April 9, 2025 • 16 mins
We explore how emotions that remain unfelt and unprocessed can profoundly impact our mental and physical health, often manifesting in unexpected ways throughout our lives.
• Repression versus suppression - how unconsciously blocking emotions differs from consciously setting them aside
• Childhood experiences shape our emotional patterns well into adulthood without our awareness
• Physical symptoms and sudden emotional releases can signal repressed feelings seeking expression
• Growing up in environments where emotions aren't acknowledged creates lifelong patterns
• Becoming aware of repressed emotions allows us to heal rather than remaining defined by them
• Healthy emotional processing involves acknowledging feelings rather than pushing them away
• Allowing children to express and process difficult emotions helps prevent future repression
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
emotions that bubble up within us, emotions that we
repress, emotions that are notbeing allowed to be felt by us
anger, yes, anger.
Sadness, frustration, feeling,grief as well.
You know, there are so manyemotions that we won't allow
(00:22):
ourselves to fully express.
So we need to put our glasseson, yes, and look at things from
a different perspective, lookinside ourselves, look inside
ourselves and allow ourselves toexpress these emotions.
That's what we're going to betalking about in this week's
(00:44):
episode of Get Real With theEnglish Sisters Mind, health,
anxiety.
We're therapists and we're hereto help you, yes.
So how many of us have actuallyhad an emotion that we haven't
felt and we've, like,subconsciously blocked it?
I think most of us.
I mean, I remember the firsttime we went to, when we were
(01:06):
first studying, uh, hypnotherapy.
We went to a, a conference, andwe were talking to our
colleagues and they were sayingthere was like a little exercise
and they were saying so what,what childhood trauma would you
like to release?
And I remember thinking I'venot had any childhood, oh my
gosh, yes, I was really shocked.
And then the the person thatwas working with me said sorry,
(01:27):
but that's practicallyimpossible.
If you're alive, you've hadsome kind of Just, you know,
think about it again, something.
And then I thought, oh yeah, Iremember when I was really
little, like when we had likeone of our cousins was living
with us and we thought he waslike our, we considered him to
be our brother.
Well, our parents were, yeah,we're thinking of adopting him,
(01:50):
weren't?
And he was taken away from usby by our aunt when we were like
five or six and I rememberscreaming down the corridor
because I mean, I used to lovemark, we used to adore him.
Our older brother, yes, likeamazing for us.
He would be like so sweet andcute and supportive little
fairies and play with us andlook after us, tell us stories.
(02:15):
I remember at school I wouldalways feel protected because I
would think I've got a bigbrother, yeah, and he was so
like creative as well.
So we were all like littlefairy stories and he would
always tell us and draw usthings and make little things
for us and play with us.
So, and I remember when he leftI was it was devastating and
crying and I and I just rememberhearing your screams and not
(02:36):
maybe, you know, being five orfour or something I I probably
didn't quite comprehend fullythat he was never going to come
back.
You know, but I remember seeingyou screaming which is most of
the trauma for me was from youscreaming.
As a younger sibling, I wouldwatch you and think, oh dear,
you know, obviously is somethingreally really horrible.
(02:59):
And you know, just seeing himwalk down we had these little
narrow alleyways and just seeinghim being taken away, and then
you know, and then never comingback and never fully allowing my
sadness to come out either,because you would do all the
screaming and crying.
But I would just watch you andjust repress it.
Yeah, and maybe you would trynot to scream and cry to comfort
(03:20):
.
I would comfort me, I would tryand comfort you and try and
comfort mum and dad as well bybeing like the good one, the one
that's not screaming and thenthat's not causing a fuss, yeah,
and then our parents wouldalways say, oh, violetta's the
one with the buttery feelings.
You know she's delicate andthank goodness you're okay.
You know, come along, but youknow obviously I wasn't okay and
(03:43):
um, because I can reallyremember it clearly.
And so that's one of thosethings that you think, you know,
you repress and you repress,and then later on in life you
think about it and you think, ohyeah, but I hadn't realized I
had that, I had that.
Well, I mean, it doesn'tnecessarily have to be with you.
You know it's something that'salso good to let it go.
(04:04):
But once you can acknowledge it, you can let it go.
Yeah, but when you don't knowabout it, it's not like you
suppress it, it's like yourepress it.
So you don't, you don't evenrealize you're suppressing it.
