CONTENT WARNING! This episode features a lot of conversation around suicide and self harm. Listener & viewer discretion is advised!
We're back! This week, Taryn and Vanessa are your Aunties giving advice on some pretty deep stuff.
Vanessa kind of... well, went off the rails a month ago, which we talk about in this episode. We also discuss the job market, advice for career searching, mental health advice... just lots of advice from two ladies that have lots of advice to give.
We hope you find this episode insightful!
Executive Producer and Host: Vanessa Joy: https://linktr.ee/vanesstradiol
Vanesstradiol Podcast - Copyright © 2023-2025 Vanessa Joy
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Vanessa (00:00):
Kord on this computer.
(00:06):
I have to remember how to dothis. It's been a minute. It's
been a minute. You're
Taryn (00:12):
all Pro? I don't think so. When you've been doing this
for over a year, like it'll allcome back to like riding a
bicycle. I know. This is shit.
This is episode 39. You know, soit's been a minute.
Transcending Humanity (00:33):
time away there. Vanessa, what's that?
It's a little hiatus. Yeah, alittle hiatus because Vanessa
lost her fucking mind.
Vanessa (00:44):
Trigger warning for this episode. content warning
trigger warning, however youlike to do it, there's probably
going to be a fair amount oftalk of self harm and suicide
ideation, stuff like that. So ifthat's stuff that set you off,
you might want to skip thisepisode. But
(01:31):
Take the old name off. Andthere's more than you possibly
imagine. It's everywhere. Andyou just keep going, you just
keep getting mail under the oldname to you're like, Oh, well,
that person's dead. So theirmail doesn't count, then your
credit score goes up. Becauseyou change your name and
anything bad in your past isstill a tribute to your old
name. It takes a while for it tocatch up. So it because I had
(01:53):
declared bankruptcy, which wasjust wrapped up before I changed
my name. So I went from like a400 Something credit score to I
think 780. And now it's bouncedback out. I'm at like 720. So
but yeah, change your name, yourcredit goes up for a little bit.
Taryn (02:13):
Yeah, I mean, I'm in the low seven. I'm like 730
something. So like, I'm like,Alright, I could use a boost.
Yeah. But I mean, yeah, no,thank you. I mean, it's good to
see you. And, you know, we justkind of talked about that a
second ago. But, you know, itwas a really intense week for
you. Like it was a week and ahalf? Or was it a week, seven
(02:35):
days?
Vanessa (02:37):
During like, when I
Taryn (02:40):
yeah, when I was like, How long were you hospitalized,
I was hospitalized for
Vanessa (02:46):
a technically, there's a full 24 hours in the ER, and
then four days, in four fulldays really? In the hospital. So
and then, but then there's beena lot of fallout since then. So
Taryn (03:02):
I mean, I am happy to see you. Thank you was quiet about
you, as many people listen onthe show and participate on the
show. And, you know, thestruggle is real. And, you know,
watching this happen to you inreal time was really, I mean, I
there were a couple of months, Ijust I had nothing I couldn't
(03:23):
even, like I had a lump in mythroat and I'm just like, oh my
god, like I don't know what tosay to, like, you know what I
mean? I just, I just, it's, Icould just feel for you, right?
And I'm just happy that you wereable to do what you did. And in
get some help, and just, youknow, come back to us, right?
(03:46):
And I love that I'm loving theenergy that I'm seeing you on
social media and like the workand you're giving you're doing
your photography and stuff andI'm just like, you're a radiant,
beautiful person. And it's like,I know you don't think that no,
no, you are a radiant, beautifulperson. And I'm just happy that
you're you're kind of gettinghealthy and you know, like
(04:07):
things will change for us andthings will improve and kind of
I guess a little bit of anoptimist, but it's it's really
good to see you.
Vanessa (04:16):
I'm glad I'm still here. It's good to see you too.
I'm glad we're back sitting andthese and these little zoom
calls. I guess I should give theaudience a little bit of an
explanation as to what happened.
Taryn (04:31):
I'm sorry, I jumped right into it.
Vanessa (04:32):
Oh no. So we record the show one two and Wednesdays
usually and kind of bouncearound. Sometimes we do evening
sometimes we do afternoon justso we can kind of get different
hosts on. And so the Tuesdaybefore we were recording I
(04:53):
checked myself into the ER forsuicidal ideation because the
night before I was laying in bedLike just, I'm gonna go upstairs
and just swallow a bottle ofpills. And, like, hit hard and
it hit fast out of nowhere. ButI was cuddling with my dog. And
that's what stopped me. And thenWednesday, I felt a little bit
(05:15):
better during the day, but stillreally triggered. And we had to
cancel a recording becauseeveryone had something come up
all at the last minute. And thatreally triggered me to so I'm
like, Okay, fuck the show, I'mdone. I've deleted the website
for a little bit, and thenbrought it back up and then hit
(05:35):
the pay for it again. But God, Iam like, I can't, I can't do the
show. I just don't have themental capacity and stuff to do
it. So then I went to bed thatnight, it was okay. Then the
next day, I had a little bit ofa kind of an argument with my
kids, mother, mom. And I don'tknow what happened. But I left
(06:03):
the house for a little bit, Icame back and I stood in the
kitchen with my left hand fullof probably 40 Benadryl in my
right hand. I had a bottlesertraline and I just there for
an hour just staring at them.
Like one, maneuver the handleaway from not having to deal
(06:25):
with my bullshit anymore. Andthe two nights before, just
again, my dog stopped me. Butthis time, even that, like I was
whatever hit it hits so hard inso fucking fast. It was
absolutely mind blowing to thepoint where I wrote a note. And
(06:47):
then I eventually after an hour,I put the pills back away and
crumpled the note up, threw thataway and went back downstairs
and finished editing some photosthat they had to edit. And I
sent my kids that are mama techsaying I'm gonna check myself in
(07:09):
the ER again to try to gethospitalized. And I spent 24
hours in the ER, most of itunder close observation. They
had a sitter with me. And then Igot transported to Lutheran
hospital up in Cleveland and hadthe most terrifying four days of
(07:30):
my life. mental hospitals are nofucking joke. It's It's It's
essentially a prison of sorts. Ihad no, I had no rights anymore
at the probate court, I wasawarded a state for that time.
And I happen to go on theweekend and nothing happens on
the weekend. Like you have towait until Monday for anything
(07:51):
to for any chance to get out oranything like that. And so, like
my first night outs, I walkedout, they were taken in my room.
And the guy across the hall fromme was make sure I don't back up
on my dog standing in hisdoorway, like into darkness.
(08:18):
Like that. So audio listenersthink every slasher movie you've
ever seen. You know, I'm like, Ineed to get the fuck out of
here. So I went to the to thestaff. I'm like, Oh, I made a
mistake. What do I do to get outof here. And of course, nobody
has the right answers. And Iwent the entire weekend.
(08:38):
Everyone's like, Oh, you'll beable to go home tomorrow, you'll
be go home tomorrow. But thefact is you have to meet with
the psychiatrists in the socialworkers on Monday. And then they
start deciding. So I dideventually get to go home on
Tuesday. They were all of thewards were pretty much
(08:59):
overflowed. So they put me intothe overflow Ward, which also
has a lot of the very acutecases. So eventually, I kind of
got into the grind of it. I readfour and a half books and I
haven't read in a long time. Ireally wish I would have brought
some from home. But mentalhospitals for someone with
(09:19):
suicidal ideation. They're notthe answer. But they I spent the
entire time just scared out ofmy mind, like not knowing what
was what was happening, notknowing what's going to come the
next day. And really, there's noanswers from anybody. You're
just stuck in this white roomwith the most uncomfortable bed
(09:40):
that I've ever imagined. I hadto take tons of sleeping pills
and stuff like that they theygive everybody tons of sleeping
pills just to fall asleep ratherthan better mattress but I still
just have the vision of thatroom just like locked in my
brain and all white room withsome shelving on top On for me
(10:00):
in a black and green digitalclock that that's the only thing
they really look at. And, yeah,there, we need a better better
system in this country forpeople that have suicidal
ideation. Because a mentalhospital is not the answer, all
they do is they lock you in aroom, and you don't really get
(10:24):
to talk to anybody. Like Italked to the nurses for like
five minutes here and there, youget for like five minutes with a
psychiatrist. And the rest ofthe time you're just in this
room. We're walking around thehalls. And like all the group
therapy, things were pretty muchmade for people with a preschool
(10:46):
mental capacity. So like, Ididn't really feel that into it.
I did wind up going switchingmedication, and went off
Lamotrigine. In shortly after Igot out, I was finally diagnosed
as autistic, and ADHD and C PTSDand major depressive disorder,
(11:11):
which explains a lot. And nowI'm no longer on the bipolar
medication. I'm finally meetingwith a new psychiatrist. Because
my last one put me back onbipolar medication, I think that
triggered me. And then I alsojust found out that my hormones
have been my doctor prescribedme the wrong dose, and I've only
(11:31):
been running out about 20% ofthe estrogen that I need. So on
top of all this shit, myhormones have been completely
flopped. So if you're trans, andyour mind is going to super dark
places, say like, out of thenowhere out of nowhere, get your
get your hormones checked,something could be off. I had no
(11:53):
idea. And I finally just stirredup on a full dose on one day,
but it's been an adventure. SoTara, and I just started just
yapping on and on and on. And
Taryn (12:08):
don't apologize to me, I wanted to this is our first time
like, forget that I'm hearingthe full story. Right. So I'm
glad that the hospitalizationstopped you from self harm.
Right? Like, a kind of did itsjob at the base level? Yeah, if
you like, I actually like to meI was it was terrifying hearing
(12:29):
that description of the got theguy across the hall. I'm like, I
don't even know if I could sleepin a place like that. I mean, no
matter how many sleeping pills,like that was hard. That felt
really wrong. But you're right.
I mean, I think like what you'resaying is what we've been
reading, like in the news aboutjust like the state of mental
health in this country hasreally degraded down over the
(12:50):
last 40 or 50 years since Reagandecimated the system. So I mean,
I'm fortunate to live inCalifornia, where they're
actually putting a propositionon for the election to actually
fund treatment centers, reallyall facilities and addiction,
trying to help people and likeworking on the on House crisis
that we have here. So, you know,the people that are just, you
(13:12):
know, trying to survive. And I'mhoping the California can do it,
right. I mean, I have so youhave a history of doing things
first, yeah. Times that say moretimes than not doing them,
right. So like, I'm reallyhopeful that people here I'll
get that kind of bettertreatment. I'm glad that you
were able to like they stoppedyou from that. I think the
(13:33):
important thing too is like yourmedication dose, under getting
the right diagnosis and stufflike that is super important.
Because I feel like I can seelike, the energy that you have
and what you're sharing online,right? And what you've shared in
text with me and just, it feelslike you're a little bit more in
equilibrium. I don't know.
(13:58):
Definitely feel it. I feel likeyou're more balanced and like
you're in a better spot. Butremember, I shared those hormone
levels for me from that, I thinkwas 2021. I was like, yeah, so
it was like real, I think it was2021 or 20 was really low was
down to 90. Even at that level.
I was getting a littledespondent urine mean, like I
felt like I could feel thatdarkness kind of creeping in. So
(14:20):
I second Janessa saying Right,like if you're feeling that
darkness come in, and I mean,I've been dealing with ideation
for decades to and you feel thatdarkness creeping in check, get
the blood levels checked, rightand make sure you're being
medicated because they changed.
They doubled my dose, like whenthey saw that number for me. So,
(14:42):
and hormones are very importantfor our mental health and a lack
of really kind of create, like,I don't know, if it's like a
very deep cascading kind ofdepression. Especially for those
of us that no longer can producetestosterone or, you know, or
it's just so suppressed thatit's never coming back. Right
And while I'm on, I'm on thelatter part, but it's like, you
(15:04):
know, like that some that kindof sex hormone will definitely
help. So, but I'm just happy tosee you here. And I'm glad that
there's a balance and you've gota better diagnosis, you're
actually inspiring me to go gettested. Because I want to, I
want to understand myself,right? Because I feel like I
take some of the boxes for alittle bit of autism, and then,
(15:26):
you know, a little bit of ADHD.
So you're kind of like, youknow, hearing your story in your
journey. You're inspiring me togo get tested and and do the
right thing and understand, likewhat I need to do to be in the
best mental health state that Ican be.
Vanessa (15:41):
It's hard to get tested to, it's hard to find people, I
finally found one. And honestly,my, my tests, the results came
out a bit more severe than Ireally think I am, like, they
put me at level two boarding andlevel three autism. And I really
think I'm more of a level one.
But the doctor also said, thiscombination of all my core
comorbidities, with the C, PTSDand ADHD and everything, like
(16:04):
amplifies the autism diagnosis.
So because if I were levelthree, I wouldn't be able to be
living alone or anything likeyou're running the show that
kind of stuff. So yeah.
Taryn (16:19):
Can you like so the one term that you said that I'm not
familiar with, and I would loveif you would share that with me
see, PTSD, what is that?
Vanessa (16:28):
I it's combined PTSD, there's, there's different, I
honestly don't know that much.
