Divorce on Planet Earth: Real World Advice for Well-Intentioned Humans
Psychotherapist and divorce expert Kate Scharff, MSW has worked with separating and divorcing families for over 35 years. She's also experienced divorce herself - both as a child and as an adult. So she knows, first-hand, that divorce is more painful and destabilizing, even, than most people imagine. In this podcast Kate and her guests offer compassionate, common-sense, practical and never-preachy advice on even the toughest divorce topics. Their message? Divorce (and parenting during divorce) is tough, and you're only human. But with the right support and advice, you can navigate it so that you (and your kids, if you have them) can emerge whole, happy, and ready to get on with the rest of your life.
Episodes
January 1, 2024 • 39 mins
With divorce rates rising among people who are over 50, many of today's children of divorce are adults themselves- often with families of their own. Divorcing couples often assume their grown-up kids are "just fine." But these "invisible children of divorce" are impacted just as profoundly as their younger counterparts, often in surprising and complex ways. Kate is joined by psychologist Lisa Herrick, PhD, who shares important tips...
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November 28, 2023 • 41 mins
Dividing finances in divorce- most separating couples dread it. After all, when you got married you didn't imagine having to discuss dividing all the assets you acquired during your marriage. Suddenly, the person you once shared a life with feels like an adversary. But it doesn't have to be so hard. Most people don't know that there are financial professionals with specific expertise in shepherding couples through this tough terrai...
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If you’re a divorcing parent, worries about how the split will affect your kids is probably the most upsetting and scary part of the whole experience. You have lots of questions, including "Is there anything I can do to make sure my divorce doesn’t have a permanent negative impact on my children's development? According to our guest today, Dr. Lisa Herrick, the answer is a resounding "yes!"
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May 15, 2022 • 32 mins
Even before the pandemic, divorcing couples struggled with the questions "What should we do with the house?" and "Where should each of us live?" Now, divorcing couples (many of whom have been trapped under the same roof for over two years) are struggling to understand the impact of Covid on such issues as finding (and qualifying for) the right mortgage, dealing with credit problems, understanding inflated property values, deciding ...
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January 4, 2022 • 42 mins
Who’s afraid of the big bad prenup? Well, if you’re getting married probably you. So you might
be surprised to learn that crafting a pre-nup should be a positive experience- one that strengthens the bond between you and your future spouse and sets you on a road to a happy, healthy marriage. Attorney Suzy Eckstein joins Kate to explain.
be surprised to learn that crafting a pre-nup should be a positive experience- one that strengthens the bond between you and your future spouse and sets you on a road to a happy, healthy marriage. Attorney Suzy Eckstein joins Kate to explain.
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March 20, 2020 • 56 mins
If you're getting separated or divorced, where you'll each live is one of your biggest concerns. You have questions, like: "Can one of us keep the house?"; "Should one of us buy the other out?"; "How do we figure out what our house is worth?"; "Can I qualify for a mortgage, and what can I do to increase my chances?"; "What if I have been out of the job market for years?", and "If I don't keep the house, should I rent or buy?" Mortg...
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What steps can you take to make sure your divorce doesn't cause permanent damage to your child's development? Psychologist and divorce expert Dr. Lisa Herrick joins us to discuss what we can learn from the latest research on the impact of divorce on children of all ages, including how to identify "risk factors" and implement "protective strategies" -- so that your divorce can remain a sad memory rather than a bad developmental turn...
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February 4, 2020 • 41 mins
Collabortive Divorce is an an out-of-court way to resolve your divorce disputes in a respectful, non-adversarial manner. Never heard of Collaborative Divorce? Heard of it, but want to know more? In this episode Kate and Jane are again joined by family law attorney Suzy Eckstein. Together they explain and demystify the important aspects of Collabortive Divorce-- what it is, how it works, and what makes it different from all other d...
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Episode 23 - Finding the Right Divorce for You Part 1 - What are Your Options and How Do You Choose?
February 4, 2020 • 34 mins
You've decided to get divorced (or your spouse has decided for you)... Where to begin? In this episode Kate and Jane are joined by experienced family law attorney Suzy Epstein. Together they take on the confusing questions "How can I find a good divorce lawyer who is right for me?", and "What are the the different ways to get divorced?" They then address other frequently asked questions, including "How much is this going to cos...
