March 22, 2025 • 40 mins
In this empowering episode of My Best Shift, guest Hady Mendez shares her journey of resilience, self-advocacy, and entrepreneurship with host Chantée L. Christian.
Hady opens up about the systemic challenges women of color face in the workplace, from pay disparities to being labeled “disruptive” for speaking up. She discusses how bravery isn’t a one-time event but an ongoing practice of stepping into discomfort, navigating challenges with courage, and advocating for oneself.
Tune in to hear Hady’s inspiring transition from corporate DEI leadership to founding Boldly Speaking, and the role self-awareness and personal growth have played in her journey.
This conversation is a must-listen for anyone looking to embrace their power, protect their peace, and redefine their career path.
Connect with Hady via LinkedIn | Substack | Website.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Chantée Christian (00:03):
Welcome to the my Best SHIFT podcast.
I'm your host, ChantéeChristian.
In today's episode, I'll betalking about resilience and
self-advocacy with Hady.
Hi Hady, how are you doingtoday?
I'm doing okay.
Happy Friday, yes, happy Friday, or whatever day.
(00:24):
The good people listen to us.
Before we get too kicked offand into our conversation, why
don't you tell the people alittle bit about yourself?
Hady Mendez (00:32):
Okay, Hi everybody, Hi audience.
I'm Hady Mendez and my pronounsare she, her and hers.
I identify as a Latina and as awoman of color, and I am a
business owner.
That is my current occupationentrepreneur and founder CEO of
a company called Boldly Speaking, which I started almost a year
(00:53):
ago.
Believe it or not, it's almostmy one year anniversary, and I
started that business last yearwhen I got laid off from my job
in tech.
My most recent job in tech wasas head of equality at Slack,
and right now, Boldly Speakingis here to transform the
experience of women and peopleof color at work.
That's what I'm here to do, andhopefully I'm going to start
(01:16):
doing a lot more of it sometimesoon.
Chantée Christian (01:18):
I love that.
I love that.
Welcome to the show.
So I'm curious, becauseactually I'm not sure that I
know how did you come up withBoldly Speaking Like?
How did it come to fruition?
Hady Mendez (01:30):
The title, like the name or the business, both Okay
, so the name came from Chad GVT.
I was like what the speakerbusiness and I got like a list
of things and boldly speakingwas one of them and I'm like I
kind of like that and I have totell you and I think we'll get
into a little bit of my storytoday but I was not always
(01:53):
boldly speaking, I was theantithesis of that or the
opposite of that for quite sometime.
So I feel like it's a nod tothat transformation that even
I've experienced in my ownjourney and the one that I hope
that a lot of people experience.
And then the business itselfI'm doing speaking and then I'm
doing coaching for ERG leaders.
(02:15):
Those are the two things thatI'm most focused on.
You know I do some workshops.
You know it's all kind ofrelated and I started that
because I was doing actually alot of that when I was a DEI
practitioner and even before Iwas a DEI practitioner, I've
always been involved in ERGs.
I've always been a champion orsomeone who is advocating for
(02:35):
DEI at work and I was, you know,kind of always in that space If
there was ever an opportunityto speak at a conference or at a
company-wide event, I alwaysraised my hand, and so this
doing it professionally, gettingpaid to do it, working with
companies to do it made a lot ofsense as something that I could
quickly pivot to when I gotlaid off.
(02:56):
I needed to just find somethingto do, and I'm like I'm going
to do that.
Chantée Christian (02:59):
That's awesome.
I was literally just talking tosomeone about how we're in this
space right now whereentrepreneurship doesn't seem
like such a daunting task as itused to, only because we're in
spaces where it's more welcomedand it's more expected and kind
of just accepted.
So when you talk about yourstory and using your voice, the
(03:20):
part that we did not say in yourintro is that you are also an
author for Awareness Put Me On,and by the time that this airs,
awareness Put Me On will be outin the streets.
We are going to be able to gopurchase it, and in it you tell
us a little bit about your story, and so I'm curious as to how
(03:44):
parts of your story have reallyshaped your business.
Hady Mendez (03:49):
Yeah, I would say the important parts of my story
are the following One is that itwasn't going so well for me
early on and for quite some time.
I'm not going to you know, Ican't say exactly how long, but
it was a while before thatawareness came to me, that story
that I share.
It was quite some time into mycareer and I would say that I
(04:10):
had inklings of it early on, butlike there was proof and like
evidence at one point and thatkind of shifted everything and
really shifted how I started towalk in the world to walk in the
world.
But I would say that thatexperience is what I want to.
I want to shorten the timelinethat people have to have that
experience in their own journey.
(04:31):
So it's like do I want you toget 20 years into your journey
for you to figure out that thissystem is broken or there's some
injustice or there's inequities?
No, I don't want you to wait 20years to find that out.
I'd rather you just know itwhen you start and then
immediately start to implementsome of the things that are
going to help you in spite ofthat.
So I feel like there is adirect correlation between the
(04:55):
story that I share, which I youknow my lived experience and my
business, which is I want to getthe word out now.
I want people to know thisearly on.
I want people to not also feelhopeless.
And so this awareness, it's ascary thing.
It's like, oh my goodness, likethis is not fair.
We get paid less, we don't getpromoted as much as other people
(05:16):
.
There's a lot of things that weexperience as women of color,
and that's kind of the contextas women of color.
These things happen and itcould be daunting.
You could just be like sowhat's the point?
And just like, give up.
And what I'm trying toencourage my readers and people
that I talk to more broadlythrough the work that I do is no
, we're not going to give up.
(05:36):
This is the situation, this isthe reality.
But there's options for us andhere are some of the options
that have worked for me and Ioffer them to you.
It's my gift to you, you know,and hopefully we can collaborate
and come up with more ways toeven be more successful in spite
of the brokenness of the system, yeah, and I think that that's
(05:57):
really powerful, especially as awoman and as women of color.
Chantée Christian (06:00):
Right, because there's so much right
now going on around this idea ofa glass ceiling and a glass
cliff and what it looks like tobe able to support or not
support us in spaces and toreally advocate for ourselves,
right, and advocate forourselves in a way that it
shakes the system up, but alsounderstanding the ecosystem to
(06:23):
which we're a part of, right,and I think that for me, one of
the biggest challenges was thatI had to really get comfortable
with the fact that the systemwasn't built for me to succeed
and I still can succeed.
Amen, that's it At that part,yeah.
(06:46):
And so I think that for me,when I think about how you have
transitioned into your companyand your business and how you
want to help people,specifically women and people of
color, it reminds me that thereare spaces within the ecosystem
that can support the systemwhen the system is amenable to
it, because that's the numberone thing, right, the system has
to be amenable to it or nothingwill shift or change.
(07:09):
Very interesting.
What is something curious?
I've had this wholeintrospective space lately.
Obviously, I'm in anintrospective space with the
authors.
I'm in one with myself.
I'm just kind of curious.
Hady Mendez (07:23):
Why do you think that is?
Because I feel like I'm everyday, I'm in one with myself and
just I'm just kind of curious.
Why do you think that is?
Because I feel like I'm everyday, I'm like having these
moments of like wow, and I'mlike what is happening in my
life right now?
What do you think that's about?
You think it's a season?
Chantée Christian (07:35):
Well, I think it's a few things right.
I think for me it's you know,realize what you're starting
until you're in it.
And so I feel like, with thisbook, right, something for me is
that almost all the authorsbefore you all submitted to the
editors.
I read your chapters, whichmeant I was on a journey with
(07:57):
you and I'm on my own journey,right, because this whole thing
is like a dream that was in ajournal that was not supposed to
see the light of day.
In my opinion and that's thething that I love most about
awareness it's like asearchlight to me.
I think of awareness like asearchlight.
(08:17):
So once the light is lookingand finds a little piece, just a
little itty bitty piece, ofsomething it thinks it can shine
on, it won't let go.
And I feel like everything nowis like oh, that too, that too,
that too.
And I think the power of it isrealizing that, yes, you can
(08:39):
have a lot of awareness, butwhat do you do with it once you
find out?
And that's where the magichappens.
And so sometimes I think that,or myself I'll say, but
sometimes the awareness is sooverwhelming that I don't want
to do anything with it and I canacknowledge it, like okay, I
see that this is a thing,something that I'm going to work
(09:00):
on just not right now, becauseI'm working on 20 other things,
and I mean personal self thingsand so I think that there's some
power in recognizing how theyplay a part in how we're seeing
things Right.
So, for example, you wrote yourchapter.
How many rounds of edits,roughly, did you go through?
