April 27, 2024 • 44 mins
Lady Ren shares her story of her marriage that went from a vanilla existence to a vibrant dynamic with female empowerment, BDSM, FLR, femdom, and cuckolding.
Reflecting on the beauty of a relationship that can bend and grow through the years, this episode is a celebration of self-discovery, mutual fulfillment, and the transformative power of stepping outside comfort zones. Join us for a conversation that's as enlightening as it is provocative, challenging every preconceived notion about what it means to lead with love and desire.
If you've ever wondered about the intricacies of FLR, cuckolding, and femdom, Lady Ren's candid revelations are a treasure trove of insight.
Links
Lady Ren on Fetlife: Lady_Ren
Key Barrett's books - https://a.co/d/izEhRkn
The Hesitant Mistress book - https://a.co/d/9MXY9fr
Crystal Welch - https://www.venuscuckoldress.com/cw
The QQ Community (free) - https://www.venuscuckoldress.com/offers/FTNWndiv/checkout
Cuck My Life Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/cuck-my-life-podcast/id1741285846
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Destination Links for Venus - https://linktr.ee/venuscuckoldress
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Here's what's coming up on the show.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
On our 30th wedding anniversary, we went on a cruise
and he showed me this book andit was what a submissive looks
like and who they are and whatmakes up a submissive.
And it was him to a T.
So we decided that on thiscruise we were going to change
roles.
I was going to be the mistressand we were going to do this the
(00:29):
whole cruise.
And when we got home it waslike this is us.
The word dominatrix came up andI'm going.
I had to Google it.
I didn't know what it was.
I go, you want me to what?
What?
Speaker 1 (00:46):
it was.
I go.
You want me to what?
So there's a lot of guys whoare really wanting this.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Your husband got it.
What's the secret?
You know it's funny.
We've always wanted to make theother person happy and I'm not
doing it to make him happy, buthe waited 30 years to tell me
that and that just was not sad,but just that he didn't trust or
had faith or that thatrelationship wasn't there, that
he could tell me that, andthat's really hard for a man to
(01:23):
tell somebody.
That's what I need, but it'sjust talking to him and saying,
hey, that was vulnerable.
You know, one of the thingsthat we've always talked about
is, especially with thenon-monogamy, is that if either
one of us ever feels thatthey're done, there's no
(01:47):
questions asked we're done.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
This is the Venus Cuckoldris Podcast a place to
learn all things cuckolding forthe curious, for the passionate
and for the sexually empoweredwoman who wants it all.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Let's go.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Welcome to the show everyone.
I'm your host, venus, thanksfor joining me today, and I have
Lady Ren on the show.
She's going to be talking abouthow she is in a FLR.
That's female-led relationship,cuckold relationship, bdsm.
She's even got some femdom inthere.
She and get this get thisstarted out completely vanilla
(02:44):
for many years in her marriageand she has well, together with
her husband, they've transformedit into this very kinky, very
unique type of relationship, andshe explains what it was like
to learn from her husband, abouthis kinky desires and what it
was like for her to really learnabout and embrace her dominant
(03:07):
side.
She used some really helpfulresources and now she says she's
a 24-7 lifestyle dom and sherefers to her cuck husband as
her slave.
It's really such a cool storyand I know you're going to love
it, so stay tuned.
I just have a couple ofannouncements.
First, I'm going to be hostinga live chat in the Queens
(03:29):
Quarters community.
That is going to be May 17th at2 pm Pacific time, that's 5 pm
Eastern time and that's totallyfree.
I'm going to be talking about abunch of things, so make sure
that you check it out.
The link is in the show notesfor today's episode.
Second announcement Okay, thereis a brand new podcast called
(03:51):
Cuck my Life and I'm so excitedabout it.
It is hosted by, I thinkthere's four guys, four cucks,
and they're talking about thecuck perspective and everything
like that, which I think isawesome.
I believe their podcast isavailable on all platforms
podcast listening apps, but Ihave not had a chance to check
it out yet.
I've heard great things aboutit, so make sure you check that
(04:13):
out.
It's called Cuck my Life.
All right, that's it forannouncements.
Let's jump into the show.
Here we go, joining me on theshow, I have a special guest.
Her name is ren and she is in aflr, cuckold, femdom, bdsm type
(04:35):
of relationship and she's hereto share her story.
So welcome to the show, ren.
Say hello to all the listeners.
Hi, Hi, it's good to be here.
Okay, yeah, this is greatbecause it was your husband who
sent me an email and he's likeyeah, so my wife would be a
(04:55):
great guest for the show.
And it turns out that you bothare friends with Crystal Welch,
who I love and adore.
I was like all right, let's dothis so.
So how did this all come about?
Like was he like, did he tellyou that he emailed me.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
After the fact yes, because he knew I would probably
say no.
But I am very fortunate that Ihave a partner, husband, cuckold
, submissive, slave whatever wewant to call them today who
(05:41):
pushes my boundaries and hasalways supported me in learning
and growing and evolving.
So it was.
This is a little out of mycomfort zone, but here I am.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Well, I'm really happy that you're sharing your
story.
It sounds like you have a veryunique kind of relationship that
you guys have built together.
That's really your own and hasdifferent kinds of dynamics kind
of built in.
So we're going to explore thatand I love that you're sharing
your story.
It's hilarious that yourhusband emailed me and you
didn't know.
This happens often actually.
Yeah, it does.
(06:16):
Yeah, okay, so you guys havebeen, from what I know, you've
been married a long time and youwere kind of like vanilla for a
long time yes.
So how did you go from vanillato not vanilla?
Speaker 2 (06:35):
You know it's.
It was funny.
We were both married very youngto each other.
Um, we next year will be 40years and so, yeah, very, very
long time I got him out of histeens before I married him, and
so we you know I was brought upmen are the head of the
(06:55):
household, they're the finalword, they are the protectors,
you know.
They are the breadwinners, andabout 10 years ago he took a job
overseas and so I became thepower of attorney for anything
at home.
We had a child in school, highschool and so I started taking
(07:20):
over a lot of the household thebills, the making the decisions
selling cars, selling houses,buying houses, that kind of
thing while he was away.
And one of the things that kindof bent our marriage was the
long distance.
He did that for about fouryears and I saw him two weeks
(07:42):
every four months and so it wasreally tough.
It bent the relationship and hewould tell me he loved me, but
he goes.
I want to show you how muchthat I'm still into you, I'm
still obsessed with you, and heshared a book with me I think it
(08:03):
was called the HesitantMistress and I'm looking at this
and he goes.
We kind of played with thingsin the bedroom to kind of spice
things up.
And on our 30th weddinganniversary we went on a cruise
and he showed me this book andit was what a submissive looks
(08:26):
like and who they are and whatmakes up a submissive.
And it was him to a T.
So we decided that on thiscruise we were going to pretend
you know, change roles.
I was going to be the mistressand he was.
We're going to do this thewhole cruise.
And when we got home it waslike this is this?
(08:47):
Is us this?
is us we need to do this and sohe kind of helped me.