But there's, like two differenttypes of PTSD. Or you can also
have a combination of both. Andthat's what mine is, is the
combination. So get girls fuckedup, is pretty much what my
diagnosis is. So
Taryn (16:53):
I mean, you know, I'm gonna whip out my Professor
Xavier of trans people and say,you're not locked up, you
discuss some challenges thatyou're working on. And we love
and support you. Okay,
Vanessa (17:03):
well, thank you to explain the hormone thing to our
SIS listeners. So there's, it'sPG slash ml or something,
whatever, we get numbers for ourestrogen levels. And the kind of
(17:24):
standard for trans women is tostay between 102 100 of
estrogen. And like a sis maleproduces between like 50 and 80,
I believe, naturally, and women,sis women versus female people
(17:45):
that are not transitioning toanother sex, let's, I have to
get my terminology, right. Butpeople who produce estrogen
naturally and want to continueproducing the estrogen naturally
are over like 100 to 300. So alot of trans women try to see in
the 150 range, maybe up to about200. mindset 32. Yeah, and a
(18:06):
couple weeks ago was at 54. Andthat's why I'm like something is
something's wrong here. And soif your levels are low, like
Taryn said that she felt likecrap, when hers were at 90, and
get that bloodwork done. Becauseif your hormones are off, it can
just fuck with everything. Andas I found out the hard way,
(18:29):
after recording this episode,it's 254. Right now, I have a
four o'clock meeting with mydoctor. I mean, like what I
thought, that's kind of a majorthing to the I switched from one
type of Australia injection toanother in the one that she put
me on was a lot weaker inconcentration of estrogen, but
(18:53):
she kept me on the same dose. SoShould your whatsapp
Taryn (19:00):
and it should have been adjusted for sure?
Vanessa (19:02):
Yeah. So kind of a big mistake, and I'm more than a
little bit pissed off about it,because it did put me in the
hospital. So
Taryn (19:12):
having a bad yeah, I mean, that low I can only
imagine. I mean, like if youstart cascading down that
staircase, and it's like, it'svery difficult. I mean, I'm
fortunate that I got anadjustment for me. So I mean,
they overcompensate and push meover 200 for a couple years. So
like, and I've benefited fromthat I'm not gonna lie. But my
(19:33):
endocrinologist last year waslike, girl, you know, you got to
dial that down a little bit. Sonow I'm at a happy 140 is
Vanessa (19:41):
a good number though.
Taryn (19:43):
Like I'm going to I'm getting my bloodwork done next
week, so I'll see like what mylevels are and just chuck it in
since I'm old as hell I got toget my cholesterol done all that
good luck I
Vanessa (19:55):
get Yeah, get it all done. It's when you're trans you
get your blood taken like crazyhow I'm finally starting to get
used to when I was in hospital.
Complete aside on bloodwork,some like girl came in at like
615 in the morning to drawblood. I'm like, I was asleep
like, what? No, fuck, no, no.
(20:17):
And then she's gone. I'm like, Ihate lab work, but you're trans,
you have to check everything. So
Taryn (20:27):
that'll learn like needles.
Vanessa (20:30):
Yeah, like you don't have to inject your estrogen or
testosterone. There's other waysof doing it. You can there's
pills, there's patches, there'seven like gel and shit like
that. Injection is just easy.
And you know, you're getting itall. So, but and there's less
risk of blood clot for anestrogen side, there's less risk
of blood clots for injections inthe art with pills. So the more
(20:54):
you know, more, you know. Soyeah.
Taryn (21:02):
Well, Esther doll so what? sublingual under the
tongue? Oh,
Vanessa (21:07):
you're doing suddenly what? You should try injections
girl.
Taryn (21:11):
think it'd be better?
Vanessa (21:12):
Oh, yeah,
Taryn (21:13):
I can't stand any more growth. I'm looking I'm good.
I'm throwing clothes out at a ata rapid pace. Right now.
Vanessa (21:19):
This estrogen just works for you really, really
well. So what does zoom what?
Oh, this this, this zoom call isthat the charges went through.
So thank you zoom. So
Taryn (21:36):
So I mean, I think this, like, if for listeners out
there, right? Just think aboutthat. And just kind of when
you're in those states, youknow, you need to go and get the
help. We knew we discuss how thesystem here in this country is
not that great. But like, youknow, the the end result of even
a bad stay for four days as award of the state. I mean,
(21:57):
Vanessa still here, she wasunable to self harm. And I mean,
was it helpful, maybe not asmuch, right. But getting her
other diagnosis are justimportant. And so like, you can,
I know many of us are in likeout looking for a job or don't
have health care, or, you know,there's some other issue that's
popping up that's preventingthis, but like, don't hesitate
(22:20):
to get the help you need and,you know, just focus on focus on
like, what you can do tostrengthen yourself, right, and
to get the right diagnosis toget the right medicine, be vocal
with your providers, likeVanessa, you're probably gonna
have that conversation about theastronaut, right, the estrogen,
you know about the dose and youknow, that not having that the
(22:41):
high enough dose of it tocompensate for the new drug and
what the results were right. Imean, that could have very well
ended in in depth.
Vanessa (22:50):
Yeah, exactly. That's why I'm kinda pissed. Yeah,
Taryn (22:53):
so I mean, you got to have those conversations with
the doctors and I'm not tellingany non binary folk that are
dealing with healthcare,anything new, right? I mean,
like, this is this constantstate that we have to go
through, but for for our SIS hadfriends or it's just gay and
lesbian brides, this, you know,just if you help somebody talk
to them, nudge them into gettingtreatment, right? Yeah,
Vanessa (23:16):
it's important you there for a cause, cuz, like,
keep an eye on your friends,because a lot of times, like, I
personally didn't see myselffalling as quickly as I did. I
like your metaphor about fallingdown the stairs. That's what it
was like, it was that fast. Iwas fine. And then I was holding
pills about to kill myself. Likekeep an eye on your friends.
(23:43):
Because we don't always knowwhat's going on in our own
heads. And it's, it's kind ofterrifying. So um,
unfortunately, like doctors justlike to throw drugs at things
like this psychiatrists. I'vebeen seen double down on my
(24:04):
bipolar diagnosis. But yes, itdoesn't know anything about
autism. And it turns out thetype of autism and combination
of symptoms I have ismisdiagnosed as bipolar all the
time. But the medication forbipolar does not work with my
brain. So
Taryn (24:25):
I mean, like, Oh, God, you got the you got a better
script, right, that treats youhow you need to be traded. I
mean, I had back in the day, Iworked in pharma and I worked
for AstraZeneca as a consultantand they had a major drug
Seroquel, right. So like, aspart of the marketing for that
you have to read all theprescribing information
(24:46):
understand, I mean, those drugsare incredibly powerful, was
really bad side effects. Like, Imean to me, like it's worth
anybody if you're getting abipolar diagnosis, maybe a
second opinion. Yeah, just likefind a really good provider that
can help you because, um, likethese drugs are not. They're not
like say, Well, I guess they'rewell tolerated in a way because
(25:09):
they're being sold, but they arestill dangerous, right. And they
still like, if you'remisdiagnosed, it can be a
really, like we're talking aboutnow a catastrophic health issue,
Vanessa (25:21):
they can really, really mess you up. So second, opinions
are always fixed. That'sextremely good advice. And make
sure that like, if you have anysuspicions of, of conditions
that you may have, likenarcissistic personality
disorder, or borderlinepersonality disorder, or
(25:41):
bipolar, or autism, or ADHD, ifyou have suspicions about those
things, when you are trying tofind someone to do mental health
care for you, ask if they are ifthey're experienced with that
kind of thing, because that'swhat happened with me with this,
(26:02):
this guy that I been seeing. Hedoesn't know anything about
autism, and misdiagnosed again.
So it was very dangerous, themedication, I take myself off of
the Lamotrigine a few monthsbefore that, because I just felt
like garbage with it. And Iwanted to see how I felt without
(26:22):
it. And when I was offered, Ifelt much better. And then once
I went back on, it startsfeeling like garbage again. So
Taryn (26:32):
that's an important lesson to write listen to your
body. Like if you're not gettingwhat you need when you're taking
something like definitely havethat conversation with your
doctor. I know I mean, these areserious trends. Like I mean, you
know, years ago they were whenTrump was doing the whole
detainment of children at theborder. The doctors were
(26:53):
actually prescribing there was adoctor in the southern states
that was prescribing Seroquel, Ithink XL to children under 12.
Where it's clearlycontraindicated for anybody
under 12. Right. I mean, theywere doing it to pacify children
that they've stripped from theirparents. I mean, these drugs are
like I said, I mean, they'reable to be sold. So there's
(27:14):
benefit, but they are a seriouscomplications and indications
are out for each one of them. Sosecond thing is listen to your
body. And then get the rightmedication the right mix.
Definitely.
Vanessa (27:27):
If you think you're on the wrong Med, don't just take
yourself off it like right awaythat don't like cold turkey that
shit. Ask a doctor how to takeyourself off of it. Because
there can be like, there's somethat if you go off, you can
start having seizures and shitlike that. So
Taryn (27:41):
that's super important to like, Yeah, this is that episode
chock full of healthinformation, you know, a lot,
there are a lot of drugs likethat, that you cannot do this
sudden cessation of it, whereyou can't just stop it. Right?
Can cause I mean, there's awhole, like, multiple classes of
drugs that can have side effectslike that. And I can imagine
that, you know, neurologicmedicine probably has the same
(28:04):
situation.
Vanessa (28:08):
Like it is screaming, Jackson general, just
prescription drugs isterrifying. Like, I don't know,
we we rely on them very heavily.
I mean, I'm sure you take, I'msure you have your own fucking
pharmacy and little pilldispensers in the morning like I
do. But
Taryn (28:27):
pharmaceuticals, but yeah, so like, I mean, I'm
fortunate enough just to likepop to pseudophakic Desertec,
and, you know, I doSpironolactone and Astro doll.
So pretty funny. It was not tohave like, too much than that.
So, but um, once again, Ihaven't gone and got treated and
(28:48):
had been tested like you have,so I don't know if there's more
medicine in the mix. I do have ahabit of self medicating with
cannabis. So that might be
Vanessa (28:56):
I mean, that's just a miracle drug. I wish I could do
that. It just makes me puke. Sothat would suck. At least it's
finally gonna be legal in Ohiohere next month. I think so.
recreationally. So Pinelandsleasers something not too shitty
about this state. So what elsehas been going on? We still have
(29:20):
a half hour of justbullshitting. So
Taryn (29:23):
Well, I mean, you know, I shared with you earlier, right?
And then I think you saw a postthat um, you know, so we will
name change. So tip my mom'smaiden name, her middle name is
not my middle name. So got thegender change, the legal name
change. And now we're going todo all the 1000s of sites and
usernames and logins, you know,and I can imagine how painful
this is going to be going andchanging my name on my Verizon
(29:45):
account, but like it's also notthis necessary. I need to do I
now the bummer for me is that Ijust got a layoff notice the
same week that I got my legal mycourt orders. So I'm like So
you're going to be changingstuff in the middle of looking
for another job. So I'm on, I'mon the clock till about May 19.
(30:07):
And then I don't know what'scoming next. But I'm kind of
feverishly as you. anybodylistening to this who's looking
for work right now. It's a fulltime job. So, like, I work my
job. And then at night, I comehome and spend four hours job
hunting in connecting withpeople and networking and
updating resumes and doing allthis stuff. So it's a bit of a
(30:27):
hustle, but you know, gotta getit done and kind of get into a
better footing. So, but thoseare the challenges that I've
had. So it's like, you know,like, I had something great
happened in the same week,something utter crap happened.
So, but hopefully,
Vanessa (30:41):
in the end, it all worked out. Because I know. You
had some some issues there too.
So? Well,
Taryn (30:49):
yeah. I mean, I think almost everybody has some sort
of issue with their lawyer,right? There's something that
you're not the unseen, you'renot being heard, you're not
being included. I mean, there'salways challenges, you know, but
ideally, for me, I try to suckit up and just get through
things. Because I like apaycheck, because I appreciate a
roof over the head and food andthe ability to pay my car off
(31:11):
and stuff like that. So, youknow, it's like you when you
have bills, like you can'treally afford to be, you know,
just super picky. So it's reallyweird job market. So I know.
It's a really weird market. Andyou know, it's from 2021, when
they did all that hiring postpandemic, right after everybody
(31:34):
got laid off in 2020. And theyhired all those people. And then
even in the Bay Area, so inSilicon Valley here, layoffs
after layoffs after layoffsevery week, because they over
hired or what they strategy theleaders came up with failed. So
let's make the entire teamredundant, you know, like that,
like kind of bullshit. So it'smade the market to I feel like
(31:55):
it's swung back for theemployer. So we're in two years
and went right back to theemployer. So it's been, it's
been challenging, but I'm, I'mworking with some people right
now that were really focused onnetworking, and really trying to
get, like more of a referralsystem. So people on there, and
I'm hoping it'll pan out for me.
