February 4, 2025 • 35 mins
The podcast episode dives deep into the dynamics of who drives within families, questioning traditional roles and expectations in a humorous light. The hosts share personal anecdotes and discuss the evolving nature of driving responsibilities, offering listeners a blend of comedy and introspection.
• Discussion of childhood memories surrounding family driving
• Jay’s reluctance to drive and humorous explanations
• Examination of modern driving norms and gender stereotypes
• Comedic stories about family vehicles and parking challenges
• Reflection on personal choice versus societal expectations in driving
• Emphasis on communication and partnership dynamics regarding driving
• Invitation for listeners to reflect on their own driving experiences
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Chris (00:00):
Top Shelf Stories with Jay Chris and Tony Firing away
(00:23):
today.
Man, holy cow, we're right tothe mics.
No introductions.
How's everybody doing today?
Top shelf stories with jaychris and tony doing.
Tony (00:33):
Hurry this up jay's guy's got a pot.
Chris (00:35):
Oh yeah, he's got a poop or pee or something.
All right, tell the story jaygo.
Jay (00:39):
This isn't a story, this is just a topic I'm talking about.
Okay, so as a younger child, Iremember driving anywhere, to a
store, to a family's house,whatever it may be.
Dad, your dad, your dad alwaysdrove your mom was I can't
relate, stop, okay, fine, well,you don't have.
Okay, that's right, you don'tokay whatever.
(01:00):
Two out of three every timeyour dad always drove.
Your mom always was in thepassenger seat.
Chris, can you relate facts?
Okay, tony, can't nowadays.
Maybe I don't know, it's justnot wanting to drive, being lazy
, or just not wanting to listento your wife yell the fuck at
(01:20):
you.
I don't drive ever.
My wife, if you're a bitch andthat's what I'm talking about
right now it depends on who hascontrol of your house.
Am I a bitch for never drivingthe car when we are driving with
the family outing and my wife'salways driving?
Chris (01:39):
you need to be, at any time, able to kidnap your wife
and family at all times, and ifyou're not driving, you can't be
.
No, that's not the reason.
Jay (01:48):
Okay, listen to this, though.
Listen to this, I have a greatexplanation or argument why I
don't drive.
Is it liquor?
Chris (01:56):
Is it because?
No, it's because the family cardoesn't have the fucking you
never know what I'm going to.
Tony (02:02):
Get fucked up.
Chris (02:04):
No, no, that's not it.
It's because the family cardoesn't have the phone books
taped to the brake and gaspedals.
Jay (02:13):
Well, my wife's shorter than me, so it's impossible.
Tony (02:17):
It's impossible.
So do one of you stand on thegas pedal and one of you stand
on the seat and steer.
Chris (02:23):
Fuck off.
They got a trench coat in theback.
They get in it before they getgoing a tall person and then
they get in the car that's why Igot three kids.
Jay (02:35):
I have one for the break, one for the pedal, one for the
steering and then one to relax.
No, seriously though I don,though I don't drive, I don't
drive when I'm with my wife.
First off, we have two vehiclesbetween the both of us.
Tony (02:51):
One of them is inoperational for a family, it's
a micromachine, car it's theworld's smallest rape van.
Jay (03:02):
Yeah, you're raping a midget in this or you're not
doing nothing at all.
Tony (03:10):
He's got a couch in the back seat.
Chris (03:13):
It's a love seat.
Jay (03:16):
It doesn't even fit a love seat you need a recliner and
that's it.
But I get the same mileage youdo in a vehicle Cock chairs.
Tony (03:28):
Somebody asked Jay to help move.
I can take the silverware.
Chris (03:35):
I can get all your shoe boxes.
Tony (03:37):
You know what's funny, as long as I can split up the forks
and knives, you know what'sfunny?
Jay (03:43):
My brother-in-law just sold their house my, my sister.
They asked me to move.
I'm like what the fuck do youwant me to move?
Tony (03:53):
did you explain to them that people in their 40s don't
help other people move?
You call your young ass friendsthat come over, oh, and I told
yeah, exactly okay, so let's getback to this.
I'm not hurting a good disc fora fucking slice of pizza
anymore, this shit ain'thappening fucking.
Jay (04:09):
They don't even feed you.
Get the fuck out of here.
Tony (04:11):
That doesn't happen anymore, this economy so the
reason domino's is sellingpizzas for 3.99 now, man?
Jay (04:21):
the reason why I don't drive.
I don't want the headache, Idon't want to deal.
I know how to drive.
I don't need a fucking helper.
I don't need someone to tell mewhere to go and why I turned
the wrong way to get somewhereelse, not fast or faster.
So basically, her car is a new2014.
(04:45):
It might be 25 or 24.
I don't know.
Mitsubishi, fuck, I don't knowwhat it is.
Whatever, it's a new one.
So basically, she wants Is it aconvertible?
No, it's a fucking family car,dude.
So I have to park far away.
I don't want door dings.
And then when you're drivingdown both lanes to get into
(05:09):
whatever your store of choice is, I, uh, you can't never pick a
right spot.
It's always the wrong one, likeyou feel.
Like you drive into that spot,you're like, oh my god, she's.
She freaks out because the caris a 2012 Vale or whatever.
That car is definitely going toopen its door into mine.
(05:29):
Give me a red dent.
That.
Or just directions.
Like I can't follow directionsright, I can't go the right way,
like she always knows the rightand I'm very bad with
directions.
Gps is my life.
If I didn't have it, I'd be badwith directions.
Sure, gps is my life.
Fair, if I didn't have it, I'dbe a lost soul.
I would really be a lost soul.
Chris (05:51):
That's probably why we didn't even become friends until
.
Gpss were invented.
It's funny Because you couldn'tfind your way.
Jay (05:59):
It's pretty funny, though.
In the beginning of our podcast, I took Chris home every day
for two months.
Yeah, because I got drunk everytime we did the podcast off
ginger ale and whiskey and everytime I had to ask him how did
he get to your house?
Tony (06:16):
I was fine with that.
I'm sure you GPS here still.
Jay (06:19):
Oh yeah, if I take the side streets, fuck yeah the freeway.
I'm okay.
I'm a little okay Because it'sone left.
Turn off Capitol right.
Tony (06:29):
Yep, and then we're good Pretty much.
In my household it is exactly50-50 if we're together.
Jay (06:37):
Wait, now you're talking shit about being a bitch.
Chris (06:41):
No, I said you're a bitch .
Oh, you did.
You're like a half a bitch.
Jay (06:44):
Oh, half a bitch.
No, I said you're a bitch.
Oh, you did you're like a halfa bitch oh half a bitch, yeah,
so things have definitelychanged because tony is the
proprietor.
Tony (06:52):
Well, I, I used, seems like he used to drive everywhere
and eventually, once facebookgot to your phone, I'm like well
, why the fuck am I driving bothways?
Well, she's just sitting onfacebook, the whole time so now,
everywhere we go, she drivesthere, I drive home.
(07:12):
What's the reasoning for?
That though I think the otherone can look at their phone so I
can fuck around on my phone onthe way there and then she can
get drunk while she's whereverwe are and then I drive her home
.
But here's the problem you don'tever get drunk.
You she's wherever we are, andthen I drive her home.
Jay (07:25):
But here's the problem you don't ever get drunk.
Tony (07:29):
That's why I'm perfect for taking the ride home every time
.
Jay (07:32):
But 50-50,.
You're never getting drunk.
How can she ever?
Okay, fine, okay, I get itDrives there.
Tony (07:40):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I drive everybody home.
Jay (07:42):
It took me 50-50 time to figure that out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,I'm stupid, I drive everybody
home.
It took me 50-50 time to figurethat out.
Chris (07:47):
I care way too much about the hardworking unionized
autoworkers that put togetherthe vehicle that I drive.
Jay (07:55):
Wait for a man.
Is that what you're about tosay?
Chris (07:58):
To allow my wife to add additional miles on those parts
with her behind the wheel.
That is why I drive.
It's for the respect of theautomobile makers that I don't
put the parts of that vehicle.
That sounds super sexist Chris.
No, it sounds like a knock onthe style of driving my wife
(08:22):
uses.
Jay (08:23):
Let me hear your style of wife drives.
