Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh, as the therapist. That's a it's a name. Now,
well it's a it's a it's the therapist.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
My thirty seven year old daughter is getting married for
a second time. All right, so this is obviously written
by her dad. My thirty seven year old daughter is
getting married for a second time. It's a church wedding,
and traditions are in play.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
If you have any questions along the way, you let
me know. Okay, But so far, very easy to follow.
Her mother divorced me thirty six years ago. So when
the when the daughter was an infant, right, that's okay,
that happens. I was a very active and present father
and we have a very good relationship. I never missed
(00:43):
a weekend. I went to all of her functions, and
she vacationed with me and my new wife. Now, I
will tell you this, and you're gonna learn this in
a second. Both of both mom and dad went on
to remarry. So Mom has a new husband, Dad has
a new wife. But yeah, I never miss the weekend.
I went to all of her functions, she vacationed with
me and my new wife.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Well that's awesome, that's what you want. Here's the problem.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
My daughter asked her stepfather to give her away. I'm
also assuming he will be the one to have the
father daughter dance.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
This has crushed me.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
I didn't say anything to her other than oh okay,
but internally I am devastated. Now I don't want to
go and watch this other man walk my daughter down
the aisle or dance with her. I know it's not
about me, but I'm hurt. I also don't think that
(01:49):
it'll be that crushing to her if I'm a no show.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
Ooh wait, read that last line again.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
I also don't think it'll be that crushing to her
if I'm a no shop.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
Because of the plans. How is that sense come about?
Speaker 1 (02:05):
I don't know. I don't know the answer.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
He's so crushed he doesn't want to witness it.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Oh. I get that, No, I I under I get that.
Speaker 4 (02:12):
Everything, but that last sentence. I feel like it explains itself.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
But he doesn't want to go.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
You you nailed it on that. This is sometimes these
advice commums. They almost seem fake. There are so many
people who have been in this issue.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
You live right in the middle, not you, but I
mean people live right in the middle of that. I
would lose my freaking mind.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Yeah, but you got to. It's like he said, it's
not about me. It's it's her day.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
And let her enjoy it. But maybe people, look, why
torture me?
Speaker 4 (02:41):
Have had creative solutions to not only excuse yourself to
go piss No, to not only show up late.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
No, no, that's that's an option. Oh sorry, I miss
you walking down the aisle.
Speaker 4 (02:53):
What I miss to not only get through it because
it is going to be a roller coaster motions regardless
of the scenario. It is your child's wedding. You know
what I also do to maybe work with her.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Well, what are you supposed to do? Go in and
tell her how you want her to run her wedding.
Speaker 4 (03:11):
I'm not saying you have to split the dance. I
mean I've seen I'm not going to go two arms.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
I've seen that.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
I've seen literally where you've had like one walked halfway
down the aisle and then the other one picked up
at the other half of the aisle.
Speaker 4 (03:25):
Oh wow, I've never seen that.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
I've never even heard of it.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
I mean, which is nice, But at the end of it,
it's her decision. Well I don't is it? Is it bad?
Form for him to be like, hey, I have an idea, Christian.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Will you find me somebody who's had this please? And
I don't care if it's on the dad's side or
the mom's side. Does the mom's side matter for a
first dance? Yeah, well you don't dance with your mom. Well,
I guess if you have a.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
Lot of people do that, like they join the daughter
dancing with a father.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Oh do they really?
Speaker 4 (03:58):
I did it, and I did it because.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
I must have excused myself.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
You're like, why is any dancing with me?
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Wait, so you dance? You dance with both.
Speaker 4 (04:10):
No, Lindsey danced with her father right halfway through the song.
I joined them with my mother.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Oh I see. I see.
Speaker 4 (04:20):
So that's where a step mother or a biological mother
could Oh.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
So you got to tag out, fight, you got to
tag out?
Speaker 4 (04:30):
Oh so you want them during the dance switching partners.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
No, I would like to dance with my own.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
I'd like tag out.
Speaker 5 (04:37):
No.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
No, what you're describing is they tag out. I don't
want that. I want to dance with my daughter.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
I'm saying that that is you said, well, the son
would never dance. Well, in many cases, the sun does
dance as well.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Oh yes, yeah, okay, yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 4 (04:50):
I was demanding that I dance.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Oh, I already told you I'll dance with my sons
at their wedding.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
You've said that unless they want their stepfather there, that
would be crush.
Speaker 4 (05:07):
Should have never gotten those seasons capitals. I can't believe
she married him.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
So there's that, But you know, you know what the
I mean the other part would be is it would
be it would be It would be devastating to sit
there and watch that.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Yeah, but I mean you want to be.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
So I don't know. Yeah, but I don't know that
I could put on a good face. I'm a baby.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
This bride knows what she's doing.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
I'm a baby.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
She's played out these scenarios in her head.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Maybe not, maybe not.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Maybe she just thought my first wedding, my first wedding,
I did it with my dad.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
This one I'll do with my stepdad.
Speaker 4 (05:43):
And I've also been at weddings, Diane, where I have
commented to lindsay that they didn't think this through, not
the web, not the marriage, but just elements of the web.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Yeah. Sure, Oh, but is that is that the gut wrenching?
Speaker 4 (05:59):
No? But I I forgot about that, about that, like
it being the second wedding. If there is multiple chances.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
I don't care. I couldn't care less. You can get
married five times. I'm gonna do it all five times.
I mean at one at some point, I'm probably gonna
be like, aren't we done doing this? But I'm still
gonna be able to stand and whisper in her ear.
And I'll tell you this, even if you haven't been.
It hates a bad picture to have to sit there,
even even if you go, even if you go, he
(06:28):
has to go.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
I don't know even if.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
You go, because then that makes him look petty.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
No, you know what, you know what else looks bad?
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Though?
Speaker 4 (06:34):
Writing to and advice comments.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
No, that's fine, listen, some people need it.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
The no, but if you had to sit there and
watch it, knowing everybody's looking at you and going, dude,
that's your daughter.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
But you're you're, I mean, you're you're. I mean, think
about how bad the bride is to her dad. That's
got to be gut wrenching.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
So when did the stuff other come into the picture?
Speaker 1 (06:56):
They? Oh no, no, they got to when when she
was one.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
I don't I don't know how long they've been married,
the mom and the new dad, So I don't know.
Speaker 4 (07:07):
For the stepdad, think that everyone.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
You could have told me they were five with a divorce.
Speaker 4 (07:11):
So long ago. I don't know. If people are all
eyes on the biological father, be like, why aren't you
doing it?
Speaker 6 (07:19):
I will.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
I would look and go, oh, yeah, that there's a stepdad.
