April 25, 2024 • 53 mins
Have you ever felt guilty for putting your needs first? Katie Coffman, a beacon of transformation and an international bestselling author, joins us to dismantle the guilt around self-care and inspire you with her journey to 'healthy selfishness.' Her forthcoming book, "You Selfish Bitch," not only challenges societal norms but also serves as a manifesto for anyone who's ever felt selfish for wanting more for themselves. Katie's shift from self-sacrifice to self-preservation has not just changed her life but has also amplified her ability to uplift those around her.
Prepare to be moved by Katie's our discussion about the small but mighty steps that led to her significant personal evolution. She shares pivotal moments, including her re-engagement with reading that rekindled her passion for learning and eventually led to her own authorship. Her approach to growth, which includes soaking in personal development events and coaching, spotlights the undeniable strength found in communal support and the courage to be your underdog champion.
Navigating life changes, especially within the family sphere, can often feel like walking a tightrope. Katie opens up about the support from her husband Ryan, the adjustments within her family, and the power of communication through it all. She also reveals how crafting and repeating affirmations not only transformed her inner dialogue but also how she perceives and tackles life's challenges. Join us on this intimate exploration of self-discovery and the techniques that can empower us to live a life by design, not by default.
Music Credit: "What's Left of Me" by Wes Hoffman & Friends
Links & Resources:
Access Katie's Facebook account here
Access Top Dog Construction's Facebook business page here
Click here to access our FREE Destination: Millionaire Mindset E-Book
Click here to explore our next Destination Millionaire Mindset live event
Click here to learn more about The Inner Wealth Mastermind
Click here to visit the Inner Wealth Global Website
My Social Media:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mikekitko
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mike_kitko
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mikekitko
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mikekitko/
Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/@mike_kitko
Subscribe to my YouTube: / @mikekitko
Mike Kitko is an executive self-mastery coach, speaker and author. He found external success through powerful titles, incomes, and material possessions. He ultimately fell into depression, toxic abuse of alcohol, and the near collapse of his family before he began a journey of internal happiness and success.
Prepare to be moved by Katie's our discussion about the small but mighty steps that led to her significant personal evolution. She shares pivotal moments, including her re-engagement with reading that rekindled her passion for learning and eventually led to her own authorship. Her approach to growth, which includes soaking in personal development events and coaching, spotlights the undeniable strength found in communal support and the courage to be your underdog champion.
Navigating life changes, especially within the family sphere, can often feel like walking a tightrope. Katie opens up about the support from her husband Ryan, the adjustments within her family, and the power of communication through it all. She also reveals how crafting and repeating affirmations not only transformed her inner dialogue but also how she perceives and tackles life's challenges. Join us on this intimate exploration of self-discovery and the techniques that can empower us to live a life by design, not by default.
Music Credit: "What's Left of Me" by Wes Hoffman & Friends
Links & Resources:
Access Katie's Facebook account here
Access Top Dog Construction's Facebook business page here
Click here to access our FREE Destination: Millionaire Mindset E-Book
Click here to explore our next Destination Millionaire Mindset live event
Click here to learn more about The Inner Wealth Mastermind
Click here to visit the Inner Wealth Global Website
My Social Media:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mikekitko
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mike_kitko
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mikekitko
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mikekitko/
Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/@mike_kitko
Subscribe to my YouTube: / @mikekitko
Mike Kitko is an executive self-mastery coach, speaker and author. He found external success through powerful titles, incomes, and material possessions. He ultimately fell into depression, toxic abuse of alcohol, and the near collapse of his family before he began a journey of internal happiness and success.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Today I've got a powerhouse guest.
In 2021, katie Kaufman, herhusband and I started doing some
work in their constructionbusiness and over the last three
years, katie has undergone adrastic transformation.
She is just not the same humanbeing.
So the Katie that I experiencedin 2021 wasn't showing up for
(00:24):
herself.
She was showing up foreverybody else, but it was at
her own expense.
And now she shows up forherself and in the process, she
has even more to give peoplearound her.
She's already an internationalbestselling author and she's
getting ready to publish a newbook called you, selfish Bitch.
I'm excited for you to get toknow Katie Kaufman and hear her
(00:45):
story and get some value and seethe benefits in adopting a form
of healthy selfishness that'llnot only help you increase your
wealth, success, your happinessand your freedom, but it'll also
help you to increase and impactthe lives of other people.
Do you ever wake up feelinglike there's something missing
(01:10):
in your life?
Do you ever feel the need toescape your business?
Are you running your life or isyour life running you?
I'm Mike Kitko and I'll helpyou design and create a life so
authentic and aligned with whoyou really are.
You'll get excited just to wakeup.
I'll help you create realwealth, success and freedom from
the inside out.
Welcome to the Inner WealthPodcast, where we learn and
(01:30):
choose to live inspired each andevery day.
Guys, today I brought my friendKatie Kaufman on here and over
the last few weeks I've had somereally cool people show up and
do this with me on Facebook Liveand try to do this every week.
(01:53):
Last week we were at our Miamiretreat for the Interwealth
Mastermind, so we weren't ableto do this, but I've had Josh
Wilson and I've had AdamMcChesney and I've had Melanie
Tucci, and today I get tointroduce you to my friend,
katie Kaufman.
Now Katie and I met me and herhusband Ryan met a few years ago
(02:15):
and we did some work togetherand now people are starting to
join.
Hey, everybody, as you join,throw your name and where you're
from, where you're watchingfrom, throw it in the comments.
Let us see who we're talking to.
But I met Katie and her husbandRyan a few years ago and we
started doing some work togetherand they have a construction
(02:35):
business and it's an awesomebusiness and they're great
owners and they do a lot ofawesome work.
But when we met, I noticedsomething about Katie.
Katie was.
She was selfless.
Now, I'm not saying that shewas selfless in a good, healthy
(02:57):
way.
What I'm saying is that Katieput everybody's needs and wants
ahead of her own.
Everybody's needs and wantsahead of her own.
Katie showed up with everybodyto serve them and to help them
achieve what they wanted toachieve, but oftentimes it was
at her own expense.
And what I noticed is that shewanted to know what you wanted
(03:20):
so she could build her lifearound it and she could
rearrange her life to try tomake yours better at her own
expense.
And some of the work that Katieand I did was you need to cut
that shit out.
Like you're, you're, you're.
Being selfish Isn't a bad thing,and I love, uh, I, I.
You know I guess I coined theterm healthy selfishness and
(03:43):
what it means.
It's not putting your needsabove and beyond somebody else's
needs and hurting them for yourown benefit.
It's making sure that you'reoperating from an overflowing
cup so that you have more togive other people.
What I noticed about Katie acouple of years ago is that she
was depleted.
She was like physically andmentally like bankrupt, but she
(04:08):
kept trying to give and she kepttrying to serve from that place
, from the place of depletion.
And, if you notice, when youget on a plane, they tell you to
put your mask on first.
Well, katie was always too busyputting everybody else's mask
on and that's why her lifewasn't the quality of life that
Katie was living.
That, I noticed, wasn't veryvibrant, it wasn't very dynamic,
(04:30):
but she continued to pour intoother people.
Over the last few years, katie'smade a huge, pivot, huge shift.
And not only are they stillrunning a construction company,
but now she's an internationalbestselling author and she's got
a new upcoming book called youselfish bitch.
And I love, love, love, lovethe name of that book.
(04:52):
And when she first told me thename of the book that she was
going to be going to be puttingtogether or or producing, um,
like it lit me up.
I'm like, okay, we got somework to do.
Like, let's, let's get after it.
Because, like, my life changedwhen I started becoming a little
bit of selfish and everywealthy, successful and happy
person that I've ever met in mylife has has acknowledged and
(05:13):
has surrendered to the fact andhasn't allowed themselves to
feel a little bit or a lot of itselfish.
And from that place we can begenerous with our abundance,
with our wealth, with our health, with our vitality, with our
energy.
Guys, this gal, katie Kaufman,has started to figure some
things out and I wantedeverybody to learn from her.
(05:36):
Katie, welcome to the live.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Yes, mike, thank you so much for having me.
I really appreciate theopportunity and I'm looking
forward to sharing my storywhere I was, where I've come,
and share a little bit about ourgroup as well, and see what we
can rock and roll with on thisepisode.
It'll be fun.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
That sounds wonderful .
We've got some folks watchingfrom Georgia.
Tamara is from New Orleans, iswatching from New Orleans.
She's part of our family, Guys,for some reason some people I
can only see Facebook user.
That's your name, so tell mewho you are.
Right, We've got Chesterfield.
Missouri is on the call from StPeter's, so we've got a lot of
(06:12):
local people, but we're alsotapping into our New Orleans
family.
Katie, go back a few years agowhen we connected, right.
We're sitting at your tableworking on your business, kind
of reorganizing some things,kind of getting your mind right,
getting your business plan, youknow, I don't know doing some
(06:35):
team building.
Talk about who Katie Kaufmanwas at that moment.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
So then I was.
I think I didn't have even timeto to answer that question.
To be completely honest withyou, Mike, I was always making
decisions and taking action andfilling my schedule to be so
busy, but it was always decidedby other people.
I was doing this for thisperson.
Um, I was never the mainpriority of the own
(07:04):
decision-making that I wasfilling my schedule with, on
what I was doing and where I wasat.
Obligations always were that ofother people's.
So I didn't necessarily I wasn'tin a miserable place, Like, I
wasn't horrible, but it wasn'tfor me, and so every single
decision that I was making, Iwas.
I was pushing myself to thebrink every day to make sure I
(07:26):
was pushing where I needed tofor the construction company and
being where I need to do forthe kids, and there was nothing
in my schedule just solely forme and I was just.
Every single thing, everysingle day, was for somebody
else.
It was just I had to do what Ihad to do.
That was the mentality that I,I, I lived with every single day
(07:48):
.
Um, I was the person everybodyelse could count on.
Sure, Um, but I never.
It was weird that the oneperson I kept leaving out was
myself.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Yeah, yeah.
So you, you, you've got ahusband.
How many kids do you have?
Three?
You, how many?
How many furry many kids do youhave?
Three?
How many furry kids do you have?
Five, five, holy cow.
So you've got one husband,thank God.
You've got a couple kids.
You've got a whole herd ofanimals, you've got a
(08:19):
construction business and youshowed up to make all of their
lives better.
Is that true?
Yes, now, what benefit and I'msaying this, we're going to
extract some good stuff whatbenefit, at that point, did you
have in?
(08:39):
And this might not be thisanswer, might not be obvious,
but what benefit did you derivefrom serving everybody else's
needs above and beyond your own?
And there was a benefit,believe it or not.
What was that benefit?
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Making them happy.
I showed up every day and mykids were taken care of, my
husband was taken care of, thebusiness was taken care of, so I
would be able to what felt likeMark you know, check Mark off
everything that I had to do thatday, um, and which led to like
a really overall sense of justmaking sure everybody around me
(09:13):
was happy and that I feltaccomplished in the tasks I was
doing.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Yeah, and and, and I think that's the.
That's what I've learned themost of of watching your journey
of, of moving into into being amore selfish person and me.
It's like we form an identityalmost around being a steward
for everybody else, asacrificial lamb, a martyr.
It's like a source of pridealmost that we're willing to
(09:38):
sacrifice and cause ourselvespain for the benefit of other
people.
And this is when we go back andwhen we really unpack this.