The word dominatrix came up andI'm going.
I had to Google it.
I didn't know what it was.
I go, you want me to what youknow?
Um, but it was reading books,it was talking.
(09:09):
You know.
I found a great group of ladiesthat were all female doms and
great discussion group and kindof evolved through that and it's
just been evolving and changing.
That was the one thing thatCrystal said is she goes.
I love watching you guysbecause every couple of years
you kind of tweak things andevolve and it's just been a
(09:33):
wonderful journey.
So we did the Dom slave for thelongest time, or Dom submissive
, and we'd go really deep intothat and I ended up getting my
master's degree and he supportedme through that and ended up
doming himself for about a yearbecause I just had too much on
(09:54):
my plate.
And when we came through it, hegoes I need you back here.
So we kind of swung towardsswinging and that was fun.
I wasn't.
I was kind of more worried thathe was going to look at me
(10:17):
differently.
Oh, how so.
Well, we had been together 30years.
Well, we had been together 30years.
We hadn't been with anybodyelse in 30 years and it was like
are you sure you want me to dothis?
How are you going to, you know?
And it brought up all thatgreat conversation and we
learned a lot about trust andjust talking everything out.
(10:43):
And our communication level isskyrocketed since swinging.
Everything has been acommunication and every time we
evolve, that communication goeseven higher.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
And it's just a neat place to be.
Wow, I love that.
But I still can't like.
I'm trying to picture this youin the you know the typical
stereotypical gender role of awoman in a patriarchal kind of
relationship and then and kindof like how does that work?
Speaker 2 (11:28):
Well, like I said, when he was overseas, I was
always handling all this stuffand it was funny when we started
out very slowly, he said Iwould like this and then I would
do that and I would see how itevolved, how much more dominant
I became and how much moresubmissive he became, and it was
(11:49):
just that transformation, but alot of it.
Finally, he was helping me kindof evolve to that.
And then finally he goes whenyou're ready, tell me and I'll
back off.
And I said I've got this.
And it was a lot of talking, alot of communication, it's a lot
(12:10):
of work, it's a lot of feedbackboth ways, and it's it's been
an evolution.
We do everything weird.
Ask Crystal next time.
We we don't fit any pegs.
We've always.
(12:30):
Our life has always beendifferent.
He will support me in, however,and he wanted this, and I saw
how much he wanted it and Istarted to realize that, even
though he was in charge, I wasputting doubt in his mind when I
needed something my way.
Okay, okay, and I'm lookingback at conversations that we
(12:56):
had when he wanted to buy thisor that or the other thing.
I'm going really, you need that.
No, yeah, are you sure you wantto do it that way?
You know, and it was justsubtle enough that I think I
never realized.
I'm not a dominant person, asyou could probably see, but I do
it subtly, I guess enough, andI was.
(13:18):
I was talking to my boyfriendthis morning and he goes yeah,
you look really sweet and kindof innocent on the outside, but
underneath there's this evil.
And the more I've done this,the more I've gotten into this.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
That evil person is coming out a little bit more
than the nice person is kind ofgoing away nice person is kind
of going away, so okay, so thatmakes more sense to me in that,
like this was always, maybewithin you, it just was.
(13:55):
This is just an unlayering andallowing that to kind of come
through.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Yes, I have always been a people pleaser and this
is the neat thing about this isit has made me a little bit more
.
I was very shy, very, um, justvery quiet, and he's very
(14:23):
overbearing, very out type, avery loud and very he takes
control and he can talk toanybody and he, he gets mad at
me now Cause he goes.
I've let her out of the box,you know, put her back in.
No, no, but like I said, he'salways kind of pushed me a
little bit to be a little bitmore of who he knows I am
outside.
(14:43):
So it's made me a lot moreoutgoing, a lot more decisive,
and in our relationship it'salso taken the toll on the
positive on him is his stresslevel is down, he is more calm,
he's more relaxed, he's evenhealed and it's brought his
(15:06):
medication down too, which hasbeen amazing.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
You don't have that kind of tug of war going on that
you would normally have whenyou're trying to make sure
there's always equality in therelationship.
I can see it as being like heunderstands what he needs to do,
rather than kind of having toguess sometimes what he needs to
do and how you're feeling.
And I love the fact that infemale led relationships it's
(15:45):
kind of like you said you weremore decisive and able to, you
know, be more outgoing and stufflike that.
It's almost like it gives youpermission to kind of unfilter
what it is that you need to doand say.
In that kind of relationshipyou can just feel comfortable
just doing and saying the thingsthat need to be said and done.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Right, yeah, absolutely Okay.
He's a leaper, so he leaps andthen thinks.
So now I kind of make him waitand to ask me first before he
leaps.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Which is a positive right.
It is a positive, it is apositive, positive, right, it is
a positive, it is a positive.
So I have tons I've heard oflike from tons and tons of
husbands out there who say, oh,I would really like my wife to
be dominant, they really wantthe power exchange, but maybe
they brought it up and she'sjust like hell no.
(16:40):
Or he's like I know her.
There's no way she would eversign up for that.
So there's a lot of guys whoare really wanting this.
Your husband got it.
He really wanted it, yeah, andhe got it.
What's the secret?
Speaker 2 (17:00):
You know it's funny.
We've always wanted to make theother person happy and I'm not
doing it to make him happy buthe waited 30 years to tell me
that and that just was not sad,but just that he didn't trust or
(17:21):
had faith or that thatrelationship wasn't there.
That he could tell me that.
And that's really hard for aman to tell somebody.
That's what I need and it isdefinitely a need, but it's just
talking to him and saying, hey,that was vulnerable, that was
(17:42):
hard and I didn't understand I,until I read the book.
What's in their heads to getthem there that they want it?
Um, so it was.
You know, I trusted that.
That's.
He wasn't going to look at medifferent.
That it wasn't weird, it wasn't.
It's just why they're howthey're wired.
(18:05):
It's just how they're wired and, um, like I said, I'm it was
important to him and I thinkthat was enough.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
So you guys ventured into non-monogamy in the form of
swinging, and I'm guessing thatyou decided you did not want
him sleeping with other women.
At some point you were likenope, nope, nope, nope, nope,
yeah, absolutely absolutely so.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
Yeah it, yeah, uh-huh .
That was just kind of one ofthose things.
It was like yeah, no, I get aboyfriend, you don't that?
Was just it kind of goes withthat Dom submissive, I get
everything I want and he has tosuffer.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
So the unfairness of it.
I love it so okay.
So then you decided you wantedthis one-sided open relationship
.
That that's that would fit youguys best.
The cuckold part you guysdecided to venture down that
road together.
What was that like?
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Oh, my goodness, that is fairly new.
It's about a year and a halfinto it.
It's funny.
We've had to figure that partout.
His love language is qualitytime, and I am very respectful
(19:34):
of that.
So I will check in with him andsay you know, hey, this is what
I would like to do.
Where's your head at, where'syour space?
Because he'll look at me and go, look, I get you when you've
got a cold, I've got you whenyou've had a bad day at work.