And I would sit there and go, why aren't you
walking your own daughter down the aisle? What's going on
with Hank? I'd be like, Oh, she hates her dad.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
It's just I mean, it's just like feeding. You know,
everybody's gonna be.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Yeah or or damn or what about everybody that was
at the first wedding and now the second wedding they
were like, oh, hey, hey.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Hank, remember when you did that? Well, if you're the dad,
if you're the dad, can you go cut in on
the dance? No?
Speaker 3 (07:48):
Not unless that's pre arranged.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
You don't do that.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
Yes, you don't do that without clearance.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Kristen says, yes you can cut in.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
No, that's right, you cannot. That has to be that
has to be talked about. Why you can't. I can't
do that blindly.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
That's worse.
Speaker 4 (08:01):
That'd be worse than a no show.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
Yeah, no, way, absolutely, what to go in and go?
Speaker 5 (08:06):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Expanse excuse me? May I don't shoulder?
Speaker 3 (08:12):
Oh my god, what's he doing? Turn me around? Turn
me around?
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Dancing with my daughter?
Speaker 3 (08:15):
Can't hear you.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Dancing with my daughter?
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (08:19):
My hamsterring? You're like a wrestler who's run to the ring. Worse.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
How is that worse? That's better?
Speaker 4 (08:24):
Now?
Speaker 3 (08:25):
No, no, no, you can't do a wonderful surprise them.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
It's not a surprise surprise like a real father's here
bucket of water?
Speaker 1 (08:32):
No, not at all.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
There are not at all.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Can we switch the song too?
Speaker 4 (08:36):
There are coworkers that you've been with just for a
couple of years, who aren't familiar with your dad of
thirty years ago. You know what they will be familiar with?
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Drama?
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Yeah, man, trying to step in on the dance.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
No, no, no, you know what.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
Some people who's that?
Speaker 2 (08:51):
No, you know what they would say like, oh look
how sweet she's dancing with both her Not.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
When you see the look of shotgun the people's faces.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
I picked it myself at Monica.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
Whatever, Dad, you know, I hate this song.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
I don't care you know what. I hate watching you
dance with that man. So give me my song. I
can tell you this, I can tell you this one
last point. My song longer than your song.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Perfect.
Speaker 4 (09:22):
We're about to hear November rain, some interesting storyes, some solutions.
But I am going to start by writing yours, Elliott
on the bottom of my paper. I'm not saying it's
a ranking, but that may be the worst idea.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
What to cut in on the dance? People cut in
on dances all the time?
Speaker 3 (09:45):
Yeah, not the father daughter dance.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
Can I go back to and this is different than
a wedding, but can I go back to high school
for a second? When my my Shannon was my was
my high school girlfriend, right my senior year. We didn't
date all through high school. We dated for seven years
after that and it ended horribly anyway, the cost me
a ton of money. The no no, no, but the
(10:08):
senior year right, Yeah, and she was also she was
also the homecoming queen. Right, it was the homecoming dance
or prom whatever it was prom queen. Well, I wasn't
the prom king.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
No, what was his name?
Speaker 3 (10:22):
Come on, Tyler, we should know his promk Yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Why can't I think of his name. Was it Rodney Harrison?
Speaker 3 (10:28):
Probably?
Speaker 2 (10:29):
No, nice guy, nice guy midway through the song the
football player right in, right in, No different Rodney Harrison. No,
definitely not that Rodney.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
You're cutting in on your girlfriend's prom.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
But also, wait, wait, let me finish.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
You did let me finish his girlfriend because he was
at dating Shannon I was his girlfriend also cut in,
so we went together.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
But it was pre arranged. It was pre arranged. Girlfriend
worked that out with the girlfriend. Okay, you worked, but
but that was worked out. I didn't tell Rodney, and
I'm going to step and that makes sense and isn't
going to cause drama.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
I'm just saying I've seen this.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
I've seen this exact scenario play out, and everybody was
good with it.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
It's prom.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Apparently, when you're in high school, may as well be
a wedding.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
Okay, it's not a momentous occasion.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
I was dressed up.
Speaker 4 (11:17):
Even seniors who think it is everything in the end
of the world, they know it's still not a wedding.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Yeah, the unless they've already had a wedding before their
prom and before prom. We had somebody at our senior
prom who was married who was married. Yeah, we definitely
had that. She was nineteen. I mean she'd once twice.
She had failed twice.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Oh I thought married twice.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
No, she didn't fail her senior year twice.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
She failed her junior year, went back, was a senior,
failed bad and went back.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Okay, so yeah, but she was married at prom.
Speaker 4 (11:49):
I see a lot of people are calling, But you
are also stressing people out who have just now realized
that they are.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
Going to their daughter's wedding and weren't asking.
Speaker 4 (11:57):
A part of it because they're going to be in
this situation now.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
No, no, no.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
You don't know what the bride's gonna choose. If you
get what happens if you get into a blowout fight
like right before the wedding and she just decides like nope,
you know what, I'm not dancing with him.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
That's different. These people didn't have a blowout fight.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
And also, but the people on the people on the
phone are starting to play out scenarios where they're getting
worried Britain.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
By the way, he is playing DJ for you and
has a song.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Oh okay, here we.
Speaker 7 (12:29):
Go ram and a moment Hi Elliott the morning, Yeah, Hi,
who's this.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Chad, Yes, Chad, what can I do for you?
Speaker 6 (12:54):
I've been to divorce my whole life. Man, I think
that stepdad is paying the bills, so he's gets to dan.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Okay, this is also her second wedding.
Speaker 6 (13:06):
Yeah, but it's in a church, so it's pretty formal
if you yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
No, they did say there's a lot of tradition.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
There's a lot of tradition at play, and maybe I
didn't read into that that much, but maybe one of
the traditions is there may are they are they flipping
the bill?
Speaker 1 (13:19):
By the way, I don't even care. I'd still be
I'd still be quote butt hurt.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
But the so you think it's because they're paying for
a good chunk of it.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Oh, I didn't think about that.
Speaker 6 (13:32):
And my wife would say, f your feelings.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
So wait are you you? Would you go? Would you go?
Speaker 4 (13:43):
Yeah? I have two daughters.
Speaker 5 (13:46):
I definitely got.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
Even if even if they're even if their stepfather was
going to walk them down the aisland do the dance,
you would still go.
Speaker 6 (13:54):
I hope I'm never in that position, but yeah, it's
my daughter. Man.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Yeah, you wouldn't you be by your tongue, But wouldn't
you be wouldn't you be a ball of tears inside?
Speaker 1 (14:04):
I can almost cry about it.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
You have to pull it together.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
I don't know that I could.
Speaker 4 (14:09):
Trust at a wedding.
