Do what you want & break all the rules with Jana Bartlett Alonso

Episode Transcript
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Angie Colee (00:03):
Welcome to Permission to Kick Ass, the show
that gives you a virtual seatat the bar for the real
conversations that happenbetween entrepreneurs.
I'm interviewing all kinds ofbusiness owners, from those just
a few years into freelancing toCEOs helming nine-figure
companies.
If you've ever worried thateveryone else just seems to get
it and you're missing somethingor messing things up, this show

(00:24):
is for you.
I'm your host, Angie Coley, andlet's get to it.
Hey, and welcome back toPermission to Kick Ass.
With me today is my new friend,Hannah Bartlett Alonzo.
Say hi, Hi Now.
We almost got into a fightbefore we started recording
because we discovered thatHannah is a Mac girl, an Apple
girl and I am a PC and anAndroid girl, and she was like

(00:47):
oh, I can't do this interviewnow, I'm just bringing a little
bit of Spanish drama.

Jana Bartlett Alonso (00:51):
So you know what, you know what's
coming.
Right, you know what's coming,I've preempted it.

Oh gosh, is this the telenovela issue or episode
of permission to kick ass?

No, it will be.
And it's so funny that you justuse that as a reference,
because my clients say this.
They say you know, doomprograms with Hannah is like
watching spiritual or spiritualNetflix, because I bring.
But in my defense, okay, I'vegot defense.
And in my defense, right, areyou going to remember a teaching
If I tell you it all vanilla,all chill?

(01:22):
Are you going to remember it IfI embellish it, if I add a plot
line, if I make you it allvanilla, all chill?
Or you're going to remember itIf I embellish it, if I add a
plot line, if I make it largerthan life, if I really sink that
in, you're going to go.
Now, I remembered that, right,and so it works.

Yes, it does.
Well, I mean, that's really thewhole point of this show to
getting better and learningthrough each other's stories.
So, speaking of stories, tellus a little bit about what you
do, what your business is.
I want to hear it all.

Okay, amazing.
It's a big question when peopleask that.
I'm like how much of the storydo I give?
I do a lot of things.
I'm going to give you asynopsis.
I got into personal development12 years ago, so I'm 31.
You know, when you get to thatage, you're like how old am I?
Old am I?
And I had to pause for a secondnearly 32.

(02:06):
And I began kind of thispersonal development journey
when I was 19.
And, as you can probablypredict, it's because things in
life weren't going as swimminglyas they could.
I'd been diagnosed with an arrayof mental health conditions
depression, an eating disorder,social anxiety and in the same
three weeks my mother wasdiagnosed with cancer and I had
let's call it an existentialcrisis, right, really, this

(02:29):
existential crisis andrealization of wait a minute,
I've done everything that I wastold to do.
But I'm a good girl.
Do you know what I mean?
I got a boyfriend, had sex forthe first time.
I've got a group of friends.
I, you know, get good grades.
I couldn't do better in my.
I mean, I'm English, as you cantell as well from the British
accent.

(02:50):
So in my final exams I hadthese phenomenal and I felt like
I jumped through all of thesehoops of what I should do to
have like this beautiful life,right, and I wasn't happy.
Right, I wasn't happy and Iwasn't happy.
Right, I wasn't happy, I wasvery depressed.
Hence the diagnoses.
They also kindly diagnosed mewith severe depression, not just

(03:11):
depression.
Thank you very much.

Overachiever.

Yeah, overachiever, thank you, you saw
me Can't just be depressed,I've got to be severely
depressed.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dark Angie humor, sorry.

No, it's brilliant.
I loved it and you've nailedthe personality type right.
Very short frame time.
You nailed it.
And in that same three weeks,when my mom was diagnosed with
cancer and I had all of thesediagnoses, it was kind of like
the family cracked open and Istarted being told the secrets
that I'd never been told.
Mom's been depressed since shewas 19,.

(03:41):
Right, we come from this family.
I come from a family ofrefugees, you know, from the
civil war in Spain and you knowall of these things that I
hadn't been told because theywere protecting me came out and
I was hit with all of thisinformation and I had this
really big realization.
I was studying psychology as anundergrad and I was looking at
my mom and I was like, okay,she's done everything that

(04:02):
you're meant to do, but for 50years, right, and it hasn't
worked.
She's still not happy, she'sstill on medication, and now
she's sick, now she's got cancer.
And there was something in mymind at 19.
And now I tell the story and itblows my mind.
That goes this doesn't work,this doesn't work, this is not
what I choose.

(04:22):
And you know, I finished mypsych degree, my psychology
degree, with three awards ofexcellence.
I was the top performingundergrad in my psychology
degree of that year.
You know I couldn't have donebetter.
There was no space to do betterand I was like, well, if this
is the best that they've got andI'm the best in this year and I
still think that this isrubbish, right, then I'm not

(04:44):
going to go down this line.
And so I would have beenoffered, you know, master's
scholarships, doctorate.
I could have gone that route,it was available to me, but I
made a very sideways choice andI was like, okay, I'm going to
find out what it means to heal.
This is over a decade ago, so noone was talking about healing.
Everyone thought I was insane.
No one was talking about it.

(05:05):
And I was like I'm going tofind out what it means.
And I remember calling my dadand saying, dad, when I find out
, you know, I'm going to bringthis to the world.
And I didn't realize the weightof those words.
I didn't realize where it wouldtake me.
Now, right, I just knew that Iwas picking another path and I'm
going to kind of sum up thelast 10 years as succinctly as I

(05:26):
can, but I did all of themodalities that everyone does
nutrition yoga.
And then my mom was diagnosedwith terminal cancer and I went
okay.
So even the surface levelalternative ain't a big enough
bandaid for what's going on inmy family.
I became a full-time carer whenI was 23.
My mother died when I was 26.
And it was the greatest andmost beautiful awakening of my

(05:49):
life, because sometimes weawaken through shock and pain.
Let's hang on with that, andsometimes we don't.
It doesn't matter, okay, nojudgment, no good, no bad, no
wrong.
And I really was faced with thissituation of Hannah.
If you really want to learn howto heal, you need to go further
, deeper, wider than most peopledo, because they're not put in

(06:11):
the desperate position thatyou've been put in.
You know, most people in theirearly twenties are out drinking.
I was in hospices, you know domy drinking.
I grew up in England, but youknow, I quit alcohol by the time
I was 22, you know, and I was.
I did my traveling years and allof these things, but I was very
, very focused on the healingwork and I discovered, oh, we're
multidimensional beings right.

