Feel the Fear and Build It Anyway: How to Stop Letting What-Ifs Control Your Life

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Have you ever felt that heart-pounding, palm-sweating sensation when facing something that scares you? That feeling that whispers "who do you think you are?" right when you're about to take a risk? Welcome to the debut episode of She Lost It, where we dive deep into understanding how fear works as our compass, not our stop sign.

Standing in front of the mirror four years ago, I barely recognized myself. Years of people-pleasing and playing small had buried my dreams under layers of self-doubt and worry about others' opinions. But that day, something shifted. Not because I suddenly became brave – I was terrified – but because a tiny voice whispered: "What if you try anyway?"

This podcast was born from that question. Recording this first episode with shaking hands and a nervous stomach, I'm sharing the revelation that transformed my relationship with fear: you don't overcome fear before taking action; you develop courage because of action. Fear isn't the problem; staying stuck because of it is.

Through personal stories and practical strategies – from naming your specific fears to celebrating imperfect progress – we explore how to break free from paralysis. I share the seven words that became my mantra ("Feel the fear and build it anyway") and offer three powerful techniques to move forward despite uncertainty. When that microphone appeared under my Christmas tree with the note "Everything is a dream until you make it real," I knew it was time to stop running.

Whether you're contemplating a career change, a difficult conversation, or any dream that won't leave you alone, this episode offers a compassionate nudge toward that first step. Subscribe to join our community of courageous builders who are learning to recognize fear not as the enemy, but as an invitation to grow beyond what we thought possible.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
Welcome to the she Lost it podcast.
I'm Stephanie, and this is aspace for you to lose whatever
has been holding you back.
Talk about real growth and findcourage and step into the life
you were meant for.
If you've ever let fear stopyou, whether it's chasing a
dream, speaking up or takingthat big leap of faith, well

(00:26):
this episode it's for you Inthis podcast.
It's been living rent-free inmy head for years and now here
we are, it's day one and I'mgoing to be real with you.
Hitting record on this episodemakes me feel like I might just
throw up.
I'm sitting on the floor in asunroom not a fancy studio, just

(00:48):
me, you, this microphone and afew pillows.
My palms are sweaty, my stomachis in knots and every part of
me is screaming.
Who do you think you are?
But you know what I'm doing itanyways, because here's what
I've learned Fear isn't a stopsign.
It's actually a signal, and ifyou're listening to this,

(01:09):
chances are there's somethingyou've been putting off too.
Maybe it's a dream or adecision, or just a really hard
conversation or a goal that'sbeen sitting in the back of your
mind collecting dust in theback of your mind collecting
dust.
Maybe fear has been whisperingto you what if you fail?
What if you're not good enough?
Or what if people judge you?

(01:31):
Or maybe the scariest thoughtof all, what if you actually
succeed?
That one hit me hard.
So today we're talking aboutfear how to recognize it, how to
stop letting it control you andhow to move forward while still

(01:52):
feeling it.
Because, let me tell you,waiting for fear to go away
before you take action, that's atrap.
It's like waiting on anairplane at a train station, and
the moment when you feel readynever actually comes.
So let me take you back fouryears.
I'm standing in front of themirror, staring at a version of
myself I did not recognize.
I had spent yearspeople-pleasing, overthinking,

(02:13):
playing small.
I was deep in food addiction,self-doubt and a cycle of just
getting by and, honestly, I feltinvisible, like I was living my
life for everyone else.
And I had all these dreams whenI was younger.
You know you had them too.
They were big, exciting,world-changing dreams.

(02:34):
I wanted to be an actress, acountry music star, a sports
journalist, but somewhere alongthe way they got muted, watered
down, buried under fear,exhaustion and worried about
what people will think.
Then, one day, I just couldn'tignore it anymore.
I was tired, tired of shrinkingmyself, tired of living on

(02:57):
autopilot, tired of carrying theweight of everyone else's
expectations.
But let me be clear, I wasn'tjust suddenly brave.
I was actually terrified.
Terrified of failing, terrifiedof what people might say,
terrified of falling flat on myface.
But then this tiny voice insideof me whispered what if you try

(03:20):
anyway?
And that question, it was thespark that I needed.
So something I've come to learnis fear is not the problem, but
staying stuck because of it is.
That moment taught me somethinghuge.
Fear isn't there to stop us.
It's actually the compass thatshows us and pushes us right to

(03:44):
the edge of our comfort zone,and that is the place where
growth happens.
So, with my hands shaking, myheart pounding, I took the first
step toward building a lifethat actually felt like mine.
And guess what?
It was really messy and it wasreally uncomfortable, and I
second guessed myself a lot.
But every time I faced fear,instead of running from it, I

