April 17, 2024 • 62 mins
Welcome to a thrilling episode of the Dirty Lie podcast where we unveil surprising and eyebrow-raising facets of Canadian history. From notorious political figures to strange duel traditions, and shockingly misguided military tactics, join us alongside our zealous Toronto-based Koj as we delve into some tantalizing yet lesser-known episodes of the Canadian past.
Uncover the controversial persona of Sir John A McDonald, Canada's first prime minister. Known for his wild antics fueled by alcoholism, his character and conduct unforgettably marked the early years of the Canadian Confederation but did not deter his crucial role in forging the national constitution. This narrative challenges ingrained stereotypes and showcases how historical figures can possess an intriguing mix of strengths and weaknesses.
Our chronicle moves onward to recount the 1808 duel between Monsieur de Grand and Monsieur le Peak, introducing a whimsical element of nakedness and highlighting the unique elements of the gentleman duel culture. We then steer the conversation towards a darker chapter of the late 50s and early 60s. Exploring the disturbing invention of the "fruit machine", we dive into a period where the fear of homosexuality was exploited and weaponized by the Canadian military, highlighting the evolution of societal norms.
Engross yourself in this captivating podcast, led by the dynamic team of Dez and Koj. Compiled with a vibrant mix of absurdity, surprise and questioning, this episode guarantees an enlightening plunge into the quirks of Canadian history.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Welcome to the Dirty Lie podcast, a podcast about facts, figures,
and weird things from the past.
I'm your host, Des, and today I am here with... KKK Kalakutaku.
I am here with Coach!
This is the Submarich multiverse completed, I think, because I am so happy to have you here today.
(00:22):
And Coach is here from Canada.
Canada. Canada. Where do you live? I live in Toronto. You live in Toronto?
My mom grew up in canada before it
was cool and so growing
up i knew the canadian national anthem felt
(00:43):
super cool i was like i was like i know three national you guys never won yeah
so today i have chosen canadian history as the The overarching theme for this episode.
This is so funny because, like, I just got my citizenship, I think,
(01:05):
in December. My Canadian citizenship.
And to get it, I had to do a citizenship test. Where you learn about...
Where you learn about Canada.
I didn't read. I just did a ton of, like, past questions.
That was my way of studying. And then kind of, like, figured out,
okay, this is the right answer.
And then blah, blah, blah, blah. blah so i should
i think i should be able to do this
(01:27):
but i'm probably going
to be so mad at this so the thing is like i've actually
chosen the most ridiculous story
it's not going to be like okay it could never have come from my citizenship
test yeah like because i was like looking at stories and i was like oh let me
do like japanese internment or whatever but honestly the vibes i I am in right
(01:50):
now in my life. I just need some light shit.
I don't want to. Some light shit. Yeah. Like, I don't want to deal with those things.
I feel like this podcast, I mean, I hope maybe the people listening let me know,
but I think I try and balance like super serious history with lighter stuff.
(02:10):
And I think the past two episodes have been quite like,
you know, like Igbo house of violence, violence
um smuggling in nigeria and corruption
and i was like i have the right
now and why am i going to comment about the 20 000 japanese people like let's
(02:37):
have fun let's have i mean i would say that one one one of this is serious ish Like,
let's get into it. So, you know how this goes.
I give you three quote-unquote facts that you have to figure out what's true. Yeah.
And what's the dirty lie. Yeah. Do you know who...
(02:58):
Music.
Prime minister the first the first yes yeah
that came up in my citizenship test i think at least
in one of my past questions okay so fact
one sir john mcdonald was
the first i believe the first prime minister of canada
(03:20):
was a known drunk and that's
that's that one is he was a known drunk and he was
known for two significant drunk incidents
one when he threw up on
stage during a debate no and two when
he was in england fighting for like canada's confederacy
(03:43):
and independence whatever and he
got so drunk he lit his hotel room on fire
so that's like one is that canada's first prime minister was a degenerate ass
drunk drunk and publicly as well because these things usually because the first
thing i thought about was gage but we never saw but we never saw gage publicly
(04:07):
we're just rumors you know what i'm saying,
but this one like he was out and about in public out and about fair enough but
gage is not drunk no it's rumors allegedly
do you know anyone in this administration that is allegedly a fish.
There's two famous alleged fishers and fishermen i'm dying oh yes oh my god
(04:32):
my people from the south what can i say one of them is a man of infrastructure.
He loves a flyover that's the only way he can be high in government,
it's like i like the view from up here everyone should be able to experience
this and he just does fly over after fly over after fly over factual so that's your first legend.
(05:02):
That's your first fact your second fact is
about deals you know what deals are Deals Duel Oh like a duel Yeah Duel Duel
Yeah Duel Where People Battle it out For whatever reason Whether it's their
Reputation Or a babe Yeah Or it can be something petty Yeah,
(05:25):
I was watching Low-Key Relatable, I believe, podcast recently,
and Valerie was saying that she wishes, like, the guys who want to talk to her,
they should just, like, Could do all the talk. Yeah, like, just go out there and fight.
Like, she was like, she's tired of this modern thing. Like, men used to go to war.
I'm dying. Men really used to go to war.
(05:48):
This is funny, because I had a co-worker who, I think while we were co-workers,
you know, just before we're co-workers she got married and it was an arranged
marriage and i was just like very curious because that was my first one that
i had known that was an arranged marriage because there's lots of arranged marriages
in lagos man those are pre-ordained like.
(06:12):
And just asking her questions about it and she was
just like yo i really liked it like i was
listening to all my friends horror stories about like dating and
trying to meet the right guy and my parents know this guy
he's cool i've been talking to him for some time we're
getting married and that's that that's i'm
honestly kind of i would say that at this point in my life i might be down for
(06:36):
something i mean not even because i want to be married because i just don't
want to date and like yeah i don't like it i want to talk to you i don't have
your favorite color yeah if if you don't know my brother's name already,
like don't even want to eat, eat me.
Actually, where am I starting from? Like, I don't, I feel like that should be
(06:57):
the next step in like online dating.
It's like Amazon forms. Like they just deliver you. You might type on paper.
You know like yeah i also think there's something okay let me just let me just see the fact.
Yeah i do so fact two
(07:18):
is some french canadians yes
monsieur de grand up grand i don't
know monsieur de grand i can't pronounce it and monceau le pic this is an 1808
and so they had a deal yes but they didn't have a normal door they decided so monsieur le peak was,
(07:43):
caught with monsieur de grand's
mistress not wife yeah and monsieur
de grand was real pissed and this
saturday and decided to
do le peak but instead but le
peak was a man of knowledge yeah and believed
that most of the reason people died from duels was not from the original impact
(08:08):
but from the injuries yeah so not from the injuries getting infected due to
like clothing or whatever getting stuck in it so le peak showed up naked to
the jewel the ground was like,
i'm out you know what i'm dying you can't have it that's fact his interest was not le peak.
(08:32):
He lost interest quickly it's like when i thought it's like when they say if
you want to fight with someone and they break bottle on them,
i feel like you know what bro you can have it so that's fact two and fact three is that,
Fact three is that in the 1950s and 1960s, the Canadian army created a homosexuality
(09:00):
test that they called the fruit machine.
Don't. Sorry. Canadians are really good at like naming stuff.
Yes. Quickly, just this is just very quick fact.
The like i guess gay village in canada is like a whole street but it's more
than a street but like there's a main street where like all the like all the
(09:22):
like gay bars gay bars but also like the zebra crossing is like the rainbow
and stuff like that it's called church street yeah okay.
It's called church street like it's just just perfect man
okay so some of
your facts what'd you say i was like
(09:42):
i i don't even know what this is so the summary
of your facts which one is true which one is a lie one that the
first prime minister mcdonald was a colossal drunk
yeah two that monceau lepeak and monceau de grande's duel was stopped because
lepeak showed up but naked and three that the canadian military created a homosexuality
(10:08):
test in the 60s that that they called the fruit machine.
Damn. Fruit machine sounds real as hell. It's just so Canadian.
It's just so fucking Canadian, man. It's just like, and they probably thought
it was top secret, but like everyone fucking knew.
It was like first Google search. Just like, oh, I'm looking for a juicer. Ah!
(10:31):
It's like, check out this Canadian, this Canadian fruit machine.
And then, I feel like it's very possible that the first time I saw Canada, I would have been drunk.
Just because, like, it's easy. In that cold in Canada, it's easy to just,
like, get caught up in your liquor.
Yeah. Because in summer, people are drinking because it's summer and they're out.
(10:52):
And in winter, people are drinking because, like, it's depressing as fuck.
And, like, they're inside. She gets it. So, niggas are just always drinking, B.
And then the Naked Duel. It's also very French-Canadian.
Like. Really? yes they like nudity they're
just fucking dramatic extra and
(11:12):
they would still do to this day they're like one of the prides of
french canada is how like european it looks
like they're very tied to like their history and like
all the french people do love a mistress you
have yeah so you have to choose
one which one which one which one is just like something is
off here which one's the the lie did your
(11:34):
prime minister set himself on fire did someone
show up naked and oh i feel
like the premise that one has to be a lie because of the specific examples i'll
say that's the lie yeah the prime those were just too
like too specific not even just too
specific it's just like that he did it twice like i can understand the first
(11:54):
one happening but for the second one what's happening as well just like what
was everyone looking at well i'm so happy that you got it wrong i'm dying you
are following in the tradition of your fellow.
I'm just here to let you know that he did he did he did in fact throw a block
(12:18):
in the debates yes Yes, and he did, in fact.
Set his hotel room on fire. Yeah.
Holy smokes. To the point of burning himself. Ah. The lie was the...
Machine no the fruit machine is real
the fruit machine is real in fact it's it has there's like
(12:40):
documentaries about how this fruit machine ruined people's
lives i won't get into the fruit which one do you want to establish i get rid of
the lie or should i start with the fruit machine so the
lie is the dual the lie let's get
that out the way okay so first of all this is
just some french guys in paris actually
they're not french canadian yeah and i mixed two
(13:01):
duels together there are so so many duels for me to choose from
but i chose this one due to
the ridiculous nature of it yeah so monsieur
de grande and monsieur le peak guys in
1808 paris yeah and like
many duels it was fought over a woman so the
woman was mademoiselle pirevit and she
(13:24):
was a famous french dancer and she
was the grand mistress but she
had been discovered in a compromising position with and they two guys got into
it and they decided to settle matters with a duel now instead of settling matters
(13:46):
with a normal duel i guess these are some very,
which in itself is very dramatic but they decided that wasn't dramatic enough
off because they're friends.
So they decided they were going to duel in hot air balloons.
The fuck? Yeah. So they met at a field.
(14:08):
What the hell is going on? At the crack of dawn.
