April 3, 2025 • 17 mins
In this fifth episode of our special 8-episode Balanced Madrehood series, I dive into what might be the most challenging topic for Latina moms: setting boundaries with family.
For many of us, family is everything - our support system, our community, our foundation. But without boundaries, we can't fully show up for the people we love. When we're stretched too thin, resentment builds and our relationships actually suffer.
I explore what healthy boundaries actually look like in family relationships (from time and communication boundaries to parenting and financial boundaries), why they're so difficult to establish, and practical strategies for implementing them without the guilt.
For detailed show notes, visit vivalamami.com/episode118
In This Episode, You'll Hear:
- The three biggest barriers that keep us from setting boundaries (including the guilt factor!)
- How to create systems that do the boundary-setting for you
- One simple boundary you can implement this week!
Remember, loving your familia doesn't mean sacrificing yourself. True family love has room for everyone's needs—including yours.
Join the waitlist for Balanced Madrehood: vivalamami.com/balanced-madrehood
Feeling overwhelmed by navigating cultural expectations and modern parenting as a Latina mom? Join Balanced Madrehood, Viva la Mami's signature coaching program designed to empower Latina moms to create a more balanced and fulfilling madrehood journey. Head over to vivalamami.com/balanced-madrehood to learn more!
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Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jessica (00:03):
Today we're continuing our special series on creating a
more balanced motherhoodexperience.
This is our fifth episode.
Our special eight episodebalanced motherhood series, and
I'm excited that you're here.
I'm currently recording at meAbuelito's House in Mexico, I'm
on their balcony and justlooking at this view and
(00:28):
enjoying a good time here inMexico.
But in our previous episodes,we've talked about reclaiming
our time, why self-care isn'tselfish, and reconnecting with
our passions beyond mare hood.
And so today we're diving intowhat might be the most
challenging topic yet.
And that is setting boundarieswith your familia.
(00:52):
Now, I know just saying thewords, boundaries and familia in
the same sentence might makesome of you feel uncomfortable.
But after all, for many of usfamily is everything.
It's our support system.
It's our and our foundation.
But here's the truth though.
(01:13):
Having strong, loving boundariesis actually one of the best ways
to protect and nurture thoseprecious relationships.
And so in today's quick butpowerful episode, we're going to
talk about why boundaries are soso challenging for us as mamas
what healthy boundaries actuallylook like and how to set them
(01:34):
without the guilt that so oftencomes along for the ride.
But before we dive in, I want toremind you that in the show
notes, there are two links.
One, where you can suggestdifferent topics, topics like
these or any topic that you wantme to talk about.
And I also have another link.
(01:55):
on proposing a guest, or if youknow of a potential guest that
could benefit in being on theshow, feel free to share their
information as well.
I think that it's so importantto share our stories and for
people to share their expertise.
And that way, Mama, yourmotherhood journey can be better
informed.
And that way you can create thebest version of this wonderful
(02:20):
And oftentimes chaotic journeyof ours.
And I also want to remind you toplease rate and review the show
it's so important for me toreceive feedback and what you
think of this show so that waypeople can find Viva La Mami and
that way Latina moms Don't feelin isolation as it relates to
(02:44):
their motherhood journey.
So don't forget to rate andreview.
If you are listening throughApple podcasts, otherwise you
can also rate this show onSpotify and know that I'm here
to build this community for you,for us, because it is needed.
All right, let's dive into theepisode./
(04:08):
MAs juggling careers, householdsand relationships were often
praised for being available toeveryone at all times.
As if constant accessibility isthe ultimate badge of honor.
But meanwhile, we're drowning inobligations saying yes to things
(04:30):
we don't have the capacity forand feeling resentful when our
own needs go unmet, we smile andnod when a family member drops
by Unannounced or we agreed tohost another holiday gathering.
Even though we're exhausted, andthis is especially true for many
of us as Latina moms, we'veoften been raised with the
(04:52):
message that family comes first.
And that saying no to a familymember is disrespectful or
selfish.
Add to that, the modernpressures of being constantly
available through texts andsocial media, and it's a perfect
storm for boundary burnout.
