July 1, 2024 • 44 mins
What happens when the emotional turbulence of PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) silently erodes the foundation of your relationship? This episode tackles the seldom-discussed reality of PMDD-affected relationships and the hidden pitfalls that can lead to unexpected breakups. We shed light on how the frequent mention of breakups during PMDD episodes can numb both partners to the true weight of these statements, creating a shockwave when a breakup finally materializes. Using insights from my personal experiences and those of my private clients, we emphasize the importance of addressing relationship issues early to avoid reaching a crisis point.
Ever felt like you're walking on eggshells in your relationship? We uncover the emotional dynamics and repeating patterns that surface in relationships afflicted by PMDD. From frequent arguments and declining physical intimacy to the burden of unfulfilled promises, we delve into the signs that a partner may be considering ending the relationship. We also explore the emotional exhaustion of bearing the weight of the relationship's problems alone, and the critical necessity for mutual effort in making improvements.
Before it’s too late, recognize the urgent need to take proactive steps in healing your relationship. This episode serves as a call to action, urging you to book a private session to assess and develop a plan for improvement. Understand the red flags that signal an impending breakup, such as growing emotional detachment and hurtful behaviors. See this as an opportunity to seek help and start the journey towards a healthier, more connected relationship. Don't wait until the last straw—take the first step towards repairing your relationship today.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Today we are going to be talking about the fact that
your PMDD partner may be aboutto break up with you and you may
not even know it.
So I really wanted to talkabout this because I have been
really counseling a lot ofpartners that have saying that
(00:23):
these breakups are coming out ofnowhere.
I didn't know that my partnerwas really going to break up.
I didn't know that they werereally going to leave me, and it
really brought me back to myPMDD breakups, like with an S
and I have this process that Igo through and then I've seen a
lot of my private clients gothrough before they actually
(00:44):
pull the plug and break up withtheir PMDD partners.
And it is not a situation whereyou're caught off guard in a
sense, like, basically, you maybe mentioning breaking up with
your PMDD partner all month long.
Every single time you have anargument, every single time you
have a disagreement, everysingle time they go into PMDD.
(01:06):
Every time you go into PMDDyou're saying, well, maybe we
should just break up.
You keep saying it as asolution to your problems.
You keep saying it as asolution to your issues.
You're saying just break up andthen we won't have to deal with
this stress.
We won't have to deal with anyof this, and what I want you to
really be careful of is, youknow, mentioning it so much that
(01:30):
you become desensitized to it,and what that means is it's no
big deal to mention breaking up.
It's like, oh yeah, this iswhat we talk about every month,
but we don't really do it Right.
I've had so many past PMDDpartners that have said I didn't
think you were really going tobreak up with me.
I didn't think we were reallygoing to be over, I didn't think
this was really going to end,and I remember being so shocked
(01:52):
and thinking to myself but wetalked about this every single
month.
Like, we talked about breakingup every single month.
You mentioned it, I mentionedit.
So why is it such a surprisethat when one person actually
takes action on the thing thatthey keep talking about, you're
now saying that you're caughtoff guard or you really weren't
expecting this, as if thoseconversations hadn't happened
(02:14):
and I understood it because Ihad been there so long.
But I feel like a lot ofprivate clients and a lot of you
out there need to reallyunderstand the severity of when
your partner says things to youlike we should just break up.
We should just end this,especially if it's the partner
that doesn't have PMBD.
They could be really seriousand I'm going to give you some
(02:36):
signs of what that looks like.
But I don't want you to feellike you are listening to your
partner crying out for help andsaying we need to change
something, we need to dosomething differently, and
you're not taking them seriousuntil it's too late and I know a
lot of private clients come tome once it is too late.
I am very well aware that, asbeing a PMDD relationship
(02:59):
psychotraumatologist, that a lotof you come to me in a panic.
A lot of you come to me and say, dr Rose, I need a session with
you ASAP.
I need.
A lot of you come to me in apanic.
A lot of you come to me and say, dr Rose, I need a session with
you ASAP, I need a session withyou immediately.
I need a session with you rightnow.
And it is because the thing thatyour partner has been
threatening to do or that youhave been threatening to do is
now happening.
And instead of stopping it whenthe first instance comes up and
(03:23):
really saying, okay, if mypartner is talking about
breaking up.
We need to do somethingdifferently.
We need to get some help.
You're ignoring that.
You're ignoring the signs thatare happening within your PMDD
relationship from the beginningand I want you to recognize, if
I go over these signs today andI'm telling you, these are the
signs of someone who is about tobreak up with you.
(03:46):
I want you to take it seriouslybecause this is based off of my
research of how partners havecome to me and again the
partners are included of who hasPMDD and who does not have PMDD
.
This is the state that they'vecome to me in in their PMDD
relationship and a lot of timeswe we want to believe that we
(04:08):
can continue on this pattern ofsaying that we're going to break
up every single month and, youknow, kind of coming out of it,
and then we didn't break up thatmonth.
I know with me and my ex PMDDpartners, we would feel this
sense of relief like, oh, wemade it another month, like good
thing, we didn't actually breakup, and it would kind of be
like this high five, this kindof you know, we did it, we made
(04:29):
it through another month,without recognizing the trauma
of mentioning breaking up.
Because when you really thinkabout breaking up with your
partner, like if we really justgo to the core of this, what
does that mean?
I know for me so many times ithas meant moving, it has meant
starting over.
(04:50):
I will never forget when myex-PMDD partner, one of my
ex-PMDD partners so again, whenI'm giving you examples, I'm now
giving you examples on multipleexes that I've had and in these
breakups that I've had and Ihave this lived experience with
having PMDD and having thesebreakups but I remember one of
them telling me after I broke upwith them, and I remember them
(05:14):
saying I can't believe thatwe've actually broken up.
I can't believe we've gotten tothe point where all of that
work that we did, all of thosethings that we did, all of those
memories that we had, all ofthose things that we planned,
are really just over.
I can't believe that you reallywant to start over and start a
life with someone else.
And I remember someone sayingthat to me in X.
(05:37):
And I remember thinking tomyself in this particular
relationship like wow, thatsounds amazing, because
everything in that relationshipwas so traumatic, was so all
over the place, that when theymentioned so, do you really want
to break up with me and start alife with someone else and I
was like in my mind.
I was like, yes, I absolutelydo, because I've given
(06:01):
everything that I have to give.
I have nothing left.
In every single breakup that Ihave had with a past partner, I
have emptied myself out.
I have emptied the jar.
I have given everything elsethat I had to give and I never
would break up until I got tothat point.
And I know a lot of individualsthat break up before that like
a couple of red flags andthey're out Like that's what I
(06:24):
call the monthly PMDD breakups,meaning you know, every single
month where, if your partnertriggers you, you're like I
can't deal with this, I'm out,like that's not what I'm talking
about.
I'm talking about the bigbreakup, the big breakup with
your PMDD partner, where you'renot getting back together Like
this is what I want to warn youof.
You may be thinking like, oh,this is just going to be another
PMDD monthly breakup.
(06:45):
Oh, we're just going to saythat we're going to break up and
then we're going to make itthrough and everything's going
to be great, because you createdthis pattern within your
relationship where that becomesthe norm.
You say you want to break up,your partner says they want to
break up.
You get through it and youdon't break up.
And then you go into the nextmonth and you start the cycle
all over again, right, you startthe cycle of saying that you
want to break up, but you neverreally do.
(07:06):
And I'm talking about the typeof breakup where you say you're
going to break up, you break upand you're moving your things,
you're moving your items out ofyour house, you're moving, you
know, you're.
Oh my gosh, there's so muchthat's involved with breaking up
and I just think no one really,no one really thinks about that
(07:29):
.
No one really thinks about,when I'm saying that I want to
break up with my PMDD partner,what that looks like and you
know, if you're my privateclient, I always ask you this
question you want to break upwith your partner.
What does that look like?
Are you moving things out ofyour house?
Are you splitting like?
Are you moving things out ofyour house?
Are you splitting finances?
Are you separating the children?
Are you separating the animals,the dogs, the cats, the birds,
(07:51):
whatever you have?
What does that look like foryou?
Because when you reallyphysiologically think about in
your body, in your brain,psychologically, think about I
want to break up with my partner.
What does that look like when Ibreak up?
I don't think that you'rereally understanding what that
really means.
When you're just randomlysaying it because you're
(08:13):
frustrated and you're stressedand you're overwhelmed because
of things that are going on inyour PMDD relationship.
You can be stressed, you can beoverwhelmed and all of these
things, but when we're talkingabout breaking up, when someone
is ready to break up, they takeactions to do so in a way that
is really going to impact yourentire lifestyle.
It's going to impact you on aday-to-day basis.
(08:35):
When you're splitting upchildren, you're creating that
trauma for them, and I know that.
What is it like?
83% of individuals who have PMDDhave experienced childhood
trauma and I have privateclients that are children in
their teens that are dealingwith the impact of decisions
that the partners have made tojust end the relationship and
(08:56):
they're having to rebuild.
They're having to go todifferent schools, they're
having to start different lives,make different friends all
because you're deciding to breakup with your PMDD partner,
because you can't handle itanymore.
You can't deal with it anymoreand what I want to tell you is.
Before you get to that point,what are you doing to stop that
from happening?
What help are you getting?
(09:18):
Or are you just riding it outand thinking that the next month
is going to be different?
Why would the next month be anydifferent from this month?
You're not doing anythingdifferently.
Why would anything change ifyou're not changing anything
within your PMDD relationship?
Because a lot of times when Ihave the private clients, I'll
ask you what have you done?
What have you done to helpyourself?
(09:40):
What have you done when youfelt like you're in this moment
where your partner was about tobreak up with you?
