Psychotherapist Brian Granneman examines the patterns that keep people stuck — the ones that show up in relationships, conversations, habits, conflict, addiction, avoidance, and everyday decisions. Each episode breaks down the emotional, behavioral, and relational dynamics underneath those patterns through long-form, clinically informed conversations grounded in real life instead of performance, slogans, or surface-level advice.
GLP-1 medications like semaglutide, Ozempic, Wegovy, Mounjaro, and Zepbound are best known for diabetes and weight loss, but researchers are increasingly studying their effects on alcohol craving, nicotine use, reward processing, and addiction. In this episode, I look at the emerging science behind GLP-1 drugs and alcohol use disorder, including dopamine, reward salience, craving, reinforcement, and why some people describe food or...
What can a pitbull teach us about addiction, relapse, and recovery? This episode explores addiction through the story of Honey, a pitbull whose intense prey drive offers a surprisingly useful way to understand dopamine, reward salience, limbic activation, prefrontal control, and why the addicted brain can continue pursuing something long after the pleasure is gone. It also looks at why knowing the consequences often fails to stop a...
What happens after someone leaves a high-control environment, but the fear, shame, isolation, and self-doubt remain? Trauma researcher and cult survivor Dr. Yaro Garcia explores how coercive control can become internalized, why physically leaving does not automatically create emotional freedom, and how fear, hopelessness, and isolation can continue shaping identity, relationships, and deci...
Betrayal can begin long before the affair, secret message, or discovery that finally blows the relationship apart. Drawing from John Gottman’s The Science of Trust and research on commitment, this episode looks at how resentment, emotional disengagement, comparison with alternatives, secrecy, and shifting loyalty can slowly change a relationship from the inside. It also explores how someone can remain...
Couples can know exactly how their arguments go and still feel powerless to stop them. This episode explores the negative cycle in Emotionally Focused Therapy, including Sue Johnson’s “Protest Polka,” the pursue-withdraw pattern, Gottman’s bids for connection, and how criticism, defensiveness, silence, and pressure begin feeding each other. It explains how a missed bid or small momen...
Recurring arguments about money, phones, sex, chores, and communication can carry a deeper fear about the security of the relationship. Couples may know Gottman’s Four Horsemen, use “I” statements, take breaks, and understand communication skills while still feeling emotionally disconnected. Drawing from John Bowlby, Sue Johnson, Gottman’s Four Horsemen, and Ed Tronick’s Still ...
After betrayal, the biggest question often becomes: How am I supposed to know what’s real now? An affair or major deception can destroy trust, but rebuilding trust involves much more than avoiding another catastrophic lie. Half-truths, omissions, minimizing, changing explanations, and giving your partner the version of the truth you think they can handle can reactivate a betrayal injury long after the...
What happens when fighting for fairness starts costing you more than the original problem? Anger, damaged trust, emotional regulation, competing values, and the need for resolution can turn a legitimate conflict into something that consumes far more time and energy than the issue itself. This episode explores how self-protection can become hypervigilance, how the need to be understood can keep us stuck, and why values-based decisio...
What keeps us in jobs, relationships, roles, or systems that have become unsustainable? We can know something is wearing us down and still be terrified to leave because uncertainty feels even more threatening. Through a personal story involving professional rupture, burnout, anxiety, recovery, supervision, and private-practice change, this episode looks at the ways fear, dependence, and th...
Rage becomes easier to justify when we assume another person fully understands the harm they are causing and chooses it anyway. The image of a blind man knocking someone to the ground offers another possibility: some people keep crashing into the world because they genuinely cannot see what they are doing. Compassion asks us to understand that blindness while still naming the damage, protecting ourselves, and imposing consequences....
A therapist can understand the clinical pattern and still screw up the timing. I learned that in a couples session involving addiction, secrecy, betrayal, shame, alcohol misuse, and damaged trust. I moved too quickly into interpretation before I had fully assessed what was happening, and the alliance shifted fast.
That mistake also reflects a much longer shift from law enforcement into therapy. Years of police work trained me to as...
A self-fulfilling prophecy happens when an expectation changes how we enter a situation, our behavior affects the other person, and their response becomes evidence that the original belief was correct. This episode looks at how that cycle develops through confirmation bias, threat prediction, trauma, abandonment fears, distrust, and previous experiences with relationships or authority.
Kelly Jo and I met online during the pandemic, when recovery was a major part of both of our lives. In this conversation, she shares where alcoholism took her, what finally led to surrender, and how sobriety allowed her to uncover the person she believes had been there all along.
Years later, serious illness brought her face-to-face with a very different kind of surrender. She descr...
Anger can be useful. It can mobilize us, help us recognize when something matters, and push us to protect ourselves, solve a problem, or set a boundary. But what happens when the situation has already been handled and you’re still furious? In this episode, I process a recent experience that left me stuck in anger even after there was nothing productive left for the anger to accomplish.
We look at lingering anger, resentment, ...
Why do relationships trigger reactions that feel much bigger than the immediate situation? This episode explores the Internal Family Systems concepts of protectors, exiles, "basement children", and the magical kitchen. These metaphors help explain why a partner’s withdrawal, criticism, distraction, or need for space can activate older wounds involving rejection, abandonment, shame, loneliness, and the fear of not mattering.
T...
In Benedictine monasteries, the day was shaped by the bell. A monk could be reading, cooking, gardening, copying a manuscript, repairing something, or writing a line when the bell rang. He stopped. The bell did not wait for a clean ending or a convenient moment. The interruption itself was the practice: putting the task down before it felt finished and returning to a rhythm larger than personal momentum.
"Character defect" is one of those recovery phrases that can sound honest while keeping people stuck. This episode looks at how patterns like control, anger, avoidance, dishonesty, and people-pleasing are shaped by addiction, attachment wounds, trauma, nervous system conditioning, and reinforcement. It also explores why this language may have been useful shorthand for people in early sobriety who were simpl...
When emotional intensity gets high, access to problem-solving, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness can narrow quickly. TIPP is a DBT distress-tolerance skill that works through the body to reduce physiological arousal. In this episode, I explain the four parts of TIPP—Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced Breathing, and Paired Muscle Relaxation—and how they can help bring distress...
EMDR is often reduced to following a light while bilateral stimulation “unlocks” trauma. In this episode, Brian explains what EMDR actually involves, what researchers still debate about its mechanism, and why Francine Shapiro later said she would have called it “Reprocessing Therapy.” The discussion covers the Adaptive Information Processing model, avoidance, target selection, negati...
Boundaries are often taught as simple limits: say what belongs to you, let other people have their reactions, and stop managing everyone else’s emotions. This episode goes deeper into what happens after the boundary is spoken, especially when the line comes out with years of old resentment, shame, or family history attached to it.
Using Adlerian psychology, Stoicism’s dichotomy of control, recovery language, and a perso...
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