This is from shame.
This is an aspect of shamewhere we feel there's something
wrong with us and our value ismaking other lives, other
people's lives, better, and wederive some source of pride when
(10:00):
we see everybody else gettingbetter and, like we, almost
sometimes, when we're in thatstate, katie, we celebrate the
fact that we have nothing leftto give because we've given it
all.
Can you see that?
Can you connect with that?
Speaker 2 (10:13):
I can.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Yeah, what shifted, what shifted.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
It was around 2021.
I started really.
We went to a.
Honestly, it was the first timewe went to just a seminar.
That was probably the firsttime in the entire 10 years give
or take that Ryan and I hadbeen together, that we went
someplace with the soleintention on just pouring into
ourselves.
We've ever done anything likethat, and one one seminar, one
(10:49):
one event made you realize thatI don't know it.
Just, it brings to light theemptiness that that chaos and
that constant scheduling kind ofkeeps you hidden from
confronting.
I realized I wasn't necessarilyunhappy, but I wasn't happy.
There felt like there wassomething missing.
There felt like a controlcomponent that I didn't have
(11:09):
control over anything, though Iwas controlling everything that
was happening, like you say, allthe time.
I mean, I was where, I wasbecause of my own actions and I
took full accountability forthat.
But then trying to unpack howyou got there, and so when I
started that it was kind of achain reaction, we went to an
event and then we startedlooking at other events to go to
(11:31):
and we started meetinglike-minded people for the first
time in a very, very long time.
You know, we surroundedourselves.
We always call ourselves theblack sheeps of the family, but
in a good way, of course, andbut it was just.
We were always around peoplethat didn't get us or that were,
I feel like, consistentlykeeping us on that cycle of
guilt and shame and um, how dareyou do this?
(11:55):
Or um, I remember completestrangers even, uh, that we were
around guilting us for forworking so hard because, um, we
weren't around our families.
Like every single move we made,with every right intention, um
had some sort of consequence andleft us at night.
We, I remember never being ableto lay my head on a pillow at
night and be proud of both mypersonal life, my family life
(12:20):
and my work life.
None of like one of them wasnever sufficient for me that day
, and that constant unbalancewas a really crappy place to be.
Um, and when we went to one ofthe events, it just hit me that
it was just a slap in the facethat every single decision that
I make, and it was just a slapin the face that every single
(12:43):
decision that I make, not asingle one of them had because I
want to, because I like it,because I'm going to do whatever
the hell I want to do.
None of that was ever thereason why Somebody else or
something else was always themain reason for why I was doing
what I was doing, and that was areally scary place to be.
(13:07):
And then I I started this okay,well, why am I not doing things
that I wanted to do?
And I made a list.
I went to go make a list.
I was like, okay, what doesKatie want to do?
And Mike, I stared at thatpiece of paper for probably a
good 30 minutes and I couldn't.
I couldn't write anything down.
I remember crying because I waslike how do I get to a place
(13:27):
where I don't even know what Iwant to do with my own life?
I had these generalizations, Ihad these ideas that sounded
great, but I realized like therewas a lot in that.
You can't put something down ona piece of paper because I've
literally had no time to thinkabout what that would be.
And then the things that wouldcome to light.
I thought about writing down,but then I didn't even believe
(13:48):
in myself that I could actuallyattain that.
So why would I put it on apiece of paper?
So then you had to unpack thebelief in yourself that you can
and have the capability of goingout and doing whatever it is
that you want to do.
And that was a really low pointwhere, again, I wasn't in an
unhappy place, but it's justlike whoa, like how long have I
been living a life that isconsistently serving everybody
(14:10):
in my life, except for me?
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, a couple of things popped up is
are you happier now?
Absolutely so.
So happiness is relative, right?
So you didn't.
You said you weren't unhappy,but you weren't this happy, so
in some sense you were lesshappy, right?
So we there's, there's likelevels of happiness and now
(14:36):
you're allowing yourself toexperience more happiness and
more joy, and that comes withbecoming a selfish bitch.
But first we've got to break theyou, the, the chokehold that
you know.
The world tells you that beingselfish is bad, and the world
tells you that wanting more foryourself in some cases is
selfish.
And you know, putting yourselffirst is selfish.
(14:58):
And and it it sounded like allof those stories and all those
beliefs had you in a little bitof a headlock and a chokehold.
At some point, right, youstarted breaking through those
and that's what allows you toget to this level, you know to
to another level of happinessand joy.
I want to share that.
You are not the first personthat I've ever heard say that
(15:20):
you looked at a blank sheet ofpaper and couldn't allow
yourself, you wouldn't giveyourself permission to want.
I think there are people thatI've worked with all along the
last few years that they'retrying so hard not to feel
selfish they won't allowthemselves to want.
(15:42):
They've turned off that wantvalve and in a lot of cases and
I know I worked with one guy, itwas probably over a year where
I just I couldn't get him towant anything because he was too
busy trying to get things forother people in his life and
when we finally started crackingthe code on what he wanted, he
(16:04):
was trying to make sure what hewanted fit in with what
everybody around him wanted forhimself.
And this is some of the dilemmaand the mental anguish that we
put ourselves into when we turnthat want valve off or when
something's beaten into us at ayoung age that we're not allowed
to want or we want too much, orthat we're selfish if we want.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
When did you start to allow yourself to want, katie?
I started allowing myself towant at a women's retreat that I
went to.
Honestly, it was the first timethat I got away.
I was able to be by myself, noobligations at home.
I think was the main concern,because you you don't get to
make decisions like that whenyou keep continuing your cycle
and you don't break it.
(16:56):
And that was kind of a breakfor me at that time.
And I was sitting there and whenI made a list of things that I
finally was like just wing it,katie, write down on this list.
I was in the beautifulmountains in North Carolina.
It was so peaceful and amazing.
And one of the first things Iwrote was I was like OK, I went
back to my childhood dreams.
What did you want to do as akid that you've just never done?
(17:17):
And one of the things was writea book.
And when I wrote that down,instantly, I'm like well, I
don't have the time, there's noway, nobody's going to read it,
I don't.
I remember specifically makingthe comments myself that I don't
have a story that anybody wouldbe willing to listen to.
Wow, and when I was there, Iwas like you know what?
No, well, and that was rightaround the time.
(17:37):
That was another event that Ihad looked into and I went to
because I was really gettingaddicted, in the right way, to
these events and pouring intomyself.
For the first time in a longtime.
It's like I was like thatattention was way overdue for
myself and I was just completelyon that train.
And when I went there and whenI had been at those events, I
(17:59):
remember making the connectionon how I would love to do that.
Mike, I would love to be onstage and I would love to.
Everybody loves an underdogstory, right, you know.
And the people that were likehere and they go from here to
there I'm a total sucker forthose.
I had started reading every dayfor the first time, probably in
10 years, and I was like here,here, here, I'm reading all
these books.
They're keeping me, they'reimpacting me every single day
(18:20):
that I read these.
They're keeping me on thestraight and narrow and I'm like
I could do that.
I was like so right then, andthere I started outlining ideas
for how to write a book, or whatI would even write about, and I
remember I'm like you know whatLike I was like like this is a
process, like this is a journeythat I could potentially write
about to other people, becauseyou don't pop up one day out of
bed saying you know what?
(18:41):
I'm going to be a selfish bitchtoday.
That's just not how it works.
And when I realized that that'swho I wanted to be, I remember
picturing Katie Kaufman, theselfish bitch, and who that,
what person would have to be,and then backtracking from there
on what steps I would have totake to make sure that that
person came to light, that theworld got to see that version of
me that I didn't even.
(19:02):
And so I'm like I immediatelystarted.
I'm very organized person.
I like my, my checklists.
If I could do like everythingby that, I almost probably would
, but I started writing downlike well, in order to get there
, I'd have to do this.
Simple things like, um,stopping the excuses, believing
in myself, um, figuring out whatmy priorities should be,
(19:22):
because they were clearly out ofwhack.
That's why my schedule was outof whack.
So deciding all these things.
I'm like you know what I amgoing to write about these
changes as I implement them,because another thing that I
realized is like I loved allthose underdog stories, but I
felt like at that time they wereso far away.
This is what I did 10 years ago.
This is what I did even fiveyears ago, and I remember I'm
(19:43):
like I don't have five years tokeep living like this.
I don't so, and which is reallyfunny, because inevitably, my
book ended up becoming myaccountability partner.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
That's powerful, that's super powerful.
Talk about that.
What does that mean?
Your book was youraccountability partner.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
I outlined the person I wanted to be and I was able
to outline and already see forthe first time how I was getting
in my own way and how I wouldhave to fix those.
But I know there's no way inhell that I'm the only person in
this world with that sameproblem.
And I'm like what if I couldwrite, being an organization
(20:24):
like nerd?
What if I could figure out howto wait, like make like a play
by play and write it as I livedit and write it as I implemented
these changes Because I wanted.
And then I'm like how coolwould it be to publish a book
where I could be like I am oneyear away from you guys.
This is what can happen withinone, one year, if you set your
(20:48):
mind to it.
Because, like I said, I didn'thave five years to keep living
the way I was and I felt likethere was always kind of that
little bit of a distance betweenme and the writer of the books
I was reading and I was likewhat if I could bring that power
to show people that you justgot to kind of have a blueprint
of where to go and in whatdirection to go to?
(21:09):
And that's inevitably whatthose events were were helping
me with as well.
At that time we're helping mestay on the straight and narrow.
The readings, the events, thecoaching, those are always there
because we get off track waytoo often.
Shiny object, shiny object,obligation, so um no doubt.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
So listen in.
In the comments, aaron Avalasaid you're awesome, katie, a
couple of somebody, and again itjust says Facebook user.
Oh, this is such a goodconversation.
I can relate so much.
I don't know that sounds likeKara Kara's on.
I know that, um, if, if, listen, if you, if you're, if this is
(21:49):
connecting with you, put somecomments in the conversation.
I want to start having somedialogue.
If you have any questions forKatie, throw them in here.
Engage with us so we can have adialogue and a conversation.
So, katie, you went from andnow you were doing more personal
development stuff andprofessional development.
You're going to these events.
Did you start?
(22:10):
What were some of the firstchanges that you started making
in your life when you started tothis transition and this
transformation?
Speaker 2 (22:22):
So the first thing I knew I needed to get things
started, and the reason why Isay it that way is because you
don't have to have everything ina perfect outline thing.
As much as I would have lovedit If I didn't take even one
step forward, even if it wasnowhere near where I was going
(22:42):
to need to be to actually fullypublish a book, you got to start
somewhere, yeah.
And so, and when I realizedthat in order to get started,
there was like that's when thoselayers started peeling back of,
like how much you have to peelback of what you've been
conditioned and, um, whatsociety has placed on on you and
what your, your core beliefshave become in, in peeling back
(23:06):
that onion on on what you wantand everything.
So I knew the very first thingis I was like I was like I just
have to get started.
And so when I realized that atthat retreat I started writing
my first chapter at that retreatthat's wonderful.
I knew if I left that retreatwithout starting something, it
was going to get put on the backburner like everything else
does.
And that turned into well, Idon't want that to go to waste.
(23:29):
And it almost sparked anexcitement, mike, like I was so
excited to have startedsomething.
I'm like, okay, well, let'skeep going.
And then so it allowed me tostart continuing.
