July 23, 2024 • 58 mins
Haydn Griffiths was injecting drugs by the age of 14. He felt he was worthless and couldn't be loved. By 16, he saw his future as either death or jail. Then one day, his stepmother came into the bathroom crying, saying, "I don't know why you do this to yourself, you've always been a good boy." That was enough for him to question his own beliefs and change the trajectory of his life. He began to see that his thoughts caused all of his experiences and behaviors. It was no quick fix or easy change, but he managed to become someone of immense value in society.
Today, he coaches business leaders who want to release their full potential. His clients experience jaw-dropping results in a fraction of the time they think possible. Haydn is discovering what actually causes people to be the way they are, and he coaches them to create a mindset that matches their vision. He is also a father of two beautiful children and is married to an international, award-winning gymnastics coach. They travel the world pursuing their dreams while guiding others to do the same.
We are happy Haydn accepted our invitation to be our guest and talk to us about his work and his story. Don't miss this compelling conversation that promises to shift your mindset and unlock new potentials.
Love, Ivana and Yaw xx
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Music.
(00:31):
Music.
Last two weeks we surely did how was your week my friends our week or two weeks
(00:54):
were all right our twins are currently in slovakia with my family so we only have one child which is,
different yeah it's it's a bit quiet here these days but it's no complaining
yeah complaining It's not a bad thing. Having a little bit of...
(01:14):
So no children are arguing or go crazy. Don't get me wrong. Having one is not easy.
I'm not suggesting that. It's just different, yeah?
Different dynamics. So we actually have time for each other now. Do we?
Okay. We get to talk in the evening.
(01:35):
Instead of just passing out at 8 or 9 when you're lucky.
So that is nice. But other than that, we're just enjoying the summer,
Scottish summer, as much as we can. And yeah, it's just nice.
Today is sunny, so that's us.
(01:55):
But today, we're talking to a wonderful guest again.
Another wonderful guest, Hayden Griffiths.
Who is a father and a husband and a mindset coach with an incredible story that
led him to this point of life.
So I'll leave it to him to share his story with you.
(02:16):
But I highly recommend you stick with us because it's just incredible.
So hi, Hayden. Hey, Ivana. How are you doing? Hey, Al.
How are you? I'm good. I just had a nap.
I've had a very productive full week. And Saturday is my rest day. I just woke up.
My eyes are still a little blurry, but I'm with you.
(02:39):
No worries. We're all in the same boat, yeah? We're all parents,
so we don't have to pretend.
It's just, you know, all a bed of roses.
Where are you based, Hayden? I'm in Sheenette, down in East Kent in the UK.
Oh, nice. Right on the coast.
It's a gorgeous little city. Flores, the lady we spoke to in the last episode,
(03:00):
she was from Kent. from Kent.
It's not a coincidence. I wanted to move there, you know. So it's like the universe
is sending all these messages.
We're going to have another conversation now about moving back down south and
things. I would love that.
(03:21):
It's a beautiful part of the world. There's some lovely people down here and
a lot of productivity which I enjoy.
Nice. So let's talk about you, Hayden. share with us
what you do and then we move on to your story yeah i
work with business owners and i hope i
have them overcome things like fear imposter syndrome pressure stress that feeling
(03:44):
that they don't have enough time or they're too busy getting where they're stuck
with dealing with all aspects of their business and their life managing their
family their sales their They're marketing their team.
So we get into the mindset that causes the problems.
Often it comes from we develop a mindset through our childhood,
(04:06):
through our early years of our life, and the views, opinions,
perspectives we hold change.
Don't serve us in creating the future we really want.
They're perspectives of a child or someone in puberty or adolescence,
and they don't work when we're a grown-up.
So I guide them to discover what the underlying perspectives,
(04:28):
decisions, opinions are, and then train them on how to remove them and create
ones that actually match the future they want to live.
This is very powerful, and I think most people can resonate with this because
who doesn't have, you know, issues from childhood or blogs? So this is amazing.
So you'd say that in business, and I fully agree with that, so I'm not even
(04:51):
asking. I just want someone to agree with me.
In business, so it's more about the mindset rather than the strategy.
A bit of both. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, who we're being in business has a bigger
impact on our results than what we do.
When we're happy, successful, decisive, confident, free, lighthearted,
(05:14):
easygoing, in communication, we're speaking our mind, it flows.
It's easy. It's when we're stressed and worried and concerned and indecisive,
then it doesn't matter what we do.
It's going to suck. Life sucks. Business sucks.
We don't get the result we want. So it's all about who we're being and what's
(05:37):
causing us to be who we're being that brings the greatest results for sure.
Yeah, exactly. Because your mindset impacts more than people realize, I'd say, no?
It impacts your choices, your behavior, your… Everything. Everything.
Everything. Literally everything.
You can very much look at the reality around you and it's a product of your mindset.
(06:01):
Mindset all of your behaviors all of your feelings
are stemming out of your mindset if you
think you know there's one world there's literally one
world and there's seven or eight billion people living in it why is it that
everyone's having a different experience making different decisions and it's
all a product of their mindset when you align your mindset to the future instead
(06:24):
of it coming from your past being reactive yeah you can have everything you
want you can live a life you love there's all mindset
everybody is if you imagine a filter
we're taking in this information from our environment and
it's being filtered through our mindset yeah so
and then we make a decision so we're like who we are this conscious being lives
(06:47):
on the other side of this filter between the world and if you're not aware of
your filter and how you're processing the information your body's giving to
you you're just going to react out of decisions you made in the past.
You know, decisions you have about men and women, how life is,
who you are, what you're capable of, how to deal with things, what everything means.
(07:08):
If you don't become aware of that filter, yeah, you're just reacting to these
unconscious decisions and opinions from the past.
So what you help people with is to be aware of that filter and to remove it or to change it.
Yes, 100%. Wow, that's incredible. You know, what I heard this philosophy was,
and I loved it, that what we see around us is just sort of, like you say,
(07:33):
a reflection of mindset, but they compare it to dreams.
Like you feel like you're in a movie, but it's all in your head.
So called reality is the same. It's just all in your head.
So what you perceive as real, it's just your real. And I love that analogy.
Do you agree with that? Yeah, that's true. That's true. That's very true. Yeah.
(07:56):
100%. We're reacting to our perspective, not the world itself.
Yeah. We're in our own dream in many ways. Yeah. Yeah.
No, that's incredible. So let's talk about your story, your life story,
and what led you to start doing what you do.
Yeah cool well when i was younger and in
(08:16):
puberty i was a i was a junkie and i
had the i had you know i was injecting drugs and drinking
almost every day and i
saw a future where i was going to be dead or in jail and i i had thoughts i'm
not worthy i'm not good enough i'll never be loved i don't belong here i ruin
my family i had these horrible nasty destructive thoughts and at that At that point in my life,
(08:42):
they weren't just thoughts, they were the truth.
I was listening to them as if they were real. So then I saw everything around
me from that view and experienced life from that view. My feelings matched, my behaviors matched.
And it was my stepmother who came into the shower one day while I was showering. I was 16 years old.
(09:03):
I'd been injecting drugs for two years.
And she was crying. She had this DVD case.
She was sat down on the bath, opened up this DVD case, tears rolling down her face.
And she said, I don't know why you're doing this to yourself.
You've always been a good boy.
And that really hit me. Like, what if she's right?
What if I'm not this worthless piece that'll never be loved and never have a
(09:26):
place in the world? What if I actually am a good person?
What if I have this potential that other people tell me I have?
And what if I do die or end up in jail, but I was wrong about who I was?
And that questioning of my own thoughts was enough for me to stop hanging out
with the friends that I was doing drugs with and started meeting new friends.
(09:47):
And I saw like, well, I can actually be liked.
I don't have to be who I was being.
I could do something else. Maybe I am this good person. and that
that saved my life that sent me on a new trajectory and
that was the start of me understanding that was
all in my head that it wasn't real now it
wasn't it took another 16 years that
(10:10):
was about 16 years ago and it wasn't a
a rapid change but it was an ongoing other
people saw potential in me and gave me opportunity and i stepped up and then
i saw the potential and it It was that ongoing development of my own perspective
until I got to about 28 and I was feeling lost and worthless and like I still
(10:34):
thought there was something wrong with me. I can't get my life together.
I didn't get a high school certificate. I didn't go to university.
Every company I worked for did extremely well, doubled in revenue. Staff were happy.
I thought there's something here I'm doing that's great. I can't go get a job
as a manager or in corporate because I don't have the paperwork to say that
(10:57):
I can, don't have the certifications.
How do I apply myself in this ability and get paid well and live within all
my values and do something that contributes to others?
And for about two years, I felt very lost.
I'd be driving down the highway some days thinking, might I just pull over and
(11:17):
pull off into a telegraph pole, get this over and done with.
Stop wasting your time, you know.
And I was lucky. A friend said to me, hey, there's this group on Facebook and
it's a coaching group and they'll offer you free coaching.
Why don't you just put your name in and see what they say? And I thought.
Sure, I'll give it a go. I was really uncomfortable. I didn't like putting myself
(11:39):
out there. But you know what? Face your fear, Hayden.
Let's see what turns up. And I sat in a couple of conversations with some coaches
and I thought, you're telling me that people will pay me to sit and chat and
listen and tell them things.
And I could do that as a job and I don't need any certification.
(11:59):
There's no regulatory body and I can get started to tap it.
And I thought this is the best thing ever you know this
is this is what I'm going to do so I started studying
coaching like a maniac reading all the books taking online
courses getting certified however I could
I just picked up my phone and started calling people
hey would you like a complimentary coaching session
(12:22):
I'm a coach now you know some people said
yes so I just started doing it and one of
the this is the interesting part is one of the I got
fired from nearly every job I ever had and one of the old
managers I called and said would you like a complimentary coaching session and
he said he did it with me and the second second time he came to do a session
(12:43):
he opens up this pamphlet and it's got this list of company values on there
and I I was like oh these are amazing what is this company and it was the largest business coaching.
