August 6, 2024 • 42 mins
Have you ever wondered how a single day can change your life forever? Meet Courtney Andersen, a sober life coach, podcast host, and author. She is the founder of Sober Vibes and National Sober Day and helps women quit drinking alcohol and thrive in sobriety.
Through Courtney's story, you'll learn the incredible power of community support in those early days of recovery and discover the valuable resources she offers through her online community and her book, "Sober Vibes: A Guide to Thriving in Your First Three Months Without Alcohol."
Courtney Andersen stresses the importance of meeting people where they are. Whether it’s 12-step programs, therapy, or sober coaching, she shares how finding what resonates with each person is key to long-term recovery. Courtney’s insights will leave you rethinking the conventional methods and eager to explore new ways to support your journey toward the best version of you.
Finally, get the inside scoop on how National Sober Day came to be and why it's a role in promoting sobriety. Courtney offers a peek into her book that guides individuals toward life transformation. Tune in for a heartfelt conversation filled with practical advice, humor, and a celebration of living an alcohol-free life.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
My next guest describes the best day of her
life is August 18th 2012.
That is the day she finallystopped the madness of addiction
and started to do real living.
Meet Courtney Anderson.
She's a cheerleader for womenlooking to change their
relationship with alcohol,supporting them to thrive, not
just survive, without it.
(00:20):
She's the founder of NationalSober Day, host of the Sober
Vibes podcast and an author, sojoin her today as she gives
insights on how she has helpedthousands of people find freedom
going alcohol-free.
Welcome to the Sober LivingStories podcast.
(00:42):
This podcast is dedicated tosharing stories of sobriety.
We shine a spotlight onindividuals who have faced the
challenges of alcoholism andaddiction and are today living
out their best lives sober.
Each guest has experiencedincredible transformation and
are here to share their storywith you.
I'm Jessica Stepanovic, yourhost.
(01:04):
Join me each week as guestsfrom all walks of life share
their stories to inspire andprovide hope to those who need
it most.
My guest today is CourtneyAnderson.
(01:32):
She's a sober coach and alsothe author of Sober Vibes, a
guide to thriving in your firstthree months without alcohol.
She's a sober coach that runsan online support community for
sober, curious women of all ages, and she's also the founder of
a national sober day, which ison September 14th.
We're going to hear about alittle bit all of that and her
(01:54):
personal story.
I can't wait to get into it.
So welcome to the show,courtney.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Thank you.
Thank you so much for having meon today.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Yeah, as we had said before, I'm very excited to have
you on because, prior tolaunching this podcast, I was
listening and watching yours andit was a big inspiration for me
, as you being an author and mebeing a writer as well, and all
of the help that you've beengiving women throughout.
I've just been kind of watchingalong.
So I'm interested today to hitso many areas.
(02:25):
We'll do what we can and I'llhave you back on if need be.
So just a little bit of likeyour personal story, give us a
little bit of your background,and then also I'd love to talk
about community and howimportant that is in early
recovery and what you offer, anda little bit about your book.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Sure.
So my journey started on August18th of 2012.
And that was the day I finallydecided to end the cycle of
madness with alcohol that I had.
You know, I was in this.
I like to refer to it as atoxic relationship.
It was, for sure, an addictionfor me, but this toxic
(03:04):
relationship that I could notget out of, and it started very
innocently, at 19 years old.
I don't think anyone who startsdrinking is like man.
I cannot wait to have adrinking problem.
I think for many of us itstarts off very innocently in
the time of, just like you know,a lot of kids and their
teenagers and early twentiesthey drank.
(03:25):
That's the reality of thesituation.
Right, that's what the kids aredoing these days.
So I started off at 19 and itwas very.
I live in the suburbs ofDetroit so we could go over to
Canada, to Windsor, because youcould drink at 19 over there.
So on my birthday it was likean instant love.
I just felt like I could comeout of my shell because I was
(03:55):
kind of shy and I felt protected.
So it was about 19 to 25.
It grew darker and darker anddarker with this relationship,
more blacking out, more missedopportunities and at 25, I had a
feeling and I knew in my soul.
It was like you're going tohave to quit drinking one day.
I don't know how it's going tohappen or when it's going to
happen, but alcohol will notplay a part in your life.
And then, from 25 to 29, Itried to do what is now known as
(04:19):
the moderation game.
I tried to put a lot of ruleson my drinking, like no shots,
don't drink any whiskey,whiskey's the problem.
Like, make sure that you eat,you know, beer only, no wine,
don't mix anything.
So it was like and that wasthat continuous cycle that was
just exhausting, no matter whatlike I would go sometimes a week
(04:41):
without drinking, two weekswithout drinking, and I would be
like, yeah, you know.
And then it would always leadme back to where I started off
at the beginning, where it waslike, after a certain point,
once you develop a problem withalcohol, there's no turning back
to going on, how it felt at 19years old, you know.
So, finally, at 29, I was aboutsix weeks shy of being 30.
(05:02):
And that was the last nightthat I drank and for me, I had
had a thousand rock bottomsbefore, a thousand situations of
.
Here is the universe showingyou how you and alcohol are
together and it's no good.
And on this particular morningit was my last night.
(05:24):
The night before I worked at thebar and I was transitioning
into the medical field full time, so it was my last shift and I
woke up to my good girlfriendtelling me I lost my rescue cat,
fiona and that was the secondtime I lost her in a blackout
and that my boyfriend at thetime was like super pissed.
So my boyfriend comesdownstairs tells me that I
(05:46):
threatened his life the nightbefore and the cat's missing.
And for three days the cat wasgone.
On that third day I finallyfound her.
But what happened in those threedays is I sat there with one of
the worst hangovers of my life,like where I was just dry,
heaving on the floor and theguest bedroom Cause I couldn't
(06:07):
even make it out of bed.
I couldn't even get out of bedand I sat into that like, okay,
if I find Fiona, I'm going togive, I'm going to give up
alcohol.
And I found her on that thirdday and I have not drank, so so
my last drinking my lastdrinking night was August 17th,
(06:28):
so I don't consider, I don't goto that third day.
When I found her, I'm like no,no, August 18th is the day that
I you know, I I stopped drinking, so that was my day one.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
That's incredible.
And you know, I was listeningto your very first episode of
the Sober Vibes podcast and youtalk about that.
You know losing losing a cat,and how, like the wind stopped.
It was like completely still,and so, like you know, you never
know what form your, your endpoint or your you know it's
(06:59):
going to come and and you knewit because it was just like an
experience you had and you knewit was over and that was it.
That's incredible.
Yeah, I had, and you knew itwas over and that was it.
That's incredible.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Yeah, I think we all have this.
I think we all have this whereit is in the form of something.
I've had two extremelyspiritual moments in my life.
In the beginning I was not downwith God that was very hard for
me to relate to at that time.
But I had the spiritual moment.
(07:27):
So two one when I found Fionathat day and then, you know,
having my son, and that when Ifound her, it really was.
It was like this cat crawled outof the neighbor's deck, which I
had searched right.
She had like leaves in her hair, she looked pathetic, like it
was just sad, and she like ranup to me, peed on me.
(07:48):
But when she was running up tome and me like grabbing onto
this cat, yeah, like the windstopped.
I couldn't hear the traffic onthe road.
It's honestly like it timefroze.
And it was in that moment Icould feel it.
I was like okay, she's here,she's alive, because I wouldn't
(08:08):
have been able to live withmyself if that cat would have
never come back.
I mean, we rescued her from thestreets, so it's just one of
those things.
It's like how much more do youwant to go through when you keep
choosing something that givesnothing, you know.
So, yeah, so it was definitely.
It was a moment, and I thinkpeople have those moments when
(08:29):
you talk to people and they tellyou like it was just I had had
enough, you know.
So.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Yeah, yeah, very good , yeah, I agree, I agree, and
yeah, and like it comes in anyform, it comes in the form
that's so important to youindividually, you know, and
that's not something you're evergoing to forget, and it changed
your life.
It's incredible.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Yeah, so Fiona's still alive today.
She's kicking and thatboyfriend is my husband, so no,
way Okay Wonderful.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
So so, yeah, that was a good day.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
Yeah, it was.
It was like the hardest, but itwas a life-changing decision.
And that is what.
When you quit drinking alcoholon whatever spectrum you are at
in the, because there's so manytypes of what type of drinker
are you and the level of theproblem that it is I mean, at
(09:27):
the end of the day, alcohol isthe problem, but we just re
everybody's individual of howthey react to it.