(06:33):
We're physical, emotional,mental.
We have got a soul right.
And this isn't just me sayingthis, I'm working with people
that are proving it, that aredoing the research behind it,
put a pin in their belly aboutthat, because that's really epic
and we're energetic.
And I realized, oh, justbecause the trauma happened to
my grandparents doesn't meanthat that's in my DNA, right.

(06:54):
Just because I haven't directlyexperienced this doesn't mean
that the stress and the anxietyand the fear has down the
genetic line.
And so when I started doingthis work, not only did I get
happier, healthier, have morewellbeing, I realized the same
stuff that had unlocked that forme unlocked relationships.

(07:16):
I'm going to put triggerwarning here.
You can decide where you keepthis.
I've experienced sexual abuseas a child and as a teen.
Romantic relationships for mewere very challenging.
They are not anymore Same work.
You know, when I was doing thetrauma healing and then I
applied it to business after mymom died and it was this thing

(07:38):
of okay, this has worked inevery other area of my life.
I'm committed to bringing thehealing work to the world.
What happens if I apply this tobusiness?
You know I was hitting quarterof a million launches in my
first year in three months.
That's not normal.
That is not normal.
We hit seven figures at two anda half years, you know, and you
know having, you know, ahundred K weeks, all of these
things.
And it's not about the financialmilestones, even though it is

(08:01):
cause I love the money and Ilove the fact that I get to have
this level of freedom as well,but it was the way that we did
it.
We didn't do it in the way itwas being taught, we did it in
this really integral, embodied,healing journey way, and I
continue to do that.
And so I really preach theinner work as a standard for all
of us, you know, so that we canhave the lives that we want to

(08:22):
live, whether it's in ourrelationships, our bank accounts
, our purpose, our, you know,impact it, for me it's really
the same.
It's all part of the spiritualjourney and when it's what I've
come here to do.
That was a long way of tellingyou who I am and my story, but I
think you've got the highlights.

I love that too, and we talked a little bit about
about it before we hit record.
But like the prevalence ofneurodivergence and like mental
health crises andentrepreneurship and how many of
us are drawn toentrepreneurship because we just
don't function like aneurotypical person, I feel like
there has been a theme amongall of my episodes recently that

(08:58):
deals with that, and I thinkthat's also why self-development
, self-improvement, becomes sucha big part of building a
successful business.
I've made that joke so manytimes, but it's the reason it's
so funny, is it's true?
Almost 80% of what you do inbusiness is just working on
yourself, because everychallenge you come into like

(09:19):
it's a direct confrontation withsome story, some trauma, some
experience that left a scar onyou that you haven't dealt with
yet, and like you have the biglaunch and then suddenly there's
a meltdown and you're like whyam I not happy?
Like this happens all the timein business and that ties back
so perfectly to what you said.
Like I was, I wrote it down, myfamily cracked open and the

(09:41):
secrets started pouring out.
Like oh, oh, my gosh, that'sexactly what I hoped to do with
this show to just kind of likecrack that shell and have the
secrets start sharing.
Um, and you wrote somethingbeautiful before the show that I
actually wrote down because Iwanted to quote.
Like when your mom got thatdiagnosis and you got your
diagnosis, she had to learn howto die and you had to learn how

(10:05):
to live.
And I was just like, oh, we'resaying that out loud because
that's something that peopleneed to hear.

You know it's, it's oh God.
You just said so much.
Firstly about theneurodivergence, and then we'll
speak about the mum piece.
I, I'm officially unemployableand I think there's great
freedom in that.
You know, more people aredesigning a life on their terms
than where they get to expresswho they are, and we realize
that neurodivergence isn'treally neurodivergence.
It's just your gifts, right?

(10:33):
I'm severely overachiever,again dyslexic, right, I'm also
bilingual and I do a lot ofthings that I was not meant to
be able to do, but I can do thatI was not meant to be able to
do, but I can do.
And it was very interesting.
My father, when I was diagnosedwith dyslexia you know this was
back in it's.
It doesn't sound that long ago,but it was you know, when I was
diagnosed with dyslexia, someof my abilities on the normal

(10:54):
distribution, I was put as amild mental retardation.
You're not allowed to say thatto people.
Now, you did then, but myfather and my mother were
amazing.
They were like Hannah.
Now, you did then, but myfather and my mother were
amazing.
They were like Hannah.
Don't listen, they're like thatjust means you're a genius.
And so then what they would dois they'd send me all of these
articles of these celebritiesand business owners that had

(11:15):
severe dyslexia, right, and howit was actually their genius.
And so I've always believedeverything that makes me
different is my gift, and wejust are in a society that don't
know how to see that yet, right?
So my hyper fixation youprobably understand hyper
fixation, why I have a business.

(11:35):
Like you know all of thesethings.
You know we really get tochoose how we experience it.
But let's go back to thatsentence about you know, I wrote
a chapter in a book many yearsago about this, but my mother
had to learn how to die and Ihad to learn how to live.
So poignant, because oursociety sees death as a failure

(11:56):
and that's not true, right,right.
So my mother died peacefullyand beautifully, albeit in
hospital, and is the single mosttransformational moment in my
life to witness my mother diewith grace.
And there was somethingimprinted in me, right, people

(12:17):
are very afraid to talk abouttheir mortality, but that opened
possibility.
Oh, my God, I get to die inpeace.
I get to die in grace, rightand simultaneously, the living
peace was at 23.
Went, oh, wow, like I, I'm notgoing to live forever.
So get intentional, hannah.

