October 10, 2024 • 45 mins
Today Kimberly Jarman and I are digging into neuroscience-based mindset work and biohacking for women entrepreneurs. Kimberly blew my mind with how certain neurochemicals and hormones affect our thoughts, actions, and ultimately, our success. But it wasn't all science talk - we got real about imposter syndrome, the pressures of entrepreneurship, and why doing what you're "supposed to" often leads to disappointment.
Can't-miss moments:
- Have you ever noticed that coaches tend to coach people on the things they need the most help with? Kimberly and I get real about our space...
- Ever wonder why therapy didn't "fix" you? Kimberly's take on why the mental health system is broken will make you rethink everything...
- The shocking statistic about female entrepreneurs and autoimmune diagnoses that'll make you want to reassess your hustle mentality...
- SPOILER ALERT: you're not automatically a great coach because you got a shit ton of certifications and credentials. Here's what REALLY matters...
- Context-free quote of the pod: "we're just meat computers driving skeleton suits, getting bogged down and overloaded by background programs"
Kimberly's bio:
Kimberly Jarman is a Mental Performance Coach on a mission to empower women to break free from self-imposed rules and step into their full potential. She helps her clients go after the promotion, launch the business, build generational wealth, quit the 9-5, whatever that thing is that is pulling on them telling them “I am meant for more…”
Armed with a Master's degree in Counseling, Kimberly specializes in human potential from a unique perspective that integrates mindset, neuroscience, and biochemistry. Her holistic approach leverages the mind-body connection, biohacking techniques, and a powerful mindset to propel her clients toward achieving their goals faster, feeling better, and ultimately living life on their terms.
As a dedicated Mental Performance Coach, Kimberly is driven by a profound mission: to guide women in overcoming obstacles and embracing their limitless potential. Her dream is to witness more women occupying the top percentile, recognizing the transformative impact they can have as true world changers.
Kimberly envisions a future where women confidently lead and leave an indelible mark on the world.
Resources and links:
- Email: Info@kimberlyjarmancoaching.com
- Kimberly's website
- Kimberly on TikTok
- Kimberly on IG
- Book a connection call with Kimberly
- Kimberly's podcast
Let's collab:
Let's connect:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Angie Colee (00:03):
Welcome to Permission to Kick Ass, the show
that gives you a virtual seatat the bar for the real
conversations that happenbetween entrepreneurs.
I'm interviewing all kinds ofbusiness owners, from those just
a few years into freelancing toCEOs helming nine-figure
companies.
If you've ever worried thateveryone else just seems to get
it and you're missing somethingor messing things up, this show
(00:24):
is for you.
I'm your host, Angie Coley, andlet's get to it.
Hey, and welcome back toPermission to Kick Ass.
With me today is my new friend,Kimberly Jarman Say hi, hi guys
, I'm so happy to be here.
We already spent a good amountof pre-recording time talking
about our respective cats, whichmakes me incredibly happy for
(00:47):
this conversation.
So Kimberly has a new kittenaddition to the family and, as
usual, stella is sitting at myright hand preparing while we
record this.
But anyway, cat rants aside,please tell us a little bit
about your business.
Kimberly Jarman (00:59):
Yeah, so I'm a performance coach for women.
I help them, which that means Ijust help them perform at their
highest potential, and we do itthrough neuroscience-based
mindset work and neurochemicallybiohacking, like optimizing
their neurotransmitters andtheir hormones so they can think
at a higher level to reachtheir goals at a faster rate and
(01:20):
avoid that burnout and chronicstress.
Angie Colee (01:22):
I like that.
That makes me curious, becauseI've heard a lot about
biohacking and all of that stuff.
I don't think I've ever heardabout it from a woman's
perspective.
It's definitely usually dudes,and no shade or hate to you
dudes.
We just have different bodies,we have different hormones, so
we need different solutions.
Kimberly Jarman (01:42):
Yeah, and I think also when you like hear
the word biohacking out there inthe wild west of the internet,
you're talking a lot about likesupplementing with, like a
supplement or doing like a coldplunge right Like I'm talking
about literally testing yourneurotransmitters or hormones
and going in and taking specificfoods or specific supplements
(02:02):
to target those, to optimizetheir levels.
Angie Colee (02:06):
Can you tell me more about that?
I'm just curious about thisprocess.
Kimberly Jarman (02:09):
Yeah, so kind of to back up and like, why do I
do this, why do I value this?
So my business partner is alicensed naturopathic doctor.
Her and I have a podcast and Iwas really obsessed.
I was in a coaching thecommunity.
Like the lineage of coachings Icame out of they're very seven,
(02:30):
eight figure earners, right,and so I was like, okay, like
this is possible.
And so I started obsessingabout entrepreneurs that are
really successful, like ElonMusk, and so we were doing a
podcast episode over that and Iwas like what makes, now that I
know the model and I know howthe human brain works and what
like drives our actions and howwe create results, like what
(02:51):
makes Elon different?
And Dr Carmen, just so casually,was like, oh, it's serotonin.
Like, when our serotonin is inlike this, like ideal window,
it's so like it's so much easierfor us to experience
self-confidence and rejectionresilience.
When it's outside of thatwindow, like rejection or value
(03:14):
resilience whatever you want tocall it is devastating for a lot
of people.
We're like Elon, you know, likewhat is the 100 million dollars
per rocket that he sends up?
Like, and he sent up what?
Like we're almost like a 10 orsomething that have exploded.
And and he's like, okay, thissucks, but let's go problem
solve for this Right, just likethat is the skillset to be a
(03:38):
successful entrepreneur is likea the self-confidence, the
belief, and B the rejectionresilience.
So I was like, oh wait, likethis is a serotonin thing, like
I've never heard of this.
And so then we started chasing.
I started chasing that rabbittrail and I was like, oh well,
this is how, if our thoughts,our beliefs, if you will drive
(03:59):
our emotions chemically, createour emotions, our emotions drive
our actions and our actionscreate the results in our life,
then we have to go back up tothe belief line, the thought
line, because that's where thewaterfall starts.
Right, if that's where myresults are coming from, then
why don't I just biohack mybrain to get it to perform at a
(04:21):
high level, where I can createself-confidence faster and
easier, where I can haverejection resilience a lot more
easier and instead of having tolike, do a ton of mindset work
to like it's just like a slowclimb Right.
And so when we got into that,it was like, okay, how do we do
this?
So we it's like you start withtesting, like we do a urine and
(04:43):
saliva test.
We send them their home, wetest it and measures all of
their neurotransmitters, howmuch they're actually utilizing
their hormones, because this isa whole system, right, like we
can't isolate out just theneurotransmitters, because the
hormones influence theneurotransmitters.
So then we're testing those.
(05:05):
Where are they at?
How are they impacting eachother?
Now then?
Because the human body, from anaturopathic perspective, is
always trying to move back intohealth.
It's always trying to healitself.
Right?
That's very different thanallopathic medicine,
conventional medicine, which issymptom management, right?
Naturopathic medicine is likethe body has everything it needs
(05:26):
to heal itself.
First, we got to get out of itsown way.
Second, we have to give it themicro needs, trans and needs to
create the building blocks forthe cells to create the things
it needs to to function at anoptimized level.
Angie Colee (05:42):
Wow, this is fascinating.
I listened once upon a timewhen I was driving into work to
another doctor.
I remember the name of hisprogram.
It was fascinating.
I know what to do, so why don'tI do it?
It was this whole like it wasCDs back when you would like pop
a CD in and drive on yourcommute, right.
So I'm listening to this likeeight series CD set, and he was
(06:04):
talking a lot about this, aboutcortisol levels and adaptogens
and all of these chemicals andthese cells and these things
that are happening in your bodyand what happens when they get
out of balance.
So I've always been a littlebit fascinated by this Like was
this something that you alwaysknew you wanted to go into, or
was it that meeting that reallyinspired you down this path?
Kimberly Jarman (06:23):
No, I will try to make this story as short as
possible.
Tell us the full story.
It's all good.
Coaches typically coach whatthey needed, coaching on, right,
like we end up coaching ourpast selves.
Right, my past self was verydriven, but she was also like
she was kind of lost.
Like I went into higher edbecause, like I, that's what I
(06:47):
was supposed to do.
I was supposed to get afull-time job and I needed to
provide for my husband's dream,ex-husband's dream and I was
miserable working for otherpeople.
I hated it and I was doing likemy master's degrees in
counseling and part of gradschool was that we went.
We had to go to therapy toexperience it from the client
(07:08):
side.
When I get in there, I dig inand I'm like, oh, I do have a
lot of trauma.
Right, I kind of knew I did,but I had like religion was a
coping mechanism for me and formy younger self to like get
through the trauma.
So like it was kind ofbypassing that stuff for me.
But I stayed in therapy for 10years, my friend.
Okay, I went through sixdifferent therapists in those 10
(07:31):
years and I was stillstruggling with depression and
suicide radiation.
Then we hit 2016.
I lost everything in a naturaldisaster, got a divorce like got
, of course.
I had PTSD diagnosis slapped onme, right.
So I was tail spinning and Iended up in the psych hospital
in 2000,.
January 2016 for suicide.
(07:54):
And I get out of the psychhospital and I'm like, look, no
one's coming to save me.
No God, no human.
If I want a different life,this is all on Kimberly, it's
all on me.
So I got to figure this shitout and therapy isn't working
for me, obviously.
I've been in it for 10 years.
I'm an eight therapist Now.
(08:14):
This is not working.
So then I just started doing myown work of, like, reading books
, and that's when I foundcoaching, went into the coaching
world, learned the model thatmy thoughts were creating my
emotions and my emotions weredriving my actions and my
actions were creating the world.
I had never heard that, ever.
Never heard it in grad school,I never heard it in therapy, and
it was like what?
(08:34):
So then I'm in like this cohortwith all my like other
classmates, you know, in thecoaching world and like I could
see some of them were makingmore progress than me, faster,
right, and I was still um, Ireally wasn't dealing with
depression anymore.
But there was still a littlebit of anxiety hanging around
(08:54):
and I was like I'm coaching, I'mgetting coached every week, I'm
coaching myself, like, what?
Like why is something still sohard for me, still versus other
people?
And so when Carmen and I hadthat conversation about Elon, it
dawned on me I was like this isthe problem.
This is what I have struggledwith all my life, because a
little bit of the backstory isI've struggled with suicide
(09:17):
ideation since I was 13.
Do you want to guess what alsohappens around that time for
females hormones.
I started my period, right,that was my first period.
So you look at, like, mytimeline, my lifespan, I'm also
infertile.
So then we started digging intohormones and I like I'm
(09:39):
estrogen dominant.