Okay, well, what's the next step?
You know I knew I had to be, Ihad to make decisions too, like
that was the next step.
And you know I I knew I had tobe, I had to make decisions too,
like that was the next step forme was okay, I started it.
(23:49):
So now I have to decide to keepit going.
Now it's up to me and it's mydecisions that are going to keep
it, either going and movingforward, or it's going to drop
off and I'm going to go exactlyback to where I was.
And I believe the decision oflike knowing that that wasn't an
option, it couldn't be anoption, so that was where the
first things was just honestlygetting started, so it didn't
(24:11):
get put on the back burner, andmaking the decision to stick
with it.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
So let's talk about family.
When you started not justwriting your book, but when you
started the process of becominga selfish bitch, right, and I
love that that you and I lovethat you said Katie Kaufman, you
know it's like somebody'sreferring to you as Katie
Kaufman, you know that selfishbitch, I love that right.
Become known for something andit's fun to be known as.
(24:36):
When you started the process ofbecoming the selfish bitch,
katie.
They talk about family.
What were some of the familyBecause I think for me that was
the scariest part of this wholething is like, what's going to
happen to my family If I startputting myself first, if I
stopped, sir, if I stoppedshowing up like a martyr, if I
stopped showing up like asacrificial lamb, what is my
family going to think of me?
(24:57):
Like, talk about that dynamicand how that, how that evolved
for you.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
So that fear was very , very real for me.
I was like, man, I have wrappedso much in everything that I do
around them and serving them.
I was like I don't even knowhow to ask them or let them know
.
I have to say that Ryan hasbeen absolutely supportive, you
know.
To be completely honest, I'mvery grateful for that.
I didn't get any pushback.
(25:21):
I didn't get any um, hostility,no anger.
He and I have worked the past.
You know, two years on, reallybeing big on open communication.
I mean, we live together and wework together.
It takes some special people tobe able to do that, you know,
and uh, right and um, but he,he's, he just he could see that
(25:44):
that's what I wanted to do andhe was fully supportive.
Now there had to be a littlebit of like a a process to that.
You couldn't just be like, allright, I'm, I'm done with this
today, uh, you've relied on me,this one.
So it was like trickling inlittle by little and, I think,
keeping an open line ofcommunication with him and my
wants and desires and what I wasreally feeling, and then being
(26:04):
fair to the situation that, likeme, wanting to change and start
implementing other thingswasn't at any fault to him and
so making sure that we trickledit in where it didn't completely
stress him out but stillallowed me to live out my dream.
And what's amazing about himtoo, is like he.
He always says that he is sothankful that I get to do the
opportunities or he gets to be apart of giving me and making my
(26:27):
dreams a reality at this point,so he's been super supportive.
And then my kids.
I mean, not really much haschanged, honestly, on that, like
I'm still there for them.
They have a lot of activities,they have a lot of things.
But that initial fear wasreally big but I had a simple
conversation.
Fear was really big, but I hada simple conversation and I
still, to this day, look backand I'm like I was so scared to
(26:50):
just make that known and to setthose boundaries and to make it
very clear that my wants andneeds were just as important as
everybody else's.
And I'm sure it's not as easilyreceived by every single person
who will go through this or hasgone through this, but I was
very fortunate to have itreceived very well.
Everybody in my family, veryclose to that family, was very
supportive.
Now I will say, part of my book,and probably one of the biggest
(27:11):
chapters in my book, was thepeople who had to be let go.
That was a whole nother factor.
So my immediate family, myhusband and my kids, my grandma
she's very close to me, she theywere all on board.
But anybody who was a hindranceto that or a roadblock didn't
(27:32):
get it, attempted to guilt andshame me for it, or were just
not meant to go where I wasgoing.
They had to go.
It was.
It was that black and whitethere You're here or you're in.
Ryan always says it's not arevolving door or it's not a one
foot in, one foot out situation.
You're either a hundred percentwith me or you're a hundred
(27:55):
percent not, and that's the wayI had to look at it.
And that process of of pruningpeople out of your life was
probably the most difficult yetmost impactful for me.
A lot of close people, familyincluded, a lot of family
included are no longer around,and not necessarily because they
were bad people, but theydidn't align with that selfish
(28:18):
bitch that I was becoming.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Yeah, yeah.
So I want to.
I want to unpack this a littlebit.
I want to explain what, what,what Katie's talking about.
And I've lost a lot of peoplein my life too, right, but I
mean, I say I'm air quoting, Ilost, I really didn't lose them,
I actually gained other people.
So the point is, when we show up, whatever we believe is true
(28:43):
becomes true for us and lifewraps things, puts things in
your life to reinforce what youbelieve is true and what's
possible or impossible.
When we show up as martyrs andwe sacrifice ourselves and we
don't have boundaries and wefeel selfish by asking for
(29:03):
anything, life, god, universe,whatever you want to call it
puts things in our life toreinforce those things, those
beliefs.
And when you, when you make avalue shift, when you make a
belief shift, those newboundaries, those new beliefs,
those new values they're in,oftentimes they're in conflict
(29:25):
with what you've alreadyattracted into your life.
So that's why you're going toget some external resistance.
Now, when you make that valueshift and you allow yourself to
lose everything that alignedwith that old version of
yourself, new things that alignwith the new beliefs, the new
concepts, the new boundaries,they show up in your life as
well.
And they and they reinforce thefact that this new belief, this
(29:47):
new concept, this new reality,these new boundaries that you're
living at, that they're okay.
And then, if you make and thisis the process of evolution and
growth and when you make anothervalue shift and you up-level
into the next belief, now thethings that you attracted at
that level are sometimes inconflict.
And this is how we keep likeleveling up our lives by by
(30:07):
leveling up our values.
And as we level up our values,the old version of us has to go.
So when, when we, when we triedand I saw this at our retreat
where there was, there was a guywho, who was trying to hold on
to who he was and he was tryingto become somebody different at
the same time, and he was scaredto hold on to who he was and he
was trying to become somebodydifferent at the same time, and
he was scared to let go of theold version of himself in order
(30:30):
to level up, in order to upgradethe circumstances.
And literally, in our littleretreat circle, we just in a
small breakout group, we saidpick one Old self, new self,
which one do you want?
And the group was relentlessPick one.
You're being noncommittal.
You're trying to hold on to theold you and become the new you.
(30:51):
This is the same thingoftentimes with the people that
are in our life.
Sometimes we have to lose theold in order for new, higher
level, upgraded people,circumstances and experience to
come in.
This is what you're sharing andI applaud you for letting go of
the people.
I talk about expiredrelationships.
People are in our life for areason, a season or a lifetime.
(31:14):
Not everyone's in our life fora lifetime and I applaud you for
really leaning into that, katie.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
Thank you, it was tough, it was very tough and uh,
in that chapter in my book Iknow I I set that up I was like
I don't even know where to start.
I was like so I'm going to haveto come up with a process or a
a way of handling each layerBecause, like you said, you have
some people, um, especiallywhen you come with from a place
with no boundaries, becauseevery piece of me was available
(31:42):
to anyone at any time, forwhatever reason.
And when I had to do that, Iwas like there were people that
were within my innermostboundary, that should have never
even come across my outermostboundary, people that could stay
(32:03):
in my life, but they were goingto play a different role and
they were going to need toinsert themselves into a little
bit different Um of um, I calledthem circles, um, as what I did
in my book, and, um, they weregoing to have to be in my outer
circle when they were reallyclose.
So it was like, hey, I'm not, Ivalue you, but I've
unfortunately let you come tooclose and uh, with where I'm
going at.
Just know that I still care foryou, but this is where I'm at.
(32:25):
There are some people thatdidn't get a single conversation
.
Now you'll find out very, veryclose how how many one-sided
relationships there are in yourlife when you don't, you just
don't even reach out to somebodyand you never hear from them
again.
Yeah, that happened quite a bitas well.
And then there were instanceswhere you had to have a
conversation because you werestill respected them.
(32:47):
Those were probably the mostdifficult for me, mike, was when
I had somebody who was either afamily member or who I
respected and would try to makethem understand that hey, like
this is where I'm going.
You either did or did not doanything of fault, but I'm going
to have to set these newboundaries because then that was
a hundred percent reactionbased and I had some people who
(33:08):
reacted well, some people whocompletely flew off the wall and
some people who completely shutme out.
And that sucks, especially forthe people you put a lot of time
, energy and effort into,because I I I played with that
Like well, I did this for themand I spent a lot of time,
energy and effort in this is youwanted it to make it be, you
wanted it to be worth it.
(33:29):
But again that goes back to thehanging on to the old and
knowing that new was better andI had to let that go.
But that was a big process forme and every single person was
handled with a different levelof care and every single person
and outcome was different.
And that's that.
Pruning process took me quite abit of time.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Yeah, and I think I think to say it a different way
and and to say the same thingand wrap some some language
around it, we have an emotionalcapacity, we we have.
We have a certain amount of acertain emotional capacity and
we like, if we let everybody inat the deepest level, then we're
going to be depleted, right?
(34:07):
I mean, that's when life getsreally, really heavy.
And I'm not saying don'tconnect with people, I'm not
saying don't love people, but wecan't, like we can't, be
emotionally entangled witheverybody in our life and still
live a high quality life.
And I know I'm guilty of thatwhere in in, in in this business
, when you were a student, whenyou were a client, it's like I
(34:30):
was all in all the time and Iwould give all the 24 hours a
day and there was no no in myvocabulary and it was like I was
just trying to be all things toall people all the time,
because I wanted to make themfeel like deep, deeply like
family, like they were thenumber one.
And you do that with everybodyand your life's going to get
(34:50):
really really heavy.
And, respectfully, what yousaid is there are circles and
you allow them into a certaincircle and you treat them and
you interact with them at thatlevel.
So I don't have to be deeplyrelationally committed to every
single person in my business,because all that does is lead to
me having no life whatsoever ofmy own.
(35:11):
So forming those boundaries.
We get to do this with familyas well.
Like, aunt Jean might not getthe same emotional connection
with me as as Angie, right, andI don't have an aunt Jean, I
just made that shit up.
But the point is we get todecide, and it's not selfish to
choose to play at a more shallowlevel with somebody than other
(35:33):
people in our lives.
It's not selfish, and it'snever selfish, to let people
that have expired and serve.
This sounds awful, but ifsomeone no longer serves a
useful purpose in your life, itis okay to let them go, okay.
So, guys, this is some of thestuff that might not sound
(35:53):
loving, but it is intenselyloving to yourself to realize
that the relationships worthholding on to is when they serve
mutual usefulness.
And if usefulness in arelationship expires on one side
or the other, it's expired,it's time to let it go.
Now.
The person on the other side ofthat relationship might not
(36:16):
agree, but that doesn't meanthat you have to relent and you
have to do something different.
If the usefulness of thatrelationship has expired, on
your end, you can tap out from aplace of love without tearing
them down, without making themwrong, and just like letting
them go and live the next phaseof their life.
Katie, that was the most yousaid.
(36:38):
That was the largest chapterand the most powerful chapter in
your book.
Tell us about another lessonthat you learned.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
Honestly.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
What's another valuable, teachable aspect of
your journey that you learnedalong the way?
Another lesson like pruningpeople from your life?
What's another one that reallyaccelerated your quality of life
?
Speaker 2 (37:08):
I jumped on affirmation statements.