(12:40):
You know, and that's what Imean about hospices versus being
out, you know, getting drunk.
You know I was sat at home andI had been for an existential
crisis, let's be honest.
But it served its, served itsfunction and purpose because it
got me thinking really and thisis the business thing, you know,
when I'm let's put theenergetics for this when I'm at

(13:01):
least 97, closing my eyes topeacefully depart to other
realms, you know I realized Iwant to look back on my life and
go oh my, I did that, like Idid that, and sure I was scared
at times and sure there werechallenges, but like I, you know

(13:21):
, I've got a friend, sarahBlacker, and she says this.
She says I feel that you know,when I pass, I want me and my
friends to be holding hands andwe just take this bow, we like
we've just done this amazingshow you know what an incredible
way to live.
I love that.
Not just surviving we, we, we.
It's almost like this greatperformance that we get to put

(13:44):
on planet earth, and so that'swhat I mean about learning how
to live.
It really shifted how Iperceived all of life, and it
was massive, massive gift.

That brought up a couple of things for me, like,
first of all, you talked aboutdeath as a failure.
My brain immediately populated,I think in movies, and I think
in movie lines.
That's part of my particularneurodivergence.
So my brain went to ever afterwhen the king and his son are
arguing about what the son needsto do to be king and he's like
I will deny you the crown andlive forever.

(14:20):
That's what popped up for me,because I was just thinking, oh,
death is a failure.
So somehow we think if we canjust conquer it and live forever
, then that's going to.
But I think, like, death issimply the end result of life,
and what I would hope for isthat it's a life well-lived,
exactly like you said, that theend result is we go to whatever
comes next, knowing we dideverything that we could.

(14:42):
And then that brings up theother point that I wrote down,
which is, like this seemsinteresting to me the dichotomy
of I've got all the time in theworld and I'm running out of
time, because I see thathappening a lot in
entrepreneurship too.
I'm so behind, I'm so behind.
Look at what this person isdoing, look at what that person
is doing.
And also, I've got so much timeleft to achieve this, I'm going

(15:05):
to move slowly, as if the clockisn't running out.
I don't know where I reallywanted to go with that, but it
came up so this is so good.

Okay, I love this, I love this, I love
this.
I have so much to say on this.
So it is holding the dualityand being an entrepreneur or
being just a human being aliveon planet earth, basically means
learning to be able to holdduality.
So when I mean about, you know,focus on, I am mortal.

(15:34):
For me, that doesn't createstress and it doesn't create
pressure.
It creates intentionality.
So this is very different,because we can feel that we have
so much time, and this issomething that I teach to my
clients and I practice myself.
Right, because I do a lot ofthings.
I'm on TV, I've got investmentsin Dubai, in real estate, I

(15:57):
write curriculums, I've got somany businesses, and so I don't
want to live a stressed life.
I want to do a lot of things,but I want to live a relaxed
life, and you can't have bothright, and so it's all about our
state of being, as we live, andso intentionality.
This is a really good exampleof it and I'm going to bring
this together.
When my mom passed away, I'd hadthis really crappy pattern with

(16:19):
my men, right, just choosing,like very inappropriate choices
in partners.
You know, choosing partnersthat were abusive or just
choosing partners that nevermade sense for me or I didn't
even like that much just bizarrechoices, really, and obviously
it was stemming from my beliefsystems and my trauma and things
from my family lineage, and sowhen my mom passed away, I got

(16:40):
intentional right.
The time is now, hannah.
You don't want to have anothercrappy relationship, do you?
You want to have anothernourishing relationship.
But I accidentally did haveanother crappy relationship
because sometimes the process ismessy.
Okay, and that's fine becausethe process is messy, because it
is nothing wrong with you.
So I but I made a choice and itwas, you know, I want to have

(17:05):
kids.
This was the choice, and I'mstill in process of the creation
.
I want to have kids.
I want to have a job that givesme freedom to be able to mother
in the way that I want tomother my mother's.
My memory of my mom was justbeing asleep on the couch after
work every day because she wasso exhausted.
So I was choosing, not thatright.
I wanted to have kids.
I wanted to have a partnerthat's like me, a bit off the

(17:27):
wall, a bit weird, a bit of anadventurer, right?
Someone that you're like we'rea team and like you know, me and
my partner have moved housefive times in the four years
that we've been together.
And because we think it's fun,we don't find it stressful,
right, and so I wanted that andI was very clear on that, and so
the intentionality is okay.
Then it would not make sensefor me to go out tonight, get
drunk and just sleep withsomeone, right?

(17:49):
That's not in alignment withwhat I want.
So the intentionality is actingin the present moment, right,
in congruence to what you want.
That's what intentionality isokay.
So it's congruence, it's choice, it's decision, it's not
pressure and stress.
Because I didn't then go well,I've got to meet him tomorrow.
I didn't care when I didn'tcare, when I just knew that

(18:12):
that's what I wanted, I knewthat I had faith and trust that
it would come, and certainty, nomatter the evidence, and I knew
that I was willing to do thework around my own patterns.
So that's what I did.
I just got to work and I met aman prior to my partner that was
willing to be committed, but hewas, you know, perpetuating

(18:32):
some of my trauma patterns and,um, I ended things and then I
sat down and instead of having apity party, I had a pity party
for as long as I needed to, acouple of days.
Right Cried boohoo, poor me,that was mean, you're mean, um.
And then I got pulled, pulledmy knickers up, pulled my socks
up, whatever you want to say,right.
And you know he said okay.

(18:53):
Well, how am I matched to this?
Oh, han, you're very submissive.
Most people wouldn't toleratethis.
That was helpful for me.
So sometimes you know, theprocess to what we want means
having a situation that makesyou see all the ways that you're
perpetuating the old pattern.
Nothing wrong with that.
That's the mess, okay.
But we sit down, we takeresponsibility and eventually

(19:17):
we're going to get to where wewant.
It doesn't matter how long.
The fun, the fun of existence,is the process to what we want.
The reason that business ownersare stressed is that they think
that when we achieve the result, they're going to feel
differently.
That's not true.
A lot of people get to bigmoney and they they're going to
feel differently.
That's not true.
People get to big money andthey realize they're the same
person.
It's because they didn't do theinner work at the same time.

(19:37):
So for me it's so much time tocreate what I want, but I'm
intentional with that time.
I'm not going to spend it onthings that are the opposite of
what I want.

