March 20, 2025 • 24 mins
234. if you've ever wondered what life and business coaching is and what it would be like to work with a coach, this episode is for you.
first i discuss the important difference between coaching and therapy.
then i talk about who i typically work with and the many benefits of working with a coach.
i share some striking before and afters and some big wins my clients have created.
if you are a high-achiever who's spent years pleasing others to the point of burnout, please listen to this episode. i've helped so many clients just like you.
in my coaching sessions, I help clients celebrate wins (retraining their brains to not just focus on the negatives), identify limiting beliefs, and create doable plans toward meaningful goals.
I ask powerful questions that help you reconnect with your authentic desires and build the self-trust needed to pursue them, regardless of what others think. and don't discount the accountability that comes with working with a coach.
lastly, i share some incredible client wins and transformations.
clients who come to me feeling stuck, indecisive, and self-critical discover newfound confidence, clarity, and purpose.
my clients publish books, launch businesses, negotiate better contracts, improve athletic performance, and most importantly, stop sacrificing their happiness to please others.
if you want to experience this shift yourself, book a consultation to see if are a good fit—but act quickly, as my rates are increasing on April 1st.
text me with comments on this episode!
i can help you feel better and get more done in 6 months. i'll help you figure out a meaningful goal, we'll create an action plan and i'll help you get unstuck all along the way. you don't have to struggle getting things done.
if you loved what i talked about in this episode, you're going to love working with me.
want to see if we are a good fit for 1:1 coaching? go to https://showupsociety.com/coaching and schedule a consult.
not quite ready for 1:1 coaching, but want powerful, evidence-based mindset tips and practical strategies? sign up for the SHOW UP daily - think of it as daily coaching in your pocket. sign up here--> https://showupsociety.thrivecart.com/show-up-daily/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
coach tammie bennett (00:02):
You are listening to the Show Up Society
podcast.
If you want to feel betterabout the way you show up in the
world, you're in the exactright place.
I'm your host, certified lifecoach Tammie Bennett, and I'm
here to help you stop giving apoop about what others think so
you can make confident decisions.
Your whole outlook on goalswill change too.
You'll see.
They can be fun, doable andfull of celebration, not
(00:24):
something to be afraid offailing.
And speaking of fears, I'llhelp you work through all of
yours so you can take moreaction.
You're already a badass in mybook, and if you want to learn
how to create the life you want,then get your buns in here and
let's go.
Hello friend, welcome toepisode 235 of the Show Up
Society podcast.
(00:45):
Today's episode is going to beall about what is life and
business coaching.
So last week I talked about mysort of rambling path to
becoming a coach, and now I'mgoing to talk a little bit about
what is coaching.
What is it that I do?
What is it that I help peoplewith?
What's the difference betweencoaching and therapy?
Who do I help?
All those kind of questionsBecause, as I talked about a
(01:08):
couple episodes ago, I had seena bunch of people that I hadn't
seen in many years, and a lot ofthem didn't know what I was
doing and they didn't reallyunderstand what I meant when I
said that I have been coachingfor several years, and so I just
figured this will be a greatway if you would, or this will
be a great way to explain whatit is that I do, who I help, how
(01:31):
I help them, and if you areinterested in working with a
coach, this is good informationfor you to have, whether or not
that coach is me, it will justgive you a little bit of insight
into what you can get help with.
So let's get started.
Okay, I think it's reallyimportant to start this
discussion off with talkingabout coaching and therapy and
the difference between the two.
I get questions about thisquite often, and I think it's a
(01:53):
really important distinction.
So I'm going to give you thedefinitions and sort of a
metaphor from one of mycolleagues, somebody who I
admire and respect very much,and I've known her for several
years, worked with her forseveral years.
Her name is Erica Hanlon andshe is a licensed therapist in
Colorado, and she's also a lifeand business coach, and she says
(02:14):
it so much better than I evercould.
So I'm just going to tell youwhat she says about therapy
versus coaching.
So therapy gives you tools andinsights so you can get from not
okay to okay.
So therapy is designed to helpyou heal.
Maybe you need to heal traumaor recover from depression or
manage anxiety.
So if you want to address amental health condition, therapy
(02:35):
is for you.
That's the thing for you.
Goals, make a plan and dealwith setbacks to get you from
okay to great.
So it's designed to help yousucceed.
So maybe you're doing fine butyou want to feel better than
fine.
So maybe you come to coachingbecause you feel frustrated or
burned out or plagued with selfdoubt and you want to feel
(02:57):
motivated, energized,accomplished and, just in
general, feel better.
So she also gives this greatmetaphor If you had an injury
that was keeping you, let's say,from running I'm a running
coach also so let's say you hadan injury that was keeping you
from running, you would go to aphysical therapist, right, you
would get therapy to take youfrom not really doing the thing
(03:19):
that you want to be doing tobeing able to do it.
So not running to be able to run.
If you were running, fine, youwere doing the things that you
want, you were able to go outand run, but you wanted to run
faster or with more joy, or youwere training for a race, or you
wanted to go from running toracing or running great, then
(03:40):
you would hire a running coach.
And so, similar to therapy andcoaching, I will say this about
my clientele Over half of myclients also work with a
therapist either at some pointduring our coaching.
A lot of times they'll havetherapy session one day and meet
with me another day of the week, or sometimes they have come to
me after therapy so they'vekind of healed their trauma and
(04:02):
now they're ready to get going.
And I've even had a coupleclients go to therapist after
working with me because theyfound a lot of success with me,
but they realized they still hadsome issues, some kind of
unresolved traumas that theyneeded to work on.
So the point of me saying allthis is that coaching and
therapy are not mutuallyexclusive.
It's actually pretty common forpeople to work with both.