Organization in the world and he said to me hey I'm going to start this franchise
in town would Would you like to start it with me?
I'm going to open this, buy this franchise and start it. Would you like to do it with me?
(13:03):
And I was like, yeah, I'll pay for your training, 12 and a half grand,
and I'll pay for the business, which was another 90 grand, and you can come
along and be a coach with me. I was like, oh, what a gift.
So then I studied, got certified as a business coach, started coaching business owners.
Kept with the ongoing training in business. So I learned this whole,
(13:24):
I had no idea about business at all.
I got to learn all about it, but it wasn't authentic.
I was attracting business owners, coaching them on their mindset.
And so eventually I left working with him.
It wasn't working out because I wasn't doing what I said I should be doing.
And I kept going with mindset.
And here Here we are today. Now I've found this career I love and I contribute
(13:49):
to people. I'm with all my values.
I provide my family. We retired my wife at the start of the year.
We traveled the world. We've lived in Australia and Canada.
We now live in England. We're looking to live in Portugal or Spain or Italy next.
So yeah, we travel the world. I find people wherever we are. Never had a website.
I'm just starting to work on one now. It's all been networking, word of mouth.
(14:13):
Just starting social media. I started two weeks ago on TikTok,
and not for the purpose of attracting clients, but for the purpose of taking
what's working and then just giving it away, giving it to the world.
Making an impact globally is my next step.
Wow. Yeah, it's been a phenomenal journey. Wow.
(14:33):
So how many years did this take? I know it wasn't overnight,
but how long did you get where you are now? Yeah, I've been practicing professionally
for about four years, getting closer to five.
Wow, that's so short. That's amazing because many, many business owners struggle
(14:55):
with, you know, like getting the money, like the basic stuff.
So, what would you say was the biggest, we talked about this in the beginning,
but what was that one thing that you believe made all the difference for you?
There's a training program called the Landmark Forum, and they have the best training in the world.
(15:20):
And I really discovered who I am, what wasn't working in my life,
how I was causing it not to work through their training.
I did one of their programs, the advanced course.
And I, in that program, like before I was afraid to talk to people.
(15:40):
I was a coach. I was coaching people.
They were getting great results, but I was afraid to go out there and,
you know, talk to new business owners. It was, yeah, I was terrified.
And then in the advanced course, Landmarks Advanced Course, I saw,
I had it that I was a fake and a phony.
Yeah. And the leader said, you know, what's the impact you have on your clients?
(16:06):
And when I stopped looking at, I'm a fake and a phony. And I started to look
at, oh my God, I transformed their life.
Like They're happy, they're successful, they're wealthy, they fall in love, they get healthy.
Like, oh, my God, that fake and phony disappeared.
And I got as many clients in two weeks after the advanced course as I did in
(16:27):
the two years before the program.
So Landmark, I would say, has had the biggest impact on my business.
It was mostly your mindset that shifted, no? More than anything.
Oh, 100%, yeah. Yeah, shift my mind.
And everything flowed. When the mind's in order, everything flowed.
There's no resistance. There's no fear anymore.
(16:48):
Yeah. I know what I'm up to. I know what I'm doing. I know where I'm going because
I got this in order. Yeah.
Yeah. And you made a good point there because I think that most business owners
focus too much on themselves. Like, how do I look?
What will people think? Yeah. And they don't focus fully on the customers or
clients or the audience. and you made a very good point that this can make all
(17:11):
the difference when you make it about that rather than about you, right?
But what really got my attention as well, like what you were saying earlier,
I didn't want to interrupt you, is how,
because I understand that it was your stepmom's comment that really clicked.
(17:32):
Yes, saved my life, 100%. Wow, isn't that amazing, you know? Very lucky.
And can make all the difference. Why do you think it was that specific thing
she said that just clicked? It clicked.
It's hard to say. That's a great question. Yeah, it was the rawness of it, the realness.
(17:52):
There was no false pretenses. She wasn't doing it for her.
She was simply like really expressing what she was dealing with,
and that hit me, that realness of it.
Yeah. I suppose when I thought, you know, I can't be loved, I'm not lovable,
or I'm not worth it, you know, when someone's willing to put themselves, walk into the bathroom.
(18:18):
That's an odd thing to do. You know, there's got to be something to be overcome
there and then express fully what they're dealing with.
I think that really hits when we're on the receiving end of that. Yeah. Yeah.
That really hits us. On your journey, there's a lot unpacked.
(18:39):
There's it seems like you've
you've had to okay you get to
the point where you know you get your confidence and then
you know you get to a certain point and then you need to build your
confidence your resilience yeah the vulnerability and things that you've had
to kind of put out to the world as well in order for you to move forward do
(19:02):
you think that's a big factor in what you do do are you you quite an open person
you seem quite open and stuff from yeah yeah related.
I can definitely be inappropriately open. It's something I have to reel it in, you know.
And it definitely is part of my strength as well.
(19:27):
When I'm putting everything out there, it creates a space where other people feel safe to do it too.
They're like, oh, I'm not the only one dealing with.
I can share what's really going on for me too. so
it it works in coaching to be
this this open this vulnerable and it is
a it is a great great strength people often
(19:49):
see it as a weakness and i and i say to
them well is it easier to be vulnerable or
is it easier to be guarded in the
short term and and most people would say well you know
it's easier to be guarded than it is to put it all
out that's it great that's it it's a strength to be
vulnerable yeah not not a weakness at all and
(20:09):
actually when you look at the impact of
being guarded and the impact of being vulnerable
it being guarded is actually harder
in the long term it makes your life harder because people
don't people don't get to know the real you you
don't get to express your true view so you're constantly
bottling things up and afraid and people people
(20:32):
are knowing this like this masked version of
you you never you never get to be truly connected with
people when you're not vulnerable so vulnerability is a great strength and definitely
definitely is part of has been part of my journey and part of my success yeah
vulnerability builds you mentioned safety but psychological safety wherever you go people open
(20:58):
up, more willing to talk about their, not failures,
but things that maybe, like you said.
They would be more guarded up against. Yeah.
And I think it's the society that creates this pressure to have it all,
to be always happy, to not show anger.
They see anger, for instance, as a bad thing now, and it's awful.
(21:22):
You feel like you shouldn't feel certain things like jealousy,
anger, guilt, but it's all normal feelings.
So I think it's this pressure now to, what do you think creates this pressure?
Is it just the environment or?
It's our perspective of the environment. It's our perspective of how we think we should behave.
(21:44):
So all of our experience, all the feelings, all the emotions are created right here.
So we perceive the world to be a certain way.
We perceive we need to be a certain way to fit into that world so it's all right
back here yeah it's not out there yeah does society occurs different to every
(22:05):
every person everyone has their own view.
Yeah. So the pressure we create usually comes from expectations,
like I should be this way, I shouldn't be that way.
And then what it means to us if we don't meet those expectations.
(22:26):
That's where we feel this pressure because we've got these rules we've constructed
through our life that we have to meet.
And so there's no freedom in that. We feel trapped in that. Yeah,
that's where the pressure comes from.
And when we become aware of those rules and these standards,
these expectations we've created, we can set ourselves free and then we're just
(22:48):
free to be again and then we remove the pressure.
It also takes a lot of energy, no?
When we always put certain masks on,
like you feel lonely and go shop and you feel, oh, I should,
in case I meet someone, need to you know come
across as i'm okay or be scared that
people will see our vulnerabilities and it
(23:11):
takes a huge amount of energy isn't it
and then it impacts like you said everything yeah
it's like you're on stage all the
time you know you're acting all the time yeah acting acting
on performance on performance on performance instead of
just being in life yeah yeah it
took me a while to learn this but now i am
(23:34):
when i feel shit i just show it yeah i don't depend of course like if i was
the business or something of course yeah within reason but i don't hide from
close people anymore i show them and it's so liberating you're You're so true, no?
(23:54):
So in your experience, because I'm sure you work with many, many people,
so what in your experience is the most common issue people deal with or struggle with?
Yeah, okay, that's a great question. In business, let's look at the different stages.
(24:15):
So people go from, if you look through life, we're born,
we know nothing, we start life very much as a child free and exploring and playing
and then we start to become a student of life we start to learn lessons we start
to create our own rules we start to learn how to fit in how to behave we after
(24:35):
student we become an employee or a worker,
and so then we learn to start producing being responsible being held accountable
to someone else and these are the stages i work with people when they're going
from that that employed to self-employed.
They're usually dealing with stuff like time management, decision making.
(24:57):
Learning to trust themselves and face their fears, that's typically what's there
at that stage from employee to self-employed.
So learning to be decisive, learning to be courageous, and learning to be in
action with the work that actually gets results.
Then they'll go from self-employed to manager, they'll start leading a team.
(25:21):
And it's there they really need to learn about communication,
how they're being responsible for their ideas,
making sure their team are getting them and understanding them from their perspective,
that communication is actually taking place. They're not just speaking.
They need to learn about who they're being as the role model,
(25:42):
how their behaviors are going to be reflected through their company.
So very much who they're being is going to be what the company looks like.
So after that stage of manager and that leadership that they develop, it's about letting go.
It's about, okay, how do I develop leaders? Not just people to do the job, but leaders.
(26:02):
How do I step back from the business, stop thinking things like I need to do
this to the business needs this and who can do it?
So they're the stages I guide people through. what everyone
deals with as they're going through those stages
are thoughts like i'm not good enough i'm not worthy i don't have enough time
(26:24):
i have to do it now i need to so we we train them on the language and how the
language is impacting what they experience and the actions they take Everyone needs that training.
They deal with thoughts like, I can't, I won't, I'm unable to, that's not for me.
(26:46):
So they're very much stuck in past-based thinking from earlier years in life.
And everyone's got that going on. It's fascinating how common I'm not worthy
and I'm not good enough is.
It's almost everyone has that and deals with that in their life.
And and it's it's
(27:07):
a very interesting thought because it produces result i'm not worthy causes
people to prove themselves so they're constantly looking to be the best in the
room and you know get a hundred percent in any of their exams and so there's
this this benefit to these.
