March 10, 2025 • 55 mins
Welcome Natties to episode 77 “We are in Bleep City”! Join us as we dive into the YouTube algo punishing us, what’s better carbonated or non carbonated drinks, Uncle Kyle’s VCR collection, using the restroom as a construction worker, walking into a disturbing room used for something you won’t believe, Kyle having a meltdown when not being allowed to go number 2 at these locations and so much more! Remember to please like, comment and subscribe! Are you a part of THE Natty Nation? What are you waiting for?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
In that moment, I was like, I, there's a possibility
(00:03):
that I'm gonna shit on the floor of a car.
I will shit on this woman's floor
for disrespecting me like this.
Like I, there's only so much you can take.
As a man, there's only so much you can take.
I'm gonna shit on this woman's floor for disrespecting me like this.
(00:35):
Respect the sanctity of the next five to ten minutes, okay?
Yeah.
Can you do that?
I didn't break it, did I?
I didn't break the income.
I feel like I might have because I curse a lot.
Yeah.
You all know that.
Well, then it's gonna have to get cut out for the first time.
Fine.
Welcome back to this episode of The Naturals Pod.
(00:56):
As always, I'm Uncle Kyle.
See you next to me on the couch.
Sweet Derek.
Sweet Derek.
AKA The Sauce King, AKA Sir Gladicus.
So we were trading war stories at the beginning of the day
at work today, which is like a pretty common thing in the construction space.
(01:17):
It's part of the whole brotherhood.
You kind of I mean, it's not war, but what's a war story like a work story?
Yeah, just crazy things that have happened to you, things that you've built.
A lot of people take pictures of it.
You like show your buddies.
It's like a lot like showing people a cool magic card.
You're like, hey, check out this.
Oh, no, no.
Oh, you just said, oh, all right.
(01:38):
Post Eric, bleep it.
We're trying to clean it up.
Hey, that was like the least worst word.
Well, that's the word that a South Park episode didn't try to see how many
they can get away with saying until it had to got cut off there.
And they aired it, dude, on Comedy Central.
And it was like 67.
Time, do you remember?
Do you remember the moment you were watching network television
(02:00):
and you heard that word and you're like, they're saying it on regular TV now?
I guess isn't. Yeah.
Oh, I watch the Sopranos. Yeah.
Yeah, that is true. It just came out of nowhere.
Kind of like there was rules against it.
And now they can say like three words pretty freely.
And you're like, they can say that on T.
Like, it's funny because they can say that.
And they even have to do that light nudity.
(02:22):
Do you think are you going to punish us for that? You too.
I like it. We're all like we're like beaten dogs.
Now, you know, we're like punished us.
You punished us. I'm feeling the punishment.
We are, man. We are such a rocket ship.
There's another one is fucking that one in post.
(02:43):
Eric. So it's so it's authentic.
Like the frustration is real. It's there, dude.
I can't not do it when I'm frustrated because I just don't know why you're.
Why are you doing that? We're so close.
And you're getting to a wider audience of people.
And I hope new people are here.
And I believe that you are because our our stuff is good.
Our stuff is super good.
And it's just like, why? Why?
(03:05):
Why YouTube? So we're trying to we're trying to figure it out and play
the stupid game of the algo.
Yeah. Like we're slaves to you, Al.
Good. I had a I had a point I was getting to. Yeah. Damn.
Lost. We'll see.
Anyways. So we're trading war stories.
(03:26):
We're talking about work.
So much funny, inappropriate shenanigans occurs on construction site.
If you work in construction, you know this to be true.
If you don't, it's true.
Have you ever been on like a work site where something insane happened,
like a brutal like someone's like arm got cut off or something like crazy?
(03:46):
Yes. So I'm not going to name the property, but
I was working on this large project.
This is somewhere in Las Vegas.
So you can guess where it is.
Large project, tall building.
Essentially, it was on the weekend.
It was on a Saturday and I guess this was very near a club and or bar
(04:07):
where this individual got extremely drunk and or intoxicated
on various kinds of drugs, ran up the tower.
They're totally naked, by the way, ran up the tower, totally naked,
got to the top.
You can guess what happened after that. Oh.
(04:27):
Dude, I can't leave that in for the first five minutes either.
I'm going to blur this and that would be that.
Yeah. OK. So yeah, you asked her a crazy story.
I gave you one. Yeah, I regret asking.
So construction sites are gross.
A lot of the stories are gross.
(04:47):
And this is kind of a personal challenge because we're trying to clean it up
in the first top end of the episode.
So I'm going to tell you a gross story in a polite way.
And we're going to keep it PG ish for YouTube.
So. Who's is that?
That's your sister's.
It's not me. This is mine now.
(05:08):
You're just taking your water.
Oh, that's a fizzy water. That's delightful.
Oh, you like sparkling San Pellegrino free plug.
Not that you need it, but I'm not a I'm not a sparkling water type guy.
I don't like the carbonation water.
Yeah, I know you drink flat energy drinks, which is super concerning to me.
(05:31):
I don't know anybody else who does that.
I like it. It tastes more of like a juice than a soda.
So I love when it's non carbonated.
But you like Coca-Cola.
No, I'm not a lot of people right now.
You need to comment.
You need to defend me that I'm not crazy for liking non carbonated energy drinks, man.
It tastes like juice. Tell me I'm wrong.
There's some of the more fitness supplement type ones like that.
(05:55):
Do you remember the dubby?
Oh, yeah.
If there's anybody that watches this that knows what dubby is,
that's a call back to the beginning.
That's hilarious.
But the dubby was also pretty good.
Yeah, I think I have three massive jars of that down in the kitchen.
Oh, yeah.
I take a little dose of the dubby every once in a while, hoping it's not some kind of poison.
(06:16):
Oh, dude, he went deep into the archive of the pod, dude.
And for that'll be a super fan thing, dude.
So you have to know that the fact.
OK, like, I don't care.
This is our podcast and we will stroke ourselves.
Are we going to get in trouble for that?
No, we're not.
Whenever we get the opportunity to go back, do yourself a favor,
go back to the very beginning.
(06:37):
We ran an ad for this company.
We had like an affiliate link.
They did not offer us any money, but we did an audio only ad.
And that was so professional.
It was unreal. I wrote a script.
Me and Nick hit it in one take and it was glorious.
I was so proud of that. I was like, look at us. We're doing it.
It was so good because I remember like showing you guys the flyer and stuff.
(06:59):
And then you're literally over there with your little notepad, dude.
And you're right. He was writing out the commercial.
And you have to like just for the commercial alone.
I think I still have that on that notepad.
I'm going to frame that energy.
It's so good.
Better. We hit it at the same time.
And the little music that you found in the background was so good.
(07:20):
Wow. That's good. Chef's kiss were eight thirty B.
OK, so you can say it now.
We're back, people. That was like it's time for it was almost like a pharmacy
type level commercial, dude, where it's like that shit.
Like if if you hired us to do an ozempic commercial,
we'd make an even greater drug epidemic than there is that already.
(07:44):
Yeah, I'd love for people to go back and just listen.
We are getting off on a tent.
We will get to the original point eventually.
But I love chaos.
And I'm not going to lie when I heard about the ozempic would go be
any of the names that the tersepid go by.
I'm like, I know that that's probably eventually going to kill you
(08:08):
or or lead to your death in an unpleasant way.
If you're an ozempic right now and you're listening to this,
I'm not throwing shade.
I'm just reading the signs of what I've seen.
Oh, so you think there's going to be a drop of a lot of people
like five, 10 years now that are just wrecked and these haven't been around
for a super long time, Derek.
(08:28):
Remember how long people were smoking cigarettes?
You ever watch Madman?
You a John Ham fan? Yeah.
I mean, that's a true point.
What is having been around some kind of insane fricking does?
That's why I'm trying to get off of this shit.
And it's the same thing with the Zempis.
These people, the Tom Segura's wife, Christina,
was just sure that name.
(08:50):
I think I know that has it ski will fact post post.
Eric fact check that and then put it up. OK.
She said I saw a clip from their podcast.
Now I'm going to go.
So before I hit any slams, I'm going to go ahead and say.
Their shit, they have funny shit.
You know, they're great. They have love.
Why am I? Yeah, they're good.
(09:11):
I think I think both of them are absolute pricks.
I would I would never ever want to work for them.
I would just say that.
So they invited us on if there was ever.
Oh, no, no, no. Being on their pod would be insane.
I will go ahead and stroke stroke that we're getting stroke in again in 10 minutes.
I will stroke them and say I would love to be on your pod,
because but also like we could make some hilarious shit with them.
(09:33):
Even if as long as he's open to kind of
jabbing lightly hostile with one another, because I know that he's got some heat.
I know he could probably watch like a couple of our videos
and he would have some heat loaded for me.
But I'm also I would also I kind of like that.
Your library is bigger than mine, son.
I could have lived a whole other life.
(09:53):
I got like 12 kids and a compound in Utah.
And I do. I hope we manifest this so much because I bet you that Tom
will pull this clip from this episode right here.
And then you guys will just have a bit where you guys are just
on each other for the whole.
Oh, my God. I'm playing mental chess.
Hey, hey, hey, daddy.
Pull our clip and like have us on.
(10:16):
I want to I want to do it.
I will pay to come there and everything.
You don't need security.
I'm totally safe and stable.
Dude, I would love to be there to watch up.
Yeah, that would be insane.
They've that no, no, no, no, no. You're in it.
What are you talking? We're in it.
Sitting next to you and kind of like watching.
You got to get in there.
Oh, yeah. I'll be murdering you.
(10:37):
So there was a clip because she is open up.
She talks about she takes Ozempic.
I don't know if he does. She takes up Zempic.
She basically said that she had taken a little break from it and then
they talk about this so casually.
She's like, I'm just going to get back on this piece.
And I'm just like, man, like, how do you feel?
(10:58):
I just want to know how you feel physically, because like,
man, I punish my body in other ways and I definitely feel it
when I go a little too far.
I'm like, oh, you kind of kind of hit the old bones a little hard there.
We're getting a little too old to be going that crazy.
But yeah. But she said essentially she said she took like a 10 X dose
of what her doctor told her.
(11:19):
She had insane Zia and all these crazy side effects where she felt like shit.
And this was all within the period of like 48 hours.
She went to like an event or a gathering with her friends.
And they're just so happened to be somebody who was a nurse there.
They were talking about it.
And she goes, well, how much did you take?
Or she talked about it.
She told her how much she clicked a little
injector thing, and the nurse was like, oh, my God, like you took a lot.
(11:44):
That was a lot like you went big.
Like, I think she thought that she took five units
and she accidentally took 50.
Whoa, whoa.
So even the nurse lived.
Oh, Christine, let's go, girl.
Mommy's are what says mommy's.
Christina P said that she took that much.
Correct. That's insane.
(12:04):
This was post Ozempi overdose experience.
She was explaining it in front of her.
I mean, I assume he already knew about this shit
because they're married and they live together and she like you and she talking
about how she was like bragging about it, though.
Or was she just saying like, oh, I know she was just telling a story,
but it's funny.
But also, I was like, God damn, you're laughing at like I almost died
(12:26):
or had like some other horrible shit.
OK, we got off on an Ozempic tangent.
So anyways, we're trading war stories at work.
So I was working this tower remodel at the Harris.
I will name drop this place because this is not tragic.
And this person still works.
I bet you he still works there.
He seemed like an old timer. All right.
(12:48):
He had a name badge that was just it was worn and weathered.
It looked like if you took a pistol that looked like this into Pawn Stars,
they'd give you like 20 G's.
Whoa, I saw Rick Harrison at the gas station down in St.
He lives close to here.