Yeah, as you grow up, I mean,soon after I got this thing that
when I, when I was an adult, Iidentified as an immune-like
(04:25):
disease of the skin, and so itwasn't eczema.
It's another thing, that'squite rare, but it comes from an
immune system that has beensuppressed and it was probably
because of that and I didn'teven have any recollection of
that happening.
No, no, of course not.
This is very common Withrepressed feelings.
It's very common becausethey're different to things, to
(04:46):
emotions, that you suppress onpurpose, like you've had a big
fight with a family member orwith your spouse or whatever,
and then you you think the nextday I've got to go to work, so
I've got to be strong, I've gotto suppress this for the moment
and then pick it up later.
That's different, becauseyou're conscious, or the
classical thing you have amassive fight with your, with
your boyfriend, oh yeah, andthen the next minute your guests
(05:10):
arrive and you're, and you'reall happy and pretending
nothing's happened.
Or you've got young childrenand you're doing the same.
Yeah, you're one of them.
Yeah, because you don't want toshow them that you know you're
upset or angry with your, withyour partner.
Yeah, yeah's different.
But the repression is when youactually don't actually even
realise that you've repressed it.
That happens a lot like what wewere saying in childhood, but
(05:33):
it can happen in adulthood aswell, when we're grown up, you
know, and we continue to repressall emotions and just put on a
smile and then we never addressthem afterwards.
We just say, oh well, yeah,that happened.
Oh, did that really happen?
Yeah, ok, I don't want to thinkabout it, I don't want to
handle it.
You know, you might have adrink, you might take some other
kind of substance, or you mightjust completely ignore it and
(05:55):
never, ever address it.
I think that's why a lot of ussometimes, when we go to massage
therapies, for example, we cansuddenly find ourselves crying.
Yeah, and they often say it'sreleasing the tension.
The body, you know, with thetouch it releases things that
you think why am I?
Why on earth am I, why am Ifeeling emotional about this?
Yeah, this is just a massage.
(06:16):
Or you might suddenly findyourself crying for no reason
about something that you didn'teven realize was that important,
or having an outburst of angervery common as well, you know,
because we are like the tips oficebergs.
You know we can.
What you see is not reallywhat's going on underneath is no
, it's a lot of stuff isrepressed and because, also,
(06:40):
it's a way of getting on, it's away of coping, isn't it?
It's a coping mechanism thatcan serve us.
Very clever in certain, incertain situations, but in other
situations it's.
It's important to like, likewhen, when I was in the
conference and the therapistsaid that and I thought, yeah,
and then I did, and I did somework with my inner child and
(07:02):
gave her a little hug and saidit's okay, you know this, these
are things that happen to youwhen you're a little girl, but
it was okay and you know you'llbe fine, kind of thing.
But, and not that you have todwell on these past thoughts all
the time.
You know, these are just thingsthat you can think about,
Because one thing is becoming avictim of your whole life and
(07:23):
thinking, oh, I had a terriblechildhood and thus this is who I
am.
This is what makes me.
I am a person that has beenabused.
I am a person, and youconstantly rethinking those
thoughts is going to make yourelive a situation that often
isn't even true, because yourmemories are not often, you know
(07:44):
, they're very muchmisrepresented in your mind.
A lot of the time they're madeeven worse, and so it's not that
we're encouraging you to thinkabout these things all the time.
It's just useful, when you dofeel that you have perhaps an
outburst of anger or yousuddenly feel sad or numb, for
(08:06):
you to become aware of the factthat you may be suffering from,
you know, some kind of repressedemotion that you've never dealt
with.
Yeah, whether it's feelingguilty or feeling sad or
frustrated, all these emotionsare considered to be bad
emotions, so they're not likehappy and yay, kind of emotions
(08:31):
they have to be.
They have to be like addressed.
You have to say, okay, Iacknowledge you, I acknowledge
you.
Yes, it's okay to to feel thisand I'm gonna allow myself to
feel this.
Yes, this is why allow my bodyto heal and my mind?
Do you remember?
There was another thing that youknow our parents were
immigrants and they weren't welloff.
(08:52):
So, once you know, my mum hadan idea, our mother, she decided
to have lodgers coming in, oh,yes, and then so we used to have
people that would be living inour home and you know, they were
students.
It was really.
They weren't always students.