And in a place called two layers and they
each took a blunderbuss gun into their
individual hot air balloons the codes
were cut at nine o'clock the men
drifted into the air keeping a distance of 80 yards away from each other at
(14:31):
all times also like i just don't know how like what how do you drive it i mean
obviously people know how to drive a hot air balloon but why is this a decision
that was made anyways they were like we're gonna keep 80 the horses exist like what's.
18 houses 100 like they could
have done like they kept like
(14:52):
80 yards away from each other and then when they
reached around 200 feet they peak who's the guy who was caught in a compromising
position shot at de grant but missed de grant shot at the peak and he hit he
was actually compromising position,
(15:15):
helped him focus and he
shot at the peak he punctured his balloon and the
peak crashed into a rooftop ghosted the
grand landed safely 17 miles from
paris that is so stupid honestly yes because the hot air balloons are such large
(15:38):
targets yeah how did he miss the first person he tried to shoot him he tried
to actually shoot him as opposed to his balloon maybe but that seems like a very dumb thing to do.
Like that that actually seems like a very maybe the other guy cheated maybe you're not allowed,
you're not allowed to shoot the balloons but he
(15:59):
said i'm leaving here you know i was
like looking at all these different duels a lot
of them were over women some were like like
there's this president i believe it's andrew jackson
he might have been the first president of america and he
got into a lot of duels over his wife interesting
(16:19):
because because there was like some type of mix-up
she was his he was her second husband and
i think there was like some type of mix-up in
her paperwork before like she was officially divorced
and then when she married him or something so people used to call her a bigamist
and he would be shooting at them like i'm dying but like why is this a thing
(16:41):
like you guys are doing what's the bigamist bigamist is like wait let me google
but i'm pretty sure it's like when and you have two spouses at once.
Let me Google this. That's the first, I feel like that's the first of my reports.
Yeah. A bigamist is someone who marries a person while being already legally
married to someone else. Sure, I know. I hear that.
Yeah. So it's like, It doesn't seem like such a deep insult.
(17:04):
Like, that's what I'm thinking, but you know, this is like back in the day,
woman's virtue or whatever.
But I was like, why is that an insult that has y'all shooting each other up or pulling out swords?
Just like you, Yo, have you seen the federal government and how slow they are?
It's so bureaucratic. My papers are probably on someone's desk. Love wins.
Yeah. And there was a guy who they asked him to choose the weapon and he chose sausages.
(17:30):
But he didn't want to rack it out like sausage versus sausage.
He said one would be poisoned and one would not.
I was like, that's not a deal. That's Russian roulette. Yes.
But I guess that's a fair way to do it, actually.
Nothing's fairer than like yeah eat a poison so like yeah like choose like pick your sausage.
(17:58):
Okay so should we talk about your drunk sir john a mcdonald's yes the first
prime minister who puked into the chair of the governor.
The governor general's furniture he threw
up on stage during a public debate and there
(18:21):
were times where he went on bender that lasted for days too drunk to show up
for his official duties and on a winter night in london right in the middle
of final negotiations over the confederacy Confederation for Canada.
His drunkenness nearly cost him his life.
(18:43):
So this was in 1866, and Canada was on the verge of becoming a nation.
And all the biggest politicians from the Canadian colonies had already had two
big confederation conferences in Canada.
Yeah. And they were getting down drunk.
Apparently, he showed up in Charleston. So the two were in Charleston and in Quebec City.
(19:09):
I don't know how far those are away from each other, but I feel like those are
probably English and French sides. Yeah.
And then Charles McDonald and his guys from Ontario and Quebec showed up with
$13,000 worth of champagne, which is in 1866 money.
So I'm sure this was a lot of shacks.
(19:32):
Like a TBS wedding, but everyone gets champagne. Yeah.
And this is and he just used it I guess as a key way to get to know each other
as they're like fighting for independence or whatever and.
And at the end, like, it was effective. They got drunk and they agreed on a list of 72 resolutions.
(19:54):
Yeah. And now they just had to turn that into a constitution and get that approved
by the British Parliament.
Yeah. So they headed off to England to, you know, get the approval by the British Parliament.
And they continued posing. Yeah. This is by ship, I imagine.
Yes. so they get to london for the
(20:17):
london conference and i'm
so glad i didn't have to travel by ship but i mean the boats are
much better right now but damn why is
this sickness or just like the length i mean the way it's
portrayed in these like time things it feels
very hectic like there's no real chilling i guess
that's why you're drunk sure so that like you can just go through the
(20:38):
emotions yeah so you know how it takes
like a long time to travel by ship
yeah so so the
thing is the first batch of the canadian delegates got to london in july yeah
mcdonald and his drunken crew didn't arrive till november no fucking way of course of course.
(21:08):
Of course that is so funny man
bro they were they have the first
part of his document not his documentary like a
biography on him talks about how like
even in like their parliament of
the house in in canada he literally needs to like physically
grip the desk yeah to stand up
(21:29):
and for me i find this to be a very powerful man like do you know the type of
power you must wield to be this inebriated this often yeah and still be helping
people get their independence and having like that is a very.
(21:51):
What's the thing called when somebody's like a productive drunk
or like productive cooking he like you know what do
they call them high functioning functioning like
this is what this is the definition yeah this
is the definition of a high functioning drunk fucky bro
so he doesn't get there until november
(22:14):
his mates got there in july imagine
having to wait from july to
november bar on this drum yeah you're
like that guys probably knew what was up yeah but also like
but then they also probably didn't did it because you have to send letters like
imagine like send like i would be so like what like you also know the type of
(22:35):
guy you're messaging like did he go on a bender or something like did he die
like what is going on it's like anything could have happened july to november is a long time,
sorry that's crazy i'm surprised canada got their fucking independence or whatever
because especially i've just packed it up like you want us to hand over the keys to this guy,
(22:55):
so nothing i'm saying like i find him to be very powerful yeah in fact like
i am highly impressed when he got to london what's the first thing he did he
went to brothel no he went to a gentleman's Oh, fair enough.
He went to the Athenium Club.
(23:15):
Which still exists today. And it's right in the middle of the city in London.
And many famous people have known to go there to get wasted,
including Darwin, Dickens, Churchill, another famously high-functioning drunk.
Frank kipling sir arthur conan doyle
(23:36):
the duke of wellington t.s elliott thomas hardy
like super famous yeah rich
high class gentleman went to the
athenium club in london to get wasted
and mcdonald was a member of this
club so he went there because it
(23:56):
was just down the block from where the conference was being held
yeah and it was across the road from west
minister abby so he spent his days there in a big room working out the details
of canada's confederation and drinking he was described by the british as the
(24:17):
ruling genius and spokesman of the canadians,
he was seen as like a celebrity sort of like people thought he was very smart
very respected like people would literally stop him I mean fair enough though
that shouldn't surprise me yeah I mean.
You don't get in that position by being a drunk alone. Yes. Like,
(24:38):
I honestly think because, like, especially now that we look at alcoholism as
a disease and not just, like, a personal feeling.
Yeah. It's very interesting to see how people were able to, like,
because also sensibilities of that time were just not how they are today.
(24:59):
Another thing about McDonald's, which. i also
think that like till this day i just
think it's just very boys clubbish where it's like
as far as you're delivering boys will let you get rid of anything
true which is also a bad thing yep another
reason i can't believe i came to this world not only
as a woman but as a black woman
(25:20):
in nigeria yeah i just don't
know what i did in my life i would literally
rather come back as a porcupine i i'm like
you know like if there was a choice to
do this again yeah no no
i love nigerian women and like
i love being a nigerian woman but being a nigerian woman in this society is
(25:44):
sucky yeah i hear that so the thing about mcdonald is that he was married to
a woman who who he like loved a lot.
And she had died. Her name was Isabella.
And she had died battling opium addiction.
(26:07):
Now, I feel like addicts usually do sometimes find each other.
And also that might be the type of thing that can propel you into an insane amount of drinking.
Your wife dying from illness caused by being addicted to opium.
Yeah so yeah but so he he's also here and like the other people are there with
(26:31):
their spouses quite a few of them are their spouses and he's here alone he has a room by himself and,
he had so one of these days of going to the club drinking helping canada happy
because it's not a confederation.
He went home on a Wednesday night and he was reading papers in bed and he fell asleep,
(26:59):
but fell asleep or passed out. He passed out. Yeah.
He passed out and he wakes up to the smell of his own burning flesh because this is, again, 1800s.
He'd passed out reading a paper with
a candle right next to him so the candle tipped over set the room on fire the
(27:22):
curtains the sheets the blankets the pillow underneath his head the night shirt
he was wearing on flames this is so fucking hilarious because.
I maybe i just don't know enough canadians i just
feel like not enough people know this story like i need to go back
to canada and tell this story this is
(27:42):
going to be one of my bits actually thank you so much you have no
idea what you've done for me i want
to write a joke around this for sure this is
this makes no sense this was once like
a few months before he became the first as prime minister of
canada he was on fire that is
(28:04):
so funny sir george etienne carter no
sir george etienne cartier who was
another one of these guys in the comfort the conference
came from his room and came to his
rescue and the thing is they hadn't
always been guys during the the rebellions in
canada they had actually fought each
(28:27):
other so like mcdonald was standing guard for
a loyalist militia in kingston yeah and
cartier was fighting with rebels in quebec and
like they were at each other's necks but
they had actually become allies and then cartier helped save mcdonald's life
his room was just next door nice and yeah and the thing is like because Because
(28:51):
Cartier was the leader of like French Canadians and McDonald was the leader
of like English Canadians.
But that's crazy, man. That is a true story.
And he was actually like quite badly hurt, but not like extremely.
His hair, his hands and his forehead were burnt.
(29:13):
And he had a really bad injury on his shoulder.
Luckily for him he had one worn
like a thick flannel shirt underneath his nightshirt
which caught on fire and i
mean of that era like after the birth
he also then caught an infection from the wounds
(29:34):
and he spent eight days
in bed like hanging in the balance but
ultimately he survived months later
he the bill was passed by
the british parliament it was called the british north
america act and on the
1st of july 1867 the dominion
(29:56):
of canada was officially born yeah so
that's a great story i really like that part of history i should do more of
this like looking for like the ridiculousness in these so-called heroes yeah
i think i mean i love this type of history also because you know sometimes you feel like.
(30:19):
There's this idea, especially of how we talk about history and teach history,
there's this idea that people have to be like perfect or good or bad or like,
you know what I'm saying?
Like people can embody and encompass so many things of the human experience.
So MacDonald, I believe, remarries, I think, to somebody he even met in London.
(30:41):
Done yeah he yeah suzanne agnes bernard and his new wife would actually help him get sober oh nice.
So even though he had like other benders she
pretty much helped him get sober and helped
him rule the country that he
(31:04):
helped create like you know
how you were just saying you don't have to be perfect so if you were if you
were going to give two traits like if you're going to be like okay or someone's
going to be okay we're going to create this like leader that's going to like
you know revolutionize this country or whatever but you can only give him two traits good or bad.
