March 10, 2025 • 46 mins
Creating a stable, welcoming environment after divorce isn't just about interior design—it's about healing, comfort, and establishing a foundation for your family's new chapter. When children shuttle between homes, the spaces they inhabit profoundly affect their ability to process and adjust to their new reality.
Interior designer Molly Anderson discovered this truth through personal experience when her son candidly told her that her ex-husband's house "didn't feel like home." This insight launched her specialty practice helping divorced parents create nurturing environments for themselves and their children. As she reveals, children are remarkably perceptive about their surroundings: "Anytime any of my kids' friends come over, they're like 'oh, your house feels so nice.' I mean, they could be eight years old and say that—you would never even think a kid would notice."
The conversation explores practical, budget-conscious approaches to transforming post-divorce spaces. Anderson emphasizes that expensive furniture and professional design aren't prerequisites for creating comfort. Simple changes—warm lighting (using 2700K bulbs instead of harsh white lights), comfortable bedding, and even artificial plants—can dramatically transform how a space feels. Most importantly, involving children in design decisions helps them develop ownership and pride in their new environment.
For many newly-single parents, particularly fathers who may not have been primarily responsible for home décor decisions during marriage, identifying personal style presents a significant challenge. Anderson offers compassionate guidance, explaining how she helps clients discover their preferences and create environments that support emotional healing while reflecting their new identity.
Whether you're starting from scratch in a new space or transforming an existing home after divorce, this conversation provides thoughtful strategies for creating environments where both parents and children can thrive during this transition. The right surroundings don't just provide physical comfort—they create the foundation for healing and new beginnings.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello and welcome to the show.
Thank you so much for joiningtoday, and we've got a very cool
and unique topic to talk abouttoday.
That is, creating the newenvironment in your home
post-divorce, and I've got afantastic guest to chat with
about that.
But before we get into it andbefore I introduce her, I just
(00:24):
want to remind you to check outthe website at
thedivorcedadvocatecom.
If you are not yet a member ofthe community, check it out and
become one.
There are a lot of greatresources, from free to paid, on
there, including the divorcequiz that'll help you gauge
where you're at in your divorce,mentally and emotionally,
compared to thousands of otherswho have gone through it.
(00:46):
So check it out atthedivorcedadvocatecom and
become a member and get the helpthat you need and deserve.
Okay, my guest today is a motherof two and an interior designer
based out of my hometown ofChicago Illinois.
She's a residential andcommercial designer with a
(01:06):
special interest in helpingdivorced clientele make their
surroundings in their secondchapter feel hopeful and like
home.
Her goals are to help create anenvironment that allows her
clients to live to their fullestpotential emotionally,
physically and mentally.
With either in-person orvirtual visits, she will help
(01:26):
repurpose current belongings,source new items within a
specified budget and customizean overall aesthetic according
to personal taste.
This also includes focusing onbringing children into the
design process to help easetheir adjustment to their new
normal.
She found her passion fordesigning early in life and
catapulted into helping thisdemographic after her own
(01:48):
divorce.
She is driven, efficient,accessible and, last but not
least, talented at design.
Please help me welcome MollyAnderson.
Molly, welcome to the show.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
I sound amazing.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
You are amazing and I was so excited when you reached
out to me, because this issomething that we talk about
I've talked about on the podcasthere but also something we talk
about more intimately when wedo our group meetings or if I do
individual coaching with thedivorced dads about creating
their environment, their newenvironment.
(02:25):
Oftentimes, whether they soldthe house or they're moving out
or whatever it might be, there'sgoing to be a new environment.
Even if they keep the house,it's going to be a new
environment.
Furniture leaves, like allkinds of stuff happens.
As you know, you went through adivorce.
It's a great upheaval, but wetalk about creating that
environment in their home thatis conducive for the kids and
(02:50):
for what they want to envisionthat environment to be.
So when you were like, hey, Ido interior design, I've just
talked about it generally andthe way that I've figured it out
over the decade a little over adecade that I've been divorced,
but to have somebody thatreally knows what they're doing,
I'm very excited about that.
(03:11):
So let's start out with youjust telling us a little bit
about how you mentioned in yourintro a little bit how did you
get into this?
Speaker 2 (03:20):
So I have.
Well, I'm an entrepreneur atheart.
I've had lots of businesses,always rooted in sort of the
design community, and when Istarted doing design before my
divorce, the thought never wouldhave even occurred to me this
(03:41):
sort of demographic um, thissort of demographic Um.
So you know my clients are, youknow families and builders, and
like you know, you said,commercial spaces downtown, Uh,
and then, after sort of goingthrough this on my own, it
became clear to me after my son,who was 10 at the time, said
(04:03):
dad's house son, who was 10 atthe time said dad's house needs
help.
You have to come help.
It just feels cold, like we're,it doesn't feel like home.
Nothing's unpacked, you know.
And not to say that that'shappening everywhere, but my
ex-husband has, you know,terrible ADHD and I'm the one
who typically would arrangeeverything because I'm the
(04:25):
interior designer, right.
So you know, moving into thesetwo separate places, they just
said you got to come over hereand do something.
So I did, but it made me think,oh gosh, you know, there must
be so many kids feeling likethis, right.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Yeah, wait, you went to your ex and helped design his
new place well, so okay yeah,he'll text me.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
We're very amicable and I know that's not always the
case at all, um, largelybecause there's a lot of just
ignoring what happens.
But you know, for the kids.
So I I kind of went over thereand when I dropped them off
realized, oh my God, this, this,it was hard for me to see.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
So I kind of got like , got to work, I sort of like
like the kids sleeping on thefloor or in the garage, or
literally like boxes hadn't beenunpacked.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Know.
I mean and he's just.
You know he's busy and whenyou're a single parent, as you
know it's, it's just hard tomaintain all that, especially
when it's not your firstpriority and I think it's it.
It's lost on a lot of peoplehow important your home
environment is and so afterdoing that, that, you know, and
(05:46):
now I'm 44.
So a lot of my clientele and myfriends, who are all word of
mouth, are sort of in that areaof okay, people are starting to
get divorced, we're going toless weddings and more divorce
parties, and so I startedgetting more of that clientele
and I thought, oh my gosh, somany of these people are like,
(06:08):
please help me, I do not havethe time for this.
I'd never cared about designbefore.
My wife designed the house orwhat have you.
I had input on it, but I justit's so overwhelming here, help
me.
And watching their reaction andthe kids reactions to making
that home was transformationaland I thought, okay, this is
(06:33):
something and this brings me alot of joy.
I just it's so important towatch your kids be a part of the
process too.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
I think and you know your, your environment, has a
lot to do with your mental stateand so what do you find as
being maybe the the number onechallenge that, uh, that you
find in creating that new homeenvironment?
Speaker 2 (07:00):
So I think a lot of my divorce clientele sort of
don't know where to start.
So I'm not actually really surewhat my style is right.
You might not know, it may havenever been even up for grabs
(07:21):
for you in your marital home upfor grabs for you in your
marital home.
So I like to help them kind ofnarrow down their style.
You know, maybe you likeminimalist, maybe you like color
, maybe you like monotone, butyou know, and, and getting them
to visualize what that will looklike because I make visual
(07:45):
design boards helps them see, ohokay, you know that brings that
to light and then they can kindof grasp it.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
But I think a lot of people don't know their style
with dads who might not havebeen the ones putting together
the house and doing the designand maybe being passively
involved in that, but notintimately involved in that.
So then you get a mismatch offurniture and artwork and like
(08:18):
everything else, and then it'slike what the heck am I going to
do?
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Yeah, you have the couch, that from the basement,
and then you know an armchairthat maybe was upstairs, in a
set that now you have one of.
And you know what am I doingwith rugs?
What am I?
Where do we even start?
But yeah, all the themismatched stuff.
I find too that you know you gofrom having these professional
(08:48):
family pictures you know in thehouse, whatever it may be,
holiday pictures that wereframed or pictures of your kids,
and now you're in this spacewith these blank walls and it
feels just really empty.
So I love to help them kind oftransition the way that new
(09:10):
reality looks like.
Go out and take pictures withyour kids yourself and have them
you know, make it your newreality, something that you're
looking at every day, so itdoesn't feel so daunting.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
Yeah, so how do you approach that?