Like recently. Yeah, it was the other day.
I used to see him at that gas station all the time, but also he was funny.
(13:09):
He was limping and he looked like he was in pain.
Like when I worked at Lowe's, I think I talked about this shit on the pod
for when I worked at Lowe's, I ran into he came into our lows regularly.
He he tried to like big time everybody and he wore sunglasses and a hat.
And, you know, was like incognito mode.
And if like I would just treat him like a regular person, I'd be like,
(13:32):
need some help. What do you need?
Why do you keep looking over there?
You're a little hot.
And I was waiting for a moment to jump in to turn it down.
You're a little bit hot, dude. Oh, you're hot.
Like we're me down, Daddy. I'm hot.
I'm so sorry.
Up up up up up. Oh, yeah, I am hot.
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry, Derek.
Oh, posteric.
(13:53):
15 minutes of audio hell.
Leave it all in.
This is the life of a producer, people.
And if you're producing me, Derek, Derek is not a Catholic,
but we can make him an honorary one.
And he should just immediately be canonized as Saint St. Derek.
So anyways, he wasn't necessarily an asshole,
(14:15):
but he made it seem like he didn't want to be recognized.
So I never did that.
Oh, so he's like incognito.
Like, you know, people bother me.
Then he thought he was that big of a star.
Did you ever watch that?
I did. But on Star, is he that big of a star where like people would just
like a Tom Cruise where people would start, oh, my God, it's Rick Harris.
And then like bombard him.
I don't think so.
Let's calm down. You know that they've made a
(14:36):
mountain of cash off of that history.
That's for sure. Yeah, that I know for sure.
And then them on loop.
Now, the guy that he worked with, Rick Dale,
American Restoration, did you ever watch that?
I knew of it. I did not. Yeah, it was cool.
He would take old timey all kinds of stuff and restore them.
(14:57):
Like people pay him a lot of money for this shit.
He would come into Lowe's and buy the weirdest things.
But he was his son was an asshole.
This kid would bring a dog in that would piss in the store.
And I was a janitor.
So I there was one time where I nearly lost my job.
I took the mop to him and I was like, go ahead and clean that up.
(15:22):
Go clean that up right now.
Because if I have to mop your dog's piss up one more time,
I'm going to you up.
You think I care about this $11 an hour job?
I'm going to you up if you don't clean that shit.
Low level celebrity.
I know people that I could call who will co-sign this story.
(15:42):
He got shit on.
I was like, you will mop up your dog's piss
or I am going to put you in the hospital.
Pick one immediately.
I will fucking kill you.
I was mad, dude.
Holy shit. I had a terrible job.
You were mad as fuck.
So anyways, his dad is a lovely man.
(16:04):
Super nice.
He would take pictures with fans.
He would sit there and talk to you for 20 minutes if you wanted him to.
I like you after the sun thing, dude.
Your son's an asshole, but you, Rick Dale, are a stand up.
I'd give you a firm handshake as from man to man.
I'm a fucking man. I'm a you are.
You are my man.
(16:24):
I might be a little fat, but I'm a man.
But he was hella cool.
I think I mean, I'm sorry, man.
Parents know who their kids are.
I know that my dad loves me, but I also know that he's just
shaking his head sometimes and like that's just kind of the other.
I don't care. I'll take care of him till engrave.
And I know vice versa. Like, yeah.
(16:45):
Love my family. Love you, Derek.
I'd take a bullet for you to man.
Regular dick bros.
We were friends a long time, dude.
Yeah, I care about you a lot, dude. For sure.
Rick Dale, hell of a guy.
We are going off on so many tangents.
We are, dude. We're taking some ventures right now.
That's what we are.
So I was working at Harrah's and we were they were
(17:06):
they were redoing the tower. They were updating it.
This shit looked like a best Western out of 19.
Oh, yeah. I even know that because working in the hotel industry
a little bit, that was like that's a property where you're like,
that's a shithole.
Like, that's like a circus circus level.
I rise best Western. Yeah, it's.
Yeah, correct.
It was surprising that it was like old pine furniture.
(17:29):
They had to this wasn't even to TV.
Yes, this was probably like that.
Mm hmm. Seven or eight years ago, which isn't even that long.
Why aren't you hitting the black Friday special
Harrah's and getting the hundred dollar flat screen?
(17:49):
Tube TV's.
I think these were the ones that also had the integrated VCR.
No, no, no. Bless those TVs.
You know how much HBO and Showtime
saw court I recorded on these. I didn't do that, though.
You didn't live in the early late 90s, early 2000s.
(18:12):
I just used it to watch movies because I love the movies.
Love some.
Dude, no, I'm sorry.
That's insane because you could get flat screen TVs so cheap,
especially as a big company worth millions.
And you're like, no, leave the tube TV's with VCRs in them.
There's people that are probably watching this right now.
They're like, what's what's the
(18:35):
true shit real shit?
We do have some young
so glad to have you. But yeah, Google VCR.
And honestly, I would like to curate an event where we all get together
and we watch we'll get a projector and everything, but we watch a VCR.
(18:57):
Yeah, that'd be nostalgia, dude.
It's kind of like people playing vinyl.
Can you imagine if it came back like a VHS tapes came back
because like people like vinyl, right?
So the idea of like, do we watch our next coming back, Derek?
We got a lock in.
We got a lock in.
I could talk about VCR.
(19:18):
Like all night.
All night. We got some in the house.
I bet you I got a sealed little mermaid
that some Disney freak adult would buy for like eight hundred dollars.
You have one.
Oh, those actually are worth a lot of money, dude.
Those actually are. I think those are legitimately worth money.
Address undisclosed.
(19:38):
I want to Google that, dude, but I feel like they are worth do it.
You'd have to wake the computer back.
No, no, I could do it on my phone real quick, because that's when we got to know.
OK, so I'm going to lock back in with the story.
We're going to we're going to power through this.
It was so. It was cool.
They did update it really nicely. The hotel looked good.
They did what you're supposed to do.
They basically stripped out the floors.
(20:00):
Which movie do you have again? Real quick, I'm sorry.
I have to button because this is about to blow your like all the Disney movies.
So Beauty and the Beast on VHS by itself is going for twelve hundred and fifty
just the tape, just the VHS tape of Disney's Beauty in the Black Disney
freak adults. I'm willing to give you what I have
(20:22):
at like 70 percent of the market.
Dude, Little Mermaid right there with two of the five hundred dollars.
Dude, you're sitting on cash line, dude.
And you didn't even know it.
We got behind. I have two giant trash bags full of beanie babies.
I don't know. I'll never forget.
There's this meme of two adults in divorce court and they're splitting up.
(20:47):
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But some of them worth money, dude.
I can't believe you still have that, dude.
You need to you need to find those and actually hang on to them
and keep them in good shape, because those actually might go up in value.
Possibly. So it's like a art working at Harris.
We're doing half of the tower.
So they have it kind of walled off construction zone.
(21:08):
Regular people zone.
So we're still around their staff.
What I was doing was the fire alarm system and every four floor
floors of the hotel, there was what is called a node,
which is something that communicates with the main fire alarm system
of the building and has all the power supplies and stuff
(21:29):
that makes the equipment work.
I'm not I'm really dumbing this down for everybody
because nobody wants to listen to me talk technically about fire alarm.
So basically every four floors of the tower,
there's this little closet in the back of this maintenance room.
So there's a big room and then a little closet in the back. OK.
Some of them were used for different things, but every like so often
(21:52):
there was one that the maintenance people that worked for the casino,
Harris, name drop again.
As their break room, they used it as like their little break room.
So they were upset.
They got all pissy when I would go in there.
They didn't want me to be in their little space.
But it's also like, bitch, let me do my job and I'll just be out of your hair.
Yeah. And you can continue to make less money than me.
(22:14):
And also, I'm an apprentice.
I'm not even like turned out yet.
Like make more than you.
I don't have a lot of money in the bank.
Be honest about that.
But I do make more than you.
I make a lot and I spend a lot.
Yeah, I like to spend money.
So one of these floors in particular, I get in there.
(22:36):
It's a little break room.
Nobody's in there.
I go back to the closet because essentially one day out of every week,
I would spend the entire day in one of these closets doing the same shit.
Rinse, repeat.
It's like what I'm doing at work right now.
It's just the same work over and over.
OK, yeah.
So I open the door to the back closet of this particular break room and there's a chair.
(23:01):
There's a stack of those little cards that the short people on the strip with the neon
shirts smack together and go like this.
Yeah, you know, those cards.
If you're from Vegas, you know what these cards are.
Yeah.
And a bottle of jerks.
So basically, what in the back of this break room, there was a designated jerk off station
(23:25):
in this closet where I had to work the entire.
That's weird.
How does no one notice that?
So just that person just goes in there, jerk off.
That's fucking weird, dude.
I don't know, like maybe that was the only one that used that or maybe like he would
typically lock the door and he just happened to not lock.
(23:48):
I'm inclined to believe he didn't lock the door because so I get in there.
Typically, when you're working on these jobs, you have what we call a maid's cart.
It's just a cart with wheels.
It has to let you know what it means.
Has two levels. You can stack all your tools and material and shit on it,
and then you can wheel it around your mobile.
You're good to go.
I bring my little cart in, I'm like, oh, these guys are going to be unhappy.
(24:10):
But I'm like yourselves, I'm doing my job.
I go and I open the door. And.
I just like I surveil, I surveil, I look at it all.
I'm like chair.
Nudie cards, tissue lotion.
(24:32):
This is a pleasure station.
This is where someone comes to take a deluxe break.
Oh, dude, let me tell you.
If you jerk off at work, the number one rule is don't get caught.
Dude, if you get caught for some people, if you work in a building alone,
(24:52):
you could probably do it and no one would ever know.
Just don't do it in front of a security camera and you'll probably be fine.
Also, don't do it in your car.
That's really weird.
People do that. Dude, people do that shit.
It's weird. They do at the current job that I'm on.
And since it's still current and will be current for a while,
we're not going to name that place.
(25:13):
But I'm doing a very similar kind of work that I was doing
where it's just very repetitive. So.
On each floor, there's one bathroom that they leave
because they they remove all the other shit in all the other rooms.
They remove the sink, the toilet, everything.
But in one of them, they leave it.
So that's like everybody's bathroom.
(25:33):
Now, I know. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. I don't dislike.
I knew that was going to happen.
And for those who would know.
Yes. For those of you at home who are like, I hate that.
You know what? I don't love it either.
But I've been doing this shit for like 12 years now.
So like I'm used to it.
(25:53):
But it is gross. Yeah, I don't want to. It is gross.
But if I got to take a big fat dump. Yeah, I'm doing it.
Yeah, you have to. God, I hate it.
Yeah, I'm doing it.
And this is honestly a better situation than a lot of the.
Porta potty's.
Yeah, yeah, it's like way better. Yeah, my.
(26:14):
I so.
Nobody wants to hear about this, but I'm going to say it anyways.
I was driving over to Stephen's house.
Sunday. OK.
Halfway on this drive, because I had a little bit of traffic.
I was like, I got to take a shit. Oh, no.
(26:35):
OK. So Stephen has one bathroom in his home.
So what kind of a terrible guest are you if you immediately arrive
at someone's home and then go take a massive
filthy doodoo in their one and only toilet?
And they're like, all right, I'm here now.
Like, what's up? Like, let's show some like, no, I'm not going to do them like that.
(26:56):
I'll stop at the gas station.
Even if I have to buy something, it's fine.
I will pay for it. Yeah.
And move on about my day.
I'll get something I need. I'll get an energy drink carbonated.
None of that flat bullshit.
Fully bubbly and a drink.