That means that my body doesn'tproduce enough progesterone.
Well, well, guess whatProgesterone is?
What goes to cortisol and thesex hormones, and estrogen is
associated with dopamine.
So my body is like not, andestrogen dominance is associated
with suicide ideation anddepression and infertility and
(10:00):
PCOS and endometriosis, right?
So it was just like this ahamoment for me.
I was like this is why themental health system is broken
Like you're either I'm going inand I'm talking about my past
and I'm leaving cycling the sameshitty thought loops that are
creating my reality, or they'retrying to mend me up.
And I had that's a whole notherconversation about SSRIs, right
(10:25):
, and I'm still circling theseshitty thought loops, like this
is why it's broken.
Like we have to help people,like new thought processes and
new beliefs, but we also have tohelp their body have the
neurochemicals available to beable to think and show up in the
way they want to, because, sidenote, too much serotonin
(10:47):
creates an anxiety state in thebody.
Too little serotonin creates ananxiety state in the body.
So I think that's a very, verylong answer to your question.
But like, no, this isn't what Idreamed of.
This was me trying to solve myown problems.
Angie Colee (11:05):
Yeah, I think that's.
That's fascinating.
I think a lot of us wind up inbusiness for that reason, like
we're trying to solve some sortof problem, um, or we wound up
like helping somebody solvetheir problem and realize that
we were good at something andalso not good at being employees
, and then a business was born.
I wanted to circle back to acouple of things that you said,
(11:27):
like doing what you're supposedto.
I feel like that's a commontheme in these conversations.
I followed all of the steps Idid.
Everything that I was toldleads to happiness, leads to
success, leads to fulfillment.
And I wound up getting screwedover.
You wound up in the hospital, Iwound up living out of my car.
Like a lot of us have thisstory of I'm doing the things
(11:48):
that I'm supposed to do.
Why am I still not happy?
And it could be a lot of this.
Like the mental models are notin place to support you where
you're at, there could beimbalances and things that are
happening within your body thatyou don't entirely understand.
And without that perspectiveand that holistic sense right,
(12:11):
you have no idea what's going on.
We're only just now starting toreally talk about that holistic
approach to all of this and howdifferent levels of chemicals
in your body impact differentactions and different mindsets.
And that leads me to the thingthat I had a similar
breakthrough on thoughts leadingemotions right before I wound
up living in my car because I'mrunning out of money.
I'm living in Los Angeles at thetime a very expensive city and
(12:33):
I know that I'm going to lose myapartment and I don't know what
to do next.
So I'd be waking up at twoo'clock in the morning, three
o'clock in the morning, fullyawake, you know, from dead sleep
, fully awake, mind racing,thoughts, worries, right.
And I instinctively developedthis.
I later learned it was kind ofa meditative practice, but I
would just say I don't have tothink this right now.
This is not actually helping me.
(12:55):
The thing that would help meright now is rest.
So I'm just going to breathedeep, strength, peace, faith in
myself, and I would just focus.
Every time my mind startedracing, I would focus on those
three things and breathing, andeventually I would nod off and
wake up in the morning wellrested.
And that's, I mean, that's whatanxiety loves to convince you
(13:15):
that I need to solve this rightnow.
And until I have a plan likethis is not going to work.
This is not going to work.
I'm going to freak out, but, toquote one of my favorite lines
from a Ryan Reynolds movie, ofall things, worry is like a
rocking chair Feels like you'redoing stuff, but it doesn't get
you anywhere.
Kimberly Jarman (13:32):
Yeah, this is fantastic stuff right and we hit
like 32, 33, 34.
And I'm like we're finally at aplace where we can stop for a
minute and like, look at ourlives and be like that this is
(13:53):
it Like, this is it?
No, I have so much life aheadof me.
This is not going to be what itis for the rest of my life,
because I did what I wassupposed to do.
I did what society told me todo.
They told me to go to college,they told me to get the degrees.
They told me to go get thefull-time job, get married, have
(14:14):
the kids.
Did it Cause I was expectingthat this is what was going to
make me happy, right, and I'mnot.
And that's what was like.
I was so disillusioned.
I was like this is not, like,this cannot be it.
And I would sit at my desk andbe like I know I'm meant for
more.
I was like I know I'm meant formore.
I know I have more potentialthan this.
This is not how I'm going tospend my life doing this, but I
think so many women either gointo careers because that's what
(14:35):
they're supposed to do orbecause it's the safe option.
I can't tell you, because Iworked in higher ed.
I cannot tell you.
I could predict it.
You could predict it down tothe T of the percentages of
girls that would come intohigher ed.
So about 11 years ago, 12 yearsago, they would come in and you
(14:56):
would know.
Let me guess, you want to be ateacher, right?
Then we had a shift, and soabout I don't know, 10 years ago
, they're coming in.
I want to be a nurse and it'slike it's the safe choice.
I guaranteed a job and money,right.
Well, your safe choice and whatyou're supposed to do.
You're going to find yourselfin 32, 33.
(15:20):
Like, what the hell am I doing?
Angie Colee (15:22):
Yeah, I used to always be jealous of those folks
that had a plan and had suchcertainty for their lives until
I realized exactly what you justsaid.
They had a plan and they hadcertainty based on certain
pressures or externalexpectations and guidelines on
how to be happy.
And they would wind up gettingto the same place as me
eventually, like where the hellam I going?
(15:44):
What the hell am I doing?
What even is my purpose here?
And I don't say that in thedepressive sense, but just that
crisis of I don't know faith ofpurpose that we all have at one
point, or sometimes multiplepoints in our lives, of like
what even is this?
Why am I here?
What am I meant to do, god?
(16:06):
It would be nice if somebodyjust came along and gave me a
cheat sheet or an exercise orsomething.
Kimberly Jarman (16:09):
But you know, we just don't have the
self-confidence at that pointright, like we don't, especially
as women, and I don't think westart developing like.
From my coaching perspective,self-confidence is four
components trusting ourselves,believing in ourselves, your own
back and being willing to fillall the emotions.
Right, we haven't developedthat in our twenties and it's
(16:30):
like we start hitting ourthirties and we got enough of
like life bitch slaps underneathus.
They're like all right, allright.
I see you Like I got a littlebit more confidence now to kind
of stand up and be like I'm notdoing.
Angie Colee (16:43):
This little bit more confidence now to kind of
stand up and be like I'm notdoing this, no, yes, yes.
Well, that's.
It's so funny, like I think alot of us, male and female,
everybody we've been told that,like showing emotions is somehow
weak, is somehow not strong.
If you melt down, if you gettoo, if you've been pushed too
far, if you know you have somesort of reaction that is not
(17:04):
just straightforward, buttoneddown and closed off, you can't
see what I'm feeling, thatyou're somehow weak and I
actually think that that leadsto a lot of the health crisis
and mental health crises that weface is pretending like those
things don't exist and like wecould.
Just I talked about it in mybook a little bit.
It feels like we ever had oneof those boogie boards or a
beach ball or something, and youwere in the pool and you were
(17:25):
trying to hold it down under thesurface of the water and
eventually that thing pops outand uppercuts you straight in
the face.
Kimberly Jarman (17:31):
There's science to back that.
Like well, we resist, persist,like there are chemical reaction
and energetic reaction insideyour body that you can either
process out or you can choose tostore that, suppress it, resist
it and it's gonna.
It's just gonna like I don'tknow if you've read the body
keeps the score, like it's gonnastore in the body, you know,
(17:54):
and it's like research.
Um, I think doctor I can'tremember his name he published
research showing that emotions,if we will process them, when
what that means is if we like,let's say shame, let's say shame
comes in my I have a thoughtabout shame or whatever it comes
in my body, I fit with it and Ilike, I acknowledge, like, oh,
(18:17):
this is shame and I feel it inmy body I feel it right, here,
right, and we sit there, weacknowledge it and we breathe
through it and we allow it.
It takes 90 seconds for thatenergetic reaction to dissipate
yes, we're so uncomfortable withallowing it yeah, no, we gotta
(18:39):
go distract from that.
We gotta go get on netflix now.
We gotta go scroll social media.
Gotta go eat, gotta go vape,whatever your vice is right
because we want to get out ofthat emotion, sister.
It's running in the background.
Then, yes, and remember, youremotions drive your behaviors
yes, oh my gosh, the the chucklecame from.
Angie Colee (19:01):
When you said it's running in the background, my
brain instantly imagined thislike this meat computer, right,
that's driving our littleskeleton suit.
And how often we've gotprograms running in the
background of our actualcomputers that are just taking
up bandwidth and energy andslowing things down and forcing
a crash when the computer isoverloaded and can't handle all
(19:22):
of this.
So I just got thisinstantaneous mental image of
that and was like that's funny.
It's so funny how timely all ofthis stuff is.
I was scrolling through TikTokthis morning and watched this
wonderful creator.
He specializes in helping youngboys and young men process their
emotions and he gave this youngboy a medicine ball, a weighted
(19:47):
ball, and he put something onthe ground and he said this is
your hopes, your dreams, yourfuture.
What is holding onto this angergoing to do to it?
And he has the boy hold themedicine ball right over this
thing, his future, right?
What are you going to do toyour future if you keep holding
on to this anger?
Right, you're going to destroyit, you're going to explode it.
(20:07):
You're going to drop this angeron it and everything is going
to be destroyed, right, andthat's not to be catastrophic or
thinking, but these things,when we don't deal with them,
when we don't acknowledge them,when we refuse their existence,
when we don't allow them, theydo blow up and center everything
in our lives.
And so it was so justgratifying and I got a little
bit teary eyed seeing thislittle boy struggling to hold
(20:29):
this weight and he goes.
I have to put it down.
And he put it down on theground and I was like, oh, that
feels like it healed somethingin my, my inner chest.
Kimberly Jarman (20:39):
Yeah, you know, I love like digging into, like
the science behind emotion, solike anger.
Anger is an emotion that sayssomething unfair has happened to
me and because of the chemicalreaction from anger.
It moves us to action, to rightthe wrong, yes, but if we don't
close that loop like I don'treally necessarily love the idea
(21:02):
of like letting it go, becausethat is, it's a highly charged
anger is like I like the idea ofacknowledging it and then
moving it out of the body withsome kind of like movement,
right, like going to a crossfitworkout, you know, like
intentionally, I'm doing this tomove this emotion out, so then
(21:24):
I can move back to my prefrontalcortex, which that's where
critical thinking is, that'swhere logical thinking is,
that's where thinking aboutgoals and dreams all of that
lives in the prefrontal cortex,right.
But when we're like in angerand shame, like we're down there
in the primal brain, and theprimal brain is all about
survival, that's it.