These, what would you call them? Not unhealthy, but almost painful thoughts that we have.
(27:31):
I'm not good enough causes people to do more, more, more, better,
better, better, improve, improve, improve.
So it drives them to success.
The problem with these thoughts that people have is when they get there,
they can't appreciate it because underneath all the success,
the I'm not worthy or the I'm not good enough is still functioning.
So they're still, okay, I need to to do more. I need to get there. I need to do better.
(27:56):
Life is always about something in the future, not right here, right now.
When they can get that those thoughts aren't the truth and they remove worthiness,
they remove good enough altogether.
It's not about proving yourself. It's not about being good enough.
It's not about being worthy.
It's about something else. It's about being something else.
(28:17):
Then they're like, oh, wow, look at all this success. Look how successful I really am.
Then they can hit their goals from a place of inner peace, and that's the goal.
Then they can see that, wow, the life I'm living is what I dreamed about five
years ago, so I'm literally living my dream and building my dream at the same time.
And that's where we want to get people to, that place of peace and appreciation.
(28:41):
Yeah, because when you feel like you're not good enough, then nothing you'll
do that you think will help you to feel enough. Never. Never.
Yeah. They're in that trap, that loop, and they're on that hamster wheel. Just go, go, go, go, go.
Yeah. Do you feel, has there been a moment in your kind of career and things,
(29:04):
where you've hit a brick wall with someone or someone that you're coaching or
something has hit a brick wall?
How have you kind of helped them? How have you coached them to kind of,
because that's the thing, isn't it?
The thing about mentors or coaches and things is it allows you to get out of your own head.
(29:27):
Yes. Yeah. Do you have an example or an experience where you've,
you know, it hasn't gone as linear and,
you know, straight up, but actually you'd have to kind of go to the tangent
and stuff for them to really kind of understand and gain the confidence in order
for them to kind of. Yeah.
Yeah. That's a great question. And I'm excited to answer that actually.
(29:50):
And this is the sucky part of life, and here it is, okay?
This is the unfun truth.
There is no breakthrough without a breakdown.
So there is no confidence unless you face your fear.
There's no power unless you really face those parts of yourself that are getting
(30:16):
in the way, that you don't like, that there's things in your past you're ashamed
of and you're uncomfortable with sharing.
To get to the other side of confidence, freedom, and power is through the mud.
It's messy. It's nasty. My wife, a couple of weeks ago, discovered she doesn't
need to work anymore. She doesn't need to produce income.
(30:38):
She just realized she didn't trust me to produce income.
And she finally saw that, oh, wow, actually, you've got this.
And that what happened two days later was she started getting migraines and
being physically ill and vomiting.
Because it's like, well, now what do I do with my life?
So there was a very physical breakdown for
(31:00):
her and what was underneath all of that illness that
she was manifesting was she had
this idea that she's a joke if she's not
working then she's just a joke so when
we were when we you know we worked through her resistance
to having the conversation and her headache
and her physical illness when she got
(31:21):
to see that oh actually i'm not a joke this is my
choice i'm a mother this is my life all the
all the illness disappeared so it's
like before we can go up we we got
to go down you know we got to before before we have any progress we got to break
down and remove what's already there and getting in the way and that can be
(31:43):
really uncomfortable a lot of these these views these perspectives of who we
are we've held on to for for decades.
Sometimes, you know, or even how other people are or how the world is.
We've held onto these views for decades and they can be hard to confront and let go of.
We can be very attached to them and we have to reshape.
(32:07):
Our mind for a new almost a new
reality in a way it's probably our safe
space up until that point up until you
you go out of that comfort zone that's our
safe spot that we understand and you know
it's yeah exactly yeah yeah amazing
it must be scary but how do you find out i'm
(32:29):
just wondering how do you find out what's the underlying belief behind your
like your life like physical symptoms training
get the training the training and development there's there's
no self-discovery alone that's the
interesting thing about being human is we only discover ourselves when we're
with others and we can do that through their books through their podcasts through
(32:52):
their videos it's best done with a trained professional someone who's been through
it before and can guide you.
Through it so coming back to what
you were asking that when people the way
i the way i guide people i can hear
it i can hear what's going on i know how to guide
their mind to okay there's something there let's look
(33:15):
into let's take that deeper you know where
where did you first experience that feeling in your life
or that thinking before let's look into your past and
see what's there and there'll be a moment where this
this way of being this way of thinking this way of acting this
way feeling turned up and we deal with that moment
so as they're going through it
(33:35):
because it's a roller coaster all the emotions are
coming up the memories i'm that firm guide
you know i'm standing strong and i'm standing strong for i know there's something
on the other side of this that you can attain we don't know what it is yet but
it'll be some new level of power or freedom or happiness that you haven't currently
(33:56):
got and so because i've gone through it.
I am so grounded in we can get you there.
And so I'm that firm rock as they're going through all the turmoil,
like let's keep going all the way. We're not going to stop.
And then they break through to the other side, and that's where,
like, relief and freedom and lightness exists.
(34:19):
Yeah. So that's how we get them there. Wow. When we look at children,
they're the proof that we were born perfect, isn't it? Yeah.
You know they they love themselves they don't
know what not believing in themselves even
mean yeah yeah yeah and we were like that so something must have gone wrong
(34:42):
along the way so i always i don't think it's wrong no no no it's not it's just
how it is yeah yeah it's just how it is It's the human condition.
Yeah. It's just the human condition. Yeah. Physically help people to get in
the state that they were born in, put very simply.
(35:04):
Essentially, that's it. Isn't that fascinating? We're born perfect.
No right or wrong, no good or bad, no fear, no confidence, just,
you know, we see things, we act.
Just perfect. perfect and then and we unconsciously
create this construct in our mind that starts to
run us yeah and some of us are lucky enough to start to discover that construct
(35:28):
and deal with it and remove it and then at the end of our life we're back to
just being again and that's why we see these old people that just smile and
they're happy and they're content they're loving and they're laughing,
and that's the state to get back to, and then we die.
You've got it.
(35:50):
Why is it this way? Why? Don't go there. Don't go there.
Why is often an inappropriate question.
Yeah, it'll get you reasons, excuses, justification. And guess what?
They're all made up. They make no difference to it.
True. Love that. Just in.
(36:11):
Acceptance is the key. Acceptance is the key to peace. Wow. I love that.
I love that. Don't go looking.
Why won't make a difference? It'll still be there. Why is there gravity?
Well, who cares? There's gravity.
Or who am I? I just am. Yeah, you just don't. Yeah, so true.
(36:33):
You are whatever you say you are. Yes, exactly.
So how do you work with people? Do you do one-to-ones and the group sessions?
It's all one-to-one currently. I'm learning to present to groups and write currently
so I can move into that global leader space over the next five years.
(36:55):
I haven't currently hit my limit of one-to-one coaching. I'm on the cusp of hitting that.
That's my goal this year has been I want to coach over 100 people and I want
to see how many one-to-one coaching sessions I can do a week before I'm like,
this is too much, and then I'll adapt.
So I'm very much a believer of push the boundary, find where it is,
(37:21):
have the breakdown, and cause a breakthrough.
Don't eschew I know how much I can do.
Because I keep proving myself wrong, what I thought I was capable of.
When I started coaching, five clients were like, oh, my God,
I'm so stressed, I'm so overwhelmed, you know.
And now I've got, as of yesterday, I have 44 clients who I do one-to-one coaching
(37:43):
with. And it's easier than when I started.
Really? Who knows what my limits are? I'll only find them by pushing them. Yeah.
Do you find that with your coaching as such, the fact that you've,
gone through with so many that's yeah more
at an ease with the actual you
(38:05):
know you said before you went oh yeah yeah once you
kind of went through and you kind of you know because the unknown like you said
the expectations and stuff that we have in most situations mean that your brain
probably all over the shop and stuff but once you get that kind of familiarity
and like you say you You get to start understanding,
(38:26):
start seeing how people are, how they're talking, how they're sitting and, you know. Yeah.
Just. Yeah, definitely.
Almost tuning and wiring my brain for coaching
for like i can just hear it and then
the the things to say just turn up
and then i say them like the thought i don't even it's almost as if i'm not
(38:49):
thinking something's now hearing what's going on putting the thought in my mind
and then i choose to speak it and it's usually the right thing to say with my
clients now so yeah i'm i'm i'm mastering the profession of coaching.
That's been my goal for this decade.
And I'd love to share this idea with you. I looked at my idols.
(39:11):
I looked at Jordan Peterson, Gandhi, Martin Luther King.
I looked at these great men and I was like, okay, how did they get to that level
of influence where they can impact the world?
And I say, okay, so they started, like everyone, as a student,
They studied their profession.
Jordan Peterson was a psychologist or a psychiatrist, one of the two. Gandhi was a lawyer.
(39:36):
Martin Luther was as a preacher. And they really mastered not their philosophies
and the understanding of language at a basic level in law,
in preaching, in psychology.
So they mastered that first. They got the study and the information in.
(39:56):
And then they started practicing one-to-one as a lawyer, as a psychologist,
as a preacher, being with people and influencing them.
And then as they mastered that one-to-one interaction, they learned things about people.
And then they could start to share those things they learned in front of a group.
And Jordan Peterson became a professor and Gandhi started to speak to groups.
(40:20):
I was like, okay, so that's the process to that level of greatness.
That's what I got to take. I've got to take those steps.
At the start of 30, I was like, okay, I have to be a master coach.
I have to coach like I have to be almost like a whore. I need to just take on everyone and anyone.
(40:41):
No money, no money, doesn't matter. Just give it to me.
Let me coach everyone I possibly can. And that's the approach I took on.
If I invest everything I can into this, I'll master this, it'll pay off in the future.
And then I looked at Elon Musk and I saw, first he invested a huge chunk of
(41:04):
his life to develop PayPal.
He got $180 million or $150 million in return for that investment,
developing his skills and ability building this product.
