December 23, 2024 • 44 mins
Unlock the keys to emotional growth and leadership success with insights from Matt, a successful business owner from Charleston, South Carolina. As Matt candidly shares his journey of personal development and business triumphs, we explore the essential role emotional maturity plays in overcoming challenges. Learn practical strategies to tackle eight primary negative emotions—shame, guilt, hopelessness, sadness, fear, lust, anger, and desire—and discover how mastering your emotions can lead to profound organizational success.
Self-doubt and the victim mentality can sabotage even the most promising leaders. In this episode, we tackle these destructive mindsets and highlight the importance of maintaining a positive outlook despite the negativity around us. Hear how emotional frequencies can shape our outcomes and why choosing resilience, inspired by figures like David Goggins, can turn adversity into triumph. You'll gain actionable tips for cultivating a positive mindset, such as cutting off negative news feeds and embracing uplifting content.
In a world obsessed with external success, we reflect on the power of gratitude and the importance of prioritizing happiness. Drawing on personal stories and insights from thought leaders like Gary Keller and Darren Hardy, we discuss the need for a balanced life that includes family and personal joy. From integrating family time into busy schedules to receiving honest feedback from loved ones, this episode offers a roadmap to a fulfilling life where personal and professional growth go hand in hand. Plus, leadership consultant Ron Harvey joins us with invaluable advice on continuous improvement, encouraging a commitment to lifelong learning and leadership excellence.
Connect with Ron
Just Make A Difference: Leading Under Pressure by Ron Harvey
“If you don’t have something to measure your growth, you won’t be self-aware or intentional about your growth.”
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The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and guests and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any organization or entity. The information provided in this podcast is intended for educational and informational purposes only and should not be considered as professional advice. Listeners should consult with their own professional advisors before implementing any suggestions or recommendations made in this podcast. The speakers and guests are not responsible for any actions taken by listeners based on the information presented in this podcast. The podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice or services. The speakers and guests make no representations or warranties of any kind, express or implied, about the completeness, accuracy, reliability, suitability or availability with respect to the information, products, services, or related graphics contained in this ...
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Unpacked Podcast with your host
leadership consultant, RonHarvey of Global Core Strategies
and Consulting.
Ron's delighted to have youjoin us as he unpacks and shares
his leadership experience,designed to help you in your
leadership journey.
Ron believes that leadership isthe fundamental driver towards
making a difference.
(00:21):
So now to find out more of whatit means to unpack leadership,
here's your host, Ron Harvey.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Good afternoon.
This is Ron Harvey, the VicePresident, chief Operating
Officer for Global CoreStrategies and Consulting.
I know it's a mouthful.
Gcs is what we call ourselvesLeadership Development Firm,
based out of Columbia, southCarolina, and everything we do
is about helping leaders be moreeffective at taking care of the
people that they're responsiblefor and responsible to.
How do you get better at theend of the day, outside of your
(00:48):
technical skills?
How do you really get better attaking care of people?
And we spend all our timearound that.
So I won't go into great detailthere, because we have a show
lined up for you that I thinkyou're going to love.
You're going to enjoy theenergy that's going to come from
this and you're going to hearfrom the experts that we bring
from across the world.
So I'm super excited to bringMatt on and always give the
guests a microphone and let themintroduce themselves however
(01:08):
they desire, so I'm going tohand it over to Matt and let him
take us away.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
What's up, ron man?
Hey, I'm not coming from acrossthe world, I'm coming from
across I-95 and I-26.
I'm just like an hour and ahalf away from you.
I'm in Charleston, southCarolina, and man, I'm just like
an hour and a half away fromyou.
I'm in Charleston, southCarolina, and man, it's so good
to be on this call with you,brother.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Yes, yes, man Thank you man, Tell us, what do you do
?
I mean so you're right up theroad.
They got some good food inCharleston, oh yeah, no, I don't
know how many restaurants?
Hey, how did the Gamecocks dothis weekend?
We were nervous, but theypulled it off.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Oh good, okay, All right.
So my wife's a Clemson fan.
It did not go well.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
Yeah, it did not go well they played.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
A really good team too, Matt.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
They played the best team.
I know that was tough.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
I don't know if I start my season off that way.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
I don't want to play the number being happy.
I love talking about happiness.
It's not fake happiness.
The only way to have real,authentic happiness is to deal
with the eight unpleasantemotions, and so I wrote a book
called the Good Mood Revolution.
I have a podcast called theGood Mood Revolution where I
talk about hey, there's onlyeight things that get in the way
of you and your happiness.
(02:21):
And these are the eight primarybad moods and they're universal
for all humans.
We all feel all eight shame,guilt, hopelessness, sadness,
fear, lust, anger and desire.
All of us have to experiencethese eight moods, but it's like
are we going to let those eightmoods get in the way of our
leadership?
And we don't have to.
And then there's practical tipsabout how to get out of each of
(02:43):
these eight emotions.
Because the reality is wecreate the greatest success when
we feel on top of the world,and a company is only going to
go as far as the CEO is theiremotional development.
That's it.
So business success isunlimited, absolutely unlimited.
We can achieve as much as wewant to achieve.
It's just do we have theemotional and mindset skills and
(03:04):
the desire to make it that big?
I started a real estate companyin Charleston, south Carolina,
in 2006.
We were awarded the number sixfastest growing company in the
state of South Carolina.
We were on the Inc 5000 fastestgrowing list.
We have been named the numberone company in the entire state
to work for out of 470,000companies.
(03:25):
I've got about 80 employees.
But all of that success camewith my happiness.
So in the beginning I would wedo good and then I would
sabotage it in like somebodywould leave or sabotage me back
or whatever, and so it's like isI'm like man.
The best thing about being abusiness owner is it to be
(03:45):
really good at this.
I have to grow as a human.
I have to see.
Only way I can achieve my goalsis to get, is to grow myself
personally.
So that became actually myfavorite part of being a
business owner was that I had togrow, and that's that's what I
teach people.
How to do is how to growemotionally.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Wow.
And so you know how we do ourpodcast.
We have real conversations andso what I tell everybody on here
Matt, pull out your pen,whatever you're going to do, you
can get the recordings, all thegreat stuff, but we're going to
drop the nuggets real things.
That's practical.
We're pretty transparent and Ilove that our guests come on and
like here's what I'm doing, butcongratulations, I mean, you
know that's competition.
I'm one of those business.
I got some self-developmentover here as I listen to Matt
(04:21):
like hey on that.
So I appreciate the competitionand the challenge.
You said something superimportant as a business owner,
as an entrepreneur if thecompany is going to get better,
you got to get better.
That's non-negotiable.
Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 3 (04:36):
Absolutely yeah.
Yeah, the only thing stopping acompany from growing is the
emotional maturity level of theowner.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
So, when you think about it, what did you go
through?
I mean, there wererollercoaster rides, of course,
as you got to where you are, yousabotage.
I'm glad you're reallytransparent and vulnerable here,
but we do sabotage oftentimesas leaders.
What are the things that driveus to sabotage?
I know it's not intentional.
We just want to destroy ourcountry.
What are the unintentionalthings that we are doing?
You gave out eight things thatall of us deal with the demons,
if you will.
What is it that's causing us tosabotage unintentionally?
Speaker 3 (05:06):
It is the eight negative moods.
So the first one is the mostdestructive one and it's one we
all have to deal with, and it'sshame.
Nobody wants to admit that's anugly word is shame.
Another way to put it is thewound of rejection.
You know, my friend MatthewMicheletti talks about how shame
is just a wound of rejection,and when we're kids we got
rejected.
(05:27):
You know, maybe it was for me,it was my parents.
I was rejected.
I was told I wasn't good enoughand in a way that can push you,
you can be like well, I'llprove that I'm good enough.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
And so you think, okay, this is going to help me,
and I often hear business ownersbeing like I'm going to prove
them wrong and you can use thatas fuel.
I certainly use it as fuel inthe beginning.
That only takes you so far.
You're proving that you aregood enough, but deep down you
actually still don't believethat you are and you don't
deserve the success.
And so when you feel like youdon't deserve it because you're
trying to prove everybody wrongthat you do deserve it you
(06:00):
eventually sabotage it becauseyou're like there's a piece of
you that doesn't feel itdeserves it.
And so then and you don't knowyou're sabotaging it you think,
oh, that person stole from me,that employee went and opened up
a shop competing against me,like that.
But all of this stuff on anenergetic level we are creating
with our own emotional frequency, we're actually asking people
(06:20):
to prove to us that we don'tdeserve it because we don't
believe we deserve sustainedsuccess.
So once we clear out the shameand it's just one of the
processes that I teach then westop having to prove that we
need to be rejected becausewe're like no, I actually do
deserve sustained success.
And you start creating acompany of harmony and a company
of harmony.
Man like culture, each strategyfor breakfast, when, when
(06:43):
everybody's happy and excited,like I said, we achieved all
these awards and it's because weall like being there and we all
want to be happy producing abunch of success.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
So, when you think about it, matt, you wrote a book
, you got the eight bad movesthat are listed and people.
Please grab the book andhopefully you'll have a copy
where you can show on the screenfor us as well.
How do you help when leadersoften I mean today, when you
look at it there's so muchnegativity in our world.
All you got to do is listen toTV or radio long enough or step
out of your house long enough ordon't listen to TV and radio.
(07:16):
Yes.
How do you help leaders thathave these setbacks and these
challenges?
What techniques do yourecommend when you do have these
setback or challenges?
To get back to this maintainingpositivity.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Yeah well, ron, I think that you just nailed it.
Our listener right now.
They're listening to youbecause you're positive and
you're a can-do and you're alet's grow our leadership.
So most people know I got tofill my brain with positive
energy, like Ron's, unpackedright.
The people who are reallysuccessful know I got to fill my
brain with positive energy,like Ron's, unpacked right.
The people who are reallysuccessful know I got to take
(07:48):
the news away.
I got to take the negativityout of my daily intake and I got
to fill my brain instead withpositivity.
And so that was one of thefirst thing, the very first
practical tips that I did is Icut all news feeds.
I stopped watching the news.
I stopped staying on any Foxnews, cnn.
I just turned it all off off mycomputer search history.
(08:11):
I just wouldn't go to news.
I actually don't go to socialmedia either because it's skewed
to the negative, and I startedto intentionally only listen to
things that were uplifting andwere going to improve my mindset
.
Things that were uplifting andwere going to improve my mindset
it's garbage in, garbage out.
So negativity in negativitycomes out of your mouth,
(08:34):
positive in, positive out.
I get positivity and can-doleadership advice from Ron, and
then I'm spitting out those samewords to people around me like
no, you can do that.