What have you done when youfelt like you're in this moment
where your partner was about tobreak up with you?
What did you do?
Did you not really take themseriously?
Because if you didn't take themseriously, if you really just
thought maybe they're bluffing,maybe they don't mean it, but
what if they are serious?
What does that look like?
Are you willing to risk yourPMDD relationship because you
(10:01):
don't take your partnerseriously, because they're going
to actually break up with you,and then are you going to get
upset with them when theyactually pull the plug and break
up, when they've been warningyou and I'm going to give you
the warning signs today.
But I want you to take yourpartner seriously when they're
saying that they're going tobreak up with you, because a lot
of times, by the time you'retrying to repair your
(10:22):
relationship, it's too late,because you never took all of
the signs seriously.
You really thought they werejust going to stay in this
relationship forever, with theseups and downs, and the thing
about it is you're miserable.
A lot of times when you'regoing through this, you yourself
are miserable, but you'reexpecting them to stay in this
place of being miserable withyou.
(10:42):
You're not happy, but you'resaying, oh, because I'm in PMDD,
they should just stay with me.
They know that I have PMDD.
Or the partner that doesn'thave PMDD, oh, I've been with
them for so long.
If they were going to leave,it's sometimes in their mind
that you think that If they weregoing to leave, they would have
done it by now.
If they were going to leave,they would have done it by now.
(11:03):
So you, if they were going toleave, they would have done it
by now.
So you're creating this, thismode of being so desensitized to
them saying that they're goingto break up, that you're not
even willing to take any actionbecause you're like, okay, we're
going to break up again, like Iknow what this is.
Like I we're, we're goingthrough this same cycle all over
again and it's like, no, no,they could actually be serious.
And then what?
How do you repair somethingwhen people start going no
(11:23):
contact?
Because here's the thing.
One of the things that I do whenI really made the decision to
break up with a PMDD partner isI know for me, when I am so
connected to my PMDD partners,like I have been in the past,
that I can't listen to themtelling me the same story again
(11:44):
and again and again about howmuch they love me, how much they
care about me, but yet they'renot really willing to do
anything about it, to addressour issues, because that'll just
pull me back in.
But when someone is ready tobreak up, when they're really
like you know what they've beencontemplating it for a while and
they're saying, you know I'mreally going to break up,
they're not listening to thesame story again and again and
(12:05):
again.
And I think that's what's sohard for the partners that are
on the other end of it isbecause they're not talking to
me.
They're not listening to me,they're not willing to work on
this.
It's because they've heard thesame thing again and again, and
again and they know that there'sgoing to be no difference.
As nice as a person is, youreach a limit.
You reach a limit within yourPMDD relationship where you get
(12:28):
to a point where you're like youknow what, I'm not going to beg
you and I remember being hereso many times where it's like
I'm not going to beg you to gethelp for our PMDD relationship.
I have given you all thereasons why we need to get help.
I've told you we need to go tohave counseling.
I've told you we need to go tohave counseling.
I've told you we need to workon ourselves.
I told you we need to talk andspend quality time.
(12:49):
I've told you that these are mytriggers and you pushed them
off, you brushed them off, youignored them, you minimized them
.
You made me feel like I neededto sit in a corner with my
trauma because you weren'twilling to do anything about it,
when you were actually creatingadditional trauma and making me
feel like I'm the problem Atthe end of the day.
(13:09):
I remember thinking about thisduring one of my breakups being
like you know what, I will bethe problem and this is how you
know you're done.
This is how you know you'redone and you're about to break
up with your PMDD partner, oryour PMDD partner is about to
break up with you because theycan say all of the nasty things
about you.
They can say all of thesethings about you, about oh, you
(13:30):
should just stay and work onthis and you should do.
They can say all those thingsand you're just like I will be
the bad guy.
I remember literally feelinglike that and thinking that,
whereas before I would say no, Iwant to make sure that they
understand that I'm willing towork on this.
I want to make sure of this.
I want to make sure that theyfeel supported.
(13:52):
I want to make sure that theyfeel like I'm trying.
But then, when you're told thatyou're not good enough, when
you're told that you're theproblem at some point, you say
you know what?
Okay, I'll be the problem, andthis could be the partner that
has PMDD or doesn't have PMDD.
They can say you know what?
I'm willing to be the problemand this problem is gonna leave
(14:14):
this relationship, because it'salmost like they're challenging
you.
They're saying you're theproblem.
You're the problem so that youcan do things differently, and
it's like I don't have anythingelse to do differently.
I remember feeling like that Idon't have any more tricks up my
sleeve, I am not going to begyou to get help with something
that I know that we need helpwith, but you're just not
(14:35):
willing.
In order for a PM to berelationships of work, you both
have to be willing, and a lot oftimes you're both not willing
and there's one person carryingthe weight of that and it's the
expectation of the other partnerthat you continuously carry the
weight of that.
They're not willing to takehalf of the load or some of the
load off of you and saying I'mtaking accountability for what I
did.
You know what?
Like, let's work this out.
(14:56):
No, no, no.
They're saying, yeah, you'rethe problem, continue to take on
the load, I don't have an issue, you have an issue.
And so I remember being toldthat, like I don't have an issue
in this relationship, you havean issue.
You're the reason why we keeparguing and having these
conversations about therelationship.
And I said, okay, so if I havethe issue, then I will go and
deal with my issue, because nowyou're making it seem like my
(15:19):
issues in the relationships arenot yours and that's in a
partnership.
If I'm going through somethingand you don't feel connected and
it feels and you're putting itall on me like I'm the only
problem, like you have noaccountability, no participation
in any of the issues that we'rehaving.
If that's what you're choosingto live with, then fine, because
a lot of times when people aresaying that they're feeling like
(15:40):
you're so much the problem thatif they got with someone else,
they'll just get with someonethat doesn't have PMDD and they
won't have any issues.
Well, the thing about it is andI really recognize this with a
lot of my exes if you could bewith someone because a lot of
all of my exes, I have been thefirst person that they've been
in a relationship with that'shad PMDD, and so I automatically
(16:04):
became the problem.
It's like, oh, you're theproblem because you have PMDD.
And I always think to myselfokay, so if I'm the problem
because I have PMDD and you'vebeen in 75 billion relationships
before me, why didn't that work?
Why didn't your otherrelationships work?
How did you even get to know me?
How did you get to be with me,if you're so perfect and there's
(16:28):
nothing wrong with you andevery other relationship you had
has been, you know, the otherperson's fault.
Here's the thing with somepeople, pmdd is used as the
scapegoat.
Oh, pmdd is the issue.
And guess what, when they getwith someone else, it'll be
something else.
That's the issue they could getwith someone that has OCD, adhd
(16:48):
, past trauma aboutrelationships, sexual trauma.
Here's the thing that I thinkpartners need to understand, and
this is partners meaning thosewho have PMDD and those who
don't.
Everybody comes with baggage.
Everybody comes with a history.
Everybody comes with something.
So if you want to pinpoint PMDDas the problem, that's fine,
(17:11):
and you can break up with me andget with someone else and it'll
be something else.
It will be something else.
So if you're not willing to takeaccountability and
responsibility, you're keepingyourself in the cycle, because
if you're not willing to work onthe issues that PMDD is causing
your relationship, how couldyou be with someone else and
work on the issues that?
Maybe sexual trauma, maybe theygot trigger warning, but maybe
(17:35):
they got raped before and nowyou have issues with intimacy
within your relationship becausethey've experienced sexual
trauma.
Are you going to blame thesexual trauma?
Or maybe they have childhoodtrauma where they got verbally
abused, or maybe they've been inanother relationship.
I've been in relationships withindividuals that have been
cheated on.
So now you're going to get withsomeone that's been cheated on
(17:57):
and tell them that, oh, it'stheir problem.
Whenever you're consistentlyblaming your partner for what's
going on and not willing to takeaccountability, you're going to
find yourself in a cycle,because it's always going to be
the other person and it's alwaysgoing to be their fault, and
it's always going to be thingsthat they're doing and things
that you feel like you don'twant to deal with.
But here's the thing a freshstart.
When you're starting over, youmay not see all of the things
(18:20):
that are going on with thatperson and you may be losing out
on a lot of things that thisspecific person has that the
other person won't.
But you're willing to take thatgamble and that's fine.
But what I want to talk to youtoday about the signs.
I'm going to give you 10 signsthat your PMDD partner is about
to break up with you.
(18:41):
Again, when I am saying PMDDpartner, I am meaning the
partner that has PMDD or thatdoesn't have PMDD.
You are a PMDD partner if youare in a relationship where PMDD
exists.
So a lot of times when I'mmentioning partners, they're
thinking I'm talking about theindividual that doesn't have
PMDD.
No, if you suffer with PMDD, ifyou don't suffer with PMDD and
(19:01):
you're in a relationship wherePMDD exists, you are a PMDD
partner, okay.
So the first sign that your PMDDpartner may be about to break
up with you is withdrawal.
They become emotionally distantwith you.
They're not really getting intothose conversations with you.
They're not being physicallyaffectionate.
They're not really getting intothose conversations with you.
They're not being physicallyaffectionate.
(19:22):
They're not trying to go ondate night, they're not trying
to really do anything with you.
And this can happen graduallyover a period of time and
there's some excuses that youcan make for why there has been
this increased withdrawalphysically, emotionally and all
of the other things.
They may say, oh, they'rereally busy with work, so now
they don't have time to do anyof the activities that you used
(19:43):
to do together.
They may say with the physicalaffection oh, they're suffering
in PMDD.
Or oh, they're really tired, sothat's why we haven't been
intimate.
Or oh, they're not havingconversations because they've
been so exhausted after a longday of work that we just really
don't talk anymore.
(20:06):
At the end of every one of myPMDD breakups there has been
this withdrawal.
