April 23, 2025 • 26 mins
Pain serves as life's greatest teacher, waking us from complacency and pushing us toward spiritual growth. Dr. Douglas James Cottrell tackles the age-old question of why suffering exists in our world, offering profound insights that transform how we view life's challenges.
Through powerful analogies and spiritual wisdom, Dr. Cottrell reveals that difficulties aren't random misfortunes but carefully calibrated opportunities for development. "The universe has brought this to me," he explains, "and I'm guaranteed that it will not be any more difficult than what I can bear." This perspective shifts our relationship with pain from victimhood to empowerment.
The conversation takes a fascinating turn when examining why seemingly good people face hardships while those who cause harm appear to prosper. Dr. Cottrell suggests that good people grow through challenges, becoming wiser and more resilient, while those who take advantage of others are simply "using up their good karma real fast" and building a spiritual deficit that will eventually require balancing.
Perhaps most practical is Dr. Cottrell's guidance for those repeatedly finding themselves victimized: learn to say no. "Don't be a doormat, be a doorway," he advises, emphasizing that setting healthy boundaries isn't selfish but necessary for spiritual growth. When we fail to learn these lessons, the universe continues sending similar challenges in different forms until we finally get the message.
The wisdom culminates in a philosophy of balance—moderation in all things, from work and play to food and relationships. Like a car we're given for life, our body and spirit require thoughtful maintenance and care. By approaching difficulties with optimism, setting appropriate boundaries, and maintaining balance, we transform pain from pointless suffering into purposeful growth.
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Episode Transcript
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Announcer (00:00):
Welcome to Wake Up with Dr Douglas James Cottrell,
your source for helpfulinformation, advice and tips to
live your life in a mindful wayin this increasingly chaotic
world.
For over four decades, DrDouglas has been teaching people
how to develop their intuitionand live their lives in a
conscious way.
His news and views of the worldtomorrow, today, are always
(00:21):
informative and revealing.
And now here's your host, DrDouglas James Cottrell.
Douglas James Cottrell (00:30):
Welcome to the Wake Up, the broadcast
where curiosity leads to deeperunderstanding.
I'm your host, Douglas JamesCottrell, and my good friend and
co-host Les Hubert is here withme, along with editor Jack
Bialik, as we delve into thefascinating realms of life,
metaphysics, spirituality andthe pressing questions that
shape our world.
Good morning Les.
Les Hubert (00:52):
Doug, we have an interesting question for you
tonight.
It concerns many people.
The question is (00:55):
why do we experience pain in this world
and why do bad things happen togood people?
Douglas James Cottrell (01:03):
Well, you know, the short answer to
that one is, pain wakes you up.
And as we go through this life,we certainly learn our lessons.
The cliche of bitter pill toswallow, you know that kind of
thing.
But pain wakes us up because aswe coast along and, la-di-da,
everything's going well, we'renot really learning anything.
(01:24):
We're just spending our time.
It's enjoyable and it'swonderful and we have good times
in life.
Now, those are very importanttimes because, as we know, as we
live our life, we have someshort periods of really
pleasurable good times, and thenthe rest of it is kind of like
oh, okay, it's like we got atest, or I have a toothache,
(01:48):
I've got an ache in my bodysomewhere, and so we have to
work on those things.
But the answer to when you getdiscouraged, my friends, is that
pain wakes you up.
There is always a purpose tohaving pain.
No pain, no gain.
You ask any weightlifter,they'll tell you that right away
.
So get used to it.
(02:08):
And understanding that, pain,struggle, difficulty, all are
the stepping stones toachievement, to success, to
purpose, to rewards.
And so, if we look at it thatway, as I often say to myself,
this is so hard, this is sodifficult, there must be
(02:29):
something really good comingalong.
You know that's the differencebetween an optimist and a
pessimist, right?
You take two little boys andyou take them into a room and
the pessimistic boy sees a bigmound of poop and he's told you
know, there's a pony in the roomhere.
And he turns around and walksout.
He says I'm not going -- allthat smelly poopy stuff, I don't
(02:49):
want anything to do with it.
You take an optimistic boy, youtake him in and you tell him
there's a pony in the room andhe runs over the pile.
He's got a pitchfork and he'sdigging in really high.
And you say, what are you doing?
He said, well, with all thispoop, there must be a really
good horse here, a little pony.
So I'm kind of giving a quicksynopsis of that.
But the point is you can bepessimistic or optimistic, and
(03:12):
to be pessimistic is differentthan being cautious and prudent
and skeptical.
To be optimistic is to behopeful and trusting, but you
have to prove it out.
To have sort of anaccommodation is the way to go
through life.
But understanding that, why Whydo bad things happen to good
(03:33):
people?
Well, because the good peopleare attempting to learn.
Bad things happen to bad peopletoo.
It just makes them bitter.
They seek revenge.
They want to hurt.
They want to hurt back becausethey're in pain.
And so when you see people whoare causing pain to others, you
should be somewhat tolerant ofthem and even feel a little
(03:54):
sorry for them, pity thembecause they are now digging
themselves deep into a dark pitand they're going to cause
themselves more pain.
But the fact is that they arein pain.
They just don't know how totake that and turn it around.
In fact, you could even saythey're a little cowardly.
hy people, who are good, diginto this and they say, okay,
this is really hard.
(04:14):
But they strive for justice andwith that they accomplish
things in their life.
They suffer, that's true.
If you look at all the greatsaints and avatars and holy
people, in their lives, theyalways, always, always had to go
through struggles.
Their life, being a struggle,ended up to being a huge benefit
(04:34):
for the world and they weregreat lights in the world.
So why do bad things happen togood people?
Well, because they're supposedto.
And the good person will becomea better person and a wiser
person, because a good personwon't give up.
However, I acknowledge, Iagree, it's difficult and it's
(04:56):
hard to do.
