February 11, 2025 • 20 mins
What if you could transform life's setbacks into stepping stones for success? Join me, Keona Talana, on The Hearts Hello Show as we navigate from feeling trapped in a victim mindset to flourishing with a victor's mentality. Through heartfelt personal stories, including my own experience of being laid off, we uncover the power of radical responsibility in reclaiming our lives and stepping beyond excuses. By acknowledging our limiting beliefs and recognizing the comfort zones that keep us stuck, we can break free and pursue excellence over perfection.
In this episode, we explore how shifting your language and self-talk can redefine your narrative and empower your journey. Discover the importance of taking ownership of your actions and curating an environment filled with positive influences. By committing to small, consistent actions, you can break old patterns and build a path to success. Together, we challenge the excuses that hold us back and embrace the adventure of life, supporting each other in reaching our fullest potential and becoming the most authentic versions of ourselves.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey HeartSeekers, welcome to the Hearts Hello Show
, where our hearts are thefoundation of our well-being and
happiness.
I am your host, kiana Talena.
As we roll into our second weekin this month's series on
radical responsibility, we aregoing to talk about shifting
(00:24):
from victim to victor.
Again, we are shifting ourmindset, moving beyond our
excuses and going from thevictim to the victor.
I know a lot of times that youknow excuses.
Sometimes they feel like a warmblanket, they're comfortable,
(00:46):
they're familiar, they're easyto wrap ourselves in.
But comfort won't get us towhere we need to go.
So today we're going to talkabout what it really takes to
move beyond our excuses andshift from a victim mindset to a
victor's mindset, and shiftfrom a victim mindset to a
(01:07):
victor's mindset.
I know you all hear me talkabout time and time again how I
will reference we us, because Inever want to get to a place
where I feel like I have arrived.
We all have work to do and inevery stage of life we elevate
to, there are going to be somethings that we have to tweak,
(01:28):
refine and some things we justhave to chuck and can't deal
with at all.
So it is me sharing with youall that, even though I am the
host of this show.
None of us ever arrived, noneof us ever arrive, to the level
of perfection.
The only thing that we shouldbe striving towards is
(01:52):
excellency.
And so, in excellency every day, each and every day, as we show
up to be 1% better, as we showup to be the most authentic
version of ourselves, as we showup being integral and loyal and
all of those amazingcharacteristics, we have to
(02:12):
realize that the excuses that wetell ourselves my gosh, are
keeping us stuck.
We have to realize that, inorder for us to shift out of
that mindset, that we have tobring ourselves to a place where
the crutch is no longer what'sneeded.
(02:36):
If you take the crutch away,you can walk just fine.
But the excuses that we beginto tell ourselves and I say that
we begin to tell ourselves,because no one else's opinion of
how we should be moving shouldmatter above the opinion of what
we say to ourselves and how weshift and move in our lives, in
(03:09):
our lives so, as we're thinkingabout those areas in our lives
that we have been tellingourselves that we are the victim
and not the victor, you'regoing to have to deal with that
today You're going to have toidentify the excuses.
You're going to have torecognize the victim mentality.
You're going to have to realizethat there are indeed some
practical steps in order for you, for us, to reclaim our power.
(03:35):
So how do we rebuild our lives,living testimony?
It is so easy to fall into avictim mentality, where it
appears to be everyone else,until you take some time to look
at you in the mirror andrealize that you know what
(03:57):
blaming everyone else is not theanswer.
Even when I look at myexperiences of just being laid
off last year, were there someclues that let me know that I
should have been applying forpositions before the shoe
(04:17):
actually dropped?
Absolutely.
See, most of the time we seethe red flags and we know the
things that we're supposed to do, but we just don't do them.
We feel like we have more time,we feel like they're always
just not going to happen to us.
(04:40):
Was the victim?
I turned that into thissituation?
This scenario has now set me upfor success.
See, what I thought was asetback was indeed a set up by
God.
God set me up to remove.
(05:01):
Set me up to remove what I wasconsidering, making sure that
everything was met in myhousehold, but I had to realize
that I was using the job as acrutch.
(05:22):
I was realizing that I wasalways putting my purpose on the
back burner.
Why?
Because the job was the crutch.
The job allowed the income tocome in.