Working with a client that'sfeeling overwhelmed by the
transition, like what are yourfirst steps in working with them
?
You just started to delve intothat.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Yeah, so I typically have a client send me a couple
inspiration photos or I can alsosend them sort of a
questionnaire and it will sayyou know which of these pictures
sort of applies to you the best.
Some people might know theirstyle, like I found.
I had a couple.
(09:56):
They wanted to nest, so theywere, they kept the family home
and they both bought, bought acondo downtown chicago.
Now they, you know, while sodaunting, so also kind of
invigorating, they were bothlike, oh, you know, we always
used to have to agree on what wewanted and now we can do
whatever we want.
So he knew that he wanted kindof minimalist, minimalist
(10:21):
Scandinavian style, and shewanted really cozy, you know,
cottage chic.
So I was able to, you know,have them send inspiration
pictures and things like that.
But not everyone is always intune with what that means.
So I can either send picturesand say here, so I can either
(10:41):
send pictures and say here, pickbetween this and it gives me
enough of an idea to go off of.
You know, especially if someonethat's in another state, you
know, send me pictures of yourspace, you can send me video and
a couple inspiration pictures.
Just, oh, I love the way thislooks and I, you know, I'll get
dimensions and then I'll kind ofstart creating from there.
(11:04):
We work with budget, okay, andthen they kind of start to see
that, okay, this can happen, myhome can look like this and it's
not going to be exhausting andit doesn't have to cost a
billion dollars.
But little things go such along way.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
Right, cool.
So why do you feel that it'sreally important and crucial for
you know, emotionally andphysically, for and I want to
dovetail this into the kids andhaving the kids become involved
in it but for, in our case,divorced dads to create this
(11:44):
environment for their kids?
Speaker 2 (12:29):
no-transcript hit so I got out of there and I didn't
even really take anything.
So it was a blank canvas and Icould tell when they came in
they didn't feel comfortable.
You know you.
You become a creature ofcomfort.
You have your things to go toand you don't realize that
(12:49):
everything around you affectsyou.
The the lighting affects you,having some plants in the house,
whether they're fake or real,can affect you.
You know the creature comfortsof home and if they're coming
over there, it feels likethey're going to some weird
hotel room and they don't wantto be there and then it goes.
It affects them deeper thanthat and my son, like I said,
(13:13):
and my daughter were both reallylike, able to express that,
even though they were younger.
So I, you know, I took themwith me shopping.
Okay, well, you know you'regoing to share a room.
Let's get a bunk bed and let'sput your desk in there.
And why don't you guys pick out?
Let's go to Target.
(13:34):
You pick out the bedding thatyou like.
You know, and in my last housethere would have been more rules
on.
We're not putting superheroeson our bedding.
I'm an interior designer, buthere like let's just have fun,
you know, be a part of it.
And now they talk about thatapartment like, oh remember when
we lived in that fun apartment.
Instead of it being this tragictime of loss, it still felt
(13:59):
like home.
People need to feel warmth andcomfort and organization and
like they're not in a movingstate.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Right yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
So that's, one Right.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Yeah, that's what you meant.
Mental health, yeah, exactly.
Well, one of the things that wetalk about is that the kids are
going through their own process, through the divorce too, and
they don't have the capacities,the development, the brain
development, et cetera, etcetera, to be able to process to
, you know, to process some ofthat and to to deal with some of
that.
(14:32):
So creating an environment forthem is is, is crucial to them,
whether it's whether it's twodifferent environments, but at
least for you know, for the dadsto create a space that is an
environment that is there, thatthey feel, that they feel safe
in, that they feel protected inthat they feel safe in that they
feel protected, in that theyfeel supported in, and doing
(14:54):
that's going to just give themthat security in going through
that process and then, hopefully, adjusting post-divorce to that
.
So that's one of the thingsthat we talk about all the time.
That's so critical.
So, like you described, havingboxes open and not have
(15:15):
silverware and plates to eat offof and all this stuff, that's
transitory, which is okay for aperiod of time, but if that
extends for a great period oftime, that's really
disconcerting and difficult forthe kids to be able to make that
transition that they don't knowhow to do.
It's incumbent upon us as dadsto be able to help facilitate
(15:38):
that process, and part of thatis creating that environment
that is very, very safe for them, that they can come to.
And then you talked aboutincluding them in that process.
While it's so difficult andchallenging I'm speaking from my
own experience and also talkingwith and helping other guys it
(16:01):
can be very exciting and fun,like you described, with your
kids, Like hey, let's dosomething fun.
And I remember with mydaughters and I'm going to try
not to get choked up but like Ididn't have any money and I went
out and I had to find usedfurniture, but this was the
first time they had all theirown rooms.
(16:21):
So because before they weresharing rooms a couple of them
and I got used furniture likenothing fancy or anything.
And and I and I got usedfurniture like nothing fancy or
anything but my, my daughter,just like flopped in her bed and
she goes daddy, I feel like aprincess and oh man, it just, oh
(16:41):
man, it just.
It still gets me too, becauseand it's like, like it wasn't
anything expensive and, um, itwasn't anything crazy and it
wasn't a big room and it wasn'ta canopy, but like it wasn't
anything expensive and it wasn'tanything crazy, and it wasn't a
big room and it wasn't a canopy, but like it wasn't anything.
It was just something that wasnice and we got her colors that
she wanted and stuff like that,and and that was awesome.
(17:03):
It was amazing and it was that.
That's that place, for the timethat we were there was
transformative for all us inhealing for all of us.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
Absolutely, and you're just like the people you
surround yourself are.
It's equally as important and Ithink a lot of people don't
realize that why would I get aninterior designer?
Why would I pay someone to dowhat I can go out and shop for?
Well, do what I can go out andshop for Well.
First of all, the internet isan abyss of options and to have
(17:36):
someone kind of know what workstogether and what doesn't, I
just you know it.
It it really like I.
Anytime any of my kids friendscome over, they're like oh, your
house feels so nice.
I mean, they could be eightyears old and say that you would
never even think a kid wouldnotice that.
And, like you said, you canliterally go on Facebook
marketplace and buy a used.
(17:59):
You can paint it with yourchild as a fun project.
They just want to be involved init and then they feel so proud
of their space and then you'realso teaching them something
about creating a home later intheir lives.
But it's very hard to go to aplace that feels empty and no
(18:23):
one would feel comfortable there, let alone your kids, whose
brains are now at this pointright, so confused and so sad
and they're living out of youknow.
They're bringing their backpackover with all their stuff to
your house and I don't know whatthat's like.
My parents were not divorcedand my daughter will remind me
you.
You don't know what it's liketo go back and forth.
(18:44):
Nothing feels stable bowl.
And she's 16 now, so she youknow it's been seven years and
so she was a lot younger and nowyou know she especially wants
(19:06):
her closet and her space.
But we made both rooms lookamazing, so she still feels like
she can go and relax and hidein her room like teenagers do.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
She can go and relax and hide in her room like
teenagers do.
Yeah right, well, let's talk aminute about why it would be
beneficial to have somebody likeyou help, because people might
think, okay, this is going to beincredibly expensive.
But let's talk about ways andwhy and how you can help,
because it doesn't have to beincredibly expensive.
Like I said, I bought some,some used stuff.
(19:33):
I bought some new stuff.
We did some creative stuff asas well.
What are some you know creativeways to to kind of mitigate
some of this cost?
Cause I know that during theprocess, especially during the
process, and if you're splittingduring the process and you're
trying to find different places,there's already that it's a
simple math problem One houseinto two equals more expenses
(19:58):
and there's not a lot of money.
But what are some creative waysthat you help people to be able
to do that and create nicespaces?
Speaker 2 (20:07):
Sure, yeah.
So that was a huge reason why Iwanted to sort of target this
audience, because so typicallyinterior designers make their
money off of doing customfurniture things like that so
they can get wholesale pricingand I'm probably just ruining
(20:32):
all my interior designrelationships.
But, sorry guys, a lot ofpeople make money off of the
wholesale pricing they get wherethey're tax exempt and so their
custom furniture and all thosethings.
That is not realistic for mostof the population and there's no
(20:54):
reason that all of us shouldn'thave a beautiful home.
I have done three divorced dadsin the last year and outfitted
their entire houses, worked withtheir children, got the things
that they love.