Things that we used to dobefore that was the norm all of
a sudden started to fall off.
We all of a sudden didn't havetime.
We all of a sudden didn't haveinterest.
It's like all of these things.
But what I want you to know isthat it was a part of the
breakup.
When I broke up with my ex-PMDpartner, the withdrawal looked
(20:28):
like less and less conversations, less and less.
We used to have this thingcalled a walk-in talk that we
used to do, you know, everysingle week or I tried to, you
tried to put it in the calendarfor every single week, but then
work got busy.
When you start to prioritizeother things above your PMDD
relationship and those thingsthat connected, you start to
(20:51):
fall off.
You start moving the chesspieces and you're putting work
above your partner.
You're putting time withfriends above your partner.
You're putting time with otherfamily members above your
partner.
You're setting yourself up fora PMDD breakup because now you
don't have those day-to-daythings that are connecting you,
when you're not being physicallyintimate, when you're not being
(21:12):
affectionate like maybe beforeyou used to get in a car and
hold hands.
You're not holding handsanymore.
You used to get out the car andmaybe hold hands on your way
into a store, or your partnerused to put their arm around you
, and now you see yourselfwalking separately, you see
yourself going in oppositedirections and, oh you know, it
becomes really strategic.
Like, oh, you're going here,you're going here, okay, I'll
(21:33):
meet you there.
Like you're no longer eventrying to do things together and
you're not understanding thatthis withdrawal is happening and
you're on the brink of abreakup, when you're not having
those day-to-day conversationswhere you used to have morning
conversations where youconnected, and evening
conversations where youconnected, and now it's just
like a text message Good morning, good morning, babe, and that's
(21:54):
it.
And I remember looking at mytext message thread with my exes
and it and when the withdrawalhappened it looked like.
It looked like good morning,how's your day going?
Good night.
For days and days at a timeYou're when you're not
connecting with feeling words,so you can have text message
conversations, but when you werereally connected, they were
(22:16):
feeling words.
How are you feeling, babe?
You know what's going on Ifyou're frustrated.
Oh, you got this.
There's this in-depth knowing ofwhat's going on with your
partner.
If you're in a relationship,you should know how your partner
is feeling at all times, andthe next way that you're on the
(22:36):
brink of a breakup with yourPMDD partner is there is
frequent arguments.
Are there going to be argumentsin any relationship?
Absolutely, but I'm talkingabout frequent, and more
frequent than just one or twoarguments that you have in your
luteal phase and PMDD.
I'm talking about all monthlong.
You all are arguing in thefollicular phase, when you're
supposed to be in your good days, and you're arguing in
(22:59):
menstruation and you're arguingin ovulation and you're arguing
for sure, in PMDD.
So now your arguments arebecoming more frequent.
You're not even getting a break.
You're not getting a chance toreconnect with your PMDD partner
because you're consistentlyarguing and fighting about
things that are not even bigticket things.
(23:19):
Every little thing isirritating you and you are just
arguing over everything.
And then you get to this pointwhere you feel like everything I
say I'm walking on eggshells,everything I say is going to
turn into an argument.
Eggshells is the key wordWhenever I have private sessions
that I know that this is like ared flag for me.
When one of my private clientsthe partner that has PMDD or
(23:42):
doesn't when they start saying Ifeel like I'm walking on
eggshells, I am like whoa, whoa,whoa, whoa, whoa, like we need
to really get to the bottom ofthis, because walking on
eggshells, that's notsustainable.
When you feel like you'rewalking on eggshells, at some
point you're going to get tiredand you're going to get off the
boat.
You're going to be like I don't.
You're going to start thinkingto yourself the ego is going to
(24:02):
come in.
I don't have to deal with this,I don't, I can't sustain this,
I can't live like this.
And so the next way, numberthree, the next way that you're
on the brink of a breakup withyour PMDD partner is a loss of
interest.
You don't even want to spendtime with your partner anymore.
This is very horrible to cometo terms with, because it sounds
(24:25):
horrible to say that you don'twant to spend time with your
partner and nobody really wantsto be the one to admit this.
But I've been at a point whereI've had to admit it and my
partner has been at a pointwhere they've had to admit it,
where I was in PMDD one time andthey said oh, I'm busy with
work, I have to do this and thisand this.
And they were supposed to comevisit me, but they didn't come
visit me.
And then we had a conversation,like an argument, later on, and
(24:48):
I said you know, I think it'sreally, really not fair that you
didn't come spend time with meduring this time.
And they said you were in PMDD,I didn't want to spend time
with you.
Like I was avoiding that, andso I was like, oh my God, like
they were literally admitting it.
Granted, it was in the middleof an argument, but they were
(25:09):
saying, like I don't have anyinterest of being with you while
you're in PMDD.
Did they say it out offrustration and anger?
Yes, did they mean it?
Absolutely Right.
So that's what goes into numberfour, which is avoidance.
They start avoiding you, makingexcuses to not spend time with
you and frequently saying I'mbusy with work, I'm busy with
this.
No one is too busy to spendtime with the person that they
(25:31):
love and adore.
I guarantee you, I am a very,very, very busy person.
But when I'm invested insomeone, when they're my person,
I make time.
So I don't buy the excuse.
But that's what they're goingto say to make themselves feel
better about it and to make youfeel better about it.
So it's not like aconfrontational thing.
Things with work have reallybeen picking up.
(25:53):
I really had to do this.
I had to do this.
They start listing out all ofthese things that they've been
doing since 1995.
And when I say 1995, I mean itsarcastically.
But you've never not been busyand you've made time for me, but
now all of a sudden you don'thave time because of work, or
you don't have time because ofthe kids.
You know what I mean.
Like there's all of these, thispush and pull.
It's like why is it so hard nowto spend time together, whereas
(26:16):
before, when you really reallywere into me, I didn't hear
about all those other thingsbecause you just made it work.
And the next way that there's a, you're on the brink of a
breakup.
It's like I was talking aboutearlier.
With the communication, yourcommunication becomes very
superficial and surface level.
Good morning, good night.
How are the kids?
(26:37):
You know who's doing.
It's very logistical.
You're just talking about theday-to-day things that connect
you, how you know how's the dogdoing, how's the cat doing.
Do we need more eggs?
Like blah, blah?
You're just talking aboutthings that are not really
connecting you and your partnertogether.
You're checking the block.
You're saying, oh, I'm sayinggood morning because I have to
(26:58):
say good morning.
I'm saying good night because Ihave to say good night.
You don't really want to, youdon't really want to, but you're
doing it because you're notreally ready to pull the plug.
So you're just like teeteringthe line.
You're just like, oh, I'm gonnastay in this as long as I can,
but I don't really like reallyinto it.
(27:22):
And that goes into number six,which is you have
dissatisfaction with yourrelationship.
Right, and you start pointingit out.
You start expressing yourdissatisfaction with the
relationship.
You start saying, you know howcome you don't do this and how
come you don't do that and howcome you're not supportive in
this way?
And I remember with mine youknow I talked about it all the
time like the snoring.
The snoring that my ex-PMDpartner did was a really big
issue with me.
(27:42):
Because when you're on the brinkof a breakup, there's a lot of
things that become.
You become more irritabletowards your partner.
And that goes into number seven, which this increased level of
irritability right you, thethings that your partner did
previously to trigger you.
You're more likely to beirritable towards them because
of it, like it becomes magnified.
(28:02):
Because you're tired of them.
Honestly, you are tired ofbeing with them.
You don't really want to bewith them.
You almost feel forced to, youfeel obligated to, you feel like
you're trying to like, look atthem and like, well, they're a
good person overall.
You're making excuses for them,but in reality, if you're
really true with yourself,you're irritated.
You are very irritable andfrustrated with your PMDD
(28:25):
relationship and your partner.
And then the next way is youhave this decrease in physical
intimacy, right?
Even if you have sex, you'renot really connected, right?
You, even if you have sex,you're not really connected.
You either are not having sexor you, when you have sex, it's
very check the block.
I remember towards the end of myPMDD relationships, there was
(28:48):
one where we were getting in thebed and we we like I turned my
he.
We immediately got in the bed.
He turned his back towards me.
I turned my back towards himand a light bulb went off and I
was like we're done, like it'sover, and I remember saying it
(29:08):
in a sense of this is not thatwe never used to go to bed like
that, like with this partner.
We used to cuddle every night,like I would turn my back to
what was it?
I would turn my back towardshim and then he would like put
his arms around me, so it's kindof like spooning, and that's
how we slept all night long,like that's literally.
We slept like that.
We woke up like that wecouldn't go to sleep without,
(29:29):
you know, touching each other,or just like being in each
other's arms, like.
So when I had that light bulbmoment of like, we got in the
bed and we immediately went backto back, not even touching each
other, and I said, oh my gosh,we're done.
And do you know what he said tome?
Do you know what he said to me?
He turned towards me in bed andhe said we've been done.
(29:51):
And I was like I was so shockedbecause he was very much aware
and I want you to know yourpartner can be very much aware
that, hey, this is it, like I'm,I'm good.
They may be just holding on for,for whatever reasons, like
maybe you have finances togetherand it's very convenient, maybe
they're not ready to move out Iknow for that ex that I
(30:12):
specifically am talking about.
Um, we did live together and itwas financially beneficial for
us to do so.
So it was kind of like, yeah,we could break up and go get our
other places.
But I mean like why would Ispend that extra money?
Like we had goals, like we werein those.
You know, we're in our earlytwenties and we're kind of like
I got goals and so I can likeride this out.
We were essentially living likeroommates.
(30:32):
We started living likeroommates and doing everything
separate together and sometimesthe reason why you're still in a
relationship is because yourpartner has just decided you
know what, what is that?