I still say them daily.
Affirmation statements are mystatements that I can say
multiple times a day, anysituation that I I call it my
Zen zone, Anytime that.
I have something pulling me outof my center and where I am just
calm and in my place that Ineed to be, I have my
(37:29):
affirmation statements that Ishared throughout the book and
anywhere I've been able to usethem.
I usually say them when I wakeup in the morning and before I
go to bed at night, but then Ifound myself stating them in my
head when I'm just in astressful situation or something
comes up.
And it's been really cool tosee the transformation of those
(37:49):
affirmation statements, becausethey change over time and you
can always tell what's reallyweighing on me at that time,
depending on which one calms medown the most.
And so, yeah, those affirmationstatements I don't know if you
want me to share them or youwant me to let- people.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
What I'm connecting with is you started changing the
conversation that you arehaving in your head.
You started changing the toneof what you would speak into
yourself and speak aboutyourself.
Yeah, go ahead and share acouple of those affirmations
that have made the biggestdifference.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Yeah, I mean, they allowed me to be proactive
instead of reactive toeverything that was going on
around me, and um so, uh, myfirst affirmation statement is,
um, that I am.
I'm bigger than my problems.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
Oh, that one feels good.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
I have an abundant and positive mindset.
Speaker 1 (38:50):
Love it.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
I am grateful things are not worse, wow, and I am
open to life's futureopportunities.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
I love it.
Those all sound wonderful.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
So those bring me back.
I love it, those all soundwonderful, so those bring me
back.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
I love them.
So, and that has changed whatyou experience in your mind by
reinforcing that and justcontinuing to build those
affirmation muscles, right?
So is that?
Do you find and I think youalready answered that Do you
find that those things arestarting to show up?
Those affirmations are startingto show up like involuntary,
(39:26):
without you even like needing toforce them.
Does that make sense?
Speaker 2 (39:30):
Oh, yes, absolutely, Because then you start shifting,
like you said, your mindset tolook at every single I would
react to every single problem.
Now, I don't have problems.
Problems don't exist.
There's a reason for the waythings happen, and it's a
completely based on yourperspective.
And so, if you, if somethinggoes wrong, ok, what opportunity
is this?
Yeah, I have a problem.
(39:51):
Well, I'm bigger than thatproblem, I'll figure it out.
Yeah, I have a problem.
Well, I'm bigger than thatproblem, I'll figure it out.
Oh, this is a bad situation.
I've gotten myself out of works.
So every little thing, or allthose affirmation statements can
help me, and you create yourown with a lot of things that
you're battling, but everysingle time I could come up with
any problem, one of myaffirmation statements were
going to bring me back to a goodmindset about it, and how you
(40:13):
react to anything that happensto you is everything, and so you
start getting into things andunderstanding that things are
happening for you, not to you.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
This, this whole life , this, this game, this whole
life game is all mindset, it'sall.
It's all what's happening uphere and and and the
conversation that you're havingwith yourself and and what what
you just said.
I love what you just said,because this morning, on our
mastermind call, I said the onlyproblem that you've ever had is
that you think you have aproblem.
Like you don't have a problem,you have an opportunity and you
(40:42):
have something a challenge,maybe a challenge or obstacle
that's shown up to level you up.
And when you solve thatchallenge, that obstacle, then
you grow and as you grow, yourproblems get bigger too.
But that's because you'recapable of solving bigger
problems, right, but the onlyproblem you ever had in your
life is you think you had aproblem.
You didn't.
(41:03):
You had opportunities to grow,and I love that perspective.
I think sometimes people confusechallenges with crises, so
where everything's a problem,because they make every
challenge a crisis.
So now they've got a problem intheir life.
And what a problem means whensomebody says they have a
(41:23):
problem is that they think thatthat shouldn't exist, that
challenge, their life should bechallenge-free and obstacle-free
.
And when a challenge shows up,now suddenly they have a problem
because it shouldn't be there.
Yes, it should, because it's anopportunity for you to grow,
and that's why we're here.
We're here to grow and evolve.
Katie, what tell us?
(41:43):
Tell us the like.
It's been a three-year journeyfor you.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
What are you working on right now?
What's the thing, the problem,what is the selfish, themed
challenge that you're workingthrough right now?
Because this work never ends.
Right for people to think, justbecause we're here on a
(42:16):
Facebook Live or just becausewe're on YouTube, or just
because we're influencers orjust because we're authors or
podcasters, that we live achallenge and obstacle-free life
.
But we're always working onsomething.
There's always something elsethat's trying to level us up.
What are you working on rightnow?
Speaker 2 (42:29):
Right now I'm working on building up the next level
of confidence that I need tokeep pushing my message out, to
truly believe that it's morethan just a book.
Now, initially I started out,when I first started writing
that chapter, I didn't even knowpublishing a book was going to
be a possibility for me.
I just kept with it and nowthat my book is publishing, I'm
like I have a message and I canbe confident that I want to get
(42:53):
on stages, I want to empowerother specifically women, but
people in general that we needto get out of our own damn way.
Oh yeah, that that's just whatit is.
Um, unfortunately, morespecific to anybody, gender
neutral, uh, who's a caretaker,who is always, always, always
put other people beforethemselves, because, honestly, I
lived how much of my lifewithout even realizing I was
(43:15):
doing it, and so bringing thatto the forefront is a big slap
in the face.
But then also having an actualprogram or somebody to help you
follow an agenda, to help youget there Because, again, we all
need accountability partners,whether it be a book, whether it
be another person, and I camefrom a place where I didn't have
a single person who was goingto be an accountability partner
outside of my husband, but himand I we always say it's us
(43:38):
against the world, and we trulyfelt that until we started
finding groups such as InnerWealth.
It doesn't have to be youagainst the world, but there's a
lot of people who are in thisworld that truly believe that.
So I'm working on a podcast, atitle do you selfish bitch?
That would be specificallygeared towards women.
(43:59):
Um, getting them out of theirown way and and and filling
their schedule with mostly them.
That's how it should be.
Um, and then, um, I want to uhget on stages.
I want to uh look into, uhexpanding my horizon on specific
topics on how to organize that,and then, long-term, is really
(44:23):
organizing the whole book into aprogram that I can start
helping coach people through.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
I love that and I do believe that there are a lot of
people and I'll say women, butthere are a lot of people in
this.
I'll say women, but there are alot of people in this world
that will benefit from becomingmore selfish, realizing that and
it's almost like society hasalmost deemed wanting something.
We started this conversationwith this and we'll bring it to
(44:52):
a conclusion with this as wewind down here.
But it's almost like societyhas demonized and vilified
wanting or having a lot ofanything and typically, if you
look at it, poor people look atrich people as greedy and and
the rich people that I know wantall the poor people to be rich.
(45:13):
But the rich people aren'tlooking down on the poor like,
but the poor are looking down onthe rich for having a lot of
stuff and there's some jealousyand some, you know, against
being greedy.
Meanwhile, the wealthy andsuccessful and happy people I
know do everything they can tolift other people up and they
(45:34):
want everybody to have as muchas they do.
But it takes a little bit ofselfishness to get there and in
a lot of cases, people thatstruggle financially are so hell
bent on not feeling selfishthat they don't allow themselves
to have an abundance ofanything.
And what I've experienced withyou, katie, is when you made
(45:55):
that shift.
Now abundance is starting tocome in, but it starts with
abundance of self-love andself-appreciation and
self-respect and self-worth, andthat's where those affirmations
came from and you started tovalue yourself so much that you
allowed yourself to disallowpeople that wanted you to harm
(46:20):
yourself for their benefit.
You disallowed them into yourlife and that's another level of
selfish, but it's not selfish,it's a boundary and it's healthy
.
It's selfish in a healthy way.
So I've seen a tremendous shiftin you.
I remember during one of ourone-on-one calls when I said,
katie, I see this as a podcast,I see this as a program, I see
(46:42):
you on stages, I see, and youlike lit up and your face and
there's that smile right, youlit up because you can see
that's where your true likeimpact is going be in this world
is speaking to people, helpingthem to make the same shift and
make that same pivot that youdid.
Katie, talk about your book.
(47:02):
When's it come out and wherecan people access?
Speaker 2 (47:06):
it.
Yeah, so it comes out on May8th.
Amazon it's going to be comingout at a discounted rate on May
8th, so, if you guys are able to, it's all over my social medias
, but yeah, that's where we'regoing to start there and then,
once that launches on May 8th,we'll be releasing when and
where to get it for, if you want.
(47:27):
If you're more of a physicalcopy person I am personally I
like to have the book in my hand, but on what other options?
And then looking to dosomething local if you're in the
St Louis area as far as a booklaunch and a book signing, but
that's all to be determinedafter the May 8th.
Speaker 1 (47:43):
That's fantastic.
So May 8th your book launches,and what we'll do, what I'm
going to do, is I'm going tomake this into a video on my
YouTube channel.
I'm going to make it into avideo on my YouTube channel, I'm
going to make it into an audiopodcast episode and the links
for the book will be in both ofthose platforms.
So we'll put do you have the?
(48:06):
We'll get this thing.
We'll get it on launch day onmy YouTube or my Facebook page.
On launch day on my Facebookpage, we'll announce it as well,
because we want to bring asmany people into your world as
possible, because this is amessage.
Your story is a powerful storyand there's a lot of people out
(48:27):
there that are living reallydepleted lives because they're
trying not to appear or be orfeel selfish.
But we've got to turn that.
We've got to tune that selfishmuscle to allow yourself to put
yourself first, to have what youwant.
So you have more to give fromKatie.
Is there anything that wedidn't touch on today that you
(48:48):
want to?
Speaker 2 (48:48):
touch on and talk about, not particularly.
I think we hit everything.
I'm pretty excited and I didappreciate the opportunity here.
Um, inner wealth has been a bigpush.
It's been very ironic, um, andit's really cool how things come
full circle, how we were, wherewe were and you've been able to
(49:09):
see us kind of come back fullcircle.
Um, one of your events and, yeah, like neither one of us were
the same person when I, when I,walked in that room to see what
you've created and the culturethat you've created with inner
wealth, and for anybodylistening and able to check out
(49:30):
Mike Hicko, he's truly built anentire program that the number
one word that comes to mind forme is value, and the reason why
I say value doesn't sound likethat, but I'm talking
multi-level value.
I've been a part of coachinggroups and I've been a part of
going to events and I've been apart of meeting people that are
there for a little bit.
(49:50):
But this group has a culturethat is untouched, the value
that it brings, with thenumerous calls every single week
.
I've been a part of programswhere I was lucky to get a
conversation with a coach everyother week or maybe monthly, or
they would hold quarterly events.
You have the opportunity totouch what you have four or five
calls every single week.
Speaker 1 (50:11):
We have five different calls, three of them
weekly and two others that areevery other week.
Speaker 2 (50:17):
So that is tremendous value.
Then the value of volume thereyou have the safe space that
you've created.
I've never walked into a groupand felt immediately open, and
you talk about wanting it tofeel like a family environment,
and that's exactly exactly whatyou've created.
And then you know, I never feelany guilt or shame or no
(50:40):
competition in this group.
It's all truly about peopleraising other people up, and
that's so attractive and socalming.
And then the the last thing forme was just understanding that
life happens.
I've been a part of groups thatwere very strict.
You don't show up, you're out.
Um, they don't have.