But telling yourself (04:57):
okay, God , you brought this problem to me
.
More exactly, this challengearrived on my door, so the
cosmos must be giving mepermission to deal with it.
Now, when a problem comes toyour door, are you the
pessimistic or the optimisticlittle boy or girl?
Well, an optimistic one says,this is really bad, but there
(05:21):
must be some really good purposefor this that's coming down the
pike.
And there will be.
I can promise you that.
I know when I go to take trips,Les, I head out towards some
faraway country.
Usually I travel by myself, inthe past.
I am loathe to travel, gettingon that plane, going through
(05:41):
customs.
Show me your documents, buddy.
Okay, I'm not trying to sneakin the country, I'm just trying
to pass on through.
I got a connecting flight,whatever.
But in every single case, whenI've gone to faraway places,
something magical, wonderful,amazing happened to me when I
(06:02):
got there.
Oh wow.
Had I not gone, I would neverhave known about this
opportunity or this wonderfulthing that happened to me.
Meeting somebody of importance,somebody that's about to take
me to some other place, somebodythat's going to help me in my
career, or meeting people that Ican help, that will help me
back for my future steps andwhat I took.
But, always, always - everybodyknows - Douglas, you're
(06:25):
reluctant.
Douglas, you're always the --I've got a long face, got my
luggage in each hand, standingon the curb waiting for the taxi
.
Oh, here we go.
And then, when we're in theairplane, it's all better and I
get there.
So the purpose of understandingwhen things come at you and
they're bad, they're challenging, they're difficult, you say to
yourself (06:47):
okay, the universe has brought this to me.
I know, I'm guaranteed that itwill not be any more difficult
than what I can bear.
That's the spiritual rule.
Why would they give yousomething that's going to crush
you?
Well, they don't.
Meaning the universal mind.
(07:08):
When I say they, I'm nottalking about people.
I'm talking about the universe,wise minds on the other side
that are avatars, or saints,meaningful spiritual beings that
are saying, look, Les, hey,Douglas.
We're going to give you a bunchof challenges, so you can get
this Wake Up podcast going.
We're going to make it reallyhard and difficult for you.
And indeed for those people whoare watching the podcast, this
(07:29):
is not simple.
This has been a verychallenging situation, but --
including with Jack's help inthe backroom producing the show
-- we've managed to put it alltogether because we believe
this ha s a purpose.
It's going to be of service tothe world.
And so we put up with thestruggle and here we are, being
successful.
And with the support of ourpeople coming in and for a few
dollars a month, you know,supporting the show, we're going
(07:55):
to be in great shape as wecontinue to build.
However, there's been a lot ofchallenges.
We had an idea, we had a dream,we had a vision.
So we know, whatever comes atus, we just have to persevere.
The people on the pessimisticside who give up, they never
succeed and they get embittered.
They get lost.
They find themselves indarkness.
And then what do they do?
(08:16):
They play the blame game.
So if you want to know whereyou are, and you find yourself
blaming other people (08:23):
it's too hard, they won't let me, other
people are younger.
Oh, there are other people,they just go to the head of the
line.
No, no, no, no, other peopletake care of themselves.
They're not in your way, unless, of course, you put them in
your way and use it as an excusefor your own failings.
So to be pessimistic again is toscrutinize this situation.
(08:43):
Look at it in a way, you know,like where's the pitfalls, you
know?
So you can avoid them.
And, as such, you're actuallybeing successful.
On the other hand, if you'reoptimistic, overly optimistic,
you'll be taken advantage of,and so, therefore, you have to
pull back a little bit.
That fine line betweendifficult things and wonderful
(09:04):
things is you.
You.
You just keep taking your steps.
Don't run away.
Keep taking your steps, and theuniverse suddenly will provide
the challenges which, if youlook back, have been a staircase
to your success.
You had to go up the staircase.
You just can't arrive and knoweverything.
You had to pay your dues, asthey say in Hollywood, and you
(09:25):
take your steps.
And when you get there, you areprepared, you are knowledgeable
, you have experience, you knowthe lay of the land.
And then what?
Then you walk onto the stageand you're in front of 10,000
people.
You've earned it to be there.
You're able to be with theaudience as one.
You're not scared.
(09:46):
You don't have stage fright.
You don't run off and "nobodylikes me, I can't do this.
No.
I'm here, this is what I'msupposed to do.
And you walk on and you takecharge.
I'm talking about any situationin life.
So why do bad things happen topeople?
Because, in a way, they'resupposed to, to make that good
(10:10):
person better.
Now, when I talk about badthings, we can be talking about
loss of a relative, a breakup, agood friend betraying you.
Somebody else gets a positionover and above you at work that
isn't qualified or doesn'tdeserve it, or maybe they've
done something naughty- naughtyto get that job.
But what is it that you have?
Okay, that's for them.
Must be something better comingmy way, and I will guarantee
(10:37):
you that there is, as long asyou don't allow that shadow of
darkness to start to pull youaway.
And that's the secret.
Les Hubert (10:44):
So, the flip side of that question would be
good things happen for badpeople?
Because it seems -- look on thenews and go, how did this guy
get away with that?
Douglas James Cottrell (10:55):
Well, this is one of those conundrums
and one of those thingseverybody just shakes their head
at, and they say, you know hecould fall in a bucket of [.
.
.
] and come out smelling likeroses.
How is that?
Well, the short answer in thatis, he's using up his good karma
real fast.
So in previous experiences orprevious time in his life, or
(11:26):
again, something is beingpresented to him, a temptation,
another way of learning, is itnot?
And so if the person doesn'tgive in to that temptation, that
person is going to benefitgreatly.
But the bad guys always - notalways, much of the time - give
in to the temptation.
They take advantage of the pooror the sick.