Saying it's cheaper to keep her.
They're like, listen, I canendure this because I'm getting
some kind of benefit in it.
Like they're thinking of abenefit outside of you.
(30:53):
So this goes into number nine,which is they're discussing a
future without you.
When that starts to happen,they're 100% one foot out the
door.
When they're not talking aboutwe, when they start talking
about I don't know what you'regoing to do.
I remember talking to myex-femtie partner and I said,
you know, I was mentioning thesnoring because, again, with the
increased, you know,irritability and all of these
things.
And he said to me he literallysaid to me that's when I was
(31:16):
like what he said to me yeah, Icould get my snoring fixed, but
it's probably not going to bewhile I'm with you.
And I was like what I rememberthinking to myself like when did
we start talking about a futurewith another person?
Like, so you're saying thatyou'll go through the process of
getting your snoring fixed, butit's going to be when we're not
(31:37):
together.
That means they're one foot outthe door because they're
already thinking about, okay,what would my life be like
without this person?
What would that look like?
And I remember that being sohard for me, because the basis
of a lot of my PMDDrelationships actually all of
them I thought they were foreverthings.
(31:57):
You don't really go into arelationship with someone,
especially getting married,without thinking that it's going
to be forever, like that's nota thing and you wouldn't waste
your time with someone if you'renot, even if you're not married
.
You're not going to waste yourtime with someone if you're not
seeing a future.
That is forever.
And I remember having I'vestarted over and this is why I'm
(32:19):
telling you this, because Iwant you.
This is education for you, sothat you don't make the same.
I don't want to say mistakes,because I honestly don't regret
any of my PMDD relationships.
I learned something from all ofthem.
But I don't want you to notcatch on to the signs of when it
happened.
I don't want you to beblindsided, I don't want you to
(32:40):
be unprepared, I don't want youto be like I never thought we
would get to this point.
I don't want you to get there,because I know what that feels
like.
There's been times where I'veknown that it was the end and
there's been other times whereI've been like man, I really
didn't see that coming Right.
And but when I look back, theseare the 10 signs that I saw
(33:02):
where it's like, if I knew thesesigns, I would have seen it
coming and I would have preparedmyself, meaning I would have
worked harder on therelationship or I would have,
you know, had that hardconversation and said like, hey,
are we, are we actually goingto break up?
Like had that hard conversationand say you know, we're at the
point where we're really goingto break up.
And this is where I was with alot of my exes, where I'm like,
(33:24):
if we're just going to break up,let's just do it now, because I
don't like living in the landof the unknown.
I don't like stalling, I don'tlike procrastinating.
I don't like once I realizedthat you don't want to be with
me and I realized that it'sbecoming too much for you or too
much for us, or we're notcompatible.
Whatever the situation is,whatever you come to terms with,
(33:45):
I will not.
One thing I will not do is Iwill not waste your time.
One thing I will not do is Iwill not waste your time.
If I know that it's ending orit's ended, I will cut it off at
the head and it'll be harderfor me because I will be the one
to pull the plug.
I know that, even if I know thatthey're the ones that thought
(34:08):
it first or they were actinglike they were going to break up
first, somebody has to becourageous enough to go through
the breakup and actually say youknow what we're done and I know
.
I've been that person becauseof my core thing is I value
freedom.
I have a high level of autonomy.
I'm an Enneagram 7.
I'm a free spirit.
I'm not going to force you tobe with me one second.
(34:32):
If I feel like you don't want tobe here, I will let you go.
I will 100% let you go.
Will it hurt me?
Absolutely, absolutely.
And I don't mean let you gobecause I'm going through a PMDD
episode and I'm just feelinglike I can't do this anymore.
I'm not talking about a monthlybreakup, I'm talking about the
big breakup where you're nottogether ever again, because I
(34:53):
don't backtrack, I don't go backwith exes, I just don't.
And so I know this about myself.
So, because I know that I don'tgo backwards, I try to stall as
much as I can with actionablethings to prevent me from making
that decision.
I will talk to you.
(35:14):
I will literally tell you hey,we're in trouble, we need to get
help.
And if you're not willing toget help or you're still feeling
like I'm the problem, then okay, but I gave you that option.
There's no ex-PMDD partner thatI've had that I haven't given
the option.
At the end we could save thisif we use the tools and we do
the work.
And if you're on board, thenI'm on board.
(35:35):
The only reason that I've brokenup is because the other person
has not been willing to stickwith it and actually do the work
to change on the issues thatwe've had, and I can't force
that.
You cannot force your PMDDpartner to get help if they're
not in that place to do it.
If force your PMDD partner toget help if they're not in that
place to do it, if they're stillmaking excuses, like I told you
before, if they're avoiding you, if they're not being
physically intimate, if they'rekind of being a little bit
(35:57):
content with the way that yourrelationship is and you're not
really satisfied, but they'relike, hey, it's better than
being with no one or hey, atleast I'm saving some money.
Well, I'm not living like that.
You may choose to live likethat, but you're not going to
live like that with me.
I value myself too much to stayin a situation where you're not
(36:18):
willing to get help and you'regoing to leave us in this
miserable place and drag mealong for the ride.
I love you, but I will love youfrom a distance because I know
that you're not truly happy Inall of these situations.
I know with my ex-partners theyweren't truly happy and I can't
say I can't.
And it's not like you have tobe happy all the time.
I'm not creating this personathat if you're in a relationship
, you're supposed to be happyall the time.
(36:39):
I'm talking about you don'thave any more happy moments.
You don't even have any morehappy glimpses.
Everything is a struggle foryou.
Everything's harder.
You're having to force yourselfto do certain things, and the
last way that you know thatyou're on a brink of a breakup
with your PMDD partner isthey're starting to want more
space and time away from you.
(37:02):
Right, I can't be with you, Ican't go with you, and this was
the biggest one.
This is like seals the deal,because I told you with my ex-MU
partner last year, we had spentevery holiday together, every
holiday that you can think of.
And when he said to me oh, Ineed to go home and spend time
with my family, I need to bewith my family and and all these
(37:30):
things, versus being on a on avacation with me and my daughter
, I was like you would rather bewith your family than be with
your wife and child.
We're on a brink of a breakup,like I tried to make myself be
okay with that.
I was like, okay, well, you'llspend Christmas and then you
know, for new years, we'll spendit together.
Every day of that vacation, Iwas in Mexico.
(37:51):
Was I in Puerto Vallarta?
Yeah, puerto Vallarta, mexico.
Every day, I said I think I wason day three.
I only lasted three days in thevacation and I said to myself I
can't do this.
We are absolutely done.
I know how much people valuetraditions, people value
(38:12):
holidays, people value all thesethings, and so when you are
making vacation plans away fromyour partner and putting it on
the sense of I just want tospend time with my family, no,
no, no, you're tired of me.
You're tired of me and you'retired of this relationship and
you don't see any value in it,because I don't care what your
family or friends or anybody hasto offer you.
(38:36):
Nothing should come above yourwife and child.
It's not a thing.
Even if we're going through areally hard patch and we're
going through something like, westill need to be together.
Staying apart, seeking space,is not helping.
It's hurting.
But when that is the preferenceof the partner during the
(39:00):
breakup a breakup and we brokeup right after that, like I
remember that was that was thepoint of no return it's like,
okay, we're like because what isit I'm supposed to be?
We're gonna start spendingholidays apart now because of
whatever reason.
No, it's not a relationship,it's not a thing, right, and the
longer you stay in that placeof accepting that once you I
(39:25):
know this, I've seen this somany times Once you start
accepting this downgradedversion of your relationship,
it's all downhill from there,because now you're going to
start accepting less and lessand less from your partner just
for the sake of staying in therelationship, not because you're
genuinely happy, not becauseyou're getting what it is that
you need out of the relationship.
(39:46):
No, no, no, you're going to beaccepting less because that's
all they're willing to give youand you're like well, I don't
want to break up.
So I guess I have to acceptthis.
That's when you know thatyou're on a brink of a breakup.
So if you know that youidentified with a lot of these
issues that you're having withinyour PMDD relationship, I want
there to be some sense ofurgency.
I want you to recognize thisand say Dr Rose, I actually do
(40:07):
have a lot of these things goingon.
I don't want to lose my partner.
I want to get help.
So you know you can go to mywebsite inlovewithpmddcom.
You know you can get thoseprivate sessions.
I always say that's the firststep.
I know a lot of you DM me.
Tiktok is blowing up.
I just started TikTok I thinkit was earlier this year, but I
(40:28):
love everyone that I've met andconnected with on TikTok.
It's amazing.
So normally I say, go to myInstagram and you can always do
that because I'm still on there.
But TikTok, my TikTok familyhas been amazing.
My YouTube family has beenamazing.
But you know, if you identifiedwith these areas, you need to
get help with your relationship.
So then you always ask me whatis the first step?
(40:49):
What's the first thing that Ido?
And I always say the firstthing you need to do is book a
private session.
I need to assess you and I needto assess your PMDD
relationship.
Do both partners need to bethere?
Absolutely not.
Would it be great if you were?
Absolutely.
But I can talk to one partnerand be able to get you on a plan
to rebuilding your PMDDrelationship, healing a lot of
(41:10):
that trauma, getting you pastthese behaviors that make you on
a brink of a breakup, becausethere needs to be some sense of
urgency.
You need to be listening to thisand if any of this resonated
with you, you need to be likethis is your sign to get help,
because the longer you stay inthis area, I don't want you to
get so far gone to where yourpartner completely gets checked
(41:30):
out, because once they'rechecked out it's hard for them
to get back checked in.
Once they've completely detacheddetached from you emotionally
you're going to start to seetheir behavior patterns change
with you, because when yourpartner is not emotionally
attached to you, they can hurtyou and not feel pain.
