and the podcast is nowbeing listened to in over 99
countries.
Hey, so we're saying hello toall of you and and we're sending
you love, love, love, lots andlots of love, love and smiles
(20:09):
from the english sisters.
We're therapists and we're hereto help you.
Bye, bye, bye.
How to stop poisoning your mind With negative
thoughts that aren't going to beof any help to you at all and
they may end up making you feeldepressed or feeling low or
increase anxiety in you.
Yeah, so we're therapists andwe're here to help.
(00:20):
So listen to this week'sepisode of get real with the
english sisters mind, health andanxiety podcast.
That will leave you smiling,absolutely smiling, because do
you know that when you startsmiling, you already start
feeling better about yourself?
(00:40):
Well, I think that's the firststep to changing negative
thoughts is start smiling and,even if it's a fake smile,
change your physical appearance,so, even to yourself, so that
your body will send a signal toyour brain and saying hey, why
are they smiling?
I thought I felt rotten thismorning.
Yes, but you're smiling, andthat will send signals over.
(01:04):
Yeah, and it'll stop you fromthinking negative thoughts.
Yes, it'll stop you feeling.
So it'll stop you poisoningyour own mind.
I mean, that's a strong word tosay, but you know there are so
many.
It is poison.
It is.
It is because it leads todisease.
Exactly.
Yes, toxicity yes, difficultword yeah, it goes into your
(01:29):
body, into your entire system.
So it goes into your psyche andinto your physical body as well
and it spreads around otherpeople.
So this is something that you,once you become aware of, you
can really take action.
Um, what you've said've said,jukka, is a good point that it's
not just you, don't just keepit within yourself, this
(01:50):
negativity.
You do spread it to thosearound you.
Oh, you absolutely spread it,people.
They can intuitively feel sortof what's going on in your body.
So if there's somebody that'saround us that's feeling good
and calm, we can perceive thatenergy, without knowing why we
(02:11):
don't have to.
As an unconscious unconscious,you know, animal beings that we
are, we perceive that we aremammals, yeah, whereas if, if
it's coming from you know, ifthat person has all these
thoughts in their head thatthey're not doing them any good.
You know, we kind of feel thatas well, don't we?
We can feel it and sadly, whatcan happen often is that we can
(02:34):
isolate that person and not wantto be around them.
So, unconsciously orconsciously too, we can say oh,
no.
And they might say do you wantto do this?
And we say, oh no, I'm busy,I'm not.
No, no, you tend to push.
Do you want to do this?
And we'll say oh no, I'm busyI'm not.
No, I'm not doing it.
You tend to push them away.
You push them away becausethey're not like, they're not
fun, friendly people to bearound.
No, because you're picking upon all this negative energy.
(02:55):
So if this is you, you knowyou've got to become aware of
the five C's, I think, that aregoing criticizing, if you find
yourself always concerned, orcommiserating, or cast
(03:20):
catastrophizing, catastrophizingeverything you know.
Those are the five thingsyou've got to become aware of.
Look out for them, look out forthem.
So the first one is complaining.
Yeah, how many?
So what you do is you end upcomplaining about the situation
around you.
You become a victim and youstart complaining about your own
(03:44):
personal.
You know the things that you doas well, don't you?
Well, you can complain aboutyour personal appearance.
You can complain there'snothing in the fridge.
You can complain that you don'thave enough money or finances,
or that you don't like your job,or that there's a lot of
rubbish in the street.
It could be anything.
So there's a lot of victimizing, isn't there?
(04:05):
You have to notice that whenyou are in that mode and we all
do it complaining yes, we all dothere's not one of us on the
planet that doesn't do it.
No, no, but you can catchyourself, unless you're a
buddhist monk or something.
Yes, and even if you are abuddhist monk, today you had a
journey that took you to getthere to where you were.
(04:25):
You didn't just become abuddhist mom, exactly, you know
it.
You went on this journey ofself-awareness, yeah, in order
to get right there.
Yeah, so that would be to nipit in the bud straight away.
Yeah, you know, just just end,stop complaining.
And so how can you stopcomplaining?
Some people put a rubber band ontheir hands, on their wrist, a
(04:45):
pink rubber band or blue orwhatever color you want, and
every time they hear themselvescomplaining, they swap it to the
other hand, or they givethemselves a little pull and a
little ping, yeah, so that youcan just become aware of it, and
then turn it around and lookfor something that you're
grateful for that you think,okay, I'm complaining about,
(05:06):
yeah, uh, not having anythingnice to wear, but let me look
around.
