February 5, 2024 • 22 mins
Hey! Hi! It’s me MommaQueue. I welcome you to Moments in Queue ASMR episode. In this episode I will titilate your ear with my voice and random sounds.
In Queue today: 60 seconds of heaven > What’s going on > it’s giving > Let’s get it popping> and croak on the joke.
I am back! Catching up on viral moments from the end of 2023 til now. Then I get a lil serious talking about forgiveness versus justice so you can be an elevated ancestor.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
M O, double M A Q.
Double U E.
Double U E, that's my name.
Mamma Q.
M O, double M A Q.
Double U E, double U E, that'smy name.
Mamma Q, say it faster or slow,don't really matter, though the
(00:21):
U E gets a minute tongue tizzy.
Yo hey, kinda dizzy bro.
Who is she?
Mama Q?
Mama gave birth little ways, nogirth, 60 years ago.
No, I don't want more.
Q is a line and I tried toalign this double end to hundred
petty ha ha.
It's one of my modules.
Mama Q, I'm the first one inand the first one out.
(00:42):
Memphis Tend to Key is mywhereabouts.
Don't complain.
Main saying stick it to onetopic.
I reply your mind is verymyopic with mama Q.
You need better optist pickingand choosing to copy me.
Are you inspired?
Definitely, no need to whispergracefully.
I like it better off key.
Now let's see.
Do you remember me?
M-o-w-m-a-q-d-u-u-e-d-a-w-ethat's my name, mama Q.
(01:09):
M-o-w-m-a-q-d-u-u-e-d-a-w-ethat's my name, mama Q.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Hi, it's me, Mama Q.
I welcome you to Moments in QASMR episode.
In this episode I willtitillate your ear with my voice
and random sounds In Q today,60 seconds of having what's
going on.
It's giving let's get itpopping, and growl on the joke.
What's going on?
(02:44):
In this segment I tell youwhat's going on in my life since
last episode.
Well y'all, there's not toomuch to share.
Yeah, I know I've been gonesince November.
(03:05):
After my truck in divisionfailed, I had no choice but to
get a job.
So I'm currently in trainingfor my new job.
It's going well and I'm theonly woman that was hired.
The training is intense butwell worth it.
Shout out to the ancestors forhelping me secure the job During
this time away.
My boo thinkin' I am parked onview in the Marvel movies and TV
(03:28):
shows in timeline order.
We had to take a break andrewind.
After falconin' in the WinterSoldier, disney added the
Defenders timeline, so currentlywe are on season one of Iron
Fist.
My mini-me had her birthday, soI gotta update my intro song
cause, wow, she's 17.
Time has flown by, alright,that's all that I got on with
(03:52):
the show.
Let's get it popping.
I blow out the bubblessurrounding pop culture, and I
talk about it.
I've been gone for a minute andI missed all the interest and
think pieces, in my opinion,that no one asks for From.
(04:14):
Is it Mr Simone Bowles or MrsJonathan Owens?
Cat would tell you a joke, butnot a lie.
I'm Barbies vs Hotties and mypersonal favorite are you the
shit or a fart?
2024 has been interesting asfuck thus far, and we're only in
month 2.
(04:34):
My short version take on allthis is from the astrology
people that said 2024 is theyear of the truth.
The medium version of it is asfollows as a woman that has
survived toxic and DVrelationships no, I won't go
into details at this time, Idon't want to trick you on my
(04:54):
first time being solo for theyear I have survivors killed For
the ladies and, yes, thisincludes trans women and
non-binary that are victims.
So me personally, when I hear aread about someone so partnered
trying to harm their partner, Iget pissed and sad, but I know
not everyone wants to be saved.
(05:16):
I want to save everyone, thoughI know how that makes me seem,
but I'm not arrogant.
I'm still in shock.
I found a healthy partner, so Ihope others can find one too,
because, yeah, if I can, you cantoo.
I know how like not the stupidbut lame and corny that may
(05:36):
sound, but I think I've saidthis before.
As someone who is polyamorousinto BDSM, I feel like my circle
of meeting potential love wouldbe just limited to my serve.
And then to find someone likemy boot-a-ang love of my Mifox
Trot life, it's like okay, sothere is hope.
(05:58):
So that's what I mean when Isay if I can make it, then I
feel like you know there couldbe somebody for someone else.
So the problem that I think iswhat's healthy to me might not
be healthy to someone else.
So I guess a better stance forme is if you like it, I love it.