Once we had an alcoholic, yeah,yeah, yeah, one.
(09:12):
And and this also sort of as abecause I remember telling, you
know, my sister, violetta.
I was telling her about whydon't I really like having
people in the house, and youknow why, why is this?
And then I remembered it and Ithought, could it be perhaps
because we were always like inthis state of hip toe?
Yeah, you would never reallyknow.
(09:35):
You know who this person was,yeah, and, and if you felt safe,
if we would feel safe, we wouldnever like when, when we there
was a like we had, we were,luckily, that was quite a big
house, but there was an upstairsbathroom and a downstairs
bathroom.
And when, the when the lodgerswere allowed to use the upstairs
bathroom, which we also use,yes, we, I remember always
(09:55):
looking outside our bedroomwindow and looking down the
corridor is it free?
Can we go?
And we'd run to it and thenshut the door, lock the door, is
it safe?
Yeah, it was always feeling wewould never feel 100 comfortable
.
No, just our family.
No, no, that kind of undid thatyou know that and we never
realized that until like fiveyears ago.
(10:17):
And I mean, we would think whyare we so weird?
Why don't we want that?
Why don't we want to have houseguests?
You know, like what?
What is this?
Because, of course, we couldhave also become.
You know the fact of it.
Yes, because the fact that wewe did have the house filled
with.
It was like a bed and breakfastthing, filled with different
people from different cultures.
(10:38):
It did bring us good things too.
Yeah, it was good.
Sometimes, you know, some peoplewere absolutely amazing and
lovely people.
There were also those ones thatdidn't make you feel safe.
They were creepy and they werecreepy.
To be quite honest, there wasone that was creepy to you.
There was one.
Yeah, I remember when I was 13,you know, I went to knock on
(11:06):
this, this man's room, and he,he like flashed me on purpose.
He was completely naked and Iremember feeling like, oh, you
know what, why did he could havecovered himself.
Why did he do that?
Yeah, why did you just open thedoor like that?
Yeah, that was abusing you.
That was.
That was like, yes, I mean, itwas sexual abuse.
Well, in those days I I didn'trealize no one.
Well, we knew it was wrong.
I did, I knew.
After that I really thought hewas creepy.
I didn't like him at all and Ithought, whenever mum and dad
(11:28):
weren't around, like if wewanted to watch a movie you know
, we just had one television atthe time and I remember once I
wanted to watch something and hesort of like said, no, get lost
, sort of thing.
He would kick us out, wouldn'the?
Because he wanted to be withthe other lodger that he was
getting got off with I know.
So I mean these things that wedidn't realize that were going
(11:52):
on, because we used to like runupstairs and hide in our
bedrooms all the time and thinkand I I still, you know, used to
think, I mean, I'm 58 years oldnow and I and this I just
became aware of it like 10 yearsago or something with you to be
less than less than that, canyou believe it?
And you think, why am I likethis?
So what we're saying to you isthat you are like you are for a
(12:16):
reason.
There is stuff.
It's just life.
Life happens, and it's not thatyou're a victim or whatever it
is.
It's just that things havehappened to you that have made
you that way.
And it's useful sometimes foryou to just acknowledge that and
say, well, that's okay, youknow.
And it's also useful to get overthings like I remember once
(12:37):
your sister-in-law was hilarious.
She was funny because I said,oh, we don't like like hosting
dinner parties because, you know, our mum never liked cooking
much and she was always a bitnervous about having people over
.
And she said, yeah, but you'renot your mum, and look how old
you are now you know that's abit of an excuse, isn't it?
What are you?
What are you telling me?
Now?
She was laughing and laughingand saying, hey, I think you
(12:58):
know you've, you're using this.
Yeah, you've hung on to thisfor a bit too much, for a bit
too long.
Yeah, sometimes you can, you canself-sabotage yourself with
certain thoughts and thinking.
You know, having these limitingbeliefs about yourself.
They're just no good, butsometimes it is useful to
acknowledge.
You know why you're feeling theway you're feeling.
(13:19):
I think it's useful and thenyou can work on it as well.
You can talk to a friend.
You can talk to a therapist.
Yes, yes, you can readself-help books or
self-improvement books orpsychology books.
You know there's so much outthere now.
You can watch your youtubevideos exactly.
There's so much help out there.
You know it's important.
You know the reason why they'reunfelt.