Vanessa (32:18):
I mean, I don't think that you're gonna be hand
America too long. I personallythink you're gonna find
something pretty quickly,because you're pretty marketable
as the marketing girl, yourmarketing leader, so. But I
hope, I think something willcome up for you pretty quickly,
I am starting to focus on myphotography company. Please
(32:42):
stop, I thought, Liam, and Iboth thought we had jobs last
week. And that turned out to befake. I'm gonna go ahead and
call it the company name here,credit repair cloud. That's the
company that did that to us. Ididn't put that into the reading
and posts and stuff like that.
But it was credit repair cloud,to point where we had reference
(33:05):
checks. Taryn can vouch forthat, because she filled out one
of my references, and we'rebackground checks. We were both
premise jobs that would pay atleast 60 grand. And then it
turned out to not exist. Sothere's a lot of scams out
there, that people have to watchout for. And it's so hard to get
(33:25):
your hopes up on anything.
Because you think that you neverknow when the Rosca can get
pulled out from under you. Andthat's how I felt the entire
time when I was this big job wassupposed to be a thing and like,
Lindsey attitude and a job, andit did. So they have an effect
both me and Liam. We were bothwe're both interviewing, we were
(33:49):
supposed to be co workers, whichwould have been absolutely
amazing.
Taryn (33:55):
Oh, I mean, cuz she actually involved me, the person
at this involved me into thisthrough like, I think she
reached out to Liam and Liamreferred her to, you know, to
me. So she kind of brought meinto this mix. And I was like, I
was super hopeful. Like, I waslike it because remember, I was
like hitting you up and textingyou like, Hey, girl, like, you
(34:16):
know, and just, I was like, ohmy god, this is finally gonna
happen for you. And then whenthat happened, I'm like, What
the actual fuck? Like, I waslike, I mean, I was when I did
that. On LinkedIn the other day.
I was furious. Like, I was like,I'm gonna, I want to, I was so
close to putting that CEO onblast, and being like, hey,
motherfucker, like, this is whatyour people are doing. And in
(34:39):
case you don't know this,because you're in CEO that, you
know, like, this is the exactopposite of what an HR person is
supposed to do. And she shouldbe terminated right now. I chose
non violent non violence but Iwas like, I wanted to fucking
like that up because I was like,I know I know what you've been
going through. You've been veryvocal and have been sharing
(35:00):
this. And I've been in asituation not quite as bad as
what you're facing, right? Withall the challenges, but it's
like I've been in long term, youknow, where it's like the Great
Recession, tech bust, you namethe recession, I've usually get
made redundant, right? So it'slike, I notice actually 12
months in and doing anything youcan per dollar. Okay? And
(35:23):
hustling and making it happen,because you got you got a kid,
which I did at the time, severalcouple miles, you know, and you
hustle to make it happen, youhustle to feed. I mean, the
first layoff I had, I wasgetting like thing was a second
swing. But the second layoff Ihad was like, I was my daughter
was just born, I was buyingdiapers on a credit card. Yes,
like, baby food on a creditcard. I'm like, Just
(35:47):
differently, making ends meet,you know what I mean? So I knit,
it's rough, and it's stressful,and I have a special place in
hell for motherfuckers thatexploit people's hope. And then
like, just kind of pulled therug out from underneath them as
they deserve that shit. Andshe's lucky that we don't put
her on blast.
Vanessa (36:08):
I'm hoping that I'm still trying to give her
personally benefit of the doubt.
But not the company is notcredit repair cloud, something
is fucking rotten there. So butI still have her blocked, I
don't want to talk to her. Buthere's what's happening all the
time. Like I see people postingon LinkedIn frequently about
fake jobs. And if you ifsomething seems too good to be
(36:33):
true, it probably is. If youhave one, I know that there's a
scam that some people get wherethe employer will ask them to
pay for something like Pay forthis background check or
something like that. Red flagcamp, no company should be
asking you to pay for anything,if that's kind of coming up. Or
(36:53):
if you're like, Oh, well, youneed to transfer some money to
here, red flag scam. But so manyjob hunters. I don't believe
that the unemployment rate is aslow as they say it is. The we
both know so many people thatare unemployed, and just
(37:13):
searching and searching andsearching and searching,
searching. And it's easy to getdesperate. And I think it's very
easy to get fooled. When you'rethat desperate. And there are
people out there that will stillyou know, be predators. So you
have to stay vigilant
Taryn (37:32):
but Well, I mean 1009 Girls surprising not surprising.
I fell for that scam. I was sodesperate in the Great Recession
got I just I took a gamble. Ithought was gambling. I was
like, Okay, hopefully this worksout. And I ended up like getting
stuck with a huge ass like billthat I had to tap into my
(37:53):
retirement to fill it just itwas a nightmare. It was all
fraud. And I just because I knowlike when it's when I kind of
texted you about hope. I knowwhat it's like to have complete
utter hope and a habit justdissipate into vapor. And I
mean, I was furious, but I gotburned. And I was like, I just
like when my adage I've beensaying for years is can't trust
(38:16):
the human can't eat him yet. Butthat's like, I mean that I have
to be frosty like that. BecauseI am a trusting individual. You
know, and I like to believe thepeople are better than what they
really are. And they're not. Butyeah, those those scams or
frauds are real. And I'm reallysorry that like you and Liam,
like and in, you know thatexploitation. And I don't care
(38:38):
if that I'm sorry. I'm going tobe really prepared. I don't care
if that bitch was doing it outof the kindness of her heart,
the end result of it, it can beutterly traumatic, and just
demoralizing at your core. And Ijust feel like even in the best
case scenario, F her. Like Ijust I'm like I just there's no
(39:01):
way that I can think aboutbecause I know like I've been in
business for less than we'vebeen working for a long time.
But in business, like 20 years,and it's like I know what you
can do and what you can say andwhat you can't do and what you
can't say she broke those rules,right? Yes. But yeah, I mean,
stay frosty. But that's the onething I would say, for the job.
(39:24):
Please go out on my LinkedInprofile. So if there's somebody
you see in my network thatworks, then we're connected. And
that works at a company you'relooking for. Let me see if I can
try and get some kind ofreferral to you because I really
do truly believe theirreferrals. So the way that we'll
be able to break through to dothat. I'm fortunate I have no
referrals in Ohio. I know nobodyhappens that many connections in
(39:46):
Ohio.
Vanessa (39:48):
I'm looking remote. So because I need to be able to be
flexible.
Taryn (39:52):
I'll think I'll send you that job site. See if that works
and set up a profile on that.
But yeah, I was gonna say apostman racked up with my Chase
alumni, like JP Morgan, they,you know, they are supposed to
be an employer of choice atleast now Ohio as well, you
know, with a strong support forthe LGBTQ. So, you know, that's,
um, you know, like, justexploring options right in your
(40:15):
space. But please look at myconnections, if there's anything
I can do to send a note, giveyou a referral, just let me
know.
Vanessa (40:24):
Referrals are that's how you find jobs these days,
it's you hear it over and overand over again, it's just about
who you know. So if you knowpeople that are job hunting,
they've been on the chaplain fora while to hear, here's kind of
a hot take from Vanessa. Insteadof saying you should do this,
you should do that you should dothis, you should do that. Ask
(40:47):
what they need, if there'ssomething that you can do to
help them, I get people, when Iget frustrated about not making
any money, people are like to gowork at Walmart, go work at
McDonald's, stuff like that,like, when being trans and Ohio
in a red area, that's just toofucking dangerous. And too, it's
not enough money to live on. Youknow, I make more money doing my
(41:09):
photography than I would workingfull time at a minimum wage job.
It's not helpful to Job Huntersto tell them that. Instead, ask
like, is it can I help you withyour resume? Do you is there
anybody you think that I mightbe able to introduce you to that
(41:29):
kind of thing? It's a lot morehelpful that way. Because trust
me, people are that areunemployed for a long time, like
me, we're looking at all theways of making money, we've
probably done a lot of it, too.
So I personally wish that sexwork had worked out better for
me, because that would reallypay the bills. But
unfortunately, post op transgirls aren't very popular on
(41:50):
only fans. But that's also afull time job, too. So
Taryn (41:56):
sex workers work, you know? Yeah. Always work.
Probably more work than wedeserve. Yeah.
Vanessa (42:02):
Yeah. Now, I'm like, it would have been fun to do that.
But none if I wasn't gonna makemoney doing it. So. But yeah,
it's just very good. Justsupport people. Instead, don't
just say you should do this, youshould do that. Because all it
does is just pisses, I know,pisses me off. And I'm sure it
(42:22):
pisses off other people too,because I don't want to hear it.
I need help, not stupidsuggestions. So
Taryn (42:31):
now, I mean, that's really real. I mean, when you
said that, I think, was becausewe talk on, like four different
channels. But um, you know, yousaid that, and I'm just like,
hallelujah. I mean, like, duringmy layoffs, I hear that all the
time, just get a job at HomeDepot, just get a job at a
restaurant, like you can cook,you can do this. I'm like, what
(42:52):
I was working at a restaurant atfirst, it was like 1993, and I
could kind of survive on thatrestaurant pay. You can't like
in California, like, I can get ajob in McDonald's and work 40
hours a week. And that pays forabout half my bills. Right? And
that's and we have like a $20minimum wage, like or vasca job.
So it's just like, it'sunreasonable, you know, offer
(43:15):
connections like for me, like Itry not to do that shit to you,
you know, but it's like, for me,it's like, I'm looking at like,
hey, I'll send you the site.
Right? They're gonna give thatover to you. Because I want you
to explore that and take a lookat it. You and I talked about
your resume with you, right?
Like, these are the things thatwe can help our friends right to
do. Because I felt like you hadthat option for another resume.
Right, with all your experience.
Writing come from a differentperspective. So yeah, I mean, I
(43:38):
was talking to a friend of mineat an art show. So I did, um, I
contributed to an artist gettinga Master's in Fine Arts in
spatial art. Yes, I contributedto their show. And they were
interviewing people on fashionclothing, and how it influences
society and gender. So Iactually saw like, they had a
(44:00):
little thing with my quote onit, like in the art show. So I
caught up with a really goodfriend of mine that I met Well,
we met last year, I d dropped inher DMs and invite her to one of
my events, and she came to like,probably about four or five of
them. So we started buildingthis friendship. And she's been
on the market for a long termtoo. And so like her and I were
strategizing last night, I'mlike, Girl, I just got my resume
(44:22):
read. Let me like, let me sendit over to you. And maybe
that'll inspire you for years.
And then like, can you connectme to this recruiter that you're
connected to this company andI'll do this and this company,
you know, and like, we're like,literally an art show like with
and I think the artists is heardlike one of our childhood
friends. And you know, we'retalking about it and we're like,
(44:44):
we're looking at art and they'relike, look, turn around, be
like, Okay, send me your resume,like, alright, and we're doing
the strategizing or the jobhunt, right, but that's what
we're doing. It's like kind ofbouncing off each other and
helping each other right. Andthat's what we should be doing
right now, especially duringwhich such shift wanna lay off
people?
Vanessa (45:03):
They really are. And like, everyday you see more and
more and more and more and moreand more and more. And then you
also like, I'm on the selfishfront, you're like, Fuck more
people get laid off. It's justgonna be even more competition
for me then. And I've thoughtthat before, too. And I've also
had the thought, like, whenpeople say go work in
(45:23):
McDonald's. I've had thethought, you know, people are
like, what are you to get towork for work at McDonald's? I'm
thinking. Fuck yeah, actually. Ihave so much experience that
it's just wasted doing that. AndI still have nightmares about
waiting tables from 2000 to2002. I could not do it. I
(45:44):
physically could not do thatjob. I have so much respect for
people that were fast food, thatwork service industry, with all
that stuff. I could not do it. Iwould absolutely lose my shit.
I'm autistic, I would shut down.
I would just be fucking all overthe place. You wouldn't want me
in that job. I get fired indays. So yeah, I'm not knocking
people in those roles. It's justnot something that I am trained
(46:09):
to do. It's not something that Iam personally able to do. So
yeah.
Taryn (46:16):
Yeah. I mean, I that's I got paid my way through college.
Working working in food service.
Yeah, I've suffered like bigcuts, gashes, first and second
degree burns, like all kinds ofstuff. I mean, like to the food
service workers installing fastfood workers. Yeah, it's a hard
freakin job. You know, and it'slike, but for people like with a
good amount of experience, it'salso dismissive to be like,
(46:38):
bunches come work here. Youknow, like, they're hiring us
all big poster. Yeah. Like, youdon't understand how someone you
need to survive, right? Becausewe gotta pay rent. So it's like,
yeah, check the checks, or doso. You know, be more productive
and help people. But you'reright. I mean, that is, when I
(46:58):
see those layoffs, especially inmy area. I'm just like, Fuck,
I'm like more people that getmore saturated. Right? So right
now I stand out. But it's like,you know, let a couple more
layoffs happen. And then I'mlike, gonna be just blend into
the crowd a little bit.
Vanessa (47:14):
It's hard, it's hard to keep up. So
Taryn (47:18):
what's your favorite job board that you've used, that you
feel like could be helpful forpeople,
Vanessa (47:23):
um, I've been using built in, and adda, I've been
using built in the most lately.