Speaker 6 (14:10):
I'm gonna be a ball of tears and.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
All right, very good, thank you. See And you know
what part of the problem is for me, Well, there's
two problems. Number One, I don't have a daughter. Number two,
I'm not divorced yet, so like I don't I don't
live in that world. But I'm just trying to, like
in my own head, go like if my boys came
to me and were like, no, you know what, like
Stepdad's going to do the speech, Oh my god, I
couldn't go to the rehearsal dinner. Probably wouldn't even be
(14:36):
invited to that. I'm not even taking part in the wedding.
A lot of people, I just show up like a
goddamn guest.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
I have mentioned that they just didn't invite certain people.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
Like a step dad.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
You have to invite your parents if you have a
good relationship. I understand people don't, but he says they
have a good relationship.
Speaker 4 (14:54):
I know, and I think that you have to keep
remembering this the original story. Yeah, people are wondering did
you mentioned siblings, because some people have found that to
be a solution. What do you mean, does the bride
have any brothers?
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Doesn't say a.
Speaker 4 (15:09):
Couple people have had a brother walk them down the aisle.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Why that's my family feud. I'm exing that you're my daughter.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Your brother didn't birth you, your brother.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Didn't raise you. I did.
Speaker 4 (15:25):
But then there is that being said.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
I did walk my sister down the aisle, but my
dad was already dead.
Speaker 8 (15:32):
Okay, fun, did you as you walked down by the cues,
did you hate Yeah, because my dad's dead.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
There's no there's no family feud has passed away, you
know how it is.
Speaker 4 (15:49):
But this one, so this is another person who had
a brother walked down the aisle, but then had an
arranged cut in where the dance started with my biological dad.
My sister then began dancing with him, and I danced
the second half of the song with my stepfather.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
Oh okay, So so dad wasn't like left out there like, okay,
I guess I'll go sit down.
Speaker 4 (16:10):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
I do too. So you got to walk back to
the seat with your dick in your hand.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
No, not in this case.
Speaker 9 (16:16):
The say that, yes you can in this scenario. Yes,
it's medical this week, you've been multiple times.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
Are your headphones too much? Does this count towards you're
twenty five?
Speaker 4 (16:33):
You're not hearing yourself the no, I Diane's right, though,
you have to you have to occupy him.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Yeah, if pot looks better, I liked.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
I liked this pretty good solution. Yeah, but you have
to have siblings.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
That's that that you can't.
Speaker 4 (16:48):
You can't have an hand extending it. Now, the further
out you go, the more awkward. It becomes like a
like a sibling of the dad.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
Somebody like some family member, like if you don't have siblings,
it was like, well, here's my fourth cousin twice.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
We're give me mima. If everybody likes see Grandma dance?
Well you think my grandparents are alive? I just told
you my dad's dead. Case by case basis.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Hi Elliott in the morning? Is this me? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Hi?
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Who's this?
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Hey?
Speaker 5 (17:17):
This is Pedro?
Speaker 1 (17:18):
Hey Pedro, what's going on? Dude?
Speaker 5 (17:20):
And yeah, so we got married in October and yeah,
my wife I guess her parents split up. Probably she
was like one two years old and so raised by
her stepdad essentially, But yeah, she had her stepdad walk
her down halfway and then had her dad take her
the rest of the way. And I will say I
think like the last ball was saying stepdad helped pay
(17:41):
some of the bills, so didn't split the bill, but
definitely helped pay some of it. So that was part
of it. But yeah, she was al she's been close
with both her stepdad and dad. It also probably helps
that now her mom is split up with stepdad as well.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Oh yeah, yeah, who did the who did the father dance?
Speaker 5 (18:03):
Biological dad?
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Really?
Speaker 5 (18:05):
Yeah? I think yeah, it was. It was relatively amicable.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
There was no major drama.
Speaker 5 (18:10):
It was everyone was, you know, responsible.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
Care to think what Elliott's petty mind went to in
the middle of this story.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
I have a feeling, but no, go ahead, ye, go ahead, no,
go ahead.
Speaker 5 (18:22):
What's your guests that what while stepdad was just sitting
there with his.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
No no, no, no no. You said stepdad paid part
of it. We're not going We're not splitting the walk halfway.
You get a quarter of the way. I'll take three
fourths of the way to the part you walk around
until they start playing the music, and then I'll come
in thank you.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
All right, dude, I appreciate it. Thank you.
Speaker 4 (18:47):
My friend from Ira, who you'll recall a couple of
weeks ago, did say Diane is a typical woman. He
comments today so many times away just brings out the
worst in women.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
And you remember who read that, Groomzilla, Hi Elliott the morning,
I am, well, thank you.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
What can I do for you? Hey?
Speaker 10 (19:19):
So I had my parents support a long long time ago,
and I've always been super close.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
To my mom.
Speaker 11 (19:26):
So I had to have the uncomfortable conversation with my dad.
Speaker 10 (19:29):
That my mom was gonna walk me down the aisle
and give me away. And we compromised that he they
would meet halfway down the aisle, they'd both give me away,
and we did split them. Uh father daughter dance and
I danced half with him and half with my mom.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
Here, that's nice.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Where's the stepfather?
Speaker 10 (19:52):
There isn't one. I have a step mom or my
dad's wife.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
There's no dad. But yeah, so you didn't have to
worry about her your dad's feelings.
Speaker 10 (20:03):
Yeah I did because I had my mom give me away.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Oh yeah, but you did the halfway thing like they
still got to bill to be a part of that.
Speaker 11 (20:12):
Yeah, that was a compromise, so because I did kind
of feel a little.
Speaker 10 (20:18):
Bit bad because I'm the only one that's going to
get married in my family.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
But I ended up making it.
Speaker 10 (20:24):
I know, I ended up making like a whole family thing.
Speaker 11 (20:26):
And my sister actually got ordained and did ding.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
That's cool. That's cool. Oh you know what, that's by
the way, great solution.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
How you marry you?
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Now I realized that they're getting married in the church
and following some traditions.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
Having the ordained person do that is not much. But
maybe you.
Speaker 4 (20:45):
Priest, I will say. A new audience has emerged.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Oh what's that?
Speaker 4 (20:52):
New contingent. People who are blaming the bride. Yes, not
just Irah, but have a reason to. And it's not
because she's a woman. It's because they think that she's
the one inviting this drama. Well she is, but but
she should be more self aware and uh be able
(21:15):
to like she said something read the eventual room about
people's feelings, So she should have she should have said
something to him like way before. Yeah that there should
have been well she did.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
I mean, this isn't taking place on the wedding day,
I know.
Speaker 4 (21:30):
But we've heard from a lot of people who have
said I had an uncomfortable conversation or I addressed it,
and he didn't really lay that out as much in
your story.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Well, he just yeah, because all he said was like, yeah, okay, oh, oh, okay,
what am I supposed to say?
Speaker 3 (21:44):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (21:45):
You just kicked me in the nuts?