(04:24):
You don't need to, but for alot of people it is very helpful
for them.
So I'm going to tell you whatkind of people I typically work
with as a coach.
But I also want you to knowthat I am not super niched down
into a specific type of person,so I work with all genders.
I work with most ages,basically, from, you know, like
(04:47):
16 or 17 and up.
I've worked with many, manyhigh school runners.
I've worked with all kinds ofgenders, all kinds of religions,
all kinds of sexualorientations.
I don't want you to listen tothis when I'm talking about sort
of like my, my typical client.
I don't want you to listen tothis when I'm talking about sort
of like my, my typical client.
I don't want you to countyourself out as somebody who
(05:07):
could work with me.
A lot of the work I do dealswith high achieving women who
have spent their lives justfollowing the rules, doing what
their parents wanted, doing thepractical, responsible thing and
pushing themselves basically toburnout to achieve their high
standards.
They have really high standardsfor themselves and they just go
, go, go, go go to get it done.
(05:27):
And along the way they've cometo believe that if they aren't
being productive or pushingthemselves, that they're lazy.
And these women have foundsuccess, but they also have
found exhaustion anddissatisfaction and they've come
to a point where now they knowthat for their health and their
happiness, it's time to findsome joy and working towards a
(05:49):
goal that feels meaningful tothem, sort of like their purpose
, like what do they want to doin this wild and precious life?
A question that I often ask myclients is when you're 85 or 90,
what do you want to look backon your life and be proud of
that you accomplished?
So these clients that I workwith, so many of my clients, are
people pleasers and after allthe years of people pleasing
(06:10):
that they've been doing, theyaren't even sure what they want
to do next or what they want todo instead, because they've been
spending so much energy intheir lives making sure that
everyone around them is happyand satisfied and content and
that nobody's upset with themand everybody approves of what
they're doing, and so a lot oftimes they'll come to me saying
they don't even really know whatthey want to do.
Now here's the tricky thing.
(06:31):
They actually, in most cases,do know what they want to do in
a dream world, but they're justkind of scared to give
themselves permission to say itout loud, much less scared to
give themselves permission to goout and do it.
So, as a creative businesscoach, I use a powerful
combination of strategy andpractical tips and mindset to
help these go getters get clearon a meaningful goal, something
(06:53):
that means a lot to them, thatthey've wanted to do sort of a
passion, purpose kind of goal.
And then we establish togethera doable plan to help them get
there.
So notice I said the worddoable.
I am all about helping peopletake actions in a way that
doesn't overwhelm them, doesn'toverwhelm their nervous system.
It doesn't paralyze them with,like how overwhelming it is.
(07:15):
We make doable plans that helptheir brain see like, oh, this
is a no brainer, we can getsomething done today and just
instead of being stuck.
So I help people get rid of thepeople pleasing.
I help them stop listening totheir inner critic, because if
you're listening to this podcastyou probably have a mean inner
critic that tells you all kindsof nasty stuff.
And I help teach people how tostop listening to that inner
(07:38):
critic and going on about yourbadass business in your life.
So I help people feel guiltfree.
I help them find clarity andfocus and joy as they make
progress on that inner yearningthat they've been keeping quiet
for so long.
So what does coaching with melook like?
So I meet with my clients onZoom At the current time.
(08:00):
I don't have any local clientsIn the past I have, and we would
meet in person sometimes ifthey wanted to.
But the vast, vast majority ofthe coaching that I do happens
on Zoom.
At the beginning we start outmeeting weekly to sort of just
instill these new habits andthen we can spread it out to
every other week.
And I have some long-termclients that have been with me
(08:21):
for a year or two or three years, and for those clients a lot of
times we just see each otheronce a month, and so what
happens is we start each sessionwith talking about a win,
something that my client hascreated in the past week or so
that they're proud of, and nowin is too small to celebrate.
And this feels really difficultfor my clients when they first
(08:44):
start working with me, becausethey're so not used to talking
about good stuff that they'vedone or talking about
accomplishments that they haveachieved, and it also a lot of
times they're like, oh, Ihaven't done anything great,
they are not giving themselvescredit where credit is due.
So the reason we do that is weliterally start training the
brain, we start creating neuralpathways in the brain to start
(09:08):
cataloging and noticing andacknowledging and celebrating
the wins that we are creating.
So our brains are naturally sortof wired to go negative, to
point out our flaws, to pointout what's wrong with us, and so
when you work with me, weactually help rewire your brain
so that you don't get stuckgoing down the negative road all
the time.
(09:28):
Your brain is still going togive you negative info, but I'm
going to help give you tools tonot listen to that negative,
that negative Nelly, and to beable to keep taking action even
if your brain says something notso nice.
So that's how we start thesession and then we talk about
whatever the client brings to me.
So we might be working on abusiness goal, but maybe my
(09:50):
client's mother said somethingto her that was just really
upsetting and she's having ahard time.
Or maybe my client has watcheda lot of news lately and is
upset.
Or maybe my client just isn'tmotivated.
So there will be times that wetalk about things seemingly
unrelated to the goal that we'reworking on together.
But it's all related and all ofthe information is welcome.
(10:11):
So a lot of times I will talkwith my clients.
We will be talking aboutrelationships and boundaries and
showing up online andauthenticity, and we also talk
about overcoming overwhelm andovercoming procrastination and
perfectionism and peoplepleasing, and we find ways to
find more joy in the stuff thatwe are doing.
(10:33):
So I'm going to talk a littlebit now about some of the
benefits of working with a coach, and these are not just
specific to me.
Working with a coach can helpyou with any of these following
things.
It gives you a sounding board.
