April 29, 2024 • 44 mins
Sarah and Allison from the Lebanon County Foster Care Alliance join the podcast to talk about foster care - what it's like fostering, who can be a foster parent, what their organization is doing to help foster families, and how you can help. SHOW NOTES: Lebanon County Foster Parent Alliance Lebanon County Children and Youth Services Information on Fostering in Pennsylvania Pennsylvania Foster Care Statistics
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Episode Transcript
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Cassy (00:07):
Hi, and welcome to the South Central PA mom, Fireflies and Whoopie Pie podcast, where
we discuss motherhood, local events andeverything in between right here in south
central, Pa.
So sit back, grab a coffee a while and settle
in for the show.
Allison (00:27):
Hi, everyone.
Cassy (00:28):
Welcome back.
Today we are going to be talking about foster
care, and we have Allison and Sarah.
They are the president and treasurer of the
Lebanon County Foster Parent alliance.
Thank you so much for being here today.
Allison (00:44):
Hi.
Cassy (00:44):
Happy to be here.
Allison (00:46):
Hi. Thank you for having us.
Cassy (00:49):
So just to start with, can you give us a quick rundown of what the Lebanon County
Foster Parent alliance is and what it does?
Sarah (00:59):
Allie, you want to go ahead?
Allison (01:03):
I think you can talk more about it better.
Sarah (01:07):
All right, so the Lebanon County Foster Parent alliance, we are a group of foster
parent volunteers that are licensed to fosterin our homes through Lebanon county children
and youth.
And what we do as part of the alliance is
offer support to families that have fosterkids in their home or that might be
(01:29):
prospective foster parents by letting themknow kind of what the whole deal is with
getting approved to foster and having kids intheir home.
And then on top of that, we also do somecommunity outreach where we're looking to
bring other foster families in.
(01:51):
And also we spend time planning events for
foster kids in Lebanon county to participatein.
So whether that's a Christmas party or a partyfor, like, Paramount sports complex where they
can go and jump around and stuff, and itoffers a space for children that are in the
(02:13):
foster care community to be with people thatare like them, that have similar experiences
being in foster care.
And it also offers support for foster parents
to be able to talk to other foster parents andkind of share what it's like, the pros and
cons and, you know, maybe some troubles hereand there with raising kids that aren't our
(02:36):
own.
Cassy (02:38):
And are you two both foster parents yourselves?
Sarah (02:42):
I am, yes.
I have a placement right now of a three year
old little boy.
Cassy (02:46):
Okay.
Allison (02:47):
I am also a foster parent.
I've been one for almost four years.
So I have a four year old little boy, and thenI have a five month old little girl.
Cassy (03:06):
That's the one you're holding right now, right?
Allison (03:08):
Yep.
Cassy (03:08):
Yep. So what are some of the struggles locally that you two are seeing when it comes
to fostering here in the.
Well, the three of us are in Lebanon, but
just, you know, in general, for the widercommunity, you know, in this area, I would say
(03:31):
the, the.
Sarah (03:31):
Biggest issue that foster families face in general would be lack of support in the way
that we don't have a lot of families inLebanon county.
The biggest issue, I think, all around is thatwe wish that our community was bigger so that
(03:52):
we had more people to share the burden withand volunteer with and for children to be able
to be served in their own community.
There are many children that are children of
Lebanon county that end up needing to befostered outside of Lebanon county by other
families and other counties, which I'm surethey're fantastic foster families outside of
(04:14):
Lebanon county.
But what happens when a child needs to be
fostered outside of their own county, or noteven just your surrounding counties?
I'm talking even as far as sometimesPittsburgh and places like that, is that
they're losing their community that they grewup in and maybe losing some of the ability to
(04:34):
visit family and friends that they know thatwould be at their fingertips if they were
local but aren't now because they had to besourced somewhere else.
Cassy (04:48):
Yeah. And, I mean, it's already hard enough.
Well, I have not been a foster child myself.
I am also a foster parent.
But.
So I'm just kind of guessing.
I would imagine it is hard enough you'reremoved from your family, you know, and then
(05:08):
now not only that, but you have to be removedfrom your community as well.
You know, it's like, it's.
It's.
It's got to be, like, twice as hard now.
You've got to go to a new school.
You have to make new friends.
You have to find new supports.
If you're into some kind of hobby or sport orsomething.
Well, now I've got to start all over again.
Sarah (05:27):
Yeah. I have to think that that is incredibly difficult.
And the truth is, if we have been lucky enoughnot to have grown up in the system ourselves,
I think it's really probably very hard toimagine what that's like.
We can only try, and being part of thealliance has given us an opportunity to try to
(05:49):
help and create great childhood experienceswith these events and things that we plan and
having support for the foster families, thatfoster families can be as successful as
possible.
But really, there's strength in numbers, and
one of the things we talk about in foster careis building a village, and it's really hard to
(06:10):
build a village, and you don't have enoughpeople.
Cassy (06:13):
Yeah. And one thing that I think it was just earlier today that I saw, Allison, that
you posted, and it reminded me to reach outwas even just the ability to, while they're
waiting for families that they don't haveanywhere to go, and you were saying that they
are having to, like, sleep on couches in thecourthouse, which, I mean, is just like, so
(06:35):
heartbreaking.
Sarah (06:36):
Yeah. So a new project that we're, we're doing right now is that we are in the
process, the alliance is in the process ofsecuring a space, a building, which we have.
We just need to do the paperwork on here.
In the past week, we've, we've done a lot of
running around looking at properties andthings like that.
We're going to be renting a space so that wehave an actual location that we are going to
(07:00):
furnish.
It's going to be like a small home where we
have a playroom and bunk beds set up and akitchen and a comfy couch and things like
that, that a child in need would be able tocome to our center and get a meal, get some
(07:21):
clothes, hang out with a caseworker or one ofthe volunteer foster parents there while their
foster placement was ready to receive them.
So that's something new that we're doing now
that we're really excited about.
And we hope that, you know, by, I would say,
early June, we'll be able to have that up andrunning and open to use by Lebanon county for,
(07:47):
you know, Cys, for them to come in and have aplace to be that's not the courthouse, which,
you know, the courthouse does as best as itcan.
But, you know, we're looking to provide a homehere, you know, more fun atmosphere to be able
to spend that night or day while they'rewaiting, because that has to be hard to.
Cassy (08:09):
Oh, I, it's just, I mean, just the thought of it, like, again, you're taken from
your parents and now you're sleeping in acourthouse.
It's just, I mean, and that's one thing that,you know, you see.
Well, I don't know how many people that aren'tin the foster community see this, but, you
know, I see it a lot where, you know, justthings in, like, foster closets where it's
(08:30):
like giving these children a suitcase, youknow, because a lot of these foster kids will
go from home to home, and it's like theirbelongings are in plastic, like trash bags.
It's just the thought of it, it's, it's almostlike dehumanizing, you know, and it's, it's,
it's so sad because it goes so unrecognized.
(08:52):
I think people that aren't in the foster
community, I don't think, recognize thesethings.
Sarah (08:58):
Yeah, absolutely.
One of our goals is to be able to collect
enough donations or monies to buy things tocreate, like, essentially what we're going to
call like a go bag for different age groups.
So that, like, in that bag, they can have,
like, you know, a backpack or a duffel bag orsomething like that that has, you know, fresh
(09:20):
change of clothes, pajamas, hygiene items, youknow, maybe a soft blanket or something like
that.
Some of these things to call their own,
because, I mean, let's not forget that there,you know, there are situations that you might
imagine in your head where children aregetting.
Getting pulled out of their homes, but theydon't have time to pack.
And even if they don't have time to pack,maybe they don't have things to pack.
(09:45):
Or the things that they do pack,unfortunately, could be need laundered or just
not really appropriate.
Not appropriate size or things like that.
It is kind of sad the way that some kids comeinto care and not all kids come into care that
way, but there definitely is space for theneed, like you're saying for, like, something
(10:07):
that is their own, that they can have to keepwith them where they go from there, you know?