Speaker 4 (21:48):
Yeah, And like he in your story, he assumed there
had been no discussion with him.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
About the dance.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
About the dance, right, Yeah, but don't you assume if
you if you already told me Stepdad's walking me down
the aisle and there's no conversation about the dance. I
could fill in the blank. And it's just I didn't
fall off the turnip truck yesterday.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
It may have been best to get out in front
of this, ahead of the need to write into a paper.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
Yeah, when you're planning, all you're thinking about is how's
this gonna look? How am I gonna look at my dress?
How's the reception gonna look at all that stuff?
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Right?
Speaker 3 (22:22):
People are gonna judge you on everything.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
Yeah, No, that's what I started with.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
He just wanted to keep the table conversations going, so
I gave him a little drama.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
And people are gonna judge me apparently, then I go
cut in on the dance.
Speaker 4 (22:34):
There's earlier you hear his dad's dead.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
He told everybody, Hi Ellie in the morning. Yeah, Hi,
who's this?
Speaker 2 (22:47):
Hi?
Speaker 11 (22:47):
This is Lindsay from Hanymarket.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
Yes, Lindsay, what can I do for you?
Speaker 11 (22:52):
So my stepdad walked me down the aisle and did
the first dance while my father sat at a table
and watched it all happen.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
Was he like fuming?
Speaker 11 (23:05):
He was pretty uncomfortable, and he didn't even know ahead
of time that that was going to be happening.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
So wait a minute, did he show up at the
wedding and go, so, who's walking my daughter down the aisle?
Like that would cross my mind? Or did he just
go I don't know what's happened about?
Speaker 3 (23:23):
While?
Speaker 11 (23:25):
Well, yeah he was so he knew. He obviously knew
ahead of time he was coming to the wedding. We
didn't have so we were very close until I turned
about thirteen, and then all of a sudden he just
kind of like ghosted me and decided he didn't anymore.
And my stepdad really like stepped in and filled in
(23:49):
that like father role. So when it came time.
Speaker 6 (23:52):
For me to get married.
Speaker 11 (23:54):
I decided that my stepdad had basically been more of
a dad to me my whole life than my own
father did, so I felt like he deserved that walk
in that dance, and then eventually I actually had him
adopt me as an adult a few years down the
road while my father was still a lot.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
Did you make your dad go watch you get legally adopted?
Speaker 2 (24:18):
Like?
Speaker 1 (24:18):
Did you make him go to the borehouse to see it?
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Hey?
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Can I ask you no?
Speaker 11 (24:22):
But I'm pretty yes sure?
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Were you had you repaired your relationship at all with
your I mean, obviously your dad was invited and your
biological dad was invited to the wedding. Had you repaired
the relationship at all prior to the wedding or was
it still pretty Was it still pretty rough?
Speaker 11 (24:40):
It was? It was still a little rough. I'd say
it was kind of like most of the effort was
on my side. It wasn't really reciprocated from him. So
it just, you know, why why should he get that
like special moment if he he's the one that decided, Yeah,
(25:02):
I get.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
This one makes sense to me. This one makes sense
to me. It's very uncomfortable, and that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
That makes sense. All right, very good, Thank you, ma'am.
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Now, remember in the original story they were very close. Still,
that one makes sense.
Speaker 4 (25:20):
Everyone's got their little wrinkles that make their story unique.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Because I was very prepared to defend the biological father, but.
Speaker 4 (25:31):
There was a little bit of an issue there from Facebook.
I had this dilemma too when I got married, but
my stepdad died two months before the wedding, making the
decision for me.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
You know what, Thank you God, problem solved, Diane us
And that's a big one. Hi, Elliott in the morning.
Speaker 8 (25:55):
Good morning?
Speaker 5 (25:56):
Is this me?
Speaker 3 (25:56):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Hi? Who's this?
Speaker 6 (25:59):
Hi? This is the one from Hannah, Pennsylvania.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Oh, hey, don, what can I do for you?
Speaker 6 (26:04):
So when I got married, my grandfather and I were
very close, and I wanted my grandfather to give me away,
and my grandmother pulled me aside and said, you know,
she was happy that I wanted my grandfather to give
me away, but she said, if your dad saying for
some of the wedding, I don't think it's right that
you have your grandfather give you away. So I had
both of them walk away.
Speaker 11 (26:24):
Down the aisle.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Yeah, I mean I get that, I get that. I
get that I wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
I would I would not want to do it with
the stepfather, but like I get the grandfather, like that
part I get, But you wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Nobody, thank you, ma'am.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
Nobody wants to stand there and people go in and like,
especially people that are kind of friends but don't know
the whole family going like which ones are real?
Speaker 10 (26:46):
Dad?
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Like, you don't want that going on? Very uncomfortable.
Speaker 4 (26:52):
Now I have found the original story as well. I
don't think you could get through the advice that was
given without mocking it. But may I read it? Yes,
so that I guess you'll still respond, but at least
people will hear me loud and clear so that you
don't stop to criticize each sentence.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Yes, which you'll probably still do.
Speaker 3 (27:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (27:15):
Could you step back and appreciate him not as a
rival or replacement in your daughter's life, but as a
positive addition for her. She has two present, caring men
that are invested in her well being, which for her
might feel like a gift. Can you see both your
fatherly roles as a collaborative investment in her life rather
(27:37):
than as a competition. You already answered no, I hadn't
asked all the questions.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
No, no, no, that you know what, that's very nice.
Speaker 4 (27:47):
That is very nice.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
Told to be the bigger person the let me please,
it's very nice and yes, very fortunate that she has
two fatherly figures in her life. But she has one
father there the other one's a figure.
Speaker 4 (28:04):
No, that's not true.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
Yes, that's not how she painted.
Speaker 4 (28:07):
It's not even no, it's I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
So when they when they have to fail, I'm not
saying that stepparents don't play a massive role.
Speaker 4 (28:14):
You're you're my father figure. Stepparent is not a father figure.
If you can reframe the intention behind her wish not
as excluding you, but as including him.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
Well why not include me?
Speaker 4 (28:27):
You can refocus on the strength of your own relationship.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
We get to include him at my exclusion. To be clear,
how is he viewing it to be.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
Oh, this is wonderful.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
I'm included because we excluded him, you'd be great in therapy,
the therapist continues to be clear, you do have to
attend the wedding.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
I'm sick.
Speaker 4 (28:52):
Skipping your daughter's wedding would transform your hurt feelings into
a story that only you are telling. It's all about her,
And then they do give advice and I've posted it
on like what you could say in a phone call.
But do not say a word about her stepfather or
her choice. Just sit with the knowledge that your outreach
(29:15):
is meaningful because you show it up with love, just
as you will show up to the wedding.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
And I'm happy to be here and everything is fine.
It's good to see your mother in that bastard. Everything
is great.