(19:54):
And here's this guy who comesin, breezes in and gives you sex
and breezes out, and so I makesure that we're in a good spot.
We've had our quality time andthe boyfriend whoever's coming
in is sprinkles and ourrelationship is where it needs
(20:14):
to be.
If it's not, then it's calledoff and the boyfriends know that
we're the priority, and so it'sjust a respect.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
I love that so much and okay, so you guys are
experienced with the kink andBDSM kind of things.
Right, I know that within thatlifestyle the word aftercare is
a thing.
So does that exist within yourrelationship around like the
(20:48):
cuckolding part?
Because I've had people askingabout this, like, how do you
practice aftercare in acuckolding relationship?
Because I don't know that thesession or scene necessarily has
a start or a stop, a beginningor an end, but there has to be
some sort of emotional orphysical kind of and you were
(21:10):
just alluding to it where you'resaying that I make sure that
you know the um, my boyfriend islike the sprinkles of the
relationship.
The main course is, you know,my priority is my husband.
But how do you do that within acuckolding relationship as far
as like taking care of hisemotional needs when he may be
feeling I don't know if he feelsa cucky angst, but if he does,
(21:33):
On occasion, and then I justbeat him out of it anyway.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
But we do cuddle afterwards, we talk afterwards.
He loves to hear about it, helikes to know everything.
And it's really funny because,like I said, the boyfriend that
I have right now is prettysteady.
He was here this morning and hecame downstairs after we were
(22:07):
done and SJ was working on lunchor whatever.
And they get talking and SJ hadasked my boyfriend to take
pictures the last time and thenit like two days later he still
hadn't sent them.
And so I text him and say whereare my pictures?
And he sends them to me and Igo no, you have to send them to
(22:28):
him.
And and the boyfriend goes, no,I'll hurt his feelings because
they're best friends, and it'sjust weird, Um.
And I said you better get outof here.
You're going to be on the showtoo.
So we were going to have allthree of us here, but Okay, so
(22:49):
you've got the FLR Femdomcuckolding.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
You tried the swinging thing, I tried the
swinging thing.
Yeah yeah, Cuckolding, BDSM-ishstuff.
But then you refer to yourhusband as a slave.
What exactly does that mean?
Does that mean he's like doesthat equ?
Does that equate ownership?
(23:16):
Or I don't understand that word.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
It's such a fine line .
A submissive is somebody who,basically, it's the opposite of
a dom.
Dom, a dominatrix, submissiveUm, you can have, like the
bedroom games.
You'll be the submissive thistime, you'll be the dom this
time, and then we're done, atthe end of what you were saying,
a scene.
Sj and I are in a 24-7, so it'severy minute of every day.
(23:46):
So this is a little bit moreintense in the sense of I am
always in charge.
He does whatever I need him todo, whether it's suffer for me,
or I come home from a day and Iwant to beat his butt, or I want
to tease him or deny him orwhatever he does, what I ask him
(24:10):
to do, and with no safe words.
It's not a scene, it's alifestyle.
So I'm what they call alifestyle dom.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Okay, cause I've heard that term before and I
don't really understand.
I don't know what it was.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Yeah, so slave is more of a.
This is who I am, I'm notplaying a submissive.
Every role is even cuckoldinghas its own nuances for
whoever's doing it.
I think it's the same way withdom submissive.
(24:45):
So dom slave, I think, is justmore commitment.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
So instead of the word bull, you use the word
boyfriend.
Does that mean that you aremore polyamorous?
Speaker 2 (25:02):
With this one.
Yes, I have not had thatexperience yet with a bull.
I am more dominant, so I don'twant anybody dominating me in
the bedroom.
But we are definitelypolyamorous.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Yeah, and I think that's great that your boyfriend
is best friends with yourhusband as well, so they have a
great relationship.
You guys hang out that's socool, but you still like I'm
assuming, as you said beforemake sure that your husband is
always the priority, right?
And that the boyfriend is justlike, you know, the icing on the
(25:41):
cake, kind of thing.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Yeah, we have a dynamic and that is the most
important.
It's the relationship and thedynamic of the dom slave or dom
sub and the cuckold, and wealways that is our checking
point Is this having a positiveeffect on that relationship,
that dynamic, or is it having anegative effect?
And then we work out thatrelationship with that in mind.
(26:10):
So we're not like antagonizingeach other, saying you did X, it
is.
Does that help this?
Does it hurt this?
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Oh, I think that's a great framework to work with and
I hope that some of the coupleswho are listening to the show
take notes on that, because notto say it would work for
everybody, but that's a greatway to look at it If you're
looking at really kind ofwanting to preserve your
relationship first and foremostthat I mean we, we did that with
(26:41):
our marriage beforehand andthen we basically said we we've
kind of we don't fight anymore.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
It's really weird, um , especially since I'm always
right, uh, but we also picked upsome front.
Uh, you know somebody else thatwe've looked at and read and
that's Keith Barrett, and we'vepicked up and really taken into
a lot of account one of hisbooks and started our weekly
(27:09):
meetings and we do the commandand what they call command and,
oh goodness, their meetings, andwe basically do.
We are planning for the week,we go through any questions that
we might have going on anyfeedback and then we basically
love that and it's become a partof our relationship, probably
(27:30):
for the last six months, and itclarifies so much and that safe
space within those meetings arejust great ways of communicating
and talking about therelationship, the dynamic and
the communication out of it.
It makes things a lot clearer.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
Yeah, Key Barrett's amazing.
I love his books.
I adore his books, and his bookon FLR Submit, Surrender and
Serve Her was eye opening to me.
It was.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
I was just like everything is about this is
making so much sense to me wekind of go oh, we'll take that
and we'll take that and we'lltake this, and then we evolve
again.
And his book was amazing.
It really opened our eyes evenmore and I think we're.
The FLR has been going on fornow gosh, next year will be 10
(28:27):
years and every time ourcommunication gets better.
His books have just beenfantastic for keeping things in
perspective and really makingsure that.
I think every time we sit thereand look at it and go, if we
(28:48):
pretend nothing is going to gowrong, oh, we're perfect, we're
fine.
We have to be diligent aboutwhat we're doing and really be
thoughtful about how we're doingit and how it's going to affect
everything Our relationship,our talking.
I think we talked for a goodsix months before we even
(29:12):
started swinging.
Are you sure it's going to beokay?
Are you sure?
Where are you feeling I'm going?
I'm not ready for that, but youknow it's just that, that
constant dialogue ofcommunication, of getting that
going.
You've got to know them betterthan you know yourself and I
(29:34):
think you know if this happens,we need to debrief afterwards
the first time and talk andcommunicate.
And you know, one of the thingsthat we've always talked about
is especially with the nonmonogamy, is that if either one
of us ever feels that they'redone, there's no questions asked
(30:00):
.
We're done.
Oh really, if one of us says I'mnot comfortable anymore with
this, we both have the respectfor the other person to say okay
, we're done, no questions asked.
Wow, yeah, just because wedon't want to ruin that core
that we have.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
At what point does this all become a bit
complicated, Like you're talkingabout?
