Feelings I'd Rather Not

Ever met someone who says, “I’m just being honest,” but it somehow always feels like an attack?

In Episode 23 of Things We Say in Therapy, I’m breaking down the difference between healthy honesty and using “brutal honesty” as an excuse to avoid accountability.

We’re talking about communication skills, emotional intelligence, nervous system regulation, and what emotional maturity actually looks like in real relationships.

This episode ...

What do you do when someone refuses to see the issue with their behaviour?

In Snack Size Deep Dive 11, we unpack one of the most frustrating relationship dynamics: repeatedly explaining your feelings to someone who won’t take accountability.

Whether it’s a partner, friend, or family member, being dismissed, gaslit, or met with defensiveness can slowly erode your self-trust. You start questioning yourself. You wonder if you’re too sen...

Why does the victim mindset feel so comforting, even when it’s destroying your relationships and keeping you stuck?

In Episode 22 of Things We Say in Therapy, we explore the psychology behind the victim mentality, how unresolved trauma turns into identity, and why externalising blame can feel safer than taking responsibility. We break down the difference between real victimisation and subconscious victim mindset patterns, including ...

What happens when you stop enabling people and start holding them accountable?

In Snack Size Deep Dive 10 we explore the uncomfortable truth that emotional honesty and accountability can cost you relationships. When you stop participating in denial, toxic coping patterns, or self-destructive dynamics, some people won’t grow with you, they’ll distance themselves instead.

This episode covers:

• The psychology behind why accountability...

Why do you cringe at things you said years ago?
Why do other people’s awkward moments make you physically recoil?

Cringing is a self-conscious emotion tied to shame, belonging, and internalised social rules. It’s your nervous system trying to protect you from rejection.

In Episode 21 I talk about:

• What cringing actually is from a psychological perspective
• Why you judge yourself so harshly for past behaviour
• Why you cringe at oth...

Most people don’t think of themselves as emotionally dismissive.

But if emotional conversations make you uncomfortable, overwhelming, or something you instinctively try to shut down, this episode will help you figure out why.

In Snack Size Deep Dive 9 of the Things We Say in Therapy Podcast, we explore emotional dismissiveness: what it actually looks like, why it happens, and how it’s often rooted in a low tolerance for emotional dis...

Why do we get defensive during conflict even when we’re self-aware? 

In Episode 20 of Things We Say in Therapy, we break down defensiveness as a nervous system response rather than a personality flaw, and explore why feedback can feel like a personal attack.

This episode covers:

• What defensiveness actually is and why it shows up during conflict
• The role of the nervous system, amygdala, and fight-flight-freeze responses
• How childhood...

Why do some of us keep choosing chaos over calm? 

In Snack Size Deep Dive 8 we explore why people who grew up in chaotic or emotionally unavailable environments often find drama familiar and peace uncomfortable. Learn how our nervous system can become addicted to chaos, how drama serves as emotional regulation, and why calm can feel suspicious, boring, or even anxiety-inducing.

This episode is about understanding patterns in ourselve...

Most people believe they’re empathetic, but real empathy isn’t comfortable or easy.

In Episode 19 of Things We Say In Therapy, we unpack performative empathy: the habit of wanting to appear caring, supportive, and emotionally safe without actually being present in someone’s pain.

We explore why many people:

• Perform care instead of offering real emotional connection
• Rush to fix, reframe, or validate to avoid discomfort
• Use toxic posi...

In Snack Size Deep Dive 7, we talk about one of the most uncomfortable truths in adult friendships: loving your friends deeply while secretly feeling competitive, jealous, or resentful when they get things you want.

This short, snackable episode unpacks why these feelings are far more common than we admit and why they don’t mean you’re a bad friend or a bad person. Through psychology-backed insights on social comparison, self-esteem...

In Episode 18 of Things We Say in Therapy, we dive into why so many of us tolerate disappointing ourselves but panic at the thought of letting others down. Discover the psychological roots of people pleasing, the impact of childhood conditioning, and why your fear of disappointing others may be sabotaging your self-worth. Learn practical steps to set boundaries, validate yourself, and break free from self-neglect and self-abandonme...

Why does imagining life feel safer than actually living it?

In Snack Size Deep Dive 5, we explore maladaptive daydreaming: the habit of retreating into imagined scenarios, worst-case outcomes, or fantasy worlds as a way to cope with discomfort, anxiety, or trauma.

If real life feels unsafe, overwhelming, or unpredictable, your mind may have learned to escape inward. While imagination can feel protective, relying on it too heavily can...

Struggling to make decisions? Episode 17 of Things We Say in Therapy breaks down how to choose the right path even when self-doubt, overthinking, and fear of getting it wrong feel overwhelming. We explore the psychology behind decision-making, how to separate intuition from anxiety, and practical strategies to build confidence in your judgment. You’ll learn how to create clarity, reduce mental noise, and make choices you can stand ...

Do you find yourself constantly comparing your life to others? In Episode 5 of Things We Say in Therapy: Snack Size Deep Dives, we explore the hidden cost of comparison and how it quietly affects your confidence, focus, and mental health. 

This is what you will learn in today's episode:

• why we compare
• the impact it has on your self-worth
• practical strategies to shift focus to your own growth

This episode is perfect for any...

Some people seem kind, caring, and thoughtful...but are they truly good, or just trying to look good? In Episode 16 ofThings We Say In Therapy, we dive into the difference between authentic goodness and performing kindness for appearances.

Learn about psychological concepts like moral licensing, cognitive dissonance, and shame avoidance, and discover how these behaviors show up in everyday life and relationships. I'll share som...

Why do some people stay stuck in our minds long after they’ve hurt us? In Snack-Size Deep Dive 4 on the Things We Say in Therapy Podcast, we break down the psychology behind rumination, negativity bias, and why hate can feel impossible to let go of.

This episode explores:

• Why your brain obsesses over people you dislike
• The role of anxiety, control, and perceived threats
• Why rumination feels protective but actually keeps you stuck
• Ho...

Many of us were taught that being “selfless” makes us loveable, but when self-sacrifice replaces self-respect, it slowly destroys your mental health.

In Episode 5 of Things We Say in Therapy, we explore the psychology behind chronic self-sacrifice, people-pleasing, and the need for validation. We unpack how childhood conditioning, attachment styles, and emotional neglect can wire you to over-give, abandon your needs, and tie your wo...

In this Snack Size Deep Dive, we explore why crying feels dangerous for so many of us. From childhood conditioning and nervous-system responses to identity, shame, and emotional armour, this episode breaks down the real psychology behind why we resist tears.

You’ll also learn three practical self-reflection tools to help you stop disconnecting from your emotions and start understanding what’s really underneath the urge to cry. Links...

Have you ever left a social gathering feeling drained, anxious, or doubting yourself, and assumed it was normal?
In this episode of Things We Say in Therapy, we explore normalised dysfunction: the toxic behaviours we learn to tolerate in friendships, families, and workplaces without even realising it.

You’ll learn:

•  What normalised dysfunction is and why it happens
• The psychological concepts behind it (hedonic adaptation, norm...