Oh, as the therapist. That's a it's a name. Now,
well it's a it's a it's the therapist.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
My thirty seven year old daughter is getting married for
a second time. All right, so this is obviously written
by her dad. My thirty seven year old daughter is
getting married for a second time. It's a church wedding,
and traditions are in play.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
If you have any questions along the way, you let
me know. Okay, But so far, very easy to follow.
Her mother divorced me thirty six years ago. So when
the when the daughter was an infant, right, that's okay,
that happens. I was a very active and present father
and we have a very good relationship. I never missed
(00:43):
a weekend. I went to all of her functions, and
she vacationed with me and my new wife. Now, I
will tell you this, and you're gonna learn this in
a second. Both of both mom and dad went on
to remarry. So Mom has a new husband, Dad has
a new wife. But yeah, I never miss the weekend.
I went to all of her functions, she vacationed with
me and my new wife.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Well that's awesome, that's what you want. Here's the problem.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
My daughter asked her stepfather to give her away. I'm
also assuming he will be the one to have the
father daughter dance.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
This has crushed me.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
I didn't say anything to her other than oh okay,
but internally I am devastated. Now I don't want to
go and watch this other man walk my daughter down
the aisle or dance with her. I know it's not
about me, but I'm hurt. I also don't think that
(01:49):
it'll be that crushing to her if I'm a no show.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
Ooh wait, read that last line again.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
I also don't think it'll be that crushing to her
if I'm a no shop.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
Because of the plans. How is that sense come about?
Speaker 1 (02:05):
I don't know. I don't know the answer.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
He's so crushed he doesn't want to witness it.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Oh. I get that, No, I I under I get that.
Speaker 4 (02:12):
Everything, but that last sentence. I feel like it explains itself.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
But he doesn't want to go.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
You you nailed it on that. This is sometimes these
advice commums. They almost seem fake. There are so many
people who have been in this issue.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
You live right in the middle, not you, but I
mean people live right in the middle of that. I
would lose my freaking mind.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Yeah, but you got to. It's like he said, it's
not about me. It's it's her day.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
And let her enjoy it. But maybe people, look, why
torture me?
Speaker 4 (02:41):
Have had creative solutions to not only excuse yourself to
go piss No, to not only show up late.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
No, no, that's that's an option. Oh sorry, I miss
you walking down the aisle.
Speaker 4 (02:53):
What I miss to not only get through it because
it is going to be a roller coaster motions regardless
of the scenario. It is your child's wedding. You know
what I also do to maybe work with her.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Well, what are you supposed to do? Go in and
tell her how you want her to run her wedding.
Speaker 4 (03:11):
I'm not saying you have to split the dance. I
mean I've seen I'm not going to go two arms.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
I've seen that.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
I've seen literally where you've had like one walked halfway
down the aisle and then the other one picked up
at the other half of the aisle.
Speaker 4 (03:25):
Oh wow, I've never seen that.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
I've never even heard of it.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
I mean, which is nice, But at the end of it,
it's her decision. Well I don't is it? Is it bad?
Form for him to be like, hey, I have an idea, Christian.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Will you find me somebody who's had this please? And
I don't care if it's on the dad's side or
the mom's side. Does the mom's side matter for a
first dance? Yeah, well you don't dance with your mom. Well,
I guess if you have a.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
Lot of people do that, like they join the daughter
dancing with a father.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Oh do they really?
Speaker 4 (03:58):
I did it, and I did it because.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
I must have excused myself.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
You're like, why is any dancing with me?
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Wait, so you dance? You dance with both.
Speaker 4 (04:10):
No, Lindsey danced with her father right halfway through the song.
I joined them with my mother.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Oh I see. I see.
Speaker 4 (04:20):
So that's where a step mother or a biological mother
could Oh.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
So you got to tag out, fight, you got to
tag out?
Speaker 4 (04:30):
Oh so you want them during the dance switching partners.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
No, I would like to dance with my own.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
I'd like tag out.
Speaker 5 (04:37):
No.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
No, what you're describing is they tag out. I don't
want that. I want to dance with my daughter.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
I'm saying that that is you said, well, the son
would never dance. Well, in many cases, the sun does
dance as well.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Oh yes, yeah, okay, yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 4 (04:50):
I was demanding that I dance.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Oh, I already told you I'll dance with my sons
at their wedding.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
You've said that unless they want their stepfather there, that
would be crush.
Speaker 4 (05:07):
Should have never gotten those seasons capitals. I can't believe
she married him.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
So there's that, But you know, you know what the
I mean the other part would be is it would
be it would be It would be devastating to sit
there and watch that.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Yeah, but I mean you want to be.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
So I don't know. Yeah, but I don't know that
I could put on a good face. I'm a baby.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
This bride knows what she's doing.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
I'm a baby.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
She's played out these scenarios in her head.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Maybe not, maybe not.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Maybe she just thought my first wedding, my first wedding,
I did it with my dad.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
This one I'll do with my stepdad.
Speaker 4 (05:43):
And I've also been at weddings, Diane, where I have
commented to lindsay that they didn't think this through, not
the web, not the marriage, but just elements of the web.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Yeah. Sure, Oh, but is that is that the gut wrenching?
Speaker 4 (05:59):
No? But I I forgot about that, about that, like
it being the second wedding. If there is multiple chances.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
I don't care. I couldn't care less. You can get
married five times. I'm gonna do it all five times.
I mean at one at some point, I'm probably gonna
be like, aren't we done doing this? But I'm still
gonna be able to stand and whisper in her ear.
And I'll tell you this, even if you haven't been.
It hates a bad picture to have to sit there,
even even if you go, even if you go, he
(06:28):
has to go.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
I don't know even if.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
You go, because then that makes him look petty.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
No, you know what, you know what else looks bad?
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Though?
Speaker 4 (06:34):
Writing to and advice comments.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
No, that's fine, listen, some people need it.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
The no, but if you had to sit there and
watch it, knowing everybody's looking at you and going, dude,
that's your daughter.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
But you're you're, I mean, you're you're. I mean, think
about how bad the bride is to her dad. That's
got to be gut wrenching.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
So when did the stuff other come into the picture?
Speaker 1 (06:56):
They? Oh no, no, they got to when when she
was one.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
I don't I don't know how long they've been married,
the mom and the new dad, So I don't know.
Speaker 4 (07:07):
For the stepdad, think that everyone.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
You could have told me they were five with a divorce.
Speaker 4 (07:11):
So long ago. I don't know. If people are all
eyes on the biological father, be like, why aren't you
doing it?
Speaker 6 (07:19):
I will.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
I would look and go, oh, yeah, that there's a stepdad.