You know what.
You are a leader.
You are empowered.
You can handle this, becausethat's all I listen to is that I
can handle it.
But the news, of course, 80% ofthe world is skewed to the
negative, our mindsets.
80% of the world has a negativemindset, so the news has to
skew to the negative to keeptheir attention.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Yeah, it sells.
It's unfortunate, but it sellspeople, not me.
It doesn't sell.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
It doesn't sell the top 20%.
The top 20 say I'm not going tofall for this garbage.
I'm going to fill myself withpositivity.
It sells to the bottom 80%, butleaders are the top 20%.
We have to protect what goes in.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
So phenomenal?
How do you help leaders notfall into this victim mentality
or not allow it to manifest as aleader?
What are the things or thedangers that are posed that
allows people to fall into?
How do you not fall victim tothings that are happening around
you?
Speaker 3 (09:28):
Yeah, each of the eight bad moods are victim moods
.
Yes, they are all in and that'sthe 80%.
So anytime we're in negativity,we are in a victim mindset.
We don't notice it.
We think that, hey, I'm angrybecause that person did this or
that person said this, or wethink I'm really fearful and
(09:49):
anxious because the governmentjust changed the whole real
estate landscape.
That's something that justhappened in my company, right?
Or however, anytime we're inone of these eight negative
moods, we're actually saying I'mpowerless to this external
force that's having power overme.
I'm a victim.
There's another truth, andanother truth is I am fully
(10:12):
powerful, I am completelyempowered, I am response able
for absolutely everything youcan throw at me and I am never a
victim because I always canchoose the way I'm going to
respond to any situation.
And I am so powerful I'mactually unlimitedly powerful
that you can continue to give meobstacles, obstacle, obstacle,
(10:32):
obstacle, obstacle, obstacle,but I'm so confident in my
ability to respond and beresilient that there's nothing
that could ever keep me down andI will never, ever be a victim.
So that's one of my mantras isthat I will never choose to be a
victim and being a victim is achoice I'm not going to downplay
.
When I was a kid I sufferedtremendous emotional abuse that
(10:53):
there were things that whenwe're younger we really can't.
We really are victim becausewe're tiny and we're small and
we need our parents to like keepus alive.
And people have been traumatizedand in enormous ways actually
write about David Goggins storyin my book on the chapter on
choosing responsibility andGoggins man, that he was abused.
There was racial stuff that wasgoing on with him, like he had
(11:15):
every right to be a victim andyet he said I'm not going to be
a victim, I'm going to choose tobe powerful.
And as soon as he chose to bepowerful man, he became one of
the most powerful human beingsever to live.
And it actually was hisfather's abuse and all the abuse
he took from the racism fromthe kids at school that he said
(11:37):
nothing can hurt me and itbecame his fuel.
And he wrote a book called youCan't Hurt Me and he did 4,000
pull-ups in one day and he ran100 miles without stopping Like
the dude is freaking amazing andhe wouldn't have been so.
It was actually the stuff thathappened to him didn't happen to
him, it happened for him so hecould become even more powerful
(11:58):
than anyone else in the world,and that's how we can turn our
pain into our purpose.
We got to rise up out of thatvictim story and say I'm
actually more powerful than youthink.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
Wow, phenomenal.
I mean I'm glad you're bringingin the book you know Can't Hurt
Me and phenomenal book.
If you haven't picked it up andyou're going through, how do I
recover?
How do I stay resilient?
Phenomenal book Leaders arereaders.
You know that.
Made it through what you may begoing through.
You have the book and there'ssome things that's written in it
.
What are some daily practicesthat you have practiced and that
(12:27):
you share with the audience toget through and stay happy?
Speaker 3 (12:31):
Yeah, man, I'm an open book.
There's nothing behind it.
I'll share everything I do onany conversation.
It's like, yeah, of course Iput all my thoughts into one
concise book and that's an easyway to consume it, but I'm happy
to share absolutely everythingand it is the daily practice.
That really is what it comesdown to.
But before the habit becomesour thoughts, our thoughts
(12:55):
create our emotions and then ouremotions create our behavior
and then our behavior createsour habits and our habits create
our destiny.
This is how it works.
And so if we've gotdisempowering thoughts that
create disempowering emotionsand we end up having
disempowering behavior, which isdisempowering habits, like
maybe drinking every singlenight or drug addiction or
(13:18):
overeating addiction, and thenthat creates a disempowered
destiny, which is my dad endedup with diabetes and that was a
disempowered destiny because hecouldn't get control of these
habits and these emotions, so itdoes start.
My first habit every day isgratitude.
Every single morning, when myfirst foot hits the ground, I
(13:39):
got a little piece of papertaped to my floor.
It's been there for over adecade.
It says thank you, and when myleft foot hits the ground, I say
the word thank, and then, whenmy right foot hits the ground, I
say the word you and I walkthrough the house.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank
you.
This is just a daily habit toget me into a super high
(13:59):
frequency, emotional frequencyof gratitude, because I wake up
and sometimes my mind is racingwith all kinds of like oh, I got
to do this and that person saidthis, and all the negativity,
right, but gratitude completelydispels any negativity.
You can't be grateful andhateful at the same time.
So that's one of my easiestlittle habits and it will change
your life.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
Wow, I love it and I'll tell you as we're email
this morning.
What do I open up?
And I see an email from Mattand he's like hey, man, I'm
super excited, I'm ready to comeon the show.
And the gratefulness andoftentimes we get so caught up
in all the hateful versusgrateful.
I love that you said they don'tcoexist.
It's hard to show up when youare saying thank you, mad at the
world.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
You can't no-transcript.
(15:15):
I'm never allowed to repeatEvery day.
I got to write three brand newthings I've never written before
that I'm grateful for Now.
This seems like a tall task.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Oh yeah, it does.
I'm doing a math in my head.
That's a thousand things.
You got to write a thousandthings this year that you're
grateful for.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
Okay, well, this is what happens.
Eventually, you name off allyour kids, all your relatives,
your pets, your house, everyroom in your house, your cars,
all your co-workers, and you'relike what else is there?
And then you finally openyourself up to the truth that
absolutely everything that everhappens is something to be
grateful for the person thatlooked at you sideways, that
(15:59):
they gave you an opportunity towork on forgiveness and
compassion.
You can say, man, I'm sograteful for that person that
woke me up from my trance andnow I got to be compassionate
for it.
You stub your toe and yourealize that your foot is still
on your leg and that you canwalk on it.
And there's people that don'thave a foot today.
And you're like oh, I'm sograteful.
I stubbed my toe, it woke me upto the fact that I have two
feet today.
I'm grateful.
(16:19):
Every single thing that happens,the things that look like bad
news, are things that you can begrateful for.
And when you have to writethree new things, you're like OK
, well, what happened yesterdaythat I was grateful for?
Well, this happened, and thishappened and this happened.
And you're like, oh, man.
And then eventually your mindis just like looking for every
single thing that it could sayit's grateful for, and then you
just become grateful forabsolutely everything, and
(16:42):
that's life changing.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Yes, how did you get to the place where it stays
authentic?
And you're not saying it justto say I just want to do it
because that's what I've beentold us.
I've been trained.
How do you make it authenticthat you're actually grateful,
regardless of the situation youfind yourself in?
Speaker 3 (16:57):
Awesome question and there's days that I don't feel
very grateful.
No-transcript.
(17:29):
Everything is happening for thehighest good of all concerned.
That is a truth.
Anyone that wants to talk aboutit just reach out to me and
I'll let you know that even thethings that look like the
craziest, most awful thingsyou've ever seen is all on a
long enough timeline and we'retalking an internal timeline.
Everything is working out forthe highest good, and if we know
that that's a truth and I knowit's a truth and I can, I can
(17:54):
help anybody that doesn't see itThen you say, okay, all right,
this really awful business thingthat I have to deal with, I
have to deal with it and I knowit's all going to work out.
It's all going to work out forthe highest good of all concern.
Maybe my highest good is I haveto grow, because I have this
big challenge, and thischallenge isn't really a problem
.
It's actually some a gift thatwas sent to me to help me grow
(18:14):
and become more, and I know thatevery challenge I've ever been
sent, I've become a greaterversion of myself because of it.
And so it starts with a moodcalled acceptance.
We say, hey, I'm accepting that.
This is my reality.
I'm not grateful for it yet,I'm just going to accept it.
Before acceptance is resistanceand we're like I don't want
this to be happening.
That shouldn't be happening.
(18:35):
That's victim.
We can't go there.
The first step is to say Iaccept that this is my reality.
What am I going to do about it?
That's acceptance andresponsibility.
Once we accept it and we startto take positive action, then we
can say what parts of this areactually helping me.
(18:55):
And there's a truth Everysingle thing that looks like a
challenge, there is anopportunity.
It's impossible for somethingto happen to you that doesn't
also have good things to itImpossible.
And again, you can argue withme about this.
Call me about your specificsituation and then I'll help you
get to the truth that somethingis actually good about it.
(19:16):
Then we start to get gratefulfor the piece that was good
about it.
Like, hey, when this biggovernment change happened and
it just happened for me threeweeks ago when the big
government change happenedhere's a few positives to it 20%
of the realtors are getting outof business.
I've got 20% less competition.
Now, hey, the ones that haven'tgot out of the business?
(19:38):
They have to be better thanthey are Well the best are going
to rise even higher.
And I happen to run one of thebest.
So again it turned into anadvantage for me.
Another situation is I said,well, hey, if this is going to
reduce this company's income,I'm going to raise this other
company's income.
So I put a lot of focus into aproperty management company that
(19:58):
I had started, that I hadn'treally like poured into.
Well, now that company isthriving, that company wouldn't
be thriving if the challengehadn't happened.
Right.
So all these positives.
And then I'm like, okay, Iaccepted it.
First I did what I had to do, Itook responsibility.
Then I said I'm grateful forall this stuff that happens.
And then, once you get grateful, you start to say I'm glad it
(20:19):
happened.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
And when we're glad it happened.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
now we're not faking it right.
So it is a progression fromacceptance to gratitude to joy.
But again, that's just the wayit goes, or we can just get
bitter and resentful and playthe victim, and that's not going
to help us.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Oh yeah, and it changes your level of energy.
I mean, depending on how youperceive it to be.
And things are going to happen.
When you start thinking of theability to show up and keep your
team happy, what are somethings that leaders can do to
keep their team positive andfull of good energy?
What can we show up and do withour team?
So you got your daily practicesand leaders make a lot of
(20:54):
things happen or they get in theway of things happening.
How do I need to show up tomake sure my team is feeling the
vibe as well?
