In Mourning and Discovery: A Widow's Journey

Grief is like an onion! There are so many layers!

In this episode we unravel the multi-layered journey of a widow, and an often overlooked topic of widowhood: the grief for the loss of one's former self. It's not just about mourning a spouse; it's a journey of self-discovery and transformation.

The message is simple: it's okay to embrace change and let go of who you once were. During grief and loss, there is also a chance for rebirth and growth.

This episode celebrates the courage to redefine yourself, reminding us all that the widowhood journey is about honoring your past while embracing a brighter, self-empowered future.

As always, Widow Your Way ❤️

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Episode Transcript

Rebecca (00:00):
A widow loses so much more than a husband, and that's
something that most people don'tsee.
There are so many layers ofgrief for a widow.
It's not just about losing aspouse.
We're losing a whole way oflife.
We're losing all of our plansfor the future and we're losing
a version of ourselves that willnever get back.

(00:22):
Usually, when you decide tomake a change and say goodbye to
something, there's somethingnew and exciting to look forward
to in its place, like sayinggoodbye to your trusty old car
for a shiny new one, or sayinggoodbye to your hometown to
welcome new adventures in a newcity, and sometimes saying

(00:43):
goodbye to a former version ofyourself and hello to a new
mindset and a more confident you.
The difference here is that wedidn't choose these losses.
These losses are more profoundbecause they came at the price
of a life.
Everything that you ever knewabout your life changes,

(01:06):
especially who you are, but itdoesn't mean we can't still look
forward to the future, lookforward to change, look forward
to good things happening in ourlives.
Grief clouds our judgment andsometimes we hold on to that
grief because we feel guiltymoving forward without our

(01:28):
person.
Our person is not going to bethere to support us through
these changes, and they're notgoing to see the outcome.
After my husband, tom, died, Iquestioned everything who I was
as a wife, a mother, a friend,everything but especially as a

(01:50):
wife.
And if you've been listening,you've heard me say that I found
out my husband was having anaffair just six months before he
died, and even though I decidedto stay with him, I hadn't
forgiven him.
We still argued about it and Istill held it over his head, and
we never discussed thereasoning for it or tried to

(02:12):
resolve any issues that we mayhave had.
I just didn't want anotherfailed marriage and in my head I
knew Tom having an affair wasall my fault.
Somehow I was the blame.
If I could just be a betterwife, it would be fine, of
course.
For me, being a better wifemeant doing exactly what was

(02:33):
best for Tom and not for me.
And after Tom died, I regrettednot having that real
conversation, the one that weneeded to move past the affair
like we should have.
So, as a widow, I looked back onmy marriage and my life and,
even though I didn't want to saygoodbye to Tom, I thought I no

(02:58):
longer have to worry about beinga perfect wife.
It almost seemed like a relief,until one day I was forced to
take a good long look at myself.
My guilt surrounding Tom'sdeath was really getting to me.
Why wasn't I there when he died?

(03:18):
What did I do wrong as a wife?
Why did I constantly blamemyself for everything that went
wrong?
I had to look at who I wasbefore Tom.
With Tom and after Tom, I choseto go down a path of
self-discovery and was facedwith a version of myself that

(03:39):
was angry, abandoned, neglected,overlooked, mistreated,
unworthy and never good enough.
And, to my surprise, who I washad nothing to do with Tom.
That is why I say to you, myfriend this widowhood journey is

(04:01):
all about you, not the personyou lost.
Just as I've accepted the lossof my husband, tom, I've
accepted the loss of who I wasin my old life.
I'm never going to get thatperson back, and I'm okay with
it.
I don't want to be her anymore.

(04:23):
This new version of me is muchmore confident and stronger,
even though I can still fallback into old patterns sometimes
, but at least I acknowledge itand I'm working on it.
I will be the first person toadmit that I'm not perfect.
I make a lot of mistakes and Imay not even be the best widow

(04:48):
example, but I'm continuouslyworking on the person that I
want to be.
It's been a rough transitionand I still have a ways to go.
That's okay, because, after all, love is not dead.
Just my husband, thank you.