These emotions, emotions aremeant to be felt and if you
(13:41):
can't feel them at that exactmoment, you can put them and say
okay, I'm going to work now.
When I get back, I'm going tofeel this, though.
I'm going to understand whathappened to me, to mourn or to
cry.
I'll do whatever I need to do,or to talk about it, discuss it.
I remember when this thinghappened when we were little,
mum was crying, but thenafterwards it was just like
(14:03):
Stiff up a lip and just get onwith it.
It was finished.
It's not as if we would talkabout it In the family all the
time.
That was a problem, because ifmum had said I feel so
devastated, I'm so sad, and dadhad acknowledged it as well and
said oh yes, you know he's gonenow.
I mean he was his son and wehad all big hugs in the family
(14:27):
and hug, hug.
I mean my mum used to hug usall the time, but it wasn't hugs
for those kind of reasons,never.
It was just hugs.
I love you unconditionally, butit wasn't hugs for those kind
of reasons, never.
It was just hugs.
I love you unconditionally, butit wasn't.
Oh, you poor little one, you'refeeling sad.
Let's have a hug.
That would have been soimportant if that had happened.
No, no, it was just pushed away.
(14:48):
I think they repressed itthemselves for all their lives.
I mean, they had.
They were just about to signthe papers, yes, so I just
recently discovered a letter yes, you found it, because both our
parents are deceased now and Irecently discovered a letter
where they had from the homeoffice that they were about to
(15:08):
sign the paper.
Yes, that's what I mean.
We didn't even realize it andit was never, ever spoken about.
He would just send us every nowand then random little letters
with his beautiful littledrawings, like if it was never,
ever spoken about.
He would just send us every nowand then random little letters
with his beautiful littledrawings, like if it was easter,
he would draw a really prettylittle easter bunny, but it,
that was it.
You know that, and and he gotdisconnected from us, and I can
only imagine the trauma he hadas well.
(15:30):
You know as, but anyway thatyou're absolutely right.
The fact is that what's healthyto do nowadays is, you know, if
you do have children as well isto acknowledge, allow them to
feel, allow them to think oh yes, it is really sad, your best
friend is moving schools.
That's really sad, you know andallow them to feel that,
(15:54):
because that's another thingthat can often frequently happen
.
Exactly so, there's a lotyourself to feel and let us know
what you think and do.
Come and see us on youtube andlisten to the podcast, wherever
you get your podcast form, andsend us a text message.
We love to hear from you lotsof love and smiles from the
(16:16):
English sisters.
We are therapists and we arehere to help you.
emotions that bubble up within us, emotions that we
repress, emotions that are notbeing allowed to be felt by us
anger, yes, anger.
Sadness, frustration, feeling,grief as well.
You know, there are so manyemotions that we won't allow
(00:22):
ourselves to fully express.
So we need to put our glasseson, yes, and look at things from
a different perspective, lookinside ourselves, look inside
ourselves and allow ourselves toexpress these emotions.
That's what we're going to betalking about in this week's
(00:44):
episode of Get Real With theEnglish Sisters Mind, health,
anxiety.
We're therapists and we're hereto help you, yes.
So how many of us have actuallyhad an emotion that we haven't
felt and we've, like,subconsciously blocked it?
I think most of us.
I mean, I remember the firsttime we went to, when we were
(01:06):
first studying, uh, hypnotherapy.
We went to a, a conference, andwe were talking to our
colleagues and they were sayingthere was like a little exercise
and they were saying so what,what childhood trauma would you
like to release?
And I remember thinking I'venot had any childhood, oh my
gosh, yes, I was really shocked.
And then the the person thatwas working with me said sorry,
(01:27):
but that's practicallyimpossible.
If you're alive, you've hadsome kind of Just, you know,
think about it again, something.
And then I thought, oh yeah, Iremember when I was really
little, like when we had likeone of our cousins was living
with us and we thought he waslike our, we considered him to
be our brother.
Well, our parents were, yeah,we're thinking of adopting him,
(01:50):
weren't?
And he was taken away from usby by our aunt when we were like
five or six and I rememberscreaming down the corridor
because I mean, I used to lovemark, we used to adore him.
Our older brother, yes, likeamazing for us.
He would be like so sweet andcute and supportive little
fairies and play with us andlook after us, tell us stories.