Sometimes it's just so nice tohave somebody listen to your
ideas and kind of help you fleshout the details by asking
questions that you probablyhaven't thought of, and so I
(10:56):
love being a sounding board formy clients, and they come to me
with their ideas and we fleshthem out and we decide if that's
an idea that feels good forthem or not.
It's also, like I said, reallygreat for someone to ask you
questions that you probablyhaven't thought of.
So a lot of times when you'rein it, when you're in your own
life, you're not seeing it fromthe outside like I am, and so a
lot of times I can spot kind ofstuck points or limitations that
(11:19):
you're probably putting onyourself without even realizing
it, and I'm really good athelping you see those and
questioning you about those, ormaybe questioning the way that
you are doing things from oldbeliefs.
Like maybe you're tellingyourself that you're not a
finisher, so everything thatyou're doing is related to you
thinking that you're not afinisher, and I actually will
help you say like, actually youare a finisher, let's look at
(11:39):
all these things that you havefinished so we can sort of stop
telling those old stories.
But a lot of times you needsomebody outside of you to help
point out those limiting beliefsthat you're operating from.
So similar to that is I givepeople, I call them out if their
brain is giving them a bunch ofBS, right, and I do it lovingly
and we laugh about it.
It is not a problem, there's noshame, but we're just like oh
(12:03):
man, your brain just lied to you.
That's actually not true.
It's also nice to give yourselfa fully committed 45 minutes
each week, or biweekly, if youchoose to do it biweekly.
How often do we get 45 minuteswhere somebody is listening to
us uninterrupted, with theirfull attention, and so that's
something that I really lovedoing for my clients is for
(12:23):
these 45 minutes.
It's all about you as my clientand no one's going to, you know
, interrupt us.
Nobody's going to get in theway.
You can say whatever you want.
This is a super, super safespace to you know, to tell all
of your like hidden, icky thingsthat you, that you icky things,
that maybe you feel scared totell other people.
It's a really nice safe spacewhere you can just be your full,
(12:45):
true self for 45 minutes andhave the attention on you in a
really good way.
It's also a great place to havesomebody believe in you.
I believe so deeply in myclients.
If I don't believe in you, thenI won't take you on as a client
.
So I believe in you and Ibelieve in your dreams and your
goals and I will fight to helpyou get out of your own way to
(13:08):
go achieve those goals, becauseI know that you can do it.
I know that you're fullycapable.
So it's nice to have that timeeach week where you have
somebody helping you fight foryour goals and to help you focus
on the goals and remind youwhat those goals are.
So many of my clients aremulti-passionate and have so
many different interests and wewant to do so many different
things, but I help you kind ofstay focused on the thing at
(13:29):
hand so you can complete itquickly and with more energy and
then you can move on to theother thing that you didn't
choose from the beginning.
It's also a place where you canreally get tuned in and you
have a lot of clarity about yourtrue desires what is it that
you really want to be doing withyour time and your space and
your energy, and giving yourselfpermission to do that will lead
(13:51):
to such a fulfilling life whenyou are no longer spending all
your energy feeling guilty orpeople pleasing.
It can just help you show up somuch better if you are
admitting to spending all yourenergy feeling guilty or people
pleasing.
It can just help you show up somuch better if you are
admitting to yourself what it isyou want to be doing and then
allowing yourself to go makethat happen, and I hope you
develop that self-trust that youwill be able to figure things
out, because I help remind youof how freaking smart you are
(14:12):
and how capable you are, and itfeels really good to have
somebody remind you of that.
Another thing that my particularcoaching is I don't tell you
what to do.
I don't believe in that,because I believe that you are
your expert of your life andyour circumstances and your
feelings and your heart and yoursoul and your mind, and so I
will help shake up some beliefsand I will ask you questions
(14:34):
like does that feel like that'sthe right thing to do, or how do
you feel about doing that, orso I will kind of shake up the
status quo sometimes.
Sometimes I call myself adisruptor because I ask a lot of
questions but I never tell youwhat to do, because I don't know
you better than you.
You know you.
So all I do is help askquestions so that you can get
really clear on what it is thatyou want and what you think the
(14:55):
next steps are.
Because, also, when you aretaking ownership and
responsibility for your choices,it just feels so damn good when
you achieve the thing, becauseyou know it all came from you,
with support and love from me oryour coach, but it came from
you going out there and doingthe work.
So I just feel reallypassionate about you.
(15:16):
Know you're not going to come tome and I'm going to say, okay,
this week you're going to go dothis, I might throw in some
challenges for you.
I might say what if Ichallenged you to do X, y, z,
and you could tell me if thatfeels good or not?
And if it feels good, then I'llchallenge you to do it, and
it's kind of a fun experiment tosee, and we talk about it the
next time and so so I mightchallenge you.
But I'm never going to tell youwhat to do, because your life
(15:37):
is your life and I'm just goingto help you make decisions that
feel good to you.
I also am going to help youcare less what other people
think.
You're going to get so intoyour self-trust and your
self-love that, even if peopledon't agree with what you're
doing or don't understand it ordon't get it, you're going to
feel so resolved that that's theright action for you, that
(15:57):
you're not going to be havingthose kind of self doubts and
those you're not going to haveas much fear about what other
people think about you.
So another thing I do is I justkind of help you feel courage,
because if you know that you areout there in the world doing
this thing that feels maybe alittle hard or uncomfortable or
scary, you know that you have mein your corner, I am going to
be your biggest cheerleader andI don't mean that in a raw, raw
(16:21):
like fluffy way where I'm justlike, oh my gosh, you're so
amazing.
I mean it from the depths of myheart, from full belief in you
and your capabilities, and so itjust feels good to have someone
that truly cares about you andbelieves in you and supports you
.
It feels a lot easier to go outin the world and do kind of
scary stuff if you know thatyou're going to be okay and you
(16:43):
have somebody there to supportyou.