Oh, look, I do actually havethat and that and that you know
that I could wear if I wanted to.
Or I'm complaining about thetraffic.
Yeah, I'm complaining about thetraffic, but there's actually,
I'm really lucky that I'm onpublic transport or that I'm in
(05:26):
a car.
You know, there's alwayssomething that you can be
grateful for.
Just the same way, you cancomplain about things.
You can say nice things aboutthings as well.
And do you know what it's like?
Contagious, because if youstart saying nice things about a
place or about a person yeah,that is your notice other people
will join in and they'll say,yeah, that's true.
(05:47):
And when I, the other day, I hadI had I had a hospital visit
and there were so many peoplewaiting and I I could everyone
was complaining, and then someI've been here, I've been here
like for four hours and I said,yeah, I know.
However, you know, once youactually get seen to, the
(06:07):
doctors are great here.
They really did help me.
Honestly, that started thiswhole little murmur.
Oh no, that is true, they arevery good here.
Oh yes, we're fortunate to havethis hospital.
We don't have to travel formiles and miles.
Yeah, I started saying thingslike that and then it kind of
spread because it was true,because I thought, yes, I can
(06:27):
complain about the situation,but you know, I'm also very,
very grateful for the help I'vereceived from them.
So you can.
You can become aware of thecomplaining, even your inner
complaining, and you can removethat sort of or understand it.
I think, yeah, definitely yeah.
And and another thing to becomeaware of is, as we were saying,
(06:48):
is criticizing.
Do you find yourselfcriticizing others, criticizing
yourself, criticizing yourself?
A lot criticizing, yeah, food,everything, yeah.
Like we were having a lovelymeal the other day and the lady
I was with she was, uh, sayingthat something wasn't right and
(07:09):
this wasn't right and the otherthing wasn't right.
And I go, yeah, but well, youknow, we've got lovely company,
the you know the weather's beenamazing, yeah, yeah.
And then she said, oh, yes,that's true, well, who cares
anyway, kind of thing.
So I think criticizing and andthe first one, which is
complaining, sort of go, they goall together, don't they?
(07:30):
Because if you're complainingabout something, you're also
criticizing it.
I think it's just another wayof saying the same thing.
Basically, you know, if you'resomebody that's always going to
be criticizing other people,criticizing your friends,
criticizing the choice of, likewhat you were saying restaurants
, foods, criticizing the wholewide world, there's so much to
(07:51):
criticize if we want to.
At the same time, we can alsohave, we can also look away and
decide to see something else.
We see the rubbish on the floor, or we see the daisies on the
grass.
What are we going to see?
You know, in the end it's ourchoice, isn't it?
It is, it is as we always say,it's our choice.
You can listen to bad news allthe time, but you can also, you
(08:14):
know, find out things, beautifulthings that are happening in
the world, people helping others, miracles that happen every day
.
It's it's well.
Just being alive is a miraclereally.
So if we just go from thatpoint, you know, if we just
start from that perspective,that we can get out bed and up,
and I mean we're already livingwith an attitude of gratitude,
(08:36):
which already helps our day getalong well and it stops
poisoning our mind.
If we just think I'm going tolive with an attitude of
gratitude today, you will findso many things to be grateful
for.
You do find so many things.
It's practically impossible notto feel better if you do live
in that state or try and bethere for a couple of hours a
(08:56):
day.
You can start with half an hour, let's say like 30 minutes.
You say for the first 30minutes, or you know, whenever
you want to, I'm.
I'm not going to criticize,complain.
I'm going to look around me andlive with that attitude of
gratitude.
You know, I think it's Wow thatdoes make such a difference.
(09:20):
We can promise you it willchange how you feel.
It changes your life if youactually practice it.
Yes, it does change your life.
You're absolutely right.
And the other one that we'regoing back to it was
commiserating, commiserating,feeling sorry for yourself.
Yes, they're all, basically allpart of these.
(09:41):
You know, these five C's arebasically the same Poor me.
Yes, they're all, basically allpart of these.
You know, these five C's arebasically the same Poor me.
Yes, poor me.
You go back, you're finding waysto feel sorry for yourself and
for your situation.
So, oh dear, you know there'snothing I can do.