(02:15):
I remember at school I wouldalways feel protected because I
would think I've got a bigbrother, yeah, and he was so
like creative as well.
So we were all like littlefairy stories and he would
always tell us and draw usthings and make little things
for us and play with us.
So, and I remember when he leftI was it was devastating and
crying and I and I just rememberhearing your screams and not
(02:36):
maybe, you know, being five orfour or something I I probably
didn't quite comprehend fullythat he was never going to come
back.
You know, but I remember seeingyou screaming which is most of
the trauma for me was from youscreaming.
As a younger sibling, I wouldwatch you and think, oh dear,
you know, obviously is somethingreally really horrible.
(02:59):
And you know, just seeing himwalk down we had these little
narrow alleyways and just seeinghim being taken away, and then
you know, and then never comingback and never fully allowing my
sadness to come out either,because you would do all the
screaming and crying.
But I would just watch you andjust repress it.
Yeah, and maybe you would trynot to scream and cry to comfort
(03:20):
.
I would comfort me, I would tryand comfort you and try and
comfort mum and dad as well bybeing like the good one, the one
that's not screaming and thenthat's not causing a fuss, yeah,
and then our parents wouldalways say, oh, violetta's the
one with the buttery feelings.
You know she's delicate andthank goodness you're okay.
You know, come along, but youknow obviously I wasn't okay and
(03:43):
um, because I can reallyremember it clearly.
And so that's one of thosethings that you think, you know,
you repress and you repress,and then later on in life you
think about it and you think, ohyeah, but I hadn't realized I
had that, I had that.
Well, I mean, it doesn'tnecessarily have to be with you.
You know it's something that'salso good to let it go.
(04:04):
But once you can acknowledge it, you can let it go.
Yeah, but when you don't knowabout it, it's not like you
suppress it, it's like yourepress it.
So you don't, you don't evenrealize you're suppressing it.
Yeah, as you grow up, I mean,soon after I got this thing that
when I, when I was an adult, Iidentified as an immune-like
(04:25):
disease of the skin, and so itwasn't eczema.
It's another thing, that'squite rare, but it comes from an
immune system that has beensuppressed and it was probably
because of that and I didn'teven have any recollection of
that happening.
No, no, of course not.
This is very common Withrepressed feelings.
It's very common becausethey're different to things, to
(04:46):
emotions, that you suppress onpurpose, like you've had a big
fight with a family member orwith your spouse or whatever,
and then you you think the nextday I've got to go to work, so
I've got to be strong, I've gotto suppress this for the moment
and then pick it up later.
That's different, becauseyou're conscious, or the
classical thing you have amassive fight with your, with
your boyfriend, oh yeah, andthen the next minute your guests
(05:10):
arrive and you're, and you'reall happy and pretending
nothing's happened.
Or you've got young childrenand you're doing the same.
Yeah, you're one of them.
Yeah, because you don't want toshow them that you know you're
upset or angry with your, withyour partner.
Yeah, yeah's different.
But the repression is when youactually don't actually even
realise that you've repressed it.
That happens a lot like what wewere saying in childhood, but
(05:33):
it can happen in adulthood aswell, when we're grown up, you
know, and we continue to repressall emotions and just put on a
smile and then we never addressthem afterwards.
We just say, oh well, yeah,that happened.
Oh, did that really happen?
Yeah, ok, I don't want to thinkabout it, I don't want to
handle it.
You know, you might have adrink, you might take some other
kind of substance, or you mightjust completely ignore it and
(05:55):
never, ever address it.
I think that's why a lot of ussometimes, when we go to massage
therapies, for example, we cansuddenly find ourselves crying.
Yeah, and they often say it'sreleasing the tension.
The body, you know, with thetouch it releases things that
you think why am I?
Why on earth am I, why am Ifeeling emotional about this?
Yeah, this is just a massage.
(06:16):
Or you might suddenly findyourself crying for no reason
about something that you didn'teven realize was that important,
or having an outburst of angervery common as well, you know,
because we are like the tips oficebergs.
You know we can.
What you see is not reallywhat's going on underneath is no
, it's a lot of stuff isrepressed and because, also,
(06:40):
it's a way of getting on, it's away of coping, isn't it?
It's a coping mechanism thatcan serve us.
Very clever in certain, incertain situations, but in other
situations it's.
