All Episodes

March 26, 2025 14 mins

Send us a text

Self-care isn't a luxury but a non-negotiable necessity for wellbeing, especially for women who tend to prioritize others' needs before their own. We explore how breaking social conditioning, learning to say no, and managing the invisible mental load are crucial elements of an effective self-care practice.

• Self-care is essential—without it, burnout and overwhelm are inevitable
• Women often face social conditioning that teaches them to put others first
• Learning to say no is a cornerstone of effective self-care
• The mental load women carry extends far beyond physical tasks
• Small self-care moments throughout the day can make a tremendous difference
• Asking others for help isn't selfish—it's necessary for balance
• Taking care of yourself first allows you to be more patient and present with others
• Even small actions like declining to make tea when tired count as self-care
• Setting a daily intention for self-care helps establish it as a priority
• Self-care actually makes you more productive and pleasant to be around

If you enjoyed this podcast, please subscribe so you can see all our videos and podcast episodes. Lots of love and smiles from the English sisters—we are therapists and we are here to help you.


Support the show

Apple Podcasts
Spotify
YouTube Channel
Follow us on Social Media

Mark as Played
Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Self-care from a therapist's perspective, or two
of us in this case, what wouldyou say?
The number one thing that, ifyou had to be thinking about
self-care, what would it be?
Well, I would say that thenumber one thing is that it's
non-negotiable.

(00:21):
Self-care is essential Forwell-being, absolutely because
the the if you don't, if youdon't take care of yourself,
there's going to be reallydisastrous consequences.
You're going to end up feelingburnt out, overwhelmed.
Yeah, you've got to put thatoxygen mask on first, just like

(00:44):
when you know you're in theairplane airplane and the air
hostesses and the stewards teachyou how to put on the mask
first and then help other people, your loved ones.
You can do the same thing.
You must remember that.
How many times are we here?
I haven't got time to take careof myself.
You haven't got time to nottake care of yourself.

(01:07):
Ladies out there, yes, yes, youhave to take care of yourself
first.
First, it's essential, even ifit's only 10 minutes a day,
doing something that you need todo for your own mental health,
whether it's doing your nails orgoing for a walk, or doing
something that you know, havinga lovely long bath, or something

(01:30):
you know.
You've got to get the time take, you know, ask somebody to help
you, you know, especially ifyou've got small children out
there, little kitties, up to hertricks.
Yeah, she's come and she's, youknow, making sure that we can
hear her by ringing her little.
I think she wants to join inand yeah, so it is essential,

(01:52):
isn't it?
You know we've got to.
I think we have to just realisethat we have to take care of
ourselves.
Ladies, we can't just be puttingeveryone else first, because it
is so common for, especiallyfor women, yes, especially for,
like you know, women like usthat we're just you, just you

(02:14):
give, you give and you give.
And you may have young childrenor you may have, you know, you
may have other people, thatyou're looking after elderly
parents, and you just think, why, why, why do I always have to
put everyone else first?
It's not that you think why.
It's that you automatically endup doing it and then resenting
it and feeling overwhelmed.

(02:35):
You know why.
You think why.
From a third, how many peoplehave we seen?
It's because you think why?
Because there's socialconditioning that, especially
for women, yeah, that we have toput other people first and it's
us last.
Yes, you're right.
Yeah, we are taught like that.
We used to be more, but I thinkeven today it's still more like
that, you know, like that today.

(02:56):
You know, be the nurturing one,make sure that you look after.
Yes, all good and fine, but youhave to nurture yourself.
And how many number one come upto you asking you to do things
for them.
Oh, can you just do this.
Oh, you'll have time.
Oh, can you just pop in on yourway home and get this?
No, no, I can't.
We have to learn.

(03:17):
Yeah, you know, sometimes, likeyesterday, I was walking towards
the bathroom and my husbandsaid to me, can you just put the
tea on?
And I thought, yeah, sure Icould put that.
I was tired, though.
I was feeling really tired andI thought, no, it's my self-care
day, I don't want what.
I was just gonna go to thebathroom and then just go

(03:38):
upstairs to bed.
So I thought that's somethingextra I have to do.
So I said, no, sorry, I'm notgoing to put the tea on now.
Yeah, that was good, you know,and it was such a silly little
thing, but I sort of becameaware of it because I thought,
no, that's kind of like, I feelreally quite.
I feel really tired now and Idon't want to have to do that.