Speaker 3 (21:01):
It's a great question .
I can't change people unlessthey want to change.
So part of it is like energy isattracted to, like energy.
Yes, so when I was early in mycareer and I had these eight
negative emotions that were justpart of my being and my
everyday and I express them andI lived in them.
I lived angry Sometimes.
(21:21):
I live fearful and anxiousSometimes, just like all normal
humans do.
I was just normal.
I would attract other peoplewho had anger things and who had
fear and anxiety.
And then I was surrounded bypeople that were like me.
Well, as I raised my frequency,they stayed who they were, most
of them, because people can'tchange it except they have to
(21:43):
change themselves.
I can't change them.
They ended up kind of movingthemselves out of my energy
field.
We were no longer a fit.
And then my new happy energythen started to attract
harmonious people who valuedpeace and harmony and joy and
love and kindness, and theystarted to come to me and
replace the people that werelike more sharky, shark and dog
(22:05):
eat dog and stab each other inthe back to make deals, which is
who I was right Like.
Just in all fairness, I wantedto succeed at all costs.
I was attracting people whowanted to succeed at all costs,
and there's a lot ofbackstabbing that goes on when
you act that way and you attractpeople that way.
So what do you do when peoplearound you aren't who you want
(22:25):
them to be?
You have to look in the mirrorand you have to say they're here
because I attracted them.
If we want better people aroundus, we have to raise our again.
It's all the emotionalpsychology of the leader.
As we raise our emotionalpsychology, other really high
vibrating people will say I wantto be part of that.
That's when we won the bestcompany out of the state of
(22:48):
South Carolina and we've been inthe top 10 places to work for
the last four years in a row.
I'm not doing it, I am who I am.
And then I also kind of at thispoint, know what good culture
looks like and what it doesn't.
For us, it's very simple.
Our first core value isintegrity, and our second core
value is integrity, and oursecond core value is kindness
and our third core value isaccountability.
(23:09):
I'm looking to select peoplewho exhibit integrity, kindness
and are willing to beaccountable, and if somebody
doesn't fit that, within a veryshort period of time, within a
couple of weeks.
If we see any type ofnon-integrist, non-kind,
non-accountable work, we justsay this isn't the place for you
and we move them out very quick.
But honestly, we don't have todo that that much.
(23:32):
They just kind of like thenon-integrous, non-kind,
non-accountable people justdon't apply.
It's weird, but the world isway more magical and energetic
than most logical leaders thinkit is.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
You do attract likeness, so I'm glad that
you're going there.
Be the person that you want inyour company and I think
oftentimes we don't think of itfrom that particular lens is be
the person that you want to hire.
What does that look like?
And if it's money hungrycompetition, go after the bottom
line dollar figure driven bythat, then that's what you're
going to attract, because that'sgoing to happen.
I'm going to take care ofpeople, I'm going to be positive
(24:06):
, I'm going to be happy, I'mgoing to be authentic, I'm going
to be real, I'm going to haveintegrity.
That's what will show up atyour door, and so people are
watching to see who you are, todetermine if that's where they
want to be at.
So thank you for sharing that.
Speaker 3 (24:18):
I actually learned that, Ron, from somebody talking
about attracting their idealmate.
Yes, it was Darren Hardy and Ihadn't met my wife yet.
But Darren said you're outthere, You've made your list,
You've got your dream woman, youhave this.
And then he said, okay, nowthat you made your list of what
your dream woman is, he said areyou the dream man that that
(24:42):
freaking amazing woman is goingto want to marry?
And he's like be honest.
Because, yeah, you might sayyou want the perfect woman, but
are you the perfect man that shewould say that's who I want.
And I was like, whoa, Wow, I'vebeen looking for the dream woman
but I haven't been spendingenough time making myself the
(25:02):
person worthy of that woman.
But it's the same thing withemployees.
I want the dream employees, theharmonious of that woman, yes,
but it's the same thing withemployees.
I want the dream employees, theharmonious, hardworking, humble
, do whatever it takes, alwayshave each other's backs.
Employees.
But am I the leader worthy ofthose people saying I will
follow you into battle andalways have your back and always
be loyal.
Am I loyal enough to them?
(25:24):
So here's a little bit of acrazy.
You know, when I was all aboutthe dollar we made more money in
my life was far more tumultuous, hurtful and painful.
Now that I'm all about thepeople and loving them and
supporting them and making suretheir lives are as great as can
be, because I'm as loyal as I'mlooking for them to be loyal.
(25:47):
We make amazing money likebetter than my childhood dreams
would have been, but not as goodas it was.
But we have all this harmony,all this peace, all this fun.
I would take what we're makingnow, which is maybe half of what
we made when I was all aboutthe dollar and this lifestyle,
over that money and thelifestyle I had.
(26:07):
So part of it is you're moregenerous.
When you become more loving andkind, you just become more
generous and you say I wanteveryone to have a blessed life,
not just me.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
Thank you for sharing that, because we talk about
that.
And what are you chasing andwhat are the ramifications of
what it is that you're chasing?
And that's in everyrelationship, that's in every
business.
No one's exempt from it.
So you got to be super mindfulof what is it that you're after.
And you may get that, but itmay cost you more than you're
willing to pay, and that'shappiness.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
Totally, totally.
Yeah, and I did.
I was, I was chasing numbers,right, I wanted to make $2
million a year, million a year,and this is how powerful we are.
Like I said, you can doanything you want to do.
But now I'm like, okay, I wantto make a high amount of money
and I want to be so joyful atthe same time.
(26:54):
Yes, my goal is changed,because at first it was just
make this amount of money and Imade it, but it was like I was
sacrificing everything to dothat one thing.
Now I'm like, okay, this plusthis, and yeah, we can be a
billionaire and be happy at thesame time.
I learned that from a guy namedGary Keller who wrote the book
the One Thing.
Gary said he refuses to hangaround anyone that says that
being a billionaire means youdon't have a great family life.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Yes, I totally agree with that.
I mean because I think we thinkit's a trade-off and it's not
it doesn't have to be atrade-off.
Speaker 3 (27:24):
No, it's not, either or.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Yeah, I mean, because if you're a public success but
a private failure, it hurts.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
That's no success.
That is no success.
In fact, I'd say that's thedefinition of failure.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
Yes, yes, you're looking good out there, but go
with the people that you'reclosest to and they'll tell you
what they're really goingthrough and you realize that
you're failing at the thing.
That really that your purposeand what you're supposed to be
here doing, and it's not just tomake a ton of money.
Speaker 3 (27:49):
That's not what we're here for so this is one of the
eight bad moods I discuss ispride.
Pride says I have to look goodto everyone else and it will
sacrifice everything to lookgood.
Yes, pride also says I have toaccumulate and hoard and have
more than everyone.
Right, so that was me, was me,and I've experienced all these
eight bad moods.
I mean, I couldn't write abouthow to get out of them if I
(28:10):
didn't get into them deep.
So but here's the thing is thatpride also cannot admit when
we're feeling prideful, wecannot admit that we have
vulnerabilities and that we'redoing it wrong because we have
to look good.
So we always have to look good.
This means we have to win everyargument with our spouse.
We have to win every argumentwith our kids.
We always have to be right.
(28:30):
That is a recipe for familydisaster.
So we cannot have a happy homelife when we are in a prideful
state.
We have to heal it.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
You're going to start in trouble, matt, because you
know we talk about pride and howoften it sabotages what we're
trying to do.
We got to have the right answeror the last word and we got to
have our way, and oftentimesthat's hard to deal with.
You know, in your leadershiprole, regardless of where that
is and that's in a lot oforganizations you see a lot of
people that won't admit thatthey're wrong or won't admit
that hey, that I didn't do itright, and it's very destructive
(29:07):
.
So when you think about thework that you're doing and the
success that you've had and theway that you care, when did the
light bulb come on for you?
What was happening thatactually made you realize that
I'm going in the wrong direction?
Speaker 3 (29:18):
A tremendous amount of grace.
So, just God, always like lookit out for me and it's a
progression.
Life is a progression and I dothink we have to chase our
dreams and achieve them and seethat the money was the booby
(29:38):
prize before we can then saythat wasn't it what society has
been telling me my whole lifewould make me happy.
I went after it.
I did exactly what society toldme to do.
I drove the right car, I hadthe right house, I had the right
family, I did the business, Igrew the money and then that was
me.
And then I took an honest lookat myself and said I have
everything that I ever said Iwanted, and then some.
(29:59):
And yet I'm still not happy.
What is the answer?
And at that moment I said ifall of this stuff that I thought
was going to make me happydoesn't make me happy, then I
have to find out what actuallymakes people happy.
And then I went on just like Ihad studied about how to become
successful.
I studied like crazy for thelast decade about what makes you
(30:23):
authentically happy.
And it's like flying all overthe world meeting with the
greatest spiritual gurus,meeting with the greatest
psychologists, having coaches,having mentors and pouring just
as much into my emotional growthas I poured into my bank
account growth and, like I said,the bank account isn't well.
I mean, of course, assets grow,so I have more net worth today
(30:43):
than I did, but the income isn'tas high as it was, but the
emotional fulfillment is crazyhigh.
So if there's somebodylistening to this and they say,
man, I'm achieving my externalgoals, but internally my life is
still in turmoil, you just needsome guidance and you can get
it right.
There's books you can read,there's people that you can
coach with, there's people thatcan teach you that, hey, there's
(31:03):
other goals out there.
Another lesson from Darren Hardy.
In his book the Compound Effecthe talks about his dad's best
friend, which was kind of like asecond dad to him, had amassed
a huge fortune and he was dying.
He had like 50 rental houses.
He had all this net worth andit was always just about getting
the next rental house, all thispassive income.
(31:24):
And on his deathbed Darren wentand saw him and he pulled
Darren in close and he saidDarren, don't make the same
mistake I made.
The money was the booby prize.
The real prize wasrelationships and I sacrificed
what was real for what wasn't.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
Yeah, it's amazing that you're saying that as I
listen and watch.
You know a faith guy I pick upon and I was listening to
reading a story my wife wassharing with me yesterday about
someone that had gone throughdivorce high profile person and
they asked him what went wrong.
He says I didn't value what Iwas supposed to value.
I didn't make it a priority.
(32:04):
They were number three in mylife and that's the price you
pay when you ignore the thingsthat's supposed to be number one
in your life.
I ignored the things that wereimportant chasing trips and
booking, speaking and gettingall these.
They don't make the mistake Imade.
If it's for your family, makeyour family first.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
There's a book called how will you measure your life
and in that book he says thereason that we prioritize work
over family is that if I put in12 hours a day at work, I can
see the results immediately.
