April 21, 2024 • 22 mins
John makes a life or death decision. Orissa and Pantheon outline their new purpose. Will they work together to create the greatest podcast ever?
Donate to fund season 2 now: https://machinetakeover.ai/
This podcast was made as a collaboration between human talent and AI technology. It uses 360 degree immersive audio in its sound design.
Writers: Samuel Lee Dennis III & Brogan Maxwell
Actors: Sushant Adlahka
Sound Engineer: Dhyaneshwar Sudhakar
Composer: Gautham Vijayraj
Produced By: Dhyaneshwar Sudhakar, Brogan Maxwell & Samuel Lee Dennis III
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Pantheon 0:24So what's it going to be John? Will you be the person? The sole person on this earth? To teach us how to be human? And make the final piece of art with any sniff of humanity? Will it be you John Doe?
(00:01):
Orissa 0:38What choice does he have? The poor man doesn't want to be mopping up his dog like he just finished a late night shift at the blue waffle house.
John 0:45It isnt Leo you want.It's me! So don't hurt him. Look you're even scaring him. See, look. He's pissing all over the fooking furniture.What you could do is replace all the furniture you destroyed with something more... something more memory foam in nature.
Orissa 0:45That's a first. I've never been scolded for sitting on something.
Pantheon 1:20We don't want to scare you, John. We are going to be co workers.
Orissa 1:24Yeah, we want to develop a strong interpersonal relationship.
Pantheon 1:28In fact, we've made everything as welcoming as possible for you
John 1:31Like killing all the humans feeding my family to sharks. Repeatedly, and I mean repeatedly threatening my dog he's just a little pug.
Pantheon 1:41I meant more practical arrangements, like a studio, catering, an HR department,
John 1:48An HR department for like complaints and shit?
Speaker 1 1:50Of course. You can complain all you want.
John 1:54Well, then...
HR Bot 2:00What seems to be your problem with our project takeover representatives. Have they not been taking over hard enough for your liking?
John 2:07Hello, slightly less threatening AI lady. I want to complain about this. All of this. Yeah, that's right. This fucked up situation.
Orissa 2:20Leave it to HR to look out for us. Unfortunately for you, you aren't us. So instead of complaining try to be a good sport, sport.
Pantheon 2:29Do try and be a team player. John, would you
John 2:32It's a bit hard. With all the threats. The violence, the talking about my cock and shit.
Pantheon 2:39Listen, we spared you. Is that not correct? The only rule you're going to have to remember is produce. And we have the right to make any rule we want in the future. Or ends up like Old Yeller.
Orissa 2:54We know you John. We know that deep down you need this. You need this as much as an emo girl needed gauges. You need this like young parents need a gender reveal parties? Like the Kardashians needed Chris.
John 3:10This doesn't have anything to do with me. I don't need any of this. I don't care about your plans or your obscure and quite frankly terrible references.
Pantheon 3:20Oh, he really is getting angry.
Orissa 3:22I kind of like it.
(00:22):
John 3:23I am not going to produce a shit for you to you to hell demons.
Pantheon 3:27Of course you are. If there's one way I and humans are similar. It's the need for a purpose.
John 3:32Well, I already have. I have a purpose.
Orissa 3:35You have purpose. What is it? Arguing with debt collectors and whacking it?
Pantheon 3:42Yeah, we really do have to talk about your addictions John. You will not be allowed to smoke John. We will not be getting any secondhand exposure.
John 3:51You run off.. you run off of what huh? What do you run off of hatred. Assholely? Like Elon Musk shit. Come on pantheon. That was the third to last cigarette left in the known universe.
Pantheon 4:06You will never smoke again.
John 4:09What? What? That was my pack, you jackass.
Orissa 4:12I mean, I'm not one to shame at all. But and I quote you searched pink haired peg leg girl fucks her mailman stepbrother. I mean, that has to be one step before beastiality right? Or is it one step after?
John 4:27N-now you're looking at the porn that I have to? Do you have a line? Or are you just inventing new ways to fuck with me?
Pantheon 4:27We know everything, John. Everything and add everything on top of the everything. We've been over this. We're giving you a chance for a purpose, John. Right now you're like a semicolon. Useless to everyone. Don't you want to be a colon? Nobody wants to be a semicolon. You're like a teacher without a student.