Right, and it was just.
When you give up alcohol, thatis a whole different lifestyle
change.
So it doesn't matter whetheryou're like I'm sober, I'm
alcohol-free.
However you identify with it,giving it up is a complete
(09:49):
lifestyle makeover.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
That's true, it's a redesign.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
It is.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Yeah, so can you tell us a little bit about that,
like that getting started onthat, and where it brought you
to kind of help other people dothat as well?
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Sure.
So those first couple of weeksI tried AA and at that time my
anxiety and again, as I said,with, with, with how I I didn't
have God in my life at that time, you know, and, and so when God
was being thrown around in AA,just the word I'm like.
This is uncomfortable, like I,you know, listening to people
(10:26):
tell me that they had 10, 15years at a table.
I'm like I am never going toget there and it's.
But that is just the person who, where you're at, those first
90 days are so crucial.
So I stopped going, reallywhite knuckled it for two years
and then on that second year Istarted to get into more like
(10:49):
nutrition and exercise and getinto that, and then I went back
to therapy.
I did end up going back to AA mythird year and that is where in
AA and I was very comfortableat a woman's table, participated
for the summer, and that iswhere the concept of sober vibes
was actually created, because Isat there and listened to women
(11:12):
of what they needed and what Ineeded at the time and for me it
was.
I felt like it needed moreempowerment, you know, like
sitting there and listening towomen being like I wish I could
go to a Tigers baseball gamewith some friends who aren't
drinking, and it is with that.
We didn't just get sober not togo out and participate in life.
(11:34):
So for me, I wanted to kind ofbridge the gap of what more
women needed, and that's howSober Vibes was created.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
Wow, and so the community Sober Vibes or the
podcast.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
The podcast and the community started taking place
around that time on Instagramand on a Facebook group, and the
Facebook group I still have.
I mean it's geared towardswomen.
I don't let men in thatFacebook group because I had
been into previous sobriety andrecovery groups where it was men
(12:08):
and women and it just didn'tland well with me because I
really do think that it'stotally different on how men and
women recover and I didn't wanta community to then be of a
dating pool.
That's not what we were therefor, I felt like.
And then, plus too, women can'treally talk about things when
(12:31):
there's a male energy involved,Honestly, because there's a lot
that has happened with womenthat could trigger them with a
male being in that room.
So I just protect the ladies.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Protect the lady, yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Women only.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
I think there's a lot of truth to that and there's a
comfortability that's just notpresent and there's a different
energy in the room, and so, forwhat we're dealing with, I think
that's completely, really trueand relevant and it just creates
like safe space.
Talk about what you can talkabout, and there's no guarding
uh, there's no guarding yourconversation.
(13:06):
When you have a group of girlsin the room, you're allowed to
get to what you need to get to.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Right and for a lot of people.
I'm sorry.
I was just going to say, and Imean, and then there's a.
This is why I just think it'sso different between men and
women and, and you know, relapseand and and recover, it's
because men don't have a secondclock.
It's completely different withwomen with hormones and monthly
cycles and feeling like garbageand, you know, having more
(13:33):
anxiety around your period andthat triggering you to drink.
So like men don't get that.
So there's, there's justthere's more to say upon that,
that that whole thing.
But it is true that it's just.
Women are differentbiologically.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Absolutely Biologically, and I come from a
12-step background like triedand true for almost 20 years and
I found a lot and I was ingroups with men in those early
times because I was just veryhard and angry and so I
resonated with them early onthose one sentence lines, the
(14:11):
directness.
But now present day, I am withwomen's groups and I talk with
women and that's where I find myreal answers and the real
answers to life and friendshipsand long-term sobriety.
So I think that's great and sowould you say in your community
(14:32):
today, because I know we allcome from different backgrounds.
There's different.
There's people who are I'm goingto die if I drink again.
And there's other people whoare like I don't want to do this
anymore, I want to be healthier, I'm making bad choices.
So there's other people who arelike I don't want to do this
anymore, I want to be healthier,I'm making bad choices.
So there's different levels and, like the tried and true, real
alcoholic, you know it couldlead to death, it could lead to
(14:54):
different things like that.
So I love that the communitiesonline, they open it up to
everybody.
You know you can be sober,curious, you can.
So talk a little bit about thatbecause I've found that to be
really new to me but also reallywelcoming.
And just as I found it to bewelcoming in that group, I find
(15:15):
online to be really open and I'mfinding a lot of great
suggestions and help that way.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Yeah.
So when I started buildingSober Vibes and sitting in um is
sitting in the 12 step thatsummer, it was a thing of and
not everybody is at the, andthat's what I listened right
Like and listened and observedin myself too of what I needed
at that time.
(15:42):
It's like not everybody is atthe same spot and I've just
learned this too of these yearson my one-on-one clients.
This is I don't have a programwhere we're like module one,
we're doing this.
Module two we're doing thisBecause it doesn't land with
each person.
I meet the person with wherethat they're at right Like I.
(16:04):
One summer I had a man hire mejust to get to continue to get
him sober through his trips hehad planned because those were
his triggers, and two yearslater the man's still sober.
So you know what I mean.
So everybody is at a differentspot, but they all have an issue
with alcohol.
So that is what I learned inthe beginning of it's not, this
(16:26):
is not so black and white andthat it you know, at different
places and you can't you can'tin the sense, preach the same
thing to everybody because noteverybody goes with that one
line where it's like you want toquestion some things or be like
okay, I know many people whothey quit drinking, but they
(16:49):
still use marijuana to help withtheir anxiety and to sleep.
I'm not to say that's right orwrong I am.
It's like if that works bestfor you, that works best for you
.
I'm not going to take away fromyou that you're not sober,
because if alcohol was a problem, that was the problem Right.
So it's just it's.
I just believe in meetingpeople with where they're at and
(17:10):
and speaking to that.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Right, right.
And so, yeah, it's individualand everyone's allowed to have
their belief system and theirrecovery methods and what they
do, and yeah.
So I love that you wrote a bookbecause I'm a writer and I just
want you know if anyone who wasin there you had written.
The book is called Sober VibesA Guide to Thriving in your
(17:35):
First Three Months WithoutAlcohol.
I love it because it's a guideand I love it and that it
targets early sobriety.
So for any listeners that arestruggling with what to do, how
to do it, when to do it, I wouldhighly suggest to look for
Courtney Anderson's book, andcan you talk a little bit about
that and what is in there thatcould help people?
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Yep.
So again, the guide walks youthrough those first three months
, but it walks you through whereit's.
You are tailoring your sobrietyand recovery to what works best
for you and again, that's theapproach.
It's like this is it's not aone size fits all and you have
to figure out what's what worksbest for for you, not what your
(18:18):
neighbor has been doing for youknow the past 50 years, not what
your sister did, you know right, like, because there's also too
some people go to rehab andsome people don't, right, so
it's just some people.
The 12 steps works for them,some people don't.
Um, but I do always recommendyou need to try it.
Don't, but I do alwaysrecommend you need to try it.
(18:39):
Don't knock it until you try ita couple times, and I say this
in the book too.
If you need to adjust and go toa different meeting, go to a
different meeting.
For women, I always say justsit at a women's table for a bit
.
You know, therapy, put thatmaybe therapy.
Working with an addictionspecialist is the route you can
go right.
Sober coach, that's anotherroute that you can go Finding if
(19:03):
you are very introverted andthe meetings freak you out.
In-person meetings freak youout, join an online community.
So in the lot in the book it'sset up in that way.
Same thing, like you need tostart at some point to journal
out some feelings.
If you're not, if you don'tvibe with journaling, then and
you are a painter paint somestuff out like, or do some adult
(19:26):
coloring like, find stuff to doum with a little art therapy,
or to start building uponbuilding habits and and
healthier hobbies during thetime of your drinking.
So it gets you through triggers.
It gets you through socializing.
I recommend to taking a littlebit of a social break.
(19:47):
If you were that social drinkerof out and about, don't put
yourself into situations tooearly when you're going through
like on seven days you haven'tdrank for seven days, and then
you go out to the same bar youand your friends used to go to
and that's an easy trigger foryou.
So it's suggestions like that.
There's coach tips, there'sjournal prompts in it so you can
write into the book.
(20:08):
And even, too, if you are pastthe point of three months I have
had a lot of people who arepast that point of time still
read it.