You know, poly, non-monogamy,all these different dynamics.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Oh, it's complicated, it's, yeah.
And then of course, you've gotlife in there too, and we both
have full-time jobs.
I'm, I've got an older parent.
You know life happens and youknow you've got gym, you've got
(30:52):
friends, you've got events youcan go to, and I've got Dom
events that I go to and we go toswinging events and we go, yeah
, so, trying to fit that all in,and you know, one of the things
I was talking to him I go SJ iswe just moved and we just got
settled in and we went away lastweekend and had a great weekend
, but we came back Sunday and wehad to work on Monday through
(31:15):
the week.
It was crazy week this week.
And he's going oh, there's anevent down here, let's go here
this weekend.
And I'm going no, we're done.
And he looked at me and I go,we've been running since January
, no, it's either we won't doanything this weekend or we're
both going to crash and we'regoing to get sick.
And so he kind of sat back andgoes yeah, you're right.
(31:38):
So I think it's moderation andjust kind of prioritizing and
just looking at and going no,it's this weekend, is us and
whatever that looks like, and itcan be a lot of different
things.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
So what does it look like?
Is there cause you said you'rein a 24 seven lifestyle Dom kind
of relationship?
Well, I do have a dungeon?
Speaker 2 (32:05):
um, a little one, so it could be putting him up on
the frame.
I do a little bit of hypnosis,so there's a little bit of mind
games, there's a lot of justgood old fun.
Uh, it's.
It could be a lot, it could betraining, it could be him giving
you know.
(32:25):
It's like hey, I'm really tired, my shoulders hurt, I want a
massage.
And he gives me a massage and,of course, with after a massage
you have to have a bubble bathand then, you know, it just
leads on to something else andsomething else, and you know
dang, I need one of these guysin my life Fuck.
Oh yeah, I was at a that lastweekend was a dominance group
(32:48):
that I belong to and we werekidding and I said, yeah, I need
a garden slave, I need akitchen slave.
I, you know, I want to, I wantto cook slave.
You know, I just want a wholebunch of them, or they'll do my
little, my little minions for me.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
It sounds like a nice life.
I'm not going to lie.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
It was a lovely life.
I love my life right now and,um, you know, both of us looked
at each other and said you know,at some point we're not going
to be able to do this and we'rekind of going down.
You know, the other side ofwhatever age I am and I want to
live it to the fullest.
I want to just explore.
I was told that those thingsare not good.
(33:33):
You're, you're supposed to bethe good girl, You're supposed
to be this, You're supposed tobe that.
And I'm going hell with that.
I'm having fun, so I want tokeep it up as long as I can.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
Okay, so we're running out of time, but I
wanted to ask you one last thingNow.
I mentioned before that there'sso many husbands who are like,
oh I really want to tell my wifethat I want her to do this and
be dominant and I want to be hersubmissive and all that sort of
stuff.
Or they brought it up and itdidn't go well, her submissive
and all that sort of stuff, orthey brought it up and it didn't
(34:06):
go well.
What kind of advice would yougive for any ladies who are
listening to this, who theirhusband has brought it up, or
they have heard about it andwant to learn about it?
What would you say to themabout this kind of, these kind
of power dynamics in arelationship?
Speaker 2 (34:21):
power dynamics in a relationship.
I'm one of these people and agood analogy is you know, people
just dive into the pool.
I'm one of these that puts atoe in and then I put the foot
in and it takes me 20 or 30minutes to get into the water.
I don't care how warm the wateris.
(34:42):
I don't care how warm the wateris, it always does.
Don't nag, but get some bookson it.
The first book I was given wasthe Hesitant Mistress and it
talked more about from thewoman's point of view what a
(35:02):
submissive is and why they needwhat they need.
Usually a submissive issomebody who's type A and is
good at their job and they'regoing 24 seven and they don't
wanna come home and make all thedecisions.
And if that is that person,that book would be great for the
(35:24):
woman to read and look at.
Let it sink in.
Let it, you know, give them thebook.
Would you please just read this, don't?
You don't have to ask meanything, I won't bug you about
it.
Can we talk about it in a month?
Let it sink in If they have thecommunication and the
relationship.
(35:44):
I want to do this because Ilove you.
I mean that's how he came upand said hey, I love you, I want
you to be everything in my life.
And that's what a dominant isis they do.
It's as much work for her as itis for him to submit.
It's even harder for them tosubmit.
Much work for her as it is forhim to submit.
(36:07):
It's even harder for them tosubmit.
But it can take a weird turn ifit is a barter system you do X,
I'll do Y, and I've seen thosekind of relationships happen and
you know it's like if I want ahand massage, it's like come
here, I want a hand massage andhe doesn't, because he loves me.
And that's what ourrelationship is.
(36:29):
But I would say, keep thecommunication open, keep talking
.
Tell her why you want this, howyou want that, not how you want
this, but why you want this.
And let her ask questions.
Send her to some places thatshe can talk to other people
that are now into it and helpher kind of find out why.
(36:53):
Cause at first it's kind ofweird.
Oh for sure, yeah, because it'scoming out of the blue.
Um, it was for for, you know,he, we were doing bedroom games,
but it kind of morphed and Iwas like, okay, I'm willing to
listen, willing to try, and thenit became fun.
(37:17):
I guess that's all it reallytakes in the beginning is just a
willingness to think about itin the beginning is just a
willingness to think about it,consider it and learn, and I and
it's a lot of debrief, I meanit's a lot of um, deprogramming
yes.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:35):
A lot of, a lot of deprogramming.
And just knowing that justcause not everybody does it
doesn't mean it's wrong.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
Yeah, I love that.
Okay, we have run out of time.
Where can people learn moreabout you or perhaps contact you
?
Speaker 2 (37:57):
I am on FetLife.
I am lady underscore Ren R-E-Non FetLife, underscore Ren R-E-N
.
And on FetLife.
One of the things I forgot tosay is we've been kind of
contemplating doing a class onKey Barrett's last book, yeah,
and bringing out and setting upa class for people to do with
(38:21):
the Surrender Submit and thatbook.
And we love it and I think itwould be a big help for people
just to learn how to communicatea little bit better.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
Yeah, we should have a Lady Wren's book club and we
could have a little yeah, alittle check-ins and stuff.
That'd be awesome, Wouldn't it?
Speaker 2 (38:42):
be fun, yeah, definitely definitely.
Speaker 1 (38:46):
I think I've said it before many, many times that
women are the key to cuckoldingwhen it comes to really having
other women be willing to learnand be curious about and try and
or at least consider this kindof relationship, or at least
consider this kind ofrelationship.
And so it's women supportingother women, women educating
(39:08):
other women, and that being thekey factor to having success
with that.
So, if you have a class, oh myGod, that would be so, so great.
So we'll definitely have tostay tuned for that and, yeah,
if you set that up, please letme know.
I'll share the link to everyone.
All right, we are out of time.
(39:29):
It has been fascinating to getto know you.
It's been so great and I reallyappreciate you coming on the
show.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
Thanks for joining me today.