(31:27):
Anyone any any which way um and it could be anything and i'll give you my own
and then give me yours just so you can see there's two traits can i give three okay you give three,
and mine is one just just like
someone that's like fair that makes sense someone that's
fair and someone that is effective is such a very it's like a weird word because
(31:51):
it can mean so many things but i'll say someone that's an administrator basically
so someone that's fair and someone that's like an administrator someone that
like knows processes like someone that like Like, you know, type of shit. Fair.
Fair and an administrator. So my three characteristics. One is empathetic.
(32:11):
Because I feel like a lot of Nigerian leaders just do not give a shit. Yeah.
About it. And they're so removed. Yeah.
That you need somebody who's like
kind of empathetic. So one would be empathetic. Two would be pragmatic.
People just don't move for sense here. I need people who are acting with sense,
(32:34):
who are being realistic, who are being.
Because you're dealing with, let me just say the three.
Empathetic, pragmatic, and intelligent. And I think I need all three working in cohesion.
Because first I need you to be pragmatic. i feel
like people don't work with sense and realistic expectations
(32:54):
either because of ego or whatever the
hell it is or because of sentiment or because
of religion whatever it is they're not being
pragmatic yeah in ruling a conf
nigeria is a confederation of different states cultures
tribes personalities belief systems you
need to be pragmatic yeah you need
(33:17):
to be someone who can can build bridges you need to be somebody who
can wake interest endorsement i'm
kidding no we get doesn't you said build bridges
oh don't kill me no but like
you need somebody who's like actually able to just be
like be balancing interest is
so key because interests are always going to be in collision
(33:37):
and empathetic because you just
want somebody who cares and i think i don't
think it matters in every climb but i think it matters in ours
where all these things like access to justice and
like all this corruption and it's bad
the last one is intelligence because like
all these bad people not all these bad people but a lot of the bad people bad
(34:01):
politicians that people go online and call idiots they are not idiots yeah they
are willfully wicked this is intentional action no it's not by mistake they
know they know what what they're doing.
If you think some of them, like some people are actually moronic and they just
(34:22):
happen to happen to a position, some by chance, by brute force.
Yes. But there's quite a few of them who are highly intelligent.
And they be scheming. They are scheming. On the highest level.
They know how they're presenting themselves. They know who they are presenting themselves to.
They know who they are talking to. like you cannot be a
(34:44):
lazy intellectual and battle these people
this super random man this isn't like the most intelligent thing either but
i heard this one story about how one day
dakwa b i don't like showed up to his office in ogun state
and he just gathered everyone and he's like yo you guys i
know how much i'm making stop dressing like this from tomorrow everybody
wear your best gums like we cannot be doing this
(35:05):
in this office because like they were trying to form modest
and be sharp and feel like oh yeah we're not really getting
access blah blah blah like bro you guys
like you're not fooling anyone man like get the fuck out of
here i drip right now no because
there's also like yeah nigerians love eye service
yeah that's like one of the worst one of the worst things
(35:28):
about working in the nigerian office is how much nigerians love
looking busy looking important looking
this is everything is about perception until perception
becomes reality yeah and like that's
why our reality is shit yeah but yeah
i would say those are like my things like mcdonald he he'd made a legacy for
(35:49):
himself that's incomparable to some people who are so bad dude that has never
done anything in their lives like i think an aspect of his life is that he's
never set himself on fire literally.
One of the things about the story that reminded me I guess of Nigeria is that
he was in London for the Confederation, the London Confederation and I remember that when,
(36:16):
This guy, Toph Spenson, went to London for Nigeria as like independence, our own independence.
What's his name again, sorry? Toph Spenson. Toph Spenson. He was Nigerian. Yeah.
Toph Spenson is Nigerian. He was part of the NCNC party in Nigeria.
He was a parliamentarian. I think he was like our first minister for information
(36:37):
or something. Well-known Nigerian politician-ish.
But when he went to London for our constitutional conference,
he went there to chase people.
In particular listeners of
this podcast in particular he went there to chase
for like who became the
(36:57):
first female san in nigeria yeah
and i believe a minister of the western
region but he went there to chase her because
he believed they were engaged he had
he had gotten engaged to father
care in absentia um the hell yeah her
dad he had asked for her hand in marriage from her dad
(37:19):
her dad said yes she said she said no oh
she said i didn't see she was unaware she actually said
no he said z and so they
held a traditional engagement without a
polaroid yeah and he went to
go and meet her in london during the
constitutional conference and when
(37:41):
he got there she was
like not only am i not your wife
i have in fact married somebody else
here like i have a boo yeah okay big on
me still if i have
a boot and apparently he tried to do he tried to like allegedly try to physically
(38:06):
remove her engagement ring from her hand that's unhinged as fuck and so she
jumped out of a window what the fuck.
And they had this huge court case in England where her dad, then comes,
I'm sure, as you said, enters ship, then comes and is a witness for Toss Benson,
(38:29):
saying that he has paid dowry and therefore the caller crucified his wife.
Yeah, Toss Benson. So what was the ruling?
He was found innocent. innocent so because because she she
like went to the police and they charged him
i think with like assault and theft because she said he took her yeah the ring
(38:50):
and her watch or something like that he was found innocent of all charges well
he didn't have to marry like she didn't have to marry him she was still very
much yeah and like he basically said how he was gonna like ruin her,
she was like lol she married this guy
who was a doctor but then they were like students
in london she was also a student she studied you
(39:12):
know she does the whole log it's not about the inn of whatever they come back
to nigeria she's successful her husband is successful toss benton is also successful
and racks her until the day he dies mind you he then his brother was,
what's his brother's name something benton no no a famous nigerian musician
(39:36):
who then Then writes this song to a diss track.
No way. They write a diss track. You know the diss track. Talk to me. What song is this?
If you marry taxi driver. No way. I don't know. No fucking way.
This is wonderful.
I love this so much. Yes. Because, like, Balakashankar's husband is driving
(39:58):
a taxi in London. Well, you know. Yeah.
A hustling student. Yeah. So he does this whole diss track.
And when I tell you he racks her, like, Toss Benson racks her. There's newspaper.
I think he, like, does interviews with maybe city people or this day or something.
Like, he's racking her forever.
And when her husband dies, like, 40, 50 years later, he gets a banter.
(40:25):
He gets a band to come and
play that he outlived shimmy shimmy singham
one young boy in london that he
still outlived him i am dying yo i
mean i mean i thought
he was a loser before but he won but imagine
(40:46):
being the wife of the guy who's rocking his
yeah his ex was never by his ex like bro let
it go that's fucking insane that's a
great record though that's a great song yeah that's
history right there what the fuck yeah this is so twisted because like it's
(41:08):
just shows how unserious this whole like again it's one of the reasons why like
i know we're in an era where we have bad leaders and all of that i feel like
we've always had like clowns like this. But we've had efficient guys or whatever.
But I just really like how it's all unravelling and you can just,
like, tell that, like, there's much of these guys that are intelligent as well
(41:29):
and wicked and vindictive.
There are also a lot of idiots, like, amongst them. And they make very, very...
Ordinary and stupid looking decisions and
it makes me happy makes me very happy it
i think like one thing you learn
the more you look at history or politics
(41:51):
today or in the past is that it's
just made up of petty nigger yeah like
they're just people yeah who get into
positions of power and like like i always like i was talking
about this recently because we're hanging out and talking about
some things that some uncles or aunties say or things
that people now do import like that you're like secondhand embarrassment
(42:12):
whatever yeah and i'm like just think about the clowns you
know there have been clowns in secondary school yeah some
of them have been on some bull since we were
in primary school yeah they are going to burn yeah some
of them are already burned yeah they're still clowns yeah
it's not gonna change they're gonna
some of them are going to be very wealthy some of them are going to be very successful
(42:33):
yeah some might might be a governor somewhere or a senator somewhere a
head of industry somewhere he's still going to be a clown there
are people who have been petty since they did they gave birth
to them whose pettiness comes over anything no matter what happens they are
still going to be petty people are backbiting they don't like it's just personalities
but the way we look at things or people it kind of makes it weird it's like
(42:56):
it's like looking at gandhi right it's um gandhi Yeah.
And people talking about how like creepy he was with like girls or whatever.
But also like, I remember being in school, studying Gandhi and just learning
that the thing that radicalized him was going to South Africa and seeing that
(43:16):
the British were treating the Indians as if they were the blacks.
He was like, they're treating us as bad as these niggas.
That's insane. saying he was like he hated black people like he was like do
you know what it is for them to treat us like we're black yeah we're in something
about that we i will not eat i'm dying i'm dead.
(43:41):
I will hunger strike my way
into bro he was
so sick that they were treating him like a nigga that he
stopped eating is that how we go his thing is that
like i mean he did a lot more than that he did a lot
more than that so like he goes to south africa i believe like
as a lawyer or something but you know there's a huge indian population in south
(44:01):
africa he goes to south africa he sees apartheid and he sees indians being treated
like nearly as bad as black people and like black people he's like bro we need
to get away from these people like they don't retail so he goes back to india
starts a movement he does a lot there i'm i'm really like,
Downplaying it. Downplaying it. Hong Kong striking.
(44:22):
He does it a lot. Because he also, Gandhi is also one of the people who teaches...
What's it called something like non-violence but
because he does non-violence where obviously there's violent resistance
but it's like uh but gandhi's teachings
of non-violence were taught i was i studied it
also as part of my degree in history but it's
(44:45):
one of the things that were taught to people in like snick
which is like the movement in america that
was like the backbone for all this like mlk and
all these things like they're the ones who were teaching the students who
would go and sit down yeah at counter so
who would do the boycotts and whatever it's like
their actual non-violence tactics and how to like still be able to to draw a
(45:12):
message and draw a reaction but also just not be violent yourself yeah i think
that's one thing about history is that people just don't realize how and it's
due to the way it's taught but things were were intentionally done.
Tactical. Yes. That's what I was thinking as well. Just something like that. It was tactical.
Like they would literally like, it's not that it's like sittings,
(45:34):
for example, it's not like students just happen to just walk into a white,
a white restaurant and sit down there.
No, because these people are going to pour hot coffee on you.
They're going to like, like the racism was violent in very little,
like in every single way.
Like, it's like when we learn about it retroactively, you're like,
oh, there was a student sitting, like they went and they sat at a counter that said white only.
(45:57):
And they like, you know, you have all these pictures and stuff,
but it's like, bro, imagine they're pouring hot coffee on you.
They're spitting on you. They're trying to pull you off the chair.
They're trying to beat you up, but you're trying to maintain your protest for as long as possible.