Hady Mendez (09:21):
Oh my goodness.
So, officially, two rounds, butI looked at that chapter every
day.
I couldn't read it anymore.
I'm going to be honest with you.
It was like I couldn't.
It was like every time I lookedat it I changed something else
and it was really feeling likethat wasn't healthy.
So I was like I'm done, I feellike I'm going to trust the
universe that this is, and Ifelt good.
(09:43):
And can I share a story thathappened with the chapter?
Yeah, so I'll tell yousomething really interesting.
I wrote the first draft a longtime ago and, you know,
circulated it to a bunch offamily and friends and I got
good feedback and you know I wasfeeling pretty comfortable with
it and we know, because you andI both have been through the
journey together, that it's gonethrough some iterations and
(10:03):
it's in a much better place andI'm really happy and proud of it
right now and just feel reallygood about it.
But even when it was in its rawform, it actually inspired me.
There was something that washappening to me and I reread my
chapter and my chapter inspiredme to take an action that I had
never taken before.
Pretty good litmus test of like.
(10:25):
I think I got it.
I think I'm onto something here.
This is powerful stuff, becauseit even inspired me to do
something different that I hadnever done.
Chantée Christian (10:34):
I'm like, are you going to tell us what the
thing was or how we got it?
I'm like, is this something wehave to wait for?
What?
Hady Mendez (10:40):
was it?
I'll tell you what it was.
I think you know what it is butI'll share with the audience.
So I was interviewing with thecompany and it was a company
that I was really excited towork for and it was a really
great role and it's a very greatcompany and I just thought it
was all the way around going tobe a win-win.
And I ended up having like ameeting with the senior leaders
(11:00):
in this company, kind of like acoffee date, and you know I
guess you know we're checkingeach other out and everything
and I walked away from thatmeeting feeling really depleted
and really disappointed and notvery appreciated by the company.
I just kind of felt like youknow, it wasn't a good feeling,
Like I wasn't like yay, this isgreat, this is going to go
(11:22):
somewhere, wonderful and andthat's what I expected.
But I left that meeting feelingreally depleted and so
disappointed that it didn't looklike this was going to work out
for me and I had to decide,like, do I keep going in the
interviews or not?
And I was already told that Iwas proceeding to the next round
.
But like that didn't bring mejoy or excitement because I was
(11:45):
so down from the interactionsand some of the things, the red
flags that surfaced during thecoffee date, and so, after
reading my chapter, I decided towithdraw from the process, and
in my whole career I've neverdone that, because I'm one of
those people that's like it'llwork out.
You know, let's just keeptrying.
I always want the best.
(12:05):
I'll hope for the best, and youknow, I think it was a
conversation with you.
Quite frankly, One of thequestions you asked was like,
well, do you think it's going toget better?
I said that was a good questionbecause in fact I did not.
I mean, the interview processis the honeymoon period.
If that's not, if it ain'tgoing that well, then I can't
(12:28):
expect much better after.
So I had to withdraw from a jobthat I really wanted, but I had
to do it because I had to standup for myself.
That was self-advocacy in thatmoment, and that's what I write
about, and that's what I talkabout, and so everything is
related.
It's like this whole fullcircle moment and I'm so happy
for me, I'm so happy that Iinspired me.
Chantée Christian (12:45):
I love that there's so much power in what I
heard you say, because gettingyour story out allowed you to
remember, to live in the momentof your truth.
It's so easy for us to getcaught up in the moment of your
truth.
It's so easy for us to getcaught up in the moment of what
could happen versus what'sactually happening, and then,
(13:09):
after it's happened, we're likeshit, maybe I could have did
this or I should have said that.
And so what I heard was thatyou took a beat and you were
reinvigorated to say you knowwhat?
No, this is actually not a goodfit for me and I'm perfectly OK
with saying no, thank you yeah.
Hady Mendez (13:30):
And I kind of felt like I had to practice what I
was preaching.
Like here I'm telling myaudience, the audience hey, you
got to be bold, you got to standup for yourself, you have to
know what your worth is, youhave to make choices that are
good for you.
And then I'm sitting there inthis interview and being like,
oh well, maybe it'll get better,and I'm like, no, I got to walk
(13:54):
the walk.
Chantée Christian (13:56):
So that was a very powerful moment for me and
I love that because it's likewhat's more dope than honoring
yourself?
Hady Mendez (14:05):
Not that many things, as it turns out.
Chantée Christian (14:07):
I mean honestly, it's really not and,
again, by the time this airs, itwon't be that day.
However, today is WorldCompliment Day, and I think that
it is so important to rememberthat sometimes we have to
compliment ourselves, and to me,you sharing that story right
(14:27):
and that experience is that youare literally complimenting the
fact that you talk about a thingyou do and walk and live in the
experience of it.
No one's got it all figured out.
No matter what they talk about,I love Brene Brown to pieces,
and one of the things that makesher so powerful to me is that
(14:50):
she openly talks about how she'sworking through her own shame,
her own guilt, her ownvulnerability, practicing as a
parent, all the things, and so Ithink that it's important for
people to remember that, justbecause someone is an expert,
that they too are going throughthe thing.
Hady Mendez (15:11):
Yeah, and I feel like it's important to like I
have had brave moments, but likeI have to always be brave.
It's not just have a bravemoment, it's like I have to be
brave and being brave means as Iwalk through the world.
There's going to be differenttimes where I'm going to be
called on to be brave and I havea choice to step into it or not
.
But anyway, like I just feellike this experience, this
(15:34):
writing and reflecting and allof that has been a reminder that
I'm not done being brave.
It's a everyday type ofopportunity.
Chantée Christian (15:44):
Yeah, it's an everyday opportunity and it is
to me it's almost just likebrushing your teeth in the
morning and washing your face.
It is something that, whileit's a choice, it's also part of
your every day, and sometimesit looks different.
(16:06):
Sometimes being brave isstanding up and saying no, thank
you, and sometimes being braveis sitting back and observing
and saying I think that I'mgoing to go write a letter,
we're going to change somethingabout this.
Hady Mendez (16:20):
Well, and the other thing about being brave and I
recently talked about this onLinkedIn, where, you know, I
share a lot of content there andI was talking about fertile
soil and when you self-advocate,the best scenario is that the
person you're having theconversation with is open to the
conversation and that it's safeand that you know there's a
mutual like desire to get to abetter place.
(16:41):
And so sometimes, being brave,I get really good outcomes and
I'm like, oh, that's easy, I canbe brave all the time.
And then sometimes I'm braveand like I get my hand slapped
and I'm like, oh, I forgot thatthat could happen too, because
it's not always the same outcome.
That's also something toconsider, because we take the
step but we don't know what theoutcome is going to be, and
(17:03):
sometimes it could be a reallypositive experience and it's so
rewarding and it's reallyencouraging.
And you're like, wow, yeah, Ishould have.
Why didn't I do this before?
Like, look at the outcome.
It was amazing.
I could think about, like, whenI've advocated for myself at
work and I had a manager thatwas like thank you, appreciate
it, I understand and I'm goingto do better, and I'm like, wow,
trust me.
I've had other reactions too,which were not good, and then I
(17:26):
get triggered when things don'tgo well.
Then I get triggered and then Iget scared again and then I
want to be a cocoon and I wantto not be brave.
So this is definitely a work inprogress and I would say that
that's probably.
I didn't talk about that in thechapter, but I feel like I got
another chapter or maybe anotherbook in me and those are the
kinds of things that I thinkthere's more.
You know, if you double click,those are some of the realities
(17:48):
of it, that it's not just amatter of like.
Ok, I decide that I'm going tobe brave today and that I'm
brave in perpetuity andeverything is hunky, dory,
cookies and cream.
It's like you may be brave, youmight get a little bit fearful
again and there might be reasonswhy that happens.
And I know I get triggered andI got some workplace trauma that
I'm still navigating and itcontributes to that experience.
Chantée Christian (18:08):
No, absolutely, and you know I love
a reframe.
I swear I might be at our labevent wearing a shirt that says
reframe.
It's either going to sayreframe or go deeper.
One of the two Go deeper,you're going to get aame or go
deeper, One of the two Go deeper, you're going to get a lot of
eye rolls.
Hady Mendez (18:24):
Oh, it's ridiculous at this point, and I don't care
, it's good, I'm a plus one onthe go deeper.
Chantée Christian (18:32):
Yeah, you know, like I think that bravery
is scary, right, I think that innature it is scary and, by
human design, we want the rewardin the immediate yes, that was
a great thing that you did,thank you for doing it type of
(18:52):
accolade and acknowledgement.