LinkedIn, I don't use too muchbecause their search function
just sucks. But they do pop up alot of good recommended jobs. So
I actually do apply to a lot ofthe recommended jobs that
LinkedIn like pops up on myfeed, because they're really
good at suggesting those. It'stheir search function. Just like
(47:45):
if you type in people,operations people manager, it
pulls words from anywhere inanything. So you could get that
and then be getting like,fucking, like Doctor jobs and
shit like that, like, becausethe job description says that
people at that company havemanagement. So but built in is
(48:06):
very good out is very good. I'veused a bunch of other ones in
the past, but those are the onesI've been using lately. So what
are you using?
Taryn (48:21):
I mean, I feel the same way about LinkedIn. So it's like
what the recommendations like Ifind some good ones in there.
But I'm telling you like,usually when I go for the
recommended jobs on LinkedIn,it's like almost an immediate
dismissal. Sometimes. I mean,we're just laid out, Oh, we've
considered you and blah, blah,blah, and keep your records on
file. You know, blah, blah,blah. I'm starting just like
(48:43):
some getting people sending mejobs. Right. And I'm reaching
out to myself doing thatreferral thing. So I'm reaching
out to people in my network, andsaying, like, Hey, I saw this
job on your site. And you know,would you be good with referring
me like I'm doing an applicationtonight, where my sister's
husband works at the company,and he's already created a
(49:04):
referral link for me, right? Soit's a remote job. So I'm like,
I'm gonna go for it. But I'm,I'm trying to really activate my
network. What's funny is Istarted going on to Glassdoor
more. And a couple really goodjobs just popped up there. So
we'll see how that goes to. Butreally, like network, we're
sharing jobs and sharinginformation and an offering to
(49:26):
refer and I've got some reallyhigh end wonderful people in my
network that really wants tohelp them really are going out
of their way to do things andkind of help uplift so it's kind
of hard, you
Vanessa (49:39):
know, same year, like the post I made after when I
posted about that fake job,like, I post has something like
40,000 impressions on LinkedInwhere most of my posts get
bought 1000 And a lot of peoplewere sharing and like just
asking, like getting I wasgetting connections out of it. I
was getting Goodness has a lotof bad messages to you get a lot
(50:02):
of spam on LinkedIn, but but alot of people just trying to
help so because some people willsee jobs pop up in their feeds
that you don't. So I'll gettagged and things like that. And
it's helpful. So yeah, it'snetworking, grow your damn
(50:22):
Network.
Taryn (50:24):
And don't be afraid to like me. So I'm gonna say this
right? Like, I don't want todismiss anybody spheres, right.
So like, I've had a life whereI've had plenty of fear in my
life. And it's taken me decadesto kind of get through that and
to understand myself and whatI'm capable of and what I'm not
capable of. So when I say this,like, you know, like, don't be
(50:47):
afraid, right? I'm like sayingthat when you're growing, and
you're adapting, and you're,you're, you're trying different
things like, take thatopportunity, take that chance to
reach out to somebody, right? DMthem, they might not answer. I
mean, I've done a few where I'vehad, I've sent messages to
connect with people, like 20 ofthem, and 20 of them connected
(51:08):
with me within a day, right?
Then I've sent messages toconnect with people that I had
to delete the connectionrequest, because of like the
same happening, right, like, alltime a death on it. Right? So
it's like, it's been six months.
If you're not reading yourrequest, then Alright, bye.
Vanessa (51:24):
Yeah,
Taryn (51:26):
take that chance, you know, if you've got that fear,
or just like, What am I supposedto say? For God's sakes, DM me
on LinkedIn and ask me if youwant me to, like, take a look at
a message, I'm happy to helpcraft something for you. share
something with you, right? Like,this is why we say we're trying
to we're in this together is assomebody you trust, to help you
(51:46):
with something, right? And just,you know, and take that feedback
and see if you're working in andwho knows what happens, right?
Vanessa (51:55):
Yeah, connecting with people on LinkedIn to makes it
much easier to message them.
When you're not connected tosomebody and you miss them,
unless they have an openprofile, it goes to a different
folder. So in mail generallygets filtered out as spam.
Because almost all email isspam. So if you can, if you can
(52:16):
wait to actually try to getconnected with that person, and
then message it, there's a muchbetter chance they're actually
going to see the message. So
Taryn (52:27):
wherever the other tab, so it's like you get your direct
emails, right from people you'reconnected to or following. And
then you have the other tab. Andif you're not connected, and you
have in mail credits, becauseyou're paying for LinkedIn like
I do, then it goes right to theother, right, sometimes it
boosts into the main, the mainone, I think you have to be a
second level connection of apremium member, that'll go into
(52:51):
their main DM folder. But theone thing I would say for Job
Hunters, so like, so when I saidI are different states of where
we are, you know, so like, forme, what I've always kind of
counseled people are on is makeyour connections, start building
your network before you needthem. Right? Once you're like
(53:11):
two months unemployed, right?
And you're scrambling for workis not the time to network that
creates like an extra level ofstress, right? So I tried to
look in grow my networkconsistently in the in the good
times. And then maybe rely onthem in the not so good times,
right? So like, reach out topeople make those connections.
You know, work on your resumewhen you have a job right and
(53:33):
make sure it's tight. And it'supdated. Like I used to tell my
guys and I'm back east was amanaging ad. I was like, listen,
portfolio sites need to beupdated. Your resumes need to be
updated, right? Like keep themat a current state because you
never know what's going tohappen in the business. Right?
You can be plodding along andplanning all this crap. And then
next thing you know, it's likeyou're made redundant, right? So
(53:55):
just keep, like, stay frosty,stay on it. And just you know,
don't be afraid to ask for helpand find people that you trust
to kind of help you
Vanessa (54:09):
embrace technology to when it comes to resumes and
cover letters embrace AI. Iponied up to get chat GPT for
it's only 20 bucks a month forit. And it's vastly different
from chat GPT 3.5. Most of thetime, when you send your resumes
off to a resume service, they'rejust going to run it through
chat GPT so just do it yourself.
And you can work like check GPTfor I was having a lot of fun
(54:34):
with it because it would makesome suggestions like well, that
doesn't quite fit. Let's do thisnew tweak everything. And I'm
pretty happy with how my resumeworks right now. And I'm now
also using it for cover lettersbecause cover letters welcome
suck and embrace technology.
It's there to use so you mightas well use it. You can do chat
(54:58):
up to 3.5 for free You justcreate an account. And it does
make a difference. And it doestake some of the load off.
Taryn (55:06):
I ran into one job application I submitted right
for an AI company. And, youknow, they were like, listen, we
all know that people use chitchat up to Claude, whatever, to
write your resume and coverletter. But they asked, like,
why do you want to work here?
And they were like, can youplease acknowledge and agree
that you will tell us how youfeel? And not rely on AI? So
(55:27):
like, there are times to use AI?
And there are times that you'regonna have to write some stuff
of yours. Oh, yeah. But I thinkVanessa's that she's spot on
with that, right? It's like, Isuck at doing about me. It's
like when somebody's like, tellme about yourself. I'm this
like, Oh, God, I started like,and even people who could coach
(55:49):
recruiters, right? They're like,looking at me. And they're like,
no, because I started like,Listen, I've done this many
years. Like, I'm really like, Idon't know, just, I don't really
talk about myself in a waythat's people, like listen and
learn. So I'm really dry aboutit. And I use Chachi Beatty to
do my about me and LinkedIn. Iwas like, I may make a couple
(56:11):
corrections. But it was huge. Itwas like, about me, that doesn't
sound like I'm some kind ofmarketing dork who can't talk to
human beings. So like, yeah.
Vanessa (56:21):
Yeah, I mean, my entire LinkedIn profile right now. I
just what I had in therealready, I plugged it in. And
that was with Chet GPT 3.5. AndI said, I asked it to, because
you can ask it to do differenttones. I'm like, I like it a
professional, but conversationaltone, because the way I talk it
be professionally or not, it'show I just talk. It's how I
write how I talk to. And it dida really good job with it. So
(56:47):
yeah, there are out there too.
Yeah. Yeah, chat, GPT 3.5 isfree. So and it's, it's kind of
an amazing tool, really, so.
Taryn (57:01):
So like, I'll give you a little bit closer, you might
occasionally see me publish somethought leadership for my
company. And for me, I do a lotof writing and a lot of
researching, like, first partyresearch. So my style is kind of
journalistic in terms ofresearch and writing. But
Chachi, like the one thing Ihate when writing content,
right, and working at content isit's doing a content outline. So
(57:25):
like when you're writing thoughtleadership, you've got to write
to an outline, right? And I amdragging my feet, I'm like that
10 year old child, that's likethrowing a fit, it has to be
drugged somewhere. I hate doingcontent outlets, I always have
hated content outlines like it,I will get jammed up on a
content outline. I go inutilizing a program, I tell kind
(57:46):
of what I'm thinking about, andstart crafting content outline.
So some of the writing that I'lldo is like, I'll look for some
inspiration from those contentguidelines. So I can or outline
so I can kind of like figure outokay, here's my main couple
stages of the article. And thenI just do my own research and
right. So like, I mean, there'snothing wrong with integrating
(58:07):
AI and tools into your toolkitthat helps you be more efficient
and more effective, rightbecause I mean, once it like it
may 19 may 20 I'm going tocooperate with them with rapper
with a friend of mine. I'm goingto co write with Jordan and
we're going to start doing somework together and publishing
things on LinkedIn about some ofthe articles that you know we
feel need to get elevated soundlike I'm looking to do more
(58:30):
writing and get into contentmarketing and just really
explore but I'm also using thetools that are available to me,
so don't be afraid to do that.
That's what they are. They'retools.
Vanessa (58:42):
Just like Grammarly is another good one just for just
when you're writing because itcan just kind of help fix things
as you go along.
Taryn (58:51):
Grammarly Grammarly is pretty cool. I love Grammarly.
Yeah, so hold on, I gotta tellyou, I'm going to do a post in
like a week or two aboutsummarizing my 2.4 months, two
years and four months of work.
grammerly gives me a tally ofhow much I've written and how
many words it's analyzed mybehalf. Girl 2,048,002 Shit
years I have that many words.
(59:18):
And I was telling you by likeI'm a couple of my close sisters
are writers. I was telling themabout that. They were like holy
shit. That's like the equivalentof like 10 to 20 knots. That's
the output by do so like that'sgonna be part of my thing. Like,
how do you summarize a career?
You know, like, here it is 2.0 4million words. That's
Vanessa (59:38):
wild. People love seeing stats like that too. So
like you just post stats. I'm
Taryn (59:44):
a bit of a dork. So I'm like, I see that ticker going up
and I'm like, yeah, yeah, so. Soit's been a really good
conversation. Yeah, it's beenwide ranging and this has been
beneficial to the audience. Andgirl it once again is so good to
see you. And I'm glad you're ina better spot right now.
Vanessa (01:00:06):
Thank you. I'm glad to be here trying to figure out
with a store.
Taryn (01:00:10):
Friend, you have to go further but, but right now
you're in that space. Yeah,
Vanessa (01:00:15):
it's just just being different medication helps a
lot. So like the Wellbutrin thatI'm now on kicked in, like, it
kicks in pretty quick and itactually started kicking in when
I was at the hospital and Istarted feeling better there. So
I'm now completely off theNeutrogena. I actually went off
a little bit early. Because fuckthat shit. I don't want that
(01:00:36):
poison in my body anymore. But Idon't know what to name this
episode. Right beside vacationand chat. GPT
Taryn (01:00:47):
I don't know. I mean, I kind of felt like the way we're
doing it was kind of like Auntielike, you know, along like your
aunties. Were just commenting onchat. So, like the lessons from
your auntie, I don't know,
Vanessa (01:00:58):
lessons from your auntie. Yeah, that's a good one
lessons from from, from youraunties so.
Taryn (01:01:08):
Okay. All right. Well, hey, good talking to you. And to
Sure, we'll do another episodebefore I split from work.
Vanessa (01:01:15):
Yeah, we'll figure out how to get you a setup at home
for setup, right? We'repodcasting. It's really not
hard. You just need one of theseand
Taryn (01:01:26):
just really tight on cash, you know, trust
Vanessa (01:01:29):
me, I know. I know. I had to invest in I invested in a
new lens for photography forportraits. And I'm just like, I
just need to just bite thebullet because you know, I need
some I need better equipment,but you need to find the work.
Taryn (01:01:44):
You need your tools for your craft, you know, I mean,
unavoidable. Right, awesome.
Well, y'all be careful out thereand stay frosty. And if you need
something, don't hesitate toreach out to us and ping us and
DM us.
Vanessa (01:02:00):
And subscribe to our fucking Patreon send us money.
being unemployed and trying tosupport the show is not easy. So
now I can't tap into Tarynanymore either because she's not
going to be employed.
Taryn (01:02:10):
So on until I land a gig.
Yeah.
Vanessa (01:02:14):
So yeah, send us money leaves. We'll be back doing this
every two weeks and not surewhat the next episode will be.
