Sex After FGM

In this evocative episode, Toronto-based Rahat Pye, MSW, RSW — an adolescent, individual, family, and couples therapist — unravels the deeply personal story of her mother, a Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) survivor from Bombay, India. Diving deep into the trauma, defiance, and resilience, Rahat sheds light on the stark realities of FGM and its profound effect on her mother's life. As the narrative unfolds, we explore the paradox of a mother who, despite her own harrowing experiences, championed the significance of sexual health, intimacy, and pleasure. Tune in for this captivating and insightful conversation you won't want to miss!

Show Notes

[00:00:00] Rahat shares her perspective on FGM and believes it should not happen to anyone.

[00:00:17] Introduction to Rahat, a social worker from Toronto who tells the story of her mother, a survivor of FGM from Bombay, India.

[00:00:43] Explanation of FGM and its severe consequences, including that it's illegal in Canada.

[00:01:14] Rahat mentions her grandfather’s political involvement and how her mother was raised with a mix of tradition and resistance.

[00:01:33] Michelle touches on the trauma of FGM and its implications on her mother's relationship with sex.

[00:02:08] Rahat describes her mother’s painful experiences related to childbirth and FGM.

[00:03:16] Rahat shares that her mother underwent FGM as a young girl in Bombay.

[00:04:09] Rahat contemplates the impact of FGM on her mother's life and her defiance against it.

[00:05:53] Rahat emphasizes that her mother saw sex as important, valuable, and as a means of connection, despite her FGM experience.

[00:06:35] Michelle queries how Rahat learned about her mother’s FGM experience.

[00:07:39] Discussion on how Rahat's mother emphasized the importance of knowledge about their own bodies and sexual health.

[00:09:47] Rahat reflects on her mother’s will to learn and teach about the body and pleasure.

[00:10:57] Rahat provides a backstory on her mother’s immigration to Canada.

[00:13:14] Rahat discusses her mother’s experience with the medical system, trauma during childbirth, and how this affected their relationship.

[00:15:37] Rahat describes her mother's trauma and difficulty around FGM, and how it related to her trust in her body and how it functioned.

[00:15:57] Rahat's mother felt isolated and different due to her FGM experience, especially in a community where she was the only person of color.

[00:16:28] Michelle mentions the fear FGM survivors face when visiting a new doctor or gynecologist, fearing both physical examination and the doctor's reaction.

[00:17:29] Rahat and Michelle discuss the shame and societal perceptions associated with women who have undergone FGM.

[00:18:07] Rahat recalls her mother's bold and rebellious behavior, which she believes may have been her way of reclaiming her body after the trauma of FGM.

[00:18:48] Rahat reflects on her mother's openness about sex and sexuality while growing up.

[00:19:28] Rahat attributes her ease in discussing sexuality to her mother's openness and lack of shame about the subject.

[00:20:06] Michelle emphasizes the significance of Rahat's mother transforming her traumatic experience into a positive force for Rahat and her sister.

[00:21:56] Rahat reflects on her complicated relationship with her mother, admiring her resilience and ability to turn traumatic experiences into positive life lessons.

[00:23:46] Rahat comments on the continuation of FGM in certain parts of the world.

[00:25:46] Rahat describes her mother's determination to reclaim her sexuality.

[00:26:42] Rahat believes her mother would be proud of her for participating in this interview and openly discussing FGM.

[00:27:26] Rahat delves into her mother's attachment trauma and reflects on her own experiences related to childbirth, finding a connection between the two.

[00:28:48] Michelle discusses the intergenerational impact of trauma, highlighting the ripple effects of Rahat's mother's experience on Rahat.

[00:29:49] Rahat emphasizes the importance of understanding and discussing the realms of sex, pleasure, and intimacy and the significance of culture and belief systems in shaping one's identity.

[00:31:41] Michelle If you are in Canada and you believe you or someone you know is at risk of undergoing FGM, please seek assistance through your local police or child protective services. In addition, if you or the person at risk is a Canadian citizen abroad, please contact the nearest Canadian embassy or consulate. Call 1 613 996 8885.