Yeah they went through lessons they taught them they
would choose the people who do this like rosa parks was chosen
yeah and before she was chosen they had.
(46:19):
Already planned how they were going to do the boycott yeah so
they already knew who was gonna like who was
going to carpool who was going to cook food like yeah
they had structures yeah lots of the structures were
church-based which is why you have church leaders like mlk sorry
yeah like mlk junior like become these huge
things because they're good orators yeah which mlk i
(46:40):
think started practicing speech and oratory from
when he was like 12 yeah doing competitions and stuff.
Like that he goes to seminary school they teach him oration
he didn't just write a speech one day right it's
like everything was done was it was tactically done
it was planned for they were sharing information
information sharing knowledge yeah like so sometimes
(47:03):
like when i look it's a disservice in how history and
political movements are taught because when people talk about like
ensign and things like that when they talk about like movement
here oh nigerians are not serious it's actually
true we're not serious but it's also because you actually
need a lot of resources and time and concerted effort
to make small changes like there
(47:25):
are times in history also i just just imagine that also in
this climate it's very scary to it's easier to
i feel like do it spontaneously where like
there's a movement that catches fire and like everyone's behind it
and hopefully like it does something because there's just
some there's a fear in like being caught conspiring you
know saying like putting guys together and mapping this
(47:48):
and drawing it out and then now like you have
armed it's not like no one's gonna hear that oh
we're planning multiple like you know multiple i
guess like walks or whatever it's
going to be like no you're planning a movement on the federal government
and flip it what's up dss how you doing well the way they would disappear you.
(48:14):
Sure yeah there's an allegation that a certain member of of Tinubu's team.
Who is not an elected member of office at this point in time.
He's not an elected member of office. He's a staff of the president.
Disappeared a journalist for two weeks. God damn.
Now when you live in that like so i
(48:37):
understand like i understand why and
also the issue is that in nigeria there's actually
no rallying cause i think anti-police brutality
is the closest we're going to come to a cross-sectional rallying cause where
socioeconomic tribal etc background everyone was like you know what our security
(48:59):
services are doing the most i think that's the the closest we can come to a cross-national,
because everything here is broken, is segmented.
We're a very fragmented society. So we can't work it together.
Anyways, wait, we have one more topic. Yes. Which is? Church Street.
The fruit machine. Yes. Which is like the, I guess the heavy topic of the day,
(49:22):
but I don't really want to talk about it.
The fruit machine was developed by a psychologist. So during,
you have like the Cold War era in the 60s.
So there was like an incident where a...
Soviet spy basically like reveals that
(49:43):
this you know like the soviet has spies
in canada and it ends up
with like 18 people being arrested like he's
just like the spies here here here here like you have like
a defection kind of situation yeah and in
response to this there was like a lot lot of fear that they're kovid the i say
(50:05):
kovid the soviet spies everywhere and they were like do you know who is not
trustworthy drunks men with illegitimate children and the gay.
And so then they started putting
thousands of dollars towards finding a
(50:27):
machine for determining or a test
for determining how to root out these gay
people now they said they were trying to root out
like people with behavioral sickness so
that they did not work in so what year is
this this is in 1960 this is not that long ago
some of them like these people are still alive yeah and
(50:50):
yeah this is this is
not like i mean like 1960s it's right
there it's also right there i guess we're
old i was gonna say that was 40 years ago no it's 60
years ago because i remember when like nigeria was 40 years
old what year was that 2000 2000 yeah
i think i know it was a big deal show and i
(51:11):
was alive for that right yeah i had to have been yes what i
mean i meant like i was active not really like yeah
involved so because they were like gay people
would be liable that they're not trustworthy they're threats because soviets
can't easily blackmail them so they're threatened national security yeah and
(51:35):
they also thought like being gay or being lgbt itself was an abnormality.
They felt like they needed to weed out these people. So they got a Dr.
Robert Wake of Carleton University to design a machine.
And of course, he was sent to America to learn what the Americans were doing.
(51:57):
Oh, the Americans had their own machine. No, the Americans had their own studies
and stuff. And so they sent a psychologist.
But then he didn't even get his test from a study of gay people in America.
He got it from like a psychologist test about
what foods people respond to in food
yes the food people respond to in grocery
(52:19):
store and how you can tell they like it and it's
basically down to a science that's not
a science which is pupil dilation which is
how much your pupils dilate when you see something
that piques your interest yes the issue
with pupil dilation is that you have voluntary and
involuntary dilation of your pupils and your
(52:41):
pupils dilate based off of how much light
is coming into them so if the light changes from
picture to picture your pupils are going to die so it was not like a fixed sign
like if it goes from like i don't know a blackberry to like a yellow banana
and your pupils get excited they'll fucking they will basically banish you yeah
(53:05):
so So basically what they did is like they had this whole setup.
They had like a chair that looked like a huge dentist chair.
They had like a polygraph test and then they had this like machine.
So like the fruit machine is like this whole test. So it's not just that people dilation thing.
They also have a sweat test to see how much you're sweating.
(53:25):
And then like the big part, and then they have masculinity femininity tests
to see how masculine or feminine you are.
And then they have your this pupil
dilation test which is a basically they
will show men like what they thought would
arouse a man which is like pictures of like
(53:47):
a caveman like i am dying
and like they would do they would do the same to women men and they have like
there's like a manual which is like detection of homosexuals.
(54:10):
And in the manual it says that some homosexuals can be detected without difficulty
by any sophisticated adult because of their mannerisms dress and their behavior
and they said many consistently are deceptive.
The wife in fact is often a prime
(54:31):
method of concealment a very effective
that's so funny they were like if he's
married he's probably i'm dying he said
that is the final straw there is
his final straw they said he rushed it like he's hiding.
Something that is hilarious crazy is
but i mean the sad part about it is that like people lost
(54:53):
their jobs they were rendered that like unemployable
some people were thrown in mental institutions especially
the women like and you just imagine one day
being dragged from your office thrown in the back of a car could
like then taken somewhere and tested for hours and hours
and this happens for like weeks and then somebody says oh yeah she's
a gay and then throws you in it wasn't like they were running tests
(55:15):
and everyone in the army or whatever they were running tests
like the suspect yeah they would suspect you and
they would run a test that is it's not like just once like
it can be for like a period and like people
who talk about it said that they were treated as though they
were prisoners of war like there was no presumption of like in
this it's like a torture it's like a torturous experience the
(55:37):
anxiety inducing experience and also
some of them were actually thrown in mental institutions because again it's
being seen as lgbt was being seen as being like a sickness i'm sorry you're
giving me my idea for blowing in canada i'm just going to do canadian Canadian
Ridiculous Stories podcast with comedians and just... This country is ridiculous.
(56:00):
Every country is, but yeah, Canada is also ridiculous.
That is insane. There's some ridiculous stuff. There's some fun stuff there.
There's some geography stuff, some history stuff. Yeah, I saw a video of me
and I decided to do Canada. But yeah, that's the fruit test. And that is the...
Those are your Canadian stories for today, I think. Yeah.
McDonald, Fruity, and the Duel. I think there was a Canadian duel I saw, actually.
(56:26):
I don't know. I didn't use it because it just wasn't as interesting.
But it was like two Canadian politicians in 1819 who were feuding over funding for a public hospital.
And so you have... That was a good cause, to be honest. Yeah.
One wanted it and one didn't want it. Probably something like that.
(56:49):
Like i didn't really get into the details but it was a montreal doctor
called william caldwell who challenged a lower
canada assembly man called michael o'sullivan to
a duel and they shot each other five times
before they were both too wounded
to continue do you know how pissed you have to be to be reloading those guns
(57:11):
from back in the day they shot each other five times and at one point they got
they got too wounded to continue and they were like they they survived yeah
they actually survived yeah should i speed the money 50 50 man.
Or build two clinics instead. Yeah. Canada has some funny...
That's hilarious. Funny stuff.
(57:32):
My favorite duo is non-Canadian, but it is... Well, not my favorite duo.
There's so many to choose from.
But I was reading all these lists of funny duels.
And there's one between this guy called Francoise... I can't pronounce his name.
So like Francoise Fournier-Salovise and General Pierre Dupont de Letangue. That's a great name.
(57:54):
Yeah. and they dueled from 1794 to
1813 they do
i think they'll just show up every time shoot at each other no go home i'm going
to tell you i'm just going to let you know what was happening so that's a civil
war by the way yeah they had 19 years it started in strasbourg when fournier
(58:17):
had challenged and killed a young man called Bloom.
And so Fournier had had a duel with another random guy.
And then General Monroe was hosting a ball for the town, which is a different person.
He was hosting a ball for the whole town. And he then told Pierre Dupont de
(58:39):
la Tangue, he said, don't let that Fournier guy into my party.
Yeah. I don't like his vibes. Yeah. Yeah.
And so Dupont didn't let Fournier in.
And they were like, you know what? That's assaulting. I challenge you to a duel. And then he said, bet.
They fought three times in the following month.
(59:02):
But they would only end up injuring each other every time. Because they were dueling by sword.
So Dupont refused to use pistols.
Because he was the highly skilled swordsman but
so was fournier yeah and it was like they were a match like made in heaven they
(59:22):
will rack down that's a marriage they were at some point after continuously
injuring each other they then decided to draw up terms of racking they drop rule.
Rules of engagement for their
marriage they were to meet every time
(59:44):
they were within a hundred miles i am dying that
is insanity if one of them was unable to travel the other must go and meet them
their only exceptions from meeting to do were official military duties so thus
began one of of the longest duels in history after a while they became quite
(01:00:05):
friendly that is of course,
and they will begin to exchange letters.
The hell they would even and exchange letters
to offer sincere congratulations for promotions and
other masters that each other met in life i don't
even know what to say that is also very canadian it's very
(01:00:25):
weird no trust me like this makes
so much sense that's insane that's a
great story do you know how it ended do you think
they killed each other in the end i don't think they killed each other i think
didn't but dupont got married and he was like
i don't want my wife to be a widow so let's
end this once and for all he actually decided that they could use pistols for
(01:00:46):
the last battle dying and then did they use pistols they did but they still
even did a lot but foolish guys they did foolish guys after like they were like ultimate climax.
Guns out yeah isn't
it then dupont was victorious and
(01:01:07):
he spared four years life and the two parted ways
forever i think that's that might be a
love story that might be a marriage i don't know that is
all that that is a dramatic story where
like i don't know man war is
filling a void then friendship is filling a void then you find love and then
(01:01:28):
you know yeah all the quits so i feel like i've given you some canadian stories
for today wow those were so good man Thank you for joining me on the pod, Kala Kutakuch.
Thank you for having me, man. I can't wait to tell this at the office when I'm back.
Did you guys know this? We're like, guy, we thought you went to Nigeria.