So if we can make the alliance, the alliancecenter, like, kind of like their first stop
and provide them with some things that can,you know, give them comfort that they can take
on to their next stop, wherever that may be,you know, perhaps get the clothes that they
(10:27):
were wearing washed and returned to them andthat sort of thing, that's, that's really the
main goal there is, is to have a place thatfeels homey to fix some of those situations
that we can fix immediately.
Cassy (10:42):
And I think I've seen in posts on Facebook from you guys where you've talked
about what, I guess it's kind of like anaverage, like, what the need are.
Like, how many children, how many children aretypically waiting for placement here versus
how many families are available.
Allison (11:00):
So at our last meeting, there's about 120 kids placed that our Lebanon county has
custody over.
And Lebanon county foster parents, we have
about twelve families.
Cassy (11:19):
Oh.
Allison (11:21):
So, yeah, so there's a big gap in how many places are around, like Sarah was talking
about earlier, in their own community.
So they're being sourced everywhere else.
(11:43):
So, yeah, there we.
And I think between the foster families, I
believe there's about 20 ish kids out of that120.
So what?
Cassy (11:58):
So what?
Sarah (11:59):
We have quite a few families.
Cassy (12:01):
What do you think is holding people back from becoming foster parents?
Like, do you, have you heard specific thingsor.
You know.
Allison (12:13):
I think.
Sarah (12:16):
Do you want to.
No, go ahead.
Allison (12:18):
I think a big part is, um, like, even posting on Facebook today, like, people
reached out to me and they were like, oh,like, what do you do for daycare?
And, like, what do you.
How do, like, visits work?
And, like, how does working with the countywork and all the expenses that go into
(12:43):
practically raising a kid that's not yours?So that's another goal of the alliance, is to
kind of close that gap, like childhood,children.
Baby equipment is very expensive, and, like,if a couple is expecting a baby, they have a
(13:08):
baby shower where they get all those expensiveitems that family members provide.
But, like, if you get a phone call for a fiveyear old and you don't have a booster seat,
like, you have to, like, where do you getthat?
And, like, all of those immediate needs can'tbe met right away.
(13:31):
And I think that's a big reason why peoplekind of back out, because if you get a baby,
you need a crib, stroller, car seat, and thatcould be thousands of dollars, which is kind
of where we want to be able to provide thebigger items that people do need.
(13:56):
But I think that those are kind of the biggestreasons.
I don't know what Sarah thinks.
Sarah (14:03):
Yeah. I think going off of what Allie said there, I think it's really about
education as far as all of the unknowns,because taking on caring for a child that is
not yours is a big endeavor, and there arerules about what you're allowed to do and not
allowed to do, and that can be kind of scaryto navigate and be unsure of.
(14:28):
And on top of it, there's this idea thatfoster care requires a ton of training or a
ton of caseworkers in and out of your home allthe time, and that sort of thing.
And that's not exactly how it is.
I think that just basic education on what the
process looks like and having the opportunityto picture your family inside the process
(14:56):
would be awesome for many people, anybodythat's ever wondered about it, and.
But we, as the part of the alliance, like Alisaid, what we want to do is answer those
questions for people so that we canpotentially have more families able to help,
because I know that there are lots of peopleout there that want to help, but they don't
always know how to help.
And that's.
That's what we're.
We're trying to be active and asking and
(15:18):
letting people know how they can helpeverybody.
Cassy (15:23):
Well, and I know that in my experience, a lot of times when I will talk to people
about fostering, you know, it's almost likethey find it scary.
You know, there's like this negativeperception of kids in foster care of being,
you know, like, oh, they're these bad,troubled kids and they're going to cause all
(15:43):
of these problems for, you know, maybe you'vegot biological kids.
Well, they're going to cause all theseproblems for my bio kids and they're going to
destroy my house.
And, you know, or on the flip side, it's I'm
going to fall in love with this kid just tohave to turn around and give them back to
their parents.
And so it's like, I feel like a lot of people,
they find it scary in a lot of different ways.
Sarah (16:06):
I think that those are valid things to be scared about.
I'm going to be completely honest.
Maybe not so much the troubled children
because there is help that we can getchildren, you know, in general as far as
mental health help and, you know, familytherapy and that sort of thing, which can
(16:28):
really go a long way for a kiddo that, thatneeds that extra support, you know, but in the
interim, yeah, there's absolutely going to betantrums and meltdowns and things like that.
But again, we have to remember that we'retaking these children away from anything that
they've ever known.
And there might be a space where, where you're
the bad guy for a minute, you know, until theyget to know you.
(16:49):
But that's not how it is for everybody as faras bio kids, you know, I think that is
absolutely a legitimate thing that you have toconsider.
And so there are things that as a fosterparent, you can decide for your family, being
that, you know, maybe, you know, you don'thave to say yes to every call that you, that
(17:10):
comes in, you, you absolutely have the abilityto pick and choose.
If you are able to help that day or that monthor week or year or, you know, however long it
is.
Sometimes caseworkers might even know, hey,
this is, this is a couple days.
We've also seen situations where they think
it's a couple of days and it's longer thanthat.
(17:30):
But there's always a way that you can kind oftry to understand as much as the caseworker
knows previously and see if that is going tobe a good fit.
And you can also pick the ages that you'recomfortable with fostering.
You can pick the gender of the child.
If you think that your bio kids won't
necessarily accept a child that's older thanfour, for instance, you could say, I'm only
(17:56):
open to this age group.
Or if you think that you are open to older
kids because you already have older kids, andyou're already used to doing that, then that's
great, too.
You know, you can pick and choose.
And I'm not saying that, you know, it's notlike we're.
We're being rude to these children, but theydo need to fit to in your family.
(18:16):
And there's also space that if you say yes andsomething doesn't work out for some reason and
you've tried and you.
You've gone through the motions of getting the
help and trying to make it work, and it justdoesn't work, then you can let your caseworker
know, hey, this isn't.
This isn't the placement for us.
You know, maybe another family could.
Could help in a different way, in a better way
(18:37):
than we're able to do right now.
And so they're, you know, just because you say
yes doesn't mean that.
That you have to say yes forever.
And, you know, there.
There is room to change things and decide for
you what's best for your family.
Cassy (18:54):
Yeah. And I think that it has been helpful in our situation to really try to
remember because, as you mentioned, a lot ofthese concerns when people talk, people are,
you know, oh, it's scary.
Foster kids are troubled and they're bad and
so on and so forth, and it's like, okay, well,one, no kid is bad.
(19:15):
You know, it's obviously, you know, you'redealing with a child regardless of their ages,
like, even an infant, they're dealing with animmense trauma.
And I think that it helps if you're looking atit through that lens, like, this isn't a bad
(19:35):
kid.
This isn't a kid who's out to wreck everyone's
lives because they're just this terrible,mean, evil person.
They're a child that is in pain and they needhelp.
You know, you reframe it that way, you know, Ithink that that makes it more palatable
instead of, oh, it's a scary, bad kid.
No, this is a child that's hurting and they
(19:57):
need help and they need to feel safe.
Sarah (20:01):
Yeah, absolutely.
I think that's.
That's a fantastic way to put it.
Um, because, you know, we, like we just said
earlier, we.
We don't know what it's like necessarily to be
that child.
Every child's situation is different, and we
don't always know exactly what they've beenthrough.
Um, and even if they can tell us that, westill might not know all of it.
Cassy (20:23):
Well. And, like, you know, for.
For my daughter, she's a teenager, and we
foster.
Fostering her and then adopted her when she
was a teenager.
And, I mean, obviously, I'm not going to go
into specifics because that wouldn't be right.
But, you know, one thing she was used to being
in foster care.
It's like being in a home permanently.
(20:44):
Just as an example of, like, where these kidsare coming from, being in a home permanently
long term was, it was like something.
It's like it freaked her out.
You know, it was like this.
The chaos and the upheaval and the not knowing
where she was going to be living in a month ifshe's gonna be with her mom or another foster
parent or whatever the case may be.
Like, I mean, just imagine what that does to
(21:07):
someone.
Like, that's how you grow up, you know, like,
you don't have this stability that, you know,at least for me, like, that's not something I
ever thought about growing up.
It was just something you take for granted
because this is how it's supposed to be.
Like, you have parents and they take care of
you, but then you imagine, like, well, whathappens to your child when they don't have
that.