They take advantage of theirposition in society.
(11:47):
They take money from the weakand the frail people.
They have the same intelligenceto do the same in business, but
for some reason they take theeasy way, not realizing that
they're building up that bigpile of poop in the room that
they themselves are going tohave to shovel out eventually,
(12:09):
because they have to make upwhat they do.
And so maybe there's acombination that sometimes the
lesson is, when somebody's agood person, they have a
difficulty.
Well, maybe they're justexperiencing something where
they haven't been a good personand they've gone through that
temptation, distraction, and nowthey're making up for it by
fighting through it and standingup to the strong when they're
(12:31):
in the wrong, making concessionsfor the weak.
However, why do good thingshappen to people?
It happens all the time.
But in the Good Book I read it.
It said, God talking, don'tworry, I'm going to take care of
it, don't get angry.
It says that.
Do not get angry, I'm going totake care of it.
And then it says but it mighttake some time.
(12:52):
So that means that the badpeople who are taking advantage
have an opportunity, have a,sort of a reprieve from
continuing to stumble and takeadvantage.
You know, even the bad peoplehave benefits, if you will, that
they can regret, repent andmend their ways as a lesson.
(13:12):
You know, if you do somethingreally bad, let's say you shoot
a bird with a pellet gun andyou're a little boy.
Oh boy, you're going to shootthe little bird.
And then when you shoot it, thebird falls out of the tree,
it's dead and you regret that.
And what do you do?
You take the pellet gun and youput it aside, never to take up
arms against anything again.
(13:32):
You even go into forestryprotecting animals.
That incident was a benefit toyou, but it was painful.
So the answer to that, Les, iswhy do bad things happen to good
people?
Why do good things happen tobad people?
Well, we have to step back.
We have to have an overview andsay, that poor guy, that bad
(13:54):
guy, he just cannot resist thetemptation.
Don't gloat.
But you can say to yourself ohmy God, is he going to get his
in the end.
But again, not gloating.
But it gives you peace of mindand you just kind of shake your
head and say, okay, I don't wantto know about that.
Don't let that shadow of painand darkness come over me.
That's their problem.
(14:16):
Their lesson.
And my lesson is, how do I dealwith that?
Well, the person coming up andgiving you a hard time is
challenging your beliefs, givingyou the opportunity to put your
money where your mouth is, soto speak, and say, okay, I
understand, I'm not going to getangry, there's a purpose for
(14:39):
this.
I'm not going to allow this todistract me.
I'm not going to keep on goingover and over with these
arguments in my head about whatthey did to me yesterday, last
week, last month, last year,because that's stealing your
life away, you know, Les.
Les Hubert (14:55):
Oh.
So I'm sure we've all metpeople like this.
I had a friend of mine, dearlovely soul.
She was a nurse for like 38years, but you would swear that
somebody put a curse on thiswoman.
She was a good woman but shealways had the most rotten luck.
How would you explain somethinglike that?
Douglas James Cottrell (15:12):
Poor choices.
Les Hubert (15:15):
It was like she would attract things into her
life and she'd go, where didthat come from?
And she said, did somebody puta curse on me?
Douglas James Cottrell (15:21):
Poor choices.
Poor choices.
She keeps making this -- thisis another rule -- she keeps
making the same mistake over andover and over again.
And so, what is the mistake?
Learning how to say no?
Maybe.
Learning how to be wise andsay, this has got familiar
backgrounds here.
I'm about to be led intoanother trap or another
(15:44):
difficulty.
Thank you very much, but I'mnot going to continue down that
road.
So in a way, she's got aroadmap and she's not reading it
.
Oh.
Okay, she's lost and shedoesn't know how to read the
roadmap, or she's just not goingto read the way that she should
step.
So when you have a situation,this is everybody, and I asked
(16:05):
my teacher, Ross Peterson, abouta similar situation, about a
lady who was in great difficulty, especially with a family
matter, and he said to me,believe it or not, she's a
schmuck.
I was astounded, I wasgobsmacked, I couldn't believe
he said that.
This lady was a nice as pielady, very attractive
(16:26):
middle-aged woman, and he saidthat about her.
And then, over the years, thatalways stayed with me.
To understand that, if you keepallowing things to happen to
you, you're a schmuck, in myteacher's words.
Now, I don't mean to bedisrespectful, but what that
means is, if you're allowingpeople to continue to do the
(16:47):
same thing over and over to you,you're not learning the lesson.
And the universe will continueto send you the same lesson.
Different people, differenttimes, different circumstances,
but almost identical to what youneed to learn.
So to that person that you saw,you look at them and say, this
is a wonderful person.
(17:08):
On the outside they're great,they look attractive, they're
very nice as pie.
Why do they keep having theseproblems?
Well, because they're notchanging.
They don't have the wisdom tosay, wait a minute.
I got in trouble last time.
This time I think I'll just setthis aside or I won't believe
the baloney I'm being told thistime.
(17:29):
I won't be a quote-unquote aperson being taken advantage of,
because when you meet somebody,they're going to take advantage
of you.
You need to be able to say no.
And this is the thing.
When somebody comes up to youand they ask you something, you
want to people please, you'rehalfway there to getting taken
advantage of.
(17:49):
So remember this hand, speakinto the hand.
Put your hand up when somebodysays to you, can I borrow your
car?
And you say, well, last timeyou borrowed it, you wrecked it.
Yeah, but it wasn't my fault,it was going down the hill and
you know, it just went too fastand ran into the wall.
Okay.
(18:10):
No, no, no.
Not now.
No, you cannot.
I'm sorry you asked me.
I can say yes or no.
I say no.
So part of the problem in peoplewho are very sweet and very
kind, in my experiences over 50years, is teaching people how to
say no.
I used to be terribly guiltyabout that.
(18:32):
Can you come over on Saturdayand help me move?