Make sure you go tovenuscuckledresscom.
That's where you can bookaprivate chat with me.
You can check out anycuckolding events that might be
happening, and you can even aska question for the show, as well
as, of course, join the queen'squarters fan club and get all
the benefits for that.
You can also follow me onInstagram, the Venus Cuckoldris
(40:04):
podcast.
I haven't been banned there.
Well, I have, but not recently.
You can also follow me onTwitter, or whatever the fuck
you want to call it.
My handle is at Cuckoldris V.
That's it for today.
We'll see you next time.
Bye.
Here's what's coming up on the show.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
On our 30th wedding anniversary, we went on a cruise
and he showed me this book andit was what a submissive looks
like and who they are and whatmakes up a submissive.
And it was him to a T.
So we decided that on thiscruise we were going to change
roles.
I was going to be the mistressand we were going to do this the
(00:29):
whole cruise.
And when we got home it waslike this is us.
The word dominatrix came up andI'm going.
I had to Google it.
I didn't know what it was.
I go, you want me to what?
What?
Speaker 1 (00:46):
it was.
I go.
You want me to what?
So there's a lot of guys whoare really wanting this.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Your husband got it.
What's the secret?
You know it's funny.
We've always wanted to make theother person happy and I'm not
doing it to make him happy, buthe waited 30 years to tell me
that and that just was not sad,but just that he didn't trust or
had faith or that thatrelationship wasn't there, that
he could tell me that, andthat's really hard for a man to
(01:23):
tell somebody.
That's what I need, but it'sjust talking to him and saying,
hey, that was vulnerable.
You know, one of the thingsthat we've always talked about
is, especially with thenon-monogamy, is that if either
one of us ever feels thatthey're done, there's no
(01:47):
questions asked we're done.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
This is the Venus Cuckoldris Podcast a place to
learn all things cuckolding forthe curious, for the passionate
and for the sexually empoweredwoman who wants it all.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Let's go.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Welcome to the show everyone.
I'm your host, venus, thanksfor joining me today, and I have
Lady Ren on the show.
She's going to be talking abouthow she is in a FLR.
That's female-led relationship,cuckold relationship, bdsm.
She's even got some femdom inthere.
She and get this get thisstarted out completely vanilla
(02:44):
for many years in her marriageand she has well, together with
her husband, they've transformedit into this very kinky, very
unique type of relationship, andshe explains what it was like
to learn from her husband, abouthis kinky desires and what it
was like for her to really learnabout and embrace her dominant
(03:07):
side.
She used some really helpfulresources and now she says she's
a 24-7 lifestyle dom and sherefers to her cuck husband as
her slave.
It's really such a cool storyand I know you're going to love
it, so stay tuned.
I just have a couple ofannouncements.
First, I'm going to be hostinga live chat in the Queens
(03:29):
Quarters community.
That is going to be May 17th at2 pm Pacific time, that's 5 pm
Eastern time and that's totallyfree.
I'm going to be talking about abunch of things, so make sure
that you check it out.
The link is in the show notesfor today's episode.
Second announcement Okay, thereis a brand new podcast called
(03:51):
Cuck my Life and I'm so excitedabout it.
It is hosted by, I thinkthere's four guys, four cucks,
and they're talking about thecuck perspective and everything
like that, which I think isawesome.
I believe their podcast isavailable on all platforms
podcast listening apps, but Ihave not had a chance to check
it out yet.
I've heard great things aboutit, so make sure you check that
(04:13):
out.
It's called Cuck my Life.
All right, that's it forannouncements.
Let's jump into the show.
Here we go, joining me on theshow, I have a special guest.
Her name is ren and she is in aflr, cuckold, femdom, bdsm type
(04:35):
of relationship and she's hereto share her story.
So welcome to the show, ren.
Say hello to all the listeners.
Hi, Hi, it's good to be here.
Okay, yeah, this is greatbecause it was your husband who
sent me an email and he's likeyeah, so my wife would be a
(04:55):
great guest for the show.
And it turns out that you bothare friends with Crystal Welch,
who I love and adore.
I was like all right, let's dothis so.
So how did this all come about?
Like was he like, did he tellyou that he emailed me.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
After the fact yes, because he knew I would probably
say no.
But I am very fortunate that Ihave a partner, husband, cuckold
, submissive, slave whatever wewant to call them today who
(05:41):
pushes my boundaries and hasalways supported me in learning
and growing and evolving.
So it was.
This is a little out of mycomfort zone, but here I am.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Well, I'm really happy that you're sharing your
story.
It sounds like you have a veryunique kind of relationship that
you guys have built together.
That's really your own and hasdifferent kinds of dynamics kind
of built in.
So we're going to explore thatand I love that you're sharing
your story.
It's hilarious that yourhusband emailed me and you
didn't know.
This happens often actually.
Yeah, it does.
(06:16):
Yeah, okay, so you guys havebeen, from what I know, you've
been married a long time and youwere kind of like vanilla for a
long time yes.
So how did you go from vanillato not vanilla?
Speaker 2 (06:35):
You know it's.
It was funny.
We were both married very youngto each other.
Um, we next year will be 40years and so, yeah, very, very
long time I got him out of histeens before I married him, and
so we you know I was brought upmen are the head of the
(06:55):
household, they're the finalword, they are the protectors,
you know.
They are the breadwinners, andabout 10 years ago he took a job
overseas and so I became thepower of attorney for anything
at home.
We had a child in school, highschool and so I started taking
(07:20):
over a lot of the household thebills, the making the decisions
selling cars, selling houses,buying houses, that kind of
thing while he was away.
And one of the things that kindof bent our marriage was the
long distance.
He did that for about fouryears and I saw him two weeks
(07:42):
every four months and so it wasreally tough.
It bent the relationship and hewould tell me he loved me, but
he goes.
I want to show you how muchthat I'm still into you, I'm
still obsessed with you, and heshared a book with me I think it
(08:03):
was called the HesitantMistress and I'm looking at this
and he goes.
We kind of played with thingsin the bedroom to kind of spice
things up.
And on our 30th weddinganniversary we went on a cruise
and he showed me this book andit was what a submissive looks
(08:26):
like and who they are and whatmakes up a submissive.
And it was him to a T.
So we decided that on thiscruise we were going to pretend
you know, change roles.
I was going to be the mistressand he was.
We're going to do this thewhole cruise.
And when we got home it waslike this is this?
(08:47):
Is us this?
is us we need to do this and sohe kind of helped me.
The word dominatrix came up andI'm going.
I had to Google it.
I didn't know what it was.
I go, you want me to what youknow?
Um, but it was reading books,it was talking.
(09:09):
You know.
I found a great group of ladiesthat were all female doms and
great discussion group and kindof evolved through that and it's
just been evolving and changing.
That was the one thing thatCrystal said is she goes.
I love watching you guysbecause every couple of years
you kind of tweak things andevolve and it's just been a
(09:33):
wonderful journey.