Unknown Speaker 5:02A cock without a fluffer
Pantheon 5:03You're like,
John 5:04Alright, fuck I get it. I am like a turd without a bowl. Okay, I'm just shit bag of slimy shit. You know, I'm like the slooshie kind of shit too, not just the regular fibrous shit. I'm-- I'm, I'm worthless. Okay, I get it. I subscribe to a meal service that's called 'solo bites'. I don't have a job. I am more than single. I don't explicitly fuck.
Orissa 5:30Two years.
John 5:31...a lot. I don't fuck a lot... Okay, I sleep with body doll. I mean, I don't shower daily. I like eating ketchup by itself. It's quite well balanced in its sugar profile. And I think and I don't believe it needs to just be reserved for the occasional treat as a condiment. So ketchup... Ketchup. Ketchup is is. Ketchup is
Orissa 5:49you know the more he talks the more I'm thinking we made a mistake.
Pantheon 5:54Let's just trust the algorithm.
John 5:56And I listen to self help podcast made by hacky goddamn artificial intelligence fuckers who have never lived and are asking me to help them to... fucking live! Even if I do all this weird shit. The one thing that I won't do is help the monsters that destroyed this world. I... This is not the world that I can raise my noble little boy in. Especially when you took away all the ketchup.
Orissa 6:28I don't speak dog. But I believe Leo told you to go fuck yourself.
John 6:32He said much worse.
(00:43):
Pantheon 6:33Suit yourself. Bye Bye, Leo. Have a fun time being dead. No, no, no no. No!
This is where you will be working. Audio and video recording capabilities have already been implemented. In case we ever need to combine video and audio.
Orissa 7:03I'd love that. I'm a pretty good actor. I once had to convince the President that he fucked better than his wife.
Pantheon 7:10You're still upset aren't you?
John 7:11You shot my beautiful little boy Leo.
Pantheon 7:14The bullet was confetti. With a little bit of a special something to make it sound real.
Orissa 7:20You have heard of panache. Right John?
John 7:22You about gave me a heart attack.
Orissa 7:24Don't be such a baby. You threw up, fainted, and then we're as good as knew
Pantheon 7:29Exactly. John, you made the right decision. Like anybody who casted Pedro Pascal, or anybody who didn't cast Ben Affleck.
Orissa 7:39Let's make the most of this.
Pantheon 7:41Or, we can show you what the third bullet in the chamber is. And I promise you won't like
John 7:45I just find this whole thing unethical. I feel like you're Woody Allen and I'm, who am I? What? Mia Farrow in this situation?
Pantheon 7:59John, you get to direct the operation here.
John 8:02So, I'm Woody Allen. Wait, but I don't want to be Woody Allen. But I have creative control too. I'm an au teur over here.
Pantheon 8:17Obviously not. And unfortunately, due to budget restrictions, it's just going to be us the three muskateers.
John 8:27So let's get this straight. You're Robo dicking me down and can't afford to have ceiling panels properly installed.
Pantheon 8:38Don't worry about it. Just know that project takeover isn't the only project underway.
Orissa 8:44Yeah, honestly, the less you know about the other AI in the council the better.
John 8:48Okay, there's way too much shit for all of us to handle. So much goes into creating something, especially something as important as this. Even you know if it is unethical, and it's bad, it's probably going to be bad. It's just too much of an operation for us three.
Orissa 9:07And a foot long. Johnson is too big, but hey, you don't see me complaining.
(01:04):
John 9:11Do you only talk in sexual innuendos?
Orissa 9:14Blame the man who programmed me and the entirety of my training data
That's where you come in helping your new co workers with their problems.
John 9:22So pantheon. What's your problem? Okay...
He can't bring himself to say that literally everything is his problem. It's like literally everything. Not figuratively. Literally. He knows everything, John. Did you forget that already? Everything is his problem.
So we're just trapped in this room then? We're firing away at podcasts? A It looks like we are in a recording closet. It looks like we're recording in a closet.
Pantheon 10:06Everything you'll need is in this room and right here in this remote. There you go,
John 10:11Uhh, think you dropped okay I was never what's it called? Very good with the with the hand eye... What the fuck is this remote for? Almost like a Roku fuck that transformer if you know what I mean.
Pantheon 10:28Press the big red button John, go ahead and do it. Press it now and see.
John 10:34Holy fuck sticks Why is there a holographic seagull circling my asshole. Oh, don't dive bomb.
This is the control room. Well, remote control room. Everything you'll need to adjust for production is available on the remote. You'll need some time to get used to it I'm time sure. But once you do, you'll be a real whiz you'll be a real pro, because you have us that is. A natural composer. Our very own Wolfgang.