(04:00):
No, it's an extra thing, isn'tit?
It was an extra trick.
It.
It's like when you're so tiredyou drop everything.
I mean, you probably would havedropped the tea well, I don't
know, but if I would havedropped it or not, hopefully not
, but I just didn't want to doit right.
And and you know he was fine,he said, okay, thanks, it was a
self-care moment for you torealize that you had to.
You know you have to just say noto something, because there's

(04:20):
so many requests that come,especially from my husband.
He's like, constantly, he's atthat.
You know he's at that age ofhis life where he was used to
constantly, you know everyoneelse around him oh, can you get
this, can you get that?
So he's really used to it andum, and so he's always asking I
think that's yeah, if you're ina relationship, to be mindful

(04:42):
that you're not the one that hasto do everything.
As women, we already have somuch mental load of having to
think about so many things.
We have to learn to say noactually, physically I might be
able to do that, but mentally,mentally, I can't exactly.
It's like you know, can youjust pop into the supermarket
and buy that.

(05:02):
Of course I could.
Yeah, because in the end itgives you a headache, doesn't it
?
But do I want to?
No?
So I mean I'm learning a lot tosay no to these things and
learning how to say no.
Young women, we have to teachyoung women how to do that as
well, to learn to say no becauseyou're young, you're active,

(05:26):
you've got lots of energy andyou think, sure it's, I mean,
what doesn't matter if I justpop in there and get that.
What's the problem?
The?
There is no problem if you'reactually okay with it, but if
you are feeling tired, you'vegot to acknowledge that and say
well, if I say no, that's partof my self-care routine and now

(05:47):
there's no guilt attached to itbecause it's self-care and
self-care is non-negotiable, soit's not something you can do
without.
So now you are fully entitledto your self-care and becoming
aware that's a good point.
Yes, because you can't just say, oh, am I being mean, not doing
that, I'm like no, no way, it'scalled self-care For a reason,

(06:12):
ladies.
Yeah, so it's self-care, it'swhat's going on inside your body
that you have to become awareof and you have to take care of
yourself yeah and and um, Ithink at work as well.
When you're at work, you can getso many people asking you to do

(06:32):
things as well, and if you arefeeling overwhelmed, you can
just say hang on a minute.
Yeah, I'll get to it.
If I, if I have a moment, I'llget to it, but I can't promise
you anything.
But if I have a moment, I willdo it.
But then just think to yourselfwell, if you can't do it,
someone else is going to do itexactly in the end.
Yes, don't be in such a rush todo it.

(06:53):
Yeah, don't be in such a rushto just do it so quickly.
Obviously, if it's somethingthat needs to get done and
you're going to, you know youhave to do it.
But just take a moment just tobe a bit more mindful of how
quickly you feel pressured intosaying yes to doing things that
might not be actually.
You know something that shouldbe assigned to you, something

(07:16):
you just take on other people'sresponsibilities because people
know that you are a person thatwill say yes, yeah, you go to
the coffee shop, do you mindgetting me?
And then you think, oh god, howcan I say no to that colleague?
You know, ah, here here, I'llgive you the money for it.
Can you just go and get me?
Hi, it's an extra thing, isn'tit?

(07:37):
Yeah, so it's self-care.
And you can say, oh, actually,you know today's my self-care.
And you can say, oh, actually,you know today's my self-care
day, so I'm just taking care ofmyself.
A big smile and I bet youthey'll say, oh, I need one of
those.
You know you can make a littlejoke about it, especially if
you're constantly being asked todo these things.
Obviously, if you're the personthat's constantly asking for

(07:58):
someone else to go and getcoffee, it's nicer if you do the
coffee round.
But you know, I think you knowladies out there that are
feeling this.
I think you're going to fullyappreciate what we're saying
because you know who you are.
You know the ones of you outthere that are listening to this
.
Yeah, and maybe also make aneffort to ask people for more

(08:20):
help.
Yes, so make an effort to maybesaying, oh, I feel tired today
so I don't feel like cooking.
Can you make the meal tonight?
Yes, or can you get?
Should we get takeout?
Can you get something fortonight, can you just?
And then your partner might say, oh, but what should we get?
And you say, oh, you just thinkabout it.
Yes, because even thinking aboutwhat to get is meant is part of

(08:40):
a mental load, isn't it?
It is, we have so muchresponsibility, so many things
that we're constantly thinkingabout.
We are that we have to do.
Yes, yes.
So just embracing your humanity, your growth, you know, and and
the fact that you, you know youcan get tired, you know you're
not super women out there, youget tired and and you have to

(09:04):
embrace that and say, okay,except that you will get tired
and that you might need, like, apajama day, you might need a pj
day.
So maybe at the weekend, maybewhen your partner wants to go
and do millions of things, youcan actually say, actually, I
need to take a breath and I needto have a pj day and I just
need to stay inside all day anddo nothing, listen to an audio
book or do something that I wantto do.