(21:45):
It's that nervous system likefight, fight, fight, fight,
fight, fight, fight, fight,freeze and fawn response, right,
and it disconnects you from theprefrontal cortex because it's
all about survival at that point.
So that's what I want to circleback to.
Like I chuckle when people likeoh, you know, like those people
(22:06):
like that have some likeneurochemical things going on
and like it's almost as if likethere's like the elite that
don't like there's this group ofpeople that are not even at it.
But like I've been doing thisfor a while and I can't even
remember how many tests we haveand I've I've coached men, so I
have some men's samples on thisright.
Not one of them have come backin normal ranges and you want to
(22:29):
know why.
No one is the exception to therule in this.
Stress throws off all of yourneurochemicals and your hormones
, so no one is exempt to notbeing chemically balanced.
I'm sorry, I know that breakssome people's hearts because
they want to believe that onlythe mental or neurochemically
imbalanced.
Not true.
Angie Colee (22:49):
If you experience stress on a pretty regular basis
, I can guarantee you that youare not neurochemically balanced
that's such a good point tomake, because I feel like we
create this mental dividing linebetween like good and bad, or
successful and not successful,worthy and unworthy, based on
some of these things.
And then there's this societalcapitalistic pressure to perform
(23:13):
, earn your place in the world,do, do, do and like.
We place a lot less value onbeing being a good human being,
a good partner, uh,communicating with people, this
innately human stuff that youdon't really see happening
elsewhere in the in the world.
And then we feel this pressureof like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna
(23:33):
get fired, and not to belittleanybody's job or the intensity
of your feelings, but like, ifwe can zoom out right, if we can
decenter ourselves from theuniverse I say that with all the
love I have, because I can getthis dramatic too right, does
this really matter in a hundredyears?
Does this really matter in 50years, in five years?
Right, it feels life or deathright now.
(23:55):
And that's tripping us into thisstress state where, you know,
the the the lower the primalbrain, like you said, is going
I'm going to die, I'm going todie, I'm going to die, I'm going
to die when the moreintellectual brain realizes I
might lose my job over this, butI trust myself.
Right, there's that old um uhanalogy of the bird doesn't
trust a branch that it's sittingon.
(24:16):
It trusts itself to be able tofly away.
That's good.
That's one of my favorites andthat's I really want to get more
humans, and especially moreentrepreneurs and more creatives
, to trust that.
I don't trust this job to holdme up.
I trust myself to lift myselfup.
Kimberly Jarman (24:34):
That's where you find emotional freedom,
right.
That's where you find thefreedom that we're all seeking,
seeking emotional freedom.
And that's where you findemotional freedom, right.
That's where you find thefreedom that we're all seeking
emotional freedom.
And that's like I don'tadvertise in my coaching program
.
I'm like we're gonna heal yourrelationship with yourself
because nobody's like, yes, I'mgonna pay thousands of dollars
for that, but that is like theultimate end of the day, work
(24:54):
right Is like we're healing yourrelationship with yourself so
you can trust yourself more thananyone and you can believe in
yourself more than anyways.
Because when we have that likejust neutralizes the world, like
when I could develop that skillset of like trusting myself and
believing myself in my own backright, most things are just I
(25:17):
have.
I have stress resilience.
Now my brain isn't constantlyreceiving things as stressful
because it always has thisbackground thought which I
thought it too.
I can always figure it out.
I'm a human that will alwaysfigure it out.
So, like things just don't seemlike that big a deal.
But I've intentionally done thework to create that stress
(25:39):
resilience, to retrain my brainto like okay, not everything is
a threat, not everything is full, everything's figureoutable,
right that is not my quote.
Angie Colee (25:51):
I think I heard that first with Marie Forleo,
but I've totally stolen itmyself too.
Everything is figureoutable.
Kimberly Jarman (25:56):
But when we live especially if you come from
trauma right we live in chronicfight or flight.
Our nervous system ischronically dysregulated.
And when our nervous system ischronically dysregulated, then
we're living in our limbic andour primal brain and things just
become harder.
I'm not saying that peoplecan't create success without
coaching or without my type ofcoaching.
(26:17):
I'm not saying that peoplecan't create success without
coaching or without my type ofcoaching.
I'm not saying that people doit every day.
But my mission is like let'screate success from a place of
like.
I desire this and I'm doingthis because I desire it and
because I want to contribute,not because I'm trying to prove
myself and prove my worth,because that is where hustle
(26:38):
energy comes from, that's wheregraspy energy comes from and
that's where grindy energy comesfrom.
And with an entrepreneurspecifically, I think the
percentage is like 70 to 80% ofwomen that are entrepreneurs
that hit burnout, receive anautoimmune diagnosis.
Angie Colee (26:57):
Wow, that's terrifying.
I mean I don't know how else toprocess that.
That is really scary, because Ithink that that's serious
enough to respect and to honorabout ourselves.
That, as we're out therehustling and grinding and
seeking this external validationwhich nine times out of 10
(27:18):
arbitrary statistic I just madeup right Never actually comes
right, they don't give us thepraise, they don't give us the
awards, they don't tell us we'vedone a good job and yet we're
constantly striving for that.
So, like, at what point do youdevelop the internal fortitude
to say I did a good job?
I'm really proud of that work.
I saw how that person reactedto this and that makes me feel
(27:41):
good.
Kimberly Jarman (27:42):
Even if you were to get it honestly, as many
female entrepreneurs as I'vebeen around and worked with,
it's never enough.
It's about a seven, eight hourI'm making up a number right,
less than 24 hours of like oh, Imade it, I hit that six figure,
I hit that seven figure, I hitwhatever.
(28:03):
It is Like I made it.
And then, within 24 hours, weare already moved on to like
feeling back to how we feltbefore and it's like okay,
what's now?
We have to like level up again.
What's the next goalpost?
And it's this chronic chasing,chasing, chasing that you'll
spend your entire life doing,Unless you've learned how to
(28:26):
heal your relationship withyourself and be your own
validator.
Angie Colee (28:31):
Well, it's interesting To me.
This ties back to impostersyndrome, which, you know, a lot
of people tend to assume thatthat's reserved for people on
the beginning or the growthstage of their journey, and I've
been, fortunate enough, likeI've been in the room, like you
said, with seven, eight, ninefigure entrepreneurs and beyond
and I was I was shocked.
I was shocked.
(28:51):
I'm sitting there, myoverachiever self, with my notes
, ready to learn the secret.
I finally got into this roomand the secret is there is no
secret.
You encounter the same humanproblems in an upward spiral
until the day that you die,right, it's the same issues that
demand to be dealt with.
It's a new level that isforcing you out of your comfort
zone, which, by its very youknow that existence of stepping
(29:15):
out of your comfort zone.
You feel like an imposter, likeany day.
Somebody is going to figure outthat you've tricked your way
all the way and it's going tocome crumbling down Right.
This actually came up recentlyin a LinkedIn thread Shout out
to Stuart, if he's listeningwhere he was talking about
imposter syndrome, and I toldhim the funny thing about
imposter syndrome is everybody,every single person out there
(29:36):
that I have spoken to,experiences this constantly,
chronically.
They don't ever feel likethey've gotten to a level where
it's all right.
I know what I'm doing and I'msure that there are folks out
there I haven't met thempersonally, but the majority of
people seem to go I don't know.
I don't know that I ever feelcomfortable.
And I told him I worked with apretty big name, somebody that
(29:56):
arguably had a very establishedbusiness that one day he said we
were doing a new launch.
It was a new strategy.
We were fairly confident it wasgoing to work because he has a
long, proven track record.
But he just threw out therelike this is the one, this is
the one that I can't pay themortgage and I can't afford the
team.
And I was like, oh my God, likeI'm the head of your marketing
(30:18):
team, and now I'm suddenly veryscared.
And he goes no, no, this isjust, it's morbid humor.
Right, the mortgage is paid offand we've got enough in capital
reserves to pay the team.
But like every time going into alaunch like this, when we're
especially when we're doing anew offer, I just feel like
we're going to lose everything.
It's going to fail.
And then I told you know, inthis LinkedIn conversation.
(30:41):
I think the cool thing aboutthat was it gave me the
opportunity to recognize we allfeel that fear, but some of us
let us let it stop us and someof us feel the fear and do the
damn thing Anyway we just keepmoving on right, like it's just
one step in front of the other,one step in front of the other.
Kimberly Jarman (30:57):
I remember my first coach was Brooke Castillo.
I don't know if you're familiarwith Brooke, right, extremely
successful in the coaching world, I think like what?
$56 million last year orsomething, especially in her
business.
I remember her telling me likeKim, look like the human
experience, it's 50-50, right,she's like at a million dollars,
(31:17):
still 50-50 for for me.
When I hit 25 million, still 50, 50 for me.
Here today, still 50, 50.
So like you, just still, likeI'm still I have a human brain
and I experience the humanexperience.
I experience all the thingsthat all of you do.
The money never fit, like nomatter my level of success or
money, like I'm not, not exemptfrom it, and I was just like
(31:42):
okay.
Angie Colee (31:43):
I love that, not exempt from it.
And I think that applies to somany pursuits and so many vices
that we use to try and feel goodenough, right, the right
relationship, the right job, theright status, the money, the
car, whatever we're using to tryand feel like enough, you know
it's, it's not going to feellike enough until you address
(32:03):
that relationship with yourself,like you said.
Kimberly Jarman (32:06):
I, I had a coach one time, I think it was.
I had a coach one time I heardher say to a group of people she
was like um, entrepreneurshipis signing up for a lifetime
self-development course.
Angie Colee (32:21):
I laughed because that is, that was like well, the
biggest realization to severalyears into me.
Like I didn't sign up forpersonal development, I wanted
to make money, damn it.
Kimberly Jarman (32:34):
Yeah, and with each new level becomes a new
self-development like lesson,like it's just you either choose
to do the self-development workand you sign up for
entrepreneurship and, like I'min for doing self-development
and like constantly having tolook at like these blinders and
these insecurities and thesewounds from childhood, or I
choose not to do it and that'stotally fine too.
(32:54):
But my businesses are going tobe successful as an entrepreneur
if I don't do the inside work.
Angie Colee (32:59):
You know the thought that popped into my head
when you were saying all ofthat is are you familiar with
Carol Dweck and mindset?
Oh God, I was so fortunate oneday to have a mentor who flat
out said, like he's listening tome, talk, complain, bitch,
before being honest about thesecircumstances that I feel
totally stuck in.
And that was when I wastransitioning out of my
(33:19):
corporate job to freelance forthe first time and he just
casually and very lovingly threwout you know what?