What sports do you guys like?
What are your hobbies, whatcolors do you like?
Incorporated them into theirrooms and like literally done
(21:18):
them all on Wayfair.
So I get a discount through allthe major stores and I pass
that along because I refuse tolet anyone pay full price for
anything.
There's no reason to do it.
I also know what the goodknockoffs are.
How do we make this look superclassy on a budget but you can
(21:41):
so easily, like we said,facebook, marketplace, go get
something used Target, wayfair,ross stores, home goods.
I mean you would not believewhat we can do on a budget and
then me passing along my hour ormy discount typically covers my
hours, but I've made it alllook complete for you.
(22:02):
I've done the shopping for you.
You can give me your creditcard so you get air miles.
I'll order it all for you.
It'll come.
I'll set it all up depending onwhat your schedule is.
We can have someone assemble itif you need to.
I will work within whatever youneed, so you can literally take
(22:23):
them from concept of I have noidea.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
I have no clue about my style or an environment I
don't know what my kids like, Idon't know what I'm doing to
getting it all done andassembled and having the place
look great and feel great.
The kiddos excited about comingover and being in the
(22:49):
environment, spending time there, etc.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Yeah, they're going to want to be there.
And it's also important to knowthat everyone lives in their
space differently.
Everyone needs their spacedifferently.
I have a friend who gotdivorced and she wanted to feel
really energized.
So we got peel and stickwallpaper.
We found a really inexpensiveyou know inexpensive handyman.
(23:13):
He came, he put it up, shechanged the lights, put her
flavor on it and they loved thatapartment.
Some people want it to bereally calm.
You know it's whatever the vibeis that you're going for.
I know the questions to ask toget you there.
We can take an empty house andtotally transform it.
You know lighting, artwork, allof that, and and really on any
(23:38):
budget.
Or let's say, you have a pieceof furniture, well, let's sell
it and use that money.
If you don't love it or if itdoesn't serve you purpose or it
gives you bad juju, then let'sget rid of it.
Um, or repurpose it, let'spaint it, let's put new hardware
on a dresser and it'll be funfor your kids.
So does she want a hot pinkdresser?
(23:59):
Why not?
Who cares?
You know she's seven.
Let's.
We'll find someone in your areawho paints furniture on the
cheap and we'll, we'll give hera pink dresser.
She'll be like.
This place is so cool.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Right, okay, so with the time we've got remaining,
let's talk about two things.
One I'd like to know what aresome of the common mistakes that
you see when dads are startingto go about this process or
trying to figure this out, andmaybe some of these are funny,
(24:35):
maybe some of these are fun,maybe some of these are sad, I
don't know.
But you know, like what aresome of the big common mistakes?
Speaker 2 (24:44):
Okay, so let's see, typically with the dads, I see
that I I mean more often thannot, right, the female usually
stays in the house I don't knowhow often you see that or if
they have to sell yeah, itdepends these days yeah, just,
(25:05):
my clients have all beenmisplaced from their home, so it
does, it depends, yeah, so yeah, when that's the situation,
personally, all of my clientshave been like I didn't even, I
just want it out of there, Ididn't even take anything you
(25:27):
know.
So their kids rooms are a bed, amattress, a thin blanket, a
living room with a you know, ofcourse the TV is always great.
Yeah right, big old TV.
You know.
No rugs, no lighting.
That, to me, is the biggestchange that I can bring, is
(25:50):
really like grounding all thefurniture and making it feel
like you don't live in a stagedapartment.
Okay, feel like you don't livein a staged apartment, so you
know, and making it comfortable,how do you live?
Like, let's get you fabricthat's easily cleanable if your
kids are little, and things.
But yeah, I think they don'ttypically think of the kids
(26:11):
rooms first.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
Okay.
So maybe the biggest mistake isnot focus maybe not focusing
enough on the kiddos' rooms andmaking those spaces that are
comfortable for them, becausethat's going to be really where
they're spending a lot of theirtime the kiddos and so focusing
on those, including the kiddosin that process and doing that
maybe should be priority numberone.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
Priority and for yourselves mean don't
underestimate how you know howmuch time you spend sleeping,
and that your bedroom shouldfeel like a peaceful respite for
you and good point, go to bedsomewhere kind of cold and
unkempt because you haven't hunganything or you have, you know,
(26:59):
maybe no nightstands and whathave you with a lamp on it that
is going to affect you.
I mean, I have had dads thathave said I'm not, I really
don't want to spend money in myroom, don't worry about my room.
And I say please just trust mewith this and we paint rug
(27:21):
bedding you know budget,whatever your budget is and they
go.
I can't believe that.
I almost said no to this.
It feels like a completelydifferent place.
I feel so at home.
Plus, you're likely going tostart dating again.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
You want to have a place that looks like you care
about your environment if you'regoing to you know, yeah Well,
that's a great point and thatgoes to the whole philosophy is
you can't help other people ifyou're not taking care of
yourself.
And you're in a good space, sothat's a good one too.
That's a big mistake, too ifthey're not taking care of
(27:56):
themselves, taking care of theroom, creating space for
themselves to be able to nurture, heal, do the work that that
they need to do in order to uh,in order to move on with their
lives and then also be there andbe available for for the kiddos
and be strong for the kiddosand help them through the
process.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
So those are right, absolutely.
I mean, who's who sleeps reallywell when they go to kind of a
shitty hotel?
You know no one yeah, I meanwe're at the four seasons.
We feel great, but right I'llmake it oh, you will.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
okay, there's your guarantee, there's all these
guarantee She'll make your housefeel like the Four Seasons,
okay.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
Perfect, hold me to it.
I am serious.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Okay, all right.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
So let's finish up, yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
Let's finish up with some high-impact tips that the
dads can implement, like rightnow, this weekend, this week, to
you know to, to make some kindof change in the environment.
That's going to really dosomething.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
Okay.
So I find that now I get madefun of about it from everyone
who knows me.
I can literally walk like I.
We got an Airbnb for mydaughter's 16th birthday Cause
my whole family came and myhouse cannot fit everyone.
So we all chipped in and got anAirbnb and I was changing light
(29:30):
bulbs.
Like no one wants those greenlight bulbs that, like they're
those are for embalming bodies.
You don't need them in yourhome, so you need warm light.
As you can see behind me, Ihave so much warm light, but it
would shock you how much itchanges the space.
(29:53):
You need 300, 2,700k lightbulbs If you can find the old
light bulbs.
Great, more power to you.
They're my favorite.
send me a text and tell me whereyou got them um, but that
really does make a hugedifference and it's about not
having all the overhead lightingabove you.
That can completely change yourmood.
(30:14):
So lamps with warm lightingthrow pillows.
I know we're not big fans, noone wants to take 11 pillows off
the bed.
I'm just talking one longpillow, maybe a pillow or two on
the couch, couple blankets.
Kids love to have blankets, youknow.
Keep them in a basket so theyknow to put them away and get
(30:37):
them out for movie night.
Um, you know, rugs really helptoo, but I don't necessarily
suggest doing that without myadvice, because that can go very
wrong size wise and placementwise yeah, yeah, yeah let's
stick to the guy stuff.
Light bulbs, yes okay, for sure,light bulbs that's maybe a
(30:59):
little iffy, but blankets yes,that all right, let's do.
Let's do light, lighting andbedding.
Bedding's important foreveryone okay, so let everyone
have like uh, get buy a bed in abedding set in a bag.
They sell them at Target.
It comes with the pillows, thecomforter, whatever.
(31:22):
Just everyone needs a niceplace to like end the day.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
And plants.
Honestly, I kill every singlething I come into contact with.
So I just find cute fake plantsand they liven up the space.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Okay, so, okay.
So let's go to the.
So let's go to the beddingthing.
You gave the light bulbs, warmlight bulbs, you know not the,
the, the, the, the, the old,bright white ones.
Yeah, I actually am a I'm yeah,I'm guilty of the bright white.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
I see it behind your head, I know.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
Yeah, I know.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
So immediately you don't see, you're going to feel
like a completely different.
Dimmers dimmers everywhere.
Dim the lights.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
Dimmers.
Yes, yes, okay, dimmers.
That's good too, right.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
Yeah, you can go to Ace Hardware, get a different
plate for your wall, dim all thelights and add some lamps for
when it's nighttime and you'rejust hanging out or you know,
family reading time, games, TV,whatever it is.