One more really important pieceto coaching with me is the
accountability piece.
So I don't think of myself orcall myself an accountability
coach, meaning I don't give youan assignment and then check
with you next week to see ifit's done.
But the vast majority of myclients tell me that working
with me helps hold themaccountable because I will know
(17:05):
what they're working on and Iwill ask them about it in future
sessions.
Hey, how did that thing go thatyou said you were going to do?
And I've had so many clientstell me like I completed the
thing because I knew that wewere going to have our session
today and I wanted to tell youabout it and be proud of it.
And so there is definitely thataccountability piece, that kind
of external accountabilitydeadline kind of piece to
(17:27):
working with me, and I justthink it's kind of fun.
I need that for myself too.
That's one of the reasons Iwork with a coach is so I know
that somebody is going to sortof be helping keep me on track
and you, if there was a timewhere my clients are just having
trouble doing a thing, they'rejust feeling stuck, I'm here
every time to help them getunstuck and to get back on track
(17:48):
and get back into action again.
Okay, and if you've been aroundthis podcast for a while, you
know that a lot of what I do isemotion and feelings driven, and
so I wanted to share with yousome of the things that my
clients have said about how theyfeel when they work with me.
But first I want to start withsome things that they say they
(18:11):
felt before working with me, togive you sort of the before, and
then we'll talk about how theyfeel after working with me.
And I'm pulling these directlyfrom some of the Google reviews
that my clients left for me so Ican put a link to that if you
want, so you can see them foryourself.
But, they say, when they firstcame to work with me, they
focused on the negative.
They were overly critical ofthemselves.
They felt lost in a middle agespiral.
They had fear and hesitationand procrastination.
(18:33):
They were people pleasing.
They felt indecisive.
They always second guessthemselves and their decisions.
They felt stuck.
They felt like they werelonging for something new.
And then some of the thingsthat they felt after working
with me were self-love,self-trust, taking consistent
actions, transformed, empowered,accomplished, confident,
(18:55):
grounded, affirmed clarity andfocused, showing up as who they
want to be excited, engaged,equipped to handle joy and
disappointment, and authentic towho they are.
And from a coaching perspective,it is so cool to see the
transformation of those how theyfeel before to how they feel
(19:16):
during and after working with me.
It is so cool that I get afront row seat to get to watch
that transformation in people,and so I just feel I really do.
I feel like I have the luckiest.
I'm the luckiest woman in theworld.
I have the best job in theworld.
I think that's all I wanted youto know about what is coaching
and what it can do for you andhow you can feel and how it's
different from therapy and someof the things that can help you
(19:40):
with.
Maybe I'll share some of thewins from my clients over the
last few months.
So I have clients that havesubmitted to writing contests
more in the time they workedwith me than in the years before
it.
I have clients writing andpublishing books, starting new
businesses, creating entirelynew products and product
launches, getting comfortablepitching themselves and
(20:02):
marketing their new businesses.
I have people making way moremoney, people with a lot more
students enrolling in theirworkshops.
They're getting art grants.
They're showing up consistentlyon social media in a way that
feels good.
They're handling their nervesso they can race well.
They're having toughconversations with other people
that they've been putting offfor months.
(20:22):
They're making more money attrade shows and in their
teaching businesses.
They're negotiating betterterms in their contracts at work
.
They're working with theirdream clients.
They're learning how to planand organize their life so that
they're doing more but it feelslike less work.
They're learning how to stopthe grind and have some ease and
joy and white space in theirlife.
(20:44):
They're handling feedback fromothers without fear or shame.
They're starting completely new, different careers that they
absolutely love.
They are having their bestperformances ever in sports
competitions.
They are no longer peoplepleasing at the cost of their
own personal happiness.
They are winning competitionsin art and writing and racing.
(21:05):
They're getting super in art,in writing.
In racing, they're gettingsuper clear on what it is they
want to do and what they aregoing to do next.
So that's just a few of the winsfrom some of my clients over
the past six months or so, andall of these are possible for
you, too.
Any of those that you want isabsolutely possible for you.
You could probably do it onyour own, but it might just take
a little bit longer than if youwork with a coach, whether that
(21:26):
coach is me or somebody else.
So I'm going to end that heretoday.
Next week, you can look forwardto an interesting podcast about
some changes that are coming upto this podcast, the Show Up
Society podcast, and also in mycoaching business.
So I want to give you a headsup on one of those changes, and
that is that my prices are goingup April 1st.
(21:48):
I haven't changed my prices inover four years and it is time.
So if you have been wanting towork with me as your coach.
If you've been hovering over myInstagram or my website for a
while and just a little bit, youknow, scared to take the plunge
, but wanting to work with me,this is your sign that this is
the time right now.
So go ahead and go toshowupsocietycom, forward slash
(22:13):
coaching and schedule thatsession with me.
The consultation kind of get toknow each other session to see
if we are a good fit we can talkabout.
You can ask me all thequestions that you wanna know
about coaching and to see if Iam the right coach for you and
I'll see if you are the rightclient for me.
I've only turned down twopeople ever on a consult and we
just weren't a good fit and Itold them so.
So I will be happy to let youknow if you are not a good fit
(22:36):
for me in the nicest waypossible and maybe I can give
you resources for somebody thatis the right fit.
But go ahead and go there andschedule that consult now so you
can lock in the current prices,because any consults that
happen after April 1 will bewith the new prices.
(22:56):
But I have some very excitingthings coming up that I, you
know ways that I can help morepeople in the world coming up
and I can't wait to share thosewith you.
But that's going to be for nextweek on that podcast.
So until then, thank you somuch for showing up to this
episode of the Show Up Societypodcast.
