All Episodes

October 9, 2021 13 mins

"Life will be better when I lose 5 pounds" (or some variation of that statement) was something that Amy used to say to herself regularly. Licensed therapist @Kat.Defatta is on to help us understand why we might be chasing happiness through weight loss & why it won't work. 


Follow the hosts on instagram!

@lisahayim

@radioamy


SUBSCRIBE and follow so you never miss an episode and SHARE with your friends & family. 

Questions? Guest Submissions? Email us: hello@outweighpodcast.com


This podcast was edited by Houston Tilley

Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Mark as Played
Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I won't let my body out out well everything that
I'm made do. Won't spend my life trying to change.
I'm learning to love who I am again. I'm strong,
I feel free, I know who every part of me.
It's beautiful and now will always out with if you

(00:24):
feel it with yours in the air, she's some love
to the boom. I am there. Let's say good day
and did you and die out? Happy Saturday? Outweigh fam,
you know what I want to talk about today with
Kat here. Cat Defada is joining me. She's a licensed
therapist specializes in eating disorders. Lisa will be back soon.

(00:46):
By the way, I hope y'all are following along on
her Instagram with her sweet baby. I loved seeing her
as a mom. You can check her out. She's at
Lisa hame h a y I am and Cat is here,
and so I thought, I make this opportunity to run
something by her, which is a mental state or like
a world that I lived in for a long time.

(01:06):
My brain was constantly stuck in this cycle of my
life will be better when I lose five pounds, or
if I could just lose ten pounds and everything would
be fine, And so I was constantly chasing that weight loss.
And I recently got back from a big work event
where we have this huge festival in Vegas and I've
been doing that every year for ten years or so,

(01:28):
and I thought, wow, I went on this event and
I didn't have any of that pregame mentality where it's like, Okay,
i gotta lose five pounds so that i can show
up and be my best self, where I've got to
do this cleanse before I go do work, because that's
just the world I lived in, and I didn't do
any of that. I didn't have the I was in recovery,

(01:48):
but I didn't have the opportunity to go do anything
because well there wasn't much going on. But now that
we're getting back to quote unquote normal in a sense
and events are going to start picking up, I'm like,
this is the way to do it, because I'm no
long or thinking Okay, I can show up to that
if I lose five pounds or because if I lose
five pounds, I'm gonna be yes like everything you're giving
me these eyeballs, like I'm crazy person. But I can't

(02:11):
be the only person that was living in that constant
state of I'll be happier if for I'll perform better
at work if I and it was all weight related
or if my stomach was flat or this or that,
like everything had to do with how I looked, and
somehow restricting for a whole week before I had a

(02:34):
work event helped me think I looked better. Well, I'm
giving you those eyes because I'm like, I'm wondering in
that time, what was going to be different if you
lost five pounds. We said everything will be better, things
will be better. I don't know. It was a but
it was on heavy rotation and I thought I everything
would be different. It was very toxic, But I also

(02:56):
wonder with that, so what would be different everything? Okay,
what messaging? Everything? What messaging do you have around you
that's helping you believe that everything is going to be
better if I have a stomach because everywhere you turn
you see messaging that if you diet and lose weight,
everything will be better. Yeah. I gave this to an

(03:17):
assignment to a client one time because I just was like,
this is fascinating. If you go look at ads for products,
any product, it could be orange juice, it could be mascara.
Literally any product. You open a magazine and we look
at ads. What are you seeing in those ads? Typically? Well,
then white person? Yeah? Happy? How happy? Do this look happy? Yes? So,

(03:40):
but I don't even notice that. I'm like, oh look
how yeah. So there's two things that they are yea
and I. We've gotten more diverse than are. And I
will give credit to advertise for seeing more inclusive, but
for a lot of times and I can't even and
I I am a on the thinner side white person,
So what a privilege for me to in up and
see someone that actually kind of looks like me. I

(04:02):
can't imagine for all the years people have had to
open up and see somebody or someone that looks absolutely
nothing like them. So I just want to take a
side note to recognize that. And we are making huge
shifts to that. But I think that speaks to like
everything around me that I'm seeing is this image and
they look happy or they look successful, they have the

(04:24):
life I want, so to have that I must look
like that. Yeah, I'm glad you brought up the happiness
because now I did answer you with everything, But I
think the narrative and thankfully it's been a long time
since I've had that in my head and I don't
want to go back to that. But yes, I will
be happier, so therefore everything will be better. My relationships
will be better. I'll be nicer and more fun because