It really makes such adifference.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
Okay, that's good.
So that's an easy one guys cando.
I mean, guys can do thehandyman thing with installing
the dimmers and stuff like thattoo.
So very, very cool the beddingthing.
So you're suggesting Targetwherever.
Take the kids, go check it out.
It's bedding in a bag, right,it's the comforter and it's the
(32:55):
sheets and the fitted sheets andthe pillow covers and say what
do you like?
Let's start from there.
We can design your room fromyour bedding, right.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
And you'll be shocked if you involve them on the
process.
All of a sudden they're like oh, I made my bed this morning.
And the shock of that value,because I know, as a divorced
parent, a all the guilt issitting there.
So you're kind of like notappointing the chores the same
way and all of those things, butit's still so important for
(33:28):
them to do those things, so likeI just switched and required
them to do that.
After I saw like, oh, I love mybedding, I'm going to make it.
I'm like, Okay, well, why don'twe make that a rule then every
morning before you go to school?
But they take pride in it andit's important.
You don't want to raise a bunchof slobs.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Yeah, cool, Okay.
And then the last one.
What would be the last one?
The blankets or you havesomething else Plants, okay,
plants.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
All right, and again, it doesn't have to be real
plants.
Fake plants are equally asbeneficial to your space as real
plants.
I cannot, I kill everything Itouch, but I, I like I keep
bringing up target only becausethey have these lines with some
really famous interior designersin order to make it affordable
(34:28):
for everyone and they have likevery great, real looking fake
plants and they come in cutelittle pots and you put them on
the middle of a coffee table orin the middle of a dining table
and just people like greenery.
It just really makes such adifference.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
And hanging things on the walls, Hanging things on
the walls.
So to the plant thing.
I have had great successfinding plants in thrift stores.
People give away fake plantsand it's crazy because these are
$100 fake plants that they sellfor $20.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
Yeah, artificial plants can range up to, you know
, $500 for a tree and if you'rewilling to sort of risk it and
try it can be very good for theair in your house.
Costco sells beautiful plants.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
um, you can give it a try maybe yeah, and you can
include your kids with it.
It could be their chore.
That's why our plants alwaysdie, because that's their chore,
and they never get watered andthen they die.
So, yeah, yeah, exactly so.
But you know you could buildthat into the the whole process
(35:45):
of caring for something andnurturing, etc.
But, um, yeah, but just knowthat you're going to be buying
them over and over againprobably absolutely.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
But I I do think that I never included my kids in the
design process in my first home, never.
I mean, you know, maybe, well,they were littler.
Even though they were littler,I was still, I still should have
.
I mean, I think you could eventake a three year old and say
what's your favorite color andgo from there, but I think I was
(36:19):
so intent on making theirperfect rooms and you know it
was my first time doing that soI was so excited and then not
taking it so seriously.
After moving into that apartmentI got so much more joy out of
including them in on it andseeing their joy from it and it
(36:39):
really took my mind off a lot ofthings.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
Cool.
So where can people?
Okay?
Two things First, I thinkyou've got an offer for
everybody listening to.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
Yeah, so I think you know it.
I I will work however bestsuits the person.
I'm a chameleon, so I'm notjust going to offer a virtual
session.
I don't know many divorced dadswho want to walk with me on
FaceTime through their house youknow, well, there might be some
(37:14):
yeah.
And if there is, then awesome.
You know I'll also be your bestfriend, we'll have a great time
.
So we can either do that or youcan send me you know we can
start by emailing with eachother and or just a phone call
and I'll walk you through mywhole process and you can send
(37:35):
me some you know just textpictures of your space.
I'll tell you how to measure acouple things for me.
Maybe you have a floor plan,because you got into an
apartment and they had a floorplan and you know we'll go from
there.
But yeah, I can.
You know I charge $2.25 an hourbut again, I am going to pass
(37:57):
you my discount.
So when we start buying couchesand things like that, I get 20%
off at all these places.
Or maybe you say I only wanttwo hours of your time.
This is what I want to spend onall the stuff that goes in the
room, and I'll work directlywithin that budget.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
Perfect, and so then, if they want to connect with
you, how do they do that?
Speaker 2 (38:21):
so you can email me and I think you're gonna write
put my email up.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
So I'll put all your information in the show notes.
Speaker 2 (38:28):
But for those who are , listening right now and want
to write it now and get a holdof you immediately awesome.
Yeah, I'm gonna.
I have all my assistants onstandby by the landlines.
So my email ismollyandollivecom.
It's Molly M-O-L-L-Y-A-N-D.
(38:50):
Olive design.
At Gmail, at gmail, um, and Ihave a website.
It's molly and olivecom.
Olive is my seven pound.
Have a poo sleeping next to meright now on the floor I liked
her more than my kids at thetime, so I named my business
(39:12):
after her okay, yes, well, youhave teenagers too.
So you know you can email me andwe'll just come up with the
best plan.
You don't have to commit toanything.
I'm just going to talk to you,we'll just plan a time to hop on
the phone and I just, I, Ireally just want to be here to
(39:34):
make your life easier, happier,make your kids feel better, more
optimistic.
I just.
It really means a lot to me todo that.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
Yeah, and I just want to reiterate that with all the
guys that are listening, becausewhat you mentioned earlier, we
have no idea.
I mean, maybe some of us.
I was a child of divorce, butlots of us don't know what it's
like to go from one environmentto another environment.
(40:09):
It's very difficult andchallenging in some households,
depending on what the dynamic islike.
It's almost literally likeliving in two different worlds.
So it is absolutely crucial andcritical to create this
environment for your kiddos thatis beneficial to them.
So connect with Molly in orderto get this process going.
(40:31):
Even if it's just baby steps atthe start, to just figure out
some of the three things thatshe told us with light bulbs and
and plants and stuff like thatto uh, to to.
It's going to make a huge, hugeimpact on on your kiddos.
So don't put it off any longer.
Put it as one of those prioritythings on your list.
(40:53):
I know you've got a lot going onif you're, if you're listening,
but this is one that's reallygoing to pay dividends in the
future as you guys go throughthis process all together with
your kiddos and if you'reworking with somebody like Molly
, it's going to take some ofthat pressure off.
It's going to make things alittle bit easier, a little bit
(41:16):
more fun that you can do, asshe's got ideas to do with your
kiddos, so it can actually be anopportunity.
You guys hear me talk aboutthat all the time.
Is this being an opportunity?
There are opportunities, lotsof opportunities within this
whole process that's happening,and so utilize the expertise
(41:36):
that Molly has and get connectedwith her please.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
Yeah, you know I actually.
I have another point I justthought of, but you know my kids
didn't want to.
They want to be able to havetheir friends over too, and when
they don't feel like it's theirhome, they're not doing that.
So I don't you know whether,whatever the situation you know
(42:00):
like my kids right now, becauseof our work schedules, go over
there on the weekends.
Well, that's when they want tohang out with their friends too.
So until I sort of helped makethat space feel like, oh, I can
have my friends in here andthere's a space for us to hang
out and a couch, and you knowall this, they didn't want to
have their friends over, butthat's what kids are supposed to
(42:21):
be doing.
They're supposed to be havingthose joyous moments where they
can just live like normal.
But if they feel like they'resitting in your hotel room, then
they're not going to do thatand I'm going to take the
guesswork out of it for you andall of us know here the decision
fatigue that goes into adivorce.
(42:41):
Your brain feels like cobwebsand your heart feels broken and
the thought of the future youhad, including your house, looks
totally different overnight.
So let's help make it feel likeyou're starting fresh and new
(43:04):
and impressing the ladies or themen you know.
Speaker 1 (43:10):
Right.
Well, molly, thank you so muchfor sharing some pearls of
wisdom with us today andappreciate all that you're doing
and the work that you're doing.
It's sometimes a labor of lovein this context of working
within divorce, so I sincerelyappreciate that you've chosen
(43:30):
this niche to do this work.
Speaker 2 (43:33):
Thank you.
I thought, gosh, after my sonsaid that you know I really got
to email someone connecting witha divorced dad group because it
might not be the first thing onyour list, so, but it is
important and I'm here to helpyou with that if your ex-wife
(43:54):
won't.