I think a good book for you toread would be Mindset by Carol
Dweck.
And I, you know, was in thatphase of learning and growth
where I was like, yes, I'mtaking this recommendation.
I got the book that day, I readthrough it and when I got to
the end I was like, oh, I seewhat you were saying.
(33:42):
That was a roundabout way ofsaying you're stuck in a fixed
mindset, which is very much.
I'm the victim.
There's all these things outthere that I can't control, that
are working against me.
I'm not responsible for thissituation.
I'm in Whereas somebody andthat's a very rigid place to be,
and we all know when you arevery rigid, that's when things
break in a very big way Whereasa growth mindset is a lot more
(34:07):
flexible.
It doesn't look to takeownership of an entire problem.
Right, I'm not looking to blamemyself for things that happen,
but I'm also looking for mypeace.
And what's the part of thisthat I can control and what can
I learn from this particularsituation that I'm in that I can
take and make my situationbetter, moving forward?
Right, one of these is veryvictim, very stuck, very doesn't
(34:29):
see the opportunities right infront of their face.
Because, you know this, thisdoor is not open.
And one is very open topossibilities, including maybe
I'm wrong about this, maybe Icould do something differently,
even if it's uncomfortable.
Kimberly Jarman (34:43):
It's like you're not alone, alone.
That's like, in my opinion, themajority of I can only speak.
I'm I've only lived in the us,so I will only speak of the us.
It's the majority of us mindset, like that's what we have been
conditioned to believe, that'swhat's been taught generation
after generation, and like I'mnot throwing shade to anyone,
(35:04):
it's just that's the culturalmindset that we are brought up
in is very much that mindset.
Angie Colee (35:12):
Yeah, I described it similarly with people that
I've coached as as a filter.
Right, if you have come up asan employee which most of us in
the States have, right, thewhole education system.
I'm not even going to go intothat rant about how we're
basically indoctrinated to begood workers, follow all the
rules, get an?
A right, that's a rant foranother day.
(35:33):
But, like, you're brought up tobe a good worker to follow all
the steps to get your paycheck,so that's the only filter that
you have to solve problems whenyou go out on your own as an
entrepreneur unless you happento be raised in an
entrepreneurial family or youtook some sort of
entrepreneurial classes thatchallenged that kind of thinking
(35:54):
, right?
So you can't beat yourself upfor only working with what you
know, because that's all youhave.
Like, how do you expectyourself to know what you don't
know?
Right?
Kimberly Jarman (36:01):
You don't, we don't know what we don't know
and we, and if we don't knowwhat we don't know and we, and
if we don't know what we don'tknow, then we can't ask the
questions that we need to ask.
And I think that's why it's so,so important to have like
mentors and or coaches, likecause they're going to help you
be able to, like start seeingwhat you don't know, to start
articulating the questions thatyou need to be asking.
(36:21):
That's my personal experience.
Angie Colee (36:23):
Yes, no, I totally agree with you on that, and I
think it also ties into peoplewho are in the newer stage of
entrepreneurship who can oftenfollow into this trap of I don't
have enough expertise,especially in comparison to
somebody else, like you broughtup Brooke Castillo, right?
Yes, we're both raising ourhands there.
Brooke is an amazing coach.
I knew about her by reputationlong before I followed her stuff
(36:44):
.
If I fell into a trap of goingwell, what kind of coach am I in
comparison to her?
I could super easily just getstuck in this anxiety spiral and
just never feel good enoughwhen the power comes from.
Adjusting that mindset andthinking okay, what are my
strengths?
What's really good about thework that I've done, what have
people said about me that makesme feel really good about my
(37:06):
approach, and how can I keepgetting better?
Like none of these things aremutually exclusive.
They all work together.
That's what makes it supercomplicated to be human and be
in business.
Kimberly Jarman (37:16):
Yeah, and you know, what's interesting on that
is like I for some reason, Ialways I think maybe because I
had a background in counseling Ijust always had this belief
that I was like I'm a damn goodcoach, like put me head to head
with Brooke and like I will holdmy own.
Where my gap was was in mybelief in being a business woman
, and that's where I fell intothe not trusting myself, not
(37:41):
listening to me.
And like looking at these otherlike, let's say, business
coaches that were makingmillions of dollars and thinking
like this way, like they'vedone it, they've made the money,
like they're better businesswomen than me I have to
replicate their way.
And like I get into doing thatright.
And then it's like the businessthat I own is miserable because
(38:04):
I built it like somebody else'sbusiness and it's not an
alignment I didn't take intolike consideration.
Like I don't know if you'refamiliar with the Enneagram, I
like it, but like the coach thatI was following, which a lot of
coaches do, like she's anEnneagram three.
Well, I'm an Enneagram eight.
We have very differentpersonalities.
(38:24):
There's no way I was ever goingto be able to replicate what
she did, but, yeah, I was usingit as evidence for a couple
years as to why I was not a goodbusiness person.
I was never going to make itand I was just like.
I guess that's part of theentrepreneurial journey is like
that like growing and developingand like starting to see things
(38:45):
a little bit more clearly andbuilding that trust in yourself.
Angie Colee (38:48):
Yes, and giving yourself permission to examine
your own wants and your ownneeds, right?
A lot of us don't know what wewant and we're too scared to ask
for what we want, so we justcreate this.
Okay, well, that that seemslike it's good enough to aim for
and we don't examine thatcritically.
Why am I going for that?
What do I hope to achieve fromthat?
(39:08):
I was on a networking call thismorning where they asked that
and it was like what do you want?
What's your bigger vision fromthe business?
And it was interesting.
It was fascinating to me to seehow many people the bigger
vision for their business wastied to a lot of self-worth
stuff.
I want to be the firstmillionaire in my family.
(39:32):
I want to retire my spouse oh,that's right, yes, and they're
talking about all of that stuff.
And then the host of this callsays, okay, I love that, and how
does this tie to your business?
I mean, I understand that as agoal, but like what?
Your customers aren't going tosupport you and being the first
millionaire right, like that's,that's not the big vision,
that's what you hope to get outof the big vision, but like why,
what to what ends?
(39:53):
How does this help you?
How does this help the worldRight?
And got us to think deeper,beyond our personal wants.
I don't know.
I just love that.
Kimberly Jarman (40:01):
I knew I had a bigger desire.
Like I knew the mental healthsystem needed to be challenged,
because I, in my opinion, it'snot working.
I mean, another number I canthrow out there is we went from
22 veterans suicides a day threeyears ago to now we're at 31 a
day.
Again, it's not working.
I, that was like it's.
I started my business and Iknew that was like the vision.
(40:22):
But there was a lot of metrying to prove my self-worth
and like I want to be in firstmillionaire, I want to be the
first entrepreneur, I want toshow my niece what's possible,
Right, and it let me earn outbecause I was just constantly in
like grindy, like graspy energy.
Angie Colee (40:39):
Oh, I, I totally get that and I I remember being
pushed at a business event lastyear.
Shout out to Donnie and thebadass business summit.
Totally get that.
And I remember being pushed ata business event last year.
Shout out to Donnie and theBadass Business Summit.
But I was at a point where Iwanted to burn my business down
and pivot hard and he caughtthat.
I didn't really want to do that, but that's what I thought I
wanted to do.
I thought that would be easierthan facing myself and what I
wanted.
And he pushed me.
(41:00):
And he pushed me and he askedme why do you do what you do?
And I, like, I started tearingup and I said because I don't
want a single other creativeperson going to their grave
thinking that they weren't goodenough and like, especially as
it pertains to people who aretrying to make a living in the
arts, who produce clothes ormusic or fashion or something
(41:22):
that inspires the world, thatexemplifies what it means to be
human.
What other species do you knowthat creates art, that just
creates, to create stuff becauseit's beautiful and it's
inspiring?
Right, you can make a businessof that.
That's worthy and you can learnbusiness.
Business is a skill, just likewe talked about.
It's a skill and it'sself-development.
(41:43):
It's like 90% self-developmentand 10% skill, but you can learn
it and use your art.
Kimberly Jarman (41:50):
yeah, I'm getting all verklempt yeah, I
mean, I think that needs to betalked about more.
Right, like all these are skillsets, just acquired skill sets.
And I think one time it's funny, my massage therapist shout out
to Kara, like I mean she was myformer client, I had coached,
so she was ninja and me and likeusing my coaching against me as
(42:13):
she's massaging I wasstruggling with like worthiness.
And she was like look, kim,like you are an incredible coach
, but it's not because you wentthrough these coaching programs.
It's not because you wentthrough these coaching programs,
it's not because of yourmaster's degree, it's innately
who you are and those thingsenhanced.
Angie Colee (42:36):
Those.
Are you investing in that skilland bringing it to the surface
and honing it?
Kimberly Jarman (42:40):
Right, cause I had this idea that like I was
great because of the coachingprograms, I was great because of
my master's degree, not becauseof who Kim was, and she was
like no, that was like that'sinnately you.
Those things just enhanced whoyou are, that's it.
But those things were you.
And then I also look, you knowI have a lot of trauma and so
like there's certain things thatI show up in the world,
(43:01):
behavior patterns from it.
Um, and then I ref reframedthat too.
I was like okay, trauma didn'tcreate these behavior patterns,
these behavior patterns werealready like Kim, it just
intensified those things.
Right, and I could like kind oflike put myself back together
and see like oh, I am, like whoI am is like unique, you can't
(43:27):
replicate Kim.
And no matter what happens inmy life, whether it's trauma or
like investing in things, it'sjust an intensification or an
enhancement of things thatalready lie beneath, they're
already in a of who I am, andthat really helped me like
overcome that, like worthiness,enough stuff.
(43:48):
Cause it was like like it cannever be earned, it can never be
taken away from, like this isjust like the innate soul DNA of
me, that life either just like,enhances those things or
intensifies not.
It doesn't add to or take away.
I love that you are the specialsauce.
Angie Colee (44:08):
You are the thing that makes your business, that
makes your approach, that makesyour perspective needed in the
world, so desperately needed,Even if you feel like you're
saying the same thing thousandsof others have said before you.
Your unique take, your uniqueperspective, that thing that
makes you you is what's going tomake it resonate and connect
with the right person, andthat's what I love about doing
(44:29):
all this work and having theseconversations like ah, I want to
keep going for like five morehours because I feel like we
could rant about some reallygood stuff, but instead I'm
going to say, hey, we're goingto sign up for a part two and,
please, you've been a fantasticguest.
Kimberly Jarman (44:48):
So tell us a little bit more about your
business and how we can workwith you.
Well, you can find me atKimberlyJarmonCoachingcom or
Instagram at Kimberly JarmonCoaching or TikTok at Kimberly
Jarmon.