Chris (08:26):
She just loves to go really fast and then brake
really hard all of the fuckingtime.
That's every woman, and thenthat gas pedal thing where you
go gas no gas, gas no gas, gasno gas gas, and you go 64 to 68
miles an hour the whole waythere.
Tony (08:43):
Gas no gas, gas, gas, gas no gas, gas no gas gas the thing
is is is you actually drive acar designed for women?
My van?
Oh, I thought we were talkingabout the facade.
Chris (08:57):
Oh yeah, the, that is a design for a woman car.
Tony (09:00):
Yeah, they're made for hard braking and fast
acceleration possible.
Chris (09:04):
But she doesn't like driving that thing, so she
drives the van and I drive thecar, and most of the time if we
ever go anywhere we're I meanI'm taking my car, I'll drive, I
just drive.
Tony (09:15):
I don't know, I like to drive, yeah I mean, and I mean
passats are designed for women,but, more importantly, many vans
are definitely not my van hersnot my van you have you what
about that limited exposure you?
Got the fucking a-team van yeah, pretty much dude is like a
(09:36):
pacifica or something it's agrand caravan.
Oh shit, yeah grand, not evenjust a regular, not a caravan
it's a grand caravan, so whatdoes that mean?
Jay (09:46):
though Does that like extra ?
Tony (09:48):
length.
That means he has power windows.
Chris (09:49):
They're all grand caravans, extra width.
Okay, so I was the one whowanted the van.
I want a van too, because thefucking doors don't swing open
Because I was like I got tocarry this fucking baby box
thing everywhere I go for thenext four years and hoof it into
the car and then I'm going tohave this little kid for the
(10:11):
next four years after that.
That needs to get into the car.
Why do I need this big SUV?
I'll just get a big van withall this space.
Katie was like no, vans arelame and I will never.
Tony (10:24):
I'll never drive one Unless it has.
Chris (10:28):
What did she want?
Leather seats, power seats,power mirrors, rims she wanted
rims Tinted windows.
Tony (10:39):
These are young girl problems and I'm like I Bet.
Chris (10:43):
And then we found the Grand Caravan and we ended up.
I wanted one that had someFucking oomph to it, so we got
so you got some sobs.
We got the rt.
It's the racing trimmed grandcaravan.
It's a rare bird.
For the most part they onlysold two.
They only sold like yeah, butit is a rare, rare or fine,
(11:06):
right and uh, she wanted it tobe damn near brand new.
So we bought the model year.
It was used but it was modelyear and uh, uh, the rt is 246
horsepower.
Is that good?
Jay (11:21):
I don't know, it's probably more than both of your cars
what does?
Chris (11:23):
mine have, your one has like seven the van van Is that
good or not?
And it also has the widerstance and is on the same frame
rails as the Dodge Charger.
Okay, so it's a minivan put ontop of the Dodge Charger, so
it's really like a fucking DodgeCharger Basically, yeah.
Tony (11:43):
It's just like a slightly taller Dodge.
Jay (11:45):
Charger.
It is actually slightly taller.
Chris (11:48):
It is one of the lowest profile.
So now the minivans.
You see, they don't.
You don't even know they'reminivans uh.
So let me ask you this theylike they like put facade, swing
open doors on the side, eventhough they're crank let me ask
you this your wife has her owncar.
Jay (12:01):
Okay, it's fucking pink, it's got pink rims, it's got
fucking fluffy bullshit aroundthe size of the mirrors.
Would you feel comfortabledriving that car, even though
she is in the car driving thecar being the man right?
So I get what you're saying.
Chris (12:20):
So you're telling me that she's decked out the car with
the fluffy pink steering wheelthing.
Tony (12:26):
Let's just say she reached her sales goal for Mary Kay.
Chris (12:30):
And they gave her the van I probably wouldn't drive that
car.
Jay (12:34):
So then you would be in the passenger seat then, like I
said, I don't like to ride, orwould you be?
In the back seat like duckingdown.
I typically drive.
Chris (12:44):
I don't know what to.
Jay (12:44):
Okay, you're, typically we go, go on vacations and it's
like a.
Nine hour drive.
Chris (12:50):
I drive the nine hours.
Jay (12:51):
You're driving that car and then when you have to go home,
I drive the ten and a half hoursYou're fucking chauvinistic
yeah you, you're You're Blockingand escaping the question.
Chris (13:01):
Okay what's the question?
Jay (13:03):
The same thing.
I just asked If it's a deckedout girl car.
Chris (13:06):
Yes, yeah, I'm probably driving Okay.
Jay (13:08):
I'm taking all the fucking shit off the mirrors and all the
other bullshit down.
No, no, you can't touch that.
It's your wife.
Your wife will not let youtouch that.
That's false, that's false, allright.
Tony (13:18):
Let's just say that's false.
That's why I'm's just sayyou're driving your I don't know
what this is cloud blue passatI we call it princess blue
princess, princess so let's justsay you're in your cloud, blue
(13:39):
passat every time I see hisfucking car pull up I swear to
god your wife
Chris (13:44):
I'm on the inside.
On the inside it's all blackleather with red little trim and
all that yeah.
Tony (13:48):
Let's just say, your wife was like oh, your car is so
adorable, blah, blah, blah.
Yeah, I want to decorate it,okay.
Jay (13:55):
Okay, Decorate it.
Tony (13:57):
She's like I'm going to add a couple little knickknacks
and tchotchkes that are going tomake this car really Feel like
home, like no, she's gonna usethe word from hgtv.
She's like I'm gonna make thiscar pop, okay.
Okay, car pops and and she putslike a little like rhinestone
studded insert into your cupholder.
(14:18):
Uh, you know, like changes thecolor of your gauges to like a
nice, like purple, okay.
And then she hangs up an airfreshener that she had printed
with her face okay, and she saysdon't worry when it smelling.
(14:45):
I had a hundred of them.
Jay (14:47):
Pause a second.
My wife did this for me.
Chris (14:50):
That's why they're laughing.
Jay (14:52):
This is why they're laughing so hard, because my
wife did this for me.
That's why they're laughing sohard.
Everywhere I go, I see yourfucking face dangling around,
spinning around, watching,judging.
Yeah, I think there's a camerain every single one of them,
because cameras nowadays are thesize of your dickhole.
Tony (15:12):
Oh fuck, Would you still drive it?
Chris (15:15):
No, I'd never let her do that shit to it.
I'd be like no, I would let herdo it.
But what I would do is I wouldjust then take her key out of
the purse for the van.
Put my key in her purse, I'dtake the van.
Put my key in her purse, I'dtake the van.
Tony (15:29):
Damn, you're a real man.
Jay (15:31):
She'd have her shit back.
But you don't have a choicesometimes, man.
You can't just be like youcan't always have your way.
I feel like you always thinkyou have your way.
Chris (15:44):
I don't want to give away all my secrets, but yeah, I do
always have them.
Tony (15:48):
Chris is like fuck you bitch, I'm getting on a flight
tomorrow.
Chris (15:51):
That's not how it works.
Jay (15:53):
That's not how it works.
I have like a two-week fuckingconcert coming up in like one
week and I pack it, so I signeda lease on this apartment.
No yeah.
Chris (16:09):
I get it, but you're saying back in the day, men
always drove.
Tony (16:13):
Oh, I don't remember a woman even driving I didn't know
they had their license when Iwas a kid, they also couldn't
vote, so that was the thing,this is true.
Jay (16:23):
I was like Mom, do you have your license?
Because Dad always drives.
But nowadays it's like when wego somewhere, my kids
immediately go downstairs in thecar and they know I.
They open the.
Well, very polite children Openthe door for me on the
passenger side for me to get in.
Chris (16:44):
They know that Mom drives .
Tony (16:46):
Yeah, so anyway, also, jay , speaking of your mom.
Wait, I didn't speak to get in.
They know that mom drives, yeah, so anyway, also, jay speaking
of your mom.
Wait, I didn't speak to my mom,you just said your mom knew.
Oh, so your mom sent me apicture today, really yeah, and
it was of her license plate onher new Jeep.
Jay (17:03):
What, Are you fucking lying to me?
Tony (17:05):
No, she said because it's like jlc or something I don't
know she's like she's like ifyou really know me, you know
what my nickname is jlc yeah,what's jlc mean?