(06:19):
On what is it?
On TikTok there was this womanwho had met I forgot her name, I
think it's April.
She had allegedly yeah, let'suse the word allegedly met her
fiance online in like 30 daysand stuff, and someone had found
(06:39):
out about it and allegedly herfiance ex-girlfriend had found
out about it and wanted to do acautionary tale and stuff.
And of course there's people inthe comments who are all like
yeah, you know, I met mysignificant other and we'd be
(07:00):
married this many years, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah.
And so for me, again, nobodyasks for my opinion as a
survivor I am always leery ofthose type of people, but at the
same time I can almostunderstand because, like my boo
thing and I, we hit it off greatand we've been tight ever since
(07:21):
, but like we like what he toldme, he let me with like three
months into the relationship orwhatever, and like he's never
violated my trust or anythinglike that.
So for me, what I think it isis that yes, there are these
one-off situations wheresomebody can find someone that
(07:41):
they love and it seems to begoing to go fast.
But I think the differencebetween that is if someone is
love bombing you versus ifsomeone is like really loving
you and respecting you.
So, yeah, as an outsiderlooking in, I'm like I'm like,
I'm like I'm like I'm like I'mno-transcript.
I think her name, like I said,I think her name is April.
(08:02):
I'm like concerned about herand I know I shouldn't give a
shit or whatever, but it's likeyou know, like I said,
survivor's kill, but at the sametime, yeah, if you like it, I
love it.
So like that's how I feel aboutthat.
I went off on a tangent oh well, so yeah, if you like it, I
(08:22):
love it.
So moving on, when it comes tobeef, be it comedic or rap, I'm
here for the nonviolent drama.
Something about displaying yourcreativity and receipts give me
a little wet wet.
I get annoyed, though, becauseno matter what the responder
says, most people talk abouteverything, but it's what was
(08:42):
said, true or not.
Like, for example are you inthe Illuminati?
Did you steal that joke?
I don't care how much money youhave Versus Cat Williams, I
don't care if you got a movieout.
Did you wear the dress?
And usually survey will say yes, ding, ding, ding.
It continues to bout for me howsome survivors dig on
(09:03):
non-survivors.
That's that brainwashing to me.
I remember years ago I feltlike old girl from basketball
wise wasn't allegedly abusedfrom Tyrell Owens Because she
got headbutted.
I was slick, offended becauseof what I endured was more than
just a headbutt, but I've beenchanged, because headbutts get
(09:25):
turned into so much more.
So when I learned about Nikkiallegedly being a pig, me and
laughing at Meg, I'm like errr.
Or allegedly not telling thebarbs to stop doxing people.
They disagree or you're gonnabe behind bars.
It's disturbing Like this iswhen real life can make you turn
into a speed bump too, and Ifeel like the world is really
(09:48):
fulfilling the movie Idiocracy,I think that's how you pronounce
it.
So yesterday I was at Tarjag.
It was a long ass line.
When we came in, my partner andI were very confused Like why
is there a long line to get tothe self checkout when the other
lines that have cashiers arenot full?
So when we were done shoppingwe saw the line and bypassed it
(10:12):
to have a human check us out.
This cashier near us screamedline one is open, line one is
open, line one is open.
Like three times I was soconfused Like some of y'all are
near line one but you're in theline for self checkout.
A customer was annoyed becausepeople got out of the self
checkout line to go to numberone and somehow she felt like
(10:36):
she got skipped.
Like what?
You decided to stay in the selfcheckout line.
These folks got out of the selfcheckout line to go to see a
cashier.
How did they skip you?
I say all that to say at the endof the day, are you gonna stay
uninformed in a long linewaiting to do unpaid labor or
(10:56):
checking yourself out withoutfirst verifying what this long
line is?
Or are you gonna make your owndecision to stay in the long ass
line Cause you've been waitingthis long, even though you see
cashier lines are shorter?
Consider it's giving.
I'm giving you theencouragement to make it through
(11:17):
the week.
Let's tackle eating thatelephant together, one bite at a
time.
So I realized that I wassupposed to do this one first,
but some way, somehow, I don'tknow, shut up to the ancestors,
I end up doing the popping onefirst and I'm not gonna copy and
paste it and cut it, so youwill deal All right.
(11:42):
So, justice versus forgiveness.
Months ago, many me had areading with my mentor, an
Ancestor that's Isn't elevatedbecause she won't forgive the
guy that allegedly killed her.