So that's kind of where I hangout and about my business.
Yeah, Like I just love workingwith those women that just know
they're meant for more and theykind of want that help to like
(45:11):
believe in themselves, buildthat self-confidence that
rejects from resilience, andthey want to.
They know what they want to do.
They may not be able to bereally clear on it, but they
know they want to make an impact.
Angie Colee (45:18):
Amen, amen, amen.
I'm going to make sure thatthere are clickable links in the
show notes so that they caneasily check you out.
And thank you, just thank youagain.
This was such a greatconversation.
Yeah, thanks so much for havingme.
That's all for now.
If you want to keep thatkick-ass energy high, please
take a minute to share thisepisode with someone that might
need a high-octane dose of youcan do it.
(45:39):
Don't forget to rate, reviewand subscribe to the Permission
to Kick-Ass podcast on ApplePodcasts to rate, review and
subscribe to the Permission toKick Ass podcast on Apple
Podcasts, spotify and whereveryou stream your podcasts.
I'm your host, angie Coley, andI'm here rooting for you.
Thanks for listening and let'sgo kick some ass.
Welcome to Permission to Kick Ass, the show
that gives you a virtual seatat the bar for the real
conversations that happenbetween entrepreneurs.
I'm interviewing all kinds ofbusiness owners, from those just
a few years into freelancing toCEOs helming nine-figure
companies.
If you've ever worried thateveryone else just seems to get
it and you're missing somethingor messing things up, this show
(00:24):
is for you.
I'm your host, Angie Coley, andlet's get to it.
Hey, and welcome back toPermission to Kick Ass.
With me today is my new friend,Kimberly Jarman Say hi, hi guys
, I'm so happy to be here.
We already spent a good amountof pre-recording time talking
about our respective cats, whichmakes me incredibly happy for
(00:47):
this conversation.
So Kimberly has a new kittenaddition to the family and, as
usual, stella is sitting at myright hand preparing while we
record this.
But anyway, cat rants aside,please tell us a little bit
about your business.
Kimberly Jarman (00:59):
Yeah, so I'm a performance coach for women.
I help them, which that means Ijust help them perform at their
highest potential, and we do itthrough neuroscience-based
mindset work and neurochemicallybiohacking, like optimizing
their neurotransmitters andtheir hormones so they can think
at a higher level to reachtheir goals at a faster rate and
(01:20):
avoid that burnout and chronicstress.
Angie Colee (01:22):
I like that.
That makes me curious, becauseI've heard a lot about
biohacking and all of that stuff.
I don't think I've ever heardabout it from a woman's
perspective.
It's definitely usually dudes,and no shade or hate to you
dudes.
We just have different bodies,we have different hormones, so
we need different solutions.
Kimberly Jarman (01:42):
Yeah, and I think also when you like hear
the word biohacking out there inthe wild west of the internet,
you're talking a lot about likesupplementing with, like a
supplement or doing like a coldplunge right Like I'm talking
about literally testing yourneurotransmitters or hormones
and going in and taking specificfoods or specific supplements
(02:02):
to target those, to optimizetheir levels.
Angie Colee (02:06):
Can you tell me more about that?
I'm just curious about thisprocess.
Kimberly Jarman (02:09):
Yeah, so kind of to back up and like, why do I
do this, why do I value this?
So my business partner is alicensed naturopathic doctor.
Her and I have a podcast and Iwas really obsessed.
I was in a coaching thecommunity.
Like the lineage of coachings Icame out of they're very seven,
(02:30):
eight figure earners, right,and so I was like, okay, like
this is possible.
And so I started obsessingabout entrepreneurs that are
really successful, like ElonMusk, and so we were doing a
podcast episode over that and Iwas like what makes, now that I
know the model and I know howthe human brain works and what
like drives our actions and howwe create results, like what
(02:51):
makes Elon different?
And Dr Carmen, just so casually,was like, oh, it's serotonin.
Like, when our serotonin is inlike this, like ideal window,
it's so like it's so much easierfor us to experience
self-confidence and rejectionresilience.
When it's outside of thatwindow, like rejection or value
(03:14):
resilience whatever you want tocall it is devastating for a lot
of people.
We're like Elon, you know, likewhat is the 100 million dollars
per rocket that he sends up?
Like, and he sent up what?
Like we're almost like a 10 orsomething that have exploded.
And and he's like, okay, thissucks, but let's go problem
solve for this Right, just likethat is the skillset to be a
(03:38):
successful entrepreneur is likea the self-confidence, the
belief, and B the rejectionresilience.
So I was like, oh wait, likethis is a serotonin thing, like
I've never heard of this.
And so then we started chasing.
I started chasing that rabbittrail and I was like, oh well,
this is how, if our thoughts,our beliefs, if you will drive
(03:59):
our emotions chemically, createour emotions, our emotions drive
our actions and our actionscreate the results in our life,
then we have to go back up tothe belief line, the thought
line, because that's where thewaterfall starts.
Right, if that's where myresults are coming from, then
why don't I just biohack mybrain to get it to perform at a
(04:21):
high level, where I can createself-confidence faster and
easier, where I can haverejection resilience a lot more
easier and instead of having tolike, do a ton of mindset work
to like it's just like a slowclimb Right.
And so when we got into that,it was like, okay, how do we do
this?
So we it's like you start withtesting, like we do a urine and
(04:43):
saliva test.
We send them their home, wetest it and measures all of
their neurotransmitters, howmuch they're actually utilizing
their hormones, because this isa whole system, right, like we
can't isolate out just theneurotransmitters, because the
hormones influence theneurotransmitters.
So then we're testing those.
(05:05):
Where are they at?
How are they impacting eachother?
Now then?
Because the human body, from anaturopathic perspective, is
always trying to move back intohealth.
It's always trying to healitself.
Right?
That's very different thanallopathic medicine,
conventional medicine, which issymptom management, right?
Naturopathic medicine is likethe body has everything it needs
(05:26):
to heal itself.
First, we got to get out of itsown way.
Second, we have to give it themicro needs, trans and needs to
create the building blocks forthe cells to create the things
it needs to to function at anoptimized level.
Angie Colee (05:42):
Wow, this is fascinating.
I listened once upon a timewhen I was driving into work to
another doctor.
I remember the name of hisprogram.
It was fascinating.
I know what to do, so why don'tI do it?
It was this whole like it wasCDs back when you would like pop
a CD in and drive on yourcommute, right.
So I'm listening to this likeeight series CD set, and he was
(06:04):
talking a lot about this, aboutcortisol levels and adaptogens
and all of these chemicals andthese cells and these things
that are happening in your bodyand what happens when they get
out of balance.
So I've always been a littlebit fascinated by this Like was
this something that you alwaysknew you wanted to go into, or
was it that meeting that reallyinspired you down this path?
Kimberly Jarman (06:23):
No, I will try to make this story as short as
possible.
Tell us the full story.
It's all good.
Coaches typically coach whatthey needed, coaching on, right,
like we end up coaching ourpast selves.
Right, my past self was verydriven, but she was also like
she was kind of lost.
Like I went into higher edbecause, like I, that's what I
(06:47):
was supposed to do.
I was supposed to get afull-time job and I needed to
provide for my husband's dream,ex-husband's dream and I was
miserable working for otherpeople.
I hated it and I was doing likemy master's degrees in
counseling and part of gradschool was that we went.
We had to go to therapy toexperience it from the client
(07:08):
side.
When I get in there, I dig inand I'm like, oh, I do have a
lot of trauma.
Right, I kind of knew I did,but I had like religion was a
coping mechanism for me and formy younger self to like get
through the trauma.
So like it was kind ofbypassing that stuff for me.
But I stayed in therapy for 10years, my friend.
Okay, I went through sixdifferent therapists in those 10
(07:31):
years and I was stillstruggling with depression and
suicide radiation.
Then we hit 2016.
I lost everything in a naturaldisaster, got a divorce like got
, of course.
I had PTSD diagnosis slapped onme, right.
So I was tail spinning and Iended up in the psych hospital
in 2000,.
January 2016 for suicide.
(07:54):
And I get out of the psychhospital and I'm like, look, no
one's coming to save me.
No God, no human.
If I want a different life,this is all on Kimberly, it's
all on me.
So I got to figure this shitout and therapy isn't working
for me, obviously.
I've been in it for 10 years.
I'm an eight therapist Now.
(08:14):
This is not working.
So then I just started doing myown work of, like, reading books
, and that's when I foundcoaching, went into the coaching
world, learned the model thatmy thoughts were creating my
emotions and my emotions weredriving my actions and my
actions were creating the world.
I had never heard that, ever.
Never heard it in grad school,I never heard it in therapy, and
it was like what?
(08:34):
So then I'm in like this cohortwith all my like other
classmates, you know, in thecoaching world and like I could
see some of them were makingmore progress than me, faster,
right, and I was still um, Ireally wasn't dealing with
depression anymore.
But there was still a littlebit of anxiety hanging around
(08:54):
and I was like I'm coaching, I'mgetting coached every week, I'm
coaching myself, like, what?
Like why is something still sohard for me, still versus other
people?
And so when Carmen and I hadthat conversation about Elon, it
dawned on me I was like this isthe problem.
This is what I have struggledwith all my life, because a
little bit of the backstory isI've struggled with suicide
(09:17):
ideation since I was 13.
Do you want to guess what alsohappens around that time for
females hormones.
I started my period, right,that was my first period.
So you look at, like, mytimeline, my lifespan, I'm also
infertile.
So then we started digging intohormones and I like I'm
(09:39):
estrogen dominant.
That means that my body doesn'tproduce enough progesterone.
Well, well, guess whatProgesterone is?
What goes to cortisol and thesex hormones, and estrogen is
associated with dopamine.
So my body is like not, andestrogen dominance is associated
with suicide ideation anddepression and infertility and
(10:00):
PCOS and endometriosis, right?
So it was just like this ahamoment for me.
I was like this is why themental health system is broken
Like you're either I'm going inand I'm talking about my past
and I'm leaving cycling the sameshitty thought loops that are
creating my reality, or they'retrying to mend me up.
And I had that's a whole notherconversation about SSRIs, right
(10:25):
, and I'm still circling theseshitty thought loops, like this
is why it's broken.
Like we have to help people,like new thought processes and
new beliefs, but we also have tohelp their body have the
neurochemicals available to beable to think and show up in the
way they want to, because, sidenote, too much serotonin
(10:47):
creates an anxiety state in thebody.
Too little serotonin creates ananxiety state in the body.
So I think that's a very, verylong answer to your question.
But like, no, this isn't what Idreamed of.
This was me trying to solve myown problems.