However, where we grow isn't inthe you did a great job moment.
Thank you for standing up foryourself.
It's in the moments wheresomebody is like, no, I don't
agree with you, and we're likeexcuse me, because then you have
an opportunity to either stand10 toes down in it or evaluate
(19:13):
the situation and say you knowwhat?
This isn't the route, now Ineed to go do something else.
And it makes you move in a morestrategic way and it makes you
more resilient to it.
And it's unfortunate and I willsay this because I mean it I
think it's unfortunate that Imerely have to say that there's
some resilience that has to bedealt with in being brave,
(19:34):
especially as for me,specifically as a Black woman,
saying that, however, I live inthe real world and I understand
that merely me just sayingsomething could be a trigger for
someone else, while that'stheir business.
The impacts of it are thingsthat I have to deal with right.
And so when you talk abouttriggers, I wonder how you can
(20:00):
use them in ways that that, asyou talked about fertilizing
that soil, give you something toreally pull from.
And that's not just for you,that's for our listeners too,
because there's so often that weget triggered and sometimes we
don't realize it, and the othertimes we fully know, like that
pissed me off, mm-hmm, right.
(20:21):
And then the question go deeperwould be well, what about?
It really just sent you Well,and nine times out of ten, it's
not what just happened, it'ssomething that happened prior to
it, maybe not even with theperson that had said it, done it
, whatever it, but it remindsyou of that one time.
(20:43):
It's bringing you back.
Hady Mendez (20:45):
And to me, it brings me back to those moments
where I wasn't standing up formyself, where I felt so
powerless.
And then I'm like how am I backhere again?
I know better and I feelpowerless.
You know what the F?
Yeah, and know that though,because I think it's good for
everybody to know that, becauseit's not like you, it's, this is
not a one and done like.
(21:06):
I'm like oh, now I'm gonna bebrave and now everything is good
.
It's like okay, well, it'sbetter, but like still, you
could have moments.
I know I have had moments offeeling powerless again, and and
I got to like shake that off,because that is not a good place
, and that's what triggers me,yeah.
Chantée Christian (21:25):
I mean, I think about all the times like I
have this thing where I'm likenow that's growth, because I
have to acknowledge it formyself sometimes, because I'm
like now, who are they talkingto?
Who do you think you weretalking to?
You talking to me?
Oh, you could have.
You couldn't have decided on me, right?
If that doesn't mean it doesn'tplay out in my mind as a like
(21:45):
who the fuck are you talking to?
Because I can 100% guaranteeyou it plays in my mind.
However, the growth part for me, and even the bravery, because
I realized that sometimes thatwho are you talking to?
Energy doesn't get me what Iwant, Because of that awareness
for myself, I'm like, okay, well, if I'm true to nature of
(22:08):
saying that I want X, then Isurely can't come in.
I like to call her Chantée ofold.
I can't come in with Chantée ofold energy.
I'm going to have to maybetrinkle in a little petty penny,
but I'm going to have to maybetrinkle in a little petty penny,
but I'm going to have to keepit in a space that still keeps
us productive to the outcome.
(22:28):
Yeah, one of the really dopethings about when our book
releases is that it releases theday after the anniversary of
Martin Luther King Jr'sassassination the anniversary of
Martin Luther King Jr'sassassination.
Yeah, and there's somethingabout his ability to bring
people together more so when hedied than when he was alive that
(23:00):
I get really, really, really,really, really geeked out about
that.
We're doing something the dayafter that, because he was the
number one hated person in theworld and yet he is now the most
quoted person in the world Wild, and part of that is because
(23:20):
people have shifted theirperspectives and or bandwagons,
whatever you want to call it andthey see value where they
didn't see value before.
And I think that that's reallyimportant.
When we're talking aboutbravery because a lot of times
we're talking about our ownworth and our value, and when
we're being brave and ouradvocacy for ourselves, then
(23:43):
people don't always see it in amoment, and sometimes it takes
them some time and sometimesthey'll never admit that they
see it Right.
And that's OK too, because theonus is not on us to do that.
The onus is on us to continueto show up in a way that we can
be proud of.
Hady Mendez (24:02):
Yeah, I think that's a great point, maybe said
differently, or what at least Iunderstood you say is that even
if you don't get the outcomeyou were hoping for, you still
may have got in that person'shead and they might think twice
about saying the same thing tosomeone else another time.
Yeah, and I think that isvaluable too.
So your courage can have animpact, even if it's not the
(24:23):
impact that you were hoping forfor you.
Yeah, and like that isn't.
We may not know that either.
Ps Right, like I had aconversation with a previous
manager who referred to me asbeing disruptive and this is in
the book and I had the courageto be like he mentioned them
more than once.
But the second time I was likecould you give me an example,
(24:44):
because that's not, that's notthe second time you call me that
I need to know what you'retalking about.
Give me an example.
And they said you know that onetime, when we were on a call
and you were like talking about,like people that weren't even
on that call and that just felt,I said I'm advocating for
people, like I'm making surethat, like, even people who are
not there have their voice heard, that's not being disruptive.
(25:05):
I'm confused by, like you makeit sound like it's something
negative.
That's not negative.
And he was like, well, you know,we, I don't like that, or I
don't know.
I don't remember what he saidanymore and I said I'm sorry to
me, like that's, I'm going tocontinue to do that because that
is how I show up, but because Ishare that story.
So obviously it was animportant story for me because
(25:25):
of, like, what I learned throughthe experience.
I hope I don't know.
I hope that that was also alearning moment for him and the
next time he will think twicebefore calling someone on his
team disruptive, because he alsogot something out of that
experience.
I don't know that and, like Isaid, we're not always going to
see the fruit of our labor, butwe can hope that, if we are
(25:48):
consistent, that the impact willbe there.
Chantée Christian (25:51):
Yeah, no, and I love that because, like, as
soon as you said it, I thoughtabout, like, how many seeds hit
the ground but don't grow aplant or a bush or a flower, so
not every seed that gets plantedis going to be a thing.
However, the more you do it, themore likelihood that it will be
(26:14):
.
I think that we're in this time, in this space where things get
tricky quick, in this spacewhere things get tricky quick,
everybody has now I'm picking mywords, which is rare, so
everyone has, I'm going to saysensitivity, because I can't put
my finger or my mind on a wordright now, right, but it's a
(26:36):
hypersensitivity to everything.
No one wants to be consideredto be a racist, no one wants to
be considered to be a bigot.
No one wants to be consideredto be a racist.
No one wants to be consideredto be a bigot, no one wants to
be considered to be sexist.
However, their behavior may saydifferently.
And so then, when beingconfronted about, it is
considered to be this space of.
(26:57):
Oh well, you chose thisconfrontation, and I think that
it's important to remember thatconfrontation isn't bad.
Hady Mendez (27:04):
It feels like it's a dirty word, like it's being
weaponized, but it's like that'sthe root of understanding is
like well, how are we going tounderstand each other if we
don't have a conversation aboutit?
Right, and yeah, I was justgoing to say, especially in the
context of work, I think a lotof people surround themselves
with yes, people or like people,who are like them, and then
(27:24):
they're like caught a little bitoff guard.
When you might offer adifferent point of view, but I
still think it's important tooffer it, it doesn't mean it's
going to happen.
They may never accept thatpoint of view and they may
dismiss it 100 percent of thetime, and yet it is still our
moral obligation to present itanyway.
Chantée Christian (27:42):
Yeah, and I had to learn this over years of
trial and error.
Yeah, a whole lot of trial, awhole lot of error, but
sometimes it's not what you say,it's how you say it and
understanding who your audienceis.
And so if I know that myaudience is hypersensitive to
(28:05):
indications and allegations ofracism that come blatantly
straight out to it, then I'mgoing to come at it from a
different way.
That still gets us to the sameconversation, because it'll
disarm the defensiveness thatcomes along with trying to
protect you.
And I think that sometimes,when I think about bravery, I
(28:28):
also think about the armor thatwe wear in conversations and
walking around, at work, at home, in all the places.
There's this teacher I feellike I've said this before, I'm
having deja vu, but at any ratethere's this teacher that when
her students would come in, shehad her husband build her a
shelf and on the shelf, when thestudents would walk in, they
(28:50):
would put their imaginary armoron the shelf.
And part of the conversationwas and the agreement was listen
, while you're in here, youdon't need to have your armor.
However, she understood thatwhen they walked out of her room
, that the other teachers maynot respect that, that the world
that they live in may notrespect that and that, if they
(29:11):
needed to, they could pick backup their armor on their way out
and put it back on.