Now go out there and show upfor yourself.
Hey friend, if you liked thispodcast episode and you want
help applying it to your life soyou can do more of what you
(23:17):
want and feel good while doingit, you're going to love working
with me one-on-one for sixmonths.
I'll help you with strategy andmindset so you can figure out
what you want, make an actionplan and I'll help you get
unstuck all along the way.
Go to showupsocietycom forward,slash coaching to set up a
consultation to see if we are agood fit for each other.
Oh, hey, loyal podcast listener, thank you for being here all
(23:42):
the way through to the end.
Okay, so your secret assignmentfor this podcast episode is to
go to my Instagram at show upsociety and find the post that
corresponds to this episode andleave me in the comments an
emoji for how this episode madeyou feel.
What were you thinking about?
How did you feel when you werelistening to it.
That will be our secret codethat you listened to this
episode all the way through.
(24:04):
I so appreciate you being here.
Keep up the good work.
You are listening to the Show Up Society
podcast.
If you want to feel betterabout the way you show up in the
world, you're in the exactright place.
I'm your host, certified lifecoach Tammie Bennett, and I'm
here to help you stop giving apoop about what others think so
you can make confident decisions.
Your whole outlook on goalswill change too.
You'll see.
They can be fun, doable andfull of celebration, not
(00:24):
something to be afraid offailing.
And speaking of fears, I'llhelp you work through all of
yours so you can take moreaction.
You're already a badass in mybook, and if you want to learn
how to create the life you want,then get your buns in here and
let's go.
Hello friend, welcome toepisode 235 of the Show Up
Society podcast.
(00:45):
Today's episode is going to beall about what is life and
business coaching.
So last week I talked about mysort of rambling path to
becoming a coach, and now I'mgoing to talk a little bit about
what is coaching.
What is it that I do?
What is it that I help peoplewith?
What's the difference betweencoaching and therapy?
Who do I help?
All those kind of questionsBecause, as I talked about a
(01:08):
couple episodes ago, I had seena bunch of people that I hadn't
seen in many years, and a lot ofthem didn't know what I was
doing and they didn't reallyunderstand what I meant when I
said that I have been coachingfor several years, and so I just
figured this will be a greatway if you would, or this will
be a great way to explain whatit is that I do, who I help, how
(01:31):
I help them, and if you areinterested in working with a
coach, this is good informationfor you to have, whether or not
that coach is me, it will justgive you a little bit of insight
into what you can get help with.
So let's get started.
Okay, I think it's reallyimportant to start this
discussion off with talkingabout coaching and therapy and
the difference between the two.
I get questions about thisquite often, and I think it's a
(01:53):
really important distinction.
So I'm going to give you thedefinitions and sort of a
metaphor from one of mycolleagues, somebody who I
admire and respect very much,and I've known her for several
years, worked with her forseveral years.
Her name is Erica Hanlon andshe is a licensed therapist in
Colorado, and she's also a lifeand business coach, and she says
(02:14):
it so much better than I evercould.
So I'm just going to tell youwhat she says about therapy
versus coaching.
So therapy gives you tools andinsights so you can get from not
okay to okay.
So therapy is designed to helpyou heal.
Maybe you need to heal traumaor recover from depression or
manage anxiety.
So if you want to address amental health condition, therapy
(02:35):
is for you.
That's the thing for you.
Goals, make a plan and dealwith setbacks to get you from
okay to great.
So it's designed to help yousucceed.
So maybe you're doing fine butyou want to feel better than
fine.
So maybe you come to coachingbecause you feel frustrated or
burned out or plagued with selfdoubt and you want to feel
(02:57):
motivated, energized,accomplished and, just in
general, feel better.
So she also gives this greatmetaphor If you had an injury
that was keeping you, let's say,from running I'm a running
coach also so let's say you hadan injury that was keeping you
from running, you would go to aphysical therapist, right, you
would get therapy to take youfrom not really doing the thing
(03:19):
that you want to be doing tobeing able to do it.
So not running to be able to run.
If you were running, fine, youwere doing the things that you
want, you were able to go outand run, but you wanted to run
faster or with more joy, or youwere training for a race, or you
wanted to go from running toracing or running great, then
(03:40):
you would hire a running coach.
And so, similar to therapy andcoaching, I will say this about
my clientele Over half of myclients also work with a
therapist either at some pointduring our coaching.
A lot of times they'll havetherapy session one day and meet
with me another day of the week, or sometimes they have come to
me after therapy so they'vekind of healed their trauma and
(04:02):
now they're ready to get going.
And I've even had a coupleclients go to therapist after
working with me because theyfound a lot of success with me,
but they realized they still hadsome issues, some kind of
unresolved traumas that theyneeded to work on.
So the point of me saying allthis is that coaching and
therapy are not mutuallyexclusive.
It's actually pretty common forpeople to work with both.
(04:24):
You don't need to, but for alot of people it is very helpful
for them.
So I'm going to tell you whatkind of people I typically work
with as a coach.
But I also want you to knowthat I am not super niched down
into a specific type of person,so I work with all genders.
I work with most ages,basically, from, you know, like
(04:47):
16 or 17 and up.
I've worked with many, manyhigh school runners.
I've worked with all kinds ofgenders, all kinds of religions,
all kinds of sexualorientations.
I don't want you to listen tothis when I'm talking about sort
of like my, my typical client.
I don't want you to listen tothis when I'm talking about sort
of like my, my typical client.
I don't want you to countyourself out as somebody who
(05:07):
could work with me.
A lot of the work I do dealswith high achieving women who
have spent their lives justfollowing the rules, doing what
their parents wanted, doing thepractical, responsible thing and
pushing themselves basically toburnout to achieve their high
standards.