(09:26):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
I know sometimes you can think,oh, no, you want to organise so
many things to do at theweekend, right, yeah.
And yet you know, the little cathas just jumped on the sofa,
little kitty, kitty.
Yeah, you might see her in oneof her shorts, I don't know.

(09:48):
Yeah, she's cute, but if Itouch her, you know, if I start
petting her, she's going to bepurring so loudly.
No, she'll stop purring andshe'll think it's her self-care
day and it's not today, and it'salways her self-care day.
She I mean, if you learn fromyour pets, you learn from your
pets.
It's little giddy, honestly.
She takes such good care ofherself, from the grooming, the

(10:10):
making sure the food is justright, you know, the resting,
the stretching oh, yes, it'severything.
So look, here she is.
She's slowly getting into thepicture, aren't you there?
You are trying to fullydistract me.
So, yes, it is something that wehave to take care.

(10:33):
We have to realise it.
I do think so.
I think we really must.
I think we must emphasise, putmore emphasis on it as well,
especially if you are a personthat you notice you don't put
your needs first and you putother people's needs first.
Just take a moment to say no,and I actually need an hour to
myself, or whatever.

(10:54):
Yeah, you have to set thatintention.
I think when you get up in themorning, you say I'm going to
set the intention to haveself-care moments throughout the
day that are just for me,whether it's listening to my
favorite music or doing whateverI want to do.
That is going to nurture thatpart of me that needs to be

(11:16):
cared for, needs love andattention.
You know everything does.
What happens is that when you doallow for these self-care
moments or, you know, or days,then you feel a lot more
energized and you will be ableto produce more and be more
productive, a happier, healthierperson.

(11:37):
So they're definitely worthyour you know your time.
It's not like you're wastingtime by having self-care.
No, no, or you're going to benegligent to your family and to
your friends.
You're not.
You're going to find thatyou'll have more energy
afterwards, more patience withthe children if you have any,
and whoever is your partnerpartner exactly, you biting and

(12:01):
shouting, because what happensis when we do get overwhelmed,
we start biting and shouting.
We do, yeah, we're biting.
I don't know about that.
That sounds like biting back.
All right, I was gonna say itsounds a bit, I don't know.
But yeah, um, but yeah, we do,we do, we do do that.

(12:25):
You answer back really, youknow, curtly, curtly.
Hey, you don't want to be thatkind of person.
You know you're not normallylike that.
So you've got to realize there'sa reason why I'm like that and
it's because you're neglectingyourself exactly.
So you've got to do somethingabout it.
You know, say no, ask forthings.
Can you make me a cup of teabecause I'm feeling really tired

(12:46):
?
Yeah, can you go and make thebreakfast?
You know, say no, ask forthings.
Can you make me a cup of teaBecause I'm feeling really tired
?
Can you go and make thebreakfast?
You know, I say things likethat to my husband.
Can you go down?
Can you unload the dishwasher?
You know, especially if we'regoing off to work, you know, can
you unload the dishwasher forme?
Simple things like that make adifference.
They do make a difference andthey do absolutely contribute to
your feeling like calmer andmore empowered as well, because

(13:10):
you're actually asking forthings.
You're not neglecting your ownfeelings and your own emotions.
You're actually acknowledgingthat you have these feelings and
emotions and want to.
You know, take care of yourself.
You're being heard, just likeyou take care of other people.
You're being listened to byyourself.
So when you say to you know, inan argument you say you're not

(13:30):
listening to me.
You're not listening.
Are you listening to yourselfwhat are, what do you need?
Yeah, as therapists, we canabsolutely 100 guarantee that if
you take more care of yourself,everybody around you is going
to be feeling better for it 100%better.

(13:51):
Let us know what you think andif you enjoyed the podcast, then
please do subscribe so that youcan see all our videos and
podcast episodes and join usnext week or in our next video.
Lots of love and smiles fromthe English sisters.
We are therapists and we arehere to help you.

(14:14):
Bye.
Advertise With Us

Popular Podcasts

The Breakfast Club
Dateline NBC

Dateline NBC

Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com

Decisions, Decisions

Decisions, Decisions

Welcome to "Decisions, Decisions," the podcast where boundaries are pushed, and conversations get candid! Join your favorite hosts, Mandii B and WeezyWTF, as they dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often-taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday, Mandii and Weezy invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, they share their personal journeys navigating their 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engaging in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that resonate with your experiences, "Decisions, Decisions" is your go-to source for open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections—tune in and join the conversation!

Music, radio and podcasts, all free. Listen online or download the iHeart App.

Connect

© 2025 iHeartMedia, Inc.