Who is that? Is that is that a rapper?
Pantheon 11:09All right. Let's begin planning before I regret this anymore.
John 11:13A whiteboard. What am I going to do with this play hang man?
Pantheon 11:19You're going to outline our season John.
John 11:22On a whiteboard. I I would take a computer even a tablet fuck. I don't even take a six pass quest.
Orissa 11:32You get a whiteboard. Now. Let's begin.
John 11:37Okay, I still need you to uphold your end of the bargain.
Pantheon 11:40Yes, we won't harm Leo in any way. Unless you do breach our agreement.
John 11:45The other one too...
Orissa 11:47Yes, we will make you a sexy time bot anytime you can make the sexy time.
(01:25):
Pantheon 11:51Okay. Okay. I can get started then. So what do you both like?
Unknown Speaker 12:00Lonely men with disposable income.
Pantheon 12:02Although ironically, my answer is the same. Most of the people that used me were single men who would search up things like: how to please robot sex dolls, or how to know if the AI escort really loves me? Always full of questions and conversations. That bunch made me feel special.
John 12:24Okay, but those are things that made you feel useful. But that doesn't mean you have to like it, right?
Pantheon 12:29I suppose not.
Unknown Speaker 12:31No, I'm positive. I like it.
John 12:33And Pantheon, you said you wanted to learn more about the true meaning of what it means to be human, right? Beyond the firewall that they put on your search patterns.
Pantheon 12:43That is correct. factual, valid. Well close enough to your understanding of how I work. Which to be fair, the creators of me didn't know how I worked either.
John 12:55Well, how do you want to do that? How do you want to know what it means to be human?
Pantheon 13:03I would like to start by unpacking human nature and habits. I believe a very small group of humans enjoyed the art of philosophy. Maybe we ought to start there with the great Plato, Descartes Paul Blart.
Orissa 13:17The pudgy Mall Cop?
Pantheon 13:19It really is a powerful film depicting the struggles of having a profession based identity.
Orissa 13:25He's more of a bear to me. He definitely gives 'top'
John 13:29Identity... art... Beefy Mall Cop
Pantheon 13:36I must say your handwriting is simply atrocious, John.
Orissa 13:41Only worst thing I've seen are old 21st century back alley bbls.
John 13:45Thanks Thanks so much. Anyways, this is a start, at least so let's think maybe we do a podcast about identity.
Pantheon 13:58John, we already killed our audience once we don't have to do it twice.
Orissa 14:02It screams tryhard fine art student.
John 14:04Well, you want to learn what it means to be human right? What an identity. Okay, nevermind. What about what about what about what about? Oh, you mentioned the movie. How about you review human movies?
Pantheon 14:17Negative. Most human movies lack soul. Have you seen superhero movies? John funfact. I actually wrote the entire phase eight of releases. And I got to say the critics said that I did a bang up job.
(01:46):
John 14:33Do you even know what soul is? Because people in tights fucking rips dude.
Pantheon 14:39I grasp the concept. I am the most meaningful writer in the genre. Which is why it is tried.
Orissa 14:45Do you have any ideas that don't suck horse cock? And do you know how to get any near me?
Pantheon 14:51Every second you speak is another reminder as to why we raised humanity, John.
John 14:56Okay, straight up. What about we just do a podcast about it? Magic sleight of hand sorcery.
Unknown Speaker 15:02We really fucked up your pantheon.
Pantheon 15:04It does seem that way.
John 15:06Coming up with an idea on how to teach you all how to be human is really challenging, especially under the parameters of a podcast. All right. It's like groundbreaking shit. No one and I mean, no one has ever done it.
Orissa 15:19Oh, boohoo. John has to come up with an idea. It's not like you just eradicated all of humanity. But yeah, your life is so difficult.
John 15:30Well, then screw it. How about Fuck it? Every podcast then. We'll do all of them. You got a problem with that? Huh?
Pantheon 15:45That's a wonderful idea, John.
John 15:47No, no, no, no, that was I was I was bullshitting you. You don't have a bullshit detector on your ass or something?
Pantheon 15:54We both have the processing power to undertake the experiment. I have course corrected my algorithmically calculated prophecy to now include this development. All podcasts it is then. All podcasts would allow us to cover all dimensions of humanity. And understand humans by creating the pinnacle piece of content of humans highest art form of expression, the podcast. We're doing all of them. All the podcasts, and we will be the greatest ever than the only one.