So we did the Dom slave for thelongest time, or Dom submissive
, and we'd go really deep intothat and I ended up getting my
master's degree and he supportedme through that and ended up
doming himself for about a yearbecause I just had too much on
(09:54):
my plate.
And when we came through it, hegoes I need you back here.
So we kind of swung towardsswinging and that was fun.
I wasn't.
I was kind of more worried thathe was going to look at me
(10:17):
differently.
Oh, how so.
Well, we had been together 30years.
Well, we had been together 30years.
We hadn't been with anybodyelse in 30 years and it was like
are you sure you want me to dothis?
How are you going to, you know?
And it brought up all thatgreat conversation and we
learned a lot about trust andjust talking everything out.
(10:43):
And our communication level isskyrocketed since swinging.
Everything has been acommunication and every time we
evolve, that communication goeseven higher.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
And it's just a neat place to be.
Wow, I love that.
But I still can't like.
I'm trying to picture this youin the you know the typical
stereotypical gender role of awoman in a patriarchal kind of
relationship and then and kindof like how does that work?
Speaker 2 (11:28):
Well, like I said, when he was overseas, I was
always handling all this stuffand it was funny when we started
out very slowly, he said Iwould like this and then I would
do that and I would see how itevolved, how much more dominant
I became and how much moresubmissive he became, and it was
(11:49):
just that transformation, but alot of it.
Finally, he was helping me kindof evolve to that.
And then finally he goes whenyou're ready, tell me and I'll
back off.
And I said I've got this.
And it was a lot of talking, alot of communication, it's a lot
(12:10):
of work, it's a lot of feedbackboth ways, and it's it's been
an evolution.
We do everything weird.
Ask Crystal next time.
We we don't fit any pegs.
We've always.
(12:30):
Our life has always beendifferent.
He will support me in, however,and he wanted this, and I saw
how much he wanted it and Istarted to realize that, even
though he was in charge, I wasputting doubt in his mind when I
needed something my way.
Okay, okay, and I'm lookingback at conversations that we
(12:56):
had when he wanted to buy thisor that or the other thing.
I'm going really, you need that.
No, yeah, are you sure you wantto do it that way?
You know, and it was justsubtle enough that I think I
never realized.
I'm not a dominant person, asyou could probably see, but I do
it subtly, I guess enough, andI was.
(13:18):
I was talking to my boyfriendthis morning and he goes yeah,
you look really sweet and kindof innocent on the outside, but
underneath there's this evil.
And the more I've done this,the more I've gotten into this.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
That evil person is coming out a little bit more
than the nice person is kind ofgoing away nice person is kind
of going away, so okay, so thatmakes more sense to me in that,
like this was always, maybewithin you, it just was.
(13:55):
This is just an unlayering andallowing that to kind of come
through.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Yes, I have always been a people pleaser and this
is the neat thing about this isit has made me a little bit more
.
I was very shy, very, um, justvery quiet, and he's very
(14:23):
overbearing, very out type, avery loud and very he takes
control and he can talk toanybody and he, he gets mad at
me now Cause he goes.
I've let her out of the box,you know, put her back in.
No, no, but like I said, he'salways kind of pushed me a
little bit to be a little bitmore of who he knows I am
outside.
(14:43):
So it's made me a lot moreoutgoing, a lot more decisive,
and in our relationship it'salso taken the toll on the
positive on him is his stresslevel is down, he is more calm,
he's more relaxed, he's evenhealed and it's brought his
(15:06):
medication down too, which hasbeen amazing.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
You don't have that kind of tug of war going on that
you would normally have whenyou're trying to make sure
there's always equality in therelationship.
I can see it as being like heunderstands what he needs to do,
rather than kind of having toguess sometimes what he needs to
do and how you're feeling.
And I love the fact that infemale led relationships it's
(15:45):
kind of like you said you weremore decisive and able to, you
know, be more outgoing and stufflike that.
It's almost like it gives youpermission to kind of unfilter
what it is that you need to doand say.
In that kind of relationshipyou can just feel comfortable
just doing and saying the thingsthat need to be said and done.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Right, yeah, absolutely Okay.
He's a leaper, so he leaps andthen thinks.
So now I kind of make him waitand to ask me first before he
leaps.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Which is a positive right.
It is a positive, it is apositive, positive, right, it is
a positive, it is a positive.
So I have tons I've heard oflike from tons and tons of
husbands out there who say, oh,I would really like my wife to
be dominant, they really wantthe power exchange, but maybe
they brought it up and she'sjust like hell no.
(16:40):
Or he's like I know her.
There's no way she would eversign up for that.
So there's a lot of guys whoare really wanting this.
Your husband got it.
He really wanted it, yeah, andhe got it.
What's the secret?
Speaker 2 (17:00):
You know it's funny.
We've always wanted to make theother person happy and I'm not
doing it to make him happy buthe waited 30 years to tell me
that and that just was not sad,but just that he didn't trust or
(17:21):
had faith or that thatrelationship wasn't there.
That he could tell me that.
And that's really hard for aman to tell somebody.
That's what I need and it isdefinitely a need, but it's just
talking to him and saying, hey,that was vulnerable, that was
(17:42):
hard and I didn't understand I,until I read the book.
What's in their heads to getthem there that they want it?
Um, so it was.
You know, I trusted that.
That's.
He wasn't going to look at medifferent.
That it wasn't weird, it wasn't.
It's just why they're howthey're wired.
(18:05):
It's just how they're wired and, um, like I said, I'm it was
important to him and I thinkthat was enough.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
So you guys ventured into non-monogamy in the form of
swinging, and I'm guessing thatyou decided you did not want
him sleeping with other women.
At some point you were likenope, nope, nope, nope, nope,
yeah, absolutely absolutely so.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
Yeah it, yeah, uh-huh .
That was just kind of one ofthose things.
It was like yeah, no, I get aboyfriend, you don't that?
Was just it kind of goes withthat Dom submissive, I get
everything I want and he has tosuffer.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
So the unfairness of it.
I love it so okay.
So then you decided you wantedthis one-sided open relationship
.
That that's that would fit youguys best.
The cuckold part you guysdecided to venture down that
road together.
What was that like?
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Oh, my goodness, that is fairly new.
It's about a year and a halfinto it.
It's funny.
We've had to figure that partout.
His love language is qualitytime, and I am very respectful
(19:34):
of that.
So I will check in with him andsay you know, hey, this is what
I would like to do.
Where's your head at, where'syour space?
Because he'll look at me and go, look, I get you when you've
got a cold, I've got you whenyou've had a bad day at work.
(19:54):
And here's this guy who comesin, breezes in and gives you sex
and breezes out, and so I makesure that we're in a good spot.
We've had our quality time andthe boyfriend whoever's coming
in is sprinkles and ourrelationship is where it needs
(20:14):
to be.
If it's not, then it's calledoff and the boyfriends know that
we're the priority, and so it'sjust a respect.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
I love that so much and okay, so you guys are
experienced with the kink andBDSM kind of things.
Right, I know that within thatlifestyle the word aftercare is
a thing.
So does that exist within yourrelationship around like the
(20:48):
cuckolding part?