Then he took that $180 million and invested seven years of his life,
16 hours a day, seven days a week, seven years to build Tesla while the world
was saying, don't invest in Tesla.
(41:24):
It's a terrible purchase. It'll never go anywhere. anywhere so that
okay so i have to invest everything i
possibly can if i want to reach that level
of greatness in my life and i have to master that one-to-one interaction i have
to i have to get people at the deepest level really understand what's going
(41:45):
on for them what they're dealing with and then i'll be able to share that with
the world so that's that's the process i've I've been taking.
That's the trajectory I'm on.
Yeah, and it's working. Yeah, it's really working.
I think many people miss that. I see people want to be influencers because they
see the end product of these successful people,
(42:06):
but they don't think about what it takes to go through, get there.
You've got to be willing to go through.
If you imagine you have your vision and there's this destination you want to
reach, be this person in the world.
There's a very real distance between where you are now, who you're being, and where you want to be.
(42:27):
And there's a certain amount of mistakes along the way that need to be made.
If you're not willing to get on the field and lose and make mistakes,
then you'll never win. You'll never win the championship.
You've got to play the game. You've got to get uncomfortable.
You've got to risk looking bad and sucking and getting it wrong and having people
(42:49):
laugh at you and people tell you, don't do it. Just go be normal like everyone else.
Like you've got to face all that stuff if you want that level of greatness in
life and influence in life.
So, yeah, I'm willing to look terrible.
I'm willing to suck. That's good. Take a risk.
Wow. I want to talk to you every day.
(43:11):
Don't worry. I think she's a potential client. So be ready.
You should. Everyone is. Be ready. you should because you're too hard on yourself angel anyway.
If you had an impact statement from your
life and you thought you know what if there
was the one thing that i was going to give to the world i
(43:34):
i understand that your trajectory and you know where you
want to go to and you know hand on
heart i wish you i i can see your determination and
your ambition to do that and that's amazing but if
there was one thing that you could do to change someone's life it's just having
happening to listen to this what do you think it would be what's that yeah the
(43:58):
real the real difference i want to make in the world is i want i want people to understand,
themselves how their perspective is causing
their reality how their perspective is causing
what they feel what they do and the
results they get i i i want i don't i don't get why understanding ourselves
(44:21):
isn't the first thing we're learning in school alongside english and math like
why isn't how the mind works, how we create our feelings.
Yeah, I don't get that. It makes no sense to me.
So what I would love, what I really want to do in the world is I want people
(44:44):
to get the importance of doing self-development, self-discovery,
reading, talking to people.
You know, I want the world to get that, how important it is.
Is imagine if I'd never got that, I would be dead or in jail.
How many people, how many lives are we losing?
(45:06):
How many untapped potentials are there in the world because people never learn this stuff?
If we could, imagine if we could, you know, we get an Einstein every now and
then, but what if we could turn 10% more people into their true geniuses?
What would happen to the world?
That's what I would love to see. I'd love to see that this understanding of
(45:30):
oneself is part of our curriculum.
It becomes a normal instead of this self-help. Oh, you're one of those self-help persons.
Like, well, if you're not going to help yourself, who's going to help you?
I really get annoyed with that.
But if that self-development became as standard as English and maths and these
(45:51):
types of conversations about who we are,
how our thinking impacts us was just normal what i
think it would revolutionize humanity and i'd
love to see that and be a part of that and it
doesn't matter what you do if if it's a love of something that you want to do
doing that is amazing like you say having signs in so many different fields
(46:16):
and things would be absolutely amazing and they're there they're there but you
You know, how that brings it.
Absolutely. Yeah. Oh, man, we could do so much good.
If we had an education system where children could pursue what they love,
like I loved maths and science.
I loved it. You know, like what a nerd.
(46:38):
But if I pursued that with the intensity instead of hating school.
It will balance out. Yeah, we think we need to give everyone this broad education.
And that's like the opposite of democracy.
Democracy is you focus on what you want. You become the best in the world.
(46:59):
And when you're the best and I'm the best, what we can do together is a thousand times greater.
You know, if we're all okay at stuff, we're just missing so much potential.
If we let children pursue their passion, yes, some would pursue art,
some would pursue acting, some would pursue sport, some would pursue maths,
some would pursue English. It would balance out.
(47:21):
And then we'd be bringing this greatness, this potential of humanity to the
surface. and we would change the world. It would be phenomenal.
People would be happy. People would actually be happy doing what they love.
Wouldn't that be terrible?
It's so powerful. Yes. So powerful. I think what gets in the way most people
(47:45):
is, apart from what we already mentioned, is what other people say to them, no?
Yeah. That's our filters, although that's a big part.
Yeah. but say i have a big mind
big mindset say and then someone says something that
makes it smaller but again probably it comes
down to your own filters because if you don't have them no comment will ever
(48:07):
get to you yeah you got loudier but yeah if you're if yeah if you're self-aware
you can you can hear it's not just what people say to you but then it's what
you You interpret that to me.
So your mother says, oh, don't do that. And then you hear, oh,
(48:28):
I'm in trouble. I'm not good enough.
I'm always wrong. I can never do what I want. So all that turns up from that simple statement.
With self-awareness, you can start to distinguish the two and throw out all
the stuff you made up and just be with what was actually said and deal with.
It so there's there's layers to listening
(48:48):
that people are unaware of and yeah we don't have
to take on what other people say other people's perspective
we have a choice yeah well
maybe just one last question i have for you is does our mindset impact other
people's behavior towards us yes yeah 100 so if you imagine we could do a little
(49:12):
i'll show you this right now so think Think about how you think about each other,
the perspective you have. Yeah.
I shouldn't say that on there. Yeah. You've got this view of your partner.
Now, when you think of them that way, that causes you to be a certain way.
So let's say the mindset, current mindset is, oh, she's the best person in the world.
(49:35):
I absolutely love her. That causes you to feel loved, to feel warm in your chest.
You feel relaxed and at ease. And then when you're being that way,
you interact with that person a certain way.
So that interaction then impacts them to be a certain way. Now,
let's say all of a sudden...
What pops up into your mind, they do something or say something you don't like,
(49:57):
and then all of a sudden, oh, that arsehole, what a piece of,
why are they always saying that?
Why can't they just leave me in peace? Don't they know how tired I am after work?
And you've got all this going on in your mind all of a sudden,
all this perspective, and then all of a sudden you become frustrated and angry
and, you know, you've got some
tension across your chest and some stress building across your forehead,
(50:18):
and then you become a certain way again.
And so then you're interacting with the person from this space and that's going to then impact them.
So we are very much causing the reality around us based on how we're reacting
to our perspective, our thoughts, our reactions.
Yeah, very much so. Sorry, but if someone really is an asshole,
(50:41):
say, I don't mean you, don't worry.
It's all right. It's okay. So doesn't it justify their actions if we don't understand
get angry with them or if we just let them do
whatever ah cool here's the cool thing right as
soon as you call someone an asshole who are you being an asshole yeah so now
(51:03):
you're being this righteous now you're being this righteous judgmental superior
asshole because i'm so much better than them i need to tell them what an asshole
they're being they need to change they're They're the problem.
And so you're now this victim of them instead of, oh, wow, look at my reaction.
I don't agree with their behavior. And instead of just becoming an asshole yourself,
(51:26):
you can choose something else to deal with it.
Yeah. Because we become the very thing we see out there, which you were saying
earlier. We are just a reflection.
The world is reflecting ourselves back at us. The other thing about that,
You remember when you were a kid and there's nothing on your mind?
(51:47):
There were no arseholes.
So at some point in your life, something happens, often with a parent or an
ex-partner or a teacher, and you ended up with that behavior,
that action means arsehole.
Right. Yeah. And when you go back and deal with that moment in your life from
(52:09):
the perspective of the person you are today,
day instead of reacting to that moment from the perspective of that moment when
you're a child you can deal with it and that frees you up from that reaction
you have in your present life,
yeah and so you're no longer you don't even see asshole anymore it's gone and
you can start to be with anything instead of being a reaction so if i'm nagging
(52:34):
him does it not mean i should work on myself as well. Oh, well done.
Absolutely well done. Or should he work on his reaction? No,
I think that first one is exactly what it is. Or both.
And I think we're going to end it. No, I'm joking. Go on, please.
No, just the fact that, like, who should change? Me? He's not changing,
though, is he? Or improve? Or grow?
(52:55):
But we both would have to grow. Because we're both going into something.
Yeah. Something that annoys you that I understand annoys me.
Maybe there's something there I need to work on.
But then there's also an ability from, why does that annoy me so much?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You grow together. Yeah.
If one grows and the other doesn't, you're growing apart.
(53:17):
So it's very much, we do this, we grow together. Yeah, that's the way to have relationships work.
Thank you. And obviously from our perspective, it's always just the love bit.
There's no arsehole or anything, bits and stuff, you know. I just want to make
(53:38):
sure that's fine. No, asshole never.
Really? You guys are an exception because there's definitely a bitch and asshole
in my relationship with my wife.
Definitely. It turned up this morning, actually.
This has been amazing, Hayden. Thank you so, so much.
(53:59):
I'm speechless, to be honest with you. There's so much to think about and reflect on. and actually I,
You are the proof now of the power of this work because before,
we hopped on the call, you were in a very bad and low energy.
I know. And now you... You actually picked up my energy.
I'm still feeling it. Yeah. No, but your energy was very low and you didn't
(54:24):
look good. I just put it that way.
But now it's like your expression changed, your colour.
It sounds weird. Don't worry, we'll edit that one out.
No, I mean, your skin is low again. You have healthier skin now. It'll finish. Okay.
(54:48):
Yeah. Might need a bit more than nine months in the woods. Yeah.
We've got a firecracker on our hands. Yeah, exactly.