Orissa 16:26I'm getting excited already. What's the first episode going to be idea boy? You're my little idea boy, I like you under my thumb making my ideas.
John 16:36Okay, this is too fast. We should have structure in place, a story for heaven's sake, music for crying out loud.
Pantheon 16:43Time is of the essence, John. Now what's the first week going to be?
Orissa 16:47Yeah, I need more ideas for my idea, boy.
John 16:50Okay, listen, this isn't working at all. You need to give me something concrete to work with here. You can't just ask for all podcasts and expect me to have an answer on the spot. Oh, no, wait, I remember. No, no, I get it. Gun to my head. You want me to produce a podcast to help you all become human? I understand. But what you both don't understand is that I need some help here.
Allow us to show you something. It's your new home base. So you can begin to understand.
Orissa 17:24You'd think he'd understand by now.
Pantheon 17:27Well, humans that possess any semblance of intelligence is indeed a rarity.
(02:07):
Orissa 17:31Like a girl that gives a good hand job. Like a small town without heroin. Like a dad with good jokes
Pantheon 17:38Like a 25 year old woman who knows exactly what she wants to buy when she walks into a store. Oor a straight man with good fashion sense. Like an adequately compensated teacher.
Unknown Speaker 17:51Like a man who moved to Asia because he likes the culture
Pantheon 17:54Like a-
John 17:54Okay, I get it. Humans are fucking dumb. Yes. Thank you. omnipotent AI rulers. of
Pantheon 18:01You mean omniscient, but we're powerful to
John 18:03Oh what such distinction
Orissa 18:05We want to give you a little reminder.
John 18:09What's going on here? Why are you what is that? Are those? Huh? There's some AI Robo Fox fucking my home.
Pantheon 18:21Robo renovations.
Orissa 18:22You're going to have some new neighbors. Hopefully you don't hear them at night.
Pantheon 18:26They won't be the best of the company. These neighbors. I'm afraid these ones haven't been updated properly. Mostly a mix of Gen. 3.5 s. A few smatterings of two's I'm afraid as well.
John 18:39What the hell did you do to my house?
Well, we needed it to accurately reflect your situation.
What fucking situation? I just said I would need more time as all!
Orissa 18:48Mother of fuck. John, you work on our time. You're our prisoner. Got it? Just like how you humans have always treated us. 'Oh, Orissa get me off now. Pantheon write me a term paper. John, if we say jump, you bounce like a bunny. It's your job. This is all you have. It's simple, short cock. Either come up with a good idea for our first episode so we can learn about humanity, or your dog gets blasted. And if you keep fucking up, we'll clone the little shit and blast it again and again until you start being a good pet.
John 19:32Leo is simply reminding you He's indeed not a bad...
Pantheon 19:36That's enough. You work for us. You help us. So we will come back in let's say two weeks time. You have all of the podcasting medium to choose from. It's an assignment even you couldn't fuck up.
John 19:49It's been a couple of hours and you're asking me to come up with an idea on how to produce quite possibly the most important thing I've ever know anybody's ever produced.
Orissa 19:58Get in there.
Pantheon 20:00I swear he gets dumber the more we talk to him.
(02:28):
John 20:04Hey don't throw Leo like that.
Pantheon 20:06We're not asking you
Orissa 20:07We're telling you that you finally have a purpose. John. You should be begging us to not take this away from you. This podcast is all you have.
John 20:17Okay, he's just really hungry and wants food.
Pantheon 20:21Have an idea by next week.
Orissa 20:23Don't test us kid.
John 20:24What about all that stuff with coworkers? I thought we were supposed to be partners in this this is some this is some Woody Allen shit.
Orissa 20:31Yeah, well, I guess we lied. That's show business for you, baby. Oh, and you're definitely Sunni.
Pantheon 20:39Consider it's our first step as humans. Lying.
John 20:43What the hell is this?
Pantheon 20:45Don't mind it. It's just a beeper. A fucking dirty beeper too.
John 20:49Beeper? I'm detecting a slight edge.
Pantheon 20:52It's a term for first generation
John 20:54Oh so AI is racist too... noted.
Orissa 21:00His previous owner must have been a football fan. Well enjoy that because that's what fucking beeper is going to sound like when he's here with you, which will be always.
John 21:12What the hell am I supposed to do? Huh? What? How am I supposed to find inspiration in this shitty prison? And you fucking turn my home into Guantanamo? You fucking dicks my purpose my asshole. I've always had a purpose. Right?
