Doing Marriage Well

Nagging isn’t just irritating — it’s often a warning sign that something deeper is wrong in the marriage. Persistent, repetitive urgings can come from frustration, habit, or past wounds and usually make change less likely.

If you catch yourself nagging, admit it, choose one issue to address, explain why it matters to you, and say what you need. If you’re being nagged, treat it as a cry for help: listen, respond respectfully, and fo...

In this episode we look at why criticism often backfires in marriage and how to say things that actually help. Criticism can feel like an attack, and a spouse’s history or your tone can make it worse.

Practical tips include starting with appreciation, using I-statements, being specific, avoiding generalisations like "always" or "never", offering solutions, and picking your battles. These steps help create safety and build better co...

Doing Marriage Well for March 6, 2026 — A short post about gratitude, desire, and enjoying a quiet night together, illustrated by the a cappella track "Slow Ride" by the Coates (Seattle).

Paul reflects on a kiss that speaks volumes as his wife leaves for work, celebrates unhurried sex as one way to connect, and encourages letting both God and your spouse know how much you cherish your marriage and sex life.

Quick post today because...

This episode explores how to build the marriage you want in retirement by investing in your relationship now. Using The Beatles' "When I'm 64" as a prompt, Paul explains why coasting in busy midlife years can leave couples feeling like roommates and offers a clear call to stay connected, prioritise intimacy, and keep talking.

Practical suggestions include cultivating shared interests, planning simple joint activities, saving for sh...

Doing Marriage Well — March 5, 2026: “I Was Your Clown” uses Elton John & Kiki Dee’s 1976 hit “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” to show how humour and comfort can lighten a spouse’s darkest moments.

The episode explains that sometimes a laugh, sometimes a kind word, a silent hug, or a long snuggle is what helps most; other times prayer, a listening ear, or giving space is needed.

Being what your spouse needs requires learning them w...

This episode explores marriage battle wounds and why hiding hurts. Today's playlist pick is "This Is Me" from The Greatest Showman (link in show notes). We reframe the song to say "This is us" — you and your spouse. The episode uses wounded imagery to talk about real marriage struggles.

Many couples hide their wounds behind carefully crafted lies. That secrecy keeps them from receiving support and powerful prayers. Without help, st...

This episode explains important differences between male and female sexuality and how they affect married sex. It contrasts spontaneous desire (more common in men) with responsive desire (more common in women), using the hunger vs. smelling bread analogy, and notes that many women in long-term relationships don’t experience spontaneous desire.

The episode also discusses differences in how quickly partners reach orgasm and why denyi...

Doing Marriage Well — February 26, 2026: This episode explores biological and social differences between men and women and how those differences shape work, caregiving, aggression, decision-making, and risk.

Topics include why men often link identity to providing, why women more often judge themselves by caregiving, different patterns of aggression and communication in couples, and how extremes in behaviour can create conflict or s...

In this episode Paul explores how everyday physical differences—height, strength, temperature sensitivity, colour perception, smell, vision, and hearing—shape expectations and interactions in marriage. He explains how perspective matters and how small unrecognised differences can cause frustration.

Paul offers simple, practical steps couples can take: be aware of reach and sightlines, provide tools or help when needed, adjust tempe...

Paul explains why we often expect our spouse to be just like us and how that expectation creates conflict. Using a cat-and-dog analogy, he explores how personality, gender, and family background shape different realities within a marriage.

He urges listeners to recognise that most differences are just that—different, not wrong—and suggests reflecting on how your partner differs from you as the first step toward better understanding...

Paul applies this week’s ideas to the bedroom, explaining how past sexual injuries and misunderstandings leave spouses ‘sexually crippled’ and limit intimacy.

He contrasts small issues (“splinters”) with bigger relationship problems (“chunks”), urges honest conversations about trauma and desire, and warns against expecting a partner to be a different person in different roles (“package deals”).

Practical guidance: tell each other y...

In this episode Paul explores how to be honest about your own broken places in marriage, avoiding the two extremes of being too hard or too easy on yourself. He explains how understanding reasons helps, but prioritising the big issues your spouse actually cares about and following through with consistent action is what truly heals.

Focus on the "chunks" before the "splinters", let actions—not promises—show real change, and keep it ...

Paul explains why we should recognise and accept our spouse's limitations instead of punishing them for things they cannot change. He compares emotional wounds to a "broken leg", urging compassion, patience, and honesty about where healing is needed.

The episode shows how to notice real progress—by tracking higher highs and less severe lows—and encourages praising growth, acknowledging effort, and tailoring expectations to each cou...