Doing Marriage Well
This blog is not Doing Marriage Right. That would be about doing what someone thinks we should all do. Your marriage is the blending of two unique people, and what works for others may not be good for you. There are things that are nearly universally successful for couples, and things that are universally harmful. For those who follow Jesus, there are some expectations and limits. But honesty, there’s a great deal of wiggle room. We’ve seen happy couples living a wide variety of different ways. If it’s in God’s will, and both husband and wife are good with it, who am I to say anything against it? The goal here is to help you find what works well for your marriage. I will do that by offering you things to consider. As things are shared, weight them. Try those that seem like they might work for your marriage. If it’s a good fit, great. If not, ditch it, or consider how to modify it to work for your relationship. Doing Marriage Well means actually doing what builds our marriage relationships. It’s the doing that makes the difference! Every Monday I share about a marriage concept and then spend the rest of the week talking about ways to use it in your life and marriage. On Friday, I will apply the concept to sexuality.
Episodes
Perfectionism can stop us from trying; this episode argues that it's better to attempt marriage imperfectly than not to try at all. Using G.K. Chesterton's insight, the host explains why honest effort, forgiveness, and gratitude matter more than flawless performance.
Drawing on personal experience from a 41-year marriage, the host shows how accepting mistakes, thanking sincere attempts, and encouraging one another sustain love and ...
Paul explores how married couples can responsibly manage sexual desire when a spouse is separated, ill, or otherwise unable to be intimate, recommending communication, compassion, solo release, and practical options like phone sex or toys.
He urges planning ahead, choosing grace over legalism, and asks listeners to pray for Lori, who is struggling with chronic discomfort and awaits a specialist appointment.
In this episode, Paul discusses the responsibilities of adulthood within marriage — stepping up when your spouse can’t, carrying extra loads without complaint, and offering sacrificial love. He emphasises honest communication, self-care during seasons of weakness, and the importance of reassurance rather than guilt. Paul also warns against chronic exploitation of one partner’s sacrifice and suggests seeking help i...
This episode examines common ways couples fail to 'adult' in marriage: avoiding difficult conversations, playing the blame game, refusing accountability, throwing tantrums, and using hobbies or work to avoid connection.
Practical guidance is offered: address issues promptly, call out harmful behaviours, focus on increasing connection rather than limiting activities, seek help when needed, and practise grace while expecting adult re...
This episode explores how "adulting" can require painful but necessary choices to protect your spouse, children, and marriage, illustrated by a true story of a couple facing mental illness and recovery.
Practical advice covers recognising mental-health needs, confronting addictions, setting boundaries, using interventions and recovery groups, and taking medical or legal steps when required. The episode encourages seeking help, supp...
This episode explores what it means to "adult" in marriage: doing necessary tasks, sharing responsibility, and avoiding unrealistic expectations of perfection.
Paul emphasises balance, grace, and teamwork—letting roles shift when life gets hard, helping each other when one partner is overwhelmed, and accepting occasional days where you simply can’t adult.
Doing marriage well (Sept 5, 2026): This episode examines the high cost of betrayal and the path to healing and accountability after infidelity, including porn and emotional affairs. It covers owning the choice to sin, ending contact with the other person, giving your spouse the information they need, the slow work of rebuilding trust and sex, and when to seek help. Includes an example of grace where confession, apology, and sacrif...
This episode explains how to apologise effectively in relationships: why timing matters, how to take ownership without defensiveness, and why acknowledging impact and offering tangible repair are essential.
It highlights common apology mistakes — delaying, over-explaining, minimising feelings, or tacking on grievances — and encourages short, sincere apologies focused on healing and restoration.
Episode from Doing Marriage Well (Sept 3, 2026): This episode explores how shared history can either repair or damage relationships. It advises intentionally recalling positive memories, journaling happy moments, and using those memories to shift perspective and rebuild connection.
It also discusses how past hurts can be magnified when we’re hurting now, and encourages examining patterns, learning from previous breakups, and ...
This episode examines 1 Corinthians 13 and applies its principles—patience, kindness, restraint, hope, and endurance—to situations where one partner is the main source of problems.
It stresses that love does not mean accepting abuse, encourages patience and kindness while waiting for change, and advises seeking help or leaving when patterns are harmful or unchanging.
In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (Sept 1, 2026), Paul outlines six ways we sabotage our relationships—selfishness, pettiness, pride, refusing the cost of doing what's right, demanding what we think we deserve, and making harmful assumptions.
He offers practical questions, Scripture (1 Corinthians 13:4-7), and a faith-based call to own your part, apologise, and seek God’s help to rebuild connection and trust.
Paul explores how pride, fear, and immaturity make adults magnify small slights and wreck marriages, friendships, and church relationships.
Drawing on Philippians 4:2–3 and pastoral experience, he urges listeners to recognise their part, choose humility, and work toward reconciliation.
This episode defines arousal non-concordance — when the body and brain are out of sync — and gives everyday examples (morning erections, body arousal without mental desire) that can occur for men and women.
It explains how mismatched signals between partners can lead to confusion, hurt, or unwanted sex, and clarifies that physical signs like erections or wetness don’t mean mental desire.
Practical advice includes ...
This episode explores why many men understate or suppress their sexual desire—due to comparison, societal messages, or guilt—and how that withholding damages intimacy and satisfaction in marriage.
Paul reviews research on mismatched drives and common coping strategies that fall short, and urges couples (and especially the lower-drive partner) to acknowledge the problem and practice generosity to rebuild connection.
This episode explores the vital but hard-to-measure emotional needs spouses have—appreciation, trust, emotional and intellectual connection, shared life, physical presence, and sincere apologies.
Paul invites listeners to reflect on which needs feel lacking in their marriage and to consider giving and asking for these things more intentionally.
In this Doing Marriage Well episode (August 26, 2026), Paul examines the five love languages—words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch—and how they reveal what spouses truly need.
Using personal examples, he explains how needs can change over time, warns against manipulation, and urges listeners to intentionally give their partner what feeds them so their marriage can thrive.
In this episode Paul explains why we often misjudge our marriage needs — how stress, fatigue, guilt, upbringing, and comparison can hide or amplify what we require from our spouse.
He emphasises that different needs are valid, that circumstances can temporarily raise needs, and that offering more than the minimum is a generous, protective way to care for one another.
In this episode (Doing Marriage Well — August 24, 2026), Paul uses physical dehydration as a metaphor for emotional dryness in marriage. He explains how our bodies — and our relationships — can stop signaling needs as we age, and why early passion can mask declining attention to what truly sustains connection.
Paul invites listeners to examine whether they or their spouse have lost the “thirst” for wha...
Paul explores how sexual experiences and preferences formed before marriage can create frustration and mismatch in the bedroom, and why calm, honest conversations matter.
He offers practical advice: husbands should prioritise their wife’s pleasure, wives should be bold about their needs, try new things together, and seek help when needed (see Marriage Bed Forms in the show notes).
This episode explains how creating a shared vision strengthens marriage by turning individual preferences into a united purpose.
It shows how to focus on common goals (like raising children who are responsible), distinguish strong desires from weak preferences, and negotiate realistic plans through compromise, backup options, or a better third way.
Practical advice includes seeking experienced advice, trying one approach while keep...
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