I say that because it's so trueto real life that sometimes we
don't even realize what ourarmor is right.
So, like for me, my armor inthe past had been perfectionism,
(29:32):
to which some would say I stillsway in that space, a lot but
perfectionism.
Another one would say I stillsway in that space, a lot but
perfectionism.
Another one would be I would bevery quick to advocate, but in
a very I will say, a veryaggressive way.
No, because it was wrong, wegot to do it right.
And then the other one I wouldsay is my mouth has always been
(29:55):
a gift, but I had not alwaysused it, not as a weapon, but
when I felt like something wasintruding or coming into a space
that I had to come to aprotection, I was ready.
Chante of old, chante of newhas some of those same things,
but I do them differently, in amuch more conducive way, I would
(30:17):
say but I know what my armor isright.
And so when I go outside,sometimes I pick up some of
those same things, because Idon't understand and know the
environment that I'm going to bein, and so I'm curious what's
your armor, or what has beenyour armor in the past?
Hady Mendez (30:34):
I'm having a little bit ask the question in a
different way because I'm sure Icould answer the question, but
what's another way of describingarmor so that I could?
Chantée Christian (30:43):
question better.
What are some things that youknow about yourself that you use
to protect you whenenvironments that don't feel
safe?
Hady Mendez (30:55):
Yeah, wow, that's a challenging question, I think
sometimes, if I don't feel safe,yeah, wow, that's a.
That's a challenging question,I think sometimes, if I don't
feel safe, I'll just be quiet,and that's very noticeable
because I'm an extrovertedperson and I'm someone who is
always part of the conversation.
But if you say something that'slike call me disruptive, I may
not say anything the rest of thetime.
And then a lot of people arelike, are you okay?
(31:15):
And I'm like well, technically,no, I'm not OK, because, like,
something happened that made mefeel like I couldn't be myself
in that moment.
So then I shut down In theEnneagram I'm an eight.
Chantée Christian (31:30):
OK.
Hady Mendez (31:31):
And eights.
That is a very common traitthat I'm talking about, that
we're out there and we'reputting ourselves out there, but
, like, if we feel betrayed orlike unsafe in any way, we pull
back.
Then I don't trust anybody.
Once somebody kind of makes mefeel unsafe, I'm like is
everybody unsafe?
Then I bring that energy inother spaces and then guess what
(31:56):
.
It doesn't feel safe in some ofthose other places because I
brought that energy in otherspaces and then guess what, it
doesn't feel safe in some ofthose other places because I
brought that energy with me.
Yeah, so I've noticed in my lifewhen things are not well, like
if I have a very importantrelationship that is not going
well, I end up having like a badmonth or a bad week or a bad
whatever, because it just spillseverywhere.
It just, you know, I bring itwith me, but a lot of it is just
(32:17):
like me feeling very betrayed.
That's my trigger when I feelbetrayed or like you know, I
trusted you and you likebackstab me is what it feels
like, or betrayed me in a way.
I go to just the worst placeever and it just is bad.
Chantée Christian (32:33):
Well, I think that I would offer.
It's not bad.
It's a part of how you operateand how you conceptualize events
and feelings, and I would alsosay that it's important for
people to hear this, because sooften we are taught to
compartmentalize who we are atwork versus who we are at home,
(32:57):
who we are at a party or allthese other things, when the
truth of the matter is, you justexplained the number one reason
why I say we are who we are inall spaces, because if I have an
argument with my partner, nomatter how much I smile and grin
, it is on my mind and I am like, oh, just wait until I can say
(33:19):
the rest of what I had to say.
Right, it's something that's areplay for me.
Yeah, if something happens toyou and you feel betrayed,
regardless of what engagementsthat you have or what work you
have, it's something that'sgoing to continue to have a role
in your day and in your life,and so then it's not necessarily
(33:41):
a bad thing.
And how do I stop it?
Or something's wrong with me?
The question is OK, Iunderstand it, I have this
awareness of it.
Now what do I do with it?
Managing part of it?
Yeah, yeah, how do you manageit?
Because and I think we've talkedabout this before I don't think
you can control your feelings,like I don't care what anybody
says.
Controlling feelings to me islike controlling a toddler and
(34:02):
like good luck with that.
You can have all the things youwant in the lunchbox and in the
snack bag, and they could belike you know what, today I
don't eat roachies and I don'twant your Capri Sun.
And then you're like but thisis the best Capri Sun out there.
Like you like this.
Anyway, I'm telling on myself,but the point here is like
that's how our feelings are,because we're not linear, and so
(34:23):
attempting to control themusually spins them out into a
sphere of even worse behaviorand exposure than we had even
had before.
We had just let them be.
One of the things that I use torecenter myself is meditation.
What are some of the thingsthat you use to recenter
(34:47):
yourself as you see yourself inthe storm of oh no, I'm pulling
back.
Hady Mendez (34:53):
Yeah, a couple things.
I think I walk a lot, so I knowthat that helps me.
That's a great stress relieverand just allows me to think and
just literally pound thepavement and get it out.
I have some friends I have likeone or two really good friends
that I might check in with andbe like this happened and I'm
I'm bent about it Like what doyou think?
Usually they're good friendsand they're like I would be mad
(35:15):
too, but every once in a whilethey'll be like oh okay, well,
have you thought about this?
You know, so they might have adifferent point of view.
This.
I got a circle and people Itrust, and so I might like
bounce something off of a friendor whatever.
I would say, though, one thing Ilike to do and I used to do
this a a lot.
I haven't done it a lot lately,but I'm trying to do it more
(35:37):
now is when my mind feels reallybusy and this is not just
reserved for when I feel likeI'm spiraling, but just like in
general, where I don't feel verygrounded, and that includes
when I shut down.
I just like sitting still, andit's not for very long, thank,
thank God, because I can't sitstill for very long.
(35:58):
So it's like it could be fiveminutes, 10 minutes, that's
enough.
It just kind of settles alittle bit.
I need to settle down.
I am that toddler and I justneed to settle down for a minute
.
I need to go to the corner andjust be quiet.
That is very helpful and I'vedone that before in my life
Lately, because as a businessowner I'm just, I have a lot
(36:20):
that I'm thinking about and it'slike, oh, maybe I could try
this thing, maybe I could trythis other thing.
I just feel like my head isgoing to explode and then I'm
like dreaming about things.
I wake up in the middle of thenight with ideas.
It's just like it's too much.
I'm like I just need a minutewhere I ground myself.
Chantée Christian (36:35):
Yeah.
Hady Mendez (36:36):
I could just write down the ideas I have and then
keep it moving, so that has beenhelpful to me lately.
Chantée Christian (36:42):
Yeah, I love that.
Ooh, entrepreneurship that's awhole nother conversation, whole
nother conversation.
So tell me, I feel like now isa good time.
What would you like to leavethe people with?
Hady Mendez (36:55):
I want to encourage the people to be brave, to step
into that journey ofself-empowerment and owning your
narrative and unleashing yourawesome and shining your light.
I want to encourage you to stepinto that, knowing that it is a
journey and it is not justsomething, that it's not a light
(37:17):
switch that you just say, OK,now it's on, because it's not
like that.
I don't want people to be liketoo disappointed or too hard on
themselves when they might quoteunquote slip back and like find
themselves like what justhappened?
And it's like well, becauseit's every day.
You got to like commit to itagain.
Well, because it's every day,you got to like commit to it
(37:37):
again.
And I feel like you know it's amuscle that we have to build.
We'll get better at it, We'llget more brave, We'll encounter
more challenges and we'll becomeeven more resilient.
There's people that I look atand I'm like every answer they
give is the perfect answer.
I'm like how did they get tothat point in their life?
I want to be there, but I'm notthere yet.
But like that's the goal.
If you're living your truth,that consistency is going to
(38:01):
come.
Then you don't have to thinkthat hard about it and you don't
have to, it's not going to beas much work.
Yeah, it's just going to comenaturally and I think that's
where I want to get to.
But I'm just, you know, I'm onthe journey, You're on the
journey.
Chantée Christian (38:15):
You started, I started, thank you, thank you.
Thank you, thank you forjoining me on my podcast and
(38:39):
you're welcome and to share andread and experience your story
so that they can also just pickup some gems on what it looks
like to have some lessons thatyou've learned throughout the
process, so they don't have todo it too, and that's my hope
too.
Thank you, I enjoy talking withHady.
Her journey reminds us thattrue empowerment comes from
(39:00):
owning your story, standing firmin your values and boldly
speaking our truth.