Do you see?
Oh, I love that, I think thatmakes perfect sense and I love I
wrote down and I underlined acouple of times.
The process is messy and Iwanted to highlight that for
everybody listening because,especially in entrepreneurship,
we have this expectation ofperfection.
In the age of social media,when everybody is sharing their
highlight reel and you don't getto see the messy stuff Like

(20:09):
look, I can't tell you how manytimes, with my obsession with
sharing the messy middle rightand the mistakes and the
missteps and the mental healthchallenges and things like that,
I've been told by mentors inthe past don't do that.
It shakes people's faith in you.
Don't do that.
Here are all these reasons whyyou shouldn't be talking about
this stuff and, to a certainextent, right.

(20:30):
There are things like if Ihaven't processed something, if
I'm still in the middle ofsomething, now is not the time
to talk about it and invite theoutside world into that.
I've still got to sit with it,let it pass, learn what I can
before I'm ready to share withit, and so, in that sense, I
don't share from the open woundswhen I'm still bleeding.
Right, let's stop the bleedingand then I can talk about this

(20:51):
and share that scar with peopleand be like okay, here's what I
learned.
But I also learned that so muchsuffering happens, like you
talked about at the beginningwith your family, when we
protect other people from whatwe're going through.
Whether it's altruistic, like Idon't want to set you up to
think that this is super hard,and like you have to struggle, I
get that.
And also like my struggle ismine, it may not be yours, but

(21:17):
we're all struggling to acertain extent and it doesn't
make you wrong, it doesn't makeyou bad, it doesn't make you a
failure and I also loved.
This ties to what you saidabout the pity party.
Like, so that relationshipdidn't go the way I wanted to.
I had a pity party for as longas I needed to and I rail about
this all the time.
Feel the feelings.
Stop pretending like you canshove it down like a beach ball

(21:42):
and just hold it beneath theservice.
That thing is going to pop upand smack you in the face when
you don't need it to right Ifyou don't just deal with it and
allow it to pass.
Feelings aren't facts.
They don't have to control yourlife.
You don't have to act from thatplace of feelings, but you do
have to allow these things topass and to teach you, whatever
they're trying to surface, toshow you about your life that

(22:05):
you need to pay attention to, sothat you're not just following
the motions and when I sayfollowing the motions, I've been
there, hannah's been there.
We talked about this.
We have, all, I think, falleninto that trap where these are
the steps, I follow the steps.
Where is my happiness?
I put the coins in the machineGive me my happiness, and it
doesn't work that way.
I wish it did, though.

Yes, it would be so much easier.
I'm like why don't we get a fivesteps to whatever we want?
But I think I think you'rereally speaking to something
really important and I'm goingto say this in a way that
hopefully is is received.
But I think the way that theonline industry has gone is that

(22:47):
it's been a breeding ground forentitlement, because a lot of
people post just wins and theydon't post what it's taken to
get to those wins, and by that Imean the grit, the strength,
the dealing with the haters, thedealing with the dips, the
dealing with things that workwell, the dealing with my family
.
I'm suddenly making all thismoney and my family don't feel

(23:08):
cool about it, like all of thethings that happen behind the
scenes.
And so people buy these courses, right, and and you know, and
then they, they, they feel thatthey're entitled to these big
cash results, right, and itdoesn't work that way and it's
not helpful.
And so you know, it's thedistinction between Prince and
King and Princess and Queen, andso entrepreneurialism gets to

(23:29):
become a process of our adultmaturation, right, and I've gone
through it.
You know.
I'm like I bought the programand I did the launch and I
didn't make $7,500 million.
What do you mean, yeah, Ithought that's what I, yeah,
exactly.
And and then I realized, wait,a minute, you know the
responsibility is in me and andyou know every single path.

(23:50):
Do you know what makes a reallygood entrepreneur?
An entrepreneur that is reallyreally good is someone that
doesn't copy, is someone that'sinnovative right and innovative
moves take bravery and gumptionand grit and time right, and so
I think that it's not about youknow, like you said, it's not

(24:11):
always appropriate to share froman open wound, because if
you're wobbly and then someonesays something, you're going to
wobble even more and thatdoesn't serve them and it
doesn't serve you, right?
So we don't need to go aroundand not protect ourselves.
I used to share a lot moreabout my personal life than I do
now, because then I learnedthat I'm manipulatable and you
know I had hate page.
I've had all sorts of the onlineworld and it was used against
not good ways, so that was atoughening up lesson.

(24:35):
So it's all duality, right.
It's like, how can I be honestand authentic, but how can I
protect myself?
Because you're allowed, right,you're allowed, absolutely,
you're allowed.
Because that's a traumaresponse, so I've got to give
everything to everyone.
No, you don't have a boundary.
Not everyone's allowed in, noteveryone deserves a seat at your
table.
Right, you know, and so and,and and also you know, sharing

(24:59):
the truth of, and I think I fellinto this at the beginning of
my journey because, you know, Iteach manifestation and it was
very easy for me my first sixfigures really easy.
My first six figures andsavings were really easy.
First quarter my first sixfigures really easy.
My first six figures in savingsreally easy.
First quarter of a millionlaunch really easy.
Right, I didn't really start toget hard until we got till about

(25:21):
seven figures-ish total cashcollected not in a year and so
it meant that I had a bit of awonky perception of what
business building could look forpeople.
Right, it's my genuineexperience.
But here's the thing thecontext of my life was sitting
next to the bedside of a dyingparent for three to seven years,
and so I realized my grit.

(25:43):
My ability to just go right andstop and cry and process wasn't
the normal.
My resilience wasn't normal.
When we got to seven figures, wewere hit with way more
challenges than I'd experiencedin business before.
That did throw me, and it wasgood because I started speaking
about business in a differentway, you know, and I started

(26:03):
sharing more of that, and Ithink that a lot of people
similar to me that had easystart journeys are now sharing
the other bits.
And the truth is, the onlinebusiness is that we're all
learning and doing this togetherand we're all humans, and this
has never been built before.
There's so much finger pointingin this space.
But it's like you made amistake.
Cool, so have I right?