(27:17):
What? What is good that is flat?
You want a flat ass, Derek?
No, you don't. You want a big juicy.
I do. Correct.
But, dude, it's not flat because flat is something that happens
to a carbonated drink when it's undrinkable.
It's not like it's a juice and take a stance.
I don't think it stands.
Except I am.
Except the jab.
(27:38):
And let me continue with the story.
Delicious. And I can't wait for you people to say it's delicious, too.
You know what? If enough people agree in the comments,
I don't care on what platform it is.
If they say, OK, flat energy drinks better than all then all.
I will concede now. OK, OK.
I'll say that we are pulling that a thousand social media.
(27:59):
You decide flat energy drinks better.
Just know he wins.
I'm going to think that all of you
and it was done out of spite.
You need to be honest and you need to maybe pull some pictures
with your rock star orange.
You know, you know what's up that tastes like server and it's good as fuck.
If you're going to if you're going to post the energy drink,
(28:21):
I don't want you going into a convenience store, grabbing the can,
taking a picture of it and doing some fake social media bullshit.
No, mother. Yes.
Buy that.
Good. Absolutely.
And send a video of you chugging that.
Drink that shit.
Show me how much you love it and that you want it.
(28:43):
And if you like carbonated beverages and you want to you want to spite me,
I'll prove it.
The gauntlet has been thrown down.
Yeah, I hope this happens.
I want this to happen so bad now.
It's like getting ice.
I'm just telling you right now, if you want to tell me a non carbonated
(29:04):
energy drink is better, then I better see a video.
You chugging one within 30 seconds.
Now I'm going to make one and I want to be the one to start it off and go.
This is delicious.
Now, I don't know if this is a challenge that I want to get into
because chugging a carbonated one is definitely more difficult.
You can agree with that.
But also. I will do it if I can have a minute, but I'll do it.
(29:28):
But I feel like carbonation automatic double time.
Because yeah, yeah, yeah, it's harder to get down for sure.
I agree with that. Oh, my God, I hope it happens.
That's great. It's funny.
We got off on a energy drink tangent, Derek.
We did. So we're at the port of Potties.
Thank you. Yeah, we are not at the port of.
Well, you were talking between. Yeah, correct. That's rude.
(29:49):
There is a port of Pottie in this story.
Sorry for those at home.
I'm done. Well, no, I'm not done talking about shit.
So hang in there.
If you're a fan of shit, you're going to love what I'm about to say next.
So I decide that I'm not going to blow up the bathroom
and my friend's house immediately when I get there, which I think is just
a solid friend move.
And I will respect the fact that I'm not going to put you on blast,
(30:12):
but also I kind of am at the same time.
I'm sorry. I love you.
You you don't shit in my toilet when you shit at my house.
You shit in like the guest toilet.
There's a little spray in there.
Sometimes a candle, which is like just a little surprise after you left.
I'm like, oh, you want a candle class?
It's like a pinky up move.
(30:33):
OK, so I'm like, I have to stop somewhere.
So it was it was still 11 a.m.
So I was in my energy drink window.
Six to 12 is the energy drink window, by the way.
OK, for those of you out there.
Yeah, that's true. Yeah.
Haven't I met like, dude, I remember one of my first drinks
when I was 21 was a vodka Red Bull and I was like, oh, dude, it was like,
(30:55):
I don't like the dude. I was like tough and shit.
I'm like, how do people drink these like regularly, dude?
That was like just because you're a fist pumping guido
and you're stuck in like oh five. Right.
And you have an obnoxious spray can.
Do you remember that video of the guy making fun of them?
Jager bombs, Jager bombs, Jager bombs.
(31:17):
That's so funny. It was funny.
Yeah. I remember that shit bringing it back to the guido's because, yeah,
that's psychotic shit if you like those drinks.
That's like the cocaine of alcohol, dude.
It's the cocaine of alcohol.
It is the well, dependent you're back on that one.
How's the water? It's I don't know if drinking something
(31:39):
bubbling is a good idea now, but we're going to do it anyways.
I'll see like your water, though. You like your water.
Oh, you. So we just admitted that we like our water flat,
non carbonate. He prefers non carbonated water.
Huh? That's not interesting.
That's not like also in the garage.
(32:01):
There's multiple cases of sparkling water.
If you want a little delight, no, not alcoholic.
Gross, flavored sparkling water. Gross.
You can't just in there. Terrible.
Fantastic. No, it's terrible, dude.
You have to carbonate or water. All right. God damn it.
Bring it. OK, bring it back again. Help me. Help me.
Yes, you're talking about shitting in a friend's house
(32:22):
because you're going over. OK, God damn.
OK, we're just really drugging people through this.
Yeah, I'm so sorry. OK, we will power through this one.
We're having a hard time getting through stories tonight.
I don't know. I don't know what to tell you.
We are this morning. We're going crazy. Yeah.
OK, so I resolve I'm not shitting at my buddy's house.
So the first stop is like I'm like, boom, I'll stop at the gas station.
(32:45):
I'm in the energy drink window.
I will purchase an energy beverage.
So this is in an area of town where like they don't leave the bathroom
unlocked because people are going to go to.
I'm sorry, you're going to have to bleep that one.
But you're not wrong.
And it ties into the remember that part that
because it ties into the next portion.
(33:06):
So I'm lip readers.
I get out of the car.
I waddle in this random guy stops me and holds a coupon up
and he goes two for one energy drink, and I'm like, get the out of my way.
Are you serious?
Are you stopping to give me a coupon when I need to take this shit?
(33:27):
No, you're not.
You can't even know.
You can't even notice you're in despair.
It's like my man, you got to let that one go.
Just like I was.
I honestly there is a there is the did after we record this.
You're going to record a video of me in the backyard walking
like I was when I had to go.
And then you'll see, wow, that guy was just an idiot.
(33:50):
Like we can all agree.
This guy was a idiot for stopping me.
Clearly, I was about to have a breed.
So I have elected to demonstrate to you
the clinch walk that I was doing to get into the terribles
to take this wretched shit.
It was horrible.
All right. Are you ready? Yeah.
(34:13):
Yeah, I see someone needs to like, you're like, oh, I'll talk to you later.
Like later. We're not talking right now.
That's an emergency. You got to go. Yeah.
So I'm going in.
I rush because this is one of those places where they are not
letting me in the bathroom unless I buy something.
I rushed to the I rushed to the cooler.
I get the energy to go to the counter.
And I said, hey, can I get the key to your bathroom? She goes.
(34:35):
The bathroom is not available right now.
Oh, no, dude. What a nightmare, dude.
In that moment, I look over to the bathroom
and a man who is not an employee of that store came out of that bathroom.
Oh, I lose my mind.
Why would that bitch say that? And sat at a slot machine.
And I look back at her.
(34:57):
And the energy drink was there.
And for a second, I was like, pick it up and throw it through the cigarette
and never come back to this gas station again.
The fact that you're for a second, I was like, vandalize this place
and leave immediately and never come back here again.
(35:19):
Yeah. Oh, my God. So now I'm in a panic.
Now I'm in a panic. Now I'm like sweating immediately.
I'm like, are we just going to we're in we're we're we're in an area.
Are we shitting on the street like her?
You'll end up on some people in Las Vegas Instagram account.
(35:39):
They're like, look at this grown giant white man just shitting in the street.
I look fresh to add a fit on and everything.
I look good. I'm glad he didn't do that.
Do you're on the news or something? Yeah.
I did. Even though my mother is not with us anymore.
God rest her soul. I still always I still do bad shit.
(36:04):
I love you, mother. And I'm sorry.
But also, I do always think would mother be extremely ashamed of this
or just slightly ashamed of this?
All right. Well, I'm glad that you decided to not go through with that plan.
So are you just running to the bathroom now?
Like, that's what I would have did is like more of like you.
I just saw a guy use it. I'm going in there now.
(36:26):
But it locks automatically. Oh, God.
So she's like holding it. So she's a hostage now.
She's holding hostage. Oh, this is terrible.
She's hold your fate of you shitting your pants or not.
So I'm trying to in 2025
release all of my resentment and anger.
And all I can say is is that I hope I never run into this woman ever again.
(36:48):
God bless her.
And I hope I never see you again.
Why did she stand on that? Why would she do that?
I don't understand. So right next door.
So I was in I was in light panic mode.
So I was I was I had plan A, B and C locked and loaded.
Yeah. A was the terrible gas station.
(37:10):
OK. B next door, there's a Carl's Junior and they're doing road work.
And the truck that's parked there and this is this is on a Sunday.
So they're not working.
Has a porta potty attached to it.
But part of me is like, do I have the order wrong?
Should Carl's Junior be B and this and this insane random shitter B.C.
(37:33):
Yeah. Or should I do it the other way?
But I'm like, we're going to go in order of distance traveled.
This is closer.
We're going to the horse shitter first.
Yeah, I opened up and it was exactly what I didn't want it to be.
Oh, no. It was destroyed.
So for those of you that have never been in a porta potty,
it's in a lot of the mortar.
(37:53):
No, no, no, not not even if it was just sparkling clean.
I'm just describing a porta potty.
There is there is like a seat. Everything is plastic.
There's a seat with a hole where you can sit and do your sit in business.
Or in a lot of the modern ones, there is the seat.
And there's also the little urinal for the men where if you're just peeing
so you're not pissing on the seat.
You can go in there.
(38:16):
This is an episode of tangents.
So this that has been a thing for a long time,
the little urinal in the port of. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd agree with that.
Everybody like Derek, you have never worked construction a day in your life.
And if I brought you to a job site and you went in a porta potty, you go,
oh, there's a urinal. That's cool.
This is like a porta potty with a urinal.
You wouldn't you wouldn't think about it twice. Correct.
(38:36):
Right. You know, that's where you pee pee.
Yeah. Instantly be like, OK, yeah, this is the pee pee zone. Yeah. OK. Yeah.
So because I'm yeah, I'm working with this guy that's around our age.
But I have I have become a journeyman at this point.
I am a journeyman. This guy is still an apprentice.
He's a cool guy.
He was lightly dumb and inept, but I wanted to help him.
(39:01):
Anyways, so one day he leaves
to go to the restroom in a porta potty and he comes back and he's upset.
He's upset. He doesn't have his hard hat on.
He's like holding it in his hand.
And it's not on his head.
And this is weird. He's all mad.
So I'm like, hey, what's wrong, buddy?
(39:23):
Means like somebody pissed in the hard hat holder in the in the in the porta potty.
And there's multiple people around.
And the second he said that everyone, anyone who's watching this,
who works in construction, everyone stopped immediately.
Fuck it. Stop what they were doing.
(39:43):
And looked at him like, could you say what you just said again?
Yeah, I need to run that back for us. Oh, wow. Yeah.
And so basically he thought the urinal was somewhere
where you take your hard hat off and set it down while you're taking a shit.
He didn't know that it was a urinal, dude.
No, no, no. So oh, bless him, dude.
(40:05):
How did where is he now? That's
he's a journeyman.
I've seen him on jobs. He turned out.
And I mean, you're doing it.
You're making the big bucks now. Welcome to the club, brother.
How did people react?
Come on. People had to like take a second and wait.
Wait a minute. I've heard other people that were there tell that story.
(40:26):
And I'm like, I was I immediately walk up and I'm like, I was there for this.
Are you talking about piss head? I was there for piss head.
I was there for this shit. I was there.
I was there. It's like a war of a state.
It is. There's war in the local, dude.
That's why I love being a part of the union.
That's I hate the fucking people that are running it,
(40:46):
but I love being a part of it because the war is more the stories for days.
That is funny. Yeah. So it's funny.