And I would sit there and go, why aren't you
walking your own daughter down the aisle? What's going on
with Hank? I'd be like, Oh, she hates her dad.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
It's just I mean, it's just like feeding. You know,
everybody's gonna be.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Yeah or or damn or what about everybody that was
at the first wedding and now the second wedding they
were like, oh, hey, hey.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Hank, remember when you did that? Well, if you're the dad,
if you're the dad, can you go cut in on
the dance? No?
Speaker 3 (07:48):
Not unless that's pre arranged.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
You don't do that.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
Yes, you don't do that without clearance.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Kristen says, yes you can cut in.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
No, that's right, you cannot. That has to be that
has to be talked about. Why you can't. I can't
do that blindly.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
That's worse.
Speaker 4 (08:01):
That'd be worse than a no show.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
Yeah, no, way, absolutely, what to go in and go?
Speaker 5 (08:06):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Expanse excuse me? May I don't shoulder?
Speaker 3 (08:12):
Oh my god, what's he doing? Turn me around? Turn
me around?
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Dancing with my daughter?
Speaker 3 (08:15):
Can't hear you.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Dancing with my daughter?
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (08:19):
My hamsterring? You're like a wrestler who's run to the ring. Worse.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
How is that worse? That's better?
Speaker 4 (08:24):
Now?
Speaker 3 (08:25):
No, no, no, you can't do a wonderful surprise them.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
It's not a surprise surprise like a real father's here
bucket of water?
Speaker 1 (08:32):
No, not at all.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
There are not at all.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Can we switch the song too?
Speaker 4 (08:36):
There are coworkers that you've been with just for a
couple of years, who aren't familiar with your dad of
thirty years ago. You know what they will be familiar with?
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Drama?
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Yeah, man, trying to step in on the dance.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
No, no, no, you know what.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
Some people who's that?
Speaker 2 (08:51):
No, you know what they would say like, oh look
how sweet she's dancing with both her Not.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
When you see the look of shotgun the people's faces.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
I picked it myself at Monica.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
Whatever, Dad, you know, I hate this song.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
I don't care you know what. I hate watching you
dance with that man. So give me my song. I
can tell you this, I can tell you this one
last point. My song longer than your song.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Perfect.
Speaker 4 (09:22):
We're about to hear November rain, some interesting storyes, some solutions.
But I am going to start by writing yours, Elliott
on the bottom of my paper. I'm not saying it's
a ranking, but that may be the worst idea.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
What to cut in on the dance? People cut in
on dances all the time?
Speaker 3 (09:45):
Yeah, not the father daughter dance.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
Can I go back to and this is different than
a wedding, but can I go back to high school
for a second? When my my Shannon was my was
my high school girlfriend, right my senior year. We didn't
date all through high school. We dated for seven years
after that and it ended horribly anyway, the cost me
a ton of money. The no no, no, but the
(10:08):
senior year right, Yeah, and she was also she was
also the homecoming queen. Right, it was the homecoming dance
or prom whatever it was prom queen. Well, I wasn't
the prom king.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
No, what was his name?
Speaker 3 (10:22):
Come on, Tyler, we should know his promk Yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Why can't I think of his name. Was it Rodney Harrison?
Speaker 3 (10:28):
Probably?
Speaker 2 (10:29):
No, nice guy, nice guy midway through the song the
football player right in, right in, No different Rodney Harrison. No,
definitely not that Rodney.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
You're cutting in on your girlfriend's prom.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
But also, wait, wait, let me finish.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
You did let me finish his girlfriend because he was
at dating Shannon I was his girlfriend also cut in,
so we went together.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
But it was pre arranged. It was pre arranged. Girlfriend
worked that out with the girlfriend. Okay, you worked, but
but that was worked out. I didn't tell Rodney, and
I'm going to step and that makes sense and isn't
going to cause drama.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
I'm just saying I've seen this.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
I've seen this exact scenario play out, and everybody was
good with it.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
It's prom.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Apparently, when you're in high school, may as well be
a wedding.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
Okay, it's not a momentous occasion.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
I was dressed up.
Speaker 4 (11:17):
Even seniors who think it is everything in the end
of the world, they know it's still not a wedding.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Yeah, the unless they've already had a wedding before their
prom and before prom. We had somebody at our senior
prom who was married who was married. Yeah, we definitely
had that. She was nineteen. I mean she'd once twice.
She had failed twice.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Oh I thought married twice.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
No, she didn't fail her senior year twice.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
She failed her junior year, went back, was a senior,
failed bad and went back.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Okay, so yeah, but she was married at prom.
Speaker 4 (11:49):
I see a lot of people are calling, But you
are also stressing people out who have just now realized
that they are.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
Going to their daughter's wedding and weren't asking.
Speaker 4 (11:57):
A part of it because they're going to be in
this situation now.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
No, no, no.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
You don't know what the bride's gonna choose. If you
get what happens if you get into a blowout fight
like right before the wedding and she just decides like nope,
you know what, I'm not dancing with him.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
That's different. These people didn't have a blowout fight.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
And also, but the people on the people on the
phone are starting to play out scenarios where they're getting
worried Britain.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
By the way, he is playing DJ for you and
has a song.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Oh okay, here we.
Speaker 7 (12:29):
Go ram and a moment Hi Elliott the morning, Yeah, Hi,
who's this.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Chad, Yes, Chad, what can I do for you?
Speaker 6 (12:54):
I've been to divorce my whole life. Man, I think
that stepdad is paying the bills, so he's gets to dan.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Okay, this is also her second wedding.
Speaker 6 (13:06):
Yeah, but it's in a church, so it's pretty formal
if you yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
No, they did say there's a lot of tradition.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
There's a lot of tradition at play, and maybe I
didn't read into that that much, but maybe one of
the traditions is there may are they are they flipping
the bill?
Speaker 1 (13:19):
By the way, I don't even care. I'd still be
I'd still be quote butt hurt.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
But the so you think it's because they're paying for
a good chunk of it.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Oh, I didn't think about that.
Speaker 6 (13:32):
And my wife would say, f your feelings.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
So wait are you you? Would you go? Would you go?
Speaker 4 (13:43):
Yeah? I have two daughters.
Speaker 5 (13:46):
I definitely got.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
Even if even if they're even if their stepfather was
going to walk them down the aisland do the dance,
you would still go.
Speaker 6 (13:54):
I hope I'm never in that position, but yeah, it's
my daughter. Man.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Yeah, you wouldn't you be by your tongue, But wouldn't
you be wouldn't you be a ball of tears inside?
Speaker 1 (14:04):
I can almost cry about it.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
You have to pull it together.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
I don't know that I could.
Speaker 4 (14:09):
Trust at a wedding.