Okay I forgot what I was saying now oh yeah the power of this work because your
(55:11):
energy changed during that hour and we didn't really coach you so can you imagine
what miracles Hayden can do when you actually coach,
miracles definitely so tell our
listeners please where they can find you yeah you
can find me on LinkedIn in hayden griffiths look up
mindset and performance coaching i'm also on tiktok started
(55:35):
yeah it's just started on tiktok so short
sharp videos sharing things that'll make a difference
to you things that'll shift your perspective cause you
to see new things and i also i'm also
building currently a landing page so that'll have all the information how to
get in contact with me and if you want to join my emailing list i send out a
(55:57):
weekly email with things to shift your mindset in important areas of life so
amazing yeah something up today i hope you found this.
(56:29):
Music.
Music.
(00:31):
Music.
Last two weeks we surely did how was your week my friends our week or two weeks
(00:54):
were all right our twins are currently in slovakia with my family so we only have one child which is,
different yeah it's it's a bit quiet here these days but it's no complaining
yeah complaining It's not a bad thing. Having a little bit of...
(01:14):
So no children are arguing or go crazy. Don't get me wrong. Having one is not easy.
I'm not suggesting that. It's just different, yeah?
Different dynamics. So we actually have time for each other now. Do we?
Okay. We get to talk in the evening.
(01:35):
Instead of just passing out at 8 or 9 when you're lucky.
So that is nice. But other than that, we're just enjoying the summer,
Scottish summer, as much as we can. And yeah, it's just nice.
Today is sunny, so that's us.
(01:55):
But today, we're talking to a wonderful guest again.
Another wonderful guest, Hayden Griffiths.
Who is a father and a husband and a mindset coach with an incredible story that
led him to this point of life.
So I'll leave it to him to share his story with you.
(02:16):
But I highly recommend you stick with us because it's just incredible.
So hi, Hayden. Hey, Ivana. How are you doing? Hey, Al.
How are you? I'm good. I just had a nap.
I've had a very productive full week. And Saturday is my rest day. I just woke up.
My eyes are still a little blurry, but I'm with you.
(02:39):
No worries. We're all in the same boat, yeah? We're all parents,
so we don't have to pretend.
It's just, you know, all a bed of roses.
Where are you based, Hayden? I'm in Sheenette, down in East Kent in the UK.
Oh, nice. Right on the coast.
It's a gorgeous little city. Flores, the lady we spoke to in the last episode,
(03:00):
she was from Kent. from Kent.
It's not a coincidence. I wanted to move there, you know. So it's like the universe
is sending all these messages.
We're going to have another conversation now about moving back down south and
things. I would love that.
(03:21):
It's a beautiful part of the world. There's some lovely people down here and
a lot of productivity which I enjoy.
Nice. So let's talk about you, Hayden. share with us
what you do and then we move on to your story yeah i
work with business owners and i hope i
have them overcome things like fear imposter syndrome pressure stress that feeling
(03:44):
that they don't have enough time or they're too busy getting where they're stuck
with dealing with all aspects of their business and their life managing their
family their sales their They're marketing their team.
So we get into the mindset that causes the problems.
Often it comes from we develop a mindset through our childhood,
(04:06):
through our early years of our life, and the views, opinions,
perspectives we hold change.
Don't serve us in creating the future we really want.
They're perspectives of a child or someone in puberty or adolescence,
and they don't work when we're a grown-up.
So I guide them to discover what the underlying perspectives,
(04:28):
decisions, opinions are, and then train them on how to remove them and create
ones that actually match the future they want to live.
This is very powerful, and I think most people can resonate with this because
who doesn't have, you know, issues from childhood or blogs? So this is amazing.
So you'd say that in business, and I fully agree with that, so I'm not even
(04:51):
asking. I just want someone to agree with me.
In business, so it's more about the mindset rather than the strategy.
A bit of both. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, who we're being in business has a bigger
impact on our results than what we do.
When we're happy, successful, decisive, confident, free, lighthearted,
(05:14):
easygoing, in communication, we're speaking our mind, it flows.
It's easy. It's when we're stressed and worried and concerned and indecisive,
then it doesn't matter what we do.
It's going to suck. Life sucks. Business sucks.
We don't get the result we want. So it's all about who we're being and what's
(05:37):
causing us to be who we're being that brings the greatest results for sure.
Yeah, exactly. Because your mindset impacts more than people realize, I'd say, no?
It impacts your choices, your behavior, your… Everything. Everything.
Everything. Literally everything.
You can very much look at the reality around you and it's a product of your mindset.
(06:01):
Mindset all of your behaviors all of your feelings
are stemming out of your mindset if you
think you know there's one world there's literally one
world and there's seven or eight billion people living in it why is it that
everyone's having a different experience making different decisions and it's
all a product of their mindset when you align your mindset to the future instead
(06:24):
of it coming from your past being reactive yeah you can have everything you
want you can live a life you love there's all mindset
everybody is if you imagine a filter
we're taking in this information from our environment and
it's being filtered through our mindset yeah so
and then we make a decision so we're like who we are this conscious being lives
(06:47):
on the other side of this filter between the world and if you're not aware of
your filter and how you're processing the information your body's giving to
you you're just going to react out of decisions you made in the past.
You know, decisions you have about men and women, how life is,
who you are, what you're capable of, how to deal with things, what everything means.
(07:08):
If you don't become aware of that filter, yeah, you're just reacting to these
unconscious decisions and opinions from the past.
So what you help people with is to be aware of that filter and to remove it or to change it.
Yes, 100%. Wow, that's incredible. You know, what I heard this philosophy was,
and I loved it, that what we see around us is just sort of, like you say,
(07:33):
a reflection of mindset, but they compare it to dreams.
Like you feel like you're in a movie, but it's all in your head.
So called reality is the same. It's just all in your head.
So what you perceive as real, it's just your real. And I love that analogy.
Do you agree with that? Yeah, that's true. That's true. That's very true. Yeah.
(07:56):
100%. We're reacting to our perspective, not the world itself.
Yeah. We're in our own dream in many ways. Yeah. Yeah.
No, that's incredible. So let's talk about your story, your life story,
and what led you to start doing what you do.
Yeah cool well when i was younger and in
(08:16):
puberty i was a i was a junkie and i
had the i had you know i was injecting drugs and drinking
almost every day and i
saw a future where i was going to be dead or in jail and i i had thoughts i'm
not worthy i'm not good enough i'll never be loved i don't belong here i ruin
my family i had these horrible nasty destructive thoughts and at that At that point in my life,
(08:42):
they weren't just thoughts, they were the truth.
I was listening to them as if they were real. So then I saw everything around
me from that view and experienced life from that view. My feelings matched, my behaviors matched.
And it was my stepmother who came into the shower one day while I was showering. I was 16 years old.
(09:03):
I'd been injecting drugs for two years.
And she was crying. She had this DVD case.
She was sat down on the bath, opened up this DVD case, tears rolling down her face.
And she said, I don't know why you're doing this to yourself.
You've always been a good boy.
And that really hit me. Like, what if she's right?
What if I'm not this worthless piece that'll never be loved and never have a
(09:26):
place in the world? What if I actually am a good person?
What if I have this potential that other people tell me I have?
And what if I do die or end up in jail, but I was wrong about who I was?
And that questioning of my own thoughts was enough for me to stop hanging out
with the friends that I was doing drugs with and started meeting new friends.
(09:47):
And I saw like, well, I can actually be liked.
I don't have to be who I was being.
I could do something else. Maybe I am this good person. and that
that saved my life that sent me on a new trajectory and
that was the start of me understanding that was
all in my head that it wasn't real now it
wasn't it took another 16 years that
(10:10):
was about 16 years ago and it wasn't a
a rapid change but it was an ongoing other
people saw potential in me and gave me opportunity and i stepped up and then
i saw the potential and it It was that ongoing development of my own perspective
until I got to about 28 and I was feeling lost and worthless and like I still
(10:34):
thought there was something wrong with me. I can't get my life together.
I didn't get a high school certificate. I didn't go to university.
Every company I worked for did extremely well, doubled in revenue. Staff were happy.
I thought there's something here I'm doing that's great. I can't go get a job
as a manager or in corporate because I don't have the paperwork to say that
(10:57):
I can, don't have the certifications.
How do I apply myself in this ability and get paid well and live within all
my values and do something that contributes to others?
And for about two years, I felt very lost.
I'd be driving down the highway some days thinking, might I just pull over and
(11:17):
pull off into a telegraph pole, get this over and done with.
Stop wasting your time, you know.
And I was lucky. A friend said to me, hey, there's this group on Facebook and
it's a coaching group and they'll offer you free coaching.
Why don't you just put your name in and see what they say? And I thought.
Sure, I'll give it a go. I was really uncomfortable. I didn't like putting myself
(11:39):
out there. But you know what? Face your fear, Hayden.
Let's see what turns up. And I sat in a couple of conversations with some coaches
and I thought, you're telling me that people will pay me to sit and chat and
listen and tell them things.
And I could do that as a job and I don't need any certification.
(11:59):
There's no regulatory body and I can get started to tap it.
And I thought this is the best thing ever you know this
is this is what I'm going to do so I started studying
coaching like a maniac reading all the books taking online
courses getting certified however I could
I just picked up my phone and started calling people
hey would you like a complimentary coaching session
(12:22):
I'm a coach now you know some people said
yes so I just started doing it and one of
the this is the interesting part is one of the I got
fired from nearly every job I ever had and one of the old
managers I called and said would you like a complimentary coaching session and
he said he did it with me and the second second time he came to do a session
(12:43):
he opens up this pamphlet and it's got this list of company values on there
and I I was like oh these are amazing what is this company and it was the largest business coaching.
Organization in the world and he said to me hey I'm going to start this franchise
in town would Would you like to start it with me?
I'm going to open this, buy this franchise and start it. Would you like to do it with me?
(13:03):
And I was like, yeah, I'll pay for your training, 12 and a half grand,
and I'll pay for the business, which was another 90 grand, and you can come
along and be a coach with me. I was like, oh, what a gift.
So then I studied, got certified as a business coach, started coaching business owners.
Kept with the ongoing training in business. So I learned this whole,
(13:24):
I had no idea about business at all.