It's important to like, likewhen, when I was in the
conference and the therapistsaid that and I thought, yeah,
and then I did, and I did somework with my inner child and
(07:02):
gave her a little hug and saidit's okay, you know this, these
are things that happen to youwhen you're a little girl, but
it was okay and you know you'llbe fine, kind of thing.
But, and not that you have todwell on these past thoughts all
the time.
You know, these are just thingsthat you can think about,
Because one thing is becoming avictim of your whole life and
(07:23):
thinking, oh, I had a terriblechildhood and thus this is who I
am.
This is what makes me.
I am a person that has beenabused.
I am a person, and youconstantly rethinking those
thoughts is going to make yourelive a situation that often
isn't even true, because yourmemories are not often, you know
(07:44):
, they're very muchmisrepresented in your mind.
A lot of the time they're madeeven worse, and so it's not that
we're encouraging you to thinkabout these things all the time.
It's just useful, when you dofeel that you have perhaps an
outburst of anger or yousuddenly feel sad or numb, for
(08:06):
you to become aware of the factthat you may be suffering from,
you know, some kind of repressedemotion that you've never dealt
with.
Yeah, whether it's feelingguilty or feeling sad or
frustrated, all these emotionsare considered to be bad
emotions, so they're not likehappy and yay, kind of emotions
(08:31):
they have to be.
They have to be like addressed.
You have to say, okay, Iacknowledge you, I acknowledge
you.
Yes, it's okay to to feel thisand I'm gonna allow myself to
feel this.
Yes, this is why allow my bodyto heal and my mind?
Do you remember?
There was another thing that youknow our parents were
immigrants and they weren't welloff.
(08:52):
So, once you know, my mum hadan idea, our mother, she decided
to have lodgers coming in, oh,yes, and then so we used to have
people that would be living inour home and you know, they were
students.
It was really.
They weren't always students.
Once we had an alcoholic, yeah,yeah, yeah, one.
(09:12):
And and this also sort of as abecause I remember telling, you
know, my sister, violetta.
I was telling her about whydon't I really like having
people in the house, and youknow why, why is this?
And then I remembered it and Ithought, could it be perhaps
because we were always like inthis state of hip toe?
Yeah, you would never reallyknow.
(09:35):
You know who this person was,yeah, and, and if you felt safe,
if we would feel safe, we wouldnever like when, when we there
was a like we had, we were,luckily, that was quite a big
house, but there was an upstairsbathroom and a downstairs
bathroom.
And when, the when the lodgerswere allowed to use the upstairs
bathroom, which we also use,yes, we, I remember always
(09:55):
looking outside our bedroomwindow and looking down the
corridor is it free?
Can we go?
And we'd run to it and thenshut the door, lock the door, is
it safe?
Yeah, it was always feeling wewould never feel 100 comfortable
.
No, just our family.
No, no, that kind of undid thatyou know that and we never
realized that until like fiveyears ago.
(10:17):
And I mean, we would think whyare we so weird?
Why don't we want that?
Why don't we want to have houseguests?
You know, like what?
What is this?
Because, of course, we couldhave also become.
You know the fact of it.
Yes, because the fact that wewe did have the house filled
with.
It was like a bed and breakfastthing, filled with different
people from different cultures.
(10:38):
It did bring us good things too.
Yeah, it was good.
Sometimes, you know, some peoplewere absolutely amazing and
lovely people.
There were also those ones thatdidn't make you feel safe.
They were creepy and they werecreepy.
To be quite honest, there wasone that was creepy to you.
There was one.
Yeah, I remember when I was 13,you know, I went to knock on
(11:06):
this, this man's room, and he,he like flashed me on purpose.
He was completely naked and Iremember feeling like, oh, you
know what, why did he could havecovered himself.
Why did he do that?
Yeah, why did you just open thedoor like that?
Yeah, that was abusing you.
That was.
That was like, yes, I mean, itwas sexual abuse.
Well, in those days I I didn'trealize no one.
Well, we knew it was wrong.
I did, I knew.
After that I really thought hewas creepy.
I didn't like him at all and Ithought, whenever mum and dad
(11:28):
weren't around, like if wewanted to watch a movie you know
, we just had one television atthe time and I remember once I
wanted to watch something and hesort of like said, no, get lost
, sort of thing.
He would kick us out, wouldn'the?
Because he wanted to be withthe other lodger that he was
getting got off with I know.