They act like you have no otherobligation in your life other
(51:02):
than to be in that group.
But what's really cool aboutinner wealth is, I remember,
missing.
Every time I miss a call, Ibeat myself up a little bit, um,
and it's because, not becauseyou guys have done that to to me
no-transcript.
Speaker 1 (51:39):
Just, we're just trying to level up so we can
create more impact in the world,but that brings back.
You know, we're trying tocreate more impact because
there's people like you that arealso looking to impact.
And as we level up, so do you,and as you level up, so do we,
and that's how we, that's how wecontinue to grow.
So, guys, listen, go followKatie Kaufman across your
socials.
(51:59):
Their construction company isTop Dog Construction.
So where she's, the, thepresident, ceo, coo, cfo, all of
it and she's the number one dog.
Her husband does some stuff inthe, in the business too, but
you know, and he's a Ryan BrianKaufman.
I'll tell you what.
Here's my experience of Ryan.
Ryan looks really, really toughon the outside, but that dude
(52:23):
has a heart of absolute gold andhe doesn't let it show a lot.
But I know who that guy is andhe's a big ass heart and that's
why he's so kind and loving toyou and that's why he's so kind
and loving to you and that's whyhe was so accepting.
But, guys, listen, go followthe Kaufmans, go connect with
them.
May 8th the book pops out.
You selfish bitch, go get acopy.
(52:50):
Help drive sales of that book,and I know you're going to be a
bestseller for the second time.
Guys, go connect with them,your life will be better.
And, katie, if there's anythingwe can do in the meantime to
help, go connect with them, yourlife will be better.
And, katie, if there's anythingwe can do in the meantime to
help, please let us know.
All right, it's been fun havingyou here.
If you enjoyed what you heardand you want to learn more, go
to wwwinnerwealthglobalcom formore tools and resources.
Today I've got a powerhouse guest.
In 2021, katie Kaufman, herhusband and I started doing some
work in their constructionbusiness and over the last three
years, katie has undergone adrastic transformation.
She is just not the same humanbeing.
So the Katie that I experiencedin 2021 wasn't showing up for
(00:24):
herself.
She was showing up foreverybody else, but it was at
her own expense.
And now she shows up forherself and in the process, she
has even more to give peoplearound her.
She's already an internationalbestselling author and she's
getting ready to publish a newbook called you, selfish Bitch.
I'm excited for you to get toknow Katie Kaufman and hear her
(00:45):
story and get some value and seethe benefits in adopting a form
of healthy selfishness that'llnot only help you increase your
wealth, success, your happinessand your freedom, but it'll also
help you to increase and impactthe lives of other people.
Do you ever wake up feelinglike there's something missing
(01:10):
in your life?
Do you ever feel the need toescape your business?
Are you running your life or isyour life running you?
I'm Mike Kitko and I'll helpyou design and create a life so
authentic and aligned with whoyou really are.
You'll get excited just to wakeup.
I'll help you create realwealth, success and freedom from
the inside out.
Welcome to the Inner WealthPodcast, where we learn and
(01:30):
choose to live inspired each andevery day.
Guys, today I brought my friendKatie Kaufman on here and over
the last few weeks I've had somereally cool people show up and
do this with me on Facebook Liveand try to do this every week.
(01:53):
Last week we were at our Miamiretreat for the Interwealth
Mastermind, so we weren't ableto do this, but I've had Josh
Wilson and I've had AdamMcChesney and I've had Melanie
Tucci, and today I get tointroduce you to my friend,
katie Kaufman.
Now Katie and I met me and herhusband Ryan met a few years ago
(02:15):
and we did some work togetherand now people are starting to
join.
Hey, everybody, as you join,throw your name and where you're
from, where you're watchingfrom, throw it in the comments.
Let us see who we're talking to.
But I met Katie and her husbandRyan a few years ago and we
started doing some work togetherand they have a construction
(02:35):
business and it's an awesomebusiness and they're great
owners and they do a lot ofawesome work.
But when we met, I noticedsomething about Katie.
Katie was.
She was selfless.
Now, I'm not saying that shewas selfless in a good, healthy
(02:57):
way.
What I'm saying is that Katieput everybody's needs and wants
ahead of her own.
Everybody's needs and wantsahead of her own.
Katie showed up with everybodyto serve them and to help them
achieve what they wanted toachieve, but oftentimes it was
at her own expense.
And what I noticed is that shewanted to know what you wanted
(03:20):
so she could build her lifearound it and she could
rearrange her life to try tomake yours better at her own
expense.
And some of the work that Katieand I did was you need to cut
that shit out.
Like you're, you're, you're.
Being selfish Isn't a bad thing,and I love, uh, I, I.
You know I guess I coined theterm healthy selfishness and
(03:43):
what it means.
It's not putting your needsabove and beyond somebody else's
needs and hurting them for yourown benefit.
It's making sure that you'reoperating from an overflowing
cup so that you have more togive other people.
What I noticed about Katie acouple of years ago is that she
was depleted.
She was like physically andmentally like bankrupt, but she
(04:08):
kept trying to give and she kepttrying to serve from that place
, from the place of depletion.
And, if you notice, when youget on a plane, they tell you to
put your mask on first.
Well, katie was always too busyputting everybody else's mask
on and that's why her lifewasn't the quality of life that
Katie was living.
That, I noticed, wasn't veryvibrant, it wasn't very dynamic,
(04:30):
but she continued to pour intoother people.
Over the last few years, katie'smade a huge, pivot, huge shift.
And not only are they stillrunning a construction company,
but now she's an internationalbestselling author and she's got
a new upcoming book called youselfish bitch.
And I love, love, love, lovethe name of that book.
(04:52):
And when she first told me thename of the book that she was
going to be going to be puttingtogether or or producing, um,
like it lit me up.
I'm like, okay, we got somework to do.
Like, let's, let's get after it.
Because, like, my life changedwhen I started becoming a little
bit of selfish and everywealthy, successful and happy
person that I've ever met in mylife has has acknowledged and
(05:13):
has surrendered to the fact andhasn't allowed themselves to
feel a little bit or a lot of itselfish.
And from that place we can begenerous with our abundance,
with our wealth, with our health, with our vitality, with our
energy.
Guys, this gal, katie Kaufman,has started to figure some
things out and I wantedeverybody to learn from her.
(05:36):
Katie, welcome to the live.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Yes, mike, thank you so much for having me.
I really appreciate theopportunity and I'm looking
forward to sharing my storywhere I was, where I've come,
and share a little bit about ourgroup as well, and see what we
can rock and roll with on thisepisode.
It'll be fun.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
That sounds wonderful .
We've got some folks watchingfrom Georgia.
Tamara is from New Orleans, iswatching from New Orleans.
She's part of our family, Guys,for some reason some people I
can only see Facebook user.
That's your name, so tell mewho you are.
Right, We've got Chesterfield.
Missouri is on the call from StPeter's, so we've got a lot of
(06:12):
local people, but we're alsotapping into our New Orleans
family.
Katie, go back a few years agowhen we connected, right.
We're sitting at your tableworking on your business, kind
of reorganizing some things,kind of getting your mind right,
getting your business plan, youknow, I don't know doing some
(06:35):
team building.
Talk about who Katie Kaufmanwas at that moment.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
So then I was.
I think I didn't have even timeto to answer that question.
To be completely honest withyou, Mike, I was always making
decisions and taking action andfilling my schedule to be so
busy, but it was always decidedby other people.
I was doing this for thisperson.
Um, I was never the mainpriority of the own
(07:04):
decision-making that I wasfilling my schedule with, on
what I was doing and where I wasat.
Obligations always were that ofother people's.
So I didn't necessarily I wasn'tin a miserable place, Like, I
wasn't horrible, but it wasn'tfor me, and so every single
decision that I was making, Iwas.
I was pushing myself to thebrink every day to make sure I
(07:26):
was pushing where I needed tofor the construction company and
being where I need to do forthe kids, and there was nothing
in my schedule just solely forme and I was just.
Every single thing, everysingle day, was for somebody
else.
It was just I had to do what Ihad to do.
That was the mentality that I,I, I lived with every single day
(07:48):
.
Um, I was the person everybodyelse could count on.
Sure, Um, but I never.
It was weird that the oneperson I kept leaving out was
myself.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Yeah, yeah.
So you, you, you've got ahusband.
How many kids do you have?
Three?
You, how many?
How many furry many kids do youhave?
Three?
How many furry kids do you have?
Five, five, holy cow.
So you've got one husband,thank God.
You've got a couple kids.
You've got a whole herd ofanimals, you've got a
(08:19):
construction business and youshowed up to make all of their
lives better.
Is that true?
Yes, now, what benefit and I'msaying this, we're going to
extract some good stuff whatbenefit, at that point, did you
have in?
(08:39):
And this might not be thisanswer, might not be obvious,
but what benefit did you derivefrom serving everybody else's
needs above and beyond your own?
And there was a benefit,believe it or not.
What was that benefit?
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Making them happy.
I showed up every day and mykids were taken care of, my
husband was taken care of, thebusiness was taken care of, so I
would be able to what felt likeMark you know, check Mark off
everything that I had to do thatday, um, and which led to like
a really overall sense of justmaking sure everybody around me
(09:13):
was happy and that I feltaccomplished in the tasks I was
doing.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Yeah, and and, and I think that's the.
That's what I've learned themost of of watching your journey
of, of moving into into being amore selfish person and me.
It's like we form an identityalmost around being a steward
for everybody else, asacrificial lamb, a martyr.
It's like a source of pridealmost that we're willing to
(09:38):
sacrifice and cause ourselvespain for the benefit of other
people.
And this is when we go back andwhen we really unpack this.
This is from shame.
This is an aspect of shamewhere we feel there's something
wrong with us and our value ismaking other lives, other
people's lives, better, and wederive some source of pride when
(10:00):
we see everybody else gettingbetter and, like we, almost
sometimes, when we're in thatstate, katie, we celebrate the
fact that we have nothing leftto give because we've given it
all.
Can you see that?
Can you connect with that?
Speaker 2 (10:13):
I can.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Yeah, what shifted, what shifted.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
It was around 2021.
I started really.
We went to a.
Honestly, it was the first timewe went to just a seminar.
That was probably the firsttime in the entire 10 years give
or take that Ryan and I hadbeen together, that we went
someplace with the soleintention on just pouring into
ourselves.
We've ever done anything likethat, and one one seminar, one
(10:49):
one event made you realize thatI don't know it.
Just, it brings to light theemptiness that that chaos and
that constant scheduling kind ofkeeps you hidden from
confronting.
I realized I wasn't necessarilyunhappy, but I wasn't happy.
There felt like there wassomething missing.
There felt like a controlcomponent that I didn't have
(11:09):
control over anything, though Iwas controlling everything that
was happening, like you say, allthe time.
I mean, I was where, I wasbecause of my own actions and I
took full accountability forthat.
But then trying to unpack howyou got there, and so when I
started that it was kind of achain reaction, we went to an
event and then we startedlooking at other events to go to
(11:31):
and we started meetinglike-minded people for the first
time in a very, very long time.
You know, we surroundedourselves.
We always call ourselves theblack sheeps of the family, but
in a good way, of course, andbut it was just.
We were always around peoplethat didn't get us or that were,
I feel like, consistentlykeeping us on that cycle of
guilt and shame and um, how dareyou do this?