That is one of the things thatI think is the scariest part
(41:52):
about being on the brink of abreakup is they can cuss at you,
they can yell at you, they cando whatever they can gaslight
you, they can stonewall you andall of these things and not even
feel bad about it, becausethey're not emotionally
connected to you, becausethey've gotten to that point.
But nobody gets to that pointovernight.
It's a gradual process.
(42:12):
So the sooner you stop thatprocess, the sooner you'll get
to the point where you're ableto get help with your
relationship and then you won'tbe on a brink of a breakup again
.
We got this Love you.
Today we are going to be talking about the fact that
your PMDD partner may be aboutto break up with you and you may
not even know it.
So I really wanted to talkabout this because I have been
really counseling a lot ofpartners that have saying that
(00:23):
these breakups are coming out ofnowhere.
I didn't know that my partnerwas really going to break up.
I didn't know that they werereally going to leave me, and it
really brought me back to myPMDD breakups, like with an S
and I have this process that Igo through and then I've seen a
lot of my private clients gothrough before they actually
(00:44):
pull the plug and break up withtheir PMDD partners.
And it is not a situation whereyou're caught off guard in a
sense, like, basically, you maybe mentioning breaking up with
your PMDD partner all month long.
Every single time you have anargument, every single time you
have a disagreement, everysingle time they go into PMDD.
(01:06):
Every time you go into PMDDyou're saying, well, maybe we
should just break up.
You keep saying it as asolution to your problems.
You keep saying it as asolution to your issues.
You're saying just break up andthen we won't have to deal with
this stress.
We won't have to deal with anyof this, and what I want you to
really be careful of is, youknow, mentioning it so much that
(01:30):
you become desensitized to it,and what that means is it's no
big deal to mention breaking up.
It's like, oh yeah, this iswhat we talk about every month,
but we don't really do it Right.
I've had so many past PMDDpartners that have said I didn't
think you were really going tobreak up with me.
I didn't think we were reallygoing to be over, I didn't think
this was really going to end,and I remember being so shocked
(01:52):
and thinking to myself but wetalked about this every single
month.
Like, we talked about breakingup every single month.
You mentioned it, I mentionedit.
So why is it such a surprisethat when one person actually
takes action on the thing thatthey keep talking about, you're
now saying that you're caughtoff guard or you really weren't
expecting this, as if thoseconversations hadn't happened
(02:14):
and I understood it because Ihad been there so long.
But I feel like a lot ofprivate clients and a lot of you
out there need to reallyunderstand the severity of when
your partner says things to youlike we should just break up.
We should just end this,especially if it's the partner
that doesn't have PMBD.
They could be really seriousand I'm going to give you some
(02:36):
signs of what that looks like.
But I don't want you to feellike you are listening to your
partner crying out for help andsaying we need to change
something, we need to dosomething differently, and
you're not taking them seriousuntil it's too late and I know a
lot of private clients come tome once it is too late.
I am very well aware that, asbeing a PMDD relationship
(02:59):
psychotraumatologist, that a lotof you come to me in a panic.
A lot of you come to me and say, dr Rose, I need a session with
you ASAP.
I need.
A lot of you come to me in apanic.
A lot of you come to me and say, dr Rose, I need a session with
you ASAP, I need a session withyou immediately.
I need a session with you rightnow.
And it is because the thing thatyour partner has been
threatening to do or that youhave been threatening to do is
now happening.
And instead of stopping it whenthe first instance comes up and
(03:23):
really saying, okay, if mypartner is talking about
breaking up.
We need to do somethingdifferently.
We need to get some help.
You're ignoring that.
You're ignoring the signs thatare happening within your PMDD
relationship from the beginningand I want you to recognize, if
I go over these signs today andI'm telling you, these are the
signs of someone who is about tobreak up with you.
(03:46):
I want you to take it seriouslybecause this is based off of my
research of how partners havecome to me and again the
partners are included of who hasPMDD and who does not have PMDD
.
This is the state that they'vecome to me in in their PMDD
relationship and a lot of timeswe we want to believe that we
(04:08):
can continue on this pattern ofsaying that we're going to break
up every single month and, youknow, kind of coming out of it,
and then we didn't break up thatmonth.
I know with me and my ex PMDDpartners, we would feel this
sense of relief like, oh, wemade it another month, like good
thing, we didn't actually breakup, and it would kind of be
like this high five, this kindof you know, we did it, we made
(04:29):
it through another month,without recognizing the trauma
of mentioning breaking up.
Because when you really thinkabout breaking up with your
partner, like if we really justgo to the core of this, what
does that mean?
I know for me so many times ithas meant moving, it has meant
starting over.
(04:50):
I will never forget when myex-PMDD partner, one of my
ex-PMDD partners so again, whenI'm giving you examples, I'm now
giving you examples on multipleexes that I've had and in these
breakups that I've had and Ihave this lived experience with
having PMDD and having thesebreakups but I remember one of
them telling me after I broke upwith them, and I remember them
(05:14):
saying I can't believe thatwe've actually broken up.
I can't believe we've gotten tothe point where all of that
work that we did, all of thosethings that we did, all of those
memories that we had, all ofthose things that we planned,
are really just over.
I can't believe that you reallywant to start over and start a
life with someone else.
And I remember someone sayingthat to me in X.
(05:37):
And I remember thinking tomyself in this particular
relationship like wow, thatsounds amazing, because
everything in that relationshipwas so traumatic, was so all
over the place, that when theymentioned so, do you really want
to break up with me and start alife with someone else and I
was like in my mind.
I was like, yes, I absolutelydo, because I've given
(06:01):
everything that I have to give.
I have nothing left.
In every single breakup that Ihave had with a past partner, I
have emptied myself out.
I have emptied the jar.
I have given everything elsethat I had to give and I never
would break up until I got tothat point.
And I know a lot of individualsthat break up before that like
a couple of red flags andthey're out Like that's what I
(06:24):
call the monthly PMDD breakups,meaning you know, every single
month where, if your partnertriggers you, you're like I
can't deal with this, I'm out,like that's not what I'm talking
about.
I'm talking about the bigbreakup, the big breakup with
your PMDD partner, where you'renot getting back together Like
this is what I want to warn youof.
You may be thinking like, oh,this is just going to be another
PMDD monthly breakup.
(06:45):
Oh, we're just going to saythat we're going to break up and
then we're going to make itthrough and everything's going
to be great, because you createdthis pattern within your
relationship where that becomesthe norm.
You say you want to break up,your partner says they want to
break up.
You get through it and youdon't break up.
And then you go into the nextmonth and you start the cycle
all over again, right, you startthe cycle of saying that you
want to break up, but you neverreally do.
(07:06):
And I'm talking about the typeof breakup where you say you're
going to break up, you break upand you're moving your things,
you're moving your items out ofyour house, you're moving, you
know, you're.
Oh my gosh, there's so muchthat's involved with breaking up
and I just think no one really,no one really thinks about that
(07:29):
.
No one really thinks about,when I'm saying that I want to
break up with my PMDD partner,what that looks like and you
know, if you're my privateclient, I always ask you this
question you want to break upwith your partner.
What does that look like?
Are you moving things out ofyour house?
Are you splitting like?
Are you moving things out ofyour house?
Are you splitting finances?
Are you separating the children?
Are you separating the animals,the dogs, the cats, the birds,
(07:51):
whatever you have?
What does that look like foryou?
Because when you reallyphysiologically think about in
your body, in your brain,psychologically, think about I
want to break up with my partner.
What does that look like when Ibreak up?
I don't think that you'rereally understanding what that
really means.
When you're just randomlysaying it because you're
(08:13):
frustrated and you're stressedand you're overwhelmed because
of things that are going on inyour PMDD relationship.
You can be stressed, you can beoverwhelmed and all of these
things, but when we're talkingabout breaking up, when someone
is ready to break up, they takeactions to do so in a way that
is really going to impact yourentire lifestyle.
It's going to impact you on aday-to-day basis.
(08:35):
When you're splitting upchildren, you're creating that
trauma for them, and I know that.
What is it like?
83% of individuals who have PMDDhave experienced childhood
trauma and I have privateclients that are children in
their teens that are dealingwith the impact of decisions
that the partners have made tojust end the relationship and
(08:56):
they're having to rebuild.
They're having to go todifferent schools, they're
having to start different lives,make different friends all
because you're deciding to breakup with your PMDD partner,
because you can't handle itanymore.
You can't deal with it anymoreand what I want to tell you is.
Before you get to that point,what are you doing to stop that
from happening?
What help are you getting?
(09:18):
Or are you just riding it outand thinking that the next month
is going to be different?
Why would the next month be anydifferent from this month?
You're not doing anythingdifferently.
Why would anything change ifyou're not changing anything
within your PMDD relationship?
Because a lot of times when Ihave the private clients, I'll
ask you what have you done?
What have you done to helpyourself?
(09:40):
What have you done when youfelt like you're in this moment
where your partner was about tobreak up with you?
What have you done when youfelt like you're in this moment
where your partner was about tobreak up with you?
What did you do?
Did you not really take themseriously?
Because if you didn't take themseriously, if you really just
thought maybe they're bluffing,maybe they don't mean it, but
what if they are serious?
What does that look like?
Are you willing to risk yourPMDD relationship because you
(10:01):
don't take your partnerseriously, because they're going
to actually break up with you,and then are you going to get
upset with them when theyactually pull the plug and break
up, when they've been warningyou and I'm going to give you
the warning signs today.
But I want you to take yourpartner seriously when they're
saying that they're going tobreak up with you, because a lot
of times, by the time you'retrying to repair your
(10:22):
relationship, it's too late,because you never took all of
the signs seriously.
You really thought they werejust going to stay in this
relationship forever, with theseups and downs, and the thing
about it is you're miserable.