Without boundaries, we can'tfully show up for the people we
(05:15):
love.
When we're stretched too thin,resentment builds and our
relationships actually suffer.
This is something we talk aboutextensively in balance,
motherhood.
So many moms join this programfeeling completely overwhelmed
by family expectations andobligations, and they're unsure
(05:36):
how to create space forthemselves without disappointing
the people they love.
By the end of our work together,I.
They've learned that boundariesaren't walls, they're bridges to
healthier and more sustainablerelationships.
So what do healthy boundariesactually look like in family
relationships?
(05:57):
Well, let me give you someexamples.
Time boundaries might look likehaving set work, working hours
that family respects ordesignating certain evenings as
family time and others aspersonal time Communication
boundaries could include notanswering phone calls during
dinner setting expectationsabout how quickly you'll respond
(06:20):
to text, or requesting thatcertain topics remain private.
Emotional boundaries involve nottaking responsibility for
others' feelings or problems,and recognizing where your
emotional responsibilities endand others begin.
Physical boundaries mightinclude respecting personal
(06:41):
space, sleep schedules, or evenhow much physical affection
you're comfortable with.
Parenting boundaries are aboutbeing clear on your role versus
your aita or other relativesroles in raising children.
Financial boundaries involveclarity around lending money.
(07:04):
I.
Gift expectations or sharedexpenses.
And so the key thing tounderstand is that healthy
boundaries aren't aboutrejection or separation.
They're about clarifyingexpectations, communicating your
needs, and creating structuresthat allow relationships to
(07:25):
thrive without depleting you.
And in balanced motherhood, wework with moms to identify which
boundaries they need most inthis season of life and create
personalized strategies forimplementing them in ways that
honor their family relationshipswhile protecting their
(07:45):
wellbeing.
If boundaries are so beneficial,why do we find them so
challenging to establish?
Well, let me share the threebiggest barriers I see for mamas
in our community.
I.
First, there's the guilt factor,that feeling in your stomach
when you tell your mom, youcan't host Sunday dinner this
(08:07):
week, or when you decline afamily gathering to meet a work
deadline.
Many of us have internalized thebelief that family should always
come first, no matter thepersonal cost.
I remember the first time I toldme, mommy, I couldn't make it to
a family event because I neededa day to recharge.
The guilt was almost physical.
(08:31):
And then second, there's thefear of being misunderstood.
You're not setting boundariesbecause you love your family any
less it's quite the opposite,but there's always that worry
that they'll take it personallywill your siblings think you are
being too American or tooprofessional When you explain
(08:52):
you need uninterrupted worktime.
Will your GRA think you don'twant her help with the baby when
you ask for more notice beforevisits.
Third, there's the lack ofexamples or models.
Many of us didn't grow up seeinghealthy boundaries demonstrated.
Think about it.
Did you ever see your mama tellShe needed space or your TIAs
(09:15):
protecting their personal time.
Without these models, we'reessentially creating a new
playbook for our families inbalanced motherhood.
We address each of theseobstacles with practical
strategies tailored to yourspecific family dynamics, and
let me share three practicalstrategies for setting
boundaries with family that I'vefound most effective for mamas I
(09:37):
work with.
Well, first, we can use thesandwich method when
communicating boundaries.
Start with appreciation.
State your boundary clearly, andthen end with reassurance, let's
give the example of thenotorious aita giving candy to
your kids.
All right, so let's go withmommy.
(09:59):
I love how involved you are withthe kids, and that's an
appreciation Piro.
I need you to check with mebefore giving them sweets,
especially before dinner.
That's a clear boundary.
It means so much to them to havean aita who cares about them so
deeply reassurance.
(10:20):
This approach honors therelationship while still
protecting your needs.
The second strategy is to createsystems that do the boundary
setting for you.
If unexpected video calls comefrom family.
That may disrupt your workday.
Set a specific virtual visitinghours, like seven to 8:00 PM on
(10:45):
weeknights.
When you're consistentlyavailable, share the schedule
with your familia and tell themthe truth that you're busy
during the day.
Then you can use your phone'sfocus or do not disturb settings
during work hours.
This way, the system maintainsthe boundary, not you
personally, each time.