Okay, all right.
And somebody once said to meDouglas, why are you helping all
these people move?
I said well, because they askedme.
So what does your wife say?
Uh-oh.
Yeah, I'm sacrificing my timewith my family trying to be a
good guy.
So to be a good guy is okay,but then you can say, can you
(18:58):
help me move?
I did this, and I said in myheart I was about to say (gasp)
yes, and I went no, I'm sorry, Ican't do it.
And they said okay, and theywalked away.
And they went to the nextperson and asked them.
And I went, what happened?
Well, they were just askingeverybody.
So I was not obligated to helpthem, even though in my heart I
felt they needed me and I shouldhelp them.
(19:18):
So I was a schmuck until Iwised up.
In the words of Ross Peterson.
Now that just means somebodywho is incapable of saying me
first, my family first.
I gave some time before.
I gave my part.
I did my part, I can't do itnow.
So in looking at anybody who's anice, loving, kind person and
(19:43):
they're getting taken advantageof over and over and over again,
the best thing you can say toanyone meaning my friends out
there, to anybody, that'shappening is, when they're
saying why is this happening tome?
You say well, why don't you sayno?
And they usually say I justcan't.
You say well, someday in thefuture you're going to get so
low and so hungry and so sadthat you're going to say no! No,
(20:08):
get out of my way.
Now I'm going to add to that,that people who constantly want
to be their brothers' orsisters' keeper run into this
all the time.
They feel obligated to helppeople.
They give them money and thepeople don't give them back the
money.
They help people and the peopletake advantage of them and walk
away.
(20:28):
So two things.
One, a taker always meets agiver.
Oh.
And the second thing toremember is: you don't want to
be a doormat, you want to be adoorway.
Les Hubert (20:42):
Oh, I like that.
That's really interesting.
Douglas James Cottrell (20:45):
So if you remember those two sayings,
Les, and my friends, when peoplecome up to you and they say
"blah, blah, blah, saturday,blah, blah, blah, you put your
hand up while they're talking.
They see the hand.
That's like a gigantic stopsign.
Everybody knows what this means.
Halt, stop, no.
Right?
They know that.
All you have to do is hold yourhand up and they already have
(21:06):
the meaning in their mind.
They see your hand, blah, blah,blah, and their lips are moving
, but their mind is thinking no.
And then you say I'm sorry, Ijust can't do it.
I have other commitments withmy family.
If they argue with you, theyare not your friend.
Friend would say well, ofcourse, family first.
So when you're in a situation,remember those two.
(21:29):
What were those two thingsagain, Les, what did I just say?
Les Hubert (21:33):
Well, don't be a doormat, be a doorway.
Douglas James Cottrell (21:35):
And the second one?
This is the point, you know.
You don't want to be takenadvantage of, and you don't want
people to bowl you over.
So, if you can put yourself inthat situation, when they come
up, you say, I'm terribly sorry,I have other commitments.
(21:55):
Done.
You put your hand up whenthey're trying to intimidate you
and you say no, thank you.
You have the ability to say no.
How you say it, as mostdifficult it is, is for you to
say, I'm sorry, you asked me,but I have another commitment.
Or, I just don't feel like it.
And they'll move away.
They'll go away, they'll godown to the next.
So what do you think, Les, ifyou were talking to your friend,
you'd be able to advise her ordirect her a little bit better
(22:16):
on how to say no.
Les Hubert (22:18):
Yeah, it's interesting because, you know,
somebody once said when youreally start taking care of
yourself is when you reallyrealize who your friends truly
are.
Because your true friends willsay, oh my God, that's fine, I
totally understand.
And the ones who aren't yourfriends will start to complain,
and I like that.
It's also -- you allude to thefact that it's all about a test,
no matter if you're good or badand things are happening to you
(22:43):
.
It's almost like we're beingtested.
Because this is a school, afterall.
Would you say that would betrue?
Douglas James Cottre (22:52):
Absolutely .
You know, the good person who'sgetting taken advantage of is
learning how not to be takenadvantage of, and the person
that is doing the takingadvantage of it is learning how
not to give in to temptation.
You know, we have to know howto step on the gas, step on the
brakes and keep this vehiclegoing down the highway in a
controlled way.
Anything that's extreme iswrong.
If you find extremes in yourlife, you're on the wrong track.
(23:16):
If you're drinking too much,that's an extreme.
You're eating too much, that'san extreme.
If you're gambling too much,that's an extreme.
If you're working too much,that's an extreme.
If you're playing too much,that's an extreme.
If romance is an extreme,that's going to lead to problems
(23:36):
.
Because any extreme, any, thegreed for money, the greed for
power, the greed for fame, thoseare all extremes.
It's like running up a steepset of stairs and on the other
side it's a straight drop, andthat always happens when you go
to extremes.
So, moderation in everything: food, romance, success, work, (23:53):
undefined
play.
As long as there's a balance,you end up taking care of
yourself, and this is the onlybody you have.
You know, there are very famouspeople who, without mentioning
his name, is a very famous stockbroker and very successful --
(24:17):
well, Warren Buffett, I might aswell, everybody knows him.
And so the point is (24:19):
that he says, in life, if you were given
one car, any kind of car youwanted, any automobile, you
could be given one for free.
And you said thank you verymuch.
What's the condition or thestring attached?
And it would be (24:37):
you're only getting one, so you better take
care of it.
Well, see, this vehicle we callour bodies?
We're only given one, and so webetter learn how to take care
of it.
And that's how you loveyourself.
Along with loving yourselfphysically and doing the things
you need to maintain the body,you have to have a good attitude
(24:59):
, a good emotional balance.
You have to be emotionallymature, you have to have a
spiritual understanding of thespiritual world, how you fit
into this world as a spiritualbeing, how you fit into the
world as just a human being, andthen you need to forgive
yourself a little bit.