Sarah (21:29):
Yeah, absolutely.
And, you know, I would say to anybody that's
like, considering fostering, like, you as aparent, like, nobody is perfect and everybody
does it differently.
So what you do for your family might not be
what another foster family does, but thatdoesn't make it wrong.
(21:51):
And there's really, you know, no wrong way tobe a caring, supportive person for a child.
So however your family looks is absolutelygoing to be enriching to a child that needs
(22:11):
extra help.
Cassy (22:14):
And one thing that I see a lot, and not so much locally, but just in foster parent
Facebook groups and stuff that I'm on, is alot of people are concerned about the
reunification aspect because for anyone who'snot necessarily familiar, the number one goal
of foster care is always reunification.
That is the goal.
(22:34):
Sometimes that's not possible, you know, andthat's sad when it isn't.
But the goal is, is always reunification.
But that seems to kind of push people away,
you know, like, because they're feeling likeI've seen it for a whole bunch of different
reasons.
Some people are like, oh, I'm going into this
because I want to adopt.
Or other people where it's like they're fine
(22:55):
with reunification, but then they're like,well, the bio parents are not, you know, doing
what they need to be doing, or they're not agood enough home or so on and so forth and so.
But just in general, I see a lot of people whodon't like the idea of taking in a child to
have to turn around and give them up again ina month or a year or whatever the case may be,
you know?So, like, what would you say to those kind of.
(23:18):
To those people who are concerned about thatpart of it?
Allison (23:24):
So I know Sarah hasn't gone through, like, she hasn't gone through the full
reunification thing yet, but I have threedifferent times.
So it's honest.
Like, the whole getting attached thing, it's
(23:44):
real.
Like, you do get attached, but honestly, it's,
like, such a beautiful thing when, like, thekids are excited that they're gonna, like,
stay at their parents house forever again.
We had four kiddos go back, and you can just
(24:06):
see the difference because the reunification,they start unsupervised visits for 4 hours,
and then it goes up to six and then a wholeday, and then the next step is an overnight,
and then it goes to, like, a weekend orwhatever days fit the parents schedule.
(24:29):
And you just see, like, the kids, like, we hadkids that were able to talk, so they were
like, yeah.
Like, we did.
So. And so we.
We played.
We. Like, they were so talkative about beingwith their bio parents that we knew that,
like, they were going somewhere safe, andtheir parents did what they needed to do,
(24:51):
which is the whole point of it.
And, like, yeah, they have.
They're still in our heart forever.
And, like, that's, like, I want to say, like,
fostering doesn't just end at reunification.
Like, we three, all three of the cases that
(25:12):
we've had, like, we still update.
We still get updates.
So, like, we see pictures of them.
We actually just had a playdate with one of
them.
So it's, like, nice to see, like, they're
thriving.
Cassy (25:29):
And scenario.
Allison (25:31):
Yeah, and they were all were.
And then there are those ones where they do
reunify, and then they get placed back in thesystem, and then it's heartbreaking that that
happens, but then you just pick right back upwhere you are with.
You were with that kid.
You get them back on their schedule that they
(25:54):
had with you, and you just do everything thatyou were before they went back.
But it is.
It's very hard.
And you cry when they go back, but it's not asad cry.
It's like a happy sad cry.
Like, you're sad that they're not going to be
(26:16):
living with you anymore, but you're so happythat they're going to be flourishing, and
their families did what they need to do to getthem back.
And it's, I think it's a. I think it's a greatthing when it happens.
And it's also, I haven't gone through thewhole not able to reunify thing yet, but
(26:45):
people also have to remember that if kidsaren't able to reunify, like, that's very
traumatizing to the kids that they're not ableto go back to their bio parents.
So if that happens, that kid's going to actout at that point in time as anyone would if
that's going through trauma.
(27:09):
But I think, yeah, I'm for reunification.
Cassy (27:17):
So, yeah, we have tried to make sure, you know, in our daughter's case, at least,
that we have kept, as much as we can,communication and visits and all of that open
with her bio family, like, as much aspossible.
And one thing that we've always tried toimpress upon her, and I would say this to
(27:42):
anyone, too, who's considering fostering, isthat it's not like a competition with my
daughter.
It's like, you don't have to choose between
your biofamily, and usually, like, you canhave both.
It's.
It's not one or the other.
And, I mean, the same thing would go for anyfoster kid.
Like, hey, we're here for you, and we're goingto give you that safety and stability that you
(28:03):
need right now, but you're still going to haveyour parents.
It's not a contest.
It's not us versus them.
We're here working together for you.
And that's ultimately what it's about, is it's
about the child.
And so what would you say?
Like, okay, so someone, you know, maybe theyare interested in the idea of fostering, but
(28:27):
they don't feel that they are prepared tobecome a foster parent.
What would they be able to do to help or toget involved in other ways?
Allison (28:38):
So our alliance, we, it is made up of foster parents.
Foster parents are everyone that's on theboard, but we are accepting of people that
aren't foster parents.
They don't have to be licensed foster parents
to be a part of our alliance.
(29:00):
They're able to come to the events that we
host, be a part of the brainstorming of theevents that we host.
Like, we have a fishing rodeo next week wherewe all go fishing and have, like, a nice big
(29:21):
cookout.
So, like, they would be able to help in those
ways.
And when we get our property up and moving,
like, helping with supervising that area andjust being, I guess, like a community partner,
(29:45):
I want to say Sarah has more details on that.
Cassy (29:53):
Well, I know that in, we're originally from Florida, they have respite care.
For example, maybe you don't feel like you canbe a full time foster parent, but you can
provide respite care, or you could be aguardian ad litem, you know, which if
someone's not familiar, you're basicallyappointed to be an advocate for the child.
(30:15):
So you'll meet with them and you'll go to thecourt and advocate for them.
You can volunteer with places like the Lebanoncounty foster parent alliance.
You know, like, there's ways to get involvedeven if you can't be an actual foster parent
and to help.
Sarah (30:36):
Yeah. And there, you know, there's another portion of the alliance that is
actually very easy, and that is like, pickingup donations.
And, you know, the idea that we're going tohave donations that need sorted and
categorized and, you know, maybe delivered toa foster family that it has requested
(30:59):
something, or even if you're a communitymember that, you know, has access to things
that might be useful for a foster family.
You know, maybe, you know, somebody that works
for, I don't know, a car seat company orsomething like that.
You know, there are lots of ways to help, evenif it's just like, you know, securing
(31:24):
donations if you have a pickup truck, becausesometimes there are, you know, needs that.
It's like a foster family can take one morechild, but we need to get them a bed.
So the alliance can get them a bed, but maybewe need help transporting that bed and getting
it delivered to where it needs to go orgetting it picked up from the place it's
coming from and delivered to where it needs togo.
Like, there, there's lots of kind of legworkthat exists that isn't even actually in
(31:50):
contact with the children.
That benefits the foster families and the
children in so many ways.
Cassy (31:57):
Yeah, because, as you mentioned, you know, someone who gets an infant, like you
said, that could be thousands of dollars ofitems.
So helping to alleviate that can go a reallylong way, too.
Sarah (32:14):
Yeah. One of the things that we do when we hear that somebody has a new placement is
that, you know, the alliance reaches out tothem and says, hey, you know, what do you
need?What can make this easier for you?
And, you know, we just recently had anincident that was placed, and we were able to
get them a couple infant items that theydidn't have that they needed because their
infant was so tiny, you know, and, you know,that was an awesome feeling to be able to
(32:39):
just, like, come together really quickly andsecure those items for that family.
And now they have what they need to give thatinfant the best care.
And there's other things that we are doing,too.
Like, when a family gets a placement, we arelooking to provide them dinner for that first
night.
Because first night is rough.
(33:02):
It can be hard for families, for the otherchildren in the home, for the child
themselves.
And the last thing you want to think about is
what you're making for dinner.
So the alliance has started a fund that we're
calling the first night fund, where we'regoing to have separate money set aside for
ordering food or preparing food and havingthat meal, um, delivered, even if it's just
(33:25):
grubhub.