Oh, boy. So I open this and definitely a homeless person had lit a fire.
They use the urinal as like a camp stove.
Like they tried to light a fire in there. It was all melted. Yeah.
(41:08):
I mean, or were they cooking something?
Oh, I don't I don't know.
So that was ruined.
And the seat was up and it looked like things were all over it.
And I'm like, oh, OK, so no to that.
So I go to the Carl's Jr.
This is in the hood. Once again, remember that. God, we got to be full.
There's there's. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
(41:28):
I got it. And there's people outside the store.
I was like, I as a grown man, I'm about to shit my pants.
Now I've had a lot of farts that were like,
oh, we might have like that was little.
And then you go home. You go home immediately. I go home.
If that was I go home.
(41:49):
Please. But I was not.
I could not test the waters with this one.
I had to get in this Carl's Jr.
Derek had like six fucking doors on the outside.
And guess which one was the one that opened for me?
It was the sixth one. It was the very last one.
I had to run around the whole building.
This shit. I wish that someone was IRL streaming me
(42:11):
on this mission because it must have looked hilarious.
I was like I was like I like in the moment.
You don't you die on the inside.
I got in the moment. I was laughing.
So it's like this is hilarious.
But I'm like, oh, my God, I don't want to shit myself.
Look, I'm trying. Derek, you look at Derek.
(42:32):
Look at me right now.
You will not make the title of this episode.
Shit related. I'm just putting that down right now.
Look at me and promise me.
I don't know if I can.
I can't.
Oh, shit. We were supposed to know.
First, it was about jerking off and then it was about shit.
(42:54):
And it was also about osempic, flat energy drinks
and all kinds of other shit.
But this is the this is the payoff, dude.
This is the payoff.
You don't you better.
This better be one of the most clever titles.
This is a personal challenge.
I'm telling you, dude, the better be good.
(43:16):
It'd be you just better be good.
Porta potty, you know, right now, my expectations are sky high
and you better blow it out of the park.
So once again, I'm in a situation where I know
that access to the bathroom is only granted if I buy something.
(43:40):
Oh, they do that for fast food places now, too.
Oh, yeah. Oh, because I remember like when you like road trip and stuff,
you could just walk into a fast food place and use the bathroom.
Oh, they're doing that shit now.
It's like, oh, you guys, they're like gas stationing it.
But don't stop at Carl's Jr.
for an emergency shit because they're going to tax you a dollar
and seven cents for you to get past that door. Yeah.
So I get in there and I'm trying to make this happen fast.
(44:03):
Once again, I am fresh.
I have nice looking clothes on.
Yeah, I am not a tweaker.
I am a normal. Yeah, you look like a worker. Yeah.
And I ran up and I was like, I desperately have to use your bathroom.
I will buy something, but cannot.
Can you can you let me in the bathroom, please?
And she was like, you buy it first. No, you buy it.
(44:26):
You buy it first.
She looked me dead.
And the funny thing is, this was like five foot three
and like 90 pounds soaking wet.
And I'm like, oh, OK.
Yeah, dude. Hard as you buy first.
I'm telling you, I need to take a shit.
(44:49):
And I weigh like three times as much as you.
And you're telling me you will buy for she stood on business, as the kids say.
So I immediately pulled out a card and I'm like, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
Oh, man. So she doesn't give me the key.
Get Derek. She goes, all right, I'll let you in now.
(45:09):
And she slowly walks into the back of this fast food establishment.
And I'm like. Where the fuck are you going?
There was an opening in the counter where she could have led me to the bathroom.
Yeah, yeah. And she just disappeared into the ether.
And I was like, in that moment, I was like, I there's a possibility
(45:30):
that I'm going to shit instead of I will shit on this woman's floor for disrespecting
me like this, like there's only so much you can take as a man.
There's only so much you can take.
We try to be respectful.
I know Derek does. I certainly do.
Women, we try to be respectful.
But also there are certain lines where I will shit on your floor.
(45:51):
If you are denying access to a bathroom, like what the fuck is going on?
It's just like the movie Falling Down.
But because you couldn't get a.
Yeah, a sandwich. I am Michael Douglas in this situation.
I don't have a bazooka.
That's why that callback is so good, because when I said that in a previous episode,
(46:12):
you were so upset and mad about it.
And right now you're proving that you were Michael Douglas falling down,
but you had to take a shit.
I didn't kill anybody. You did it.
But you were thinking about committing a crime,
and you're sitting all over them.
What a terrible comparison.
That's such a shitty shit thing to do.
Shit. I know. So.
(46:35):
She slow walks back there.
She lets me in.
And now that I'm in.
This bathroom looked like a resident evil save point.
Like the big boss is right outside the door.
And you just like jumped in that bitch like, oh, and you're like,
you're not going to kill me. And there's a save point.
You're like, do I save and potentially face
(46:59):
an insane punishment from this giant on the other side
where I'm going to have to roll, roll, roll, dodge, duck,
and get the out of there?
Or do I just accept my fate and go back to that?
So it looked gross.
And now I'm in there and I'm like, I'm shitting on the floor.
I'm not this kind of person.
(47:19):
I'm dead serious, dude.
I felt so disrespected by these fucking cashiers.
I'm telling you, Derek, tell me you didn't feel the same way
if you were in this situation.
Disrespect, disrespect.
Both locate. It's almost like the lady at the Terribles
(47:42):
called her friend at Carl's Junior was like, hey,
this giant white mother with a beard is coming over there.
And he really has to shit.
Don't let him get in there quickly because we're punishing
the white man.
You white man, you shit your pants.
Shit on them. Shit in them.
This is why we did this is why we did like eightish minutes
(48:03):
of clean material.
So the back end can be pure filth.
So the name of the episode is going to be punishing
Carl's Junior, dude.
Accepted. And also, I feel like there might be a photo
shoot involved with making the thumbnail of this mother
episode. We're going full production value for you.
(48:25):
Literally have you take a full picture of yourself?
Oh, you know what? Hold on. Hold on right now.
I have to do it at this far in the episode because I know
you're still here and you're watching this.
Shout out to you, Joe Neal. Oh, yeah.
You're a cool guy. I am super glad that we have met
through the podcast and our shared love of magic and everything.
And I just want to give you a special shout out
(48:45):
because I know that you're going to see it.
Yeah. Shout out to you. The cool thing is you're always in the chat
and you're always there supporting a man.
So thanks to that. That honestly means a lot to us, dude.
So you're a real one. We love you, buddy.
So so she lets me in there.
I immediately get smacked by the spirit of my mother.
And she's like, no, you're not shitting on the floor.
You idiot. Go in there. Use the bathroom.
(49:06):
Yeah, yeah, I'm not scum bag.
I did not do that. You let me soak that in.
But OK, so you did not.
Again, it was like the throwing the can, but you kept you kept me on edge there
because I thought you did it. I think about doing this.
Yeah, I think about it.
It feels like you're not. You did it.
You're not. If you're going to sit here and tell me the straight face
that you don't think like I'm going to do some reckless ash.
(49:29):
Some people do. I mean, that's what YouTube and.
That's what happened to you at Lowe's.
It's our episode serial pooper, dude.
And someone took a poop on you on the floor, dude.
So someone did that to you, dude. I cleaned it up.
I just a lot of.
You. I still win.
You didn't break me.
But I make more money than YouTube now.
(49:50):
I'm like, well, I'm like lightweight.
I'm like flexing on people.
Shouldn't be doing that. Jesus Christ.
So she lets me in there.
I decide not shit on the floor.
That's immediately rewarded because one of the other employees
comes in the bathroom to pee pee while I'm in there.
Oh, OK. OK. So I finished up and left and.
It's a funny story.
(50:11):
The people I went to hang out with
did not give me the kind of laugh that I wanted for that story
because I was I got in the car and I was crying.
I was laughing so hard. I was like, this is the.
How did this happen?
What a weird random occurrence is, dude.
That's wild, dude. That's nobody.
Nobody who watches this is going to believe me when I say this right now.
(50:33):
I did not expect to talk about that tonight.
I came out of nowhere in the plan that you know, dude,
because that was not even a thought that just came up.
That's what I'm saying. That's a gem.
What I thought of that, that just that made my whole week.
That one going coming back and going, hey, remember what happened on Sunday?
(50:55):
Remember when you almost shit yourself?
They almost shit on the floor of a Carl's Jr.
bathroom or in the dining room.
The funniest thing to me is that you're trying to open.
I could just picture you trying to open doors and just you're dying on the inside
as you try to pull each one.
And you're probably weren't like trying to pull it nicely.
So it's like a little rattle open and you're just dying on the inside.
You're like door for so why the f***?
(51:17):
There's so many doors and why are they all locked?
I got a shit.
So it's great. It's funny.
I leave the bathroom.
And door number two is right by it.
And there's one of those little like push bars on it.
And I was like, I'm going to kick this mother f*** door open.
I'm going to smash this bitch open like you know what?
(51:40):
You a dollar seven to take a shit.
Did your mom get in there and go, Kyle, we can't.
She did. I got I got I got smacked by a ghost mother.
But that was good.
Don't kick the door open.
But I get it where your so I was.
I'm Asian is because the fact that she straight up.
But the fact is she straight up stood out and said, no, you're buying it.
(52:03):
There was.
Come on, dude.
Like honestly, do it.
I can't remember how old you were because I was in a shit induced haze
and I was focused on my mission solely.
But if you're an adult, I'll buy you a drink just as a friend, because you
looked me dead in the eye.
And yeah, she wasn't because by it first.
(52:25):
But I will play devil's advocate on that on her is she probably does get again.
You got judged, but she probably does get the losers in there
that want to go shoot up and they can.
And so she's like, no, no, no, you're going to buy.
And they can't buy anything.
So I get it. But it also is kind of brutal.
I'm going to go back there.
I'm going to give her a dollar seven and then I'm going to go.
(52:46):
You're going to believe all of that.
But I will do it just to spite you.
Don't leave it in.
Why would you say it again if you know you're going to have to?
You're not cutting it out.
Just we are in Beach City.
If you do not leave this in, I will be upset.
No, I'll just be bit. I'll be bit.
Jesus Christ. All right.
(53:07):
All right. OK, OK.
So if you're this deep, this is my plea to you.
We do this so often. I don't give a fuck.
I will keep doing it until we get to the point where
we have the audience that can support us enough to where we can do
more cool shit for you.
I'm telling you, I will not lie to you.
I'll be open and honest. We want to do this for a living.
(53:29):
Yeah, there's a certain amount that I want to make.
I don't give a fuck about getting rich.
I just want to have a cool, loyal, dedicated fan base.
I want to do cool shit with you.
And like like I'm personally not to get too deep into it.
I'm good. I feel like you're good as well. Yeah.
It's like I'm not trying to fucking become a millionaire.
I just want to do what I want for a living, have fun and also involve
(53:53):
our community and just reward them for for facilitating us.
We want to live our lifestyle.
Such a big part of the show.
So it'll be so cool when I know there is going to be a point
where there's a bunch of you in the comments and that's going to be fucking
just cool shit.
We appreciate you. If you watched it, don't be shy.
Get in there. Comment. Say hello.
We want we want to. We want to interact.
We've been doing this shit for a long time.
(54:14):
There are some people who we have a small group of people
who have been dedicated and have been there and are watching it
and are supporting it. And we love you.
We would like to add to that because I feel like, you know,
or if you're getting together as people just just say, just say something.
Just it doesn't have to be a let us know that you're alive.
Give us a sign of life. I'm here for you because it is cool.
(54:34):
We know you're there, but just it would be cool to see it, too.
Let's let's talk and chat and have a good time, dude. But yes.
All right. We go.