Speaker 1 (43:57):
Yeah, not all of us are blessed with that
opportunity, so yeah, I'd saythe majority of us are not, so
that's a pretty specialcircumstance.
I would say.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
I mean it really is too.
My clients are my clients forlife.
So I'm really not trying tolike sell myself here, but I
just am a very personable personand I'm not here just for
design help.
Like you know, life is hard andwe're all in this together and
(44:33):
I really understand this wholetransition thing very much and
I'm very compassionate about itand I just want you to feel good
where you are, be happy to comehome, be proud to call it your
home and have your kids feelexcited to be there.
Speaker 1 (44:54):
Absolutely Perfect, Molly.
Thanks so much for being on theshow.
I appreciate it.
Fellas, connect with MollyAnderson and start this process
ASAP.
Thanks for listening.
Have a great week and God bless.
Hello and welcome to the show.
Thank you so much for joiningtoday, and we've got a very cool
and unique topic to talk abouttoday.
That is, creating the newenvironment in your home
post-divorce, and I've got afantastic guest to chat with
about that.
But before we get into it andbefore I introduce her, I just
(00:24):
want to remind you to check outthe website at
thedivorcedadvocatecom.
If you are not yet a member ofthe community, check it out and
become one.
There are a lot of greatresources, from free to paid, on
there, including the divorcequiz that'll help you gauge
where you're at in your divorce,mentally and emotionally,
compared to thousands of otherswho have gone through it.
(00:46):
So check it out atthedivorcedadvocatecom and
become a member and get the helpthat you need and deserve.
Okay, my guest today is a motherof two and an interior designer
based out of my hometown ofChicago Illinois.
She's a residential andcommercial designer with a
(01:06):
special interest in helpingdivorced clientele make their
surroundings in their secondchapter feel hopeful and like
home.
Her goals are to help create anenvironment that allows her
clients to live to their fullestpotential emotionally,
physically and mentally.
With either in-person orvirtual visits, she will help
(01:26):
repurpose current belongings,source new items within a
specified budget and customizean overall aesthetic according
to personal taste.
This also includes focusing onbringing children into the
design process to help easetheir adjustment to their new
normal.
She found her passion fordesigning early in life and
catapulted into helping thisdemographic after her own
(01:48):
divorce.
She is driven, efficient,accessible and, last but not
least, talented at design.
Please help me welcome MollyAnderson.
Molly, welcome to the show.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
I sound amazing.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
You are amazing and I was so excited when you reached
out to me, because this issomething that we talk about
I've talked about on the podcasthere but also something we talk
about more intimately when wedo our group meetings or if I do
individual coaching with thedivorced dads about creating
their environment, their newenvironment.
(02:25):
Oftentimes, whether they soldthe house or they're moving out
or whatever it might be, there'sgoing to be a new environment.
Even if they keep the house,it's going to be a new
environment.
Furniture leaves, like allkinds of stuff happens.
As you know, you went through adivorce.
It's a great upheaval, but wetalk about creating that
environment in their home thatis conducive for the kids and
(02:50):
for what they want to envisionthat environment to be.
So when you were like, hey, Ido interior design, I've just
talked about it generally andthe way that I've figured it out
over the decade a little over adecade that I've been divorced,
but to have somebody thatreally knows what they're doing,
I'm very excited about that.
(03:11):
So let's start out with youjust telling us a little bit
about how you mentioned in yourintro a little bit how did you
get into this?
Speaker 2 (03:20):
So I have.
Well, I'm an entrepreneur atheart.
I've had lots of businesses,always rooted in sort of the
design community, and when Istarted doing design before my
divorce, the thought never wouldhave even occurred to me this
(03:41):
sort of demographic um, thissort of demographic Um.
So you know my clients are, youknow families and builders, and
like you know, you said,commercial spaces downtown, Uh,
and then, after sort of goingthrough this on my own, it
became clear to me after my son,who was 10 at the time, said
(04:03):
dad's house son, who was 10 atthe time said dad's house needs
help.
You have to come help.
It just feels cold, like we're,it doesn't feel like home.
Nothing's unpacked, you know.
And not to say that that'shappening everywhere, but my
ex-husband has, you know,terrible ADHD and I'm the one
who typically would arrangeeverything because I'm the
(04:25):
interior designer, right.
So you know, moving into thesetwo separate places, they just
said you got to come over hereand do something.
So I did, but it made me think,oh gosh, you know, there must
be so many kids feeling likethis, right.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Yeah, wait, you went to your ex and helped design his
new place well, so okay yeah,he'll text me.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
We're very amicable and I know that's not always the
case at all, um, largelybecause there's a lot of just
ignoring what happens.
But you know, for the kids.
So I I kind of went over thereand when I dropped them off
realized, oh my God, this, this,it was hard for me to see.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
So I kind of got like , got to work, I sort of like
like the kids sleeping on thefloor or in the garage, or
literally like boxes hadn't beenunpacked.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Know.
I mean and he's just.
You know he's busy and whenyou're a single parent, as you
know it's, it's just hard tomaintain all that, especially
when it's not your firstpriority and I think it's it.
It's lost on a lot of peoplehow important your home
environment is and so afterdoing that, that, you know, and
(05:46):
now I'm 44.
So a lot of my clientele and myfriends, who are all word of
mouth, are sort of in that areaof okay, people are starting to
get divorced, we're going toless weddings and more divorce
parties, and so I startedgetting more of that clientele
and I thought, oh my gosh, somany of these people are like,
(06:08):
please help me, I do not havethe time for this.
I'd never cared about designbefore.
My wife designed the house orwhat have you.
I had input on it, but I justit's so overwhelming here, help
me.
And watching their reaction andthe kids reactions to making
that home was transformationaland I thought, okay, this is
(06:33):
something and this brings me alot of joy.
I just it's so important towatch your kids be a part of the
process too.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
I think and you know your, your environment, has a
lot to do with your mental stateand so what do you find as
being maybe the the number onechallenge that, uh, that you
find in creating that new homeenvironment?
Speaker 2 (07:00):
So I think a lot of my divorce clientele sort of
don't know where to start.
So I'm not actually really surewhat my style is right.
You might not know, it may havenever been even up for grabs
(07:21):
for you in your marital home upfor grabs for you in your
marital home.
So I like to help them kind ofnarrow down their style.
You know, maybe you likeminimalist, maybe you like color
, maybe you like monotone, butyou know, and, and getting them
to visualize what that will looklike because I make visual
(07:45):
design boards helps them see, ohokay, you know that brings that
to light and then they can kindof grasp it.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
But I think a lot of people don't know their style
with dads who might not havebeen the ones putting together
the house and doing the designand maybe being passively
involved in that, but notintimately involved in that.
So then you get a mismatch offurniture and artwork and like
(08:18):
everything else, and then it'slike what the heck am I going to
do?
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Yeah, you have the couch, that from the basement,
and then you know an armchairthat maybe was upstairs, in a
set that now you have one of.
And you know what am I doingwith rugs?
What am I?
Where do we even start?
But yeah, all the themismatched stuff.
I find too that you know you gofrom having these professional
(08:48):
family pictures you know in thehouse, whatever it may be,
holiday pictures that wereframed or pictures of your kids,
and now you're in this spacewith these blank walls and it
feels just really empty.
So I love to help them kind oftransition the way that new
(09:10):
reality looks like.
Go out and take pictures withyour kids yourself and have them
you know, make it your newreality, something that you're
looking at every day, so itdoesn't feel so daunting.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
Yeah, so how do you approach that?
Working with a client that'sfeeling overwhelmed by the
transition, like what are yourfirst steps in working with them
?
You just started to delve intothat.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Yeah, so I typically have a client send me a couple
inspiration photos or I can alsosend them sort of a
questionnaire and it will sayyou know which of these pictures
sort of applies to you the best.
Some people might know theirstyle, like I found.
I had a couple.
(09:56):
They wanted to nest, so theywere, they kept the family home
and they both bought, bought acondo downtown chicago.
Now they, you know, while sodaunting, so also kind of
invigorating, they were bothlike, oh, you know, we always
used to have to agree on what wewanted and now we can do
whatever we want.
So he knew that he wanted kindof minimalist, minimalist
(10:21):
Scandinavian style, and shewanted really cozy, you know,
cottage chic.