I had one client that I workedwith I think she was in her
first.
I think she was at like yeartwo and then my book came out
and she was and she read it andshe was like, oh my God, she was
like some of this work I nevereven did during that time and
(20:31):
she was like it was just a greatreminder.
Because that's the thing, andyou know this too when it comes
to long-term sobriety, youcannot get stagnant.
You have to keep evolving, youhave to keep remembering why,
even if and even in the book Imake people put their why site
four times, I'm like, tell meyour why again.
(20:52):
You know in the journal,because you have to burn this
into your brain.
And my why now is not the sameas my why when I quit drinking.
My why now has now devolvedsince having a child, like
because I want to be present.
I don't have those strongcravings.
(21:12):
I'm not at a day one situation,but you kind of keep putting
yourself in check.
Because when you don't putyourself, your ass in check and
your and your ego becomes better, you know your ego comes out.
You've got to constantly workon that ego and it can.
You can easily go back and toslip into going back and getting
(21:35):
back into the cycle if youdon't continuously doing the
work and I'm not saying doingthe work every day, because it's
a lot different from year oneto year five, right, but you
have to put yourself at checkfrom time to time.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
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Now back to our guest.
Absolutely, I think that's sotrue.
So, yeah, I mean just to evenbecause complacency is like not
(22:55):
good, right, you can getcomplacent.
You think you've got it alldown and then you trip over
something and you're off.
You know so also.
It just slipped my mind, butwhen you were talking I was like
thinking to myself yeah, inlater, long-term sobriety, sure
you know, there's basic thingsyou do in the first couple
(23:17):
months.
You had talked about thenecessary 90 days.
It's tough but there's some realbasic things that you learn
there and, truthfully, itdoesn't matter if you have six
years, 10 years, 25, if younever leave the basics in
sobriety, you will never have toreturn to them and do them
again.
So, as far as your book being aguide for that, it's the same
(23:38):
thing with reading every day,like reading something every day
.
It's like that reminder soimportant, so true, and I think
the reasoning does change asyour life evolves.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
Yes, yes, yeah, well, and and it's interesting too,
because, um, where was I justgoing to go out with this?
Sorry, it sprung something froma sprung, a thought from what
you had said Complacency, yeah,see the mind brain kicks in the
(24:10):
basics complacency.
Well, just the basics.
And going back, oh, that's whatI was going to say.
So when you quit drinking, whenyou give up alcohol, and this
is what I learned.
So, 29, almost 30, I'm gettingsober as an adult and I'm
feeling like I'm a newborn,where I'm like I have to relearn
(24:33):
how to live.
You know, to this day, to thisday, when I pay my bills on time
, it's I still get.
It brings a smile to my facebecause it's like I'm
functioning, because for adecade I didn't pay bills like
on time, right or before the duedate, like and now I'm one who
(24:56):
does before the due date, justjust because, but I'm just like.
That makes me feel good becauseyou really have to.
It's like a learning to relivean adult, because for a long
time your maturity level and theway you were living was so
stunted.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
Yes, so true, so true .
So let's talk about this for asecond, because there's so much
truth to that.
So true, so true.
So let's talk about this for asecond, because there's so much
truth to that.
And as a sober coach, you know,I I mirror it against people I
surrounded myself with in earlysobriety who would be like
sponsorship or friends that weregoing through the same thing.
But they had a very directmessage.
I remember being on someone'sback porch and I was complaining
(25:36):
I'm like my, my house is awreck, I don't have any gas in
my car.
And he said then why don't yougo home, get off the back porch
and head home and start workingon one small area of your home
so that when you get there youcan feel at peace?
(25:57):
You're going to recreate eachroom in your home.
You're going to go to the gas,so you're going to go put gas in
your car.
Okay, it's like these normalsteps were so difficult, you
know, like my brain was just notworking.
It's incredible, but so true.
And so he helped me.
You know, and I redid that Idid a drawer at first when I was
washing those dishes.
I was washing those dishes, youknow, and just those little
(26:20):
steps that got you back into thenormal flow.
And then you know when I waswith other people and say, hey,
we don't, we don't give outawards for opening checking
accounts.
That's what you should havebeen doing all along.
It's so funny but so true.
But that was so rewarding to me.
You know a different, adifferent recycle bin.
I'm proud of it.
Like this is what's going outthere now.
Like this is like your wholeworld is.
(26:41):
Like you know, you get you getpretty much returned to a member
of society, like a functioningsister, mom, daughter, worker.
Everything gets to exactlywhere it needs to be.
So it's.
It's great.
Yeah, I totally get that, andcoaching helps with that.
You need somebody there to likewalk you through that.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Yeah, right, like and however you find it, whether
that is a friend or whatnot.
You know my sister.
My sister had addiction issuesand and has been in recovery and
same like when she's like yes,I paid my bills on time.
I was like good job, kimmy.
Like you know, and she's likeit's just funny you're saying
(27:25):
that to me, but I'm like, but Iget what it's like to be there
where you do like you were thefunctioning member of society
and you do need people to helpyou, because just because you
quit drinking, it doesn't meanthat the chaos stopped, because
then that talks about behaviorsthat are brought into your sober
life.
You know, for a couple of yearsmaybe I would hit snooze, hit
(27:49):
snooze on my alarm, wake up,jump out of bed, run out the
door to work, like, and it wasrush, rush, rush.
And a couple of years in I'mlike this doesn't feel good
anymore.
This still feels like I'm in myactive relationship with
alcohol.
I don't want to be speedingdown the road to get to work on
(28:09):
time if all I did was just wakeup a little bit early and set
the tone for my day and stopwith the chaos Because I think
for so many of us and stop withthe chaos, because I think for
so many of us, it's not so muchabout the alcohol that you get
in that cycle with it's.
You're chasing chaos, and thenyou, because a lot of us were
born into chaos or somethingbecame chaotic in our life, and
(28:32):
we get in that cycle where,eventually, we have to kind of
bring ourselves back to abaseline of like.
Okay, we have to kind of bringourselves back to a baseline of
like okay, I'm not going tocontinue to chase chaos, like my
home's going to be peaceful.
I'm going to set the tone formy day, because if something
messes up and happens later onthe day, I don't have control of
that.
But at least I woke up on theright side of the bed and I
(28:55):
wasn't rushed all day long.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
I love that.
Yeah, you're kind of likeresetting the baseline.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Yeah, so good.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
It's like if you have to be somewhere at 10, tell
yourself you have to besomewhere at 945.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Peaceful home, yeah yeah, andthat's not what I do too.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
If I have people over and it's like I'm attention for
people to be here at four, I'mlike come over at three 30.
And I just did this for mydad's little birthday party over
the weekend.
I told them all three, 30 andguess what?
Speaker 1 (29:27):
time they showed up for.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
So I'm like great it all worked out, because that is
the thing it's just like you yougotta.
It's just a rewiring of whatworks best for you.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
Rewiring.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Yes, of who you are, cause who you are in your sober
life is not gonna match who youwere in your active relationship
with alcohol.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
That's true, yeah, and I love how you said it's
like a bridge back to life.
I had someone tell me that thisis not completely who you are.
This is a bridge back to lifeand so and that's something else
I really love about you andwhat you bring to the recovery
community, because you have alot of laughter, a lot of fun
Like your podcast is fun, youhave no problems like just
(30:09):
talking how it is and thatsometimes we think it's so
serious and life is just goingto be so blah and it's just not
true and life is just going tobe so blah and it's just it's
just not true.
So what have you found withthat?
You know, as far as doingthings in sobriety, with
laughter, yeah, it's just havingfun and getting out there in
(30:30):
life again, you know.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
Yeah, well, and I think it was probably because it
was one of my coping mechanismslike just to always laugh.
And so I've allowed that and Isay that in the book to like
allow yourself to laugh, whetherit's just you put on a comedy
special or you put on a funnyshow, that this doesn't have to
be all serious in doom and gloomevery day.
(30:54):
Right, like, and allow yourselfto go have fun.
Because, again, you didn't justquit drinking just to be
serious pants, like you want togo out and do some living and
see some sights.
So like, yeah, those firstcouple interactions out and
about are going to be a littlebit different.
That first wedding you're goingto go to is going to be
(31:14):
different.
That first trip you're going todo, all those firsts are going
to be different.
But it eventually gets.
It gets easier over time.