They have really high standardsfor themselves and they just go
, go, go, go go to get it done.
(05:27):
And along the way they've cometo believe that if they aren't
being productive or pushingthemselves, that they're lazy.
And these women have foundsuccess, but they also have
found exhaustion anddissatisfaction and they've come
to a point where now they knowthat for their health and their
happiness, it's time to findsome joy and working towards a
(05:49):
goal that feels meaningful tothem, sort of like their purpose
, like what do they want to doin this wild and precious life?
A question that I often ask myclients is when you're 85 or 90,
what do you want to look backon your life and be proud of
that you accomplished?
So these clients that I workwith, so many of my clients, are
people pleasers and after allthe years of people pleasing
(06:10):
that they've been doing, theyaren't even sure what they want
to do next or what they want todo instead, because they've been
spending so much energy intheir lives making sure that
everyone around them is happyand satisfied and content and
that nobody's upset with themand everybody approves of what
they're doing, and so a lot oftimes they'll come to me saying
they don't even really know whatthey want to do.
Now here's the tricky thing.
(06:31):
They actually, in most cases,do know what they want to do in
a dream world, but they're justkind of scared to give
themselves permission to say itout loud, much less scared to
give themselves permission to goout and do it.
So, as a creative businesscoach, I use a powerful
combination of strategy andpractical tips and mindset to
help these go getters get clearon a meaningful goal, something
(06:53):
that means a lot to them, thatthey've wanted to do sort of a
passion, purpose kind of goal.
And then we establish togethera doable plan to help them get
there.
So notice I said the worddoable.
I am all about helping peopletake actions in a way that
doesn't overwhelm them, doesn'toverwhelm their nervous system.
It doesn't paralyze them with,like how overwhelming it is.
(07:15):
We make doable plans that helptheir brain see like, oh, this
is a no brainer, we can getsomething done today and just
instead of being stuck.
So I help people get rid of thepeople pleasing.
I help them stop listening totheir inner critic, because if
you're listening to this podcastyou probably have a mean inner
critic that tells you all kindsof nasty stuff.
And I help teach people how tostop listening to that inner
(07:38):
critic and going on about yourbadass business in your life.
So I help people feel guiltfree.
I help them find clarity andfocus and joy as they make
progress on that inner yearningthat they've been keeping quiet
for so long.
So what does coaching with melook like?
So I meet with my clients onZoom At the current time.
(08:00):
I don't have any local clientsIn the past I have, and we would
meet in person sometimes ifthey wanted to.
But the vast, vast majority ofthe coaching that I do happens
on Zoom.
At the beginning we start outmeeting weekly to sort of just
instill these new habits andthen we can spread it out to
every other week.
And I have some long-termclients that have been with me
(08:21):
for a year or two or three years, and for those clients a lot of
times we just see each otheronce a month, and so what
happens is we start each sessionwith talking about a win,
something that my client hascreated in the past week or so
that they're proud of, and nowin is too small to celebrate.
And this feels really difficultfor my clients when they first
(08:44):
start working with me, becausethey're so not used to talking
about good stuff that they'vedone or talking about
accomplishments that they haveachieved, and it also a lot of
times they're like, oh, Ihaven't done anything great,
they are not giving themselvescredit where credit is due.
So the reason we do that is weliterally start training the
brain, we start creating neuralpathways in the brain to start
(09:08):
cataloging and noticing andacknowledging and celebrating
the wins that we are creating.
So our brains are naturally sortof wired to go negative, to
point out our flaws, to pointout what's wrong with us, and so
when you work with me, weactually help rewire your brain
so that you don't get stuckgoing down the negative road all
the time.
(09:28):
Your brain is still going togive you negative info, but I'm
going to help give you tools tonot listen to that negative,
that negative Nelly, and to beable to keep taking action even
if your brain says something notso nice.
So that's how we start thesession and then we talk about
whatever the client brings to me.
So we might be working on abusiness goal, but maybe my
(09:50):
client's mother said somethingto her that was just really
upsetting and she's having ahard time.
Or maybe my client has watcheda lot of news lately and is
upset.
Or maybe my client just isn'tmotivated.
So there will be times that wetalk about things seemingly
unrelated to the goal that we'reworking on together.
But it's all related and all ofthe information is welcome.
(10:11):
So a lot of times I will talkwith my clients.
We will be talking aboutrelationships and boundaries and
showing up online andauthenticity, and we also talk
about overcoming overwhelm andovercoming procrastination and
perfectionism and peoplepleasing, and we find ways to
find more joy in the stuff thatwe are doing.
(10:33):
So I'm going to talk a littlebit now about some of the
benefits of working with a coach, and these are not just
specific to me.
Working with a coach can helpyou with any of these following
things.
It gives you a sounding board.
Sometimes it's just so nice tohave somebody listen to your
ideas and kind of help you fleshout the details by asking
questions that you probablyhaven't thought of, and so I
(10:56):
love being a sounding board formy clients, and they come to me
with their ideas and we fleshthem out and we decide if that's
an idea that feels good forthem or not.
It's also, like I said, reallygreat for someone to ask you
questions that you probablyhaven't thought of.
So a lot of times when you'rein it, when you're in your own
life, you're not seeing it fromthe outside like I am, and so a
lot of times I can spot kind ofstuck points or limitations that
(11:19):
you're probably putting onyourself without even realizing
it, and I'm really good athelping you see those and
questioning you about those, ormaybe questioning the way that
you are doing things from oldbeliefs.
Like maybe you're tellingyourself that you're not a
finisher, so everything thatyou're doing is related to you
thinking that you're not afinisher, and I actually will
help you say like, actually youare a finisher, let's look at
(11:39):
all these things that you havefinished so we can sort of stop
telling those old stories.