Pamela instructed us that wecan't have her assist us with
anything here going on, like youknow, jobs or protection or
(12:06):
anything like that, because herenergy would be chaotic Because
it's not directed in the properplace.
The one thing Pamela said thatstuck out was forgiveness and
justice are not the same thing.
It was instructed that we tryto encourage her to forgive the
man.
It got me thinking about familymembers.
So I'm not able to forgive yetand I want to be an elevated
(12:29):
ancestor and I really don't knowwhat to do about that, um,
because you know, like I'm stilllearning about who do,
obviously, and I know that somepeople try to break their
generational Curses and I dounderstand that there are some
ancestors out there I assume forme but also could be for others
(12:50):
that might need some healingand some assistance and stuff,
and so what comes with that isthat they're still elevated and
I know some ancestors who, whenthey were here, they treated me
a certain way and I was veryshocked and surprised that some
of them were elevated.
So obviously I don't know ingreat detail, like what's the
(13:14):
rule break to be a Honorable andenlightened ancestor?
Not, but I know that when thetime comes I definitely want to
be one.
And it's like difficult for meto.
If what's holding me back isforgiveness, because I think
about all the things that thewoman that gave birth to me did
to me In my life and I'm havingdifficulty For giving her.
(13:39):
I remember, um, I had mistakenlycalled her mom.
So for some reason oh sorry, Iapologize, I'm mistaken called
her mom in a text message Withmy dad and my mini me, and so
she ended up telling my sisterash about it and thought we were
making progress and I'm like no, it just would have been weird
(14:02):
to say dad and insert her namehere.
So I said parents or mom orsome shit like that, and like
that's cute and all that she'strying.
But what really bothers me, atleast in my experience with
people, is they always want totry and do better, but rarely do
(14:24):
they ever want to apologize forwhat they did, as if, like
being nice Um can atone for theshit that you did.
You know what I'm saying.
For me, okay, child abuse iswhat I feel like I endured from
her and, of course, people olderthan me, younger or whatever
We'll say.
All that wasn't child abuse,but because back in my days this
(14:48):
happened, it was much worsethan you.
Hey, you know, like I said inthe previous segment that you
know, thank goodness for change,where I no longer am trying to
compare what abuse is to mine,because it's not what they call
it the, the third olympics Iforgot, but something, something
(15:09):
, olympics.
It's not that we shouldn't becompeting for old edit words, we
should just know that it's notgood.
So that's one of the reasonsand I'm pretty sure I've said
this before Is that I try myabsolute best to educate my
ancestors as much as I can so Ican, like, help them to new
verbiage and technology and adifferent thinking, a different
(15:34):
process of thinking about things.
Then what was probablyavailable to them when they were
here?
For example, I remember likeGrowing up believing dead oh,
this trigger warning.
So I had looked at Revenge ofthe nerds and there was a time
(15:58):
when one of the nerds was withthe cheerleader and she thought
that that was her significantother and so she consented.
But she didn't.
She consented, thinking thatthat was her significant other,
not the nerd, right?
And so Growing up younger, whenI saw that I thought that was
(16:20):
pretty cute and hot.
But as I learned, like, oh no,cuz she, like I just said,
consented to her Partner, notthe nerd, and you know she was
okay with it, all this otherstuff.
So it's like again, justspeaking about me and the
thought process that I had whenI was younger, up into now I've
(16:41):
changed and, yes, a lot ofpeople which it aggravates me,
but a lot of people don't wantto change, don't want to learn
new verbiage, don't want totreat people better, they just
want everything to be status quoand stuff and, like I said, I
don't like that and I Think thebest way for people, in my
(17:01):
opinion, to change is, of course, change behavior, but also to
apologize, cuz, oh my gosh again, the woman that gave birth to
me has done a whole lot to me,and our final straw was when she
got the police on me and so aredoing that.
I just I don't know if I canever forgive her, and Even if
(17:23):
she would apologize, I don'tknow if I could forgive that
either, because, like, as thesaying goes, when someone shows
you who they are, you believethem.
So to me, over the past 40years, she show me what kind of
person she is, and so to me, itwould be foolish for me to
believe her that she's gonnachange or she's gonna do better,
(17:45):
which also remind me of I gotinto it, I think, yeah, I got
into it with my dad, second wifeor whatever, and I'm proud of
myself for not telling the restof my siblings and my boo think
he was there.