But we're back. Thank you foryour patience. Thank you for
listening. Thank you forsupporting. Please remember to
share, rate us all that stufftoo. It really does help helps
kids get us up on the algorithmsbecause life is all about
(01:02:36):
algorithms these days. So helpus with the algorithm. Taryn,
thank you so much. It's alwayslovely to do this with you.
Taryn (01:02:45):
I know the same girl or y'all love ya.
Vanessa (01:02:48):
Bye bye.
Kord on this computer.
(00:06):
I have to remember how to dothis. It's been a minute. It's
been a minute. You're
Taryn (00:12):
all Pro? I don't think so. When you've been doing this
for over a year, like it'll allcome back to like riding a
bicycle. I know. This is shit.
This is episode 39. You know, soit's been a minute.
Transcending Humanity (00:33):
time away there. Vanessa, what's that?
It's a little hiatus. Yeah, alittle hiatus because Vanessa
lost her fucking mind.
Vanessa (00:44):
Trigger warning for this episode. content warning
trigger warning, however youlike to do it, there's probably
going to be a fair amount oftalk of self harm and suicide
ideation, stuff like that. So ifthat's stuff that set you off,
you might want to skip thisepisode. But
(01:31):
Take the old name off. Andthere's more than you possibly
imagine. It's everywhere. Andyou just keep going, you just
keep getting mail under the oldname to you're like, Oh, well,
that person's dead. So theirmail doesn't count, then your
credit score goes up. Becauseyou change your name and
anything bad in your past isstill a tribute to your old
name. It takes a while for it tocatch up. So it because I had
(01:53):
declared bankruptcy, which wasjust wrapped up before I changed
my name. So I went from like a400 Something credit score to I
think 780. And now it's bouncedback out. I'm at like 720. So
but yeah, change your name, yourcredit goes up for a little bit.
Taryn (02:13):
Yeah, I mean, I'm in the low seven. I'm like 730
something. So like, I'm like,Alright, I could use a boost.
Yeah. But I mean, yeah, no,thank you. I mean, it's good to
see you. And, you know, we justkind of talked about that a
second ago. But, you know, itwas a really intense week for
you. Like it was a week and ahalf? Or was it a week, seven
(02:35):
days?
Vanessa (02:37):
During like, when I
Taryn (02:40):
yeah, when I was like, How long were you hospitalized,
I was hospitalized for
Vanessa (02:46):
a technically, there's a full 24 hours in the ER, and
then four days, in four fulldays really? In the hospital. So
and then, but then there's beena lot of fallout since then. So
Taryn (03:02):
I mean, I am happy to see you. Thank you was quiet about
you, as many people listen onthe show and participate on the
show. And, you know, thestruggle is real. And, you know,
watching this happen to you inreal time was really, I mean, I
there were a couple of months, Ijust I had nothing I couldn't
(03:23):
even, like I had a lump in mythroat and I'm just like, oh my
god, like I don't know what tosay to, like, you know what I
mean? I just, I just, it's, Icould just feel for you, right?
And I'm just happy that you wereable to do what you did. And in
get some help, and just, youknow, come back to us, right?
(03:46):
And I love that I'm loving theenergy that I'm seeing you on
social media and like the workand you're giving you're doing
your photography and stuff andI'm just like, you're a radiant,
beautiful person. And it's like,I know you don't think that no,
no, you are a radiant, beautifulperson. And I'm just happy that
you're you're kind of gettinghealthy and you know, like
(04:07):
things will change for us andthings will improve and kind of
I guess a little bit of anoptimist, but it's it's really
good to see you.
Vanessa (04:16):
I'm glad I'm still here. It's good to see you too.
I'm glad we're back sitting andthese and these little zoom
calls. I guess I should give theaudience a little bit of an
explanation as to what happened.
Taryn (04:31):
I'm sorry, I jumped right into it.
Vanessa (04:32):
Oh no. So we record the show one two and Wednesdays
usually and kind of bouncearound. Sometimes we do evening
sometimes we do afternoon justso we can kind of get different
hosts on. And so the Tuesdaybefore we were recording I
(04:53):
checked myself into the ER forsuicidal ideation because the
night before I was laying in bedLike just, I'm gonna go upstairs
and just swallow a bottle ofpills. And, like, hit hard and
it hit fast out of nowhere. ButI was cuddling with my dog. And
that's what stopped me. And thenWednesday, I felt a little bit
(05:15):
better during the day, but stillreally triggered. And we had to
cancel a recording becauseeveryone had something come up
all at the last minute. And thatreally triggered me to so I'm
like, Okay, fuck the show, I'mdone. I've deleted the website
for a little bit, and thenbrought it back up and then hit
(05:35):
the pay for it again. But God, Iam like, I can't, I can't do the
show. I just don't have themental capacity and stuff to do
it. So then I went to bed thatnight, it was okay. Then the
next day, I had a little bit ofa kind of an argument with my
kids, mother, mom. And I don'tknow what happened. But I left
(06:03):
the house for a little bit, Icame back and I stood in the
kitchen with my left hand fullof probably 40 Benadryl in my
right hand. I had a bottlesertraline and I just there for
an hour just staring at them.
Like one, maneuver the handleaway from not having to deal
(06:25):
with my bullshit anymore. Andthe two nights before, just
again, my dog stopped me. Butthis time, even that, like I was
whatever hit it hits so hard inso fucking fast. It was
absolutely mind blowing to thepoint where I wrote a note. And
(06:47):
then I eventually after an hour,I put the pills back away and
crumpled the note up, threw thataway and went back downstairs
and finished editing some photosthat they had to edit. And I
sent my kids that are mama techsaying I'm gonna check myself in
(07:09):
the ER again to try to gethospitalized. And I spent 24
hours in the ER, most of itunder close observation. They
had a sitter with me. And then Igot transported to Lutheran
hospital up in Cleveland and hadthe most terrifying four days of
(07:30):
my life. mental hospitals are nofucking joke. It's It's It's
essentially a prison of sorts. Ihad no, I had no rights anymore
at the probate court, I wasawarded a state for that time.
And I happen to go on theweekend and nothing happens on
the weekend. Like you have towait until Monday for anything
(07:51):
to for any chance to get out oranything like that. And so, like
my first night outs, I walkedout, they were taken in my room.
And the guy across the hall fromme was make sure I don't back up
on my dog standing in hisdoorway, like into darkness.
(08:18):
Like that. So audio listenersthink every slasher movie you've
ever seen. You know, I'm like, Ineed to get the fuck out of
here. So I went to the to thestaff. I'm like, Oh, I made a
mistake. What do I do to get outof here. And of course, nobody
has the right answers. And Iwent the entire weekend.
(08:38):
Everyone's like, Oh, you'll beable to go home tomorrow, you'll
be go home tomorrow. But thefact is you have to meet with
the psychiatrists in the socialworkers on Monday. And then they
start deciding. So I dideventually get to go home on
Tuesday. They were all of thewards were pretty much
(08:59):
overflowed. So they put me intothe overflow Ward, which also
has a lot of the very acutecases. So eventually, I kind of
got into the grind of it. I readfour and a half books and I
haven't read in a long time. Ireally wish I would have brought
some from home. But mentalhospitals for someone with
(09:19):
suicidal ideation. They're notthe answer. But they I spent the
entire time just scared out ofmy mind, like not knowing what
was what was happening, notknowing what's going to come the
next day. And really, there's noanswers from anybody. You're
just stuck in this white roomwith the most uncomfortable bed
(09:40):
that I've ever imagined. I hadto take tons of sleeping pills
and stuff like that they theygive everybody tons of sleeping
pills just to fall asleep ratherthan better mattress but I still
just have the vision of thatroom just like locked in my
brain and all white room withsome shelving on top On for me
(10:00):
in a black and green digitalclock that that's the only thing
they really look at. And, yeah,there, we need a better better
system in this country forpeople that have suicidal
ideation. Because a mentalhospital is not the answer, all
they do is they lock you in aroom, and you don't really get
(10:24):
to talk to anybody. Like Italked to the nurses for like
five minutes here and there, youget for like five minutes with a
psychiatrist. And the rest ofthe time you're just in this
room. We're walking around thehalls. And like all the group
therapy, things were pretty muchmade for people with a preschool
(10:46):
mental capacity. So like, Ididn't really feel that into it.
I did wind up going switchingmedication, and went off
Lamotrigine. In shortly after Igot out, I was finally diagnosed
as autistic, and ADHD and C PTSDand major depressive disorder,
(11:11):
which explains a lot. And nowI'm no longer on the bipolar
medication. I'm finally meetingwith a new psychiatrist. Because
my last one put me back onbipolar medication, I think that
triggered me. And then I alsojust found out that my hormones
have been my doctor prescribedme the wrong dose, and I've only
(11:31):
been running out about 20% ofthe estrogen that I need. So on
top of all this shit, myhormones have been completely
flopped. So if you're trans, andyour mind is going to super dark
places, say like, out of thenowhere out of nowhere, get your
get your hormones checked,something could be off. I had no
(11:53):
idea. And I finally just stirredup on a full dose on one day,
but it's been an adventure. SoTara, and I just started just
yapping on and on and on. And
Taryn (12:08):
don't apologize to me, I wanted to this is our first time
like, forget that I'm hearingthe full story. Right. So I'm
glad that the hospitalizationstopped you from self harm.
Right? Like, a kind of did itsjob at the base level? Yeah, if
you like, I actually like to meI was it was terrifying hearing
(12:29):
that description of the got theguy across the hall. I'm like, I
don't even know if I could sleepin a place like that. I mean, no
matter how many sleeping pills,like that was hard. That felt
really wrong. But you're right.
I mean, I think like what you'resaying is what we've been
reading, like in the news aboutjust like the state of mental
health in this country hasreally degraded down over the
(12:50):
last 40 or 50 years since Reagandecimated the system. So I mean,
I'm fortunate to live inCalifornia, where they're
actually putting a propositionon for the election to actually
fund treatment centers, reallyall facilities and addiction,
trying to help people and likeworking on the on House crisis
that we have here. So, you know,the people that are just, you
(13:12):
know, trying to survive. And I'mhoping the California can do it,
right. I mean, I have so youhave a history of doing things
first, yeah. Times that say moretimes than not doing them,
right. So like, I'm reallyhopeful that people here I'll
get that kind of bettertreatment. I'm glad that you
were able to like they stoppedyou from that. I think the
(13:33):
important thing too is like yourmedication dose, under getting
the right diagnosis and stufflike that is super important.
Because I feel like I can seelike, the energy that you have
and what you're sharing online,right? And what you've shared in
text with me and just, it feelslike you're a little bit more in
equilibrium. I don't know.
(13:58):
Definitely feel it. I feel likeyou're more balanced and like
you're in a better spot. Butremember, I shared those hormone
levels for me from that, I thinkwas 2021. I was like, yeah, so
it was like real, I think it was2021 or 20 was really low was
down to 90. Even at that level.
I was getting a littledespondent urine mean, like I
felt like I could feel thatdarkness kind of creeping in. So
(14:20):
I second Janessa saying Right,like if you're feeling that
darkness come in, and I mean,I've been dealing with ideation
for decades to and you feel thatdarkness creeping in check, get
the blood levels checked, rightand make sure you're being
medicated because they changed.
They doubled my dose, like whenthey saw that number for me. So,
(14:42):
and hormones are very importantfor our mental health and a lack
of really kind of create, like,I don't know, if it's like a
very deep cascading kind ofdepression. Especially for those
of us that no longer can producetestosterone or, you know, or
it's just so suppressed thatit's never coming back. Right
And while I'm on, I'm on thelatter part, but it's like, you
(15:04):
know, like that some that kindof sex hormone will definitely
help. So, but I'm just happy tosee you here. And I'm glad that
there's a balance and you've gota better diagnosis, you're
actually inspiring me to go gettested. Because I want to, I
want to understand myself,right? Because I feel like I
take some of the boxes for alittle bit of autism, and then,
(15:26):
you know, a little bit of ADHD.
So you're kind of like, youknow, hearing your story in your
journey. You're inspiring me togo get tested and and do the
right thing and understand, likewhat I need to do to be in the
best mental health state that Ican be.
Vanessa (15:41):
It's hard to get tested to, it's hard to find people, I
finally found one. And honestly,my, my tests, the results came
out a bit more severe than Ireally think I am, like, they
put me at level two boarding andlevel three autism. And I really
think I'm more of a level one.
But the doctor also said, thiscombination of all my core
comorbidities, with the C, PTSDand ADHD and everything, like
(16:04):
amplifies the autism diagnosis.
So because if I were levelthree, I wouldn't be able to be
living alone or anything likeyou're running the show that
kind of stuff. So yeah.
Taryn (16:19):
Can you like so the one term that you said that I'm not
familiar with, and I would loveif you would share that with me
see, PTSD, what is that?
Vanessa (16:28):
I it's combined PTSD, there's, there's different, I
honestly don't know that much.