That's really hard.
Les Hubert (25:18):
Well, thank you, Doug.
Please support the show for aslittle as $3 per month and for
details go todouglasjamescottrell.
com.
And a special shout out forMarie, PJ in California, and
Michael in Idaho for yourcontinued support.
We greatly appreciate it.
Thank you very much.
Douglas James Cottrell (25:35):
Till next time.
Peace to everyone.
Peace be with you, Les.
Announcer (25:39):
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(26:00):
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com.
Until next time, we wish youall of God's blessings health,
wealth and peace of mind.
Welcome to Wake Up with Dr Douglas James Cottrell,
your source for helpfulinformation, advice and tips to
live your life in a mindful wayin this increasingly chaotic
world.
For over four decades, DrDouglas has been teaching people
how to develop their intuitionand live their lives in a
conscious way.
His news and views of the worldtomorrow, today, are always
(00:21):
informative and revealing.
And now here's your host, DrDouglas James Cottrell.
Douglas James Cottrell (00:30):
Welcome to the Wake Up, the broadcast
where curiosity leads to deeperunderstanding.
I'm your host, Douglas JamesCottrell, and my good friend and
co-host Les Hubert is here withme, along with editor Jack
Bialik, as we delve into thefascinating realms of life,
metaphysics, spirituality andthe pressing questions that
shape our world.
Good morning Les.
Les Hubert (00:52):
Doug, we have an interesting question for you
tonight.
It concerns many people.
The question is (00:55):
why do we experience pain in this world
and why do bad things happen togood people?
Douglas James Cottrell (01:03):
Well, you know, the short answer to
that one is, pain wakes you up.
And as we go through this life,we certainly learn our lessons.
The cliche of bitter pill toswallow, you know that kind of
thing.
But pain wakes us up because aswe coast along and, la-di-da,
everything's going well, we'renot really learning anything.
(01:24):
We're just spending our time.
It's enjoyable and it'swonderful and we have good times
in life.
Now, those are very importanttimes because, as we know, as we
live our life, we have someshort periods of really
pleasurable good times, and thenthe rest of it is kind of like
oh, okay, it's like we got atest, or I have a toothache,
(01:48):
I've got an ache in my bodysomewhere, and so we have to
work on those things.
But the answer to when you getdiscouraged, my friends, is that
pain wakes you up.
There is always a purpose tohaving pain.
No pain, no gain.
You ask any weightlifter,they'll tell you that right away
.
So get used to it.
(02:08):
And understanding that, pain,struggle, difficulty, all are
the stepping stones toachievement, to success, to
purpose, to rewards.
And so, if we look at it thatway, as I often say to myself,
this is so hard, this is sodifficult, there must be
(02:29):
something really good comingalong.
You know that's the differencebetween an optimist and a
pessimist, right?
You take two little boys andyou take them into a room and
the pessimistic boy sees a bigmound of poop and he's told you
know, there's a pony in the roomhere.
And he turns around and walksout.
He says I'm not going -- allthat smelly poopy stuff, I don't
(02:49):
want anything to do with it.
You take an optimistic boy, youtake him in and you tell him
there's a pony in the room andhe runs over the pile.
He's got a pitchfork and he'sdigging in really high.
And you say, what are you doing?
He said, well, with all thispoop, there must be a really
good horse here, a little pony.
So I'm kind of giving a quicksynopsis of that.
But the point is you can bepessimistic or optimistic, and
(03:12):
to be pessimistic is differentthan being cautious and prudent
and skeptical.
To be optimistic is to behopeful and trusting, but you
have to prove it out.
To have sort of anaccommodation is the way to go
through life.
But understanding that, why Whydo bad things happen to good
(03:33):
people?
Well, because the good peopleare attempting to learn.
Bad things happen to bad peopletoo.
It just makes them bitter.
They seek revenge.
They want to hurt.
They want to hurt back becausethey're in pain.
And so when you see people whoare causing pain to others, you
should be somewhat tolerant ofthem and even feel a little
(03:54):
sorry for them, pity thembecause they are now digging
themselves deep into a dark pitand they're going to cause
themselves more pain.
But the fact is that they arein pain.
They just don't know how totake that and turn it around.
In fact, you could even saythey're a little cowardly.
hy people, who are good, diginto this and they say, okay,
this is really hard.
(04:14):
But they strive for justice andwith that they accomplish
things in their life.
They suffer, that's true.
If you look at all the greatsaints and avatars and holy
people, in their lives, theyalways, always, always had to go
through struggles.
Their life, being a struggle,ended up to being a huge benefit
(04:34):
for the world and they weregreat lights in the world.
So why do bad things happen togood people?
Well, because they're supposedto.
And the good person will becomea better person and a wiser
person, because a good personwon't give up.
However, I acknowledge, Iagree, it's difficult and it's
(04:56):
hard to do.
But telling yourself (04:57):
okay, God , you brought this problem to me
.
More exactly, this challengearrived on my door, so the
cosmos must be giving mepermission to deal with it.
Now, when a problem comes toyour door, are you the
pessimistic or the optimisticlittle boy or girl?
Well, an optimistic one says,this is really bad, but there
(05:21):
must be some really good purposefor this that's coming down the
pike.
And there will be.
I can promise you that.
I know when I go to take trips,Les, I head out towards some
faraway country.
Usually I travel by myself, inthe past.
I am loathe to travel, gettingon that plane, going through
(05:41):
customs.
Show me your documents, buddy.
Okay, I'm not trying to sneakin the country, I'm just trying
to pass on through.
I got a connecting flight,whatever.
But in every single case, whenI've gone to faraway places,
something magical, wonderful,amazing happened to me when I
(06:02):
got there.
Oh wow.