I don't know, or jom, I thinkitM it might have been J-O-M.
(17:26):
I mean that's a huge difference.
Because, I thought it meantJay's overbearing mother, but I
don't think that was it.
Jay (17:36):
J-O-M would be, yeah, Jay's overbearing mother.
No, I have no idea.
I mean, I don't know if you'remaking this up or not, but I
have no idea what's going on.
Tony (17:43):
Send it specifically to me .
It was just on facebook andI've seen it and what did you
say?
Oh m what did you say againyeah, look up your mom on
facebook.
Chris (17:52):
No, what did it say again go, I think jom no, it was a
picture of her standing up yourmom on you said it said my you
said, it said my name no, itsaid her like her new license
plate.
Jay (18:04):
no saying For her super cool jeep.
She referenced me no.
Tony (18:10):
I'm fucking kidding.
I was just trying to figure outwhat it meant.
J-o-m.
Yeah, what's your mom'snickname?
Jay (18:22):
Yeah, I don't know, damn You're fucked.
I don't know.
Chris (18:27):
You don't know shit, no.
Jay (18:30):
Back to the driving.
If you're a man and not driving, I'm fine.
With not driving, I'm superfine, it's actually pretty
relaxing yeah.
Chris (18:43):
Yeah, I just like to drive.
That's the way it boils down toit.
Jay (18:46):
I don't like to drive.
I have so many more things todo on my phone than drive.
Tony (18:52):
You know, and I think it's Sports betting.
So I think it's also a littledependent too, because if we
take my truck someplace, I willtypically drive both ways If we
take our Cadillac.
Jay (19:07):
Is that because she doesn't want to drive?
No, she doesn't mind driving mytruck so my wife freaks out
driving mine because you cannotlook through the rear window
yeah, you have to use the sidemirrors, but the side mirrors
are way more the word for itaccurate effective dependable
(19:31):
than actually turning yourfucking head around and looking
if someone's in your.
Tony (19:35):
They really are like like a semi yeah, you can't have
windows in the back of a vanlike that you just gave me
another great reason why I driveWomen don't look at mirrors
unless it's at themselves.
Chris (19:49):
That's sexist.
I don't give a fuck.
Jay (19:52):
It's true.
Say it again Louder I don'tgive a fuck.
No, no.
Before that, rewind why?
Chris (19:59):
do I have to give it louder, louder?
I don't give a fuck, no, no,before that rewind.
Why do I have to get louder?
Tony (20:04):
it's true, I love it, chris.
Chris (20:04):
Women only look at mirrors if they're looking back
at themselves it's ageneralization, but it's true.
You just said your wife doesn'tuse a mirror.
I know my wife doesn't use themirrors.
I'm gonna probably assume hereat least two out of three, but
I'll bet all three wives don'tuse the mirrors.
Does she check her mirrorsperiodically while driving is
just to establish what's behindand in front of?
(20:26):
her imagine you need a new cord.
It's like an opsec thing, it'sjust operational security.
I always sit looking at thedoor too.
I don't like to look at theback of the restaurant we're
gonna get you no car tony, yeah,we need to go to the graveyard,
the wire graveyard.
Tony (20:42):
And pick out some pieces of a new cord Dude you need to
take a picture of that and callit the wire graveyard.
Jay (20:48):
It does look like it.
Chris (20:50):
It's in rough shape over there.
Jay (20:52):
But guess what, it looks better where we are.
Chris (20:54):
I was going to say another sexy comment.
Jay (20:57):
Do it.
No, don't fucking hold back.
Chris (20:59):
We could use a woman to clean this fucking shit up for
us, because we're dumb ass.
Why would you?
Jay (21:04):
even because we're dumb, ape men who can't keep things
organized no, I'm just sayingwhy would you feel bad about
saying that?
I don't know, because thatmakes so much sense no, I said
that makes so much sense becausethey have organization
organization skills typicallybut I guess I tell you a guy is
a better cook because they takemore chances with ingredients.
Tony (21:27):
I can microwave a chicken nugget with the best of them.
Chris (21:32):
I do this thing where instead of 30 seconds, I do 29,
and it's fucking golden man.
Tony (21:39):
Oh, and then the level of seasoning salt I use.
Jay (21:42):
Never hit the popcorn button because it fucking burns
it.
Tony (21:47):
Keep it to 230.
I'm telling you my microwaveskills.
Man Chef's kiss, I don'tmicrowave shit.
Jay (21:54):
You shouldn't ever.
I'm an air fry king now, yes,dude, air frying is the fucking
next level shit but whateveryou're gonna put in the
microwave on a piece of yes,it's just like literally, it's
just as fast.
All you have to do is put thebutton, turn it on, let it
preheat.
Tony (22:11):
let it preheat because so so I.
I do so when I do cook, whichis pretty often, I use stove
oven grill smoker Right, Ireally don't use the microwave
for anything, it's for leftovershit or, like corn, canned corn
(22:34):
we don't eat leftovers in ourhouse, so we don't use that.
If it is a can of corn, it'sgetting put in a pot and heated
up on a stove yeah well, but allthese people I know all use
this fucking thing called theninja foodie.
It's an air fryer, it's an airfryer pressure cooker.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And they always tell me like ohno, we're gonna save some time
(22:56):
with this.
It only takes six minutes tocook this whole meal.
Every fucking time.
It takes twice as long as justcooking it traditionally.
I don't, I don't fuckingunderstand this shit pressure
cookers you gotta pressure cook.
This it's gonna be amazing andit's gonna be four minutes
pressure cookers are the worst.
Chris (23:14):
Why is it it?
Tony (23:15):
takes 32 minutes for it to get to pressure.
Oh, is that what it is?
Chris (23:19):
and then when is, and then when it's done cooking.
Tony (23:21):
When it's done cooking, you got to do a natural release
and you got to fucking waitanother 40 minutes for it
Pressure cooker is the worstinvention ever fucking made.
Jay (23:33):
I hate this shit.
I had one used.
It sold it immediately.
Chris (23:36):
I had an Instapot which I think is similar to a pressure
cooker Instapot.
Jay (23:39):
Yeah, that Sold it immediately.
I had an Instapot which I thinkis similar to a pressure cooker
Instapot.
Chris (23:42):
It's like yeah, that sounds like it would be
something considered close.
And yeah, I used it like threeor four times and I was like
this thing is fucking bogus, man, it's the dumbest fucking thing
ever you open it up before thetimer's done.
Jay (23:53):
Your hand is burnt, fucking crisp.
I don't do that.
Tony (23:55):
You're fucked, you're fucked.
So my wife bought one.
We have it.
It's sitting in our smallappliance graveyard.
Chris (24:04):
I think we threw one away .
Tony (24:10):
When we first got it I'm like okay, so if this thing's
this easy, like I'm going towatch the video on how to do it
and the first video I play wassomebody setting it up on their
stove and doing something andthe fucking thing exploded
straight through the ceilingshut up what you can really get
on a really fucking fun rabbithole uh watching videos of
(24:32):
pressure cookers fuckingexploding yeah, it did seem very
dangerous to me as well when Iwas using it, and I think one
time it burned the fuck out ofeverything, it didn't work.
Chris (24:43):
It's like there wasn't enough moisture in the fucking
thing we put in there and then Ithink another time it got like
stuck and yeah, I had to likeleave it outside for day and a
half to naturally aspire.
Jay (24:56):
Basically, cooking is cooking.
You can't keep fucking tryingto change it.
There's no faster way orreasoning.
Chris (25:05):
I don't mind I don't know , the air fryer is pretty
fucking legit convection thingsup the pizza.
Tony (25:11):
Pizzazz is quite the invention.
Jay (25:13):
Yeah, it is, that's the one that spins around outside they
don't even make them inside I.
Chris (25:17):
I don't think we're talking about the one example.
Tony (25:20):
Yeah, it's like a turntable, but it comes like
literally outside, inside, witha little air dryer on top of it.
Chris (25:26):
So when I lived in Eagle Springs with a friend of mine
and his girlfriend, they wouldget drunk and fight with each
other all the time, so it waslike really annoying to go
upstairs.