Her insights on navigating thecomplexities of being a woman of
color in the workplace andadvocating for yourself in
spaces that weren't necessarilybuilt for you were incredibly
impactful.
Thank you for joining us andremember to stop doing shit that
(39:24):
doesn't serve you.
For more information or ifyou'd like to reach out to us,
visit at mybestshift underscoreLLC on Instagram.
See you later.
Welcome to the my Best SHIFT podcast.
I'm your host, ChantéeChristian.
In today's episode, I'll betalking about resilience and
self-advocacy with Hady.
Hi Hady, how are you doingtoday?
I'm doing okay.
Happy Friday, yes, happy Friday, or whatever day.
(00:24):
The good people listen to us.
Before we get too kicked offand into our conversation, why
don't you tell the people alittle bit about yourself?
Hady Mendez (00:32):
Okay, Hi everybody, Hi audience.
I'm Hady Mendez and my pronounsare she, her and hers.
I identify as a Latina and as awoman of color, and I am a
business owner.
That is my current occupationentrepreneur and founder CEO of
a company called Boldly Speaking, which I started almost a year
(00:53):
ago.
Believe it or not, it's almostmy one year anniversary, and I
started that business last yearwhen I got laid off from my job
in tech.
My most recent job in tech wasas head of equality at Slack,
and right now, Boldly Speakingis here to transform the
experience of women and peopleof color at work.
That's what I'm here to do, andhopefully I'm going to start
(01:16):
doing a lot more of it sometimesoon.
Chantée Christian (01:18):
I love that.
I love that.
Welcome to the show.
So I'm curious, becauseactually I'm not sure that I
know how did you come up withBoldly Speaking Like?
How did it come to fruition?
Hady Mendez (01:30):
The title, like the name or the business, both Okay
, so the name came from Chad GVT.
I was like what the speakerbusiness and I got like a list
of things and boldly speakingwas one of them and I'm like I
kind of like that and I have totell you and I think we'll get
into a little bit of my storytoday but I was not always
(01:53):
boldly speaking, I was theantithesis of that or the
opposite of that for quite sometime.
So I feel like it's a nod tothat transformation that even
I've experienced in my ownjourney and the one that I hope
that a lot of people experience.
And then the business itselfI'm doing speaking and then I'm
doing coaching for ERG leaders.
(02:15):
Those are the two things thatI'm most focused on.
You know I do some workshops.
You know it's all kind ofrelated and I started that
because I was doing actually alot of that when I was a DEI
practitioner and even before Iwas a DEI practitioner, I've
always been involved in ERGs.
I've always been a champion orsomeone who is advocating for
(02:35):
DEI at work and I was, you know,kind of always in that space If
there was ever an opportunityto speak at a conference or at a
company-wide event, I alwaysraised my hand, and so this
doing it professionally, gettingpaid to do it, working with
companies to do it made a lot ofsense as something that I could
quickly pivot to when I gotlaid off.
(02:56):
I needed to just find somethingto do, and I'm like I'm going
to do that.
Chantée Christian (02:59):
That's awesome.
I was literally just talking tosomeone about how we're in this
space right now whereentrepreneurship doesn't seem
like such a daunting task as itused to, only because we're in
spaces where it's more welcomedand it's more expected and kind
of just accepted.
So when you talk about yourstory and using your voice, the
(03:20):
part that we did not say in yourintro is that you are also an
author for Awareness Put Me On,and by the time that this airs,
awareness Put Me On will be outin the streets.
We are going to be able to gopurchase it, and in it you tell
us a little bit about your story, and so I'm curious as to how
(03:44):
parts of your story have reallyshaped your business.
Hady Mendez (03:49):
Yeah, I would say the important parts of my story
are the following One is that itwasn't going so well for me
early on and for quite some time.
I'm not going to you know, Ican't say exactly how long, but
it was a while before thatawareness came to me, that story
that I share.
It was quite some time into mycareer and I would say that I
(04:10):
had inklings of it early on, butlike there was proof and like
evidence at one point and thatkind of shifted everything and
really shifted how I started towalk in the world to walk in the
world.
But I would say that thatexperience is what I want to.
I want to shorten the timelinethat people have to have that
experience in their own journey.
(04:31):
So it's like do I want you toget 20 years into your journey
for you to figure out that thissystem is broken or there's some
injustice or there's inequities?
No, I don't want you to wait 20years to find that out.
I'd rather you just know itwhen you start and then
immediately start to implementsome of the things that are
going to help you in spite ofthat.
So I feel like there is adirect correlation between the
(04:55):
story that I share, which I youknow my lived experience and my
business, which is I want to getthe word out now.
I want people to know thisearly on.
I want people to not also feelhopeless.
And so this awareness, it's ascary thing.
It's like, oh my goodness, likethis is not fair.
We get paid less, we don't getpromoted as much as other people
(05:16):
.
There's a lot of things that weexperience as women of color,
and that's kind of the contextas women of color.
These things happen and itcould be daunting.
You could just be like sowhat's the point?
And just like, give up.
And what I'm trying toencourage my readers and people
that I talk to more broadlythrough the work that I do is no
, we're not going to give up.
(05:36):
This is the situation, this isthe reality.
But there's options for us andhere are some of the options
that have worked for me and Ioffer them to you.
It's my gift to you, you know,and hopefully we can collaborate
and come up with more ways toeven be more successful in spite
of the brokenness of the system, yeah, and I think that that's
(05:57):
really powerful, especially as awoman and as women of color.
Chantée Christian (06:00):
Right, because there's so much right
now going on around this idea ofa glass ceiling and a glass
cliff and what it looks like tobe able to support or not
support us in spaces and toreally advocate for ourselves,
right, and advocate forourselves in a way that it
shakes the system up, but alsounderstanding the ecosystem to
(06:23):
which we're a part of, right,and I think that for me, one of
the biggest challenges was thatI had to really get comfortable
with the fact that the systemwasn't built for me to succeed
and I still can succeed.
Amen, that's it At that part,yeah.
(06:46):
And so I think that for me,when I think about how you have
transitioned into your companyand your business and how you
want to help people,specifically women and people of
color, it reminds me that thereare spaces within the ecosystem
that can support the systemwhen the system is amenable to
it, because that's the numberone thing, right, the system has
to be amenable to it or nothingwill shift or change.
(07:09):
Very interesting.
What is something curious?
I've had this wholeintrospective space lately.
Obviously, I'm in anintrospective space with the
authors.
I'm in one with myself.
I'm just kind of curious.
Hady Mendez (07:23):
Why do you think that is?
Because I feel like I'm everyday, I'm in one with myself and
just I'm just kind of curious.
Why do you think that is?
Because I feel like I'm everyday, I'm like having these
moments of like wow, and I'mlike what is happening in my
life right now?
What do you think that's about?
You think it's a season?
Chantée Christian (07:35):
Well, I think it's a few things right.
I think for me it's you know,realize what you're starting
until you're in it.
And so I feel like, with thisbook, right, something for me is
that almost all the authorsbefore you all submitted to the
editors.
I read your chapters, whichmeant I was on a journey with
(07:57):
you and I'm on my own journey,right, because this whole thing
is like a dream that was in ajournal that was not supposed to
see the light of day.
In my opinion and that's thething that I love most about
awareness it's like asearchlight to me.
I think of awareness like asearchlight.
(08:17):
So once the light is lookingand finds a little piece, just a
little itty bitty piece, ofsomething it thinks it can shine
on, it won't let go.
And I feel like everything nowis like oh, that too, that too,
that too.
And I think the power of it isrealizing that, yes, you can
(08:39):
have a lot of awareness, butwhat do you do with it once you
find out?
And that's where the magichappens.
And so sometimes I think that,or myself I'll say, but
sometimes the awareness is sooverwhelming that I don't want
to do anything with it and I canacknowledge it, like okay, I
see that this is a thing,something that I'm going to work
(09:00):
on just not right now, becauseI'm working on 20 other things,
and I mean personal self thingsand so I think that there's some
power in recognizing how theyplay a part in how we're seeing
things Right.
So, for example, you wrote yourchapter.
How many rounds of edits,roughly, did you go through?
Hady Mendez (09:21):
Oh my goodness.
So, officially, two rounds, butI looked at that chapter every
day.
I couldn't read it anymore.
I'm going to be honest with you.
It was like I couldn't.
It was like every time I lookedat it I changed something else
and it was really feeling likethat wasn't healthy.
So I was like I'm done, I feellike I'm going to trust the
universe that this is, and Ifelt good.