(01:01:50):
Are you coming back with some Canadian history? For everyone who doesn't know
who Kala Kutakuch is, he is a member of Submarine and a Roach podcast.
He is also a stand-up comedian.
Very funny. Very intelligent man. He is known as the funny, sexy voice,
(01:02:12):
I would say, on Red Marge.
That's your... Thanks, I appreciate that. I would say that's your bag right
there. That's your pocket.
Thanks for joining me. The Summer in Red Marge live show was yesterday.
And you were absolutely excellent.
Thank you so much. You're very, very funny on stage.
And I, too, have the God-given gift to know when there's a danger.
(01:02:35):
And i can tell you that my reader is always great thank you for listening everyone
and i hope you have a lovely rest of your day bye bye everyone.
Welcome to the Dirty Lie podcast, a podcast about facts, figures,
and weird things from the past.
I'm your host, Des, and today I am here with... KKK Kalakutaku.
I am here with Coach!
This is the Submarich multiverse completed, I think, because I am so happy to have you here today.
(00:22):
And Coach is here from Canada.
Canada. Canada. Where do you live? I live in Toronto. You live in Toronto?
My mom grew up in canada before it
was cool and so growing
up i knew the canadian national anthem felt
(00:43):
super cool i was like i was like i know three national you guys never won yeah
so today i have chosen canadian history as the The overarching theme for this episode.
This is so funny because, like, I just got my citizenship, I think,
(01:05):
in December. My Canadian citizenship.
And to get it, I had to do a citizenship test. Where you learn about...
Where you learn about Canada.
I didn't read. I just did a ton of, like, past questions.
That was my way of studying. And then kind of, like, figured out,
okay, this is the right answer.
And then blah, blah, blah, blah. blah so i should
i think i should be able to do this
(01:27):
but i'm probably going
to be so mad at this so the thing is like i've actually
chosen the most ridiculous story
it's not going to be like okay it could never have come from my citizenship
test yeah like because i was like looking at stories and i was like oh let me
do like japanese internment or whatever but honestly the vibes i I am in right
(01:50):
now in my life. I just need some light shit.
I don't want to. Some light shit. Yeah. Like, I don't want to deal with those things.
I feel like this podcast, I mean, I hope maybe the people listening let me know,
but I think I try and balance like super serious history with lighter stuff.
(02:10):
And I think the past two episodes have been quite like,
you know, like Igbo house of violence, violence
um smuggling in nigeria and corruption
and i was like i have the right
now and why am i going to comment about the 20 000 japanese people like let's
(02:37):
have fun let's have i mean i would say that one one one of this is serious ish Like,
let's get into it. So, you know how this goes.
I give you three quote-unquote facts that you have to figure out what's true. Yeah.
And what's the dirty lie. Yeah. Do you know who...
(02:58):
Music.
Prime minister the first the first yes yeah
that came up in my citizenship test i think at least
in one of my past questions okay so fact
one sir john mcdonald was
the first i believe the first prime minister of canada
(03:20):
was a known drunk and that's
that's that one is he was a known drunk and he was
known for two significant drunk incidents
one when he threw up on
stage during a debate no and two when
he was in england fighting for like canada's confederacy
(03:43):
and independence whatever and he
got so drunk he lit his hotel room on fire
so that's like one is that canada's first prime minister was a degenerate ass
drunk drunk and publicly as well because these things usually because the first
thing i thought about was gage but we never saw but we never saw gage publicly
(04:07):
we're just rumors you know what i'm saying,
but this one like he was out and about in public out and about fair enough but
gage is not drunk no it's rumors allegedly
do you know anyone in this administration that is allegedly a fish.
There's two famous alleged fishers and fishermen i'm dying oh yes oh my god
(04:32):
my people from the south what can i say one of them is a man of infrastructure.
He loves a flyover that's the only way he can be high in government,
it's like i like the view from up here everyone should be able to experience
this and he just does fly over after fly over after fly over factual so that's your first legend.
(05:02):
That's your first fact your second fact is
about deals you know what deals are Deals Duel Oh like a duel Yeah Duel Duel
Yeah Duel Where People Battle it out For whatever reason Whether it's their
Reputation Or a babe Yeah Or it can be something petty Yeah,
(05:25):
I was watching Low-Key Relatable, I believe, podcast recently,
and Valerie was saying that she wishes, like, the guys who want to talk to her,
they should just, like, Could do all the talk. Yeah, like, just go out there and fight.
Like, she was like, she's tired of this modern thing. Like, men used to go to war.
I'm dying. Men really used to go to war.
(05:48):
This is funny, because I had a co-worker who, I think while we were co-workers,
you know, just before we're co-workers she got married and it was an arranged
marriage and i was just like very curious because that was my first one that
i had known that was an arranged marriage because there's lots of arranged marriages
in lagos man those are pre-ordained like.
(06:12):
And just asking her questions about it and she was
just like yo i really liked it like i was
listening to all my friends horror stories about like dating and
trying to meet the right guy and my parents know this guy
he's cool i've been talking to him for some time we're
getting married and that's that that's i'm
honestly kind of i would say that at this point in my life i might be down for
(06:36):
something i mean not even because i want to be married because i just don't
want to date and like yeah i don't like it i want to talk to you i don't have
your favorite color yeah if if you don't know my brother's name already,
like don't even want to eat, eat me.
Actually, where am I starting from? Like, I don't, I feel like that should be
(06:57):
the next step in like online dating.
It's like Amazon forms. Like they just deliver you. You might type on paper.
You know like yeah i also think there's something okay let me just let me just see the fact.
Yeah i do so fact two
(07:18):
is some french canadians yes
monsieur de grand up grand i don't
know monsieur de grand i can't pronounce it and monceau le pic this is an 1808
and so they had a deal yes but they didn't have a normal door they decided so monsieur le peak was,
(07:43):
caught with monsieur de grand's
mistress not wife yeah and monsieur
de grand was real pissed and this
saturday and decided to
do le peak but instead but le
peak was a man of knowledge yeah and believed
that most of the reason people died from duels was not from the original impact
(08:08):
but from the injuries yeah so not from the injuries getting infected due to
like clothing or whatever getting stuck in it so le peak showed up naked to
the jewel the ground was like,
i'm out you know what i'm dying you can't have it that's fact his interest was not le peak.
(08:32):
He lost interest quickly it's like when i thought it's like when they say if
you want to fight with someone and they break bottle on them,
i feel like you know what bro you can have it so that's fact two and fact three is that,
Fact three is that in the 1950s and 1960s, the Canadian army created a homosexuality
(09:00):
test that they called the fruit machine.
Don't. Sorry. Canadians are really good at like naming stuff.
Yes. Quickly, just this is just very quick fact.
The like i guess gay village in canada is like a whole street but it's more
than a street but like there's a main street where like all the like all the
(09:22):
like gay bars gay bars but also like the zebra crossing is like the rainbow
and stuff like that it's called church street yeah okay.
It's called church street like it's just just perfect man
okay so some of
your facts what'd you say i was like
(09:42):
i i don't even know what this is so the summary
of your facts which one is true which one is a lie one that the
first prime minister mcdonald was a colossal drunk
yeah two that monceau lepeak and monceau de grande's duel was stopped because
lepeak showed up but naked and three that the canadian military created a homosexuality
(10:08):
test in the 60s that that they called the fruit machine.
Damn. Fruit machine sounds real as hell. It's just so Canadian.
It's just so fucking Canadian, man. It's just like, and they probably thought
it was top secret, but like everyone fucking knew.
It was like first Google search. Just like, oh, I'm looking for a juicer. Ah!
(10:31):
It's like, check out this Canadian, this Canadian fruit machine.
And then, I feel like it's very possible that the first time I saw Canada, I would have been drunk.
Just because, like, it's easy. In that cold in Canada, it's easy to just,
like, get caught up in your liquor.
Yeah. Because in summer, people are drinking because it's summer and they're out.
(10:52):
And in winter, people are drinking because, like, it's depressing as fuck.
And, like, they're inside. She gets it. So, niggas are just always drinking, B.
And then the Naked Duel. It's also very French-Canadian.
Like. Really? yes they like nudity they're
just fucking dramatic extra and
(11:12):
they would still do to this day they're like one of the prides of
french canada is how like european it looks
like they're very tied to like their history and like
all the french people do love a mistress you
have yeah so you have to choose
one which one which one which one is just like something is
off here which one's the the lie did your
(11:34):
prime minister set himself on fire did someone
show up naked and oh i feel
like the premise that one has to be a lie because of the specific examples i'll
say that's the lie yeah the prime those were just too
like too specific not even just too
specific it's just like that he did it twice like i can understand the first
(11:54):
one happening but for the second one what's happening as well just like what
was everyone looking at well i'm so happy that you got it wrong i'm dying you
are following in the tradition of your fellow.
I'm just here to let you know that he did he did he did in fact throw a block
(12:18):
in the debates yes Yes, and he did, in fact.
Set his hotel room on fire. Yeah.
Holy smokes. To the point of burning himself. Ah. The lie was the...
Machine no the fruit machine is real
the fruit machine is real in fact it's it has there's like
(12:40):
documentaries about how this fruit machine ruined people's
lives i won't get into the fruit which one do you want to establish i get rid of
the lie or should i start with the fruit machine so the
lie is the dual the lie let's get
that out the way okay so first of all this is
just some french guys in paris actually
they're not french canadian yeah and i mixed two
(13:01):
duels together there are so so many duels for me to choose from
but i chose this one due to
the ridiculous nature of it yeah so monsieur
de grande and monsieur le peak guys in
1808 paris yeah and like
many duels it was fought over a woman so the
woman was mademoiselle pirevit and she
(13:24):
was a famous french dancer and she
was the grand mistress but she
had been discovered in a compromising position with and they two guys got into
it and they decided to settle matters with a duel now instead of settling matters
(13:46):
with a normal duel i guess these are some very,
which in itself is very dramatic but they decided that wasn't dramatic enough
off because they're friends.
So they decided they were going to duel in hot air balloons.
The fuck? Yeah. So they met at a field.
(14:08):
What the hell is going on? At the crack of dawn.
And in a place called two layers and they
each took a blunderbuss gun into their
individual hot air balloons the codes
were cut at nine o'clock the men
drifted into the air keeping a distance of 80 yards away from each other at
(14:31):
all times also like i just don't know how like what how do you drive it i mean
obviously people know how to drive a hot air balloon but why is this a decision
that was made anyways they were like we're gonna keep 80 the horses exist like what's.
18 houses 100 like they could
have done like they kept like
(14:52):
80 yards away from each other and then when they
reached around 200 feet they peak who's the guy who was caught in a compromising
position shot at de grant but missed de grant shot at the peak and he hit he
was actually compromising position,
(15:15):
helped him focus and he
shot at the peak he punctured his balloon and the
peak crashed into a rooftop ghosted the
grand landed safely 17 miles from
paris that is so stupid honestly yes because the hot air balloons are such large
(15:38):
targets yeah how did he miss the first person he tried to shoot him he tried
to actually shoot him as opposed to his balloon maybe but that seems like a very dumb thing to do.