But I had a bathroom down thereand like a little area that I
had like a microwave and one ofthose pizzazz things and like a
toaster and like coffee maker, alittle bopsink thing but no
(25:47):
real stove.
So I used that fucking pizzazzto cook all kinds of shit.
Tony (25:52):
Dude and yeah, I will confirm that cheese anything.
Chris (25:56):
Yeah, I would throw a fucking chicken breast on there
and just let the fucking thingspin really Really that cooks it
.
Oh yeah, Like a champ.
Jay (26:03):
Have you ever had salmonella poisoning?
Chris (26:05):
I can't confirm or deny why I was in my 20s.
Tony (26:12):
My favorite small appliance ever made is a George
Foreman rotisserie.
Jay (26:17):
Get the fuck out of here, dude George Foreman.
Chris (26:22):
Come on the rotisserie.
Get the fuck out of here, dudegeorge foreman.
Come on the rotisserie.
Come on.
Tony (26:24):
I've never had a rotisserie.
I broke it out two years ago.
It was the last time I used itlet me ask you this the george
and made a, made a duck on itwas that those things?
Chris (26:32):
you had the wings no here .
That was an infrared thing asan infrared air fryer.
Jay (26:38):
It didn't seem to work out very well, let me ask you this
the George Foreman grill, thething that takes all the best
tasting things and drops it intoa fucking tube Dude, I got a
fucking great George Foremangrill that involves your family,
george.
Tony (26:56):
Foreman grill story.
Jay (26:59):
Would you ever buy a george foreman grill?
Are they still available?
So?
Tony (27:07):
so in our 20s we had a george foreman grill and we used
it all the fucking time foreverything.
Chris (27:14):
Yep, mine was lined with tinfoil to make it easier to
clean.
Jay (27:17):
What was the reason for the George from like inform our
audience?
Because I fucking forget, itwas just dietary functions.
Tony (27:31):
The point of it is the grates are made out of cast iron
, so it made your food taste alittle bit better, and then it
was on an angle so all thedelicious juice would go into a
little cup that you could drinklater.
Oh my god fucking.
I guarantee you did that I meanI'm not, I'm not gonna deny
(27:55):
it's like just give it 15minutes to cool down and it's
fucking perfect yeah, every timeI'm gonna go outside and dump
the grease in the bush.
So when we got into, so when wegot, yeah, so when we got into
(28:22):
our 30s, the george forman grillhad just been completely
abandoned and my wife, for somereason, got it in her head that
she wanted to try it again, butonly a bigger one that the
little original george ford wasthe problem was just, I mean,
(28:43):
you could barely get two amishchicken breasts on yeah yeah,
you know you had to go.
You had to get a walmart chickenbreast to fit on it, just right
, you know so.
So she determined that the sizewas the issue.
So for christmas one year herdad bought her the george
foreman grill and it was calledthe precious metals edition and
(29:06):
it had, like this fucking likeit looked like chameleon paint
on the outside of it.
It was, uh, it was.
It was really weird.
So it was in a box and, muchlike many gifts my wife gets, it
remained in the box to thisvery day.
Okay, it's still not used.
(29:26):
It's still not used.
It's the fucking factory.
Seal has never been broken onit.
So we had it when we moved.
It got put in this like pile offucking boxes and shit.
We had to go through in thegarage and it sat there for
fucking ever.
And one day back when tim's uhfather-in-law was working for me
(29:51):
he used to be a mechanic andhe's like oh, I'll come over,
I'll fix your brakes, I'll make.
You said tim's father-in-law oh,I sorry, I meant jay's
father-in-law, tim got it.
He's over.
He's over at my house fixing mybrakes and at this current
moment in time and I don't knowif this isn't cool to say you
(30:11):
can you can say what the fuckyou want, dude but he's
basically living in a truck downby the river, all right he's
homeless saturday night livesbasket he's homeless.
His girlfriend's sleeping in histruck in my driveway he's
telling me how he has nothing.
And he's sleeping on hisfriends, uh, at his friend's
(30:36):
business, on their table in sometaxi cab company.
You can't sleep on the floor,right.
So he's sleeping on the tableand you know he needs this extra
money.
So he's doing my breaks and, uh, he makes mention of this
george foreman girl reallysitting there and he's like, oh
(30:57):
yeah, it'd be nice, I couldactually like cook some meat.
He's like you know, if I gotsome meat I could cook it on
that in my buddy's taxi cabcompany.
I was like, all right, cool,you can have it.
Jay (31:10):
So he sets it next to his car, the wait, wait, the george
foreman girl still in the boxfactory sealed the meat.
Tony (31:17):
Nope, george foreman grilled nice big, robust gotcha
sitting next to his truck andmichelle pulls up at home and
she looks at it and she goeswhat the fuck is my george
former?
Jay (31:32):
this is it's been in this box for more than 10
Tony (31:36):
years.
She's like what the fuck is mygeorge former girl doing there?
And uh, I'm like, oh, I gave itto Tim.
I'm like he fucking wants a wayto cook some meat.
She goes get that fucking grillback right now.
That is not yours to give away.
How ridiculous.
(31:56):
So I was like, all right, well,I'm just going to go up to this
homeless man who I just gave afucking source to feed himself.
I'm going to tell him yeah, myfucking bitch of a wife doesn't
want you to have this grill.
Chris (32:09):
She wants it on our cabinet, on our shelf, and so I
go tim.
Tony (32:13):
Tim could see that she was posturing up at this moment
because I gave away a preciouschristmas gift to hers to
somebody else.
So tim's like, oh man, no bigdeal, he could take the grill
back.
So I put it back in the pile um, two months ago we're still
(32:34):
kind of cleaning out this garagea little bit and I pull up this
box with this george foremangirl and I'm like so are we in a
position now because this waslike what four years ago?
Yeah, I said to michelle I'mlike is it?
Are we in a position now thatwe can finally like donate this
(32:54):
grill to somebody who mightactually use it for cooking and
she goes?
Well, at this point we might aswell save it as a collector
item.
Chris (33:06):
I mean, I could not find this version of the grill.
I did find a submersible grill.
I don't know why you need asubmersible grill.
Jay (33:15):
Are you still at the small one?
Chris (33:18):
No, this is the classic edition.
I don't know.
Jay (33:20):
I don't know.
We haven't used a Georgeorgeforeman girl in more than 20
years let me ask you thisquestion, the classic one that
you speak of is this the firstone he's ever made?
Tony (33:34):
yeah, we, we have the one that came out in my 20s, but not
not the one that's still in abox.
Jay (33:39):
This is a special edition okay, special edition in edition
in the box, never used.
I think you should fucking holdon to that.
I think that will be with thewife Hold on to it.
We'll be worth money, a hundredpercent.
Yeah, don't give it to ahomeless person to waste it on
cooking.
Tony (33:56):
Yeah, he definitely, he definitely would have sold it by
now.
Jay (33:59):
Bugs and rats because you have a little bit of money there
.
But you know what, just save itfor your kids.
Chris (34:07):
Save it for your kids.
George Foreman grill it's afucking retirement plan for you.
Hey kid, don't worry, I workedhard my whole life and I got
this for you.
Jay (34:19):
You ever hear of George Foreman.
He's got like six kids that arenamed George Foreman.
Chris (34:24):
Fucking Jay dies and his wife's reading to his kids and
she's like for my oldest, Ileave One unboxed, never unboxed
.
George Foreman classic.
Jay (34:37):
Slash tried to be stolen or given away by my husband to a
homeless man.
Chris (34:44):
It's weight in gold as well.
Stories.
Jay (34:47):
You know what Stories turned into.
Not the same thing I wanted,but hey it was awesome.
Tony (34:56):
Yeah, this was about chicks driving.
Yeah, it wasn't.
Jay (34:59):
But it was amazing.
I appreciate all of you guysfor giving in on your chicks
driving, but this was the beststory I've ever heard in my life
.
Chris (35:12):
Fair enough, tony can't find this thing.
He's ready.
He's smiling, he's done, tony'sdone.
Jay (35:17):
You're done.
You're done.
Tony (35:19):
You're done.
Chris (35:20):
You are done and that is today's Top Shelf Story.
Chicks, you're done.
You're done.
I'm going to find this girl,you are done.