(11:06):
the third strategy is to startwith boundaries around your
children, which are often easierto enforce than boundaries for
yourself.
So most of us find it easier tosay.
The baby needs her nap at thattime then I need some time
alone.
So once you get comfortablesetting boundaries to protect
(11:27):
your children's routines andwellbeing, you can gradually
extend the same protection foryourself.
And so in balanced motherhood,we create individualized
boundaries strategies for yourspecific family situation with
scripts and roleplaying practicefor those challenging
conversations that I know manyof us are very uncomfortable
(11:50):
with.
If you take just one thing fromtoday's episode, let it be this.
Choose one simple boundary toimplement this week.
Maybe it's deciding not toanswer work emails after 6:00 PM
or asking family members to textbefore dropping by or
communicating to your partnerthat Sunday afternoons are your
(12:13):
dedicated self-care time.
Whatever boundary you choose,make it specific.
Communicate it clearly andcommit to maintaining it
consistently.
Notice how it feels to honorthis limit, not just in terms of
the practical benefits, but alsohow it affects your sense of
(12:33):
self-respect and personal selfagency.
This single boundary might seemsmall, but it is so powerful and
it is the first step toward amore balanced life where you can
show up fully for your fami,because you're also showing up
for yourself.
And so as we wrap up today'sepisode, I wanna remind you that
(12:55):
setting boundaries with yourfamily isn't about creating a
distance between them.
It's about creating sustainablerelationships that can thrive in
the long term when you honoryour own needs and limits.
You're modeling healthierbehaviors for your children and
creating a family culture whereeveryone's wellbeing matters,
(13:18):
including yours, and I'm surethat that is the ultimate goal
for you.
So if today's episode resonateda lot with you and you're trying
to create more balanced familydynamics without the mom guilt,
I invite you to join the waitlist for balanced motherhood.
This three month coachingprogram is specifically designed
(13:39):
for Latina moms who want tohonor their family connections
while also honoring themselvesin balanced motherhood.
We're gonna work together toidentify the boundaries you need
most, create strategies forcommunicating them effectively,
and build a supportive communityof like-minded mamas who
understand your uniquechallenges.
(14:01):
To join the wait list visit vivaami.com/balanced mahood that is
balanced with a D at the end,Mahood, and you'll be the first
to know when doors openenrollment, and doors will open
up real soon.
In next week's episode, we'regonna explore how to bridge the
gap between cultural traditionsand modern parenting approaches.
(14:25):
Another key aspect of creating abalanced motherhood experience.
Biro.
Until then, remember, lovingyour fami doesn't mean
sacrificing yourself.
True family love has room foreveryone's needs, including
yours.
Well, thank you so much forlistening in the next episode.
Today we're continuing our special series on creating a
more balanced motherhoodexperience.
This is our fifth episode.
Our special eight episodebalanced motherhood series, and
I'm excited that you're here.
I'm currently recording at meAbuelito's House in Mexico, I'm
on their balcony and justlooking at this view and
(00:28):
enjoying a good time here inMexico.
But in our previous episodes,we've talked about reclaiming
our time, why self-care isn'tselfish, and reconnecting with
our passions beyond mare hood.
And so today we're diving intowhat might be the most
challenging topic yet.
And that is setting boundarieswith your familia.
(00:52):
Now, I know just saying thewords, boundaries and familia in
the same sentence might makesome of you feel uncomfortable.
But after all, for many of usfamily is everything.
It's our support system.
It's our and our foundation.
But here's the truth though.
(01:13):
Having strong, loving boundariesis actually one of the best ways
to protect and nurture thoseprecious relationships.
And so in today's quick butpowerful episode, we're going to
talk about why boundaries are soso challenging for us as mamas
what healthy boundaries actuallylook like and how to set them
(01:34):
without the guilt that so oftencomes along for the ride.
But before we dive in, I want toremind you that in the show
notes, there are two links.
One, where you can suggestdifferent topics, topics like
these or any topic that you wantme to talk about.
And I also have another link.
(01:55):
on proposing a guest, or if youknow of a potential guest that
could benefit in being on theshow, feel free to share their
information as well.