Like that that actually seems like a very maybe the other guy cheated maybe you're not allowed,
you're not allowed to shoot the balloons but he
(15:59):
said i'm leaving here you know i was
like looking at all these different duels a lot
of them were over women some were like like
there's this president i believe it's andrew jackson
he might have been the first president of america and he
got into a lot of duels over his wife interesting
(16:19):
because because there was like some type of mix-up
she was his he was her second husband and
i think there was like some type of mix-up in
her paperwork before like she was officially divorced
and then when she married him or something so people used to call her a bigamist
and he would be shooting at them like i'm dying but like why is this a thing
(16:41):
like you guys are doing what's the bigamist bigamist is like wait let me google
but i'm pretty sure it's like when and you have two spouses at once.
Let me Google this. That's the first, I feel like that's the first of my reports.
Yeah. A bigamist is someone who marries a person while being already legally
married to someone else. Sure, I know. I hear that.
Yeah. So it's like, It doesn't seem like such a deep insult.
(17:04):
Like, that's what I'm thinking, but you know, this is like back in the day,
woman's virtue or whatever.
But I was like, why is that an insult that has y'all shooting each other up or pulling out swords?
Just like you, Yo, have you seen the federal government and how slow they are?
It's so bureaucratic. My papers are probably on someone's desk. Love wins.
Yeah. And there was a guy who they asked him to choose the weapon and he chose sausages.
(17:30):
But he didn't want to rack it out like sausage versus sausage.
He said one would be poisoned and one would not.
I was like, that's not a deal. That's Russian roulette. Yes.
But I guess that's a fair way to do it, actually.
Nothing's fairer than like yeah eat a poison so like yeah like choose like pick your sausage.
(17:58):
Okay so should we talk about your drunk sir john a mcdonald's yes the first
prime minister who puked into the chair of the governor.
The governor general's furniture he threw
up on stage during a public debate and there
(18:21):
were times where he went on bender that lasted for days too drunk to show up
for his official duties and on a winter night in london right in the middle
of final negotiations over the confederacy Confederation for Canada.
His drunkenness nearly cost him his life.
(18:43):
So this was in 1866, and Canada was on the verge of becoming a nation.
And all the biggest politicians from the Canadian colonies had already had two
big confederation conferences in Canada.
Yeah. And they were getting down drunk.
Apparently, he showed up in Charleston. So the two were in Charleston and in Quebec City.
(19:09):
I don't know how far those are away from each other, but I feel like those are
probably English and French sides. Yeah.
And then Charles McDonald and his guys from Ontario and Quebec showed up with
$13,000 worth of champagne, which is in 1866 money.
So I'm sure this was a lot of shacks.
(19:32):
Like a TBS wedding, but everyone gets champagne. Yeah.
And this is and he just used it I guess as a key way to get to know each other
as they're like fighting for independence or whatever and.
And at the end, like, it was effective. They got drunk and they agreed on a list of 72 resolutions.
(19:54):
Yeah. And now they just had to turn that into a constitution and get that approved
by the British Parliament.
Yeah. So they headed off to England to, you know, get the approval by the British Parliament.
And they continued posing. Yeah. This is by ship, I imagine.
Yes. so they get to london for the
(20:17):
london conference and i'm
so glad i didn't have to travel by ship but i mean the boats are
much better right now but damn why is
this sickness or just like the length i mean the way it's
portrayed in these like time things it feels
very hectic like there's no real chilling i guess
that's why you're drunk sure so that like you can just go through the
(20:38):
emotions yeah so you know how it takes
like a long time to travel by ship
yeah so so the
thing is the first batch of the canadian delegates got to london in july yeah
mcdonald and his drunken crew didn't arrive till november no fucking way of course of course.
(21:08):
Of course that is so funny man
bro they were they have the first
part of his document not his documentary like a
biography on him talks about how like
even in like their parliament of
the house in in canada he literally needs to like physically
grip the desk yeah to stand up
(21:29):
and for me i find this to be a very powerful man like do you know the type of
power you must wield to be this inebriated this often yeah and still be helping
people get their independence and having like that is a very.
(21:51):
What's the thing called when somebody's like a productive drunk
or like productive cooking he like you know what do
they call them high functioning functioning like
this is what this is the definition yeah this
is the definition of a high functioning drunk fucky bro
so he doesn't get there until november
(22:14):
his mates got there in july imagine
having to wait from july to
november bar on this drum yeah you're
like that guys probably knew what was up yeah but also like
but then they also probably didn't did it because you have to send letters like
imagine like send like i would be so like what like you also know the type of
(22:35):
guy you're messaging like did he go on a bender or something like did he die
like what is going on it's like anything could have happened july to november is a long time,
sorry that's crazy i'm surprised canada got their fucking independence or whatever
because especially i've just packed it up like you want us to hand over the keys to this guy,
(22:55):
so nothing i'm saying like i find him to be very powerful yeah in fact like
i am highly impressed when he got to london what's the first thing he did he
went to brothel no he went to a gentleman's Oh, fair enough.
He went to the Athenium Club.
(23:15):
Which still exists today. And it's right in the middle of the city in London.
And many famous people have known to go there to get wasted,
including Darwin, Dickens, Churchill, another famously high-functioning drunk.
Frank kipling sir arthur conan doyle
(23:36):
the duke of wellington t.s elliott thomas hardy
like super famous yeah rich
high class gentleman went to the
athenium club in london to get wasted
and mcdonald was a member of this
club so he went there because it
(23:56):
was just down the block from where the conference was being held
yeah and it was across the road from west
minister abby so he spent his days there in a big room working out the details
of canada's confederation and drinking he was described by the british as the
(24:17):
ruling genius and spokesman of the canadians,
he was seen as like a celebrity sort of like people thought he was very smart
very respected like people would literally stop him I mean fair enough though
that shouldn't surprise me yeah I mean.
You don't get in that position by being a drunk alone. Yes. Like,
(24:38):
I honestly think because, like, especially now that we look at alcoholism as
a disease and not just, like, a personal feeling.
Yeah. It's very interesting to see how people were able to, like,
because also sensibilities of that time were just not how they are today.
(24:59):
Another thing about McDonald's, which. i also
think that like till this day i just
think it's just very boys clubbish where it's like
as far as you're delivering boys will let you get rid of anything
true which is also a bad thing yep another
reason i can't believe i came to this world not only
as a woman but as a black woman
(25:20):
in nigeria yeah i just don't
know what i did in my life i would literally
rather come back as a porcupine i i'm like
you know like if there was a choice to
do this again yeah no no
i love nigerian women and like
i love being a nigerian woman but being a nigerian woman in this society is
(25:44):
sucky yeah i hear that so the thing about mcdonald is that he was married to
a woman who who he like loved a lot.
And she had died. Her name was Isabella.
And she had died battling opium addiction.
(26:07):
Now, I feel like addicts usually do sometimes find each other.
And also that might be the type of thing that can propel you into an insane amount of drinking.
Your wife dying from illness caused by being addicted to opium.
Yeah so yeah but so he he's also here and like the other people are there with
(26:31):
their spouses quite a few of them are their spouses and he's here alone he has a room by himself and,
he had so one of these days of going to the club drinking helping canada happy
because it's not a confederation.
He went home on a Wednesday night and he was reading papers in bed and he fell asleep,
(26:59):
but fell asleep or passed out. He passed out. Yeah.
He passed out and he wakes up to the smell of his own burning flesh because this is, again, 1800s.
He'd passed out reading a paper with
a candle right next to him so the candle tipped over set the room on fire the
(27:22):
curtains the sheets the blankets the pillow underneath his head the night shirt
he was wearing on flames this is so fucking hilarious because.
I maybe i just don't know enough canadians i just
feel like not enough people know this story like i need to go back
to canada and tell this story this is
(27:42):
going to be one of my bits actually thank you so much you have no
idea what you've done for me i want
to write a joke around this for sure this is
this makes no sense this was once like
a few months before he became the first as prime minister of
canada he was on fire that is
(28:04):
so funny sir george etienne carter no
sir george etienne cartier who was
another one of these guys in the comfort the conference
came from his room and came to his
rescue and the thing is they hadn't
always been guys during the the rebellions in
canada they had actually fought each
(28:27):
other so like mcdonald was standing guard for
a loyalist militia in kingston yeah and
cartier was fighting with rebels in quebec and
like they were at each other's necks but
they had actually become allies and then cartier helped save mcdonald's life
his room was just next door nice and yeah and the thing is like because Because
(28:51):
Cartier was the leader of like French Canadians and McDonald was the leader
of like English Canadians.
But that's crazy, man. That is a true story.
And he was actually like quite badly hurt, but not like extremely.
His hair, his hands and his forehead were burnt.
(29:13):
And he had a really bad injury on his shoulder.
Luckily for him he had one worn
like a thick flannel shirt underneath his nightshirt
which caught on fire and i
mean of that era like after the birth
he also then caught an infection from the wounds
(29:34):
and he spent eight days
in bed like hanging in the balance but
ultimately he survived months later
he the bill was passed by
the british parliament it was called the british north
america act and on the
1st of july 1867 the dominion
(29:56):
of canada was officially born yeah so
that's a great story i really like that part of history i should do more of
this like looking for like the ridiculousness in these so-called heroes yeah
i think i mean i love this type of history also because you know sometimes you feel like.
(30:19):
There's this idea, especially of how we talk about history and teach history,
there's this idea that people have to be like perfect or good or bad or like,
you know what I'm saying?
Like people can embody and encompass so many things of the human experience.
So MacDonald, I believe, remarries, I think, to somebody he even met in London.
(30:41):
Done yeah he yeah suzanne agnes bernard and his new wife would actually help him get sober oh nice.
So even though he had like other benders she
pretty much helped him get sober and helped
him rule the country that he
(31:04):
helped create like you know
how you were just saying you don't have to be perfect so if you were if you
were going to give two traits like if you're going to be like okay or someone's
going to be okay we're going to create this like leader that's going to like
you know revolutionize this country or whatever but you can only give him two traits good or bad.
(31:27):
Anyone any any which way um and it could be anything and i'll give you my own
and then give me yours just so you can see there's two traits can i give three okay you give three,
and mine is one just just like
someone that's like fair that makes sense someone that's
fair and someone that is effective is such a very it's like a weird word because
(31:51):
it can mean so many things but i'll say someone that's an administrator basically
so someone that's fair and someone that's like an administrator someone that
like knows processes like someone that like Like, you know, type of shit. Fair.
Fair and an administrator. So my three characteristics. One is empathetic.