(26:24):
Let's tell the truth about itand let's learn and grow
together and improve this foreveryone.
It's a bit of a random spiel,but that's what I'm going to say
.

I freaking love it Well, and I think everybody that
listens to the show is used tothe meandering.
We follow all of the shinythreads on Permission to Kick
Ass because I mean, I tellpeople it evolved into this.
I tell folks it's like myconversation at a bar, like I
heard you speak on stage.
Please tell me all about yourbusiness.
Whatever comes up is going tocome up.
That's how I run this show andI like that.

(26:54):
One thing that came up when youwere talking about all this is
this illusion of crossing thefinish line into happy, as I
call it.
If I just grind away,eventually I'm going to hit that
goal, whether that's my firstmillion dollars or I've bought a
company and now I've got peoplethat can make that run for me
while I make a living and I'vegot more ease, right.

(27:16):
And we think once we hit thatgoal, I will have everything
figured out.
That's the coin into themachine that's going to give us
happiness, right, and I just go.
That's the next step, becauseyou're going to cross that
finish line and you're going togo where's my happiness?
And you're going to go oh shit,well, I've done everything I

(27:36):
thought I was supposed to do.
Here we are repeating this cycleyet again.
Everything I was supposed to do, that was supposed to give me
happiness, did not give mehappiness, and to that I say
forgive yourself, have yourselfa little bit of a celebration,
have yourself a little bit of apity party.
Whatever you need to do toprocess and then get to work on
the next goal and maybe add inlike a little bit of layering, a

(27:57):
little bit of practice.
Right, how can I be happy whileI'm doing this?
What can I do to bring myselfsome joy, some satisfaction
during the process of this?

I love that and it's so true.
You know, I went to an inviteonly event retreat last year and
it was very big people.
Everyone was either famous or aSilicon Valley billionaire Do
you know what I mean?
Or you know maybe millionaireand um, or big influence, or
something like this and um,there was this, this man who had

(28:28):
built I'm not going to give aname but $3 billion companies in
his career.
Okay, and he gets on stage andhe's asked about this.
You know, on paper,extraordinary career, on paper,
it's an extraordinary career,right, and it was really
shocking to me.
This man had just come out of abreathwork class and it's like,

(28:49):
you know, when people just findspirituality.
He was barefoot and wanted tocross his legs.

And I'm like, okay, we're on the correct.

But like we're love, yet We've all done
the overcorrect.
You know I've lived in Indiabarefoot teaching yoga, so I am
no one to judge.
I have overcorrect.
I also like myself a bit of anextreme, you know, as You're
trying on identities.
Exactly so I'm like you'rewiggling around seeing what
works, anyway, so barefoot crosslegs, and he was, you know,

(29:18):
asked about these $3 billioncompanies.
And he was sat next to this guywho became, you know, he built
his first billion dollar company, I think by the age of 20,
something insane, right.
And so they were talking abouthitting some of the biggest you
know success highs that you knowreally heard of in our world,
and someone said what do youwant people to know?
And the older man gets up and hesays don't do it, I promise you

(29:42):
I'm going somewhere with thisquestion.
He goes don't I know?
Wow, right, I was amazed.
He said don't do it, it's notworth it.
My marriage is a.
This is an invite only retreat.
Okay, so it's a very selectivegroup of people and there's
obviously a level of honestythat you wouldn't have in other
places and and both of themagreed with that.
And you know and it was veryinteresting to me and I teach

(30:03):
this what's the distinctionbetween creation through force
and creation through alignment.
And when you create throughforce which is, I will be happy
when and I will do whatever Ineed to do and I will push
myself to any extreme that Ineed to go Well, then, when you
get to the end of the goal,you're empty, right, and this is
what these, these men, wereexperiencing, and now they were

(30:23):
going on their spiritual pathand it was really beautiful to
see.
But this layering goal withhappiness.
For me, what that looks like iswhen business becomes your
spiritual journey.
So, for me, I'm fulfilled whenI'm connected to my soul, right,
I'm fulfilled when I have timefor myself.
I'm fulfilled when I'm in arelationship.

(30:47):
We've been together for justunder four years and the
relationship is better.
Now we're more in a honeymoonthan we were at the beginning,
but it's because we prioritizeit.
7.30,.
We walk the dogs right.
We have Hannah and Craigieweekends.
He does not call them that,he's ex-military.
I call them that.
He does not call them that he'sex-military.
I call them that he does notcall himself freaky to be very

(31:18):
clear, and so it's the thingthat I think people are
realizing.
It's not about the goal, it'sabout what does the journey to
the goal look like?
And it's not about not pushingyourself.
And it's not about not havinggrit and determination, because
you need that too.
But it's again that duality.
Can you hold the grit, can youhold the determination, can you
push through your limits and canyou soften, can you have fun,

(31:39):
can you go to a nudist beach forlols once?
Can you run around your gardennaked?
Can you give your dog sevenkisses in the morning before you
make your coffee and gostraight to your meetings?
Because, in the end, those tinythings are what make up your
life.
Final thing on this my fatheris a Norwegian crime fiction

(32:01):
translator.
I always tell this storybecause it's funny.
Yeah, it doesn't make sense.
He didn't give up.
Okay, to be clear, it doesn'texist.
He decided what he wanted to doat 45, no, 50 years old.
I was five years old, he had melate, he had my sister.
My sister was three, I'm theeldest, and so the context of my
life for my slightly hippieparents was that it's never too

(32:22):
late.
Do what you want, break all therules, right.
That was really my upbringing.
So the fact that I was such agoody two shoes was very
surprising to everyone.
You know what I mean.
That's like straight from me.
And I saw him build his careerin Norwegian crime fiction
translation.
He's now 76 and he's stillworking because he loves it

(32:47):
translation he's now 76 and he'sstill working because he loves
it.
And he hit success verydifferent to the digital age.
Back then people would say it'sfive years in business to make a
living.
That's kind of the standard.
Right Now we expect ourselvesto be millionaires in a week,
right, but like, so it's fiveyears.
And then so by the time he was60, mid sixties, he was peak of
his career.