But as far as going out andhaving fun because that's that's
like the number one there'slike three things people are
always scared.
It's like hold some back fromquitting drinking.
Am I going to be boring?
Um, am I going to lose friendsand what?
(31:36):
is the other one for am I goingto be boring, lose friends?
And um, um, usually it has todo with a relationship Like how
is it going to look with myrelationship without drinking?
Right Cause a lot of two, a lotof couples, become drinking
buddies.
Um, so going out and having fun, you have to look at it.
(31:59):
It's like is your currentsituation like, how fun is that?
So for me, early on, I'm likeokay, are these hangovers that
have me like on the couch forhours the next day, dry heaving
and then ordering like $30 inDomino's and eating one pizza,
pizza and then throwing that up,like you know?
(32:20):
Is that really fun?
Is waking up the next day aftera blackout or a brownout being
like, what did I say, you know?
And nowadays it's the simplething of like?
Is waking up the next dayremembering your child's
expression have you, have youdrunk the night before?
Is that fun?
It's a shame and anxiety anddepression cycle.
(32:41):
You're, you're on for the nextday fun, and that's where you
have to look at it.
Like, still to this day.
My husband and I went out lastweekend and we were going out
and I just had a smile on myface.
Still to this day, when we goand do something on the weekends
, I'm grateful for it becauseI'm not at home laying on a
(33:03):
couch wishing I could be out inthe world but can't move because
I drank myself to death thenight before, you know.
So it's just one of thosethings and, like again,
somebody's happiness could bejust not having that anxiety the
next day.
And going back to women womentend to have that anxiety more
(33:25):
the next day and going to thatmom guilt or that women guilt
and that shame cycle, you know.
And as we age then we enter inperimenopause and then menopause
and drinking on top of that isit's just, it's not good, it's
not good.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
It makes it all worse .
It's not good, it makes it allworse.
Yeah, so true, goodness.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, so much goodthere that you were just saying
yeah, I think it holds a lot ofmeaning, like life, when you get
through something that's reallydifficult and you come out of
it and you make a decision foryourself.
It's like little things in lifejust take.
(34:06):
It takes on new meaning and andyou know people are really
grateful for that.
I know I am Um, and it doesn'tgo away.
You know that deep gratitudeit's.
It's there all the time, causeit's very uh.
I think it's important toremember.
Would you say that as well?
It's important to remember whenit was bad, but it's important
never to forget that you know,yeah, when it's good, yeah, and
(34:31):
I've said that too in my book.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
Like I used to reflect back on Sundays for a
long time.
Now I just have to do it reallylike remembering situations
(34:53):
back of my drinking days, ofwhere it took me.
I will never regret any of thattime because I had some good
times.
Not all my drinking experiencewas extremely bad.
I'll give it like 10%, but 90%of the time it never ended well
with me and but I look back atjust like.
Sometimes it was just like someSundays it was just an
(35:15):
extremely bad hangover or mepuking on the off the side of my
bed, but that helped me go.
That that continued to help mego and push through and be like
this is not.
This is not.
I don't ever want to go backthere.
And it's not living in the past, because I think it's hilarious
when people are like well, Idon't want to live in the past.
And it's like or you know, whenyou get trolls on social media
(35:39):
being like you know you sure dotalk about quitting drinking a
lot it's like you'll never getit.
You'll never get it on howdifferent your life can be.
And we are so fortunate becausewe get to live two lives in one
.
We get to live the life in therelationship with alcohol and
(35:59):
then we get to see what life islike after the relationship with
alcohol.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
So good, absolutely, yeah, wow, for real.
So listen, I wanted to ask youthis because I, how did you?
I came across that you had been, you're the founder of the
National Sober Day, which is onSeptember 14th.
So how does one find a day andhow did this come about?
(36:25):
So just let us hear about that.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
So it was back in 2019.
I actually was watching areality show, because I do love
the Bravo channel, and this girlon this reality show founded a
national holiday.
I was like, oh my God, this ishow it's done.
So the next day I went to theNational Calendar Day company
and I submitted it and so Iwanted it to be.
(36:52):
You know, when there's a worldof like National Margarita Day
and National Vodka Day, I'm likethere's got to be a National
Soaper Day, and I thought thatsomebody would have already
taken it.
And the lady was like there's,she's like I'm just, she's like
I'm shocked there's not a dayfor this.
And I was like, okay, well, youknow, and I paid for it and I
submitted all of the informationand I chose September, because
(37:15):
national recovery month is inSeptember.
So I wanted to honor that.
And then I did September 14th,because both of my grandmothers
passed on that day differentyears, so I just wanted to honor
them.
And one of those grandmothersactually gave up drinking when
her grandson was born, when thefirst grandson was born, because
she had an issue, and then theother grandmother volunteered
(37:38):
for the American Red Cross forlike 35 years.
So I just wanted to pay alittle bit of tribute to them,
for me personally, so.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
Yeah, well, you know it's a great national sobriety
sober day.
I mean, it's a great it,without even knowing that you
created that.
I think, probably like thesecond post that I ever did on
my Instagram when I had thissober living stories Instagram
account, it was on nationalsober day and I, like, gave a
(38:06):
tribute, like a shout out tothat and because, yeah, it's
something people can resonatewith, I love that you did that.
I love that you took initiativeand made it into something that
everyone could use, but it hasmeaning for you.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
Yeah, and that, and that's the whole thing too.
It's like you know I, every dayyou should celebrate being
sober, but is this is thereality of it?
It's because we're just at thestarting point of this, as you
were, as we were talking beforeof, like there wasn't online
communities, right, like this is.
It brings more awareness toaddiction and sobriety, and it
(38:41):
brings awareness to people whoyou know aren't.
If you're not in the algorithmof sobriety and recovery, you
were unaware that this wholething does not exist.
Or our podcasts You're notlooking for those podcasts,
right, until you are in thesituation of all right, I'm
going to try to quit drinking,um, so it's really just a
(39:02):
celebration for all of those whoare living sober and the
awareness of addiction andaddiction and recovery.
And also, too, if you've got afamily member who wants to
support you to not not drinkthat day, you know, just to
support you.
So it's really just it's aparty for all and extra yeah,
(39:22):
and just extra, extra awareness,because, again, there's so much
that goes into this.
You know it's like an onion andand um, there's a lot of mental
health issues underneath,underneath a lot of it when
people quit drinking.
That you know so.
So it's just, it's just addedawareness.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
Yeah, celebration, I love it.
I think it's great it's like,for there's a lot of great books
out there that, well, evenbefore I started writing one, I
read so many great books that Ilove, like Blackout or A Million
Little Pieces or Drinking aLove Story, and so to see you
come out with a book, a guide,that anyone looking to have an
(40:08):
alcohol-free life can grab andkind of walk through, I love
that's a process in itself too.
There's a difference between,like, writing down your story
and then talking about it.
It's like it takes a lot ofcourage to write a book and put
it out to the world that talksabout your alcoholism.
(40:28):
So I love that you're part ofthat community and that you came
on today Because, like I said,I've been following you for a
while.
I love what you're doing.
I think it's helping a ton ofwomen and I would love to have
you on again if you would justto talk about that sober author
journey, because I think a lotof people are on it.
A lot of people are wanting towrite books, but they're not
(40:51):
quite sure how to go about doingit, so that'd be something I'd
love to look at later.
Could you tell listeners whereto find you, where they can
connect with you during the weekand how to find your book.
Speaker 2 (41:05):
Yep.
So I party the most onInstagram.
Out of all of these socialmedias, instagram is my jam and
one that will forever stay there.
So I'm on Instagram.
At Sober Vibes I'm really Iwill have to say I'm like 90% in
DMs.
(41:25):
I mean some people when I seetheir spam I'm like I'm not even
reading this.
So I party in the DMs.
If you need to reach out, youcan listen to the Sober Vibes
podcast and also to my website,courtneyrecoveredcom, and then
you can find my book on AmazonBarnes, noble.
I mean wherever books are soldyou can look it up, but just
(41:48):
Amazon and Barnes and Noble.
So yeah, Great.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
Well, thank you so much for being on.
I look forward to seeing youagain and it was great, great
conversation.
Speaker 2 (41:58):
Yes, thank you.
Thank you for having me on.
Speaker 1 (42:05):
Thank you for tuning into the Sober Living Stories
podcast.
If you have been inspired,consider subscribing and sharing
with anyone who could use hopein their lives.