Speaker 6 (14:10):
I'm gonna be a ball of tears and.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
All right, very good, thank you. See And you know
what part of the problem is for me, Well, there's
two problems. Number One, I don't have a daughter. Number two,
I'm not divorced yet, so like I don't I don't
live in that world. But I'm just trying to, like
in my own head, go like if my boys came
to me and were like, no, you know what, like
Stepdad's going to do the speech, Oh my god, I
couldn't go to the rehearsal dinner. Probably wouldn't even be
(14:36):
invited to that. I'm not even taking part in the wedding.
A lot of people, I just show up like a
goddamn guest.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
I have mentioned that they just didn't invite certain people.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
Like a step dad.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
You have to invite your parents if you have a
good relationship. I understand people don't, but he says they
have a good relationship.
Speaker 4 (14:54):
I know, and I think that you have to keep
remembering this the original story. Yeah, people are wondering did
you mentioned siblings, because some people have found that to
be a solution. What do you mean, does the bride
have any brothers?
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Doesn't say a.
Speaker 4 (15:09):
Couple people have had a brother walk them down the aisle.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Why that's my family feud. I'm exing that you're my daughter.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Your brother didn't birth you, your brother.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Didn't raise you. I did.
Speaker 4 (15:25):
But then there is that being said.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
I did walk my sister down the aisle, but my
dad was already dead.
Speaker 8 (15:32):
Okay, fun, did you as you walked down by the cues,
did you hate Yeah, because my dad's dead.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
There's no there's no family feud has passed away, you
know how it is.
Speaker 4 (15:49):
But this one, so this is another person who had
a brother walked down the aisle, but then had an
arranged cut in where the dance started with my biological dad.
My sister then began dancing with him, and I danced
the second half of the song with my stepfather.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
Oh okay, So so dad wasn't like left out there like, okay,
I guess I'll go sit down.
Speaker 4 (16:10):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
I do too. So you got to walk back to
the seat with your dick in your hand.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
No, not in this case.
Speaker 9 (16:16):
The say that, yes you can in this scenario. Yes,
it's medical this week, you've been multiple times.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
Are your headphones too much? Does this count towards you're
twenty five?
Speaker 4 (16:33):
You're not hearing yourself the no, I Diane's right, though,
you have to you have to occupy him.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Yeah, if pot looks better, I liked.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
I liked this pretty good solution. Yeah, but you have
to have siblings.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
That's that that you can't.
Speaker 4 (16:48):
You can't have an hand extending it. Now, the further
out you go, the more awkward. It becomes like a
like a sibling of the dad.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
Somebody like some family member, like if you don't have siblings,
it was like, well, here's my fourth cousin twice.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
We're give me mima. If everybody likes see Grandma dance?
Well you think my grandparents are alive? I just told
you my dad's dead. Case by case basis.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Hi Elliott in the morning? Is this me? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Hi?
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Who's this?
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Hey?
Speaker 5 (17:17):
This is Pedro?
Speaker 1 (17:18):
Hey Pedro, what's going on? Dude?
Speaker 5 (17:20):
And yeah, so we got married in October and yeah,
my wife I guess her parents split up. Probably she
was like one two years old and so raised by
her stepdad essentially, But yeah, she had her stepdad walk
her down halfway and then had her dad take her
the rest of the way. And I will say I
think like the last ball was saying stepdad helped pay
(17:41):
some of the bills, so didn't split the bill, but
definitely helped pay some of it. So that was part
of it. But yeah, she was al she's been close
with both her stepdad and dad. It also probably helps
that now her mom is split up with stepdad as well.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Oh yeah, yeah, who did the who did the father dance?
Speaker 5 (18:03):
Biological dad?
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Really?
Speaker 5 (18:05):
Yeah? I think yeah, it was. It was relatively amicable.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
There was no major drama.
Speaker 5 (18:10):
It was everyone was, you know, responsible.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
Care to think what Elliott's petty mind went to in
the middle of this story.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
I have a feeling, but no, go ahead, ye, go ahead, no,
go ahead.
Speaker 5 (18:22):
What's your guests that what while stepdad was just sitting
there with his.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
No no, no, no no. You said stepdad paid part
of it. We're not going We're not splitting the walk halfway.
You get a quarter of the way. I'll take three
fourths of the way to the part you walk around
until they start playing the music, and then I'll come
in thank you.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
All right, dude, I appreciate it. Thank you.
Speaker 4 (18:47):
My friend from Ira, who you'll recall a couple of
weeks ago, did say Diane is a typical woman. He
comments today so many times away just brings out the
worst in women.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
And you remember who read that, Groomzilla, Hi Elliott the morning,
I am, well, thank you.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
What can I do for you? Hey?
Speaker 10 (19:19):
So I had my parents support a long long time ago,
and I've always been super close.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
To my mom.
Speaker 11 (19:26):
So I had to have the uncomfortable conversation with my dad.
Speaker 10 (19:29):
That my mom was gonna walk me down the aisle
and give me away. And we compromised that he they
would meet halfway down the aisle, they'd both give me away,
and we did split them. Uh father daughter dance and
I danced half with him and half with my mom.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
Here, that's nice.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Where's the stepfather?
Speaker 10 (19:52):
There isn't one. I have a step mom or my
dad's wife.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
There's no dad. But yeah, so you didn't have to
worry about her your dad's feelings.
Speaker 10 (20:03):
Yeah I did because I had my mom give me away.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Oh yeah, but you did the halfway thing like they
still got to bill to be a part of that.
Speaker 11 (20:12):
Yeah, that was a compromise, so because I did kind
of feel a little.
Speaker 10 (20:18):
Bit bad because I'm the only one that's going to
get married in my family.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
But I ended up making it.
Speaker 10 (20:24):
I know, I ended up making like a whole family thing.
Speaker 11 (20:26):
And my sister actually got ordained and did ding.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
That's cool. That's cool. Oh you know what, that's by
the way, great solution.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
How you marry you?
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Now I realized that they're getting married in the church
and following some traditions.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
Having the ordained person do that is not much. But
maybe you.
Speaker 4 (20:45):
Priest, I will say. A new audience has emerged.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Oh what's that?
Speaker 4 (20:52):
New contingent. People who are blaming the bride. Yes, not
just Irah, but have a reason to. And it's not
because she's a woman. It's because they think that she's
the one inviting this drama. Well she is, but but
she should be more self aware and uh be able
(21:15):
to like she said something read the eventual room about
people's feelings, So she should have she should have said
something to him like way before. Yeah that there should
have been well she did.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
I mean, this isn't taking place on the wedding day,
I know.
Speaker 4 (21:30):
But we've heard from a lot of people who have
said I had an uncomfortable conversation or I addressed it,
and he didn't really lay that out as much in
your story.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Well, he just yeah, because all he said was like, yeah, okay, oh, oh, okay,
what am I supposed to say?
Speaker 3 (21:44):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (21:45):
You just kicked me in the nuts?