(32:11):
Because I feel like a lot of Nigerian leaders just do not give a shit. Yeah.
About it. And they're so removed. Yeah.
That you need somebody who's like
kind of empathetic. So one would be empathetic. Two would be pragmatic.
People just don't move for sense here. I need people who are acting with sense,
(32:34):
who are being realistic, who are being.
Because you're dealing with, let me just say the three.
Empathetic, pragmatic, and intelligent. And I think I need all three working in cohesion.
Because first I need you to be pragmatic. i feel
like people don't work with sense and realistic expectations
(32:54):
either because of ego or whatever the
hell it is or because of sentiment or because
of religion whatever it is they're not being
pragmatic yeah in ruling a conf
nigeria is a confederation of different states cultures
tribes personalities belief systems you
need to be pragmatic yeah you need
(33:17):
to be someone who can can build bridges you need to be somebody who
can wake interest endorsement i'm
kidding no we get doesn't you said build bridges
oh don't kill me no but like
you need somebody who's like actually able to just be
like be balancing interest is
so key because interests are always going to be in collision
(33:37):
and empathetic because you just
want somebody who cares and i think i don't
think it matters in every climb but i think it matters in ours
where all these things like access to justice and
like all this corruption and it's bad
the last one is intelligence because like
all these bad people not all these bad people but a lot of the bad people bad
(34:01):
politicians that people go online and call idiots they are not idiots yeah they
are willfully wicked this is intentional action no it's not by mistake they
know they know what what they're doing.
If you think some of them, like some people are actually moronic and they just
(34:22):
happen to happen to a position, some by chance, by brute force.
Yes. But there's quite a few of them who are highly intelligent.
And they be scheming. They are scheming. On the highest level.
They know how they're presenting themselves. They know who they are presenting themselves to.
They know who they are talking to. like you cannot be a
(34:44):
lazy intellectual and battle these people
this super random man this isn't like the most intelligent thing either but
i heard this one story about how one day
dakwa b i don't like showed up to his office in ogun state
and he just gathered everyone and he's like yo you guys i
know how much i'm making stop dressing like this from tomorrow everybody
wear your best gums like we cannot be doing this
(35:05):
in this office because like they were trying to form modest
and be sharp and feel like oh yeah we're not really getting
access blah blah blah like bro you guys
like you're not fooling anyone man like get the fuck out of
here i drip right now no because
there's also like yeah nigerians love eye service
yeah that's like one of the worst one of the worst things
(35:28):
about working in the nigerian office is how much nigerians love
looking busy looking important looking
this is everything is about perception until perception
becomes reality yeah and like that's
why our reality is shit yeah but yeah
i would say those are like my things like mcdonald he he'd made a legacy for
(35:49):
himself that's incomparable to some people who are so bad dude that has never
done anything in their lives like i think an aspect of his life is that he's
never set himself on fire literally.
One of the things about the story that reminded me I guess of Nigeria is that
he was in London for the Confederation, the London Confederation and I remember that when,
(36:16):
This guy, Toph Spenson, went to London for Nigeria as like independence, our own independence.
What's his name again, sorry? Toph Spenson. Toph Spenson. He was Nigerian. Yeah.
Toph Spenson is Nigerian. He was part of the NCNC party in Nigeria.
He was a parliamentarian. I think he was like our first minister for information
(36:37):
or something. Well-known Nigerian politician-ish.
But when he went to London for our constitutional conference,
he went there to chase people.
In particular listeners of
this podcast in particular he went there to chase
for like who became the
(36:57):
first female san in nigeria yeah
and i believe a minister of the western
region but he went there to chase her because
he believed they were engaged he had
he had gotten engaged to father
care in absentia um the hell yeah her
dad he had asked for her hand in marriage from her dad
(37:19):
her dad said yes she said she said no oh
she said i didn't see she was unaware she actually said
no he said z and so they
held a traditional engagement without a
polaroid yeah and he went to
go and meet her in london during the
constitutional conference and when
(37:41):
he got there she was
like not only am i not your wife
i have in fact married somebody else
here like i have a boo yeah okay big on
me still if i have
a boot and apparently he tried to do he tried to like allegedly try to physically
(38:06):
remove her engagement ring from her hand that's unhinged as fuck and so she
jumped out of a window what the fuck.
And they had this huge court case in England where her dad, then comes,
I'm sure, as you said, enters ship, then comes and is a witness for Toss Benson,
(38:29):
saying that he has paid dowry and therefore the caller crucified his wife.
Yeah, Toss Benson. So what was the ruling?
He was found innocent. innocent so because because she she
like went to the police and they charged him
i think with like assault and theft because she said he took her yeah the ring
(38:50):
and her watch or something like that he was found innocent of all charges well
he didn't have to marry like she didn't have to marry him she was still very
much yeah and like he basically said how he was gonna like ruin her,
she was like lol she married this guy
who was a doctor but then they were like students
in london she was also a student she studied you
(39:12):
know she does the whole log it's not about the inn of whatever they come back
to nigeria she's successful her husband is successful toss benton is also successful
and racks her until the day he dies mind you he then his brother was,
what's his brother's name something benton no no a famous nigerian musician
(39:36):
who then Then writes this song to a diss track.
No way. They write a diss track. You know the diss track. Talk to me. What song is this?
If you marry taxi driver. No way. I don't know. No fucking way.
This is wonderful.
I love this so much. Yes. Because, like, Balakashankar's husband is driving
(39:58):
a taxi in London. Well, you know. Yeah.
A hustling student. Yeah. So he does this whole diss track.
And when I tell you he racks her, like, Toss Benson racks her. There's newspaper.
I think he, like, does interviews with maybe city people or this day or something.
Like, he's racking her forever.
And when her husband dies, like, 40, 50 years later, he gets a banter.
(40:25):
He gets a band to come and
play that he outlived shimmy shimmy singham
one young boy in london that he
still outlived him i am dying yo i
mean i mean i thought
he was a loser before but he won but imagine
(40:46):
being the wife of the guy who's rocking his
yeah his ex was never by his ex like bro let
it go that's fucking insane that's a
great record though that's a great song yeah that's
history right there what the fuck yeah this is so twisted because like it's
(41:08):
just shows how unserious this whole like again it's one of the reasons why like
i know we're in an era where we have bad leaders and all of that i feel like
we've always had like clowns like this. But we've had efficient guys or whatever.
But I just really like how it's all unravelling and you can just,
like, tell that, like, there's much of these guys that are intelligent as well
(41:29):
and wicked and vindictive.
There are also a lot of idiots, like, amongst them. And they make very, very...
Ordinary and stupid looking decisions and
it makes me happy makes me very happy it
i think like one thing you learn
the more you look at history or politics
(41:51):
today or in the past is that it's
just made up of petty nigger yeah like
they're just people yeah who get into
positions of power and like like i always like i was talking
about this recently because we're hanging out and talking about
some things that some uncles or aunties say or things
that people now do import like that you're like secondhand embarrassment
(42:12):
whatever yeah and i'm like just think about the clowns you
know there have been clowns in secondary school yeah some
of them have been on some bull since we were
in primary school yeah they are going to burn yeah some
of them are already burned yeah they're still clowns yeah
it's not gonna change they're gonna
some of them are going to be very wealthy some of them are going to be very successful
(42:33):
yeah some might might be a governor somewhere or a senator somewhere a
head of industry somewhere he's still going to be a clown there
are people who have been petty since they did they gave birth
to them whose pettiness comes over anything no matter what happens they are
still going to be petty people are backbiting they don't like it's just personalities
but the way we look at things or people it kind of makes it weird it's like
(42:56):
it's like looking at gandhi right it's um gandhi Yeah.
And people talking about how like creepy he was with like girls or whatever.
But also like, I remember being in school, studying Gandhi and just learning
that the thing that radicalized him was going to South Africa and seeing that
(43:16):
the British were treating the Indians as if they were the blacks.
He was like, they're treating us as bad as these niggas.
That's insane. saying he was like he hated black people like he was like do
you know what it is for them to treat us like we're black yeah we're in something
about that we i will not eat i'm dying i'm dead.
(43:41):
I will hunger strike my way
into bro he was
so sick that they were treating him like a nigga that he
stopped eating is that how we go his thing is that
like i mean he did a lot more than that he did a lot
more than that so like he goes to south africa i believe like
as a lawyer or something but you know there's a huge indian population in south
(44:01):
africa he goes to south africa he sees apartheid and he sees indians being treated
like nearly as bad as black people and like black people he's like bro we need
to get away from these people like they don't retail so he goes back to india
starts a movement he does a lot there i'm i'm really like,
Downplaying it. Downplaying it. Hong Kong striking.
(44:22):
He does it a lot. Because he also, Gandhi is also one of the people who teaches...
What's it called something like non-violence but
because he does non-violence where obviously there's violent resistance
but it's like uh but gandhi's teachings
of non-violence were taught i was i studied it
also as part of my degree in history but it's
(44:45):
one of the things that were taught to people in like snick
which is like the movement in america that
was like the backbone for all this like mlk and
all these things like they're the ones who were teaching the students who
would go and sit down yeah at counter so
who would do the boycotts and whatever it's like
their actual non-violence tactics and how to like still be able to to draw a
(45:12):
message and draw a reaction but also just not be violent yourself yeah i think
that's one thing about history is that people just don't realize how and it's
due to the way it's taught but things were were intentionally done.
Tactical. Yes. That's what I was thinking as well. Just something like that. It was tactical.
Like they would literally like, it's not that it's like sittings,
(45:34):
for example, it's not like students just happen to just walk into a white,
a white restaurant and sit down there.
No, because these people are going to pour hot coffee on you.
They're going to like, like the racism was violent in very little,
like in every single way.
Like, it's like when we learn about it retroactively, you're like,
oh, there was a student sitting, like they went and they sat at a counter that said white only.
(45:57):
And they like, you know, you have all these pictures and stuff,
but it's like, bro, imagine they're pouring hot coffee on you.
They're spitting on you. They're trying to pull you off the chair.
They're trying to beat you up, but you're trying to maintain your protest for as long as possible.
Yeah they went through lessons they taught them they
would choose the people who do this like rosa parks was chosen
yeah and before she was chosen they had.
(46:19):
Already planned how they were going to do the boycott yeah so
they already knew who was gonna like who was
going to carpool who was going to cook food like yeah
they had structures yeah lots of the structures were
church-based which is why you have church leaders like mlk sorry
yeah like mlk junior like become these huge
things because they're good orators yeah which mlk i
(46:40):
think started practicing speech and oratory from
when he was like 12 yeah doing competitions and stuff.