Angie Colee (11:05):
Yeah, I think that's.
That's fascinating.
I think a lot of us wind up inbusiness for that reason, like
we're trying to solve some sortof problem, um, or we wound up
like helping somebody solvetheir problem and realize that
we were good at something andalso not good at being employees
, and then a business was born.
I wanted to circle back to acouple of things that you said,
(11:27):
like doing what you're supposedto.
I feel like that's a commontheme in these conversations.
I followed all of the steps Idid.
Everything that I was toldleads to happiness, leads to
success, leads to fulfillment.
And I wound up getting screwedover.
You wound up in the hospital, Iwound up living out of my car.
Like a lot of us have thisstory of I'm doing the things
(11:48):
that I'm supposed to do.
Why am I still not happy?
And it could be a lot of this.
Like the mental models are notin place to support you where
you're at, there could beimbalances and things that are
happening within your body thatyou don't entirely understand.
And without that perspectiveand that holistic sense right,
(12:11):
you have no idea what's going on.
We're only just now starting toreally talk about that holistic
approach to all of this and howdifferent levels of chemicals
in your body impact differentactions and different mindsets.
And that leads me to the thingthat I had a similar
breakthrough on thoughts leadingemotions right before I wound
up living in my car because I'mrunning out of money.
I'm living in Los Angeles at thetime a very expensive city and
(12:33):
I know that I'm going to lose myapartment and I don't know what
to do next.
So I'd be waking up at twoo'clock in the morning, three
o'clock in the morning, fullyawake, you know, from dead sleep
, fully awake, mind racing,thoughts, worries, right.
And I instinctively developedthis.
I later learned it was kind ofa meditative practice, but I
would just say I don't have tothink this right now.
This is not actually helping me.
(12:55):
The thing that would help meright now is rest.
So I'm just going to breathedeep, strength, peace, faith in
myself, and I would just focus.
Every time my mind startedracing, I would focus on those
three things and breathing, andeventually I would nod off and
wake up in the morning wellrested.
And that's, I mean, that's whatanxiety loves to convince you
(13:15):
that I need to solve this rightnow.
And until I have a plan likethis is not going to work.
This is not going to work.
I'm going to freak out, but, toquote one of my favorite lines
from a Ryan Reynolds movie, ofall things, worry is like a
rocking chair Feels like you'redoing stuff, but it doesn't get
you anywhere.
Kimberly Jarman (13:32):
Yeah, this is fantastic stuff right and we hit
like 32, 33, 34.
And I'm like we're finally at aplace where we can stop for a
minute and like, look at ourlives and be like that this is
(13:53):
it Like, this is it?
No, I have so much life aheadof me.
This is not going to be what itis for the rest of my life,
because I did what I wassupposed to do.
I did what society told me todo.
They told me to go to college,they told me to get the degrees.
They told me to go get thefull-time job, get married, have
(14:14):
the kids.
Did it Cause I was expectingthat this is what was going to
make me happy, right, and I'mnot.
And that's what was like.
I was so disillusioned.
I was like this is not, like,this cannot be it.
And I would sit at my desk andbe like I know I'm meant for
more.
I was like I know I'm meant formore.
I know I have more potentialthan this.
This is not how I'm going tospend my life doing this, but I
think so many women either gointo careers because that's what
(14:35):
they're supposed to do orbecause it's the safe option.
I can't tell you, because Iworked in higher ed.
I cannot tell you.
I could predict it.
You could predict it down tothe T of the percentages of
girls that would come intohigher ed.
So about 11 years ago, 12 yearsago, they would come in and you
(14:56):
would know.
Let me guess, you want to be ateacher, right?
Then we had a shift, and soabout I don't know, 10 years ago
, they're coming in.
I want to be a nurse and it'slike it's the safe choice.
I guaranteed a job and money,right.
Well, your safe choice and whatyou're supposed to do.
You're going to find yourselfin 32, 33.
(15:20):
Like, what the hell am I doing?
Angie Colee (15:22):
Yeah, I used to always be jealous of those folks
that had a plan and had suchcertainty for their lives until
I realized exactly what you justsaid.
They had a plan and they hadcertainty based on certain
pressures or externalexpectations and guidelines on
how to be happy.
And they would wind up gettingto the same place as me
eventually, like where the hellam I going?
(15:44):
What the hell am I doing?
What even is my purpose here?
And I don't say that in thedepressive sense, but just that
crisis of I don't know faith ofpurpose that we all have at one
point, or sometimes multiplepoints in our lives, of like
what even is this?
Why am I here?
What am I meant to do, god?
(16:06):
It would be nice if somebodyjust came along and gave me a
cheat sheet or an exercise orsomething.
Kimberly Jarman (16:09):
But you know, we just don't have the
self-confidence at that pointright, like we don't, especially
as women, and I don't think westart developing like.
From my coaching perspective,self-confidence is four
components trusting ourselves,believing in ourselves, your own
back and being willing to fillall the emotions.
Right, we haven't developedthat in our twenties and it's
(16:30):
like we start hitting ourthirties and we got enough of
like life bitch slaps underneathus.
They're like all right, allright.
I see you Like I got a littlebit more confidence now to kind
of stand up and be like I'm notdoing.
Angie Colee (16:43):
This little bit more confidence now to kind of
stand up and be like I'm notdoing this, no, yes, yes.
Well, that's.
It's so funny, like I think alot of us, male and female,
everybody we've been told that,like showing emotions is somehow
weak, is somehow not strong.
If you melt down, if you gettoo, if you've been pushed too
far, if you know you have somesort of reaction that is not
(17:04):
just straightforward, buttoneddown and closed off, you can't
see what I'm feeling, thatyou're somehow weak and I
actually think that that leadsto a lot of the health crisis
and mental health crises that weface is pretending like those
things don't exist and like wecould.
Just I talked about it in mybook a little bit.
It feels like we ever had oneof those boogie boards or a
beach ball or something, and youwere in the pool and you were
(17:25):
trying to hold it down under thesurface of the water and
eventually that thing pops outand uppercuts you straight in
the face.
Kimberly Jarman (17:31):
There's science to back that.
Like well, we resist, persist,like there are chemical reaction
and energetic reaction insideyour body that you can either
process out or you can choose tostore that, suppress it, resist
it and it's gonna.
It's just gonna like I don'tknow if you've read the body
keeps the score, like it's gonnastore in the body, you know,
(17:54):
and it's like research.
Um, I think doctor I can'tremember his name he published
research showing that emotions,if we will process them, when
what that means is if we like,let's say shame, let's say shame
comes in my I have a thoughtabout shame or whatever it comes
in my body, I fit with it and Ilike, I acknowledge, like, oh,
(18:17):
this is shame and I feel it inmy body I feel it right, here,
right, and we sit there, weacknowledge it and we breathe
through it and we allow it.
It takes 90 seconds for thatenergetic reaction to dissipate
yes, we're so uncomfortable withallowing it yeah, no, we gotta
(18:39):
go distract from that.
We gotta go get on netflix now.
We gotta go scroll social media.
Gotta go eat, gotta go vape,whatever your vice is right
because we want to get out ofthat emotion, sister.
It's running in the background.
Then, yes, and remember, youremotions drive your behaviors
yes, oh my gosh, the the chucklecame from.
Angie Colee (19:01):
When you said it's running in the background, my
brain instantly imagined thislike this meat computer, right,
that's driving our littleskeleton suit.
And how often we've gotprograms running in the
background of our actualcomputers that are just taking
up bandwidth and energy andslowing things down and forcing
a crash when the computer isoverloaded and can't handle all
(19:22):
of this.
So I just got thisinstantaneous mental image of
that and was like that's funny.
It's so funny how timely all ofthis stuff is.
I was scrolling through TikTokthis morning and watched this
wonderful creator.
He specializes in helping youngboys and young men process their
emotions and he gave this youngboy a medicine ball, a weighted
(19:47):
ball, and he put something onthe ground and he said this is
your hopes, your dreams, yourfuture.
What is holding onto this angergoing to do to it?
And he has the boy hold themedicine ball right over this
thing, his future, right?
What are you going to do toyour future if you keep holding
on to this anger?
Right, you're going to destroyit, you're going to explode it.
(20:07):
You're going to drop this angeron it and everything is going
to be destroyed, right, andthat's not to be catastrophic or
thinking, but these things,when we don't deal with them,
when we don't acknowledge them,when we refuse their existence,
when we don't allow them, theydo blow up and center everything
in our lives.
And so it was so justgratifying and I got a little
bit teary eyed seeing thislittle boy struggling to hold
(20:29):
this weight and he goes.
I have to put it down.
And he put it down on theground and I was like, oh, that
feels like it healed somethingin my, my inner chest.
Kimberly Jarman (20:39):
Yeah, you know, I love like digging into, like
the science behind emotion, solike anger.
Anger is an emotion that sayssomething unfair has happened to
me and because of the chemicalreaction from anger.
It moves us to action, to rightthe wrong, yes, but if we don't
close that loop like I don'treally necessarily love the idea
(21:02):
of like letting it go, becausethat is, it's a highly charged
anger is like I like the idea ofacknowledging it and then
moving it out of the body withsome kind of like movement,
right, like going to a crossfitworkout, you know, like
intentionally, I'm doing this tomove this emotion out, so then
(21:24):
I can move back to my prefrontalcortex, which that's where
critical thinking is, that'swhere logical thinking is,
that's where thinking aboutgoals and dreams all of that
lives in the prefrontal cortex,right.
But when we're like in angerand shame, like we're down there
in the primal brain, and theprimal brain is all about
survival, that's it.
(21:45):
It's that nervous system likefight, fight, fight, fight,
fight, fight, fight, fight,freeze and fawn response, right,
and it disconnects you from theprefrontal cortex because it's
all about survival at that point.
So that's what I want to circleback to.
Like I chuckle when people likeoh, you know, like those people
(22:06):
like that have some likeneurochemical things going on
and like it's almost as if likethere's like the elite that
don't like there's this group ofpeople that are not even at it.
But like I've been doing thisfor a while and I can't even
remember how many tests we haveand I've I've coached men, so I
have some men's samples on thisright.
Not one of them have come backin normal ranges and you want to
(22:29):
know why.
No one is the exception to therule in this.
Stress throws off all of yourneurochemicals and your hormones
, so no one is exempt to notbeing chemically balanced.
I'm sorry, I know that breakssome people's hearts because
they want to believe that onlythe mental or neurochemically
imbalanced.
Not true.
Angie Colee (22:49):
If you experience stress on a pretty regular basis
, I can guarantee you that youare not neurochemically balanced
that's such a good point tomake, because I feel like we
create this mental dividing linebetween like good and bad, or
successful and not successful,worthy and unworthy, based on
some of these things.