He tried to calm me down, but Irefuse, and so, like the type
(18:07):
of personality my dad, secondwife have, I know what kind of
person she is I don't like beingaround her, and this is one of
the many reasons I I don't, andso my aunt that was on the
podcast had felt like I'mputting my dad in and um awkward
situation, and it's like Ipersonally feel like I'm not,
(18:29):
because I'm not making himchoose.
I feel like what I'm doing isgiving him Options where we can
have a great relationship thatdoesn't involve her, and for me,
I don't like how there's thisthought process that everybody's
supposed to like and loveeverybody, or people who are
certain Um relatives, aresupposed to get a certain amount
(18:50):
of respect, because, you know,people always be like you only
have one parent.
Well, that parent only has onemom accused.
What are we really doing?
So I haven't had a chance toreally talk to my therapist
about it, but after that readingand hearing those words from
Pamela about forgiveness andjustice again, it's gonna be a
(19:13):
slow process, for sure, but likeI'm gonna try, I'm gonna try to
forgive or whatever.
So, um, I know this gonna seemso dumb, but y'all will be okay.
So the dictionary says forgivehere's the definition to stop
feeling angry or resentfultowards someone for defense,
(19:36):
flaw or mistake, and justice isa Behavior or treatment and I
don't like that as a definitionOkay, the quality of being fair
and reasonable and stuff.
So, like, I know it seems like,but yeah, it was just difficult
(19:57):
for me, like I said during thereading, to be like how can you
forgive someone and steal, umboth, justice for them?
And, like I said, let meunderstand that you can forgive
someone for the things that theydid and you can still ask the
(20:19):
universe, god, the creator, theancestors, to have that person
seek justice.
But, you know, when it comes tobeing stressed out, some of
these things can weigh on yourheart and stuff.
So, again, again, I'm stillgoing to be a working progress
every day of the day, to evolve,but I don't know.
(20:43):
So, anyway, I say all that tosay that I want to encourage you
to, at your own pace, if youwant to forgive people because,
as we know, forgiveness is foryou.
It's difficult and I ain'tthere yet, but I hope to be one
day.
Um, having that type of thoughtprocess, definitely, so I can
(21:04):
become an honorable andenlightened ancestor.
Croak on the choke that's whereI give you my bestest joke and
we laugh together, or not?
Today's joke, you are allowedto jump to conclusions.
It's a leap here.
It's a leap here, february 29th2024.
(21:27):
Well, guess, that's my cue toleave.
M O, double M A Q.
Double U E.
Double U E, that's my name.
Mamma Q.
M O, double M A Q.
Double U E, double U E, that'smy name.
Mamma Q, say it faster or slow,don't really matter, though the
(00:21):
U E gets a minute tongue tizzy.
Yo hey, kinda dizzy bro.
Who is she?
Mama Q?
Mama gave birth little ways, nogirth, 60 years ago.
No, I don't want more.
Q is a line and I tried toalign this double end to hundred
petty ha ha.
It's one of my modules.
Mama Q, I'm the first one inand the first one out.
(00:42):
Memphis Tend to Key is mywhereabouts.
Don't complain.
Main saying stick it to onetopic.
I reply your mind is verymyopic with mama Q.
You need better optist pickingand choosing to copy me.
Are you inspired?
Definitely, no need to whispergracefully.
I like it better off key.
Now let's see.
Do you remember me?
M-o-w-m-a-q-d-u-u-e-d-a-w-ethat's my name, mama Q.
(01:09):
M-o-w-m-a-q-d-u-u-e-d-a-w-ethat's my name, mama Q.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Hi, it's me, Mama Q.
I welcome you to Moments in QASMR episode.
In this episode I willtitillate your ear with my voice
and random sounds In Q today,60 seconds of having what's
going on.
It's giving let's get itpopping, and growl on the joke.
What's going on?
(02:44):
In this segment I tell youwhat's going on in my life since
last episode.
Well y'all, there's not toomuch to share.
Yeah, I know I've been gonesince November.
(03:05):
After my truck in divisionfailed, I had no choice but to
get a job.
So I'm currently in trainingfor my new job.
It's going well and I'm theonly woman that was hired.
The training is intense butwell worth it.
Shout out to the ancestors forhelping me secure the job During
this time away.
My boo thinkin' I am parked onview in the Marvel movies and TV
(03:28):
shows in timeline order.
We had to take a break andrewind.