(33:09):
And by the time I startedbuilding my business he was
early seventies.
And I'd call him up dad, and I'dsay dad, I'm so stressed.
My first year in business Iflunked.
I'd made less than 10 grand,not enough to live, had to
borrow money.
You know, like really normal,so cool.
Yeah, it doesn't mean anythingabout you.
Your first year in businessDoesn't mean anything about you,
how long it takes to make it.

(33:30):
I remember calling him up andsaying, dad, like I'm stressed,
maybe I've you know, I neversaid maybe I've made a mistake,
because I've never thought thatbut you know, just really like
this is harder than I thought itwould be, and he said to me he

(33:51):
said, Hattie, one day you'regoing to have made it like he
did, and he says you're going tomiss the journey.
And that really stayed with mefiguring out how can I meet the
right person to create this book, the right author, the thinking
about the words.
And so I think it's reallyimportant to remember that when
you speak to those that are in adifferent age bracket and they
have made it right, they'rereminiscing about the very
moment that you're living rightnow.
These are the good days You'reliving in, your good old days,

(34:15):
so can we remember that whilstwe're living them?

Oh my gosh, the thought that came up while you
were saying that was like livingin suspense or maybe suspension
, where it's like I can't reallylive, I can't really enjoy
myself until I've crossed thatfinish line, until I've hit that
goal, and it's not like you canactually press pause on your
life that way, like a video gamecharacter.

(34:39):
I could just pause this until Igo buy like re-up at the store,
get my coins so that I can buyan extra life and skip ahead to
the next level.
That's not the way it works.
And you know, I started workingon mindset a while back too,
and I would say that I grew upkind of a negative person and if
you're a fan of Mindset byCarol Dweck, definitely grew up

(35:02):
in a fixed mindset kind of thingand have been working on
opening myself up.
But the thing I've come tounderstand, especially as a
storyteller, is that all of theshit that happens is so the
shift can happen and the shittydays make the best stories.
Y'all like nobody's going topay attention to me if I'm

(35:23):
holding court at a conferenceand I'm like so.
So I woke up and it was just aglorious day outside and I got
coffee and it was like theperfect temperature and then,
like the outfit just made mefeel like a goddess.
Nobody fucking cares, nobodycares, they care about.
Like, oh my God.
I woke up and I had a planes,trains and automobiles
experience and I didn't have tolearn anything or teach anything

(35:45):
from that story.
It was just entertaining forthe folks around me and I got to
relive that through a lens ofhumor instead of a lens of
trauma.
So I don't know where I wasgoing with that, but that's what
came up.

Yeah, but I'm going to follow up.
Have you heard of Kabbalah?

I have not Okay.

So Kabbalah is?
It's a set of teachings.
So I consider myself a polymath.
What that means is that I domany things, I master all of
them and I bring them together.
It's a really old school wordthat pretty much only 70 to 80
year olds know.
And me, okay, which tells youOld soul.
Inner consciousness is likeyeah, old soul.

(36:22):
And also I'm like sign me upfor the 70 year old lifestyle
cups of teas in bed.
Like yes, anyway.
So Kabbalah is a set ofteachings which I'm really
appreciating at the moment.
And Kabbalah talks about, youknow, the laws of the universe.
Basically because the lawsexist.

(36:42):
We just weren't taught them atschool.
We were taught algebra, which Iloved.
Most people didn't, but I lovedalgebra.
Nothing against it.

You didn't love algebra, or you didn't.
No, I'm so.
Not a mathy person, I'm a truecreative.

Oh yeah, okay, I make creativity into
maths because I'm that cool, I'mvery mathy, but anyway.
So Kabbalah shares this pieceof wisdom and I think it's
really helpful to what you'vesaid.
He says you know, if you wakeup one day and it's just this
great, glorious day, it's been agood day, right.
But if you wake up one day andeverything goes wrong, you've

(37:14):
got an opportunity to turn yournegativity into light.
The whole process ofenlightenment is turning our
negativity into light.
If you can't see it, you can'tchange it.
And so it says if you will wakeup and you know, um, you've not
signed any clients and you'regetting anxious, right, the

(37:37):
creator, that's the, the, thelinguistics that they use,
replace it with a different word.
If you don resonate, is givingyou an opportunity to transform
that anxiety into certainty.
Right, and so the mantra in theKabbalah that they use, which I
love, is I trust and I amcertain that everything in my

(37:57):
life is for good, or showing mewhat I need to change, and I
love that, because we talkedabout entitlement.
Entitlement is I want this tobe a different way and it's not,
and I'm sad about it, right.
What Kabbalah teaches is all isgood, because either it's a
pleasant experience, right, orit's showing you you so you can

(38:18):
do something about it, and thenthat will take you to more
pleasant experiences.
The Kabbalah says that you canhave it all all right, but
that's a by-product of earningyour spiritual miles.
You earn your spiritual milesby turning your negativity into
light.
So go back to that relationshipI mentioned.
I'm going to have a greatrelationship, fall straight into

(38:40):
an abusive one, but I got tosee all of my trauma and I
turned it into light, right.
And then I was blessed withthis awesome oh I'm bumping
myself on my microphone becauseI got excited this awesome
partner, who's just incredible.
We have this beautiful lifetogether.
But it's because I cleaned mystuff up, you know.

Oh, I love that.
I had a similar experience andI'm glad that you're saying that
, because I feel like that thatwas something that was hidden in
business for a long time toabusive relationships and the
prevalence of them, especiallyaround you.
Know, you're a smart woman, I'ma smart woman.
A lot of smart folks tend tohave this unconscious belief in

(39:25):
there of, like I'm too smart.
This can't happen to me.
Like I, I recognize the traps,but guys.
Then chemicals come in andemotions come in and you start
rationalizing stuff and andabusers and manipulators are
really good at holding back thefull on crazy until you're super
invested.
So, like it's, it's easier toget into these things than you

(39:46):
think they are.
And and like you, I had asimilar experience where I was
in an abusive relationship for awhile.
It was, ironically, my businessbuddies that helped me realize
this is not normal and this isnot okay.
And when I was doing all of thework after the fact to ask
myself, how did I get here?
What signs did I ignore?
What was I telling myself?
Why did I make the decisions Imade, I came to the conclusion

(40:08):
that, like I had done, I haddone part of the work right.
I'd made myself a checklist ofwhat my ideal partner would have
, but I didn't think about whohe was as a person.
I didn't think about what Ineeded from the relationship to
feel like whole and loved andappreciated.
I was just like.
I was looking at him and I waslike but he checks everything

(40:29):
off on the checklist.
I don't understand why I'munhappy, and now I can see it
for what it is.
Put the coin in the machine.
Give me my happiness, please.
I found the guy, the checklistguy.
Here he is.
Why am I not happy?