Had I not gone, I would neverhave known about this
opportunity or this wonderfulthing that happened to me.
Meeting somebody of importance,somebody that's about to take
me to some other place, somebodythat's going to help me in my
career, or meeting people that Ican help, that will help me
back for my future steps andwhat I took.
But, always, always - everybodyknows - Douglas, you're
(06:25):
reluctant.
Douglas, you're always the --I've got a long face, got my
luggage in each hand, standingon the curb waiting for the taxi
.
Oh, here we go.
And then, when we're in theairplane, it's all better and I
get there.
So the purpose of understandingwhen things come at you and
they're bad, they're challenging, they're difficult, you say to
yourself (06:47):
okay, the universe has brought this to me.
I know, I'm guaranteed that itwill not be any more difficult
than what I can bear.
That's the spiritual rule.
Why would they give yousomething that's going to crush
you?
Well, they don't.
Meaning the universal mind.
(07:08):
When I say they, I'm nottalking about people.
I'm talking about the universe,wise minds on the other side
that are avatars, or saints,meaningful spiritual beings that
are saying, look, Les, hey,Douglas.
We're going to give you a bunchof challenges, so you can get
this Wake Up podcast going.
We're going to make it reallyhard and difficult for you.
And indeed for those people whoare watching the podcast, this
(07:29):
is not simple.
This has been a verychallenging situation, but --
including with Jack's help inthe backroom producing the show
-- we've managed to put it alltogether because we believe
this ha s a purpose.
It's going to be of service tothe world.
And so we put up with thestruggle and here we are, being
successful.
And with the support of ourpeople coming in and for a few
dollars a month, you know,supporting the show, we're going
(07:55):
to be in great shape as wecontinue to build.
However, there's been a lot ofchallenges.
We had an idea, we had a dream,we had a vision.
So we know, whatever comes atus, we just have to persevere.
The people on the pessimisticside who give up, they never
succeed and they get embittered.
They get lost.
They find themselves indarkness.
And then what do they do?
(08:16):
They play the blame game.
So if you want to know whereyou are, and you find yourself
blaming other people (08:23):
it's too hard, they won't let me, other
people are younger.
Oh, there are other people,they just go to the head of the
line.
No, no, no, no, other peopletake care of themselves.
They're not in your way, unless, of course, you put them in
your way and use it as an excusefor your own failings.
So to be pessimistic again is toscrutinize this situation.
(08:43):
Look at it in a way, you know,like where's the pitfalls, you
know?
So you can avoid them.
And, as such, you're actuallybeing successful.
On the other hand, if you'reoptimistic, overly optimistic,
you'll be taken advantage of,and so, therefore, you have to
pull back a little bit.
That fine line betweendifficult things and wonderful
(09:04):
things is you.
You.
You just keep taking your steps.
Don't run away.
Keep taking your steps, and theuniverse suddenly will provide
the challenges which, if youlook back, have been a staircase
to your success.
You had to go up the staircase.
You just can't arrive and knoweverything.
You had to pay your dues, asthey say in Hollywood, and you
(09:25):
take your steps.
And when you get there, you areprepared, you are knowledgeable
, you have experience, you knowthe lay of the land.
And then what?
Then you walk onto the stageand you're in front of 10,000
people.
You've earned it to be there.
You're able to be with theaudience as one.
You're not scared.
(09:46):
You don't have stage fright.
You don't run off and "nobodylikes me, I can't do this.
No.
I'm here, this is what I'msupposed to do.
And you walk on and you takecharge.
I'm talking about any situationin life.
So why do bad things happen topeople?
Because, in a way, they'resupposed to, to make that good
(10:10):
person better.
Now, when I talk about badthings, we can be talking about
loss of a relative, a breakup, agood friend betraying you.
Somebody else gets a positionover and above you at work that
isn't qualified or doesn'tdeserve it, or maybe they've
done something naughty- naughtyto get that job.
But what is it that you have?
Okay, that's for them.
Must be something better comingmy way, and I will guarantee
(10:37):
you that there is, as long asyou don't allow that shadow of
darkness to start to pull youaway.
And that's the secret.
Les Hubert (10:44):
So, the flip side of that question would be
good things happen for badpeople?
Because it seems -- look on thenews and go, how did this guy
get away with that?
Douglas James Cottrell (10:55):
Well, this is one of those conundrums
and one of those thingseverybody just shakes their head
at, and they say, you know hecould fall in a bucket of [.
.
.
] and come out smelling likeroses.
How is that?
Well, the short answer in thatis, he's using up his good karma
real fast.
So in previous experiences orprevious time in his life, or
(11:26):
again, something is beingpresented to him, a temptation,
another way of learning, is itnot?
And so if the person doesn'tgive in to that temptation, that
person is going to benefitgreatly.
But the bad guys always - notalways, much of the time - give
in to the temptation.
They take advantage of the pooror the sick.
They take advantage of theirposition in society.
(11:47):
They take money from the weakand the frail people.
They have the same intelligenceto do the same in business, but
for some reason they take theeasy way, not realizing that
they're building up that bigpile of poop in the room that
they themselves are going tohave to shovel out eventually,
(12:09):
because they have to make upwhat they do.
And so maybe there's acombination that sometimes the
lesson is, when somebody's agood person, they have a
difficulty.
Well, maybe they're justexperiencing something where
they haven't been a good personand they've gone through that
temptation, distraction, and nowthey're making up for it by
fighting through it and standingup to the strong when they're
(12:31):
in the wrong, making concessionsfor the weak.
However, why do good thingshappen to people?
It happens all the time.
But in the Good Book I read it.
It said, God talking, don'tworry, I'm going to take care of
it, don't get angry.
It says that.
Do not get angry, I'm going totake care of it.
And then it says but it mighttake some time.