Remember to stay tuned for moreinspiring stories in the
episodes to come.
To view our featured author ofthe month or to become a guest
yourself, visitwwwjessicastephanoviccom.
My next guest describes the best day of her
life is August 18th 2012.
That is the day she finallystopped the madness of addiction
and started to do real living.
Meet Courtney Anderson.
She's a cheerleader for womenlooking to change their
relationship with alcohol,supporting them to thrive, not
just survive, without it.
(00:20):
She's the founder of NationalSober Day, host of the Sober
Vibes podcast and an author, sojoin her today as she gives
insights on how she has helpedthousands of people find freedom
going alcohol-free.
Welcome to the Sober LivingStories podcast.
(00:42):
This podcast is dedicated tosharing stories of sobriety.
We shine a spotlight onindividuals who have faced the
challenges of alcoholism andaddiction and are today living
out their best lives sober.
Each guest has experiencedincredible transformation and
are here to share their storywith you.
I'm Jessica Stepanovic, yourhost.
(01:04):
Join me each week as guestsfrom all walks of life share
their stories to inspire andprovide hope to those who need
it most.
My guest today is CourtneyAnderson.
(01:32):
She's a sober coach and alsothe author of Sober Vibes, a
guide to thriving in your firstthree months without alcohol.
She's a sober coach that runsan online support community for
sober, curious women of all ages, and she's also the founder of
a national sober day, which ison September 14th.
We're going to hear about alittle bit all of that and her
(01:54):
personal story.
I can't wait to get into it.
So welcome to the show,courtney.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Thank you.
Thank you so much for having meon today.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Yeah, as we had said before, I'm very excited to have
you on because, prior tolaunching this podcast, I was
listening and watching yours andit was a big inspiration for me
, as you being an author and mebeing a writer as well, and all
of the help that you've beengiving women throughout.
I've just been kind of watchingalong.
So I'm interested today to hitso many areas.
(02:25):
We'll do what we can and I'llhave you back on if need be.
So just a little bit of likeyour personal story, give us a
little bit of your background,and then also I'd love to talk
about community and howimportant that is in early
recovery and what you offer, anda little bit about your book.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Sure.
So my journey started on August18th of 2012.
And that was the day I finallydecided to end the cycle of
madness with alcohol that I had.
You know, I was in this.
I like to refer to it as atoxic relationship.
It was, for sure, an addictionfor me, but this toxic
(03:04):
relationship that I could notget out of, and it started very
innocently, at 19 years old.
I don't think anyone who startsdrinking is like man.
I cannot wait to have adrinking problem.
I think for many of us itstarts off very innocently in
the time of, just like you know,a lot of kids and their
teenagers and early twentiesthey drank.
(03:25):
That's the reality of thesituation.
Right, that's what the kids aredoing these days.
So I started off at 19 and itwas very.
I live in the suburbs ofDetroit so we could go over to
Canada, to Windsor, because youcould drink at 19 over there.
So on my birthday it was likean instant love.
I just felt like I could comeout of my shell because I was
(03:55):
kind of shy and I felt protected.
So it was about 19 to 25.
It grew darker and darker anddarker with this relationship,
more blacking out, more missedopportunities and at 25, I had a
feeling and I knew in my soul.
It was like you're going tohave to quit drinking one day.
I don't know how it's going tohappen or when it's going to
happen, but alcohol will notplay a part in your life.
And then, from 25 to 29, Itried to do what is now known as
(04:19):
the moderation game.
I tried to put a lot of ruleson my drinking, like no shots,
don't drink any whiskey,whiskey's the problem.
Like, make sure that you eat,you know, beer only, no wine,
don't mix anything.
So it was like and that wasthat continuous cycle that was
just exhausting, no matter whatlike I would go sometimes a week
(04:41):
without drinking, two weekswithout drinking, and I would be
like, yeah, you know.
And then it would always leadme back to where I started off
at the beginning, where it waslike, after a certain point,
once you develop a problem withalcohol, there's no turning back
to going on, how it felt at 19years old, you know.
So, finally, at 29, I was aboutsix weeks shy of being 30.
(05:02):
And that was the last nightthat I drank and for me, I had
had a thousand rock bottomsbefore, a thousand situations of
.
Here is the universe showingyou how you and alcohol are
together and it's no good.
And on this particular morningit was my last night.
(05:24):
The night before I worked at thebar and I was transitioning
into the medical field full time, so it was my last shift and I
woke up to my good girlfriendtelling me I lost my rescue cat,
fiona and that was the secondtime I lost her in a blackout
and that my boyfriend at thetime was like super pissed.
So my boyfriend comesdownstairs tells me that I
(05:46):
threatened his life the nightbefore and the cat's missing.
And for three days the cat wasgone.
On that third day I finallyfound her.
But what happened in those threedays is I sat there with one of
the worst hangovers of my life,like where I was just dry,
heaving on the floor and theguest bedroom Cause I couldn't
(06:07):
even make it out of bed.
I couldn't even get out of bedand I sat into that like, okay,
if I find Fiona, I'm going togive, I'm going to give up
alcohol.
And I found her on that thirdday and I have not drank, so so
my last drinking my lastdrinking night was August 17th,
(06:28):
so I don't consider, I don't goto that third day.
When I found her, I'm like no,no, August 18th is the day that
I you know, I I stopped drinking, so that was my day one.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
That's incredible.
And you know, I was listeningto your very first episode of
the Sober Vibes podcast and youtalk about that.
You know losing losing a cat,and how, like the wind stopped.
It was like completely still,and so, like you know, you never
know what form your, your endpoint or your you know it's
(06:59):
going to come and and you knewit because it was just like an
experience you had and you knewit was over and that was it.
That's incredible.
Yeah, I had, and you knew itwas over and that was it.
That's incredible.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Yeah, I think we all have this.
I think we all have this whereit is in the form of something.
I've had two extremelyspiritual moments in my life.
In the beginning I was not downwith God that was very hard for
me to relate to at that time.
But I had the spiritual moment.
(07:27):
So two one when I found Fionathat day and then, you know,
having my son, and that when Ifound her, it really was.
It was like this cat crawled outof the neighbor's deck, which I
had searched right.
She had like leaves in her hair, she looked pathetic, like it
was just sad, and she like ranup to me, peed on me.
(07:48):
But when she was running up tome and me like grabbing onto
this cat, yeah, like the windstopped.
I couldn't hear the traffic onthe road.
It's honestly like it timefroze.
And it was in that moment Icould feel it.
I was like okay, she's here,she's alive, because I wouldn't
(08:08):
have been able to live withmyself if that cat would have
never come back.
I mean, we rescued her from thestreets, so it's just one of
those things.
It's like how much more do youwant to go through when you keep
choosing something that givesnothing, you know.
So, yeah, so it was definitely.
It was a moment, and I thinkpeople have those moments when
(08:29):
you talk to people and they tellyou like it was just I had had
enough, you know.
So.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Yeah, yeah, very good , yeah, I agree, I agree, and
yeah, and like it comes in anyform, it comes in the form
that's so important to youindividually, you know, and
that's not something you're evergoing to forget, and it changed
your life.
It's incredible.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Yeah, so Fiona's still alive today.
She's kicking and thatboyfriend is my husband, so no,
way Okay Wonderful.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
So so, yeah, that was a good day.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
Yeah, it was.
It was like the hardest, but itwas a life-changing decision.
And that is what.
When you quit drinking alcoholon whatever spectrum you are at
in the, because there's so manytypes of what type of drinker
are you and the level of theproblem that it is I mean, at
(09:27):
the end of the day, alcohol isthe problem, but we just re
everybody's individual of howthey react to it.
Right, and it was just.
When you give up alcohol, thatis a whole different lifestyle
change.
So it doesn't matter whetheryou're like I'm sober, I'm
alcohol-free.
However you identify with it,giving it up is a complete
(09:49):
lifestyle makeover.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
That's true, it's a redesign.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
It is.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Yeah, so can you tell us a little bit about that,
like that getting started onthat, and where it brought you
to kind of help other people dothat as well?
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Sure.
So those first couple of weeksI tried AA and at that time my
anxiety and again, as I said,with, with, with how I I didn't
have God in my life at that time, you know, and, and so when God
was being thrown around in AA,just the word I'm like.
This is uncomfortable, like I,you know, listening to people
(10:26):
tell me that they had 10, 15years at a table.