Like that he goes to seminary school they teach him oration
he didn't just write a speech one day right it's
like everything was done was it was tactically done
it was planned for they were sharing information
information sharing knowledge yeah like so sometimes
(47:03):
like when i look it's a disservice in how history and
political movements are taught because when people talk about like
ensign and things like that when they talk about like movement
here oh nigerians are not serious it's actually
true we're not serious but it's also because you actually
need a lot of resources and time and concerted effort
to make small changes like there
(47:25):
are times in history also i just just imagine that also in
this climate it's very scary to it's easier to
i feel like do it spontaneously where like
there's a movement that catches fire and like everyone's behind it
and hopefully like it does something because there's just
some there's a fear in like being caught conspiring you
know saying like putting guys together and mapping this
(47:48):
and drawing it out and then now like you have
armed it's not like no one's gonna hear that oh
we're planning multiple like you know multiple i
guess like walks or whatever it's
going to be like no you're planning a movement on the federal government
and flip it what's up dss how you doing well the way they would disappear you.
(48:14):
Sure yeah there's an allegation that a certain member of of Tinubu's team.
Who is not an elected member of office at this point in time.
He's not an elected member of office. He's a staff of the president.
Disappeared a journalist for two weeks. God damn.
Now when you live in that like so i
(48:37):
understand like i understand why and
also the issue is that in nigeria there's actually
no rallying cause i think anti-police brutality
is the closest we're going to come to a cross-sectional rallying cause where
socioeconomic tribal etc background everyone was like you know what our security
(48:59):
services are doing the most i think that's the the closest we can come to a cross-national,
because everything here is broken, is segmented.
We're a very fragmented society. So we can't work it together.
Anyways, wait, we have one more topic. Yes. Which is? Church Street.
The fruit machine. Yes. Which is like the, I guess the heavy topic of the day,
(49:22):
but I don't really want to talk about it.
The fruit machine was developed by a psychologist. So during,
you have like the Cold War era in the 60s.
So there was like an incident where a...
Soviet spy basically like reveals that
(49:43):
this you know like the soviet has spies
in canada and it ends up
with like 18 people being arrested like he's
just like the spies here here here here like you have like
a defection kind of situation yeah and in
response to this there was like a lot lot of fear that they're kovid the i say
(50:05):
kovid the soviet spies everywhere and they were like do you know who is not
trustworthy drunks men with illegitimate children and the gay.
And so then they started putting
thousands of dollars towards finding a
(50:27):
machine for determining or a test
for determining how to root out these gay
people now they said they were trying to root out
like people with behavioral sickness so
that they did not work in so what year is
this this is in 1960 this is not that long ago
some of them like these people are still alive yeah and
(50:50):
yeah this is this is
not like i mean like 1960s it's right
there it's also right there i guess we're
old i was gonna say that was 40 years ago no it's 60
years ago because i remember when like nigeria was 40 years
old what year was that 2000 2000 yeah
i think i know it was a big deal show and i
(51:11):
was alive for that right yeah i had to have been yes what i
mean i meant like i was active not really like yeah
involved so because they were like gay people
would be liable that they're not trustworthy they're threats because soviets
can't easily blackmail them so they're threatened national security yeah and
(51:35):
they also thought like being gay or being lgbt itself was an abnormality.
They felt like they needed to weed out these people. So they got a Dr.
Robert Wake of Carleton University to design a machine.
And of course, he was sent to America to learn what the Americans were doing.
(51:57):
Oh, the Americans had their own machine. No, the Americans had their own studies
and stuff. And so they sent a psychologist.
But then he didn't even get his test from a study of gay people in America.
He got it from like a psychologist test about
what foods people respond to in food
yes the food people respond to in grocery
(52:19):
store and how you can tell they like it and it's
basically down to a science that's not
a science which is pupil dilation which is
how much your pupils dilate when you see something
that piques your interest yes the issue
with pupil dilation is that you have voluntary and
involuntary dilation of your pupils and your
(52:41):
pupils dilate based off of how much light
is coming into them so if the light changes from
picture to picture your pupils are going to die so it was not like a fixed sign
like if it goes from like i don't know a blackberry to like a yellow banana
and your pupils get excited they'll fucking they will basically banish you yeah
(53:05):
so So basically what they did is like they had this whole setup.
They had like a chair that looked like a huge dentist chair.
They had like a polygraph test and then they had this like machine.
So like the fruit machine is like this whole test. So it's not just that people dilation thing.
They also have a sweat test to see how much you're sweating.
(53:25):
And then like the big part, and then they have masculinity femininity tests
to see how masculine or feminine you are.
And then they have your this pupil
dilation test which is a basically they
will show men like what they thought would
arouse a man which is like pictures of like
(53:47):
a caveman like i am dying
and like they would do they would do the same to women men and they have like
there's like a manual which is like detection of homosexuals.
(54:10):
And in the manual it says that some homosexuals can be detected without difficulty
by any sophisticated adult because of their mannerisms dress and their behavior
and they said many consistently are deceptive.
The wife in fact is often a prime
(54:31):
method of concealment a very effective
that's so funny they were like if he's
married he's probably i'm dying he said
that is the final straw there is
his final straw they said he rushed it like he's hiding.
Something that is hilarious crazy is
but i mean the sad part about it is that like people lost
(54:53):
their jobs they were rendered that like unemployable
some people were thrown in mental institutions especially
the women like and you just imagine one day
being dragged from your office thrown in the back of a car could
like then taken somewhere and tested for hours and hours
and this happens for like weeks and then somebody says oh yeah she's
a gay and then throws you in it wasn't like they were running tests
(55:15):
and everyone in the army or whatever they were running tests
like the suspect yeah they would suspect you and
they would run a test that is it's not like just once like
it can be for like a period and like people
who talk about it said that they were treated as though they
were prisoners of war like there was no presumption of like in
this it's like a torture it's like a torturous experience the
(55:37):
anxiety inducing experience and also
some of them were actually thrown in mental institutions because again it's
being seen as lgbt was being seen as being like a sickness i'm sorry you're
giving me my idea for blowing in canada i'm just going to do canadian Canadian
Ridiculous Stories podcast with comedians and just... This country is ridiculous.
(56:00):
Every country is, but yeah, Canada is also ridiculous.
That is insane. There's some ridiculous stuff. There's some fun stuff there.
There's some geography stuff, some history stuff. Yeah, I saw a video of me
and I decided to do Canada. But yeah, that's the fruit test. And that is the...
Those are your Canadian stories for today, I think. Yeah.
McDonald, Fruity, and the Duel. I think there was a Canadian duel I saw, actually.
(56:26):
I don't know. I didn't use it because it just wasn't as interesting.
But it was like two Canadian politicians in 1819 who were feuding over funding for a public hospital.
And so you have... That was a good cause, to be honest. Yeah.
One wanted it and one didn't want it. Probably something like that.
(56:49):
Like i didn't really get into the details but it was a montreal doctor
called william caldwell who challenged a lower
canada assembly man called michael o'sullivan to
a duel and they shot each other five times
before they were both too wounded
to continue do you know how pissed you have to be to be reloading those guns
(57:11):
from back in the day they shot each other five times and at one point they got
they got too wounded to continue and they were like they they survived yeah
they actually survived yeah should i speed the money 50 50 man.
Or build two clinics instead. Yeah. Canada has some funny...
That's hilarious. Funny stuff.
(57:32):
My favorite duo is non-Canadian, but it is... Well, not my favorite duo.
There's so many to choose from.
But I was reading all these lists of funny duels.
And there's one between this guy called Francoise... I can't pronounce his name.
So like Francoise Fournier-Salovise and General Pierre Dupont de Letangue. That's a great name.
(57:54):
Yeah. and they dueled from 1794 to
1813 they do
i think they'll just show up every time shoot at each other no go home i'm going
to tell you i'm just going to let you know what was happening so that's a civil
war by the way yeah they had 19 years it started in strasbourg when fournier
(58:17):
had challenged and killed a young man called Bloom.
And so Fournier had had a duel with another random guy.
And then General Monroe was hosting a ball for the town, which is a different person.
He was hosting a ball for the whole town. And he then told Pierre Dupont de
(58:39):
la Tangue, he said, don't let that Fournier guy into my party.
Yeah. I don't like his vibes. Yeah. Yeah.
And so Dupont didn't let Fournier in.
And they were like, you know what? That's assaulting. I challenge you to a duel. And then he said, bet.
They fought three times in the following month.
(59:02):
But they would only end up injuring each other every time. Because they were dueling by sword.
So Dupont refused to use pistols.
Because he was the highly skilled swordsman but
so was fournier yeah and it was like they were a match like made in heaven they
(59:22):
will rack down that's a marriage they were at some point after continuously
injuring each other they then decided to draw up terms of racking they drop rule.
Rules of engagement for their
marriage they were to meet every time
(59:44):
they were within a hundred miles i am dying that
is insanity if one of them was unable to travel the other must go and meet them
their only exceptions from meeting to do were official military duties so thus
began one of of the longest duels in history after a while they became quite
(01:00:05):
friendly that is of course,
and they will begin to exchange letters.
The hell they would even and exchange letters
to offer sincere congratulations for promotions and
other masters that each other met in life i don't
even know what to say that is also very canadian it's very
(01:00:25):
weird no trust me like this makes
so much sense that's insane that's a
great story do you know how it ended do you think
they killed each other in the end i don't think they killed each other i think
didn't but dupont got married and he was like
i don't want my wife to be a widow so let's
end this once and for all he actually decided that they could use pistols for
(01:00:46):
the last battle dying and then did they use pistols they did but they still
even did a lot but foolish guys they did foolish guys after like they were like ultimate climax.
Guns out yeah isn't
it then dupont was victorious and
(01:01:07):
he spared four years life and the two parted ways
forever i think that's that might be a
love story that might be a marriage i don't know that is
all that that is a dramatic story where
like i don't know man war is
filling a void then friendship is filling a void then you find love and then
(01:01:28):
you know yeah all the quits so i feel like i've given you some canadian stories
for today wow those were so good man Thank you for joining me on the pod, Kala Kutakuch.
Thank you for having me, man. I can't wait to tell this at the office when I'm back.
Did you guys know this? We're like, guy, we thought you went to Nigeria.
(01:01:50):
Are you coming back with some Canadian history? For everyone who doesn't know
who Kala Kutakuch is, he is a member of Submarine and a Roach podcast.
He is also a stand-up comedian.
Very funny. Very intelligent man. He is known as the funny, sexy voice,
(01:02:12):
I would say, on Red Marge.
That's your... Thanks, I appreciate that. I would say that's your bag right
there. That's your pocket.
Thanks for joining me. The Summer in Red Marge live show was yesterday.
And you were absolutely excellent.
Thank you so much. You're very, very funny on stage.
And I, too, have the God-given gift to know when there's a danger.
(01:02:35):
And i can tell you that my reader is always great thank you for listening everyone
and i hope you have a lovely rest of your day bye bye everyone.
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