Yes, I make an extra call, Iset an extra appointment, I get
(32:43):
another relationship, I makeanother big sale, I, I make
another alliance.
Immediately I can see my bankaccount go up Like the results
are so immediate.
And so we're like that's why wedo it.
We're like, okay, I get thedopamine hit.
I put in the work.
And he said here's the problemis that we then sacrifice our
family, Because if you put intwo hours with your child
(33:04):
tonight, you don't see theresult.
You put in a date night withyour wife.
Marginally, nothing reallychanges in your marriage.
You only notice, compoundedover a decade, that you put in
the extra two hours at nightwith your family.
Over a decade, that you put inthe date nights that you put in
the connection that you put inthe growth with your wife.
(33:24):
Over a decade you put in thedate nights that you put in the
connection that you put in thegrowth with your wife.
You see, over a decade you seeyour marriage flourish, or, over
a decade, your marriage slowlydisintegrates without you even
noticing it, until the pointthat it breaks.
Yes, and so that's.
The reason that entrepreneurswill overwork and put the family
(33:45):
aside is that they just don't.
They don't see the results thatquick.
So that was a very importantlesson for me when I read that
book and I said, Okay, anotherway to put it.
I was at a conference and a guynamed john Roman asked me a
question and he said Matt, areyou a family man with a business
or are you a businessman thatjust happens to have a family?
(34:08):
I'm like, oh, john, and he saidhe said here's a good way, I'll
tell you exactly how you canfigure the answer.
And I'm like, I want to say I'ma family man.
And he's like, Okay, well,let's figure it out.
He said open your calendar.
I want to see the appointmentsthat you have with your family
scheduled today on your calendarand I want to see the
appointments you have with yourbusiness for this week.
(34:28):
And I opened my calendar and theonly things on it were business
appointments.
He said, okay, so you're abusinessman who happens to have
a family?
And he said, okay, if that'sthe case.
Do you want to reverse it?
And I said yes, I definitelywant to reverse it.
I want to be a family man firstwho happens to have a business.
Reverse it, I want to be afamily man first who happens to
have a business.
And he said, okay, I need youto start calendaring your family
(34:49):
.
And so here today or Tuesday onmy calendar this morning, it
was my son's first day of school.
Wow.
So everything else is off mycalendar because my son's first
day of school was on my calendar.
And so walking him down,walking him into the class,
getting the first day picturewith him I'm not just saying
(35:11):
this just to brag, I got itfigured out I'm saying that that
conversation, that moment,changed the way that I looked at
how my relationships matteredcompared to my business.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
Yes, yeah, I mean thank you for sharing, matt,
because I share the samesentiment is at the beginning of
the year for all you,entrepreneurs and business
owners.
You're going to build thatfirst quarter, second quarter,
third quarter, fourth quarter.
You're going to build that out.
We'll talk that.
You know, going through sometype of a program, the danger is
, if we tell our kids and theirfamily they're important, why
don't we calendar them first andthen work all your activities
(35:42):
with your clients around thatschedule?
So if you've got kids that's insports, if you've got things
that are important, you've gotholidays that are coming up, sit
down with your family at thebeginning of the year and build
them in and block out time,which is important.
All of us have to learn that.
So I love that Matt is sayingthat.
You know we talk real and wetalk openly here.
Do the things to show yourfamily they're a priority and
when you're working in yourbusiness, they will give you
(36:02):
time to work in your business.
If you don't, they're going tointerrupt you in your business.
I can absolutely tell youthey're going to interrupt you
because you're not making timefor them, so they're going to
steal it where they can steal it.
Speaker 3 (36:13):
So just some easy things, some practical things.
Every birthday, the whole dayis blocked off.
I have four kids, all four kids.
Birthdays are blocked off.
My anniversary day with my wifecompletely blocked off.
My birthday fully blocked off.
So Katie's birthday, of course,fully blocked off.
So there's seven days of mycalendar that you cannot
(36:33):
schedule with me.
On those days Now, of course,my kids go to school, so you
know when it's Harper's birthday, but you can't like sneak in a
two o'clock appointment with mebecause she gets out of school
at two o'clock and so now I'mthere.
Another really cool thing, andthis changed my family dynamic
and I just did one yesterday.
I do a daddy child day everymonth and I've got four kids and
(36:58):
I just do one of them eachmonth, one time a month, one day
a month.
It's just me and one of thekids and this one-on-one time
man invaluable.
Yesterday I took mysix-year-old surfing.
We went to the beach, I waspushing her on waves, I was
catching waves and then, aftersurfing, I'm like what do you
want to do?
And she said I want to go tothe arcade.
(37:19):
I'm like heck, yeah, we'regoing to the arcade.
And the two of us played videogames together and, like you
know, we went to Chick-fil-A, wegot her a milkshake and she
gives me the biggest hug and shesays, dad, that's the best day
of my life.
That was yesterday.
Our relationship, because ofthis one day a month, is greater
(37:39):
than it would have been.
But this, again, this is acalendar thing.
Every single month I've got aday plan for just one child.
Another calendar thing is adate night every Friday with my
wife.
Every Friday is blocked off.
It's a date night.
Now, again, this can seemboring and it can get boring if
you want to make it boring.
It is not boring for my wifeand I.
Dude, we have got 30 differentfun things we want to do,
(38:03):
because we're like, man, what'sfun and exciting for us?
What do we want to do?
So we're going to go see PostMalone, you know, because I love
Post Malone, I think he's agreat singer.
We're like we'll go axethrowing, we'll go bowling.
It's not just go to dinner orgo to a movie, because that can
get rote and boring.
We want to have adventure too,and so this is the ways that you
(38:24):
can make your calendar moreabout your family than just
about your business.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Yes, love it, matt.
A lot of nuggets droppedthroughout the time we spent
together.
So, as we begin to wrap up andyou think about what you're
doing in your organization, ifyou really want to know how
successful you are, ask thepeople that are closest to you
and let them be brutally honest.
They, people that are closestto you, and let them be brutally
honest.
They'll tell you how successfulyou are.
They'll tell you how good youare.
They'll tell you where there'sopportunities for you to do
better.
If you would just ask thosepeople close, not your clients
(38:50):
ask the people that really knowyou, that live under the roof
with you, that are around youall day, if you give them
permission and don't take itpersonal, they'll give you
information that can help makeevery relationship that you
really care about better.
So, calendar, are there anyother last minute tips that you
would use or that you wouldshare as we begin to wrap up?
And then I'm going to ask youfor your contact information?
Speaker 3 (39:08):
Yeah, I want to just talk about what you just said.
There's a name called theJahari window.
Speaker 1 (39:14):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (39:15):
And it's asking the people closest to you what they
truly see about you.
It's painful.
It is painful and I embrace it.
So every single quarter, I sendan anonymous feedback form to
(39:36):
my entire company all 80 people,just two questions.
It's a Google form.
It's really simple simple to do, but it's just the system.
Now it's baked in and we saywhat do you appreciate about
here and then, what would youchange or improve?
We have a strategic planningmeeting every quarter.
We read the feedback andsometimes it is the hardest.
(39:56):
In fact, every single strategicplanning meeting is the hardest
part of the day because we'reworking our tail off, we're
giving everything we've got tohelp them be successful and then
to read the this person isletting me down, or Matt, you're
not connected enough, orwhatever.
Whatever the feedback is, it isso hard to read.
And yet, getting that feedback,every single quarter says, hey,
(40:21):
we're not perfect, we're not,we're not perfect.
Okay, what are they seeing?
This feedback has value.
It's hard for us to read thatwe're not perfect, but every
single time we get better fromit.
So I love that you brought thatup.
Get this anonymous feedback andwe don't ask for their name.
We don't want their nameBecause we want them to freely
share what do you see?
Because we want them to freelyshare.
(40:42):
What do you see?
Yes, but yeah, it's hard.
Man, it's hard, but it alsomakes us better.
Speaker 2 (40:45):
Yeah, I mean it's like going to the gym.
I mean, the muscle doesn't getstronger by lifting the weight.
That's easy, that's light, Imean.
So you're going to have to liftthe heavy stuff, the stuff that
causes you sometimes aches andpains.
That's where the growth happensthat Matt shared.
He's going to give you accessto where he's at, where his book
is.
(41:05):
But this is about you gettingbetter, and if you want to get
better, it's going to requiresome level of sacrifice.
There's just no way to getbetter if you don't want to
sacrifice and do some of thework.
You know, I tell people all thetime and I try to.
After the S, they say, no, yougot to put some work in and then
you'll see some success.
And that's work in every partof your life.
(41:25):
That's communication, that'syour family, that's your
religious life, those are yourfriends, those are your business
owners, that's your community.
Wherever you're supposed to putin work, please put in the work
and have good people around you.
To keep you honest, matt, howdo we reach you?
Man, you share it a lot.
Someone wants you on a podcast,someone wants to get your book.
Tell us where they can get yourbook at and how do they reach
you?
Speaker 3 (41:45):
Man, I love that last little tidbit the W comes after
the S in the alphabet.
That was so good.
Yeah, no, I do too.
I just like that man.
I just want the success withoutthe word.
But actually we don't want that.
I mean, nothing feels betterthan putting in hard work, yes,
and then seeing the success thatcomes from it.
(42:06):
That's the most fulfillingright.
If we just won the lottery,that'd be like, oh, that's nice,
but it's way better to createyour lottery with your habits.
Yeah, man, so you know.
On Amazon the book is available.
Good Mood Revolution.
If people just want to pluginto having positive feelings, I
have a weekly podcast comes outon Mondays called Good Mood
Revolution, and then if there'sa leader out there that's like,
(42:29):
man, I've achieved all my dreamsand I'm still not happy and I
need that one-on-one coaching togo to the next step, I offer
that and you can get that atmattonealcom.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
Yes, yes, please reach out.
You know, matt, phenomenal job,love that you're bringing that,
because one thing we all knowis we all in this time can use
more happiness, like we all canuse more happiness in everything
that we do.
So thank you for taking on thatjourney and that adventure and
living this throughout.
You know your organization andyour family, so thank you for
coming on the podcast andsharing Again for everyone
that's listening.
You can reach Matt LinkedIn.
(43:00):
You're on LinkedIn as well,matt.
Again for everyone that'slistening you can reach Matt
LinkedIn.
You're on LinkedIn as well, matt.
Yep, yeah, you can check himout on LinkedIn.
You can get his book.
You can reach out to him onemail.
I mean, we're accessible and wewant to be accessible.
He offers coaching, so thankyou all for listening.
Again, this is Ron Harvey withUnpacked.
With Ron Harvey, we talk openlyabout hey, how do we get there?