There you have it. We'll see you on the next one, people.
Thanks for checking it.
If you find this is this fucking all over the place.
All right, we're done.
Fucking press. Stop everything. We're done.
(54:55):
I got to get off the fucking carousel.
Just fucking calling it.
In that moment, I was like, I, there's a possibility
(00:03):
that I'm gonna shit on the floor of a car.
I will shit on this woman's floor
for disrespecting me like this.
Like I, there's only so much you can take.
As a man, there's only so much you can take.
I'm gonna shit on this woman's floor for disrespecting me like this.
(00:35):
Respect the sanctity of the next five to ten minutes, okay?
Yeah.
Can you do that?
I didn't break it, did I?
I didn't break the income.
I feel like I might have because I curse a lot.
Yeah.
You all know that.
Well, then it's gonna have to get cut out for the first time.
Fine.
Welcome back to this episode of The Naturals Pod.
(00:56):
As always, I'm Uncle Kyle.
See you next to me on the couch.
Sweet Derek.
Sweet Derek.
AKA The Sauce King, AKA Sir Gladicus.
So we were trading war stories at the beginning of the day
at work today, which is like a pretty common thing in the construction space.
(01:17):
It's part of the whole brotherhood.
You kind of I mean, it's not war, but what's a war story like a work story?
Yeah, just crazy things that have happened to you, things that you've built.
A lot of people take pictures of it.
You like show your buddies.
It's like a lot like showing people a cool magic card.
You're like, hey, check out this.
Oh, no, no.
Oh, you just said, oh, all right.
(01:38):
Post Eric, bleep it.
We're trying to clean it up.
Hey, that was like the least worst word.
Well, that's the word that a South Park episode didn't try to see how many
they can get away with saying until it had to got cut off there.
And they aired it, dude, on Comedy Central.
And it was like 67.
Time, do you remember?
Do you remember the moment you were watching network television
(02:00):
and you heard that word and you're like, they're saying it on regular TV now?
I guess isn't. Yeah.
Oh, I watch the Sopranos. Yeah.
Yeah, that is true. It just came out of nowhere.
Kind of like there was rules against it.
And now they can say like three words pretty freely.
And you're like, they can say that on T.
Like, it's funny because they can say that.
And they even have to do that light nudity.
(02:22):
Do you think are you going to punish us for that? You too.
I like it. We're all like we're like beaten dogs.
Now, you know, we're like punished us.
You punished us. I'm feeling the punishment.
We are, man. We are such a rocket ship.
There's another one is fucking that one in post.
(02:43):
Eric. So it's so it's authentic.
Like the frustration is real. It's there, dude.
I can't not do it when I'm frustrated because I just don't know why you're.
Why are you doing that? We're so close.
And you're getting to a wider audience of people.
And I hope new people are here.
And I believe that you are because our our stuff is good.
Our stuff is super good.
And it's just like, why? Why?
(03:05):
Why YouTube? So we're trying to we're trying to figure it out and play
the stupid game of the algo.
Yeah. Like we're slaves to you, Al.
Good. I had a I had a point I was getting to. Yeah. Damn.
Lost. We'll see.
Anyways. So we're trading war stories.
(03:26):
We're talking about work.
So much funny, inappropriate shenanigans occurs on construction site.
If you work in construction, you know this to be true.
If you don't, it's true.
Have you ever been on like a work site where something insane happened,
like a brutal like someone's like arm got cut off or something like crazy?
(03:46):
Yes. So I'm not going to name the property, but
I was working on this large project.
This is somewhere in Las Vegas.
So you can guess where it is.
Large project, tall building.
Essentially, it was on the weekend.
It was on a Saturday and I guess this was very near a club and or bar
(04:07):
where this individual got extremely drunk and or intoxicated
on various kinds of drugs, ran up the tower.
They're totally naked, by the way, ran up the tower, totally naked,
got to the top.
You can guess what happened after that. Oh.
(04:27):
Dude, I can't leave that in for the first five minutes either.
I'm going to blur this and that would be that.
Yeah. OK. So yeah, you asked her a crazy story.
I gave you one. Yeah, I regret asking.
So construction sites are gross.
A lot of the stories are gross.
(04:47):
And this is kind of a personal challenge because we're trying to clean it up
in the first top end of the episode.
So I'm going to tell you a gross story in a polite way.
And we're going to keep it PG ish for YouTube.
So. Who's is that?
That's your sister's.
It's not me. This is mine now.
(05:08):
You're just taking your water.
Oh, that's a fizzy water. That's delightful.
Oh, you like sparkling San Pellegrino free plug.
Not that you need it, but I'm not a I'm not a sparkling water type guy.
I don't like the carbonation water.
Yeah, I know you drink flat energy drinks, which is super concerning to me.
(05:31):
I don't know anybody else who does that.
I like it. It tastes more of like a juice than a soda.
So I love when it's non carbonated.
But you like Coca-Cola.
No, I'm not a lot of people right now.
You need to comment.
You need to defend me that I'm not crazy for liking non carbonated energy drinks, man.
It tastes like juice. Tell me I'm wrong.
There's some of the more fitness supplement type ones like that.
(05:55):
Do you remember the dubby?
Oh, yeah.
If there's anybody that watches this that knows what dubby is,
that's a call back to the beginning.
That's hilarious.
But the dubby was also pretty good.
Yeah, I think I have three massive jars of that down in the kitchen.
Oh, yeah.
I take a little dose of the dubby every once in a while, hoping it's not some kind of poison.
(06:16):
Oh, dude, he went deep into the archive of the pod, dude.
And for that'll be a super fan thing, dude.
So you have to know that the fact.
OK, like, I don't care.
This is our podcast and we will stroke ourselves.
Are we going to get in trouble for that?
No, we're not.
Whenever we get the opportunity to go back, do yourself a favor,
go back to the very beginning.
(06:37):
We ran an ad for this company.
We had like an affiliate link.
They did not offer us any money, but we did an audio only ad.
And that was so professional.
It was unreal. I wrote a script.
Me and Nick hit it in one take and it was glorious.
I was so proud of that. I was like, look at us. We're doing it.
It was so good because I remember like showing you guys the flyer and stuff.
(06:59):
And then you're literally over there with your little notepad, dude.
And you're right. He was writing out the commercial.
And you have to like just for the commercial alone.
I think I still have that on that notepad.
I'm going to frame that energy.
It's so good.
Better. We hit it at the same time.
And the little music that you found in the background was so good.
(07:20):
Wow. That's good. Chef's kiss were eight thirty B.
OK, so you can say it now.
We're back, people. That was like it's time for it was almost like a pharmacy
type level commercial, dude, where it's like that shit.
Like if if you hired us to do an ozempic commercial,
we'd make an even greater drug epidemic than there is that already.
(07:44):
Yeah, I'd love for people to go back and just listen.
We are getting off on a tent.
We will get to the original point eventually.
But I love chaos.
And I'm not going to lie when I heard about the ozempic would go be
any of the names that the tersepid go by.
I'm like, I know that that's probably eventually going to kill you
(08:08):
or or lead to your death in an unpleasant way.
If you're an ozempic right now and you're listening to this,
I'm not throwing shade.
I'm just reading the signs of what I've seen.
Oh, so you think there's going to be a drop of a lot of people
like five, 10 years now that are just wrecked and these haven't been around
for a super long time, Derek.
(08:28):
Remember how long people were smoking cigarettes?
You ever watch Madman?
You a John Ham fan? Yeah.
I mean, that's a true point.
What is having been around some kind of insane fricking does?
That's why I'm trying to get off of this shit.
And it's the same thing with the Zempis.
These people, the Tom Segura's wife, Christina,
was just sure that name.
(08:50):
I think I know that has it ski will fact post post.
Eric fact check that and then put it up. OK.
She said I saw a clip from their podcast.
Now I'm going to go.
So before I hit any slams, I'm going to go ahead and say.
Their shit, they have funny shit.
You know, they're great. They have love.
Why am I? Yeah, they're good.
(09:11):
I think I think both of them are absolute pricks.
I would I would never ever want to work for them.
I would just say that.
So they invited us on if there was ever.
Oh, no, no, no. Being on their pod would be insane.
I will go ahead and stroke stroke that we're getting stroke in again in 10 minutes.
I will stroke them and say I would love to be on your pod,
because but also like we could make some hilarious shit with them.
(09:33):
Even if as long as he's open to kind of
jabbing lightly hostile with one another, because I know that he's got some heat.
I know he could probably watch like a couple of our videos
and he would have some heat loaded for me.
But I'm also I would also I kind of like that.
Your library is bigger than mine, son.
I could have lived a whole other life.
(09:53):
I got like 12 kids and a compound in Utah.
And I do. I hope we manifest this so much because I bet you that Tom
will pull this clip from this episode right here.
And then you guys will just have a bit where you guys are just
on each other for the whole.
Oh, my God. I'm playing mental chess.
Hey, hey, hey, daddy.
Pull our clip and like have us on.
(10:16):
I want to I want to do it.
I will pay to come there and everything.
You don't need security.
I'm totally safe and stable.
Dude, I would love to be there to watch up.
Yeah, that would be insane.
They've that no, no, no, no, no. You're in it.
What are you talking? We're in it.
Sitting next to you and kind of like watching.
You got to get in there.
Oh, yeah. I'll be murdering you.
(10:37):
So there was a clip because she is open up.
She talks about she takes Ozempic.
I don't know if he does. She takes up Zempic.
She basically said that she had taken a little break from it and then
they talk about this so casually.
She's like, I'm just going to get back on this piece.
And I'm just like, man, like, how do you feel?
(10:58):
I just want to know how you feel physically, because like,
man, I punish my body in other ways and I definitely feel it
when I go a little too far.
I'm like, oh, you kind of kind of hit the old bones a little hard there.
We're getting a little too old to be going that crazy.
But yeah. But she said essentially she said she took like a 10 X dose
of what her doctor told her.
(11:19):
She had insane Zia and all these crazy side effects where she felt like shit.
And this was all within the period of like 48 hours.
She went to like an event or a gathering with her friends.
And they're just so happened to be somebody who was a nurse there.
They were talking about it.
And she goes, well, how much did you take?
Or she talked about it.
She told her how much she clicked a little
injector thing, and the nurse was like, oh, my God, like you took a lot.
(11:44):
That was a lot like you went big.
Like, I think she thought that she took five units
and she accidentally took 50.
Whoa, whoa.
So even the nurse lived.
Oh, Christine, let's go, girl.
Mommy's are what says mommy's.
Christina P said that she took that much.
Correct. That's insane.
(12:04):
This was post Ozempi overdose experience.
She was explaining it in front of her.
I mean, I assume he already knew about this shit
because they're married and they live together and she like you and she talking
about how she was like bragging about it, though.
Or was she just saying like, oh, I know she was just telling a story,
but it's funny.
But also, I was like, God damn, you're laughing at like I almost died
(12:26):
or had like some other horrible shit.
OK, we got off on an Ozempic tangent.
So anyways, we're trading war stories at work.
So I was working this tower remodel at the Harris.
I will name drop this place because this is not tragic.
And this person still works.
I bet you he still works there.
He seemed like an old timer. All right.
(12:48):
He had a name badge that was just it was worn and weathered.
It looked like if you took a pistol that looked like this into Pawn Stars,
they'd give you like 20 G's.
Whoa, I saw Rick Harrison at the gas station down in St.
He lives close to here.
Like recently. Yeah, it was the other day.
I used to see him at that gas station all the time, but also he was funny.
(13:09):
He was limping and he looked like he was in pain.
Like when I worked at Lowe's, I think I talked about this shit on the pod
for when I worked at Lowe's, I ran into he came into our lows regularly.