But, um, you know, having the funding to be
able to do that, to alleviate that little bitof pressure for a new family or for, you know,
even if it's a foster family that's had abunch of placements, um, you still got to eat.
And, um, being able to take that off of theirproverbial plate, if you will, for that first
night is really going to be helpful.
(33:46):
So if somebody's looking to help and, um, they
can't do much in the way of time, you know,quite honestly, a donation of even, you know,
$5 towards that first night fund or somethinglike that is going to help make a big
difference for.
For a lot of families.
Cassy (34:03):
Yeah. And, you know, the food thing is interesting because even having fostered
myself, it's like, you say that and it's okay,someone has a new baby like that.
They're pregnant, and it's their own, andeveryone, well, I shouldn't say everyone.
Everyone's situation is different.
Who knows?
But a lot of times you will see, you know,everyone that's in their community will fall
(34:27):
all over themselves, like doing meal trainsand all this stuff.
So that when you come home with your new baby,it's like, oh, you don't have to cook, but
someone that is a foster parent, you know, youdon't have nine months to prepare.
You know, it's like, you can have nineminutes.
Sarah (34:42):
Absolutely. Yeah. And. And that.
That's true.
And that's not to say that, you know, fosterfamilies don't have people that love and
support them in their own.
In their own right.
You know, I. You know, I'm very fortunate thatmy mom and my sisters live just over this,
over the hill from me.
And if I called them and said, hey, I'm
getting a new baby tomorrow, they would behere with all of the things.
(35:04):
But.
But it is.
It is very true that not all foster familieshave that same kind of support.
And that's what we're trying to provide that.
You're exactly right.
You hit the nail on the head there, um,because.
And there's also, like, almost a sense of, um,what, your own family, maybe they.
Maybe they don't want to be quite as involvedas you thought they might want to, because
maybe they don't want to get attached.
(35:26):
There's a lot of feelings that go into things
like that.
And if this is your fifth or 6th or 7th
placement.
Yeah.
That neighbor is not bringing an apple pieanymore.
This is, you know, like, that is.
Okay, great.
Good for you guys.
Um, but, yeah, we.
We need to be able to make sure that we'resupporting everybody every time they get a new
placement.
Um, because every time is.
(35:47):
Is a whole new kid, um, and a whole new thing,you know, a whole new list of things that
might need, you know, replaced or replenishedor.
Or whatever.
And.
And you're right.
People fall all over themselves whenever a new
baby's coming to town.
But, um, yeah, if it's your fifth placement,
people are like, oh, good for you, and thenthey just kind of move on.
Cassy (36:08):
Well, and I also think that, I mean, I could be wrong, but generally speaking, I
think that people just don't know what fosterparents need.
You know, it's just an issue of, it's, like,not something they've experienced.
It's not something that is talked about a lotculturally or.
(36:28):
Because, I mean, there's not a lot of fosterparents out there, so it just.
It doesn't get talked about.
And so I don't think people would stop and
think about, oh, well, you have a newplacement, and now I'm going to have to
scramble for food and for all of these items.
I think people think, oh, well, you signed up
to be a foster parent.
You've got all of that, like, in a closet
somewhere, ready to go.
Sarah (36:50):
Right.
And to be completely honest, we do.
We. I think that most foster families havequite a bit that they've saved or put back,
but it's absolutely impossible to prepare forevery situation.
Right.
We can.
We can be the most prepared that we.
We think we are, and then, you know, we get a
(37:10):
child that is the absolute opposite size ofanything that we have in our closet, you know,
or whatever it is.
So there are, you know, donations and things
like that that happen.
We can get.
But sometimes, you know, you need something.
Right then.
Right.
That first night, and there is no prep.
(37:30):
So that's part of what the alliance wants tobe able to do is to show up at somebody's door
with a bag full of clothes that are the rightsize for that kid that they just said yes to.
And we want people to have the power to sayyes because they know that they have the
support instead of saying no because theydon't know where the support is going to come
from.
Cassy (37:51):
And for people who want to donate or just otherwise get involved, where can they go
to find information about the alliance?
Sarah (38:01):
I would say right now the best place is Facebook.
Wouldn't you say, Ally?
Allison (38:04):
Yes. And to also go off of us having stuff in our closet.
We definitely do.
I'm going off of adding on to the
reunification process.
Every kid that I have successfully reunified
(38:25):
with their parents, I send all the stuff, alltheir clothes with them.
So if I have a four year old girl who's infour t clothes, that whole wardrobe that I
have is mostly going with her.
So then I'm, like, starting over new.
(38:45):
It's like, I might have had it a couple monthsago, but now I don't have it because I gave it
all with her to set them off.
Good.
So we definitely use donations and all thatstuff to, like, replenish what we have given
to the foster, foster kids because oncethey're, I know especially for me, like, once
(39:08):
they're in my home, like, the stuff that I getfor them is theirs.
So then it doesn't get put in my closet.
It's not mine.
It's theirs.
So it gets with them.
Sarah (39:22):
Yeah. When I say I have stuff in my closet, what, what my wife and I have done is
basically we have, like, a set of, like a setof pajamas and, and an outfit for basically
each size that we might say yes to becausethat will get us through the first day or two,
you know, because we can, you know, they mightcome with things they might not.
(39:43):
So we kind of always just think that they may,they probably won't come with much.
And, you know, at least for that first night,we have clean pajamas in any size that we
could need.
And we have, you know, maybe a sweatsuit or
shorts and a t shirt, you know, whatever theseason is in, every size that we might need.
But thereafter, yeah, we're going to goshopping or we're going to go to a donation
(40:07):
spot.
And the alliance, one of the things that the
alliance is going to be doing is kind ofkeeping things collected for that purpose as
well.
Now, there is a reimbursement that we get
through Lebanon county children and youth forclothing items, but there is a limited list of
the things that they will reimburse for, whichis an okay amount of clothing, but it might
(40:33):
not be everything that you would want for achild that you were caring for.
So we can fill in with our own money, ofcourse.
And I know a lot of foster families do.
And then also, you know, donations from other
places.
So, you know, collecting all of that whole
wardrobe that you have for that child overthe, you know, six months or a year or however
(40:54):
long you have them that was purchased by thecounty, some of it was purchased by the county
for them and absolutely should go back withthat child, like Allie's saying.
But, but yeah, we, we do get reimbursed, butit doesn't.
The reimbursement doesn't happen immediately.
It happens at the end of the next month, for
the previous month.
So those couple days or weeks before, you
(41:16):
know, you can put in for reimbursement and getthe money back is on you, and that's fine.
As a foster parent, you signed up for that.
But in general, we do rely on donations and
things, and I think in general, our kids arepretty well dressed.
Cassy (41:36):
Are people able to donate used items? I mean, like good condition, obviously, but.
Sarah (41:44):
Yeah, yeah, we take used, um, used donations.
Um, and, and we'll go through them and makesure that, you know, we feel like they're, you
know, appropriate and, and in good conditionenough for kiddos to wear and, um, not give
the impression that they are, you know, achild that's disadvantaged.
That's never our goal.
(42:04):
You know, we want them to be.
To be as.
Have a normal childhood and be as normal as
your bio kids and that sort of thing.
But yes, we do accept, you know, used things
because, I mean, kids grow so fast.
Sometimes you get things that don't even look
like they've been worn.
And we also take donations of other items.
(42:25):
So, like bassinets, swings, you know, perhapscar seats that aren't expired, you know, high
chairs, beds, toddler beds, mattresses, cribs,things like that.
We would be open to accepting donations ofthose types of things, too, so that we have
(42:46):
extra beds to lend to foster families thatmight be able to use them in order to take a
new placement that they wouldn't have beenable to necessarily secure a brand new bed in
a day's time.
Well, the alliances is, the goal here is to
have some that we can grab one and take it toyour house and help you set it up.
And there you go.
You're ready to go.
Cassy (43:07):
Okay, great.
Well, I will make sure to include links in our
show notes so that if you are interested inmaybe learning more about becoming a foster
parent or joining the alliance or even just,you know, giving some donations to help out,
you'll be able to do that.
Thank you both so much for your time and for
(43:29):
being here.
And if you are listening to this and you are
curious to know more about fostering, I wouldvery much recommend you take that step to at
least learn some more, because it's veryrewarding.