The job allowed me to becomfortable.
The job allowed me to do and gowherever I needed to go without
having to second guess meswiping my card.
So was that the excuse that Iwas giving myself to not walk in
(05:47):
my purpose?
Because, oh, I have, I havethis over here, so I don't need
to work as hard.
See, while I'm workingextremely hard for someone
else's dream, I'm putting myputting the things on the back
burner that I know that I'msupposed to be doing.
And so, yes, it was a setup forsuccess, because I was able to
(06:11):
take some time, one to just sitwith me and have my moment of
how could this happen?
How did I end up in this place,never being let go before?
And it wasn't based off ofproductivity or anything dealing
with what I was doing on thejob.
(06:33):
It just so happened to be thedepartment that I was working in
no longer needed all of thepeople that were there, but in
my head I'm questioning.
But in my head I'm questioningwell, was it something that I
did that they weren't telling me?
So, even when applying forpositions, knowing that I am
(07:00):
qualified, I'm just like, oh OK,well, it should be easy for me
to roll into another job.
God is like oh no, I have, Ihave other plans.
Yes, you are indeed qualified,but that setback was a setup for
where he was taking me.
So I had to let go of the excuse.
I had to let go and get out ofmy mind that they did this to me
(07:33):
and turn it into what mysuccess story will be, what your
success story will be, when youremove the crutch, when you
shift your mindset from thevictim mentality to the victor
mentality, when you take sometime away from social media and
realize what's important to you,not focusing in on what
everyone else is claiming thatthey are doing.
(07:54):
Because it's easy to get onsocial media and say and show
what you may be doing, but noone sees what happens when the
cameras aren't rolling.
No one sees what really happensin the household.
No one knows, except for thoseindividuals.
So why in the world would yoube in comparison to someone that
(08:19):
you don't know what their storyis.
And it's your job, it's yourresponsibility to now create
your own story.
It's now your responsibility totake yourself out of and
understand just what the victimmindset is.
See, the victim mindset willhave you feeling powerless.
(08:41):
It will have you blamingexternal circumstances and
continuing to wait for someoneto rescue you.
I'm raising my hand becausethat was me Thinking that, oh,
it should all just be easy.
Oh, someone is just going tocall.
Oh, I'm going to connect withthe right.
(09:02):
No, so your excuses may soundlike I can't, because or it's
not my fault or I don't have theresources.
But when you begin to shift yourmindset, when you begin to
(09:22):
notice and to show up in yourlife, in real life, when you
begin to notice and to show upin your life, in real life, what
are the things that you havebeen saying to yourself?
Have you told yourself aboutyour career that you can't
succeed because no one is hiring?
What about your relationships?
I always attract the wrongpeople.
(09:43):
What is it that you are sayingout of your mouth?
Is it your personal growth?
I'm just not confident enoughto go after what I want.
These things that you say outof your mouth are dangerous, and
they're dangerous because theykeep you stuck, they drain your
energy and your motivation andthey block your progress and
(10:03):
opportunity.
You have to be mindful of whatit is that you say out of your
mouth.
Life and death are in the powerof the tongue.
So when you begin to speak lifeover you, things begin to shift
, things begin to change.
Those crutches that you areholding on to no longer can
exist because you have now toldyourself that you can do it can
(10:26):
exist because you have now toldyourself that you can do it.
So what's going to be yourturning point?
How are you going to shift intoa victor mindset?
First, you have to realize thatbeing a victor it's taking
(10:48):
radical responsibility for youractions and your choices.
As humans, we are the only onesthat have free will, and so,
each and every day, we show upand do the things that we want
to do, based off of the choicesthat we make.
We have options to do one thingor another.
So it's up to you.
(11:12):
You have to acknowledge thatpain and setbacks, without
letting them they don't defineyou.
You have to realize thatchoosing solutions over
complaints have you ever talkedto someone?
And every time they open theirmouth, they are complaining
about something.
How does it make you feel whenyou leave this space?
(11:34):
Or how do you feel when you seethem across the room?
Do you try to duck and dodge sothat you don't have those
conversations?
Why?
Because they are energy suckers.
They suck all of the energy outof you by complaining.