He he tried to like big time everybody and he wore sunglasses and a hat.
And, you know, was like incognito mode.
And if like I would just treat him like a regular person, I'd be like,
(13:32):
need some help. What do you need?
Why do you keep looking over there?
You're a little hot.
And I was waiting for a moment to jump in to turn it down.
You're a little bit hot, dude. Oh, you're hot.
Like we're me down, Daddy. I'm hot.
I'm so sorry.
Up up up up up. Oh, yeah, I am hot.
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry, Derek.
Oh, posteric.
(13:53):
15 minutes of audio hell.
Leave it all in.
This is the life of a producer, people.
And if you're producing me, Derek, Derek is not a Catholic,
but we can make him an honorary one.
And he should just immediately be canonized as Saint St. Derek.
So anyways, he wasn't necessarily an asshole,
(14:15):
but he made it seem like he didn't want to be recognized.
So I never did that.
Oh, so he's like incognito.
Like, you know, people bother me.
Then he thought he was that big of a star.
Did you ever watch that?
I did. But on Star, is he that big of a star where like people would just
like a Tom Cruise where people would start, oh, my God, it's Rick Harris.
And then like bombard him.
I don't think so.
Let's calm down. You know that they've made a
(14:36):
mountain of cash off of that history.
That's for sure. Yeah, that I know for sure.
And then them on loop.
Now, the guy that he worked with, Rick Dale,
American Restoration, did you ever watch that?
I knew of it. I did not. Yeah, it was cool.
He would take old timey all kinds of stuff and restore them.
(14:57):
Like people pay him a lot of money for this shit.
He would come into Lowe's and buy the weirdest things.
But he was his son was an asshole.
This kid would bring a dog in that would piss in the store.
And I was a janitor.
So I there was one time where I nearly lost my job.
I took the mop to him and I was like, go ahead and clean that up.
(15:22):
Go clean that up right now.
Because if I have to mop your dog's piss up one more time,
I'm going to you up.
You think I care about this $11 an hour job?
I'm going to you up if you don't clean that shit.
Low level celebrity.
I know people that I could call who will co-sign this story.
(15:42):
He got shit on.
I was like, you will mop up your dog's piss
or I am going to put you in the hospital.
Pick one immediately.
I will fucking kill you.
I was mad, dude.
Holy shit. I had a terrible job.
You were mad as fuck.
So anyways, his dad is a lovely man.
(16:04):
Super nice.
He would take pictures with fans.
He would sit there and talk to you for 20 minutes if you wanted him to.
I like you after the sun thing, dude.
Your son's an asshole, but you, Rick Dale, are a stand up.
I'd give you a firm handshake as from man to man.
I'm a fucking man. I'm a you are.
You are my man.
(16:24):
I might be a little fat, but I'm a man.
But he was hella cool.
I think I mean, I'm sorry, man.
Parents know who their kids are.
I know that my dad loves me, but I also know that he's just
shaking his head sometimes and like that's just kind of the other.
I don't care. I'll take care of him till engrave.
And I know vice versa. Like, yeah.
(16:45):
Love my family. Love you, Derek.
I'd take a bullet for you to man.
Regular dick bros.
We were friends a long time, dude.
Yeah, I care about you a lot, dude. For sure.
Rick Dale, hell of a guy.
We are going off on so many tangents.
We are, dude. We're taking some ventures right now.
That's what we are.
So I was working at Harrah's and we were they were
(17:06):
they were redoing the tower. They were updating it.
This shit looked like a best Western out of 19.
Oh, yeah. I even know that because working in the hotel industry
a little bit, that was like that's a property where you're like,
that's a shithole.
Like, that's like a circus circus level.
I rise best Western. Yeah, it's.
Yeah, correct.
It was surprising that it was like old pine furniture.
(17:29):
They had to this wasn't even to TV.
Yes, this was probably like that.
Mm hmm. Seven or eight years ago, which isn't even that long.
Why aren't you hitting the black Friday special
Harrah's and getting the hundred dollar flat screen?
(17:49):
Tube TV's.
I think these were the ones that also had the integrated VCR.
No, no, no. Bless those TVs.
You know how much HBO and Showtime
saw court I recorded on these. I didn't do that, though.
You didn't live in the early late 90s, early 2000s.
(18:12):
I just used it to watch movies because I love the movies.
Love some.
Dude, no, I'm sorry.
That's insane because you could get flat screen TVs so cheap,
especially as a big company worth millions.
And you're like, no, leave the tube TV's with VCRs in them.
There's people that are probably watching this right now.
They're like, what's what's the
(18:35):
true shit real shit?
We do have some young
so glad to have you. But yeah, Google VCR.
And honestly, I would like to curate an event where we all get together
and we watch we'll get a projector and everything, but we watch a VCR.
(18:57):
Yeah, that'd be nostalgia, dude.
It's kind of like people playing vinyl.
Can you imagine if it came back like a VHS tapes came back
because like people like vinyl, right?
So the idea of like, do we watch our next coming back, Derek?
We got a lock in.
We got a lock in.
I could talk about VCR.
(19:18):
Like all night.
All night. We got some in the house.
I bet you I got a sealed little mermaid
that some Disney freak adult would buy for like eight hundred dollars.
You have one.
Oh, those actually are worth a lot of money, dude.
Those actually are. I think those are legitimately worth money.
Address undisclosed.
(19:38):
I want to Google that, dude, but I feel like they are worth do it.
You'd have to wake the computer back.
No, no, I could do it on my phone real quick, because that's when we got to know.
OK, so I'm going to lock back in with the story.
We're going to we're going to power through this.
It was so. It was cool.
They did update it really nicely. The hotel looked good.
They did what you're supposed to do.
They basically stripped out the floors.
(20:00):
Which movie do you have again? Real quick, I'm sorry.
I have to button because this is about to blow your like all the Disney movies.
So Beauty and the Beast on VHS by itself is going for twelve hundred and fifty
just the tape, just the VHS tape of Disney's Beauty in the Black Disney
freak adults. I'm willing to give you what I have
(20:22):
at like 70 percent of the market.
Dude, Little Mermaid right there with two of the five hundred dollars.
Dude, you're sitting on cash line, dude.
And you didn't even know it.
We got behind. I have two giant trash bags full of beanie babies.
I don't know. I'll never forget.
There's this meme of two adults in divorce court and they're splitting up.
(20:47):
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But some of them worth money, dude.
I can't believe you still have that, dude.
You need to you need to find those and actually hang on to them
and keep them in good shape, because those actually might go up in value.
Possibly. So it's like a art working at Harris.
We're doing half of the tower.
So they have it kind of walled off construction zone.
(21:08):
Regular people zone.
So we're still around their staff.
What I was doing was the fire alarm system and every four floor
floors of the hotel, there was what is called a node,
which is something that communicates with the main fire alarm system
of the building and has all the power supplies and stuff
(21:29):
that makes the equipment work.
I'm not I'm really dumbing this down for everybody
because nobody wants to listen to me talk technically about fire alarm.
So basically every four floors of the tower,
there's this little closet in the back of this maintenance room.
So there's a big room and then a little closet in the back. OK.
Some of them were used for different things, but every like so often
(21:52):
there was one that the maintenance people that worked for the casino,
Harris, name drop again.
As their break room, they used it as like their little break room.
So they were upset.
They got all pissy when I would go in there.
They didn't want me to be in their little space.
But it's also like, bitch, let me do my job and I'll just be out of your hair.
Yeah. And you can continue to make less money than me.
(22:14):
And also, I'm an apprentice.
I'm not even like turned out yet.
Like make more than you.
I don't have a lot of money in the bank.
Be honest about that.
But I do make more than you.
I make a lot and I spend a lot.
Yeah, I like to spend money.
So one of these floors in particular, I get in there.
(22:36):
It's a little break room.
Nobody's in there.
I go back to the closet because essentially one day out of every week,
I would spend the entire day in one of these closets doing the same shit.
Rinse, repeat.
It's like what I'm doing at work right now.
It's just the same work over and over.
OK, yeah.
So I open the door to the back closet of this particular break room and there's a chair.
(23:01):
There's a stack of those little cards that the short people on the strip with the neon
shirts smack together and go like this.
Yeah, you know, those cards.
If you're from Vegas, you know what these cards are.
Yeah.
And a bottle of jerks.
So basically, what in the back of this break room, there was a designated jerk off station
(23:25):
in this closet where I had to work the entire.
That's weird.
How does no one notice that?
So just that person just goes in there, jerk off.
That's fucking weird, dude.
I don't know, like maybe that was the only one that used that or maybe like he would
typically lock the door and he just happened to not lock.
(23:48):
I'm inclined to believe he didn't lock the door because so I get in there.
Typically, when you're working on these jobs, you have what we call a maid's cart.
It's just a cart with wheels.
It has to let you know what it means.
Has two levels. You can stack all your tools and material and shit on it,
and then you can wheel it around your mobile.
You're good to go.
I bring my little cart in, I'm like, oh, these guys are going to be unhappy.
(24:10):
But I'm like yourselves, I'm doing my job.
I go and I open the door. And.
I just like I surveil, I surveil, I look at it all.
I'm like chair.
Nudie cards, tissue lotion.
(24:32):
This is a pleasure station.
This is where someone comes to take a deluxe break.
Oh, dude, let me tell you.
If you jerk off at work, the number one rule is don't get caught.
Dude, if you get caught for some people, if you work in a building alone,
(24:52):
you could probably do it and no one would ever know.
Just don't do it in front of a security camera and you'll probably be fine.
Also, don't do it in your car.
That's really weird.
People do that. Dude, people do that shit.
It's weird. They do at the current job that I'm on.
And since it's still current and will be current for a while,
we're not going to name that place.
(25:13):
But I'm doing a very similar kind of work that I was doing
where it's just very repetitive. So.
On each floor, there's one bathroom that they leave
because they they remove all the other shit in all the other rooms.
They remove the sink, the toilet, everything.
But in one of them, they leave it.
So that's like everybody's bathroom.
(25:33):
Now, I know. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. I don't dislike.
I knew that was going to happen.
And for those who would know.
Yes. For those of you at home who are like, I hate that.
You know what? I don't love it either.
But I've been doing this shit for like 12 years now.
So like I'm used to it.
(25:53):
But it is gross. Yeah, I don't want to. It is gross.
But if I got to take a big fat dump. Yeah, I'm doing it.
Yeah, you have to. God, I hate it.
Yeah, I'm doing it.
And this is honestly a better situation than a lot of the.
Porta potty's.
Yeah, yeah, it's like way better. Yeah, my.
(26:14):
I so.
Nobody wants to hear about this, but I'm going to say it anyways.
I was driving over to Stephen's house.
Sunday. OK.
Halfway on this drive, because I had a little bit of traffic.
I was like, I got to take a shit. Oh, no.
(26:35):
OK. So Stephen has one bathroom in his home.
So what kind of a terrible guest are you if you immediately arrive
at someone's home and then go take a massive
filthy doodoo in their one and only toilet?
And they're like, all right, I'm here now.
Like, what's up? Like, let's show some like, no, I'm not going to do them like that.
(26:56):
I'll stop at the gas station.
Even if I have to buy something, it's fine.
I will pay for it. Yeah.
And move on about my day.
I'll get something I need. I'll get an energy drink carbonated.
None of that flat bullshit.
Fully bubbly and a drink.
(27:17):
What? What is good that is flat?
You want a flat ass, Derek?
No, you don't. You want a big juicy.
I do. Correct.
But, dude, it's not flat because flat is something that happens
to a carbonated drink when it's undrinkable.