And that is today's top shelfstory.
Chicks driving or Jay notletting Jay not knowing to drive
.
Or Tony sharing drive.
Or me not letting anyone butmyself drive.
Jay (35:37):
Everyone loves you.
Subscribe and comment and we'llget back to you.
Chris (35:43):
Comment back below.
Jay (35:45):
We love you Good night.
Top Shelf Stories with Jay Chris and Tony Firing away
(00:23):
today.
Man, holy cow, we're right tothe mics.
No introductions.
How's everybody doing today?
Top shelf stories with jaychris and tony doing.
Tony (00:33):
Hurry this up jay's guy's got a pot.
Chris (00:35):
Oh yeah, he's got a poop or pee or something.
All right, tell the story jaygo.
Jay (00:39):
This isn't a story, this is just a topic I'm talking about.
Okay, so as a younger child, Iremember driving anywhere, to a
store, to a family's house,whatever it may be.
Dad, your dad, your dad alwaysdrove your mom was I can't
relate, stop, okay, fine, well,you don't have.
Okay, that's right, you don'tokay whatever.
(01:00):
Two out of three every timeyour dad always drove.
Your mom always was in thepassenger seat.
Chris, can you relate facts?
Okay, tony, can't nowadays.
Maybe I don't know, it's justnot wanting to drive, being lazy
, or just not wanting to listento your wife yell the fuck at
(01:20):
you.
I don't drive ever.
My wife, if you're a bitch andthat's what I'm talking about
right now it depends on who hascontrol of your house.
Am I a bitch for never drivingthe car when we are driving with
the family outing and my wife'salways driving?
Chris (01:39):
you need to be, at any time, able to kidnap your wife
and family at all times, and ifyou're not driving, you can't be
.
No, that's not the reason.
Jay (01:48):
Okay, listen to this, though.
Listen to this, I have a greatexplanation or argument why I
don't drive.
Is it liquor?
Chris (01:56):
Is it because?
No, it's because the family cardoesn't have the fucking you
never know what I'm going to.
Tony (02:02):
Get fucked up.
Chris (02:04):
No, no, that's not it.
It's because the family cardoesn't have the phone books
taped to the brake and gaspedals.
Jay (02:13):
Well, my wife's shorter than me, so it's impossible.
Tony (02:17):
It's impossible.
So do one of you stand on thegas pedal and one of you stand
on the seat and steer.
Chris (02:23):
Fuck off.
They got a trench coat in theback.
They get in it before they getgoing a tall person and then
they get in the car that's why Igot three kids.
Jay (02:35):
I have one for the break, one for the pedal, one for the
steering and then one to relax.
No, seriously though I don,though I don't drive, I don't
drive when I'm with my wife.
First off, we have two vehiclesbetween the both of us.
Tony (02:51):
One of them is inoperational for a family, it's
a micromachine, car it's theworld's smallest rape van.
Jay (03:02):
Yeah, you're raping a midget in this or you're not
doing nothing at all.
Tony (03:10):
He's got a couch in the back seat.
Chris (03:13):
It's a love seat.
Jay (03:16):
It doesn't even fit a love seat you need a recliner and
that's it.
But I get the same mileage youdo in a vehicle Cock chairs.
Tony (03:28):
Somebody asked Jay to help move.
I can take the silverware.
Chris (03:35):
I can get all your shoe boxes.
Tony (03:37):
You know what's funny, as long as I can split up the forks
and knives, you know what'sfunny?
Jay (03:43):
My brother-in-law just sold their house my, my sister.
They asked me to move.
I'm like what the fuck do youwant me to move?
Tony (03:53):
did you explain to them that people in their 40s don't
help other people move?
You call your young ass friendsthat come over, oh, and I told
yeah, exactly okay, so let's getback to this.
I'm not hurting a good disc fora fucking slice of pizza
anymore, this shit ain'thappening fucking.
Jay (04:09):
They don't even feed you.
Get the fuck out of here.
Tony (04:11):
That doesn't happen anymore, this economy so the
reason domino's is sellingpizzas for 3.99 now, man?
Jay (04:21):
the reason why I don't drive.
I don't want the headache, Idon't want to deal.
I know how to drive.
I don't need a fucking helper.
I don't need someone to tell mewhere to go and why I turned
the wrong way to get somewhereelse, not fast or faster.
So basically, her car is a new2014.
(04:45):
It might be 25 or 24.
I don't know.
Mitsubishi, fuck, I don't knowwhat it is.
Whatever, it's a new one.
So basically, she wants Is it aconvertible?
No, it's a fucking family car,dude.
So I have to park far away.
I don't want door dings.
And then when you're drivingdown both lanes to get into
(05:09):
whatever your store of choice is, I, uh, you can't never pick a
right spot.
It's always the wrong one, likeyou feel.
Like you drive into that spot,you're like, oh my god, she's.
She freaks out because the caris a 2012 Vale or whatever.
That car is definitely going toopen its door into mine.
(05:29):
Give me a red dent.
That.
Or just directions.
Like I can't follow directionsright, I can't go the right way,
like she always knows the rightand I'm very bad with
directions.
Gps is my life.
If I didn't have it, I'd be badwith directions.
Sure, gps is my life.
Fair, if I didn't have it, I'dbe a lost soul.
I would really be a lost soul.
Chris (05:51):
That's probably why we didn't even become friends until
.
Gpss were invented.
It's funny Because you couldn'tfind your way.
Jay (05:59):
It's pretty funny, though.
In the beginning of our podcast, I took Chris home every day
for two months.
Yeah, because I got drunk everytime we did the podcast off
ginger ale and whiskey and everytime I had to ask him how did
he get to your house?
Tony (06:16):
I was fine with that.
I'm sure you GPS here still.
Jay (06:19):
Oh yeah, if I take the side streets, fuck yeah the freeway.
I'm okay.
I'm a little okay Because it'sone left.
Turn off Capitol right.
Tony (06:29):
Yep, and then we're good Pretty much.
In my household it is exactly50-50 if we're together.
Jay (06:37):
Wait, now you're talking shit about being a bitch.
Chris (06:41):
No, I said you're a bitch .
Oh, you did.
You're like a half a bitch.
Jay (06:44):
Oh, half a bitch.
No, I said you're a bitch.
Oh, you did you're like a halfa bitch oh half a bitch, yeah,
so things have definitelychanged because tony is the
proprietor.
Tony (06:52):
Well, I, I used, seems like he used to drive everywhere
and eventually, once facebookgot to your phone, I'm like well
, why the fuck am I driving bothways?
Well, she's just sitting onfacebook, the whole time so now,
everywhere we go, she drivesthere, I drive home.
(07:12):
What's the reasoning for?
That though I think the otherone can look at their phone so I
can fuck around on my phone onthe way there and then she can
get drunk while she's whereverwe are and then I drive her home
.
But here's the problem you don'tever get drunk.
You she's wherever we are, andthen I drive her home.
Jay (07:25):
But here's the problem you don't ever get drunk.
Tony (07:29):
That's why I'm perfect for taking the ride home every time
.
Jay (07:32):
But 50-50,.
You're never getting drunk.
How can she ever?
Okay, fine, okay, I get itDrives there.
Tony (07:40):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I drive everybody home.
Jay (07:42):
It took me 50-50 time to figure that out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,I'm stupid, I drive everybody
home.
It took me 50-50 time to figurethat out.
Chris (07:47):
I care way too much about the hardworking unionized
autoworkers that put togetherthe vehicle that I drive.
Jay (07:55):
Wait for a man.
Is that what you're about tosay?
Chris (07:58):
To allow my wife to add additional miles on those parts
with her behind the wheel.
That is why I drive.
It's for the respect of theautomobile makers that I don't
put the parts of that vehicle.
That sounds super sexist Chris.
No, it sounds like a knock onthe style of driving my wife
(08:22):
uses.
Jay (08:23):
Let me hear your style of wife drives.
Chris (08:26):
She just loves to go really fast and then brake
really hard all of the fuckingtime.
That's every woman, and thenthat gas pedal thing where you
go gas no gas, gas no gas, gasno gas gas, and you go 64 to 68
miles an hour the whole waythere.
Tony (08:43):
Gas no gas, gas, gas, gas no gas, gas no gas gas the thing
is is is you actually drive acar designed for women?