Because I've had people askingabout this, like, how do you
practice aftercare in acuckolding relationship?
Because I don't know that thesession or scene necessarily has
a start or a stop, a beginningor an end, but there has to be
some sort of emotional orphysical kind of and you were
(21:10):
just alluding to it where you'resaying that I make sure that
you know the um, my boyfriend islike the sprinkles of the
relationship.
The main course is, you know,my priority is my husband.
But how do you do that within acuckolding relationship as far
as like taking care of hisemotional needs when he may be
feeling I don't know if he feelsa cucky angst, but if he does,
(21:33):
On occasion, and then I justbeat him out of it anyway.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
But we do cuddle afterwards, we talk afterwards.
He loves to hear about it, helikes to know everything.
And it's really funny because,like I said, the boyfriend that
I have right now is prettysteady.
He was here this morning and hecame downstairs after we were
(22:07):
done and SJ was working on lunchor whatever.
And they get talking and SJ hadasked my boyfriend to take
pictures the last time and thenit like two days later he still
hadn't sent them.
And so I text him and say whereare my pictures?
And he sends them to me and Igo no, you have to send them to
(22:28):
him.
And and the boyfriend goes, no,I'll hurt his feelings because
they're best friends, and it'sjust weird, Um.
And I said you better get outof here.
You're going to be on the showtoo.
So we were going to have allthree of us here, but Okay, so
(22:49):
you've got the FLR Femdomcuckolding.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
You tried the swinging thing, I tried the
swinging thing.
Yeah yeah, Cuckolding, BDSM-ishstuff.
But then you refer to yourhusband as a slave.
What exactly does that mean?
Does that mean he's like doesthat equ?
Does that equate ownership?
(23:16):
Or I don't understand that word.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
It's such a fine line .
A submissive is somebody who,basically, it's the opposite of
a dom.
Dom, a dominatrix, submissiveUm, you can have, like the
bedroom games.
You'll be the submissive thistime, you'll be the dom this
time, and then we're done, atthe end of what you were saying,
a scene.
Sj and I are in a 24-7, so it'severy minute of every day.
(23:46):
So this is a little bit moreintense in the sense of I am
always in charge.
He does whatever I need him todo, whether it's suffer for me,
or I come home from a day and Iwant to beat his butt, or I want
to tease him or deny him orwhatever he does, what I ask him
(24:10):
to do, and with no safe words.
It's not a scene, it's alifestyle.
So I'm what they call alifestyle dom.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Okay, cause I've heard that term before and I
don't really understand.
I don't know what it was.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Yeah, so slave is more of a.
This is who I am, I'm notplaying a submissive.
Every role is even cuckoldinghas its own nuances for
whoever's doing it.
I think it's the same way withdom submissive.
(24:45):
So dom slave, I think, is justmore commitment.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
So instead of the word bull, you use the word
boyfriend.
Does that mean that you aremore polyamorous?
Speaker 2 (25:02):
With this one.
Yes, I have not had thatexperience yet with a bull.
I am more dominant, so I don'twant anybody dominating me in
the bedroom.
But we are definitelypolyamorous.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Yeah, and I think that's great that your boyfriend
is best friends with yourhusband as well, so they have a
great relationship.
You guys hang out that's socool, but you still like I'm
assuming, as you said beforemake sure that your husband is
always the priority, right?
And that the boyfriend is justlike, you know, the icing on the
(25:41):
cake, kind of thing.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Yeah, we have a dynamic and that is the most
important.
It's the relationship and thedynamic of the dom slave or dom
sub and the cuckold, and wealways that is our checking
point Is this having a positiveeffect on that relationship,
that dynamic, or is it having anegative effect?
And then we work out thatrelationship with that in mind.
(26:10):
So we're not like antagonizingeach other, saying you did X, it
is.
Does that help this?
Does it hurt this?
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Oh, I think that's a great framework to work with and
I hope that some of the coupleswho are listening to the show
take notes on that, because notto say it would work for
everybody, but that's a greatway to look at it If you're
looking at really kind ofwanting to preserve your
relationship first and foremostthat I mean we, we did that with
(26:41):
our marriage beforehand andthen we basically said we we've
kind of we don't fight anymore.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
It's really weird, um , especially since I'm always
right, uh, but we also picked upsome front.
Uh, you know somebody else thatwe've looked at and read and
that's Keith Barrett, and we'vepicked up and really taken into
a lot of account one of hisbooks and started our weekly
(27:09):
meetings and we do the commandand what they call command and,
oh goodness, their meetings, andwe basically do.
We are planning for the week,we go through any questions that
we might have going on anyfeedback and then we basically
love that and it's become a partof our relationship, probably
(27:30):
for the last six months, and itclarifies so much and that safe
space within those meetings arejust great ways of communicating
and talking about therelationship, the dynamic and
the communication out of it.
It makes things a lot clearer.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
Yeah, Key Barrett's amazing.
I love his books.
I adore his books, and his bookon FLR Submit, Surrender and
Serve Her was eye opening to me.
It was.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
I was just like everything is about this is
making so much sense to me wekind of go oh, we'll take that
and we'll take that and we'lltake this, and then we evolve
again.
And his book was amazing.
It really opened our eyes evenmore and I think we're.
The FLR has been going on fornow gosh, next year will be 10
(28:27):
years and every time ourcommunication gets better.
His books have just beenfantastic for keeping things in
perspective and really makingsure that.
I think every time we sit thereand look at it and go, if we
(28:48):
pretend nothing is going to gowrong, oh, we're perfect, we're
fine.
We have to be diligent aboutwhat we're doing and really be
thoughtful about how we're doingit and how it's going to affect
everything Our relationship,our talking.
I think we talked for a goodsix months before we even
(29:12):
started swinging.
Are you sure it's going to beokay?
Are you sure?
Where are you feeling I'm going?
I'm not ready for that, but youknow it's just that, that
constant dialogue ofcommunication, of getting that
going.
You've got to know them betterthan you know yourself and I
(29:34):
think you know if this happens,we need to debrief afterwards
the first time and talk andcommunicate.
And you know, one of the thingsthat we've always talked about
is especially with the nonmonogamy, is that if either one
of us ever feels that they'redone, there's no questions asked
(30:00):
.
We're done.
Oh really, if one of us says I'mnot comfortable anymore with
this, we both have the respectfor the other person to say okay
, we're done, no questions asked.
Wow, yeah, just because wedon't want to ruin that core
that we have.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
At what point does this all become a bit
complicated, Like you're talkingabout?
You know, poly, non-monogamy,all these different dynamics.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Oh, it's complicated, it's, yeah.
And then of course, you've gotlife in there too, and we both
have full-time jobs.
I'm, I've got an older parent.
You know life happens and youknow you've got gym, you've got
(30:52):
friends, you've got events youcan go to, and I've got Dom
events that I go to and we go toswinging events and we go, yeah
, so, trying to fit that all in,and you know, one of the things
I was talking to him I go SJ iswe just moved and we just got
settled in and we went away lastweekend and had a great weekend
, but we came back Sunday and wehad to work on Monday through
(31:15):
the week.