(11:55):
Or um, I remember completestrangers even, uh, that we were
around guilting us for forworking so hard because, um, we
weren't around our families.
Like every single move we made,with every right intention, um
had some sort of consequence andleft us at night.
We, I remember never being ableto lay my head on a pillow at
night and be proud of both mypersonal life, my family life
(12:20):
and my work life.
None of like one of them wasnever sufficient for me that day
, and that constant unbalancewas a really crappy place to be.
Um, and when we went to one ofthe events, it just hit me that
it was just a slap in the facethat every single decision that
I make, and it was just a slapin the face that every single
(12:43):
decision that I make, not asingle one of them had because I
want to, because I like it,because I'm going to do whatever
the hell I want to do.
None of that was ever thereason why Somebody else or
something else was always themain reason for why I was doing
what I was doing, and that was areally scary place to be.
(13:07):
And then I I started this okay,well, why am I not doing things
that I wanted to do?
And I made a list.
I went to go make a list.
I was like, okay, what doesKatie want to do?
And Mike, I stared at thatpiece of paper for probably a
good 30 minutes and I couldn't.
I couldn't write anything down.
I remember crying because I waslike how do I get to a place
(13:27):
where I don't even know what Iwant to do with my own life?
I had these generalizations, Ihad these ideas that sounded
great, but I realized like therewas a lot in that.
You can't put something down ona piece of paper because I've
literally had no time to thinkabout what that would be.
And then the things that wouldcome to light.
I thought about writing down,but then I didn't even believe
(13:48):
in myself that I could actuallyattain that.
So why would I put it on apiece of paper?
So then you had to unpack thebelief in yourself that you can
and have the capability of goingout and doing whatever it is
that you want to do.
And that was a really low pointwhere, again, I wasn't in an
unhappy place, but it's justlike whoa, like how long have I
been living a life that isconsistently serving everybody
(14:10):
in my life, except for me?
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, a couple of things popped up is
are you happier now?
Absolutely so.
So happiness is relative, right?
So you didn't.
You said you weren't unhappy,but you weren't this happy, so
in some sense you were lesshappy, right?
So we there's, there's likelevels of happiness and now
(14:36):
you're allowing yourself toexperience more happiness and
more joy, and that comes withbecoming a selfish bitch.
But first we've got to break theyou, the, the chokehold that
you know.
The world tells you that beingselfish is bad, and the world
tells you that wanting more foryourself in some cases is
selfish.
And you know, putting yourselffirst is selfish.
(14:58):
And and it it sounded like allof those stories and all those
beliefs had you in a little bitof a headlock and a chokehold.
At some point, right, youstarted breaking through those
and that's what allows you toget to this level, you know to
to another level of happinessand joy.
I want to share that.
You are not the first personthat I've ever heard say that
(15:20):
you looked at a blank sheet ofpaper and couldn't allow
yourself, you wouldn't giveyourself permission to want.
I think there are people thatI've worked with all along the
last few years that they'retrying so hard not to feel
selfish they won't allowthemselves to want.
(15:42):
They've turned off that wantvalve and in a lot of cases and
I know I worked with one guy, itwas probably over a year where
I just I couldn't get him towant anything because he was too
busy trying to get things forother people in his life and
when we finally started crackingthe code on what he wanted, he
(16:04):
was trying to make sure what hewanted fit in with what
everybody around him wanted forhimself.
And this is some of the dilemmaand the mental anguish that we
put ourselves into when we turnthat want valve off or when
something's beaten into us at ayoung age that we're not allowed
to want or we want too much, orthat we're selfish if we want.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
When did you start to allow yourself to want, katie?
I started allowing myself towant at a women's retreat that I
went to.
Honestly, it was the first timethat I got away.
I was able to be by myself, noobligations at home.
I think was the main concern,because you you don't get to
make decisions like that whenyou keep continuing your cycle
and you don't break it.
(16:56):
And that was kind of a breakfor me at that time.
And I was sitting there and whenI made a list of things that I
finally was like just wing it,katie, write down on this list.
I was in the beautifulmountains in North Carolina.
It was so peaceful and amazing.
And one of the first things Iwrote was I was like OK, I went
back to my childhood dreams.
What did you want to do as akid that you've just never done?
(17:17):
And one of the things was writea book.
And when I wrote that down,instantly, I'm like well, I
don't have the time, there's noway, nobody's going to read it,
I don't.
I remember specifically makingthe comments myself that I don't
have a story that anybody wouldbe willing to listen to.
Wow, and when I was there, Iwas like you know what?
No, well, and that was rightaround the time.
(17:37):
That was another event that Ihad looked into and I went to
because I was really gettingaddicted, in the right way, to
these events and pouring intomyself.
For the first time in a longtime.
It's like I was like thatattention was way overdue for
myself and I was just completelyon that train.
And when I went there and whenI had been at those events, I
(17:59):
remember making the connectionon how I would love to do that.
Mike, I would love to be onstage and I would love to.
Everybody loves an underdogstory, right, you know.
And the people that were likehere and they go from here to
there I'm a total sucker forthose.
I had started reading every dayfor the first time, probably in
10 years, and I was like here,here, here, I'm reading all
these books.
They're keeping me, they'reimpacting me every single day
(18:20):
that I read these.
They're keeping me on thestraight and narrow and I'm like
I could do that.
I was like so right then, andthere I started outlining ideas
for how to write a book, or whatI would even write about, and I
remember I'm like you know whatLike I was like like this is a
process, like this is a journeythat I could potentially write
about to other people, becauseyou don't pop up one day out of
bed saying you know what?
(18:41):
I'm going to be a selfish bitchtoday.
That's just not how it works.
And when I realized that that'swho I wanted to be, I remember
picturing Katie Kaufman, theselfish bitch, and who that,
what person would have to be,and then backtracking from there
on what steps I would have totake to make sure that that
person came to light, that theworld got to see that version of
me that I didn't even.
(19:02):
And so I'm like I immediatelystarted.
I'm very organized person.
I like my, my checklists.
If I could do like everythingby that, I almost probably would
, but I started writing downlike well, in order to get there
, I'd have to do this.
Simple things like, um,stopping the excuses, believing
in myself, um, figuring out whatmy priorities should be,
(19:22):
because they were clearly out ofwhack.
That's why my schedule was outof whack.
So deciding all these things.
I'm like you know what I amgoing to write about these
changes as I implement them,because another thing that I
realized is like I loved allthose underdog stories, but I
felt like at that time they wereso far away.
This is what I did 10 years ago.
This is what I did even fiveyears ago, and I remember I'm
(19:43):
like I don't have five years tokeep living like this.
I don't so, and which is reallyfunny, because inevitably, my
book ended up becoming myaccountability partner.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
That's powerful, that's super powerful.
Talk about that.
What does that mean?
Your book was youraccountability partner.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
I outlined the person I wanted to be and I was able
to outline and already see forthe first time how I was getting
in my own way and how I wouldhave to fix those.
But I know there's no way inhell that I'm the only person in
this world with that sameproblem.
And I'm like what if I couldwrite, being an organization
(20:24):
like nerd?
What if I could figure out howto wait, like make like a play
by play and write it as I livedit and write it as I implemented
these changes Because I wanted.
And then I'm like how coolwould it be to publish a book
where I could be like I am oneyear away from you guys.
This is what can happen withinone, one year, if you set your
(20:48):
mind to it.
Because, like I said, I didn'thave five years to keep living
the way I was and I felt likethere was always kind of that
little bit of a distance betweenme and the writer of the books
I was reading and I was likewhat if I could bring that power
to show people that you justgot to kind of have a blueprint
of where to go and in whatdirection to go to?
(21:09):
And that's inevitably whatthose events were were helping
me with as well.
At that time we're helping mestay on the straight and narrow.
The readings, the events, thecoaching, those are always there
because we get off track waytoo often.
Shiny object, shiny object,obligation, so um no doubt.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
So listen in.
In the comments, aaron Avalasaid you're awesome, katie, a
couple of somebody, and again itjust says Facebook user.
Oh, this is such a goodconversation.
I can relate so much.
I don't know that sounds likeKara Kara's on.
I know that, um, if, if, listen, if you, if you're, if this is
(21:49):
connecting with you, put somecomments in the conversation.
I want to start having somedialogue.
If you have any questions forKatie, throw them in here.
Engage with us so we can have adialogue and a conversation.
So, katie, you went from andnow you were doing more personal
development stuff andprofessional development.
You're going to these events.
Did you start?
(22:10):
What were some of the firstchanges that you started making
in your life when you started tothis transition and this
transformation?
Speaker 2 (22:22):
So the first thing I knew I needed to get things
started, and the reason why Isay it that way is because you
don't have to have everything ina perfect outline thing.
As much as I would have lovedit If I didn't take even one
step forward, even if it wasnowhere near where I was going
(22:42):
to need to be to actually fullypublish a book, you got to start
somewhere, yeah.
And so, and when I realizedthat in order to get started,
there was like that's when thoselayers started peeling back of,
like how much you have to peelback of what you've been
conditioned and, um, whatsociety has placed on on you and
what your, your core beliefshave become in, in peeling back
(23:06):
that onion on on what you wantand everything.
So I knew the very first thingis I was like I was like I just
have to get started.
And so when I realized that atthat retreat I started writing
my first chapter at that retreatthat's wonderful.
I knew if I left that retreatwithout starting something, it
was going to get put on the backburner like everything else
does.
And that turned into well, Idon't want that to go to waste.
(23:29):
And it almost sparked anexcitement, mike, like I was so
excited to have startedsomething.
I'm like, okay, well, let'skeep going.
And then so it allowed me tostart continuing.
Okay, well, what's the next step?
You know I knew I had to be, Ihad to make decisions too, like
that was the next step.
And you know I I knew I had tobe, I had to make decisions too,
like that was the next step forme was okay, I started it.
(23:49):
So now I have to decide to keepit going.
Now it's up to me and it's mydecisions that are going to keep
it, either going and movingforward, or it's going to drop
off and I'm going to go exactlyback to where I was.
And I believe the decision oflike knowing that that wasn't an
option, it couldn't be anoption, so that was where the
first things was just honestlygetting started, so it didn't
(24:11):
get put on the back burner, andmaking the decision to stick
with it.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
So let's talk about family.
When you started not justwriting your book, but when you
started the process of becominga selfish bitch, right, and I
love that that you and I lovethat you said Katie Kaufman, you
know it's like somebody'sreferring to you as Katie
Kaufman, you know that selfishbitch, I love that right.
Become known for something andit's fun to be known as.
(24:36):
When you started the process ofbecoming the selfish bitch,
katie.
They talk about family.
What were some of the familyBecause I think for me that was
the scariest part of this wholething is like, what's going to
happen to my family If I startputting myself first, if I
stopped, sir, if I stoppedshowing up like a martyr, if I
stopped showing up like asacrificial lamb, what is my
family going to think of me?
(24:57):
Like, talk about that dynamicand how that, how that evolved
for you.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
So that fear was very , very real for me.
I was like, man, I have wrappedso much in everything that I do
around them and serving them.
I was like I don't even knowhow to ask them or let them know
.
I have to say that Ryan hasbeen absolutely supportive, you
know.
To be completely honest, I'mvery grateful for that.
I didn't get any pushback.
(25:21):
I didn't get any um, hostility,no anger.
He and I have worked the past.