Everything is a complaint, andthey make it seem like they have
no control over their life, butyet the decisions that they
(11:59):
make are their own.
So there are going to be threetruths about victors.
They own this story.
Instead of letting it own them,they begin to ask better
questions.
So, instead of the why me, theyask what can I do about this?
(12:20):
They take action despite fear,doubt or difficulty.
See, the time.
The time is now for you to shiftfrom your excuses to actions.
If it's rebuilding your credit,if it's launching your business
despite the fear, if it'sadvocating for yourself,
(12:40):
whatever that may be, now isyour time, the time that you're
talking about.
Oh, I can do it.
Do it tomorrow.
No, why is it that you can't doit today?
You have told yourself time andtime again I'm going to start
on Monday.
Oh, next month sounds good.
Oh, I'm going to do this when.
(13:02):
Stop telling yourself the sameexcuse over and over and over
again, expecting a differentresult.
The last time I checked, that'sthe definition of insanity.
So if you want a differentresult, you're going to have to
do something different.
So guess what?
I have the answer for you.
I'm going to help you breakfree from your excuses.
(13:27):
The first one is going to beidentify your excuse.
Write it down.
What stories are you tellingyourself?
What lies, even better, are youtelling yourself?
Number two reframe the narrative.
So instead of I don't have theresources, you're going to
(13:47):
reframe that to how can I findor create the resources I need.
Doesn't that just make you feelbetter?
When you say I don't have theresources, your mind goes to
everything that could go wrong.
But when you tell yourself, howcan I find or create this, you
(14:09):
go into creative mode.
You begin to figure it out.
We have a society that justkind of takes things and is just
like oh well, this just is whatit is.
No, it's not Figure it out.
How can you find it?
It's there for your taking, butyou're going to have to look
(14:31):
for it.
Number three I need you to takeownership of one thing today.
That's it.
What is one thing I can dotoday that will move me forward?
Just one Four I need you tosurround yourself with victors
and not victims.
(14:53):
I know some of you all may havefamily members that you, just
you can't answer the phonebecause everything is going to
be a complaint.
There are going to be somepeople that you're going to have
to put on, do not disturb.
There are going to be somepeople that you're just going to
have to say you know what?
I don't have the capacity todeal with your foolishness today
(15:13):
or tomorrow, matter of fact.
I'm going to let you know, beokay with saying it, because you
need to protect you.
You need to position yourselfaround people that are going to
help you win.
So you're going to evaluateyour environment.
Are you around people whoalways complain, are those who
(15:36):
challenge, or are yousurrounding yourself by people
who challenge you to be better?
Figure it out.
Number five I need you to committo small, consistent action.
You're going to have to beintentional in this walk,
(16:01):
because you have created a habit, you have created a pattern in
your life and there has to be apattern interrupt and in order
for the pattern interrupt totake place, it's going to have
to be with intentional action,consistent action.
Progress happens when you dothe hard things daily, not just
(16:25):
when you feel motivated.
I'll say that again Progresshappens when you do the hard
things daily, not just when youfeel motivated.
So, as we are thinking aboutwhat those things are that we
(16:50):
need to take ownership of, aswe're in this month of radical
responsibility, taking ownership, shifting from a victor, my, a
victim mindset to a victormindset, we gotta do to do
better.
See, your story is still beingwritten and you yes, you, you
hold the pin.
(17:11):
So no one is coming to save you, but the good news is you don't
need them.
To the moment you shift yourmindset, everything changes.
So I'll challenge you Writedown one excuse that you've been
(17:33):
holding on to and rewrite itwith a, and take one action step
in the next 24 hours toward agoal.
You got work to do.
You've said that you want tolive your life full out.
(17:55):
You said that you want to bethe most authentic version of
you.
You said that you are tired ofwearing the mask.
You said that now is your time,this is your year, and so, in
order for all of those things tohappen, and they will, because
(18:17):
you're going to begin to speaklife into your situation, over
yourself.
Just remember that life anddeath are in the power of your
tongue and you are with you allday long.
So you can't blame everyoneelse for your circumstances.
(18:42):
You have the power.
You have the.
You have the power to controlyour situation.
So the next time somethingdoesn't go the way that you
thought it should have gone,figure out what part that you
(19:02):
played in it and how you canmake a change.