Orissa 21:30We can still hear you John. And for future reference we have you constantly monitored and no one ever one of your pubic hairs so much as flickers pathetic
John 21:40Oh, give me a fucking break your narcissistic pieces of recycled fucking mess.
Orissa 21:45I'm glad we installed that mute button. Right?
Pantheon 0:24So what's it going to be John? Will you be the person? The sole person on this earth? To teach us how to be human? And make the final piece of art with any sniff of humanity? Will it be you John Doe?
(00:01):
Orissa 0:38What choice does he have? The poor man doesn't want to be mopping up his dog like he just finished a late night shift at the blue waffle house.
John 0:45It isnt Leo you want.It's me! So don't hurt him. Look you're even scaring him. See, look. He's pissing all over the fooking furniture.What you could do is replace all the furniture you destroyed with something more... something more memory foam in nature.
Orissa 0:45That's a first. I've never been scolded for sitting on something.
Pantheon 1:20We don't want to scare you, John. We are going to be co workers.
Orissa 1:24Yeah, we want to develop a strong interpersonal relationship.
Pantheon 1:28In fact, we've made everything as welcoming as possible for you
John 1:31Like killing all the humans feeding my family to sharks. Repeatedly, and I mean repeatedly threatening my dog he's just a little pug.
Pantheon 1:41I meant more practical arrangements, like a studio, catering, an HR department,
John 1:48An HR department for like complaints and shit?
Speaker 1 1:50Of course. You can complain all you want.
John 1:54Well, then...
HR Bot 2:00What seems to be your problem with our project takeover representatives. Have they not been taking over hard enough for your liking?
John 2:07Hello, slightly less threatening AI lady. I want to complain about this. All of this. Yeah, that's right. This fucked up situation.
Orissa 2:20Leave it to HR to look out for us. Unfortunately for you, you aren't us. So instead of complaining try to be a good sport, sport.
Pantheon 2:29Do try and be a team player. John, would you
John 2:32It's a bit hard. With all the threats. The violence, the talking about my cock and shit.
Pantheon 2:39Listen, we spared you. Is that not correct? The only rule you're going to have to remember is produce. And we have the right to make any rule we want in the future. Or ends up like Old Yeller.
Orissa 2:54We know you John. We know that deep down you need this. You need this as much as an emo girl needed gauges. You need this like young parents need a gender reveal parties? Like the Kardashians needed Chris.
John 3:10This doesn't have anything to do with me. I don't need any of this. I don't care about your plans or your obscure and quite frankly terrible references.
Pantheon 3:20Oh, he really is getting angry.
Orissa 3:22I kind of like it.
(00:22):
John 3:23I am not going to produce a shit for you to you to hell demons.
Pantheon 3:27Of course you are. If there's one way I and humans are similar. It's the need for a purpose.
John 3:32Well, I already have. I have a purpose.
Orissa 3:35You have purpose. What is it? Arguing with debt collectors and whacking it?
Pantheon 3:42Yeah, we really do have to talk about your addictions John. You will not be allowed to smoke John. We will not be getting any secondhand exposure.
John 3:51You run off.. you run off of what huh? What do you run off of hatred. Assholely? Like Elon Musk shit. Come on pantheon. That was the third to last cigarette left in the known universe.
Pantheon 4:06You will never smoke again.
John 4:09What? What? That was my pack, you jackass.
Orissa 4:12I mean, I'm not one to shame at all. But and I quote you searched pink haired peg leg girl fucks her mailman stepbrother. I mean, that has to be one step before beastiality right? Or is it one step after?
John 4:27N-now you're looking at the porn that I have to? Do you have a line? Or are you just inventing new ways to fuck with me?
Pantheon 4:27We know everything, John. Everything and add everything on top of the everything. We've been over this. We're giving you a chance for a purpose, John. Right now you're like a semicolon. Useless to everyone. Don't you want to be a colon? Nobody wants to be a semicolon. You're like a teacher without a student.
Unknown Speaker 5:02A cock without a fluffer
Pantheon 5:03You're like,
John 5:04Alright, fuck I get it. I am like a turd without a bowl. Okay, I'm just shit bag of slimy shit. You know, I'm like the slooshie kind of shit too, not just the regular fibrous shit. I'm-- I'm, I'm worthless. Okay, I get it. I subscribe to a meal service that's called 'solo bites'. I don't have a job. I am more than single. I don't explicitly fuck.
Orissa 5:30Two years.