(09:43):
And can I share a story thathappened with the chapter?
Yeah, so I'll tell yousomething really interesting.
I wrote the first draft a longtime ago and, you know,
circulated it to a bunch offamily and friends and I got
good feedback and you know I wasfeeling pretty comfortable with
it and we know, because you andI both have been through the
journey together, that it's gonethrough some iterations and
(10:03):
it's in a much better place andI'm really happy and proud of it
right now and just feel reallygood about it.
But even when it was in its rawform, it actually inspired me.
There was something that washappening to me and I reread my
chapter and my chapter inspiredme to take an action that I had
never taken before.
Pretty good litmus test of like.
(10:25):
I think I got it.
I think I'm onto something here.
This is powerful stuff, becauseit even inspired me to do
something different that I hadnever done.
Chantée Christian (10:34):
I'm like, are you going to tell us what the
thing was or how we got it?
I'm like, is this something wehave to wait for?
What?
Hady Mendez (10:40):
was it?
I'll tell you what it was.
I think you know what it is butI'll share with the audience.
So I was interviewing with thecompany and it was a company
that I was really excited towork for and it was a really
great role and it's a very greatcompany and I just thought it
was all the way around going tobe a win-win.
And I ended up having like ameeting with the senior leaders
(11:00):
in this company, kind of like acoffee date, and you know I
guess you know we're checkingeach other out and everything
and I walked away from thatmeeting feeling really depleted
and really disappointed and notvery appreciated by the company.
I just kind of felt like youknow, it wasn't a good feeling,
Like I wasn't like yay, this isgreat, this is going to go
(11:22):
somewhere, wonderful and andthat's what I expected.
But I left that meeting feelingreally depleted and so
disappointed that it didn't looklike this was going to work out
for me and I had to decide,like, do I keep going in the
interviews or not?
And I was already told that Iwas proceeding to the next round
.
But like that didn't bring mejoy or excitement because I was
(11:45):
so down from the interactionsand some of the things, the red
flags that surfaced during thecoffee date, and so, after
reading my chapter, I decided towithdraw from the process, and
in my whole career I've neverdone that, because I'm one of
those people that's like it'llwork out.
You know, let's just keeptrying.
I always want the best.
(12:05):
I'll hope for the best, and youknow, I think it was a
conversation with you.
Quite frankly, One of thequestions you asked was like,
well, do you think it's going toget better?
I said that was a good questionbecause in fact I did not.
I mean, the interview processis the honeymoon period.
If that's not, if it ain'tgoing that well, then I can't
(12:28):
expect much better after.
So I had to withdraw from a jobthat I really wanted, but I had
to do it because I had to standup for myself.
That was self-advocacy in thatmoment, and that's what I write
about, and that's what I talkabout, and so everything is
related.
It's like this whole fullcircle moment and I'm so happy
for me, I'm so happy that Iinspired me.
Chantée Christian (12:45):
I love that there's so much power in what I
heard you say, because gettingyour story out allowed you to
remember, to live in the momentof your truth.
It's so easy for us to getcaught up in the moment of your
truth.
It's so easy for us to getcaught up in the moment of what
could happen versus what'sactually happening, and then,
(13:09):
after it's happened, we're likeshit, maybe I could have did
this or I should have said that.
And so what I heard was thatyou took a beat and you were
reinvigorated to say you knowwhat?
No, this is actually not a goodfit for me and I'm perfectly OK
with saying no, thank you yeah.
Hady Mendez (13:30):
And I kind of felt like I had to practice what I
was preaching.
Like here I'm telling myaudience, the audience hey, you
got to be bold, you got to standup for yourself, you have to
know what your worth is, youhave to make choices that are
good for you.
And then I'm sitting there inthis interview and being like,
oh well, maybe it'll get better,and I'm like, no, I got to walk
(13:54):
the walk.
Chantée Christian (13:56):
So that was a very powerful moment for me and
I love that because it's likewhat's more dope than honoring
yourself?
Hady Mendez (14:05):
Not that many things, as it turns out.
Chantée Christian (14:07):
I mean honestly, it's really not and,
again, by the time this airs, itwon't be that day.
However, today is WorldCompliment Day, and I think that
it is so important to rememberthat sometimes we have to
compliment ourselves, and to me,you sharing that story right
(14:27):
and that experience is that youare literally complimenting the
fact that you talk about a thingyou do and walk and live in the
experience of it.
No one's got it all figured out.
No matter what they talk about,I love Brene Brown to pieces,
and one of the things that makesher so powerful to me is that
(14:50):
she openly talks about how she'sworking through her own shame,
her own guilt, her ownvulnerability, practicing as a
parent, all the things, and so Ithink that it's important for
people to remember that, justbecause someone is an expert,
that they too are going throughthe thing.
Hady Mendez (15:11):
Yeah, and I feel like it's important to like I
have had brave moments, but likeI have to always be brave.
It's not just have a bravemoment, it's like I have to be
brave and being brave means as Iwalk through the world.
There's going to be differenttimes where I'm going to be
called on to be brave and I havea choice to step into it or not
.
But anyway, like I just feellike this experience, this
(15:34):
writing and reflecting and allof that has been a reminder that
I'm not done being brave.
It's a everyday type ofopportunity.
Chantée Christian (15:44):
Yeah, it's an everyday opportunity and it is
to me it's almost just likebrushing your teeth in the
morning and washing your face.
It is something that, whileit's a choice, it's also part of
your every day, and sometimesit looks different.
(16:06):
Sometimes being brave isstanding up and saying no, thank
you, and sometimes being braveis sitting back and observing
and saying I think that I'mgoing to go write a letter,
we're going to change somethingabout this.
Hady Mendez (16:20):
Well, and the other thing about being brave and I
recently talked about this onLinkedIn, where, you know, I
share a lot of content there andI was talking about fertile
soil and when you self-advocate,the best scenario is that the
person you're having theconversation with is open to the
conversation and that it's safeand that you know there's a
mutual like desire to get to abetter place.
(16:41):
And so sometimes, being brave,I get really good outcomes and
I'm like, oh, that's easy, I canbe brave all the time.
And then sometimes I'm braveand like I get my hand slapped
and I'm like, oh, I forgot thatthat could happen too, because
it's not always the same outcome.
That's also something toconsider, because we take the
step but we don't know what theoutcome is going to be, and
(17:03):
sometimes it could be a reallypositive experience and it's so
rewarding and it's reallyencouraging.
And you're like, wow, yeah, Ishould have.
Why didn't I do this before?
Like, look at the outcome.
It was amazing.
I could think about, like, whenI've advocated for myself at
work and I had a manager thatwas like thank you, appreciate
it, I understand and I'm goingto do better, and I'm like, wow,
trust me.
I've had other reactions too,which were not good, and then I
(17:26):
get triggered when things don'tgo well.
Then I get triggered and then Iget scared again and then I
want to be a cocoon and I wantto not be brave.
So this is definitely a work inprogress and I would say that
that's probably.
I didn't talk about that in thechapter, but I feel like I got
another chapter or maybe anotherbook in me and those are the
kinds of things that I thinkthere's more.
You know, if you double click,those are some of the realities
(17:48):
of it, that it's not just amatter of like.
Ok, I decide that I'm going tobe brave today and that I'm
brave in perpetuity andeverything is hunky, dory,
cookies and cream.
It's like you may be brave, youmight get a little bit fearful
again and there might be reasonswhy that happens.
And I know I get triggered andI got some workplace trauma that
I'm still navigating and itcontributes to that experience.
Chantée Christian (18:08):
No, absolutely, and you know I love
a reframe.
I swear I might be at our labevent wearing a shirt that says
reframe.
It's either going to sayreframe or go deeper.
One of the two Go deeper,you're going to get aame or go
deeper, One of the two Go deeper, you're going to get a lot of
eye rolls.
Hady Mendez (18:24):
Oh, it's ridiculous at this point, and I don't care
, it's good, I'm a plus one onthe go deeper.
Chantée Christian (18:32):
Yeah, you know, like I think that bravery
is scary, right, I think that innature it is scary and, by
human design, we want the rewardin the immediate yes, that was
a great thing that you did,thank you for doing it type of
(18:52):
accolade and acknowledgement.
However, where we grow isn't inthe you did a great job moment.
Thank you for standing up foryourself.
It's in the moments wheresomebody is like, no, I don't
agree with you, and we're likeexcuse me, because then you have
an opportunity to either stand10 toes down in it or evaluate
(19:13):
the situation and say you knowwhat?
This isn't the route, now Ineed to go do something else.