I'm like I am never going toget there and it's.
But that is just the person who, where you're at, those first
90 days are so crucial.
So I stopped going, reallywhite knuckled it for two years
and then on that second year Istarted to get into more like
(10:49):
nutrition and exercise and getinto that, and then I went back
to therapy.
I did end up going back to AA mythird year and that is where in
AA and I was very comfortableat a woman's table, participated
for the summer, and that iswhere the concept of sober vibes
was actually created, because Isat there and listened to women
(11:12):
of what they needed and what Ineeded at the time and for me it
was.
I felt like it needed moreempowerment, you know, like
sitting there and listening towomen being like I wish I could
go to a Tigers baseball gamewith some friends who aren't
drinking, and it is with that.
We didn't just get sober not togo out and participate in life.
(11:34):
So for me, I wanted to kind ofbridge the gap of what more
women needed, and that's howSober Vibes was created.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
Wow, and so the community Sober Vibes or the
podcast.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
The podcast and the community started taking place
around that time on Instagramand on a Facebook group, and the
Facebook group I still have.
I mean it's geared towardswomen.
I don't let men in thatFacebook group because I had
been into previous sobriety andrecovery groups where it was men
(12:08):
and women and it just didn'tland well with me because I
really do think that it'stotally different on how men and
women recover and I didn't wanta community to then be of a
dating pool.
That's not what we were therefor, I felt like.
And then, plus too, women can'treally talk about things when
(12:31):
there's a male energy involved,Honestly, because there's a lot
that has happened with womenthat could trigger them with a
male being in that room.
So I just protect the ladies.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Protect the lady, yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Women only.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
I think there's a lot of truth to that and there's a
comfortability that's just notpresent and there's a different
energy in the room, and so, forwhat we're dealing with, I think
that's completely, really trueand relevant and it just creates
like safe space.
Talk about what you can talkabout, and there's no guarding
uh, there's no guarding yourconversation.
(13:06):
When you have a group of girlsin the room, you're allowed to
get to what you need to get to.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Right and for a lot of people.
I'm sorry.
I was just going to say, and Imean, and then there's a.
This is why I just think it'sso different between men and
women and, and you know, relapseand and and recover, it's
because men don't have a secondclock.
It's completely different withwomen with hormones and monthly
cycles and feeling like garbageand, you know, having more
(13:33):
anxiety around your period andthat triggering you to drink.
So like men don't get that.
So there's, there's justthere's more to say upon that,
that that whole thing.
But it is true that it's just.
Women are differentbiologically.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Absolutely Biologically, and I come from a
12-step background like triedand true for almost 20 years and
I found a lot and I was ingroups with men in those early
times because I was just veryhard and angry and so I
resonated with them early onthose one sentence lines, the
(14:11):
directness.
But now present day, I am withwomen's groups and I talk with
women and that's where I find myreal answers and the real
answers to life and friendshipsand long-term sobriety.
So I think that's great and sowould you say in your community
(14:32):
today, because I know we allcome from different backgrounds.
There's different.
There's people who are I'm goingto die if I drink again.
And there's other people whoare like I don't want to do this
anymore, I want to be healthier, I'm making bad choices.
So there's other people who arelike I don't want to do this
anymore, I want to be healthier,I'm making bad choices.
So there's different levels and, like the tried and true, real
alcoholic, you know it couldlead to death, it could lead to
(14:54):
different things like that.
So I love that the communitiesonline, they open it up to
everybody.
You know you can be sober,curious, you can.
So talk a little bit about thatbecause I've found that to be
really new to me but also reallywelcoming.
And just as I found it to bewelcoming in that group, I find
(15:15):
online to be really open and I'mfinding a lot of great
suggestions and help that way.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Yeah.
So when I started buildingSober Vibes and sitting in um is
sitting in the 12 step thatsummer, it was a thing of and
not everybody is at the, andthat's what I listened right
Like and listened and observedin myself too of what I needed
at that time.
(15:42):
It's like not everybody is atthe same spot and I've just
learned this too of these yearson my one-on-one clients.
This is I don't have a programwhere we're like module one,
we're doing this.
Module two we're doing thisBecause it doesn't land with
each person.
I meet the person with wherethat they're at right Like I.
(16:04):
One summer I had a man hire mejust to get to continue to get
him sober through his trips hehad planned because those were
his triggers, and two yearslater the man's still sober.
So you know what I mean.
So everybody is at a differentspot, but they all have an issue
with alcohol.
So that is what I learned inthe beginning of it's not, this
(16:26):
is not so black and white andthat it you know, at different
places and you can't you can'tin the sense, preach the same
thing to everybody because noteverybody goes with that one
line where it's like you want toquestion some things or be like
okay, I know many people whothey quit drinking, but they
(16:49):
still use marijuana to help withtheir anxiety and to sleep.
I'm not to say that's right orwrong I am.
It's like if that works bestfor you, that works best for you
.
I'm not going to take away fromyou that you're not sober,
because if alcohol was a problem, that was the problem Right.
So it's just it's.
I just believe in meetingpeople with where they're at and
(17:10):
and speaking to that.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Right, right.
And so, yeah, it's individualand everyone's allowed to have
their belief system and theirrecovery methods and what they
do, and yeah.
So I love that you wrote a bookbecause I'm a writer and I just
want you know if anyone who wasin there you had written.
The book is called Sober VibesA Guide to Thriving in your
(17:35):
First Three Months WithoutAlcohol.
I love it because it's a guideand I love it and that it
targets early sobriety.
So for any listeners that arestruggling with what to do, how
to do it, when to do it, I wouldhighly suggest to look for
Courtney Anderson's book, andcan you talk a little bit about
that and what is in there thatcould help people?
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Yep.
So again, the guide walks youthrough those first three months
, but it walks you through whereit's.
You are tailoring your sobrietyand recovery to what works best
for you and again, that's theapproach.
It's like this is it's not aone size fits all and you have
to figure out what's what worksbest for for you, not what your
(18:18):
neighbor has been doing for youknow the past 50 years, not what
your sister did, you know right, like, because there's also too
some people go to rehab andsome people don't, right, so
it's just some people.
The 12 steps works for them,some people don't.
Um, but I do always recommendyou need to try it.
Don't, but I do alwaysrecommend you need to try it.
(18:39):
Don't knock it until you try ita couple times, and I say this
in the book too.
If you need to adjust and go toa different meeting, go to a
different meeting.
For women, I always say justsit at a women's table for a bit
.
You know, therapy, put thatmaybe therapy.
Working with an addictionspecialist is the route you can
go right.
Sober coach, that's anotherroute that you can go Finding if
(19:03):
you are very introverted andthe meetings freak you out.
In-person meetings freak youout, join an online community.
So in the lot in the book it'sset up in that way.
Same thing, like you need tostart at some point to journal
out some feelings.
If you're not, if you don'tvibe with journaling, then and
you are a painter paint somestuff out like, or do some adult
(19:26):
coloring like, find stuff to doum with a little art therapy,
or to start building uponbuilding habits and and
healthier hobbies during thetime of your drinking.
So it gets you through triggers.
It gets you through socializing.
I recommend to taking a littlebit of a social break.
(19:47):
If you were that social drinkerof out and about, don't put
yourself into situations tooearly when you're going through
like on seven days you haven'tdrank for seven days, and then
you go out to the same bar youand your friends used to go to
and that's an easy trigger foryou.
So it's suggestions like that.
There's coach tips, there'sjournal prompts in it so you can
write into the book.
(20:08):
And even, too, if you are pastthe point of three months I have
had a lot of people who arepast that point of time still
read it.
I had one client that I workedwith I think she was in her
first.
I think she was at like yeartwo and then my book came out
and she was and she read it andshe was like, oh my God, she was
like some of this work I nevereven did during that time and
(20:31):
she was like it was just a greatreminder.
Because that's the thing, andyou know this too when it comes
to long-term sobriety, youcannot get stagnant.
You have to keep evolving, youhave to keep remembering why,
even if and even in the book Imake people put their why site
four times, I'm like, tell meyour why again.
(20:52):
You know in the journal,because you have to burn this
into your brain.
And my why now is not the sameas my why when I quit drinking.
My why now has now devolvedsince having a child, like
because I want to be present.
I don't have those strongcravings.
(21:12):
I'm not at a day one situation,but you kind of keep putting
yourself in check.
Because when you don't putyourself, your ass in check and
your and your ego becomes better, you know your ego comes out.