My van?
Oh, I thought we were talkingabout the facade.
Chris (08:57):
Oh yeah, the, that is a design for a woman car.
Tony (09:00):
Yeah, they're made for hard braking and fast
acceleration possible.
Chris (09:04):
But she doesn't like driving that thing, so she
drives the van and I drive thecar, and most of the time if we
ever go anywhere we're I meanI'm taking my car, I'll drive, I
just drive.
Tony (09:15):
I don't know, I like to drive, yeah I mean, and I mean
passats are designed for women,but, more importantly, many vans
are definitely not my van hersnot my van you have you what
about that limited exposure you?
Got the fucking a-team van yeah, pretty much dude is like a
(09:36):
pacifica or something it's agrand caravan.
Oh shit, yeah grand, not evenjust a regular, not a caravan
it's a grand caravan, so whatdoes that mean?
Jay (09:46):
though Does that like extra ?
Tony (09:48):
length.
That means he has power windows.
Chris (09:49):
They're all grand caravans, extra width.
Okay, so I was the one whowanted the van.
I want a van too, because thefucking doors don't swing open
Because I was like I got tocarry this fucking baby box
thing everywhere I go for thenext four years and hoof it into
the car and then I'm going tohave this little kid for the
(10:11):
next four years after that.
That needs to get into the car.
Why do I need this big SUV?
I'll just get a big van withall this space.
Katie was like no, vans arelame and I will never.
Tony (10:24):
I'll never drive one Unless it has.
Chris (10:28):
What did she want?
Leather seats, power seats,power mirrors, rims she wanted
rims Tinted windows.
Tony (10:39):
These are young girl problems and I'm like I Bet.
Chris (10:43):
And then we found the Grand Caravan and we ended up.
I wanted one that had someFucking oomph to it, so we got
so you got some sobs.
We got the rt.
It's the racing trimmed grandcaravan.
It's a rare bird.
For the most part they onlysold two.
They only sold like yeah, butit is a rare, rare or fine,
(11:06):
right and uh, she wanted it tobe damn near brand new.
So we bought the model year.
It was used but it was modelyear and uh, uh, the rt is 246
horsepower.
Is that good?
Jay (11:21):
I don't know, it's probably more than both of your cars
what does?
Chris (11:23):
mine have, your one has like seven the van van Is that
good or not?
And it also has the widerstance and is on the same frame
rails as the Dodge Charger.
Okay, so it's a minivan put ontop of the Dodge Charger, so
it's really like a fucking DodgeCharger Basically, yeah.
Tony (11:43):
It's just like a slightly taller Dodge.
Jay (11:45):
Charger.
It is actually slightly taller.
Chris (11:48):
It is one of the lowest profile.
So now the minivans.
You see, they don't.
You don't even know they'reminivans uh.
So let me ask you this theylike they like put facade, swing
open doors on the side, eventhough they're crank let me ask
you this your wife has her owncar.
Jay (12:01):
Okay, it's fucking pink, it's got pink rims, it's got
fucking fluffy bullshit aroundthe size of the mirrors.
Would you feel comfortabledriving that car, even though
she is in the car driving thecar being the man right?
So I get what you're saying.
Chris (12:20):
So you're telling me that she's decked out the car with
the fluffy pink steering wheelthing.
Tony (12:26):
Let's just say she reached her sales goal for Mary Kay.
Chris (12:30):
And they gave her the van I probably wouldn't drive that
car.
Jay (12:34):
So then you would be in the passenger seat then, like I
said, I don't like to ride, orwould you be?
In the back seat like duckingdown.
I typically drive.
Chris (12:44):
I don't know what to.
Jay (12:44):
Okay, you're, typically we go, go on vacations and it's
like a.
Nine hour drive.
Chris (12:50):
I drive the nine hours.
Jay (12:51):
You're driving that car and then when you have to go home,
I drive the ten and a half hoursYou're fucking chauvinistic
yeah you, you're You're Blockingand escaping the question.
Chris (13:01):
Okay what's the question?
Jay (13:03):
The same thing.
I just asked If it's a deckedout girl car.
Chris (13:06):
Yes, yeah, I'm probably driving Okay.
Jay (13:08):
I'm taking all the fucking shit off the mirrors and all the
other bullshit down.
No, no, you can't touch that.
It's your wife.
Your wife will not let youtouch that.
That's false, that's false, allright.
Tony (13:18):
Let's just say that's false.
That's why I'm's just sayyou're driving your I don't know
what this is cloud blue passatI we call it princess blue
princess, princess so let's justsay you're in your cloud, blue
(13:39):
passat every time I see hisfucking car pull up I swear to
god your wife
Chris (13:44):
I'm on the inside.
On the inside it's all blackleather with red little trim and
all that yeah.
Tony (13:48):
Let's just say, your wife was like oh, your car is so
adorable, blah, blah, blah.
Yeah, I want to decorate it,okay.
Jay (13:55):
Okay, Decorate it.
Tony (13:57):
She's like I'm going to add a couple little knickknacks
and tchotchkes that are going tomake this car really Feel like
home, like no, she's gonna usethe word from hgtv.
She's like I'm gonna make thiscar pop, okay.
Okay, car pops and and she putslike a little like rhinestone
studded insert into your cupholder.
(14:18):
Uh, you know, like changes thecolor of your gauges to like a
nice, like purple, okay.
And then she hangs up an airfreshener that she had printed
with her face okay, and she saysdon't worry when it smelling.
(14:45):
I had a hundred of them.
Jay (14:47):
Pause a second.
My wife did this for me.
Chris (14:50):
That's why they're laughing.
Jay (14:52):
This is why they're laughing so hard, because my
wife did this for me.
That's why they're laughing sohard.
Everywhere I go, I see yourfucking face dangling around,
spinning around, watching,judging.
Yeah, I think there's a camerain every single one of them,
because cameras nowadays are thesize of your dickhole.
Tony (15:12):
Oh fuck, Would you still drive it?
Chris (15:15):
No, I'd never let her do that shit to it.
I'd be like no, I would let herdo it.
But what I would do is I wouldjust then take her key out of
the purse for the van.
Put my key in her purse, I'dtake the van.
Put my key in her purse, I'dtake the van.
Tony (15:29):
Damn, you're a real man.
Jay (15:31):
She'd have her shit back.
But you don't have a choicesometimes, man.
You can't just be like youcan't always have your way.
I feel like you always thinkyou have your way.
Chris (15:44):
I don't want to give away all my secrets, but yeah, I do
always have them.
Tony (15:48):
Chris is like fuck you bitch, I'm getting on a flight
tomorrow.
Chris (15:51):
That's not how it works.
Jay (15:53):
That's not how it works.
I have like a two-week fuckingconcert coming up in like one
week and I pack it, so I signeda lease on this apartment.
No yeah.
Chris (16:09):
I get it, but you're saying back in the day, men
always drove.
Tony (16:13):
Oh, I don't remember a woman even driving I didn't know
they had their license when Iwas a kid, they also couldn't
vote, so that was the thing,this is true.
Jay (16:23):
I was like Mom, do you have your license?
Because Dad always drives.
But nowadays it's like when wego somewhere, my kids
immediately go downstairs in thecar and they know I.
They open the.
Well, very polite children Openthe door for me on the
passenger side for me to get in.
Chris (16:44):
They know that Mom drives .
Tony (16:46):
Yeah, so anyway, also, jay , speaking of your mom.
Wait, I didn't speak to get in.
They know that mom drives, yeah, so anyway, also, jay speaking
of your mom.
Wait, I didn't speak to my mom,you just said your mom knew.
Oh, so your mom sent me apicture today, really yeah, and
it was of her license plate onher new Jeep.
Jay (17:03):
What, Are you fucking lying to me?
Tony (17:05):
No, she said because it's like jlc or something I don't
know she's like she's like ifyou really know me, you know
what my nickname is jlc yeah,what's jlc mean?
I don't know, or jom, I thinkitM it might have been J-O-M.
(17:26):
I mean that's a huge difference.
Because, I thought it meantJay's overbearing mother, but I
don't think that was it.
Jay (17:36):
J-O-M would be, yeah, Jay's overbearing mother.