And then there's this societalcapitalistic pressure to perform
(23:13):
, earn your place in the world,do, do, do and like.
We place a lot less value onbeing being a good human being,
a good partner, uh,communicating with people, this
innately human stuff that youdon't really see happening
elsewhere in the in the world.
And then we feel this pressureof like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna
(23:33):
get fired, and not to belittleanybody's job or the intensity
of your feelings, but like, ifwe can zoom out right, if we can
decenter ourselves from theuniverse I say that with all the
love I have, because I can getthis dramatic too right, does
this really matter in a hundredyears?
Does this really matter in 50years, in five years?
Right, it feels life or deathright now.
(23:55):
And that's tripping us into thisstress state where, you know,
the the the lower the primalbrain, like you said, is going
I'm going to die, I'm going todie, I'm going to die, I'm going
to die when the moreintellectual brain realizes I
might lose my job over this, butI trust myself.
Right, there's that old um uhanalogy of the bird doesn't
trust a branch that it's sittingon.
(24:16):
It trusts itself to be able tofly away.
That's good.
That's one of my favorites andthat's I really want to get more
humans, and especially moreentrepreneurs and more creatives
, to trust that.
I don't trust this job to holdme up.
I trust myself to lift myselfup.
Kimberly Jarman (24:34):
That's where you find emotional freedom,
right.
That's where you find thefreedom that we're all seeking,
seeking emotional freedom.
And that's where you findemotional freedom, right.
That's where you find thefreedom that we're all seeking
emotional freedom.
And that's like I don'tadvertise in my coaching program
.
I'm like we're gonna heal yourrelationship with yourself
because nobody's like, yes, I'mgonna pay thousands of dollars
for that, but that is like theultimate end of the day, work
(24:54):
right Is like we're healing yourrelationship with yourself so
you can trust yourself more thananyone and you can believe in
yourself more than anyways.
Because when we have that likejust neutralizes the world, like
when I could develop that skillset of like trusting myself and
believing myself in my own backright, most things are just I
(25:17):
have.
I have stress resilience.
Now my brain isn't constantlyreceiving things as stressful
because it always has thisbackground thought which I
thought it too.
I can always figure it out.
I'm a human that will alwaysfigure it out.
So, like things just don't seemlike that big a deal.
But I've intentionally done thework to create that stress
(25:39):
resilience, to retrain my brainto like okay, not everything is
a threat, not everything is full, everything's figureoutable,
right that is not my quote.
Angie Colee (25:51):
I think I heard that first with Marie Forleo,
but I've totally stolen itmyself too.
Everything is figureoutable.
Kimberly Jarman (25:56):
But when we live especially if you come from
trauma right we live in chronicfight or flight.
Our nervous system ischronically dysregulated.
And when our nervous system ischronically dysregulated, then
we're living in our limbic andour primal brain and things just
become harder.
I'm not saying that peoplecan't create success without
coaching or without my type ofcoaching.
(26:17):
I'm not saying that peoplecan't create success without
coaching or without my type ofcoaching.
I'm not saying that people doit every day.
But my mission is like let'screate success from a place of
like.
I desire this and I'm doingthis because I desire it and
because I want to contribute,not because I'm trying to prove
myself and prove my worth,because that is where hustle
(26:38):
energy comes from, that's wheregraspy energy comes from and
that's where grindy energy comesfrom.
And with an entrepreneurspecifically, I think the
percentage is like 70 to 80% ofwomen that are entrepreneurs
that hit burnout, receive anautoimmune diagnosis.
Angie Colee (26:57):
Wow, that's terrifying.
I mean I don't know how else toprocess that.
That is really scary, because Ithink that that's serious
enough to respect and to honorabout ourselves.
That, as we're out therehustling and grinding and
seeking this external validationwhich nine times out of 10
(27:18):
arbitrary statistic I just madeup right Never actually comes
right, they don't give us thepraise, they don't give us the
awards, they don't tell us we'vedone a good job and yet we're
constantly striving for that.
So, like, at what point do youdevelop the internal fortitude
to say I did a good job?
I'm really proud of that work.
I saw how that person reactedto this and that makes me feel
(27:41):
good.
Kimberly Jarman (27:42):
Even if you were to get it honestly, as many
female entrepreneurs as I'vebeen around and worked with,
it's never enough.
It's about a seven, eight hourI'm making up a number right,
less than 24 hours of like oh, Imade it, I hit that six figure,
I hit that seven figure, I hitwhatever.
(28:03):
It is Like I made it.
And then, within 24 hours, weare already moved on to like
feeling back to how we feltbefore and it's like okay,
what's now?
We have to like level up again.
What's the next goalpost?
And it's this chronic chasing,chasing, chasing that you'll
spend your entire life doing,Unless you've learned how to
(28:26):
heal your relationship withyourself and be your own
validator.
Angie Colee (28:31):
Well, it's interesting To me.
This ties back to impostersyndrome, which, you know, a lot
of people tend to assume thatthat's reserved for people on
the beginning or the growthstage of their journey, and I've
been, fortunate enough, likeI've been in the room, like you
said, with seven, eight, ninefigure entrepreneurs and beyond
and I was I was shocked.
I was shocked.
(28:51):
I'm sitting there, myoverachiever self, with my notes
, ready to learn the secret.
I finally got into this roomand the secret is there is no
secret.
You encounter the same humanproblems in an upward spiral
until the day that you die,right, it's the same issues that
demand to be dealt with.
It's a new level that isforcing you out of your comfort
zone, which, by its very youknow that existence of stepping
(29:15):
out of your comfort zone.
You feel like an imposter, likeany day.
Somebody is going to figure outthat you've tricked your way
all the way and it's going tocome crumbling down Right.
This actually came up recentlyin a LinkedIn thread Shout out
to Stuart, if he's listeningwhere he was talking about
imposter syndrome, and I toldhim the funny thing about
imposter syndrome is everybody,every single person out there
(29:36):
that I have spoken to,experiences this constantly,
chronically.
They don't ever feel likethey've gotten to a level where
it's all right.
I know what I'm doing and I'msure that there are folks out
there I haven't met thempersonally, but the majority of
people seem to go I don't know.
I don't know that I ever feelcomfortable.
And I told him I worked with apretty big name, somebody that
(29:56):
arguably had a very establishedbusiness that one day he said we
were doing a new launch.
It was a new strategy.
We were fairly confident it wasgoing to work because he has a
long, proven track record.
But he just threw out therelike this is the one, this is
the one that I can't pay themortgage and I can't afford the
team.
And I was like, oh my God, likeI'm the head of your marketing
(30:18):
team, and now I'm suddenly veryscared.
And he goes no, no, this isjust, it's morbid humor.
Right, the mortgage is paid offand we've got enough in capital
reserves to pay the team.
But like every time going into alaunch like this, when we're
especially when we're doing anew offer, I just feel like
we're going to lose everything.
It's going to fail.
And then I told you know, inthis LinkedIn conversation.
(30:41):
I think the cool thing aboutthat was it gave me the
opportunity to recognize we allfeel that fear, but some of us
let us let it stop us and someof us feel the fear and do the
damn thing Anyway we just keepmoving on right, like it's just
one step in front of the other,one step in front of the other.
Kimberly Jarman (30:57):
I remember my first coach was Brooke Castillo.
I don't know if you're familiarwith Brooke, right, extremely
successful in the coaching world, I think like what?
$56 million last year orsomething, especially in her
business.
I remember her telling me likeKim, look like the human
experience, it's 50-50, right,she's like at a million dollars,
(31:17):
still 50-50 for for me.
When I hit 25 million, still 50, 50 for me.
Here today, still 50, 50.
So like you, just still, likeI'm still I have a human brain
and I experience the humanexperience.
I experience all the thingsthat all of you do.
The money never fit, like nomatter my level of success or
money, like I'm not, not exemptfrom it, and I was just like
(31:42):
okay.
Angie Colee (31:43):
I love that, not exempt from it.
And I think that applies to somany pursuits and so many vices
that we use to try and feel goodenough, right, the right
relationship, the right job, theright status, the money, the
car, whatever we're using to tryand feel like enough, you know
it's, it's not going to feellike enough until you address
(32:03):
that relationship with yourself,like you said.
Kimberly Jarman (32:06):
I, I had a coach one time, I think it was.
I had a coach one time I heardher say to a group of people she
was like um, entrepreneurshipis signing up for a lifetime
self-development course.
Angie Colee (32:21):
I laughed because that is, that was like well, the
biggest realization to severalyears into me.
Like I didn't sign up forpersonal development, I wanted
to make money, damn it.
Kimberly Jarman (32:34):
Yeah, and with each new level becomes a new
self-development like lesson,like it's just you either choose
to do the self-development workand you sign up for
entrepreneurship and, like I'min for doing self-development
and like constantly having tolook at like these blinders and
these insecurities and thesewounds from childhood, or I
choose not to do it and that'stotally fine too.
(32:54):
But my businesses are going tobe successful as an entrepreneur
if I don't do the inside work.
Angie Colee (32:59):
You know the thought that popped into my head
when you were saying all ofthat is are you familiar with
Carol Dweck and mindset?
Oh God, I was so fortunate oneday to have a mentor who flat
out said, like he's listening tome, talk, complain, bitch,
before being honest about thesecircumstances that I feel
totally stuck in.
And that was when I wastransitioning out of my
(33:19):
corporate job to freelance forthe first time and he just
casually and very lovingly threwout you know what?
I think a good book for you toread would be Mindset by Carol
Dweck.
And I, you know, was in thatphase of learning and growth
where I was like, yes, I'mtaking this recommendation.
I got the book that day, I readthrough it and when I got to
the end I was like, oh, I seewhat you were saying.
(33:42):
That was a roundabout way ofsaying you're stuck in a fixed
mindset, which is very much.
I'm the victim.
There's all these things outthere that I can't control, that
are working against me.
I'm not responsible for thissituation.
I'm in Whereas somebody andthat's a very rigid place to be,
and we all know when you arevery rigid, that's when things
break in a very big way Whereasa growth mindset is a lot more
(34:07):
flexible.
It doesn't look to takeownership of an entire problem.
Right, I'm not looking to blamemyself for things that happen,
but I'm also looking for mypeace.
And what's the part of thisthat I can control and what can
I learn from this particularsituation that I'm in that I can
take and make my situationbetter, moving forward?
Right, one of these is veryvictim, very stuck, very doesn't
(34:29):
see the opportunities right infront of their face.
Because, you know this, thisdoor is not open.