I married this person.
Now, look, I'm stuck with him.
(10:03):
Look, I'm stuck with him.
I'm stuck with you know, yeah,what can I do that?
My kids are just rude.
What can I do?
There's nothing I can do aboutit.
You know you, you hear this allthe time with people that do
tend to have a lot of, you know,negative and negative, yeah,
negative language, yes,absolutely so.
The language you use, I thinkas well, um, really affects you.
(10:26):
So if you're using a lot ofnegative words all the time,
complaining words you know,watch out for, for the language
that you're speaking, the wordsthat you're using, you may
notice that if you're learning anew language, that your, your
whole personality might changebecause you don't know all the
negative words.
So I see that personally withmy husband whenever he's at,
(10:50):
because he's Italian.
But whenever I I sort of wantto lighten the mood, I might
start saying a few words inEnglish and then he might start
answering me and have a littlelaugh and then start answering
me in English If I ever sayanswer me in English.
His English still isn't verygood, but he finds that that
will change how he's.
You know he Well, it makes himlaugh immediately.
(11:13):
It makes, yeah, puts him in agood mood.
It does, and then he can't usethe Italian words that he would
put him in a bad mood.
No Negative words For, likecommiserating himself.
He does not know them.
He knows only the good onesactually.
So he doesn't know.
He knows the worst of.
When he first met you yeah, hehad to be delightful to you.
Yeah, dancing in the night.
(11:34):
He says all these little thingsthat are quite, you know,
cliche, but he always has alittle laugh with them.
Oh, my beautiful, you know, andlittle cute things, and and
that that puts him in a goodmood.
Yeah, because it's a differentlanguage.
The language you use definitelydoes affect your mind and your
brain, so it's so important tochange it.
(11:56):
Yeah, so that's another one.
And then the last one was whatwe were saying catastrophizing.
You find yourselfcatastrophizing, you know.
Oh no, if I do that exam, it'sgoing to go wrong, because this,
this, you know who you are outthere, there are lots of you
that do that.
You've got to become aware ofit, yeah, yeah, because it's
going to be like the world'sgoing to end if I don't, you
(12:18):
know, this is going to happenand the world's going to end,
end and I'm not gonna be able toget up tomorrow morning.
I just can't.
You know, if I get, if I losethis job, I'll never be able to
find another job.
I'll never, never, never.
I can't find it.
What, what I don't have, Idon't know what to do.
Leave me, I'll never, I'll goand god knows what I'll do.
I can't, I can't cope, you know.
(12:38):
Be be aware of also these if youare in in a relationship with
someone that's very, verynegative, you know, get them to
go and seek help, because itwill affect your life as well.
Yes, it will be.
You know it will stop you fromliving a full and happy, mindful
life too.
Absolutely, yes, because it can.
Yeah, it does affect you,whether it's you yourself that's
(13:02):
doing it will certainly get toyou and to the others.
But it's also true that if youare living with somebody that
does tend to have a very youknow, doom and gloom and
everything is, oh, such acatastrophe all the time and
everything's so heavy, yes, likethe world's gonna end.
Yes, also, even if you'rereally influenced by the
(13:24):
political situation as well andyou end up having someone that's
always catastrophizing, it'svery, um, it's also very hard on
your mental health because inthe end, it gets to you as well.
So you have to ask it to you,you have to look, stop doing it
and then look for, look for yes,because it will.
In in the end, what happens isit puts you into that fight or
(13:46):
flight mode as well, instead ofbeing into that calm mode
because you're, you kind of feellike you're not.
You can't be relaxed if you dohave somebody that is
catastrophizing all the time, ornot all the time, but a lot of
the time.
They tend to do that.
You know it's.
It's difficult for you as well,especially if you find yourself
(14:09):
being like pulled in by all thenegative also negative talk on
the, on the news and things, andyou're constantly watching how
you find you.
You're like looking for itbecause that's what your mind is
used to.
You're used to all thisnegativity so you just keep
looking for it.
It's a habit.
(14:30):
It doesn't necessarily make youfeel good, but you become used
to this thing of.
You know always criticizing,always complaining, always
catastrophizing.
You know all of these thingsbecome part of your habit and if
(14:50):
you don't do them, you think,well, you know, what do I do?
You know the world isn't allroses and beautiful.
You know enjoyable moments,there's horror out there and
there's meanness and nasty stuff.