No, I have no idea.
I mean, I don't know if you'remaking this up or not, but I
have no idea what's going on.
Tony (17:43):
Send it specifically to me .
It was just on facebook andI've seen it and what did you
say?
Oh m what did you say againyeah, look up your mom on
facebook.
Chris (17:52):
No, what did it say again go, I think jom no, it was a
picture of her standing up yourmom on you said it said my you
said, it said my name no, itsaid her like her new license
plate.
Jay (18:04):
no saying For her super cool jeep.
She referenced me no.
Tony (18:10):
I'm fucking kidding.
I was just trying to figure outwhat it meant.
J-o-m.
Yeah, what's your mom'snickname?
Jay (18:22):
Yeah, I don't know, damn You're fucked.
I don't know.
Chris (18:27):
You don't know shit, no.
Jay (18:30):
Back to the driving.
If you're a man and not driving, I'm fine.
With not driving, I'm superfine, it's actually pretty
relaxing yeah.
Chris (18:43):
Yeah, I just like to drive.
That's the way it boils down toit.
Jay (18:46):
I don't like to drive.
I have so many more things todo on my phone than drive.
Tony (18:52):
You know, and I think it's Sports betting.
So I think it's also a littledependent too, because if we
take my truck someplace, I willtypically drive both ways If we
take our Cadillac.
Jay (19:07):
Is that because she doesn't want to drive?
No, she doesn't mind driving mytruck so my wife freaks out
driving mine because you cannotlook through the rear window
yeah, you have to use the sidemirrors, but the side mirrors
are way more the word for itaccurate effective dependable
(19:31):
than actually turning yourfucking head around and looking
if someone's in your.
Tony (19:35):
They really are like like a semi yeah, you can't have
windows in the back of a vanlike that you just gave me
another great reason why I driveWomen don't look at mirrors
unless it's at themselves.
Chris (19:49):
That's sexist.
I don't give a fuck.
Jay (19:52):
It's true.
Say it again Louder I don'tgive a fuck.
No, no.
Before that, rewind why?
Chris (19:59):
do I have to give it louder, louder?
I don't give a fuck, no, no,before that rewind.
Why do I have to get louder?
Tony (20:04):
it's true, I love it, chris.
Chris (20:04):
Women only look at mirrors if they're looking back
at themselves it's ageneralization, but it's true.
You just said your wife doesn'tuse a mirror.
I know my wife doesn't use themirrors.
I'm gonna probably assume hereat least two out of three, but
I'll bet all three wives don'tuse the mirrors.
Does she check her mirrorsperiodically while driving is
just to establish what's behindand in front of?
(20:26):
her imagine you need a new cord.
It's like an opsec thing, it'sjust operational security.
I always sit looking at thedoor too.
I don't like to look at theback of the restaurant we're
gonna get you no car tony, yeah,we need to go to the graveyard,
the wire graveyard.
Tony (20:42):
And pick out some pieces of a new cord Dude you need to
take a picture of that and callit the wire graveyard.
Jay (20:48):
It does look like it.
Chris (20:50):
It's in rough shape over there.
Jay (20:52):
But guess what, it looks better where we are.
Chris (20:54):
I was going to say another sexy comment.
Jay (20:57):
Do it.
No, don't fucking hold back.
Chris (20:59):
We could use a woman to clean this fucking shit up for
us, because we're dumb ass.
Why would you?
Jay (21:04):
even because we're dumb, ape men who can't keep things
organized no, I'm just sayingwhy would you feel bad about
saying that?
I don't know, because thatmakes so much sense no, I said
that makes so much sense becausethey have organization
organization skills typicallybut I guess I tell you a guy is
a better cook because they takemore chances with ingredients.
Tony (21:27):
I can microwave a chicken nugget with the best of them.
Chris (21:32):
I do this thing where instead of 30 seconds, I do 29,
and it's fucking golden man.
Tony (21:39):
Oh, and then the level of seasoning salt I use.
Jay (21:42):
Never hit the popcorn button because it fucking burns
it.
Tony (21:47):
Keep it to 230.
I'm telling you my microwaveskills.
Man Chef's kiss, I don'tmicrowave shit.
Jay (21:54):
You shouldn't ever.
I'm an air fry king now, yes,dude, air frying is the fucking
next level shit but whateveryou're gonna put in the
microwave on a piece of yes,it's just like literally, it's
just as fast.
All you have to do is put thebutton, turn it on, let it
preheat.
Tony (22:11):
let it preheat because so so I.
I do so when I do cook, whichis pretty often, I use stove
oven grill smoker Right, Ireally don't use the microwave
for anything, it's for leftovershit or, like corn, canned corn
(22:34):
we don't eat leftovers in ourhouse, so we don't use that.
If it is a can of corn, it'sgetting put in a pot and heated
up on a stove yeah well, but allthese people I know all use
this fucking thing called theninja foodie.
It's an air fryer, it's an airfryer pressure cooker.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And they always tell me like ohno, we're gonna save some time
(22:56):
with this.
It only takes six minutes tocook this whole meal.
Every fucking time.
It takes twice as long as justcooking it traditionally.
I don't, I don't fuckingunderstand this shit pressure
cookers you gotta pressure cook.
This it's gonna be amazing andit's gonna be four minutes
pressure cookers are the worst.
Chris (23:14):
Why is it it?
Tony (23:15):
takes 32 minutes for it to get to pressure.
Oh, is that what it is?
Chris (23:19):
and then when is, and then when it's done cooking.
Tony (23:21):
When it's done cooking, you got to do a natural release
and you got to fucking waitanother 40 minutes for it
Pressure cooker is the worstinvention ever fucking made.
Jay (23:33):
I hate this shit.
I had one used.
It sold it immediately.
Chris (23:36):
I had an Instapot which I think is similar to a pressure
cooker Instapot.
Jay (23:39):
Yeah, that Sold it immediately.
I had an Instapot which I thinkis similar to a pressure cooker
Instapot.
Chris (23:42):
It's like yeah, that sounds like it would be
something considered close.
And yeah, I used it like threeor four times and I was like
this thing is fucking bogus, man, it's the dumbest fucking thing
ever you open it up before thetimer's done.
Jay (23:53):
Your hand is burnt, fucking crisp.
I don't do that.
Tony (23:55):
You're fucked, you're fucked.
So my wife bought one.
We have it.
It's sitting in our smallappliance graveyard.
Chris (24:04):
I think we threw one away .
Tony (24:10):
When we first got it I'm like okay, so if this thing's
this easy, like I'm going towatch the video on how to do it
and the first video I play wassomebody setting it up on their
stove and doing something andthe fucking thing exploded
straight through the ceilingshut up what you can really get
on a really fucking fun rabbithole uh watching videos of
(24:32):
pressure cookers fuckingexploding yeah, it did seem very
dangerous to me as well when Iwas using it, and I think one
time it burned the fuck out ofeverything, it didn't work.
Chris (24:43):
It's like there wasn't enough moisture in the fucking
thing we put in there and then Ithink another time it got like
stuck and yeah, I had to likeleave it outside for day and a
half to naturally aspire.
Jay (24:56):
Basically, cooking is cooking.
You can't keep fucking tryingto change it.
There's no faster way orreasoning.
Chris (25:05):
I don't mind I don't know , the air fryer is pretty
fucking legit convection thingsup the pizza.
Tony (25:11):
Pizzazz is quite the invention.
Jay (25:13):
Yeah, it is, that's the one that spins around outside they
don't even make them inside I.
Chris (25:17):
I don't think we're talking about the one example.
Tony (25:20):
Yeah, it's like a turntable, but it comes like
literally outside, inside, witha little air dryer on top of it.
Chris (25:26):
So when I lived in Eagle Springs with a friend of mine
and his girlfriend, they wouldget drunk and fight with each
other all the time, so it waslike really annoying to go
upstairs.
But I had a bathroom down thereand like a little area that I
had like a microwave and one ofthose pizzazz things and like a
toaster and like coffee maker, alittle bopsink thing but no
(25:47):
real stove.
So I used that fucking pizzazzto cook all kinds of shit.
Tony (25:52):
Dude and yeah, I will confirm that cheese anything.