What are we trying?
Looking for great leadershipand they're looking for positive
(43:20):
people.
Feel free to reach us onLinkedIn or Global Course
Strategies and Consulting.
It's a mouthful.
Gcs is what we call it.
Feel free to reach out to us atany time.
If we can help you or we canconnect you with Matt or any of
our guests, we'll be happy to doan introduction for you.
So until next time, matt and Iwill sign off.
You have a phenomenal week forall of you and we'll see you.
Every single Monday, we releasea podcast and might have a
(43:41):
podcast as well.
Follow us.
There's a ton of content outthere for you to be better.
There's no reason that a leadercan't be good.
There's too much available toall of us to be better.
Thank you all for joining ustoday and we're going to sign
off and thank you, guys forjoining us with leadership
consultant Ron Harvey.
Speaker 1 (44:03):
Remember to join us every Monday as Ron unpacks
sound advice, providing realanswers for real leadership
challenges.
Until next time, remember toadd value and make a difference
where you are, for the peopleyou serve, because people always
matter.
Welcome to Unpacked Podcast with your host
leadership consultant, RonHarvey of Global Core Strategies
and Consulting.
Ron's delighted to have youjoin us as he unpacks and shares
his leadership experience,designed to help you in your
leadership journey.
Ron believes that leadership isthe fundamental driver towards
making a difference.
(00:21):
So now to find out more of whatit means to unpack leadership,
here's your host, Ron Harvey.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Good afternoon.
This is Ron Harvey, the VicePresident, chief Operating
Officer for Global CoreStrategies and Consulting.
I know it's a mouthful.
Gcs is what we call ourselvesLeadership Development Firm,
based out of Columbia, southCarolina, and everything we do
is about helping leaders be moreeffective at taking care of the
people that they're responsiblefor and responsible to.
How do you get better at theend of the day, outside of your
(00:48):
technical skills?
How do you really get better attaking care of people?
And we spend all our timearound that.
So I won't go into great detailthere, because we have a show
lined up for you that I thinkyou're going to love.
You're going to enjoy theenergy that's going to come from
this and you're going to hearfrom the experts that we bring
from across the world.
So I'm super excited to bringMatt on and always give the
guests a microphone and let themintroduce themselves however
(01:08):
they desire, so I'm going tohand it over to Matt and let him
take us away.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
What's up, ron man?
Hey, I'm not coming from acrossthe world, I'm coming from
across I-95 and I-26.
I'm just like an hour and ahalf away from you.
I'm in Charleston, southCarolina, and man, I'm just like
an hour and a half away fromyou.
I'm in Charleston, southCarolina, and man, it's so good
to be on this call with you,brother.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Yes, yes, man Thank you man, Tell us, what do you do
?
I mean so you're right up theroad.
They got some good food inCharleston, oh yeah, no, I don't
know how many restaurants?
Hey, how did the Gamecocks dothis weekend?
We were nervous, but theypulled it off.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Oh good, okay, All right.
So my wife's a Clemson fan.
It did not go well.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
Yeah, it did not go well they played.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
A really good team too, Matt.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
They played the best team.
I know that was tough.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
I don't know if I start my season off that way.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
I don't want to play the number being happy.
I love talking about happiness.
It's not fake happiness.
The only way to have real,authentic happiness is to deal
with the eight unpleasantemotions, and so I wrote a book
called the Good Mood Revolution.
I have a podcast called theGood Mood Revolution where I
talk about hey, there's onlyeight things that get in the way
of you and your happiness.
(02:21):
And these are the eight primarybad moods and they're universal
for all humans.
We all feel all eight shame,guilt, hopelessness, sadness,
fear, lust, anger and desire.
All of us have to experiencethese eight moods, but it's like
are we going to let those eightmoods get in the way of our
leadership?
And we don't have to.
And then there's practical tipsabout how to get out of each of
(02:43):
these eight emotions.
Because the reality is wecreate the greatest success when
we feel on top of the world,and a company is only going to
go as far as the CEO is theiremotional development.
That's it.
So business success isunlimited, absolutely unlimited.
We can achieve as much as wewant to achieve.
It's just do we have theemotional and mindset skills and
(03:04):
the desire to make it that big?
I started a real estate companyin Charleston, south Carolina,
in 2006.
We were awarded the number sixfastest growing company in the
state of South Carolina.
We were on the Inc 5000 fastestgrowing list.
We have been named the numberone company in the entire state
to work for out of 470,000companies.
(03:25):
I've got about 80 employees.
But all of that success camewith my happiness.
So in the beginning I would wedo good and then I would
sabotage it in like somebodywould leave or sabotage me back
or whatever, and so it's like isI'm like man.
The best thing about being abusiness owner is it to be
(03:45):
really good at this.
I have to grow as a human.
I have to see.
Only way I can achieve my goalsis to get, is to grow myself
personally.
So that became actually myfavorite part of being a
business owner was that I had togrow, and that's that's what I
teach people.
How to do is how to growemotionally.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Wow.
And so you know how we do ourpodcast.
We have real conversations andso what I tell everybody on here
Matt, pull out your pen,whatever you're going to do, you
can get the recordings, all thegreat stuff, but we're going to
drop the nuggets real things.
That's practical.
We're pretty transparent and Ilove that our guests come on and
like here's what I'm doing, butcongratulations, I mean, you
know that's competition.
I'm one of those business.
I got some self-developmentover here as I listen to Matt
(04:21):
like hey on that.
So I appreciate the competitionand the challenge.
You said something superimportant as a business owner,
as an entrepreneur if thecompany is going to get better,
you got to get better.
That's non-negotiable.
Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 3 (04:36):
Absolutely yeah.
Yeah, the only thing stopping acompany from growing is the
emotional maturity level of theowner.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
So, when you think about it, what did you go
through?
I mean, there wererollercoaster rides, of course,
as you got to where you are, yousabotage.
I'm glad you're reallytransparent and vulnerable here,
but we do sabotage oftentimesas leaders.
What are the things that driveus to sabotage?
I know it's not intentional.
We just want to destroy ourcountry.
What are the unintentionalthings that we are doing?
You gave out eight things thatall of us deal with the demons,
if you will.
What is it that's causing us tosabotage unintentionally?
Speaker 3 (05:06):
It is the eight negative moods.
So the first one is the mostdestructive one and it's one we
all have to deal with, and it'sshame.
Nobody wants to admit that's anugly word is shame.
Another way to put it is thewound of rejection.
You know, my friend MatthewMicheletti talks about how shame
is just a wound of rejection,and when we're kids we got
rejected.
(05:27):
You know, maybe it was for me,it was my parents.
I was rejected.
I was told I wasn't good enoughand in a way that can push you,
you can be like well, I'llprove that I'm good enough.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
And so you think, okay, this is going to help me,
and I often hear business ownersbeing like I'm going to prove
them wrong and you can use thatas fuel.
I certainly use it as fuel inthe beginning.
That only takes you so far.
You're proving that you aregood enough, but deep down you
actually still don't believethat you are and you don't
deserve the success.
And so when you feel like youdon't deserve it because you're
trying to prove everybody wrongthat you do deserve it you
(06:00):
eventually sabotage it becauseyou're like there's a piece of
you that doesn't feel itdeserves it.
And so then and you don't knowyou're sabotaging it you think,
oh, that person stole from me,that employee went and opened up
a shop competing against me,like that.
But all of this stuff on anenergetic level we are creating
with our own emotional frequency, we're actually asking people
(06:20):
to prove to us that we don'tdeserve it because we don't
believe we deserve sustainedsuccess.
So once we clear out the shameand it's just one of the
processes that I teach then westop having to prove that we
need to be rejected becausewe're like no, I actually do
deserve sustained success.
And you start creating acompany of harmony and a company
of harmony.
Man like culture, each strategyfor breakfast, when, when
(06:43):
everybody's happy and excited,like I said, we achieved all
these awards and it's because weall like being there and we all
want to be happy producing abunch of success.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
So, when you think about it, matt, you wrote a book
, you got the eight bad movesthat are listed and people.
Please grab the book andhopefully you'll have a copy
where you can show on the screenfor us as well.
How do you help when leadersoften I mean today, when you
look at it there's so muchnegativity in our world.
All you got to do is listen toTV or radio long enough or step
out of your house long enough ordon't listen to TV and radio.
(07:16):
Yes.
How do you help leaders thathave these setbacks and these
challenges?
What techniques do yourecommend when you do have these
setback or challenges?
To get back to this maintainingpositivity.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Yeah well, ron, I think that you just nailed it.
Our listener right now.
They're listening to youbecause you're positive and
you're a can-do and you're alet's grow our leadership.
So most people know I got tofill my brain with positive
energy, like Ron's, unpackedright.
The people who are reallysuccessful know I got to fill my
brain with positive energy,like Ron's, unpacked right.
The people who are reallysuccessful know I got to take
(07:48):
the news away.
I got to take the negativityout of my daily intake and I got
to fill my brain instead withpositivity.
And so that was one of thefirst thing, the very first
practical tips that I did is Icut all news feeds.
I stopped watching the news.
I stopped staying on any Foxnews, cnn.
I just turned it all off off mycomputer search history.
(08:11):
I just wouldn't go to news.
I actually don't go to socialmedia either because it's skewed
to the negative, and I startedto intentionally only listen to
things that were uplifting andwere going to improve my mindset
.
Things that were uplifting andwere going to improve my mindset
it's garbage in, garbage out.
So negativity in negativitycomes out of your mouth,
(08:34):
positive in, positive out.
I get positivity and can-doleadership advice from Ron, and
then I'm spitting out those samewords to people around me like
no, you can do that.
You know what.
You are a leader.
You are empowered.
You can handle this, becausethat's all I listen to is that I
can handle it.
But the news, of course, 80% ofthe world is skewed to the
negative, our mindsets.
80% of the world has a negativemindset, so the news has to
skew to the negative to keeptheir attention.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Yeah, it sells.
It's unfortunate, but it sellspeople, not me.
It doesn't sell.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
It doesn't sell the top 20%.
The top 20 say I'm not going tofall for this garbage.
I'm going to fill myself withpositivity.
It sells to the bottom 80%, butleaders are the top 20%.
We have to protect what goes in.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
So phenomenal?
How do you help leaders notfall into this victim mentality
or not allow it to manifest as aleader?
What are the things or thedangers that are posed that
allows people to fall into?
How do you not fall victim tothings that are happening around
you?
Speaker 3 (09:28):
Yeah, each of the eight bad moods are victim moods
.
Yes, they are all in and that'sthe 80%.
So anytime we're in negativity,we are in a victim mindset.
We don't notice it.