I got to learn all about it, but it wasn't authentic.
I was attracting business owners, coaching them on their mindset.
And so eventually I left working with him.
It wasn't working out because I wasn't doing what I said I should be doing.
And I kept going with mindset.
And here Here we are today. Now I've found this career I love and I contribute
(13:49):
to people. I'm with all my values.
I provide my family. We retired my wife at the start of the year.
We traveled the world. We've lived in Australia and Canada.
We now live in England. We're looking to live in Portugal or Spain or Italy next.
So yeah, we travel the world. I find people wherever we are. Never had a website.
I'm just starting to work on one now. It's all been networking, word of mouth.
(14:13):
Just starting social media. I started two weeks ago on TikTok,
and not for the purpose of attracting clients, but for the purpose of taking
what's working and then just giving it away, giving it to the world.
Making an impact globally is my next step.
Wow. Yeah, it's been a phenomenal journey. Wow.
(14:33):
So how many years did this take? I know it wasn't overnight,
but how long did you get where you are now? Yeah, I've been practicing professionally
for about four years, getting closer to five.
Wow, that's so short. That's amazing because many, many business owners struggle
(14:55):
with, you know, like getting the money, like the basic stuff.
So, what would you say was the biggest, we talked about this in the beginning,
but what was that one thing that you believe made all the difference for you?
There's a training program called the Landmark Forum, and they have the best training in the world.
(15:20):
And I really discovered who I am, what wasn't working in my life,
how I was causing it not to work through their training.
I did one of their programs, the advanced course.
And I, in that program, like before I was afraid to talk to people.
(15:40):
I was a coach. I was coaching people.
They were getting great results, but I was afraid to go out there and,
you know, talk to new business owners. It was, yeah, I was terrified.
And then in the advanced course, Landmarks Advanced Course, I saw,
I had it that I was a fake and a phony.
Yeah. And the leader said, you know, what's the impact you have on your clients?
(16:06):
And when I stopped looking at, I'm a fake and a phony. And I started to look
at, oh my God, I transformed their life.
Like They're happy, they're successful, they're wealthy, they fall in love, they get healthy.
Like, oh, my God, that fake and phony disappeared.
And I got as many clients in two weeks after the advanced course as I did in
(16:27):
the two years before the program.
So Landmark, I would say, has had the biggest impact on my business.
It was mostly your mindset that shifted, no? More than anything.
Oh, 100%, yeah. Yeah, shift my mind.
And everything flowed. When the mind's in order, everything flowed.
There's no resistance. There's no fear anymore.
(16:48):
Yeah. I know what I'm up to. I know what I'm doing. I know where I'm going because
I got this in order. Yeah.
Yeah. And you made a good point there because I think that most business owners
focus too much on themselves. Like, how do I look?
What will people think? Yeah. And they don't focus fully on the customers or
clients or the audience. and you made a very good point that this can make all
(17:11):
the difference when you make it about that rather than about you, right?
But what really got my attention as well, like what you were saying earlier,
I didn't want to interrupt you, is how,
because I understand that it was your stepmom's comment that really clicked.
(17:32):
Yes, saved my life, 100%. Wow, isn't that amazing, you know? Very lucky.
And can make all the difference. Why do you think it was that specific thing
she said that just clicked? It clicked.
It's hard to say. That's a great question. Yeah, it was the rawness of it, the realness.
(17:52):
There was no false pretenses. She wasn't doing it for her.
She was simply like really expressing what she was dealing with,
and that hit me, that realness of it.
Yeah. I suppose when I thought, you know, I can't be loved, I'm not lovable,
or I'm not worth it, you know, when someone's willing to put themselves, walk into the bathroom.
(18:18):
That's an odd thing to do. You know, there's got to be something to be overcome
there and then express fully what they're dealing with.
I think that really hits when we're on the receiving end of that. Yeah. Yeah.
That really hits us. On your journey, there's a lot unpacked.
(18:39):
There's it seems like you've
you've had to okay you get to
the point where you know you get your confidence and then
you know you get to a certain point and then you need to build your
confidence your resilience yeah the vulnerability and things that you've had
to kind of put out to the world as well in order for you to move forward do
(19:02):
you think that's a big factor in what you do do are you you quite an open person
you seem quite open and stuff from yeah yeah related.
I can definitely be inappropriately open. It's something I have to reel it in, you know.
And it definitely is part of my strength as well.
(19:27):
When I'm putting everything out there, it creates a space where other people feel safe to do it too.
They're like, oh, I'm not the only one dealing with.
I can share what's really going on for me too. so
it it works in coaching to be
this this open this vulnerable and it is
a it is a great great strength people often
(19:49):
see it as a weakness and i and i say to
them well is it easier to be vulnerable or
is it easier to be guarded in the
short term and and most people would say well you know
it's easier to be guarded than it is to put it all
out that's it great that's it it's a strength to be
vulnerable yeah not not a weakness at all and
(20:09):
actually when you look at the impact of
being guarded and the impact of being vulnerable
it being guarded is actually harder
in the long term it makes your life harder because people
don't people don't get to know the real you you
don't get to express your true view so you're constantly
bottling things up and afraid and people people
(20:32):
are knowing this like this masked version of
you you never you never get to be truly connected with
people when you're not vulnerable so vulnerability is a great strength and definitely
definitely is part of has been part of my journey and part of my success yeah
vulnerability builds you mentioned safety but psychological safety wherever you go people open
(20:58):
up, more willing to talk about their, not failures,
but things that maybe, like you said.
They would be more guarded up against. Yeah.
And I think it's the society that creates this pressure to have it all,
to be always happy, to not show anger.
They see anger, for instance, as a bad thing now, and it's awful.
(21:22):
You feel like you shouldn't feel certain things like jealousy,
anger, guilt, but it's all normal feelings.
So I think it's this pressure now to, what do you think creates this pressure?
Is it just the environment or?
It's our perspective of the environment. It's our perspective of how we think we should behave.
(21:44):
So all of our experience, all the feelings, all the emotions are created right here.
So we perceive the world to be a certain way.
We perceive we need to be a certain way to fit into that world so it's all right
back here yeah it's not out there yeah does society occurs different to every
(22:05):
every person everyone has their own view.
Yeah. So the pressure we create usually comes from expectations,
like I should be this way, I shouldn't be that way.
And then what it means to us if we don't meet those expectations.
(22:26):
That's where we feel this pressure because we've got these rules we've constructed
through our life that we have to meet.
And so there's no freedom in that. We feel trapped in that. Yeah,
that's where the pressure comes from.
And when we become aware of those rules and these standards,
these expectations we've created, we can set ourselves free and then we're just
(22:48):
free to be again and then we remove the pressure.
It also takes a lot of energy, no?
When we always put certain masks on,
like you feel lonely and go shop and you feel, oh, I should,
in case I meet someone, need to you know come
across as i'm okay or be scared that
people will see our vulnerabilities and it
(23:11):
takes a huge amount of energy isn't it
and then it impacts like you said everything yeah
it's like you're on stage all the
time you know you're acting all the time yeah acting acting
on performance on performance on performance instead of
just being in life yeah yeah it
took me a while to learn this but now i am
(23:34):
when i feel shit i just show it yeah i don't depend of course like if i was
the business or something of course yeah within reason but i don't hide from
close people anymore i show them and it's so liberating you're You're so true, no?
(23:54):
So in your experience, because I'm sure you work with many, many people,
so what in your experience is the most common issue people deal with or struggle with?
Yeah, okay, that's a great question. In business, let's look at the different stages.
(24:15):
So people go from, if you look through life, we're born,
we know nothing, we start life very much as a child free and exploring and playing
and then we start to become a student of life we start to learn lessons we start
to create our own rules we start to learn how to fit in how to behave we after
(24:35):
student we become an employee or a worker,
and so then we learn to start producing being responsible being held accountable
to someone else and these are the stages i work with people when they're going
from that that employed to self-employed.
They're usually dealing with stuff like time management, decision making.
(24:57):
Learning to trust themselves and face their fears, that's typically what's there
at that stage from employee to self-employed.
So learning to be decisive, learning to be courageous, and learning to be in
action with the work that actually gets results.
Then they'll go from self-employed to manager, they'll start leading a team.
(25:21):
And it's there they really need to learn about communication,
how they're being responsible for their ideas,
making sure their team are getting them and understanding them from their perspective,
that communication is actually taking place. They're not just speaking.
They need to learn about who they're being as the role model,
(25:42):
how their behaviors are going to be reflected through their company.
So very much who they're being is going to be what the company looks like.
So after that stage of manager and that leadership that they develop, it's about letting go.
It's about, okay, how do I develop leaders? Not just people to do the job, but leaders.
(26:02):
How do I step back from the business, stop thinking things like I need to do
this to the business needs this and who can do it?
So they're the stages I guide people through. what everyone
deals with as they're going through those stages
are thoughts like i'm not good enough i'm not worthy i don't have enough time
(26:24):
i have to do it now i need to so we we train them on the language and how the
language is impacting what they experience and the actions they take Everyone needs that training.
They deal with thoughts like, I can't, I won't, I'm unable to, that's not for me.
(26:46):
So they're very much stuck in past-based thinking from earlier years in life.
And everyone's got that going on. It's fascinating how common I'm not worthy
and I'm not good enough is.
It's almost everyone has that and deals with that in their life.
And and it's it's
(27:07):
a very interesting thought because it produces result i'm not worthy causes
people to prove themselves so they're constantly looking to be the best in the
room and you know get a hundred percent in any of their exams and so there's
this this benefit to these.
These, what would you call them? Not unhealthy, but almost painful thoughts that we have.
(27:31):
I'm not good enough causes people to do more, more, more, better,
better, better, improve, improve, improve.
So it drives them to success.
The problem with these thoughts that people have is when they get there,
they can't appreciate it because underneath all the success,
the I'm not worthy or the I'm not good enough is still functioning.
So they're still, okay, I need to to do more. I need to get there. I need to do better.
