The Unauthorized Autobiography of David Schmoot
This is not the tidy, triumphant memoir of a hero overcoming adversity. This is the play-by-play of a human being stumbling forward in real time. No lessons. No morals. No personal growth. Displayed are David’s deeply personal triumphs, seismic regrets, little wins and large humiliations. Every story is true and in chronological order so as every questionable decision bleeds into the next, you’ll witness the slow, chaotic construction of a personality. This is the Unauthorized Autobiography of David Schmoot.
Episodes
The ten dollar test that no recent parent would ever attempt.
Song: Boum! by Charles Trenet
https://open.spotify.com/track/4YbKfgDzCyoHJpiaTm1Mrt?si=486e1e259e5344ae
First taste of freedom. Song: https://open.spotify.com/track/6Io3mzv9H9U6ISdL9RXkx7?si=bf5b6cf2baaa4948
Sucker punched by Santa.
Song: Last Christmas by Wham https://open.spotify.com/track/2FRnf9qhLbvw8fu4IBXx78?si=43f296875f61404e
Pretty near death experience. White Winter Hymnal - Fleet Foxes https://open.spotify.com/track/0GegHVxeozw3rdjte45Bfx?si=2aaf5bd0c2a543ad
My younger, sexier self.
Song: Shame Shame Shame by the Stones https://open.spotify.com/track/0l5i2lHBBB1UqFg44HSMuF?si=941784f978ae4462
Punishing your children and yourself.
Never get into a pissing contest with your brother.
Song: The Hollies "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother." https://open.spotify.com/track/2ooZajrDL4Com6ZUW736le?si=97af91b98b614817
After school lessons.
Song: Moanin' by Art Blakey and the Jazz Messengers
https://open.spotify.com/track/4Vkk3iD1VrENHJEACNddvt?si=cb190791b36548bb
The genesis of being terrified of public speaking.
Song: Leonard Cohen "Hallelujah" https://open.spotify.com/track/7yzbimr8WVyAtBX3Eg6UL9?si=68ff4fb18ddb40d5
It's not a wandering eye, it's a lazy eye.
Song: X-Press 2 (featuring David Byrne) "Lazy" https://open.spotify.com/track/2IhsxXGKDltJu5PCA8yExZ?si=bf4e889a555b4ed4
Bathrooms in airplanes.
Song: The Cowsills "We Can Fly" https://open.spotify.com/track/4mf07kgBgBt4nChjn5M9SE?si=99cb47ad954345e0
McDonald's comes to town.
Song: Yacht "Psychic City" https://open.spotify.com/track/4NWpGwfkWMlA7G2ZpFKDXZ?si=15063b67324f4f59
If you were an adventurous child, you should not be alive.
Song: Red Simpson "Diesel Smoke, Dangerous Curve." https://open.spotify.com/track/7Am294mTThMXQF1ol3zylX?si=6199cadfcff24349
A baby in church. You may think you know how it ends, but you don't.
Song: Norman Greenbaum Spirit in the Sky https://open.spotify.com/track/1RrdiG35aqA1mjceM2Wm90?si=3ab5bc5bac204579
Start. Hear.
Song: Kevin Morby's Excellent City Music https://open.spotify.com/track/09Ch1J59rlCnAv5ojS77XJ?si=360c449b43f54f56
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