And it makes you move in a morestrategic way and it makes you
more resilient to it.
And it's unfortunate and I willsay this because I mean it I
think it's unfortunate that Imerely have to say that there's
some resilience that has to bedealt with in being brave,
(19:34):
especially as for me,specifically as a Black woman,
saying that, however, I live inthe real world and I understand
that merely me just sayingsomething could be a trigger for
someone else, while that'stheir business.
The impacts of it are thingsthat I have to deal with right.
And so when you talk abouttriggers, I wonder how you can
(20:00):
use them in ways that that, asyou talked about fertilizing
that soil, give you something toreally pull from.
And that's not just for you,that's for our listeners too,
because there's so often that weget triggered and sometimes we
don't realize it, and the othertimes we fully know, like that
pissed me off, mm-hmm, right.
(20:21):
And then the question go deeperwould be well, what about?
It really just sent you Well,and nine times out of ten, it's
not what just happened, it'ssomething that happened prior to
it, maybe not even with theperson that had said it, done it
, whatever it, but it remindsyou of that one time.
(20:43):
It's bringing you back.
Hady Mendez (20:45):
And to me, it brings me back to those moments
where I wasn't standing up formyself, where I felt so
powerless.
And then I'm like how am I backhere again?
I know better and I feelpowerless.
You know what the F?
Yeah, and know that though,because I think it's good for
everybody to know that, becauseit's not like you, it's, this is
not a one and done like.
(21:06):
I'm like oh, now I'm gonna bebrave and now everything is good
.
It's like okay, well, it'sbetter, but like still, you
could have moments.
I know I have had moments offeeling powerless again, and and
I got to like shake that off,because that is not a good place
, and that's what triggers me,yeah.
Chantée Christian (21:25):
I mean, I think about all the times like I
have this thing where I'm likenow that's growth, because I
have to acknowledge it formyself sometimes, because I'm
like now, who are they talkingto?
Who do you think you weretalking to?
You talking to me?
Oh, you could have.
You couldn't have decided on me, right?
If that doesn't mean it doesn'tplay out in my mind as a like
(21:45):
who the fuck are you talking to?
Because I can 100% guaranteeyou it plays in my mind.
However, the growth part for me, and even the bravery, because
I realized that sometimes thatwho are you talking to?
Energy doesn't get me what Iwant, Because of that awareness
for myself, I'm like, okay, well, if I'm true to nature of
(22:08):
saying that I want X, then Isurely can't come in.
I like to call her Chantée ofold.
I can't come in with Chantée ofold energy.
I'm going to have to maybetrinkle in a little petty penny,
but I'm going to have to maybetrinkle in a little petty penny,
but I'm going to have to keepit in a space that still keeps
us productive to the outcome.
(22:28):
Yeah, one of the really dopethings about when our book
releases is that it releases theday after the anniversary of
Martin Luther King Jr'sassassination the anniversary of
Martin Luther King Jr'sassassination.
Yeah, and there's somethingabout his ability to bring
people together more so when hedied than when he was alive that
(23:00):
I get really, really, really,really, really geeked out about
that.
We're doing something the dayafter that, because he was the
number one hated person in theworld and yet he is now the most
quoted person in the world Wild, and part of that is because
(23:20):
people have shifted theirperspectives and or bandwagons,
whatever you want to call it andthey see value where they
didn't see value before.
And I think that that's reallyimportant.
When we're talking aboutbravery because a lot of times
we're talking about our ownworth and our value, and when
we're being brave and ouradvocacy for ourselves, then
(23:43):
people don't always see it in amoment, and sometimes it takes
them some time and sometimesthey'll never admit that they
see it Right.
And that's OK too, because theonus is not on us to do that.
The onus is on us to continueto show up in a way that we can
be proud of.
Hady Mendez (24:02):
Yeah, I think that's a great point, maybe said
differently, or what at least Iunderstood you say is that even
if you don't get the outcomeyou were hoping for, you still
may have got in that person'shead and they might think twice
about saying the same thing tosomeone else another time.
Yeah, and I think that isvaluable too.
So your courage can have animpact, even if it's not the
(24:23):
impact that you were hoping forfor you.
Yeah, and like that isn't.
We may not know that either.
Ps Right, like I had aconversation with a previous
manager who referred to me asbeing disruptive and this is in
the book and I had the courageto be like he mentioned them
more than once.
But the second time I was likecould you give me an example,
(24:44):
because that's not, that's notthe second time you call me that
I need to know what you'retalking about.
Give me an example.
And they said you know that onetime, when we were on a call
and you were like talking about,like people that weren't even
on that call and that just felt,I said I'm advocating for
people, like I'm making surethat, like, even people who are
not there have their voice heard, that's not being disruptive.
(25:05):
I'm confused by, like you makeit sound like it's something
negative.
That's not negative.
And he was like, well, you know,we, I don't like that, or I
don't know.
I don't remember what he saidanymore and I said I'm sorry to
me, like that's, I'm going tocontinue to do that because that
is how I show up, but because Ishare that story.
So obviously it was animportant story for me because
(25:25):
of, like, what I learned throughthe experience.
I hope I don't know.
I hope that that was also alearning moment for him and the
next time he will think twicebefore calling someone on his
team disruptive, because he alsogot something out of that
experience.
I don't know that and, like Isaid, we're not always going to
see the fruit of our labor, butwe can hope that, if we are
(25:48):
consistent, that the impact willbe there.
Chantée Christian (25:51):
Yeah, no, and I love that because, like, as
soon as you said it, I thoughtabout, like, how many seeds hit
the ground but don't grow aplant or a bush or a flower, so
not every seed that gets plantedis going to be a thing.
However, the more you do it, themore likelihood that it will be
(26:14):
.
I think that we're in this time, in this space where things get
tricky quick, in this spacewhere things get tricky quick,
everybody has now I'm picking mywords, which is rare, so
everyone has, I'm going to saysensitivity, because I can't put
my finger or my mind on a wordright now, right, but it's a
(26:36):
hypersensitivity to everything.
No one wants to be consideredto be a racist, no one wants to
be considered to be a bigot.
No one wants to be consideredto be a racist.
No one wants to be consideredto be a bigot, no one wants to
be considered to be sexist.
However, their behavior may saydifferently.
And so then, when beingconfronted about, it is
considered to be this space of.
(26:57):
Oh well, you chose thisconfrontation, and I think that
it's important to remember thatconfrontation isn't bad.
Hady Mendez (27:04):
It feels like it's a dirty word, like it's being
weaponized, but it's like that'sthe root of understanding is
like well, how are we going tounderstand each other if we
don't have a conversation aboutit?
Right, and yeah, I was justgoing to say, especially in the
context of work, I think a lotof people surround themselves
with yes, people or like people,who are like them, and then
(27:24):
they're like caught a little bitoff guard.
When you might offer adifferent point of view, but I
still think it's important tooffer it, it doesn't mean it's
going to happen.
They may never accept thatpoint of view and they may
dismiss it 100 percent of thetime, and yet it is still our
moral obligation to present itanyway.
Chantée Christian (27:42):
Yeah, and I had to learn this over years of
trial and error.
Yeah, a whole lot of trial, awhole lot of error, but
sometimes it's not what you say,it's how you say it and
understanding who your audienceis.
And so if I know that myaudience is hypersensitive to
(28:05):
indications and allegations ofracism that come blatantly
straight out to it, then I'mgoing to come at it from a
different way.
That still gets us to the sameconversation, because it'll
disarm the defensiveness thatcomes along with trying to
protect you.
And I think that sometimes,when I think about bravery, I
(28:28):
also think about the armor thatwe wear in conversations and
walking around, at work, at home, in all the places.
There's this teacher I feellike I've said this before, I'm
having deja vu, but at any ratethere's this teacher that when
her students would come in, shehad her husband build her a
shelf and on the shelf, when thestudents would walk in, they
(28:50):
would put their imaginary armoron the shelf.
And part of the conversationwas and the agreement was listen
, while you're in here, youdon't need to have your armor.
However, she understood thatwhen they walked out of her room
, that the other teachers maynot respect that, that the world
that they live in may notrespect that and that, if they
(29:11):
needed to, they could pick backup their armor on their way out
and put it back on.
I say that because it's so trueto real life that sometimes we
don't even realize what ourarmor is right.
So, like for me, my armor inthe past had been perfectionism,
(29:32):
to which some would say I stillsway in that space, a lot but
perfectionism.
Another one would say I stillsway in that space, a lot but
perfectionism.