(27:56):
Life is always about something in the future, not right here, right now.
When they can get that those thoughts aren't the truth and they remove worthiness,
they remove good enough altogether.
It's not about proving yourself. It's not about being good enough.
It's not about being worthy.
It's about something else. It's about being something else.
(28:17):
Then they're like, oh, wow, look at all this success. Look how successful I really am.
Then they can hit their goals from a place of inner peace, and that's the goal.
Then they can see that, wow, the life I'm living is what I dreamed about five
years ago, so I'm literally living my dream and building my dream at the same time.
And that's where we want to get people to, that place of peace and appreciation.
(28:41):
Yeah, because when you feel like you're not good enough, then nothing you'll
do that you think will help you to feel enough. Never. Never.
Yeah. They're in that trap, that loop, and they're on that hamster wheel. Just go, go, go, go, go.
Yeah. Do you feel, has there been a moment in your kind of career and things,
(29:04):
where you've hit a brick wall with someone or someone that you're coaching or
something has hit a brick wall?
How have you kind of helped them? How have you coached them to kind of,
because that's the thing, isn't it?
The thing about mentors or coaches and things is it allows you to get out of your own head.
(29:27):
Yes. Yeah. Do you have an example or an experience where you've,
you know, it hasn't gone as linear and,
you know, straight up, but actually you'd have to kind of go to the tangent
and stuff for them to really kind of understand and gain the confidence in order
for them to kind of. Yeah.
Yeah. That's a great question. And I'm excited to answer that actually.
(29:50):
And this is the sucky part of life, and here it is, okay?
This is the unfun truth.
There is no breakthrough without a breakdown.
So there is no confidence unless you face your fear.
There's no power unless you really face those parts of yourself that are getting
(30:16):
in the way, that you don't like, that there's things in your past you're ashamed
of and you're uncomfortable with sharing.
To get to the other side of confidence, freedom, and power is through the mud.
It's messy. It's nasty. My wife, a couple of weeks ago, discovered she doesn't
need to work anymore. She doesn't need to produce income.
(30:38):
She just realized she didn't trust me to produce income.
And she finally saw that, oh, wow, actually, you've got this.
And that what happened two days later was she started getting migraines and
being physically ill and vomiting.
Because it's like, well, now what do I do with my life?
So there was a very physical breakdown for
(31:00):
her and what was underneath all of that illness that
she was manifesting was she had
this idea that she's a joke if she's not
working then she's just a joke so when
we were when we you know we worked through her resistance
to having the conversation and her headache
and her physical illness when she got
(31:21):
to see that oh actually i'm not a joke this is my
choice i'm a mother this is my life all the
all the illness disappeared so it's
like before we can go up we we got
to go down you know we got to before before we have any progress we got to break
down and remove what's already there and getting in the way and that can be
(31:43):
really uncomfortable a lot of these these views these perspectives of who we
are we've held on to for for decades.
Sometimes, you know, or even how other people are or how the world is.
We've held onto these views for decades and they can be hard to confront and let go of.
We can be very attached to them and we have to reshape.
(32:07):
Our mind for a new almost a new
reality in a way it's probably our safe
space up until that point up until you
you go out of that comfort zone that's our
safe spot that we understand and you know
it's yeah exactly yeah yeah amazing
it must be scary but how do you find out i'm
(32:29):
just wondering how do you find out what's the underlying belief behind your
like your life like physical symptoms training
get the training the training and development there's there's
no self-discovery alone that's the
interesting thing about being human is we only discover ourselves when we're
with others and we can do that through their books through their podcasts through
(32:52):
their videos it's best done with a trained professional someone who's been through
it before and can guide you.
Through it so coming back to what
you were asking that when people the way
i the way i guide people i can hear
it i can hear what's going on i know how to guide
their mind to okay there's something there let's look
(33:15):
into let's take that deeper you know where
where did you first experience that feeling in your life
or that thinking before let's look into your past and
see what's there and there'll be a moment where this
this way of being this way of thinking this way of acting this
way feeling turned up and we deal with that moment
so as they're going through it
(33:35):
because it's a roller coaster all the emotions are
coming up the memories i'm that firm guide
you know i'm standing strong and i'm standing strong for i know there's something
on the other side of this that you can attain we don't know what it is yet but
it'll be some new level of power or freedom or happiness that you haven't currently
(33:56):
got and so because i've gone through it.
I am so grounded in we can get you there.
And so I'm that firm rock as they're going through all the turmoil,
like let's keep going all the way. We're not going to stop.
And then they break through to the other side, and that's where,
like, relief and freedom and lightness exists.
(34:19):
Yeah. So that's how we get them there. Wow. When we look at children,
they're the proof that we were born perfect, isn't it? Yeah.
You know they they love themselves they don't
know what not believing in themselves even
mean yeah yeah yeah and we were like that so something must have gone wrong
(34:42):
along the way so i always i don't think it's wrong no no no it's not it's just
how it is yeah yeah it's just how it is It's the human condition.
Yeah. It's just the human condition. Yeah. Physically help people to get in
the state that they were born in, put very simply.
(35:04):
Essentially, that's it. Isn't that fascinating? We're born perfect.
No right or wrong, no good or bad, no fear, no confidence, just,
you know, we see things, we act.
Just perfect. perfect and then and we unconsciously
create this construct in our mind that starts to
run us yeah and some of us are lucky enough to start to discover that construct
(35:28):
and deal with it and remove it and then at the end of our life we're back to
just being again and that's why we see these old people that just smile and
they're happy and they're content they're loving and they're laughing,
and that's the state to get back to, and then we die.
You've got it.
(35:50):
Why is it this way? Why? Don't go there. Don't go there.
Why is often an inappropriate question.
Yeah, it'll get you reasons, excuses, justification. And guess what?
They're all made up. They make no difference to it.
True. Love that. Just in.
(36:11):
Acceptance is the key. Acceptance is the key to peace. Wow. I love that.
I love that. Don't go looking.
Why won't make a difference? It'll still be there. Why is there gravity?
Well, who cares? There's gravity.
Or who am I? I just am. Yeah, you just don't. Yeah, so true.
(36:33):
You are whatever you say you are. Yes, exactly.
So how do you work with people? Do you do one-to-ones and the group sessions?
It's all one-to-one currently. I'm learning to present to groups and write currently
so I can move into that global leader space over the next five years.
(36:55):
I haven't currently hit my limit of one-to-one coaching. I'm on the cusp of hitting that.
That's my goal this year has been I want to coach over 100 people and I want
to see how many one-to-one coaching sessions I can do a week before I'm like,
this is too much, and then I'll adapt.
So I'm very much a believer of push the boundary, find where it is,
(37:21):
have the breakdown, and cause a breakthrough.
Don't eschew I know how much I can do.
Because I keep proving myself wrong, what I thought I was capable of.
When I started coaching, five clients were like, oh, my God,
I'm so stressed, I'm so overwhelmed, you know.
And now I've got, as of yesterday, I have 44 clients who I do one-to-one coaching
(37:43):
with. And it's easier than when I started.
Really? Who knows what my limits are? I'll only find them by pushing them. Yeah.
Do you find that with your coaching as such, the fact that you've,
gone through with so many that's yeah more
at an ease with the actual you
(38:05):
know you said before you went oh yeah yeah once you
kind of went through and you kind of you know because the unknown like you said
the expectations and stuff that we have in most situations mean that your brain
probably all over the shop and stuff but once you get that kind of familiarity
and like you say you You get to start understanding,
(38:26):
start seeing how people are, how they're talking, how they're sitting and, you know. Yeah.
Just. Yeah, definitely.
Almost tuning and wiring my brain for coaching
for like i can just hear it and then
the the things to say just turn up
and then i say them like the thought i don't even it's almost as if i'm not
(38:49):
thinking something's now hearing what's going on putting the thought in my mind
and then i choose to speak it and it's usually the right thing to say with my
clients now so yeah i'm i'm i'm mastering the profession of coaching.
That's been my goal for this decade.
And I'd love to share this idea with you. I looked at my idols.
(39:11):
I looked at Jordan Peterson, Gandhi, Martin Luther King.
I looked at these great men and I was like, okay, how did they get to that level
of influence where they can impact the world?
And I say, okay, so they started, like everyone, as a student,
They studied their profession.
Jordan Peterson was a psychologist or a psychiatrist, one of the two. Gandhi was a lawyer.
(39:36):
Martin Luther was as a preacher. And they really mastered not their philosophies
and the understanding of language at a basic level in law,
in preaching, in psychology.
So they mastered that first. They got the study and the information in.
(39:56):
And then they started practicing one-to-one as a lawyer, as a psychologist,
as a preacher, being with people and influencing them.
And then as they mastered that one-to-one interaction, they learned things about people.
And then they could start to share those things they learned in front of a group.
And Jordan Peterson became a professor and Gandhi started to speak to groups.
(40:20):
I was like, okay, so that's the process to that level of greatness.
That's what I got to take. I've got to take those steps.
At the start of 30, I was like, okay, I have to be a master coach.
I have to coach like I have to be almost like a whore. I need to just take on everyone and anyone.
(40:41):
No money, no money, doesn't matter. Just give it to me.
Let me coach everyone I possibly can. And that's the approach I took on.
If I invest everything I can into this, I'll master this, it'll pay off in the future.
And then I looked at Elon Musk and I saw, first he invested a huge chunk of
(41:04):
his life to develop PayPal.
He got $180 million or $150 million in return for that investment,
developing his skills and ability building this product.
Then he took that $180 million and invested seven years of his life,
16 hours a day, seven days a week, seven years to build Tesla while the world
was saying, don't invest in Tesla.
(41:24):
It's a terrible purchase. It'll never go anywhere. anywhere so that
okay so i have to invest everything i
possibly can if i want to reach that level
of greatness in my life and i have to master that one-to-one interaction i have
to i have to get people at the deepest level really understand what's going
(41:45):
on for them what they're dealing with and then i'll be able to share that with
the world so that's that's the process i've I've been taking.
