I am Hope in the Chaos
Navigating bipolar disorder (and other mental health struggles) one real moment at a time. Hosted by Jamie Kodra, this podcast brings honest stories, raw emotion, and real support for those living with bipolar—or loving someone who is. Because chaos doesn’t mean hopeless. You’re not alone.
Episodes
This is one of the most vulnerable and important episodes I’ve ever shared.
In this episode, I speak honestly about suicidal thoughts — not to sensationalize them, but to explain what they actually feel like from the inside. When the thought “I want to kill myself” appears, it isn’t about wanting life to end. It’s about wanting the moment to stop — the pain, the chaos, the unbearable weight of right now.
I t...
This episode explores what it truly feels like to spend your whole life believing you’re “never enough,” even while giving more than anyone realizes. Jamie shares the emotional reality of growing up unheard, working endlessly to earn worth, and watching others receive the praise she desperately needed but never got.
For years, every burst of energy, every project, every late-night surge of creativity felt l...
Sometimes, saving a life doesn’t come from a prescription, a therapy session, or a perfect plan — it comes from listening.
In this deeply personal episode, Jamie opens up about what it truly means to help someone struggling with suicidal thoughts and bipolar disorder. She shares her own experiences of standing in the darkness — both as the one reaching out and as the one who answered the call.
You’ll hear ho...
There’s a certain kind of pain that comes with being misunderstood — the kind that runs deeper than words, deeper than logic. In this episode, Jamie opens up about a recent manic episode and the raw reality of what it feels like to lose control of yourself while the world around you struggles to understand.
She shares the truth behind mania — the chaos, the helplessness, and the heartbreak of watching those...
Far too often, patients spend years searching for answers, only to feel dismissed, ignored, or abandoned in the process. In this episode, I share my own journey of what it was like to finally find a doctor who truly listened—someone who cared enough to dig deeper and help me discover what I really needed.
Every patient deserves that same care. It shouldn’t take years of frustration and pain to be seen,...
Life’s storms can feel overwhelming, but it’s often the small, steady practices that keep us grounded. In this episode of I Am Hope in the Chaos, Jamie explores the idea of everyday anchors—simple tools and habits that help us find calm in the middle of mental and emotional turbulence.
She shares her own story of stepping barefoot into the grass and explains the powerful science and symbolism behind groundi...
Bad things happen in life, no matter how much we plan, prepare, or hope they won’t. In this episode, Jamie reflects on the reality of life’s winters—those unavoidable seasons of loss, pain, and struggle—and how they affect our mental health. Drawing from Katherine May’s Wintering and sharing her own tender story of losing her golden doodle, Oliver, Jamie explores how grief lingers, how support often falls ...
Life with bipolar disorder isn’t about willpower or “snapping out of it.” It’s a storm inside the brain that feels like a roller coaster—soaring highs, crashing lows, and turns you never see coming. In this episode, I open up about what it really feels like to navigate bipolar, the invisible struggles most people don’t see, and the long, painful process of finding the right diagnosis and treatment.
I also s...
Silence isn’t safety. It’s heavy. And for a long time, I believed staying quiet about my needs would protect me. But the truth? Silence only made me feel smaller, unseen, and weighed down by the chaos inside.
In this episode, I share how I began the journey of becoming my own advocate — from the shaky, uncomfortable first steps to the small daily choices that continue to remind me: my needs matter, my voice...
What if you’ve never truly met the real you?
For years, I lived in survival mode — weighed down by mislabels, misunderstandings, and battles I couldn’t name. But everything shifted when I finally received the right diagnosis and treatment. At 32 years old, I met myself for the very first time… and it changed everything.
In this episode, I’m sharing what it feels like to finally find yourself — and how ...
We live in a world that praises strength — smiling through the pain, holding it together for everyone else, never letting anyone see you crack. But sometimes “strong” just means you’ve gotten really good at hiding the pain.
In this episode, I’m sharing the truth about what it’s like to be “the strong one” — the person everyone turns to, the one who always seems fine, even when you’re falling apart inside. ...
People say mania doesn’t make you do things.
That bipolar is just an excuse.
That it’s all a choice.
But if you’ve lived through it — really lived it — you know the truth:
Bipolar isn’t a mood swing. It’s a storm.
A storm that hijacks your mind, floods your body, and leaves you picking up pieces of a life you didn’t even consciously choose in that moment.
In this episode, I’m getting raw ...
Triggers can feel like emotional landmines—unexpected, explosive, and capable of knocking you off your feet before you even know what happened.
In this episode, I’m breaking down what triggers really are, how they bypass logic and throw us straight into fight, flight, freeze… or even the fawn response. I’ll share a personal story about one of my own triggers, the wounds it reopens, and why these moments can...
Sometimes, life doesn’t just hand you a storm—it opens the floodgates.
I’m opening up about why this one is coming to you later than planned. From medical emergencies to emotional overwhelm, it’s been a season of life where it feels like everything hit at once.
You’ll hear how I’ve been navigating the physical and emotional toll of the past few weeks—and how even in the chaos, I’m finding my way back to...
Ever felt like you were sending out silent signals—hoping someone would finally notice you’re not okay?
In this episode, Jamie opens up about those invisible messages we send when we’re overwhelmed, misunderstood, or just trying to survive. Woven through her story is Hope, the girl at the center of her upcoming children’s book, and a powerful reflection of all the feelings we didn’t have words for growing u...
Sometimes the worst days have a way of guiding us exactly where we need to be.
In this episode, Jamie shares a story of heartbreak, unexpected grace, and gentle signs of guidance hidden within life's toughest moments. A Father's Day rockhounding trip takes a disappointing turn, only to reveal itself later as a profound blessing in disguise when Jamie and her family experience the sudden loss of th...
This episode dives into one of the hardest, most important conversations we can have—about the experience of suicidal thoughts, ideation, and attempts. Jamie opens up about her personal journey with bipolar disorder, survival, and the moments that nearly took her under—but didn’t.
With compassion and honesty, this episode explores what it feels like to wake up in the depths of mental illness, how to create ...
What do digging for gemstones and navigating bipolar disorder have in common?
In this raw and reflective episode, Jamie takes you deep into the heart of nature—and the heart of healing. From unearthing fluorite in a mine to unearthing emotional breakthroughs in therapy, this episode draws powerful parallels between rockhounding and the mental health journey.
Jamie shares five ways this hobby has taught her l...
In this deeply personal episode, Jamie opens up about her journey to finally receiving a diagnosis of bipolar II—and how it changed everything. What once felt like a sentence became a map—a guide to understanding herself, her symptoms, her needs, and ultimately her healing.
She shares honest stories of misdiagnosis, emotional chaos, moments of clarity, and how her diagnosis helped her rebuild her identity a...
What started as a short family hike turned into a 7-mile climb through steep trails, missed turns, and pouring rain. In this episode, Jamie shares the story—and the powerful metaphor it became for navigating life with bipolar disorder, parenting through uncertainty, and finding joy even in the storm.
This one’s for anyone who’s ever ended up on a harder path than they planned.
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