So I'm excited about each andevery one of you all taking
radical responsibility, about usall taking radical
responsibility, because weunderstand that life is an
adventure and that we aretraveling it together.
(19:25):
This is why you come back andyou listen to me talk each and
every week, and I thank youbecause we're in this together
and I can't wait to hear aboutall that you've accomplished,
all that you're doing and, as mymentor used to say, I'll see
(19:49):
you at the top, because thebottom is way too crowded.
Hey HeartSeekers, welcome to the Hearts Hello Show
, where our hearts are thefoundation of our well-being and
happiness.
I am your host, kiana Talena.
As we roll into our second weekin this month's series on
radical responsibility, we aregoing to talk about shifting
(00:24):
from victim to victor.
Again, we are shifting ourmindset, moving beyond our
excuses and going from thevictim to the victor.
I know a lot of times that youknow excuses.
Sometimes they feel like a warmblanket, they're comfortable,
(00:46):
they're familiar, they're easyto wrap ourselves in.
But comfort won't get us towhere we need to go.
So today we're going to talkabout what it really takes to
move beyond our excuses andshift from a victim mindset to a
victor's mindset, and shiftfrom a victim mindset to a
(01:07):
victor's mindset.
I know you all hear me talkabout time and time again how I
will reference we us, because Inever want to get to a place
where I feel like I have arrived.
We all have work to do and inevery stage of life we elevate
to, there are going to be somethings that we have to tweak,
(01:28):
refine and some things we justhave to chuck and can't deal
with at all.
So it is me sharing with youall that, even though I am the
host of this show.
None of us ever arrived, noneof us ever arrive, to the level
of perfection.
The only thing that we shouldbe striving towards is
(01:52):
excellency.
And so, in excellency every day, each and every day, as we show
up to be 1% better, as we showup to be the most authentic
version of ourselves, as we showup being integral and loyal and
all of those amazingcharacteristics, we have to
(02:12):
realize that the excuses that wetell ourselves my gosh, are
keeping us stuck.
We have to realize that, inorder for us to shift out of
that mindset, that we have tobring ourselves to a place where
the crutch is no longer what'sneeded.
(02:36):
If you take the crutch away,you can walk just fine.
But the excuses that we beginto tell ourselves and I say that
we begin to tell ourselves,because no one else's opinion of
how we should be moving shouldmatter above the opinion of what
we say to ourselves and how weshift and move in our lives, in
(03:09):
our lives so, as we're thinkingabout those areas in our lives
that we have been tellingourselves that we are the victim
and not the victor, you'regoing to have to deal with that
today You're going to have toidentify the excuses.
You're going to have torecognize the victim mentality.
You're going to have to realizethat there are indeed some
practical steps in order for you, for us, to reclaim our power.
(03:35):
So how do we rebuild our lives,living testimony?
It is so easy to fall into avictim mentality, where it
appears to be everyone else,until you take some time to look
at you in the mirror andrealize that you know what
(03:57):
blaming everyone else is not theanswer.
Even when I look at myexperiences of just being laid
off last year, were there someclues that let me know that I
should have been applying forpositions before the shoe
(04:17):
actually dropped?
Absolutely.
See, most of the time we seethe red flags and we know the
things that we're supposed to do, but we just don't do them.
We feel like we have more time,we feel like they're always
just not going to happen to us.
(04:40):
Was the victim?
I turned that into thissituation?
This scenario has now set me upfor success.
See, what I thought was asetback was indeed a set up by
God.
God set me up to remove.
(05:01):
Set me up to remove what I wasconsidering, making sure that
everything was met in myhousehold, but I had to realize
that I was using the job as acrutch.
(05:22):
I was realizing that I wasalways putting my purpose on the
back burner.
Why?
Because the job was the crutch.
The job allowed the income tocome in.
The job allowed me to becomfortable.
The job allowed me to do and gowherever I needed to go without
having to second guess meswiping my card.
So was that the excuse that Iwas giving myself to not walk in
(05:47):
my purpose?
Because, oh, I have, I havethis over here, so I don't need
to work as hard.
See, while I'm workingextremely hard for someone
else's dream, I'm putting myputting the things on the back
burner that I know that I'msupposed to be doing.