But there's, like two differenttypes of PTSD. Or you can also
have a combination of both. Andthat's what mine is, is the
combination. So get girls fuckedup, is pretty much what my
diagnosis is. So
Taryn (16:53):
I mean, you know, I'm gonna whip out my Professor
Xavier of trans people and say,you're not locked up, you
discuss some challenges thatyou're working on. And we love
and support you. Okay,
Vanessa (17:03):
well, thank you to explain the hormone thing to our
SIS listeners. So there's, it'sPG slash ml or something,
whatever, we get numbers for ourestrogen levels. And the kind of
(17:24):
standard for trans women is tostay between 102 100 of
estrogen. And like a sis maleproduces between like 50 and 80,
I believe, naturally, and women,sis women versus female people
(17:45):
that are not transitioning toanother sex, let's, I have to
get my terminology, right. Butpeople who produce estrogen
naturally and want to continueproducing the estrogen naturally
are over like 100 to 300. So alot of trans women try to see in
the 150 range, maybe up to about200. mindset 32. Yeah, and a
(18:06):
couple weeks ago was at 54. Andthat's why I'm like something is
something's wrong here. And soif your levels are low, like
Taryn said that she felt likecrap, when hers were at 90, and
get that bloodwork done. Becauseif your hormones are off, it can
just fuck with everything. Andas I found out the hard way,
(18:29):
after recording this episode,it's 254. Right now, I have a
four o'clock meeting with mydoctor. I mean, like what I
thought, that's kind of a majorthing to the I switched from one
type of Australia injection toanother in the one that she put
me on was a lot weaker inconcentration of estrogen, but
(18:53):
she kept me on the same dose. SoShould your whatsapp
Taryn (19:00):
and it should have been adjusted for sure?
Vanessa (19:02):
Yeah. So kind of a big mistake, and I'm more than a
little bit pissed off about it,because it did put me in the
hospital. So
Taryn (19:12):
having a bad yeah, I mean, that low I can only
imagine. I mean, like if youstart cascading down that
staircase, and it's like, it'svery difficult. I mean, I'm
fortunate that I got anadjustment for me. So I mean,
they overcompensate and push meover 200 for a couple years. So
like, and I've benefited fromthat I'm not gonna lie. But my
(19:33):
endocrinologist last year waslike, girl, you know, you got to
dial that down a little bit. Sonow I'm at a happy 140 is
Vanessa (19:41):
a good number though.
Taryn (19:43):
Like I'm going to I'm getting my bloodwork done next
week, so I'll see like what mylevels are and just chuck it in
since I'm old as hell I got toget my cholesterol done all that
good luck I
Vanessa (19:55):
get Yeah, get it all done. It's when you're trans you
get your blood taken like crazyhow I'm finally starting to get
used to when I was in hospital.
Complete aside on bloodwork,some like girl came in at like
615 in the morning to drawblood. I'm like, I was asleep
like, what? No, fuck, no, no.
(20:17):
And then she's gone. I'm like, Ihate lab work, but you're trans,
you have to check everything. So
Taryn (20:27):
that'll learn like needles.
Vanessa (20:30):
Yeah, like you don't have to inject your estrogen or
testosterone. There's other waysof doing it. You can there's
pills, there's patches, there'seven like gel and shit like
that. Injection is just easy.
And you know, you're getting itall. So, but and there's less
risk of blood clot for anestrogen side, there's less risk
of blood clots for injections inthe art with pills. So the more
(20:54):
you know, more, you know. Soyeah.
Taryn (21:02):
Well, Esther doll so what? sublingual under the
tongue? Oh,
Vanessa (21:07):
you're doing suddenly what? You should try injections
girl.
Taryn (21:11):
think it'd be better?
Vanessa (21:12):
Oh, yeah,
Taryn (21:13):
I can't stand any more growth. I'm looking I'm good.
I'm throwing clothes out at a ata rapid pace. Right now.
Vanessa (21:19):
This estrogen just works for you really, really
well. So what does zoom what?
Oh, this this, this zoom call isthat the charges went through.
So thank you zoom. So
Taryn (21:36):
So I mean, I think this, like, if for listeners out
there, right? Just think aboutthat. And just kind of when
you're in those states, youknow, you need to go and get the
help. We knew we discuss how thesystem here in this country is
not that great. But like, youknow, the the end result of even
a bad stay for four days as award of the state. I mean,
(21:57):
Vanessa still here, she wasunable to self harm. And I mean,
was it helpful, maybe not asmuch, right. But getting her
other diagnosis are justimportant. And so like, you can,
I know many of us are in likeout looking for a job or don't
have health care, or, you know,there's some other issue that's
popping up that's preventingthis, but like, don't hesitate
(22:20):
to get the help you need and,you know, just focus on focus on
like, what you can do tostrengthen yourself, right, and
to get the right diagnosis toget the right medicine, be vocal
with your providers, likeVanessa, you're probably gonna
have that conversation about theastronaut, right, the estrogen,
you know about the dose and youknow, that not having that the
(22:41):
high enough dose of it tocompensate for the new drug and
what the results were right. Imean, that could have very well
ended in in depth.
Vanessa (22:50):
Yeah, exactly. That's why I'm kinda pissed. Yeah,
Taryn (22:53):
so I mean, you got to have those conversations with
the doctors and I'm not tellingany non binary folk that are
dealing with healthcare,anything new, right? I mean,
like, this is this constantstate that we have to go
through, but for for our SIS hadfriends or it's just gay and
lesbian brides, this, you know,just if you help somebody talk
to them, nudge them into gettingtreatment, right? Yeah,
Vanessa (23:16):
it's important you there for a cause, cuz, like,
keep an eye on your friends,because a lot of times, like, I
personally didn't see myselffalling as quickly as I did. I
like your metaphor about fallingdown the stairs. That's what it
was like, it was that fast. Iwas fine. And then I was holding
pills about to kill myself. Likekeep an eye on your friends.
(23:43):
Because we don't always knowwhat's going on in our own
heads. And it's, it's kind ofterrifying. So um,
unfortunately, like doctors justlike to throw drugs at things
like this psychiatrists. I'vebeen seen double down on my
(24:04):
bipolar diagnosis. But yes, itdoesn't know anything about
autism. And it turns out thetype of autism and combination
of symptoms I have ismisdiagnosed as bipolar all the
time. But the medication forbipolar does not work with my
brain. So
Taryn (24:25):
I mean, like, Oh, God, you got the you got a better
script, right, that treats youhow you need to be traded. I
mean, I had back in the day, Iworked in pharma and I worked
for AstraZeneca as a consultantand they had a major drug
Seroquel, right. So like, aspart of the marketing for that
you have to read all theprescribing information
(24:46):
understand, I mean, those drugsare incredibly powerful, was
really bad side effects. Like, Imean to me, like it's worth
anybody if you're getting abipolar diagnosis, maybe a
second opinion. Yeah, just likefind a really good provider that
can help you because, um, likethese drugs are not. They're not
like say, Well, I guess they'rewell tolerated in a way because
(25:09):
they're being sold, but they arestill dangerous, right. And they
still like, if you'remisdiagnosed, it can be a
really, like we're talking aboutnow a catastrophic health issue,
Vanessa (25:21):
they can really, really mess you up. So second, opinions
are always fixed. That'sextremely good advice. And make
sure that like, if you have anysuspicions of, of conditions
that you may have, likenarcissistic personality
disorder, or borderlinepersonality disorder, or
(25:41):
bipolar, or autism, or ADHD, ifyou have suspicions about those
things, when you are trying tofind someone to do mental health
care for you, ask if they are ifthey're experienced with that
kind of thing, because that'swhat happened with me with this,
(26:02):
this guy that I been seeing. Hedoesn't know anything about
autism, and misdiagnosed again.
So it was very dangerous, themedication, I take myself off of
the Lamotrigine a few monthsbefore that, because I just felt
like garbage with it. And Iwanted to see how I felt without
(26:22):
it. And when I was offered, Ifelt much better. And then once
I went back on, it startsfeeling like garbage again. So
Taryn (26:32):
that's an important lesson to write listen to your
body. Like if you're not gettingwhat you need when you're taking
something like definitely havethat conversation with your
doctor. I know I mean, these areserious trends. Like I mean, you
know, years ago they were whenTrump was doing the whole
detainment of children at theborder. The doctors were
(26:53):
actually prescribing there was adoctor in the southern states
that was prescribing Seroquel, Ithink XL to children under 12.
Where it's clearlycontraindicated for anybody
under 12. Right. I mean, theywere doing it to pacify children
that they've stripped from theirparents. I mean, these drugs are
like I said, I mean, they'reable to be sold. So there's
(27:14):
benefit, but they are a seriouscomplications and indications
are out for each one of them. Sosecond thing is listen to your
body. And then get the rightmedication the right mix.
Definitely.
Vanessa (27:27):
If you think you're on the wrong Med, don't just take
yourself off it like right awaythat don't like cold turkey that
shit. Ask a doctor how to takeyourself off of it. Because
there can be like, there's somethat if you go off, you can
start having seizures and shitlike that. So
Taryn (27:41):
that's super important to like, Yeah, this is that episode
chock full of healthinformation, you know, a lot,
there are a lot of drugs likethat, that you cannot do this
sudden cessation of it, whereyou can't just stop it. Right?
Can cause I mean, there's awhole, like, multiple classes of
drugs that can have side effectslike that. And I can imagine
that, you know, neurologicmedicine probably has the same
(28:04):
situation.
Vanessa (28:08):
Like it is screaming, Jackson general, just
prescription drugs isterrifying. Like, I don't know,
we we rely on them very heavily.
I mean, I'm sure you take, I'msure you have your own fucking
pharmacy and little pilldispensers in the morning like I
do. But
Taryn (28:27):
pharmaceuticals, but yeah, so like, I mean, I'm
fortunate enough just to likepop to pseudophakic Desertec,
and, you know, I doSpironolactone and Astro doll.
So pretty funny. It was not tohave like, too much than that.
So, but um, once again, Ihaven't gone and got treated and
(28:48):
had been tested like you have,so I don't know if there's more
medicine in the mix. I do have ahabit of self medicating with
cannabis. So that might be
Vanessa (28:56):
I mean, that's just a miracle drug. I wish I could do
that. It just makes me puke. Sothat would suck. At least it's
finally gonna be legal in Ohiohere next month. I think so.
recreationally. So Pinelandsleasers something not too shitty
about this state. So what elsehas been going on? We still have
(29:20):
a half hour of justbullshitting. So
Taryn (29:23):
Well, I mean, you know, I shared with you earlier, right?
And then I think you saw a postthat um, you know, so we will
name change. So tip my mom'smaiden name, her middle name is
not my middle name. So got thegender change, the legal name
change. And now we're going todo all the 1000s of sites and
usernames and logins, you know,and I can imagine how painful
this is going to be going andchanging my name on my Verizon
(29:45):
account, but like it's also notthis necessary. I need to do I
now the bummer for me is that Ijust got a layoff notice the
same week that I got my legal mycourt orders. So I'm like So
you're going to be changingstuff in the middle of looking
for another job. So I'm on, I'mon the clock till about May 19.
(30:07):
And then I don't know what'scoming next. But I'm kind of
feverishly as you. anybodylistening to this who's looking
for work right now. It's a fulltime job. So, like, I work my
job. And then at night, I comehome and spend four hours job
hunting in connecting withpeople and networking and
updating resumes and doing allthis stuff. So it's a bit of a
(30:27):
hustle, but you know, gotta getit done and kind of get into a
better footing. So, but thoseare the challenges that I've
had. So it's like, you know,like, I had something great
happened in the same week,something utter crap happened.
So, but hopefully,
Vanessa (30:41):
in the end, it all worked out. Because I know. You
had some some issues there too.
So? Well,
Taryn (30:49):
yeah. I mean, I think almost everybody has some sort
of issue with their lawyer,right? There's something that
you're not the unseen, you'renot being heard, you're not
being included. I mean, there'salways challenges, you know, but
ideally, for me, I try to suckit up and just get through
things. Because I like apaycheck, because I appreciate a
roof over the head and food andthe ability to pay my car off
(31:11):
and stuff like that. So, youknow, it's like you when you
have bills, like you can'treally afford to be, you know,
just super picky. So it's reallyweird job market. So I know.
It's a really weird market. Andyou know, it's from 2021, when
they did all that hiring postpandemic, right after everybody
(31:34):
got laid off in 2020. And theyhired all those people. And then
even in the Bay Area, so inSilicon Valley here, layoffs
after layoffs after layoffsevery week, because they over
hired or what they strategy theleaders came up with failed. So
let's make the entire teamredundant, you know, like that,
like kind of bullshit. So it'smade the market to I feel like
(31:55):
it's swung back for theemployer. So we're in two years
and went right back to theemployer. So it's been, it's
been challenging, but I'm, I'mworking with some people right
now that were really focused onnetworking, and really trying to
get, like more of a referralsystem. So people on there, and
I'm hoping it'll pan out for me.
Vanessa (32:18):
I mean, I don't think that you're gonna be hand
America too long. I personallythink you're gonna find
something pretty quickly,because you're pretty marketable
as the marketing girl, yourmarketing leader, so. But I
hope, I think something willcome up for you pretty quickly,
I am starting to focus on myphotography company. Please
(32:42):
stop, I thought, Liam, and Iboth thought we had jobs last
week. And that turned out to befake. I'm gonna go ahead and
call it the company name here,credit repair cloud. That's the
company that did that to us. Ididn't put that into the reading
and posts and stuff like that.