Chris (25:56):
Yeah, I would throw a fucking chicken breast on there
and just let the fucking thingspin really Really that cooks it
.
Oh yeah, Like a champ.
Jay (26:03):
Have you ever had salmonella poisoning?
Chris (26:05):
I can't confirm or deny why I was in my 20s.
Tony (26:12):
My favorite small appliance ever made is a George
Foreman rotisserie.
Jay (26:17):
Get the fuck out of here, dude George Foreman.
Chris (26:22):
Come on the rotisserie.
Get the fuck out of here, dudegeorge foreman.
Come on the rotisserie.
Come on.
Tony (26:24):
I've never had a rotisserie.
I broke it out two years ago.
It was the last time I used itlet me ask you this the george
and made a, made a duck on itwas that those things?
Chris (26:32):
you had the wings no here .
That was an infrared thing asan infrared air fryer.
Jay (26:38):
It didn't seem to work out very well, let me ask you this
the George Foreman grill, thething that takes all the best
tasting things and drops it intoa fucking tube Dude, I got a
fucking great George Foremangrill that involves your family,
george.
Tony (26:56):
Foreman grill story.
Jay (26:59):
Would you ever buy a george foreman grill?
Are they still available?
So?
Tony (27:07):
so in our 20s we had a george foreman grill and we used
it all the fucking time foreverything.
Chris (27:14):
Yep, mine was lined with tinfoil to make it easier to
clean.
Jay (27:17):
What was the reason for the George from like inform our
audience?
Because I fucking forget, itwas just dietary functions.
Tony (27:31):
The point of it is the grates are made out of cast iron
, so it made your food taste alittle bit better, and then it
was on an angle so all thedelicious juice would go into a
little cup that you could drinklater.
Oh my god fucking.
I guarantee you did that I meanI'm not, I'm not gonna deny
(27:55):
it's like just give it 15minutes to cool down and it's
fucking perfect yeah, every timeI'm gonna go outside and dump
the grease in the bush.
So when we got into, so when wegot, yeah, so when we got into
(28:22):
our 30s, the george forman grillhad just been completely
abandoned and my wife, for somereason, got it in her head that
she wanted to try it again, butonly a bigger one that the
little original george ford wasthe problem was just, I mean,
(28:43):
you could barely get two amishchicken breasts on yeah yeah,
you know you had to go.
You had to get a walmart chickenbreast to fit on it, just right
, you know so.
So she determined that the sizewas the issue.
So for christmas one year herdad bought her the george
foreman grill and it was calledthe precious metals edition and
(29:06):
it had, like this fucking likeit looked like chameleon paint
on the outside of it.
It was, uh, it was.
It was really weird.
So it was in a box and, muchlike many gifts my wife gets, it
remained in the box to thisvery day.
Okay, it's still not used.
(29:26):
It's still not used.
It's the fucking factory.
Seal has never been broken onit.
So we had it when we moved.
It got put in this like pile offucking boxes and shit.
We had to go through in thegarage and it sat there for
fucking ever.
And one day back when tim's uhfather-in-law was working for me
(29:51):
he used to be a mechanic andhe's like oh, I'll come over,
I'll fix your brakes, I'll make.
You said tim's father-in-law oh,I sorry, I meant jay's
father-in-law, tim got it.
He's over.
He's over at my house fixing mybrakes and at this current
moment in time and I don't knowif this isn't cool to say you
(30:11):
can you can say what the fuckyou want, dude but he's
basically living in a truck downby the river, all right he's
homeless saturday night livesbasket he's homeless.
His girlfriend's sleeping in histruck in my driveway he's
telling me how he has nothing.
And he's sleeping on hisfriends, uh, at his friend's
(30:36):
business, on their table in sometaxi cab company.
You can't sleep on the floor,right.
So he's sleeping on the tableand you know he needs this extra
money.
So he's doing my breaks and, uh, he makes mention of this
george foreman girl reallysitting there and he's like, oh
(30:57):
yeah, it'd be nice, I couldactually like cook some meat.
He's like you know, if I gotsome meat I could cook it on
that in my buddy's taxi cabcompany.
I was like, all right, cool,you can have it.
Jay (31:10):
So he sets it next to his car, the wait, wait, the george
foreman girl still in the boxfactory sealed the meat.
Tony (31:17):
Nope, george foreman grilled nice big, robust gotcha
sitting next to his truck andmichelle pulls up at home and
she looks at it and she goeswhat the fuck is my george
former?
Jay (31:32):
this is it's been in this box for more than 10
Tony (31:36):
years.
She's like what the fuck is mygeorge former girl doing there?
And uh, I'm like, oh, I gave itto Tim.
I'm like he fucking wants a wayto cook some meat.
She goes get that fucking grillback right now.
That is not yours to give away.
How ridiculous.
(31:56):
So I was like, all right, well,I'm just going to go up to this
homeless man who I just gave afucking source to feed himself.
I'm going to tell him yeah, myfucking bitch of a wife doesn't
want you to have this grill.
Chris (32:09):
She wants it on our cabinet, on our shelf, and so I
go tim.
Tony (32:13):
Tim could see that she was posturing up at this moment
because I gave away a preciouschristmas gift to hers to
somebody else.
So tim's like, oh man, no bigdeal, he could take the grill
back.
So I put it back in the pile um, two months ago we're still
(32:34):
kind of cleaning out this garagea little bit and I pull up this
box with this george foremangirl and I'm like so are we in a
position now because this waslike what four years ago?
Yeah, I said to michelle I'mlike is it?
Are we in a position now thatwe can finally like donate this
(32:54):
grill to somebody who mightactually use it for cooking and
she goes?
Well, at this point we might aswell save it as a collector
item.
Chris (33:06):
I mean, I could not find this version of the grill.
I did find a submersible grill.
I don't know why you need asubmersible grill.
Jay (33:15):
Are you still at the small one?
Chris (33:18):
No, this is the classic edition.
I don't know.
Jay (33:20):
I don't know.
We haven't used a Georgeorgeforeman girl in more than 20
years let me ask you thisquestion, the classic one that
you speak of is this the firstone he's ever made?
Tony (33:34):
yeah, we, we have the one that came out in my 20s, but not
not the one that's still in abox.
Jay (33:39):
This is a special edition okay, special edition in edition
in the box, never used.
I think you should fucking holdon to that.
I think that will be with thewife Hold on to it.
We'll be worth money, a hundredpercent.
Yeah, don't give it to ahomeless person to waste it on
cooking.
Tony (33:56):
Yeah, he definitely, he definitely would have sold it by
now.
Jay (33:59):
Bugs and rats because you have a little bit of money there
.
But you know what, just save itfor your kids.
Chris (34:07):
Save it for your kids.
George Foreman grill it's afucking retirement plan for you.
Hey kid, don't worry, I workedhard my whole life and I got
this for you.
Jay (34:19):
You ever hear of George Foreman.
He's got like six kids that arenamed George Foreman.
Chris (34:24):
Fucking Jay dies and his wife's reading to his kids and
she's like for my oldest, Ileave One unboxed, never unboxed
.
George Foreman classic.
Jay (34:37):
Slash tried to be stolen or given away by my husband to a
homeless man.
Chris (34:44):
It's weight in gold as well.
Stories.
Jay (34:47):
You know what Stories turned into.
Not the same thing I wanted,but hey it was awesome.
Tony (34:56):
Yeah, this was about chicks driving.
Yeah, it wasn't.
Jay (34:59):
But it was amazing.
I appreciate all of you guysfor giving in on your chicks
driving, but this was the beststory I've ever heard in my life
.
Chris (35:12):
Fair enough, tony can't find this thing.
He's ready.
He's smiling, he's done, tony'sdone.
Jay (35:17):
You're done.
You're done.
Tony (35:19):
You're done.
Chris (35:20):
You are done and that is today's Top Shelf Story.
Chicks, you're done.
You're done.
I'm going to find this girl,you are done.
And that is today's top shelfstory.
Chicks driving or Jay notletting Jay not knowing to drive
.
Or Tony sharing drive.
Or me not letting anyone butmyself drive.
Jay (35:37):
Everyone loves you.
Subscribe and comment and we'llget back to you.
Chris (35:43):
Comment back below.
Jay (35:45):
We love you Good night.
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