And so, yes, it was a setup forsuccess, because I was able to
(06:11):
take some time, one to just sitwith me and have my moment of
how could this happen?
How did I end up in this place,never being let go before?
And it wasn't based off ofproductivity or anything dealing
with what I was doing on thejob.
(06:33):
It just so happened to be thedepartment that I was working in
no longer needed all of thepeople that were there, but in
my head I'm questioning.
But in my head I'm questioningwell, was it something that I
did that they weren't telling me?
So, even when applying forpositions, knowing that I am
(07:00):
qualified, I'm just like, oh OK,well, it should be easy for me
to roll into another job.
God is like oh no, I have, Ihave other plans.
Yes, you are indeed qualified,but that setback was a setup for
where he was taking me.
So I had to let go of the excuse.
I had to let go and get out ofmy mind that they did this to me
(07:33):
and turn it into what mysuccess story will be, what your
success story will be, when youremove the crutch, when you
shift your mindset from thevictim mentality to the victor
mentality, when you take sometime away from social media and
realize what's important to you,not focusing in on what
everyone else is claiming thatthey are doing.
(07:54):
Because it's easy to get onsocial media and say and show
what you may be doing, but noone sees what happens when the
cameras aren't rolling.
No one sees what really happensin the household.
No one knows, except for thoseindividuals.
So why in the world would yoube in comparison to someone that
(08:19):
you don't know what their storyis.
And it's your job, it's yourresponsibility to now create
your own story.
It's now your responsibility totake yourself out of and
understand just what the victimmindset is.
See, the victim mindset willhave you feeling powerless.
(08:41):
It will have you blamingexternal circumstances and
continuing to wait for someoneto rescue you.
I'm raising my hand becausethat was me Thinking that, oh,
it should all just be easy.
Oh, someone is just going tocall.
Oh, I'm going to connect withthe right.
(09:02):
No, so your excuses may soundlike I can't, because or it's
not my fault or I don't have theresources.
But when you begin to shift yourmindset, when you begin to
(09:22):
notice and to show up in yourlife, in real life, when you
begin to notice and to show upin your life, in real life, what
are the things that you havebeen saying to yourself?
Have you told yourself aboutyour career that you can't
succeed because no one is hiring?
What about your relationships?
I always attract the wrongpeople.
(09:43):
What is it that you are sayingout of your mouth?
Is it your personal growth?
I'm just not confident enoughto go after what I want.
These things that you say outof your mouth are dangerous, and
they're dangerous because theykeep you stuck, they drain your
energy and your motivation andthey block your progress and
(10:03):
opportunity.
You have to be mindful of whatit is that you say out of your
mouth.
Life and death are in the powerof the tongue.
So when you begin to speak lifeover you, things begin to shift
, things begin to change.
Those crutches that you areholding on to no longer can
exist because you have now toldyourself that you can do it can
(10:26):
exist because you have now toldyourself that you can do it.
So what's going to be yourturning point?
How are you going to shift intoa victor mindset?
First, you have to realize thatbeing a victor it's taking
(10:48):
radical responsibility for youractions and your choices.
As humans, we are the only onesthat have free will, and so,
each and every day, we show upand do the things that we want
to do, based off of the choicesthat we make.
We have options to do one thingor another.
So it's up to you.
(11:12):
You have to acknowledge thatpain and setbacks, without
letting them they don't defineyou.
You have to realize thatchoosing solutions over
complaints have you ever talkedto someone?
And every time they open theirmouth, they are complaining
about something.
How does it make you feel whenyou leave this space?
(11:34):
Or how do you feel when you seethem across the room?
Do you try to duck and dodge sothat you don't have those
conversations?
Why?
Because they are energy suckers.
They suck all of the energy outof you by complaining.
Everything is a complaint, andthey make it seem like they have
no control over their life, butyet the decisions that they
(11:59):
make are their own.
So there are going to be threetruths about victors.
They own this story.
Instead of letting it own them,they begin to ask better
questions.
So, instead of the why me, theyask what can I do about this?
(12:20):
They take action despite fear,doubt or difficulty.
See, the time.
The time is now for you to shiftfrom your excuses to actions.