So I was able to, you know,have them send inspiration
pictures and things like that.
But not everyone is always intune with what that means.
So I can either send picturesand say here, so I can either
(10:41):
send pictures and say here, pickbetween this and it gives me
enough of an idea to go off of.
You know, especially if someonethat's in another state, you
know, send me pictures of yourspace, you can send me video and
a couple inspiration pictures.
Just, oh, I love the way thislooks and I, you know, I'll get
dimensions and then I'll kind ofstart creating from there.
(11:04):
We work with budget, okay, andthen they kind of start to see
that, okay, this can happen, myhome can look like this and it's
not going to be exhausting andit doesn't have to cost a
billion dollars.
But little things go such along way.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
Right, cool.
So why do you feel that it'sreally important and crucial for
you know, emotionally andphysically, for and I want to
dovetail this into the kids andhaving the kids become involved
in it but for, in our case,divorced dads to create this
(11:44):
environment for their kids?
Speaker 2 (12:29):
no-transcript hit so I got out of there and I didn't
even really take anything.
So it was a blank canvas and Icould tell when they came in
they didn't feel comfortable.
You know you.
You become a creature ofcomfort.
You have your things to go toand you don't realize that
(12:49):
everything around you affectsyou.
The the lighting affects you,having some plants in the house,
whether they're fake or real,can affect you.
You know the creature comfortsof home and if they're coming
over there, it feels likethey're going to some weird
hotel room and they don't wantto be there and then it goes.
It affects them deeper thanthat and my son, like I said,
(13:13):
and my daughter were both reallylike, able to express that,
even though they were younger.
So I, you know, I took themwith me shopping.
Okay, well, you know you'regoing to share a room.
Let's get a bunk bed and let'sput your desk in there.
And why don't you guys pick out?
Let's go to Target.
(13:34):
You pick out the bedding thatyou like.
You know, and in my last housethere would have been more rules
on.
We're not putting superheroeson our bedding.
I'm an interior designer, buthere like let's just have fun,
you know, be a part of it.
And now they talk about thatapartment like, oh remember when
we lived in that fun apartment.
Instead of it being this tragictime of loss, it still felt
(13:59):
like home.
People need to feel warmth andcomfort and organization and
like they're not in a movingstate.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Right yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
So that's, one Right.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Yeah, that's what you meant.
Mental health, yeah, exactly.
Well, one of the things that wetalk about is that the kids are
going through their own process, through the divorce too, and
they don't have the capacities,the development, the brain
development, et cetera, etcetera, to be able to process to
, you know, to process some ofthat and to to deal with some of
that.
(14:32):
So creating an environment forthem is is, is crucial to them,
whether it's whether it's twodifferent environments, but at
least for you know, for the dadsto create a space that is an
environment that is there, thatthey feel, that they feel safe
in, that they feel protected inthat they feel safe in that they
feel protected, in that theyfeel supported in, and doing
(14:54):
that's going to just give themthat security in going through
that process and then, hopefully, adjusting post-divorce to that
.
So that's one of the thingsthat we talk about all the time.
That's so critical.
So, like you described, havingboxes open and not have
(15:15):
silverware and plates to eat offof and all this stuff, that's
transitory, which is okay for aperiod of time, but if that
extends for a great period oftime, that's really
disconcerting and difficult forthe kids to be able to make that
transition that they don't knowhow to do.
It's incumbent upon us as dadsto be able to help facilitate
(15:38):
that process, and part of thatis creating that environment
that is very, very safe for them, that they can come to.
And then you talked aboutincluding them in that process.
While it's so difficult andchallenging I'm speaking from my
own experience and also talkingwith and helping other guys it
(16:01):
can be very exciting and fun,like you described, with your
kids, Like hey, let's dosomething fun.
And I remember with mydaughters and I'm going to try
not to get choked up but like Ididn't have any money and I went
out and I had to find usedfurniture, but this was the
first time they had all theirown rooms.
(16:21):
So because before they weresharing rooms a couple of them
and I got used furniture likenothing fancy or anything.
And and I and I got usedfurniture like nothing fancy or
anything but my, my daughter,just like flopped in her bed and
she goes daddy, I feel like aprincess and oh man, it just, oh
(16:41):
man, it just.
It still gets me too, becauseand it's like, like it wasn't
anything expensive and, um, itwasn't anything crazy and it
wasn't a big room and it wasn'ta canopy, but like it wasn't
anything expensive and it wasn'tanything crazy, and it wasn't a
big room and it wasn't a canopy, but like it wasn't anything.
It was just something that wasnice and we got her colors that
she wanted and stuff like that,and and that was awesome.
(17:03):
It was amazing and it was that.
That's that place, for the timethat we were there was
transformative for all us inhealing for all of us.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
Absolutely, and you're just like the people you
surround yourself are.
It's equally as important and Ithink a lot of people don't
realize that why would I get aninterior designer?
Why would I pay someone to dowhat I can go out and shop for?
Well, do what I can go out andshop for Well.
First of all, the internet isan abyss of options and to have
(17:36):
someone kind of know what workstogether and what doesn't, I
just you know it.
It it really like I.
Anytime any of my kids friendscome over, they're like oh, your
house feels so nice.
I mean, they could be eightyears old and say that you would
never even think a kid wouldnotice that.
And, like you said, you canliterally go on Facebook
marketplace and buy a used.
(17:59):
You can paint it with yourchild as a fun project.
They just want to be involved init and then they feel so proud
of their space and then you'realso teaching them something
about creating a home later intheir lives.
But it's very hard to go to aplace that feels empty and no
(18:23):
one would feel comfortable there, let alone your kids, whose
brains are now at this pointright, so confused and so sad
and they're living out of youknow.
They're bringing their backpackover with all their stuff to
your house and I don't know whatthat's like.
My parents were not divorcedand my daughter will remind me
you.
You don't know what it's liketo go back and forth.
(18:44):
Nothing feels stable bowl.
And she's 16 now, so she youknow it's been seven years and
so she was a lot younger and nowyou know she especially wants
(19:06):
her closet and her space.
But we made both rooms lookamazing, so she still feels like
she can go and relax and hidein her room like teenagers do.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
She can go and relax and hide in her room like
teenagers do.
Yeah right, well, let's talk aminute about why it would be
beneficial to have somebody likeyou help, because people might
think, okay, this is going to beincredibly expensive.
But let's talk about ways andwhy and how you can help,
because it doesn't have to beincredibly expensive.
Like I said, I bought some,some used stuff.
(19:33):
I bought some new stuff.
We did some creative stuff asas well.
What are some you know creativeways to to kind of mitigate
some of this cost?
Cause I know that during theprocess, especially during the
process, and if you're splittingduring the process and you're
trying to find different places,there's already that it's a
simple math problem One houseinto two equals more expenses
(19:58):
and there's not a lot of money.
But what are some creative waysthat you help people to be able
to do that and create nicespaces?
Speaker 2 (20:07):
Sure, yeah.
So that was a huge reason why Iwanted to sort of target this
audience, because so typicallyinterior designers make their
money off of doing customfurniture things like that so
they can get wholesale pricingand I'm probably just ruining
(20:32):
all my interior designrelationships.
But, sorry guys, a lot ofpeople make money off of the
wholesale pricing they get wherethey're tax exempt and so their
custom furniture and all thosethings.
That is not realistic for mostof the population and there's no
(20:54):
reason that all of us shouldn'thave a beautiful home.
I have done three divorced dadsin the last year and outfitted
their entire houses, worked withtheir children, got the things
that they love.
What sports do you guys like?
What are your hobbies, whatcolors do you like?
Incorporated them into theirrooms and like literally done
(21:18):
them all on Wayfair.
So I get a discount through allthe major stores and I pass
that along because I refuse tolet anyone pay full price for
anything.
There's no reason to do it.
I also know what the goodknockoffs are.
How do we make this look superclassy on a budget but you can
(21:41):
so easily, like we said,facebook, marketplace, go get
something used Target, wayfair,ross stores, home goods.
I mean you would not believewhat we can do on a budget and
then me passing along my hour ormy discount typically covers my
hours, but I've made it alllook complete for you.
(22:02):
I've done the shopping for you.
You can give me your creditcard so you get air miles.
I'll order it all for you.
It'll come.
I'll set it all up depending onwhat your schedule is.