That goes on all the time.
And so what do I do?
You know well, you have to be.
(15:10):
If you change your mindset andyou, you throw out all this
poison and negativity.
You can be like the famous word, the famous phrase you can be
the change in the world.
If you change your world, theworld around you will change,
the people around you will startfeeling calmer because you will
feel you will be aware ofwhat's going on in your mind.
(15:34):
You can become the master ofyour mind.
We say this all the timebecause we know it to be true,
not only because we'retherapists, because we've done
this on ourselves as well and wehave years and years of
experience in this.
And once you can, you can.
It doesn't mean you're going tobecome a buddha, you know a monk
(15:54):
.
It means that you're just goingto become aware of what, how
your mind is working.
Is it working in a way that'sgoing to be helpful to you or is
it working in a way that's notgoing to be helpful?
It's unhelpful.
And you know, if you start withthis, you know you can see
yourself, you can hear yourself.
If you start with a complaining, with a criticizing,
(16:14):
catastrophizing all the time,all of these things, you know
that it's not going to be a goodpath for you.
No way, no way, no way.
It's not the way.
It's not the way to go.
It's not the way.
If you're living in that stateand you're doing a mental
(16:35):
exercise, you have to retrainyour brain.
It's like when you go to thegym you know you're going to
have to make an exercise ofsaying, ok, I'm going to start
with living in a state ofgratitude for you know, for,
yeah, what?
For the whole day.
It might be a lot for some ofyou, but you can just chunk it
down off track.
(16:56):
You will.
You will have negative thoughts, but you can turn them around.
Yes, you can interrupt thepattern of the thought, because
we have thoughts that go like inpatterns, loops.
You're in loops, yes, you caninterrupt them.
You can.
You can catch yourself thinking, oh, start with a complaining,
and then, oh, no, that's it,I've started it, I'm going to
(17:18):
stop it now.
You can control your mind likethat, can't you?
Yeah, it's quite fascinating,and then you can actually enjoy
doing it.
I mean, it can become anexercise you can actually quite
enjoy doing.
Let me catch for practice.
Let me catch myself out.
How many times am I going tocomplain today?
How many times am I going tocriticize others and myself?
(17:38):
How many times am I going toshow concern about something or
I'm going to commiserate myself?
How many times am I going tocatastrophize today?
Make it an exercise.
I'd also like to add to if youfind yourself that you're
catastrophizing about something,whatever it is.
If you take action, you'll,you'll.
(18:00):
You'll feel relief, won't you?
Well, normally you do.
If you take action, it's action.
What's in the mind?
So if you're worried about,like, you know, your personal
appearance, you know yourpersonal appearance, or you know
that your doctor's told youyou're overweight or You've had
a diagnosis that might beworrying you, you take action.
(18:20):
So you go and you takepractical steps.
So you go for a walk, you starta walking habit, or you go and
you book a doctor's appointment,or you go and you, you know if
it's a political issue you goand help.
Or you go and give aid, you dovolunteer, yes.
Or if you're doing, you're lessin the, you're less inside
(18:40):
yourself and more out in theworld, helping other people,
which will make you feel goodand stop negativity.
It will absolutely.
You have to get out of your ownmind and into the world and
into the moment, and you willfeel a lot calmer.
And obviously, if you practicemindfulness, which is it's easy
(19:02):
to practice, just spend a fewmoments, you know, thinking
about your breath and thinkingabout all the things that you're
gratitude, you're grateful forpositive affirmations you can
use.
I mean, there's so much outthere.
You can listen to one of ourmeditations on youtube.
We have so many longermeditations.
Yes, yes, we do.
You know meditations you canlisten to and or make you feel
(19:25):
good and help you with thisoverthinking.
Yes, absolutely well.
Well, I think, yes, you know.
If you have any thoughts aboutthis, if you find yourself doing
any of these things, please dolet us know right in the comment
section.
We're so happy when we hearyour voice and what you have to
(19:47):
say about this, because it'sit's really special.
Yeah, when we do get yourmessages and we love it and we
will answer you as well.
Yeah, and the podcast is nowbeing listened to in over 99
countries.
Hey, so we're saying hello toall of you and and we're sending
you love, love, love, lots andlots of love, love and smiles
(20:09):
from the english sisters.
We're therapists and we're hereto help you.
Bye, bye, bye.
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