(04:05):
got stronger.
I started losing not justphysical weight but the
emotional weight of expectationsthat weren't even mine to carry
.
And that's when everythingstarted to shift.
And in my mind there wasanother small voice that said
this one phrase over and overand over again.
That changed everything for me,and I still use it every day to

(04:26):
help catapult me into whateverit is that makes me feel that
heart-pounding, palm-sweatyfeeling.
So here it is.
Seven words Feel the fear andbuild it anyways.
But what does that actuallymean?
To feel the fear and do itanyway?
Well, it means recognizing thatfear is normal, it's part of

(04:49):
growth, it's not a red light,it's a green light with
butterflies, and it means takingaction before you feel ready.
I've made some prettyterrifying decisions over the
years Becoming a health coach,leaving my marriage, opening up
about my struggles, stepping outof codependency, admitting my

(05:12):
struggles with food addictionand anxiety disorder, and now
starting this podcast.
And every single one of themstarted with fear.
But I've learned that couragedoesn't come before action.
Courage comes because of action.
So if there's something on yourheart you've been putting off, I
want you to ask yourself threethings.

(05:32):
Number one what exactly am Iafraid of?
Number two, what's the nextsmallest step I can take?
And number three, why does thismatter to me?
Fear isn't the problem.
Staying stuck because of it is.
So how do we move through thefear instead of letting it

(05:53):
control you.
Well, here's three tips thathave helped me and I think they
might help you too.
So first, name your fear, writeit down.
Write down exactly what it isyou're afraid of Sometimes
putting it on paper takes awayits power and be specific.
What's the worst that couldhappen?

(06:14):
And then challenge that thoughtby writing down what's the best
that could happen.
For example, if you're scaredto speak up at work, the worst
might be mild embarrassment, butthe best it could open doors
you never imagined.
Second, take tiny steps.

(06:35):
Okay, big leaps can feeloverwhelming, so break it down
Instead of thinking about thewhole thing.
Ask yourself what's the nextsmallest step I can take.
If you're scared to start a newproject, commit to spending
just 10 minutes a day on it.
Then do it again the next day.
Small actions build momentum,and momentum builds courage, and

(06:59):
courage builds confidence.
And number three celebrateprogress, not perfection.
Perfection is a lie that willkeep you stuck every day of the
week.
So every step forward, nomatter how small, that's a
victory.
Growth happens in the doing,not in the waiting for

(07:19):
everything to feel just right.
So keep a journal of your wins,even the tiny ones, and over
time they will add up and remindyou of just how far you've come
, and then there will be signsyou won't be able to ignore.
So let me tell you a littlestory about how this podcast
actually got started.
So for months I kept puttingoff starting this podcast.

(07:41):
I kept telling myself that isso silly.
Who would even listen?
So I just kept pushing it aside.
Then, on Christmas morning,there it was.
I opened it up and right there,staring back at me, was a
microphone and a quote that saideverything is a dream until you
make it real.
And I just sat there staring atit.

(08:03):
It was as if God was putting myown dream right in my face,
daring me to stop running fromit.
Fast forward.
A few weeks later, as I wasrehearsing my best attempt to
talk myself out of starting thispodcast, I saw a single leaf
fall from a tree.

(08:24):
And it hit me.
God was telling me to let go.
Let go of the excuses, let goof the past, let go of the fear
of failing, let go of the fearof what other people might think
, let go of the fear of notknowing where to start.
Just let go.
Feel the fear and build itanyway.

(08:45):
So here we are sitting togetherin this room feeling the fear
and building it anyways.
So here's my challenge for youwhat's the one thing you've been
avoiding because it scares you?
The dream that won't leave youalone, the goal that makes your
stomach flip Starting thebusiness, writing the book, or

(09:07):
having that really hardconversation.
This is your sign to feel thefear and do it anyway.
You don't have to feel ready,you just have to take the first
step.
So your challenge this weektake one bold step towards that
one thing that scares you, justone.
And if you need someone in yourcorner cheering you on that's

(09:28):
what this podcast is here forWrite it down, name the fear and
then take one small steptowards it, because if I can sit
here sweating through my shirt,terrified to put this podcast
into the world and do it anyway,then so can you.
And listen.
If nobody else tells you thistoday, I believe in you.

(09:49):
And listen.
If nobody else tells you thistoday, I believe in you.
All right, friend, if thisepisode hits home for you, if
you're sitting there noddinglike, oh my gosh, she's in my
head, do me a favor Subscribe soyou don't miss the next episode
.
Share this with a friend whoneeds to hear it.
We are not doing this alone.
And remember fear isn't yourenemy, it's just your invitation
to grow.

(10:10):
So let's be scared and build itanyway.
See you next time.