But it was credit repair cloud,to point where we had reference
(33:05):
checks. Taryn can vouch forthat, because she filled out one
of my references, and we'rebackground checks. We were both
premise jobs that would pay atleast 60 grand. And then it
turned out to not exist. Sothere's a lot of scams out
there, that people have to watchout for. And it's so hard to get
(33:25):
your hopes up on anything.
Because you think that you neverknow when the Rosca can get
pulled out from under you. Andthat's how I felt the entire
time when I was this big job wassupposed to be a thing and like,
Lindsey attitude and a job, andit did. So they have an effect
both me and Liam. We were bothwe're both interviewing, we were
(33:49):
supposed to be co workers, whichwould have been absolutely
amazing.
Taryn (33:55):
Oh, I mean, cuz she actually involved me, the person
at this involved me into thisthrough like, I think she
reached out to Liam and Liamreferred her to, you know, to
me. So she kind of brought meinto this mix. And I was like, I
was super hopeful. Like, I waslike it because remember, I was
like hitting you up and textingyou like, Hey, girl, like, you
(34:16):
know, and just, I was like, ohmy god, this is finally gonna
happen for you. And then whenthat happened, I'm like, What
the actual fuck? Like, I waslike, I mean, I was when I did
that. On LinkedIn the other day.
I was furious. Like, I was like,I'm gonna, I want to, I was so
close to putting that CEO onblast, and being like, hey,
motherfucker, like, this is whatyour people are doing. And in
(34:39):
case you don't know this,because you're in CEO that, you
know, like, this is the exactopposite of what an HR person is
supposed to do. And she shouldbe terminated right now. I chose
non violent non violence but Iwas like, I wanted to fucking
like that up because I was like,I know I know what you've been
going through. You've been veryvocal and have been sharing
(35:00):
this. And I've been in asituation not quite as bad as
what you're facing, right? Withall the challenges, but it's
like I've been in long term, youknow, where it's like the Great
Recession, tech bust, you namethe recession, I've usually get
made redundant, right? So it'slike, I notice actually 12
months in and doing anything youcan per dollar. Okay? And
(35:23):
hustling and making it happen,because you got you got a kid,
which I did at the time, severalcouple miles, you know, and you
hustle to make it happen, youhustle to feed. I mean, the
first layoff I had, I wasgetting like thing was a second
swing. But the second layoff Ihad was like, I was my daughter
was just born, I was buyingdiapers on a credit card. Yes,
like, baby food on a creditcard. I'm like, Just
(35:47):
differently, making ends meet,you know what I mean? So I knit,
it's rough, and it's stressful,and I have a special place in
hell for motherfuckers thatexploit people's hope. And then
like, just kind of pulled therug out from underneath them as
they deserve that shit. Andshe's lucky that we don't put
her on blast.
Vanessa (36:08):
I'm hoping that I'm still trying to give her
personally benefit of the doubt.
But not the company is notcredit repair cloud, something
is fucking rotten there. So butI still have her blocked, I
don't want to talk to her. Buthere's what's happening all the
time. Like I see people postingon LinkedIn frequently about
fake jobs. And if you ifsomething seems too good to be
(36:33):
true, it probably is. If youhave one, I know that there's a
scam that some people get wherethe employer will ask them to
pay for something like Pay forthis background check or
something like that. Red flagcamp, no company should be
asking you to pay for anything,if that's kind of coming up. Or
(36:53):
if you're like, Oh, well, youneed to transfer some money to
here, red flag scam. But so manyjob hunters. I don't believe
that the unemployment rate is aslow as they say it is. The we
both know so many people thatare unemployed, and just
(37:13):
searching and searching andsearching and searching,
searching. And it's easy to getdesperate. And I think it's very
easy to get fooled. When you'rethat desperate. And there are
people out there that will stillyou know, be predators. So you
have to stay vigilant
Taryn (37:32):
but Well, I mean 1009 Girls surprising not surprising.
I fell for that scam. I was sodesperate in the Great Recession
got I just I took a gamble. Ithought was gambling. I was
like, Okay, hopefully this worksout. And I ended up like getting
stuck with a huge ass like billthat I had to tap into my
(37:53):
retirement to fill it just itwas a nightmare. It was all
fraud. And I just because I knowlike when it's when I kind of
texted you about hope. I knowwhat it's like to have complete
utter hope and a habit justdissipate into vapor. And I
mean, I was furious, but I gotburned. And I was like, I just
like when my adage I've beensaying for years is can't trust
(38:16):
the human can't eat him yet. Butthat's like, I mean that I have
to be frosty like that. BecauseI am a trusting individual. You
know, and I like to believe thepeople are better than what they
really are. And they're not. Butyeah, those those scams or
frauds are real. And I'm reallysorry that like you and Liam,
like and in, you know thatexploitation. And I don't care
(38:38):
if that I'm sorry. I'm going tobe really prepared. I don't care
if that bitch was doing it outof the kindness of her heart,
the end result of it, it can beutterly traumatic, and just
demoralizing at your core. And Ijust feel like even in the best
case scenario, F her. Like Ijust I'm like I just there's no
(39:01):
way that I can think aboutbecause I know like I've been in
business for less than we'vebeen working for a long time.
But in business, like 20 years,and it's like I know what you
can do and what you can say andwhat you can't do and what you
can't say she broke those rules,right? Yes. But yeah, I mean,
stay frosty. But that's the onething I would say, for the job.
(39:24):
Please go out on my LinkedInprofile. So if there's somebody
you see in my network thatworks, then we're connected. And
that works at a company you'relooking for. Let me see if I can
try and get some kind ofreferral to you because I really
do truly believe theirreferrals. So the way that we'll
be able to break through to dothat. I'm fortunate I have no
referrals in Ohio. I know nobodyhappens that many connections in
(39:46):
Ohio.
Vanessa (39:48):
I'm looking remote. So because I need to be able to be
flexible.
Taryn (39:52):
I'll think I'll send you that job site. See if that works
and set up a profile on that.
But yeah, I was gonna say apostman racked up with my Chase
alumni, like JP Morgan, they,you know, they are supposed to
be an employer of choice atleast now Ohio as well, you
know, with a strong support forthe LGBTQ. So, you know, that's,
um, you know, like, justexploring options right in your
(40:15):
space. But please look at myconnections, if there's anything
I can do to send a note, giveyou a referral, just let me
know.
Vanessa (40:24):
Referrals are that's how you find jobs these days,
it's you hear it over and overand over again, it's just about
who you know. So if you knowpeople that are job hunting,
they've been on the chaplain fora while to hear, here's kind of
a hot take from Vanessa. Insteadof saying you should do this,
you should do that you should dothis, you should do that. Ask
(40:47):
what they need, if there'ssomething that you can do to
help them, I get people, when Iget frustrated about not making
any money, people are like to gowork at Walmart, go work at
McDonald's, stuff like that,like, when being trans and Ohio
in a red area, that's just toofucking dangerous. And too, it's
not enough money to live on. Youknow, I make more money doing my
(41:09):
photography than I would workingfull time at a minimum wage job.
It's not helpful to Job Huntersto tell them that. Instead, ask
like, is it can I help you withyour resume? Do you is there
anybody you think that I mightbe able to introduce you to that
(41:29):
kind of thing? It's a lot morehelpful that way. Because trust
me, people are that areunemployed for a long time, like
me, we're looking at all theways of making money, we've
probably done a lot of it, too.
So I personally wish that sexwork had worked out better for
me, because that would reallypay the bills. But
unfortunately, post op transgirls aren't very popular on
(41:50):
only fans. But that's also afull time job, too. So
Taryn (41:56):
sex workers work, you know? Yeah. Always work.
Probably more work than wedeserve. Yeah.
Vanessa (42:02):
Yeah. Now, I'm like, it would have been fun to do that.
But none if I wasn't gonna makemoney doing it. So. But yeah,
it's just very good. Justsupport people. Instead, don't
just say you should do this, youshould do that. Because all it
does is just pisses, I know,pisses me off. And I'm sure it
(42:22):
pisses off other people too,because I don't want to hear it.
I need help, not stupidsuggestions. So
Taryn (42:31):
now, I mean, that's really real. I mean, when you
said that, I think, was becausewe talk on, like four different
channels. But um, you know, yousaid that, and I'm just like,
hallelujah. I mean, like, duringmy layoffs, I hear that all the
time, just get a job at HomeDepot, just get a job at a
restaurant, like you can cook,you can do this. I'm like, what
(42:52):
I was working at a restaurant atfirst, it was like 1993, and I
could kind of survive on thatrestaurant pay. You can't like
in California, like, I can get ajob in McDonald's and work 40
hours a week. And that pays forabout half my bills. Right? And
that's and we have like a $20minimum wage, like or vasca job.
So it's just like, it'sunreasonable, you know, offer
(43:15):
connections like for me, like Itry not to do that shit to you,
you know, but it's like, for me,it's like, I'm looking at like,
hey, I'll send you the site.
Right? They're gonna give thatover to you. Because I want you
to explore that and take a lookat it. You and I talked about
your resume with you, right?
Like, these are the things thatwe can help our friends right to
do. Because I felt like you hadthat option for another resume.
Right, with all your experience.
Writing come from a differentperspective. So yeah, I mean, I
(43:38):
was talking to a friend of mineat an art show. So I did, um, I
contributed to an artist gettinga Master's in Fine Arts in
spatial art. Yes, I contributedto their show. And they were
interviewing people on fashionclothing, and how it influences
society and gender. So Iactually saw like, they had a
(44:00):
little thing with my quote onit, like in the art show. So I
caught up with a really goodfriend of mine that I met Well,
we met last year, I d dropped inher DMs and invite her to one of
my events, and she came to like,probably about four or five of
them. So we started buildingthis friendship. And she's been
on the market for a long termtoo. And so like her and I were
strategizing last night, I'mlike, Girl, I just got my resume
(44:22):
read. Let me like, let me sendit over to you. And maybe
that'll inspire you for years.
And then like, can you connectme to this recruiter that you're
connected to this company andI'll do this and this company,
you know, and like, we're like,literally an art show like with
and I think the artists is heardlike one of our childhood
friends. And you know, we'retalking about it and we're like,
(44:44):
we're looking at art and they'relike, look, turn around, be
like, Okay, send me your resume,like, alright, and we're doing
the strategizing or the jobhunt, right, but that's what
we're doing. It's like kind ofbouncing off each other and
helping each other right. Andthat's what we should be doing
right now, especially duringwhich such shift wanna lay off
people?
Vanessa (45:03):
They really are. And like, everyday you see more and
more and more and more and moreand more and more. And then you
also like, I'm on the selfishfront, you're like, Fuck more
people get laid off. It's justgonna be even more competition
for me then. And I've thoughtthat before, too. And I've also
had the thought, like, whenpeople say go work in
(45:23):
McDonald's. I've had thethought, you know, people are
like, what are you to get towork for work at McDonald's? I'm
thinking. Fuck yeah, actually. Ihave so much experience that
it's just wasted doing that. AndI still have nightmares about
waiting tables from 2000 to2002. I could not do it. I
(45:44):
physically could not do thatjob. I have so much respect for
people that were fast food, thatwork service industry, with all
that stuff. I could not do it. Iwould absolutely lose my shit.
I'm autistic, I would shut down.
I would just be fucking all overthe place. You wouldn't want me
in that job. I get fired indays. So yeah, I'm not knocking
people in those roles. It's justnot something that I am trained
(46:09):
to do. It's not something that Iam personally able to do. So
yeah.
Taryn (46:16):
Yeah. I mean, I that's I got paid my way through college.
Working working in food service.
Yeah, I've suffered like bigcuts, gashes, first and second
degree burns, like all kinds ofstuff. I mean, like to the food
service workers installing fastfood workers. Yeah, it's a hard
freakin job. You know, and it'slike, but for people like with a
good amount of experience, it'salso dismissive to be like,
(46:38):
bunches come work here. Youknow, like, they're hiring us
all big poster. Yeah. Like, youdon't understand how someone you
need to survive, right? Becausewe gotta pay rent. So it's like,
yeah, check the checks, or doso. You know, be more productive
and help people. But you'reright. I mean, that is, when I
(46:58):
see those layoffs, especially inmy area. I'm just like, Fuck,
I'm like more people that getmore saturated. Right? So right
now I stand out. But it's like,you know, let a couple more
layoffs happen. And then I'mlike, gonna be just blend into
the crowd a little bit.
Vanessa (47:14):
It's hard, it's hard to keep up. So
Taryn (47:18):
what's your favorite job board that you've used, that you
feel like could be helpful forpeople,
Vanessa (47:23):
um, I've been using built in, and adda, I've been
using built in the most lately.
LinkedIn, I don't use too muchbecause their search function
just sucks. But they do pop up alot of good recommended jobs. So
I actually do apply to a lot ofthe recommended jobs that
LinkedIn like pops up on myfeed, because they're really
good at suggesting those. It'stheir search function. Just like
(47:45):
if you type in people,operations people manager, it
pulls words from anywhere inanything. So you could get that
and then be getting like,fucking, like Doctor jobs and
shit like that, like, becausethe job description says that
people at that company havemanagement. So but built in is
(48:06):
very good out is very good. I'veused a bunch of other ones in
the past, but those are the onesI've been using lately. So what
are you using?