Another one would be I would bevery quick to advocate, but in
a very I will say, a veryaggressive way.
No, because it was wrong, wegot to do it right.
And then the other one I wouldsay is my mouth has always been
(29:55):
a gift, but I had not alwaysused it, not as a weapon, but
when I felt like something wasintruding or coming into a space
that I had to come to aprotection, I was ready.
Chante of old, chante of newhas some of those same things,
but I do them differently, in amuch more conducive way, I would
(30:17):
say but I know what my armor isright.
And so when I go outside,sometimes I pick up some of
those same things, because Idon't understand and know the
environment that I'm going to bein, and so I'm curious what's
your armor, or what has beenyour armor in the past?
Hady Mendez (30:34):
I'm having a little bit ask the question in a
different way because I'm sure Icould answer the question, but
what's another way of describingarmor so that I could?
Chantée Christian (30:43):
question better.
What are some things that youknow about yourself that you use
to protect you whenenvironments that don't feel
safe?
Hady Mendez (30:55):
Yeah, wow, that's a challenging question, I think
sometimes, if I don't feel safe,yeah, wow, that's a.
That's a challenging question,I think sometimes, if I don't
feel safe, I'll just be quiet,and that's very noticeable
because I'm an extrovertedperson and I'm someone who is
always part of the conversation.
But if you say something that'slike call me disruptive, I may
not say anything the rest of thetime.
And then a lot of people arelike, are you okay?
(31:15):
And I'm like well, technically,no, I'm not OK, because, like,
something happened that made mefeel like I couldn't be myself
in that moment.
So then I shut down In theEnneagram I'm an eight.
Chantée Christian (31:30):
OK.
Hady Mendez (31:31):
And eights.
That is a very common traitthat I'm talking about, that
we're out there and we'reputting ourselves out there, but
, like, if we feel betrayed orlike unsafe in any way, we pull
back.
Then I don't trust anybody.
Once somebody kind of makes mefeel unsafe, I'm like is
everybody unsafe?
Then I bring that energy inother spaces and then guess what
(31:56):
.
It doesn't feel safe in some ofthose other places because I
brought that energy in otherspaces and then guess what, it
doesn't feel safe in some ofthose other places because I
brought that energy with me.
Yeah, so I've noticed in my lifewhen things are not well, like
if I have a very importantrelationship that is not going
well, I end up having like a badmonth or a bad week or a bad
whatever, because it just spillseverywhere.
It just, you know, I bring itwith me, but a lot of it is just
(32:17):
like me feeling very betrayed.
That's my trigger when I feelbetrayed or like you know, I
trusted you and you likebackstab me is what it feels
like, or betrayed me in a way.
I go to just the worst placeever and it just is bad.
Chantée Christian (32:33):
Well, I think that I would offer.
It's not bad.
It's a part of how you operateand how you conceptualize events
and feelings, and I would alsosay that it's important for
people to hear this, because sooften we are taught to
compartmentalize who we are atwork versus who we are at home,
(32:57):
who we are at a party or allthese other things, when the
truth of the matter is, you justexplained the number one reason
why I say we are who we are inall spaces, because if I have an
argument with my partner, nomatter how much I smile and grin
, it is on my mind and I am like, oh, just wait until I can say
(33:19):
the rest of what I had to say.
Right, it's something that's areplay for me.
Yeah, if something happens toyou and you feel betrayed,
regardless of what engagementsthat you have or what work you
have, it's something that'sgoing to continue to have a role
in your day and in your life,and so then it's not necessarily
(33:41):
a bad thing.
And how do I stop it?
Or something's wrong with me?
The question is OK, Iunderstand it, I have this
awareness of it.
Now what do I do with it?
Managing part of it?
Yeah, yeah, how do you manageit?
Because and I think we've talkedabout this before I don't think
you can control your feelings,like I don't care what anybody
says.
Controlling feelings to me islike controlling a toddler and
(34:02):
like good luck with that.
You can have all the things youwant in the lunchbox and in the
snack bag, and they could belike you know what, today I
don't eat roachies and I don'twant your Capri Sun.
And then you're like but thisis the best Capri Sun out there.
Like you like this.
Anyway, I'm telling on myself,but the point here is like
that's how our feelings are,because we're not linear, and so
(34:23):
attempting to control themusually spins them out into a
sphere of even worse behaviorand exposure than we had even
had before.
We had just let them be.
One of the things that I use torecenter myself is meditation.
What are some of the thingsthat you use to recenter
(34:47):
yourself as you see yourself inthe storm of oh no, I'm pulling
back.
Hady Mendez (34:53):
Yeah, a couple things.
I think I walk a lot, so I knowthat that helps me.
That's a great stress relieverand just allows me to think and
just literally pound thepavement and get it out.
I have some friends I have likeone or two really good friends
that I might check in with andbe like this happened and I'm
I'm bent about it Like what doyou think?
Usually they're good friendsand they're like I would be mad
(35:15):
too, but every once in a whilethey'll be like oh okay, well,
have you thought about this?
You know, so they might have adifferent point of view.
This.
I got a circle and people Itrust, and so I might like
bounce something off of a friendor whatever.
I would say, though, one thing Ilike to do and I used to do
this a a lot.
I haven't done it a lot lately,but I'm trying to do it more
(35:37):
now is when my mind feels reallybusy and this is not just
reserved for when I feel likeI'm spiraling, but just like in
general, where I don't feel verygrounded, and that includes
when I shut down.
I just like sitting still, andit's not for very long, thank,
thank God, because I can't sitstill for very long.
(35:58):
So it's like it could be fiveminutes, 10 minutes, that's
enough.
It just kind of settles alittle bit.
I need to settle down.
I am that toddler and I justneed to settle down for a minute
.
I need to go to the corner andjust be quiet.
That is very helpful and I'vedone that before in my life
Lately, because as a businessowner I'm just, I have a lot
(36:20):
that I'm thinking about and it'slike, oh, maybe I could try
this thing, maybe I could trythis other thing.
I just feel like my head isgoing to explode and then I'm
like dreaming about things.
I wake up in the middle of thenight with ideas.
It's just like it's too much.
I'm like I just need a minutewhere I ground myself.
Chantée Christian (36:35):
Yeah.
Hady Mendez (36:36):
I could just write down the ideas I have and then
keep it moving, so that has beenhelpful to me lately.
Chantée Christian (36:42):
Yeah, I love that.
Ooh, entrepreneurship that's awhole nother conversation, whole
nother conversation.
So tell me, I feel like now isa good time.
What would you like to leavethe people with?
Hady Mendez (36:55):
I want to encourage the people to be brave, to step
into that journey ofself-empowerment and owning your
narrative and unleashing yourawesome and shining your light.
I want to encourage you to stepinto that, knowing that it is a
journey and it is not justsomething, that it's not a light
(37:17):
switch that you just say, OK,now it's on, because it's not
like that.
I don't want people to be liketoo disappointed or too hard on
themselves when they might quoteunquote slip back and like find
themselves like what justhappened?
And it's like well, becauseit's every day.
You got to like commit to itagain.
Well, because it's every day,you got to like commit to it
(37:37):
again.
And I feel like you know it's amuscle that we have to build.
We'll get better at it, We'llget more brave, We'll encounter
more challenges and we'll becomeeven more resilient.
There's people that I look atand I'm like every answer they
give is the perfect answer.
I'm like how did they get tothat point in their life?
I want to be there, but I'm notthere yet.
But like that's the goal.
If you're living your truth,that consistency is going to
(38:01):
come.
Then you don't have to thinkthat hard about it and you don't
have to, it's not going to beas much work.
Yeah, it's just going to comenaturally and I think that's
where I want to get to.
But I'm just, you know, I'm onthe journey, You're on the
journey.
Chantée Christian (38:15):
You started, I started, thank you, thank you.
Thank you, thank you forjoining me on my podcast and
(38:39):
you're welcome and to share andread and experience your story
so that they can also just pickup some gems on what it looks
like to have some lessons thatyou've learned throughout the
process, so they don't have todo it too, and that's my hope
too.
Thank you, I enjoy talking withHady.
Her journey reminds us thattrue empowerment comes from
(39:00):
owning your story, standing firmin your values and boldly
speaking our truth.
Her insights on navigating thecomplexities of being a woman of
color in the workplace andadvocating for yourself in
spaces that weren't necessarilybuilt for you were incredibly
impactful.
Thank you for joining us andremember to stop doing shit that
(39:24):
doesn't serve you.
For more information or ifyou'd like to reach out to us,
visit at mybestshift underscoreLLC on Instagram.
See you later.
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