It was crazy week this week.
And he's going oh, there's anevent down here, let's go here
this weekend.
And I'm going no, we're done.
And he looked at me and I go,we've been running since January
, no, it's either we won't doanything this weekend or we're
both going to crash and we'regoing to get sick.
And so he kind of sat back andgoes yeah, you're right.
(31:38):
So I think it's moderation andjust kind of prioritizing and
just looking at and going no,it's this weekend, is us and
whatever that looks like, and itcan be a lot of different
things.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
So what does it look like?
Is there cause you said you'rein a 24 seven lifestyle Dom kind
of relationship?
Well, I do have a dungeon?
Speaker 2 (32:05):
um, a little one, so it could be putting him up on
the frame.
I do a little bit of hypnosis,so there's a little bit of mind
games, there's a lot of justgood old fun.
Uh, it's.
It could be a lot, it could betraining, it could be him giving
you know.
(32:25):
It's like hey, I'm really tired, my shoulders hurt, I want a
massage.
And he gives me a massage and,of course, with after a massage
you have to have a bubble bathand then, you know, it just
leads on to something else andsomething else, and you know
dang, I need one of these guysin my life Fuck.
Oh yeah, I was at a that lastweekend was a dominance group
(32:48):
that I belong to and we werekidding and I said, yeah, I need
a garden slave, I need akitchen slave.
I, you know, I want to, I wantto cook slave.
You know, I just want a wholebunch of them, or they'll do my
little, my little minions for me.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
It sounds like a nice life.
I'm not going to lie.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
It was a lovely life.
I love my life right now and,um, you know, both of us looked
at each other and said you know,at some point we're not going
to be able to do this and we'rekind of going down.
You know, the other side ofwhatever age I am and I want to
live it to the fullest.
I want to just explore.
I was told that those thingsare not good.
(33:33):
You're, you're supposed to bethe good girl, You're supposed
to be this, You're supposed tobe that.
And I'm going hell with that.
I'm having fun, so I want tokeep it up as long as I can.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
Okay, so we're running out of time, but I
wanted to ask you one last thingNow.
I mentioned before that there'sso many husbands who are like,
oh I really want to tell my wifethat I want her to do this and
be dominant and I want to be hersubmissive and all that sort of
stuff.
Or they brought it up and itdidn't go well, her submissive
and all that sort of stuff, orthey brought it up and it didn't
(34:06):
go well.
What kind of advice would yougive for any ladies who are
listening to this, who theirhusband has brought it up, or
they have heard about it andwant to learn about it?
What would you say to themabout this kind of, these kind
of power dynamics in arelationship?
Speaker 2 (34:21):
power dynamics in a relationship.
I'm one of these people and agood analogy is you know, people
just dive into the pool.
I'm one of these that puts atoe in and then I put the foot
in and it takes me 20 or 30minutes to get into the water.
I don't care how warm the wateris.
(34:42):
I don't care how warm the wateris, it always does.
Don't nag, but get some bookson it.
The first book I was given wasthe Hesitant Mistress and it
talked more about from thewoman's point of view what a
(35:02):
submissive is and why they needwhat they need.
Usually a submissive issomebody who's type A and is
good at their job and they'regoing 24 seven and they don't
wanna come home and make all thedecisions.
And if that is that person,that book would be great for the
(35:24):
woman to read and look at.
Let it sink in.
Let it, you know, give them thebook.
Would you please just read this, don't?
You don't have to ask meanything, I won't bug you about
it.
Can we talk about it in a month?
Let it sink in If they have thecommunication and the
relationship.
(35:44):
I want to do this because Ilove you.
I mean that's how he came upand said hey, I love you, I want
you to be everything in my life.
And that's what a dominant isis they do.
It's as much work for her as itis for him to submit.
It's even harder for them tosubmit.
Much work for her as it is forhim to submit.
(36:07):
It's even harder for them tosubmit.
But it can take a weird turn ifit is a barter system you do X,
I'll do Y, and I've seen thosekind of relationships happen and
you know it's like if I want ahand massage, it's like come
here, I want a hand massage andhe doesn't, because he loves me.
And that's what ourrelationship is.
(36:29):
But I would say, keep thecommunication open, keep talking
.
Tell her why you want this, howyou want that, not how you want
this, but why you want this.
And let her ask questions.
Send her to some places thatshe can talk to other people
that are now into it and helpher kind of find out why.
(36:53):
Cause at first it's kind ofweird.
Oh for sure, yeah, because it'scoming out of the blue.
Um, it was for for, you know,he, we were doing bedroom games,
but it kind of morphed and Iwas like, okay, I'm willing to
listen, willing to try, and thenit became fun.
(37:17):
I guess that's all it reallytakes in the beginning is just a
willingness to think about itin the beginning is just a
willingness to think about it,consider it and learn, and I and
it's a lot of debrief, I meanit's a lot of um, deprogramming
yes.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:35):
A lot of, a lot of deprogramming.
And just knowing that justcause not everybody does it
doesn't mean it's wrong.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
Yeah, I love that.
Okay, we have run out of time.
Where can people learn moreabout you or perhaps contact you
?
Speaker 2 (37:57):
I am on FetLife.
I am lady underscore Ren R-E-Non FetLife, underscore Ren R-E-N
.
And on FetLife.
One of the things I forgot tosay is we've been kind of
contemplating doing a class onKey Barrett's last book, yeah,
and bringing out and setting upa class for people to do with
(38:21):
the Surrender Submit and thatbook.
And we love it and I think itwould be a big help for people
just to learn how to communicatea little bit better.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
Yeah, we should have a Lady Wren's book club and we
could have a little yeah, alittle check-ins and stuff.
That'd be awesome, Wouldn't it?
Speaker 2 (38:42):
be fun, yeah, definitely definitely.
Speaker 1 (38:46):
I think I've said it before many, many times that
women are the key to cuckoldingwhen it comes to really having
other women be willing to learnand be curious about and try and
or at least consider this kindof relationship, or at least
consider this kind ofrelationship.
And so it's women supportingother women, women educating
(39:08):
other women, and that being thekey factor to having success
with that.
So, if you have a class, oh myGod, that would be so, so great.
So we'll definitely have tostay tuned for that and, yeah,
if you set that up, please letme know.
I'll share the link to everyone.
All right, we are out of time.
(39:29):
It has been fascinating to getto know you.
It's been so great and I reallyappreciate you coming on the
show.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
Thanks for joining me today.
Make sure you go tovenuscuckledresscom.
That's where you can bookaprivate chat with me.
You can check out anycuckolding events that might be
happening, and you can even aska question for the show, as well
as, of course, join the queen'squarters fan club and get all
the benefits for that.
You can also follow me onInstagram, the Venus Cuckoldris
(40:04):
podcast.
I haven't been banned there.
Well, I have, but not recently.
You can also follow me onTwitter, or whatever the fuck
you want to call it.
My handle is at Cuckoldris V.
That's it for today.
We'll see you next time.
Bye.
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