Sarah (43:41):
It absolutely is.
Thank you very much.
Allison (43:45):
Thank you so much.
Cassy (43:52):
That's our apple for this week.
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Hi, and welcome to the South Central PA mom, Fireflies and Whoopie Pie podcast, where
we discuss motherhood, local events andeverything in between right here in south
central, Pa.
So sit back, grab a coffee a while and settle
in for the show.
Allison (00:27):
Hi, everyone.
Cassy (00:28):
Welcome back.
Today we are going to be talking about foster
care, and we have Allison and Sarah.
They are the president and treasurer of the
Lebanon County Foster Parent alliance.
Thank you so much for being here today.
Allison (00:44):
Hi.
Cassy (00:44):
Happy to be here.
Allison (00:46):
Hi. Thank you for having us.
Cassy (00:49):
So just to start with, can you give us a quick rundown of what the Lebanon County
Foster Parent alliance is and what it does?
Sarah (00:59):
Allie, you want to go ahead?
Allison (01:03):
I think you can talk more about it better.
Sarah (01:07):
All right, so the Lebanon County Foster Parent alliance, we are a group of foster
parent volunteers that are licensed to fosterin our homes through Lebanon county children
and youth.
And what we do as part of the alliance is
offer support to families that have fosterkids in their home or that might be
(01:29):
prospective foster parents by letting themknow kind of what the whole deal is with
getting approved to foster and having kids intheir home.
And then on top of that, we also do somecommunity outreach where we're looking to
bring other foster families in.
(01:51):
And also we spend time planning events for
foster kids in Lebanon county to participatein.
So whether that's a Christmas party or a partyfor, like, Paramount sports complex where they
can go and jump around and stuff, and itoffers a space for children that are in the
(02:13):
foster care community to be with people thatare like them, that have similar experiences
being in foster care.
And it also offers support for foster parents
to be able to talk to other foster parents andkind of share what it's like, the pros and
cons and, you know, maybe some troubles hereand there with raising kids that aren't our
(02:36):
own.
Cassy (02:38):
And are you two both foster parents yourselves?
Sarah (02:42):
I am, yes.
I have a placement right now of a three year
old little boy.
Cassy (02:46):
Okay.
Allison (02:47):
I am also a foster parent.
I've been one for almost four years.
So I have a four year old little boy, and thenI have a five month old little girl.
Cassy (03:06):
That's the one you're holding right now, right?
Allison (03:08):
Yep.
Cassy (03:08):
Yep. So what are some of the struggles locally that you two are seeing when it comes
to fostering here in the.
Well, the three of us are in Lebanon, but
just, you know, in general, for the widercommunity, you know, in this area, I would say
(03:31):
the, the.
Sarah (03:31):
Biggest issue that foster families face in general would be lack of support in the way
that we don't have a lot of families inLebanon county.
The biggest issue, I think, all around is thatwe wish that our community was bigger so that
(03:52):
we had more people to share the burden withand volunteer with and for children to be able
to be served in their own community.
There are many children that are children of
Lebanon county that end up needing to befostered outside of Lebanon county by other
families and other counties, which I'm surethey're fantastic foster families outside of
(04:14):
Lebanon county.
But what happens when a child needs to be
fostered outside of their own county, or noteven just your surrounding counties?
I'm talking even as far as sometimesPittsburgh and places like that, is that
they're losing their community that they grewup in and maybe losing some of the ability to
(04:34):
visit family and friends that they know thatwould be at their fingertips if they were
local but aren't now because they had to besourced somewhere else.
Cassy (04:48):
Yeah. And, I mean, it's already hard enough.
Well, I have not been a foster child myself.
I am also a foster parent.
But.
So I'm just kind of guessing.
I would imagine it is hard enough you'reremoved from your family, you know, and then
(05:08):
now not only that, but you have to be removedfrom your community as well.
You know, it's like, it's.
It's.
It's got to be, like, twice as hard now.
You've got to go to a new school.
You have to make new friends.
You have to find new supports.
If you're into some kind of hobby or sport orsomething.
Well, now I've got to start all over again.
Sarah (05:27):
Yeah. I have to think that that is incredibly difficult.
And the truth is, if we have been lucky enoughnot to have grown up in the system ourselves,
I think it's really probably very hard toimagine what that's like.
We can only try, and being part of thealliance has given us an opportunity to try to
(05:49):
help and create great childhood experienceswith these events and things that we plan and
having support for the foster families, thatfoster families can be as successful as
possible.
But really, there's strength in numbers, and
one of the things we talk about in foster careis building a village, and it's really hard to
(06:10):
build a village, and you don't have enoughpeople.
Cassy (06:13):
Yeah. And one thing that I think it was just earlier today that I saw, Allison, that
you posted, and it reminded me to reach outwas even just the ability to, while they're
waiting for families that they don't haveanywhere to go, and you were saying that they
are having to, like, sleep on couches in thecourthouse, which, I mean, is just like, so
(06:35):
heartbreaking.
Sarah (06:36):
Yeah. So a new project that we're, we're doing right now is that we are in the
process, the alliance is in the process ofsecuring a space, a building, which we have.
We just need to do the paperwork on here.
In the past week, we've, we've done a lot of
running around looking at properties andthings like that.
We're going to be renting a space so that wehave an actual location that we are going to
(07:00):
furnish.
It's going to be like a small home where we
have a playroom and bunk beds set up and akitchen and a comfy couch and things like
that, that a child in need would be able tocome to our center and get a meal, get some
(07:21):
clothes, hang out with a caseworker or one ofthe volunteer foster parents there while their
foster placement was ready to receive them.
So that's something new that we're doing now
that we're really excited about.
And we hope that, you know, by, I would say,
early June, we'll be able to have that up andrunning and open to use by Lebanon county for,
(07:47):
you know, Cys, for them to come in and have aplace to be that's not the courthouse, which,
you know, the courthouse does as best as itcan.
But, you know, we're looking to provide a homehere, you know, more fun atmosphere to be able
to spend that night or day while they'rewaiting, because that has to be hard to.
Cassy (08:09):
Oh, I, it's just, I mean, just the thought of it, like, again, you're taken from
your parents and now you're sleeping in acourthouse.
It's just, I mean, and that's one thing that,you know, you see.
Well, I don't know how many people that aren'tin the foster community see this, but, you
know, I see it a lot where, you know, justthings in, like, foster closets where it's
(08:30):
like giving these children a suitcase, youknow, because a lot of these foster kids will
go from home to home, and it's like theirbelongings are in plastic, like trash bags.
It's just the thought of it, it's, it's almostlike dehumanizing, you know, and it's, it's,
it's so sad because it goes so unrecognized.
(08:52):
I think people that aren't in the foster
community, I don't think, recognize thesethings.
Sarah (08:58):
Yeah, absolutely.
One of our goals is to be able to collect
enough donations or monies to buy things tocreate, like, essentially what we're going to
call like a go bag for different age groups.
So that, like, in that bag, they can have,
like, you know, a backpack or a duffel bag orsomething like that that has, you know, fresh
(09:20):
change of clothes, pajamas, hygiene items, youknow, maybe a soft blanket or something like
that.
Some of these things to call their own,
because, I mean, let's not forget that there,you know, there are situations that you might
imagine in your head where children aregetting.
Getting pulled out of their homes, but theydon't have time to pack.
And even if they don't have time to pack,maybe they don't have things to pack.
(09:45):
Or the things that they do pack,unfortunately, could be need laundered or just
not really appropriate.
Not appropriate size or things like that.
It is kind of sad the way that some kids comeinto care and not all kids come into care that
way, but there definitely is space for theneed, like you're saying for, like, something
(10:07):
that is their own, that they can have to keepwith them where they go from there, you know?
So if we can make the alliance, the alliancecenter, like, kind of like their first stop
and provide them with some things that can,you know, give them comfort that they can take
on to their next stop, wherever that may be,you know, perhaps get the clothes that they
(10:27):
were wearing washed and returned to them andthat sort of thing, that's, that's really the
main goal there is, is to have a place thatfeels homey to fix some of those situations
that we can fix immediately.