We can have someone assemble itif you need to.
I will work within whatever youneed, so you can literally take
(22:23):
them from concept of I have noidea.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
I have no clue about my style or an environment I
don't know what my kids like, Idon't know what I'm doing to
getting it all done andassembled and having the place
look great and feel great.
The kiddos excited about comingover and being in the
(22:49):
environment, spending time there, etc.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Yeah, they're going to want to be there.
And it's also important to knowthat everyone lives in their
space differently.
Everyone needs their spacedifferently.
I have a friend who gotdivorced and she wanted to feel
really energized.
So we got peel and stickwallpaper.
We found a really inexpensiveyou know inexpensive handyman.
(23:13):
He came, he put it up, shechanged the lights, put her
flavor on it and they loved thatapartment.
Some people want it to bereally calm.
You know it's whatever the vibeis that you're going for.
I know the questions to ask toget you there.
We can take an empty house andtotally transform it.
You know lighting, artwork, allof that, and and really on any
(23:38):
budget.
Or let's say, you have a pieceof furniture, well, let's sell
it and use that money.
If you don't love it or if itdoesn't serve you purpose or it
gives you bad juju, then let'sget rid of it.
Um, or repurpose it, let'spaint it, let's put new hardware
on a dresser and it'll be funfor your kids.
So does she want a hot pinkdresser?
(23:59):
Why not?
Who cares?
You know she's seven.
Let's.
We'll find someone in your areawho paints furniture on the
cheap and we'll, we'll give hera pink dresser.
She'll be like.
This place is so cool.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Right, okay, so with the time we've got remaining,
let's talk about two things.
One I'd like to know what aresome of the common mistakes that
you see when dads are startingto go about this process or
trying to figure this out, andmaybe some of these are funny,
(24:35):
maybe some of these are fun,maybe some of these are sad, I
don't know.
But you know, like what aresome of the big common mistakes?
Speaker 2 (24:44):
Okay, so let's see, typically with the dads, I see
that I I mean more often thannot, right, the female usually
stays in the house I don't knowhow often you see that or if
they have to sell yeah, itdepends these days yeah, just,
(25:05):
my clients have all beenmisplaced from their home, so it
does, it depends, yeah, so yeah, when that's the situation,
personally, all of my clientshave been like I didn't even, I
just want it out of there, Ididn't even take anything you
(25:27):
know.
So their kids rooms are a bed, amattress, a thin blanket, a
living room with a you know, ofcourse the TV is always great.
Yeah right, big old TV.
You know.
No rugs, no lighting.
That, to me, is the biggestchange that I can bring, is
(25:50):
really like grounding all thefurniture and making it feel
like you don't live in a stagedapartment.
Okay, feel like you don't livein a staged apartment, so you
know, and making it comfortable,how do you live?
Like, let's get you fabricthat's easily cleanable if your
kids are little, and things.
But yeah, I think they don'ttypically think of the kids
(26:11):
rooms first.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
Okay.
So maybe the biggest mistake isnot focus maybe not focusing
enough on the kiddos' rooms andmaking those spaces that are
comfortable for them, becausethat's going to be really where
they're spending a lot of theirtime the kiddos and so focusing
on those, including the kiddosin that process and doing that
maybe should be priority numberone.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
Priority and for yourselves mean don't
underestimate how you know howmuch time you spend sleeping,
and that your bedroom shouldfeel like a peaceful respite for
you and good point, go to bedsomewhere kind of cold and
unkempt because you haven't hunganything or you have, you know,
(26:59):
maybe no nightstands and whathave you with a lamp on it that
is going to affect you.
I mean, I have had dads thathave said I'm not, I really
don't want to spend money in myroom, don't worry about my room.
And I say please just trust mewith this and we paint rug
(27:21):
bedding you know budget,whatever your budget is and they
go.
I can't believe that.
I almost said no to this.
It feels like a completelydifferent place.
I feel so at home.
Plus, you're likely going tostart dating again.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
You want to have a place that looks like you care
about your environment if you'regoing to you know, yeah Well,
that's a great point and thatgoes to the whole philosophy is
you can't help other people ifyou're not taking care of
yourself.
And you're in a good space, sothat's a good one too.
That's a big mistake, too ifthey're not taking care of
(27:56):
themselves, taking care of theroom, creating space for
themselves to be able to nurture, heal, do the work that that
they need to do in order to uh,in order to move on with their
lives and then also be there andbe available for for the kiddos
and be strong for the kiddosand help them through the
process.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
So those are right, absolutely.
I mean, who's who sleeps reallywell when they go to kind of a
shitty hotel?
You know no one yeah, I meanwe're at the four seasons.
We feel great, but right I'llmake it oh, you will.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
okay, there's your guarantee, there's all these
guarantee She'll make your housefeel like the Four Seasons,
okay.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
Perfect, hold me to it.
I am serious.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Okay, all right.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
So let's finish up, yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
Let's finish up with some high-impact tips that the
dads can implement, like rightnow, this weekend, this week, to
you know to, to make some kindof change in the environment.
That's going to really dosomething.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
Okay.
So I find that now I get madefun of about it from everyone
who knows me.
I can literally walk like I.
We got an Airbnb for mydaughter's 16th birthday Cause
my whole family came and myhouse cannot fit everyone.
So we all chipped in and got anAirbnb and I was changing light
(29:30):
bulbs.
Like no one wants those greenlight bulbs that, like they're
those are for embalming bodies.
You don't need them in yourhome, so you need warm light.
As you can see behind me, Ihave so much warm light, but it
would shock you how much itchanges the space.
(29:53):
You need 300, 2,700k lightbulbs If you can find the old
light bulbs.
Great, more power to you.
They're my favorite.
send me a text and tell me whereyou got them um, but that
really does make a hugedifference and it's about not
having all the overhead lightingabove you.
That can completely change yourmood.
(30:14):
So lamps with warm lightingthrow pillows.
I know we're not big fans, noone wants to take 11 pillows off
the bed.
I'm just talking one longpillow, maybe a pillow or two on
the couch, couple blankets.
Kids love to have blankets, youknow.
Keep them in a basket so theyknow to put them away and get
(30:37):
them out for movie night.
Um, you know, rugs really helptoo, but I don't necessarily
suggest doing that without myadvice, because that can go very
wrong size wise and placementwise yeah, yeah, yeah let's
stick to the guy stuff.
Light bulbs, yes okay, for sure,light bulbs that's maybe a
(30:59):
little iffy, but blankets yes,that all right, let's do.
Let's do light, lighting andbedding.
Bedding's important foreveryone okay, so let everyone
have like uh, get buy a bed in abedding set in a bag.
They sell them at Target.
It comes with the pillows, thecomforter, whatever.
(31:22):
Just everyone needs a niceplace to like end the day.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
And plants.
Honestly, I kill every singlething I come into contact with.
So I just find cute fake plantsand they liven up the space.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Okay, so, okay.
So let's go to the.
So let's go to the beddingthing.
You gave the light bulbs, warmlight bulbs, you know not the,
the, the, the, the, the old,bright white ones.
Yeah, I actually am a I'm yeah,I'm guilty of the bright white.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
I see it behind your head, I know.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
Yeah, I know.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
So immediately you don't see, you're going to feel
like a completely different.
Dimmers dimmers everywhere.
Dim the lights.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
Dimmers.
Yes, yes, okay, dimmers.
That's good too, right.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
Yeah, you can go to Ace Hardware, get a different
plate for your wall, dim all thelights and add some lamps for
when it's nighttime and you'rejust hanging out or you know,
family reading time, games, TV,whatever it is.
It really makes such adifference.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
Okay, that's good.
So that's an easy one guys cando.
I mean, guys can do thehandyman thing with installing
the dimmers and stuff like thattoo.
So very, very cool the beddingthing.
So you're suggesting Targetwherever.
Take the kids, go check it out.
It's bedding in a bag, right,it's the comforter and it's the
(32:55):
sheets and the fitted sheets andthe pillow covers and say what
do you like?
Let's start from there.
We can design your room fromyour bedding, right.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
And you'll be shocked if you involve them on the
process.
All of a sudden they're like oh, I made my bed this morning.
And the shock of that value,because I know, as a divorced
parent, a all the guilt issitting there.