After falconin' in the WinterSoldier, disney added the
Defenders timeline, so currentlywe are on season one of Iron
Fist.
My mini-me had her birthday, soI gotta update my intro song
cause, wow, she's 17.
Time has flown by, alright,that's all that I got on with
(03:52):
the show.
Let's get it popping.
I blow out the bubblessurrounding pop culture, and I
talk about it.
I've been gone for a minute andI missed all the interest and
think pieces, in my opinion,that no one asks for From.
(04:14):
Is it Mr Simone Bowles or MrsJonathan Owens?
Cat would tell you a joke, butnot a lie.
I'm Barbies vs Hotties and mypersonal favorite are you the
shit or a fart?
2024 has been interesting asfuck thus far, and we're only in
month 2.
(04:34):
My short version take on allthis is from the astrology
people that said 2024 is theyear of the truth.
The medium version of it is asfollows as a woman that has
survived toxic and DVrelationships no, I won't go
into details at this time, Idon't want to trick you on my
(04:54):
first time being solo for theyear I have survivors killed For
the ladies and, yes, thisincludes trans women and
non-binary that are victims.
So me personally, when I hear aread about someone so partnered
trying to harm their partner, Iget pissed and sad, but I know
not everyone wants to be saved.
(05:16):
I want to save everyone, thoughI know how that makes me seem,
but I'm not arrogant.
I'm still in shock.
I found a healthy partner, so Ihope others can find one too,
because, yeah, if I can, you cantoo.
I know how like not the stupidbut lame and corny that may
(05:36):
sound, but I think I've saidthis before.
As someone who is polyamorousinto BDSM, I feel like my circle
of meeting potential love wouldbe just limited to my serve.
And then to find someone likemy boot-a-ang love of my Mifox
Trot life, it's like okay, sothere is hope.
(05:58):
So that's what I mean when Isay if I can make it, then I
feel like you know there couldbe somebody for someone else.
So the problem that I think iswhat's healthy to me might not
be healthy to someone else.
So I guess a better stance forme is if you like it, I love it.
(06:19):
On what is it?
On TikTok there was this womanwho had met I forgot her name, I
think it's April.
She had allegedly yeah, let'suse the word allegedly met her
fiance online in like 30 daysand stuff, and someone had found
(06:39):
out about it and allegedly herfiance ex-girlfriend had found
out about it and wanted to do acautionary tale and stuff.
And of course there's people inthe comments who are all like
yeah, you know, I met mysignificant other and we'd be
(07:00):
married this many years, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah.
And so for me, again, nobodyasks for my opinion as a
survivor I am always leery ofthose type of people, but at the
same time I can almostunderstand because, like my boo
thing and I, we hit it off greatand we've been tight ever since
(07:21):
, but like we like what he toldme, he let me with like three
months into the relationship orwhatever, and like he's never
violated my trust or anythinglike that.
So for me, what I think it isis that yes, there are these
one-off situations wheresomebody can find someone that
(07:41):
they love and it seems to begoing to go fast.
But I think the differencebetween that is if someone is
love bombing you versus ifsomeone is like really loving
you and respecting you.
So, yeah, as an outsiderlooking in, I'm like I'm like,
I'm like I'm like I'm like I'mno-transcript.
I think her name, like I said,I think her name is April.
(08:02):
I'm like concerned about herand I know I shouldn't give a
shit or whatever, but it's likeyou know, like I said,
survivor's kill, but at the sametime, yeah, if you like it, I
love it.
So like that's how I feel aboutthat.
I went off on a tangent oh well, so yeah, if you like it, I
(08:22):
love it.
So moving on, when it comes tobeef, be it comedic or rap, I'm
here for the nonviolent drama.
Something about displaying yourcreativity and receipts give me
a little wet wet.
I get annoyed, though, becauseno matter what the responder
says, most people talk abouteverything, but it's what was
(08:42):
said, true or not.
Like, for example are you inthe Illuminati?
Did you steal that joke?
I don't care how much money youhave Versus Cat Williams, I
don't care if you got a movieout.
Did you wear the dress?
And usually survey will say yes, ding, ding, ding.
It continues to bout for me howsome survivors dig on
(09:03):
non-survivors.
That's that brainwashing to me.
I remember years ago I feltlike old girl from basketball
wise wasn't allegedly abusedfrom Tyrell Owens Because she
got headbutted.
I was slick, offended becauseof what I endured was more than
just a headbutt, but I've beenchanged, because headbutts get
(09:25):
turned into so much more.