Cassy (10:42):
And I think I've seen in posts on Facebook from you guys where you've talked
about what, I guess it's kind of like anaverage, like, what the need are.
Like, how many children, how many children aretypically waiting for placement here versus
how many families are available.
Allison (11:00):
So at our last meeting, there's about 120 kids placed that our Lebanon county has
custody over.
And Lebanon county foster parents, we have
about twelve families.
Cassy (11:19):
Oh.
Allison (11:21):
So, yeah, so there's a big gap in how many places are around, like Sarah was talking
about earlier, in their own community.
So they're being sourced everywhere else.
(11:43):
So, yeah, there we.
And I think between the foster families, I
believe there's about 20 ish kids out of that120.
So what?
Cassy (11:58):
So what?
Sarah (11:59):
We have quite a few families.
Cassy (12:01):
What do you think is holding people back from becoming foster parents?
Like, do you, have you heard specific thingsor.
You know.
Allison (12:13):
I think.
Sarah (12:16):
Do you want to.
No, go ahead.
Allison (12:18):
I think a big part is, um, like, even posting on Facebook today, like, people
reached out to me and they were like, oh,like, what do you do for daycare?
And, like, what do you.
How do, like, visits work?
And, like, how does working with the countywork and all the expenses that go into
(12:43):
practically raising a kid that's not yours?So that's another goal of the alliance, is to
kind of close that gap, like childhood,children.
Baby equipment is very expensive, and, like,if a couple is expecting a baby, they have a
(13:08):
baby shower where they get all those expensiveitems that family members provide.
But, like, if you get a phone call for a fiveyear old and you don't have a booster seat,
like, you have to, like, where do you getthat?
And, like, all of those immediate needs can'tbe met right away.
(13:31):
And I think that's a big reason why peoplekind of back out, because if you get a baby,
you need a crib, stroller, car seat, and thatcould be thousands of dollars, which is kind
of where we want to be able to provide thebigger items that people do need.
(13:56):
But I think that those are kind of the biggestreasons.
I don't know what Sarah thinks.
Sarah (14:03):
Yeah. I think going off of what Allie said there, I think it's really about
education as far as all of the unknowns,because taking on caring for a child that is
not yours is a big endeavor, and there arerules about what you're allowed to do and not
allowed to do, and that can be kind of scaryto navigate and be unsure of.
(14:28):
And on top of it, there's this idea thatfoster care requires a ton of training or a
ton of caseworkers in and out of your home allthe time, and that sort of thing.
And that's not exactly how it is.
I think that just basic education on what the
process looks like and having the opportunityto picture your family inside the process
(14:56):
would be awesome for many people, anybodythat's ever wondered about it, and.
But we, as the part of the alliance, like Alisaid, what we want to do is answer those
questions for people so that we canpotentially have more families able to help,
because I know that there are lots of peopleout there that want to help, but they don't
always know how to help.
And that's.
That's what we're.
We're trying to be active and asking and
(15:18):
letting people know how they can helpeverybody.
Cassy (15:23):
Well, and I know that in my experience, a lot of times when I will talk to people
about fostering, you know, it's almost likethey find it scary.
You know, there's like this negativeperception of kids in foster care of being,
you know, like, oh, they're these bad,troubled kids and they're going to cause all
(15:43):
of these problems for, you know, maybe you'vegot biological kids.
Well, they're going to cause all theseproblems for my bio kids and they're going to
destroy my house.
And, you know, or on the flip side, it's I'm
going to fall in love with this kid just tohave to turn around and give them back to
their parents.
And so it's like, I feel like a lot of people,
they find it scary in a lot of different ways.
Sarah (16:06):
I think that those are valid things to be scared about.
I'm going to be completely honest.
Maybe not so much the troubled children
because there is help that we can getchildren, you know, in general as far as
mental health help and, you know, familytherapy and that sort of thing, which can
(16:28):
really go a long way for a kiddo that, thatneeds that extra support, you know, but in the
interim, yeah, there's absolutely going to betantrums and meltdowns and things like that.
But again, we have to remember that we'retaking these children away from anything that
they've ever known.
And there might be a space where, where you're
the bad guy for a minute, you know, until theyget to know you.
(16:49):
But that's not how it is for everybody as faras bio kids, you know, I think that is
absolutely a legitimate thing that you have toconsider.
And so there are things that as a fosterparent, you can decide for your family, being
that, you know, maybe, you know, you don'thave to say yes to every call that you, that
(17:10):
comes in, you, you absolutely have the abilityto pick and choose.
If you are able to help that day or that monthor week or year or, you know, however long it
is.
Sometimes caseworkers might even know, hey,
this is, this is a couple days.
We've also seen situations where they think
it's a couple of days and it's longer thanthat.
(17:30):
But there's always a way that you can kind oftry to understand as much as the caseworker
knows previously and see if that is going tobe a good fit.
And you can also pick the ages that you'recomfortable with fostering.
You can pick the gender of the child.
If you think that your bio kids won't
necessarily accept a child that's older thanfour, for instance, you could say, I'm only
(17:56):
open to this age group.
Or if you think that you are open to older
kids because you already have older kids, andyou're already used to doing that, then that's
great, too.
You know, you can pick and choose.
And I'm not saying that, you know, it's notlike we're.
We're being rude to these children, but theydo need to fit to in your family.
(18:16):
And there's also space that if you say yes andsomething doesn't work out for some reason and
you've tried and you.
You've gone through the motions of getting the
help and trying to make it work, and it justdoesn't work, then you can let your caseworker
know, hey, this isn't.
This isn't the placement for us.
You know, maybe another family could.
Could help in a different way, in a better way
(18:37):
than we're able to do right now.
And so they're, you know, just because you say
yes doesn't mean that.
That you have to say yes forever.
And, you know, there.
There is room to change things and decide for
you what's best for your family.
Cassy (18:54):
Yeah. And I think that it has been helpful in our situation to really try to
remember because, as you mentioned, a lot ofthese concerns when people talk, people are,
you know, oh, it's scary.
Foster kids are troubled and they're bad and
so on and so forth, and it's like, okay, well,one, no kid is bad.
(19:15):
You know, it's obviously, you know, you'redealing with a child regardless of their ages,
like, even an infant, they're dealing with animmense trauma.
And I think that it helps if you're looking atit through that lens, like, this isn't a bad
(19:35):
kid.
This isn't a kid who's out to wreck everyone's
lives because they're just this terrible,mean, evil person.
They're a child that is in pain and they needhelp.
You know, you reframe it that way, you know, Ithink that that makes it more palatable
instead of, oh, it's a scary, bad kid.
No, this is a child that's hurting and they
(19:57):
need help and they need to feel safe.
Sarah (20:01):
Yeah, absolutely.
I think that's.
That's a fantastic way to put it.
Um, because, you know, we, like we just said
earlier, we.
We don't know what it's like necessarily to be
that child.
Every child's situation is different, and we
don't always know exactly what they've beenthrough.
Um, and even if they can tell us that, westill might not know all of it.
Cassy (20:23):
Well. And, like, you know, for.
For my daughter, she's a teenager, and we
foster.
Fostering her and then adopted her when she
was a teenager.
And, I mean, obviously, I'm not going to go
into specifics because that wouldn't be right.
But, you know, one thing she was used to being
in foster care.
It's like being in a home permanently.
(20:44):
Just as an example of, like, where these kidsare coming from, being in a home permanently
long term was, it was like something.
It's like it freaked her out.
You know, it was like this.
The chaos and the upheaval and the not knowing
where she was going to be living in a month ifshe's gonna be with her mom or another foster
parent or whatever the case may be.
Like, I mean, just imagine what that does to
(21:07):
someone.
Like, that's how you grow up, you know, like,
you don't have this stability that, you know,at least for me, like, that's not something I
ever thought about growing up.
It was just something you take for granted
because this is how it's supposed to be.
Like, you have parents and they take care of
you, but then you imagine, like, well, whathappens to your child when they don't have
that.
Sarah (21:29):
Yeah, absolutely.
And, you know, I would say to anybody that's
like, considering fostering, like, you as aparent, like, nobody is perfect and everybody
does it differently.