You know, two years on, reallybeing big on open communication.
I mean, we live together and wework together.
It takes some special people tobe able to do that, you know,
and uh, right and um, but he,he's, he just he could see that
(25:44):
that's what I wanted to do andhe was fully supportive.
Now there had to be a littlebit of like a a process to that.
You couldn't just be like, allright, I'm, I'm done with this
today, uh, you've relied on me,this one.
So it was like trickling inlittle by little and, I think,
keeping an open line ofcommunication with him and my
wants and desires and what I wasreally feeling, and then being
(26:04):
fair to the situation that, likeme, wanting to change and start
implementing other thingswasn't at any fault to him and
so making sure that we trickledit in where it didn't completely
stress him out but stillallowed me to live out my dream.
And what's amazing about himtoo, is like he.
He always says that he is sothankful that I get to do the
opportunities or he gets to be apart of giving me and making my
(26:27):
dreams a reality at this point,so he's been super supportive.
And then my kids.
I mean, not really much haschanged, honestly, on that, like
I'm still there for them.
They have a lot of activities,they have a lot of things.
But that initial fear wasreally big but I had a simple
conversation.
Fear was really big, but I hada simple conversation and I
still, to this day, look backand I'm like I was so scared to
(26:50):
just make that known and to setthose boundaries and to make it
very clear that my wants andneeds were just as important as
everybody else's.
And I'm sure it's not as easilyreceived by every single person
who will go through this or hasgone through this, but I was
very fortunate to have itreceived very well.
Everybody in my family, veryclose to that family, was very
supportive.
Now I will say, part of my book,and probably one of the biggest
(27:11):
chapters in my book, was thepeople who had to be let go.
That was a whole nother factor.
So my immediate family, myhusband and my kids, my grandma
she's very close to me, she theywere all on board.
But anybody who was a hindranceto that or a roadblock didn't
(27:32):
get it, attempted to guilt andshame me for it, or were just
not meant to go where I wasgoing.
They had to go.
It was.
It was that black and whitethere You're here or you're in.
Ryan always says it's not arevolving door or it's not a one
foot in, one foot out situation.
You're either a hundred percentwith me or you're a hundred
(27:55):
percent not, and that's the wayI had to look at it.
And that process of of pruningpeople out of your life was
probably the most difficult yetmost impactful for me.
A lot of close people, familyincluded, a lot of family
included are no longer around,and not necessarily because they
were bad people, but theydidn't align with that selfish
(28:18):
bitch that I was becoming.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Yeah, yeah.
So I want to.
I want to unpack this a littlebit.
I want to explain what, what,what Katie's talking about.
And I've lost a lot of peoplein my life too, right, but I
mean, I say I'm air quoting, Ilost, I really didn't lose them,
I actually gained other people.
So the point is, when we show up, whatever we believe is true
(28:43):
becomes true for us and lifewraps things, puts things in
your life to reinforce what youbelieve is true and what's
possible or impossible.
When we show up as martyrs andwe sacrifice ourselves and we
don't have boundaries and wefeel selfish by asking for
(29:03):
anything, life, god, universe,whatever you want to call it
puts things in our life toreinforce those things, those
beliefs.
And when you, when you make avalue shift, when you make a
belief shift, those newboundaries, those new beliefs,
those new values they're in,oftentimes they're in conflict
(29:25):
with what you've alreadyattracted into your life.
So that's why you're going toget some external resistance.
Now, when you make that valueshift and you allow yourself to
lose everything that alignedwith that old version of
yourself, new things that alignwith the new beliefs, the new
concepts, the new boundaries,they show up in your life as
well.
And they and they reinforce thefact that this new belief, this
(29:47):
new concept, this new reality,these new boundaries that you're
living at, that they're okay.
And then, if you make and thisis the process of evolution and
growth and when you make anothervalue shift and you up-level
into the next belief, now thethings that you attracted at
that level are sometimes inconflict.
And this is how we keep likeleveling up our lives by by
(30:07):
leveling up our values.
And as we level up our values,the old version of us has to go.
So when, when we, when we triedand I saw this at our retreat
where there was, there was a guywho, who was trying to hold on
to who he was and he was tryingto become somebody different at
the same time, and he was scaredto hold on to who he was and he
was trying to become somebodydifferent at the same time, and
he was scared to let go of theold version of himself in order
(30:30):
to level up, in order to upgradethe circumstances.
And literally, in our littleretreat circle, we just in a
small breakout group, we saidpick one Old self, new self,
which one do you want?
And the group was relentlessPick one.
You're being noncommittal.
You're trying to hold on to theold you and become the new you.
(30:51):
This is the same thingoftentimes with the people that
are in our life.
Sometimes we have to lose theold in order for new, higher
level, upgraded people,circumstances and experience to
come in.
This is what you're sharing andI applaud you for letting go of
the people.
I talk about expiredrelationships.
People are in our life for areason, a season or a lifetime.
(31:14):
Not everyone's in our life fora lifetime and I applaud you for
really leaning into that, katie.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
Thank you, it was tough, it was very tough and uh,
in that chapter in my book Iknow I I set that up I was like
I don't even know where to start.
I was like so I'm going to haveto come up with a process or a
a way of handling each layerBecause, like you said, you have
some people, um, especiallywhen you come with from a place
with no boundaries, becauseevery piece of me was available
(31:42):
to anyone at any time, forwhatever reason.
And when I had to do that, Iwas like there were people that
were within my innermostboundary, that should have never
even come across my outermostboundary, people that could stay
(32:03):
in my life, but they were goingto play a different role and
they were going to need toinsert themselves into a little
bit different Um of um, I calledthem circles, um, as what I did
in my book, and, um, they weregoing to have to be in my outer
circle when they were reallyclose.
So it was like, hey, I'm not, Ivalue you, but I've
unfortunately let you come tooclose and uh, with where I'm
going at.
Just know that I still care foryou, but this is where I'm at.
(32:25):
There are some people thatdidn't get a single conversation
.
Now you'll find out very, veryclose how how many one-sided
relationships there are in yourlife when you don't, you just
don't even reach out to somebodyand you never hear from them
again.
Yeah, that happened quite a bitas well.
And then there were instanceswhere you had to have a
conversation because you werestill respected them.
(32:47):
Those were probably the mostdifficult for me, mike, was when
I had somebody who was either afamily member or who I
respected and would try to makethem understand that hey, like
this is where I'm going.
You either did or did not doanything of fault, but I'm going
to have to set these newboundaries because then that was
a hundred percent reactionbased and I had some people who
(33:08):
reacted well, some people whocompletely flew off the wall and
some people who completely shutme out.
And that sucks, especially forthe people you put a lot of time
, energy and effort into,because I I I played with that
Like well, I did this for themand I spent a lot of time,
energy and effort in this is youwanted it to make it be, you
wanted it to be worth it.
(33:29):
But again that goes back to thehanging on to the old and
knowing that new was better andI had to let that go.
But that was a big process forme and every single person was
handled with a different levelof care and every single person
and outcome was different.
And that's that.
Pruning process took me quite abit of time.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Yeah, and I think I think to say it a different way
and and to say the same thingand wrap some some language
around it, we have an emotionalcapacity, we we have.
We have a certain amount of acertain emotional capacity and
we like, if we let everybody inat the deepest level, then we're
going to be depleted, right?
(34:07):
I mean, that's when life getsreally, really heavy.
And I'm not saying don'tconnect with people, I'm not
saying don't love people, but wecan't, like we can't, be
emotionally entangled witheverybody in our life and still
live a high quality life.
And I know I'm guilty of thatwhere in in, in in this business
, when you were a student, whenyou were a client, it's like I
(34:30):
was all in all the time and Iwould give all the 24 hours a
day and there was no no in myvocabulary and it was like I was
just trying to be all things toall people all the time,
because I wanted to make themfeel like deep, deeply like
family, like they were thenumber one.
And you do that with everybodyand your life's going to get
(34:50):
really really heavy.
And, respectfully, what yousaid is there are circles and
you allow them into a certaincircle and you treat them and
you interact with them at thatlevel.
So I don't have to be deeplyrelationally committed to every
single person in my business,because all that does is lead to
me having no life whatsoever ofmy own.
(35:11):
So forming those boundaries.
We get to do this with familyas well.
Like, aunt Jean might not getthe same emotional connection
with me as as Angie, right, andI don't have an aunt Jean, I
just made that shit up.
But the point is we get todecide, and it's not selfish to
choose to play at a more shallowlevel with somebody than other
(35:33):
people in our lives.
It's not selfish, and it'snever selfish, to let people
that have expired and serve.
This sounds awful, but ifsomeone no longer serves a
useful purpose in your life, itis okay to let them go, okay.
So, guys, this is some of thestuff that might not sound
(35:53):
loving, but it is intenselyloving to yourself to realize
that the relationships worthholding on to is when they serve
mutual usefulness.
And if usefulness in arelationship expires on one side
or the other, it's expired,it's time to let it go.
Now.
The person on the other side ofthat relationship might not
(36:16):
agree, but that doesn't meanthat you have to relent and you
have to do something different.
If the usefulness of thatrelationship has expired, on
your end, you can tap out from aplace of love without tearing
them down, without making themwrong, and just like letting
them go and live the next phaseof their life.
Katie, that was the most yousaid.
(36:38):
That was the largest chapterand the most powerful chapter in
your book.
Tell us about another lessonthat you learned.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
Honestly.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
What's another valuable, teachable aspect of
your journey that you learnedalong the way?
Another lesson like pruningpeople from your life?
What's another one that reallyaccelerated your quality of life
?
Speaker 2 (37:08):
I jumped on affirmation statements.
I still say them daily.
Affirmation statements are mystatements that I can say
multiple times a day, anysituation that I I call it my
Zen zone, Anytime that.
I have something pulling me outof my center and where I am just
calm and in my place that Ineed to be, I have my
(37:29):
affirmation statements that Ishared throughout the book and
anywhere I've been able to usethem.
I usually say them when I wakeup in the morning and before I
go to bed at night, but then Ifound myself stating them in my
head when I'm just in astressful situation or something
comes up.
And it's been really cool tosee the transformation of those
(37:49):
affirmation statements, becausethey change over time and you
can always tell what's reallyweighing on me at that time,
depending on which one calms medown the most.
And so, yeah, those affirmationstatements I don't know if you
want me to share them or youwant me to let- people.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
What I'm connecting with is you started changing the
conversation that you arehaving in your head.
You started changing the toneof what you would speak into
yourself and speak aboutyourself.
Yeah, go ahead and share acouple of those affirmations
that have made the biggestdifference.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Yeah, I mean, they allowed me to be proactive
instead of reactive toeverything that was going on
around me, and um so, uh, myfirst affirmation statement is,
um, that I am.
I'm bigger than my problems.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
Oh, that one feels good.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
I have an abundant and positive mindset.
Speaker 1 (38:50):
Love it.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
I am grateful things are not worse, wow, and I am
open to life's futureopportunities.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
I love it.
Those all sound wonderful.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
So those bring me back.
I love it, those all soundwonderful, so those bring me
back.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
I love them.
So, and that has changed whatyou experience in your mind by
reinforcing that and justcontinuing to build those
affirmation muscles, right?
So is that?
Do you find and I think youalready answered that Do you
find that those things arestarting to show up?
Those affirmations are startingto show up like involuntary,
(39:26):
without you even like needing toforce them.