Taryn (48:21):
I mean, I feel the same way about LinkedIn. So it's like
what the recommendations like Ifind some good ones in there.
But I'm telling you like,usually when I go for the
recommended jobs on LinkedIn,it's like almost an immediate
dismissal. Sometimes. I mean,we're just laid out, Oh, we've
considered you and blah, blah,blah, and keep your records on
file. You know, blah, blah,blah. I'm starting just like
(48:43):
some getting people sending mejobs. Right. And I'm reaching
out to myself doing thatreferral thing. So I'm reaching
out to people in my network, andsaying, like, Hey, I saw this
job on your site. And you know,would you be good with referring
me like I'm doing an applicationtonight, where my sister's
husband works at the company,and he's already created a
(49:04):
referral link for me, right? Soit's a remote job. So I'm like,
I'm gonna go for it. But I'm,I'm trying to really activate my
network. What's funny is Istarted going on to Glassdoor
more. And a couple really goodjobs just popped up there. So
we'll see how that goes to. Butreally, like network, we're
sharing jobs and sharinginformation and an offering to
(49:26):
refer and I've got some reallyhigh end wonderful people in my
network that really wants tohelp them really are going out
of their way to do things andkind of help uplift so it's kind
of hard, you
Vanessa (49:39):
know, same year, like the post I made after when I
posted about that fake job,like, I post has something like
40,000 impressions on LinkedInwhere most of my posts get
bought 1000 And a lot of peoplewere sharing and like just
asking, like getting I wasgetting connections out of it. I
was getting Goodness has a lotof bad messages to you get a lot
(50:02):
of spam on LinkedIn, but but alot of people just trying to
help so because some people willsee jobs pop up in their feeds
that you don't. So I'll gettagged and things like that. And
it's helpful. So yeah, it'snetworking, grow your damn
(50:22):
Network.
Taryn (50:24):
And don't be afraid to like me. So I'm gonna say this
right? Like, I don't want todismiss anybody spheres, right.
So like, I've had a life whereI've had plenty of fear in my
life. And it's taken me decadesto kind of get through that and
to understand myself and whatI'm capable of and what I'm not
capable of. So when I say this,like, you know, like, don't be
(50:47):
afraid, right? I'm like sayingthat when you're growing, and
you're adapting, and you're,you're, you're trying different
things like, take thatopportunity, take that chance to
reach out to somebody, right? DMthem, they might not answer. I
mean, I've done a few where I'vehad, I've sent messages to
connect with people, like 20 ofthem, and 20 of them connected
(51:08):
with me within a day, right?
Then I've sent messages toconnect with people that I had
to delete the connectionrequest, because of like the
same happening, right, like, alltime a death on it. Right? So
it's like, it's been six months.
If you're not reading yourrequest, then Alright, bye.
Vanessa (51:24):
Yeah,
Taryn (51:26):
take that chance, you know, if you've got that fear,
or just like, What am I supposedto say? For God's sakes, DM me
on LinkedIn and ask me if youwant me to, like, take a look at
a message, I'm happy to helpcraft something for you. share
something with you, right? Like,this is why we say we're trying
to we're in this together is assomebody you trust, to help you
(51:46):
with something, right? And just,you know, and take that feedback
and see if you're working in andwho knows what happens, right?
Vanessa (51:55):
Yeah, connecting with people on LinkedIn to makes it
much easier to message them.
When you're not connected tosomebody and you miss them,
unless they have an openprofile, it goes to a different
folder. So in mail generallygets filtered out as spam.
Because almost all email isspam. So if you can, if you can
(52:16):
wait to actually try to getconnected with that person, and
then message it, there's a muchbetter chance they're actually
going to see the message. So
Taryn (52:27):
wherever the other tab, so it's like you get your direct
emails, right from people you'reconnected to or following. And
then you have the other tab. Andif you're not connected, and you
have in mail credits, becauseyou're paying for LinkedIn like
I do, then it goes right to theother, right, sometimes it
boosts into the main, the mainone, I think you have to be a
second level connection of apremium member, that'll go into
(52:51):
their main DM folder. But theone thing I would say for Job
Hunters, so like, so when I saidI are different states of where
we are, you know, so like, forme, what I've always kind of
counseled people are on is makeyour connections, start building
your network before you needthem. Right? Once you're like
(53:11):
two months unemployed, right?
And you're scrambling for workis not the time to network that
creates like an extra level ofstress, right? So I tried to
look in grow my networkconsistently in the in the good
times. And then maybe rely onthem in the not so good times,
right? So like, reach out topeople make those connections.
You know, work on your resumewhen you have a job right and
(53:33):
make sure it's tight. And it'supdated. Like I used to tell my
guys and I'm back east was amanaging ad. I was like, listen,
portfolio sites need to beupdated. Your resumes need to be
updated, right? Like keep themat a current state because you
never know what's going tohappen in the business. Right?
You can be plodding along andplanning all this crap. And then
next thing you know, it's likeyou're made redundant, right? So
(53:55):
just keep, like, stay frosty,stay on it. And just you know,
don't be afraid to ask for helpand find people that you trust
to kind of help you
Vanessa (54:09):
embrace technology to when it comes to resumes and
cover letters embrace AI. Iponied up to get chat GPT for
it's only 20 bucks a month forit. And it's vastly different
from chat GPT 3.5. Most of thetime, when you send your resumes
off to a resume service, they'rejust going to run it through
chat GPT so just do it yourself.
And you can work like check GPTfor I was having a lot of fun
(54:34):
with it because it would makesome suggestions like well, that
doesn't quite fit. Let's do thisnew tweak everything. And I'm
pretty happy with how my resumeworks right now. And I'm now
also using it for cover lettersbecause cover letters welcome
suck and embrace technology.
It's there to use so you mightas well use it. You can do chat
(54:58):
up to 3.5 for free You justcreate an account. And it does
make a difference. And it doestake some of the load off.
Taryn (55:06):
I ran into one job application I submitted right
for an AI company. And, youknow, they were like, listen, we
all know that people use chitchat up to Claude, whatever, to
write your resume and coverletter. But they asked, like,
why do you want to work here?
And they were like, can youplease acknowledge and agree
that you will tell us how youfeel? And not rely on AI? So
(55:27):
like, there are times to use AI?
And there are times that you'regonna have to write some stuff
of yours. Oh, yeah. But I thinkVanessa's that she's spot on
with that, right? It's like, Isuck at doing about me. It's
like when somebody's like, tellme about yourself. I'm this
like, Oh, God, I started like,and even people who could coach
(55:49):
recruiters, right? They're like,looking at me. And they're like,
no, because I started like,Listen, I've done this many
years. Like, I'm really like, Idon't know, just, I don't really
talk about myself in a waythat's people, like listen and
learn. So I'm really dry aboutit. And I use Chachi Beatty to
do my about me and LinkedIn. Iwas like, I may make a couple
(56:11):
corrections. But it was huge. Itwas like, about me, that doesn't
sound like I'm some kind ofmarketing dork who can't talk to
human beings. So like, yeah.
Vanessa (56:21):
Yeah, I mean, my entire LinkedIn profile right now. I
just what I had in therealready, I plugged it in. And
that was with Chet GPT 3.5. AndI said, I asked it to, because
you can ask it to do differenttones. I'm like, I like it a
professional, but conversationaltone, because the way I talk it
be professionally or not, it'show I just talk. It's how I
write how I talk to. And it dida really good job with it. So
(56:47):
yeah, there are out there too.
Yeah. Yeah, chat, GPT 3.5 isfree. So and it's, it's kind of
an amazing tool, really, so.
Taryn (57:01):
So like, I'll give you a little bit closer, you might
occasionally see me publish somethought leadership for my
company. And for me, I do a lotof writing and a lot of
researching, like, first partyresearch. So my style is kind of
journalistic in terms ofresearch and writing. But
Chachi, like the one thing Ihate when writing content,
right, and working at content isit's doing a content outline. So
(57:25):
like when you're writing thoughtleadership, you've got to write
to an outline, right? And I amdragging my feet, I'm like that
10 year old child, that's likethrowing a fit, it has to be
drugged somewhere. I hate doingcontent outlets, I always have
hated content outlines like it,I will get jammed up on a
content outline. I go inutilizing a program, I tell kind
(57:46):
of what I'm thinking about, andstart crafting content outline.
So some of the writing that I'lldo is like, I'll look for some
inspiration from those contentguidelines. So I can or outline
so I can kind of like figure outokay, here's my main couple
stages of the article. And thenI just do my own research and
right. So like, I mean, there'snothing wrong with integrating
(58:07):
AI and tools into your toolkitthat helps you be more efficient
and more effective, rightbecause I mean, once it like it
may 19 may 20 I'm going tocooperate with them with rapper
with a friend of mine. I'm goingto co write with Jordan and
we're going to start doing somework together and publishing
things on LinkedIn about some ofthe articles that you know we
feel need to get elevated soundlike I'm looking to do more
(58:30):
writing and get into contentmarketing and just really
explore but I'm also using thetools that are available to me,
so don't be afraid to do that.
That's what they are. They'retools.
Vanessa (58:42):
Just like Grammarly is another good one just for just
when you're writing because itcan just kind of help fix things
as you go along.
Taryn (58:51):
Grammarly Grammarly is pretty cool. I love Grammarly.
Yeah, so hold on, I gotta tellyou, I'm going to do a post in
like a week or two aboutsummarizing my 2.4 months, two
years and four months of work.
grammerly gives me a tally ofhow much I've written and how
many words it's analyzed mybehalf. Girl 2,048,002 Shit
years I have that many words.
(59:18):
And I was telling you by likeI'm a couple of my close sisters
are writers. I was telling themabout that. They were like holy
shit. That's like the equivalentof like 10 to 20 knots. That's
the output by do so like that'sgonna be part of my thing. Like,
how do you summarize a career?
You know, like, here it is 2.0 4million words. That's
Vanessa (59:38):
wild. People love seeing stats like that too. So
like you just post stats. I'm
Taryn (59:44):
a bit of a dork. So I'm like, I see that ticker going up
and I'm like, yeah, yeah, so. Soit's been a really good
conversation. Yeah, it's beenwide ranging and this has been
beneficial to the audience. Andgirl it once again is so good to
see you. And I'm glad you're ina better spot right now.
Vanessa (01:00:06):
Thank you. I'm glad to be here trying to figure out
with a store.
Taryn (01:00:10):
Friend, you have to go further but, but right now
you're in that space. Yeah,
Vanessa (01:00:15):
it's just just being different medication helps a
lot. So like the Wellbutrin thatI'm now on kicked in, like, it
kicks in pretty quick and itactually started kicking in when
I was at the hospital and Istarted feeling better there. So
I'm now completely off theNeutrogena. I actually went off
a little bit early. Because fuckthat shit. I don't want that
(01:00:36):
poison in my body anymore. But Idon't know what to name this
episode. Right beside vacationand chat. GPT
Taryn (01:00:47):
I don't know. I mean, I kind of felt like the way we're
doing it was kind of like Auntielike, you know, along like your
aunties. Were just commenting onchat. So, like the lessons from
your auntie, I don't know,
Vanessa (01:00:58):
lessons from your auntie. Yeah, that's a good one
lessons from from, from youraunties so.
Taryn (01:01:08):
Okay. All right. Well, hey, good talking to you. And to
Sure, we'll do another episodebefore I split from work.
Vanessa (01:01:15):
Yeah, we'll figure out how to get you a setup at home
for setup, right? We'repodcasting. It's really not
hard. You just need one of theseand
Taryn (01:01:26):
just really tight on cash, you know, trust
Vanessa (01:01:29):
me, I know. I know. I had to invest in I invested in a
new lens for photography forportraits. And I'm just like, I
just need to just bite thebullet because you know, I need
some I need better equipment,but you need to find the work.
Taryn (01:01:44):
You need your tools for your craft, you know, I mean,
unavoidable. Right, awesome.
Well, y'all be careful out thereand stay frosty. And if you need
something, don't hesitate toreach out to us and ping us and
DM us.
Vanessa (01:02:00):
And subscribe to our fucking Patreon send us money.
being unemployed and trying tosupport the show is not easy. So
now I can't tap into Tarynanymore either because she's not
going to be employed.
Taryn (01:02:10):
So on until I land a gig.
Yeah.
Vanessa (01:02:14):
So yeah, send us money leaves. We'll be back doing this
every two weeks and not surewhat the next episode will be.
But we're back. Thank you foryour patience. Thank you for
listening. Thank you forsupporting. Please remember to
share, rate us all that stufftoo. It really does help helps
kids get us up on the algorithmsbecause life is all about
(01:02:36):
algorithms these days. So helpus with the algorithm. Taryn,
thank you so much. It's alwayslovely to do this with you.
Taryn (01:02:45):
I know the same girl or y'all love ya.
Vanessa (01:02:48):
Bye bye.
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