A lot of times when you'regoing through this, you yourself
are miserable, but you'reexpecting them to stay in this
place of being miserable withyou.
(10:42):
You're not happy, but you'resaying, oh, because I'm in PMDD,
they should just stay with me.
They know that I have PMDD.
Or the partner that doesn'thave PMDD, oh, I've been with
them for so long.
If they were going to leave,it's sometimes in their mind
that you think that If they weregoing to leave, they would have
done it by now.
If they were going to leave,they would have done it by now.
(11:03):
So you, if they were going toleave, they would have done it
by now.
So you're creating this, thismode of being so desensitized to
them saying that they're goingto break up, that you're not
even willing to take any actionbecause you're like, okay, we're
going to break up again, like Iknow what this is.
Like I we're, we're goingthrough this same cycle all over
again and it's like, no, no,they could actually be serious.
And then what?
How do you repair somethingwhen people start going no
(11:23):
contact?
Because here's the thing.
One of the things that I do whenI really made the decision to
break up with a PMDD partner isI know for me, when I am so
connected to my PMDD partners,like I have been in the past,
that I can't listen to themtelling me the same story again
(11:44):
and again and again about howmuch they love me, how much they
care about me, but yet they'renot really willing to do
anything about it, to addressour issues, because that'll just
pull me back in.
But when someone is ready tobreak up, when they're really
like you know what they've beencontemplating it for a while and
they're saying, you know I'mreally going to break up,
they're not listening to thesame story again and again and
(12:05):
again.
And I think that's what's sohard for the partners that are
on the other end of it isbecause they're not talking to
me.
They're not listening to me,they're not willing to work on
this.
It's because they've heard thesame thing again and again, and
again and they know that there'sgoing to be no difference.
As nice as a person is, youreach a limit.
You reach a limit within yourPMDD relationship where you get
(12:28):
to a point where you're like youknow what, I'm not going to beg
you and I remember being hereso many times where it's like
I'm not going to beg you to gethelp for our PMDD relationship.
I have given you all thereasons why we need to get help.
I've told you we need to go tohave counseling.
I've told you we need to go tohave counseling.
I've told you we need to workon ourselves.
I told you we need to talk andspend quality time.
(12:49):
I've told you that these are mytriggers and you pushed them
off, you brushed them off, youignored them, you minimized them
.
You made me feel like I neededto sit in a corner with my
trauma because you weren'twilling to do anything about it,
when you were actually creatingadditional trauma and making me
feel like I'm the problem Atthe end of the day.
(13:09):
I remember thinking about thisduring one of my breakups being
like you know what, I will bethe problem and this is how you
know you're done.
This is how you know you'redone and you're about to break
up with your PMDD partner, oryour PMDD partner is about to
break up with you because theycan say all of the nasty things
about you.
They can say all of thesethings about you, about oh, you
(13:30):
should just stay and work onthis and you should do.
They can say all those thingsand you're just like I will be
the bad guy.
I remember literally feelinglike that and thinking that,
whereas before I would say no, Iwant to make sure that they
understand that I'm willing towork on this.
I want to make sure of this.
I want to make sure that theyfeel supported.
(13:52):
I want to make sure that theyfeel like I'm trying.
But then, when you're told thatyou're not good enough, when
you're told that you're theproblem at some point, you say
you know what?
Okay, I'll be the problem, andthis could be the partner that
has PMDD or doesn't have PMDD.
They can say you know what?
I'm willing to be the problemand this problem is gonna leave
(14:14):
this relationship, because it'salmost like they're challenging
you.
They're saying you're theproblem.
You're the problem so that youcan do things differently, and
it's like I don't have anythingelse to do differently.
I remember feeling like that Idon't have any more tricks up my
sleeve, I am not going to begyou to get help with something
that I know that we need helpwith, but you're just not
(14:35):
willing.
In order for a PM to berelationships of work, you both
have to be willing, and a lot oftimes you're both not willing
and there's one person carryingthe weight of that and it's the
expectation of the other partnerthat you continuously carry the
weight of that.
They're not willing to takehalf of the load or some of the
load off of you and saying I'mtaking accountability for what I
did.
You know what?
Like, let's work this out.
(14:56):
No, no, no.
They're saying, yeah, you'rethe problem, continue to take on
the load, I don't have an issue, you have an issue.
And so I remember being toldthat, like I don't have an issue
in this relationship, you havean issue.
You're the reason why we keeparguing and having these
conversations about therelationship.
And I said, okay, so if I havethe issue, then I will go and
deal with my issue, because nowyou're making it seem like my
(15:19):
issues in the relationships arenot yours and that's in a
partnership.
If I'm going through somethingand you don't feel connected and
it feels and you're putting itall on me like I'm the only
problem, like you have noaccountability, no participation
in any of the issues that we'rehaving.
If that's what you're choosingto live with, then fine, because
a lot of times when people aresaying that they're feeling like
(15:40):
you're so much the problem thatif they got with someone else,
they'll just get with someonethat doesn't have PMDD and they
won't have any issues.
Well, the thing about it is andI really recognize this with a
lot of my exes if you could bewith someone because a lot of
all of my exes, I have been thefirst person that they've been
in a relationship with that'shad PMDD, and so I automatically
(16:04):
became the problem.
It's like, oh, you're theproblem because you have PMDD.
And I always think to myselfokay, so if I'm the problem
because I have PMDD and you'vebeen in 75 billion relationships
before me, why didn't that work?
Why didn't your otherrelationships work?
How did you even get to know me?
How did you get to be with me,if you're so perfect and there's
(16:28):
nothing wrong with you andevery other relationship you had
has been, you know, the otherperson's fault.
Here's the thing with somepeople, pmdd is used as the
scapegoat.
Oh, pmdd is the issue.
And guess what, when they getwith someone else, it'll be
something else.
That's the issue they could getwith someone that has OCD, adhd
(16:48):
, past trauma aboutrelationships, sexual trauma.
Here's the thing that I thinkpartners need to understand, and
this is partners meaning thosewho have PMDD and those who
don't.
Everybody comes with baggage.
Everybody comes with a history.
Everybody comes with something.
So if you want to pinpoint PMDDas the problem, that's fine,
(17:11):
and you can break up with me andget with someone else and it'll
be something else.
It will be something else.
So if you're not willing to takeaccountability and
responsibility, you're keepingyourself in the cycle, because
if you're not willing to work onthe issues that PMDD is causing
your relationship, how couldyou be with someone else and
work on the issues that?
Maybe sexual trauma, maybe theygot trigger warning, but maybe
(17:35):
they got raped before and nowyou have issues with intimacy
within your relationship becausethey've experienced sexual
trauma.
Are you going to blame thesexual trauma?
Or maybe they have childhoodtrauma where they got verbally
abused, or maybe they've been inanother relationship.
I've been in relationships withindividuals that have been
cheated on.
So now you're going to get withsomeone that's been cheated on
(17:57):
and tell them that, oh, it'stheir problem.
Whenever you're consistentlyblaming your partner for what's
going on and not willing to takeaccountability, you're going to
find yourself in a cycle,because it's always going to be
the other person and it's alwaysgoing to be their fault, and
it's always going to be thingsthat they're doing and things
that you feel like you don'twant to deal with.
But here's the thing a freshstart.
When you're starting over, youmay not see all of the things
(18:20):
that are going on with thatperson and you may be losing out
on a lot of things that thisspecific person has that the
other person won't.
But you're willing to take thatgamble and that's fine.
But what I want to talk to youtoday about the signs.
I'm going to give you 10 signsthat your PMDD partner is about
to break up with you.
(18:41):
Again, when I am saying PMDDpartner, I am meaning the
partner that has PMDD or thatdoesn't have PMDD.
You are a PMDD partner if youare in a relationship where PMDD
exists.
So a lot of times when I'mmentioning partners, they're
thinking I'm talking about theindividual that doesn't have
PMDD.
No, if you suffer with PMDD, ifyou don't suffer with PMDD and
(19:01):
you're in a relationship wherePMDD exists, you are a PMDD
partner, okay.
So the first sign that your PMDDpartner may be about to break
up with you is withdrawal.
They become emotionally distantwith you.
They're not really getting intothose conversations with you.
They're not being physicallyaffectionate.
They're not really getting intothose conversations with you.
They're not being physicallyaffectionate.
(19:22):
They're not trying to go ondate night, they're not trying
to really do anything with you.
And this can happen graduallyover a period of time and
there's some excuses that youcan make for why there has been
this increased withdrawalphysically, emotionally and all
of the other things.
They may say, oh, they'rereally busy with work, so now
they don't have time to do anyof the activities that you used
(19:43):
to do together.
They may say with the physicalaffection oh, they're suffering
in PMDD.
Or oh, they're really tired, sothat's why we haven't been
intimate.
Or oh, they're not havingconversations because they've
been so exhausted after a longday of work that we just really
don't talk anymore.
(20:06):
At the end of every one of myPMDD breakups there has been
this withdrawal.
Things that we used to dobefore that was the norm all of
a sudden started to fall off.
We all of a sudden didn't havetime.
We all of a sudden didn't haveinterest.
It's like all of these things.
But what I want you to know isthat it was a part of the
breakup.
When I broke up with my ex-PMDpartner, the withdrawal looked
(20:28):
like less and less conversations, less and less.
We used to have this thingcalled a walk-in talk that we
used to do, you know, everysingle week or I tried to, you
tried to put it in the calendarfor every single week, but then
work got busy.
When you start to prioritizeother things above your PMDD
relationship and those thingsthat connected, you start to
(20:51):
fall off.
You start moving the chesspieces and you're putting work
above your partner.
You're putting time withfriends above your partner.