But a lot of times you needsomebody outside of you to help
point out those limiting beliefsthat you're operating from.
So similar to that is I givepeople, I call them out if their
brain is giving them a bunch ofBS, right, and I do it lovingly
and we laugh about it.
It is not a problem, there's noshame, but we're just like oh
(12:03):
man, your brain just lied to you.
That's actually not true.
It's also nice to give yourselfa fully committed 45 minutes
each week, or biweekly, if youchoose to do it biweekly.
How often do we get 45 minuteswhere somebody is listening to
us uninterrupted, with theirfull attention, and so that's
something that I really lovedoing for my clients is for
(12:23):
these 45 minutes.
It's all about you as my clientand no one's going to, you know
, interrupt us.
Nobody's going to get in theway.
You can say whatever you want.
This is a super, super safespace to you know, to tell all
of your like hidden, icky thingsthat you, that you icky things,
that maybe you feel scared totell other people.
It's a really nice safe spacewhere you can just be your full,
(12:45):
true self for 45 minutes andhave the attention on you in a
really good way.
It's also a great place to havesomebody believe in you.
I believe so deeply in myclients.
If I don't believe in you, thenI won't take you on as a client
.
So I believe in you and Ibelieve in your dreams and your
goals and I will fight to helpyou get out of your own way to
(13:08):
go achieve those goals, becauseI know that you can do it.
I know that you're fullycapable.
So it's nice to have that timeeach week where you have
somebody helping you fight foryour goals and to help you focus
on the goals and remind youwhat those goals are.
So many of my clients aremulti-passionate and have so
many different interests and wewant to do so many different
things, but I help you kind ofstay focused on the thing at
(13:29):
hand so you can complete itquickly and with more energy and
then you can move on to theother thing that you didn't
choose from the beginning.
It's also a place where you canreally get tuned in and you
have a lot of clarity about yourtrue desires what is it that
you really want to be doing withyour time and your space and
your energy, and giving yourselfpermission to do that will lead
(13:51):
to such a fulfilling life whenyou are no longer spending all
your energy feeling guilty orpeople pleasing.
It can just help you show up somuch better if you are
admitting to spending all yourenergy feeling guilty or people
pleasing.
It can just help you show up somuch better if you are
admitting to yourself what it isyou want to be doing and then
allowing yourself to go makethat happen, and I hope you
develop that self-trust that youwill be able to figure things
out, because I help remind youof how freaking smart you are
(14:12):
and how capable you are, and itfeels really good to have
somebody remind you of that.
Another thing that my particularcoaching is I don't tell you
what to do.
I don't believe in that,because I believe that you are
your expert of your life andyour circumstances and your
feelings and your heart and yoursoul and your mind, and so I
will help shake up some beliefsand I will ask you questions
(14:34):
like does that feel like that'sthe right thing to do, or how do
you feel about doing that, orso I will kind of shake up the
status quo sometimes.
Sometimes I call myself adisruptor because I ask a lot of
questions but I never tell youwhat to do, because I don't know
you better than you.
You know you.
So all I do is help askquestions so that you can get
really clear on what it is thatyou want and what you think the
(14:55):
next steps are.
Because, also, when you aretaking ownership and
responsibility for your choices,it just feels so damn good when
you achieve the thing, becauseyou know it all came from you,
with support and love from me oryour coach, but it came from
you going out there and doingthe work.
So I just feel reallypassionate about you.
(15:16):
Know you're not going to come tome and I'm going to say, okay,
this week you're going to go dothis, I might throw in some
challenges for you.
I might say what if Ichallenged you to do X, y, z,
and you could tell me if thatfeels good or not?
And if it feels good, then I'llchallenge you to do it, and
it's kind of a fun experiment tosee, and we talk about it the
next time and so so I mightchallenge you.
But I'm never going to tell youwhat to do, because your life
(15:37):
is your life and I'm just goingto help you make decisions that
feel good to you.
I also am going to help youcare less what other people
think.
You're going to get so intoyour self-trust and your
self-love that, even if peopledon't agree with what you're
doing or don't understand it ordon't get it, you're going to
feel so resolved that that's theright action for you, that
(15:57):
you're not going to be havingthose kind of self doubts and
those you're not going to haveas much fear about what other
people think about you.
So another thing I do is I justkind of help you feel courage,
because if you know that you areout there in the world doing
this thing that feels maybe alittle hard or uncomfortable or
scary, you know that you have mein your corner, I am going to
be your biggest cheerleader andI don't mean that in a raw, raw
(16:21):
like fluffy way where I'm justlike, oh my gosh, you're so
amazing.
I mean it from the depths of myheart, from full belief in you
and your capabilities, and so itjust feels good to have someone
that truly cares about you andbelieves in you and supports you
.
It feels a lot easier to go outin the world and do kind of
scary stuff if you know thatyou're going to be okay and you
(16:43):
have somebody there to supportyou.
One more really important pieceto coaching with me is the
accountability piece.
So I don't think of myself orcall myself an accountability
coach, meaning I don't give youan assignment and then check
with you next week to see ifit's done.
But the vast majority of myclients tell me that working
with me helps hold themaccountable because I will know
(17:05):
what they're working on and Iwill ask them about it in future
sessions.
Hey, how did that thing go thatyou said you were going to do?
And I've had so many clientstell me like I completed the
thing because I knew that wewere going to have our session
today and I wanted to tell youabout it and be proud of it.
And so there is definitely thataccountability piece, that kind
of external accountabilitydeadline kind of piece to
(17:27):
working with me, and I justthink it's kind of fun.
I need that for myself too.
That's one of the reasons Iwork with a coach is so I know
that somebody is going to sortof be helping keep me on track
and you, if there was a timewhere my clients are just having
trouble doing a thing, they'rejust feeling stuck, I'm here
every time to help them getunstuck and to get back on track
(17:48):
and get back into action again.