(12:52):
So that means that the badpeople who are taking advantage
have an opportunity, have a,sort of a reprieve from
continuing to stumble and takeadvantage.
You know, even the bad peoplehave benefits, if you will, that
they can regret, repent andmend their ways as a lesson.
(13:12):
You know, if you do somethingreally bad, let's say you shoot
a bird with a pellet gun andyou're a little boy.
Oh boy, you're going to shootthe little bird.
And then when you shoot it, thebird falls out of the tree,
it's dead and you regret that.
And what do you do?
You take the pellet gun and youput it aside, never to take up
arms against anything again.
(13:32):
You even go into forestryprotecting animals.
That incident was a benefit toyou, but it was painful.
So the answer to that, Les, iswhy do bad things happen to good
people?
Why do good things happen tobad people?
Well, we have to step back.
We have to have an overview andsay, that poor guy, that bad
(13:54):
guy, he just cannot resist thetemptation.
Don't gloat.
But you can say to yourself ohmy God, is he going to get his
in the end.
But again, not gloating.
But it gives you peace of mindand you just kind of shake your
head and say, okay, I don't wantto know about that.
Don't let that shadow of painand darkness come over me.
That's their problem.
(14:16):
Their lesson.
And my lesson is, how do I dealwith that?
Well, the person coming up andgiving you a hard time is
challenging your beliefs, givingyou the opportunity to put your
money where your mouth is, soto speak, and say, okay, I
understand, I'm not going to getangry, there's a purpose for
(14:39):
this.
I'm not going to allow this todistract me.
I'm not going to keep on goingover and over with these
arguments in my head about whatthey did to me yesterday, last
week, last month, last year,because that's stealing your
life away, you know, Les.
Les Hubert (14:55):
Oh.
So I'm sure we've all metpeople like this.
I had a friend of mine, dearlovely soul.
She was a nurse for like 38years, but you would swear that
somebody put a curse on thiswoman.
She was a good woman but shealways had the most rotten luck.
How would you explain somethinglike that?
Douglas James Cottrell (15:12):
Poor choices.
Les Hubert (15:15):
It was like she would attract things into her
life and she'd go, where didthat come from?
And she said, did somebody puta curse on me?
Douglas James Cottrell (15:21):
Poor choices.
Poor choices.
She keeps making this -- thisis another rule -- she keeps
making the same mistake over andover and over again.
And so, what is the mistake?
Learning how to say no?
Maybe.
Learning how to be wise andsay, this has got familiar
backgrounds here.
I'm about to be led intoanother trap or another
(15:44):
difficulty.
Thank you very much, but I'mnot going to continue down that
road.
So in a way, she's got aroadmap and she's not reading it
.
Oh.
Okay, she's lost and shedoesn't know how to read the
roadmap, or she's just not goingto read the way that she should
step.
So when you have a situation,this is everybody, and I asked
(16:05):
my teacher, Ross Peterson, abouta similar situation, about a
lady who was in great difficulty, especially with a family
matter, and he said to me,believe it or not, she's a
schmuck.
I was astounded, I wasgobsmacked, I couldn't believe
he said that.
This lady was a nice as pielady, very attractive
(16:26):
middle-aged woman, and he saidthat about her.
And then, over the years, thatalways stayed with me.
To understand that, if you keepallowing things to happen to
you, you're a schmuck, in myteacher's words.
Now, I don't mean to bedisrespectful, but what that
means is, if you're allowingpeople to continue to do the
(16:47):
same thing over and over to you,you're not learning the lesson.
And the universe will continueto send you the same lesson.
Different people, differenttimes, different circumstances,
but almost identical to what youneed to learn.
So to that person that you saw,you look at them and say, this
is a wonderful person.
(17:08):
On the outside they're great,they look attractive, they're
very nice as pie.
Why do they keep having theseproblems?
Well, because they're notchanging.
They don't have the wisdom tosay, wait a minute.
I got in trouble last time.
This time I think I'll just setthis aside or I won't believe
the baloney I'm being told thistime.
(17:29):
I won't be a quote-unquote aperson being taken advantage of,
because when you meet somebody,they're going to take advantage
of you.
You need to be able to say no.
And this is the thing.
When somebody comes up to youand they ask you something, you
want to people please, you'rehalfway there to getting taken
advantage of.
(17:49):
So remember this hand, speakinto the hand.
Put your hand up when somebodysays to you, can I borrow your
car?
And you say, well, last timeyou borrowed it, you wrecked it.
Yeah, but it wasn't my fault,it was going down the hill and
you know, it just went too fastand ran into the wall.
Okay.
(18:10):
No, no, no.
Not now.
No, you cannot.
I'm sorry you asked me.
I can say yes or no.
I say no.
So part of the problem in peoplewho are very sweet and very
kind, in my experiences over 50years, is teaching people how to
say no.
I used to be terribly guiltyabout that.
(18:32):
Can you come over on Saturdayand help me move?
Okay, all right.
And somebody once said to meDouglas, why are you helping all
these people move?
I said well, because they askedme.
So what does your wife say?
Uh-oh.
Yeah, I'm sacrificing my timewith my family trying to be a
good guy.
So to be a good guy is okay,but then you can say, can you
(18:58):
help me move?
I did this, and I said in myheart I was about to say (gasp)
yes, and I went no, I'm sorry, Ican't do it.
And they said okay, and theywalked away.
And they went to the nextperson and asked them.
And I went, what happened?
Well, they were just askingeverybody.
So I was not obligated to helpthem, even though in my heart I
felt they needed me and I shouldhelp them.
(19:18):
So I was a schmuck until Iwised up.
In the words of Ross Peterson.
Now that just means somebodywho is incapable of saying me
first, my family first.
I gave some time before.
I gave my part.
I did my part, I can't do itnow.