So when I learned about Nikkiallegedly being a pig, me and
laughing at Meg, I'm like errr.
Or allegedly not telling thebarbs to stop doxing people.
They disagree or you're gonnabe behind bars.
It's disturbing Like this iswhen real life can make you turn
into a speed bump too, and Ifeel like the world is really
(09:48):
fulfilling the movie Idiocracy,I think that's how you pronounce
it.
So yesterday I was at Tarjag.
It was a long ass line.
When we came in, my partner andI were very confused Like why
is there a long line to get tothe self checkout when the other
lines that have cashiers arenot full?
So when we were done shoppingwe saw the line and bypassed it
(10:12):
to have a human check us out.
This cashier near us screamedline one is open, line one is
open, line one is open.
Like three times I was soconfused Like some of y'all are
near line one but you're in theline for self checkout.
A customer was annoyed becausepeople got out of the self
checkout line to go to numberone and somehow she felt like
(10:36):
she got skipped.
Like what?
You decided to stay in the selfcheckout line.
These folks got out of the selfcheckout line to go to see a
cashier.
How did they skip you?
I say all that to say at the endof the day, are you gonna stay
uninformed in a long linewaiting to do unpaid labor or
(10:56):
checking yourself out withoutfirst verifying what this long
line is?
Or are you gonna make your owndecision to stay in the long ass
line Cause you've been waitingthis long, even though you see
cashier lines are shorter?
Consider it's giving.
I'm giving you theencouragement to make it through
(11:17):
the week.
Let's tackle eating thatelephant together, one bite at a
time.
So I realized that I wassupposed to do this one first,
but some way, somehow, I don'tknow, shut up to the ancestors,
I end up doing the popping onefirst and I'm not gonna copy and
paste it and cut it, so youwill deal All right.
(11:42):
So, justice versus forgiveness.
Months ago, many me had areading with my mentor, an
Ancestor that's Isn't elevatedbecause she won't forgive the
guy that allegedly killed her.
Pamela instructed us that wecan't have her assist us with
anything here going on, like youknow, jobs or protection or
(12:06):
anything like that, because herenergy would be chaotic Because
it's not directed in the properplace.
The one thing Pamela said thatstuck out was forgiveness and
justice are not the same thing.
It was instructed that we tryto encourage her to forgive the
man.
It got me thinking about familymembers.
So I'm not able to forgive yetand I want to be an elevated
(12:29):
ancestor and I really don't knowwhat to do about that, um,
because you know, like I'm stilllearning about who do,
obviously, and I know that somepeople try to break their
generational Curses and I dounderstand that there are some
ancestors out there I assume forme but also could be for others
(12:50):
that might need some healingand some assistance and stuff,
and so what comes with that isthat they're still elevated and
I know some ancestors who, whenthey were here, they treated me
a certain way and I was veryshocked and surprised that some
of them were elevated.
So obviously I don't know ingreat detail, like what's the
(13:14):
rule break to be a Honorable andenlightened ancestor?
Not, but I know that when thetime comes I definitely want to
be one.
And it's like difficult for meto.
If what's holding me back isforgiveness, because I think
about all the things that thewoman that gave birth to me did
to me In my life and I'm havingdifficulty For giving her.
(13:39):
I remember, um, I had mistakenlycalled her mom.
So for some reason oh sorry, Iapologize, I'm mistaken called
her mom in a text message Withmy dad and my mini me, and so
she ended up telling my sisterash about it and thought we were
making progress and I'm like no, it just would have been weird
(14:02):
to say dad and insert her namehere.
So I said parents or mom orsome shit like that, and like
that's cute and all that she'strying.
But what really bothers me, atleast in my experience with
people, is they always want totry and do better, but rarely do
(14:24):
they ever want to apologize forwhat they did, as if, like
being nice Um can atone for theshit that you did.
You know what I'm saying.
For me, okay, child abuse iswhat I feel like I endured from
her and, of course, people olderthan me, younger or whatever
We'll say.
All that wasn't child abuse,but because back in my days this
(14:48):
happened, it was much worsethan you.
Hey, you know, like I said inthe previous segment that you
know, thank goodness for change,where I no longer am trying to
compare what abuse is to mine,because it's not what they call
it the, the third olympics Iforgot, but something, something
(15:09):
, olympics.
It's not that we shouldn't becompeting for old edit words, we
should just know that it's notgood.