It's not like it's a juice and take a stance.
I don't think it stands.
Except I am.
Except the jab.
(27:38):
And let me continue with the story.
Delicious. And I can't wait for you people to say it's delicious, too.
You know what? If enough people agree in the comments,
I don't care on what platform it is.
If they say, OK, flat energy drinks better than all then all.
I will concede now. OK, OK.
I'll say that we are pulling that a thousand social media.
(27:59):
You decide flat energy drinks better.
Just know he wins.
I'm going to think that all of you
and it was done out of spite.
You need to be honest and you need to maybe pull some pictures
with your rock star orange.
You know, you know what's up that tastes like server and it's good as fuck.
If you're going to if you're going to post the energy drink,
(28:21):
I don't want you going into a convenience store, grabbing the can,
taking a picture of it and doing some fake social media bullshit.
No, mother. Yes.
Buy that.
Good. Absolutely.
And send a video of you chugging that.
Drink that shit.
Show me how much you love it and that you want it.
(28:43):
And if you like carbonated beverages and you want to you want to spite me,
I'll prove it.
The gauntlet has been thrown down.
Yeah, I hope this happens.
I want this to happen so bad now.
It's like getting ice.
I'm just telling you right now, if you want to tell me a non carbonated
(29:04):
energy drink is better, then I better see a video.
You chugging one within 30 seconds.
Now I'm going to make one and I want to be the one to start it off and go.
This is delicious.
Now, I don't know if this is a challenge that I want to get into
because chugging a carbonated one is definitely more difficult.
You can agree with that.
But also. I will do it if I can have a minute, but I'll do it.
(29:28):
But I feel like carbonation automatic double time.
Because yeah, yeah, yeah, it's harder to get down for sure.
I agree with that. Oh, my God, I hope it happens.
That's great. It's funny.
We got off on a energy drink tangent, Derek.
We did. So we're at the port of Potties.
Thank you. Yeah, we are not at the port of.
Well, you were talking between. Yeah, correct. That's rude.
(29:49):
There is a port of Pottie in this story.
Sorry for those at home.
I'm done. Well, no, I'm not done talking about shit.
So hang in there.
If you're a fan of shit, you're going to love what I'm about to say next.
So I decide that I'm not going to blow up the bathroom
and my friend's house immediately when I get there, which I think is just
a solid friend move.
And I will respect the fact that I'm not going to put you on blast,
(30:12):
but also I kind of am at the same time.
I'm sorry. I love you.
You you don't shit in my toilet when you shit at my house.
You shit in like the guest toilet.
There's a little spray in there.
Sometimes a candle, which is like just a little surprise after you left.
I'm like, oh, you want a candle class?
It's like a pinky up move.
(30:33):
OK, so I'm like, I have to stop somewhere.
So it was it was still 11 a.m.
So I was in my energy drink window.
Six to 12 is the energy drink window, by the way.
OK, for those of you out there.
Yeah, that's true. Yeah.
Haven't I met like, dude, I remember one of my first drinks
when I was 21 was a vodka Red Bull and I was like, oh, dude, it was like,
(30:55):
I don't like the dude. I was like tough and shit.
I'm like, how do people drink these like regularly, dude?
That was like just because you're a fist pumping guido
and you're stuck in like oh five. Right.
And you have an obnoxious spray can.
Do you remember that video of the guy making fun of them?
Jager bombs, Jager bombs, Jager bombs.
(31:17):
That's so funny. It was funny.
Yeah. I remember that shit bringing it back to the guido's because, yeah,
that's psychotic shit if you like those drinks.
That's like the cocaine of alcohol, dude.
It's the cocaine of alcohol.
It is the well, dependent you're back on that one.
How's the water? It's I don't know if drinking something
(31:39):
bubbling is a good idea now, but we're going to do it anyways.
I'll see like your water, though. You like your water.
Oh, you. So we just admitted that we like our water flat,
non carbonate. He prefers non carbonated water.
Huh? That's not interesting.
That's not like also in the garage.
(32:01):
There's multiple cases of sparkling water.
If you want a little delight, no, not alcoholic.
Gross, flavored sparkling water. Gross.
You can't just in there. Terrible.
Fantastic. No, it's terrible, dude.
You have to carbonate or water. All right. God damn it.
Bring it. OK, bring it back again. Help me. Help me.
Yes, you're talking about shitting in a friend's house
(32:22):
because you're going over. OK, God damn.
OK, we're just really drugging people through this.
Yeah, I'm so sorry. OK, we will power through this one.
We're having a hard time getting through stories tonight.
I don't know. I don't know what to tell you.
We are this morning. We're going crazy. Yeah.
OK, so I resolve I'm not shitting at my buddy's house.
So the first stop is like I'm like, boom, I'll stop at the gas station.
(32:45):
I'm in the energy drink window.
I will purchase an energy beverage.
So this is in an area of town where like they don't leave the bathroom
unlocked because people are going to go to.
I'm sorry, you're going to have to bleep that one.
But you're not wrong.
And it ties into the remember that part that
because it ties into the next portion.
(33:06):
So I'm lip readers.
I get out of the car.
I waddle in this random guy stops me and holds a coupon up
and he goes two for one energy drink, and I'm like, get the out of my way.
Are you serious?
Are you stopping to give me a coupon when I need to take this shit?
(33:27):
No, you're not.
You can't even know.
You can't even notice you're in despair.
It's like my man, you got to let that one go.
Just like I was.
I honestly there is a there is the did after we record this.
You're going to record a video of me in the backyard walking
like I was when I had to go.
And then you'll see, wow, that guy was just an idiot.
(33:50):
Like we can all agree.
This guy was a idiot for stopping me.
Clearly, I was about to have a breed.
So I have elected to demonstrate to you
the clinch walk that I was doing to get into the terribles
to take this wretched shit.
It was horrible.
All right. Are you ready? Yeah.
(34:13):
Yeah, I see someone needs to like, you're like, oh, I'll talk to you later.
Like later. We're not talking right now.
That's an emergency. You got to go. Yeah.
So I'm going in.
I rush because this is one of those places where they are not
letting me in the bathroom unless I buy something.
I rushed to the I rushed to the cooler.
I get the energy to go to the counter.
And I said, hey, can I get the key to your bathroom? She goes.
(34:35):
The bathroom is not available right now.
Oh, no, dude. What a nightmare, dude.
In that moment, I look over to the bathroom
and a man who is not an employee of that store came out of that bathroom.
Oh, I lose my mind.
Why would that bitch say that? And sat at a slot machine.
And I look back at her.
(34:57):
And the energy drink was there.
And for a second, I was like, pick it up and throw it through the cigarette
and never come back to this gas station again.
The fact that you're for a second, I was like, vandalize this place
and leave immediately and never come back here again.
(35:19):
Yeah. Oh, my God. So now I'm in a panic.
Now I'm in a panic. Now I'm like sweating immediately.
I'm like, are we just going to we're in we're we're we're in an area.
Are we shitting on the street like her?
You'll end up on some people in Las Vegas Instagram account.
(35:39):
They're like, look at this grown giant white man just shitting in the street.
I look fresh to add a fit on and everything.
I look good. I'm glad he didn't do that.
Do you're on the news or something? Yeah.
I did. Even though my mother is not with us anymore.
God rest her soul. I still always I still do bad shit.
(36:04):
I love you, mother. And I'm sorry.
But also, I do always think would mother be extremely ashamed of this
or just slightly ashamed of this?
All right. Well, I'm glad that you decided to not go through with that plan.
So are you just running to the bathroom now?
Like, that's what I would have did is like more of like you.
I just saw a guy use it. I'm going in there now.
(36:26):
But it locks automatically. Oh, God.
So she's like holding it. So she's a hostage now.
She's holding hostage. Oh, this is terrible.
She's hold your fate of you shitting your pants or not.
So I'm trying to in 2025
release all of my resentment and anger.
And all I can say is is that I hope I never run into this woman ever again.
(36:48):
God bless her.
And I hope I never see you again.
Why did she stand on that? Why would she do that?
I don't understand. So right next door.
So I was in I was in light panic mode.
So I was I was I had plan A, B and C locked and loaded.
Yeah. A was the terrible gas station.
(37:10):
OK. B next door, there's a Carl's Junior and they're doing road work.
And the truck that's parked there and this is this is on a Sunday.
So they're not working.
Has a porta potty attached to it.
But part of me is like, do I have the order wrong?
Should Carl's Junior be B and this and this insane random shitter B.C.
(37:33):
Yeah. Or should I do it the other way?
But I'm like, we're going to go in order of distance traveled.
This is closer.
We're going to the horse shitter first.
Yeah, I opened up and it was exactly what I didn't want it to be.
Oh, no. It was destroyed.
So for those of you that have never been in a porta potty,
it's in a lot of the mortar.
(37:53):
No, no, no, not not even if it was just sparkling clean.
I'm just describing a porta potty.
There is there is like a seat. Everything is plastic.
There's a seat with a hole where you can sit and do your sit in business.
Or in a lot of the modern ones, there is the seat.
And there's also the little urinal for the men where if you're just peeing
so you're not pissing on the seat.
You can go in there.
(38:16):
This is an episode of tangents.
So this that has been a thing for a long time,
the little urinal in the port of. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd agree with that.
Everybody like Derek, you have never worked construction a day in your life.
And if I brought you to a job site and you went in a porta potty, you go,
oh, there's a urinal. That's cool.
This is like a porta potty with a urinal.
You wouldn't you wouldn't think about it twice. Correct.
(38:36):
Right. You know, that's where you pee pee.
Yeah. Instantly be like, OK, yeah, this is the pee pee zone. Yeah. OK. Yeah.
So because I'm yeah, I'm working with this guy that's around our age.
But I have I have become a journeyman at this point.
I am a journeyman. This guy is still an apprentice.
He's a cool guy.
He was lightly dumb and inept, but I wanted to help him.
(39:01):
Anyways, so one day he leaves
to go to the restroom in a porta potty and he comes back and he's upset.
He's upset. He doesn't have his hard hat on.
He's like holding it in his hand.
And it's not on his head.
And this is weird. He's all mad.
So I'm like, hey, what's wrong, buddy?
(39:23):
Means like somebody pissed in the hard hat holder in the in the in the porta potty.
And there's multiple people around.
And the second he said that everyone, anyone who's watching this,
who works in construction, everyone stopped immediately.
Fuck it. Stop what they were doing.
(39:43):
And looked at him like, could you say what you just said again?
Yeah, I need to run that back for us. Oh, wow. Yeah.
And so basically he thought the urinal was somewhere
where you take your hard hat off and set it down while you're taking a shit.
He didn't know that it was a urinal, dude.
No, no, no. So oh, bless him, dude.
(40:05):
How did where is he now? That's
he's a journeyman.
I've seen him on jobs. He turned out.
And I mean, you're doing it.
You're making the big bucks now. Welcome to the club, brother.
How did people react?
Come on. People had to like take a second and wait.
Wait a minute. I've heard other people that were there tell that story.
(40:26):
And I'm like, I was I immediately walk up and I'm like, I was there for this.
Are you talking about piss head? I was there for piss head.
I was there for this shit. I was there.
I was there. It's like a war of a state.
It is. There's war in the local, dude.
That's why I love being a part of the union.
That's I hate the fucking people that are running it,
(40:46):
but I love being a part of it because the war is more the stories for days.
That is funny. Yeah. So it's funny.
Oh, boy. So I open this and definitely a homeless person had lit a fire.
They use the urinal as like a camp stove.
Like they tried to light a fire in there. It was all melted. Yeah.
(41:08):
I mean, or were they cooking something?
Oh, I don't I don't know.
So that was ruined.