Completely this.
And it's like when you look atpatterns of abuse, since we're
going here, abusers abuse peoplethat have weaknesses, right,
and so it's very helpful inbusiness and in love to identify
this, because it's happened tobe in business and it's happened
to be in love In the romanticrelationship the reason that I

(41:03):
let someone in and it's verynormal when someone has a type
of personality that manipulatesthey love bomb at the beginning,
don't they?
So you think, oh, this isamazing, right, but someone
that's got a secure relationalattachment is suspicious of love
bombing and they don't needlove bombing.
But I was very insecure.
I didn't believe that anyonecould love me, right.

(41:24):
So because I didn't believethat anyone could love me, so
because I didn't believe thatanyone could love me and I
didn't believe that I was worthyof love, when someone came and
they wanted to have arelationship with me, I
overlooked things and Itolerated things that other
people would not do, and so thenI suddenly ended up in this
relationship and the healingwork for me was actually

(41:46):
learning to love myself.
And I don't mean, you know,bubble baths and baths, it's by
that, I mean being cool with whoI am, who you know all of who I
am not, you know, having to bea certain version to be lovable,
but liking me for the messy,for the nice, the good, the bad,
the pretty, the ugly, theglamorous, the ferret look.

(42:08):
You know all of it.
And so my partner says thishe's like everyone thinks you
look a certain way on Instagram,but he's like I know that
really you're a ferret.
And he literally got me at-shirt printed saying I am
ferret.
And that's the kind of lovethat I want.
I don't want to have to beglamorous in my house.
I want to wear like knickersand have no makeup on and a

(42:29):
little bun here and to besinging to a song without
knowing the words terribly, withtone deaf, like that's.
That's how I want to live, youknow.
And in business, right, it's thesame when I got a hate page and
there was a lady that wanted a,a refund, and she wanted a

(42:51):
refund for you know she waseight months into a contract and
anyone may feel differentrefund policies, but it was the
first time I'd had to holdsomeone and say no.
And as a primary caregiver,I've never had to say no.
I've always said what do youneed.
Let me love you, let me giveyou all of myself, and so it was
very uncomfortable for me tosay no to someone asking for a

(43:13):
refund eight months into aproduct, right, um, and this
person reacted in the worst waypossible, to know the worst way,
as in this person obviously hada pattern of if I attack, I get
what I want.
But I took the attack verypersonally and if I hadn't been

(43:36):
doing the work, I would havegiven that person a refund and
that would have beenmanipulation and that would have
been abuse in many ways,because she had discovered, you
know, if I attack Hannah, then Iget what I want, and so that
would have been a weakness, andso a lot of business building
and scaling that people don'trealize is finding weaknesses in
our system and cleaning up,finding places that people can

(43:58):
hook into to manipulate ourbehavior.
Right, and I say this to myclients what's the thing that
I'd have to say to you?
What would I have to call youand that would let me in and
you'd be able to manipulate meIf I called you unethical?
Would that create so muchemotional intensity that you'd
let me do whatever I want If Icalled you?

(44:18):
Do you know what I mean, and sothis is a part of business that
people don't talk about.
And so last year I lived myworst case scenario in business.
All sorts of things that aresaid about me that weren't true,
right.
But let me tell you what.
This year I feel like I'm aunicorn.
I'm like there is like do youknow what I mean?
I'm like I went through how canyou say that to me?

(44:41):
You know, my income plummeted.
I stopped selling.
It was really after this bighigh, this big kind of
rollercoaster which I'd neverbeen on in my business, because
I was so shaken.
But this year I'm like I amsolid, and if you want to create

(45:01):
a big impact and you're goingto have lots of eyes on you,
people are going to talk baby,you need to know you, you need
to be solid in you right, and soit's kind of a process of
initiation a lot of businessowners go into.
I mean, I love this, becausehow much of this work is so cool
would we never do if we weren'tput into this context?

Right and stepping up when there is no path right.
There is no happiness machineand having to figure that out
when so many will settle for theprescription and just repeat
that pattern over and over andover again Well, I didn't get
happiness this time, but maybethis one over here, but maybe
that one over here and theydon't learn to enjoy the process
and address the issues that arecausing some of the struggles

(45:44):
that they run into.
Right, and I loved that youpointed out the manipulation,
because I don't think we've evereven talked about that on this
show.
But like, yeah, there arepeople out there.
There are I don't want to callthem bad actors, because I don't
think a lot of the people whodo bad in the world are
necessarily bad people.
A lot of folks are.
They're suffering under theirtrauma and they see enemies

(46:05):
everywhere, including ussometimes, and we have the best
of intentions.
But somebody said something Ican't remember where it comes
from True freedom is allowingpeople to misunderstand you Like
they don't have to get it.
They don't have to see me forwho I am, for who I know myself
to be.
I am completely solid in it.
I didn't have an experience likeyours, where people went after

(46:27):
me, but I did have a story thatwent viral a while back and it
was interesting because I knewthe haters would come in the
comments and let me know whatthey thought about my life, and
I shared a messy breakup storyand what I learned from the
travel in the aftermath.
I was so scared to put thatstory out there because I knew
that the haters would come, butI felt a strange sense of calm
when they did, because I justwent oh well, that assumption is

(46:56):
totally wrong.
Oh well, that is not accurateat all.
And I started to realize all ofthese people are projecting all
of this shit onto me.
I even had one argue.
I was active in the commentsbecause I'm a marketer.
I was like let's up theengagement.
So the algorithm puts this outto even more people, right.
But I had somebody arguing overthe situation that we were in
and I was like you're fine tothink whatever you want.
I was there and I know whathappens.
You don't get to rewrite thestory for me.