So that's one of the reasonsand I'm pretty sure I've said
this before Is that I try myabsolute best to educate my
ancestors as much as I can so Ican, like, help them to new
verbiage and technology and adifferent thinking, a different
(15:34):
process of thinking about things.
Then what was probablyavailable to them when they were
here?
For example, I remember likeGrowing up believing dead oh,
this trigger warning.
So I had looked at Revenge ofthe nerds and there was a time
(15:58):
when one of the nerds was withthe cheerleader and she thought
that that was her significantother and so she consented.
But she didn't.
She consented, thinking thatthat was her significant other,
not the nerd, right?
And so Growing up younger, whenI saw that I thought that was
(16:20):
pretty cute and hot.
But as I learned, like, oh no,cuz she, like I just said,
consented to her Partner, notthe nerd, and you know she was
okay with it, all this otherstuff.
So it's like again, justspeaking about me and the
thought process that I had whenI was younger, up into now I've
(16:41):
changed and, yes, a lot ofpeople which it aggravates me,
but a lot of people don't wantto change, don't want to learn
new verbiage, don't want totreat people better, they just
want everything to be status quoand stuff and, like I said, I
don't like that and I Think thebest way for people, in my
(17:01):
opinion, to change is, of course, change behavior, but also to
apologize, cuz, oh my gosh again, the woman that gave birth to
me has done a whole lot to me,and our final straw was when she
got the police on me and so aredoing that.
I just I don't know if I canever forgive her, and Even if
(17:23):
she would apologize, I don'tknow if I could forgive that
either, because, like, as thesaying goes, when someone shows
you who they are, you believethem.
So to me, over the past 40years, she show me what kind of
person she is, and so to me, itwould be foolish for me to
believe her that she's gonnachange or she's gonna do better,
(17:45):
which also remind me of I gotinto it, I think, yeah, I got
into it with my dad, second wifeor whatever, and I'm proud of
myself for not telling the restof my siblings and my boo think
he was there.
He tried to calm me down, but Irefuse, and so, like the type
(18:07):
of personality my dad, secondwife have, I know what kind of
person she is I don't like beingaround her, and this is one of
the many reasons I I don't, andso my aunt that was on the
podcast had felt like I'mputting my dad in and um awkward
situation, and it's like Ipersonally feel like I'm not,
(18:29):
because I'm not making himchoose.
I feel like what I'm doing isgiving him Options where we can
have a great relationship thatdoesn't involve her, and for me,
I don't like how there's thisthought process that everybody's
supposed to like and loveeverybody, or people who are
certain Um relatives, aresupposed to get a certain amount
(18:50):
of respect, because, you know,people always be like you only
have one parent.
Well, that parent only has onemom accused.
What are we really doing?
So I haven't had a chance toreally talk to my therapist
about it, but after that readingand hearing those words from
Pamela about forgiveness andjustice again, it's gonna be a
(19:13):
slow process, for sure, but likeI'm gonna try, I'm gonna try to
forgive or whatever.
So, um, I know this gonna seemso dumb, but y'all will be okay.
So the dictionary says forgivehere's the definition to stop
feeling angry or resentfultowards someone for defense,
(19:36):
flaw or mistake, and justice isa Behavior or treatment and I
don't like that as a definitionOkay, the quality of being fair
and reasonable and stuff.
So, like, I know it seems like,but yeah, it was just difficult
(19:57):
for me, like I said during thereading, to be like how can you
forgive someone and steal, umboth, justice for them?
And, like I said, let meunderstand that you can forgive
someone for the things that theydid and you can still ask the
(20:19):
universe, god, the creator, theancestors, to have that person
seek justice.
But, you know, when it comes tobeing stressed out, some of
these things can weigh on yourheart and stuff.
So, again, again, I'm stillgoing to be a working progress
every day of the day, to evolve,but I don't know.
(20:43):
So, anyway, I say all that tosay that I want to encourage you
to, at your own pace, if youwant to forgive people because,
as we know, forgiveness is foryou.
It's difficult and I ain'tthere yet, but I hope to be one
day.
Um, having that type of thoughtprocess, definitely, so I can
(21:04):
become an honorable andenlightened ancestor.
Croak on the choke that's whereI give you my bestest joke and
we laugh together, or not?
Today's joke, you are allowedto jump to conclusions.
It's a leap here.
It's a leap here, february 29th2024.
(21:27):
Well, guess, that's my cue toleave.
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