I think that it's so importantto share our stories and for
people to share their expertise.
And that way, Mama, yourmotherhood journey can be better
informed.
And that way you can create thebest version of this wonderful
(02:20):
And oftentimes chaotic journeyof ours.
And I also want to remind you toplease rate and review the show
it's so important for me toreceive feedback and what you
think of this show so that waypeople can find Viva La Mami and
that way Latina moms Don't feelin isolation as it relates to
(02:44):
their motherhood journey.
So don't forget to rate andreview.
If you are listening throughApple podcasts, otherwise you
can also rate this show onSpotify and know that I'm here
to build this community for you,for us, because it is needed.
All right, let's dive into theepisode./
(04:08):
MAs juggling careers, householdsand relationships were often
praised for being available toeveryone at all times.
As if constant accessibility isthe ultimate badge of honor.
But meanwhile, we're drowning inobligations saying yes to things
(04:30):
we don't have the capacity forand feeling resentful when our
own needs go unmet, we smile andnod when a family member drops
by Unannounced or we agreed tohost another holiday gathering.
Even though we're exhausted, andthis is especially true for many
of us as Latina moms, we'veoften been raised with the
(04:52):
message that family comes first.
And that saying no to a familymember is disrespectful or
selfish.
Add to that, the modernpressures of being constantly
available through texts andsocial media, and it's a perfect
storm for boundary burnout.
Without boundaries, we can'tfully show up for the people we
(05:15):
love.
When we're stretched too thin,resentment builds and our
relationships actually suffer.
This is something we talk aboutextensively in balance,
motherhood.
So many moms join this programfeeling completely overwhelmed
by family expectations andobligations, and they're unsure
(05:36):
how to create space forthemselves without disappointing
the people they love.
By the end of our work together,I.
They've learned that boundariesaren't walls, they're bridges to
healthier and more sustainablerelationships.
So what do healthy boundariesactually look like in family
relationships?
(05:57):
Well, let me give you someexamples.
Time boundaries might look likehaving set work, working hours
that family respects ordesignating certain evenings as
family time and others aspersonal time Communication
boundaries could include notanswering phone calls during
dinner setting expectationsabout how quickly you'll respond
(06:20):
to text, or requesting thatcertain topics remain private.
Emotional boundaries involve nottaking responsibility for
others' feelings or problems,and recognizing where your
emotional responsibilities endand others begin.
Physical boundaries mightinclude respecting personal
(06:41):
space, sleep schedules, or evenhow much physical affection
you're comfortable with.
Parenting boundaries are aboutbeing clear on your role versus
your aita or other relativesroles in raising children.
Financial boundaries involveclarity around lending money.
(07:04):
I.
Gift expectations or sharedexpenses.
And so the key thing tounderstand is that healthy
boundaries aren't aboutrejection or separation.
They're about clarifyingexpectations, communicating your
needs, and creating structuresthat allow relationships to
(07:25):
thrive without depleting you.
And in balanced motherhood, wework with moms to identify which
boundaries they need most inthis season of life and create
personalized strategies forimplementing them in ways that
honor their family relationshipswhile protecting their
(07:45):
wellbeing.
If boundaries are so beneficial,why do we find them so
challenging to establish?
Well, let me share the threebiggest barriers I see for mamas
in our community.
I.
First, there's the guilt factor,that feeling in your stomach
when you tell your mom, youcan't host Sunday dinner this
(08:07):
week, or when you decline afamily gathering to meet a work
deadline.
Many of us have internalized thebelief that family should always
come first, no matter thepersonal cost.
I remember the first time I toldme, mommy, I couldn't make it to
a family event because I neededa day to recharge.
The guilt was almost physical.
(08:31):
And then second, there's thefear of being misunderstood.
You're not setting boundariesbecause you love your family any
less it's quite the opposite,but there's always that worry
that they'll take it personallywill your siblings think you are
being too American or tooprofessional When you explain
(08:52):
you need uninterrupted worktime.
Will your GRA think you don'twant her help with the baby when
you ask for more notice beforevisits.
Third, there's the lack ofexamples or models.