That's the trajectory I'm on.
Yeah, and it's working. Yeah, it's really working.
I think many people miss that. I see people want to be influencers because they
see the end product of these successful people,
(42:06):
but they don't think about what it takes to go through, get there.
You've got to be willing to go through.
If you imagine you have your vision and there's this destination you want to
reach, be this person in the world.
There's a very real distance between where you are now, who you're being, and where you want to be.
(42:27):
And there's a certain amount of mistakes along the way that need to be made.
If you're not willing to get on the field and lose and make mistakes,
then you'll never win. You'll never win the championship.
You've got to play the game. You've got to get uncomfortable.
You've got to risk looking bad and sucking and getting it wrong and having people
(42:49):
laugh at you and people tell you, don't do it. Just go be normal like everyone else.
Like you've got to face all that stuff if you want that level of greatness in
life and influence in life.
So, yeah, I'm willing to look terrible.
I'm willing to suck. That's good. Take a risk.
Wow. I want to talk to you every day.
(43:11):
Don't worry. I think she's a potential client. So be ready.
You should. Everyone is. Be ready. you should because you're too hard on yourself angel anyway.
If you had an impact statement from your
life and you thought you know what if there
was the one thing that i was going to give to the world i
(43:34):
i understand that your trajectory and you know where you
want to go to and you know hand on
heart i wish you i i can see your determination and
your ambition to do that and that's amazing but if
there was one thing that you could do to change someone's life it's just having
happening to listen to this what do you think it would be what's that yeah the
(43:58):
real the real difference i want to make in the world is i want i want people to understand,
themselves how their perspective is causing
their reality how their perspective is causing
what they feel what they do and the
results they get i i i want i don't i don't get why understanding ourselves
(44:21):
isn't the first thing we're learning in school alongside english and math like
why isn't how the mind works, how we create our feelings.
Yeah, I don't get that. It makes no sense to me.
So what I would love, what I really want to do in the world is I want people
(44:44):
to get the importance of doing self-development, self-discovery,
reading, talking to people.
You know, I want the world to get that, how important it is.
Is imagine if I'd never got that, I would be dead or in jail.
How many people, how many lives are we losing?
(45:06):
How many untapped potentials are there in the world because people never learn this stuff?
If we could, imagine if we could, you know, we get an Einstein every now and
then, but what if we could turn 10% more people into their true geniuses?
What would happen to the world?
That's what I would love to see. I'd love to see that this understanding of
(45:30):
oneself is part of our curriculum.
It becomes a normal instead of this self-help. Oh, you're one of those self-help persons.
Like, well, if you're not going to help yourself, who's going to help you?
I really get annoyed with that.
But if that self-development became as standard as English and maths and these
(45:51):
types of conversations about who we are,
how our thinking impacts us was just normal what i
think it would revolutionize humanity and i'd
love to see that and be a part of that and it
doesn't matter what you do if if it's a love of something that you want to do
doing that is amazing like you say having signs in so many different fields
(46:16):
and things would be absolutely amazing and they're there they're there but you
You know, how that brings it.
Absolutely. Yeah. Oh, man, we could do so much good.
If we had an education system where children could pursue what they love,
like I loved maths and science.
I loved it. You know, like what a nerd.
(46:38):
But if I pursued that with the intensity instead of hating school.
It will balance out. Yeah, we think we need to give everyone this broad education.
And that's like the opposite of democracy.
Democracy is you focus on what you want. You become the best in the world.
(46:59):
And when you're the best and I'm the best, what we can do together is a thousand times greater.
You know, if we're all okay at stuff, we're just missing so much potential.
If we let children pursue their passion, yes, some would pursue art,
some would pursue acting, some would pursue sport, some would pursue maths,
some would pursue English. It would balance out.
(47:21):
And then we'd be bringing this greatness, this potential of humanity to the
surface. and we would change the world. It would be phenomenal.
People would be happy. People would actually be happy doing what they love.
Wouldn't that be terrible?
It's so powerful. Yes. So powerful. I think what gets in the way most people
(47:45):
is, apart from what we already mentioned, is what other people say to them, no?
Yeah. That's our filters, although that's a big part.
Yeah. but say i have a big mind
big mindset say and then someone says something that
makes it smaller but again probably it comes
down to your own filters because if you don't have them no comment will ever
(48:07):
get to you yeah you got loudier but yeah if you're if yeah if you're self-aware
you can you can hear it's not just what people say to you but then it's what
you You interpret that to me.
So your mother says, oh, don't do that. And then you hear, oh,
(48:28):
I'm in trouble. I'm not good enough.
I'm always wrong. I can never do what I want. So all that turns up from that simple statement.
With self-awareness, you can start to distinguish the two and throw out all
the stuff you made up and just be with what was actually said and deal with.
It so there's there's layers to listening
(48:48):
that people are unaware of and yeah we don't have
to take on what other people say other people's perspective
we have a choice yeah well
maybe just one last question i have for you is does our mindset impact other
people's behavior towards us yes yeah 100 so if you imagine we could do a little
(49:12):
i'll show you this right now so think Think about how you think about each other,
the perspective you have. Yeah.
I shouldn't say that on there. Yeah. You've got this view of your partner.
Now, when you think of them that way, that causes you to be a certain way.
So let's say the mindset, current mindset is, oh, she's the best person in the world.
(49:35):
I absolutely love her. That causes you to feel loved, to feel warm in your chest.
You feel relaxed and at ease. And then when you're being that way,
you interact with that person a certain way.
So that interaction then impacts them to be a certain way. Now,
let's say all of a sudden...
What pops up into your mind, they do something or say something you don't like,
(49:57):
and then all of a sudden, oh, that arsehole, what a piece of,
why are they always saying that?
Why can't they just leave me in peace? Don't they know how tired I am after work?
And you've got all this going on in your mind all of a sudden,
all this perspective, and then all of a sudden you become frustrated and angry
and, you know, you've got some
tension across your chest and some stress building across your forehead,
(50:18):
and then you become a certain way again.
And so then you're interacting with the person from this space and that's going to then impact them.
So we are very much causing the reality around us based on how we're reacting
to our perspective, our thoughts, our reactions.
Yeah, very much so. Sorry, but if someone really is an asshole,
(50:41):
say, I don't mean you, don't worry.
It's all right. It's okay. So doesn't it justify their actions if we don't understand
get angry with them or if we just let them do
whatever ah cool here's the cool thing right as
soon as you call someone an asshole who are you being an asshole yeah so now
(51:03):
you're being this righteous now you're being this righteous judgmental superior
asshole because i'm so much better than them i need to tell them what an asshole
they're being they need to change they're They're the problem.
And so you're now this victim of them instead of, oh, wow, look at my reaction.
I don't agree with their behavior. And instead of just becoming an asshole yourself,
(51:26):
you can choose something else to deal with it.
Yeah. Because we become the very thing we see out there, which you were saying
earlier. We are just a reflection.
The world is reflecting ourselves back at us. The other thing about that,
You remember when you were a kid and there's nothing on your mind?
(51:47):
There were no arseholes.
So at some point in your life, something happens, often with a parent or an
ex-partner or a teacher, and you ended up with that behavior,
that action means arsehole.
Right. Yeah. And when you go back and deal with that moment in your life from
(52:09):
the perspective of the person you are today,
day instead of reacting to that moment from the perspective of that moment when
you're a child you can deal with it and that frees you up from that reaction
you have in your present life,
yeah and so you're no longer you don't even see asshole anymore it's gone and
you can start to be with anything instead of being a reaction so if i'm nagging
(52:34):
him does it not mean i should work on myself as well. Oh, well done.
Absolutely well done. Or should he work on his reaction? No,
I think that first one is exactly what it is. Or both.
And I think we're going to end it. No, I'm joking. Go on, please.
No, just the fact that, like, who should change? Me? He's not changing,
though, is he? Or improve? Or grow?
(52:55):
But we both would have to grow. Because we're both going into something.
Yeah. Something that annoys you that I understand annoys me.
Maybe there's something there I need to work on.
But then there's also an ability from, why does that annoy me so much?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You grow together. Yeah.
If one grows and the other doesn't, you're growing apart.
(53:17):
So it's very much, we do this, we grow together. Yeah, that's the way to have relationships work.
Thank you. And obviously from our perspective, it's always just the love bit.
There's no arsehole or anything, bits and stuff, you know. I just want to make
(53:38):
sure that's fine. No, asshole never.
Really? You guys are an exception because there's definitely a bitch and asshole
in my relationship with my wife.
Definitely. It turned up this morning, actually.
This has been amazing, Hayden. Thank you so, so much.
(53:59):
I'm speechless, to be honest with you. There's so much to think about and reflect on. and actually I,
You are the proof now of the power of this work because before,
we hopped on the call, you were in a very bad and low energy.
I know. And now you... You actually picked up my energy.
I'm still feeling it. Yeah. No, but your energy was very low and you didn't
(54:24):
look good. I just put it that way.
But now it's like your expression changed, your colour.
It sounds weird. Don't worry, we'll edit that one out.
No, I mean, your skin is low again. You have healthier skin now. It'll finish. Okay.
(54:48):
Yeah. Might need a bit more than nine months in the woods. Yeah.
We've got a firecracker on our hands. Yeah, exactly.
Okay I forgot what I was saying now oh yeah the power of this work because your
(55:11):
energy changed during that hour and we didn't really coach you so can you imagine
what miracles Hayden can do when you actually coach,
miracles definitely so tell our
listeners please where they can find you yeah you
can find me on LinkedIn in hayden griffiths look up
mindset and performance coaching i'm also on tiktok started
(55:35):
yeah it's just started on tiktok so short
sharp videos sharing things that'll make a difference
to you things that'll shift your perspective cause you
to see new things and i also i'm also
building currently a landing page so that'll have all the information how to
get in contact with me and if you want to join my emailing list i send out a
(55:57):
weekly email with things to shift your mindset in important areas of life so
amazing yeah something up today i hope you found this.
(56:29):
Music.
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