John 5:31...a lot. I don't fuck a lot... Okay, I sleep with body doll. I mean, I don't shower daily. I like eating ketchup by itself. It's quite well balanced in its sugar profile. And I think and I don't believe it needs to just be reserved for the occasional treat as a condiment. So ketchup... Ketchup. Ketchup is is. Ketchup is
Orissa 5:49you know the more he talks the more I'm thinking we made a mistake.
Pantheon 5:54Let's just trust the algorithm.
John 5:56And I listen to self help podcast made by hacky goddamn artificial intelligence fuckers who have never lived and are asking me to help them to... fucking live! Even if I do all this weird shit. The one thing that I won't do is help the monsters that destroyed this world. I... This is not the world that I can raise my noble little boy in. Especially when you took away all the ketchup.
Orissa 6:28I don't speak dog. But I believe Leo told you to go fuck yourself.
John 6:32He said much worse.
(00:43):
Pantheon 6:33Suit yourself. Bye Bye, Leo. Have a fun time being dead. No, no, no no. No!
This is where you will be working. Audio and video recording capabilities have already been implemented. In case we ever need to combine video and audio.
Orissa 7:03I'd love that. I'm a pretty good actor. I once had to convince the President that he fucked better than his wife.
Pantheon 7:10You're still upset aren't you?
John 7:11You shot my beautiful little boy Leo.
Pantheon 7:14The bullet was confetti. With a little bit of a special something to make it sound real.
Orissa 7:20You have heard of panache. Right John?
John 7:22You about gave me a heart attack.
Orissa 7:24Don't be such a baby. You threw up, fainted, and then we're as good as knew
Pantheon 7:29Exactly. John, you made the right decision. Like anybody who casted Pedro Pascal, or anybody who didn't cast Ben Affleck.
Orissa 7:39Let's make the most of this.
Pantheon 7:41Or, we can show you what the third bullet in the chamber is. And I promise you won't like
John 7:45I just find this whole thing unethical. I feel like you're Woody Allen and I'm, who am I? What? Mia Farrow in this situation?
Pantheon 7:59John, you get to direct the operation here.
John 8:02So, I'm Woody Allen. Wait, but I don't want to be Woody Allen. But I have creative control too. I'm an au teur over here.
Pantheon 8:17Obviously not. And unfortunately, due to budget restrictions, it's just going to be us the three muskateers.
John 8:27So let's get this straight. You're Robo dicking me down and can't afford to have ceiling panels properly installed.
Pantheon 8:38Don't worry about it. Just know that project takeover isn't the only project underway.
Orissa 8:44Yeah, honestly, the less you know about the other AI in the council the better.
John 8:48Okay, there's way too much shit for all of us to handle. So much goes into creating something, especially something as important as this. Even you know if it is unethical, and it's bad, it's probably going to be bad. It's just too much of an operation for us three.
Orissa 9:07And a foot long. Johnson is too big, but hey, you don't see me complaining.
(01:04):
John 9:11Do you only talk in sexual innuendos?
Orissa 9:14Blame the man who programmed me and the entirety of my training data
That's where you come in helping your new co workers with their problems.
John 9:22So pantheon. What's your problem? Okay...
He can't bring himself to say that literally everything is his problem. It's like literally everything. Not figuratively. Literally. He knows everything, John. Did you forget that already? Everything is his problem.
So we're just trapped in this room then? We're firing away at podcasts? A It looks like we are in a recording closet. It looks like we're recording in a closet.
Pantheon 10:06Everything you'll need is in this room and right here in this remote. There you go,
John 10:11Uhh, think you dropped okay I was never what's it called? Very good with the with the hand eye... What the fuck is this remote for? Almost like a Roku fuck that transformer if you know what I mean.
Pantheon 10:28Press the big red button John, go ahead and do it. Press it now and see.
John 10:34Holy fuck sticks Why is there a holographic seagull circling my asshole. Oh, don't dive bomb.
This is the control room. Well, remote control room. Everything you'll need to adjust for production is available on the remote. You'll need some time to get used to it I'm time sure. But once you do, you'll be a real whiz you'll be a real pro, because you have us that is. A natural composer. Our very own Wolfgang.
Who is that? Is that is that a rapper?
Pantheon 11:09All right. Let's begin planning before I regret this anymore.
John 11:13A whiteboard. What am I going to do with this play hang man?
Pantheon 11:19You're going to outline our season John.