(04:47):
I'm happier. My husband will like me more, my job
will do better because phil pressure to look a certain way,
and it goes on and on and on. And I
would also wonder, like what is that level of happiness? Like, well, no,
I tell you what. I was love very happy because
I hadn't eaten in three days. It's just like almost
as dangling carrot in front of you that you are

(05:08):
like keep chasing, but you never get closer to it.
So I want that carrot. That's the happiness, So I'm
gonna chase it. And how I'm gonna chase it is
through juicing and diet and exercise in this and all
of that. But it's almost like it's getting a little
bit further away because let's say, I mean, this is
a story that I don't know if you've talked about
this on here, but I talked about it all the time.
Is if I lose five pounds, I'll be fine, I'll
be happy. That'll be whatever. Okay, you lose those five pounds,

(05:31):
then what Oh, then you're chasing five more. Now I
need a tone, or okay, now I need to get botox,
or okay, I think I'd be happier if I was blonde,
or maybe a should get the colored contacts. If we're
looking for what we look like to give us happiness,
we can always change what we look like. And there's
if there's always going to be something that you are lacking.

(05:53):
Because we're comparing ourselves to all these other people and
we see all the things we like about them. We
don't see as much of their perfections as we see
in us. So there's always going to be something. And
we often talk about brain space and what and needing
disorder can do to your brain space. It consumes it,
it takes it over, it sets up shop, and that
is basically all you think about, and then relationships suffer

(06:19):
and that doesn't lead to happiness. You know, you may
think that you're making progress because say you are tracking
your weight, you have lost the weight, but then what
But for me, that's all I was thinking about. When
can I work out? How long can I work out?
Sometimes working out twice, like I wasn't cultivating relationships. I
wasn't enjoying meals with families. I would be out to

(06:39):
dinner if I was in Let's use l A for
an example. I can speak of a very specific time
where I was in l A for a work event
and I knew i'd be on a red carpet, and
I was hanging out with a lot of friends. I
think even like Mary was there and our other friend Kara,
and I think my husband was even in town, and
Bobby was there, and we all went out to eat

(07:00):
and I took my green juice and everyone ate and
I drank my juice, and so that wasn't happiness, but
my brain was consumed with it. So I literally saw
no problem with it. I thought, yeah, I'm showing up
to this restaurant and I pulled my juice out of
my purse, and I didn't get to enjoy everything with
everybody else. That was my routine before an event. That's

(07:23):
what I did. I juiced, And on my four Things podcast,
I would recommend that other people do that too, And
I'm so thankful to be in a different place. But
I would tell people, hey, you know I mean, and
this is a saying from Dion Sanders, and I think
it is funny and take from it what you will.
But he was an athlete, but he's like, hey, if
you look good, you feel good, feel good, you play good.
If you play good, they pay good. So that was

(07:44):
sort of my mentality with juicing. And I don't think
he meant any harm by that saying, but in my
mind I was like, well, in order to look good
and feel good, I need a juice. So and then
I'm going to show up and perform my best because
I'm feeling confident, and then I'm gonna do are at
my job. Yes, I don't think that's that bad of
a saying. I think that's not. Well, what does look

(08:06):
good mean? And that goes back to like what are
you seeing out in the world. That's that's in quotes good. Now,
in this place of recovery, we get to decide what's good.
So if I look good, I feel good. Okay, Well,
looking good for you back then was having a body
of a neating disorder, right, So that might be shifting
for you now, so you can still think you look good,

(08:28):
so you feel good, but it's not maybe based on
your pants size. Right. I also would just like to
take a second, because there are people who are probably
relating to this or that are like pushing it away.
And you're talking about when you were in that space
and you really really thought you you really did think
you were happy. There is a space in our disease

(08:49):
where we really do think that what we're doing is
working for us. And I think that we can get
really down on ourselves when we're outside of that space.
And I can't believe I did that, or I can't
believe I thought that, or I can't believe I sent
that message or told that thing to that person or
whatever it is. And I think it's worth mentioning and
worth taking a second to even just sit in with