So I mean these things that wedidn't realize that were going
(11:52):
on, because we used to like runupstairs and hide in our
bedrooms all the time and thinkand I I still, you know, used to
think, I mean, I'm 58 years oldnow and I and this I just
became aware of it like 10 yearsago or something with you to be
less than less than that, canyou believe it?
And you think, why am I likethis?
So what we're saying to you isthat you are like you are for a
(12:16):
reason.
There is stuff.
It's just life.
Life happens, and it's not thatyou're a victim or whatever it
is.
It's just that things havehappened to you that have made
you that way.
And it's useful sometimes foryou to just acknowledge that and
say, well, that's okay, youknow.
And it's also useful to get overthings like I remember once
(12:37):
your sister-in-law was hilarious.
She was funny because I said,oh, we don't like like hosting
dinner parties because, you know, our mum never liked cooking
much and she was always a bitnervous about having people over
.
And she said, yeah, but you'renot your mum, and look how old
you are now you know that's abit of an excuse, isn't it?
What are you?
What are you telling me?
Now?
She was laughing and laughingand saying, hey, I think you
(12:58):
know you've, you're using this.
Yeah, you've hung on to thisfor a bit too much, for a bit
too long.
Yeah, sometimes you can, you canself-sabotage yourself with
certain thoughts and thinking.
You know, having these limitingbeliefs about yourself.
They're just no good, butsometimes it is useful to
acknowledge.
You know why you're feeling theway you're feeling.
(13:19):
I think it's useful and thenyou can work on it as well.
You can talk to a friend.
You can talk to a therapist.
Yes, yes, you can readself-help books or
self-improvement books orpsychology books.
You know there's so much outthere now.
You can watch your youtubevideos exactly.
There's so much help out there.
You know it's important.
You know the reason why they'reunfelt.
These emotions, emotions aremeant to be felt and if you
(13:41):
can't feel them at that exactmoment, you can put them and say
okay, I'm going to work now.
When I get back, I'm going tofeel this, though.
I'm going to understand whathappened to me, to mourn or to
cry.
I'll do whatever I need to do,or to talk about it, discuss it.
I remember when this thinghappened when we were little,
mum was crying, but thenafterwards it was just like
(14:03):
Stiff up a lip and just get onwith it.
It was finished.
It's not as if we would talkabout it In the family all the
time.
That was a problem, because ifmum had said I feel so
devastated, I'm so sad, and dadhad acknowledged it as well and
said oh yes, you know he's gonenow.
I mean he was his son and wehad all big hugs in the family
(14:27):
and hug, hug.
I mean my mum used to hug usall the time, but it wasn't hugs
for those kind of reasons,never.
It was just hugs.
I love you unconditionally, butit wasn't hugs for those kind
of reasons, never.
It was just hugs.
I love you unconditionally, butit wasn't.
Oh, you poor little one, you'refeeling sad.
Let's have a hug.
That would have been soimportant if that had happened.
No, no, it was just pushed away.
(14:48):
I think they repressed itthemselves for all their lives.
I mean, they had.
They were just about to signthe papers, yes, so I just
recently discovered a letter yes, you found it, because both our
parents are deceased now and Irecently discovered a letter
where they had from the homeoffice that they were about to
(15:08):
sign the paper.
Yes, that's what I mean.
We didn't even realize it andit was never, ever spoken about.
He would just send us every nowand then random little letters
with his beautiful littledrawings, like if it was never,
ever spoken about.
He would just send us every nowand then random little letters
with his beautiful littledrawings, like if it was easter,
he would draw a really prettylittle easter bunny, but it,
that was it.
You know that, and and he gotdisconnected from us, and I can
only imagine the trauma he hadas well.
(15:30):
You know as, but anyway thatyou're absolutely right.
The fact is that what's healthyto do nowadays is, you know, if
you do have children as well isto acknowledge, allow them to
feel, allow them to think oh yes, it is really sad, your best
friend is moving schools.
That's really sad, you know andallow them to feel that,
(15:54):
because that's another thingthat can often frequently happen
.
Exactly so, there's a lotyourself to feel and let us know
what you think and do.
Come and see us on youtube andlisten to the podcast, wherever
you get your podcast form, andsend us a text message.
We love to hear from you lotsof love and smiles from the
(16:16):
English sisters.
We are therapists and we arehere to help you.
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