We think that, hey, I'm angrybecause that person did this or
that person said this, or wethink I'm really fearful and
(09:49):
anxious because the governmentjust changed the whole real
estate landscape.
That's something that justhappened in my company, right?
Or however, anytime we're inone of these eight negative
moods, we're actually saying I'mpowerless to this external
force that's having power overme.
I'm a victim.
There's another truth, andanother truth is I am fully
(10:12):
powerful, I am completelyempowered, I am response able
for absolutely everything youcan throw at me and I am never a
victim because I always canchoose the way I'm going to
respond to any situation.
And I am so powerful I'mactually unlimitedly powerful
that you can continue to give meobstacles, obstacle, obstacle,
(10:32):
obstacle, obstacle, obstacle,but I'm so confident in my
ability to respond and beresilient that there's nothing
that could ever keep me down andI will never, ever be a victim.
So that's one of my mantras isthat I will never choose to be a
victim and being a victim is achoice I'm not going to downplay
.
When I was a kid I sufferedtremendous emotional abuse that
(10:53):
there were things that whenwe're younger we really can't.
We really are victim becausewe're tiny and we're small and
we need our parents to like keepus alive.
And people have been traumatizedand in enormous ways actually
write about David Goggins storyin my book on the chapter on
choosing responsibility andGoggins man, that he was abused.
There was racial stuff that wasgoing on with him, like he had
(11:15):
every right to be a victim andyet he said I'm not going to be
a victim, I'm going to choose tobe powerful.
And as soon as he chose to bepowerful man, he became one of
the most powerful human beingsever to live.
And it actually was hisfather's abuse and all the abuse
he took from the racism fromthe kids at school that he said
(11:37):
nothing can hurt me and itbecame his fuel.
And he wrote a book called youCan't Hurt Me and he did 4,000
pull-ups in one day and he ran100 miles without stopping Like
the dude is freaking amazing andhe wouldn't have been so.
It was actually the stuff thathappened to him didn't happen to
him, it happened for him so hecould become even more powerful
(11:58):
than anyone else in the world,and that's how we can turn our
pain into our purpose.
We got to rise up out of thatvictim story and say I'm
actually more powerful than youthink.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
Wow, phenomenal.
I mean I'm glad you're bringingin the book you know Can't Hurt
Me and phenomenal book.
If you haven't picked it up andyou're going through, how do I
recover?
How do I stay resilient?
Phenomenal book Leaders arereaders.
You know that.
Made it through what you may begoing through.
You have the book and there'ssome things that's written in it
.
What are some daily practicesthat you have practiced and that
(12:27):
you share with the audience toget through and stay happy?
Speaker 3 (12:31):
Yeah, man, I'm an open book.
There's nothing behind it.
I'll share everything I do onany conversation.
It's like, yeah, of course Iput all my thoughts into one
concise book and that's an easyway to consume it, but I'm happy
to share absolutely everythingand it is the daily practice.
That really is what it comesdown to.
But before the habit becomesour thoughts, our thoughts
(12:55):
create our emotions and then ouremotions create our behavior
and then our behavior createsour habits and our habits create
our destiny.
This is how it works.
And so if we've gotdisempowering thoughts that
create disempowering emotionsand we end up having
disempowering behavior, which isdisempowering habits, like
maybe drinking every singlenight or drug addiction or
(13:18):
overeating addiction, and thenthat creates a disempowered
destiny, which is my dad endedup with diabetes and that was a
disempowered destiny because hecouldn't get control of these
habits and these emotions, so itdoes start.
My first habit every day isgratitude.
Every single morning, when myfirst foot hits the ground, I
(13:39):
got a little piece of papertaped to my floor.
It's been there for over adecade.
It says thank you, and when myleft foot hits the ground, I say
the word thank, and then, whenmy right foot hits the ground, I
say the word you and I walkthrough the house.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank
you.
This is just a daily habit toget me into a super high
(13:59):
frequency, emotional frequencyof gratitude, because I wake up
and sometimes my mind is racingwith all kinds of like oh, I got
to do this and that person saidthis, and all the negativity,
right, but gratitude completelydispels any negativity.
You can't be grateful andhateful at the same time.
So that's one of my easiestlittle habits and it will change
your life.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
Wow, I love it and I'll tell you as we're email
this morning.
What do I open up?
And I see an email from Mattand he's like hey, man, I'm
super excited, I'm ready to comeon the show.
And the gratefulness andoftentimes we get so caught up
in all the hateful versusgrateful.
I love that you said they don'tcoexist.
It's hard to show up when youare saying thank you, mad at the
world.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
You can't no-transcript.
(15:15):
I'm never allowed to repeatEvery day.
I got to write three brand newthings I've never written before
that I'm grateful for Now.
This seems like a tall task.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Oh yeah, it does.
I'm doing a math in my head.
That's a thousand things.
You got to write a thousandthings this year that you're
grateful for.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
Okay, well, this is what happens.
Eventually, you name off allyour kids, all your relatives,
your pets, your house, everyroom in your house, your cars,
all your co-workers, and you'relike what else is there?
And then you finally openyourself up to the truth that
absolutely everything that everhappens is something to be
grateful for the person thatlooked at you sideways, that
(15:59):
they gave you an opportunity towork on forgiveness and
compassion.
You can say, man, I'm sograteful for that person that
woke me up from my trance andnow I got to be compassionate
for it.
You stub your toe and yourealize that your foot is still
on your leg and that you canwalk on it.
And there's people that don'thave a foot today.
And you're like oh, I'm sograteful.
I stubbed my toe, it woke me upto the fact that I have two
feet today.
I'm grateful.
(16:19):
Every single thing that happens,the things that look like bad
news, are things that you can begrateful for.
And when you have to writethree new things, you're like OK
, well, what happened yesterdaythat I was grateful for?
Well, this happened, and thishappened and this happened.
And you're like, oh, man.
And then eventually your mindis just like looking for every
single thing that it could sayit's grateful for, and then you
just become grateful forabsolutely everything, and
(16:42):
that's life changing.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Yes, how did you get to the place where it stays
authentic?
And you're not saying it justto say I just want to do it
because that's what I've beentold us.
I've been trained.
How do you make it authenticthat you're actually grateful,
regardless of the situation youfind yourself in?
Speaker 3 (16:57):
Awesome question and there's days that I don't feel
very grateful.
No-transcript.
(17:29):
Everything is happening for thehighest good of all concerned.
That is a truth.
Anyone that wants to talk aboutit just reach out to me and
I'll let you know that even thethings that look like the
craziest, most awful thingsyou've ever seen is all on a
long enough timeline and we'retalking an internal timeline.
Everything is working out forthe highest good, and if we know
that that's a truth and I knowit's a truth and I can, I can
(17:54):
help anybody that doesn't see itThen you say, okay, all right,
this really awful business thingthat I have to deal with, I
have to deal with it and I knowit's all going to work out.
It's all going to work out forthe highest good of all concern.
Maybe my highest good is I haveto grow, because I have this
big challenge, and thischallenge isn't really a problem
.
It's actually some a gift thatwas sent to me to help me grow
(18:14):
and become more, and I know thatevery challenge I've ever been
sent, I've become a greaterversion of myself because of it.
And so it starts with a moodcalled acceptance.
We say, hey, I'm accepting that.
This is my reality.
I'm not grateful for it yet,I'm just going to accept it.
Before acceptance is resistanceand we're like I don't want
this to be happening.
That shouldn't be happening.
(18:35):
That's victim.
We can't go there.
The first step is to say Iaccept that this is my reality.
What am I going to do about it?
That's acceptance andresponsibility.
Once we accept it and we startto take positive action, then we
can say what parts of this areactually helping me.
(18:55):
And there's a truth Everysingle thing that looks like a
challenge, there is anopportunity.
It's impossible for somethingto happen to you that doesn't
also have good things to itImpossible.
And again, you can argue withme about this.
Call me about your specificsituation and then I'll help you
get to the truth that somethingis actually good about it.
(19:16):
Then we start to get gratefulfor the piece that was good
about it.
Like, hey, when this biggovernment change happened and
it just happened for me threeweeks ago when the big
government change happenedhere's a few positives to it 20%
of the realtors are getting outof business.
I've got 20% less competition.
Now, hey, the ones that haven'tgot out of the business?
(19:38):
They have to be better thanthey are Well the best are going
to rise even higher.
And I happen to run one of thebest.
So again it turned into anadvantage for me.
Another situation is I said,well, hey, if this is going to
reduce this company's income,I'm going to raise this other
company's income.
So I put a lot of focus into aproperty management company that
(19:58):
I had started, that I hadn'treally like poured into.
Well, now that company isthriving, that company wouldn't
be thriving if the challengehadn't happened.
Right.
So all these positives.
And then I'm like, okay, Iaccepted it.
First I did what I had to do, Itook responsibility.
Then I said I'm grateful forall this stuff that happens.
And then, once you get grateful, you start to say I'm glad it
(20:19):
happened.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
And when we're glad it happened.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
now we're not faking it right.
So it is a progression fromacceptance to gratitude to joy.
But again, that's just the wayit goes, or we can just get
bitter and resentful and playthe victim, and that's not going
to help us.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Oh yeah, and it changes your level of energy.
I mean, depending on how youperceive it to be.
And things are going to happen.
When you start thinking of theability to show up and keep your
team happy, what are somethings that leaders can do to
keep their team positive andfull of good energy?
What can we show up and do withour team?
So you got your daily practicesand leaders make a lot of
(20:54):
things happen or they get in theway of things happening.
How do I need to show up tomake sure my team is feeling the
vibe as well?
Speaker 3 (21:01):
It's a great question .
I can't change people unlessthey want to change.
So part of it is like energy isattracted to, like energy.
Yes, so when I was early in mycareer and I had these eight
negative emotions that were justpart of my being and my
everyday and I express them andI lived in them.
I lived angry Sometimes.
(21:21):
I live fearful and anxiousSometimes, just like all normal
humans do.
I was just normal.
I would attract other peoplewho had anger things and who had
fear and anxiety.
And then I was surrounded bypeople that were like me.
Well, as I raised my frequency,they stayed who they were, most
of them, because people can'tchange it except they have to
(21:43):
change themselves.
I can't change them.
They ended up kind of movingthemselves out of my energy
field.
We were no longer a fit.
And then my new happy energythen started to attract
harmonious people who valuedpeace and harmony and joy and
love and kindness, and theystarted to come to me and
replace the people that werelike more sharky, shark and dog
(22:05):
eat dog and stab each other inthe back to make deals, which is
who I was right Like.
Just in all fairness, I wantedto succeed at all costs.