So you're kind of like notappointing the chores the same
way and all of those things, butit's still so important for
(33:28):
them to do those things, so likeI just switched and required
them to do that.
After I saw like, oh, I love mybedding, I'm going to make it.
I'm like, Okay, well, why don'twe make that a rule then every
morning before you go to school?
But they take pride in it andit's important.
You don't want to raise a bunchof slobs.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Yeah, cool, Okay.
And then the last one.
What would be the last one?
The blankets or you havesomething else Plants, okay,
plants.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
All right, and again, it doesn't have to be real
plants.
Fake plants are equally asbeneficial to your space as real
plants.
I cannot, I kill everything Itouch, but I, I like I keep
bringing up target only becausethey have these lines with some
really famous interior designersin order to make it affordable
(34:28):
for everyone and they have likevery great, real looking fake
plants and they come in cutelittle pots and you put them on
the middle of a coffee table orin the middle of a dining table
and just people like greenery.
It just really makes such adifference.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
And hanging things on the walls, Hanging things on
the walls.
So to the plant thing.
I have had great successfinding plants in thrift stores.
People give away fake plantsand it's crazy because these are
$100 fake plants that they sellfor $20.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
Yeah, artificial plants can range up to, you know
, $500 for a tree and if you'rewilling to sort of risk it and
try it can be very good for theair in your house.
Costco sells beautiful plants.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
um, you can give it a try maybe yeah, and you can
include your kids with it.
It could be their chore.
That's why our plants alwaysdie, because that's their chore,
and they never get watered andthen they die.
So, yeah, yeah, exactly so.
But you know you could buildthat into the the whole process
(35:45):
of caring for something andnurturing, etc.
But, um, yeah, but just knowthat you're going to be buying
them over and over againprobably absolutely.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
But I I do think that I never included my kids in the
design process in my first home, never.
I mean, you know, maybe, well,they were littler.
Even though they were littler,I was still, I still should have
.
I mean, I think you could eventake a three year old and say
what's your favorite color andgo from there, but I think I was
(36:19):
so intent on making theirperfect rooms and you know it
was my first time doing that soI was so excited and then not
taking it so seriously.
After moving into that apartmentI got so much more joy out of
including them in on it andseeing their joy from it and it
(36:39):
really took my mind off a lot ofthings.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
Cool.
So where can people?
Okay?
Two things First, I thinkyou've got an offer for
everybody listening to.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
Yeah, so I think you know it.
I I will work however bestsuits the person.
I'm a chameleon, so I'm notjust going to offer a virtual
session.
I don't know many divorced dadswho want to walk with me on
FaceTime through their house youknow, well, there might be some
(37:14):
yeah.
And if there is, then awesome.
You know I'll also be your bestfriend, we'll have a great time
.
So we can either do that or youcan send me you know we can
start by emailing with eachother and or just a phone call
and I'll walk you through mywhole process and you can send
(37:35):
me some you know just textpictures of your space.
I'll tell you how to measure acouple things for me.
Maybe you have a floor plan,because you got into an
apartment and they had a floorplan and you know we'll go from
there.
But yeah, I can.
You know I charge $2.25 an hourbut again, I am going to pass
(37:57):
you my discount.
So when we start buying couchesand things like that, I get 20%
off at all these places.
Or maybe you say I only wanttwo hours of your time.
This is what I want to spend onall the stuff that goes in the
room, and I'll work directlywithin that budget.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
Perfect, and so then, if they want to connect with
you, how do they do that?
Speaker 2 (38:21):
so you can email me and I think you're gonna write
put my email up.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
So I'll put all your information in the show notes.
Speaker 2 (38:28):
But for those who are , listening right now and want
to write it now and get a holdof you immediately awesome.
Yeah, I'm gonna.
I have all my assistants onstandby by the landlines.
So my email ismollyandollivecom.
It's Molly M-O-L-L-Y-A-N-D.
(38:50):
Olive design.
At Gmail, at gmail, um, and Ihave a website.
It's molly and olivecom.
Olive is my seven pound.
Have a poo sleeping next to meright now on the floor I liked
her more than my kids at thetime, so I named my business
(39:12):
after her okay, yes, well, youhave teenagers too.
So you know you can email me andwe'll just come up with the
best plan.
You don't have to commit toanything.
I'm just going to talk to you,we'll just plan a time to hop on
the phone and I just, I, Ireally just want to be here to
(39:34):
make your life easier, happier,make your kids feel better, more
optimistic.
I just.
It really means a lot to me todo that.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
Yeah, and I just want to reiterate that with all the
guys that are listening, becausewhat you mentioned earlier, we
have no idea.
I mean, maybe some of us.
I was a child of divorce, butlots of us don't know what it's
like to go from one environmentto another environment.
(40:09):
It's very difficult andchallenging in some households,
depending on what the dynamic islike.
It's almost literally likeliving in two different worlds.
So it is absolutely crucial andcritical to create this
environment for your kiddos thatis beneficial to them.
So connect with Molly in orderto get this process going.
(40:31):
Even if it's just baby steps atthe start, to just figure out
some of the three things thatshe told us with light bulbs and
and plants and stuff like thatto uh, to to.
It's going to make a huge, hugeimpact on on your kiddos.
So don't put it off any longer.
Put it as one of those prioritythings on your list.
(40:53):
I know you've got a lot going onif you're, if you're listening,
but this is one that's reallygoing to pay dividends in the
future as you guys go throughthis process all together with
your kiddos and if you'reworking with somebody like Molly
, it's going to take some ofthat pressure off.
It's going to make things alittle bit easier, a little bit
(41:16):
more fun that you can do, asshe's got ideas to do with your
kiddos, so it can actually be anopportunity.
You guys hear me talk aboutthat all the time.
Is this being an opportunity?
There are opportunities, lotsof opportunities within this
whole process that's happening,and so utilize the expertise
(41:36):
that Molly has and get connectedwith her please.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
Yeah, you know I actually.
I have another point I justthought of, but you know my kids
didn't want to.
They want to be able to havetheir friends over too, and when
they don't feel like it's theirhome, they're not doing that.
So I don't you know whether,whatever the situation you know
(42:00):
like my kids right now, becauseof our work schedules, go over
there on the weekends.
Well, that's when they want tohang out with their friends too.
So until I sort of helped makethat space feel like, oh, I can
have my friends in here andthere's a space for us to hang
out and a couch, and you knowall this, they didn't want to
have their friends over, butthat's what kids are supposed to
(42:21):
be doing.
They're supposed to be havingthose joyous moments where they
can just live like normal.
But if they feel like they'resitting in your hotel room, then
they're not going to do thatand I'm going to take the
guesswork out of it for you andall of us know here the decision
fatigue that goes into adivorce.
(42:41):
Your brain feels like cobwebsand your heart feels broken and
the thought of the future youhad, including your house, looks
totally different overnight.
So let's help make it feel likeyou're starting fresh and new
(43:04):
and impressing the ladies or themen you know.
Speaker 1 (43:10):
Right.
Well, molly, thank you so muchfor sharing some pearls of
wisdom with us today andappreciate all that you're doing
and the work that you're doing.
It's sometimes a labor of lovein this context of working
within divorce, so I sincerelyappreciate that you've chosen
(43:30):
this niche to do this work.
Speaker 2 (43:33):
Thank you.
I thought, gosh, after my sonsaid that you know I really got
to email someone connecting witha divorced dad group because it
might not be the first thing onyour list, so, but it is
important and I'm here to helpyou with that if your ex-wife
(43:54):
won't.
Speaker 1 (43:57):
Yeah, not all of us are blessed with that
opportunity, so yeah, I'd saythe majority of us are not, so
that's a pretty specialcircumstance.
I would say.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
I mean it really is too.
My clients are my clients forlife.
So I'm really not trying tolike sell myself here, but I
just am a very personable personand I'm not here just for
design help.
Like you know, life is hard andwe're all in this together and
(44:33):
I really understand this wholetransition thing very much and
I'm very compassionate about itand I just want you to feel good
where you are, be happy to comehome, be proud to call it your
home and have your kids feelexcited to be there.
Speaker 1 (44:54):
Absolutely Perfect, Molly.
Thanks so much for being on theshow.
I appreciate it.
Fellas, connect with MollyAnderson and start this process
ASAP.
Thanks for listening.
Have a great week and God bless.
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