Does that make sense?
Speaker 2 (39:30):
Oh, yes, absolutely, Because then you start shifting,
like you said, your mindset tolook at every single I would
react to every single problem.
Now, I don't have problems.
Problems don't exist.
There's a reason for the waythings happen, and it's a
completely based on yourperspective.
And so, if you, if somethinggoes wrong, ok, what opportunity
is this?
Yeah, I have a problem.
(39:51):
Well, I'm bigger than thatproblem, I'll figure it out.
Yeah, I have a problem.
Well, I'm bigger than thatproblem, I'll figure it out.
Oh, this is a bad situation.
I've gotten myself out of works.
So every little thing, or allthose affirmation statements can
help me, and you create yourown with a lot of things that
you're battling, but everysingle time I could come up with
any problem, one of myaffirmation statements were
going to bring me back to a goodmindset about it, and how you
(40:13):
react to anything that happensto you is everything, and so you
start getting into things andunderstanding that things are
happening for you, not to you.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
This, this whole life , this, this game, this whole
life game is all mindset, it'sall.
It's all what's happening uphere and and and the
conversation that you're havingwith yourself and and what what
you just said.
I love what you just said,because this morning, on our
mastermind call, I said the onlyproblem that you've ever had is
that you think you have aproblem.
Like you don't have a problem,you have an opportunity and you
(40:42):
have something a challenge,maybe a challenge or obstacle
that's shown up to level you up.
And when you solve thatchallenge, that obstacle, then
you grow and as you grow, yourproblems get bigger too.
But that's because you'recapable of solving bigger
problems, right, but the onlyproblem you ever had in your
life is you think you had aproblem.
You didn't.
(41:03):
You had opportunities to grow,and I love that perspective.
I think sometimes people confusechallenges with crises, so
where everything's a problem,because they make every
challenge a crisis.
So now they've got a problem intheir life.
And what a problem means whensomebody says they have a
(41:23):
problem is that they think thatthat shouldn't exist, that
challenge, their life should bechallenge-free and obstacle-free
.
And when a challenge shows up,now suddenly they have a problem
because it shouldn't be there.
Yes, it should, because it's anopportunity for you to grow,
and that's why we're here.
We're here to grow and evolve.
Katie, what tell us?
(41:43):
Tell us the like.
It's been a three-year journeyfor you.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
What are you working on right now?
What's the thing, the problem,what is the selfish, themed
challenge that you're workingthrough right now?
Because this work never ends.
Right for people to think, justbecause we're here on a
(42:16):
Facebook Live or just becausewe're on YouTube, or just
because we're influencers orjust because we're authors or
podcasters, that we live achallenge and obstacle-free life
.
But we're always working onsomething.
There's always something elsethat's trying to level us up.
What are you working on rightnow?
Speaker 2 (42:29):
Right now I'm working on building up the next level
of confidence that I need tokeep pushing my message out, to
truly believe that it's morethan just a book.
Now, initially I started out,when I first started writing
that chapter, I didn't even knowpublishing a book was going to
be a possibility for me.
I just kept with it and nowthat my book is publishing, I'm
like I have a message and I canbe confident that I want to get
(42:53):
on stages, I want to empowerother specifically women, but
people in general that we needto get out of our own damn way.
Oh yeah, that that's just whatit is.
Um, unfortunately, morespecific to anybody, gender
neutral, uh, who's a caretaker,who is always, always, always
put other people beforethemselves, because, honestly, I
lived how much of my lifewithout even realizing I was
(43:15):
doing it, and so bringing thatto the forefront is a big slap
in the face.
But then also having an actualprogram or somebody to help you
follow an agenda, to help youget there Because, again, we all
need accountability partners,whether it be a book, whether it
be another person, and I camefrom a place where I didn't have
a single person who was goingto be an accountability partner
outside of my husband, but himand I we always say it's us
(43:38):
against the world, and we trulyfelt that until we started
finding groups such as InnerWealth.
It doesn't have to be youagainst the world, but there's a
lot of people who are in thisworld that truly believe that.
So I'm working on a podcast, atitle do you selfish bitch?
That would be specificallygeared towards women.
(43:59):
Um, getting them out of theirown way and and and filling
their schedule with mostly them.
That's how it should be.
Um, and then, um, I want to uhget on stages.
I want to uh look into, uhexpanding my horizon on specific
topics on how to organize that,and then, long-term, is really
(44:23):
organizing the whole book into aprogram that I can start
helping coach people through.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
I love that and I do believe that there are a lot of
people and I'll say women, butthere are a lot of people in
this.
I'll say women, but there are alot of people in this world
that will benefit from becomingmore selfish, realizing that and
it's almost like society hasalmost deemed wanting something.
We started this conversationwith this and we'll bring it to
(44:52):
a conclusion with this as wewind down here.
But it's almost like societyhas demonized and vilified
wanting or having a lot ofanything and typically, if you
look at it, poor people look atrich people as greedy and and
the rich people that I know wantall the poor people to be rich.
(45:13):
But the rich people aren'tlooking down on the poor like,
but the poor are looking down onthe rich for having a lot of
stuff and there's some jealousyand some, you know, against
being greedy.
Meanwhile, the wealthy andsuccessful and happy people I
know do everything they can tolift other people up and they
(45:34):
want everybody to have as muchas they do.
But it takes a little bit ofselfishness to get there and in
a lot of cases, people thatstruggle financially are so hell
bent on not feeling selfishthat they don't allow themselves
to have an abundance ofanything.
And what I've experienced withyou, katie, is when you made
(45:55):
that shift.
Now abundance is starting tocome in, but it starts with
abundance of self-love andself-appreciation and
self-respect and self-worth, andthat's where those affirmations
came from and you started tovalue yourself so much that you
allowed yourself to disallowpeople that wanted you to harm
(46:20):
yourself for their benefit.
You disallowed them into yourlife and that's another level of
selfish, but it's not selfish,it's a boundary and it's healthy
.
It's selfish in a healthy way.
So I've seen a tremendous shiftin you.
I remember during one of ourone-on-one calls when I said,
katie, I see this as a podcast,I see this as a program, I see
(46:42):
you on stages, I see, and youlike lit up and your face and
there's that smile right, youlit up because you can see
that's where your true likeimpact is going be in this world
is speaking to people, helpingthem to make the same shift and
make that same pivot that youdid.
Katie, talk about your book.
(47:02):
When's it come out and wherecan people access?
Speaker 2 (47:06):
it.
Yeah, so it comes out on May8th.
Amazon it's going to be comingout at a discounted rate on May
8th, so, if you guys are able to, it's all over my social medias
, but yeah, that's where we'regoing to start there and then,
once that launches on May 8th,we'll be releasing when and
where to get it for, if you want.
(47:27):
If you're more of a physicalcopy person I am personally I
like to have the book in my hand, but on what other options?
And then looking to dosomething local if you're in the
St Louis area as far as a booklaunch and a book signing, but
that's all to be determinedafter the May 8th.
Speaker 1 (47:43):
That's fantastic.
So May 8th your book launches,and what we'll do, what I'm
going to do, is I'm going tomake this into a video on my
YouTube channel.
I'm going to make it into avideo on my YouTube channel, I'm
going to make it into an audiopodcast episode and the links
for the book will be in both ofthose platforms.
So we'll put do you have the?
(48:06):
We'll get this thing.
We'll get it on launch day onmy YouTube or my Facebook page.
On launch day on my Facebookpage, we'll announce it as well,
because we want to bring asmany people into your world as
possible, because this is amessage.
Your story is a powerful storyand there's a lot of people out
(48:27):
there that are living reallydepleted lives because they're
trying not to appear or be orfeel selfish.
But we've got to turn that.
We've got to tune that selfishmuscle to allow yourself to put
yourself first, to have what youwant.
So you have more to give fromKatie.
Is there anything that wedidn't touch on today that you
(48:48):
want to?
Speaker 2 (48:48):
touch on and talk about, not particularly.
I think we hit everything.
I'm pretty excited and I didappreciate the opportunity here.
Um, inner wealth has been a bigpush.
It's been very ironic, um, andit's really cool how things come
full circle, how we were, wherewe were and you've been able to
(49:09):
see us kind of come back fullcircle.
Um, one of your events and, yeah, like neither one of us were
the same person when I, when I,walked in that room to see what
you've created and the culturethat you've created with inner
wealth, and for anybodylistening and able to check out
(49:30):
Mike Hicko, he's truly built anentire program that the number
one word that comes to mind forme is value, and the reason why
I say value doesn't sound likethat, but I'm talking
multi-level value.
I've been a part of coachinggroups and I've been a part of
going to events and I've been apart of meeting people that are
there for a little bit.
(49:50):
But this group has a culturethat is untouched, the value
that it brings, with thenumerous calls every single week
.
I've been a part of programswhere I was lucky to get a
conversation with a coach everyother week or maybe monthly, or
they would hold quarterly events.
You have the opportunity totouch what you have four or five
calls every single week.
Speaker 1 (50:11):
We have five different calls, three of them
weekly and two others that areevery other week.
Speaker 2 (50:17):
So that is tremendous value.
Then the value of volume thereyou have the safe space that
you've created.
I've never walked into a groupand felt immediately open, and
you talk about wanting it tofeel like a family environment,
and that's exactly exactly whatyou've created.
And then you know, I never feelany guilt or shame or no
(50:40):
competition in this group.
It's all truly about peopleraising other people up, and
that's so attractive and socalming.
And then the the last thing forme was just understanding that
life happens.
I've been a part of groups thatwere very strict.
You don't show up, you're out.
Um, they don't have.
They act like you have no otherobligation in your life other
(51:02):
than to be in that group.
But what's really cool aboutinner wealth is, I remember,
missing.
Every time I miss a call, Ibeat myself up a little bit, um,
and it's because, not becauseyou guys have done that to to me
no-transcript.
Speaker 1 (51:39):
Just, we're just trying to level up so we can
create more impact in the world,but that brings back.
You know, we're trying tocreate more impact because
there's people like you that arealso looking to impact.
And as we level up, so do you,and as you level up, so do we,
and that's how we, that's how wecontinue to grow.
So, guys, listen, go followKatie Kaufman across your
socials.
(51:59):
Their construction company isTop Dog Construction.
So where she's, the, thepresident, ceo, coo, cfo, all of
it and she's the number one dog.
Her husband does some stuff inthe, in the business too, but
you know, and he's a Ryan BrianKaufman.
I'll tell you what.
Here's my experience of Ryan.
Ryan looks really, really toughon the outside, but that dude
(52:23):
has a heart of absolute gold andhe doesn't let it show a lot.
But I know who that guy is andhe's a big ass heart and that's
why he's so kind and loving toyou and that's why he's so kind
and loving to you and that's whyhe was so accepting.
But, guys, listen, go followthe Kaufmans, go connect with
them.
May 8th the book pops out.
You selfish bitch, go get acopy.
(52:50):
Help drive sales of that book,and I know you're going to be a
bestseller for the second time.
Guys, go connect with them,your life will be better.
And, katie, if there's anythingwe can do in the meantime to
help, go connect with them, yourlife will be better.
And, katie, if there's anythingwe can do in the meantime to
help, please let us know.
All right, it's been fun havingyou here.
If you enjoyed what you heardand you want to learn more, go
to wwwinnerwealthglobalcom formore tools and resources.
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