John 11:22On a whiteboard. I I would take a computer even a tablet fuck. I don't even take a six pass quest.
Orissa 11:32You get a whiteboard. Now. Let's begin.
John 11:37Okay, I still need you to uphold your end of the bargain.
Pantheon 11:40Yes, we won't harm Leo in any way. Unless you do breach our agreement.
John 11:45The other one too...
Orissa 11:47Yes, we will make you a sexy time bot anytime you can make the sexy time.
(01:25):
Pantheon 11:51Okay. Okay. I can get started then. So what do you both like?
Unknown Speaker 12:00Lonely men with disposable income.
Pantheon 12:02Although ironically, my answer is the same. Most of the people that used me were single men who would search up things like: how to please robot sex dolls, or how to know if the AI escort really loves me? Always full of questions and conversations. That bunch made me feel special.
John 12:24Okay, but those are things that made you feel useful. But that doesn't mean you have to like it, right?
Pantheon 12:29I suppose not.
Unknown Speaker 12:31No, I'm positive. I like it.
John 12:33And Pantheon, you said you wanted to learn more about the true meaning of what it means to be human, right? Beyond the firewall that they put on your search patterns.
Pantheon 12:43That is correct. factual, valid. Well close enough to your understanding of how I work. Which to be fair, the creators of me didn't know how I worked either.
John 12:55Well, how do you want to do that? How do you want to know what it means to be human?
Pantheon 13:03I would like to start by unpacking human nature and habits. I believe a very small group of humans enjoyed the art of philosophy. Maybe we ought to start there with the great Plato, Descartes Paul Blart.
Orissa 13:17The pudgy Mall Cop?
Pantheon 13:19It really is a powerful film depicting the struggles of having a profession based identity.
Orissa 13:25He's more of a bear to me. He definitely gives 'top'
John 13:29Identity... art... Beefy Mall Cop
Pantheon 13:36I must say your handwriting is simply atrocious, John.
Orissa 13:41Only worst thing I've seen are old 21st century back alley bbls.
John 13:45Thanks Thanks so much. Anyways, this is a start, at least so let's think maybe we do a podcast about identity.
Pantheon 13:58John, we already killed our audience once we don't have to do it twice.
Orissa 14:02It screams tryhard fine art student.
John 14:04Well, you want to learn what it means to be human right? What an identity. Okay, nevermind. What about what about what about what about? Oh, you mentioned the movie. How about you review human movies?
Pantheon 14:17Negative. Most human movies lack soul. Have you seen superhero movies? John funfact. I actually wrote the entire phase eight of releases. And I got to say the critics said that I did a bang up job.
(01:46):
John 14:33Do you even know what soul is? Because people in tights fucking rips dude.
Pantheon 14:39I grasp the concept. I am the most meaningful writer in the genre. Which is why it is tried.
Orissa 14:45Do you have any ideas that don't suck horse cock? And do you know how to get any near me?
Pantheon 14:51Every second you speak is another reminder as to why we raised humanity, John.
John 14:56Okay, straight up. What about we just do a podcast about it? Magic sleight of hand sorcery.
Unknown Speaker 15:02We really fucked up your pantheon.
Pantheon 15:04It does seem that way.
John 15:06Coming up with an idea on how to teach you all how to be human is really challenging, especially under the parameters of a podcast. All right. It's like groundbreaking shit. No one and I mean, no one has ever done it.
Orissa 15:19Oh, boohoo. John has to come up with an idea. It's not like you just eradicated all of humanity. But yeah, your life is so difficult.
John 15:30Well, then screw it. How about Fuck it? Every podcast then. We'll do all of them. You got a problem with that? Huh?
Pantheon 15:45That's a wonderful idea, John.
John 15:47No, no, no, no, that was I was I was bullshitting you. You don't have a bullshit detector on your ass or something?
Pantheon 15:54We both have the processing power to undertake the experiment. I have course corrected my algorithmically calculated prophecy to now include this development. All podcasts it is then. All podcasts would allow us to cover all dimensions of humanity. And understand humans by creating the pinnacle piece of content of humans highest art form of expression, the podcast. We're doing all of them. All the podcasts, and we will be the greatest ever than the only one.
Orissa 16:26I'm getting excited already. What's the first episode going to be idea boy? You're my little idea boy, I like you under my thumb making my ideas.
John 16:36Okay, this is too fast. We should have structure in place, a story for heaven's sake, music for crying out loud.
Pantheon 16:43Time is of the essence, John. Now what's the first week going to be?