You've got to constantly workon that ego and it can.
You can easily go back and toslip into going back and getting
(21:35):
back into the cycle if youdon't continuously doing the
work and I'm not saying doingthe work every day, because it's
a lot different from year oneto year five, right, but you
have to put yourself at checkfrom time to time.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Let's take a moment to hear a recovery story from
one of my sponsors.
At the age of 25, recentlymarried and a new father, jack
found himself in a Texas rehabfacility detoxing After 10 years
of addiction.
He was finally able to admitthat it was time to get help.
Not only did Soberlink allowhim to be accountable and track
his sobriety, soberlink allowedJack to prove to himself and
(22:13):
others that he could make thechange he had always hoped for.
Soberlink is the portablesobriety tracker taking the
recovery world by storm.
It has built-in facialrecognition sensors that detect
cheating and instant resultssent to contacts.
It's the number oneaccountability tool for keeping
yourself honest and rebuildingtrust.
(22:33):
Visit wwwsoberlinkcom,backslash sober dash living and
check out the show notes toclick the link and receive $50
off your device today.
Now back to our guest.
Absolutely, I think that's sotrue.
So, yeah, I mean just to evenbecause complacency is like not
(22:55):
good, right, you can getcomplacent.
You think you've got it alldown and then you trip over
something and you're off.
You know so also.
It just slipped my mind, butwhen you were talking I was like
thinking to myself yeah, inlater, long-term sobriety, sure
you know, there's basic thingsyou do in the first couple
(23:17):
months.
You had talked about thenecessary 90 days.
It's tough but there's some realbasic things that you learn
there and, truthfully, itdoesn't matter if you have six
years, 10 years, 25, if younever leave the basics in
sobriety, you will never have toreturn to them and do them
again.
So, as far as your book being aguide for that, it's the same
(23:38):
thing with reading every day,like reading something every day
.
It's like that reminder soimportant, so true, and I think
the reasoning does change asyour life evolves.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
Yes, yes, yeah, well, and and it's interesting too,
because, um, where was I justgoing to go out with this?
Sorry, it sprung something froma sprung, a thought from what
you had said Complacency, yeah,see the mind brain kicks in the
(24:10):
basics complacency.
Well, just the basics.
And going back, oh, that's whatI was going to say.
So when you quit drinking, whenyou give up alcohol, and this
is what I learned.
So, 29, almost 30, I'm gettingsober as an adult and I'm
feeling like I'm a newborn,where I'm like I have to relearn
(24:33):
how to live.
You know, to this day, to thisday, when I pay my bills on time
, it's I still get.
It brings a smile to my facebecause it's like I'm
functioning, because for adecade I didn't pay bills like
on time, right or before the duedate, like and now I'm one who
(24:56):
does before the due date, justjust because, but I'm just like.
That makes me feel good becauseyou really have to.
It's like a learning to relivean adult, because for a long
time your maturity level and theway you were living was so
stunted.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
Yes, so true, so true .
So let's talk about this for asecond, because there's so much
truth to that.
So true, so true.
So let's talk about this for asecond, because there's so much
truth to that.
And as a sober coach, you know,I I mirror it against people I
surrounded myself with in earlysobriety who would be like
sponsorship or friends that weregoing through the same thing.
But they had a very directmessage.
I remember being on someone'sback porch and I was complaining
(25:36):
I'm like my, my house is awreck, I don't have any gas in
my car.
And he said then why don't yougo home, get off the back porch
and head home and start workingon one small area of your home
so that when you get there youcan feel at peace?
(25:57):
You're going to recreate eachroom in your home.
You're going to go to the gas,so you're going to go put gas in
your car.
Okay, it's like these normalsteps were so difficult, you
know, like my brain was just notworking.
It's incredible, but so true.
And so he helped me.
You know, and I redid that Idid a drawer at first when I was
washing those dishes.
I was washing those dishes, youknow, and just those little
(26:20):
steps that got you back into thenormal flow.
And then you know when I waswith other people and say, hey,
we don't, we don't give outawards for opening checking
accounts.
That's what you should havebeen doing all along.
It's so funny but so true.
But that was so rewarding to me.
You know a different, adifferent recycle bin.
I'm proud of it.
Like this is what's going outthere now.
Like this is like your wholeworld is.
(26:41):
Like you know, you get you getpretty much returned to a member
of society, like a functioningsister, mom, daughter, worker.
Everything gets to exactlywhere it needs to be.
So it's.
It's great.
Yeah, I totally get that, andcoaching helps with that.
You need somebody there to likewalk you through that.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Yeah, right, like and however you find it, whether
that is a friend or whatnot.
You know my sister.
My sister had addiction issuesand and has been in recovery and
same like when she's like yes,I paid my bills on time.
I was like good job, kimmy.
Like you know, and she's likeit's just funny you're saying
(27:25):
that to me, but I'm like, but Iget what it's like to be there
where you do like you were thefunctioning member of society
and you do need people to helpyou, because just because you
quit drinking, it doesn't meanthat the chaos stopped, because
then that talks about behaviorsthat are brought into your sober
life.
You know, for a couple of yearsmaybe I would hit snooze, hit
(27:49):
snooze on my alarm, wake up,jump out of bed, run out the
door to work, like, and it wasrush, rush, rush.
And a couple of years in I'mlike this doesn't feel good
anymore.
This still feels like I'm in myactive relationship with
alcohol.
I don't want to be speedingdown the road to get to work on
(28:09):
time if all I did was just wakeup a little bit early and set
the tone for my day and stopwith the chaos Because I think
for so many of us and stop withthe chaos, because I think for
so many of us, it's not so muchabout the alcohol that you get
in that cycle with it's.
You're chasing chaos, and thenyou, because a lot of us were
born into chaos or somethingbecame chaotic in our life, and
(28:32):
we get in that cycle where,eventually, we have to kind of
bring ourselves back to abaseline of like.
Okay, we have to kind of bringourselves back to a baseline of
like okay, I'm not going tocontinue to chase chaos, like my
home's going to be peaceful.
I'm going to set the tone formy day, because if something
messes up and happens later onthe day, I don't have control of
that.
But at least I woke up on theright side of the bed and I
(28:55):
wasn't rushed all day long.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
I love that.
Yeah, you're kind of likeresetting the baseline.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Yeah, so good.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
It's like if you have to be somewhere at 10, tell
yourself you have to besomewhere at 945.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Peaceful home, yeah yeah, andthat's not what I do too.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
If I have people over and it's like I'm attention for
people to be here at four, I'mlike come over at three 30.
And I just did this for mydad's little birthday party over
the weekend.
I told them all three, 30 andguess what?
Speaker 1 (29:27):
time they showed up for.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
So I'm like great it all worked out, because that is
the thing it's just like you yougotta.
It's just a rewiring of whatworks best for you.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
Rewiring.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Yes, of who you are, cause who you are in your sober
life is not gonna match who youwere in your active relationship
with alcohol.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
That's true, yeah, and I love how you said it's
like a bridge back to life.
I had someone tell me that thisis not completely who you are.
This is a bridge back to lifeand so and that's something else
I really love about you andwhat you bring to the recovery
community, because you have alot of laughter, a lot of fun
Like your podcast is fun, youhave no problems like just
(30:09):
talking how it is and thatsometimes we think it's so
serious and life is just goingto be so blah and it's just not
true and life is just going tobe so blah and it's just it's
just not true.
So what have you found withthat?
You know, as far as doingthings in sobriety, with
laughter, yeah, it's just havingfun and getting out there in
(30:30):
life again, you know.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
Yeah, well, and I think it was probably because it
was one of my coping mechanismslike just to always laugh.
And so I've allowed that and Isay that in the book to like
allow yourself to laugh, whetherit's just you put on a comedy
special or you put on a funnyshow, that this doesn't have to
be all serious in doom and gloomevery day.
(30:54):
Right, like, and allow yourselfto go have fun.
Because, again, you didn't justquit drinking just to be
serious pants, like you want togo out and do some living and
see some sights.
So like, yeah, those firstcouple interactions out and
about are going to be a littlebit different.
That first wedding you're goingto go to is going to be
(31:14):
different.
That first trip you're going todo, all those firsts are going
to be different.
But it eventually gets.
It gets easier over time.
But as far as going out andhaving fun because that's that's
like the number one there'slike three things people are
always scared.