(09:10):
yourself if you're feeling that like it's okay, totally you
didn't know and now you do, like you can't know
what you don't know, and that disease is really strong.
And so if you did something like that and you're
feeling guilt and shame over it, okay, but did you
know that that was bad and wrong in that time? No,
you didn't. I honestly didn't know any better than love
that way for so long that it felt normal. I

(09:31):
didn't surround myself with people that all acted that way
by any means, but because I had a platform to
put out a message that way, and I felt like
others were doing it in a sense like I felt,
and I followed people on Instagram that had behaviors like that,
so to me, it was very it was normal norm.
And now I have this recent example of being in
Vegas a couple of weeks ago where I got to

(09:54):
enjoy food and not work out and still show up
and do my job. And did you feel good on
when you were giving I felt great, Yes, I felt great.
Parts of me were happier, I know than I was
back then, because you know what, I would restrict for
those however, many days before the event, and then the

(10:14):
minute the event was over, I'd be like, let's go
get pancakes, and then I would completely over indulge because
my body was like feed me, feed me, and I thought, well,
it doesn't matter now I don't have an event, so
I'll just continue this fisious cycle of restrict binge, restrict binge.
And that's so hard for people to understand who are

(10:35):
in it. So I'm glad you're giving a real life
example and talking about it. But when I have conversations
with people about like, listen, I promise you're going to
enjoy your life more outside of this way of living,
in this belief system that you've created, it is possible
for you to enjoy your life and what you look
like in your pants size not to be the most
important thing. And people cannot get that through their brain

(10:56):
until they've experienced it, and they're like, wow, So now
you're having this moment and you're like, I've experienced it,
and me not juicing and being in my life and
accepting who I am, how I am, how I come
allowed me to enjoy my life better. I have now
have that experience, but I didn't know before. Yeah, well,
and we desperately want that shift for you, but it's

(11:17):
going to happen in your own time. And I would
hear certain things, but it wasn't registering with me. Like
I knew I needed to make a change, but it
took me a long time to get there. It was
a journey. So I don't want you to be discouraged
in any way if this is something that you too desire,
but it's not happening overnight because you literally have to

(11:38):
rewire your brain and that takes time, but the good
news is is that it's possible. And when we share
our stories or you hear about other people, than that
is the hope that you have and the encouragement to
to continue down that path of putting in the work,
to to know that that it can happen and that

(11:59):
we want that you And that's why we have that way,
and that's why I love our tagline, A Life without
Disordered Eating outweighs everything. It truly does. And I want
you to have that brain space back, and so does Lisa,
and so does Cat and any of our guests that
come on. Just know that you are not alone. And
I'm so thankful for our little community. And I will

(12:22):
add this last thing because I just think it's helpful
to hear and to be reminded of this. That we
see with our eyes how we're feeling inside of our bodies,
and we see through the messages that we are telling
ourselves inside of our bodies. So if we're sending that
message over and over and over and over again that
I will be happier. If I lose five pounds, I
will be happier. If I can fit into this, I

(12:42):
will be happier with this color hair. We're going to
see that, and we're gonna be dissatisfied when we look
at ourselves until we get that thing, and then we're
gonna want something else. But if we send a different
message about can be any message that you want, you
get to create it. I can be happy in this body,
I can love this body. I can show up fully
in this body. You're gonna see a body that you
believe is worthy of being seen and shown off the

(13:04):
way it is. And that is literal science. It's connecting
your body and your thoughts and your belief system altogether.
Thank you, Cat, and I hope people will check you
out on Instagram your account of such an encouragement to
me as I'm in my recovery. She's at cat dot
de fata d e f A T t A and
that's Cat with a K like a Kardashian um. So

(13:29):
cat dot de fata is where you can find her.
I'm radio Amy on all my socials, and then I
gave Lisa's Instagram out at the beginning. But if you
would love to email us, we want to hear from you.
Hello at Outweigh podcast dot com. See you next Saturday,

Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News

Advertise With Us

Follow Us On

Host

Amy Brown

Amy Brown

Popular Podcasts

Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang

Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang

Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.

40s and Free Agents: NFL Draft Season

40s and Free Agents: NFL Draft Season

Daniel Jeremiah of Move the Sticks and Gregg Rosenthal of NFL Daily join forces to break down every team's needs this offseason.

Crime Junkie

Crime Junkie

Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.

Music, radio and podcasts, all free. Listen online or download the iHeart App.

Connect

© 2025 iHeartMedia, Inc.