So in looking at anybody who's anice, loving, kind person and
(19:43):
they're getting taken advantageof over and over and over again,
the best thing you can say toanyone meaning my friends out
there, to anybody, that'shappening is, when they're
saying why is this happening tome?
You say well, why don't you sayno?
And they usually say I justcan't.
You say well, someday in thefuture you're going to get so
low and so hungry and so sadthat you're going to say no! No,
(20:08):
get out of my way.
Now I'm going to add to that,that people who constantly want
to be their brothers' orsisters' keeper run into this
all the time.
They feel obligated to helppeople.
They give them money and thepeople don't give them back the
money.
They help people and the peopletake advantage of them and walk
away.
(20:28):
So two things.
One, a taker always meets agiver.
Oh.
And the second thing toremember is: you don't want to
be a doormat, you want to be adoorway.
Les Hubert (20:42):
Oh, I like that.
That's really interesting.
Douglas James Cottrell (20:45):
So if you remember those two sayings,
Les, and my friends, when peoplecome up to you and they say
"blah, blah, blah, saturday,blah, blah, blah, you put your
hand up while they're talking.
They see the hand.
That's like a gigantic stopsign.
Everybody knows what this means.
Halt, stop, no.
Right?
They know that.
All you have to do is hold yourhand up and they already have
(21:06):
the meaning in their mind.
They see your hand, blah, blah,blah, and their lips are moving
, but their mind is thinking no.
And then you say I'm sorry, Ijust can't do it.
I have other commitments withmy family.
If they argue with you, theyare not your friend.
Friend would say well, ofcourse, family first.
So when you're in a situation,remember those two.
(21:29):
What were those two thingsagain, Les, what did I just say?
Les Hubert (21:33):
Well, don't be a doormat, be a doorway.
Douglas James Cottrell (21:35):
And the second one?
This is the point, you know.
You don't want to be takenadvantage of, and you don't want
people to bowl you over.
So, if you can put yourself inthat situation, when they come
up, you say, I'm terribly sorry,I have other commitments.
(21:55):
Done.
You put your hand up whenthey're trying to intimidate you
and you say no, thank you.
You have the ability to say no.
How you say it, as mostdifficult it is, is for you to
say, I'm sorry, you asked me,but I have another commitment.
Or, I just don't feel like it.
And they'll move away.
They'll go away, they'll godown to the next.
So what do you think, Les, ifyou were talking to your friend,
you'd be able to advise her ordirect her a little bit better
(22:16):
on how to say no.
Les Hubert (22:18):
Yeah, it's interesting because, you know,
somebody once said when youreally start taking care of
yourself is when you reallyrealize who your friends truly
are.
Because your true friends willsay, oh my God, that's fine, I
totally understand.
And the ones who aren't yourfriends will start to complain,
and I like that.
It's also -- you allude to thefact that it's all about a test,
no matter if you're good or badand things are happening to you
(22:43):
.
It's almost like we're beingtested.
Because this is a school, afterall.
Would you say that would betrue?
Douglas James Cottre (22:52):
Absolutely .
You know, the good person who'sgetting taken advantage of is
learning how not to be takenadvantage of, and the person
that is doing the takingadvantage of it is learning how
not to give in to temptation.
You know, we have to know howto step on the gas, step on the
brakes and keep this vehiclegoing down the highway in a
controlled way.
Anything that's extreme iswrong.
If you find extremes in yourlife, you're on the wrong track.
(23:16):
If you're drinking too much,that's an extreme.
You're eating too much, that'san extreme.
If you're gambling too much,that's an extreme.
If you're working too much,that's an extreme.
If you're playing too much,that's an extreme.
If romance is an extreme,that's going to lead to problems
(23:36):
.
Because any extreme, any, thegreed for money, the greed for
power, the greed for fame, thoseare all extremes.
It's like running up a steepset of stairs and on the other
side it's a straight drop, andthat always happens when you go
to extremes.
So, moderation in everything: food, romance, success, work, (23:53):
undefined
play.
As long as there's a balance,you end up taking care of
yourself, and this is the onlybody you have.
You know, there are very famouspeople who, without mentioning
his name, is a very famous stockbroker and very successful --
(24:17):
well, Warren Buffett, I might aswell, everybody knows him.
And so the point is (24:19):
that he says, in life, if you were given
one car, any kind of car youwanted, any automobile, you
could be given one for free.
And you said thank you verymuch.
What's the condition or thestring attached?
And it would be (24:37):
you're only getting one, so you better take
care of it.
Well, see, this vehicle we callour bodies?
We're only given one, and so webetter learn how to take care
of it.
And that's how you loveyourself.
Along with loving yourselfphysically and doing the things
you need to maintain the body,you have to have a good attitude
(24:59):
, a good emotional balance.
You have to be emotionallymature, you have to have a
spiritual understanding of thespiritual world, how you fit
into this world as a spiritualbeing, how you fit into the
world as just a human being, andthen you need to forgive
yourself a little bit.
That's really hard.
Les Hubert (25:18):
Well, thank you, Doug.
Please support the show for aslittle as $3 per month and for
details go todouglasjamescottrell.
com.
And a special shout out forMarie, PJ in California, and
Michael in Idaho for yourcontinued support.
We greatly appreciate it.
Thank you very much.
Douglas James Cottrell (25:35):
Till next time.
Peace to everyone.
Peace be with you, Les.
Announcer (25:39):
Thank you very much for listening to Wake Up.
If you enjoyed this episode, besure to subscribe so you'll be
notified when a new episode isposted, and we'd greatly
appreciate your review of ourshow on iTunes or wherever you
get your podcasts to let othersknow about the great content
we're producing.
For more about Dr Douglas'self-development classes, books
(26:00):
and other related products,please visit his website
douglasjamescottrell.
com.
Until next time, we wish youall of God's blessings health,
wealth and peace of mind.
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