It's like hold some back fromquitting drinking.
Am I going to be boring?
Um, am I going to lose friendsand what?
(31:36):
is the other one for am I goingto be boring, lose friends?
And um, um, usually it has todo with a relationship Like how
is it going to look with myrelationship without drinking?
Right Cause a lot of two, a lotof couples, become drinking
buddies.
Um, so going out and having fun, you have to look at it.
(31:59):
It's like is your currentsituation like, how fun is that?
So for me, early on, I'm likeokay, are these hangovers that
have me like on the couch forhours the next day, dry heaving
and then ordering like $30 inDomino's and eating one pizza,
pizza and then throwing that up,like you know?
(32:20):
Is that really fun?
Is waking up the next day aftera blackout or a brownout being
like, what did I say, you know?
And nowadays it's the simplething of like?
Is waking up the next dayremembering your child's
expression have you, have youdrunk the night before?
Is that fun?
It's a shame and anxiety anddepression cycle.
(32:41):
You're, you're on for the nextday fun, and that's where you
have to look at it.
Like, still to this day.
My husband and I went out lastweekend and we were going out
and I just had a smile on myface.
Still to this day, when we goand do something on the weekends
, I'm grateful for it becauseI'm not at home laying on a
(33:03):
couch wishing I could be out inthe world but can't move because
I drank myself to death thenight before, you know.
So it's just one of thosethings and, like again,
somebody's happiness could bejust not having that anxiety the
next day.
And going back to women womentend to have that anxiety more
(33:25):
the next day and going to thatmom guilt or that women guilt
and that shame cycle, you know.
And as we age then we enter inperimenopause and then menopause
and drinking on top of that isit's just, it's not good, it's
not good.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
It makes it all worse .
It's not good, it makes it allworse.
Yeah, so true, goodness.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, so much goodthere that you were just saying
yeah, I think it holds a lot ofmeaning, like life, when you get
through something that's reallydifficult and you come out of
it and you make a decision foryourself.
It's like little things in lifejust take.
(34:06):
It takes on new meaning and andyou know people are really
grateful for that.
I know I am Um, and it doesn'tgo away.
You know that deep gratitudeit's.
It's there all the time, causeit's very uh.
I think it's important toremember.
Would you say that as well?
It's important to remember whenit was bad, but it's important
never to forget that you know,yeah, when it's good, yeah, and
(34:31):
I've said that too in my book.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
Like I used to reflect back on Sundays for a
long time.
Now I just have to do it reallylike remembering situations
(34:53):
back of my drinking days, ofwhere it took me.
I will never regret any of thattime because I had some good
times.
Not all my drinking experiencewas extremely bad.
I'll give it like 10%, but 90%of the time it never ended well
with me and but I look back atjust like.
Sometimes it was just like someSundays it was just an
(35:15):
extremely bad hangover or mepuking on the off the side of my
bed, but that helped me go.
That that continued to help mego and push through and be like
this is not.
This is not.
I don't ever want to go backthere.
And it's not living in the past, because I think it's hilarious
when people are like well, Idon't want to live in the past.
And it's like or you know, whenyou get trolls on social media
(35:39):
being like you know you sure dotalk about quitting drinking a
lot it's like you'll never getit.
You'll never get it on howdifferent your life can be.
And we are so fortunate becausewe get to live two lives in one
.
We get to live the life in therelationship with alcohol and
(35:59):
then we get to see what life islike after the relationship with
alcohol.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
So good, absolutely, yeah, wow, for real.
So listen, I wanted to ask youthis because I, how did you?
I came across that you had been, you're the founder of the
National Sober Day, which is onSeptember 14th.
So how does one find a day andhow did this come about?
(36:25):
So just let us hear about that.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
So it was back in 2019.
I actually was watching areality show, because I do love
the Bravo channel, and this girlon this reality show founded a
national holiday.
I was like, oh my God, this ishow it's done.
So the next day I went to theNational Calendar Day company
and I submitted it and so Iwanted it to be.
(36:52):
You know, when there's a worldof like National Margarita Day
and National Vodka Day, I'm likethere's got to be a National
Soaper Day, and I thought thatsomebody would have already
taken it.
And the lady was like there's,she's like I'm just, she's like
I'm shocked there's not a dayfor this.
And I was like, okay, well, youknow, and I paid for it and I
submitted all of the informationand I chose September, because
(37:15):
national recovery month is inSeptember.
So I wanted to honor that.
And then I did September 14th,because both of my grandmothers
passed on that day differentyears, so I just wanted to honor
them.
And one of those grandmothersactually gave up drinking when
her grandson was born, when thefirst grandson was born, because
she had an issue, and then theother grandmother volunteered
(37:38):
for the American Red Cross forlike 35 years.
So I just wanted to pay alittle bit of tribute to them,
for me personally, so.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
Yeah, well, you know it's a great national sobriety
sober day.
I mean, it's a great it,without even knowing that you
created that.
I think, probably like thesecond post that I ever did on
my Instagram when I had thissober living stories Instagram
account, it was on nationalsober day and I, like, gave a
(38:06):
tribute, like a shout out tothat and because, yeah, it's
something people can resonatewith, I love that you did that.
I love that you took initiativeand made it into something that
everyone could use, but it hasmeaning for you.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
Yeah, and that, and that's the whole thing too.
It's like you know I, every dayyou should celebrate being
sober, but is this is thereality of it?
It's because we're just at thestarting point of this, as you
were, as we were talking beforeof, like there wasn't online
communities, right, like this is.
It brings more awareness toaddiction and sobriety, and it
(38:41):
brings awareness to people whoyou know aren't.
If you're not in the algorithmof sobriety and recovery, you
were unaware that this wholething does not exist.
Or our podcasts You're notlooking for those podcasts,
right, until you are in thesituation of all right, I'm
going to try to quit drinking,um, so it's really just a
(39:02):
celebration for all of those whoare living sober and the
awareness of addiction andaddiction and recovery.
And also, too, if you've got afamily member who wants to
support you to not not drinkthat day, you know, just to
support you.
So it's really just it's aparty for all and extra yeah,
(39:22):
and just extra, extra awareness,because, again, there's so much
that goes into this.
You know it's like an onion andand um, there's a lot of mental
health issues underneath,underneath a lot of it when
people quit drinking.
That you know so.
So it's just, it's just addedawareness.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
Yeah, celebration, I love it.
I think it's great it's like,for there's a lot of great books
out there that, well, evenbefore I started writing one, I
read so many great books that Ilove, like Blackout or A Million
Little Pieces or Drinking aLove Story, and so to see you
come out with a book, a guide,that anyone looking to have an
(40:08):
alcohol-free life can grab andkind of walk through, I love
that's a process in itself too.
There's a difference between,like, writing down your story
and then talking about it.
It's like it takes a lot ofcourage to write a book and put
it out to the world that talksabout your alcoholism.
(40:28):
So I love that you're part ofthat community and that you came
on today Because, like I said,I've been following you for a
while.
I love what you're doing.
I think it's helping a ton ofwomen and I would love to have
you on again if you would justto talk about that sober author
journey, because I think a lotof people are on it.
A lot of people are wanting towrite books, but they're not
(40:51):
quite sure how to go about doingit, so that'd be something I'd
love to look at later.
Could you tell listeners whereto find you, where they can
connect with you during the weekand how to find your book.
Speaker 2 (41:05):
Yep.
So I party the most onInstagram.
Out of all of these socialmedias, instagram is my jam and
one that will forever stay there.
So I'm on Instagram.
At Sober Vibes I'm really Iwill have to say I'm like 90% in
DMs.
(41:25):
I mean some people when I seetheir spam I'm like I'm not even
reading this.
So I party in the DMs.
If you need to reach out, youcan listen to the Sober Vibes
podcast and also to my website,courtneyrecoveredcom, and then
you can find my book on AmazonBarnes, noble.
I mean wherever books are soldyou can look it up, but just
(41:48):
Amazon and Barnes and Noble.
So yeah, Great.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
Well, thank you so much for being on.
I look forward to seeing youagain and it was great, great
conversation.
Speaker 2 (41:58):
Yes, thank you.
Thank you for having me on.
Speaker 1 (42:05):
Thank you for tuning into the Sober Living Stories
podcast.
If you have been inspired,consider subscribing and sharing
with anyone who could use hopein their lives.
Remember to stay tuned for moreinspiring stories in the
episodes to come.
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