(47:19):
I'm sorry, that's not the waythis works, and it was such a
sense of peace to be like.
You can misinterpret me all youwant.
I don't care If you'rewillfully misinterpreting me at
this point, when I'm giving myside of the story and I'm trying
to explain it to you.
That's a choice and then I go.
I really don't care what youthink right now.

I adore this.
I absolutely adore this and youknow, it's been a big liberator
for me as well to realize Ican't control other people.
I can be as good, I can performas well, you know and this is
the good girl in me but I can'tcontrol other people's opinions.
I can't control their reactionsto me, I can't control their
experience of me.

(47:59):
So I'm just going to create areally good life for me and know
that I'm an integrity with meand that's enough.

That is absolutely enough.
And the funny thing is like weoperate under these delusions of
control all the time.
I see it happen all the time inrelationships, business
relationships, personalrelationships and otherwise.
I need this person to startdoing this and then I will do
that.
And that is how we're going tofix this thing.
If I can tell this other personwhat to do, do and then I can
work on myself.
Do you know?

(48:25):
The opposite is true Likealmost 100% of the time.
If I know that something isbroken in this relationship and
I start working on myself, it'seither going to make the clash
between us so glaringly obviousthat something has to give and
we have to have that hardconversation, or the other
person is going to noticesomething has changed and been
like that.

(48:47):
Magnetism kicks in right.
People are drawn to you.
What are you doing?
That's different.
Oh, I, you know I could do thattoo.
I could go to the gym with youtoo.
You look like you're having fun.
Maybe we should do thattogether.
So instead of me like trying topressure this person into doing
what I think they should do, Ijust focus on me and work on me
and trust that they're going tocome along if they see this as

(49:10):
part of their journey right.
Work on ourselves first.

A hundred percent and trust other people.
Trust that people are adultsand they can make choices for
themselves, and that's a thing.
And then also cause Icompletely agree with what you
say.
Something that I've realized inmy romantic relationship is
that I used to think my partnershould be more like me.
We do this.
Oh, they should be like me.
And our relationship reallystarted to bloom and it's always

(49:35):
been a beautiful relationship.
We've had challenges andmoments, but it's been a
beautiful relationship.
But when I went oh my God, Iget to love and appreciate him
for who he is, in all of hisdistinct and separateness to me
and difference that he becameeven bigger and more beautiful.

(49:56):
In that, you know, and it's areally interesting thing to
watch it's like the riceexperiment.
You know, two jars of rice Onceone jar.
You're saying loving words toone jars.
You're saying horrible words tothe jar of the rice.
The horrible words moldy, gross.
Seven days later, the other jar.
Have you seen this experiment?

(50:16):
They do plants as well.
So get two plants Like.
Everyone can do this at home.
I feel like it's blue toPeter-esque.
You might not get the bluePeter reference in America.
Does that make sense?
No, Okay, Just going to passover that Clearly British.
And to one plant every morningyou say loving words and to the
plant you don't Watch how theplant that you don't say loving

(50:37):
words to that you say, oh,you're a horrible plant, You're
so ugly you don't know how togrow shrivels, Whereas the plant
that you're like, oh, you're sobeautiful, You're growing
slowly, but I adore theprecision in your like that
plant blooms and it's.
We are the same as that.
And so the people around us,especially our romantic
relationships and our intimaterelationships, it's like can we

(50:58):
love them for who they areinstead of who we think they
should be?
That was a revelation for me,yep, for who they are, instead
of their we think they should be.

That was a revelation for me.
Yep, For who they are insteadof their potential is another
way to say that.
Who we think they should be,who we think they can be, yes,
oh my gosh, I want to keeptalking for like two more hours,
but I glanced down and realizedthat we had.
So I'm going to say we're goingto have to have a part two and
wrap on this somehow somewhere.
In the meantime, tell us alittle bit more where we can
learn about you and yourfabulous multiple businesses.

Yeah, so my name is Hannah, but it is
spelt with a J, so I'm justsaying this so you don't get
confused on your way to findingme.
I'm Spanish, english.
My name doesn't exist inEngland and Spain.
My parents thought, oh, let'smake her life interesting.
So my name is spelt, you know,is Hannah J-A-N-A?
Yes, I am sure.
No, I haven't got that wrong.
That's what I always get asked,so it's J-A-N-A.

(51:49):
Bartlett Alonso.
Really great place to find me isInstagram.
I do lives there teaching, andI just love it when people come
into my messages and just sayHannah, I listened to the
podcast and this is what I tookaway.
And if you message me onInstagram just one word podcast
I will send you a free businesscourse Okay, which is really,

(52:11):
really fun, and I will give youthe business course link.
It's called multidimensionalbusiness.
It's my approach to apply thehealing work to business, so you
guys can sample a bit.
And if you're one of thosepeople and I'm one of people and
you're like I don't need to doa free course, you don't need to
take me through this process.
I just know that I want to workwith you and I want to know how

(52:32):
to work with you.
I always say this to people askfor what you want direct
communication.
Get in my DMs.
This is my goal.
This is who I am.
This is what I want.
I what I want.
I will either send you to thecorrect product that would be a
match to that, or I will sendyou to someone else.

(52:52):
I will always sell yousomething that is a match to you
.
So just be clear in what youwant and your need and I will
respond to that in my Instagram,best place to find me.

Fantastic.
I will make sure there areclickable links in the show
notes.
Thank you so much for beingsuch an amazing guest and for
sharing so much of you yourself,your personal journey.

Like it matters.
It matters and I appreciate you.
Thank you for having me.
This has been a fun podcast.

I really hope everyone enjoys.
I'm sure they will.
That's all for now.
If you want to keep thatkick-ass energy high, please
take a minute to share thisepisode with someone that might
need a high octane dose of youcan do it.
Don't forget to rate, reviewand subscribe to the Permission
to Kick-Ass podcast on ApplePodcasts, spotify and wherever
you stream your podcasts.
I'm your host, angie Coley, andI'm here rooting for you.
Thanks for listening and let'sgo kick some ass.

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