You're putting time with otherfamily members above your
partner.
You're setting yourself up fora PMDD breakup because now you
don't have those day-to-daythings that are connecting you,
when you're not being physicallyintimate, when you're not being
(21:12):
affectionate like maybe beforeyou used to get in a car and
hold hands.
You're not holding handsanymore.
You used to get out the car andmaybe hold hands on your way
into a store, or your partnerused to put their arm around you
, and now you see yourselfwalking separately, you see
yourself going in oppositedirections and, oh you know, it
becomes really strategic.
Like, oh, you're going here,you're going here, okay, I'll
(21:33):
meet you there.
Like you're no longer eventrying to do things together and
you're not understanding thatthis withdrawal is happening and
you're on the brink of abreakup, when you're not having
those day-to-day conversationswhere you used to have morning
conversations where youconnected, and evening
conversations where youconnected, and now it's just
like a text message Good morning, good morning, babe, and that's
(21:54):
it.
And I remember looking at mytext message thread with my exes
and it and when the withdrawalhappened it looked like.
It looked like good morning,how's your day going?
Good night.
For days and days at a timeYou're when you're not
connecting with feeling words,so you can have text message
conversations, but when you werereally connected, they were
(22:16):
feeling words.
How are you feeling, babe?
You know what's going on Ifyou're frustrated.
Oh, you got this.
There's this in-depth knowing ofwhat's going on with your
partner.
If you're in a relationship,you should know how your partner
is feeling at all times, andthe next way that you're on the
(22:36):
brink of a breakup with yourPMDD partner is there is
frequent arguments.
Are there going to be argumentsin any relationship?
Absolutely, but I'm talkingabout frequent, and more
frequent than just one or twoarguments that you have in your
luteal phase and PMDD.
I'm talking about all monthlong.
You all are arguing in thefollicular phase, when you're
supposed to be in your good days, and you're arguing in
(22:59):
menstruation and you're arguingin ovulation and you're arguing
for sure, in PMDD.
So now your arguments arebecoming more frequent.
You're not even getting a break.
You're not getting a chance toreconnect with your PMDD partner
because you're consistentlyarguing and fighting about
things that are not even bigticket things.
(23:19):
Every little thing isirritating you and you are just
arguing over everything.
And then you get to this pointwhere you feel like everything I
say I'm walking on eggshells,everything I say is going to
turn into an argument.
Eggshells is the key wordWhenever I have private sessions
that I know that this is like ared flag for me.
When one of my private clientsthe partner that has PMDD or
(23:42):
doesn't when they start saying Ifeel like I'm walking on
eggshells, I am like whoa, whoa,whoa, whoa, whoa, like we need
to really get to the bottom ofthis, because walking on
eggshells, that's notsustainable.
When you feel like you'rewalking on eggshells, at some
point you're going to get tiredand you're going to get off the
boat.
You're going to be like I don't.
You're going to start thinkingto yourself the ego is going to
(24:02):
come in.
I don't have to deal with this,I don't, I can't sustain this,
I can't live like this.
And so the next way, numberthree, the next way that you're
on the brink of a breakup withyour PMDD partner is a loss of
interest.
You don't even want to spendtime with your partner anymore.
This is very horrible to cometo terms with, because it sounds
(24:25):
horrible to say that you don'twant to spend time with your
partner and nobody really wantsto be the one to admit this.
But I've been at a point whereI've had to admit it and my
partner has been at a pointwhere they've had to admit it,
where I was in PMDD one time andthey said oh, I'm busy with
work, I have to do this and thisand this.
And they were supposed to comevisit me, but they didn't come
visit me.
And then we had a conversation,like an argument, later on, and
(24:48):
I said you know, I think it'sreally, really not fair that you
didn't come spend time with meduring this time.
And they said you were in PMDD,I didn't want to spend time
with you.
Like I was avoiding that, andso I was like, oh my God, like
they were literally admitting it.
Granted, it was in the middleof an argument, but they were
(25:09):
saying, like I don't have anyinterest of being with you while
you're in PMDD.
Did they say it out offrustration and anger?
Yes, did they mean it?
Absolutely Right.
So that's what goes into numberfour, which is avoidance.
They start avoiding you, makingexcuses to not spend time with
you and frequently saying I'mbusy with work, I'm busy with
this.
No one is too busy to spendtime with the person that they
(25:31):
love and adore.
I guarantee you, I am a very,very, very busy person.
But when I'm invested insomeone, when they're my person,
I make time.
So I don't buy the excuse.
But that's what they're goingto say to make themselves feel
better about it and to make youfeel better about it.
So it's not like aconfrontational thing.
Things with work have reallybeen picking up.
(25:53):
I really had to do this.
I had to do this.
They start listing out all ofthese things that they've been
doing since 1995.
And when I say 1995, I mean itsarcastically.
But you've never not been busyand you've made time for me, but
now all of a sudden you don'thave time because of work, or
you don't have time because ofthe kids.
You know what I mean.
Like there's all of these, thispush and pull.
It's like why is it so hard nowto spend time together, whereas
(26:16):
before, when you really reallywere into me, I didn't hear
about all those other thingsbecause you just made it work.
And the next way that there's a, you're on the brink of a
breakup.
It's like I was talking aboutearlier.
With the communication, yourcommunication becomes very
superficial and surface level.
Good morning, good night.
How are the kids?
(26:37):
You know who's doing.
It's very logistical.
You're just talking about theday-to-day things that connect
you, how you know how's the dogdoing, how's the cat doing.
Do we need more eggs?
Like blah, blah?
You're just talking aboutthings that are not really
connecting you and your partnertogether.
You're checking the block.
You're saying, oh, I'm sayinggood morning because I have to
(26:58):
say good morning.
I'm saying good night because Ihave to say good night.
You don't really want to, youdon't really want to, but you're
doing it because you're notreally ready to pull the plug.
So you're just like teeteringthe line.
You're just like, oh, I'm gonnastay in this as long as I can,
but I don't really like reallyinto it.
(27:22):
And that goes into number six,which is you have
dissatisfaction with yourrelationship.
Right, and you start pointingit out.
You start expressing yourdissatisfaction with the
relationship.
You start saying, you know howcome you don't do this and how
come you don't do that and howcome you're not supportive in
this way?
And I remember with mine youknow I talked about it all the
time like the snoring.
The snoring that my ex-PMDpartner did was a really big
issue with me.
(27:42):
Because when you're on the brinkof a breakup, there's a lot of
things that become.
You become more irritabletowards your partner.
And that goes into number seven, which this increased level of
irritability right you, thethings that your partner did
previously to trigger you.
You're more likely to beirritable towards them because
of it, like it becomes magnified.
(28:02):
Because you're tired of them.
Honestly, you are tired ofbeing with them.
You don't really want to bewith them.
You almost feel forced to, youfeel obligated to, you feel like
you're trying to like, look atthem and like, well, they're a
good person overall.
You're making excuses for them,but in reality, if you're
really true with yourself,you're irritated.
You are very irritable andfrustrated with your PMDD
(28:25):
relationship and your partner.
And then the next way is youhave this decrease in physical
intimacy, right?
Even if you have sex, you'renot really connected, right?
You, even if you have sex,you're not really connected.
You either are not having sexor you, when you have sex, it's
very check the block.
I remember towards the end of myPMDD relationships, there was
(28:48):
one where we were getting in thebed and we we like I turned my
he.
We immediately got in the bed.
He turned his back towards me.
I turned my back towards himand a light bulb went off and I
was like we're done, like it'sover, and I remember saying it
(29:08):
in a sense of this is not thatwe never used to go to bed like
that, like with this partner.
We used to cuddle every night,like I would turn my back to
what was it?
I would turn my back towardshim and then he would like put
his arms around me, so it's kindof like spooning, and that's
how we slept all night long,like that's literally.
We slept like that.
We woke up like that wecouldn't go to sleep without,
(29:29):
you know, touching each other,or just like being in each
other's arms, like.
So when I had that light bulbmoment of like, we got in the
bed and we immediately went backto back, not even touching each
other, and I said, oh my gosh,we're done.
And do you know what he said tome?
Do you know what he said to me?
He turned towards me in bed andhe said we've been done.
(29:51):
And I was like I was so shockedbecause he was very much aware
and I want you to know yourpartner can be very much aware
that, hey, this is it, like I'm,I'm good.
They may be just holding on for,for whatever reasons, like
maybe you have finances togetherand it's very convenient, maybe
they're not ready to move out Iknow for that ex that I
(30:12):
specifically am talking about.
Um, we did live together and itwas financially beneficial for
us to do so.
So it was kind of like, yeah,we could break up and go get our
other places.
But I mean like why would Ispend that extra money?
Like we had goals, like we werein those.
You know, we're in our earlytwenties and we're kind of like
I got goals and so I can likeride this out.
We were essentially living likeroommates.
(30:32):
We started living likeroommates and doing everything
separate together and sometimesthe reason why you're still in a
relationship is because yourpartner has just decided you
know what, what is that?
Saying it's cheaper to keep her.
They're like, listen, I canendure this because I'm getting
some kind of benefit in it.
Like they're thinking of abenefit outside of you.
(30:53):
So this goes into number nine,which is they're discussing a
future without you.
When that starts to happen,they're 100% one foot out the
door.
When they're not talking aboutwe, when they start talking
about I don't know what you'regoing to do.
I remember talking to myex-femtie partner and I said,
you know, I was mentioning thesnoring because, again, with the
increased, you know,irritability and all of these
things.
And he said to me he literallysaid to me that's when I was
(31:16):
like what he said to me yeah, Icould get my snoring fixed, but
it's probably not going to bewhile I'm with you.
And I was like what I rememberthinking to myself like when did
we start talking about a futurewith another person?