Okay, and if you've been aroundthis podcast for a while, you
know that a lot of what I do isemotion and feelings driven, and
so I wanted to share with yousome of the things that my
clients have said about how theyfeel when they work with me.
But first I want to start withsome things that they say they
(18:11):
felt before working with me, togive you sort of the before, and
then we'll talk about how theyfeel after working with me.
And I'm pulling these directlyfrom some of the Google reviews
that my clients left for me so Ican put a link to that if you
want, so you can see them foryourself.
But, they say, when they firstcame to work with me, they
focused on the negative.
They were overly critical ofthemselves.
They felt lost in a middle agespiral.
They had fear and hesitationand procrastination.
(18:33):
They were people pleasing.
They felt indecisive.
They always second guessthemselves and their decisions.
They felt stuck.
They felt like they werelonging for something new.
And then some of the thingsthat they felt after working
with me were self-love,self-trust, taking consistent
actions, transformed, empowered,accomplished, confident,
(18:55):
grounded, affirmed clarity andfocused, showing up as who they
want to be excited, engaged,equipped to handle joy and
disappointment, and authentic towho they are.
And from a coaching perspective,it is so cool to see the
transformation of those how theyfeel before to how they feel
(19:16):
during and after working with me.
It is so cool that I get afront row seat to get to watch
that transformation in people,and so I just feel I really do.
I feel like I have the luckiest.
I'm the luckiest woman in theworld.
I have the best job in theworld.
I think that's all I wanted youto know about what is coaching
and what it can do for you andhow you can feel and how it's
different from therapy and someof the things that can help you
(19:40):
with.
Maybe I'll share some of thewins from my clients over the
last few months.
So I have clients that havesubmitted to writing contests
more in the time they workedwith me than in the years before
it.
I have clients writing andpublishing books, starting new
businesses, creating entirelynew products and product
launches, getting comfortablepitching themselves and
(20:02):
marketing their new businesses.
I have people making way moremoney, people with a lot more
students enrolling in theirworkshops.
They're getting art grants.
They're showing up consistentlyon social media in a way that
feels good.
They're handling their nervesso they can race well.
They're having toughconversations with other people
that they've been putting offfor months.
(20:22):
They're making more money attrade shows and in their
teaching businesses.
They're negotiating betterterms in their contracts at work
.
They're working with theirdream clients.
They're learning how to planand organize their life so that
they're doing more but it feelslike less work.
They're learning how to stopthe grind and have some ease and
joy and white space in theirlife.
(20:44):
They're handling feedback fromothers without fear or shame.
They're starting completely new, different careers that they
absolutely love.
They are having their bestperformances ever in sports
competitions.
They are no longer peoplepleasing at the cost of their
own personal happiness.
They are winning competitionsin art and writing and racing.
(21:05):
They're getting super in art,in writing.
In racing, they're gettingsuper clear on what it is they
want to do and what they aregoing to do next.
So that's just a few of the winsfrom some of my clients over
the past six months or so, andall of these are possible for
you, too.
Any of those that you want isabsolutely possible for you.
You could probably do it onyour own, but it might just take
a little bit longer than if youwork with a coach, whether that
(21:26):
coach is me or somebody else.
So I'm going to end that heretoday.
Next week, you can look forwardto an interesting podcast about
some changes that are coming upto this podcast, the Show Up
Society podcast, and also in mycoaching business.
So I want to give you a headsup on one of those changes, and
that is that my prices are goingup April 1st.
(21:48):
I haven't changed my prices inover four years and it is time.
So if you have been wanting towork with me as your coach.
If you've been hovering over myInstagram or my website for a
while and just a little bit, youknow, scared to take the plunge
, but wanting to work with me,this is your sign that this is
the time right now.
So go ahead and go toshowupsocietycom, forward slash
(22:13):
coaching and schedule thatsession with me.
The consultation kind of get toknow each other session to see
if we are a good fit we can talkabout.
You can ask me all thequestions that you wanna know
about coaching and to see if Iam the right coach for you and
I'll see if you are the rightclient for me.
I've only turned down twopeople ever on a consult and we
just weren't a good fit and Itold them so.
So I will be happy to let youknow if you are not a good fit
(22:36):
for me in the nicest waypossible and maybe I can give
you resources for somebody thatis the right fit.
But go ahead and go there andschedule that consult now so you
can lock in the current prices,because any consults that
happen after April 1 will bewith the new prices.
(22:56):
But I have some very excitingthings coming up that I, you
know ways that I can help morepeople in the world coming up
and I can't wait to share thosewith you.
But that's going to be for nextweek on that podcast.
So until then, thank you somuch for showing up to this
episode of the Show Up Societypodcast.
Now go out there and show upfor yourself.
Hey friend, if you liked thispodcast episode and you want
help applying it to your life soyou can do more of what you
(23:17):
want and feel good while doingit, you're going to love working
with me one-on-one for sixmonths.
I'll help you with strategy andmindset so you can figure out
what you want, make an actionplan and I'll help you get
unstuck all along the way.
Go to showupsocietycom forward,slash coaching to set up a
consultation to see if we are agood fit for each other.
Oh, hey, loyal podcast listener, thank you for being here all
(23:42):
the way through to the end.
Okay, so your secret assignmentfor this podcast episode is to
go to my Instagram at show upsociety and find the post that
corresponds to this episode andleave me in the comments an
emoji for how this episode madeyou feel.
What were you thinking about?
How did you feel when you werelistening to it.
That will be our secret codethat you listened to this
episode all the way through.
(24:04):
I so appreciate you being here.
Keep up the good work.
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