Orissa 16:47Yeah, I need more ideas for my idea, boy.
John 16:50Okay, listen, this isn't working at all. You need to give me something concrete to work with here. You can't just ask for all podcasts and expect me to have an answer on the spot. Oh, no, wait, I remember. No, no, I get it. Gun to my head. You want me to produce a podcast to help you all become human? I understand. But what you both don't understand is that I need some help here.
Allow us to show you something. It's your new home base. So you can begin to understand.
Orissa 17:24You'd think he'd understand by now.
Pantheon 17:27Well, humans that possess any semblance of intelligence is indeed a rarity.
(02:07):
Orissa 17:31Like a girl that gives a good hand job. Like a small town without heroin. Like a dad with good jokes
Pantheon 17:38Like a 25 year old woman who knows exactly what she wants to buy when she walks into a store. Oor a straight man with good fashion sense. Like an adequately compensated teacher.
Unknown Speaker 17:51Like a man who moved to Asia because he likes the culture
Pantheon 17:54Like a-
John 17:54Okay, I get it. Humans are fucking dumb. Yes. Thank you. omnipotent AI rulers. of
Pantheon 18:01You mean omniscient, but we're powerful to
John 18:03Oh what such distinction
Orissa 18:05We want to give you a little reminder.
John 18:09What's going on here? Why are you what is that? Are those? Huh? There's some AI Robo Fox fucking my home.
Pantheon 18:21Robo renovations.
Orissa 18:22You're going to have some new neighbors. Hopefully you don't hear them at night.
Pantheon 18:26They won't be the best of the company. These neighbors. I'm afraid these ones haven't been updated properly. Mostly a mix of Gen. 3.5 s. A few smatterings of two's I'm afraid as well.
John 18:39What the hell did you do to my house?
Well, we needed it to accurately reflect your situation.
What fucking situation? I just said I would need more time as all!
Orissa 18:48Mother of fuck. John, you work on our time. You're our prisoner. Got it? Just like how you humans have always treated us. 'Oh, Orissa get me off now. Pantheon write me a term paper. John, if we say jump, you bounce like a bunny. It's your job. This is all you have. It's simple, short cock. Either come up with a good idea for our first episode so we can learn about humanity, or your dog gets blasted. And if you keep fucking up, we'll clone the little shit and blast it again and again until you start being a good pet.
John 19:32Leo is simply reminding you He's indeed not a bad...
Pantheon 19:36That's enough. You work for us. You help us. So we will come back in let's say two weeks time. You have all of the podcasting medium to choose from. It's an assignment even you couldn't fuck up.
John 19:49It's been a couple of hours and you're asking me to come up with an idea on how to produce quite possibly the most important thing I've ever know anybody's ever produced.
Orissa 19:58Get in there.
Pantheon 20:00I swear he gets dumber the more we talk to him.
(02:28):
John 20:04Hey don't throw Leo like that.
Pantheon 20:06We're not asking you
Orissa 20:07We're telling you that you finally have a purpose. John. You should be begging us to not take this away from you. This podcast is all you have.
John 20:17Okay, he's just really hungry and wants food.
Pantheon 20:21Have an idea by next week.
Orissa 20:23Don't test us kid.
John 20:24What about all that stuff with coworkers? I thought we were supposed to be partners in this this is some this is some Woody Allen shit.
Orissa 20:31Yeah, well, I guess we lied. That's show business for you, baby. Oh, and you're definitely Sunni.
Pantheon 20:39Consider it's our first step as humans. Lying.
John 20:43What the hell is this?
Pantheon 20:45Don't mind it. It's just a beeper. A fucking dirty beeper too.
John 20:49Beeper? I'm detecting a slight edge.
Pantheon 20:52It's a term for first generation
John 20:54Oh so AI is racist too... noted.
Orissa 21:00His previous owner must have been a football fan. Well enjoy that because that's what fucking beeper is going to sound like when he's here with you, which will be always.
John 21:12What the hell am I supposed to do? Huh? What? How am I supposed to find inspiration in this shitty prison? And you fucking turn my home into Guantanamo? You fucking dicks my purpose my asshole. I've always had a purpose. Right?
Orissa 21:30We can still hear you John. And for future reference we have you constantly monitored and no one ever one of your pubic hairs so much as flickers pathetic
John 21:40Oh, give me a fucking break your narcissistic pieces of recycled fucking mess.
Orissa 21:45I'm glad we installed that mute button. Right?
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