So what you do for your family might not be
what another foster family does, but thatdoesn't make it wrong.
(21:51):
And there's really, you know, no wrong way tobe a caring, supportive person for a child.
So however your family looks is absolutelygoing to be enriching to a child that needs
(22:11):
extra help.
Cassy (22:14):
And one thing that I see a lot, and not so much locally, but just in foster parent
Facebook groups and stuff that I'm on, is alot of people are concerned about the
reunification aspect because for anyone who'snot necessarily familiar, the number one goal
of foster care is always reunification.
That is the goal.
(22:34):
Sometimes that's not possible, you know, andthat's sad when it isn't.
But the goal is, is always reunification.
But that seems to kind of push people away,
you know, like, because they're feeling likeI've seen it for a whole bunch of different
reasons.
Some people are like, oh, I'm going into this
because I want to adopt.
Or other people where it's like they're fine
(22:55):
with reunification, but then they're like,well, the bio parents are not, you know, doing
what they need to be doing, or they're not agood enough home or so on and so forth and so.
But just in general, I see a lot of people whodon't like the idea of taking in a child to
have to turn around and give them up again ina month or a year or whatever the case may be,
you know?So, like, what would you say to those kind of.
(23:18):
To those people who are concerned about thatpart of it?
Allison (23:24):
So I know Sarah hasn't gone through, like, she hasn't gone through the full
reunification thing yet, but I have threedifferent times.
So it's honest.
Like, the whole getting attached thing, it's
(23:44):
real.
Like, you do get attached, but honestly, it's,
like, such a beautiful thing when, like, thekids are excited that they're gonna, like,
stay at their parents house forever again.
We had four kiddos go back, and you can just
(24:06):
see the difference because the reunification,they start unsupervised visits for 4 hours,
and then it goes up to six and then a wholeday, and then the next step is an overnight,
and then it goes to, like, a weekend orwhatever days fit the parents schedule.
(24:29):
And you just see, like, the kids, like, we hadkids that were able to talk, so they were
like, yeah.
Like, we did.
So. And so we.
We played.
We. Like, they were so talkative about beingwith their bio parents that we knew that,
like, they were going somewhere safe, andtheir parents did what they needed to do,
(24:51):
which is the whole point of it.
And, like, yeah, they have.
They're still in our heart forever.
And, like, that's, like, I want to say, like,
fostering doesn't just end at reunification.
Like, we three, all three of the cases that
(25:12):
we've had, like, we still update.
We still get updates.
So, like, we see pictures of them.
We actually just had a playdate with one of
them.
So it's, like, nice to see, like, they're
thriving.
Cassy (25:29):
And scenario.
Allison (25:31):
Yeah, and they were all were.
And then there are those ones where they do
reunify, and then they get placed back in thesystem, and then it's heartbreaking that that
happens, but then you just pick right back upwhere you are with.
You were with that kid.
You get them back on their schedule that they
(25:54):
had with you, and you just do everything thatyou were before they went back.
But it is.
It's very hard.
And you cry when they go back, but it's not asad cry.
It's like a happy sad cry.
Like, you're sad that they're not going to be
(26:16):
living with you anymore, but you're so happythat they're going to be flourishing, and
their families did what they need to do to getthem back.
And it's, I think it's a. I think it's a greatthing when it happens.
And it's also, I haven't gone through thewhole not able to reunify thing yet, but
(26:45):
people also have to remember that if kidsaren't able to reunify, like, that's very
traumatizing to the kids that they're not ableto go back to their bio parents.
So if that happens, that kid's going to actout at that point in time as anyone would if
that's going through trauma.
(27:09):
But I think, yeah, I'm for reunification.
Cassy (27:17):
So, yeah, we have tried to make sure, you know, in our daughter's case, at least,
that we have kept, as much as we can,communication and visits and all of that open
with her bio family, like, as much aspossible.
And one thing that we've always tried toimpress upon her, and I would say this to
(27:42):
anyone, too, who's considering fostering, isthat it's not like a competition with my
daughter.
It's like, you don't have to choose between
your biofamily, and usually, like, you canhave both.
It's.
It's not one or the other.
And, I mean, the same thing would go for anyfoster kid.
Like, hey, we're here for you, and we're goingto give you that safety and stability that you
(28:03):
need right now, but you're still going to haveyour parents.
It's not a contest.
It's not us versus them.
We're here working together for you.
And that's ultimately what it's about, is it's
about the child.
And so what would you say?
Like, okay, so someone, you know, maybe theyare interested in the idea of fostering, but
(28:27):
they don't feel that they are prepared tobecome a foster parent.
What would they be able to do to help or toget involved in other ways?
Allison (28:38):
So our alliance, we, it is made up of foster parents.
Foster parents are everyone that's on theboard, but we are accepting of people that
aren't foster parents.
They don't have to be licensed foster parents
to be a part of our alliance.
(29:00):
They're able to come to the events that we
host, be a part of the brainstorming of theevents that we host.
Like, we have a fishing rodeo next week wherewe all go fishing and have, like, a nice big
(29:21):
cookout.
So, like, they would be able to help in those
ways.
And when we get our property up and moving,
like, helping with supervising that area andjust being, I guess, like a community partner,
(29:45):
I want to say Sarah has more details on that.
Cassy (29:53):
Well, I know that in, we're originally from Florida, they have respite care.
For example, maybe you don't feel like you canbe a full time foster parent, but you can
provide respite care, or you could be aguardian ad litem, you know, which if
someone's not familiar, you're basicallyappointed to be an advocate for the child.
(30:15):
So you'll meet with them and you'll go to thecourt and advocate for them.
You can volunteer with places like the Lebanoncounty foster parent alliance.
You know, like, there's ways to get involvedeven if you can't be an actual foster parent
and to help.
Sarah (30:36):
Yeah. And there, you know, there's another portion of the alliance that is
actually very easy, and that is like, pickingup donations.
And, you know, the idea that we're going tohave donations that need sorted and
categorized and, you know, maybe delivered toa foster family that it has requested
(30:59):
something, or even if you're a communitymember that, you know, has access to things
that might be useful for a foster family.
You know, maybe, you know, somebody that works
for, I don't know, a car seat company orsomething like that.
You know, there are lots of ways to help, evenif it's just like, you know, securing
(31:24):
donations if you have a pickup truck, becausesometimes there are, you know, needs that.
It's like a foster family can take one morechild, but we need to get them a bed.
So the alliance can get them a bed, but maybewe need help transporting that bed and getting
it delivered to where it needs to go orgetting it picked up from the place it's
coming from and delivered to where it needs togo.
Like, there, there's lots of kind of legworkthat exists that isn't even actually in
(31:50):
contact with the children.
That benefits the foster families and the
children in so many ways.
Cassy (31:57):
Yeah, because, as you mentioned, you know, someone who gets an infant, like you
said, that could be thousands of dollars ofitems.
So helping to alleviate that can go a reallylong way, too.
Sarah (32:14):
Yeah. One of the things that we do when we hear that somebody has a new placement is
that, you know, the alliance reaches out tothem and says, hey, you know, what do you
need?What can make this easier for you?
And, you know, we just recently had anincident that was placed, and we were able to
get them a couple infant items that theydidn't have that they needed because their
infant was so tiny, you know, and, you know,that was an awesome feeling to be able to
(32:39):
just, like, come together really quickly andsecure those items for that family.
And now they have what they need to give thatinfant the best care.
And there's other things that we are doing,too.
Like, when a family gets a placement, we arelooking to provide them dinner for that first
night.
Because first night is rough.
(33:02):
It can be hard for families, for the otherchildren in the home, for the child
themselves.
And the last thing you want to think about is
what you're making for dinner.
So the alliance has started a fund that we're
calling the first night fund, where we'regoing to have separate money set aside for
ordering food or preparing food and havingthat meal, um, delivered, even if it's just
(33:25):
grubhub.
But, um, you know, having the funding to be
able to do that, to alleviate that little bitof pressure for a new family or for, you know,
even if it's a foster family that's had abunch of placements, um, you still got to eat.
And, um, being able to take that off of theirproverbial plate, if you will, for that first
night is really going to be helpful.