If it's rebuilding your credit,if it's launching your business
despite the fear, if it'sadvocating for yourself,
(12:40):
whatever that may be, now isyour time, the time that you're
talking about.
Oh, I can do it.
Do it tomorrow.
No, why is it that you can't doit today?
You have told yourself time andtime again I'm going to start
on Monday.
Oh, next month sounds good.
Oh, I'm going to do this when.
(13:02):
Stop telling yourself the sameexcuse over and over and over
again, expecting a differentresult.
The last time I checked, that'sthe definition of insanity.
So if you want a differentresult, you're going to have to
do something different.
So guess what?
I have the answer for you.
I'm going to help you breakfree from your excuses.
(13:27):
The first one is going to beidentify your excuse.
Write it down.
What stories are you tellingyourself?
What lies, even better, are youtelling yourself?
Number two reframe the narrative.
So instead of I don't have theresources, you're going to
(13:47):
reframe that to how can I findor create the resources I need.
Doesn't that just make you feelbetter?
When you say I don't have theresources, your mind goes to
everything that could go wrong.
But when you tell yourself, howcan I find or create this, you
(14:09):
go into creative mode.
You begin to figure it out.
We have a society that justkind of takes things and is just
like oh well, this just is whatit is.
No, it's not Figure it out.
How can you find it?
It's there for your taking, butyou're going to have to look
(14:31):
for it.
Number three I need you to takeownership of one thing today.
That's it.
What is one thing I can dotoday that will move me forward?
Just one Four I need you tosurround yourself with victors
and not victims.
(14:53):
I know some of you all may havefamily members that you, just
you can't answer the phonebecause everything is going to
be a complaint.
There are going to be somepeople that you're going to have
to put on, do not disturb.
There are going to be somepeople that you're just going to
have to say you know what?
I don't have the capacity todeal with your foolishness today
(15:13):
or tomorrow, matter of fact.
I'm going to let you know, beokay with saying it, because you
need to protect you.
You need to position yourselfaround people that are going to
help you win.
So you're going to evaluateyour environment.
Are you around people whoalways complain, are those who
(15:36):
challenge, or are yousurrounding yourself by people
who challenge you to be better?
Figure it out.
Number five I need you to committo small, consistent action.
You're going to have to beintentional in this walk,
(16:01):
because you have created a habit, you have created a pattern in
your life and there has to be apattern interrupt and in order
for the pattern interrupt totake place, it's going to have
to be with intentional action,consistent action.
Progress happens when you dothe hard things daily, not just
(16:25):
when you feel motivated.
I'll say that again Progresshappens when you do the hard
things daily, not just when youfeel motivated.
So, as we are thinking aboutwhat those things are that we
(16:50):
need to take ownership of, aswe're in this month of radical
responsibility, taking ownership, shifting from a victor, my, a
victim mindset to a victormindset, we gotta do to do
better.
See, your story is still beingwritten and you yes, you, you
hold the pin.
(17:11):
So no one is coming to save you, but the good news is you don't
need them.
To the moment you shift yourmindset, everything changes.
So I'll challenge you Writedown one excuse that you've been
(17:33):
holding on to and rewrite itwith a, and take one action step
in the next 24 hours toward agoal.
You got work to do.
You've said that you want tolive your life full out.
(17:55):
You said that you want to bethe most authentic version of
you.
You said that you are tired ofwearing the mask.
You said that now is your time,this is your year, and so, in
order for all of those things tohappen, and they will, because
(18:17):
you're going to begin to speaklife into your situation, over
yourself.
Just remember that life anddeath are in the power of your
tongue and you are with you allday long.
So you can't blame everyoneelse for your circumstances.
(18:42):
You have the power.
You have the.
You have the power to controlyour situation.
So the next time somethingdoesn't go the way that you
thought it should have gone,figure out what part that you
(19:02):
played in it and how you canmake a change.
So I'm excited about each andevery one of you all taking
radical responsibility, about usall taking radical
responsibility, because weunderstand that life is an
adventure and that we aretraveling it together.
(19:25):
This is why you come back andyou listen to me talk each and
every week, and I thank youbecause we're in this together
and I can't wait to hear aboutall that you've accomplished,
all that you're doing and, as mymentor used to say, I'll see
(19:49):
you at the top, because thebottom is way too crowded.
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