And the seat was up and it looked like things were all over it.
And I'm like, oh, OK, so no to that.
So I go to the Carl's Jr.
This is in the hood. Once again, remember that. God, we got to be full.
There's there's. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
(41:28):
I got it. And there's people outside the store.
I was like, I as a grown man, I'm about to shit my pants.
Now I've had a lot of farts that were like,
oh, we might have like that was little.
And then you go home. You go home immediately. I go home.
If that was I go home.
(41:49):
Please. But I was not.
I could not test the waters with this one.
I had to get in this Carl's Jr.
Derek had like six fucking doors on the outside.
And guess which one was the one that opened for me?
It was the sixth one. It was the very last one.
I had to run around the whole building.
This shit. I wish that someone was IRL streaming me
(42:11):
on this mission because it must have looked hilarious.
I was like I was like I like in the moment.
You don't you die on the inside.
I got in the moment. I was laughing.
So it's like this is hilarious.
But I'm like, oh, my God, I don't want to shit myself.
Look, I'm trying. Derek, you look at Derek.
(42:32):
Look at me right now.
You will not make the title of this episode.
Shit related. I'm just putting that down right now.
Look at me and promise me.
I don't know if I can.
I can't.
Oh, shit. We were supposed to know.
First, it was about jerking off and then it was about shit.
(42:54):
And it was also about osempic, flat energy drinks
and all kinds of other shit.
But this is the this is the payoff, dude.
This is the payoff.
You don't you better.
This better be one of the most clever titles.
This is a personal challenge.
I'm telling you, dude, the better be good.
(43:16):
It'd be you just better be good.
Porta potty, you know, right now, my expectations are sky high
and you better blow it out of the park.
So once again, I'm in a situation where I know
that access to the bathroom is only granted if I buy something.
(43:40):
Oh, they do that for fast food places now, too.
Oh, yeah. Oh, because I remember like when you like road trip and stuff,
you could just walk into a fast food place and use the bathroom.
Oh, they're doing that shit now.
It's like, oh, you guys, they're like gas stationing it.
But don't stop at Carl's Jr.
for an emergency shit because they're going to tax you a dollar
and seven cents for you to get past that door. Yeah.
So I get in there and I'm trying to make this happen fast.
(44:03):
Once again, I am fresh.
I have nice looking clothes on.
Yeah, I am not a tweaker.
I am a normal. Yeah, you look like a worker. Yeah.
And I ran up and I was like, I desperately have to use your bathroom.
I will buy something, but cannot.
Can you can you let me in the bathroom, please?
And she was like, you buy it first. No, you buy it.
(44:26):
You buy it first.
She looked me dead.
And the funny thing is, this was like five foot three
and like 90 pounds soaking wet.
And I'm like, oh, OK.
Yeah, dude. Hard as you buy first.
I'm telling you, I need to take a shit.
(44:49):
And I weigh like three times as much as you.
And you're telling me you will buy for she stood on business, as the kids say.
So I immediately pulled out a card and I'm like, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
Oh, man. So she doesn't give me the key.
Get Derek. She goes, all right, I'll let you in now.
(45:09):
And she slowly walks into the back of this fast food establishment.
And I'm like. Where the fuck are you going?
There was an opening in the counter where she could have led me to the bathroom.
Yeah, yeah. And she just disappeared into the ether.
And I was like, in that moment, I was like, I there's a possibility
(45:30):
that I'm going to shit instead of I will shit on this woman's floor for disrespecting
me like this, like there's only so much you can take as a man.
There's only so much you can take.
We try to be respectful.
I know Derek does. I certainly do.
Women, we try to be respectful.
But also there are certain lines where I will shit on your floor.
(45:51):
If you are denying access to a bathroom, like what the fuck is going on?
It's just like the movie Falling Down.
But because you couldn't get a.
Yeah, a sandwich. I am Michael Douglas in this situation.
I don't have a bazooka.
That's why that callback is so good, because when I said that in a previous episode,
(46:12):
you were so upset and mad about it.
And right now you're proving that you were Michael Douglas falling down,
but you had to take a shit.
I didn't kill anybody. You did it.
But you were thinking about committing a crime,
and you're sitting all over them.
What a terrible comparison.
That's such a shitty shit thing to do.
Shit. I know. So.
(46:35):
She slow walks back there.
She lets me in.
And now that I'm in.
This bathroom looked like a resident evil save point.
Like the big boss is right outside the door.
And you just like jumped in that bitch like, oh, and you're like,
you're not going to kill me. And there's a save point.
You're like, do I save and potentially face
(46:59):
an insane punishment from this giant on the other side
where I'm going to have to roll, roll, roll, dodge, duck,
and get the out of there?
Or do I just accept my fate and go back to that?
So it looked gross.
And now I'm in there and I'm like, I'm shitting on the floor.
I'm not this kind of person.
(47:19):
I'm dead serious, dude.
I felt so disrespected by these fucking cashiers.
I'm telling you, Derek, tell me you didn't feel the same way
if you were in this situation.
Disrespect, disrespect.
Both locate. It's almost like the lady at the Terribles
(47:42):
called her friend at Carl's Junior was like, hey,
this giant white mother with a beard is coming over there.
And he really has to shit.
Don't let him get in there quickly because we're punishing
the white man.
You white man, you shit your pants.
Shit on them. Shit in them.
This is why we did this is why we did like eightish minutes
(48:03):
of clean material.
So the back end can be pure filth.
So the name of the episode is going to be punishing
Carl's Junior, dude.
Accepted. And also, I feel like there might be a photo
shoot involved with making the thumbnail of this mother
episode. We're going full production value for you.
(48:25):
Literally have you take a full picture of yourself?
Oh, you know what? Hold on. Hold on right now.
I have to do it at this far in the episode because I know
you're still here and you're watching this.
Shout out to you, Joe Neal. Oh, yeah.
You're a cool guy. I am super glad that we have met
through the podcast and our shared love of magic and everything.
And I just want to give you a special shout out
(48:45):
because I know that you're going to see it.
Yeah. Shout out to you. The cool thing is you're always in the chat
and you're always there supporting a man.
So thanks to that. That honestly means a lot to us, dude.
So you're a real one. We love you, buddy.
So so she lets me in there.
I immediately get smacked by the spirit of my mother.
And she's like, no, you're not shitting on the floor.
You idiot. Go in there. Use the bathroom.
(49:06):
Yeah, yeah, I'm not scum bag.
I did not do that. You let me soak that in.
But OK, so you did not.
Again, it was like the throwing the can, but you kept you kept me on edge there
because I thought you did it. I think about doing this.
Yeah, I think about it.
It feels like you're not. You did it.
You're not. If you're going to sit here and tell me the straight face
that you don't think like I'm going to do some reckless ash.
(49:29):
Some people do. I mean, that's what YouTube and.
That's what happened to you at Lowe's.
It's our episode serial pooper, dude.
And someone took a poop on you on the floor, dude.
So someone did that to you, dude. I cleaned it up.
I just a lot of.
You. I still win.
You didn't break me.
But I make more money than YouTube now.
(49:50):
I'm like, well, I'm like lightweight.
I'm like flexing on people.
Shouldn't be doing that. Jesus Christ.
So she lets me in there.
I decide not shit on the floor.
That's immediately rewarded because one of the other employees
comes in the bathroom to pee pee while I'm in there.
Oh, OK. OK. So I finished up and left and.
It's a funny story.
(50:11):
The people I went to hang out with
did not give me the kind of laugh that I wanted for that story
because I was I got in the car and I was crying.
I was laughing so hard. I was like, this is the.
How did this happen?
What a weird random occurrence is, dude.
That's wild, dude. That's nobody.
Nobody who watches this is going to believe me when I say this right now.
(50:33):
I did not expect to talk about that tonight.
I came out of nowhere in the plan that you know, dude,
because that was not even a thought that just came up.
That's what I'm saying. That's a gem.
What I thought of that, that just that made my whole week.
That one going coming back and going, hey, remember what happened on Sunday?
(50:55):
Remember when you almost shit yourself?
They almost shit on the floor of a Carl's Jr.
bathroom or in the dining room.
The funniest thing to me is that you're trying to open.
I could just picture you trying to open doors and just you're dying on the inside
as you try to pull each one.
And you're probably weren't like trying to pull it nicely.
So it's like a little rattle open and you're just dying on the inside.
You're like door for so why the f***?
(51:17):
There's so many doors and why are they all locked?
I got a shit.
So it's great. It's funny.
I leave the bathroom.
And door number two is right by it.
And there's one of those little like push bars on it.
And I was like, I'm going to kick this mother f*** door open.
I'm going to smash this bitch open like you know what?
(51:40):
You a dollar seven to take a shit.
Did your mom get in there and go, Kyle, we can't.
She did. I got I got I got smacked by a ghost mother.
But that was good.
Don't kick the door open.
But I get it where your so I was.
I'm Asian is because the fact that she straight up.
But the fact is she straight up stood out and said, no, you're buying it.
(52:03):
There was.
Come on, dude.
Like honestly, do it.
I can't remember how old you were because I was in a shit induced haze
and I was focused on my mission solely.
But if you're an adult, I'll buy you a drink just as a friend, because you
looked me dead in the eye.
And yeah, she wasn't because by it first.
(52:25):
But I will play devil's advocate on that on her is she probably does get again.
You got judged, but she probably does get the losers in there
that want to go shoot up and they can.
And so she's like, no, no, no, you're going to buy.
And they can't buy anything.
So I get it. But it also is kind of brutal.
I'm going to go back there.
I'm going to give her a dollar seven and then I'm going to go.
(52:46):
You're going to believe all of that.
But I will do it just to spite you.
Don't leave it in.
Why would you say it again if you know you're going to have to?
You're not cutting it out.
Just we are in Beach City.
If you do not leave this in, I will be upset.
No, I'll just be bit. I'll be bit.
Jesus Christ. All right.
(53:07):
All right. OK, OK.
So if you're this deep, this is my plea to you.
We do this so often. I don't give a fuck.
I will keep doing it until we get to the point where
we have the audience that can support us enough to where we can do
more cool shit for you.
I'm telling you, I will not lie to you.
I'll be open and honest. We want to do this for a living.
(53:29):
Yeah, there's a certain amount that I want to make.
I don't give a fuck about getting rich.
I just want to have a cool, loyal, dedicated fan base.
I want to do cool shit with you.
And like like I'm personally not to get too deep into it.
I'm good. I feel like you're good as well. Yeah.
It's like I'm not trying to fucking become a millionaire.
I just want to do what I want for a living, have fun and also involve
(53:53):
our community and just reward them for for facilitating us.
We want to live our lifestyle.
Such a big part of the show.
So it'll be so cool when I know there is going to be a point
where there's a bunch of you in the comments and that's going to be fucking
just cool shit.
We appreciate you. If you watched it, don't be shy.
Get in there. Comment. Say hello.
We want we want to. We want to interact.
We've been doing this shit for a long time.
(54:14):
There are some people who we have a small group of people
who have been dedicated and have been there and are watching it
and are supporting it. And we love you.
We would like to add to that because I feel like, you know,
or if you're getting together as people just just say, just say something.
Just it doesn't have to be a let us know that you're alive.
Give us a sign of life. I'm here for you because it is cool.
(54:34):
We know you're there, but just it would be cool to see it, too.
Let's let's talk and chat and have a good time, dude. But yes.
All right. We go.
There you have it. We'll see you on the next one, people.
Thanks for checking it.
If you find this is this fucking all over the place.
All right, we're done.
Fucking press. Stop everything. We're done.
(54:55):
I got to get off the fucking carousel.
Just fucking calling it.
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