And one is very open topossibilities, including maybe
I'm wrong about this, maybe Icould do something differently,
even if it's uncomfortable.
Kimberly Jarman (34:43):
It's like you're not alone, alone.
That's like, in my opinion, themajority of I can only speak.
I'm I've only lived in the us,so I will only speak of the us.
It's the majority of us mindset, like that's what we have been
conditioned to believe, that'swhat's been taught generation
after generation, and like I'mnot throwing shade to anyone,
(35:04):
it's just that's the culturalmindset that we are brought up
in is very much that mindset.
Angie Colee (35:12):
Yeah, I described it similarly with people that
I've coached as as a filter.
Right, if you have come up asan employee which most of us in
the States have, right, thewhole education system.
I'm not even going to go intothat rant about how we're
basically indoctrinated to begood workers, follow all the
rules, get an?
A right, that's a rant foranother day.
(35:33):
But, like, you're brought up tobe a good worker to follow all
the steps to get your paycheck,so that's the only filter that
you have to solve problems whenyou go out on your own as an
entrepreneur unless you happento be raised in an
entrepreneurial family or youtook some sort of
entrepreneurial classes thatchallenged that kind of thinking
(35:54):
, right?
So you can't beat yourself upfor only working with what you
know, because that's all youhave.
Like, how do you expectyourself to know what you don't
know?
Right?
Kimberly Jarman (36:01):
You don't, we don't know what we don't know
and we, and if we don't knowwhat we don't know and we, and
if we don't know what we don'tknow, then we can't ask the
questions that we need to ask.
And I think that's why it's so,so important to have like
mentors and or coaches, likecause they're going to help you
be able to, like start seeingwhat you don't know, to start
articulating the questions thatyou need to be asking.
(36:21):
That's my personal experience.
Angie Colee (36:23):
Yes, no, I totally agree with you on that, and I
think it also ties into peoplewho are in the newer stage of
entrepreneurship who can oftenfollow into this trap of I don't
have enough expertise,especially in comparison to
somebody else, like you broughtup Brooke Castillo, right?
Yes, we're both raising ourhands there.
Brooke is an amazing coach.
I knew about her by reputationlong before I followed her stuff
(36:44):
.
If I fell into a trap of goingwell, what kind of coach am I in
comparison to her?
I could super easily just getstuck in this anxiety spiral and
just never feel good enoughwhen the power comes from.
Adjusting that mindset andthinking okay, what are my
strengths?
What's really good about thework that I've done, what have
people said about me that makesme feel really good about my
(37:06):
approach, and how can I keepgetting better?
Like none of these things aremutually exclusive.
They all work together.
That's what makes it supercomplicated to be human and be
in business.
Kimberly Jarman (37:16):
Yeah, and you know, what's interesting on that
is like I for some reason, Ialways I think maybe because I
had a background in counseling Ijust always had this belief
that I was like I'm a damn goodcoach, like put me head to head
with Brooke and like I will holdmy own.
Where my gap was was in mybelief in being a business woman
, and that's where I fell intothe not trusting myself, not
(37:41):
listening to me.
And like looking at these otherlike, let's say, business
coaches that were makingmillions of dollars and thinking
like this way, like they'vedone it, they've made the money,
like they're better businesswomen than me I have to
replicate their way.
And like I get into doing thatright.
And then it's like the businessthat I own is miserable because
(38:04):
I built it like somebody else'sbusiness and it's not an
alignment I didn't take intolike consideration.
Like I don't know if you'refamiliar with the Enneagram, I
like it, but like the coach thatI was following, which a lot of
coaches do, like she's anEnneagram three.
Well, I'm an Enneagram eight.
We have very differentpersonalities.
(38:24):
There's no way I was ever goingto be able to replicate what
she did, but, yeah, I was usingit as evidence for a couple
years as to why I was not a goodbusiness person.
I was never going to make itand I was just like.
I guess that's part of theentrepreneurial journey is like
that like growing and developingand like starting to see things
(38:45):
a little bit more clearly andbuilding that trust in yourself.
Angie Colee (38:48):
Yes, and giving yourself permission to examine
your own wants and your ownneeds, right?
A lot of us don't know what wewant and we're too scared to ask
for what we want, so we justcreate this.
Okay, well, that that seemslike it's good enough to aim for
and we don't examine thatcritically.
Why am I going for that?
What do I hope to achieve fromthat?
(39:08):
I was on a networking call thismorning where they asked that
and it was like what do you want?
What's your bigger vision fromthe business?
And it was interesting.
It was fascinating to me to seehow many people the bigger
vision for their business wastied to a lot of self-worth
stuff.
I want to be the firstmillionaire in my family.
(39:32):
I want to retire my spouse oh,that's right, yes, and they're
talking about all of that stuff.
And then the host of this callsays, okay, I love that, and how
does this tie to your business?
I mean, I understand that as agoal, but like what?
Your customers aren't going tosupport you and being the first
millionaire right, like that's,that's not the big vision,
that's what you hope to get outof the big vision, but like why,
what to what ends?
(39:53):
How does this help you?
How does this help the worldRight?
And got us to think deeper,beyond our personal wants.
I don't know.
I just love that.
Kimberly Jarman (40:01):
I knew I had a bigger desire.
Like I knew the mental healthsystem needed to be challenged,
because I, in my opinion, it'snot working.
I mean, another number I canthrow out there is we went from
22 veterans suicides a day threeyears ago to now we're at 31 a
day.
Again, it's not working.
I, that was like it's.
I started my business and Iknew that was like the vision.
(40:22):
But there was a lot of metrying to prove my self-worth
and like I want to be in firstmillionaire, I want to be the
first entrepreneur, I want toshow my niece what's possible,
Right, and it let me earn outbecause I was just constantly in
like grindy, like graspy energy.
Angie Colee (40:39):
Oh, I, I totally get that and I I remember being
pushed at a business event lastyear.
Shout out to Donnie and thebadass business summit.
Totally get that.
And I remember being pushed ata business event last year.
Shout out to Donnie and theBadass Business Summit.
But I was at a point where Iwanted to burn my business down
and pivot hard and he caughtthat.
I didn't really want to do that, but that's what I thought I
wanted to do.
I thought that would be easierthan facing myself and what I
wanted.
And he pushed me.
(41:00):
And he pushed me and he askedme why do you do what you do?
And I, like, I started tearingup and I said because I don't
want a single other creativeperson going to their grave
thinking that they weren't goodenough and like, especially as
it pertains to people who aretrying to make a living in the
arts, who produce clothes ormusic or fashion or something
(41:22):
that inspires the world, thatexemplifies what it means to be
human.
What other species do you knowthat creates art, that just
creates, to create stuff becauseit's beautiful and it's
inspiring?
Right, you can make a businessof that.
That's worthy and you can learnbusiness.
Business is a skill, just likewe talked about.
It's a skill and it'sself-development.
(41:43):
It's like 90% self-developmentand 10% skill, but you can learn
it and use your art.
Kimberly Jarman (41:50):
yeah, I'm getting all verklempt yeah, I
mean, I think that needs to betalked about more.
Right, like all these are skillsets, just acquired skill sets.
And I think one time it's funny, my massage therapist shout out
to Kara, like I mean she was myformer client, I had coached,
so she was ninja and me and likeusing my coaching against me as
(42:13):
she's massaging I wasstruggling with like worthiness.
And she was like look, kim,like you are an incredible coach
, but it's not because you wentthrough these coaching programs.
It's not because you wentthrough these coaching programs,
it's not because of yourmaster's degree, it's innately
who you are and those thingsenhanced.
Angie Colee (42:36):
Those.
Are you investing in that skilland bringing it to the surface
and honing it?
Kimberly Jarman (42:40):
Right, cause I had this idea that like I was
great because of the coachingprograms, I was great because of
my master's degree, not becauseof who Kim was, and she was
like no, that was like that'sinnately you.
Those things just enhanced whoyou are, that's it.
But those things were you.
And then I also look, you knowI have a lot of trauma and so
like there's certain things thatI show up in the world,
(43:01):
behavior patterns from it.
Um, and then I ref reframedthat too.
I was like okay, trauma didn'tcreate these behavior patterns,
these behavior patterns werealready like Kim, it just
intensified those things.
Right, and I could like kind oflike put myself back together
and see like oh, I am, like whoI am is like unique, you can't
(43:27):
replicate Kim.
And no matter what happens inmy life, whether it's trauma or
like investing in things, it'sjust an intensification or an
enhancement of things thatalready lie beneath, they're
already in a of who I am, andthat really helped me like
overcome that, like worthiness,enough stuff.
(43:48):
Cause it was like like it cannever be earned, it can never be
taken away from, like this isjust like the innate soul DNA of
me, that life either just like,enhances those things or
intensifies not.
It doesn't add to or take away.
I love that you are the specialsauce.
Angie Colee (44:08):
You are the thing that makes your business, that
makes your approach, that makesyour perspective needed in the
world, so desperately needed,Even if you feel like you're
saying the same thing thousandsof others have said before you.
Your unique take, your uniqueperspective, that thing that
makes you you is what's going tomake it resonate and connect
with the right person, andthat's what I love about doing
(44:29):
all this work and having theseconversations like ah, I want to
keep going for like five morehours because I feel like we
could rant about some reallygood stuff, but instead I'm
going to say, hey, we're goingto sign up for a part two and,
please, you've been a fantasticguest.
Kimberly Jarman (44:48):
So tell us a little bit more about your
business and how we can workwith you.
Well, you can find me atKimberlyJarmonCoachingcom or
Instagram at Kimberly JarmonCoaching or TikTok at Kimberly
Jarmon.
So that's kind of where I hangout and about my business.
Yeah, Like I just love workingwith those women that just know
they're meant for more and theykind of want that help to like
(45:11):
believe in themselves, buildthat self-confidence that
rejects from resilience, andthey want to.
They know what they want to do.
They may not be able to bereally clear on it, but they
know they want to make an impact.
Angie Colee (45:18):
Amen, amen, amen.
I'm going to make sure thatthere are clickable links in the
show notes so that they caneasily check you out.
And thank you, just thank youagain.
This was such a greatconversation.
Yeah, thanks so much for havingme.
That's all for now.
If you want to keep thatkick-ass energy high, please
take a minute to share thisepisode with someone that might
need a high-octane dose of youcan do it.
(45:39):
Don't forget to rate, reviewand subscribe to the Permission
to Kick-Ass podcast on ApplePodcasts to rate, review and
subscribe to the Permission toKick Ass podcast on Apple
Podcasts, spotify and whereveryou stream your podcasts.
I'm your host, angie Coley, andI'm here rooting for you.
Thanks for listening and let'sgo kick some ass.
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