I was attracting people whowanted to succeed at all costs,
and there's a lot ofbackstabbing that goes on when
you act that way and you attractpeople that way.
So what do you do when peoplearound you aren't who you want
(22:25):
them to be?
You have to look in the mirrorand you have to say they're here
because I attracted them.
If we want better people aroundus, we have to raise our again.
It's all the emotionalpsychology of the leader.
As we raise our emotionalpsychology, other really high
vibrating people will say I wantto be part of that.
That's when we won the bestcompany out of the state of
(22:48):
South Carolina and we've been inthe top 10 places to work for
the last four years in a row.
I'm not doing it, I am who I am.
And then I also kind of at thispoint, know what good culture
looks like and what it doesn't.
For us, it's very simple.
Our first core value isintegrity, and our second core
value is integrity, and oursecond core value is kindness
and our third core value isaccountability.
(23:09):
I'm looking to select peoplewho exhibit integrity, kindness
and are willing to beaccountable, and if somebody
doesn't fit that, within a veryshort period of time, within a
couple of weeks.
If we see any type ofnon-integrist, non-kind,
non-accountable work, we justsay this isn't the place for you
and we move them out very quick.
But honestly, we don't have todo that that much.
(23:32):
They just kind of like thenon-integrous, non-kind,
non-accountable people justdon't apply.
It's weird, but the world isway more magical and energetic
than most logical leaders thinkit is.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
You do attract likeness, so I'm glad that
you're going there.
Be the person that you want inyour company and I think
oftentimes we don't think of itfrom that particular lens is be
the person that you want to hire.
What does that look like?
And if it's money hungrycompetition, go after the bottom
line dollar figure driven bythat, then that's what you're
going to attract, because that'sgoing to happen.
I'm going to take care ofpeople, I'm going to be positive
(24:06):
, I'm going to be happy, I'mgoing to be authentic, I'm going
to be real, I'm going to haveintegrity.
That's what will show up atyour door, and so people are
watching to see who you are, todetermine if that's where they
want to be at.
So thank you for sharing that.
Speaker 3 (24:18):
I actually learned that, Ron, from somebody talking
about attracting their idealmate.
Yes, it was Darren Hardy and Ihadn't met my wife yet.
But Darren said you're outthere, You've made your list,
You've got your dream woman, youhave this.
And then he said, okay, nowthat you made your list of what
your dream woman is, he said areyou the dream man that that
(24:42):
freaking amazing woman is goingto want to marry?
And he's like be honest.
Because, yeah, you might sayyou want the perfect woman, but
are you the perfect man that shewould say that's who I want.
And I was like, whoa, Wow, I'vebeen looking for the dream woman
but I haven't been spendingenough time making myself the
(25:02):
person worthy of that woman.
But it's the same thing withemployees.
I want the dream employees, theharmonious of that woman, yes,
but it's the same thing withemployees.
I want the dream employees, theharmonious, hardworking, humble
, do whatever it takes, alwayshave each other's backs.
Employees.
But am I the leader worthy ofthose people saying I will
follow you into battle andalways have your back and always
be loyal.
Am I loyal enough to them?
(25:24):
So here's a little bit of acrazy.
You know, when I was all aboutthe dollar we made more money in
my life was far more tumultuous, hurtful and painful.
Now that I'm all about thepeople and loving them and
supporting them and making suretheir lives are as great as can
be, because I'm as loyal as I'mlooking for them to be loyal.
(25:47):
We make amazing money likebetter than my childhood dreams
would have been, but not as goodas it was.
But we have all this harmony,all this peace, all this fun.
I would take what we're makingnow, which is maybe half of what
we made when I was all aboutthe dollar and this lifestyle,
over that money and thelifestyle I had.
(26:07):
So part of it is you're moregenerous.
When you become more loving andkind, you just become more
generous and you say I wanteveryone to have a blessed life,
not just me.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
Thank you for sharing that, because we talk about
that.
And what are you chasing andwhat are the ramifications of
what it is that you're chasing?
And that's in everyrelationship, that's in every
business.
No one's exempt from it.
So you got to be super mindfulof what is it that you're after.
And you may get that, but itmay cost you more than you're
willing to pay, and that'shappiness.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
Totally, totally.
Yeah, and I did.
I was, I was chasing numbers,right, I wanted to make $2
million a year, million a year,and this is how powerful we are.
Like I said, you can doanything you want to do.
But now I'm like, okay, I wantto make a high amount of money
and I want to be so joyful atthe same time.
(26:54):
Yes, my goal is changed,because at first it was just
make this amount of money and Imade it, but it was like I was
sacrificing everything to dothat one thing.
Now I'm like, okay, this plusthis, and yeah, we can be a
billionaire and be happy at thesame time.
I learned that from a guy namedGary Keller who wrote the book
the One Thing.
Gary said he refuses to hangaround anyone that says that
being a billionaire means youdon't have a great family life.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Yes, I totally agree with that.
I mean because I think we thinkit's a trade-off and it's not
it doesn't have to be atrade-off.
Speaker 3 (27:24):
No, it's not, either or.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Yeah, I mean, because if you're a public success but
a private failure, it hurts.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
That's no success.
That is no success.
In fact, I'd say that's thedefinition of failure.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
Yes, yes, you're looking good out there, but go
with the people that you'reclosest to and they'll tell you
what they're really goingthrough and you realize that
you're failing at the thing.
That really that your purposeand what you're supposed to be
here doing, and it's not just tomake a ton of money.
Speaker 3 (27:49):
That's not what we're here for so this is one of the
eight bad moods I discuss ispride.
Pride says I have to look goodto everyone else and it will
sacrifice everything to lookgood.
Yes, pride also says I have toaccumulate and hoard and have
more than everyone.
Right, so that was me, was me,and I've experienced all these
eight bad moods.
I mean, I couldn't write abouthow to get out of them if I
(28:10):
didn't get into them deep.
So but here's the thing is thatpride also cannot admit when
we're feeling prideful, wecannot admit that we have
vulnerabilities and that we'redoing it wrong because we have
to look good.
So we always have to look good.
This means we have to win everyargument with our spouse.
We have to win every argumentwith our kids.
We always have to be right.
(28:30):
That is a recipe for familydisaster.
So we cannot have a happy homelife when we are in a prideful
state.
We have to heal it.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
You're going to start in trouble, matt, because you
know we talk about pride and howoften it sabotages what we're
trying to do.
We got to have the right answeror the last word and we got to
have our way, and oftentimesthat's hard to deal with.
You know, in your leadershiprole, regardless of where that
is and that's in a lot oforganizations you see a lot of
people that won't admit thatthey're wrong or won't admit
that hey, that I didn't do itright, and it's very destructive
(29:07):
.
So when you think about thework that you're doing and the
success that you've had and theway that you care, when did the
light bulb come on for you?
What was happening thatactually made you realize that
I'm going in the wrong direction?
Speaker 3 (29:18):
A tremendous amount of grace.
So, just God, always like lookit out for me and it's a
progression.
Life is a progression and I dothink we have to chase our
dreams and achieve them and seethat the money was the booby
(29:38):
prize before we can then saythat wasn't it what society has
been telling me my whole lifewould make me happy.
I went after it.
I did exactly what society toldme to do.
I drove the right car, I hadthe right house, I had the right
family, I did the business, Igrew the money and then that was
me.
And then I took an honest lookat myself and said I have
everything that I ever said Iwanted, and then some.
(29:59):
And yet I'm still not happy.
What is the answer?
And at that moment I said ifall of this stuff that I thought
was going to make me happydoesn't make me happy, then I
have to find out what actuallymakes people happy.
And then I went on just like Ihad studied about how to become
successful.
I studied like crazy for thelast decade about what makes you
(30:23):
authentically happy.
And it's like flying all overthe world meeting with the
greatest spiritual gurus,meeting with the greatest
psychologists, having coaches,having mentors and pouring just
as much into my emotional growthas I poured into my bank
account growth and, like I said,the bank account isn't well.
I mean, of course, assets grow,so I have more net worth today
(30:43):
than I did, but the income isn'tas high as it was, but the
emotional fulfillment is crazyhigh.
So if there's somebodylistening to this and they say,
man, I'm achieving my externalgoals, but internally my life is
still in turmoil, you just needsome guidance and you can get
it right.
There's books you can read,there's people that you can
coach with, there's people thatcan teach you that, hey, there's
(31:03):
other goals out there.
Another lesson from Darren Hardy.
In his book the Compound Effecthe talks about his dad's best
friend, which was kind of like asecond dad to him, had amassed
a huge fortune and he was dying.
He had like 50 rental houses.
He had all this net worth andit was always just about getting
the next rental house, all thispassive income.
(31:24):
And on his deathbed Darren wentand saw him and he pulled
Darren in close and he saidDarren, don't make the same
mistake I made.
The money was the booby prize.
The real prize wasrelationships and I sacrificed
what was real for what wasn't.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
Yeah, it's amazing that you're saying that as I
listen and watch.
You know a faith guy I pick upon and I was listening to
reading a story my wife wassharing with me yesterday about
someone that had gone throughdivorce high profile person and
they asked him what went wrong.
He says I didn't value what Iwas supposed to value.
I didn't make it a priority.
(32:04):
They were number three in mylife and that's the price you
pay when you ignore the thingsthat's supposed to be number one
in your life.
I ignored the things that wereimportant chasing trips and
booking, speaking and gettingall these.
They don't make the mistake Imade.
If it's for your family, makeyour family first.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
There's a book called how will you measure your life
and in that book he says thereason that we prioritize work
over family is that if I put in12 hours a day at work, I can
see the results immediately.
Yes, I make an extra call, Iset an extra appointment, I get
(32:43):
another relationship, I makeanother big sale, I, I make
another alliance.
Immediately I can see my bankaccount go up Like the results
are so immediate.
And so we're like that's why wedo it.
We're like, okay, I get thedopamine hit.
I put in the work.
And he said here's the problemis that we then sacrifice our
family, Because if you put intwo hours with your child
(33:04):
tonight, you don't see theresult.
You put in a date night withyour wife.
Marginally, nothing reallychanges in your marriage.
You only notice, compoundedover a decade, that you put in
the extra two hours at nightwith your family.
Over a decade, that you put inthe date nights that you put in
the connection that you put inthe growth with your wife.
(33:24):
Over a decade you put in thedate nights that you put in the
connection that you put in thegrowth with your wife.
You see, over a decade you seeyour marriage flourish, or, over
a decade, your marriage slowlydisintegrates without you even
noticing it, until the pointthat it breaks.
Yes, and so that's.
The reason that entrepreneurswill overwork and put the family
(33:45):
aside is that they just don't.