Like, so you're saying thatyou'll go through the process of
getting your snoring fixed, butit's going to be when we're not
(31:37):
together.
That means they're one foot outthe door because they're
already thinking about, okay,what would my life be like
without this person?
What would that look like?
And I remember that being sohard for me, because the basis
of a lot of my PMDDrelationships actually all of
them I thought they were foreverthings.
(31:57):
You don't really go into arelationship with someone,
especially getting married,without thinking that it's going
to be forever, like that's nota thing and you wouldn't waste
your time with someone if you'renot, even if you're not married
.
You're not going to waste yourtime with someone if you're not
seeing a future.
That is forever.
And I remember having I'vestarted over and this is why I'm
(32:19):
telling you this, because Iwant you.
This is education for you, sothat you don't make the same.
I don't want to say mistakes,because I honestly don't regret
any of my PMDD relationships.
I learned something from all ofthem.
But I don't want you to notcatch on to the signs of when it
happened.
I don't want you to beblindsided, I don't want you to
(32:40):
be unprepared, I don't want youto be like I never thought we
would get to this point.
I don't want you to get there,because I know what that feels
like.
There's been times where I'veknown that it was the end and
there's been other times whereI've been like man, I really
didn't see that coming Right.
And but when I look back, theseare the 10 signs that I saw
(33:02):
where it's like, if I knew thesesigns, I would have seen it
coming and I would have preparedmyself, meaning I would have
worked harder on therelationship or I would have,
you know, had that hardconversation and said like, hey,
are we, are we actually goingto break up?
Like had that hard conversationand say you know, we're at the
point where we're really goingto break up.
And this is where I was with alot of my exes, where I'm like,
(33:24):
if we're just going to break up,let's just do it now, because I
don't like living in the landof the unknown.
I don't like stalling, I don'tlike procrastinating.
I don't like once I realizedthat you don't want to be with
me and I realized that it'sbecoming too much for you or too
much for us, or we're notcompatible.
Whatever the situation is,whatever you come to terms with,
(33:45):
I will not.
One thing I will not do is Iwill not waste your time.
One thing I will not do is Iwill not waste your time.
If I know that it's ending orit's ended, I will cut it off at
the head and it'll be harderfor me because I will be the one
to pull the plug.
I know that, even if I know thatthey're the ones that thought
(34:08):
it first or they were actinglike they were going to break up
first, somebody has to becourageous enough to go through
the breakup and actually say youknow what we're done and I know
.
I've been that person becauseof my core thing is I value
freedom.
I have a high level of autonomy.
I'm an Enneagram 7.
I'm a free spirit.
I'm not going to force you tobe with me one second.
(34:32):
If I feel like you don't want tobe here, I will let you go.
I will 100% let you go.
Will it hurt me?
Absolutely, absolutely.
And I don't mean let you gobecause I'm going through a PMDD
episode and I'm just feelinglike I can't do this anymore.
I'm not talking about a monthlybreakup, I'm talking about the
big breakup where you're nottogether ever again, because I
(34:53):
don't backtrack, I don't go backwith exes, I just don't.
And so I know this about myself.
So, because I know that I don'tgo backwards, I try to stall as
much as I can with actionablethings to prevent me from making
that decision.
I will talk to you.
(35:14):
I will literally tell you hey,we're in trouble, we need to get
help.
And if you're not willing toget help or you're still feeling
like I'm the problem, then okay, but I gave you that option.
There's no ex-PMDD partner thatI've had that I haven't given
the option.
At the end we could save thisif we use the tools and we do
the work.
And if you're on board, thenI'm on board.
(35:35):
The only reason that I've brokenup is because the other person
has not been willing to stickwith it and actually do the work
to change on the issues thatwe've had, and I can't force
that.
You cannot force your PMDDpartner to get help if they're
not in that place to do it.
If force your PMDD partner toget help if they're not in that
place to do it, if they're stillmaking excuses, like I told you
before, if they're avoiding you, if they're not being
physically intimate, if they'rekind of being a little bit
(35:57):
content with the way that yourrelationship is and you're not
really satisfied, but they'relike, hey, it's better than
being with no one or hey, atleast I'm saving some money.
Well, I'm not living like that.
You may choose to live likethat, but you're not going to
live like that with me.
I value myself too much to stayin a situation where you're not
(36:18):
willing to get help and you'regoing to leave us in this
miserable place and drag mealong for the ride.
I love you, but I will love youfrom a distance because I know
that you're not truly happy Inall of these situations.
I know with my ex-partners theyweren't truly happy and I can't
say I can't.
And it's not like you have tobe happy all the time.
I'm not creating this personathat if you're in a relationship
, you're supposed to be happyall the time.
(36:39):
I'm talking about you don'thave any more happy moments.
You don't even have any morehappy glimpses.
Everything is a struggle foryou.
Everything's harder.
You're having to force yourselfto do certain things, and the
last way that you know thatyou're on a brink of a breakup
with your PMDD partner isthey're starting to want more
space and time away from you.
(37:02):
Right, I can't be with you, Ican't go with you, and this was
the biggest one.
This is like seals the deal,because I told you with my ex-MU
partner last year, we had spentevery holiday together, every
holiday that you can think of.
And when he said to me oh, Ineed to go home and spend time
with my family, I need to bewith my family and and all these
(37:30):
things, versus being on a on avacation with me and my daughter
, I was like you would rather bewith your family than be with
your wife and child.
We're on a brink of a breakup,like I tried to make myself be
okay with that.
I was like, okay, well, you'llspend Christmas and then you
know, for new years, we'll spendit together.
Every day of that vacation, Iwas in Mexico.
(37:51):
Was I in Puerto Vallarta?
Yeah, puerto Vallarta, mexico.
Every day, I said I think I wason day three.
I only lasted three days in thevacation and I said to myself I
can't do this.
We are absolutely done.
I know how much people valuetraditions, people value
(38:12):
holidays, people value all thesethings, and so when you are
making vacation plans away fromyour partner and putting it on
the sense of I just want tospend time with my family, no,
no, no, you're tired of me.
You're tired of me and you'retired of this relationship and
you don't see any value in it,because I don't care what your
family or friends or anybody hasto offer you.
(38:36):
Nothing should come above yourwife and child.
It's not a thing.
Even if we're going through areally hard patch and we're
going through something like, westill need to be together.
Staying apart, seeking space,is not helping.
It's hurting.
But when that is the preferenceof the partner during the
(39:00):
breakup a breakup and we brokeup right after that, like I
remember that was that was thepoint of no return it's like,
okay, we're like because what isit I'm supposed to be?
We're gonna start spendingholidays apart now because of
whatever reason.
No, it's not a relationship,it's not a thing, right, and the
longer you stay in that placeof accepting that once you I
(39:25):
know this, I've seen this somany times Once you start
accepting this downgradedversion of your relationship,
it's all downhill from there,because now you're going to
start accepting less and lessand less from your partner just
for the sake of staying in therelationship, not because you're
genuinely happy, not becauseyou're getting what it is that
you need out of the relationship.
(39:46):
No, no, no, you're going to beaccepting less because that's
all they're willing to give youand you're like well, I don't
want to break up.
So I guess I have to acceptthis.
That's when you know thatyou're on a brink of a breakup.
So if you know that youidentified with a lot of these
issues that you're having withinyour PMDD relationship, I want
there to be some sense ofurgency.
I want you to recognize thisand say Dr Rose, I actually do
(40:07):
have a lot of these things goingon.
I don't want to lose my partner.
I want to get help.
So you know you can go to mywebsite inlovewithpmddcom.
You know you can get thoseprivate sessions.
I always say that's the firststep.
I know a lot of you DM me.
Tiktok is blowing up.
I just started TikTok I thinkit was earlier this year, but I
(40:28):
love everyone that I've met andconnected with on TikTok.
It's amazing.
So normally I say, go to myInstagram and you can always do
that because I'm still on there.
But TikTok, my TikTok familyhas been amazing.
My YouTube family has beenamazing.
But you know, if you identifiedwith these areas, you need to
get help with your relationship.
So then you always ask me whatis the first step?
(40:49):
What's the first thing that Ido?
And I always say the firstthing you need to do is book a
private session.
I need to assess you and I needto assess your PMDD
relationship.
Do both partners need to bethere?
Absolutely not.
Would it be great if you were?
Absolutely.
But I can talk to one partnerand be able to get you on a plan
to rebuilding your PMDDrelationship, healing a lot of
(41:10):
that trauma, getting you pastthese behaviors that make you on
a brink of a breakup, becausethere needs to be some sense of
urgency.
You need to be listening to thisand if any of this resonated
with you, you need to be likethis is your sign to get help,
because the longer you stay inthis area, I don't want you to
get so far gone to where yourpartner completely gets checked
(41:30):
out, because once they'rechecked out it's hard for them
to get back checked in.
Once they've completely detacheddetached from you emotionally
you're going to start to seetheir behavior patterns change
with you, because when yourpartner is not emotionally
attached to you, they can hurtyou and not feel pain.
That is one of the things thatI think is the scariest part
(41:52):
about being on the brink of abreakup is they can cuss at you,
they can yell at you, they cando whatever they can gaslight
you, they can stonewall you andall of these things and not even
feel bad about it, becausethey're not emotionally
connected to you, becausethey've gotten to that point.
But nobody gets to that pointovernight.
It's a gradual process.
(42:12):
So the sooner you stop thatprocess, the sooner you'll get
to the point where you're ableto get help with your
relationship and then you won'tbe on a brink of a breakup again
.
We got this Love you.
Popular Podcasts
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
40s and Free Agents: NFL Draft Season
Daniel Jeremiah of Move the Sticks and Gregg Rosenthal of NFL Daily join forces to break down every team's needs this offseason.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.