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December 19, 2019 • 42 mins
If you're newly separated or divorced, the holidays can be tough. Especially if you have kids, you'll struggle with many questions, such as: "How can I surivive holiday time without my kids?", "How can I maintain or create new traditions on my own?", "How can I share kid time with my ex, and should we still celebrate some things "as a family?", "How will I cope with the loss of in-laws?", and "Will friends include me now that I'm o...
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If you're newly separated or divorced, the holidays can be particularly tough- fraught with feelings of loss, loneliness, alienation and destabilization. It can seem that while everyone you know is having a magical family experience, you're struggling alone to find your place as an unpartnered person. In this episode Kate and Jane offer advice for navigating the holidays-- and other significant post-split "firsts"- while maintainin...
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October 23, 2019 • 29 mins
For most divorcing parents, breaking the news to their kids is one the most upsetting parts of the experience. What, when and how to tell them? How to ease their pain? What if you and your future ex can't agree on a message? Take a breath, relax. You need some guidance and a plan. This is Part 2 of Kate and Jane's "10 Tips for Doing a Good Job with the Scariest Conversation of Your Life".
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October 21, 2019 • 23 mins
For most divorcing parents, breaking the news to their kids is one the most upsetting parts of the experience. What, when and how to tell them? How to ease their pain? What if you and your future ex can't agree on a message? Take a breath, relax. You need some guidance and a plan. Kate and Jane offer "10 Tips for Doing a Good Job with the Scariest Conversation of Your Life".
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July 29, 2019 • 35 mins
Divorcing parents want to support their kids and minimize pain. But being a good parent sometimes means taking unpopular positions. And what if you don't have a cooperative co-parent who supports your philosophy? In this episode, Kate and Jane offer practical and empathic advice for handling even the most complex and emotionally fraught divorce discipline challenges.
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July 29, 2019 • 57 mins
"Now that we're splitting up, should I be softer on the kids or keep doing things the old way?" "Should my ex and I try to have the same rules?" "What if my ex undermines me with the kids?" Deciding how and when to discipline our kids during the emotional maelstrom of divorce is tough. But you can learn to navigate even the thorniest challenges if you start with a solid understanding of what constitutes effective discipline for kid...
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July 15, 2019 • 19 mins
"How did I get here?", "How did I not see this coming?", "Why did I marry that person in the first place?, "How can I avoid making the same mistakes again?" When you're baffled by your past, it's scary to imagine taking a step into the future. But here's the silver lining of divorce: It offers the possibility of real transformation. In this episode Kate and Jane offer their insights into how to take new control over your emotiona...
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March 18, 2019 • 17 mins
Divorce can be overwhelming, alienating and lonely. Even when friends and family want to help, they often grow tired of listening, offer unhelpful advice, or are simply at a loss. You may ask yourself "If divorce is so common, how come I'm the only one I know going through it?","Why doesn't anyone understand how hard this is?" or "Will I always be on outside looking in?" In this episode Kate and Jane explore many of the tough bu...
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June 24, 2018 • 51 mins
Divorced but still living under the same roof? There are many reasons separating couples share a home for some period of time during the separation/divorce transition. For some it's a financial or legal necessity, for others part of a long-range plan to share time with children. Some couples find this a torturous "limbo phase," while others think of it as a way to ease the pain for children. Whether it's a necessity or a choice, pa...
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June 22, 2018 • 14 mins
Over years of working with children of divorce, Kate has compiled a list of 30 promises every divorcing parent should make to their children. In this sixth and final installment of our special series "The Divorced Parents' Pledge, " Kate and Jane discuss clauses 26-30 of this important list. Take the pledge, you owe it to your kids- and yourself!
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June 21, 2018 • 17 mins
Over years of working with children of divorce, Kate has compiled a list of 30 promises every divorcing parent should make to their children. In this fifth installment of our special series "The Divorced Parents' Pledge, " Kate and Jane discuss clauses 21-25 of this important list. Take the pledge, you owe it to your kids- and yourself!
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