(33:46):
So if somebody's looking to help and, um, they
can't do much in the way of time, you know,quite honestly, a donation of even, you know,
$5 towards that first night fund or somethinglike that is going to help make a big
difference for.
For a lot of families.
Cassy (34:03):
Yeah. And, you know, the food thing is interesting because even having fostered
myself, it's like, you say that and it's okay,someone has a new baby like that.
They're pregnant, and it's their own, andeveryone, well, I shouldn't say everyone.
Everyone's situation is different.
Who knows?
But a lot of times you will see, you know,everyone that's in their community will fall
(34:27):
all over themselves, like doing meal trainsand all this stuff.
So that when you come home with your new baby,it's like, oh, you don't have to cook, but
someone that is a foster parent, you know, youdon't have nine months to prepare.
You know, it's like, you can have nineminutes.
Sarah (34:42):
Absolutely. Yeah. And. And that.
That's true.
And that's not to say that, you know, fosterfamilies don't have people that love and
support them in their own.
In their own right.
You know, I. You know, I'm very fortunate thatmy mom and my sisters live just over this,
over the hill from me.
And if I called them and said, hey, I'm
getting a new baby tomorrow, they would behere with all of the things.
(35:04):
But.
But it is.
It is very true that not all foster familieshave that same kind of support.
And that's what we're trying to provide that.
You're exactly right.
You hit the nail on the head there, um,because.
And there's also, like, almost a sense of, um,what, your own family, maybe they.
Maybe they don't want to be quite as involvedas you thought they might want to, because
maybe they don't want to get attached.
(35:26):
There's a lot of feelings that go into things
like that.
And if this is your fifth or 6th or 7th
placement.
Yeah.
That neighbor is not bringing an apple pieanymore.
This is, you know, like, that is.
Okay, great.
Good for you guys.
Um, but, yeah, we.
We need to be able to make sure that we'resupporting everybody every time they get a new
placement.
Um, because every time is.
(35:47):
Is a whole new kid, um, and a whole new thing,you know, a whole new list of things that
might need, you know, replaced or replenishedor.
Or whatever.
And.
And you're right.
People fall all over themselves whenever a new
baby's coming to town.
But, um, yeah, if it's your fifth placement,
people are like, oh, good for you, and thenthey just kind of move on.
Cassy (36:08):
Well, and I also think that, I mean, I could be wrong, but generally speaking, I
think that people just don't know what fosterparents need.
You know, it's just an issue of, it's, like,not something they've experienced.
It's not something that is talked about a lotculturally or.
(36:28):
Because, I mean, there's not a lot of fosterparents out there, so it just.
It doesn't get talked about.
And so I don't think people would stop and
think about, oh, well, you have a newplacement, and now I'm going to have to
scramble for food and for all of these items.
I think people think, oh, well, you signed up
to be a foster parent.
You've got all of that, like, in a closet
somewhere, ready to go.
Sarah (36:50):
Right.
And to be completely honest, we do.
We. I think that most foster families havequite a bit that they've saved or put back,
but it's absolutely impossible to prepare forevery situation.
Right.
We can.
We can be the most prepared that we.
We think we are, and then, you know, we get a
(37:10):
child that is the absolute opposite size ofanything that we have in our closet, you know,
or whatever it is.
So there are, you know, donations and things
like that that happen.
We can get.
But sometimes, you know, you need something.
Right then.
Right.
That first night, and there is no prep.
(37:30):
So that's part of what the alliance wants tobe able to do is to show up at somebody's door
with a bag full of clothes that are the rightsize for that kid that they just said yes to.
And we want people to have the power to sayyes because they know that they have the
support instead of saying no because theydon't know where the support is going to come
from.
Cassy (37:51):
And for people who want to donate or just otherwise get involved, where can they go
to find information about the alliance?
Sarah (38:01):
I would say right now the best place is Facebook.
Wouldn't you say, Ally?
Allison (38:04):
Yes. And to also go off of us having stuff in our closet.
We definitely do.
I'm going off of adding on to the
reunification process.
Every kid that I have successfully reunified
(38:25):
with their parents, I send all the stuff, alltheir clothes with them.
So if I have a four year old girl who's infour t clothes, that whole wardrobe that I
have is mostly going with her.
So then I'm, like, starting over new.
(38:45):
It's like, I might have had it a couple monthsago, but now I don't have it because I gave it
all with her to set them off.
Good.
So we definitely use donations and all thatstuff to, like, replenish what we have given
to the foster, foster kids because oncethey're, I know especially for me, like, once
(39:08):
they're in my home, like, the stuff that I getfor them is theirs.
So then it doesn't get put in my closet.
It's not mine.
It's theirs.
So it gets with them.
Sarah (39:22):
Yeah. When I say I have stuff in my closet, what, what my wife and I have done is
basically we have, like, a set of, like a setof pajamas and, and an outfit for basically
each size that we might say yes to becausethat will get us through the first day or two,
you know, because we can, you know, they mightcome with things they might not.
(39:43):
So we kind of always just think that they may,they probably won't come with much.
And, you know, at least for that first night,we have clean pajamas in any size that we
could need.
And we have, you know, maybe a sweatsuit or
shorts and a t shirt, you know, whatever theseason is in, every size that we might need.
But thereafter, yeah, we're going to goshopping or we're going to go to a donation
(40:07):
spot.
And the alliance, one of the things that the
alliance is going to be doing is kind ofkeeping things collected for that purpose as
well.
Now, there is a reimbursement that we get
through Lebanon county children and youth forclothing items, but there is a limited list of
the things that they will reimburse for, whichis an okay amount of clothing, but it might
(40:33):
not be everything that you would want for achild that you were caring for.
So we can fill in with our own money, ofcourse.
And I know a lot of foster families do.
And then also, you know, donations from other
places.
So, you know, collecting all of that whole
wardrobe that you have for that child overthe, you know, six months or a year or however
(40:54):
long you have them that was purchased by thecounty, some of it was purchased by the county
for them and absolutely should go back withthat child, like Allie's saying.
But, but yeah, we, we do get reimbursed, butit doesn't.
The reimbursement doesn't happen immediately.
It happens at the end of the next month, for
the previous month.
So those couple days or weeks before, you
(41:16):
know, you can put in for reimbursement and getthe money back is on you, and that's fine.
As a foster parent, you signed up for that.
But in general, we do rely on donations and
things, and I think in general, our kids arepretty well dressed.
Cassy (41:36):
Are people able to donate used items? I mean, like good condition, obviously, but.
Sarah (41:44):
Yeah, yeah, we take used, um, used donations.
Um, and, and we'll go through them and makesure that, you know, we feel like they're, you
know, appropriate and, and in good conditionenough for kiddos to wear and, um, not give
the impression that they are, you know, achild that's disadvantaged.
That's never our goal.
(42:04):
You know, we want them to be.
To be as.
Have a normal childhood and be as normal as
your bio kids and that sort of thing.
But yes, we do accept, you know, used things
because, I mean, kids grow so fast.
Sometimes you get things that don't even look
like they've been worn.
And we also take donations of other items.
(42:25):
So, like bassinets, swings, you know, perhapscar seats that aren't expired, you know, high
chairs, beds, toddler beds, mattresses, cribs,things like that.
We would be open to accepting donations ofthose types of things, too, so that we have
(42:46):
extra beds to lend to foster families thatmight be able to use them in order to take a
new placement that they wouldn't have beenable to necessarily secure a brand new bed in
a day's time.
Well, the alliances is, the goal here is to
have some that we can grab one and take it toyour house and help you set it up.
And there you go.
You're ready to go.
Cassy (43:07):
Okay, great.
Well, I will make sure to include links in our
show notes so that if you are interested inmaybe learning more about becoming a foster
parent or joining the alliance or even just,you know, giving some donations to help out,
you'll be able to do that.
Thank you both so much for your time and for
(43:29):
being here.
And if you are listening to this and you are
curious to know more about fostering, I wouldvery much recommend you take that step to at
least learn some more, because it's veryrewarding.
Sarah (43:41):
It absolutely is.
Thank you very much.
Allison (43:45):
Thank you so much.
Cassy (43:52):
That's our apple for this week.
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