Speaker 4 (21:48):
Yeah, And like he in your story, he assumed there
had been no discussion with him.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
About the dance.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
About the dance, right, Yeah, but don't you assume if
you if you already told me Stepdad's walking me down
the aisle and there's no conversation about the dance. I
could fill in the blank. And it's just I didn't
fall off the turnip truck yesterday.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
It may have been best to get out in front
of this, ahead of the need to write into a paper.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
Yeah, when you're planning, all you're thinking about is how's
this gonna look? How am I gonna look at my dress?
How's the reception gonna look at all that stuff?
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Right?
Speaker 3 (22:22):
People are gonna judge you on everything.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
Yeah, No, that's what I started with.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
He just wanted to keep the table conversations going, so
I gave him a little drama.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
And people are gonna judge me apparently, then I go
cut in on the dance.
Speaker 4 (22:34):
There's earlier you hear his dad's dead.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
He told everybody, Hi Ellie in the morning. Yeah, Hi,
who's this?
Speaker 2 (22:47):
Hi?
Speaker 11 (22:47):
This is Lindsay from Hanymarket.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
Yes, Lindsay, what can I do for you?
Speaker 11 (22:52):
So my stepdad walked me down the aisle and did
the first dance while my father sat at a table
and watched it all happen.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
Was he like fuming?
Speaker 11 (23:05):
He was pretty uncomfortable, and he didn't even know ahead
of time that that was going to be happening.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
So wait a minute, did he show up at the
wedding and go, so, who's walking my daughter down the aisle?
Like that would cross my mind? Or did he just
go I don't know what's happened about?
Speaker 3 (23:23):
While?
Speaker 11 (23:25):
Well, yeah he was so he knew. He obviously knew
ahead of time he was coming to the wedding. We
didn't have so we were very close until I turned
about thirteen, and then all of a sudden he just
kind of like ghosted me and decided he didn't anymore.
And my stepdad really like stepped in and filled in
(23:49):
that like father role. So when it came time.
Speaker 6 (23:52):
For me to get married.
Speaker 11 (23:54):
I decided that my stepdad had basically been more of
a dad to me my whole life than my own
father did, so I felt like he deserved that walk
in that dance, and then eventually I actually had him
adopt me as an adult a few years down the
road while my father was still a lot.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
Did you make your dad go watch you get legally adopted?
Speaker 2 (24:18):
Like?
Speaker 1 (24:18):
Did you make him go to the borehouse to see it?
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Hey?
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Can I ask you no?
Speaker 11 (24:22):
But I'm pretty yes sure?
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Were you had you repaired your relationship at all with
your I mean, obviously your dad was invited and your
biological dad was invited to the wedding. Had you repaired
the relationship at all prior to the wedding or was
it still pretty Was it still pretty rough?
Speaker 11 (24:40):
It was? It was still a little rough. I'd say
it was kind of like most of the effort was
on my side. It wasn't really reciprocated from him. So
it just, you know, why why should he get that
like special moment if he he's the one that decided, Yeah,
(25:02):
I get.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
This one makes sense to me. This one makes sense
to me. It's very uncomfortable, and that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
That makes sense. All right, very good, Thank you, ma'am.
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Now, remember in the original story they were very close. Still,
that one makes sense.
Speaker 4 (25:20):
Everyone's got their little wrinkles that make their story unique.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Because I was very prepared to defend the biological father, but.
Speaker 4 (25:31):
There was a little bit of an issue there from Facebook.
I had this dilemma too when I got married, but
my stepdad died two months before the wedding, making the
decision for me.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
You know what, Thank you God, problem solved, Diane us
And that's a big one. Hi, Elliott in the morning.
Speaker 8 (25:55):
Good morning?
Speaker 5 (25:56):
Is this me?
Speaker 3 (25:56):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Hi? Who's this?
Speaker 6 (25:59):
Hi? This is the one from Hannah, Pennsylvania.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Oh, hey, don, what can I do for you?
Speaker 6 (26:04):
So when I got married, my grandfather and I were
very close, and I wanted my grandfather to give me away,
and my grandmother pulled me aside and said, you know,
she was happy that I wanted my grandfather to give
me away, but she said, if your dad saying for
some of the wedding, I don't think it's right that
you have your grandfather give you away. So I had
both of them walk away.
Speaker 11 (26:24):
Down the aisle.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Yeah, I mean I get that, I get that. I
get that I wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
I would I would not want to do it with
the stepfather, but like I get the grandfather, like that
part I get, But you wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Nobody, thank you, ma'am.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
Nobody wants to stand there and people go in and like,
especially people that are kind of friends but don't know
the whole family going like which ones are real?
Speaker 10 (26:46):
Dad?
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Like, you don't want that going on? Very uncomfortable.
Speaker 4 (26:52):
Now I have found the original story as well. I
don't think you could get through the advice that was
given without mocking it. But may I read it? Yes,
so that I guess you'll still respond, but at least
people will hear me loud and clear so that you
don't stop to criticize each sentence.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Yes, which you'll probably still do.
Speaker 3 (27:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (27:15):
Could you step back and appreciate him not as a
rival or replacement in your daughter's life, but as a
positive addition for her. She has two present, caring men
that are invested in her well being, which for her
might feel like a gift. Can you see both your
fatherly roles as a collaborative investment in her life rather
(27:37):
than as a competition. You already answered no, I hadn't
asked all the questions.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
No, no, no, that you know what, that's very nice.
Speaker 4 (27:47):
That is very nice.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
Told to be the bigger person the let me please,
it's very nice and yes, very fortunate that she has
two fatherly figures in her life. But she has one
father there the other one's a figure.
Speaker 4 (28:04):
No, that's not true.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
Yes, that's not how she painted.
Speaker 4 (28:07):
It's not even no, it's I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
So when they when they have to fail, I'm not
saying that stepparents don't play a massive role.
Speaker 4 (28:14):
You're you're my father figure. Stepparent is not a father figure.
If you can reframe the intention behind her wish not
as excluding you, but as including him.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
Well why not include me?
Speaker 4 (28:27):
You can refocus on the strength of your own relationship.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
We get to include him at my exclusion. To be clear,
how is he viewing it to be.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
Oh, this is wonderful.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
I'm included because we excluded him, you'd be great in therapy,
the therapist continues to be clear, you do have to
attend the wedding.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
I'm sick.
Speaker 4 (28:52):
Skipping your daughter's wedding would transform your hurt feelings into
a story that only you are telling. It's all about her,
And then they do give advice and I've posted it
on like what you could say in a phone call.
But do not say a word about her stepfather or
her choice. Just sit with the knowledge that your outreach
(29:15):
is meaningful because you show it up with love, just
as you will show up to the wedding.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
And I'm happy to be here and everything is fine.
It's good to see your mother in that bastard. Everything
is great.
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