Many of us didn't grow up seeinghealthy boundaries demonstrated.
Think about it.
Did you ever see your mama tellShe needed space or your TIAs
(09:15):
protecting their personal time.
Without these models, we'reessentially creating a new
playbook for our families inbalanced motherhood.
We address each of theseobstacles with practical
strategies tailored to yourspecific family dynamics, and
let me share three practicalstrategies for setting
boundaries with family that I'vefound most effective for mamas I
(09:37):
work with.
Well, first, we can use thesandwich method when
communicating boundaries.
Start with appreciation.
State your boundary clearly, andthen end with reassurance, let's
give the example of thenotorious aita giving candy to
your kids.
All right, so let's go withmommy.
(09:59):
I love how involved you are withthe kids, and that's an
appreciation Piro.
I need you to check with mebefore giving them sweets,
especially before dinner.
That's a clear boundary.
It means so much to them to havean aita who cares about them so
deeply reassurance.
(10:20):
This approach honors therelationship while still
protecting your needs.
The second strategy is to createsystems that do the boundary
setting for you.
If unexpected video calls comefrom family.
That may disrupt your workday.
Set a specific virtual visitinghours, like seven to 8:00 PM on
(10:45):
weeknights.
When you're consistentlyavailable, share the schedule
with your familia and tell themthe truth that you're busy
during the day.
Then you can use your phone'sfocus or do not disturb settings
during work hours.
This way, the system maintainsthe boundary, not you
personally, each time.
(11:06):
the third strategy is to startwith boundaries around your
children, which are often easierto enforce than boundaries for
yourself.
So most of us find it easier tosay.
The baby needs her nap at thattime then I need some time
alone.
So once you get comfortablesetting boundaries to protect
(11:27):
your children's routines andwellbeing, you can gradually
extend the same protection foryourself.
And so in balanced motherhood,we create individualized
boundaries strategies for yourspecific family situation with
scripts and roleplaying practicefor those challenging
conversations that I know manyof us are very uncomfortable
(11:50):
with.
If you take just one thing fromtoday's episode, let it be this.
Choose one simple boundary toimplement this week.
Maybe it's deciding not toanswer work emails after 6:00 PM
or asking family members to textbefore dropping by or
communicating to your partnerthat Sunday afternoons are your
(12:13):
dedicated self-care time.
Whatever boundary you choose,make it specific.
Communicate it clearly andcommit to maintaining it
consistently.
Notice how it feels to honorthis limit, not just in terms of
the practical benefits, but alsohow it affects your sense of
(12:33):
self-respect and personal selfagency.
This single boundary might seemsmall, but it is so powerful and
it is the first step toward amore balanced life where you can
show up fully for your fami,because you're also showing up
for yourself.
And so as we wrap up today'sepisode, I wanna remind you that
(12:55):
setting boundaries with yourfamily isn't about creating a
distance between them.
It's about creating sustainablerelationships that can thrive in
the long term when you honoryour own needs and limits.
You're modeling healthierbehaviors for your children and
creating a family culture whereeveryone's wellbeing matters,
(13:18):
including yours, and I'm surethat that is the ultimate goal
for you.
So if today's episode resonateda lot with you and you're trying
to create more balanced familydynamics without the mom guilt,
I invite you to join the waitlist for balanced motherhood.
This three month coachingprogram is specifically designed
(13:39):
for Latina moms who want tohonor their family connections
while also honoring themselvesin balanced motherhood.
We're gonna work together toidentify the boundaries you need
most, create strategies forcommunicating them effectively,
and build a supportive communityof like-minded mamas who
understand your uniquechallenges.
(14:01):
To join the wait list visit vivaami.com/balanced mahood that is
balanced with a D at the end,Mahood, and you'll be the first
to know when doors openenrollment, and doors will open
up real soon.
In next week's episode, we'regonna explore how to bridge the
gap between cultural traditionsand modern parenting approaches.
(14:25):
Another key aspect of creating abalanced motherhood experience.
Biro.
Until then, remember, lovingyour fami doesn't mean
sacrificing yourself.
True family love has room foreveryone's needs, including
yours.
Well, thank you so much forlistening in the next episode.
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