They don't see the results thatquick.
So that was a very importantlesson for me when I read that
book and I said, Okay, anotherway to put it.
I was at a conference and a guynamed john Roman asked me a
question and he said Matt, areyou a family man with a business
or are you a businessman thatjust happens to have a family?
(34:08):
I'm like, oh, john, and he saidhe said here's a good way, I'll
tell you exactly how you canfigure the answer.
And I'm like, I want to say I'ma family man.
And he's like, Okay, well,let's figure it out.
He said open your calendar.
I want to see the appointmentsthat you have with your family
scheduled today on your calendarand I want to see the
appointments you have with yourbusiness for this week.
(34:28):
And I opened my calendar and theonly things on it were business
appointments.
He said, okay, so you're abusinessman who happens to have
a family?
And he said, okay, if that'sthe case.
Do you want to reverse it?
And I said yes, I definitelywant to reverse it.
I want to be a family man firstwho happens to have a business.
Reverse it, I want to be afamily man first who happens to
have a business.
And he said, okay, I need youto start calendaring your family
(34:49):
.
And so here today or Tuesday onmy calendar this morning, it
was my son's first day of school.
Wow.
So everything else is off mycalendar because my son's first
day of school was on my calendar.
And so walking him down,walking him into the class,
getting the first day picturewith him I'm not just saying
(35:11):
this just to brag, I got itfigured out I'm saying that that
conversation, that moment,changed the way that I looked at
how my relationships matteredcompared to my business.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
Yes, yeah, I mean thank you for sharing, matt,
because I share the samesentiment is at the beginning of
the year for all you,entrepreneurs and business
owners.
You're going to build thatfirst quarter, second quarter,
third quarter, fourth quarter.
You're going to build that out.
We'll talk that.
You know, going through sometype of a program, the danger is
, if we tell our kids and theirfamily they're important, why
don't we calendar them first andthen work all your activities
(35:42):
with your clients around thatschedule?
So if you've got kids that's insports, if you've got things
that are important, you've gotholidays that are coming up, sit
down with your family at thebeginning of the year and build
them in and block out time,which is important.
All of us have to learn that.
So I love that Matt is sayingthat.
You know we talk real and wetalk openly here.
Do the things to show yourfamily they're a priority and
when you're working in yourbusiness, they will give you
(36:02):
time to work in your business.
If you don't, they're going tointerrupt you in your business.
I can absolutely tell youthey're going to interrupt you
because you're not making timefor them, so they're going to
steal it where they can steal it.
Speaker 3 (36:13):
So just some easy things, some practical things.
Every birthday, the whole dayis blocked off.
I have four kids, all four kids.
Birthdays are blocked off.
My anniversary day with my wifecompletely blocked off.
My birthday fully blocked off.
So Katie's birthday, of course,fully blocked off.
So there's seven days of mycalendar that you cannot
(36:33):
schedule with me.
On those days Now, of course,my kids go to school, so you
know when it's Harper's birthday, but you can't like sneak in a
two o'clock appointment with mebecause she gets out of school
at two o'clock and so now I'mthere.
Another really cool thing, andthis changed my family dynamic
and I just did one yesterday.
I do a daddy child day everymonth and I've got four kids and
(36:58):
I just do one of them eachmonth, one time a month, one day
a month.
It's just me and one of thekids and this one-on-one time
man invaluable.
Yesterday I took mysix-year-old surfing.
We went to the beach, I waspushing her on waves, I was
catching waves and then, aftersurfing, I'm like what do you
want to do?
And she said I want to go tothe arcade.
(37:19):
I'm like heck, yeah, we'regoing to the arcade.
And the two of us played videogames together and, like you
know, we went to Chick-fil-A, wegot her a milkshake and she
gives me the biggest hug and shesays, dad, that's the best day
of my life.
That was yesterday.
Our relationship, because ofthis one day a month, is greater
(37:39):
than it would have been.
But this, again, this is acalendar thing.
Every single month I've got aday plan for just one child.
Another calendar thing is adate night every Friday with my
wife.
Every Friday is blocked off.
It's a date night.
Now, again, this can seemboring and it can get boring if
you want to make it boring.
It is not boring for my wifeand I.
Dude, we have got 30 differentfun things we want to do,
(38:03):
because we're like, man, what'sfun and exciting for us?
What do we want to do?
So we're going to go see PostMalone, you know, because I love
Post Malone, I think he's agreat singer.
We're like we'll go axethrowing, we'll go bowling.
It's not just go to dinner orgo to a movie, because that can
get rote and boring.
We want to have adventure too,and so this is the ways that you
(38:24):
can make your calendar moreabout your family than just
about your business.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Yes, love it, matt.
A lot of nuggets droppedthroughout the time we spent
together.
So, as we begin to wrap up andyou think about what you're
doing in your organization, ifyou really want to know how
successful you are, ask thepeople that are closest to you
and let them be brutally honest.
They, people that are closestto you, and let them be brutally
honest.
They'll tell you how successfulyou are.
They'll tell you how good youare.
They'll tell you where there'sopportunities for you to do
better.
If you would just ask thosepeople close, not your clients
(38:50):
ask the people that really knowyou, that live under the roof
with you, that are around youall day, if you give them
permission and don't take itpersonal, they'll give you
information that can help makeevery relationship that you
really care about better.
So, calendar, are there anyother last minute tips that you
would use or that you wouldshare as we begin to wrap up?
And then I'm going to ask youfor your contact information?
Speaker 3 (39:08):
Yeah, I want to just talk about what you just said.
There's a name called theJahari window.
Speaker 1 (39:14):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (39:15):
And it's asking the people closest to you what they
truly see about you.
It's painful.
It is painful and I embrace it.
So every single quarter, I sendan anonymous feedback form to
(39:36):
my entire company all 80 people,just two questions.
It's a Google form.
It's really simple simple to do, but it's just the system.
Now it's baked in and we saywhat do you appreciate about
here and then, what would youchange or improve?
We have a strategic planningmeeting every quarter.
We read the feedback andsometimes it is the hardest.
(39:56):
In fact, every single strategicplanning meeting is the hardest
part of the day because we'reworking our tail off, we're
giving everything we've got tohelp them be successful and then
to read the this person isletting me down, or Matt, you're
not connected enough, orwhatever.
Whatever the feedback is, it isso hard to read.
And yet, getting that feedback,every single quarter says, hey,
(40:21):
we're not perfect, we're not,we're not perfect.
Okay, what are they seeing?
This feedback has value.
It's hard for us to read thatwe're not perfect, but every
single time we get better fromit.
So I love that you brought thatup.
Get this anonymous feedback andwe don't ask for their name.
We don't want their nameBecause we want them to freely
share what do you see?
Because we want them to freelyshare.
(40:42):
What do you see?
Yes, but yeah, it's hard.
Man, it's hard, but it alsomakes us better.
Speaker 2 (40:45):
Yeah, I mean it's like going to the gym.
I mean, the muscle doesn't getstronger by lifting the weight.
That's easy, that's light, Imean.
So you're going to have to liftthe heavy stuff, the stuff that
causes you sometimes aches andpains.
That's where the growth happensthat Matt shared.
He's going to give you accessto where he's at, where his book
is.
(41:05):
But this is about you gettingbetter, and if you want to get
better, it's going to requiresome level of sacrifice.
There's just no way to getbetter if you don't want to
sacrifice and do some of thework.
You know, I tell people all thetime and I try to.
After the S, they say, no, yougot to put some work in and then
you'll see some success.
And that's work in every partof your life.
(41:25):
That's communication, that'syour family, that's your
religious life, those are yourfriends, those are your business
owners, that's your community.
Wherever you're supposed to putin work, please put in the work
and have good people around you.
To keep you honest, matt, howdo we reach you?
Man, you share it a lot.
Someone wants you on a podcast,someone wants to get your book.
Tell us where they can get yourbook at and how do they reach
you?
Speaker 3 (41:45):
Man, I love that last little tidbit the W comes after
the S in the alphabet.
That was so good.
Yeah, no, I do too.
I just like that man.
I just want the success withoutthe word.
But actually we don't want that.
I mean, nothing feels betterthan putting in hard work, yes,
and then seeing the success thatcomes from it.
(42:06):
That's the most fulfillingright.
If we just won the lottery,that'd be like, oh, that's nice,
but it's way better to createyour lottery with your habits.
Yeah, man, so you know.
On Amazon the book is available.
Good Mood Revolution.
If people just want to pluginto having positive feelings, I
have a weekly podcast comes outon Mondays called Good Mood
Revolution, and then if there'sa leader out there that's like,
(42:29):
man, I've achieved all my dreamsand I'm still not happy and I
need that one-on-one coaching togo to the next step, I offer
that and you can get that atmattonealcom.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
Yes, yes, please reach out.
You know, matt, phenomenal job,love that you're bringing that,
because one thing we all knowis we all in this time can use
more happiness, like we all canuse more happiness in everything
that we do.
So thank you for taking on thatjourney and that adventure and
living this throughout.
You know your organization andyour family, so thank you for
coming on the podcast andsharing Again for everyone
that's listening.
You can reach Matt LinkedIn.
(43:00):
You're on LinkedIn as well,matt.
Again for everyone that'slistening you can reach Matt
LinkedIn.
You're on LinkedIn as well, matt.
Yep, yeah, you can check himout on LinkedIn.
You can get his book.
You can reach out to him onemail.
I mean, we're accessible and wewant to be accessible.
He offers coaching, so thankyou all for listening.
Again, this is Ron Harvey withUnpacked.
With Ron Harvey, we talk openlyabout hey, how do we get there?
What are we trying?
Looking for great leadershipand they're looking for positive
(43:20):
people.
Feel free to reach us onLinkedIn or Global Course
Strategies and Consulting.
It's a mouthful.
Gcs is what we call it.
Feel free to reach out to us atany time.
If we can help you or we canconnect you with Matt or any of
our guests, we'll be happy to doan introduction for you.
So until next time, matt and Iwill sign off.
You have a phenomenal week forall of you and we'll see you.
Every single Monday, we releasea podcast and might have a
(43:41):
podcast as well.
Follow us.
There's a ton of content outthere for you to be better.
There's no reason that a leadercan't be good.
There's too much available toall of us to be better.
Thank you all for joining ustoday and we're going to sign
off and thank you, guys forjoining us with leadership
consultant Ron Harvey.
Speaker 1 (44:03):
Remember to join us every Monday as Ron unpacks
sound advice, providing realanswers for real leadership
challenges.
Until next time, remember toadd value and make a difference
where you are, for the peopleyou serve, because people always
matter.
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